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mayasaura · 2 years

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I see a lot of meta talking about how the John Verses are John telling the story of the leadup to the apocalypse with the most sympathetic biased self-justifying gloss to make it sound like nothing was his fault, and I guess that's why so many readings go for a hardline worst-faith interpretation of them, but.... I don't really see it.

When he tells about how he murdered everyone who had a gun, he could have played up the self-defense angle. He could have claimed he was scared, and he did it to protect everyone. He could have emphasized that he was killing cops, instead of emphasizing the civilians. He could have stuck with the story he told at the time, that he freaked out and made a mistake and hadn't meant to kill them all. He doesn't. He admits to mass murder, and he admits to having done it because he was angry. And he admits to still not regretting it one bit.

The story John tells just doesn't paint him in the best possible light. He does include all of the justifications he used at the time, he does explain why on earth any of this ever seemed like a good idea to anyone, and he does want to be understood, but he doesn't really try to sell it as having been right.

I really don't see the verse chapters as being John's justification. They're his confession. That's why they feel so good to condemn.

#the locked tomb #emperor john gaius #ntn spoilers #nona the ninth #he isn't even really looking for absolution #whenever Harrow/Alecto says she still loves him he HATES it #the last time he says there can be no forgiveness Harrow asks him for whom #and he doesn't answer #he knows exactly what he is #amd whether there can be forgiveness or not does remain to be seen #just feeling like shit about it does jackshit #he hasn't done a goddamn thing in his life to try to make up for or to even stop ACTIVELY CAUSING harm #amd that's where the real challenge lies #but it's exhausting to me to see him engaged with as a Symbol Of Evil rather than as a human being #he was a person and he got very very very angry for aot of very good reasons and some not so good ones #this is the big boy all grown up version of the scene where Gideon strangled Harrow to the brink of death #the part where I hurt you #and how do you come back from that?#john has decided that you can't #you can't come back you can only double down #and it just doesnt feel right to agree with him on that

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monitorkernelaccess · 9 hours

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do you guys think that Falin is like. okay with her chimera form? does she accept it as just what her body is in that moment? does she think it’s cool, or would she in other circumstances? is she having fun like flapping her big wings and climbing up walls and swishing her tail and such?

#can you tell that chimera Falin has been really bothering me these past few days?#this is a Me problem I know I’m insane with media but still #original post #dungeon meshi #anyway this is like make or break for me on whether or not I can be comfortable with like seeing chimera Falin sexualized #i mean I guess I’m gonna have to be cause like she already has been in the anime and manga lol #but like. it makes me feel baaaaaad if I start thinking of chimera Falin as hot or whatever because #there’s. a Falin in there. who (probably) doesn’t want to be chimera #and had it forced upon her #it feels wrong to be like ‘ooo she’s so hot when she’s in pain being forced into a monstrous form that isn’t her own’#and I know like ‘she’s not real she can’t be hurt by it + you don’t need consent from a fictional character’#but it. personally makes me feel bad. that’s just how it is

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no-light-left-on · 18 days

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still fucked up how Billie's choices in DotO have little effect on the world around her, how things will play out the same and nothing will ever change and her choices will only ever matter on a small, personal scale that is somehow just as if not important

#li.txt #dh #dishonored #doto #like sure her killing the outsider will result in the same thing #but it wont matter if hes killed or turned human again #the result is all the same it is all about just one life and about whether she can live with herself as a tool of daud's revenge #'killers never change' with too much regret ohhh baby those words hurt me so much

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lesbianspeedy · 7 months

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thoughts on the brain thoughts on the mind

#looks you directly in the eyes. so do you think mia is terrified to let anyone near her when she gets hurt on patrol.#do you.#bc there’s a direct allusion to it in TT and i think about it genuinely daily #need to specify this is about the spread of hiv via cross wound contamination #like i think about it so much #to be wounded and isolated #on a lighter note. when ollie or connor is like are like we don’t have open wounds let us help u #do u think she makes them do a spin to check #twirl. bitch.#anyway this started bc i was thinking about how likely it is that mia has a scar #where connor shot her #and then that led to me thinking about whether any scar was left from the glass cut #or if she just knows the cut was there. and what it (inadvertently) led to

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cluescorner · 2 months

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Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.)

