#No even to mention he was being extremely fucking weird about systems in one of the servers even while I was explaining it to him?????

[banesberry-anomoly]

Im cooking 🔥🔥

Dealer has EIGHT floating ARMS and a total of ten legs specifically to spite this one guy that was bitching about the fact that Dealer 'cAnOnIcAlLy HaS nO aRmS' and was telling someone to erase the arms on their Dealer design when they posted art and was fighting people about it in two of the servers were in 💀

Like stfu bro its called artistic license and creative freedom lmfao

#Banesberry art #altoclef.exe #This is one of the most complicated things ive done in a while lol #I stg that guy was soooo fucking annoying #No one fuckin likes him lmao #Like stop telling artists what to do- we will threaten to draw you doing weird shit and follow through on it #No even to mention he was being extremely fucking weird about systems in one of the servers even while I was explaining it to him????? #Like bro fuck off ur a singlet sysmed lmfaooo (no idea how I stayed patient with him when I was trying to explain systems to him 😭) #When he started bitchin about the arms thing again I was ready to throw DOWNNN #Buckshot roulette #the dealer #buckshot roulette art #buckshot roulette dealer #arachnophobia #< only mildly cause hes like a drider but just in case #Torren Arache

[rosylix]

chaotic, my heart is off time

a certain dare leads jisung to discover he may not be as straight as he thinks he is or: felix is really pretty and jisung is confused

pairing: jilix (jisung × felix)

content: college au, fluff, smut, a little angst, they are both awkward cuties tbh, alcohol, passing mention of drugged drink. slight inexperience, extremely platonic handjobs between bros, switch!felix kinda?, sub!jisung semi-awakening, jisung has a lot of feelings that scare him, depictions of anxiety/minor panic attack, sexuality crisis, includes texting screenshots (mainly at the end)

[also read on ao3]

—

It's all Hyunjin's fault, really. 

Jisung has nothing else to blame except his innate stupidity and the one too many drinks he had downed that are making him act even more stupid, if that's even possible. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. This whole thing is just so stupid. 

That's the only thought in his head as he wanders the house of whichever classmate is hosting this party (probably one of Chan's friends, he knows everyone), searching for someone who would be down to let him give them a handjob without it being awkward or weird.

He should've known truth or dare was a terrible idea.

“Hm… I dare you to give someone a handjob,” Hyunjin had said with a smirk. “It can be anyone at the party.”

Jisung blinked. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“But how will you even know, like…”

“I'll know,” he said simply, and gave him an unsettling look like he knew something Jisung didn't.

And that was it. Jisung was pushed out of the room, practically sent to the wolves to complete the dare before midnight. He felt like a fucked up rendition of Cinderella or something.

A handjob? Really, Hyunjin? Jisung doesn't even swing that way and yet he can't find it in himself to back down from the dare. He knows it's a problem, his inability to admit defeat when faced with a challenge. Not to say that the alcohol buzzing through his system isn't playing a part as well. It definitely is.

Jisung lightly slaps himself and mentally tells himself to get a grip, dude. It's just a handjob between bros. A totally chill and normal endeavor! He doesn't know why he's making such a big deal out of it (he's definitely done weirder things before) but something about the idea is making a weird nervous feeling creep through his system.

It's fine. It's literally not a big deal. I'm sure the guys wouldn't even mind getting jerked off, he tells himself as he continues looking around (definitely not stalling) from the corner he's found himself nestled in. Ultimately, he decides that in order to have the least awkward situation possible he should try to find someone he's friends with rather than a random stranger. He goes through his list of friends he's comfortable with.

Chan? No. God, no. Jisung cringes immediately after thinking it. Chan's like a friend, brother, and parental figure all in one to Jisung. Even if he might agree to help, Jisung does not even want to entertain the thought any longer. He shudders.

Changbin? Uh… maybe? He was there at the truth or dare game so he already knows the situation. But he was also giving Hyunjin googly eyes the entire time so maybe not. Blegh.

Minho? Jisung thinks this is probably his best bet. Worst case, his hyung will laugh at his situation and turn him down kindly. But he trusts Minho to not let it become awkward between them either way.

Still, he should probably think through his other options. Obviously not Hyunjin… Jeongin? Even though he knows he's not, Jisung still sees him as a pure, innocent kid, he can't help it. Something about it just inherently feels wrong, he's like his little brother. Absolutely not.

So then, Seungmin? Honestly Jisung isn't totally averse to the idea… but Seungmin is his roommate and he would never be able to escape if things become awkward. So, no.

He doesn't know how long he's been standing there, probably looking pretty creepy he suddenly realizes, when a hand snaps in front of his face.

He blinks. When he looks up he sees a mildly annoyed Seungmin staring at him. Speak of the fucking devil.

"That was my drink, you know."

Oh. Jisung looks down at the drink he's holding—huh, when did he grab that?—and looks back up at Seungmin with an apologetic expression.

"I was wondering where this came from, sorry Min."

Seungmin waves it off. "That's so like you to just pick up any drink. You're lucky it was mine and not, like, some random person's." He pauses. "Or drugged."

Jisung laughs nervously. "Yeah uh, you're right, I'll be more careful." He straightens up. "Thank you for sacrificing your drink for the greater good," he says solemnly with a bow.

Seungmin rolls his eyes. "Yeah sure, anytime." He pauses. "Are.. you alright though? You've been standing here spaced out for a while but you usually love to go around annoying everyone. I would know, unfortunately." Another small roll of his eyes, then tilting his head to the side, he offers a light smile. "If you want we can go home and just watch Netflix or something?"

Of course Seungmin can tell something's up. Jisung isn't always the most comfortable in larger social gatherings with people outside his immediate friend circle. He much prefers to stay in his room and binge watch YouTube videos until he passes out, something his roommate is well aware of. Jisung appreciates the concern even if that isn't the current cause of his worries.

Still, he doesn't really want to bother Seungmin with his current predicament. "Aww, is my little Minnie worried about me~? I knew you cared about meee!" Jisung drawls, draping himself slightly over the taller boy in a messy embrace. 

"Shut up, oh my god you're so annoying." Seungmin pushes him away but Jisung doesn't miss the slight pull at the corners of his mouth. "Anyway, I was serious. I was gonna go bother Old Man Chan but if you wanna leave that's cool too. You seemed really out of it earlier. Just staring at this thing like it would give you life's secrets." He grabs the can from Jisung's hand and grimaces after taking a sip, muttering something about alcohol ruining the perfectly good taste of lemonade before handing it back to Jisung.

While the offer to just bail on the party and his dare is tempting, Jisung doesn't want to give up like that. His pride and dignity are on the line here. "Oh uh, I mean, it's nothing really. Just another one of Hyunjin's weird dares, I can handle it. But thanks Seungie."

He tries to give a reassuring smile but it must have come off a bit nervous anyway because Seungmin gives him a cut-the-crap look. "Okaay, but still, you never get this worked up over his dares. What did he say to do this time? I'm sure it can't be worse than that time you licked—"

Jisung's eyes widen and he immediately slaps a hand over the taller boy's mouth. "Oh my god Seungmin, we don't talk about that. That was quite possibly the worst thing I've ever done." He groans at the memory.

Seungmin laughs and pushes his hand away. "Yeah that was pretty bad. So? It can't be as bad as that right?"

Jisung bites his lip, damn it, he was hoping Seungmin would drop it. He doesn't even know why he's getting so in his head about the dare, he's sure Minho or one of the others will be fine with it once he explains the situation. What's a brojob between bros, right? Right?

Shit, Seungmin is still waiting for an answer. Should he just tell him? He's comfortable enough with him that it wouldn't be that weird. But.. he just can't bring himself to. "Hmm… I don't know. I mean it's a little weird but at least I won't have to do this one in front of other people. No public embarrassment this time if that's what you were hoping for," he says around a grin that thankfully comes naturally.

Seungmin frowns and opens his mouth to say something when he's waved over by a smiling Jeongin. He smiles back, then turns back to Jisung, who doesn't fail to notice the light dusting of pink on his cheeks. Oh? He's definitely gonna tease Seungmin for that later. "Alright, well if you're sure you're okay I'll leave you to it but you're telling me all about this later. And if it's really that bad then don't do it, okay? Hyunjin wouldn't force you to do anything if you really don't want to." 

“I know… thanks,” Jising smiles genuinely. “Uh—completely unrelated—have you seen Minho hyung anywhere?”

Seungmin raises an eyebrow but shakes his head. “I heard from Chan that he left already. Something about his cats he said. Why?”

Jisung's heart sinks. There goes his only real hope. “No reason…” he shakes his head and puts on a smile again. “Um, I think your boyfriend's waiting.” He points to Jeongin with a small smirk.

Seungmin's ears turn scarlet as he sees who Jisung is pointing to. His head snaps back wildly. “My what— we're not—”

Jisung puts his hands up in surrender. “Okay, my bad, my bad… I didn't say anything.”

Seungmin narrows his eyes. “No, you didn't. Bye!” And he runs off in Jeongin's direction, leaving Jisung alone with his—well really Seungmin's—drink.

Jisung leans back into his corner, thoughts going rampant. Minho, his only saving grace, already left. What does he do now!? Obviously he knows Hyunjin would never force him into doing the dare if he's really uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean Jisung wouldn't be embarrassed for not being able to! And it's not that he doesn't want to, he's just… worried. Worried that it'll be too weird and awkward and Jisung really doesn't want to mess up any of his friendships. Not to mention his… limited experience. Sure, he has some experience with girls but with a guy? Obviously not. What if he's like, really, really bad??

Whatever! If Jisung is anything, he's not a coward. In a sudden rush of adrenaline, he tips his head back, downs the rest of Seungmin's drink, and seeing as all his friends are out of the question, he decides to walk over to the first male specimen he lays his eyes on. What could go wrong?

Oh. Of course everything could go wrong. He realizes his grave mistake when he notices the unmistakable head of blond hair in his vision. Felix. Pretty boy and literal innocent ball of sunshine.

Felix had recently transferred from Australia, and while he was super friendly whenever they talked, they weren't incredibly close. Not that Jisung doesn't want to be, it just takes him a while to warm up to new people. And they only share one class together. Still, they do talk a lot in that class, and he probably hasn't gotten comfortable with someone that fast since Minho hyung, Jisung realizes with some surprise.

But that wasn't the issue. From what he could tell (from a few truth or dare rounds from previous parties), Felix became really shy whenever the topic was even slightly sexual. He definitely wouldn't want to go along with Jisung's dare, and would probably be uncomfortable even talking about it. The last thing Jisung wants is to make anyone uncomfortable, least of all Felix.

He moves to turn around but it seems the blond has already noticed him approaching by the way he breaks out into a smile and waves. Jisung silently curses his dumb impulsiveness as he continues making his way to the other boy. It's fine. He can just act normal, talk with Felix for a bit and then go find someone else.

But when he arrives and sees Felix up close, Jisung's mind goes blank. With truly striking timing, the single brain cell he'd been clinging to all night decides to abandon him and he just stares for a few seconds.

Finally, his brain decides to award him a single staggering thought: Oh, he looks really pretty. 

Felix looks back at him, bright smile still reaching his eyes, which are shimmery and lightly lined with eyeliner. And oh, Jisung is just standing here like an idiot, which he is, but god, he's really been acting more idiotic than usual.

"Uh, hey Felix!" he says and cracks a hesitant smile.

"Yo, my twin! What's up?"

Jisung laughs and immediately relaxes a little. They had found out that their birthdays are only one day apart during a lame icebreaker in class. "Just… wanted to say hi. How're you liking the party? It's only, what, your second or third one here? Chan's parties are always the best."

"It's cool! And yeah, Chris—I mean, Chan hyung's like totally awesome. At first I was intimidated by him but when I found out he's a fellow Aussie I almost cried on the spot. I definitely wouldn't have adjusted as well if not for him." Felix looks away and smiles to himself, to Jisung's relief. He was admittedly having a hard time maintaining eye contact with Felix's bright eyes constantly glittering up at him.

“I know what you mean. He's saved my life more than once.” Jisung chuckles. Then he figures he should escape before he inevitably makes a fool of himself. “Uhh, anyway I just wanted to check in and say hi but I guess I'll get going…”

“So soon? I was thinking of checking in with you actually.”

Jisung blinks. “You… sorry?”

“You've just been standing over there for the past twenty minutes or so", Felix points to the corner Jisung was lurking in earlier. "Even I know that's kinda uncharacteristic of you. I was getting worried. And then you just came speeding towards me like a man on a mission."

“You were watching me that whole time!?” Jisung all but shrieks.

“Ah, um…” Felix rubs his neck. “Not the whole time but… yeah.” He shrugs, “Sorry, is that weird? I was just worried about you.”

Jisung feels his heart swell from the kindness of this boy he's not even incredibly close with. He should make an effort to talk to him more often outside of class. “No it's… it's nothing. We were playing truth or dare and Hyunjin gave me a pretty strange dare so I've just been, y'know, thinking about how to get out of it I guess." He laughs and shrugs.

Felix hums. "Is it as bad as when Hyunjin made you lick the—"

Jisung's mouth drops open and he instinctively covers Felix's mouth with his hand. "Oh my god, Felix! How do you even know about that!?"

Felix shrugs. "Your friends seem to love telling embarrassing stories about you." Jisung feels him laugh under his hand, and his face warms when he realizes where that hand still is. He quickly pulls it back and instead uses it to bury his head in, partly to hide the red on his face and partly because he, quite simply, would like the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

The universe wouldn't be so kind as to grant him that though. Jisung would have gladly spent the next thirty minutes reliving embarrassing moments in his life (unfortunately there is no shortage of these) and wanting to die but the sound of Felix giggling tempts him to peek between his fingers.

"Don't worry, they haven't told me much else," Felix says, the teasing smile remaining on his face. "But I do know about when you publicly asked Ryujin out only for her to tell you she's a lesbian—"

"Whoa, hey!" Jisung retorts, his hands now up in the air. "Yeah, that was embarrassing but it wasn't that bad! How was I supposed to know she's not into guys? Well, okay, maybe it's pretty obvious and I'm just a dumbass but still!" Jisung pouts. "Can we not talk about my failed attempts at romance anymore?"

Felix laughs. "Sure, you never told me what crazy dare you got from Hyunjin this time,” he tilts his head curiously.

Damn, Jisung almost forgot about why he's in this situation in the first place: that stupid dare that's making his mind run in circles. “Haha, well, it’s… it's nothing.” He says oh-so eloquently.

Felix pouts. “I'm so curious now. Can’t you tell me, please?”

Jisung's heart stutters a bit at the way the other's lip juts out. Cute. “I-It's just…” he sighs. How is he supposed to say no to that face? “Um.. he dared me to… to give someone here a… a handjob…?” It comes out like a question for some reason.

Felix's eyes widen. “Oh.” He pauses and Jisung feels like he already messed things up. He's just about to change the subject when Felix speaks again. “Were you… gonna ask me..? Is that why you came up to me?” he asks hesitantly.

Jisung waves his hands around frantically. “No! No, I mean—” He cringes. “Kind of..? I kind of wasn't thinking and just went to the first person I saw, but when I recognized you I changed my mind, I swear!” 

For some reason, this only makes Felix look sad. “You didn't want to because it was me..?” he asks quietly.

“I-I mean—it's just, you're—...” 

“I'm what, Jisung..?” Felix looks hurt.

Jisung doesn't know what to do. He thought he was being considerate of Felix by not wanting to do this with him but Felix seems upset?? God, what did he do!? 

“N-No, it's not you, I mean, it's not that I don't like you! I just figured you'd be uncomfortable or something so…” 

“Oh.” Thankfully, Felix seems slightly placated. “W-Well, I'm not, so…”

Jisung blinks. “Um, you're not.. What do you mean…” he laughs nervously.

“I'm not uncomfortable. I'll let you… if you want… I don't, um, mind.”

Jisungs mouth falls open and he gapes at Felix. Surely, he misheard. “A-Are you serious?”

“Mhm…” Felix nods, his face pink.

“Um.” Jisung blinks rapidly as his brain practically short circuits at what Felix is saying. He's okay with it?! Jisung swears he must be losing his mind. This is a dream, right? There's no way he would actually agree to this. His brain suddenly conjures up images of what it would be like to touch Felix in that way. Oh my god. 

Unsure if Felix notices Jisung's brain melting out of his skull, he's snapped back to reality when he hears Felix hesitantly ask, “Do you not want to..?”

“No! I mean, yes? I mean, it's just a little weird, you know? But you'd be doing me a favor I guess, so… yeah. Um, if you're sure you're okay with it?” Jisung swallows.

Felix's lips turn up slightly and he nods, effectively quelling the anxiety that had been bubbling up in Jisung's stomach. And, wow, he must be more tipsy than he thought because suddenly he thinks Felix looks even more beautiful than before.

Jisung's heart stutters inexplicably again. He nods. “Okay, let's um, go somewhere?” He grabs Felix's hand.

—

The two of them find an empty bedroom and Jisung locks the door behind them as they walk in.

Jisung shuffles onto the bed somewhat awkwardly, Felix joining him slowly. They sit like that for a few seconds and Jisung notices Felix fidgeting with his hands slightly.

Jisung decides to break the silence. "Um." Felix lifts his head. "You know you don't have to do this right? Like, really, really don't have to," he laughs nervously.

Felix nods, "Yeah I... I know, thanks." He gives a soft smile. "I guess I'm just a little nervous? I don't know." 

Jisung bites his lip. "Have you ever..?" 

Felix looks back down at his hands. “Um… a few times back in Australia but, like, not that far."

“Oh okay. You always seem so shy about the topic so I thought..”

Felix blushes slightly. “I went to a catholic school, so I'm just.. not used to talking about it so openly I guess,” he shrugs.

"Well, if it makes you feel better, I've never done this before,” Jisung admits. Felix looks up in what looks like shock. "I mean—! I mean, never with a guy. I'm uh, y'know, I'm straight."

Felix blinks for a second. He nods slowly.

"Anyway! It's not a big deal right? Are—are you sure you're still okay with this?"

“Um.. if you are.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not really the one with a choice here..” Jisung laughs. 

Felix frowns. “Of course you have a choice. Why would your friend dare you to do this anyway if you're straight?? That's kinda weird.”

“Is it..? I feel like it's… I mean, it's not really a big deal. Just a brojob between bros. It doesn't have to be weird, right?”

