#SORRY. VENTING. im just getting my thoughts out there

[aeomianamoure]

Headcanon/smut emo txt, emo txt x Coquette reader, soft.

recently I have been watching slaughtering movies and while I was watching it I imagined emo txt being so yandere... Like Slaughtering every person who gets near their friend, just to make her feel distant towards every person she talks to except for them.. Reassuring it was fine.. Then.. For like after days of hanging out.. Emo txt teaches reader how to drink and listen to PTV, So after like making the reader drunk emo txt fcks the reader's brains out ackk I know this is too much but trust me this scenerio is making me feral, I wanted to writ but I can't explain it..

— emo slasher txt!

warnings <3: !death, yandere txt! , reader is a sweetheart but very brain washed , !smut , !slasher txt , kinda mean txt (sorry.. at least they think ur pretty :D ) , txt r obsessive in this fic like hiding under your air vents to watch you obsessive (im sorry) , established relationship between reader nd txt !! (txt x reader as bestfriends through memories) ,, !smut , alcohol drinking ,, ddlg if u squint ,, daddy kink !! ,, reader is codependent on txt ,, dark n toxic txt who is good at gaslighting ): ,, !crybaby reader who’s sensitive

a/n <3: i promise what you’re requesting isn’t too much!! i just hope i did my best and you enjoyed this fic ):

“crying already babydoll?” you hear your boyfriends rough voice whispering in your ear as you try your best not to cry out loud at how aggressive your boyfriend was rutting inside of you

although you were quiet; you still couldn’t help yourself from letting tears fall down our hooded eyes feeling yourself grow more tipsy and tipsy as time went by

you let out a soft gasp as you felt your boyfriend above you dig his fingertips harshly into the cheeks of your face before leaning in so close to your face you feel his minty breath fanning over your nose; “you know you’re so fuckin’ pretty when you cry you know that right?” he laughs sickly lightly slapping your face giggling like some type of maniac when you flinch and cry more

“my pretty little girl takin’ it so good and you’re not even fighting back” your boyfriends tone was filled with fake sympathy as he sped up his already harsh thrusts on your poor pussy

you could barely speak, the alcohol and sex making you feel so far gone but still you were able to keep track of what’s going on and where your surroundings were

“bet chaewon can’t make you feel this good huh baby? she can’t make your cunnie feel this good like i do can’t she?” your boyfriend begins to rub your sweet pussy as he can feel you close up on him signaling you were close to cumming

you felt your blood run cold at the mention of your now dead friend; “w-what?” you reply shakily “you heard me baby can chaewon make you feel this good like daddy does? i bet she can’t she doesn’t even know how to make you cum like i do” your boyfriends tone grows more sicker and sicker as you begin to panic at the idea of him having to do with your friends death.

but you didn’t wanna question him about that right now, you just knew that you were on the verge of cumming and after a nod in approval from your boyfriend you finally did

that following night you lay weakly in your boyfriends big strong arms, watching him through doe wide eyes as he lazily takes a puff out of blunt building up the courage to ask what the hell was that question he asked you while fucking your brains out

but you gulped back your question; scared of his answer and scared of his harsh reaction if you questioned him

your suspicions grew worse and worse the more your friends were randomly disappearing although your boyfriend hasn’t bought anyone of them up since that night you were still scared

eventually though due to your boyfriend distracting you; you have forgotten all about your friends deaths. only thinking about one thing and one thing only your boyfriend

you thought about what to wear to make him compliment you, what to say and how to act to make him wanna take care of you since all you ever wanted was to be taken care of by him

“you don’t need your friends baby you have me and that’s enough for you right?” your boyfriend would grip on your chin as you’d tell him you missed your old friends but with wide glimmering eyes you’d nod at his words eager to please him making grin like the cheshire cat

you tried to remember how life was before you become so dependent on your boyfriend; and maybe tried looking for the warnings signs and clues that maybe just maybe he had something to do with murders going around town but you wanted to make sure first

you huff looking back down on memory lane; sure your boyfriend was a red flag but he was no killer sure he put you on drugs and alcohol but that’s what normal bestfriends do right? and even so he’d make it up to you by gifting you his favorite pierce the veil cds so it’s all good right? plus he said he would never harm you!