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness.

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this).

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17)

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)

Thinks her worst trait is her disability

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne).

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

#stephanie brown #cassandra cain #tim drake #dick grayson #barbara gordon #damian wayne #duke thomas #jason todd #batfamily #randomizedrobinsau #I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot #because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that.#but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with #so I don't think I'm gonna #anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability #the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the #stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her.#I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara).#so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it.#Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU #I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using.#same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version #I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is #BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR #I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits.#most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse.#what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why?#I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles #the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when #I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'

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astranauticus · 3 months

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ok i like rushed through the whole orv webtoon way too fast so now i have thoughts going in like 5 different directions but ep121-123 drive me so fucking insane actually. every time i think about those two conversations i have to sit down

#orv #orv liveblog #like i feel like depictions of childhood abuse in fiction tend to depiction the relationship as some version of #'the one evil violent parent and the one good parent trying their best (it wasnt good enough)'#see: the twins parents from lc s2 is the obvious one but also like #going back to my roots lol but enji and rei todoroki? or hell even fire lord ozai and ursa #yknow theres this idea of like theres the one who was trying! and the one who fucked it all up #well yeah rei's the one who scarred her sons face but thats so obviously framed as like a trauma response outside of her control #like its not something youre reeaally meant to blame her for yknow #the WHOLE idea with kim dokja's conversation with yoo sangah is whether he's supposed to blame/forgive lee sookyung #wait ok those conversations drive me so insane like im feeling the alevel literature urge to fuckin close read quotes #that one line where he thinks like this is the vilest form of violence he can use against sangah goes by SO fast but it hit me SO hard #the idea of asking her to put herself in this nightmare situation she has no frame of reference for understanding or empathising with #and then asking her as someone who she rly cares about! to be the judge in this situation she cannot possibly fully grasp #and all of that being framed as an act of violence towards her. like asking her to do this knowing she cant possibly do it #but also 'did you want me to seem pleased to see you' 'a little (lie)' and 'do you think of me as a mother' 'a little (lie)'#like the pretense of a normal relationship over the yeah we know our relationships fucked over the #unfortunately we still talk and think in the same way and we understand each other way too well #ok wait but circling back to the original point. i saw this fucking incredible fanart on twitter that sort of goes into the like #how do you?? handle?? not knowing if youre supposed to blame your parent for something that they did that hurt you #like its this little animation thing thats all in kdj's internal monologue except for one line where its him saying #'im terrible. i deserved what she did to me'#and its like. yeah that would be easier huh. like the self loathing is easier to handle than the confusion and cognitive dissonance #full disclosure i saw that fanart literally a year ago before i knew jack shit about orv and the sentiment hit me SO HARD i just #havent been able to stop thinking about it for a whole year. like as soon as i finished 123 i immediately went to look for it in my archive #i checked the artist has a tumblr but that art is not on it and it bugs me so much i want them to know that they somehow like #managed to make art so painful it defeated both my non-orv reading self and my lifelong severe memory problems #i mean in comparison that line (that also went by alarmingly fast) about how without twsa back then like kdj would not be here today #like not so much to dig into just. Yikes #and him telling ysa all of this with that fucking smile on his face like thats the part that really gets to me just his *fucking expression

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ordonianhero · 1 year

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“Complicated”

Wind: why doesn’t rancher speak about relationship stuff. I know he says it’s complicated. But- like does anyone actually know why?

Warriors: you know, I don’t think any of us truly know.

Time: *staying quiet and sipping his tea*

Sky: you know don’t you? *looking to Time*

Time: hm, if he wants to talk about he will or he won’t. That’s up to him.

Warriors: was it that bad?

Time: *sets his cup down* he said himself. “A princess that was so beautiful, it shattered his heart.” Friends and loved one will always come and go from our lives through time.

