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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 17 days

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The Arcana HCs: M6 get kidnapped and tortured

~ an overdue sequel to MC gets kidnapped and tortured. CW for mentions of being restrained (in the scary way), having injuries, broken body parts, and trauma processing. enjoy! - brainrot ~

You'll never forgive yourself for how easy it was to lose your beloved.

It was just after breakfast - an unusually slow one, morning light spilling across the emptied dishes, a contented, carefree smile dancing from your lover's eyes to their lips and back again. They had stood slowly, bent to press a chaste kiss to your cheek, and stepped out to check briefly for wherever their familiar had disappeared to.

And then they didn't come back, and you didn't think to look for them until it was far, far too late.

The next time you saw them, it was in the back corner of a windowless cell, bound with their arms behind them to a wooden pillar, clothes tattered and bloodied and head slumped with the brokenness that can only come from despair and abandonment.

Julian

Apparently he's been surviving the last several weeks by dreaming of you, because he doesn't believe it's really you at first

He meets you with a dazed, faraway smile, barely wincing at the way it pulls at the bloodied bruise on his cheek. His good eye is bloodshot, and both retain an undercurrent of despair

His voice is hoarse and cracked from disuse when he invites you further in and apologizes for the poor space, telling you that you look as stunning as ever and wishing for the dream to last a while

Reality doesn't come crashing in on him until you're close enough to touch him. That's not possible for a figment of his imagination

He goes from tired condolences, asking you not to worry and to sit with him instead until you fade away, to staring up at you in shock and disbelief. It's you - it's you -

Does this mean it's finally over??

Doesn't say much beyond a stream of babbled "thank you"s and "I missed you"s and "are you sure this is real"s as you lead him out

Already knows the nature of his own injuries (he was, unfortunately, conscious and fully aware when they were made) and ends up talking you through how to treat and bandage them

Gets absolutely slammed with guilt in the following days as all the trauma and pain catches up with him and he watches you suffering in turn on his behalf. Thankfully, you're able to kiss it out of him

Tries to joke about liking pain anyways and can't do it, not for this

Asra

Their head snapped up as soon as they heard a new set of footsteps coming towards their cell, and they were already praying it wasn't you. You weren't ready for the look of horror when it was

He's already hoarsely begging as soon as you're in view. Get out of here. Run. It's too dangerous. He can't protect you here. Go -

Has a hard time believing you when you tell them that it's okay and that you're here to get them out. You can see them shaking their head in denial even as you kneel in front of them to free their hands

It's his hands that do you in. Apparently in an effort to keep him from trying any magic, his kidnappers have mangled them beyond recognition or functioning and you can't stand to look at them

As soon as they're free, they're scrambling to get both of you out. They were already putting together their own escape plan and have some scarily accurate guesses for effective escape routes

The look of terrified desperation doesn't leave his face until you're both out and you can prove that you won't be followed

They don't want to talk about it. They don't. want. to talk about it

He'll have to, eventually, as the waves of gratitude stop covering for his frustration at how slowly movement is returning to his hands and how often he has nightmares of his kidnappers taking you

They hate the discomfort of the process, but they're learning the sweetness of letting you take care of them for once

Won't sleep easy until he's magicked away all of the scarring

Nadia

You don't manage to say much when you make eye contact with her because the look in her eyes is leaving you breathless

You don't know what was done to her, you don't know what state she was in before you got here, but all you see in her eyes now is fire. If you're here, her courage and determination are boundless

Already pulling herself up against the wall and asking you to catch her up on the situation as you're removing her restraints

Are her captors aware you're here? How many have you fought? The big one, with the club - did you get him? Who else is with you? What's the plan? Give her your shoulder so she can walk with you

She runs on adrenaline and determination until you make it back home. She's reciting all the information she has and making strategic suggestions to ensure the group is wiped out completely

And then, when you make it home, she's collapsing

The following days show you a side of her you've only had glimpses of in the past. Her pride refuses to let anyone else near her, but

But you. You can stay. .... please stay

With her body broken and her mind haunted, all she wants is to be convinced of her support. She doesn't want to do this alone, all she wants is to lie down and know that it'll be okay for a bit

You begin to worry for a moment that she almost becomes too dependent, refusing to eat or sleep unless you're next to her

She comes out of it eventually, though she hates tight sleeves now

Muriel

You didn't know what to expect when you saw him, but it wasn't the deep shame that made it nearly impossible for him to meet your eyes. You don't know where this guilt came from

His first question is if you're in danger. As soon as you tell him it's all taken care of, he doesn't make another sound

Not a question about how you found him, not a grumble of discomfort or a grunt of pain, not even a sigh of relief as you undo the multitude of ropes tied so tight he could barely breathe before

He can barely stand to be touched by you as you brush his matted hair out of his eyes and take his hand to lead him out

He keeps stumbling. It's clear his captors were afraid of his strength, and had gone out of their way to damage his muscles and tendons and restrain him too tightly for the smallest motions

It's not until you're back in the hut and bandaging his wounds, with the door locked and Inanna at his side, that he's able to speak

He blames himself. He should have been aware of them when they came for him. He should have fought them off. He's been hunted for his strength his whole life, and suddenly, he didn't have it

It's your quiet testimony that he's allowed to be weak and still be precious that undoes him. With all the barriers out of the way, he doesn't have the energy to stop himself from being needy

Greedy, even, finally asking for hugs and snuggles and painkillers and second servings from dinner, and shocked when you say "yes"

Portia

You only catch a glimpse of the wavering hope on her face before she realizes it's you and her head falls back in sheer relief

You're here. You're here. Finally, you're here. She knew she could hold on another day, she knew there would be an end, she knew she could trust you not to give up on her, she knew you'd find her

And here you are. Her faith in you has paid off, and she's beyond happy to see you. She's pressing kisses to whatever part of you she can reach before you've even removed her restraints

When you do, she's all breathless, relieved, tearful giggles, and hugs as tight as she can manage with injured and bloodless arms

Her legs are broken, but that's okay, she'll just ride piggyback while she watches behind you for any pursuers. You've got this!

Never in your life have you been so grateful for a partner as relentlessly optimistic and resilient as she is. Even as the treatment of her painful wounds makes her wince and hiss, she's smiling

Of course, she can't act as though it never happened. She wishes she could, but the nightmares and the fatigue and the shooting pains and the crutches by her bedside suggest otherwise

Late night conversations venture to new confessions. How afraid she was. How out of control she felt. The lonely moments in her cell when her faith in you faltered and she wondered if this was it

It's hard to sit through her descriptions of what happened, of what was done to her, but you knowing it too brings you ever closer

Lucio

He'd like to say that he put on a brave face, but as soon as he saw you and knew he wasn't alone anymore he crumpled completely

He missed you. He missed you. He thought it would never end. He never wants to do this again, never, ever, ever, don't worry about the damn restraints, just kiss him and tell him it's okay, please

There's tears tracking through layers of grime and crusted blood and faint trails of his eyeliner - has he really not been able to clean himself in weeks? - and he's muffling his sobs into your shoulder

You keep wanting to tell him to hold still, the knots and locks are tricky to undo with the intense shaking through his body, but every pained cry wracking his frame is loaded with relief

When you finally get him freed, he's looping his arm around your neck and falling against you until you hold him

Hold him tight, hold him despite what a mess he is, hold him without worrying about his blood getting onto your clothes, hold him even if it hurts him, hold him so you can soothe his soul

And then get him out. He's clearly severely injured and in plenty of physical pain (which he will loudly make known to you once you're both safe) but he'll run limping next to you without complaint

It's a long time before he can bring himself to lift a blade or put the armored pieces on his gauntlet again. He still brags about his skills, but the way the light glints along the sharp metal makes him wince

Can't fall asleep by himself for a long, long time

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana game #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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futurecorps3 · 9 months

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𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐜𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬

A/N: I just needed to get the Henry brainrot out there so this is very, very, very self indulgent and personal. I'll write quality shit for him later. This is just a fic about him and me which is poorly written and has basically no plot.