“A bro—...” Felix coughs out a laugh. “R-Right. If you're sure.”

Jisung nods. “Yeah. Are you?”

Felix nods as well.

"Okay, should I just, um," Jisung shifts so he's closer to Felix and reaches for the other's thigh. He's kind of at an odd angle though, so, without thinking much about it, he swings a leg over Felix so he's sitting in the other's lap.

Felix just stares up at him with wide eyes. Shit, did he make things too weird? "Uh.. is this okay?" 

Felix blinks and clears his throat. "Yeah. You can, um, start. I'll tell you if I want you to stop," he says quietly.

"Okay," Jisung whispers, afraid to break whatever strange atmosphere has settled around the two of them.

He tried to sound confident earlier but god, he doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Unable to bear looking into Felix's eyes any longer, Jisung looks down and slowly, hesitantly slides his hand up Felix's leg and presses against the front of his jeans.

Felix lets out a huff of air so Jisung does it again, working over Felix's jeans until he's breathing heavily and Jisung can feel a more prominent bulge under his fingers.

"Um should—can I take these off?"

Felix lets out a shaky breath. "Yeah."

Jisung undoes the button and pulls down the zipper almost painstakingly slowly. He can feel the younger's eyes on him but he refuses to meet them. Once it's fully unzipped, Felix shifts and lifts his hips up so Jisung can pull his pants and boxers down.

And oh my god. Jisung didn't think that he would literally ever think this about another guy's dick but it looks almost... pretty? He just stares for a few moments, unsure of how to proceed when his head feels fuzzy with radio static.

Felix shifts nervously under Jisung's gaze. "Jisung..." It's almost a whine and fuck, since when did Felix sound that pretty? He swears his name has never sounded prettier on someone else's lips.

But shit, right, Felix is right in front of him, Jisung is basically on top of him, and he's waiting for Jisung to touch him.

So he does.

As soon as he wraps his fingers around Felix and starts to move, the younger shudders and sighs quietly. Having literally no other experience, Jisung just tries to do what does on himself. He slides his hand up and down slowly, and when he swipes his thumb over the tip, Felix lets out a little moan that prompts Jisung to look at his face for the first time since they started. And oh.

Felix's eyes have fluttered shut and his eyebrows are slightly furrowed. He's flushed, mouth hanging slightly open as he draws in shallow breaths. Jisung doesn't know what to do besides stare and keep moving his hand as he tries to commit the image in front of him to memory.

Felix bites his lip and grips the sheets when Jisung goes over the head again and holy shit, he's leaking so much. Jisung doesn't really know what he's doing but he supposes he's doing it right by the way Felix is breathing heavily through his nose, lips pressed shut. Jisung wishes he wouldn't try to be quiet.

"Felix." He looks up, and fuck, Jisung didn't think this through because now Felix is looking at him, eyes dark and heavy, and Jisung hears static again.

"Yeah? Ahh—" He moans before pressing his lips and eyes shut again.

Fuck.

"Don't—don't cover your noises."

Felix looks at him with an unreadable expression that makes him think he overstepped for a second, but then he slowly nods and complies, letting out more and more of those pretty little sounds that are making Jisung lose his mind.

On one particular stroke Felix tips his head back and cries, "Fuck, Jisung, please.."

Jisung seriously thinks he might pass out. "You're so pretty."

Felix shivers and whimpers, eyes shut tightly and Jisung literally has no clue what possessed him to say that but after seeing Felix's reaction he sure isn't planning on stopping any time soon.

"So pretty." A little noise from the back of Felix's throat. He feels like he's under a spell, words just falling out of his mouth. "S-So beautiful like this, making the prettiest sounds. Baby..."

Felix gasps into Jisung's chest, cock twitching as he lets out an embarrassed keening noise. One of his hands comes up to grasp Jisung's arm for leverage. 

Until now, the hand not on Felix's cock has been just sitting on the bed, so Jisung tentatively brings it to Felix's waist. And holy fuck his waist is so small but at the same time Jisung could feel well defined abs through his shirt and how is Felix even real?

He hesitantly slips his hand under the hem of Felix's shirt, who gasps at the sudden skin contact.

"Is this okay?"

Felix nods and Jisung feels his breath catch when a small hand covers his own, guiding it further along his torso in a silent plea to keep going.

He continues to explore the expanse of Felix's body in awe as the younger drops his hand to grip at Jisung's thigh instead. He's panting heavily and letting soft moans and whimpers slip past his lips with every drag of Jisung's hands along his cock or abdomen. 

Jisung trails the hand on Felix's chest higher until he slowly, experimentally brushes over his nipple. Felix arches his back into Jisung's hand and his head tips back as he moans so fucking low in his throat it really shouldn't be possible. 

Jisung watches Felix shake under him as he rubs his thumb in circles over the nub before moving to the other one. He starts letting out desperate little whines, the stark contrast from his low moans leaving Jisung's head reeling.

"Fuck, fuck, I can't—m'gonna—" 

Jisung takes it as a sign to redouble his efforts, stroking faster until Felix is gasping, "please please, Jisung, please," and it's all Jisung can do to stare dumbly as he moans and cums in streaks of white that slide down Jisung's hand. He works him through it, pulling his hands away once the younger's breathing has calmed down a bit.

For several seconds, they just sit there, sharing heavy breaths. Unable to meet the other's eyes, Jisung stares at his hand, covered in Felix's release. He almost wants to lick it which—okay, what the fuck. He isn't going to think about where that thought came from right now.

He takes a deep breath and grabs a tissue from the nightstand.

Felix does the same. Jisung finishes wiping his hand and looks up to see that Felix is also cleaned up, and after pulling his pants back up he hides his face in his hands. 

Jisung's heart sinks. He ruined everything didn't he? "Um.. are you okay? I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable—"

Felix's head lifts up, eyes wide. "No! No, I mean, wouldn't it have been more uncomfortable for you? I'm just embarrassed," he says, cheeks red and looking to the side.

"Huh?? Why are you embarrassed?" Jisung says incredulously. If anyone should be embarrassed, it's Jisung for getting so wrapped up in the dare. Saying all those things to Felix, telling him to not be quiet, calling him baby?? He feels like he's on fire from embarrassment, hot and flushed all over.

"What do you mean? You're not the one who was just begging like a little bitch. Fuck, I'm so sorry." He drops his head back into his hands.

Jisung taps his chin thoughtfully. "You have a praise kink," he says observantly.

Felix flushes and gasps. "I do not! " He lunges forward and Jisung's not entirely sure what happened but suddenly he's on his back and Felix is on top of him and it feels good and he moans when the other boy presses into him, what the fuck?

What the fuck.

Felix stares down at him with wide eyes and Jisung's positive he's bright red right now. What the fuck, he's hard? Just from touching Felix? This was absolutely not part of the plan. What the fuck. He closes his eyes and desperately wishes for the soft bed covers to consume him so he would never have to face Felix or anyone ever again.

Alas, he hesitantly opens his eyes and Felix is still hovering on top of him. Why, why, why hasn't he moved yet? Jisung can't even try to run away. There's truly no escape, he'll just have to face this hell that he created for himself.

Right when he opens his mouth to sputter out an apology or something, he isn't really sure, Felix moves against him again and it just feels so good and Jisung fucking moans again.

Felix inhales sharply. "Sorry, oh my god I shouldn't have— Are you—? Fuck— Do you want me to like… Like I wouldn't mind if— Since y'know... But should I stop?" he stutters.

Jisung doesn't know what stupid sex hormones he's drunk on, or maybe he's still feeling tipsy from the lemonade earlier because he's struck with the vague and inexplicable urge to kiss the boy on top of him.

Or maybe that's just the effect Felix has on him.

"Kiss me..?" He mumbles and subsequently watches Felix's eyes widen along with his own. He slaps his hand over his mouth in horror.

"No wait, fuck, I didn't mean to say that, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid—"

Now Felix's hand is the one to cover Jisung's stupid mouth and he squeezes his eyes shut both in embarrassment and a weird surge of arousal at the feeling of having his mouth covered which he is not going to think about right now.

"I.. can do that… if you really want me to?" Felix says while looking back and forth between Jisung's eyes, like he's searching for something.

Jisung's brain short circuits and he barely registers nodding or saying yes but he must have because it's all too fast how Felix is leaning down and their faces are inches apart and all Jisung can think about is how soft and pretty the other boy's lips look and is it normal to be thinking that—?

Felix kisses him sweetly, almost a little too sweetly considering the situation, and Jisung parts his lips instinctively. The kiss deepens quickly and Jisung gasps against the other's mouth when his thigh presses against the front of Jisung's pants.

"Is this okay still?" Felix asks gently. He looks so fucking ethereal above him like this it makes Jisung want to cry.

He nods. "Please don't stop."

Felix inhales shakily and nods before leaning back down, this time his lips attaching to Jisung's neck as his leg presses back against him.

Jisung can't help the noise that escapes him, he feels floaty already with just being touched through his clothes like this. 

“You can.. pretend I'm a girl or something,” Felix whispers as his mouth travels down his neck. Right. Right, that's probably why Jisung is feeling this way. Felix is so pretty, almost like a girl and he must be getting confused, it's only natural, right? But for some reason Jisung really really doesn't want to imagine Felix as a girl. 

“I-Is that what you did with me?” Jisung asks through a gasp as Felix bites his neck.

“Um, well, I'm bi so..” he looks up bashfully.

“Oh. Right, okay.” So Jisung's the only one who's weird here for enjoying this. Cool. He's not left much time to dwell on it because Felix's hand starts snaking down to press over Jisung's clothed dick, which at this point is embarrassingly hard and straining against his pants.

Felix toys with the button and raises his head, meeting Jisung's eyes to ask for permission. Jisung gives a little nod, nervousness and excitement bubbling together as Felix undoes the button and zipper and finally, finally, touches him for real.

Jisung hadn't realized he'd been waiting for so long.

His head falls back when Felix touches him and he's barely even doing anything yet but it feels unreal. He has the fleeting thought that maybe this is exiting platonic brojob territory and becoming something he's entirely unequipped to deal with. Maybe even since the kiss, or when he called Felix pretty, but he doesn't have the mental capacity to think too hard about it right now or even care. All his thoughts fly out the window when Felix's mouth finds his own again.

"Need you to stay quiet for me, I think I hear people outside," Felix murmurs against his lips, his voice impossibly low. Jisung hadn't even noticed he was making sounds.

"Don't want anyone else hearing you like this," Felix continues, muffling Jisung's moans with his mouth as he keeps moving his hand up and down his length slowly. Where the hell did he learn to talk like that?! The increasingly deep timbre of his voice was not doing Jisung's sanity any favors.

Felix must deem the hallway clear now because he removes his mouth from Jisung's, and Jisung is back to moaning abashedly. 

“D-Does it feel good?” Felix asks, as if he's unsure of himself. Jisung squeezes his eyes shut. Is it not obvious from the way he's reacting?

“I just—wanna make sure I'm doing okay.”

“It feels—oh god—really good.”

Felix grins shyly. “Yeah?”

Jisung brings a hand up to cover his mouth and nods. He can feel himself getting close embarrassingly fast. He starts to whine and his hips stutter a bit into Felix's hand. “Please..”

Felix leans down and presses his lips to Jisung's throat again. He bites down, not enough to leave a mark but it feels dizzyingly good nonetheless. Jisung's never had someone overpower him like this before. He feels completely at Felix's mercy. It makes him shiver.

“Jisungie, you're so…” Felix murmurs into his skin, lips trailing along his collarbone.

Jisungie. His heart wobbles at the nickname and he can't help but whine. Felix is driving him insane. “Felix I think I'm—aahh, Felix, Lix..”

He pulls away from Jisung's neck with a smack. “Yeah, Sungie?”

“C-Can you—..” he looks at Felix's lips pleadingly.

Felix immediately presses his lips to his in a passionate kiss. Jisung moans into it and before he can properly warn Felix or anything, he's cumming with a high pitched keen. If he were more aware of himself he'd be embarrassed by the noise but as it is he can't even feel his legs properly. He shakes as Felix brings him down from his high. Then they just stay there, breathing heavily against each other's mouths.

Felix moves first, taking a deep breath before leaning up and away from Jisung. He peers down at him with bated breath. Jisung just lays there, hair fanning out around him. He feels sluggish, entirely spent and he stares back at Felix like a real angel descended from heaven. He seriously wouldn't be surprised if he actually were.

His trance is broken by Felix's voice, “Are you okay?”

Jisung blinks as he registers the words. He nods and slowly sits up. Felix offers him a small smile.

Once they've cleaned up, the euphoric feeling in Jisung's gut starts slowly transforming into a deep rooted anxiety that crawls its way up his spine. Fuck. What did they just do? What the fuck is happening to him? He feels himself shrinking away from the other boy instinctually, but he catches himself and clears his throat, attempting to straighten up.

“Um.. are we bros now?” He tries to joke, but his laugh sounds forced even to him.

Felix's lip quirks up for a second but he looks at him carefully. “Is that what you want? To be bros?”

Jisung opens his mouth to say something like of course bro or yeah what else? But his throat closes up. A sudden, inexplicable feeling of fear creeps into his gut.

“Jisung?”

He feels like he's suffocating, almost choking on air as he tries to get words out. “I— I don't know what... what I want. I'm so confused right now, I…”

“Hey, it's okay—”

“N-No! No, it's not. I'm sorry, I can't—” He shakes his head and leans away from Felix. He can't shake the sinking feeling that something is very, very wrong with him. How could he let this whole thing happen? Why is he feeling like this? He feels like a fraud of himself. He doesn't know what to do, he can't even process his feelings. He just knows he needs to get away from here, now.

He stands up quickly. Felix reaches for him but he's already crossing the room in long strides. As he twists the doorknob, he glances back to see Felix sitting with a hurt and confused expression before he shuts the door behind him.

Fuck. Jisung still can't breathe. He feels like it's only getting worse now that he's out in the open where people could see him. At least the hallway is currently empty, and he stumbles down it, not sure where he's going but just needing to get away. 

He staggers into an empty room. At least, he thought it was empty, but as he crosses the doorway he's met with a pair of familiar eyes on a head of long blond hair.

“Hyunjin,” he says wobbly.

Hyunjin's eyes go wide when he sees the shaky state Jisung is in. “Jisung? What's wrong?”

That's when Jisung breaks down. Tears start streaming down his cheeks in rivulets. “I h-hate you! Why'd you make me do that??”

“Whoa, hey…” Hyunjin reaches for him and pulls Jisung to sit beside him. “I'm so sorry, Sung… Please calm down and tell me what's going on?”

“The dare, you idiot. I did your stupid dare!”

Understanding and a flash of regret click in Hyunjin's eyes. “...Ah.”

“Everything was fine. Now everything is.. I don't even know.” Jisung cries, pressing his hands into his eyes.

Hyunjin rubs his back soothingly. “Okay, shh, let's calm down first… So you did the dare? Can I ask who you did it with?”

Jisung sniffs as he tries to calm his breathing. “It was F-Felix.”

“Fe-lix?” Hyunjin repeats. “The kid from Australia?” Jisung nods. “Oh, Jisung…”

“I-It's your fault! You dared me, and then you were all like ‘I'll know if you don't do it’. What the hell!”

“God, I'm sorry Jisung. I wasn't thinking… I was just being dramatic, I'm not omniscient. How would I know if you did it or not?”

“I don't know, you just…”

Hyunjin sighs. “Okay, let's relax. First, did he hurt you? I'll kick his beautiful, angelic ass if he did anything to you.”

Jisung cracks a smile in spite of himself and shakes his head.

Hyunjin's face softens. “Then what happened..?”

“I… I don't know, he made me so… confused..”

One of Hyunjin's eyebrows lifts. “...He made you confused,” he deadpans.

“Like… like…” Jisung grips his hair. “God! I don't even know! Am I normal? I don't feel normal. I think something's wrong with me. I.. I don't understand what's happening.”

Hyunjin wipes the tears on his cheeks. “Why do you think something’s wrong with you?” he asks gently.

“Th-there's— I— I think I liked it too much,” Jisung whispers.

“You liked what? …touching Felix?”

Jisung cringes. “Y-Yes, which is so weird already, but then he— you don't understand, he also— touched m-me, and I liked it, so much, like— which is so weird— it scares the shit out of me— I a-asked him to kiss me, like, like a psychopath or something, he probably thought I was so creepy b-but he was so nice and so pretty and… I don't know what to do… Hyunjin I feel like I'm— like this isn't normal.”

Hyunjin just presses his lips together and nods, encouraging Jisung to continue.

“Like… like… he's a guy. Like yeah, he's objectively pretty but he's… he said to pretend he was a girl but I didn't, I don't think I even wanted to, but, like, I'm—I'm straight, right? I mean… I mean, yeah, it's not like I suddenly— I like girls! I know I like girls so why… like I shouldn't enjoy t-touching another guy right? That's…” Jisung shakes his head with wide, teary eyes. “I'm not like, gay.”

Hyunjin winces but he looks at him with something akin to pity. “Ouch dude, you know I'm gay, right? You're not… broken or anything, I promise this is normal Jisung.”

Jisung sighs into his hands. “Fuck. I know. God, I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean it like that… I just mean like.. there's no way I'm… like shouldn't I have known by now? I'm not, like a teenager anymore. I just.. I like… girls… it doesn't make sense, why is this happening now?” 

“It's okay, you can still like girls, you can like both. Even if you don't, that's still okay. Okay? It's not… there's not a predefined time when you realize this stuff. Some people live their whole lives in denial. This is normal. You're normal.”

Jisung nods. “R-Right, of course I can still like girls. So, maybe I'm like… bisexual or something? But honestly I've never—” He presses his fingers against his eyelids. “I mean, I don't think— but maybe? N-No I've never... But it's not like I see Felix as a girl, I mean, I touched his dick a-and he— his voice is like… crazy, I don't even know— B-But I've definitely never liked boys before so how would I suddenly—?”

Hyunjin rubs his shoulders. “It's okay. You don't have to figure it all out right now. Take your time. I'm here for you, okay?”

“I'm scared, Hyunjin,” he whispers.

Hyunjin's face breaks and he sighs. “I know. I'm sorry. I think I gave you that dare so you'd have an awakening or something but that was stupid. I didn't think… I hate seeing you like this.”

“Wha—... huh?? So you knew I'm maybe not super straight even before this?!”