you decided to finally give it a rest; being so brainwashed where you couldn’t even tell what your boyfriends warning signs were so you gave up maybe you’ll never know why you felt so distant from everybody

that was until you were awaken with the feeling of blood drip down to your stomach; opening your eyes gently to let out the biggest scream as you awaken in a bed in a unfamiliar basement with your friend chaewon’s already decaying dead body tied upside down from the ceiling

your boyfriend smiling in delight when you cried out for his help; even though the signs were there your boyfriend really was the mass murdered running around town even obvious signs like a pair of butterfly knives you’ve gifted him for christmas which again you didn’t think was that serious was splattered with fresh blood that didn’t belong to you just below your feet <3

a/n <3: i hope i brought ur vision to life anon i tried :(

#angelina’s garden ♡! #coquette #emo boyfriend #emo x coquette #txt x reader #txt #txt x y/n #txt headcanons #txt reactions #txt smut

[strangestofthings12]

This is going to be a very rambling and venty post cause im tired and annoyed and honestly am just using this to vent my anger/hurt. there is going to be stuff that can maybe be seen as anti tommy/bucktommy (please dont tell me a ship name to put i dont care about if they do have an agreed upon ship name right now) so if you dont want that please just move on. i dont want to fight i just want to yell into the void on a stupid throw away account so i dont bring my negativity stew and come out on my main blog where i just want to enjoy my stuff and just keep happy energy. I dont normally post and try and just find someone who explains it better because im not great and getting what im saying across or understood the way i want, so please bear with me. With that said i will move on to what i want to say

Okay so i have been watching 9-1-1 for years and i love and adore it. Its characters and dynamics and i have always loved found family. Now i will admit that i started watching it thinking that Buck and Eddie were a couple and had a son so i was kinda watching for it. Do i think if i didn't start watching thinking that i would ship them still yes 100%. I have always loved their relationship and i have loved watching both Buck and Eddie grow and start to be happy while also having each others back even at the worst times. Sometimes if i think to hard about Eddie and start crying cause I'm very normal about this show and it characters. Now Eddie is my favorite character in the show and at least in my top five overall favorite characters. I love him and his development and i adore seeing how much he does to just do right by Chris even when he messes up you can tell how much he adores that boy and how badly he wants to give Chris the best life possible. I could write essays about Eddie Diaz trying to explain how much i love him and why and i think words would run out before i could finish making people understand. Buddie is my favorite ship (sometimes second depending on my mood. i would say sorry but Henren and Madney will always be amazing ships and sometimes i just cant stop think about them)(Sorry Bathena i love you too i swear i just cant decide if i wanna kiss athena or be adopted by bobby and athena:( Its confusing) and has been for quite awhile and is one of my overall favorites and its one of my comfort ships.

With that context when bi Buck happened i was so insanely happy and i wouldnt shut up about it. it made me sick. i was so happy for Buck and while i think a part of me will always be a little sad Eddie wasnt his first kiss with a guy i dont think either of them are ready for that. i also understand that it wouldnt make sense for how the story is going right now. Now i have nothing against bucktommy in the show. I have watched the kiss scene and sobbed to much to pretend like i hate them or even dislike them. However I genuinely dont care about Tommy. Hes kinda bland and i forget about him half the time and before they brought him back i completely forgot his name. in my mind he was the one that wasnt as much of an asshole to chim and hen as the other two assholes which wasnt saying a lot. Now I dont dislike tommy nor am i going to act like hes irredeemable because neither Chim nor Hen seem to think hes still that guy and while they dont seem super close they seem to get along so clearly, he's not like that anymore. I have nothing that makes me dislike him nor do I like him. He's just there. He's just the guy buck kissed. Thats all he means to me. I would give up his screen time for Ravi or May or Karen in a heartbeat. because i love them cause they mean something to me. I don't think i thought about the fact that people might actually like him especially not more than EDDIE.

