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imabeautifulbutterfly · 1 year

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Sins of The Father - Chapter 35

Summary: Adi makes a decision that will impact the rest of his life

A/N: Hello Lovelies!

I’m back, oh man I’m so happy not to be having any sort of migraines, still getting slight headaches here and there but nothing compared to what I was having in October. Nothing preventing me from writing at least so woohoo.

I’m already working on the next chapter for Gym Membership, hoping to get that out to you guys in two weeks. Thank you for sticking around and being patient.

Not to mention 300! I’m at 305 or 307 followers, I can’t believe it, that’s so amazing. I love you all.

I am going to come up with a 300 celebration, not sure yet about the exact celebration, but I shall let you know soon.

Italics - flashback

Warnings: Grief, kissing, slight make out, mentions of slavers, death, I think that’s it. If I miss any warnings please let me know.

AO3 Link | Words: 5,204 | Previous -> Next

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CHAPTER 35: THE INHERITANCE

Adi’s hands trailed over his father’s armour, he could still remember vividly the last time he had seen Ca’tra, he was almost three years younger, a lot shorter, but he could still remember the feeling Ca’tra always exuded: impenetrable, invincible, and everlasting.

He remembered thinking it was all some elaborate joke, when his mom came out of the Sintas telling him, his father wasn’t coming back. He was convinced it was only a matter of time before Ca’tra would miraculously appear behind his Ama, or simply jump out and yell surprise at the most random of times, or end up showing up in another ship. Even when he saw Ca’tra’s armour in the sack she was using to carry it home, he was unwavering in his belief it had been someone else’s armour.

It was about two days later, when his comms continually went unanswered, his mother’s unending tears, and the silence that had fallen in the house, along with the constant visits from Babeh, Gregor, Pelli and surrounding friends, was he fully persuaded in his heart his father was never coming back.

The family he had dreamed of for so long was gone, the father he looked up to, the man who trained him, who held him when he cried, who had treated him like a son from the moment he appeared in their lives had disappeared from his life permanently.

The ship was in hyperspace, only two parsecs away from Kashyyyk, he took a moment to really think about the decision he was going to make, was this what he wanted? To follow in the steps of his grandfather, mother and father? To follow the Mand’alor? Did he see himself as a Mandalorian? As a warrior? Was it right for him to put on the armour that would define who he was, where he stood in the galaxy, and how he connected to the creed?

He hadn’t tried it on, not even when his mother opened the cache and showed him the armour on Papsr. He was tempted. His eyes kept focusing on the helmet that had appeared so menacing and so comforting at the same time. He sat down on his bunk, holding the helmet in his hand, he took in a deep breath and put it on, almost instantly the HUD activated, everything looked different. It would take time to get use to wearing a helmet all the time, but not uncomfortable or impossible to adjust too.

There was a small yellow icon on the top right corner of the HUD flickering, his eyes focused on the icon. The screen went black for a second before what looked like their common room in their house appeared, the torso of a man appeared, as hands adjusted the helmet back and forth, until Adi saw Ca’tra sit down on the chair in front of the helmet.

He looked young, fresh, fit, a cheery smile on his face, his hand running through his hair, as he fixed himself.

‘Hi Adi’ he offered a small wave, as his face only brightened. ‘Not sure when you’ll be seeing this, but if you are seeing this, that means I’m not around.’

Adi felt his throat begin to tighten, as the voice he hadn’t heard in almost three years filled his ears.

‘It’s late, your Ama and you have just gone to bed. In case your wondering it’s the night of when I proposed to your mom.’ The dimple that only appeared when Ca’tra ever looked at Amara or when he spoke about her graced his smile.

‘You might not remember but we stayed up late partying and planning our future as a family; I made you some promises tonight, and I’m sorry I failed in those promises Adi. Ner ad’ika, I wanted to fulfill those promises with all my heart and might, but as your mother constantly reminds me, life’s a pazaak game, unless you can cheat your way through it, you never know the hand you’ll be dealt.’