Hyunjin bites his lip. “I didn't really know. I just had a feeling. And honestly, I wasn't expecting you to actually do it.”

Jisung's jaw drops, momentarily forgetting his anxiety. “You weren't expecting me to— Hyunjin! How could you think so low of me!”

“Okay, sorry! I shouldn't have dared you to do that knowing you'd be crazy enough to actually do it.” Jisung hits his arm. “It was more just to get you thinking about it!”

“You're crazy.”

“I'm smart. My gaydar is never wrong,” he taps the side of his head. “And I clocked you the day we met but you said you were straight... I was probably too tipsy earlier and figured I'd test you a little. That's all. I'm really sorry. I feel terrible for causing you this much stress.”

Jisung sighs. “It's okay. I just can't believe— how did you know? None of this makes sense…”

Hyunjin shrugs. “Like I said… I'm smart.” Jisung hits him again. “Okay, okay! But maybe this is good? Learning things about yourself?”

Jisung swallows. “Right… learning things…” he sighs. “I just—I screwed it up with him didn't I? I ran away. I just left him there.”

“You didn't screw it up. You're literally having a full blown identity crisis! He'll understand if you explain it to him.”

“But, what if he doesn't want to listen, or he already hates me, or… you should've seen his face when I left, oh god, I'm a horrible person—”

“Shh. Jisung. Do you like him?”

Jisung's face burns. “T-That's— I don't—”

“I mean, do you care about him? As a friend?”

“Of course,” Jisung pouts.

“Then you should talk to him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still here. Just explain what happened, that you're going through a lot but you don't hate him. Right?”

Jisung nods. “Right, I—You're right. I don't want him to think that I find him gross or something, oh my god.”

“He's probably just confused too. Don't worry. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I… I think I'm okay now. Thanks though.” He stands up and touches his face. “D-Do I look like I've been crying?”

Hyunjin smiles sympathetically. “A little, but he'll understand. Go before he leaves!”

Jisung nods and runs for the door. He pauses there and turns around.

“Hyunjin?”

“Hm?”

“I'm sorry for yelling at you.”

He waves him off. “It's okay, I kind of deserved it I think. We're good, okay? Now, go!”

Jisung doesn't need to be told twice. He's out the door in seconds and practically sprinting his way back to the room he left Felix in.

“...God, it's so hard being right all of the time,” Hyunjin sighs.

—

Felix isn't there.

The room is empty. Felix isn't here.

Oh god. What if he already left and he's avoiding him and Jisung will never be able to talk to him and Felix will think he hates him and—

He takes a deep breath. He shouldn't jump to conclusions. He has Felix's number, he should just text him. He pulls out his phone.

He paces around the room as he waits for his phone to light up. After a few minutes of nothing he sends a couple more messages and sighs. Maybe Felix is still at the party somewhere? Should he look for him?

Yeah, he decides, he needs to talk to Felix and make sure he's okay. Make sure they're okay. He can't stand the thought that Felix might think he hates him. It couldn't be farther from the truth.

Jisung paces out of the room and begins scouring every room for the familiar head of blond hair. But he's nowhere to be seen. Jisung tries not to cry. He's just about to loop around to where he started when he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He jumps. Felix?

“Jisung? Are you okay?” No, of course it's not. Jisung turns to face the familiar voice. 

“Seungmin,” he breathes shakily.

Seungmin gently places both hands on Jisung's shoulders. “What happened? You look frantic. What's going on?”

That's it. Jisung breaks down in tears. Again. He hates crying in front of another one of his friends but he can't help himself right now.

Seungmin looks alarmed. “Did someone do something? Are you hurt?” Jisung shakes his head. Seungmin sighs in relief. Then, his eyebrows draw together. “Wait, does this have to do with that dare?” 

Jisung hesitates, before nodding. 

Seungmin exhales. “Okay, we're leaving, okay? You can tell me about it on the way home if you want. Or not, but I don't think this place is very conducive to your wellbeing right now.”

Jisung nods and lets Seungmin guide him through the halls and crowds until they're outside. And he's right. As soon as he steps out of the claustrophobic walls he feels like he can breathe easier again. He sighs and wipes the last of the tears off his face.

Seungmin lets go of his hand. “You feeling better?” he asks.

“Yeah. Thanks, I.. guess I needed to get out of there.”

Oh, right. He should text Felix and let him know he's leaving, just in case he really is still at the party somewhere. He pulls out his phone. Seungmin looks at him, a question clearly painted on his face, but he stays quiet.

Jisung sighs after hitting send and stuffs his phone in his pocket again. Seungmin looks at him searchingly. “What happened…?”

Jisung bites his lip. His immediate instinct is deflect, deflect, deflect, but he really should tell Seungmin. He deserves to know. Jisung explains the whole situation on the way back to their dorm, from the dare to his conversation with Felix, to his panic in the aftermath and talk with Hyunjin. Seungmin listens quietly, intently. Jisung leaves out the details of what actually happened with Felix, but it's hopefully enough for Seungmin to get the picture.

When Jisung finally finishes, Seungmin blows out a long puff of air, his cheeks puffing up. “Wow. I don't even… Damn. That's crazy.”

Jisung leans his head back and groans with his hands over his face. “I know. What do I even do now?”

“Flee the country.” Seungmin says matter of factly. Jisung huffs out a laugh. “Sorry. I'm shit at giving advice. But I know Felix. He doesn't seem like the type of person who wouldn't at least hear you out, you know? Don't stress too much.”

“Then why is he ignoring me??” Jisung frowns.

“There's so many possibilities, dude. He might be feeling equally as overwhelmed right now or his phone could be dead or he might just not have checked yet. It hasn't even been that long. Give him time.” Seungmin, ever the voice of reason.

“Yeah… yeah, you're right. I'm just—I don't know. I don't even know.”

“I'm always right.” Seungmin, ever the voice of arrogance. “It'll be fine, Jisung.”

“Okay… Just know, if you're wrong I will come crying to you.”

Seungmin's lips curl up. “I'm always right. But okay, sure.” He pauses. “Honestly, I'm surprised you even did the dare, I even gave you an easy escape and everything.”

Jisung lets out a loud sigh. “I don't even know, man. Maybe a part of me, like, wanted to… I'm so confused about everything to be honest.”

Seungmin hums. “This is kind of life altering shit you're going through. You're handling it pretty well, all things considered.”

Jisung's looks at him, lips forming an ‘o’. “You think?”

He nods, “I think I'd have broken down or something by now if it were me.”

“I'm—well, I'm trying not to. I guess I went through most of the whole breakdown freakout thing with Hyunjin. I'm just trying not to think about it too hard right now I guess.”

“That's fair. Don't rush it. Uh, and I'm here if you ever wanna... talk or whatever,” Seungmin waves his hand around.

Jisung smiles. “Thanks, Min. Seriously.”

“Yeah, yeah…” he says but he mirrors his smile.

—

The next morning, Jisung wakes up feeling more refreshed than he expected. He doesn't feel great, but at least he doesn't feel like his whole life and everything he thought he knew about himself is turning upside down like yesterday. That's something.

As much as he was glued to his phone last night, waiting for a message from Felix, he doesn't want to check his phone right now, scared of what he might (or might not) see. Everything feels more real now, outside of the illusionary haze of last night, and he's just not ready to face anything yet.

Instead, he busies himself with mindless tasks, like brushing his teeth and pouring a bowl of his favorite hangover cereal. He's not even hungover, he didn't drink that much, but he just needs that extra emotional support right now. It helps, he thinks.

Eventually, he has to face reality. His phone looms at him from his bedside table, facedown but glaring at him. Jisung sighs and reluctantly picks it up. 

He cringes a little when he sees the multiple notifications from his messenger app. There's a text from Seungmin saying he's out studying with a friend but to let him know if he needs anything. Studying the morning after a party? Nerd. But Jisung smiles at the kind gesture and types out a quick reply saying thanks but he'll be fine.

And.. there's a little number by Felix's contact name too. He doesn't even want to open it. He wants to crawl back into bed and hide for the rest of the day. He wishes this had all happened yesterday when he was still in the moment and running on adrenaline.

But this is a good thing! Felix isn't ignoring him. This is good. Jisung takes a deep breath and clicks into the message.

He breathes out slowly. Okay.. Felix doesn't seem angry? He wants to meet up at least. Or what if he's just waiting until they're in person to unleash everything and tell Jisung to never talk to him again? God, he can't tell.

He doesn't want to respond. Okay, no, he needs to respond. He's the one who texted first anyway. Fuck, this is scary though.

He takes another deep breath to steady himself before carefully typing out a reply.

Jisung's heart races when Felix's reply comes in within only a couple minutes. Thank god Felix doesn't seem creeped out at coming over. Jisung quickly agrees to the time and texts Felix his dorm and room number.

Then he waits. After sufficiently freaking out for an hour, stress cleaning and everything, Jisung hears a knock at the front door. Oh fuck. He's so not ready.

Regardless, he trudges over to the door. He takes a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door. 

Felix is standing there, bundled up for the chilly weather in a jacket but also sporting a pair of loose ripped jeans, which Jisung thinks is pretty contradictory. How are you gonna put so many layers on and then just have holes in your pants? How does that make sense? One hole above the knee is large enough that Jisung can literally see the outline of Felix's thigh. 

“Um… hi…” Jisung's eyes snap up. Wait, what was he even doing just now? He wasn't like… checking Felix out or something, right? No, that's absurd. Felix's torn up pants are absurd, and that's all he was thinking. About his pants. His jeans. 

“Hi,” Jisung replies awkwardly. Why is this so awkward? They haven't even said anything yet. God. “Sorry, um, come in?” He gestures and holds the door open.

Felix murmurs a soft “thanks” as he cautiously steps inside and looks around a bit.

“Um, thanks for coming…” Jisung starts. “Seungmin— my roommate isn't here right now. But we can go to my room if you want?”

Felix's eyes suddenly light up. “Seungmin? Kim Seungmin? Tall, funny, braces?”

Jisung blinks. “Yeah, what? You know him? Wait, you think he's funny?” He wrinkles his nose.

“Yeah! Well, maybe at my own expense… We're partners in this cooking class I'm taking.”

Jisung starts walking and leads Felix in the direction of his room as his eyebrows furrow. “A cooking—? No way. Seungmin can't cook.” 

Felix giggles. “Oh, I know. I swear it's actually contagious or something because suddenly I start forgetting basic things like how to use a mixer just by being near him. I think it's a curse.”

Jisung laughs, eternally grateful for the lighthearted shift in the atmosphere, the tense and awkward air dissipating. Talking with Felix is just like that, so easy. “Yeah, I keep him out of our kitchen for his own good. I had no idea he was taking a cooking class though, what the hell?”

Felix hums. “Maybe he's trying to improve?”

“Or he's just trying to cause chaos. And from what you said, it seems like it's working.” Jisung shakes his head as they step into his room.

“Maybe…” Felix mumbles, but his focus has shifted elsewhere. He takes in Jisung's room, seeming to observe every visible corner: anime posters on the wall and an acoustic guitar in the corner and the stuffed animals on his bed. Jisung blushes, suddenly grateful for his stress-induced tidying of every nook and cranny. He hadn't realized how intimate it can be letting someone new into his space like this. This is Felix's first time in his room.

Felix. In his room. Why does it feel weird? 

It doesn't, does it? Jisung is the only one making it weird. It's not weird for friends to hang out in each other's rooms. That's literally extremely normal. But still… Jisung usually waits until he's way closer with people before letting them in his room. He can't place the anxious feeling swirling in his gut.

“I like your room,” Felix says softly. “It's like how I imagined.”

“W-What does that mean??”

“It's a compliment! It's very you.”

“Okay well… thanks,” Jisung mumbles. Has Felix really imagined his room before? How close are they that Felix knows enough about Jisung to think it's very him? He pushes the thoughts aside. 

“So…” He sighs. Here comes the awkward again. But he can't avoid this forever. “Can we talk?” 

Felix nods. “…‘Course,” he says, leaning against the bed slightly. Jisung motions for him to sit down on it and follows suit, since there isn't much else seating in his room. “If you want to!” he stutters out but Felix just smiles and sits down on the bed. On Jisung's bed. Okay, cool, this is fine.

They face each other. “So….” Jisung starts, looking down at his hands in his lap. “I just wanted to apologize. I mean, I feel like we were acting pretty normal just now, and I'm really grateful for that, but you still deserve like, I don't know, an explanation? Or something? So yeah.”

Felix nods silently.

Jisung takes that as his cue to continue. “Right, so, yesterday, it was a dare, right? That wasn't a lie. Me and Hyunjin actually like, talked about it afterwards and we're cool by the way. Just in case you thought—well, I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Um…” He takes a deep breath. “I mean, you were really nice about the whole thing and then I just left… kind of suddenly. That was really mean. I… I mean, you looked hurt too. Which, like, fair. That was a dick move. Um…”

Felix's voice is gentle, “Okay, hey, I get it, I'm not actually mad—”

Jisung finally looks up. “But you should be. Y-You're not mad? I would be mad. I mean, maybe not mad but confused? Frustrated? I— I kind of feel like it came across like I was… using you or something. I don't know. But that's not… Honestly I'm just really confused right now because—”

“Stop.”

Jisung blinks. “What?”

“Stop, I… I want to apologize too.”

“For what?!”

“For agreeing to it! I shouldn't have cus I…” He shakes his head. “And I kind of pushed you to tell me about the dare. You didn't seem comfortable. And I definitely should've stopped when you said you're straight... I-I was selfish.”

“Selfish?” Jisung repeats. “What?”

Felix sighs. “I agreed cus I was being selfish… Just, selfish reasons. I shouldn't have.”

“What does that even…? Dude, you're not selfish, if anyone is it's me for basically roping you into doing that for me and then leaving you high and dry like…”

Felix shakes his head. “That's not… you don't get it. I am selfish. Even being here right now… Selfish. Stupid.”

Jisung can't even begin to comprehend how that makes sense. “What…?”

“Jisung… Fuck, fine — I-I like you.”

“You like me?” Jisung mimics.

“…Yeah.”

Then it clicks. “Wait, oh. You like… like, like me?”

“...Well, that's good. I was worried it was super obvious for no reason.”

Jisungs mouth must be hanging open. “I... Are you serious?”

Felix laughs nervously. “Does it seem like I'm joking?”

“N-No but… I don't know. Oh my god. Shut up, I'm freaking out.”

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I know you're straight—”

“That's the thing. I'm not— Just, just, wait a second, oh my god. Oh my god.”

“Jisung…” Felix bites his lip. “I'm sorry, we can just pretend I never said that and go back to normal, please, I promise.”

Jisung puts his hands over his face. “No, shut up… shut up, just wait a second, please. Please just wait.”

Jisung can't see him but Felix at least goes quiet and Jisung can think. He breathes for a few seconds. In and out. In and out.

“…I think I like you too. Like, like like you… so much. Like way more than just bros. But I don't know what that fucking means.”

Jisung's heart is beating out of his chest. He hears a catch of breath. Silence. Then a soft whispered, “What do you mean Jisung, are you sure?”

“Yes, I mean, no, but— I feel something, and this isn't normal, so—”

He feels gentle fingers pulling at his wrists. “Jisung, look at me.” He lets Felix pull his hands down off of his face, which he's sure must be burning red. “It's okay. I don't want you to like… pity me or something. I'm really okay even if you don't like me like that.”

Jisung shakes his head. “N-No, I'm not pitying you Felix, I swear. I really, really—” He swallows. “Even like, your hands just on my wrists right now, making me feel like— I- I don't know,” he breathes.

Felix immediately drops his wrists. “I'm sorry,” he says genuinely.

But that's not what Jisung wanted. “No! I liked it.” He reaches for Felix's hands and interlaces his fingers in his, immediately setting off butterflies in his stomach. “I like this..”

Felix swallows and squeezes his hand a little. “But anyone can like holding hands with anyone, that doesn't mean—”

“But it's not just that. We— Felix, we kissed. I… asked you to kiss me. Did you forget that? And we did… m-more obviously. I liked it.” The more Jisung tries to explain to Felix the more he feels like he's understanding and accepting his own feelings. “That's why I ran away. I was so… confused and.. and scared I guess, cus.. I've never felt… with a guy.”

“I didn't forget,” Felix whispers. “I believe you. I know it's scary. I-I went through it too. Just— Are you sure? I really… I don't wanna get my hopes up if…”

“Can I kiss you?” Jisung blurts out. “Then I'll be sure. I… You can definitely say no.”

Felix closes his eyes and looks to be in some kind of mental anguish for a few seconds. “Yes, okay…” he breathes.

Jisung squeezes the other's hand, still interlaced with his own. He leans in a little. “A-Are you sure?” he asks quietly.

“Yes, yes, please…” Felix says under his breath while leaning in a little as well. That's all Jisung needs before he's closing his eyes and swooping in to close the distance between them. 

It's like magic. Right at the moment their lips press Jisung has his answer. His stomach flips and it feels so different from last night where he was letting Felix have control. He keeps it going for a little longer, not really moving his lips but just pressing into the kiss for a few more seconds, relishing in the way it feels.

When he finally pulls away, Felix's eyes are closed, forehead drawn in as if he's the one going through a crisis right now. 

“Felix?”

“What? Please don't say you were wrong. I mean… I mean, of course that's fine but—”

“Felix. I liked it… Oh wait, so I actually like you? Oh my god—”

Felix's eyes fly open. “You really…? You're serious?”

Jisung nods, eyes equally as wide as his.

“Are you sure? Yesterday I can get over, but this feels too real. I don't think I can handle if— I mean, god, sorry, I know you're figuring things out but—”

“Yes. Well, I— I'm still confused about other things but… I'm pretty sure—I mean this feels pretty much exactly like when I have a crush on a girl. So..?” 

“Okay. Okay, sorry. It's not that I don't believe you, I just—I really wasn't prepared for this. But I get it, really.” He takes a deep breath in and out. “So you… you really like me? Really, really?”

Jisung nods shyly. “Um.. really, really. I think more than I realized.”

Felix blushes. “Right, so… I mean, I don't want to be too forward but..? And maybe you're not ready and that's totally okay. But do you wanna..? I mean if we both like each other then… doesn't it make sense if we…”

Jisung squeezes his hand encouragingly. “What are you trying to say?”