This is where the context matters cause i am to my core a one ship per person girly. I might see a ship and people who like it and even think thats not a terrible ship but i will still only look at content for my ship for that person (ie. i ship Destiel (dont say anything bad about them ill cry<3) but i can see the way someone would also ship Dean and Benny or crowley or Cas and Crowley or Mick but i will ignore the ship and move on and look at more Dean and Cas). normally i will just ignore the ship and move on because im not who its for. If it gets annoying in my tag or anything like that ill block it or whoever is annoying me cause its not a them problem that i dont want to see it. When i start to have a problem is when multiple people arent tagging right for whatever reason or people who are being rude about the ship i like because of their ship. When I started seeing Bucktommy stuff more and more in the 9-1-1 tag i went to the buddie tag cause i dont want to see them. my problem is that when im reading on AO3 and click on a fic tagged Buddie where bucktommy get married. it was literally just hurting Eddie. There was stuff before like id be scrolling though the buddie tag here and see someone saying that Tommy is a better character then Eddie and saying that they hope bucktommy is endgame. Whatever block and move on. Just like always but then people who have shipped buddie for years who ive seen talk about them are suddenly saying that they like bucktommy better. People who started watching because of bucktommy saying they dont like Eddie. People are going to have different opinions but it still bugged me. and then i read that and i was just hurt because it was tagged happy ending and i cannot fathom ever thinking Eddie hurting and pining is a happy ending. So i started to get more annoyed and i hate when that happens especially with a show i love and a character i dont dislike so i tried to just move on but more and more people are taking about it then i saw someone saying that they wanted eddie to die so buck and tommy can have Chris.

I just hate that so many people are jumping on the bucktommy train and saying that they like it better than buddie something that is so good and sweet or saying that they like Tommy more than Eddie. I just dont get it cause Tommy is boring. like yeah we now some about him and he flies a helicopter but hes forgettable he could be a completely different person and next to nothing would have to change. We have seen Eddie at his worst and claw his way back up and hes finally letting himself be open and honest and soft. Eddie couldnt be replaced. Now im not saying Tommy can't be an interesting character but as he is right now?? He just isnt. Hes just as bland as every women (minus Taylor and Shannon) Buck and Eddie have dated and been hated on for no reason!!! Like i get that Tommy is a guy and we got canon Bi Buck and people are happy but those same people turn around and shit on Marisol from what ive seen(I could be wrong cause again i have done my best to avoid). Buddie fans arent safe from that either, cause we all know that Buddie fans do that but so many of those people who hated on them and said they didnt want them with anyone else suddenly decided that they were okay if Buck ended up with any guy. I dont know its just weird and i hate how many people are acting like Eddie isnt always going to be better then Tommy. Part of me wanted Tommy to stick around and help Buck and Eddie figure it all out but now?? i honestly just cant wait for him to be gone cause I want to have fun and read fics for my comfort ship and just chill where i can see all of my ships in the show without buck and tommy being everywhere or people saying crap about Eddie.

I have more to say but most of its about how gratifying waiting and seeing where this whole thing goes(Buddie season 8 PLEASE!!) and this is already why to long and i think im just going in circles and none of this makes sense so ima shut up for now and hopefully this will help it not fester and drive me insane and become a tommy hater

Edit: but i also hate that Tommy calls Buck Evan so he already had some stuff against him rip

#911 #buddie #anti bucktommy #i guess?? #i dont know #i dont know what to tag this and just hope i dont upset anyone #anti tommy kinard #again i guess #but not really?? #let me know if i need to add any tags:)

[deaths]

oh i dont talk to my dad anymore because im still mad at him so okay uh. my grandfather died, i love my grandpa a lot, he kinda made me who i am with my interests because he got me my first computer and introduced me to anime. my dad got his beautiful house my grandpa had from the will, i was suppose to get it when i turned 18, and completely trashed it because my dad is a fucking asshole and they had to destroy it. fuck that guy.