His eyes started to water at seeing the man he missed from his life, there were no words to say how much he wanted to be by that man’s side right now. How much he wanted to feel his hand tussle his hair, like he use to do. To smell his scent of gunpowder, grease, dust, musk, and the metallic scent that always seemed to linger around him.

‘I just wanted to um …’ Ca’tra rubbed the back of his neck, ‘Ha! You know I’m not good with words, not really good with anything except your mom and you. You both have given me so much more than I ever thought I would get in this life.’

Adi could feel a tear slide down his cheek, he went to wipe it, only to feel the coldness of the beskar helmet.

‘Adi’ka, ner ad, I know you think I call you these things simply because of your mom, but that’s not the case. Ever since I met you, and you tried to punch me for hitting on your mom …’ Ca’tra smiled and let out a chuckle, ‘I knew I wanted you to be my child. You are my child. My little one. I love you Adi … maybe I should use your real name, Khoan Vel.’

Ca’tra took in a deep breath, ‘You are an amazing son, Khoan. There’s something I wanted to do, and I’ll do it at the wedding and make it official. Not sure if it’ll count if I do it this way, but in the event I don’t make it then, I want you to know how much you mean to me.

Ni kyr'tayl gai sa'ad, Khoan Vel (I know your name as my child - adoption rites).

From this moment on, you are my son Khoan Vel Gaan.

Ner ad’ika, my son, you are a joy and a light in my life I never expected. I know there will be times when we butt heads, and we may even end up getting angry with one another and never talking. However, I want you to know no matter what, I love you my son. I will always be here for you, and I will always love your mother and you.’

Adi watched as Ca’tra wiped away a tear, he wanted to run into his father’s arms, he wanted to tell him he would always be his son, he’d never let him down.

‘Adi, there may be a time when your mom will meet another man, someone who will make her happy, someone who will make her laugh, who will fill her life with love and joy. It may be hard for you at times to see someone else step in to my shoes, but if it’s for her, promise me you will take the time to get to know him, to see what she sees in him. However, if you think that he’s not worthy of being by her side, then make his life a living hell. You have my permission.’

Ca’tra chuckled at little, it made Adi chuckle along with him, he wondered how he would feel knowing Din was the one who had captured his Ama’s heart.

‘I’m kidding, well to a degree. Just … just don’t let him in too easy, throw him some curveballs here and there, although knowing your mother, she’d be doing that already. Son, there are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I feel I should impart.’

Ca’tra cleared his throat, his thumb and forefinger passing over his lips, pursing them together, “Okay, first things first, this armour, this is for you. Whether you decide to take the six tenets or not, this is your inheritance as my son. Some may say that you are not deserving of it, or that only those that are truly Mandalorian are allowed to wear the armour. Well tell them … you know what, tell them where they can stick their unsolicited comments, and make sure they shove it so deep it gives them …’ Ca’tra cleared his throat again, ‘Sorry, got a little carried away, what I’m trying to say, don’t listen to what anyone else tells you. This armour … is yours and yours alone.’

Adi wanted so much to have his father there, to have the man who took him in without a second thought, who taught him how to defend himself, how to be there for his mom in a way he never thought of. He wished above all else that he was there telling him these things in person, rather than in a holovid.

’Adi there will come a time in your life when you’ll meet someone who - ohh how do I say this … it’s different for everyone, it could start off as hate, it could be as simple as a hello, they could end up being your best friend. Somehow, in some way, there’s a moment when you look at that person and you realize in that moment your life will never be the same. Imagining your life without them beside you, without their smile, their jokes, their kindness, whatever it is that draws you to them, all of a sudden you will realize they complete you, they make you whole. When that happens ad, you have to promise me. Promise me you won’t push them away, you won’t make them feel less then they deserve. At the same time make sure they don’t make you feel less than who you are, or unworthy to be by their side. You are a brilliant kid, smart, stubborn like your mom, kind, quick witted, and you have a big heart Adi.

Love is a tricky thing, sometimes you think you love someone, fight to be by their side, only to realize you never stood a chance. And that’s okay. It’s okay to try and lose, because it means you were brave enough, courageous enough, and willing to do something most don’t have the courage to do.