“I'm saying—and again, you can say no if this is too fast—but I'm saying… Do you want to… try being my boyfriend…?” He peeks up at Jisung nervously.

Jisung's heart stutters in his chest. He doesn't really have to think about his answer. Even if his brain is telling him it's a little scary, his heart is giving him an answer clear as day. “Yes, y-yes, I want that… to be your… boyfriend.”

Felix flashes a shy, relieved smile. “Yeah?”

“Y-Yeah. Oh my god, a boyfriend. You're my boyfriend? I have a boyfriend?” Jisung presses his hands against the sides of his face, squishing his cheeks.

Felix giggles a little. “Mhm, that's okay right? It feels okay?”

“Yes, I like it, it's a little weird but I really like how that sounds. A boyfriend. My boyfriend.”

Felix blushes. “Ah, stop saying it like that, it's embarrassing…”

Jisung shakes his head. “Can I kiss you again?”

Felix smiles and responds in the form of crashing their lips together. Jisung gasps. It's more intense than the one they previously shared but still very sweet and gentle. Felix's lips are so soft.

Jisung tilts his head to deepen the kiss. “I like you so much,” he mumbles against Felix's mouth between kisses. “Maybe for a while… I always… wanted you to like me… tried to impress you…”

Felix makes a quiet sound and suddenly Jisung feels wetness on his cheeks. “Are you…? Felix?” Jisung pulls away, and sure enough, there are tears pooling under Felix's eyes. Jisung looks at him with concern. “What's wrong?”

Felix ducks his head but smiles, and it's enough to quell Jisung's worries that he did something wrong. “S-Sorry—God, this is embarrassing. I-I don't know why I'm crying. I'm really happy, I promise.”

“Okay. Don't worry about it.” Jisung gently grabs Felix's face and wipes the tears from his cheeks. As he presses the skin below his eyes, an array of tiny dots start appearing, speckling his face. Jisung furrows his eyebrows. “Huh—? Do you have freckles..?”

The skin under his fingers turns pink and Felix squirms his head out of his grasp. “Nooo…”

Jisung gently grabs his face again. “No, let me see, please.” He swipes his thumbs along the other's cheeks, smudging more makeup away.

Felix sighs and seems to relent. “I don't like them…” he mutters.

Jisung is appalled. “Are you serious? Why not?”

Felix shrugs. “I dunno, just looks.. messy? And no one else here has them,” he says with a frown.

Jisung shakes his head. “They're so pretty. You're so pretty. How could you hide these? God, it's like everything little thing about you is so pretty, how is that even possible??”

“Stoooop,” Felix giggles, blushing bright red now. “They're not.. I'm not…”

“You are. You literally turned me gay or something,” he jokes. “That has to count for something.”

Felix laughs, but then his expression turns more serious. “Did I really—? I mean, you think you're gay?”

“Uh—No, I just said that. I don't know. I'm still so fucking confused,” Jisung tries to laugh it off nervously.

Felix nods. “If you wanna talk about it… no pressure of course, but I kind of went through something similar so… just, I'm here for you.”

“Thank you,” Jisung whispers. “Well, I-I think I've been trying not to think about it too much. It's scary,” he admits.

“I know. You're really brave, you know Jisung? It took me like, months—years even?—before I understood and accepted myself.”

“Yeah, but I'm sure that was years ago, right? Why is this happening to me now? Like… I've always liked girls. I don't think that's… yeah, I definitely still like girls. That's all fine. But I've literally never liked boys until now?” Jisung sighs. “Well—maybe—maybe not. I've been thinking, and like, I guess there were guys that I… really admired and… I really wanted them to like me too. To think I'm cool or funny or something. And like, yeah, I felt nervous around them, but I just kind of thought they were intimidating. But maybe…? Is that..? Were those crushes?”

Felix grabs his hand and squeezes it gently. “Maybe. It kind of sounds like it.” He pauses. “Even if they weren't, and I'm the first guy you like, that's okay too. Honestly, that would be hella flattering,” he smiles. “I don't think sexuality is like... It isn't such a rigid thing. It can be more fluid for some people, you know? It's not just black and white. If your feelings are real then that's all that matters, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah. It's just weird. I'm like so past that stage. Why didn't teenage me figure this out?” He huffs out a laugh.

“There's no set timeline for this stuff. It happens differently for everyone, right? And if you don't want to think about it right now you don't have to. You can just like whoever feels natural for you. No need to think about what box you fit into or anything like that.”

“I think I just like you,” Jisung whispers.

Felix's lips quirk up. “Yeah? That's so cute.”

Jisung is sure his face goes red. “Sh-shut up…”

“Never,” Felix grins. “No, but it's okay. You don't have to label yourself, now or ever. You don't have to be gay, or straight, or bi, or... or anything in between. You can just… be, and that's enough.”

Jisung feels tears prick his eyes. He really has no clue why he's getting emotional over this, but somehow Felix is saying exactly what he didn't know he needed to hear. “Okay, but what about Felixsexual?” He jokes.

“Pfft— then I'm Jisungsexual, okay?”

Jisung's heart feels lighter than it's ever been. He giggles. “Okay.”

—

After calming down, and both their tears are wiped away, the two of them spend a couple hours just talking and cuddling, making up for what feels like so much lost time. Seriously, why didn't they become closer friends sooner? Jisung mentally kicks himself for not being more proactive in befriending him. They click so well. Jisung is so glad Felix seems to love skinship as much as he does, they both initiate it easily and it just instantly feels natural. So easy, just like everything between them.

Eventually, they move to the living room to watch something. After only just a few minutes of scrolling through Netflix, the front door opens. Jisung looks up.

“Oh, hey Seungmin. How was your study sesh?”

“Hey. Uh, fine. Is this a bad time…?” Seungmin asks, glancing at Felix and looking at Jisung curiously.

“No, it's a great time. Seungmin, say hi to my, uh, boyfriend..?” Jisung falters saying that to someone else for the first time and it comes out like a question.

Seungmin doesn't seem to notice, or if he does, he doesn't care. “Oh, so you worked it out? I'm glad. Congrats.” He turns to Felix. “I'm Seungmin.”

Felix laughs. “Dude, I'm insulted. I thought we were mates? Does being stove partners mean nothing to people these days?”

Seungmin cracks a smile. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Jisung jumps up in his seat. “Oh yeah! Seungmin, you're taking a freaking cooking class? Who are you??”

Seungmin shrugs. “I had extra space in my schedule.”

Felix sighs. “I wish I had extra space. I would take another class with Jisung.”

“Aww, what?” Jisung looks at him fondly.

“Seriously. Why do we only have one class together? How am I gonna handle that now that we're together?”

Jisung giggles. “If you had extra time wouldn't it be better to just spend time together and not take an extra class, silly?”

“Oh yeah, I guess. Are you sure you'd be okay with that Sungie?” Felix grins and nuzzles his head into Jisung's shoulder, cuddling into him playfully.

Sungie? Oh, Jisung's done for. He giggles again and kicks his feet (like a fucking schoolgirl or something, embarassing). “Only if you promise to binge watch my favorite animes. And make cookies with me!”

Seungmin makes a gagging sound. “...Ugh, I take back everything I said. You two together are more energy than I can reasonably tolerate. Goodbye.” He throws his hand up in a wave and starts walking to his room. He pauses in his doorway and turns around. “Oh and please for the love of god, no funny business when I'm here. I'm happy for you but not that happy.” 

Jisung turns red and he hears Felix choke on air. “Seungmin!” 

“What? You already did stuff and you weren't even dating yet. I can't trust you guys.”

Jisung throws a cushion at him. “Didn't you say bye already? Bye!!”

Seungmin rolls his eyes and throws up a peace sign before turning around and closing his door.

Jisung glances at Felix, who's equally as red-faced. They stare at each other for a few seconds before both breaking out into giggles.

Yeah, Jisung thinks he'll be alright.

—

[4 weeks later]

—

—

a/n: take a shot every time you see the word 'like' (u will die). if u made it this far THANK U SOOO MUCH FOR READING WOW! this is my first fic so any feedback would be super appreciated! i'd love to hear your thoughts (^o^) idk how active i'll be here but i've been in a writing mood recently so keep an eye out maybe? again tysm for reading!! ♡

#jilix #felix x jisung #skz fic #stray kids fic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids smut #felix smut #jisung smut #felix fluff #jisung fluff #lee felix #han jisung #skz texts #han x felix #skz fanfiction #jilix smut #jilix fic #felix fic #jisung fic #stray kids hard thoughts #stray kids drabbles #felix angst #jisung angst #stray kids fake texts

[fellthemarvelous]

Warning: I use sarcasm when making points.

I have things to say. (And I'm going to be extremely snarky while saying them.)

Y'all, I love Crowley just as much as anyone else, but the way some people think that defending Crowley means it's necessary to villainize Aziraphale is just gross.

Yeah, Crowley is super easy to sympathize with. We all care about him.

But like...some of these Aziraphale hate takes are insane. (And no, haters, I don't actually want to hear from you unless you want to give me even more fodder to work with.)

"Aziraphale shows compassion for everyone except Crowley." (Actual footage from the very first episode, just to name one example, but okay. I guess sheltering someone who was supposed to be his mortal enemy under his wing was a senseless act of cruelty.)

"Aziraphale doesn't love Crowley." (Wait, I totally utilize my heart eyes for people I don't love too!!)

"Aziraphale has never actually trusted Crowley." (They only helped save the world together though. Weird. And then there was that time in 1941 where he trusted that Crowley wouldn't shoot him in the face while their miracles weren't working.)

"Even in second season when Crowley says "I'm a demon, I lied" Aziraphale doesn't think of Crowley's pain, he was busy being sad for himself. Before this Aziraphale even says "I'm like you now" as if being demon is worse thing than killing innocent children and animals." (Whatever the hell this is.)

This one is just really special. Congratulations on walking into the point and somehow missing it at the same time? That's exactly what makes the system so fucked up in the first place and why Crowley doesn't tell anyone that Aziraphale lied to Heaven. This moment wasn't about Crowley. It was about Aziraphale. Crowley knows the pain and trauma that comes with falling and he doesn't want Aziraphale to experience that?? Aziraphale is allowed to be scared and sad because like, I don't know if you know this, but when you've been indoctrinated into blind obedience, going against the grain is actually really fucking scary because the punishment is terrifying. This is why so many religious abuse survivors relate to Aziraphale?? Also, a demon like Hastur would have killed the animals and the children, so....

"I can not in my sane mind think that Crowley could ever trust Aziraphale with his trauma. He would never share anything that was done to him. Because chances are if he did, he would just be invalidated and belittled. Or worse, he would have been blamed even for it since he is a demon and that's what he deserves (which Crowley already believes to be true)." (What?!?!?!)

Aziraphale, most compassionate and kindest angel there is, would mock Crowley's pain? The same Aziraphale who has been mocked and abused (verbally, mentally and physically) by his superiors would turn around and do the same thing to Crowley when Crowley is the only one who has ever understood him? Aziraphale, the angel who gave the demons a chance to walk away from his bookshop without being hurt, would mock Crowley? Aziraphale, the same angel who had to sit there and listen to Shax mock him and belittle him relentlessly while he protected Jimbriel, would invalidate Crowley?

"Aziraphale only loves Crowley as an angel and not a demon." (Yeah, look how disgusted he is...planning a whole ball just so he could hold hands and dance with his demon. Eww.)

"When Crowley asks for the holy water instead of asking for why he needed something that was so dangerous he immediately jumps to conclusions and then hurts Crowley even more."

I mean other than the fact that we saw what happened to Ligur in season one when he got doused with the holy water, I can't imagine why Aziraphale would be so hesitant to hand something like that over to the love of his life. And he finally did hand it over, knowing he would never be able to forgive himself if Crowley did use it to end his own existence. Not to mention that Hell actually did plan to kill Crowley with holy water at the end of season 1. I would totally jump at the chance to give someone I love something incredibly dangerous to them, but I guess I'm built differently. 🙃 And who cares about Aziraphale's feelings on the subject anyway, am I right?

"Crowley has no reason to trust Aziraphale." (I know right? Aside from the time Aziraphale gave him the holy water even though it scared him or the time he used a human magic trick to save Crowley from having to go back to Hell again or the time he protected Crowley's identity by playing along with Bildad the Shuhite so Heaven wouldn't know he was actually a demon or all the times Aziraphale has offered Crowley sanctuary in his bookshop or when they performed their half miracle together or when they literally swapped bodies.)

"Aziraphale chose Heaven over Crowley because he thinks Crowley is beneath him." (I mean he sacrificed his own happiness to go back to Heaven too, but why bother exploring that when we can all just hate Aziraphale for doing what he thinks is the right thing to do? What even are shades of grey?)

Like I get it. I do. Aziraphale leaving was very upsetting because we wanted to see the Ineffable Husbands get their happy ending. But whenever I see people talk about how rejected Crowley feels, like Aziraphale feels rejected too. You get that, right? And I'm not saying he was right for asking Crowley to go back and become an angel again, but he wants Crowley to be safe and he mistakenly believed it would be that easy.

Just because Aziraphale has a lot to learn doesn't mean he's wrong for going back. Just because Aziraphale has flaws doesn't mean he's bad. Crowley isn't the only one suffering and heartbroken.

And we all saw that the Metatron gave him no time to begin grieving over what just happened. Instead Aziraphale turned around, put a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes, and stepped onto the elevator because he is going to try and make changes even if he has to do it all alone.

How would revolutions get started if people saw no point in trying to change things for the better?

I leaned into bitch mode in this post. It happens.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands #i used my sarcastic voice #and i will use it again if you try to come at this post with even more aziraphale hate #aziraphale defense squad #crowley would be really fucking unimpressed with the aziraphale hate too #i'm just saying #crowley would also be annoyed with being so woobified by aziraphale haters #and if you think my religious trauma fuels my annoyance you would be right

[this-world-of-beautiful-monsters]

remembering this Extremely correct post about how lis2 is the only game in the lis series where your choices actually matter and thinking about how ironic is that it's also a game where your playable character is so strikingly powerless. Sean is the only lis pov character who not only has no superhuman abilities, but has to share an environment with someone who has (confirmed, sorry Rachel) abilities of their own, someone he loves and wants to protect, someone who can do incredible things he'll never be able to do, making their already weird brother-brother parent-child dynamic a thousand times messier.

it's a huge shift for Sean--you can literally see it in the mechanics, which go from helping Daniel with tasks in the first episode to increasingly relying on his help in the rest. ep 4 is the one where Sean gets beaten up the most because he's the most separated from Daniel then, even the whole game begins with Sean being Brett up for Daniel, before he kept ending up in situations where he's so wildly outclassed. it's all shit that interweaves with the powerlessness that already comes from being queer/brown/disabled in america, but the difference is that those are the result of oppressive systems and the people who enforce them, systems Sean is trying to break away from, but he can't break from Daniel, he loves Daniel, and Daniel isn't oppressive, he's just a little boy trying to love his brother as much as his brother loves him, protect him with the only tools he has

and it's terrifying. like, from the perspective of a character of Max or Alex, they're overwhelmed by their own powers, but the player is in control of them and can try to find a way to use them, even if it doesn't always work. Sean doesn't have that, he just have to live with being extremely aware of how vulnerable he is to Daniel losing control. the truly fucked-up thing it's not like Daniel ever means to hurt anyone, none of the powered lis characters do, their intentions are beneficial at best and mischievous at worst, it all just has such earthshaking affects on everyone around them. we don't see Chloe's inner monologue about all the ways Max alters her reality to keep her safe, we only get so much insight into the way Haven's Point's residents feel Alex messing about their emotions,

but Sean's perspective makes it extremely clear on what a roller coaster it is to have someone with abilities to shaping your life like this, as if you're sharing your world and your heart with a tornado, a wonder and a terror all at once. idk, there just aren't that many superpower stories with this kind of look about what it's like to be on the outside looking in on godhood, certainly not to this degree, not with the focus on how intense it is, like the difference between standing in the eye of the and being caught outside. I honestly think that's one of the reasons people are dicks about this game, they don't like that feeling of helplessness, they get used to Max and Alex's incredible abilities and it's a very different feeling to have so much of your story tied to a character out of control instead.

but Sean is at once the most powerful playable character in the lis series if "power" means power over how the story plays out, over destiny. because as has been mentioned, your choices in lis2 really do matter more than any other game. it's not power that comes from what he can do, it's his relationship with Daniel, it's whether he's able to maintain high enough brotherhood to get Daniel to do some things and figure out what to do when he can't convince Daniel on others. it's whether he's shaping them both into people who will give up their combined power to the very systems they're running from or if he'll die trying to do what he thinks is best or if he'll take his control back by giving up his control, in a way, trusting that Daniel has what it takes to protect them both, and doing what's necessary to guide Daniel to that place where he can do that.

he has to choose what smaller, emotional influences he's going to have in order to build up rather than more direct displays of power. and it works, because lis series has always been all about how messy, human relationships can change and destroy so much more psychic abilities ever could by themselves--i honestly believe that no one game encapsulates that quite the way lis2 does.

#sorry not sorry if this is incoherent #life is strange 2 #lis verse #monsters talks life is strange #blood brothers #sean diaz #daniel diaz #boy god #we are the wolves #lis parallels #life is strange #life is strange true colors

[qcomicsy]

Yo THIS is what I'm talking about new interpretations of Deadpool treating him like a fucking bugs bunny character. Deadpool doesn't just bounce back as if nothing happens, he doesn't "not feel the pain ad lacerations" and he sure as fuck doesn't just stand back watching people fuck with him.

And even more that that? He's not fucking stupid.

Listen I have my problems with the Deadpool (2008) run but this shit compared with the rest he had this last ten years of writing is fucking exasperating.

It doesn't matter how hot or famous, or heroic the person is. Wade does not like being like lied to and he doesn't fucking tolerate being toyed either. Specially after all the shit he's been through.

So tell me, why the fuck, now characters can just walk all over him and the only thing he does is make a bad reference? I'm so sick of this, so, so sick. He's a fucking human being.

Flesh and bone and feelings. And it's so fucking disrespectful after all those years of characterization and shit he's been through, writer's decided to fucking disregard all that that just to make their shitty jokes, that' aren't even funny.

