#im twenty fucking five years old and im so stressed and scared about money that im afraid of a heart attack

[chucklechampion]

evening dedicated to The Horrors

#i just need to fucking vent man #i cannot fucking live like this anymore #i still dont have the tags for my car and its almost been a year #a whole year where i didnt go ANYWHERE but work and home and sometimes special occasions when i felt i could risk it #and the daily agonizing fear of being pulled over again and getting a ticket that i cant afford because i cant afford to pay for my tags #ive gotten one of those smart watches that can track your heart rate and stress and im genuinely developing a heart problem from stress #when i was driving home tonight i think i mightve had an arrhythmia which was a scary feeling #im going off of caffiene from here on out because im starting to be afraid that i might have a heart attack #im twenty fucking five years old and im so stressed and scared about money that im afraid of a heart attack #i miss being able to go and do things and just get out of my generally shitty house #i feel like i would be a totally different person if this was just finally taken care of #someone who doesnt feel like they need to hospitalize themselves because the neverending stress is making you suicidal #because it feels like it’ll never end and i’ll be scared and hurting forever #because how the fuck am i gonna get almost $2000 when im going through a garnishment #like i can barely afford to pay all my billa #fuck i CANT even pay my bills my mom is covering my phone bill this month #because i’d have to choose between car insurance or a phone #and god for fucking bid i ever lose my insurance #the level of fear i would have just trying to get to and from work would kill me #and the longer this goes on the more i wonder if that might actually happen #im smoking way more because im stressed. i cant sleep because im stressed. i cant eat because im stressed. #all things that preclude some pretty serious cardiovascular problems #i have a doctors appointment on tuesday to discuss my heart #im nervous for it but who knows #i have had an exceptionally high heart rate but maybe the arrythimia was just psychosomatic #my money troubles have completely stopped my life and i cant see a way out #i feel like im drowning and like im going clinically insane #i was outside sitting in our carport and a cop drove by and i was so terrified i spent 10 minutes hiding in an empty room #looking through the blinds to see if they were gonna come do something #i am so afraid that i have considered quitting my job because the commute is so stressful and upsetting

[joetasker]

For you p.2

I knock excitedly. "Y/N! You're finally here!" My mom kisses my cheek. She looks over at Dan and stares unsurely. "Hello Daniel! Come one in!" She hugs him awkwardly and laughs nervously as she wipes her hands on her dress. I take Dan's hand and squeeze it.

Long story short, the pre-teens liked him (definitely the girls) except my parents and my brother.

Dan and I were back at his house. Dan was doing his University work online whilst I talked to my brother.

"He just seems like the type who'd date a girl to just-you know-have intercourse with." My 20 year old brother whispers into his headphones.

"Well we've been dating for seven months so..." I look over at Dan who's doing his work with a frustrated look on his face. "Besides, he's the best. I honestly do not care if you dislike him or not. You don't even know him, or at least the way I know him." I whisper-yell.

"Whatever Y/N, but if he breaks your heart I will honestly give zero shits. I'll talk to you later." He hangs up the FaceTime call. I close my laptop and sit up on the bed.

"What percentage are you on in your English class?" I tilt my head as he continues to do work not answering my question. "Daniel!" I wave a hand. "Dan, It's late." I say as I stand up and walk to the drawer filled with my clothing. I quickly take off the clothing I wore and sat in my lingerie. "Hey Dan! C'mon babe, let's go to bed." I whine. I walk over to him and shut the lid of his laptop.

"Hey what the fuck Y/N! I was taking a Unit Test!" He quickly opened it back up to the page he was on. Luckily everything was saved. "For fucks sake Y/N! I could've lost all my work you idiot! What if I did that to you?" He yells at me and rolls his eyes. I stand still. He's never yelled at me like that.

"I'm sorry Dan. I didn't want you to lose your work. I just think since you're way ahead of the class might as well go to sleep-" I put my right hand on my shoulder.

"Just fuck off will you?" He gives me a dirty look and goes back to the test. I walk towards the bed and feel my anxiety build up quicker than expected. I lie in bed with my eyes wide open. There is no doubt that I will cry myself to sleep, thankfully he had his noise cancelling headphones.

