#ive gotten one of those smart watches that can track your heart rate and stress and im genuinely developing a heart problem from stress

[chucklechampion]

evening dedicated to The Horrors

#i just need to fucking vent man #i cannot fucking live like this anymore #i still dont have the tags for my car and its almost been a year #a whole year where i didnt go ANYWHERE but work and home and sometimes special occasions when i felt i could risk it #and the daily agonizing fear of being pulled over again and getting a ticket that i cant afford because i cant afford to pay for my tags #ive gotten one of those smart watches that can track your heart rate and stress and im genuinely developing a heart problem from stress #when i was driving home tonight i think i mightve had an arrhythmia which was a scary feeling #im going off of caffiene from here on out because im starting to be afraid that i might have a heart attack #im twenty fucking five years old and im so stressed and scared about money that im afraid of a heart attack #i miss being able to go and do things and just get out of my generally shitty house #i feel like i would be a totally different person if this was just finally taken care of #someone who doesnt feel like they need to hospitalize themselves because the neverending stress is making you suicidal #because it feels like it’ll never end and i’ll be scared and hurting forever #because how the fuck am i gonna get almost $2000 when im going through a garnishment #like i can barely afford to pay all my billa #fuck i CANT even pay my bills my mom is covering my phone bill this month #because i’d have to choose between car insurance or a phone #and god for fucking bid i ever lose my insurance #the level of fear i would have just trying to get to and from work would kill me #and the longer this goes on the more i wonder if that might actually happen #im smoking way more because im stressed. i cant sleep because im stressed. i cant eat because im stressed. #all things that preclude some pretty serious cardiovascular problems #i have a doctors appointment on tuesday to discuss my heart #im nervous for it but who knows #i have had an exceptionally high heart rate but maybe the arrythimia was just psychosomatic #my money troubles have completely stopped my life and i cant see a way out #i feel like im drowning and like im going clinically insane #i was outside sitting in our carport and a cop drove by and i was so terrified i spent 10 minutes hiding in an empty room #looking through the blinds to see if they were gonna come do something #i am so afraid that i have considered quitting my job because the commute is so stressful and upsetting