Not only is a from a horrible taste, it doesn't make any goddamn sense. He's a mercenary and a good one, like scarily good. And it's so weird to me how out of nowhere people's just decided he's not dangerous anymore and instead of just being chill around him, this just took as an advantage to treat him like shit. And this is even more maddening when you realize (bad writing or not) he's fucking trying to be better.

I like this part of the run of 2008. Because it's just make sense, of course! The X-Men hates Deadpool. He was literally a guy who was paid to kill them who knows how many times, he's annoying, bitchy and has no respect for any of them, not even mentioning the weird relationship he has with Scott's son and how crossed them more times than the dignity of the whole team should bare. Deadpool had it coming the hate he got from the X-men, hell, and this was them being patient.

Now, even with them hating Wade, the X-Men was being extremely careful. That's the fucking mercenary Deadpool, you don't just give him shit and act like nothing happened. They're annoyed, angry, and hostile and yet not out of the line.

And even so

And I'm not saying I want him to be violent (even though he is still violent but now is just for 'hahaha isn't he craaaazyyy??? 🤪🤪' jokes). Wade has been at war with his violent tendencies since ever and I'm happy too see him kinda overcoming that over the years.

But fucking hell the last issues are fucking pushing it.

I mean what is this?

Look at this shit:

And then he just????

???????

Yeah Sure guys yall just fucking opened my guts up, but now let's just patch up and talk like palls because apparently my nervous system doesn't fucking work.

LOOK AT THIS FUCKIN BULLSHIT

"Hey Jessica" Bitch where's your backbone?

That's Jessica Jones they're not even friends!

This is how Wade reacted to Domino, his actual friend trying to fuck him over.

Like what the fuck happened to him? It's like they don't even consider him fucking human, he dies but doesn't deal with the after match, he has his guts exploded but whatever what is pain? He's going to shook of with a silly joke 🤪, he has no friends, he doesn't get offended, he doesn't get angry, he just there to suck the heroes dick and act like a lost puppy.

I'm fucking done man.

TDLR: Marvel took my man's balls and I want them back

#Deadpool #q rants #q talks comics #I'm legit upset about that holy shit akskksdk #I forgot how pissed off I was about it until I got back into reading him #long post

[timeshift-playground-sys]

uhm ultrakill hc talk (V1 and Gabriel edition)

guys did you know i like ultrak- *explodes*

\\also slight suicide mention

-🪷 (Adrian)

VERY LONG POST so the rest is after the cut

V1:

Runs digitigrade

The heels on its feet are actually the jet boosters that let it dash

maybe has small wheels built into its feet to help it slide. maybe. i swear i don't just want the murder robot to have heelies

weird fucking insect THING

Any idea of affection and human actions it has learned from observing its creators interact. Ex. blinking, twiddling its thumbs, etc

Also the concept of it being capable of mercy is very interesting to me. We see in the ferryman fight that once he stops attacking, V1 does too. The same with characters giving monologues and such. It doesn't attack until it knows the target is a threat, and seeing that everything in hell is like completely hostile we don't really get to see it sparing those who don't harm it.

as for killing i feel like it just doesn't feel anything. It doesn't have satisfaction it's just doing what it has to to survive, like a wild animal. I think it's going down through hell not only out of hunger but also curiosity. I mean it probably consumes a lot of blood to run its systems at the capacity it does so. Things like the cybergrind serve as practice when it gets bored (also it def replays its favorite fights)

As for dying i have two ideas

It leaves the pools of blood instead of collecting them for a reason. Once it is destroyed it can absorb blood from the ground to put itself back together. This of course takes time, which is why the enemies and bosses come back after you die. Meaning it's immortal

Hell itself brings V1 back each time because it wants entertainment, maybe resetting time too??? This doesn't really make sense to me tho

Gabriel:

gifted kid syndrome and BADDDDD

Shapeshifter. I don't know why. He has a human form (i refuse to believe he'd be white) and a more angelic form (his head is just a biblically accurate angel

immortal with his light, but can be exhausted with enough harm (ie. first fight)

his wounds heal extremely fast, but the more exhausted he gets the slower he heals (this is why he can taste his blood in the second fight)

this guy. oh my GAWD. Daddy issues times 10000000. Nice chill dude but indebted to his job because the council. I think he had a good friendship with minos before he had to kill him. Secretly played organ and read stories to filth children he didn't think belonged in hell (such as those who died to suicide). The only angel who really dared to step foot or even worry about Hell, so the council used his faith as a tool to manipulate him. This is a majority of what drives him to kill the council after the second fight

Now GabV1el, this shit is so canon.

I don't think they're really a romantic pairing, and it's very likely one sided on Gabriel's side. Gabriel is just enamored with V1 because it's the first thing to ever give him true struggle. Killing Minos? Easy. Killing Sisyphus? Easy. Killing the council? Easy. But V1 just keeps beating him. It's a passion to overcome, to finally beat this machine. And I am not normal about it AT ALL

As for V1, I feel like it doesn't understand the concept of romance. Things like kissing and embracing are just an action like any other to it. Although it may find the concept of affection interesting when all contact with others has always been harm

#gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #ultrakill #headcanon #gabv1el

[space-station-collective]

some of the less pretty parts of plurality

we talk a lot on this blog about the funny or nice parts of being plural, but there's also a lot of bad shit that can come with it. it's not all good, just like it's not all bad. it just is! sometimes, seeing posts like this makes us feel a little better, knowing we aren't alone in these struggles and seeing other people who have come through it, so, here's this

this is going to require a lot of me being vulnerable on the internet lmao

everything is going under a cut, and i'm marking applicable TW and CWs here as well as in the tags. i tried to keep it as light as possible (if there's any tags i missed, PLEASE do let me know and i'll add them ASAP /gen)

(this is also quite a long post, under the cut the word count is: 437)

WARNINGS: addiction mentions, physical illness, exotrauma mentions

-) developing an addiction/dependency that everyone has to manage, due to one headmate's actions

-) trying to collectively recover from addiction when not everyone wants to, and some headmates actively working against the progress and goals

-) more specifically, having to maintain a clean streak for everyone, not just one individual. not just yourself. we have an agreement- we stick together with this stuff

-) headmates who actively dislike people we know, and generally collectively like, and having to manage and ignore secondhand emotions towards those people when the headmates in question are around (not to say, ignoring how those headmates feel about people, but moreso not letting the emotions bleed through into our own interactions)

-) panicking because your job directly relates to helping other headmates, and despite your best efforts, things keep getting worse (not directly applicable to me who is writing this -host)

-) having to agree with headmates, who have done nothing wrong, that they can't be around front, because they're symptom holders, and the body is ill enough all the time that we physically can't handle them fronting

-) fighting. constant fighting. i can't think of a day since our syscovery that there hasn't been some sort of fight, argument, breakdown, violence, some sort of incident internally

-) so many headmates with so much exotrauma. some of their triggers have bled into our collective triggers, and holy shit is it hard to explain thost to people who don't understand exomemories, or even who don't know about the system

-) having to watch littles who are far too young for any of this experience this whole ordeal

-) "Atlantis" by Seafret. it's about an extremely different topic, but the lyrics hit home. "i can't save us, my atlantis, we fall. we built this town on shaky ground." because holy fuck, it feels that way sometimes

several of these things are now managed, several are not. being human is a weird, messy, fucked up experience, and when you shove a bunch of consciousnesses into one human body, it gets even more convoluted

whoever you are, whatever reason you might have for reading this: i love you. you are not alone in your struggles. you have support from so many places, and you will get through whatever you're currently experiencing, be it so simple as your favourite pencil breaking, all the way to personal tragedy. you are loved

-the host (he/they), expressing thoughts of the collective

(scheduling this to post outside of the queue because our content is usually much more lighthearted than this and i don't want to take up a spot for that)

#spacestationcollective #sysblr #system #plurality #plural #plural system #osddid #plural community #dissociative system #serious post #addiction mention #addiction #cw addiction mention #cw addiction #tw addiction #tw addiction mention #addiction cw #addiction tw #<- i know thats a lot but i want to be SO thorough for this

[bambiraptorx]

Okay, my long overdue infodump about yokai medicine/painkillers is here. Just as a heads up, there will be discussion of and reference to a variety of drugs, drug use, and addiction.

There are three main forms of treatment used to deal with pain: pharmaceutical drugs similar or identical to the ones used by humans, potions, and spells. For now, I'll focus on pharmaceutical type medications.

So, to begin, I do need to address the fact that the yokai population has an immense level of biodiversity, from skeletons to insects to dragons. This means that the use of medicine is probably incredibly complicated, as a given substance can has wildly different effects on different species--not to mention that even within a species a compound can have different results (see: stimulants and how they have drastically different effects for people with ADHD than for neurotypicals).

Add to that the fact that we also see a large variety of sizes for different yokai, from Exploding Frankie (maybe a foot tall) to the colossal building-sized creatures we see walking around int he first episode of the show, and you've got a very complex problem. (Size is relevant in figuring out dosages because drugs often have different effects at different doses, but also because larger people tend to need more to have an effect in the first place. A dose that would kill a mouse probably wouldn't kill a 6 foot tall man, for example, but depending on the exact drug it might still mess him up a lot.)

This means that it would be very difficult to, if not impossible, to properly categorize a chemical based on its effects. Sure, they know Adderall works as a stimulant and opiates are painkillers for humans, but how does that translate to a slime yokai who doesn't even have a nervous system? How do you effectively (and ethically) figure that out when the population of slime yokai is extremely limited? In all honesty, you probably don't.

(As a side note, it's fairly important that for the drugs humans use, they go through large amounts of animals trials before ever being tested on people to a) make sure the drug actually has the effect it's meant to, b) figure out what potential side effects might crop up, and c) find out what a lethal dose is. That's because we can reasonably compare the reactions of animals to what we might see in a human body. For large amounts of the yokai population, that comparison probably does not work.)

So yokai can, in dire circumstances, use substances that humans would (as painkillers, sedatives, etc) but it would be very difficult to know what dosages are safe for a given species, if any are. This would also mean that the Hidden City probably has a very different approach to drug education: less "ooh these drugs are evil and you'll get addicted immediately if you ever try them" and more "just because meth acts as a stimulant for humans doesn't mean it can't kill you at half the dose it takes them to even get an effect so be fucking careful".

I would imagine that drug regulation works very differently in the Hidden City out of necessity. After all, you can't even reliably say what effects a given chemical has, let alone recommend a dose for people to use. In a lot of cases, the best that the HC can do is probably enforce purity standards and proper labeling of products so that at the very least, people know what chemical they're actually getting and how much of it.

Which of course means that their legal system is entirely different when it comes to drug related crimes, because the use/possession of drugs is something that cannot effectively be criminalized when a pill that would cause an overdose in one person would act as a mild cough suppressant in another. (That and the whole idea behind making drugs illegal in the first place is to prevent addiction by making access harder, which... is a bit of a weird premise in the first place? but that's a whole other rant. Yes, use declines somewhat when the drug is made illegal, but it also makes it much harder for addicts to get the treatment they need when drug use is criminalized.)

Given the length of this post I think I'll cut it off here and edit with links when I get the other topics covered lmao.

Part 2 Part 3

#rottmnt #tw drugs #tw drugs mention #minor interference au #minor interference lore #bambi's rambling #this post brought to you by the fact that i'm a psych major and addiction psychology is my favorite class this semester lmao #also it's entirely possible that this post isn't fully accurate for how drugs work/are tested irl so like. don't quote me on this #i'm just pretending to know what i'm talking about

[cartoonrival]

obtio and itachi for the character bingo. actually lets also go with sasuke lets get the whole uchiha family drama in here

ok i did this bingo a while ago w obito but im doing it again because my opinion is more developed since we've now discussed him at length. i think he's fucking annoying and his significance in the final arc is absolutely bizarre and deeply undeserved.

obito's significance in the story should begin and end at kakashi's backstory. like you've talked about, to kakashi, obito is more of a symbol than a person; kakashi was deeply traumatized (understandably) by obito's final moments, and is infinitely plagued with guilt over the person that he was at that time, blaming himself for his friends' deaths even though it wasn't actually his fault. he had no respect for obito until obito's final moments, where he sacrificed himself for kakashi and gifted him HIS EYE, GOUGED FROM ITS SOCKET AND SWAPPED WITH KAKASHI'S, HEALED INTO PLACE BY HIS 12 YEAR OLD TEAMMATE, finally making kakashi understand that looking out for the people you love moreso than the mission itself is honorable, actually. obito represents what kakashi should be and what he was unable to be, a point of failure and something to strive towards and fall short of forever. the horror of obito's death is emblematic of what's wrong with konoha and the ninja system in general-- why was rin, a child, taken prisoner? why was it left up to kakashi and obito, children, to rescue her alone? why were the three of them on the battlefield to begin with, KAKASHI AS THE TEAM LEADER? children gouging their eyes out as parting gifts. obito cared about kakashi from the beginning enough to give him an actual piece of himself, but kakashi couldn't be assed to give him the time of day until the moment obito died (because he was 1) an asshole as a child (love and light!) and 2) also traumatized by his father's SUICIDE (ALSO A BYPRODUCT OF WAR) which shaped his world view in an extremely rigid way), and THIS should haunt him forever. he can grow from it and make new connections and try his damnedest to make up for it, but obito should NOT come back. there is NO REASON for him to come back. he is not even SLIGHTLY an interesting enough character in his own right to justify him coming back, especially not as a MAIN PLAYER IN THE FINAL BATTLE. HUH?

his obsession with rin, a girl who ALSO had zero personality and thus i don't care at all about their relationship with each other, was absolutely bizarre and ridiculous, the way he hung onto it i understand objectively was a symptom of his stunted emotional growth and being a very broken man, but the way this was executed was MISERABLY done, no one cares, shut the fuck up, she didn't even like you (she liked kakashi, for some fucking reason, weird to make that like her only personality trait just for kakashi to not even like her back). like his anger that kakashi didn't protect her is 1) sexist but we know this (she is apparently incapable of protecting herself) and 2) annoying because again, this would serve much better as just another failure notch in kakashi's fuckup belt, but instead this dude comes back at the age of 32 to be like ooououuuugh all i wish is to hold hands with the girl i had a crush on when i was 12 and know nothing about..... SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP

and obviously the fandom. fucking. KAKASHI/OBITO???? REALLY????? kakashi cares about obito because he was his teammate and a symbol of his personal failures, and obito sacrificed himself for kakashi because he was a kindhearted child and both of them were raised as war machines. how the fuck does that ever ever translate to romantic attraction. ever. what. they weren't even actual friends. why is this so popular. like in what world.... IN WHAT WORLD............

itachi....... itachi............i loveyou......... i mentioned this in a previous post but to me itachi is gen the POSTERCHILD of everything that is so wrong with the political system. he grew up SWALLOWED by it and chewed up and spit back out. his father took him to a battle field when he was like 4 literally just so he'd see what it was like. he was raised as a double agent and brainwashed so seamlessly that by the end he didn't even know whose side he was actually on. absolutely fascinating character and heartbreaking and devastating and horrible. ive never never never seen siblings written as well as kishimoto wrote sasuke and itachi, because LITERALLY WHO CAN GROW ME A NEW BROTHER... itachi loved sasuke more than anything. im convinced that if you dont think he loved sasuke then you weren't watching. obviously, what he did was terribly cruel and he ruined sasuke's entire life and no amount of i love you and im sorry can fix or change that, but he loved him. driven to do something unspeakably horrible by the government officials who had groomed him into a killing machine, setting the fate of his clan and the village and potentially beyond that on his teenaged shoulders, but he had to spare his brother. like itachi is deeply deeply brainwashed by konoha and this is something that he never gets over; he spares sasuke and drives him to hate him because he's afraid what would happen if sasuke crossed konoha, what konoha would do to him, he thinks that maybe he's doing the right thing and protecting the village, maybe, if sasuke grows up strong, stronger than him, no matter what it takes, then maybe he'll fare better than itachi did. but also there needs to be someone left to hate him for it. itachi can't bare to get out where everyone who knew him, who could really really hate him like he deserves to be hated, is dead. its selfish, obviously its fucked. but he needs it and he's terrified.

itachi's manipulation of sasuke's entire life is frankly very very fascinating and horrible to me, the willingness to rewrite and rewrite sasuke's beliefs and control every aspect of what he knows and believes and wants to a desperate attempt to keep him safe and to keep the village that fucked them both over safe. normally i think bringing characters who already got their epic death scene back from the dead cheapens the weight of the original death, but with itachi i actually think his return is sort of critical just because it breaks my heart so fucking bad. sasuke please don't call me perfect. sasuke this is everything i did wrong and im sorry and i love you and im not going to control you anymore. whatever you think is right, ill always love you. like itachi fucked up irrevocably. but man. thats his brother. thats his baby brother. we are fucked. i think given time sasuke will not think as highly of itachi as he does when the story ends and i think this would be a fantastic development to watch, but where things stand and considering how the rug has been pulled out from underneath him about one billion times i think its fully understandable that he has the take that he does by the storys end.

itachi was not a good brother, obviously, christ, but he DID love sasuke and i think what happened to them both is horrific

SASUKEEEEE i love a guy who doesn't know what he is doing or what he wants he just hates himself and his life and is terrified of weakness or connection or love and he gets led around by his nose because he's so full of hate and fear and anger that anyone who can help him direct it LITERALLY FCUKING ANYWHERE is immediately someone he will stand beside, until he changes his mind again. like im going to be sick. HES SO FUCKED. its crazy i think how little im about to write about him bc i think without direction my brain sort of looks just like @#**)#!H@FUIBEW*(#@*(WESDU@* *CWF)*WCF wrt sasuke.

was he right? umm im generally anti-tyranny but he was on the right track. it fucking sucks that kishimoto is so scared of change. im so glad he killed danzo. i fucking hate team taka though that was lame as hell idrk why kishimoto was afraid to just let him walk a lonely road the only road that he has every known and instead had to give him a bunch of tonally dissonant goons. devastating. what the fuck even. "you are the only person left who loves me and that terrifies and unsettles me so badly that i desperately need to kill you so that you'll stop and i'll really be alone" is an absolutely insane and also gay character motivation.

post canon sasuke is i think what makes me the most miserable with him (and im trying to get into this w b2, we'll see how successful i am) because i think its like. wow. what kind of person even are you after spending 7 odd years like how sasuke spent them. who even are you. what are you doing. what are you GOING to do. how do you know you won't change your mind and start hurting people again. how do you know you wont change your mind and start hurting yourself again. youre already hurting yourself. where are you. what is this. why are you alive. you should be dead. you deserve to be dead. you kind of wish you were dead. but also someone loves you and swears on his life that nothing in the world could ever make him stop, and you believe him and its so terrifying being known by yourself and by someone else but maybe things will be okay but maybe they wont and you hope that when the two of you die, its you first, because even though he says he never ever could you know he could get on without you but you have no idea who you'd be without him.

i wont rehash boruto because ive done that already but its critical as well. WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO HIM IM GONNA THROWUP

#asks157 #nrto #naruto #wont tag the first fellow bc this is major hate for him lol #sasuke #itachi

[shady-swan-jones]

Silicon Valley fic Masterlist

Hallfoyle, mine:

Schrödinger's cat 

"First you say ‘I like you’ as if I haven’t spent the last three years watching you being a mean sarcastic asshole and not caring about anyone’s feelings. Then you add ‘not like that’, disappear, and proceed to never mention it again. And go to extreme lengths to avoid me. So, for fuck’s sake, Gilfoyle, what is your deal?” -/- Monica is furious. Gilfoyle falls back on science and philosophy as a way to address his feelings. Naturally.