#like to ME that was my childhood home. you couldnt take care of it. you have to ruin everything #SORRY. VENTING. im just getting my thoughts out there #familial death tw

[yourfavepookiebear]

I really need a new friend tbh

It's not that I don't like my friends rn, but they just never answer me

The irl ones too. Like I text them but they never answer. I text my bff (I honestly don't don't know if I can call her that anymore) and she never answers, not a day later not a week later not a month later not a year later. Never. She wasn't like this before, and she's not that busy at all, so obviously it means she must be doing it on purpose for whatever reason she has.

You never asked nor did anyone else, but the reason I text so much is because I need to distract myself from the present.

But when no one, absolutely none out of all the 9-10 or so close friends I have answer, it leaves me pondering. My thoughts inevitably wonder, and I find myself drowning in them. I don't like that. I don't like thinking. I don't like pondering. I don't like being silent. But I have no choice.

I finish my work, my studies, my homework, my chores, and everything else, but realizing I have no one at all leaves me wondering, pondering and wandering endlessly, infinitely.

And, just as expected, the conclusion my mind comes to is that 'no one likes me' hence 'the reason why they never answer is because they do not appreciate you, nothing about you is good or particularly pleasing, which means you are not worth their time.' And eventually leads to me distancing myself and ghosting them just 'like they did to me'.

Therefore, I stay silent. As much as I hate to, I keep silent and my gaze stays downcast. I don't listen to anyone or anything, I don't answer any question or message, I don't talk, I don't smile, I don't laugh, I don't joke around, I don't draw, I don't write. Nothing. At that state of mine I am only vast nothingness, completely empty and devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

If you knew me, you'd also know that when I am 'sad' (silent), everyone else around me is sad as well.

I do not need to focus to notice how my ears are ringing and no one needs to put me under a microscope to know that silence is my way of weeping.

#yourfavepookiebear #pookiebear rants #pookie talks #vent #pookie's issues #why did i kinda turn it into poetry #whatever #sorry pookies #when i get sad i write like a melodramatic book-writer #pookie bear #pookie's weeping #poetry ig #poetry #? #tw vent #vent/rant #depression #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #im so tired #i just came back from outside #and i cant fucking do this anymore #sorry not sorry #i wanna scream my lungs out and weep so intensely my eyes will sting and my ears will ring

[ryderdire]

One of These days I will claw my way out of my depression hole, but let me rest on the way up please.

#ryders rambles #idk sometimes it feels like if im not constantly making efforts to get better or whatever im failing or even my progress is coming undone #it’s exhausting. #and honestly when it feels like that it feels eaiser to just stay in the hole cuz I’ve been here so long #sorry for venting on main #I’m aware that’s a flawed mindset but getting out of those is hard as well #but feel free to reblog #idk thought you guys might relate #so I put it here #vent post #mental health #depression #personal #unrelated to anything #just tend to think about my mental state and stuff while on my nightly tumblr rounds and idk I felt like I needed to say this

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[lewishamil10n]

my brain is so full of fuck tonight

#sth sth feeling unfulfilled. i know its only middle of the night thoughts but ive been so low lately. im not where i wanted to be #and i regret my career choices n i regret not standing up for myself but also i dont blame myself bc younger me was v much a people pleaser #and i just didn't wanna upset n disappoint my parents in any way . they're so proud of me when they tell ppl what i do and on the inside #im just cringing bc there's no joy in it anymore n im not even 30 n wont be for a few yrs yet im not SUPPOSED to feel this way #my job situation isnt good n all i can do is hope n pray im able to go abroad because if i cant im literally afraid i will give up #n also i regret not standing up for myself to my mum n stopping sertraline . i wonder who i would be today if i had continued meds #n now there's a v good chance im gonna need more medications for what seems like undiagnosed n severe adhd #n i am just. so fucking burnt out n no one around me gets it !!! 'why arent u happy' im just not! im not! and idk what to do about it !!! #ugh sorry im just venting #tbd #remy.txt

[ihearnocomplaints]

More personal things, mainly just asking for help i guess

Hey does anyone know how to like. Buy a car. Or do adult things. Like provide for yourself and move out of the house?