"Will you stop clicking that god darned pen already, Y/L/N? It's getting on my nerves" Bunny whisper-yelled while you all sat in the library. Henry shooting daggers at him was enough for him to mumble a little "sorry" and to shut up about the pen for good. Y/N giggled a quietly and went on with her translation, squeezing Henry's hand under the table as a 'thank you'.

He knew she sometimes had trouble staying put, unlike all the others, so toying with her pen helped. Francis, Camilla, Charles and her boyfriend thought it was comforting; like the soft click clack click click clack of typewriters. As always, Edmund seemed to be the only one bothered by something they all liked.

"Póte févgoume?" Y/N's boyfriend was asking him when were they leaving for the date they were having that day "Pénte triánta" she answered five thirty. Now, they knew communicating in Greek was risky, but they had no other way of keeping the secret without having to find explanations for their seemingly sudden closeness.

Plus, the only two people who understood spoken Greek were them. Unless their friends were as nosy as to go fetch a Greek dictionary, they were safe. Surprisingly, Henry had insisted on watching a movie called 'Christine'. He overheard some people talking about how good it was the other day in the dining hall and asked you to go watch it with him. ("As a date?" "Yes, as a date, darling"). Now, all they had to do was coordinate their exit from the library and drive to the movies.

She had to admit sneaking around thrilled her to no end, knowing well how Henry was perceived in everyone's eyes; stoic, emotionless, cunning, pretentious and wickedly smart. Y/N knew all those things were true, but after the night he half drunkenly confessed her his love at the lake house, she was acquainted with a tender side of Henry Winter.

Henry's gestures of affection were often subtle. A soft smile shared across a crowded room, a gentle touch on her shoulder when he thought no one was watching, or the way he would quietly check in on her during late nights of studying. Sometimes, late into the night, they would take long walks through the silent campus, hand in hand. Henry's normally sharp and analytical mind seemed to take a break, and he would simply listen as Y/N talked about her hopes and dreams.

Y/N cherished these glimpses of tenderness from Henry. They were like rare treasures, hidden beneath the layers of his scholarly exterior. She realized that, beneath the enigmatic facade, there was a person who could be caring, loving, and deeply connected. These moments of vulnerability made their relationship all the more special, and she was grateful to be the only one to witness them.

She was pulled from her thoughts at him letting go of her hand and getting up, causing the loud screeching of his wooden chair against the floor to flood the library. "I'll get going" he said, putting away his books "You're not even halfway done" said Francis without lifting his gaze from whatever Latin he was writing "I need to revise some texts with Julian, I'll finish it later" he finished, leaving in quick but confident steps.

After about five minutes, Y/N asked for the time and pretended to be late for a meeting with her girlfriends, leaving hurriedly as well. She noticed some funny looks but bypassed them and made a beeline towards the bottom of the stairs of the large building; Henry waiting with a cigarette while leaning into the hard stone of the railings. Without looking at her, he offered his hand and put out his smoke after feeling her engulf it.

"Five dollars you won't stand the film and we'll leave halfway through" she smiled, looking at him teasingly. "You're on, Y/N/N".

Y/N was five dollars richer that day as they walked to his house where she's be crashing for the third week now. Her dorm room was pretty much empty now, only her wall decorations, clothes she didn't like much, and some stationary remained inside with a tiny layer of dust covering it.

"It was fun!" "It was totally ridiculous... It's my fault, I shouldn't have listened to those ignorant pieces of-" "Henry?" A strident voice along with a little incredulous snicker came from behind and at that moment they knew their little facade was over.

Edmund Corcoran was not going to blackmail them to keep the secret.

They walked hand in hand to class the next day, not caring to explain anything to their friends. "What is that about?" asked Charles with a smile "Isn't it obvious?" said Henry, and Julian swore he could see the faintest hint of a smile. <3

#henry winter x reader #henry winter smut #henry winter #henry winter x you #henry winter fanfiction #the secret history #the secret history x reader

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delicatenerdbluebird · 5 months

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My Random Takes on The Secret History (contains spoilers)

The biggest tragedy that comes with being Richard Papen coded is you need a group like Julian's Greek class to feel normal about yourself because the rest of the world makes you feel like a misfit.

That Richard and Camilla scene where she reveals being physically abused by Charles... I feel that scene is a strong criticism of abusive households. Like Richard was used to seeing his mother getting beaten by his father and sometimes he was also a victim of his violence. And in 'that' scene, he fantasizes about doing the same to Camilla and worse. This shows it's a never-ending cycle no matter how you see it. The kids are gonna end up developing fucked up fantasies if their exposure to fucked up things is constant.

I strongly believe Henry was gonna make Richard the scapegoat had something gone sideways. And honestly, it makes perfect sense. Richard insisted on joining their class. He was an outsider. Henry could have easily made up something like Richard was envious of their group, he was jealous of his and Bunny's closeness and so he ended up killing him, something along those lines that Richard wanted to be accepted and we would not accept him instantly, naturally because of our prior history. Knowing how Henry was good with words, he could have made Richard an obsessive, disturbed freak to the FBI for all we know. Remember how Henry saved him from getting frozen to death? This incident can be perfectly used to portray him as a mentally disturbed person who would rather freeze to death than go back to his home to a normal eye.

Now Julian. Oh, Julian I knew was the red flag the moment it was mentioned he does not accept students who have different ideas than his. But to think that fucker would turn out to be the biggest crankiest bitch?!! I mean I am soo mad he was the one who fed those Dionysiac ideas to them and in the end, he just ran away?! I was baffled by how he treated Henry during that confession scene he did not even listen to him completely... Henry does not stutter HE WAS STUTTERING and Julian shoved the letter back to him... I mean the disrespect! This scene (for me at least) was a reality check that no matter how loving, cool, caring, and impactful you might think your teacher is, at the end of the day, they are gonna be a teacher and you are gonna be just a student. It destroyed my heart when Henry said he loved Julian more than his own father 😭 The worst thing you can do is take advantage of the vulnerabilities of someone who not only respects you but also loves you dearly. This mf can move mountains and I would still hate his old rat ass!