The Road Not Taken 

Laurie offers Monica everything she ever wanted if she goes back to Bream-Hall. But is it too late now that she's helming Pied Piper? Did she make the right choice, risking it all for a dream and a New Internet?

What Are You Waiting For 

Gilfoyle has the chance to write the algorythm that will make him post-Pied Piper famous, the king of System Architecture. Monica has received an offer she doesn't share with the group. But why do they both procrastinate when they're faced with what is, arguably, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? -a short fic about holding back

This Guy Fucks 

There were a number of instances in the last year that left Dinesh Chungtai utterly dumbfounded. Yet, nothing came close to surprising him more than seeing his satanist buddy leaving a cup of coffee on Monica’s desk like it’s normal Gilfoyle behavior. - a Hallfoyle story

Don't SCRUM it up, Gilf 

“At least I didn’t put my girlfriend in prison because I was too much of a pussy to break up with her”, Girlfoyle grips. Dinesh pauses, the beer bottle halfway to his mouth. “At least I had a real girlfriend, instead of stringing someone along while mooning over a girl who doesn’t even bother to reject me”.

Hallfoyle:

Can't Keep My Hands Off Of You by ShyRomantic

Gilfoyle and Monica were having a hard time keeping their hands to themselves, they keep getting caught but they just can't bring themselves to stop. Their friends handle their passions in the best way they can.

Attractive Opposites by Ariana (ariana_paris) [complete]

Gilfoyle likes Monica. Monica doesn’t like Gilfoyle. Or at least she doesn’t until she knows he likes her. Not that she wants a relationship with him, of course. They are complete opposites, after all. But you know what they say about opposites…

Halloween Hijinx by ShyRomantic

Pied Piper decides to throw a halloween party for the office, blow off some steam. Monica might have forgotten her costume but Gilfoyle has a trick or two up his sleeve that might help, and Dinesh might have a full meltdown in the process.

I Like You by DialandyouShallReceive

Takes place after "I like you" happens in 5.08. I love these weird nerds.

together_a five times prompt by blackfodder 

Gilfoyle and Monica are in a relationship. People find out as time goes on.

Perfect Illusion by Ariana (ariana_paris) [c]

Monica urgently needs a plus one for a school friend's wedding. Since nobody suitable is available, she takes Gilfoyle.

Only the Good Die Young by ProgramasaurusRex [wip]

Monica's a Catholic. Gilfoyle's a Satanist. Both of them are confused.

Running a Half-Cryptonomicom by Ariana (ariana_paris)

Set during 6x02. Monica is upset about something and Gilfoyle's ego is slightly bruised.

Purgatory by Cole88 [wip]

Gilfoyle has convinced himself that he is content. Monica disagrees. Sort of.

National Anthem by violet_saturn [wip]

Pied Piper's CFO and Systems Architect haven't interacted much since their victory over the 51% attack. Will Pied Piper's first 4th of July party change things?

Jared/Richard:

The Weight of Us by  @onequartercanadian

The Uber Kidnapper had been on the loose for two years, using Uber to abduct unsuspecting passengers who are never seen again. His last three victims were in San Francisco and Palo Alto. When Richard is his latest victim, Jared stops at nothing to find him. Especially when he realizes what his true feelings for Richard are.

Set It Up by @iambickentameter

In an ingenious attempt to occupy Jared's time, Monica and Gilfoyle take increasingly extreme measures to set him up with Richard.

work friends who live in their workplace by iknowandimsorry

After Pied Piper fails, Richard doesn’t travel. He goes back to the Hacker Hostel and rots. Jared goes with him.

I like me better when I'm with you by @seasiderendezvouss [c]

Hiring Jared was supposed to be a simple act of revenge. Richard would poach him to get back and Gavin and that would be it… at least, that was supposed to be it.

One Last Chance by Ilsistemaperiodico

They may finally find a way to make Son of Anton works.

the curve became a sphere by darklips_paleface

Richard needed space to figure out how to talk to Jared again, how to let him know that Richard wasn’t some tech messiah anymore and that Jared needed to stop treating him like he was something special when he was just some guy now. Or maybe he’d go on this whole global adventure thing, and Eat Pray Love himself into being a better person, a better friend. Here's hoping.

i'm sorry, okay? by lohoron [c]

“You have to take care of your cuticles, Richard,” Jared had whispered kindly, “Such a beautiful person like you should have the neatest cuticles in the world.” Richard had brushed it off. Another Mr. Potato Head of Beautiful People comment. It wasn't a big deal. But he felt a swelling in his tummy he can only describe as gratitude.

#i only put the fics ive read but if you have more recs message me or reblog #sillicon valley #jared dunn #richard hendricks #bertram gilfoyle #monica hall #hallfoyle #sillicon valley ff #my lists #my fics

[tricitymonsters]

Please tell us more RO rant topics!!! <3 (in reference to that post about usa being unwalkable and you tagged it akello rant topic)

OOugh good ask

Mori - gets real butthurt about Hardcore Punk vs Pop Punk debates. He used to get caught up in Poser Politics as a younger man but now that he's about 30 he's tired of hearing the same shit about it and doesn't care anymore. So if someone brings up how pop punk or emo or whatever ruined punk you're going to get him going for at LEAST an hour. Mori also hates Edgy Bands that turn into uptight, reactionary assholes as they age so if you never want him to shut up ask him how he feels about KISS.

Amir - THE RANTIEST but only if you've gotten past his social wall. Absolutely goes MENTAL about a wide variety of art topics, usually. A common one is writing off modern art as Not Art. (Trying to define art in general will get him spicy actually). You don't have to like it (he has mixed feelings personally) but its a direct response to previous art movements and has meaning. He hates andy warhol with the passion of thousand burning suns. He loses his mind when people look at various minimalist or contemporary works and say "i could have done that". (His response is always BUT YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU, KEVIN and god forbid you're standing in a gallery next to him and utter this, the social mask won't protect you). Artists who self deprecate, "inborn talent/prodigy" talks, and sotheby's piss him off too + anything having to do with pretentious critics circles gets him incredibly wound up. A rare non art rant is how much he hates Jeeps and BMWs.

Akello starts slow but will gain momentum rapidly on his special "trigger topics". Civic planning ALWAYS gets him bent out of shape. Lack of viable mass transit options, no sidewalks, no bikelanes, gas prices, car values tanking- it all gets him going REALLY fast. Also gets really bent out of shape as this relates to the disenfranchisement of the poor and homeless (How are you gonna get a job without a car?). Akello's particularly knowledgeable and plugged in with a lot of social issues too so its not art to get him railing on almost anything of that nature. Also being a dad he's REALLY on a hair trigger for education system woes, many of which he either lived himself or through Marcel so. Yeah don't mention IQ tests around Akello he will lose his mind.

Honorable mentions:

Kazu - People who break the rules at idol concerts/meet & greets. Don't touch them, participate in the chants, don't wotagei in the stands, stand in line respectfully or get your ass tossed out. Tourists who stop to take photos/tiktoks in the middle of a crowded area or in some residential neighborhood. Gets him EXTREMELY cranky.

Raath - Social cues. How the fuck is he supposed to know staring into someones eyes and not blinking is frowned upon. Mysterious unspoken rules he's never been told make him Very Angry.

Marcel - He wants to study incels in a petri dish. Sure he's hot and charismatic but even if he wasn't he'd still get women what's so hard for them OH its that they're ASSHOLES. WEIRD.

#thank you for asking! #amir #mori #akello #raath #kazu #marcel

[tobiasdrake]

Speedballs are online. Let's go set the sky on fire.

After a minor pit stop because it's STORY TIME.

Oh wow, I hated that even more than being yeeted. Give me a moment, I need to find the most valuable-looking thing I could possibly throw up on.

Nuh nuh nuh don't talk like that's a secondary objective. I promised you a murder with extreme prejudice.

I promise you, the next time Aephorul glances at this place he'll be like, "What the hell is dangling from Sky Base?" and it will the Catalyst with a power cord wrapped around whatever passes for their neck.

Because that's what friends do for each other.

But first, it's Story Time. Teaks has a new fable to tell us about Estrid!

Wait, mind magic or wind magic? I thought the Triumvirate said wind magic but I might have misheard them. I do that sometimes. It's hard to pay attention when other people are talking.

I don't... think I saw them using any mind magic, though. Unless that weird bird squawk thing the Illuminator was doing was mind magic. Then again, we might still have the Fuck Out Of My Brain Elixirs in our system. Resh'an never said if the effects wear off.

Alright, so I think B'st is a Songster, then. Resh'an mentioned them using Songster magic, but I hadn't made the connection that Songsters are a race. Which is functionally different from an Ovate.

Confirmed that the ancient peoples of this timeline are a different group from the ancient peoples of our timeline, though the similarities are nonetheless evident: Giant statue, transit ball.

*gasp* B'st's bestie! I'm already not liking where this is going.

Yeah, I had my understanding of this totally backwards. I thought they built Estrid long ago, and then Aephorul just repurposed the statue as a fake god for the birdfolk to worship. Because B'st implied that the Songsters' era was long before Aephorul and Resh'an were ever a thing.

But no. Aephorul violently commissioned Estrid's creation as part of the arrangement to purchase the Great Eagle for Resh'an.

So I guess Resh'an and Aephorul were already immortal alchemists palling around, not yet in conflict, when the Songster civilization was a thing. That does make some sense, since they'd need to still be around for Aephorul to use them for soul experiments and stuff.

So. I don't know what B'st was on about, then, with all that "What, did you think YOU were the oldest one here LOL" stuff. I need to just stop trying to make sense of things without you, Teaks.

Glad to see the gift of prophecy was alive and well in this timeline too. Guessing he didn't like what he saw, though. I feel that. I'm pretty sure prophecies only give you information that you'll understand once it's too late to do anything with it.

Except Garl. Garl always got the best prophecies.

Did he look far enough to see us, though? It's very important to me that he knew we would one day arrive in his world.

He was B'st's bestie, and he died trapped in that one stasis tank in Aephorul's workshop. I need to know that he had this one light to hang onto, that he knew how strong and brilliant and beautiful I am.

YES JACKPOT HE KNEW

Okay, I feel better about his terrible, tragic fate. I think B'st might be giving me stink-eye, though.

Okay, so maybe prophecies aren't all bad. When B'st said the battery could be used to restart the speedball network, I took it to be the last surviving bit of the old speedball power network or whatever.

But no, T'kor built the battery into Estrid as a secret long-term machination to be used only once, for this exact purpose. That makes sense.

HOLD UP WHAT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT

I thought that was, like... Some kind of advanced precursor technology that Estrid was holding. BUT IT WAS JUST A HUGE ROCK

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

WHY WOULDN'T HE, IT'S JUST A HUGE ROCK

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

T'KOR WAS A MAD FUCKING GENIUS HAHAHAHAHA WOW

And he knew how brightly I shine and did all this for me. <3 I'm really sad he's dead now. I would have loved to meet him.

That's so sad. I'm genuinely touched by how much ingenuity and planning he put into all of this. I... I think I actually have a little nugget of grief for him after hearing all of that. I hope he felt good about what he'd done in his final moments.

...I hope....

*shouting over edge* THANKS BESTIE! YOU'RE REALLY SMART AND CREATIVE AND PROBABLY HANDSOME, AND I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT WE'RE ALL BETTER OFF 'CAUSE YOU WERE THERE! I'M GONNA DO SO MUCH VIOLENCE TO THE PEOPLE WHO DID THIS TO YOU!!! *kiss blow*

There. If he's seeing the future right now then he probably saw that. At least, I hope he saw that instead of me vomiting on the speedball winch.

Have a good life with the time you have, whenever you are, T'kor.

#sea of stars #drake plays sea of stars

[factorialsotherfandoms]

Surprise alt PoV on Saturday's fic...? Magic exhaustion is totally exhaustion and I wrote basic type back on the fainting day so like. Enjoy some weird shit instead.

XCOM AU, again, with people having extremely bad times. Referenced torture, everything's a bit on the magic end of things for me to be sure how to warn it. Oh right! Implied Major Character Death (they learn this isn't actually the case before the end of the story, but do believe it for long enough to have genuine grief hours about it). Actual major character injury. Psychic torture. Poorly explained magic and soulmate system.

Mostly Forever, Cellbit, and Pac, with background Fit/Pac and not-on-screen-but-vital-to-story Pac & Mike

The meeting has been over for a good twenty minutes now. Most of the Order have dispersed back to their days, but a few still hang around the command centre. Forever is nominally in charge of navigation, but auto-pilot is engaged and they don't have anywhere specific to go. It's the sort of day where one person can manage both navigation and comms, though Cellbit has pulled up a chair and an old book of puzzles to keep himself occupied as he pretends to handle the later.

Not that puzzles are being done, at the moment; currently they're both over by the holographic map system, lazily watching the flightpath while chatting with Pac. Ever since Mike was kidnapped two - maybe three - months ago, he's been out of sorts. Of course he has - Forever doesn't understand what a soul-bond means, not innately, but to have someone trusted with your head pulled away? In danger with nothing you can do, with every lead going nowhere? Pac's honestly dealing weirdly well.

Forever knows he and Cellbit dealt /much/ worse when Felps was stolen from them.

"Any plans tonight?" he asks, when the conversation Cellbit and Pac were having slows to a halt.

"Roier wanted to show me something," Cellbit's face goes soft for a moment at the mention. "Who knows how it'll go?"

"Not really," Pac blinks a little harder than normal. "Maybe the bar? Is there anything else to do?"

"Steal the lab back for an evening?" Cellbit suggests.

"Dating!" is Forever's reply.

Pac laughs at the first, and goes red at the second.

"Ohhhh," Forever laughs, suddenly realising. "Is Fit going to be at the bar, by any chance?"

"I- Ah- Maybe!" Pac's hands swish about the air with just quite how flustered he is by the mere suggestion. "What about you? Aren't you up to anything?"

"Me?" Forever replies, teasing. "Well now you ask... No, not much. Pierre had some new reports I should probably start working through."

"The elerium reports?" Cellbit's eyes light up. "He's finished? Did he have much to say about it?"

"His report's short, Tubbo's though..." Forever laughs.

"Tubbo's right, though," Pac looks over to a point between Forever and Cellbit, thinking hard. "If we can fully harness it... Ship power isn't going to be a problem again. We might even be able to use it to channel... No, I don't think it'll work for grenades. We don't have enough anyway. But if we can find a way to safely embed it... You might... Maybe... You should make Tubbo talk to Pierre. I'm not up to date on all our schematics, and I'm not Mike, but... With the right wiring it should make energy weapons viable? And! The alloys he was looking at for the new armour? If I'm right about it-"

At some point during the ramble, Forever had looked away; one of the engineers was flagging him down for permission to start maintenance on the steering system. He is in the middle of giving them the thumbs up when Pac's ramble cuts off.

Forever abandons the engineer, head snapping back around to check on him.

Pac often trails off.

But Pac does /not/ cut off at the peak of excitement in a ramble. Not unless it's followed by an apology. Never to nothing, never to dead silence.

Forever's correct; Pac has frozen up, his eyes overtaken by a haze of glowing blue.

Fuck, psionics; Forever looks to Cellbit, who shakes his head - not anything he can detect, and so not anything from an attack.

Just in case he still sees Cellbit extend a nullification field over Pac - and Forever as well. No change.

Pac's fingers, previously loose on the guard rail as he leant against it, are white with the tension in his grip.

"Pac...?" Forever glances back and forth between Cellbit and Pac as he speaks. "Everything okay?"

Pac blinks.

Usually it would erase the glow.

This time... The colour shifts.

Right eye remains blue.

Left eye shifts to green.

"... Mike?"

If it /is/ Mike, some sort of long distance contact from his cell that Cellbit and Pac had both called too dangerous to attempt over the distance...

Forever tries to remind himself it means something is terribly wrong - Mike would have tried this earlier if he thought that he could - but all that happens is that his heart soars.

A lead, a lead, for the first time in months they have a better lead than 'somewhere in Australia, South-East Asia, the Pacific, or South America'. He's no idea how good a lead, but it is one.

"Mike!" Cellbit's call for their missing friend is sharper. "Pac? What's happening? Where are you?"

Pac - Mike - neither of them respond. Pac doesn't even blink, his body rigid against the guard rail.

Cellbit reaches an arm behind him, making sure he doesn't fall back over it if at any point he goes limp. The action... The action forces Forever's brain into accepting just how serious this probably is.

And no matter what, once this is over Pac is going to be a wreck. He's coping... badly, but so much better than any of them thought he would, the bad limited to reckless disregard for his own safety, not anything else. After this, though, after having Mike in his brain only to have to leave...

If he and Cellbit aren't enough to help - and they won't be - there's two other people Forever can think that Pac might want. He grabs his communicator, sending messages summoning Fit and Felps.

Fit is on the training range, and Felps is probably asleep, but at least they'll come as soon as they're free.

Forever and Cellbit... They can work with that.

He leaves Cellbit to do whatever psionic things he's trying - soul-bonds aren't like Cellbit's academic psionics, but it comes from the same root source, they think - and does what he can.

The engineer has taken his distraction for permission, and is doing her job. Forever... This isn't his, but all the crew are his responsibility - and especially the Brazilians.