18 years old and I have less than $300 saved. I feel like its ridiculous to expect so much from someone who still feels like a kid.

Im genuinely terrified of moving out or having to actually provide for myself, as spoiled or sheltered as that may sound. I am entirely unsure if I can survive.

I need to move out soon because living with my parents is more emotionally exhausting than I initially realised.

If y’all wanna send me some money, I have a ko-fi (but i’m still not sure how it works. If y’all wanna DM about this stuff, that would help so much.)

If you wanna commission me to draw something for you, I can. I can’t assure you that it’ll be that great and all I can draw is the DCA. But I can try? I’d say a $10 minimum for that. Check out the tag #complaintsconcepts for examples of my art, digital and traditional. (i am willing to mail traditional art if you live in the US)

I know i probably don’t have a big enough audience to get much support, but anything helps. I’d do just about anything to be able to get out of my house. Before i can do that I’d have to get my own car, though.

#Just the thought of having to take care of myself is extremely overwhelming for me. #I want to lash out in anger and violence #rant #i don’t know how to do anything and it’s not even my fault really #sure you can say that I should do research and Just Be Better #but I was supposed to be taught how to do this by SOMEONEz #Im trying so hard to survive and I have kittle confidence that i can make it #Im the kind of person to give up when things become too overwhelming. and lifes getting damn near close to that #tw vent #i guess #sorry to do this on my main blog

[coffee-bat]

i haven't been having the best time lately

#sorry vent incoming in tags. you dont have to read you really can skip this #/so the day before yesterday i had a major argument with mom. about something incredibly small but she got super mad at me (basically i #suggested she might have made a mistake while cleaning the oven bc when i turned it on i smelled and felt burning chemicals. like- #-teary eyes and sneezing i wasn't imagining it. and she got super mad and started yelling) #for the whole afternoon it was either silent treatment or yelling abt how what i said is 'unforgivable' #and ofc rejecting apologies and attempts to calm the situation down bc 'this isn't something you can just fix with an apology' #i literally just asked if she's sure everything went right with the oven cleaning. bc it was done in a rush. #so anyway at 10pm i HAD to get the situation to a manageable level bc i was starving and she was in the living room (we have an open kitchen #) so if i wanted to get sth to eat i'd have to confront her. so screaming match ensued again with me apologizing and explaining my point - #and her yelling over me. it went on for 40 minutes. finally after me apologizing like 70 times she calmed down but said that 'what i did is- #-unacceaptable and she does not give permission for it to happen again'. i went to sleep without getting anything to eat of course. #and this fucked me up. bc i really thought we were doing better. i really thought our relationship would only get better now esp after we - #-bonded on vacation. but turns out not. and shes still lowkey mad. #THEN yesterday im studying for a zoology exam and mention it on the phone with her #she goes 'who do you have zoology for'. i respond with the name of the teacher. confused. #'professor (x) died on friday.' #?????????? #'it's not published anywhere yet so yeah YOU have to tell your class' #i had a panic attack legit. i threw up from stress. i couldnt do it. first off bc of shock and secondly bc how am i supposed tojust jump #into group chat like 'oh hey btw professor died' #thankfully the info was posted officially by uni at 10pm. so i didnt have to do it. but mom kept pressing me to the whole day #i was nauseaous all of yesterday bc of it. i couldnt manage to study anymore after the shock. sure he was older but he was so energetic and #seemed healthy. i wouldnt have expected it it was just. a huge shock. im still not over it #like you cant know someone for half a year then not be shaken when they suddenly die yknow. and mom is lowkey making fun of me like #'what were you emotionally attached??? he wasnt anyone close' #no he wasnt but im still shaken. and being mocked is only making it worse. as is having to keep studying for his subject for the next few- #-days. #sorry ok vent over theres just. a lot happening for me and im struggling i needed to let it out ig. theres just too much at once #vent #death mention

[oasisofgalaxies]

.

