#Much for myself even. But then im out there feeding my friends and paying for their food/items when we are out shopping

[mrfoox]

My motherly instincts are strong and make me go absolutely stupid at times

#miranda talking shit #If i didnt care about how others felt etc i would be clingy and hugging everyone i loved and shit but i #Am too anxious. So instead im like... Do you want a drink? An popsicle? I got candy. Do you want a fruit? Im bringing you a cookie #And it makes me so happy when i can do that. Im giving out juiceboxes to people working assisting me #Magnus is so hard to make accept things he always sounds like hes held by gun point #Meanwhile oliver is like 'yeah. I want that' 95% of the time and it makes me sososo happy #I never thought i was much of an acts of service type of person ... Bc i feel like i am not since my limited energy keeps me from doing #Much for myself even. But then im out there feeding my friends and paying for their food/items when we are out shopping #All my friends make me go stupid at small times but oliver is my top one. #Bc of his past and basically how he is . An sad/deppressed little guy with attachment issues and im therr like 🥺 #Hi... Hi there... Im bringing you a snack... He the biggest one that makes my instincts go off and at times i catch myself like... Miranda #Thats mom Miranda speaking. Please take a step back from the little man... #Id never tell him bc i know that would terrifie him but like man... #Im not saying i want a gf or bf that i can be a mom to... But emotionally ... A bit actually yes #Id never be able to be a good full mom bc i cant do like 70% of super moms do for their families #But emotionally i want to care for people i love like... Come let me sooth you. Let me hold you. Let me cheer you up. Let me cheer you on #Im proud of you and i see how hard youre working sweetie i love you #Anyway yeah. If i didnt have better self control id have 70% less friends bc i always have to hold myself back physically

[thedisablednaturalist]

My parents found out about the present I bought myself for my birthday. I worked my max hours to afford it. I had it shipped to my bfs house so they wouldn't see it. Apparently I missed a receipt that was hidden in the box. Idk how they got it anyway cause I put the box out with the trash/recycling. My mom was being so cruel about it and how I keep buying myself "lavish" gifts (most stuff I buy for fun is like $10-$50 max). I always plan my purchases and have never missed a credit card payment. Most of my money goes towards doctors visits, medication, car maintenance and gas, accessibility items/ergonomic stuff, cat food and litter, and hygiene. Recently I stopped most of my subscriptions save for a cheap minecraft server. The bulk of my pay goes into savings which have really grown since I got my raise. I also give my parents $400 in rent each month. I'm trying to save up for a recliner to replace my bed but I don't want to use the money I've already put away.

Like ok, maybe I'm not mr.frugal. maybe i sometimes buy more expensive things because they're more convenient (like already cut vegetables/fruit or preprepared meals) but like my hands fucking hurt and sometimes I don't have the spoons to feed myself. Maybe I fall prey to impulse purchases once in a while. Im learning and I'm trying to learn how to budget bc now I have to also pay for insurance until I can get on medicaid.

My mom acts like I don't care. She sees amazon packages come for me and think theyre all toys or expensive skincare or junk when its actually body wipes for when I cant shower/so i dont come back from the field to the office all stinky. Its a trash can I can keep on my bedshelf so I dont throw trash onto the floor instead. Its knee braces because my knees fucking suck. Once in a while Ill see something on sale that ive been wanting for a while and will grab it. And the most expensive skincare I use is $20 for a jar that lasts me 3 months. I have to keep my skin clear or ill pick and have scabs and blood all over my face again. I spend money on drag because it MAKES me money. Last time I got paid $100 from the venue and $50 in tips. One time I got paid $300 from the venue (i dont remember how much in tips).

Im trying my best. Im working with 3 government agencies rn to get a job and get health coverage. Im working my ass off at my job when i probably shouldnt be working (my mom laughed when I mentioned this). I'm constantly doing things to earn me money or to make life a bit less painful. Even streaming is a desperate attempt to make a career/side gig out of something I enjoy and doesn't make me flare up. I only watch shows when im with my bf or when im doing chores or working. I rarely play video games. When I flare I lay in bed and scroll Tumblr or play a mindless dress up game where I only have to move my thumb. I cry almost everyday. I cry on the way to work. I cry holding my cat in so much pain i cant move.

The only big frivilous purchases I've made is the present and a new graphics card (I haven't replaced my old one in a decade). The present cost $230 and the graphics card cost $800. Both of these I saved for. I might buy a nice skirt once in a while but thats pretty much it. I also spread out big purchases over time when I can.

Am I spoiled? Maybe. Maybe my parents are right and I'm a lazy spoiled kid who just makes excuses. But my pain is real, constant, and severe.

I have friends who's birthday presents consist of trips to fucking italy or the bahamas. Who complain when their parents drag them on yet another international vacation. Some are amazing people who are grateful and work their asses off. And some of them are a bit entitled. My mom said most 26 year olds are living on their own with jobs and I fucking laughed. The only 26 year olds with their own apartments especially in my area either have 5 roommates in a 2 bedroom shithole, got lucky and have a high paying tech job, their parents pulled strings to get them hired, or their parents are paying partly or fully for their apartment.

And when i tried to find an apartment? She discouraged me and told me id never be able to afford one (correct) but now im suddenly able to when it suits her argument? Ive been heavily job hunting for over a year and got ONE interview who ghosted me after two interviews. I make $2k MAX. Rent in my area is $1700-2500 for a freaking studio. The $1700 one doesn't let you see the apartment and gets snapped up immediately. And these are all apartments within a 2 hour radius. All the "affordable housing" is for people 55 and older.

Like I literally have no options. I can't move until I get a job in that area. I can't leave the country cause Im disabled and also thats fucking expensive. My bf makes less than me and even combined we couldn't afford a place.

Literally, I've never been suicidal before. Ive never struggled with that due to my fear of death. But all of this? Ive recently had suicidal thoughts and its fucking scary. Thoughts that killing myself would make it easier for everyone else. That it would be easier to just end it, that life will always be a living hell and i should just give up. And thats fucking scary! I shouldn't have those thoughts! But that's how bad it is.

I try to do what my therapist told me. I try to set boundaries. But setting a boundary means not eating dinner bc I leave when my parents yell at me. I try to think positively and ignore the pain. I probably walk an average of 1-2 miles a day. I try and try and try and it hurts so much. They can't be proud of me? For even big victories? Guilting me about graduation cause I took too long. Keeping a job for more than a year (its not a REAL job cause its hourly and doesnt have benefits).

Like what's the point? I've been fighting and fighting and most of the world wants to see me dead and gone anyway. I'm trying to work in a field that doesn't even consider people like me. If I cant work Ill just bring my boyfriend and my family down. Every step forward I manage to take I get dragged back 10.

Im so tired and ashamed and stressed and my fucking body hurts worse now because of the stress and i just dont want to wake up tomorrow.