Then there could be a moment, when your heart is breaking and you don’t think you’ll ever find the right one, and you stumble upon a garage with a pair of legs sticking out from underneath a speeder and you realize the love you thought you had for someone else, could never measure up to the love you really feel for the right one.

Just remember to always treat them with respect, treat them with kindness and compassion, treat them with the honour and dignity they deserve whether the relationship works out or it doesn’t. They opened their heart to you, that’s a privilege they grant you.’

It surprised Adi to see him wipe a tear, he let out a soft chuckle as he wiped a tear away ‘I know a grown man crying… these tears are because I am happy and blessed to have found you and your mother. Don’t be afraid to cry Adi. Don’t be afraid to show emotion. There’s nothing wrong with being able to show emotions and cry, there are some who would say it’s ‘unmanly’ to cry, ignore them. Tell them to stick their advice the same place as those who tell you, you can’t wear the armour.’

Ca’tra glanced at something on the wall behind the helmet, and then back at the visor, ‘Adi, I have so much more I need to tell you, however, I also have to get up in a few hours. I’ll be making recordings throughout of things that I feel I should tell you, they’ll all be stored in this helmet. Don’t worry you’ll be able to find them easily enough.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to tell you these things in person, son. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back to you. I will try with all my might to make my way back to you, but if I can’t know that I didn’t give up easily, know that I gave it my all to make it back to you and your mom.

Even though I might not be by your side physically, at least you’ll have these holovids, and my own amazing wisdom.’ Ca’tra chuckled rubbing his hair, ‘Your mom will probably tell me that my wisdom is something that no one should listen to’ he let out another chuckle.

‘I love your mom, Adi, and I love you. You are both my family, and the day we will get to be united as one clan, will be the day that my world feels complete. You may not want a family of your own Adi, and that’s fine, you don’t have to try to live the life I lived, or to follow your mom’s footsteps either. You just follow your own path, whatever your decide or choose, we will be proud hakayrus (parents) because you are our son and we love you very much..’

Ca’tra stood from his seat and pressed a button on his vambrace, the recording finished, and the hud simply showed him his room. He took off the helmet wiping his eyes of the tears he had been shedding for the past while.

He looked at the helmet once his vision was back and no longer obstructed by the tears that were simply free flowing at hearing his father’s voice again. His fingers tightened around the helmet, as he pressed his forehead against it, “I miss you dad, I miss you so much. Thank you.”

He placed the helmet beside him, as he stood. The tears wiped clean. He opened his compartment, and pulled out a new flight suit, he laid it on his bunk beside the armour. He wasn’t sure if this was the right thing to do, but he felt he had to do this.

He took a knee in front of his father’s helmet, placing his hand on top of it, gently, reverently. He took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes bowing his head towards his father’s helmet..

“Teh ibic kusa'yr Ni malyasa'yr surya arsaor ti kar'ta be a Mando. Ni danija at oyacyir ner jibr miasa'iaru yaa mateh gotal'ur jid giarioa, buir. Ni vor entye par e'lyreu'anr ka bal par daorida at hbina ka. Ni malyasa'yr draar digur gar” (From this moment I will wear you armour with the heart of a Mandalorian. I vow to live my life in that manner that would make you proud, father. I thank you for teaching me and for continuing to guide me. I will never forget you.)

Maybe the rites didn’t count since it was via a holovid and not in person, however knowing that Ca’tra Gaan made the effort to do this for him, was willing to take him on in front of everyone as his son, meant more to him than he ever realized.

He stood changing out of the clothes he had and slowly putting on his new attire, he took his time adjusting the flight suit before putting on every single piece of armour, double checking all the weaponry on it like his hakayrus taught him, every time they donned their armour. He didn’t have any gloves, that would be something he could purchase later on. He attached his cuirass, took in a deep breath as he lifted the helmet and placed it on his head.