He takes one of Pac's hands, peeling it from the guard rail and interlacing the fingers with his own.

Nails dig deep into his hand as Pac, still blank eyed and otherwise unresponsive, clings back.

It stays like that for a few minutes - even on their ship they refuse to leave Pac alone and vulnerable. Just... Forever holding his hand, Cellbit protecting his back, and Pac's face completely blank in a way Pac's never is.

Forever can read the tension in his body, though, the way the shaking grows with every breath.

He does his best to reassure them, whatever combination of Tazercraft can or cannot hear him, all the while shooing anyone looking into walking past. Fit and Felps still haven't replied, but it's okay, it's okay, he and Cellbit can at least keep Pac curled up sobbing somewhere safe until other help arrives. Forever wants to fix it, wants to take the tension from Pac's spine and bring him Mike - the only real way to soothe the gash in his soul - wants to just keep those he cares about safe.

But, no, all Forever can do is hold Pac's hand as the minutes tick away.

Tick, tick, tick away...

One minute

Two minutes

Three.

Four minutes pass, five...

The green disappears from Pac's eyes.

He screams.

The blue is still there, lashing out from his eyes. Forever drops his hand to try to pull Pac against him; Cellbit shifts like he's about to try and do the same.

Before they can touch him, it stops. It all stops. Pac crumples to the floor, deathly silent, terrifyingly still - a limp, dead weight. Forever catches him against his shoulder, easing him to the floor, unable to think, unable to breathe. Cellbit takes over, calling Pac's name, checking his breathing, lowering him onto his side.

Forever drops to his knees, and lets the jolt of pain break the trance. He grabs his comm back up, not even looking as he flicks the button to summon someone from medical.

"Is that...?" he looks to Cellbit, and Cellbit looks back.

And, fuck, Cellbit is just as helpless as him.

"No idea," their best expert on psionics says, and they're fucked; Forever knew that, but can't blame a man for hoping. "Bonds aren't... I don't do bonds. Pac would be the one to ask."

And Pac is the one lying on the floor.

It's another couple of seconds before Pac's eyes blink open. As soon as he sees, Forever leans down, brushing a hand along his cheek.

"Pac?" he asks. "Pac, are you okay?"

Pac's eyes do find him, and do focus properly. It's a relief, even as the tears start flowing.

Forever... Forever doesn't know what could possibly cause such a violent reaction, but his heart shatters at the possibilities. He doesn't want to think, doesn't want to think-

"Mike," Pac whispers between the sobs. "Mike..."

Too late, too late, they're too fucking late.

Forever can see his own hands shake as he brushes them across Pac's skin. He needs to pace, to scream, to think, to plan, to- to- there is /no/ making this right, but he /has/ to, he has to, he has to, Mike can't- He can't be-

Forever cannot even think the word.

Cellbit is also quiet.

Cellbit's hands are also trembling.

Cellbit must have concluded the same.

Forever wonders why the fuck Cellbit has not taken back his position, when Forever sits here trembling and Cellbit manages to at least flag the medics down.

They nudge him to one side, two helping Pac while the third orders him and Cellbit to sit, orders someone else to get warm drinks, and generally takes control of the support staff. Someone - Forever thinks it might be Jaiden, but he can't quite see more than a purple blur, so it could be Vegetta - has taken over navigation and comms. One of those warm drinks is placed in his hands, and another in Cellbit's. Pac is able to - with a bit of help - sit by the time he's helped onto a stretcher. It's a relief, it's a relief, if the only one Forever has - and, fuck, how does he face Pac again, when he didn't have the information.

Fit appears at some point. One of Tubbo's people - Tubbo's people, who used to be Pac and Mike's people, fuck - directs him.

Fit's face is pale, when he sprints off.

Felps joins them even later. He doesn't say anything as he worms his way between Forever and Cellbit, pulling them both into a hug.

Bagi's away from the Avenger, doing work with Tina and one of the rebel cells. They're necessarily out of contact; they have time to work out how to tell her. Everyone else... Fit will work it out, once he sees Pac - if he hasn't already. Otherwise... Maybe he can fob the announcement off on Wilbur, but it doesn't seem right, doesn't seem... He's the commander of this operation, it's /supposed/ to be his job.

But he can't, he can't - right now all he can think of is pink hair and sharp laughter and a sharper mind, bright eyes behind taped together glasses.

They... They still don't know where he is. They'll never even be able to retrieve a body; the thrice-damned Federation will have melted it down for parts before they get there.

Just like they did to all those civilians...

That's what breaks him, in the end. Forever curls over Felps shoulder, and sobs into his neck.

Mike, Mike, Mike...

He's lost everyone before - lost Mike before, not once, but twice.

It still hurts, it still hurts, maybe it even hurts worse than before.

Really, he should have known miracles don't come in threes.

---

At some point, Felps steers them all into the privacy of Forever's... office-slash-bedroom. There's definitely a desk and computer there, but also some old beaten up couches, a thousand filing cabinets, and an old army bed shoved in a corner.

There's also a coffee machine on a table between two of the cabinets, and Forever doesn't have the strength to stop Cellbit from abusing it today.

He's trying to plan, trying to think - but what can he do? They know where the /Hunter/ is, they could get revenge, but there's still the Warlock, and even taking out those three doesn't promise safety. His instincts say pull everyone back, cocoon up, drag everyone else to safety and let nothing touch them ever again - especially now there's /children/ on the ship too.

But they don't have that choice. They have too many friends, too many allies, too many people to save and too few of them would ever leave the world to burn.

Fit's not come to find them, so at least Pac isn't alone. He should go, he should maybe try comfort Pac, but what can he say? Sorry my contacts weren't good enough to find your soulmate before he was murdered? Fuck, he can't do that.

But then again...

Felps is telling a story, trying to keep their minds off things they cannot change. Cellbit doesn't seem to be listening, and Forever certainly isn't, but there's some things he just cannot change.

They did get Felps back.

... They did, right?

Forever reaches out, grabbing his wrist. His fingers find his pulse, and he forces himself to breathe. Felps was dead - everyone was convinced Felps was dead - but he wasn't actually. He wasn't harvested and liquidised, his brain was used as a CPU for a supercomputer instead. Horrific, horrifying,with mental and physical scars to this day, but they got Felps back.

Maybe...

Pac would know if Mike was still alive, even like that; if the soulbond is still there, it's there. If it's not...

Though...

Oh.

Forever pulls Felps with him as he marches to one of the cabinets. Which mission, which mission, which mission...

There. Operation Wailing Feast. No losses of their own, minimal civilian causalities too, but it was more by sheer, dumb luck than anything else. Philza had been in command, but Roier had written the initial report, the paperwork slightly smeared in blood, because Mike had been a sobbing mess, and the rest of the squad were recovering from major surgery.

It was before there was a proper medical facility on the ship, too; Aypierre's lab was thoroughly cleaned first, sure, but between needing to do surgery in an autopsy lab, and the only place for them to go after being the beds at the side of the common room, it's a wonder all of them made it.

They had - all of them had recovered - but it had never been a sure thing.

Another failure on Forever's part - he should have realised they'd need a medical ward sooner, should have made it the highest priority. But the cash just wasn't coming, and the parts, and...

And, there is one, now. He fixed that error.

Guilt is not what he came here for, it's just too easy to feel.

He refocuses and ignores Roier's report. Instead he looks for the other page, written by Philza several weeks later, once the man's hands were capable of writing again.

Skims it over, skims it over and breathes.

The report is short, as Philza's tend to be, and Roier had already covered most of the details. It, however, concerns the circumstances of Pac's injuries that day - caught in multiple explosions in quick succession, burns, shrapnel wounds, knocked out by the concussive force...

There's a note there, too, of how Mike had panicked. Panicked and started blind firing at anything that came close. He'd believed Pac dead, at first, needing coaxing to reach back along the bond and find him. Only then did he calm down long enough to allow Philza's Crow to approach, and stabalise Pac's wounds.

He clutches the paper, and names it hope - it says nothing good, it says so many terrible thing, but- but the soul bond /is/ fallible. In heightened emotional states, if someone is injured enough, it's possible to miss.

Even if they read Pac correctly - and now he thinks Pac never said Mike was gone, just the green vanished from the connection and Pac had called for him while sobbing - even if Pac can't feel Mike... It doesn't mean Mike's dead.

It's Forever's turn to drop to his knees in relief. He hates that it's relief - for Pac to have that reaction, for the soul bond to be missed, Mike must be horrifically wounded and is still held captive by an enemy that liquidises humans in a very literal way, for nobody knows what purpose - but it is. Because... Because he might not be too late. Mike might be /alive/.

He sobs, but they're not sad tears this time.

He hands the paper to Felps.

Felps, whose eyes also light up, and hands it to Cellbit.

Cellbit, who still downs the coffee but slams the mug into the table and says "do you think Pac has any idea where to look now?" already working on a new plan.

It's a good question. Pac was too out of it earlier, but maybe...

Forever's comm pings, and the timing is immaculate; it's Fit, saying Pac's properly awake and wants to speak to them.

It's followed by another message saying at least Fit thinks that's right, but Pac's struggling with English more than usual and his Portuguese isn't great.

"I'll go talk to him," Forever breathes out. "Do you-?"

"You two go," Felps takes the paper back from Cellbit, and puts everything back away. "I'll start asking around. Maybe Fred's people have something?"

They checked in yesterday and had nothing then, but the name of the game is hope, and contacting Fred's faction is always more complicated than the others. Maybe they'll have information from Pac once they manage to get a meeting.

---

Medical is the same as ever, if surprisingly quiet. It's been a while since their last full operation - Forever is certain that everything will go to hell soon, it always does - and nobody's managed to get shot on more covert activities of late. Pac's the only patient, curled up on a bed towards the back with Fit at his side and a nearby doctor keeping half an eye on him while she cleans.

"Pac!" Forever sweeps to his other side, taking one of his free hands. "Are you alright? You didn't hit your head or anything?"

Pac squeezes his hand, and offers a shaky, scared smile, "I'm good, I- Um... Fit?"

He glances at Fit, who tilts his head. After a second, the bomber works it out.

"Doc says he's just exhausted himself," Fit squeezes the hand of Pac's he's holding. "They're more trained on physical shit, but something about overtaxing himself psionically...?"

Cellbit's expression goes dark for a second. He storms over to Pac's side, pressing to fingers to the side of his head. Their eyes meet and Cellbit's eyes take on a slight red glow as he presses harder onto Pac's skin.

While Cellbit works Fit squeezes Pac's hand, and stands.

"I'll give you guys some privacy, let Tubbo know what's going on," he says.

Pac reaches for a hug; Fit gives it with only a little hesitation, whispering something in his ear before heading out. He gives Forever a wave, and it's returned, and then it's just a case of waiting for Cellbit to be satisfied.

Eventually, Cellbit pulls the fingers away, frowning as he does. "What happened, Pac? You're lucky - that's low enough to- fuck, Pac, you'll hurt yourself like this."

Pac doesn't even laugh nervously, his eyes just flicker to his hands.

"Mike reached for me," Pac says, clearly still badly drained. "I knew... I knew it would be bad, if he was reaching that far. We know it's too far to do safely..."

He trails off, and Forever tries to be gentle in his questioning.

"Is Mike okay?" he asks, because until he has that answer he doesn't know if he can breathe.

"Alive," Pac says, and both of the other Brazilians in the room relax; Cellbit starts texting Felps and maybe Roier as soon as that word is said. "He... He's hurt, though. Badly. I'm not sure what happened - physically - it was... We were entwined, we were trying to stay together, then suddenly he pulled back. Seconds later he grew very faint. He's not... Not gotten worse since, but..."

But it doesn't mean anything good, if the building tears mean anything.

"What happened?" Cellbit is the one to ask. "Mike isn't stupid, he wouldn't have risked it unless..."

"Cucurucho," Pac says, and the room goes dead silent.

Even the doctor freezes for a moment, before beginning to scrub even harder than before.

"Interrogation?" Cellbit asks, the only person they know to have been interrogated by one of the Federation's spokesmen.

Well, interrogated and have survived.

And he only lived, they think, because the cursed bear thought it was funnier that way.

Pac nods, shaking, "he... I don't know exactly? He threw /himself/ at me, I caught him and threw up a shield. I think... I think I covered everything important, but- but... not everything. There wasn't time. And the claws..." a particularly violent shudder. "I felt a little of the rest, as he pulled away. It's... Cucurucho must have read it, but it's all... fragmented? I... I don't-"

"You saved him," Cellbit cuts Pac off without a moment's hesitation. "Pac, listen to me? No matter what Cucurucho did or didn't take, Mike is alive because of /you/. Whatever happened? We can fix it. So long as he's alive when we get to him, we can fix it."

"I don't-" tears bubble out of Pac's eyes, and onto his cheeks. "He's so weak. He's there, he's still there, but..."

Forever shifts over to the bed, offering Pac a hug. It's quickly taken up, Pac folding against him.

"We'll find him," Forever promises, because if he's alive then they /can/. "Any information might help, but no matter what, we'll find him."

He's been saying that for months, now; he continues convincing himself it's true.

Pac shakes his head at first. Forever knows his friend - he gives it a second even as Cellbit's feet tap-tap on the floor.

The second pays off; Pac raises a hand, and points out in a direction, "he's that way. Not sure how far, but... Not this continent."

Forever sees Cellbit grab a compass - why he's carrying one he has no idea - setting it up and scribbling the direction on his hand.

It's something, it's so much more than they had.

"Thank you," Forever whispers to him. Holds him tight, doesn't know if Pac will ever understand how much he means to them - with Mike, yes, but even without him - and how wonderful he is. "Thank you, Pac. Rest, you did well; thank you, thank you so much."

There's no more promises that it'll be okay - they can't promise that, not here, not now, not like this. But it might be, it might be, it's possible.

The thread is fraying but it's not yet been cut; there's still a chance to pull it back in and weave in new strands.

All they can do is try.

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp x xcom #qsmp forever #qsmp au #qsmp cellbit #qsmp pac #qsmp tazercraft #angst #fred gets to be a defector this au because I needed more than just walter bob #congrats them #its grocery day but in the afternoon as had to wait for a parcel ew

[zeteroxx]

What did the fourth guy do? (Also you’re a pretty small system compared to all the others I’ve met lol ((unless there’s more people not mentioned in pinned)). I think there was one system with more than 100 people)

Uhhhhhh

He uh

May or may not be uh

Very

Very

Fucked up

Like uh I'll put it under the cut but fyi this shit will def make you VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

Also it's def a small system and not really like how I've seen most people describe systems but I can definitely switch personalities kind of on command by uh

Just asking

But they can try and switch on their own volition

When that happens I usually get a LOT of twitching and stuff to the point where it looks like I'm having a seizure sometimes, although that has more to do with being controlled by more than one of the system, which is why when the fourth guy tries to take over, I will often start twitching uncontrollably, and my movements will be much more erratic than usual. but these other personalities are like

They're so complex they're basically other people, and I also interact with these other personalities quite regularly in my sort of...

Weird system headspace.

Imagine just uh

Imagine white space but non-looping so that the void stretches out forever.

We all often hang out here when we aren't piloting the body, and while I can only feel what goes on when I'm piloting, it's...

It's like I'm having my entire identity swapped out every time I switch. Like, everything that makes a person individual and unique.

Although, one of the weird things is that we do all share memories, both inside and outside of our system headspace, which is one of the main things that I think makes me different from most systems.

Extremely violent (will attack on sight)

Okay so fourth guy is:

Necrophiliac + into rape (and other fucked up stuff)

Extremely horny (see above)

Psycho-sociopath (wants to kill everyone/do horrible things to them and will act out in these tendencies if I let him)

Sadomasochist (has choked me several times in an attempt to kill me, as well as trying to fling me out my window while I can't do anything about it and just have to accept that this is what's happening)

LGBTQphobic (so hates all of us in the system even more)

Racist (self explanatory)

In general just a disgusting human being

He's fucked and if I could remove him from the system I would

Also he does have a name

But we don't say it

We try to avoid mentioning him because when we do he forcibly tries to pilot

Which is bad

#basil ramble #me #ash #sunn #nu #the fourth guy

[blog-of-hubris]

Choujin X Chapter 42: Closed System

Ishida is ready for the next big arc of Choujin X... and so am I!!

Preface:

So, I am going to start doing metas on Choujin X every new chapter! Choujin X is currently one of my all-time favorite series to read ongoing, and I have been bottling up my brain rot a little too long!

So if you like Choujin X and want to read more metas like this, give me a follow or keep up with my tags! I hope everyone who reads enjoys, and feel free to send any asks about the series!

Ishida is eccentric in a lot of ways. He does very unconventional stuff with his manga, and of course Choujin X is no exception. Specifically, I am referencing,

The White Choujin

So, the beginning of this chapter was weird for me (lol). I'm African American, and the whole “whiteness” thing with this choujin automatically made me think race was being referenced. I quickly dismissed that notion because I feel like the racial perspective I have as an American would differ drastically from a Japanese man. Furthermore, I also have a hard time believing this was in reference to race, but instead deeper symbolism to the overall path Choujin X (tokio specifically) is facing.

I'll expand on this more in a later section (because they tie in together) but I just wanted to mention my initial thought just in case I'm completely wrong and maybe Ishida was doing something else.. Who knows.

Pressure on Palma

If you know me, or know my opinions on Choujin X (which i don't think anyone on here does) then you would know how much I hate Azuma. I quite literally hate him. I see his value in the story and as almost a foil (or better yet rival) to Tokio, but as a person I hate him.

This interrogation of Palma doubles down on my hatred. I understand that Azuma has to be stern to make sure Palma isn't an enemy but based on her answers, her past and who she was dealing with it is very obvious she was being used. I think even Ely picked up on this, and even said that it's better for the police to handle the specifics with her sentencing because of the common laws broken. I mean, damn, he was literally rephrasing all her answers to come off as possibly intentional evil. (very much something a police officer's son would do. fuck him and his lame ass pig dad).

For Azuma to call Palma a bad guy without self awareness, but he literally tried to kill his “friends” when he became a choujin is unacceptable. It's the pot calling the kettle black. Azuma, YOU are the bad guy without any self awareness, and that's what makes him so damn annoying to me. Ely realized how much Palma was simply being used, but Azuma believes his sense of justice is above all... just like an unaware bad guy, huh?