#wrenfea.vent

[onlyjaeyun]

ZADIE I DIED HELLOKSKOSSJHDHD I LITERLAKY CANT DO THIS RN

“your cunt was made for him, and him only” OH I AM FOAMING TO THE MOUTH???? i have no idea how to express how I feel rn. idk how to put it into words hello???? all i gotta say to this man is that denial is a river in Egypt !!!

girl the detail. WHEN I READ THE PART ABOUT JAKYUNG WANTING HIM TO BE MORE VOCAL BUT HIM NEVER FEELING THE URGE AND HIM EFFORTLESSLY DOING IT BY JUST THE THOUGHT OF y/n AND HER NOT EVEN HAVING TO TOUCH HIM??? baby you flipped my stomach in so many ways.

B L E A C H E D HAIR HOON??? zadie you’re different. you KNOW what your readers want. YOU ARE ALWAYS FEEDING US BY DOING THAT HELLO$>%{%{!?! HIM TUGGING ON HIS OWN HAIR WITH HER IN MIND when i tell u i shed a tear cuz of what that did to me… I LITERALLY CANT wait for them to be so down horrendous for one another…

Y/N ITS UR TIME TO BLAST THIS SONG GIRL “never had a bitch like me in your life” SING IT LOUD BAE

lowkey for hoon if i had to give him a song i think this song works since y/n is exploring 🤭 “all those other men were practice for me” claim ur girl ???!

OK im gna stop but ofc before i send this i have to give some love to you ????? im so grateful for you, you have no idea 🥹 you’re spoiling us WAY TOO MUCH girl wdym u were out with a friend and still had the energy to write up something to drop ☹️ hope you get rest and never hesitate to take a break when you feel even the littlest that you need it ❕💕💞💓💗💖💘💝🩷

ps. ur stories should not be free. id pay to just to read them… like if i had to pay a daily membership, i would not regret a single cent spent just in order for me to read your work.

STOP WHY IS THIS THE CUTEST THING EVER 🥺🥺🥺🥺

my sweet love, my baby my angel, thank you so so so so much for this i hope you know this literally made me giggle and blush and literally twirl my hair i love and appreciate your love, support and kindness so much 🥺🤍

AAAH PLS YOU GUYS IM GONNA CRY 😭😭 i am so happy you enjoyed the chaps and its details sm bc with the moaning one inliterally got myself all worked up like OMG ?? so knowing you guys loved it makes me extra happy 🥺

sometimes i personally forget that CH!hoonie is pass the mic!hoon and its like ??? i have to mention his bleached hair to remind myself and i love how you guys go crazy esch time 😭😭

the was i would literally write you a love letter and sign it with a shit ton of kisses just to send tonyou rn if i could just shows how much this ask means to me, thank you baby 🥺🥺🤍

#; mailbox 📬 #; cold hearts

[buckieduckie2]

why i joined tumblr and why i ship byler- cause i want to info dump cause i can

i wanna tell everyone why i got on tumblr because i can and i want to

so i got on tumblr because of byler during august. i started shipping byler during july.

i was kinda late to the stranger things party and i didnt actually watch it until may of 2022, but funny enough, it WASNT because of season 4 at all actually. my friend just really really wanted me to watch it because she thought id like it. she was riiiiiggghhthttttt.

yeah lmfao i didnt watch stranger things cause there was so much hype around season 4, i watched it because i wanted something gay to watch cause my heart stopper hyperfixation had just gone away and i still needed something gay to watch. i dm my friend saying "hey, do you have anything gay to watch because i need to watch something gay" and she gave me a list and was like "richie from IT is gay" and "will from stranger things is gay" and of course MY brain translated this to "mike is gay" because of notions from before hand i had about this little known to me character mike and also the fact that i knew that finn wolfhard played richie so i mistook will for mike because i was thinking the FCU and- yeah

so yeah i watched stranger things because a) my frined really wanted me to and b) the knowlege that mike was gay and thats what pushed me

anyways to safe to say i was THOROUGHLY confused when they started pulling the mike and el narraitve cause i LEGITEMATELY just thought it was straight canon like genuinelly- i had already imagined what i thougt the coming out scene would be like for him- LMFOAOOOO

anyways back on track- so then mike and el kissed and ill admit i was a lil disappointed but i was like fuck it ig theyre cute and then proceeded to be BLINDEDDDDDD by comp het. twas a very sad three next seasons for me in retrospect 😔

so then i saw the "its not my fault you dont like girls" and then i was like- oh yeah this is the dude my friend was talking about

ANYWAYS

so yeah why i got on tumblr?

cause i got on pinterest andnndndnd yk naturally statrted filling my feed with stranger things stuff and of course i loved will cause he was gay and that made me so like omgggggg yass hes gay and that makes me so happy- but like i didnt ship byler- I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA GET TO SEE ONE DUDE IN THE VERY LAST SCENE HELP 💀🖐 i now realize im allowed to hold myself to better standards

so everytime i would see something byler related id be like, yeahhhhhhh its cute but not for me </3 cause i was like "yeah will likes mike but obvi mike doesnt like will back 🙄" and i thought it was a lil kookie and also was a firm believer that mike was straight cause yk i love throwing away all my suspicions that were raised while watching season 4 yk i love just forgetting everything 💀

and THEN one faitful day in july i was over at my friends house (The same gril who made me wtch stranger things) and we were watching gay stranger things edits on tiktok (as ya do) and GIRLIE

there was one edit- (and usually as i was watching these compilations i would just ignore the byler stuff and-) it was a rink-o-mania edit

need i say more

i saw that look

i SAW THAT LOOK

and i knew

we paused the video immediately and were like "well- i mean i know that mike is straight-" "yeah exactLy-" "but-" "but-" "but right there-" "yeah i dont know that-" "that seemed pretty gay-" "but mike is straight, right?" "yeah- yeah..- mike is straight..." "yeah..." "...yeah..."

literally how it went

anyways so then im like- its running thorugh my head all evening and like- that sole video was enough to like 99% convince me he was gay- like cmon fellas lets be real here. anyways so yeah i was now 99% convinced that mike was gay or not straight yk (im a gay mike truther now) and we talked about it for a lil and

yeah so then i started paying more attention to the byler posts on my pinterest page and i started reading theroies, all of which were tumblr screen shots and i started really convinceing myself- still was on the fence but-

the one post, and one of the first posts that i read. and the post that conviced me was "Why I no longer think Mike Wheeler is Bi, but Gay" yk the iconic post from @kaypeace21? yeah so i read that and was like "fuck im convinced" and then i proceeded to read the entirety of the byler slides over the course of a 3 day period and fully fully convinced myself

and yeah i kept looking at theories on pinterest screen shotted from tumblr and yk byler was my everything (and still very much is) and i loved pinterest and spent all of my time on there and- 💀 i read- i read w- wh- wattpad fics 💀😟 BUT ITS OKAY because i actually found a pretty good collection of one shots on there but- nah man after one specific fic i found i had to call it quits cause i couldnt handle it anymore 💀💀💀💀

and then i found one poster on pinterest that would just do daily updates on the byler tag on tumblr and eventuallyyyyyy i decided tumblr looked really fun and i was tired of just watching afar tired of WAVING FROM A WINDOW WOOOOAAHHHOWOWAHHHOOOHHH

yeah so i decided enough was enough and i wanted to be directly at the source and part of the action

and now im here <33333

and yeah so i have officially upgraded from Pinterest and Wattpad™ to AO3 and Tumblr™ and thank the lord too 😟🙏