He took his time to open his eyes, viewing his world through the hud. It was a disorienting experience at first, there was a lot of information. He walked around his room, getting use to the new visuals. He was walking backwards, when a red light flashed on the left hand corner, showing him what was behind him, he moved his hand behind his head, seeing his fingers wiggling.

Seeing all the features the buy’ce (helmet) had to offer, made him realize how amazing Ca’tra, his Ama, Babeh and Din were, they were able to see all that information and still be the badasses they were. They absorbed, assimilated and acted on the information provided to them, within an instant. Although he had played around and been taught how a buy’ce works, it was very different to see it in action.

He felt like a new born fathier, trying to find his footing, it was very different walking around and dealing with all the added information, little icons popped up when he looked at certain items. He remembered his father telling him, ‘focus on what you need to see and what’s important at the moment.’

He practiced for a bit longer before he decided to venture out of his room.

- - - - - - - - - -

Amara was focused on the readout in front of her, she had noticed the hyperdrive was running a bit sluggish, it was still pushing an optimal output however, she never liked it when her ship dipped below her own acceptable levels. She smirked hearing Din’s voice in her head ‘Mesh’la you know, it will still run.’

She chuckled remembering their bickering.

’Sweetie, I know you loved your Razor, but if I ever saw your ship and how you attempted to repair it, you and I would’ve never happened.’

Din laughed, his jovial booming voice bouncing off the walls, ‘I promise you, I took a lot better care of the Razor than you think I did.’

‘From the way you describe it, it certainly doesn’t sound like it.’

‘The Crest was my home, my lady, of course I took care of her.’ He leaned over pressing his forehead against hers, ‘The same way I take care of you.’

‘Are you saying, you’re just finding the easiest and fastest fix for me?’

‘Never’ Din placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, as he shifted closer to her on the couch, Adi wasn’t home yet, he was sparring with Fennec, and Grogu was napping in the room he was sharing with Din. Din’s hand cradled her jaw gently as he slowly turned her head to look at him, ‘I’d use only the very best materials and the most exceptional mechanics to fix you’

‘Oh, so you’re saying I do need fixing?’

Din’s eyes widened as a confused look appeared on his face, ‘No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I think you’re perfect the way you are.’

‘Oh, then I’m a mess you don’t want to bother with?’

‘No! That’s not … what I mean is …’ Din looked flustered not sure what was the right thing to say, he was ready to apologize to grovel, when he saw a smirk appear on her lips, as her eyes sparkled.

‘You’re so easy’ Amara laughed out, he let out a frustrated sigh, chuckling along with her as he pulled her towards his lips, kissing her with a passion he had forgotten existed within him. She shifted till she was sitting on his lap, running her fingers through his hair. When they both pulled back in order to catch a breath, ‘We should probably stop.’

Din nodded against her forehead, as his hands found their spot on her waist, ‘Yeah, we should otherwise I won’t be able to stop’

‘Not to mention, this is not something I would want my son or your son to walk in on’

‘True’ Din pecked her lips, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek followed by a kiss on her neck, ‘Yeah’ his warm moist breath flushed over her neck, ’I don’t think Adi would appreciate seeing this …’ he pulled back to look at her, his hand caressing her face, ‘You are so beautiful.’

‘You don’t have to do that’

‘I’m serious, cyar’ika. You have no idea how beautiful you are, every time you smile, you look at me, every time I see you take care of those you love, those who are in need, I am amazed by your beauty inside and out, you are amazing and I am honoured to be by your side.’

She pressed her lips against Din’s, deepening the kiss by tilting his head back, ‘You know …’ she mumbled against his lips, ‘We won’t …’ she tried to get out, as he chased her lips, ‘Be able to…’ his hand shifted to the back of her head pressing her lips back against his, chasing her taste as though it was the very air he needed to breathe, ‘For a while.’

‘Why do you think I keep trying to hold on to this moment?’ He quirked his eyebrow as he smirked at her.

Amara cleared her throat, this wasn’t the time to be lost in thought. Adi hadn’t said much since they arrived at Papsr and as soon as they boarded the Sintas he locked himself in his room with the armour. She tried to offer what she could as an explanation, but either he didn’t hear her or he wasn’t ready to listen was all she could determine from his silence.