Legend: yeah. *sadly looking down as he carves a bird out of wood*

Time: think we all been there in some way or another.

Wind: champion do you know?

Wild: oh me, ah. Well no. But it pains me to see him look so down cast during the hour of twilight.

Twilight: *returns from patrolling* what’s with all the glum faces?

Time: *pats a seat beside him, Which twilight takes* nothing to worry bout pup. Think others are just curious about your statement you made a long while back about a certain princess.

Twilight: oh. *cough* yeah. It’s complicated. Still sorting that all out.

Four: that’s understandable, we don’t mean to pry into something you’re not ready to talk about.

Twi: *softly chuckles and sighs* yeah.

In Times journal he has written from his conversation with Twilight:

Those tears falling down his face, staining his cheeks, preventing his words,

They are not just because he is sad.

No, rather they are full of all his emotions.

The ones the words tells him to bottle up, shove down, hide away.

It’s his confidence

His desperation

His embarrassment.

But most of all-

Those tears are his anger.

He knows what he wants to say, what he wants to shout.

His mouth just will not form the words, no matter how hard he tries.

His tears are full of unspoken phases, evidence of his broken heart and the anger he holds inside.

Ones I know far to well. When someone we love and care about leave. With no return in sight. To be left wondering, “what if” and grieving that loss.

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saeshiraw · 8 months

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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okthatsgreat · 4 months

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moms will find the most random hills and go “is anybody gonna die on this?” and then not wait for an answer

#tell me why i just got in a heated debate with her about whether or not you were allowed to evict bats from your house #she somehow got it in her head that it was ILLEGAL?? TO MOVE BATS????#and i was like well sure you can’t hurt them bc some australian bats are protected. but you can get them removed from your house #and she fully was like no you can’t it’s illegal. you can’t move them #?????????????? SO WOULD THE BATS JUST LIVE THERE THEN????????????? ARE YOU JUST SUPPOSED TO LET THEM MOVE IN??????????????????#she just refused to admit that hey. yknow. maybe i’m right here EVEN WHEN I LOOKED IT UP SHE DIDNT ADMIT SHE WAS WRONG SHE JUST LEFTBSBSJDNS #anyways LMFAOO #lee chat

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faebriel · 5 months

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hgs brainrot has returned due to tbosas .. speaking of hgs here’s an ask abt the hgs au: if things were totally different, and Wilbur were to be a 12 victor, what do you think a possible mentor-tribute dynamic would look like between him & Niki? I feel like it would be similar to Snow & Lucy in the way that he’s just going out of his way to cheat n help her

anon u have in fact struck jackpot because this is a concept i was spinning some thoughts abt before bee mentioned avoxes and we went OOOOH at that!!! so yes i have considered rainduo as a mentor-tribute dynamic and would love to talk about that concept too :]

so for this concept i think wilbur and niki would be close friends throughout childhood from 12, and then in their teens wilbur is reaped and, well, no one has particularly high hopes (he's a writer and a musician at heart, not a fighter) but through sheer trickery and dumb luck, he makes it to the end of the games. wilbur pulled some pretty fucked up tricks to win - when you can't use brute force, you have to use your brain - and partly due to the trauma of the games, partly due to his shame and survivor's guilt, he sinks into the capitol and relishes a new life there as a socialite. to him, the old wilbur died in the games and the new one has taken his place - to niki, and to his other friends in 12, whatever the games did to him made him into every vapid heartless capitol victor there is.

or. niki has her doubts. they all saw how horrible the games were, but surely there is some part of him left, some part that's hurting, even if it's buried deep?

anyway.