@l0v3c0r3e peer presuring you into reading this entire unit of a post

#byler #byler tumblr #byler pinterest

[staliamazing]

tag game TEHEH

name: sarah !!!! c'est moi

age: twenty, to be twenty-one soon-ish. i am planning a party. will i go through with it? who's to say.

star sign: taurus sun, capricorn rising, gemini moon. i have beef with geminis so the last one deeply upsets me.

first language: english

second language: je parle français !!

i was near fluent and have my B2 but don't practice anymore. i am considering getting back into it because i feel i need more hobbies and highly regret throwing out all my textbooks and notes. (that's a whole other story i LOVED school and threw out all my damn notes and stuff?!?!? sarah you dumb dumb)

favorite lip product: that lush lip scrub! i've lost my peppermint tub but anticipate it turning up when i least expect it. my lips always has excess skin peeling off for some reason so its great to feel exfoliated!

the best food dish you can make without a recipe? um. pizza bread! pizza, pizza sauce, cheese. eat up friends!

if you drink tea, what kind? none, get away from me. SOMETIMES lipton peach iced tea but only if im at mad mex.

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get? see last answer. i get the jitters.

favorite thing to watch on youtube right now: THE BALD AND THE BEAUTIFUL. i;ve been watching upwards of two episodes every night in bed.

favorite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: for sure mormon family vloggers. pick a channel i probably watched them. i have no fucking clue why!

favorite item of clothing right now: new graphic tee! the alice oseman x everpress collab with this gorg patchwork design and all little queer and trans doodles over it! the proceeds went to LGBTQIA+ refugees <3 i fucking love graphic tees holy shit

favorite item of clothing in 2012: some form of graphic leggings im certain.

fandom -

three movies you recommend: the half of it on netflix - watched recently and was confused but pleasantly surprised

your favorite concert: either one i went to with my gf! they were both great experiences even though i was shitting myself before both because i have a lot of sound and crowd sensitiivities ( # actually autistic). i loved being in the pit for ATL despite not knowing any songs and i like how you can feel the music inside you.

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? no i've actually followed someone because i love getting mad <3 over time i have grown to really respect them and where their views come from which im proud of because i can be a bit close-minded.

the best tv show you watched last year: i watch a lot of shows! recently though i watched euphoria and understood the hype. couldn't rewatch though. it felt like a disservice to the shock factor i feel like the show really feeds off.

do you have a fancasting you just can’t let go of? don't pay much attention to fancasts!

a ship you’ve abandoned: im so sorry amy and rory from doctor who... i legit met them too. it just doesnt hit the same and im glad they divorced. amy was too swept up in the doctor and rory is a damn sweetheart who honestly deserves better. ALSO maya and lucas from girl meets world - bit random honestly why did they do that. lucas and riley from day one. maya and zay!

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history? 7? depends on who to! anyone on here sure. not real people they'd be like "what do you mean you like fics where that little thug man wears short skirts" they just wouldnt UNDERSTAND

what fandom do you wish was bigger? tori spring fandom! maybe it is and i just dont know but.

do you have a fandom tattoo? yah, the fandom of my high school english teacher! most of my tats are literary inspired and specifically books i read in school for the curriculum.

my others are - phoebe bridgers related

gf related (she tattooed me) (fave fandom) (she's the best)

has a finale ever ruined a show for you? definitely i just can't remember which lmao im sorry

have you…

swam in an ocean? yep! swam is a strong word though. i've been in and bobbed up and down! i usually run from the tide.

been vegan/vegetarian? both! at different times. it was very much part of my friend and family culture growing up.

gone skinny dipping? yes, in my exs best friends dads girlfriends dead uncles pool :) honestly 10/10 swimming with clothes on is so random? i think its so beautiful how people look under the blue wavy water of the pool.

gone skiing? no i am scared of the snow since learning about crevasses in year 4 and almost falling off a ski lift at a very young age. i do love the cold and the ski lodge episode of gmw though.

thanks for the tag @iansw0rld, these are fun :)

#tag game

[mrthful]

Hey yall, this is a long time coming, and this is how ill address it TW drugs mostly

I know ive been gone for some time, on and off posting, and not responding much to dms. i want to tell yall that my intention isnt to run away or scam yall at all. things have been really difficult, so heres whats happening

My partner and i recently split up, and its honestly been a long time coming. our relationship had been steadily going down hill for a while, and it effected my overall motivation to do pretty much anything, like draw for myself, let alone commissions. theres been constant drinking and c*ke around me that ive been so extremely uncomfortable with, as well as being lied to, cheated on, and just so mentally unwell with my own depression, anxiety, and resurfacing trauma, that i couldnt tell what was true and what wasnt, with the constant lying and sneaking around and just everything, the entire environment i was in

it was harder since i was going to work so much that i never had true time for myself or to really work on things, and everything was so overwhelming for me since i couldnt take any breaks from work since my ex partner had just taken off work for a long time to drink, and i was pretty much the only one responsible for paying bills and trying to feed myself and partially feed the 3 other people with us.

i currently cant even live in my own apartment and dont have most my stuff, so im also readjusting to everything thats changed as well as finding a new job

i still need time before i can fully come back and finish up commissions, and i thank you for your patience, im really trying to get back into the groove of my life and move past everything, but its very difficult so itll take me some time, but i really would like to come back and continue making art and friends

i do have a full list of all owed art, if youd like to message me you can, but i most likely dont have an update for you, im doing my best to move past this and bring yall stuff to look at/what i owe

i just hope that yall can understand why ive been disappearing and re appearing over the past year, and i love anf appreciate the little community i have. out of all the things ive lost over the past year and a half, i definitely dont want to lose yall. ill see yall soon though, dont be afraid to message me!

[6irlpet]

asking for a friend, who in dol does the forced pet play

LOL im happy to answer bc i could not find anyone giving guide for this anywhereeee (i mean the update came out like... a week ago so thats fair) and i had to figure it out on my own .____.

DoL pound guide:

first, ur gonna want to volunteer working at the pound on starfish street

u can just work in general, but you need a super high tending stat to get this soft bad end. (i think it is overall Tending stat so you could also pick flowers and shit to help this too, not just work at the pound. in fact it's hard to raise Tending and Pound Respect at the same time lol and working at the pound kinda sucks... the shifts are an hour for like $5 )

at first ur only gonna be able to do little jobs like sweeping but as Pound Respect stat goes up u unlock more jobs that pay better (still shitty though, $15 max). u can raise that stat by like, not letting the woman teach you how to sweep, and at the higher level jobs u don't let the dogs jerk u around (i recommend high dancing stat before attempting to wash them, otherwise you'll get covered in water and clothes will soak through and you'll get a noncon cut scene p much every time from other employees) (high strength as well, so when u take them on walks you can decide destination instead of be pulled along)

however if ur just here for horniness and wanna get to the petplay end as fast as possible, i don't think you /have/ to raise Pound Respect or do the higher level jobs, they just pay more. u really just need Tending to unlock the soft bad end