She wandered to his door at least ten times since they took off from Papsr, however, she just couldn’t bring herself to knock on her son’s door. There were times when he just needed a moment to himself and there were times when he needed her, for right now, he needed space to deal with his grief.

The sound of the door sliding open behind her, gave Amara a sense of relief knowing that Adi was ready to talk, “How are you feeling?” She focused on the diagnostic report, giving Adi time to get his words ready. She didn’t want to force him or put him on the spot by staring at him.

“Ama” hearing his modulated voice, made the statement he was about to make all the more real. He watched as she slowly lifted her head and turned to look at him. She didn’t say anything, simply stood and walked over to him. She was visibly holding back the tears, as she stood in front of him.

“You put it on” Amara offered a smile through her trembling lips, he looked so much like Ca’tra in that moment, the way he was standing, the aura he exuded through the armour.

“I did” he cleared his throat, afraid his voice would start shaking.

“How does …” now it was her turn to clear her throat, if Ca’tra was there he would’ve been so proud of him, “How does it feel?”

“Good. Surreal. A little weird if I’m being honest.”

She nodded in agreement, “Yeah, I get that” her hand fidgeted with the wrist band she’d always worn on her wrist, it had belonged to Ca’tra. He gave it to her the morning of that fateful day, he wanted to give her something to help her realize he was always by her side.

“Is it okay if …” Adi motioned to the armour he was wearing.

Amara placed her hands on his helmeted cheeks, “Of course it is, that’s what he would’ve wanted. It suits you.”

“He … He left a holovid for me, he …” Adi cleared his throat, “He performed the Gai bal manda (adoption ceremony - literally ‘name and guardian’) on the holovid.”

There was a look of shock on Amara’s face, he never told her, he was planning to perform one via a holovid. The plan was to do it in front of all their family and friends at the onvior warasu’ir (wedding ceremony).

A smile spread across her face, “I’m happy for you. He loved you sooo much, not being able to do it in person really ate at him that day. I’m glad he was able to do it, even if it was via a holovid.”

“Does it still count?”

“Of course it does. Without a doubt. It counts.”

“The hud is hard to get use to”

“I know. It takes time. The trick is to keep your buy’ce on for as long as you can stand it, then take a break and try again, increasing the amount of time you wear it.”

“Is that how you learned?”

“More or less, except I played with Babeh’s helmet when he let me. Plus, I got really use to wearing the magnifiers I use while working on the engines. It’s a similar concept.”

“Oh true, no wonder it felt a little disorienting at first.”

“Are you going to paint it?”

“What?”

“The armour?”

“I don’t know. The white, black and blue just feel right.”

“I understand. Just know the option to change, is there. Do you remember what the colours mean?”

Adi nodded as he glanced down at his armour, “Blue means reliability, black signifies justice, and the white means a new start.”

Amara tugged him over to sit in the co-pilot seat, as she took her seat, her legs shifting on the chair until she was comfortable, she leaned her head back, chuckling to herself, “Do you know why he painted those colours?” She glanced over to Adi.

He simply shook his head no.

She smirked as she thought back to that moment, “He said he painted it blue, because even though he may be late, battered, and bruised, you could always count on him to show up. Eventually.”

“Yup, that sounds like him” he chuckled along with his mom, remembering the amount of times, he would arrive, bruised or just in the nick of time, “Why did he add the black?”

“Ahhh … that …” Amara took her time with that answer, she shifted a little in her seat, feeling the weight of the answer that was to come forth from her mouth, “When Ca’tra was a little boy, before he joined the fighting corp, he was living on Taris. It … let’s just say it wasn’t a nice place to grow up. After learning about what it meant to be Mandalorian, to see the way most valued honour and dignity, he understood what he wanted to bring to his life. Justice. Granted it was his own kind of justice, but it made him realize that was something seriously lacking in the universe.”

Adi was silent, nodding slowly, “No wonder”

“No wonder?”