like og spin of the au, niki is reaped and this sucks - this time she does expect wilbur as her mentor on the train, and she expects some kind of warm welcome (maybe even an apology for leaving them so suddenly and silently? an explanation?) but she gets jack shit. wilbur is jaded and cruel and unrecognisable and niki entirely hates it. this is the part where i REALLY WISH we got some time of those two beefing with each other directly in canon (or at least interactions while niki was So Mad at him) but it's okay we fly blind. niki feels abandoned, lonely, thrown off of her kilter - she expected an ally in this place, but she doesn't recognise the person wilbur has become. she doesn't recognise his shallowness (...much), his ruthless advice for the arena, the way he doesn't seem to care for anything. she's scared and now she's lonely and it pisses her off - their mentorship is fraught. here are some thoughts from discord on that:

i tend to think of niki as a bit naïve before l'manberg or even doomsday - i think this is an au where this streak would come out real strong, and niki is stubborn that she can get through the games without losing herself. stubborn that she can stop things, that she can protect people. i don't think wilbur is cold enough (or, really, can bear to say aloud) to say that her odds in the arena are slim enough as it is, but he definitely tells her that she's making enemies and that her odds of survival dwindle with the more trouble she causes.

beyond that... hm. niki's trust in wilbur is almost unshakeable until nov 16, even when she outright says she doesn't recognise him anymore. i think she'd reluctantly listen re: don't burn down any buildings, but she would grow bolder each day she had to stay in the capitol. she gets more honest in front of the cameras. she makes more friends in training, and not the ones wilbur recommends. she throws barbs at him every time he makes one of those callous, cold-hearted comments about other tributes and rankings and odds. and besides, she's going in the arena this time, not him. she needs to practice her bravery.

it's like... she hasn't given up on him. she thinks the old wilbur is in there somewhere. (she is wrong. that is not how trauma works.) but she won't hold her tongue just because she

for extra angst points could definitely play up the whole 'feeling abandoned' angle between them as niki goes into the arena - probably due to how fraught their friendship gets leading up to the games. niki wants to focus on them and their friendship, wilbur has stringently cut off (almost) everything from 12 and refuses to let her in; he tells her to behave for the cameras, she tells him she never will. i think the last point in that screenshot would also make for a super tasty argument where niki feels wilbur has gone astray, that he's abandoned 12, and that he'll probably do nothing but sit on his ass and watch her die and he can't even bring himself to care about her anymore, can he? just more fodder for the arena. and honestly, i think wilbur would passively agree with most of that - he values niki's opinion, after all, even now, and if she says he's rapidly descending into a lost cause then she must be right. and it's niki, so she will be fine, and he goes to his bedroom that night and tries to pretend he is sleeping perfectly fine instead of feeling paralysed with fear.

okay now onto the games - YES HE SO WOULD. or at least i think he would go out of his way to help. as for cheating - he's a recent victor for 12 and i think he would value tommy (no doubt a link to him... i think they'd be in touch in this au also) too much to risk the punishment falling onto him as well. i get the vibes this is a games closer to 74th than 10th, so there are far fewer opportunities to cheat and the consequences of getting caught are higher. but schmoozing up sponsors? making stupid ass radio interviews or whatever to talk up niki's odds? sharing anecdotes from their childhood - some real, some entirely fabricated - across capitol airwaves to stoke their sympathy? 100%. with less to lose in this au, i think niki would be far less inclined to play nice for the cameras - i hope you starve, she spits at one of them, and wilbur appears on a talkshow two days later as she scrambles for survival in the arena to talk up how she always saved loaves from the bakery for the poorest mothers and children in 12. he borrows and begs and swindles to the point where it feels like cheating. but hey, this new wilbur is capitol-branded. he knows how to play the game.

if anything he probably sinks into the game a little too much. self-preservation is not his forte. probably wracks up a few heavy debts and favours to owe, but those are not priority until niki is out of the arena, alive. as long as she wins, and as long as the family he has isn't in danger, he will manage. wow it would suck if at some point those two goals became impossible to co-achieve. anyway

i kind of see niki's victory in the arena being similar to the one in the main au - if only because planning out an entire games is hard for meee >-< . she walks in bolder and braver for sure, and with a less strategic pick of allies, but they all get picked off and she spends a few weeks so terrified she can barely sleep and then she ruptures some fuel line and sets the arena alight with a fire that burns brighter and more ravenously than it should. but she wins, and she's airlifted out of a filthy, muddy creek she had resigned herself to die in, and wilbur barges his way through as many peacekeepers so that he can actually see her with her burnt skin and hair and unfocused eyes and trust that what was on the screens wasn't a fluke, and that they made it. and then it's just a matter of surviving the after.

i'm sure there are some other random quirks or tidbits i can think of re: this take on a c!rainduo hunger games au but these are my base thoughts!!