Charles and Camilla Idek what to make of them. Charles turned from a pitiable character to an entirely disgusting one for me. I accept Francis' theory that he wouldn't have made that much fuss about his interrogating situation if Camilla and Henry weren't a thing. Remember when Camilla and Henry had some secret code and he got mad why he didn't know about it? I do think camilla and henry were always a thing before it became apparent to everyone. Besides the book is from Richard's perspective, and he does seem oblivious at times.

I am not aware of the popular takes in the fandom so I don't know if this is gonna be a hot take or not but Camilla gave pick-me-girl vibes. She did not have any girl friends and looked down upon Judy (I am not asking them to be besties exactly but a little respect won't have killed) Judy only developed a weird impression about them during that party scene when Camilla dropped her drink onto her and did not apologize (or was it the opposite? i dont remember exactly but the point is Judy is not the type to judge others for no reason...she judged them after that party) Camilla's attitude could be attributed to the fact that Charles was controlling but idk

The Secret History reminded me of The Hollow Men by T.S. Eliot (some of the verses below):

We are the hollow men

We are the stuffed men

Leaning together

Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!

Our dried voices, when

We whisper together

Are quiet and meaningless

As wind in dry grass

Or rats' feet over broken glass

In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,

Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

So basically I am yapping here because my friend hasn't finished tsh yet and I just needed to let it all out 😩

Not to mention I absolutely love my expensive gossip boy Francis 🥺 ☕

(Thank u for reading it this far!!)

#the secret history #poetry #francis abernathy #henry winter #camilla and charles #bunny corcoran #richard papen #Julian #donna tartt #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dead poets society #dark aesthetic #academic validation #judy poovey #Marion #hampden

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sxftkxssxs · 10 months

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Main6 with an s/o who is really cute but insists that there scary

Mc who's cute but insists they're scary

Asra

Grins at them

“Oh yes, very, very scary.”

He’s lying. He does not think they’re scary.

He thinks it’s adorable when MC tries to convince him

Asra does think their skills are scary, but their face completely betrays them

Often showers MC in kisses over it, assuring them that he thinks of these interactions like a silly joke

If it makes them feel better he'll admit they're scarier than Faust is

Julian

Outright chuckles at the thought

Them??? Scary?? That’s like saying he knows magic as well as he does medicine

This starts an all out war between the two of them

“I am not cute, I am scary, Julian.” “Are not!” “I am too!”

He can do that all day, please do not encourage him

he’ll play along occasionally, though he really does think their skills aren't a joke

Nadia

a little smile on her lips gives her actual opinion away

she won’t outright disagree, there are moments where they can be scary

Nadia will give MC a kiss on the cheek, while cruelly telling them that they’re adorable.

She finds it very amusing watching them try to convince everyone they’re much scarier than they are.

Chandra doesn’t really help, seeing as she’s more intimidating than they are.

Muriel

No comment,

He won’t burst their bubble, at first

Once or twice he’ll huff with a smile, muttering something along the lines of “not that scary…”

If they give him a 'stern' look they’re just proving his point!

He gets so flustered when they start a lecture on how they definitely are scary.

Inanna just stares, unimpressed. They’re not scary, she’s the only terrifying one here, of course.

Portia

She's just as stubborn about it as MC is.

Portia won't often tease about it, but when she does it can go all day.

She'll often point out when the MC is proving her point.

She loves to watch the MC defend their case, even if it's a lost cause.

Pepi won’t agree with them either, she’s learned that lesson before.

At least the MC and Portia can be cute and unexpectedly powerful together?

Lucio

He’s staring at them like they grew two heads.

They’re what now? Sorry, he must have heard that wrong.

He most definitely thinks they're adorable trying to convince him that they're scary.

Probably laughed in MC's face about it before his upright ending.

Mercedes and Melchior aren't even paying attention any time they talk about this.

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lloydfrontera · 8 days

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thinking again about lloyd in the context of him being an only child and then living alone for years.

he's really particular about where his things go and gets really irritated when someone leaves them out of place.

he always asks permission before borrowing anything and is really offended when someone doesn't ask before grabbing something of his even if they're really close. he finds it especially maddening when someone asks to borrow something and then just grabs it without waiting for him to say yes.

he can go hours without talking and not even notice and doesn't really find silence uncomfortable or boring. even when he's hanging out with someone there can be really long stretches of time where he just goes silent and doesn't find it weird or remarkable.

he's great at connecting with people older than him. he can charm old people into liking him sooo easily. put him in a room with a couple grandpas and grandmas and he will leave having been adopted several times over. they think he's a 'very charming young man'. he's got an old soul. he does not know how to socially connect to people his own age and when he actually manages it is the exception and not the rule. he's the twenty-something years old going 'kids these days' at people two years younger than him.

sharing a living space with someone makes his skin itch and it takes a long time before he stops feeling vaguely irritated when there's someone in his room or they enter without knocking.

sometimes he just unconsciously drifts to the room where his parents are and just hangs out doing his own thing, not even particularly looking to have a conversation with them, just soaking in their presence for a while before leaving just as casually.

he gets easily grossed out when it comes to sharing personal things. he does not get the concept of 'sharing spit'. one time javier takes a sip from the same cup lloyd was drinking from and he can just stare in horror because ew. javier points out he does not say that when they're kissing. lloyd retorts that's a completely different situation. they agree to disagree.

he kinda just assumes he will take care of his parents when they grow old. he doesn't even really discuss it with julian or even arcos and marbella. this is just a fact of life for him. the idea of leaving them on their own doesn't really cross his mind at all.

this one is embarrassing and he will never ever tell a soul about it but sometimes he does feel it a little jarring to share their parents' affections with julian. like. he loves him and is beyond thrilled to have a little brother, would not change that for the world. but what do you mean he's not his parents' most especialest little guy. that does not compute. he's aware this is ridiculous and only child syndrome speaking and that's why he's taking it to the grave but like. he needs to be the center of their attention at least once a day or he'll start biting.

it takes a while for him to finally register that even when marbella and arcos pass away he won't be alone in the world without anyone to rely on. that he won't have to bury his parent and mourn them on his own. that there will always be someone he can call family even with his parents are gone. this does not make the idea or the pain of losing them any less heavy, but it does make it easier to carry.

also sometimes julian will talk about a childhood experience and lloyd will think it's just another way og lloyd was an abusive ass only for sheherazade to cheerfully comment that she and her siblings used to the same thing and actually no it's a really common thing and he's left going 'what the fuck what the fuck w h a t t h e f u c k' under his breath through that entire conversation lol

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #me?? projecting on my blorbo?? what gives you that idea #we talk a lot about only children writers not knowing how to write siblings but we don't talk nearly enough about writers with siblings #not knowing how to write only children #this shit makes your brain develop in completely different ways to people who grow with siblings

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pleasantlyinsincere · 1 year

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John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

youtube

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

youtube

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

unknown

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John.

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

#i was suddenly getting nervous that this will just disappear from my drafts. that would annoy me so much. so it get's posted NOW.#i will add stuff to it as i find it but that's how i always do timelines. fill them up over time. and this is already massive.#i just wanted to date one damn thing and this is what happened...#thoughts in progress #john lennon #julian lennon #Youtube

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totally-not-here-for-the-smut · 9 months

Note

Hi! I was wondering if you could write about the M6 having baby fever? It can be nsfw and or sfw, I don't really care! Thank you!