when ur Tending stat is very high (idk exact number) ur able to approach cage with the defiant wolfdog no one can tame. U can choose to hide over in the pound after hours to free them. there will be an option to try and run away with it before anyone realizes what u did but i let myself be captured for obvious reasons lol

and the employees are like "well, since u fucked up by letting it free, we need a replacement, so you can take its spot" and u can try to fight or give in (guess what i picked lol) and that's when u get leashed and muzzled! have fun

if u wanna explore the update for urself dont read further but if u would like a guide to the experience a bit heres spoilers:

disclaimer i have monstergirls/boys turned on so everyone was petplayin' (and i think it fits the lore of the pound too that u can find out; u can break into the office before you leave and find a stack of papers with ur file on the top, implying that all the others are also captives who got kidnapped and forced to petplay. theres even a line if you talk back to one of the employees while ur working and they say like "careful with ur attitude to me or u can end up like them") once you have the muzzle on , the employees let all of the others out of their kennels and tell them to fuck you with line like 'they respected u but now they see ur just a bitch too' lmao hot

after they all use you u get locked in the kennel and it's very much like the other soft bad ends in the game, where you have little events but are trapped. every day there is scripted lil events of feeding time (u also start with Low pound respect, it says u are viewed as submissive, so u can try to fight to raise respect and be seen as submissive -> one of the pack -> dominant -> alpha. one of the employees will also try to leash you and take you to the side to fuck when ur all let out to play in the yard, if you let them you lose pound respect but if you manage to run from them you earn pound respect. sometimes another captive will try to fuck you, again if you let it happen your pound respect status goes down but if you fight them off it goes up

the way to be freed: there will be a daily race against the other captives with rich sponsors come to watch. if you are high athletic stats (u can work out in ur kennel at night, somehow) you will be able to win the race, otherwise if you have high pound respect you can intimidate the others into letting you win, and the employees say the winner gets a chance to compete in a big race for the town and if u win that, they'll set you free. i didnt do this route so idk if there's any special fun horny dialogue or events like ppl coming to see you aaaand now im probably going to go try to do that, lol. i kept refusing to race bc i wanted to see all the content...

but if u can't win race and just want to escape, you can try to break the lock to the kennel, but you need to work on it over a lot of time (like digging tunnel out of remy's farm. idk how many times you have to do this though, i definitely clicked to mess with the lock like 20 times and it hadnt budged, just said i'd need to keep working or have higher strength?), or if you have high skullduggery stat you can pick the lock after hours. this gives u more time to snoop around and thats what i did because i am such a little thief in that game every playthrough

there is also an option, if you have high athleticism, to fight off an employee who comes to feed you and shove her back into a kennel and lock her in. however this is during the day and an alarm goes off so i think you have to run right away or be recaptured again, i tried to snoop around after doing this and other employees showed up and punished me p quick. which is also a sexy scene, you get locked in a pillory in the yard for the other captives to play with lol (i think this also happens if you try to bite/fight the employee when she comes to take you out to yard)

breaking out in the middle of the night however, you can then lockpick the office door, and find your file, along with it stamped "B" (we don't know if this means Bailey is linked or if that was who we were gonna be sold to idk?) . u can take the file home and show it to bailey in a confrontation, and bailey will take the file Angrily, and the next time you go to the pound there will be a scene saying that some of the employees are being taken out of the pound on stretchers into an ambulance (damn)

....YEAH. i think thats it. sorry this is long, i was so desperate trying to find ppl share guide and couldn't so.... this is what i know so far! i only didnt do the race option

am also excited creator said on the update comments on his blog he's got a transformation in mind planned for this event so..... i hope there's more added in the future..... i wanna b a puppygirl.... would also love if there was a thing where a creepy rich person 'adopted' you and kept up play (thats probably a long shot, but more cutscenes would be soooo good. i def sent him a msg saying i would love for harper to return with more hypnosis, like when she tries to convince you on remy's farm that ur happy there.. lol)

have fun hehe

#degrees of lewdity #i will tag in case anyone is in the tags trying to figure this out lol #ask

[uncooldotcom]

this past two weeks ive been moving houses, paying so much shit, assisting to migration appointments which are also tied to doing a bunch of side quests to the bank and to different offices and i also have to balance time to somehow keep up with my job.

everytime i lay in bed i am exhausted out of my brain enough to not feel like i have words to speak and space to think and yet with my body hurting i have to start working.

every night i convince myself that i will take out the trash tomorrow, i will finish putting everything out of boxes and into this new place because i didn’t have the time today.

and in the back of my mind I haven’t finished with buying gifts for christmas even though that’s in two weeks, i haven’t finished that one favor I was asked to do, i haven’t finished scheduling some time with friends and i haven’t finished planning what im gonna eat for dinner.

did i feed my cat? i can’t forget this paper for the appointment tomorrow, it is so so important. fuck i have to take a picture and I need to wash my hair again and what is that fucking weird noise that the fridge is making, I should check that out. God, all the dishes are on the floor. Mom is calling me. I need to have lunch on time to spend time with my wife, I need to go to make that call at 10:30. I need to go sleep now but I didn’t do that important thing for work, I’m sure I can fit it in my schedule tomorrow morning. I need to be faster, I need to be attentive, I need to be talkative, I need to be more. now. Now. NOW.

and yet, I am not. I am not enough.

#I just need to close my eyes I know I’m overwhelmed but I need to rest. I’ll fall asleep soon #I am so tired #vent #txt #still uncool . txt

[nintendont2502]

An (Uncomprehensive) list of sandwich related crimes I've been forcibly made an accomplice to

- A chicken classic footlong with tuna

- A double meat meatball sub with double chicken classic

- Every type of cheese on one sub

- Steak and seafood

- Literally any sub with seafood

- Subdogs

- A sub being microwaved instead of toasted (disturbingly common)

- An uber order for just a bread roll. No meat, no cheese, no salad - just an uncut white roll. They paid 20 AUD (not including delivery) for something you could get for like 3 bucks at Woolies

- That one time someone asked me to toast their sub three times

- Anyone who pays for beetroot or avocado (I usually "forget" to charge them if no ones looking but sometimes I forget to do that (or they're an asshole))

- That one time there was red shit all over the floor and we genuinely couldn't tell if it was blood or raspberry

- Every time I've mixed lift and Fanta together because it tastes good

- I think I sneezed near someone's sub once. They didn't say anything.