#can i just say whatever the hell lucy grey n snow had going on in part 1 made me so berko btw. like congrats ur my means to an end youre my #symbol youre my buddy? should we kiss? i'll get you out of here / don't make me leave these people behind #BRIDGING OFF OF THE TBOSAS DISCUSSION. i think the thing with crainduo (or at least how i like to depict them) is that they care about each #other extremely deeply and value each other... without being each others number one priority at all times.#i don't think niki plays priority with people she cares for like that; see her relationships with like wilbur and eret in lmanberg #even her friendship with and offering ponk a place to stay in her city after manberg even tho manberg hurt her #as for wilbur: his priority is tommy. like always. if it was just him on the line he'd do anything to get niki thru but it's not #asks #hunger games au #they would truly be such a nightmare in this au like. wilbur's self loathing is SO HIGH due to survivors guilt and trauma and mental illnes #he thinks that niki is So Good and Has It Together meanwhile he is So Bad #and is a mess that she cannot possibly rely on him. she can't possibly need him. she can't possibly want him around #<- and this shit is INGRAINED like. it's not even an active thought pattern anymore it is carved into his brain like a groove #and so shes like. do you even care whether i live or die??#of course he does. but this is the capitol. he cant be vulnerable in a way that matters #and that alienates niki further and this rage and heartbreak is building in her with nowhere to go. and in the arena she thinks it erupts #nah uh. i think its AFTER the area when she has to face wilbur again that she would go full screaming meltdown #ANYWAY !! i really like aus where they have this friction esp because i think like.. idk i think sometimes our views of rainduo are too ros #wilbur kind of forgets about niki sometimes because his self hatred is that bad. niki doesnt get wilburs mental illness and takes it both a #a burden/blame AND a direct rejection of her and her friendship #and they hover just outside of each others spaces anxious and angry and almost self flagellating. GOOD FOR THEM !#anyway Yes this did unlock something within me. thanks anon feel free to add on if u had more thoughts esp re: tbosas and such bc i had suc #a good time watching that movie

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icannotgetoverbirds · 1 year

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unorganized thoughts abt dandelions

I've always loved dandelions. People call them weeds, and for a while I thought that meant they were dangerous. Toxic, even. Truth be told, they're just unwanted. That's all that the word 'weed' means. Once you get a yard full of them, do you think they stop being weeds and start being a garden?

Dandelions should be a symbol of something radical. Something that fights for kindness.

Dandelions. God, what kind of a world would this be without them?

Dandelions mean so much to me. I think they're my favorite flower. Sunflowers, too, of course, but dandelions really get a message across.

#byrd chirps #byrd writes #what is this post? idk #i just like dandelions okay #We're dandelions you and I. Resilient. Our very existence is that of defiance. Every day that we're here is a rebellion.#^^^ i'd love to say that to someone someday #i want dandelions! someone give me a bouquet of dandelions!#me: it's kinda funny that there's no places where u can buy bouquets of dandelions #my mom: well of course there aren't nobody wants dandelions!#me tearing up: i want dandelions!!!#my mom was like why are you getting so defensive #and i wasn't sure how to tell her that it's because i was trying to tell her that dandelions are important to me #and she was saying that nobody wants this thing that's important to me #that i relate to #and that's a little bit hurtful even if it's not meant to be #because when i told her that dandelions are symbols of survival in any situation she was like 'Are You In Survival Mode At All Times?'#like no! how the FUCK did u get that interpretation from that! what the FUCK!#for real tho we should all adopt dandelions as symbols of fighting back against discrimination and marginalization #we are resilient we are rebellious we don't play by your rules we will happily disrupt your status quo #and the world is better with us in it whether you like it or not!#you cannot get rid of us! every attempt to do so will only strengthen our resolve!#we will adapt to and fight back against every single one of your many poisons!#if you make this world hostile to us it will be too hostile for you too!#and the only reasons you have to dislike us are shaky social constructs incorrectly held as truth!#dandelions mean so much to me #might buy dandelion seeds and scatter them in the backyard #see what happens #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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enok1 · 2 months

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Being in that weird middleground of homeschooled and unschooled is very... Strange..!