Hi, my fellow julianist-smutter! As before, I'll randomly pick the spicy level for each character and write them in whatever-my-mind-blurts-out-first-order. The adult themes will be on a properly flagged reblog!

Key: ◇Random/cute/funny stuff; ♡romanticism/physical affection/teasing; ♧light smut&fluff; ♤hic sunt DONGS, minors def nope out

~♡~

[F!reader]

Portia keeps getting home late without any reasonable explanation. When pressed she blurts ovious lies, so you start to grow suspicious, then jealous. One day it gets the best of you, and you decide to follow her...

...up until the magic shop?! Is she...? And Asra??? You hear them talking quietly, so you sneak in from the backdoor. Portia seems... distressed? Hopeful...? Asra is explaining something complex from a big, old book.

Days later you get that book with an excuse, and magic helps you find the page they were looking at. The spell seems very complicated. Some kind of ritual that involves two women, a man, some fresh rainwater and nine full moon cyc...

Oh.

Blood flushes to your face and somewhere else. You slam the book shut in embarrassment, and put it back. You're not sure about how to talk with Portia, for your hart is full of a warmth your words can't express.

You decide to let her be the one talking about it, when she'll feel ready.

~♡~

Nadia keeps pulling out pictures of when she was young, talking about all of her fondest childhood memories and how blessed is an home full of children.

She gets you to se Pepi's new litter, and you see her melt internally as she holds one of the tiniest fluffy balls.

One day you find her and Natiqua with Nadia's nephew. They've come to visit even though she went to see the newborn just few weeks ago. With an excuse, Natiqua hands you the little one, who grabs your hair and doesn't let go. The sisters laugh, whispering something in Pakran. God where's Julian when you need him.

One day she gifts you a beautiful calendar. It's gilded in gold and powered lapis, with beautiful illustrations of the two of you each month. Some days are marked. This time Julian's around, and bursts out laughing when he recognizes a fertility pattern.

Looks like you're gonna do this.

Lucio is super happy. He's always wanted to be the cool uncle.

Little does he know, Noddy has a comprehensive list of what games, tales and shenanigans will and won't be allowed.

~♧~

You and Lucio have a pregnancy scare. He panics, cries that he's too cool and young to be a dad (he's not, he's 40). Disappears hunting in the woods for a week.

He must have met his mother, because when he comes back at the Palace his left cheek is red and swollen.

Thank the gods it was just a scare.

The days after, Lucio starts to act weird. You caught him staring at you with a dumb dreamy smile.

He tells you he bought new animals from the red market. You're expecting crocpdiles, but fing wourself surrounded by hundreds of the cutest ducklings you've ever saw.

Mercedes, Melchior and Pepi are -burp- very happy of this.

You spend two days consoling Lucio.

Then he brings home ten "kittens".

They're tiger cubs.

Mercedes and Melchior happy.

Pepi very not happy.

Nadia and Portia extremely not happy.

When he arrives with a baby dolphin to substitute the vampire eels, Nadia snaps and tell him to go make a baby already if he so wants small things around him

That evening, you enter your room to find him laying on your bed, rose petals all around you, magical windchimes dangling over the bed.

"It MUST BE a great idea, Noddy had it!"

~♧~

Asra is the one who doesn't realize he has baby fever. Everyone else knows he has it, everyone is lowkey laughing about it, but god fkrbjd someone makes him notice.

You are now subscribed to detailed reports of Asra's paternity dreams. He goes on and on describing the beautiful white haired baby he dreamt, they were sleeping on his chest, with a cute pijama with small red foxes embroided on it. Each day he adds new details.

Every morning you wake up to a different, exotic breakfast in bed. "I figure you wanted chestnuts with spiderhoney" "I got you yak salty milk with spices!" "Hey, I brought you the deer horn flour sourdough you asked me for... what do you mean you didn't asked me for it? I deamed you were craving it?! Again?"

He's also all over you, night and day. If it was for him, you'd never leave the magic shop.

He takes every chance he gets to hug your belly. Now you're both used to him falling dead asleep there after going down on you. Sometimes he gives tiny kisses on your belly as he sleeps, and you smile while passing your fingers through his hair.

When you finally confronts him about it, he blushes violently and denies everything.

"So, if I told you you can take me now and do as you please, hre on the shop's counter without even locking the door, you wouldn't do it?"

He does it.

~♢~

Julian has worked with quite a number of babies, lately. Thanks to Nadia, now people eat better and are healthier, so they enjoy their life -and Vesuvia's nightlife- way more. This lead to a massive wedding season, and for the first time in his life the women and men who send for Julian night and day aren't lovers (or scorned spouses), but anxious parents of chubby newborns.

It's a lot of work, but for the first time in forever he's strangely not complaining about it. The doctor sleeps very little, but has a constant dumb grin. He is also very confused.

Tired like, he told Asra to "Open wide the mouth, vessel's coming!" while going in with a tongue depressor to take a look at his sore throat. Mouth free, Asra winked. "As big as I remember you Jules, maybe vessel IS an exaggeration"

Julian's house is now full on tiny gifts from the babies (and their parents): handprints on canvas, first drawings (he SWEARS that black spot behind red scribbles is his eye-patch), even a little elephant doll a two year old was adamant about giving him. "I'll put it aside for when he'll want it back, I'm positive it will happen"). You could SWEAR though, that there's a note of horror in his voice when he says so.

As usual, the nsfw ones will be in THIS reblog :)

#the arcana #the arcana game #asra the magician #the arcana asra #the arcana nadia #the arcana portia #the arcana baby fever #arcana m6 baby fever #portia devorak #portia the arcana #lucio morgasson #lucio the arcana #julian devorak #julian the arcana #baby fever

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sorrinslays · 24 days

Note

(I'm the anon who asked for more sampo headcanons) Ooh I love those!! Thank u very much :] If u have any further thoughts on Sampo and the Moles interactions I'd love to hear those as well, I'm a sucker for the idea that he's really good with kids lol

Hi again anon!!! And yes, I do have some thoughts on Sampo babysitting the Moles, of course I do! Sampo is their dad after all /hj

Okay so this is getting into fanfic territory about something I'm working on, but I like to think that he helps them get better at negotiating and sneaking around by playing games with them. Hide and seek is a big one with them which is why when we (Astral Express) meet Hook and the other Moles they insist on playing that game.

More specifically, he promises that if even one of them wins against him, either as the seekers or as the ones hiding, they'll get a big prize (the bestest!!!!!). So far, they haven't won yet, but they're getting better, they are sure of it!!!!!!

Additionally, I'm a fan of the idea that Sampo taught them basic shit that you learn in kindergarten and stuff so that when they get the chance to go to school they won't be bullied by their lack of knowledge. He was sure that the 'ban' of the Underworld would be lifted before they are of the age to go to elementary school which is why he was insisted on teaching them the basics. Seele called his insistence stupid at some point but who has the bragging rights for being correct now?