—

I woke up and walked lazily into the bathroom. My eyes were bloodshot, definitely not super intense. Just a lot of crying. I wash my face and go back into Dan's room to find him awake. We both don't say anything so I just grab my outfit for today and walk to his bathroom taking a quick shower.

"How'd you do on your unit test?" I smile, putting on my shirt.

"Fine." He mumbles. "Where are you going?" He looks me up and down. I don't know if it was out of rudeness or something else.

"Oh um, with Erin and Heather. We're just going to a coffee shop and talking." I nod my head as I grab my small black backpack.

"About what?" He knows exactly what was going on.

"Just about life." I shrug and begin to walk downstairs. He follows me downstairs. "I'll see you later Daniel." I wave without turning back. I close the door before I could hear his response.

—

"Aw Darling!" Heather hugs me. We were at her large home that herself and her boyfriend owned.

"You didn't do anything wrong! He's probably just stressed or mad at the fact your parents didn't like him." Erin hugs me as well.

"I'm just scared he hates me now! What if he cheats on me or breaks up with me by telling me why he hates me. I'll have an anxiety attack." I sob in both of their arms. My phone begins to ring which I quickly pick up without looking at the caller id. "Hello?" I sound like I was just crying, which was true.

"Y/N! Where are you? The coffee shop closed like ten minutes ago! Why aren't you home?" He yells.

"Sorry, I'll be there in five." I say And quickly hang up. "I have to go. Are we still up for next Saturday?" I look towards both of them who nod their heads.

"Good luck babe!" Erin waves. I wave back with a smile.

—

"Dan Im home!" I yell as I skip up the stairs and into Dan's room.

"You had me so worried Y/N! I called you twenty-three fucking times and you didn't once pick up your phone. What's the point in having one!" He yells.

"Dan calm down Im fine!" I pull him down on the bed.

"Yeah but what if something would've happened to you. I'd go insane." He holds my waist tightly.

"Baby I'm okay." I kiss his forehead. "Do you want to go to bed?" I ask in an almost childish tone. He nods his head and takes off his jeans and shirt. I take off my tight shirt and jeans.

"Fuck I'm so tired." He groans. I massage his head. Running my fingers through his hair. He moans at the feeling of my fingers. He shrugs his shoulders up to his ears and relaxes them as I stop.

"I hate my parents. They don't like you! How is that even possible!" I groan. "Honestly if they keep it up, there's no point in having parents. They aren't here to support me so they should just-die!" I didn't actually mean that at all. Ever since I was little, they just gave me money instead of love.

"We should go to your house and have sex. What would they do if they heard me thrusting inside you, making you moan. Making you cum." He whispered.

"Dan maybe they just think you're bad news." I say, ignoring what he said.

"I mean, we did have secret sex every Fridays for three months straight. In your room. Maybe your parents heard us one night." Dan chuckles.

"Oh my god no! That would be so embarrassing!" I cover the blush on my cheeks. He smiled at me and closed his eyes, clearly tired. "Goodnight Bear." I hug him.

"Goodnight." He whispers.

-

No Dan was lying next to me. It was just myself now. I had absolutely no idea where he could be since it was just a regular Tuesday. I change into jeans and a tucked in white shirt and grab my backpack. My phone began to ring so I quickly picked it up.

"Hey Y/N! Im picking you up right now. I have to show you something." He says.

"Oh okay! I'll see you here then." I hang up and sit on the couch tapping my foot. Around ten minutes go by and I finally hear the honk of his car. "Hi Daddy!" I yell in a high pitched tone, obviously joking. He stares at me up and down and unlocks the door. Once I'm fully in, he starts to drive quickly. "What's going on Daniel?" I ask as he continues to drive quickly. It was only a three minute drive to our destination, which was my house. He got out and opened the door for me. We walked to the door but he opened it himself.

It was so quick I didn't even know how to respond. I stare in horror, not knowing how to react. A sob leaves my mouth. "What did you do?" I yell. Pale skin, purple lips. Crimson colour stained the white carpet.

"I did it. for you."

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