- One time someone bought our entire stock of turkey to feed his dog. There's nothing wrong with that it was just an incredibly bizarre thing to experience at 10 am. Also I didn't know how much to charge him for so I just kept hitting the "Turkey 6 inch add-on" button until it looked right. (Also turkey is the most annoying meat to prep)

- I dropped an untoasted garlic and cheese toastie once. There was mozzarella everywhere

- I also dropped someone's toasted chicken strip's sub in the salad bar once

- The uncomfortable amount of times i/my coworkers have dropped something in the tuna or seafood, and just dug it out and put it back

- There are absolutely no cross contamination procedures here please for the love of God don't even come in if you're allergic to a single ingredient. Everything's touched everything

- sometimes I just stand in the fridge when it's hot and/or I don't want to do my job

- I cut myself breaking down boxes today. I don't know how

- We're meant to count out the amount of pickles we put on subs (6 for a 6 inch, 12 for a footlong). I've literally never done that. I don't know how to count

- My first time working the till someones card never went through and I just didn't say anything until they left. Then I just told my coworkers that the card payment prompt never went away even though they paid. They believed me

- I eat the choc chips left on the trays after the cookies have been flipped sometimes

- Someone broke in once, and all they did was break the toilet lock and leave

- I've eaten melted cookie dough that we couldn't use multiple times

- I've seriously considered eating the raw capsicum multiple times. The only thing stopping me is the cameras

- 90% of the time at work I'm just thinking about homestuck (horrifying)

- I was put in charge of the store music *once* and everyone complained about it. (So did I to be fair - I was playing the first non-explicit playlist I could find)

- Near the end of my shift this woman came in who was *obnoxiously* cheerful. Like she sung and posed when she walked in, she kept yelling at her friends and tapping on the glass excitedly (and dropped the glass screen on my arm). I had to serve her on tje till, and after she told me that she and her friends had had a wild night and were still pretty buzzed, I looked her in the eyes and said "haha I wish that was me right now" in the deadest tone possible

- im like 90 percent sure she was still on something

- this one guy used to come in all the time and order carrot "for colour". I miss him.

- where are you carrot for colour guy :((

- i almost choked on ice at the end of the night trying to prove a point to my coworkers

- one time we were out of almost everything, and we genuinely considered closing at 11 in the morning because we couldn't serve anyone

- I hear the uber incoming order sound in my sleep sometimes

- people keep tapping the glass FUCKIGN STOP WE ARENT FISH

- someone kept tapping the glass with their keys and I wanted to scream

- every time someone pronounces macadamia as "macadamian" I lose a year of my life

- every time someone pronounces Chipotle as "chip-ottel" I gain a year of my life because that shits hilarious

- there was once an hour long debate in the work group chat about what cookies were the best. Someone called someone else racist + claimed they called a homeless guy the n word

- in the same group chat someone once sent shirtless pictures of themself and also this

#this pretty rapidly devolves from 'fucked up subs' to literally just any weird story i can think of #god i hate my job but theres some good stories in there #its better than my old job at the cinema #actually please ask about that it was fucking wild #anyway for context most of tje staff here are under the age of 18 which explains a lot #i cant remember the last time i worked with someone older than me #me.txt #also if my boss/coworkers see this no you dont <3 please dont fire me #actually if anyone at my work had tumblr i would genuinely be shocked

[bloodystray]

nothing on this earth is worth sticking around for tbh. im so so fucking sick and tired of all this. sleep. wake up. sleep. wake up. watch my friends drift away. sleep. wake up. put off getting back on hrt. sleep. wake up. go to work and sell 9 hours of my life for like 150 bucks. sleep. wake up. make those i live with upset by having a violent emotional outburst. sleep. wake up. get high. drip-feed my brain negative emotions via the internet. watch my close friends go out and do shit or talk about shit. get jealous of them, be scared for them, think of them constantly but never talk. are you ok? are you safe? i'm glad you're feeling pretty today. i wish i could look even a fraction like what you do. information overload. too much. turn my brain off. get high. play video games all day. get high. waste 3 hours of pay for doordash for lunch. get high. get high. get high. get high. get high. jack off. get high. sleep. wake up. sell another 9 hours. have a panic attack at work because i heard police sirens. have a panic attack walking home because police are parked along my walk home. am i being watched? i'm being watched. they're looking for me. the axe will fall on my neck soon. i need meds. i need a bullet in the head. get home. get high. get high. get high. sleep. wake up. my friend is talking about feeling unsafe. +10 stress damage. accidentally upset my girlfriend. give up on chores for the day again. watch the sink clog and fill with dishes. sleep. wake up. get high. lay there and type a useless vent post. think about how different things could be if i didn't message her goodbye back in 2017. think about how i could be resting right now. ignore my empty stomach. get high. get high. sleep. wake up. watch my body bloat. wonder if my dick will even work anymore by the time my gf gets srs. do i even want srs? does it even matter, it's not like i'm ever gonna look palatable. i should just give up. i should just give up. i should lie down. i should die. i need to die. i need to give up. i need to make it stop. i need to stop the flow of information. i need to make it all stop. this needs to stop. this needs to stop. this needs to stop. help. help. help. help . help. i dont want to be here any more i ndont i dont want to be here im tired im fucking tired it hurts i hate myself im tired im tired i dont want to BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE I DONT WANT TO BE HERE

[horce-divorce]

I was too tired to get worked up last night but now that Im awake again I am sooo fucking agitated rn. We HAVE to be at my parent's right now (car camping in the yard) bc I desperately need whatever help they can give me, my dad is getting the car checked and we've been here using the shower and the stove and whatnot. But my dad's bday was also this weekend so my WHOOOOOLE family was here, and Bel and I stayed inside specifically to avoid everyone, but then my fucking horrible grandpa (who was queerphobic and an asshole long before he had dementia) comes in and tries to make chit chat with us, and then my dad comes in laughing saying how grandpa went outside and announced to everyone that "there's two girls with mustaches in there," and dad just thought that was funny. And we had JUST come back from the store where some rando also fucking commented on Bel's mustache and I HAD a comeback but I was too fucking SLOW and I didn't fucking defend him

So anyway we like have absolutely no choice but to be here and Bel especially can't just leave and like it's weird bc yes they are letting us stay here, feeding us etc and I feel like I'm not allowed to explain why this is so hurtful bc if I do that's somehow going against all my dad is doing for me here. Like I'm being ungrateful spitting in his face and only focusing on what he's doing wrong.

Probably bc they spent my whole life reinforcing this idea that I only was allowed to need things if they agreed that I was lacking. When I became suicidal it wasn't "oh yeah you need help let's get you to a doctor." It was a litany of "here's all the things I did for you, I sacrificed my body for you, I ate healthy and quit smoking and I did everything right and I gave you a PERFECT body and brain, so no, you don't need help." And she stood by that until I was out of the house and went and got help myself, and she STILL tried to talk me out of it.

And especially with my mom being the terf-adjacent 2nd wave Michfest Feminist that she is, she only ever has shit to say about my gender when it's disparaging. The first time she saw me shirtless after top surgery she said "embrace the patriarchy" in this bitter fucking tone. She only ever calls me a guy if I'm acting so stupid that I need help or correction. But yeah it's so super funny and cute that my demented grandpa can't fucking tell I'm a guy and it's sooo funny and cute how he's disrespecting me and my boyfriend to my whole family and they're all just out there laughing. That's sooooo fucking funny and silly and ha ha and yeah people like my asshole grandpa, who was NEVER even part of my actual fucking life, is totally allowed to just walk into your home and talk about your loved ones like that, unchallenged, cus he's just such a silly little guy. Family is so fucking special am I right.

It's wild having the least normie and most functional family of all my friends bc when it comes to things like politics and gay rights and witchcraft and even topics like feminism and reproductive rights! my parents are always the most chill, understanding, easygoing, have the most reasonable responses out of anyone else's parents... But then they still have these very unchallenged ideals that come out at the worst time, and when i try to explain to them how they are hurting me and making me feel unsafe and making MY BOYFRIEND feel unsafe, and this is why I don't hang out with them, they pull the "dont make me feel bad when i do so much for you" card.