Generally, Sampo is very touch starved and avoids it because it leaves an itchy feeling behind that makes him very uncomfortable but he was surprised to learn that he doesn't have the same problem with kids. Sure, if they hug him for long periods of time he gets uncomfortable but aside from that shit like pulling his pant leg to get his attention, using him as a monkey bar or dragging him around by his wrist when they want to show him something cool they found doesn't bother all that much.

Is on pretty good terms with Fersman (Hook's dad), surprisingly so. At first Fersman was very suspicious of Sampo but after a few months, he started feeling more comfortable around Sampo as they ended up being pretty good friends. Not close ones, but if Fersman needs help with something, especially if it concerns Hook and Natasha is unavailable or busy, he goes to Sampo.

They have this game where they have to sneak up on Sampo and as a reward they get 5 candies instead of the one he gives when he sees them. So far it hasn't worked but when they get close to doing so he gives them an extra one.

If Sampo is missing for more than a day or two (his usual) the first to notice are the moles and they ask (pester) Natasha where he is. Most of the time her answer is either that he is busy or, if he's missing for a week or so, she tells he's out gathering medicine and other supplies. Each time he returns from his medicine gathering the Moles insist to come with him so he can get back home faster and each time he tells them "maybe next time".

He always has candy in his pockets for the Moles.

Whenever Seele insults Sampo in front of Hook, she instantly defends him. It's hard to count how many times Seele wanted to insult that man but couldn't because Hook was in the room and would've been defensive over him. Anytime they do "fight" Natasha is quick to break it off.

Speaking of Natasha, whenever she sees Sampo not doing anything/he annoys her, she just send him off to look after the Moles. She says it's because he's the only one they somewhat listen to without the need to threaten punishment or chores but really she just eliminates two headaches that way.

Out of all the Moles, Julian is probably the most attached to Sampo due to being an orphan and Sampo being the biggest father figure in his life, which is why whenever he isn't playing with the moles and spots Sampo he follows him around like a lost puppy. Sampo noticed it pretty early on so he taught him a few tricks, like whatever the hell he did in the main quest where Julian turned himself into an adult.

#Dadpo my beloved #speaking of that fic I'm working on #really it's just an excuse to dump headcannons and have Sampo have deep conversation with Gepard and maybe Seele #anyway #thank you anon for giving me an excuse to ramble about the sillies #sampo koski #honkai star rail #hook hsr #natasha hsr #seele hsr #hsr

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angeledeggs · 9 months

Note

I understand If this is out of your comfort zone, but would you be willing to do the main 6 and the courtiers seeing self-harm scars on their partner?

Course! Sorry I havent been updating, y'all 😭😭 I know I've said this but I PROMISSSSE I will update more, I just need more time okay okay I'll updatemore I swear and please dont hesitate to send requests, it really does motivate me :)

Asra💜:

Of course they're concerned, but they don't quite know how to bring it up

They don't want to embarrass you or, dear gods, make it worse

If they're old scars they'll feel a bit better but if they're fresh he definitely feels more pressed to ask about it

And finally, when Asra does, he makes sure to do it gently.

No yelling, or tears from them or anything at all to pressure you, they just want to know if there's anything they can do to help.

If there's something specifically triggering it they'll definitely throw that shit out, but if it's a person they'll definitely make sure they do not bother or upset you ever again.

If it's something mental, of course they'll never, even be mad at you. They'll help you any way he can.

Julian🦠:

The first time he notices he immediately asks.

Of course he's definitely not angry or joking or nothing, he just has to quickly make sure you're not hurting at the moment.

He'll not get mad at all or anything, he just needs to know that you're not bleeding an that nothing has gone too deep to be cause for a hospital

He'll do whatever you need or want to help you whether the scars are fresh or not, whether that's talking about it, not talking about it, or doing anything in between.

All in all he supports you no matter what, and will support you in whatever way you need.

Nadia💙:

She's worried, she won't lie.

She knows they're just scars, it might not have even been inflicted for years... but still.

Of course, she still cares, but she doesn't want to micromanage you, you're grown and can make your own decisions.

But at night when you two lay together she can't stop herself from glancing at the scars, wondering if you're hurting on the inside and she's doing nothing...

One day, she just blurts it out, asks if you're alright, if anyone or anything has made you hurt yourself recently.

No matter your answer, she'll support you, and reassure you that of course she would never hold anything against you for being human, naturally.

She loves you more than anything, after all.

Portia🧡:

She can't help herself, just like her brother, she immediately asks about it.

She just wants to know if you're hurting right now, if you've been hiding your pain, if she can help.

She's not going to pressure you at all, but she might get the slightest bit emotional when she thinks about it.

If she can help whether the scars are new or old, she definitely will.

At night she might even say a few mumbles Hebrew pairs, begging g-d for your happiness, your health.

But she will always, always, always love you with all of her heart.

Lucio👑:

He tries to keep silent for awhile.

He doesn't want to make you angry or sad or maybe even happen to hurt yourself so he just stays quiet. He can't help but wonder, though. What if you're sad? What if you're depressed? What if your scars are new and fresh and he hasn't noticed?

He just mentions it softly one day, ready to back out of you can't handle it, ready for everything that could happen.

He just wants you to be happy, and if you don't want to talk about it, he won't, no, he couldn't even imagine attempting to force you to talk about something you don't want to.

But he'll stay with you no matter what your answer is, whether it's crying or silence or screaming. You're his partner and he cares for you, so, so much.

Valerius🍷:

He drops his wine when he sees. He can feel his breath quickening and you hadn't even realized he saw anything when you look at him and, god, he can't look at those eyes of yours without being driven insane.

He asks immediately, tearfully, if you're okay. That's all he wants, god, he'll be happy as long as you're okay.

He'll never be angry at you. But he might cry. Just slightly. But it's still the first time you've ever seen his eyes water at all.

He'll do anything he needs to if you need to feel better, if you need a therapist, food, drinks, medical care-- he has a large supply of money and you deserve it more than anyone, he cares not the cost.

At the end of that night, he might hold you a bit more tightly. And he shudders at the feeling of you skin, breathes your aura in.

Vlastomil🐛:

Horrified, immediately.

While he won't make a scene because he doesn't want to upset your or anything, he does ask you when he thinks your calm and won't freak out.

But of course, if you happen to freak out, he'll definitely be able to handle it whether that means staying or leaving you alone.

He's not angry at all if the scars are fresh or old, you're still the love of his life either way.

If you need something to help, or lots of somethings, no matter what it is, he's going to get it. It doesn't matter how, what matters is you.

And he loves you.

Valdemar💉:

Their breath has not quickened for so long, for a moment they can't even name the feeling that is running through their cold, dead veins.

Worry.

When you catch a look at them, you're concerned. They've never looked at you like that before.

But suddenly they're dropping to their knees before you, clinging to you, eyes wide and horrified.

Their voice is breathless and soft when they speak to you, when they softly reach for your face to caress the curve of your face, look into your eyes.

They haven't spoken so softly in years. They really do care.