#im so pissed at myself I should have tried harder I should have used the last few hours here to study and not crochet #I should have put some effort in but god I just cant can I #I can’t do it #I know bad grades doesn’t equal a bad person the mere thought of it is ridiculously stupid #but I can’t get it out of my head #I should have tried harder and studied more #I should have gotten help but I just let it happen #let it get too much and now I’m sitting here with a failure on my transcript and all I can do is shrug #the amount of work I’m going to have to do to make up for this #the amount of pain I’ve caused future me #all because I couldn’t get my fucking act together #god #sorry for being such a downer lately #I just #I’m so sick and tired of my own bullshit but I know I won’t change #because I can’t even be bothered to try #fucking useless #nebula rambles #vent

[silentchamp]

.

#>ooc. #// vent-ish #[[just found out my paper is probably going to get a 0 because i didnt use the sources i was supposed to. its a 1.5k long paper. i have a 3 #day work weekend and its due on the 12th. i dont have time to fix everything #so ij ust sucked it up and submitted it. part ofm e says 'you should drop out' but its too late #i was going to write but i read the requirements and it just. sucked the life out of me #so im going to go to bed #take a melatonin maybe. id like to vent about this to my friendgroup but they arent college students and arent receptive when i complain #about school so i thought it was just best to put this here instead. i dont want to do this anymore im tired #who am i kidding they arent receptive when i complain or vent period #do i need new friends #i dont know #delete later #im sorry. i just needed to put this somwehere

[cowboypossume]

i hate my brain i hate my need for things to be Perfect i hate how ive been feeling i hate it i hate

#like i feel so genuiley disrepeected with my friend rn and just gfd4347586yfr6tfcvgyughvb #one specifically #and it ties into the allo/aro experience of the world of 'friendship is lesser than romance' #okay but WHY #and no one EVER gives me a good explanation #and the one person i thought who might be able to basically said 'sorry its just how i feel' #and i have a thing tmrw with him and hard and fast i was like “starts at 10” TWO DAYS AGO #today he was like “i'll show up at some point” / can you ballpark it / “no :3” #vent tw #but he said give him an hour or two #7 hours later 'hey any update on when you'll be there“ / ”oh RIGHT! well sense i dont have to be there early im not going to“ #bark growl grr bark #i just #he keeps doing things like to me all. the time. #and im so tired of it #i know im not her gf and i know we have radically different opinions #but i stil feel so heartbroken and disrespected because if something isnt exactly how he wants it then he freaks out #and i get she has trauma but at what point does that become like a cushion for not great feelings and interactions #thoughts

[lannisterdaddyissues]

today is not a good day

#i am so done with this semester you have no idea #i dont even know why i am still in college i feel like i should just drop out #no matter how hard i study for an exam i cant get so much as a fucking C on any of them #i worked my ass off for this exam and i thought for sure i could get a high B but i didnt even come close #i dont understand i did well enough on my last two exams but i fucked this one up so bad and it doesnt make any sense #theres just no use in me even trying anymore ill never get better than a D on any of my exams #its like these classes are setting me up to fail #im so lost i dont know what is going wrong in my head but it just isnt working #and i hate this #sorry to vent on main but i am so done i am so tired of being stupid i want to go back to when i wasnt failing everything #im so genuinely lost because i thought i knew this material so well so what the fuck happened #to delete later

[cinnamon-notes]