Adi shifted in his seat, readjusting his flight suit, “Um … well Ca’tra made me promise not to tell you.”

“Not to tell me, about what?” Amara quirked her eyebrow as she looked at Adi, if Ca’tra was there she would have had it out with him, “Actually, how many times did Ca’tra make you promise not to tell me things.”

“It was just that one time…” he held up a finger, “Ok, maybe two times …” he slowly raised his second finger, before he shifted his head side to side raising his third finger, “Three. Definitely three times, but they were really good reasons”

“Mmhmm” she crossed her arms as she sat back, “What was it that he told you not to tell me?”

“This was about three months after we met him, you weren’t able to pick me up from school, so he volunteered.”

“Right, I think I remember this - - you guys ended up being half an hour late, and I was about ready to kill him.”

“Well the reason we were late, was because he … he was busy saving someone from a group of slavers.”

“What? He never told me this”

“He wasn’t sure how you’d react about him having to make a deal with slavers while your son sat beside him.”

Amara chuckled, “Well he had a point there, if I had learned about it then I would’ve probably killed him.” She settled in her seat, looking at her son, his coming-of-age ceremony was just a few weeks away, seeing him sit there in his father’s armour - - it all sunk in how much he had grown from that scrawny kid she saved all those years ago. “Well, what happened?”

“Ama you should’ve seen him, the way he reasoned with them, the way he tried to convince them to let the person go. He sat there only speaking when he needed to, and even though he had to eventually resort to threatening them, he was able to make sure the person was safe. He told me afterwards, all it takes to make sure justice is served is for one person to care. One person to offer help makes all the difference in the world.”

Amara couldn’t help smirking thinking about all the ways Ca’tra made an impact on their lives, from that first meeting, till the last moment he drew breath. “You know he added the white to his armour after he left the covert. He said it was his new start. A new start that led him to the best possible outcome. He always said the best choice he ever made was leaving the covert and finding his own way as a mercenary slash bounty hunter. He was glad his path led to us.”

“I am too” Adi smiled as he looked at his mom, even though she couldn’t see it he had no doubt she knew it was there. “I’m glad I’m his son; I’m grateful I have this as an inheritance” he motioned towards the armour, “It makes me feel in some way he’s still here with me … with us.”

She reached over holding her son’s bare hands, “Me too. I’m glad you have it.” She smirked at the fact he didn’t have gloves, he looked as though something was missing from his armour. “Tell me, does this mean you are going to take the Resol’nare or are you just honouring your father? Either way, I’ll support you.”

He gave her hand a squeeze before she shifted from her seat. He didn’t pay attention to what she was doing, as the console began beeping with an alert, “I’ve vowed to live my life in a way that will honour my father, and I believe taking the Resol’nare will honour him in the greatest way possible.” He reviewed the alert, “We’re coming up on Kashyyyk, we’ll be dropping out of hyperspace in about ten minutes.”

“Good” Amara took her spot again, passing Adi a small container, “I’ve been waiting for the right time to give you this.”

Adi glanced from the console to the container his Ama had in her hand, he took it carefully, opening it to find a pair of new gloves similar in design to hers and Babeh’s, it was made of the finest dewback leather. He put them on, flexing his fingers, listening to the creaking of the tension from the brand new leather. There was also a three-sided knife lying at the bottom of the container, as he held it up gently he recognized it as the one belonging to Ca’tra, “How…”

“I made sure that day, there was nothing of his left behind. I knew he would’ve wanted you to have it. After all, he inscribed your name on it.”

He turned it gently, to see the names of Ca’tra’s family, those of his biological family, and that of his adopted family. The last two names were the freshest engraved, Amara Vel (O’yare Fett), Khoan Vel Gaan. He couldn’t help smiling at their names, “I guess this makes it official, I’m his son.”

“His love for you made it official, that …” Amara motioned to the knife in his hands, as she prepared the ship to exit hyperspace, “Is proof of the love he had for you, the love he always felt for you. I’m glad you got to know him, Adi.”

“Me too.”

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