Whatever it takes, they'll give it to you if you need it, dosent matter if it's medicine or stim toys or anything else that could help.

And they don't mind getting rid of anything or anyone for you, either.

They don't plan for anyone to hurt you. And they don't change plans.

Volta🍰:

Bursts into immediate tears.

She's always been an emotional woman, and while she is so quick to tears under normal circumstances, she cries the hardest you's ever seen.

She can barely explain herself, and only manages to when she's finally calmed down, as she tearfully asks you, are you okay, are you okay? Are you bleeding? Are you upset? Do we need to talk?

But she quickly manages to compose herself, to hurriedly wipes her tears. She doesn't want both of you to panic, after all.

She'll definitely make sure to comfort you if you need it, and if you start crying, she will manage to hold back tears long enough to comfort you.

But she'll always be loving towards you, not mad, barely upset, and definitely not at you, just at the world, and she makes sure to help if you need it and give you whatever you need.

Vulgora⚔️:

Their heart is racing like their first fight.

It's been years since their heart has raced fast enough to pump their veins with the bad sort of adrenaline, with the horrific feeling of fear.

But they manage to keep calm. The only outward showing of their distress is the slight tremble of their hands as they grasp your own, eyes on your face, not your scars, just you and those eyes.

Whatever happens, if you relapsed, if you hurt yourself again, if you never do it again, they will never ever be angry. They'll always be there for you.

They're your partner, after all. It's engraved into their own ethics now to give you anything you wants whether that's time apart, time alone, more things, less things or anything else.

And they love you just the same no matter what.

❀

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ateleen · 2 months

Text

Characters and Listeners Incorrect Quotes - Scythe Audios Edition

I was so patiently waiting for an episode of Atrocity series until my day was ruined when I saw the news. I was eager to see L.L and discover her powers, but noooo 😒. I wish for Scythe only the best and take his time.

━━━━━━━ •♬• ━━━━━━━

Siren, watching Sweet Cheeks: Ah yes. The mysterious and beautiful Sweet Cheeks, so demure…

Siren: …I wonder what sort of melodic sounds this wonderful being makes?

Sweet Cheeks: *screaming*

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle: Okay, help me, please!

Maverick: Got two words for you.

Twinkle: I bet they won't be helpful.

Maverick: Your problem.

Twinkle: I was right.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

V: You know, I used to play back in my gory days.

Cherky: You mean glory days?

V: Ah, that too.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Livana: I mean. Gray's just standing there now.

Alpha: Waiting for me, I guess.

Alpha: But it's okay, I think they've pretty much settled down.

Livana: Settled down?

Alpha: Well, they only stabbed me once.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Cheeky: Yeah, sure.

*A few minutes later*

Cheeky: Here you go.

Twinkle:

Cheeky:

Succubus: Why am I here?

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Goddess: Everyone thinks you suck.

Twinkle: I think you have the wrong number…

Goddess: Cheeky?

Twinkle: Nope. Twinkle.

Goddess: Well, you probably suck too…

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends.

L: Which one? I have seven.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

L: Which one? I have seven.

V, distantly: HEY!!!

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?

Maverick: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Marcus: Time for plan G.

Kreed: Don’t you mean plan B?

Marcus: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Cal: What about plan D?

Chosen: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Kreed: What about plan E?

Marcus: I’m hoping not to use it. Floofster dies in plan E.

Cal: I like plan E.

Floofster: D:

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Hunter: Just be careful, Demon Girl!

Demon Girl: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Hunter!

Demon Girl: It's everything around me that's careless.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Killian: I have a plan.

Julian: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it.

Killian: …

Julian: …

Killian: I no longer have a plan.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Dark Rose: I'm going to get myself some soup.

Vallakay: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.

Dark Rose: Pfft, I won't burn myself.

*30 seconds later*

Dark Rose, entering the room: I burned myself.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Alpha: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego.

Alpha: My facebook photo is a landscape.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Atrocity: Little Love, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Little Love: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Atrocity: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Jay Jay: Twinkle, I got suspended from school…

Twinkle: WHAT?!?! What did you do?

Jay Jay: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler, and he said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler”.

Twinkle: And…?

Jay Jay: I asked which end…

Twinkle, unable to contain their laughter: Okay, you just made my day.

━━━━━━━ •♬• ━━━━━━━

Next: Siren's Son ASMR

#scythe audio #atrocity #v scythe audio #jay jay

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msmargaretmurry · 5 months

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i wanted to write some fandom-related new year's reflections down and this felt like the best place for it! i miss livejournal every day!

i don't generally do formal new years' resolutions, mostly because i am always too busy around the new year to really sit down and think and reflect about what they should be and how i would want to measure them, but i do think the new year is a good time for a little mental reset regardless and i have been Pondering over the past few weeks about what i would like that to mean for me...... i have always complained that tumblr as a platform is terrible for making friends and i stand by that (i have met good friends on tumblr but the friendships flourished when we took the conversation elsewhere) but i do think this past year i have been #blessed in obtaining some really lovely mutuals and acquaintances On Here in a way that has made me feel more connected to hrpf fandom at large, which has been really nice ❤ so that is something i would like to continue in 2024. i hesitate to be like "i want to spend more time on tumblr" because i probably do not need to do that lmao but i do maybe want to try to be a little more proactive about making/maintaining connections and loose ties. my dear pal kasper @moregraceful has talked about fandom as community and that always resonates with me, because it can be so easy to feel like you are feeding Content into the Content Machine for people to Consume and honestly that is so miserable! i don't want that! maybe 2024 will be the year i finally post my thoughts on the interminable "bookmarks comments are for readers, not writers" discourse.

anyway. i know a lot of the actual fandom ~conversation these days happens on discord, which is am afraid of, but idk maybe i'll try to have more of an open mind about it this year. but maybe i won't. making no promises to myself there 😂 i am trying to be realistic about how much free time i will have for fandom in the midst of work and grad school and real life social life so i think the upshot here is wanting to be thoughtful and deliberate about how i spend the free time i do have for this stuff.

on the fanfiction front...... i came into 2023 in a pretty shitty mental place about writing, mostly due to how lonely i felt about writing-as-community in 2022 — it's just not fun to feel like your friends are having fun without you about things you thought you'd be included in! — and spent most of the year trying to pull myself out of it, with middling success. like, i enjoyed the head above water ficlets i added to that universe but i do still feel a little crappy that those were the only things i was able to finish writing. i have so many stories i want to get out! so i am also trying to look at this new year as maybe a chance to give myself a clean slate and say that no matter what writing goals i set for myself i will also try to be gentler with myself and focus on enjoying the writing process regardless of the end product. but i would also like to actually finish some real fics this year, lol. i might set some measurable goals, but that will not be happening until i get home next week.

in conclusion, idk what i want this year to be yet! a friend of mine recently mentioned the joys of using the julian calendar for her winter celebrations means the new year isn't until january 14, so the first two weeks of the year get to be kind of a "soft launch" of the year to figure out what works best and i did immediately steal the concept even though i am a gregorian calendar girlie. so i am still pondering, still percolating. if for some reason any of you actually read all this and have your own fandom- or writing-related new year's goals/resolutions, i would love to hear them ❤

#2023 roundup

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 19 days

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The Arcana HCs: MC gets temporary amnesia

~ Requested by @selfcarecollective and an anon! For headcanon purposes, MC slipped on a cobblestone and hit their head. The amnesia only lasts a week at most and MC remains basically functional until their memories return as their injury heals ~

Julian

The only reason he's staying as calm as he is is because he has years of practice slipping into "doctor mode" for his patients

When he's with you, he's wholly focused on caring for you. His voice stays steady and grounding, he's quick to notice any confusion and explain, he cracks jokes to lift your spirits

And when he's not with you - well - he doesn't know what to do

You don't remember him. You don't know who he is beyond who he appears to be to you now, the extraordinary circumstances of your romance have been wiped from your mind, and -

And how does he know? How does he know that you'll choose him again? How does he know that any affection you show him isn't out of your new dependence on him as your caretaker?