#Like. I DID go to school! Until I was 9! And then I didn't anymore.#I don't know math but I am literate. Science eludes me and I don't understand basic functions. But I. Am literate!#Going back to learn things as an adult is so frustrating and embarrassing because these topics are only every framed for children #Understandably! I don't have a problem with that itself. However it makes it more obvious how far behind you are on everything #And it's exhausting. The progress is slow. I can't spend a school day's worth of time studying because I have responsibilities.#My mother made it clear that it is my job alone to learn these things. When my brother expressed his rage over it she said the same to him.#'If you're so upset by it why haven't you learned it yourself?' Something along those lines. It hurts a lot #Where do you start. I have over 10 years to catch up on. I know he was confused and overwhelmed as well.#Whether or not it is our responsibility to learn now.. It doesn't change that she should have taught us then.#But I can't talk about it. Or I will get yelled at or guilt tripped... 🙏

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bisolationist · 2 months

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Actually I did interpret this just fine.

I agree with the second paragraph for the most part, and yes I got that was the point. I agree that's largely why and how men handle it. I agree victims of both sexes have a lot of common ground and things to collaborate on. It's by no means equal - I know male victims are still men. And I know the circumstances aren't equal either.

I have some niggling questions - why is it the inverse of how murder is treated? that is - when women murder men, it's treated as especially heinous, and women get disproportionate sentences despite mitigating circumstances. How does all relate to how men do actually fear and revile anal rape? I don't think the answer on that is as clean cut as that they dont take it seriously - I think it floats in a limbo state between joke and serious depending on the homophobia they need to justify. But honestly I didnt bring up all these things because it's irrelevant to my point and a distraction.

So anyway. Yeah I agree, but it's not the whole story. I don't see why people say I'm misconstruing when I'm just saying there's MORE to it, and that leaving off the rest is dangerously convenient to lots of rape apologists.

Like, it's important to acknowledge women react better to SA victims in general, including male SA Victims. And yeah some women that react negatively to male SA victims are doing it out of patriarchal views - but even then I don't think the motivations are the same. But plenty of women have entirely different motivations, including many of the ones that actually perpetrate sexual offenses, and certainly a LOT of the ones that find some sick fulfillment in mocking SA victims.

Clearly, a lot of people take "male SA victims are just collateral of the patriarchy" to mean "male SA victims are a political irrelevance; the only ones responsible for them are men, thus women are exonerated in whatever they do" and take THAT to mean "it is proper and good to treat male SA victims as whiners and losers; this is a strike against the patriarchy".

What is so wrong with wanting to discuss how people make a point of ignoring or even coddling women who make the jump from OPs point to Point B and C and how that aspect needs to be a part of the conversation too because it does affect us useless "collateral" victims.

YES, I was angry. I have every right to be angry on this topic, no matter how much ppl insist this is a triviality. I don't understand why I need to be meek and deferential when discussing this of all things. It's not like I was calling OP slurs or even angrily calling her terms. But why should I be less than direct in pointing out the various forms of rhetoric that branch out of that. That's all I want to discuss but for some reason the only important thing seems to be that I'm not deferential enough in how yall talk about male SA victims.

#ig it's easier to play me off like an idiot moid who has no worthwhile thoughts on his own assault #100% of her reaction was to my emotional state and she did not even try to understand what I said or why #or whether I might have valid reasons for feeling anger and hurt at HOW that rhetoric is used in practice #or that I might have worthwhile thoughts on the broader context of male SA victims that she does not

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