Palma is so precious, too, because she thinks to herself how she needs to now learn the laws of the land. She is only 16 (Tokio.. she is yours) and has such a genuine personality to her. I really hope we get more of her and Tokio because I think two of Zora's beasts becoming a couple or at least a strong duo would be a perfect twist. We'll just have to see where Palma's path goes.

Ember, Xember, and Fortunes Unseen

(this section will have multiple mini sections!)

Ishida,,, you beautiful man. When I tell you I was begging for this Batista backstory since we first got introduced to his character, I am not overexaggerating. Finally, seeing what caused Batista to be pushed to the edge (or more so a glimpse to it) is exactly what was needed to really send this manga into its next big stage.

But before we get to that, i wanna dive into Batista's conclusions from his experiment with Palma.

There are now two beasts for Zora: Tokio & Palma

Xember can be used on Choujin

Azuma could possibly become a beast with Xember

Now, these three things are extremely important to the pathways that can be taken in this series. We could see Palma take over the powers from Zora (might be cool to see), we could still have Tokio takeover, or Azuma could become a beast and take Zora's powers. OR, there could be a whole new beast created like Palma. Ishida basically is either giving us a red herring, or it is a strong possibility that he won't be taking Zora's power; (but I feel like he will be due to him already having such a high connection to Zora).

However, I do not know what this means for Batista. Does he want to create as many of Zora's beasts as possible? Is he trying to find the perfect vessel? Or is he just creating back up plans if Tokio doesn't take her powers? Or is he planning something else entirely? Maybe he wants to see if he can take Zora's powers, or maybe even just a part of them? I am not sure how deep Batista's loyalty really goes with Zora, and that leads me into his past.

Mado's Prophecy:

I do not trust Mado, I think she is shady as hell. Ishida showed us a glimpse of this scene, but now we get to see the full moment where Mado claims Sandek has to kill Batista. Apparently, Mado had a vision with Batista bringing rise to the destruction of Yamato Mori (I assume because she simply says “our destruction” who is “our”? I feel like this is a little ambiguous on purpose). She claims that he has to renounce his choujin powers in order to avoid that fate, and this brings about two questions from me:

What does it mean to renounce his choujin powers? Is he giving them away? Is he just swearing not to use them?

How does Mado know this will fix the future? If her prophecies always happen, what does renouncing his powers do except alienate him?

I feel like Mado has a lot of secrets, and once these secrets get revealed, things will flip on their heads. But, my main point is that she pushed Batista away from their group, ultimately alienating him from even his own brother. I think there is more to Mado, and possibly she is an unaware bad guy as well.

I liked that Sandek spoke up and tried to vouch for his brother. I loved that a lot. Not only that, but I think it was foolish of Batista to give up something that makes him who he is because of Mado's prophecies, but he even said it himself that they always come true. I feel like betting on Sandek's initial proposal would have given them a better chance, but instead the pieces were set in motion for Batista to become their worst nightmare.

Even If You Can't Lift A Hundred Tons:

Batista's life as a “human” separated him from his brother and made his connection to Mori drastically change. Apparently, this drug called “Ember” was the original core research Batista was working. There isn't much detail (that I can recall) about Ember, but it seems that it was something he thought would benefit everyone. I hate seeing Batista say that only those who contribute as Choujin are listened to by the Yamato Mori, and that fact alone leads me to believe they are not the same faction that Zora founded. It doubles down my belief that Mado changed Yamato for the worse, and is using them to get rid of Zora.

(I think Zora and Mado can alter each other's prophecies, and Mado is trying to take out Zora to make her visions absolute.)

Aside from that, Batista had to find happiness and satisfaction as a human, even though he was a trained Choujin. As a human, he kept researching to make the world a better place, and even found love. This love kept him going, gave him purpose, and I also believe was what allowed him to accept his life as a “human”. He may not be able to life a hundred tons, but he is still a great choujin. I think his lover, Hartley, was telling him this to remind him that he IS choujin, and that no matter what they cannot take that from him. Everything he is doing is as a Choujin, not a Human. I find this metaphorical usage to be very powerful, and it leads directly into the next subsection -

A Wonderful Future No One Has Foreseen:

I find Ishida to be a sick man for giving us such a beautiful love seen then going right into a spread of Batista looking like he hit rock bottom; giving up his hand for a new hand by the Chimera Choujin.

I find the fact he is giving up a hand really cool because it feels like a play on “the hand you were dealt”. Batista clearly lacked the power Sandek had, and he also didn't have the respect Sandek had. With going to the Chimera Choujin, he is now giving himself a new hand to play, literally being able to take other's powers for himself. I need Ishida to give us more info on Hartley and her marriage to Batista. What happened that caused Batista to resort to becoming the chimera choujin, and how does this all connect back to Zora?

One thing I do know, is that Batista is pursuing a future that is unseen. That tells me that he isn't as loyal to Zora as his constituents may think, and could just be using her to counter whatever Mado foresees. Give me more Ishida... please.

Sandek/Batista & Tokio/Azuma Connection:

Earlier, I brought up that I would be talking about the beginning of the chapter in a later section because it would tie in later, well here it is. When it comes to the beginning of the chapter with the Whiteness Choujin, I think this was ishida foreshadowing the “black” overcoming the “white”.

“Black” = Tokio & Batista. "White” = Azuma & Sandek

Sato already made mention that he made Tokio's overall goal be to surpass Sandek. In the fight against the whiteness choujin, he specifically calls Tokio black. I could be over analyzing this, but when you think about it, it makes sense. Why else would Ishida give us that choujin in the same chapter we get the deeper info on Batista leaving Yamato Mori? We even get more symbolization of Sandek being the “white” and Batista being the “black”. I think this applies to Tokio and Azuma too. I think there will be a big clash between Batista and Sandek (and Sandek will die). The death of Sandek will be the beginning of Yamato Mori's fall, and I speculate thast Azuma will try to take over Sandek's role while Tokio will be determining if he still wants to side with Yamato Mori.

I know this is a big theory, and is all based on my analyzing of Ishida's use of symbolism, but I think it holds weight. Even if this doesn't exactly happen, I see something of similar nature happening. I like that Ishida is adding complication to the usual symbolism of black and white, making it possibly for either side to be the face of good or evil.

Checking up on Chandra

I love that Chandra Hume hasn't been tossed to the side as a character. He still has so much loyalty to Zora, but since he doesn't have his choujin powers, he is useless to them. So we get to see him living his mundane human life... until he gets kidnapped in a bathroom by Ricardo and Ririka.

P.S I am madly in love with Ririka and Ricardo, and I am very desperate to see them every chapter, so thank you Ishida. Please keep them around forever. I love that they are independent contractors.

Also, before we get into the kidnapping, I found it very interesting that Chandra thinks about Ely while taking a smoke break in the bathroom. I think the concept of smoking reminds him of his choujin powers. It is his way of copping, thinking about flying in the sky with his smoke, like an old war veteran thinking about his past glories. That all gets interrupted though by R&R (Ricardo and Ririka).

I love that Batista and Chandra have never been on the same page, so when Batista thinks of a choujin test subject for Xember he thinks of Chandra. Even Chandra knows they were sent by Batista just from seeing the syringe in the Ice choujin's hands when he wakes up in the garage. With a quick exchange of words, Chandra accepts the syringe dosage. Batista talked about the possibility of Choujins blowing up, and seemingly thats what happens to Chandra. He yells that his heart was pounding, then his body busted into pieces.

Even Mr. Ice calls Batista a 'masked scoundrel' because he believed that Chandra would have been the choujin to survive the dosage of Xmber. Does this mean even he doesn't trust Batista, but has to listen due to a power hierarchy? When you think about it, it did come off like Batista and Chandra were on equal footing and had the other followers of Zora listening to them. This could have been Batista's way of getting rid of Chandra (possibly) but even if he survived it, it just proved the efficiency of Xember. It's a win-win scenario for Batista!

Even I for a moment was saddened to see Chandra go because I really enjoyed his character. He was an antagonist that served as a perfect catalyst for Ely and I think there is a lot more that can be explored with their dynamic. Of course, Ishida doesn't disappoint!!

Chandra is alive, bodyless. Just a head. He is being preserved by the extremely sexy Yubiko. I swear Ishida knows I love her because he drew her even thicker and sexier than when we first met her. This has me so excited because it seems the Xember worked! Chandra is just a head, but he is alive. He might need time to raise due to the heavy damage, he lost his eyeballs in the explosion, but has them now. So it is apparent that raise is happening, albeit a slower pace. I really wonder how this dynamic with Yubiko is going to unfold on the next episode of Checking up on Chandra (lol).

Conclusion

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings about Choujin X chapter 42! I am going to try to keep up with every chapter meta as I can. Sometimes I just get lazy, LOL.

Please comment below with your thoughts, feel free to hit my ask box about anything and make sure you share if you enjoyed!

Tell me, how long do you think it will take Chandra to fully raise (if he does).

Hopefully new chapter soon!!

#dh🍵 #choujin x #choujin x 42 #Choujin X chapter #Sui Ishida #choujin x review

[existentialcrisis-24-7]

Hey what the best and worst thing about writing your rewrite (currently reading it btw.Very good stuff)

For season 4 (if you ever get to doing that I mean) is it gonna stay similar to how it was in show or is it a complete overhaul in general ?

If so what changes do you have in mind for Believix ,Roxy,the earth fairies, Tir Na Nog and the white /black circle?

Thank you so much for the ask! I'm sorry, I got started writing and couldn't stop but since I'm at my computer I manged to hide this post that got Extremely long under a cut.

Also to anyone reading this who might be curious on my magic system, I have an abridged post explaining it here.

The best part is lore and worldbuilding and the consequences of those because oh boy do I sure love space and weird magic fuckery! I also greatly enjoy getting to expand on the things that were in the original story or at least implied but were never fully explained (such as timeline issues or planets that get brought up once and never again).

My least favourite part is kind of a weird one, it being the characters. You know, the whole reason for the story. But this is kinda because 1. I don’t have much skill in writing people and 2. Because I actually never learned how people work irl for whatever reason and tbh I hardly even know how I work, so having to get into the minds of characters and figure out how they think feel about things is definitely a struggle. Though I wouldn’t have started this rewrite if I wasn’t up for the challenge!

As for Season 4.

Here’s the thing, about season 4. There's a lot I really like about it and it introduced some really cool new elements to the story, but there’s a lot of things about it that I really don’t like, which is why when I first started this rewrite and planned out my general timeline, I made the very controversial decision to swap season 4 and season 2. I'll explain:

If Lord Darkar is basically a god of darkness and has been pulling the strings the whole time then it makes sense that he should be more of a final boss and have a build up instead of being revealed in season 2, doing fuck all and then getting defeated and never mentioned again. I want to build him up as an imposing evil that beings even as powerful as the Ancestral Witches kneel before. Which isn't really a thing that can be done in 2 seasons with the goal of the first season being defeat the Trix and getting Bloom used to the magic dimension.

Season 4 in place of season 2 is a bit more complicated to pull off but it still feels more coherent to me this way because you can introduce Roxy and Aisha together. And even if Roxy is a couple years behind them in school they can at least be trauma bonded together (/j). It also puts nearly everyone on uneven ground, giving them a lot of opportunities to develop and bond with each other as they all learn and adjust. It also helps that the Wizards are relatively lax enemies who aren’t showing up all the time to just generally ruin the Winx's day like the Trix, meaning there’s more room to show that growth too.

so to answer the second question, yes I'm doing season 4, but it is a complete overhaul.

As for the changes I'm making with season 4 plot points, there's a lot of them.

First and foremost, Believix. Due to the fact that season 4 is now season 2, the main 6 are going to be earning charmix (Roxy will earn it in season 3 instead of Enchantix because she is younger and far more inexperienced with magic), though how they do so will have a few tweaks (most notably that they actually know about Charmix prior to earning it). Believix as a transformation might be used in a possible story after the main one (seasons 1-4) ends, though I can say if it is, it will definitely be altered significantly. What I will be using, though again altering, are the Gifts of Destiny for the new season 4. I'm not gonna be elaborate a whole lot about this specific topic right now as I'm still progressively making my way through the first 2 seasons with an occasional thought thrown into the 3rd.

Secondly the Earth fairies, Tír na nÓg (teer-na-nohg, the original Irish spelling that I am Infinitely petty about) and The Wizards of the Black Circle are also Very. different. This would've been brought up in a post about the timeline I have yet to make for whatever reason, but using actual Irish myth about Tír na nÓg and a little bit of finaglling, I did my best to fix the weird timeline issue and because I don't forsee myself making a post about this any time soon I'll just explain it all here (though be warned because while I tried my best to explain things thoroughly (which also lead to a lot of text), I, as someone rewriting a story, have the benefit of foresight and so there are many interconnected plot points and elements that I haven't gotten around to explaining yet that might be a little confusing).

First off, The White and Black Circles. A Circle is a physical maifestation of a magic oath that binds you (and however many others there are) to a cause. Once the cause is completed, the circle will dissolve and you can go pursue other things in life, but until then you are constantly pulled back and even caused some pain if you attempt to stray from the goal. Breaking a circle requires an incredible amount of magic and is still not easy for even the most skilled magic users. "The Oath of the Black Circle" was an oath made by a Clann wizards, a few years before the fall of Domino, with the goal of ridding the Magic Dimension of fairies, who spread themselves out across the Magic Dimension like a plague. They split off into different, efficient factions, effectively eliminating a significant number of fairies and removing their wings (which, in my rewrite, do not grow back and leave a permanent scar). For the most part however, they weren't effective enough and, with the outbreak of war in the Magic Dimension after Domino's fall and the rise of the Company of Light, nearly all factions were eliminated before they could truly complete their goal. All but one. The faction sent to Earth.

Earth is at the edge of the Magic Dimension and the people of that world generally like to keep themselves and their magic to themselves, so it wasn't until the Wizards had already begun attacking the world that they actually discovered what was going on. The Wizards were ruthless in their hunt, hardly stopping at fairies after they discovered they could take the magic from other magical beings too. Earth was completely unprepared for an attack of such voracity and despite Queen Morgana and her Regent Nebula's best efforts to organise an army, they and every other magic being ended up having to retreat through a portal to Tír na nÓg opened by their Nymph, Lugh (Loo), fairy of shapeshifting.

(Before I go on I will just explain that, for each type of magic there is a being who is said to have made it (fire and the Great Dragon), a dimension dedicated to that magic exclusively (water and the Infinite Ocean), and each world has a main magic type that the vast majority of magic beings born there will have (Earth being form manipulation/shapeshifting and that magic being almost exclusive to Earth). The best ways to open a portal to a dimension is to be on a world with that magic and to be a user of that magic)

As everyone retreated to the safety of Tír na nÓg, the Wizards found out and began figuring out a way to use this as a trap, Duman helping to come up with a spell that could seal the portal and prevent anyone from getting in or out, which under the clause of their circle, counted as ridding the Magic Dimension of fairies if they could round them up through the portal. Lugh caught wind of this and him along with Morgana and Nebula managed come up with a spell that would seal away Earth's magic to Tír na nÓg should the portal be blocked off. This, in their eyes, was protecing their magic.

Both plans ended up working, though with some consequences. Morgana and Nebula lost their wings and were trapped in Tír na nÓg with everyone else. Lugh had to stay behind, both to protect Earth and to make sure the spell stuck, though in his efforts to do so, he also lost his wings. The Wizards though, they got caught up in the seal, freezing them inbetween dimensions and between time. Nobody on the other side of the portal knows how things played out beyond that both plans worked, and the rest of the magic dimension having minimal contact with Earth anyway and still being busy with war knew even less, just that Earth somehow lost its magic and everyone magical on it almost overnight.

The magic art of shapeshfting and form manipulation was subsiquently lost until Wizgiz was hired to work at Alfea and he began teaching it in an effort to revive it. It's not an exam subject though so everyone just treats it as a doss class.

The White Circle was formed by Nebula after she gave into grief and rage, swearing along with several other fairies that should they ever get out Tír na nÓg that they will not rest until the Wizards have suffered as they have. This mindset swept through the scared and angry people of Tír na nÓg causing a revolt against Morgana who only wanted to move on past this horrific event. Morgana and her husband were kicked off the throne and became outcasts for many years, enduring the violence of the people that they once ruled.

During this period, Morgana found out that she was pregnant which both her and Klaus were terrified about, knowing this was not a safe place or situation to raise their child but being unable to cope with the idea of losing it. They hid the pregancy from Nebula and the Major Fairies until their baby was born, where they still continued to try and hide. The Major Fairies were beginning to grow suspicious of Morgana and Klaus however and the couple knew that if they didn't do something soon, all 3 of their lives could be in danger.

It was around time that Morgana felt a shift in the barrier, like something had caused a small crack, and with enough magic it could be opened just enough to send a person and their baby through. Nebula felt this too however since she was also involved in the creation of the seal. She assumed Morgana was up to something, probably trying to escape without everyone else, and sent out an order to arrest her. In a panic, Morgana and Klaus agreed that he would leave with their child and he would wear a ring that muddled his memories and generally hid the two of them from magic since they didn't know if the Wizards were still lying in wait for someone to try and escape. It was a risk they were willing to take though if it meant the safety of their child.

And so Morgana was permanently imprisoned within the dungeons of Nebula's new kingdom and Klaus managed to just about get out with their kid. Klaus's escape had managed to open the gap just enough to let the Wizards slowly get out too, one by one.

Every single one of those 6 entered a whole new world when they got out due to the nature of Tír na nÓg. While it had only been 10 years in Tír na nÓg, it had been a thousand years everywhere else. Klaus immediately got to work setting up a life for him and his kid, almost completely forgetting about any life he might have had prior, and the Wizards realised that somehow, they had missed a fairy because their circle hadn't broken. They spent the next 15 odd years trying to get their bearings, figure out what the world is like now, and find a way to locate a fairy that seems to be completely hidden from their magic.

A huge magical event involving the stealing a certain Flame is what drew them to begin investigating Gardenia.

and there you have it! the entire history leading up to season 4 2's events!

Not exactly what you asked for, but I do hope you got something interesting out of this!

#asks my beloved #winx #winx club #winx rewrite #world building #worldbuilding #winx season 4 #winx roxy #winx nebula #winx morgana #tir na nog #wizards of the black circle #winx anagan #winx duman #winx gantlos #winx ogron #winx worldbuilding