How does he know that you can still love him for who he truly is, when you don't know him well enough to rebuke his self-doubt?

Every lone moment is the agony of grieving someone who's still alive, spiraling until you have need of him again and he has a purpose, a clear-cut path that gives him some way to serve you

Lowkey surprised when you recover that you still love him

Asra

At least this time you're not dead!

Truthfully though, it's twice as hard because it's happened before, and twice as hopeful because they've seen you recover

The grief he feels every time you look at him with empty eyes runs a well-worn track, so familiar that it makes his heart wonder if this is supposed to be his default state and happiness was borrowed

They also have years of practice setting their own feelings aside to care for you, and care for you they will. You won't experience a single moment of need with them staying nearby

He's so, so careful not to push or rush you. Even though he knows this time around that you're committed to a relationship with him, he still wants you to have all the emotional space you need

Terrified of telling you what's happened despite knowing the circumstances are different. They do it anyways when you ask, and seeing you not crumple into agony from their words is so healing

Keeps all the pain of it hidden out of sight and ignored until you recover your memories. After twenty four hours of cautious relief, he breaks down in shuddering sobs as the years start to process

Nadia

She's ... she's unsure of herself, and she hates feeling unsure

No matter what, she wants to treat you with love and respect and dignity, but suddenly your boundaries have been reset and the person she loves as her partner doesn't see her the same way

It's easier for her to focus on getting you back to normal than it is to sit in the dissonance of your current condition

Makes sure you are completely cared for while she summons physician after physician after physician to provide you with round-the-clock care and her with as many cures as possible

She feels genuinely remorseful for how emotionally distant she is from you when she knows you're going through a moment of vulnerable need - but what she provides wouldn't be right

To try to make up for it, she writes you letters every day like a journal, to be given to you when you regain your memories and can take the role of her consort once again

Which she does give to you within a couple hours of your recovery

So, so, so very proud of you for making it through yet another trial - and more than ready for several days off to make up for lost time

Muriel

Usually the type of person to sleep off his sadness, he just wants space to himself to handle his grief where it can't affect you

At the same time, he has a level of loyalty to you that the Patrons themselves couldn't cross. He's not going to leave you alone for this. Nobody deserves to suffer in isolation

That said, trying to be there for you when you don't know who he is is a source of constant anxiety. How does he know this isn't his blessing-turned-curse making a poorly timed comeback?

How does he know that he won't scare you? How does he know that you'll be able to see past his intimidating frame and permanent scowl? How does he know he won't make it worse?

Ends up relegating himself to being something along the lines of your bodyguard. He won't pressure you to interact with him at all, he'll just be nearby to make sure you're okay and not alone

And that's how the days pass, slowly recovering in the peace and beauty of the woods, with your guardian in the background

He doesn't begin to process how scared and hurt and alone he felt until you're yourself again, and able to help him find words

Portia

She knows, logically, that it's not her fault, but in her heart of hearts she feels like this must be personal somehow

Is she that easy to forget? That easy to brush aside? The vulnerability she showed you, the countless ways she's propped you up, the beautiful relationship you've built - gone, that easily?

She'd never leave you to go through this alone and she's fully committed to seeing this through. Your days are filled with sunlight and tea and scones and cat snuggles and garden naps

But Portia just can't find it within herself to embody joy. She's a shadow, fixing you with tired smiles over eyes pooling with sorrow, the usual bubbly rants cut down to gentle, quiet observations

And somehow ... somehow, you still seem to care about her

Somehow she's still the first person you look at. Somehow you still listen to her fewer, quieter words like they're worth hearing. Somehow you see her "boring" face and still want to stick around

Even with you losing your proof of her worthiness, it's still her

Goes from depressed to all the feelings at once when you regain your memories. You'll be kissed, tackled, scolded, and hugged

Lucio

He's so close to hating himself for thinking this, but ... maybe ... what if ... this is a good thing?

He's glad he met you. He's, ultimately, grateful for the chance you gave him and the love and labor you put into giving him a second chance and helping him make the most of it

He's proud of the work he's done and the ways he's changed

And, in contrast, he carries plenty of shame for who he used to be

It could be so easy. When you look at him, you just see the golden haired journeyman who was holding you when you woke up and who's been there for you every moment since

You don't see the plague, or the painful source of his golden arm, or the demonic deals, or city state run to ruins, or the battles ...

You just see him. Now. As the person he wants to be

And yet he finds more and more that he misses being known

He misses your pride when he makes a hard but right choice, when he chooses honesty over luxury and accountability over escape

And when you come back to who you really are and see him for who he fully is, he gets the full brunt of it all over again

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themushroomgoesyeet · 5 months

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Hehe I'm excited for this, and y'all can get some pre-plague lore about Merf! (I'm currently oscillating between making a post about Merf's past life here or just writing a full on fic about it so for now this is what you get)

Merf's Character Dynamics With the M6

(listed in true Brainrot fashion ;D)

Julian

- despite all the sass between them, they're actually very good friends

- dramatic? Bookworms? Speaking primarily in sarcasm? Mentally unstable? Secretly sweethearts beneath all the deadpan snarkiness? Yeah they hit it off great together

- since Merf doesn't drink she does have to be that one sober friend™ sometimes when the raven gets a little too rowdy, and will usually gang up with Asra to make fun of Julian in the morning when he's hung over

- despite needing a couple more years in medical school (and to Muriel's mild annoyance), Julian immediately became Merf's go-to physician, as well as a through line to Mazelinka & her soup the second Merf was introduced to it.

- will sometimes go to see Julian's plays on date night with Muriel

- in her past life, Merf didn't really know Julian until after the plague hit. When she turned the shop into a goodwill center dealing out relief for plague victims and their families, Julian ended up being a frequent customer for medical supplies. They quickly became friends, and Merf became a huge source of information for Julian's research since she dealt with plague victims on the daily.

- unfortunately, Julian was also the one to watch Merf get dragged off to the quarantine island when she eventually caught the plague, and Julian was also the one to bear the bad news to Asra afterwards.

Asra

- Merf's first best friend

- the person who knows Merf the best besides Muriel

- even though Merf doesn't live in the shop anymore, she still comes in to work there part time.