They also don't defend other trans ppl. They "love" Eddie Izzard, she is "their favorite comedian," but they can't gender her correctly to save their lives. One time my mom tried to show her cis gay friend one of Eddie's Dress to Kill bits and he started disparaging her outfit and calling her buffalo fucking bill and my mom just sat there and TOOK IT. I WAS HOME!!! I COULD HEAR HIM!!!!!!!!!

I also cannot threaten the help they're giving me w the car and the house bc my dad is currently still paying the insurance bc I can't even afford gas to go job hunting. So I did not sit my dad down and explain Why That Wasn't Funny. My stupid ass got up early and put the dishes away instead. Because if I criticize my dad, on his birthday, in his own home that we are staying at for free, AND Im leaving a mess (that I didn't make, but that I saw and walked away from regardless), they will kick us both out and never let us come back! Or maybe they won't! But they've kicked me out before and I can't let that happen to Bel again right now!!!

And unfortunately I need to stay connected to dementia grandpa too bc we may be living in his cabin part time this winter. I'm not super optimistic about finding housing before it gets cold. Especially not after yesterday. We were both already lamenting needing our names changed, but trying to do it while homeless and Looking Like Girls With Mustaches in Bumfuck Nowhere is gonna be even more fun!!!

#me #prsnl #my dad didnt used to say this to me directly #but when my parents got frustrated #they would Remind Me how my grandma on dads side used to threaten him with #'i brought you into this world i can take you out' #and it would be dangled over my head like see? i could talk to you this way. if i wanted. you're welcome.

[motleyfolk]

Examining How I Use The Internet

Prompted by this page I’ve realised I’m doing a lot of mindless scrolling and procrastinating a lot with the internet. Time to fix that. Mari Kondo’ing this shit.

Reddit: I mindlessly scroll and always gravitate to drama subs like AITA, which just depresses the life out of me and drags me into negativity. 

Solution: Block the bad subreddits with stayfree and use it to put a limit on how much time I spend on there, so I can still access useful and informative subreddits but not doomscroll. Stayfree did heehaw but I found a simple extension that blocked the subreddits and then used Ublock to hide popular posts so basically it’s just my specific feed now. Win!

Tumblr: I also mindlessly scroll here, albeit less. Sometimes on instinct I feel the need to put on a persona or post certain things or overly clarify things to appease spectators I’ve crafted in my head or feel a need to perform. Makes using this site stressful.

Solution: Remind myself this tumblr is my digital journal and while I’m open to making friends this is not something I’m doing to get clout. I am here to collect, learn and explore. 

Twitter: I rarely go on it anymore, and I just don’t like it. The only things that were on it that I liked were cute and cozy aesthetic accounts, but even then nah.

Solution: Delete it. Twitter gone woo crab rave

Discord: I use it the most to talk directly to irl and online friends, have a bookclub and get updates on random stuff. Sometimes it feels like a void.

Solution: ?? Need it to talk to friends. Just meditate or smth. Like tumblr, don’t feel the need to perfom or put on a persona. Vibe only.

Youtube: Also started procrastinating by going on there with the intention to watch this One Specific video and then I’m on the 4th Im Skylar White Yo lego video. 

Solution: See if there’s something that can block the yt homepage and just see subscriptions or smth. ABSOLUTE UBLOCK W HOW IS THIS SO EASY AND I NEVER KNEW?!

Emails: I’m scared to even touch my gmails bc of the amount of spam mail I’ve accumulated since I was 8.

Solution: Buckle up and start unsubscribing to junk mail and clearing them out THEN switch from gmail to literally anything. Done techgirl email

Internet In General: I think I use a decent not centralized browser. I use yt adblock like a champ. But I really need to go over security notes, find a vpn, make sure this browser is cool, download that torrent browser thing sometime. 

Solution: Find vpn, get torrent browser thing, use throw away emails or card info.

I also generally feel like I have to put on a performance. Is this down to that one time I was a microceleb in this one niche shitty instagram community? Maybe. Theres a voice at the back of my head like “Will this get notes? Will people laugh at this? Does this fit? Will this slightly put someone off?” and its exhausting because I’m not here to get clout I’m just wanting to chill!! I do however want to make friends and meet like-minded folks, don’t wanna create an echo chamber for myself. Hm...

Solution: Recognise this behaviour, the thoughts. Listen to them, deconstruct them, let them pass. Do this constantly. Do not engage them or let them influence you. (realising this sounds like some spc lmao)

I sometimes skip posts with hardly any upvotes or notes because unconciously Im only paying attention to bigger posts. This means I miss out on tons.

Solution: Use good ol ublock to hide note and upvote elements.

Spotify: Love music. Like the spotify wrapped thing. Hate spotify, it is evil company. I don’t even pay for it thanks to my bestie. But...

Solution: Compile music elsewhere (where ?)

Instagram: I’m not actually active on it, I just still have it bc it has tons of cool anime edits I’ve saved over the years. But I hate zuckergram.

Solution: Export the sick edits and delete zuckergram. I will do this on my phone.

End Notes

Compared to a year ago I’m much more aware of how I’m using the internet. My phone usage is down to nilch, it’s almost like I never spent 16 hours a day on instagram straight as a kid.

Having a path still ahead to walk down doesn’t negate the mountain I climbed before.

The sites I use most are Reddit, YT, Tumblr, Discord. Thats four I’ve whittled it down to, which is actually an ok number, not too bad. One for solitary reading, one for spooks and funny videos, one for semi solitary blogging, one for communication.

Should come back to this later and re-examine things and not forget to do these things.

#motleyspoke #to do #mushis journalling

[gay-little-bitch]

On AO3

Over the years, Hillershka has introduced many traditions, like the ball for St. Valentines Day, or the group decorating of the tree in the main office. One of the newest traditions though, and everyone seems to love it.

 The anonymous Christmas gifts or letters were a big hit, the tradition started 3 years ago after some third year decided to send presets and letters to the girl he was pining after and it became a joke that just turned into random Christmas grams.

Simon wasn't the type of person to give gifts to, with the fear of getting them something they hated. 

Christmas was always just a day that he got to spend with his family, they were never able to afford many presents for each other so they just opened their few presents and had a family game night. He never thought he would be getting things from anyone else but here he is with a beautifully stamped note.

"Open it!!!!"

"I'm not gonna open it Rosh. What if it's like a... trap?"

"Yeah, I definitely don't think it's a trap. Ayub? Don't you agree?"

"Mhm yeah, it's probably just some boy who thinks you're cute."

Ayub isn't even paying attention to Simon and Rosh. Apparently, his phone is more important than his best friend completely freaking out on his couch. Simon doesn't even know what comes over him but he quickly rips open the envelope, a card, and what looks like smushed lavender falls out. Before even looking at how much of a mess the flowers made, he picks up the card. It reads,

 " Simon,

I have never heard someone with as good of a voice as yours, your voice is so soothing and soft, I really hope you can sing for me sometimes. 