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

#feeling so bad about it but like i cant bring myself to interact with people right now but i am also constantly sad because i dont interact #with anyone out of work :/ but working makes me socially exhausted & tbh all i wanna do is be depressed with my books & my movies &my tunes #but i also crave affection like i realize i have zero social life and i sometimes schedule some hangout with my friends but it's almost #become like idk a task? something i look at through work eyes. like- i arrange our hangouts the way i arrange work meetings. it's so sad. #i know it is. but still- i cant help it. through all my life ive been missing having a lifelong friend who knows me like the back of their #hands and i know like the back of mine. never had it. cant cry over that. it's passed. i cant invent lifelong friendships that never existed #and i gotta make peace with that. plus- what am i complaining about if im just incapable of keeping any friend for longer than a month??? #after the first month- maybe the first couple of months- it all gets boring and dont get me wrong i really love my friends but somehow they #lose interest in me and i lose interest in them and we become just people who know each other and occasionally hang out but like- i've never #had a friend who's there for me when things happen in my life. i've always had friends to tell things to afterwards. like- i know i cant #really pick up the phone and say “hey. im having a bad time. can we take a walk? talk on the phone? can you tell me about your day? can you #just be here for me?“ and i cant even idk just randomly pop up with a ”oh my god i hate him i hate him i hate him it's a whole montague vs #capulet but if romeo and juliet never existed kind of hatred!!“ i just cant vent right away. ive always thought that that's my problem. #and maybe it is. but still- how's come they can vent to me? im always there right away. i do love my people and i show up for them. #sometimes my depression makes it soooo difficult to hang out constantly but if there's one thing that cannot be said about mw is that i dont #care. cuz i do. and maybe that's the problem #and maybe it's just easier for me to care than let others care? idk? but then again- i did try to open up. i did try to let them care. i did #try everything by the book & off the book but still- idk it's always just an “im sorry” never an “i care so much to say more than im sorry” #and yeah it's my problem cuz i am not a constant person im not that steady in what i do. i still dont know if it's because i havent found #yet the people worth doing it or if i am just traumatized (my ex is knocking on this door lol) but- idk it makes me extremely sad!!! #and ive rambled on way too much but i jusg needed to let some things out of my mind cuz i cant understand whats wrong with me and why i #crave true friendships although im hella scared of and bored of and unwilling to nurturing one :) #cinnamon diary

[dandyshucks]

need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭

I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO

#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl #i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads #but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice'' #practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl #it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits #and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot #but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road #i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH. #he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit #and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ???? #also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl #and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper #its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ??? #ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town #and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times #MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL #im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord #IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING #i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think #so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly #during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone #but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us #so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl #AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM #driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl #after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad #but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl #dandy.cmd #vent //

[perenlop]

for a romhack thats supposedly about darkrai, eots is reallyyyyyyyy obsessed with chatot. it also reallyyyyyyyy hates chatot.

#we gave the game an unreliable protagonist and narrator who is meant to be kinda terrible bc this is an ‘’off’’ take on the game #meant to feel uncanny and its supposed to be uncomfortable and creepy when the guild members reject you for your behavior #but god chatot is apparently sooooooo nasty and evil and lazy and corrupt we gotta introduce a whole new guy #just to back up the hero that yep!!! hes evil incarnate and nasty!! #the hero is unreliable except for when we wanna vent abt the characters we dont like #its not even that i like chatot and want to defend him it just feels so exhausting and weird #like i thought this was about darkrai why are you spending all these scenes talking about how chatot is horrible and mean #im sorry im not over brelooms backstory. its supposed to be unfair and gross and ik he didnt exactly deserve to get evicted or anything #but seriously???? it comes across like a teen throwing a fit that his mom asked him to do the dishes for one night #and then got upset when the dishes werent done the next morning and asked their mom why she didnt just suck it up and do them #i feel like a factor here is that people forget that the apprentices arent kids. even hero and partner while implied to be young can be seen #as young adults but everyone else comes across like an adult to me. so its not like theyre exploiting babies #echoed voice #it sucks bc other than this i like this romhack quite a bit! i think the stuff with hero is really interesting #i like the second timeline i like the uncomfortable changes i like how you actually make partner worse as an inversion to the vanilla game #but when the chatot stuff happens it takes me out of it. free my man he did some bullshit but not all that