- Asra has yet to convince Merf to give him full custody of the shop, even though he has to pay rent now; Merf is of the idea that as long as she's still the legal owner then Asra won't be able to burn it down on accident

- it took Merf three whole months to finally convince Asra and Julian to propose to each other, and two more months to convince them to agree on a date for the wedding

- outside of work, Merf enjoys spending quiet afternoons with Asra - either with the rest of their friends or without - and will occasionally participate in a prank

- in Merf's past life, she and Asra met when he visited her shop one day to get magical components for a spell. (For those who haven't read my fic) Merf didn't have any magical abilities at the time, so her shop was devoted mostly to selling herbs, gemstones & crystals, talismans, and other apothecary type products both plain and magical. Merf thought Asra was a pretty interesting character, and quickly became friends with him with every visit he made to the shop.

- the true turning point in Merf and Asra's relationship though was when Merf was running errands one day and discovered Asra's fortune-telling stall on the street. Before Asra could even explain anything Merf had already given him a bed in her shop, and that was how it became a proper magic and fortune-telling shop instead of a regular apothecary.

- when the plague hit, Merf and Asra had a falling out. Merf wanted to stay in the city and put the shop to good use helping others, while Asra wanted to leave the city so that they could be safe until the plague blew over. After a pretty bitter argument, the two went their separate ways and stayed that way until Merf died.

- it was quite a shock to Asra when he was visited post-ritual by a gruff pirate captain holding a newly-resurrected Merf in his arms

- especially since Merf no longer looked human

- it was an even bigger shock when they both discovered Merf had magic, and Asra quickly had to become mentor before Merf set something on fire by accident

- it actually took a while after Lucio's defeat for the subject of Merf's resurrection to come up with the rest of the M6, and boy oh boy did Merf and Muriel give Asra an earful for not saying anything about the ritual for three years

- Asra definitely knows now more than ever to be up front and honest with Merf - unless it's a surprise and/or gift that will be revealed anyway

Nadia

- not many people in Vesuvia can say that they're best friends with the Countess, and Merf is very smug about that fact

- most of Merf's visits to the palace begin with an invitation to tea with Nadia, and end with Muriel dragging Merf away from the palace library by the scruff of her neck as the sun sets on the horizon

- teatime conversations can consist of anything ranging from Merf's latest hyperfixation to advice for the current event Nadia's planning

- occasionally Merf will get a note from Chandra asking her to come to the palace and model a bit to help Nadia think; both of them have discovered that Merf's artist eye is excellent for picking out colors and patterns that work well together

- Merf can't thank Nadia enough for her help in organizing a museum exhibit devoted to Khamgalai's tapestries and the history of the Kokhuri, as well as organizing the Kokhuri of Vesuvia and beyond.

- there's a special section of the wardrobe devoted to the fabulous clothes Nadia has gifted Merf and Muriel, as well as a jewelry stand Muriel made for all the new jewelry Nadia has bestowed upon Merf

- past life! Merf didn't have much of an impression of Nadia beyond rumors, so she would have had the same reaction if she scene where they meet in the shop had happened before the plague

Muriel

- if you couldn't tell by what I've already written, Merf and Muriel are married :D

- to absolutely no one's surprise, they were the first out of their new friend group to tie the knot, with Asra and Julian following over a year afterwards (Merf is slowly working on helping Portia woo Nadia)

- it's hard to put into words how right Merf and Muriel fit together; Merf helped Muriel see that life is something that's meant to be lived, and without either of them realizing it Muriel ended up being everything Merf wanted in a man

- kind and caring? Check. A good listener who cares deeply about her and her wants and needs? Check. A fellow introvert content to stay home and do nothing? Check. A cuddle buddy for life? Check. A man who thinks sex is a question and the answer is probably not? Check. Ridiculously handsome? Hell yeah, double check!

- and then there were the things Merf wasn't even expecting to fall in love with; the adorable way her husband blushes at affection, all the carved gifts, seeing him laugh and smile every day, being kissed-

- Merf can keep going ad infinitem about how amazing it is to be in love with her husband, he can literally do no wrong in her eyes

- also getting to live in the woods is a plus

- Inanna is the bestest girl in the world and words cannot express how much Merf loves her

- date nights. All the time.

- some of her new favorite memories are getting to visit Khamgalai with Muriel in dreams

- and of course one of the biggest and most important projects of Merf's life is helping Muriel bring the Kokhuri back together, because she has a family again and she's not about to let it go any time soon

- the size contrast between Merf and Muriel is hilarious; everyone knows Muriel is 6' 10", and (for those who haven't read the fic or seen my blog) Merf is 5' 3". They are both very aware that Merf fits into the tiny but mighty wife trope, and most of the time it's hilarious

- good husbands and wives mentally spiral together, and these two are no exception. Muriel quickly learns to remember the things that Merf forgets, as well as get her back on track when ADD moments cause her to jump between ten different tasks at once. They also do a great job of cancelling out each other's anxiety/depression moments, and panic attacks between the two of them are rare and over quickly now that they're together.

- it was actually pretty funny when Asra tried to introduce Merf to Muriel pre-plague, because Muriel and Merf already knew each other due to Merf's frequent wanderings in the forest. Asra was pissed that no one told him, and even more pissed that Merf wouldn't stop laughing

Portia

- they are besties your honor

- what time Merf is not spending at the palace library or with Nadia, she is hanging out with Portia and the wait staff

- the kitchen all know what Merf likes and make a game of guessing what she's in the mood for

- it didn't take very long for Merf and Portia to be nearly as close as Merf is with Asra and Muriel, there's so much for them to talk about

- especially books, they are the best book buddies ever. Sometimes Nadia has to help Muriel drag Merf and Portia out of the library

- they are each other's worst enablers, if a question is asked the immediate response is do it

- unless it comes to self care, and then they both berate each other for not doing it

- Merf and Asra are also in the interesting position of mentoring Portia in magic, after Portia frantically bursting into the hut one night after magically setting her fist on fire (no one was hurt, although everyone was a little bit shaken). Julian is not thrilled

- speaking of Julian, Merf and Portia like to prank him a lot. Now that Portia's learning magic there are three magicians intent on giving Julian grief; this man knows no peace

Lucio

- ......

- *inhale*

- F*K YOU GOATMAN >:)

- after the games, Merf went missing for a bit. They finally found her dancing on top of the bridge leading to the palace, shouting, "I disrespect your bridge goatman! Look at how I dance on it, it's my bridge now! You want me off this bridge, you're gonna have to kill me!"

- reactions were mixed, ranging from confused (Nadia & Muriel) to dying of laughter (Julian, Portia, and Asra)

- you tortured my husband and friends and tried to kill all of them, I have no sympathy for you

- and I'm not sorry either ;)

- past life! Merf also disagreed with Lucio and his methods, and graffitied several of his statues

#the arcana #MC/LI dynamic #vesuvia weekly #the arcana game #muriel the arcana #the arcana muriel #muriel of the kokhuri #arcana #arcana mc #fanfic #count lucio #nadia satrinava #portia devorak #julian devorak #asra alnazar

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