You remind me of lavender (my favorite flower) and the color purple, purple can mean many things but you remind me of the royalty of it, and I picked lavender because it makes me feel safe and calm. Leave a note at the Forest Ridge house before Friday if you want to respond. 

Yours truly, W anonymous. <3"

"Simme I swear to god if you don't send this boy a note back I'm gonna take him for myself."

-----------

After Rosh and Ayub left, Simon decided there was no harm in sending this boy a response letter with his favorite flowers (black dahlias). He started writing with the biggest smile on his face, but that smile quickly faded when he noticed how hard is was to write a letter to someone you don't know. Even though the writing proved to be hard, he thought it out and came up with the best he could.

"Lavender boy,

I can't lie to you and say that this is going to be an easy letter to write because I don't even really know who you are but im gonna try.

I love the choice of flowers, lavender is actually one of my favorite flowers but my top flower definitely has to be a black dahlia. It might be a little sad that my favorite flower has the meanings of betrayal and sadness but it's so pretty and it always reminds me that even in the ugliest parts of your life you can find something beautiful.

Lavender is definitely higher up in my favorites now because of you. :) Can you tell me a little about yourself? I know nothing about you as far as I know and I think it's just fair if you know stuff about me and I know stuff about you too.

-The Dahlia <3"

He looks over the letter one last time and seals it in the envelope. Since he got lavender from the mystery boy it's only fair he gets him some black dahlias. Simon has some money saved up from birthdays and decides to go to the local florist who happens to be the parent of one of Sara's best friends.

"Where are you going Simme?"

"Just going for a little walk."

"Okay mi amour, be back in an hour."

"Bye, mama!"

Simon walks out of the door and heads straight to the bus stop. Once the bus comes he pays, sits down in the back at automatically gets on his phone. He has 3 missed calls from Rosh and lots of texts asking him if he's going to write back, he decides to ignore them and goes on Instagram. 

The crown prince keeps showing up on his feed and it's making Simon swoon, he may have high standards but when it comes to Wille, he's only human. The prince moved to Hilershka after a fight in a club and ever since then he's been living in Forest Ridge. 

His blond locks that fall right over his eyes cover the scar from the fight. Sometimes it covers way to much and all Simon wants to do is brush it out of his face but he can't because it would almost definitely make Wille uncomfortable, after all they are just friends.

The bus pulls up right outside of the flower shop and right as he steps out he looks through the window and sees the same boy he's been obsessing over with his best friend Felice. Normally he would run far far away and only come back when he's gone, but today Simon needs his flowers.

He walks through the door and heads straight for the back to grab the dahlias. As he passes Wille and Felice they flash him a smile and go straight back to laughing together. At least this won't be longer than it needs to be. 

Simon grabs the flowers, pays for them, and leaves without saying goodbye. Who can blame him? His gorgeous crush was surrounded by lots of flowers and he had many stuck in his hair. How was he supposed to compose himself when that was what he had to look at?

-----------

The whole time Simon was getting ready this morning, his heart was beating out of his chest. It got even worse as he got to school, quickening his steps as he walked over to the forest ridge house.

 He decided not to place his note anywhere that it could get stepped on because he wanted to make sure the flowers didn't get squished. He placed the note on a little lawn chair that sat on the balcony and gently placed the dark flowers on top of them. He heard a brood of footsteps approaching and quickly ran off to class, thinking about his new lavender lover.

#wilmon fanfiction #wilmon fanfic #wilmon #young royals simon #simon x wille #simon x wilhelm #simon eriksson #crown prince wilhelm #prince wilhelm #young royals wilhelm #young royals

[niugnepigg]

posting this here bc ik nobody will see it

i am struggling so much and i dont know what to do. i have no friends i can go see to feel better and socialise, so im stuck at home most the time. i want to go out and have fun but i have no money and no transport. my centrelink hasnt progressed in the two months since i put in my claim and it turns out its because my mum makes too much money. i dont even live there. i want to but my mums mental health doesnt allow me to, which is taking a hit on my self esteem. am i really that hard to handle? ive been filling out the forms for it being unreasonable for me to live at home, and mums been doing the same. we gave a form to my psychologist to fill out but he thinks its not unreasonable for me to live at home. i dont think ill be getting centrelink. but i cant live at home and i have fucking no money. how am i supposed to feed myself, how am i supposed to feed and spoil my mice? when i get my license, how am i supposed to pay for fuel? i just dont know.

because of my as well rapidly deteriorating mental health due to my situation, ive been looking at inpatient care. i just cant anymore. but my psychologist also doesnt think i meet the criteria for admission.

im so lost. mum earns too much but i cant live there. im not mentally ill enough for care. what do i even do now

#vent post

[penelopespoety]

♡ The New Boy ♡ PT .1

Timmy Tim

Back Ground Information……

~Your 16 in high school

~Your popular

~Your ex is a jock (he wants you back)

~you have 3 best friends ( Emma, Chloe, Susan)

~you stay in a nice house & you only live with your mom

~ your the only kid

~your middle class

~ worst enemy (Sasha)

~ munches (group chat name)

♡ The New Boy ♡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’ll see you guys this weekend right?”

You questioned as you walked out of school

“YES!!” Your friends screamed while walking away in a different direction

“OK” you screamed back and continued to walk home

You were checking your Instagram feed not paying any attention to your surroundings

When someone suddenly stepped in front of you

“Y/N you look so good in that outfit” You heard a familiar voice say with a deep voice

( what your wearing)

“why haven’t you been replying to my calls or my messages”

You snapped back into reality already knowing who it was

Your toxic, abusive & manipulative ex

You rolled your eye’s already know where this conversation is going

He’s not over you but your wayyy over him

“Spenser I’m not having this conversation we have been broken up for like three months move on”

you said with a tired expression on your face

“But I love you and I just can’t get over you” he said

“well I’m not the one who cheated” you mumbled under your breath while looking down

He just stared at you not moving an inch

Which scared you knowing how abusive he was

“We can discuss this at your house later ” he said

Then you remembered your mom invited him over for her going away party because

She’s leaving for a business trip after tomorrow

You mentally slap your head regretting not telling your mom that he cheated on you

“Mmhm” you said with a forced smile walking away from the situation

You finally made it home and see a U-haul truck parked in what used to be the empty house right next door

You see that your mom has already walked over to meet the new neighbors

It looked like she look was talking to a middle age woman around her age

So you just walked in the house and turned on the tv to your favorite show (outer banks)

20 minutes later

You heard the door open and close and you knew it was your mom

“Your not going to speak to the neighbors, or even welcome them to the neighborhood” your mom said

“I had to watch the new season of otter banks I’ll go introduce myself after this episode goes off” you said

“No your going to introduce yourself to them now. Her name is Nicole flender

Call her ms.Flinders though” your mom said

“Ugh I have to go now??” You said

“Yes plus you and timothee are the same age become his friend he has none here” she said

“Who is timothee?” You said

“Ms. Flinders son he is beautiful. His face is just Gorgeous to bad your dating spencer” she laughed and jokingly said

But you didn’t find that funny at all because y’all been broke up after you found out he cheated on you with your worst enemy(Sasha) at YOUR house party in YOUR room in YOUR bed

“ Go introduce yourself NOW y/n”

“OKAY IM GOING” you said

‘This boy better be Gorgeous the way she got me walking next door to introduce myself to him’ you thought

You took a deep breath before knocking 3 times

Nobody answered…

Just when you we’re about to knock again the woman you seen your mom talking to answered opened the door

“Hello you must be cassies daughter” she said with a welcoming smile

“Yup that’s me” u said laughing awkwardly 

“Well I’m ms.flinder it’s so nice to meet u and I just have to say you are such a beautiful girl” she said smile treating you as if you were her daughter

“Thank you so much” you said almost blushing you love compliments

“I should introduce you too my son Timothee while your here” she said

And you just nodded

“TIMOTHEE COME DOWN HERE I WANT YOU TO MEET CASSIES DAUGHTER” She screamed

And it kind of shocked you seeing that she really wanted us to meet so you finally spoke up and said

“I’ll just come back tomorrow he seems busy”

“He’s not busy he just can’t hear me…………… why don’t you just go up there and introduce yourself” she said

Your eyes widen at her “command”

“Oh no it’s okay I’ll meet later” you said smiling

“No I insist you go up there”

“ Okay” you said with a scared feeling

“Don’t worry he doesn’t bite” she said jokingly with a smile

“I’m going to run to the store but it’s upstairs the 1st room on the left is his just walk in he’s not doing anything” she said getting into her car

“ Okay” you said

Walking in slowly closing the door behind you

You start walking up the stairs and got the whiff of vanilla which was your favorite sent and you loved it. As you got closer and closer the the door you just hoped he was as gorgeous as your mom said.

You slowly opened the door and see a bed, a few pictures of a band named gorillaz on his wall, boxes, a nice dresser and desk for gaming. You were in the middle of his room but didn’t see him nowhere

Suddenly you hear the shower turn off and you face palmed yourself not knowing if you should run or hide

“Who are you?” a deep attractive voice said from behind you

You turned around slowly and seen that only his lower half was wrapped up in a towel but u couldn’t take your eyes off of the scene in-front of you u took a step back

and you slowly looked up seen his toned abs with your mouth wide open and up to his face which you couldn’t see because his dripping wet hair was in-front of it

“I-II IM sorry didn’t know you were in the s-shower” you said with stuttering

It’s okay” he said slightly laughing at you

“You can you can wait downstairs for me unless you want to see me naked”he said with a wink

And you stood there speechless not knowing if you should say I’ll wait downstairs or I want to see you naked he broke your thoughts when he finally said

“I was joking you can wait downstairs for me” he said kind of smiling but u couldn’t really tell because his long hair

“Ok” you said and walked out of his room and let out a huge sigh and rushed downstairs

You walked down into the living room and started blushing still replaying the Scene of his abs and you smiled so hard

“Why are you smiling so hard” timothee said

You were to caught up in your thoughts you didn’t even realize he was at the bottom of the stairs looking at you

You turned around and seen

#books #teen romance #the new boy #author #timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet x you #x yn #Timmy Tim #love triangle #stories #today #trending #french #i love him #good neighbors #otterbankes #penelopespoety #outfit #clothes #cliffhanger #teen

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

i wonder how exactly do people manage to get diagnosis? i'm suspecting i might have high-functioning depression, because in the past month all i do is sleep and eat and not shower for... days. i only shower when i feel very greasy. changing into proper clothes feels like a bother, so i never went out to get food, and rely on online delivery instead. seeing how much money i wasted bc i get deliveries instead of walking to food stalls is kinda alarming, but i'm aware that the other alternative is me not even eating at all. i only go to my campus like... 3x a week? i can manage to appear normal and feel a bit normal when with my friends, but my thesis is also pretty stressful. idk what i'm trying to convey but basically at campus i appear normal (except maybe my slow progress at thesis), but when i'm back at my dorms i become this... very passive person.

i'm seeing a therapist, mainly bc back when my thesis first started, i got so overwhelmed i had passive suicidal thoughts. but i find myself not being able to be honest abt the extent of my struggles. i'm very embarrassed to admit that i've been having difficulty with hygiene. my therapist gives off a mom vibe, so i think i'm scared to be judged for my lack of hygiene... not showering for days, not even changing my clothes or underwear, not brushing my teeth, not cleaning my living space and letting ants surround leftover food... so i always made myself presentable during session. idk, seeing as the session is in-person, i dont think she'd take it well if she know someone who didnt bathe for days entered her clean room. but me pretending that everything is okay makes her think im just having normal thesis struggles, which sucks. but im also scared to be honest abt my hygiene issues.

another thing is my social anxiety. its actually so bad that i cant go out of my dorm room without making sure there arent anyone outside. im not acquainted with anyone in the dorm, i dont even know their names or how they look. but im also scared to tell my therapist abt this??? im scared she will tell me to make friends to overcome my anxiety??? which is scary??? i feel self conscious bc what if someone has been paying attention to how i barely ever leave my room or that they never hear any showering sounds from me??? idk its scary. im pretty sure i have social anxiety, but my therapist has managed to make me open up and im not super quiet during sessions and can behave mostly like myself so i unconsciously put on a mask that always makes me be in denial abt my issues (in this case, pretending i have proper social skills, instead of admittinh i shrivel in fear when put in new social situations)

my thesis is also very much in bad state but instead of telling my therapist that my advisor thinks i havent been taking the thesis seriously (which hurts, bc i do worry abt its progress, even if it looks like im not making proper progress), i tell her that my worries arent proportional to the reality (bc my catastrophizing mind thought i would need to redo everything, while the reality is i only got told to make changes).

tldr im scared to be honest to my therapist bc of internalized shame and all that, even tho thats the reason i decided to pursue therapy? but also its scaryyy. esp the hygiene part. ppl around me are the clean types who hates messy stuff so i think it exacerbates the shame. esp bc i dont just have a messy room, but also havent been showering for days

Hi anon,

First of all I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. Please know you're not alone. I admit that I also struggle with hygiene in a very similar way as well as consistently eating takeout, and I have diagnosed depression. It sounds like you have some big and intimidating responsibilities right now, and that's perhaps feeding into your depressive symptoms. You feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, and lost.

I understand the resistance to open up to your therapist about things that you have internalized shame about. Please just know that one of the main purposes of a therapist is to not make you feel judged or ridiculed, and any therapist who does do this doesn't deserve their position because it's damaging to a client. That is the last thing you need right now.

I can definitely relate to feeling judged by your therapist solely out of internalized shame alone and not any sort of cues on their end. In my experience, every time I did decide to open up about the thing I was ashamed about, it always ended up going much better than I anticipated. That being said, if you are picking up on cues from your therapist that makes you feel like she would judge you for opening up about this, then this therapist may not be a good fit for you. You deserve a therapist that doesn't make you feel judged.

I recognize that it can be an intimidating hurdle to decide to talk about these uncomfortable subjects with your therapist. But please consider that once you do choose to talk about it, your therapist can give you tools and direction to figure out how to manage both your depression and your social anxiety. Ultimately, it's important to take your time with this - don't feel pressured necessarily into opening up to your therapist, do so when you feel ready, but just consider the fact that you deserve help.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks