#It's just been a stressful period

[saltymongoose]

Hi guys, it's been a while. I've been busy dealing with all sorts of stuff in my off time, which I'll detail a little bit more in the tags for those who might be interested.

The important part is that I've been doing a lot better recently after taking some time off to focus on myself. Now that my semester is over, I think it might be time to start posting here again. And with that, I'd also like to announce some new changes to things.

1. I will now officially be covering fandoms outside of Madness Combat.

Don't get me wrong, Madcom will always be important to me, and I'll always be writing lots of stuff for it (esp the AU :D), but I'd like to expand my writing to cover more topics occasionally too. I feel like limiting myself might do more to inhibit my creativity than not, yk. 🤷‍♀️

I'll definitely be adding OFF to the list, but I'll have to do more thinking about what other games, other media, etc. to cover.

Do feel free to suggest some as well! I am genuinely curious as to what you all would be interested in. 👀👀👀

2. This blog will be changing in its appearance, so there will be a period where everything looks weird for a little bit lol.

Self-explanatory enough: I love the theme we have going, but I feel like it's time for a change. New year, new me, and all that. (Also, my PFP might change too, so don't panic if you don't see the bird guy pop up lol.)

And that's all. Thank you all for reading as always, and I hope you all have been well during my break! <3

Ps. And additionally, a huge thank you to @eldritch-bunny and @peacu0231 for your well wishes, as well as the Anons who've sent in similar messages too. I can't express how much it meant to me (like, it legit made me cry at the time lol), I just appreciate it a lot. <333)

#update #To keep the story short #a family member who I was very close to passed away #so I had to take some time off from everything to deal with my family's grief + my major. #It's just been a stressful period #but that's normal for this sort of thing. #It's just part of life.

[canisalbus]

Hello! I hope I won't sour your mood with this ask but I have been thinking a lot about your gay dogs this month especially.

I'll just try to keep the context short but in general I'm someone that has accepted being romantically undesireable. It was hard but in the end I have built my life just around me, my humble family and at this point in time I don't even think I have the time for a partner. And considering that it's the love month and a lot of people are preparing to celebrate it with their SOs I assumed that, actually, this is a thing that I sort of have in common with Machete.

From the miscellaneous lore on your profile I see Machete as someone that also has kind of rejected love. That also has built his life around his job, possibly hobbies, his family or mentors (depending if we're talking about canon or modern au). Who kind of forgot that relationships are a thing and that people bond with others in that way. Well, at least he did until meeting Vasco.

I just love thinking about their awkward beginnings. Machete being 100% sure that Vasco is just joking, maybe even sometimes teasing him (in a friendly banter type way) or just explaining to himself that all that kindness and interest is just him being a very considerate friend. And then we have Vasco that just tries to be subtle, as if he was trying to pass a fawn without it noticing and running away, but also with time gains confidence and tries more risque moves. Vasco being all smug and Machete being flustered when their hands or shoulders or tails brush in passing. And then when both are sure of their feelings we have Machete who has to choose between God and his love. Who, at first, unwillingly accepts that divine wrath will be worth their brief love.

I just love your boys. I swear they are all the love supply one might possibly need

Thank you for such a long and thoughtful message! I don't know why you thought you might accidentally sour my mood, I'm utterly delighted whenever I hear that someone has been pondering my little guys (rotating them in their head, as they say), and when they go through the trouble of sharing their findings and conclusions I'm so happy I could crawl up a wall.

I think you deciphered Machete's inner workings very well, especially those of the original canon version. The concept of love is of course prominent in Christianity, so even as a kid being raised in a religious environment that discouraged overt displays of affection and close personal bonds, Machete wasn't completely alienated from it. But it has always been a nebulous, unperceivable and unattainable thing for him. When he was old enough to lock down his career choice he readily accepted he'd never have romantic relationships, spouse or a family, and I think he must've been too young and socially inexperienced to think of it as a significant loss. Either he consciously blocked out the need for companionship by studying and working like his life depended on it, or he didn't really consider that being genuinely befriended, appreciated and loved as a person instead of a respectable and competent authority figure was even an option for him, at least not until Vasco came along.

#I think it took some time to get through his initial defences #especially since when they first met the stressful apprenticeship period was still fresh in Machete's mind #the years under his explosive and gaslighting mentor's wing had made him very distrustful so he preferred to just stick to himself #Vasco is good at winning people over and once he convinced him that he didn't have any ulterior motives they became besties pretty quickly #and even though the line between platonic and romantic started gradually blurring Machete kept convincing himself #that his feelings for Vasco were just Very Deep Friendship #and Vasco has an eye for noticing these things and a bolder personality #so when he tried to reciprocate a little bit Machete thought 'what a good friend he is' #'so kind and considerate and I'm so grateful and lucky to have him and I must not ruin things by getting too personal' #it was awkward and at times a little bit painful but I'd like to believe the progression was for the most part smooth and natural #considering the circumstances it could've been a lot more distressing #as corny as it is I think they were just happy to have found each other #they advanced at the same phase and reached the 'I think we've become a couple actually' stage at the same time #at least that's how I imagine it at the moment #answered #anonymous #Vaschete lore #long post

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[katsigian]

ᴡ ɪ ᴘ ᴡ ᴇ ᴅ ɴ ᴇ ꜱ ᴅ ᴀ ʏ ─── ⁺

I'm actually posting this on a Wednesday, amazing. I was tagged by @ouroboros-hideout, thank you!

Nothing all that new, just updates to my prior wips ♡ and that very first update is I'm about 90% done Valen's hairstyle!! He got himself a wolfcut (it was cut by me I am not a good hair stylist this is taking longer than I'd expected it to but look at his floppy hair) I just think he's really pretty in it ☺️

There are still some things to fix, such as the way some strands are transparent at certain angles. The back of his head needs some more chunks added. But those are little things that aren't very difficult. The hardest parts of modeling in Blender are done.

Second thing is just basic texture modding and practicing different techniques so I can make 4K and nicely detailed skins for masc V's. I'm going to eventually release my own body complexion in the new year called the Hyperion Skin (Hyperion Body-Tech is a corp that exists in my cyberpunk worldbuilding and I'm publishing my mods under their name). Valen has been my test subject and I've been practicing on him.

My favourite things to mod ever. Skin texture, veins, body hair, and tattoos. It's sorta similar to digital art since I paint a lot of my diffuses and normals myself. These are part of Valen's custom body, so the public release will look different, but it'll still be high quality. Better nips, better navel, better hair, like Valen's here.

Besides that, I've just finished up my tattoo mod commissions (I make custom tattoos for peep's OCs) and now I can turn my focus to my own public release modding projects for the time being. I have about 4 tattoo projects for release in process, some masc v complexions, the Hyperion skin, plus a pack of eye mods coming out eventually in the new year. I am nicely busy rn and it's been good ♡

I'll tag some mutuals to show off their wips, but there's no pressure to share if you'd rather not! I'm not 100% sure who's currently working on projects, so feel free to ignore this if you'd like! If you'd rather not be tagged, lemme know, and there'll be no hard feelings ♡

@rindemption @noirapocalypto @spicyraeman @the-dark-urge @thedeadthree @nightbloodbix @aceghosts @kharonion @ruinbringer @peaches-n-screem @cyberpunkaddict @westealtoys @ronqueesha @mrdekarios @hazellblogs @ncytiri @swanfey @quickhacked @devilbrakers @arisatominakos @nightcxty @mercymaker @cetra @envergothash @cloudofbutterflies92 @yharnams @kirahlene @vanoefucks @hexdruid @strafethesesinners @calibvrn @timaeusterrored @vincentmatthews @duskfey @cyberholic77 @leota-nexus @girlstandstill @wilxfyre @alphanight-vp @minastirithe @gortash @vayneoc @nncc77 @hibernationsuit @florbelles @glitchinginthegarden @glitchblack @estevnys @cove-holdens

#i think i like these sorts of hobbies because they keep my mind so in the zone and i can actually focus on them for long periods of time #it's the stress #unfortunately #but it's been fun and i am having fun just sitting at my own little table making my little mods #oh damn i should've showed y'all Vesper because he looks drastically different than he used to ahdkdhs next time #wip wednesday #cyberpunk mods #cyberpunk 2077 mods #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk2077 #my wips #WIPs

[sea-buns]

Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?

You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.

You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.

You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—

you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."

Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.

#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time. #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e77 #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #bells hells #just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise #but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh? #edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies #since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne?? #anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top #other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post #i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible. #but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the #other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under. #hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious? #it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will #all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an #overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were #for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne.. #there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior #as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT. #ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL #cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE. #<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post. #im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho. #im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN #be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree

[moveslikekeithrichards]

its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost

#tiddytaco #b #thinking about it rn bc today while i was driving my mom home from pt #she saw someone she knew from years ago driving & was like FOLLOW THAT CAR & we met them in a parking lot #& the conversation turned to 'hey what the hell happened to your parents' pretty quickly bc our families hadnt been in touch #& it was a long conversation in the hobby lobby parking lot #& idk if itll ever Stop being fresh in my mind but now its Extra fresh in my mind #that whole time period was just so insane & awful #bc it was like Ok we're caring for both grandparents #& then my grandpa died #& all our pets at the time were very old #& when he died it occurred to me that we could easily lose both grandparents and all 3 pets within the year #it turned out to be like a long drawn-out year & a half from the first to the last #& looking back it seems impossible that is was that short a time period bc it felt like an eternity #we got off easy with grandpa bc he died before it got too bad but with grandma it just kept getting Worse #& the climax of the caring experience was traveling to take her to my uncle bc he wanted to take his shift caring for her #& that was so . So bad. SO bad #like it literally could not have gone more smoothly and it was SO bad #just thinking about it i feel like im there again i get so stressed out

[starbuck]

my relationship with the mountain goats album i've been listening to for three and a half months straight is on a level you could never understand

#this is about Protein Source of the Future...Now! please do not derail #once and awhile i switch it out for a different CD but i can only listen to anything else two times through at most #and then it's back to the good old standard #the songs are just so... comfy???? #and almost every one is massively emotionally satisfying over and over #although the funny thing is that even now i could probably only confidently name around half of them? #75% at best #bc my car's CD player doesn't know how to properly read the CD #so the songs are just listed as numbered tracks #but yeah this album and i have been through some SHIT #it has gotten me through such a stressful period in my life and continues to do so #and i am so so grateful #probably not the typical mountain goats album one would say that about but oh well! #the mountain goats #tmg

[ghostlyheart]

Ghosts 2x20- Stephanie gets a pep talk from Sam and Jay

#cbs ghosts #i thought this was sweet. even though stephanie went to wreak havoc a minute late lmao #imagine being 17 forever. they're lucky she's not even more spiteful and unhinged #a very mom and dad moment for sam and jay :') #ever since I saw petersthree post about Baby Arondekar I have been haunted I NEED sam and jay interacting with more kids #its finals period and life is stressful so naturally i spent all night doing this instead #i had to stay up and listen to an audiobook for this book club thingy im in anyway (which I regret ever signing up for) #so i just multitasked #i just started fooling around with giffing and I feel weird posting it in the tag because im really just doing the very basics #but i gotta start somewhere i guess!

[lunar-wandering]

trying to take a mental health day and relax cause im so burnt out and i want to avoid the major crash that would make me not do my school work at all- but i can't even fucking relax cause my parents keep yelling at me + mocking me for being "soooo exhausssstteeeddd" and basically calling me lazy and stressing me out that im gonna fall behind-

#vent #like i just want ONE day #im only taking ONE day off and it's a day where both periods were just work periods #work i can easily do at home #after sleeping in a bit more so i dont keep almost dozing off in class #which i did i did sleep in #but i still feel just... awful #no energy has been regained cause im so stressed

[wayward-sherlock]

my byler hyperfixation is slowly fizzling out and im crying about it bc i want it back so please send me any byler fics/art/pics/posts that make you happy so i can get back in the byler mindset please

#moots assemble #byler #i say this as if i don’t have two finished fics waiting to be published and many more in my head waiting to be written #i just don’t have time to rewatch the show and relearn canon them to write and obsess about and it’s. painful #also just don’t have time period but im going to try to carve out more time for myself in the coming weeks #it’s just been a really stressful couple of weeks. yeah #i just need a hug i think #also #i need motivation to write bad idea! from Will’s pov bc i haven’t started that yet and i just remembered today that i havent #sigh #please #stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #mike wheeler i know what you are #wayli’s ramblings #wayli tries to think #wayli goes insane

[oflgtfol]

this woman is not tortured

this woman is not a poet

”department” the fuck? lol

obviously riffing on the dead poets society in which case you are creatively bankrupt

bankrupt in that A. you cannot come up with your own unique name? gotta riff on a previous title?

and B. you come up with an INFERIOR version of the previous title?

#brot posts #music #god i try not to even vocalyl hate on her cuz i just hate her so much that i wish to not even acknowledge her existence #but this is just too much for me. i have to be vocal about this #also as i must always stress. i am in a unique position to be the biggest tswift hater by virtue of me working both jobs #and BOTH JOBS have to deal with an insane amount of tswift content and tswift fans #and i have been subject to this mental torture for the past year or so now #I AM AT MY WITS END !!! #i never cared for her period but this past year IM SEETHING #BEGONE DEVIL WHITE WOMAN

[vvitchynerd]

Sorry for not posting anything yet. I am drawing but I'm having one of those periods where I absolutely hate my art for no reason

#not art #just being honest about my struggles today #I've been irritable and stressed lately #if you see me not posting something over some period of time that's longer than usual it probably means im currently hating it

[heystephen]

was just thinking “i guess things could be worse” but then i remembered im Literally on my period rn so no things could not be worse

#whole life is falling apart and the monthly horror is back #im not even supposed to GET a period. im just under so much stress that it caused me to get one #this has been a post*

[stardustedknuckles]

It's been so long since I've had to exist within a group of people consistently over many days and damn, I nearly forgot I was autistic. I found out yesterday that though I get along with almost everyone at work, most of my coworkers thought I was a huge bitch who hated everyone for a little bit (and one still does, which is how this whole thing came up at all). I was bewildered like. No I'm very often dizzy or in a bit of pain and I'm very focused on taking care of the dogs but I'm not - I don't dislike any of you? I've never been mad at you, you guys thought I was mad?? Just an alarming disconnect between the way I see myself and the way I come off to others. I have never once gotten the hang of behaving like a regular person, but it appears that time has taken me from "generally silly person with an offbeat sense of humor who doesn't take things seriously" to "stoic hardass who doesn't like you and thinks you're stupid also." I did not authorize this change. It's throwing me for a loop. I feel like I'm 6 again being told to stop talking over people's heads because I just learned a new big word and I wanted to use and share it. I like assholes with a heart of gold in media. I don't want to be one??

#Like I've essentially been locked alone in a room for three years almost four due to the pandemic #And before that my big job was working in a warehouse where we mostly worked separately #But I remember the times we did socialize I fit in #But I also remember my coworkers were all nerds and that helped #Like idk I feel like I've been sleeping for years and woke up to being a different person #I know it's been hard for me to manage migraines and such (though it's getting easier or I'm just in a good proud period) #But damn #Everyone I've talked to at work figured out pretty quickly that I really can be fun to talk to #But this one girl is avoiding me and I think it's because I was stressed on Thanksgiving day #And probably went from an unknown to a definite asshole in her mind #So I need to talk to her but having it explained to me last night like #'I told her it's not anything personal and you're just kind of like that with everyone' and I was like #Fuck! Am I awful to interact with initially?? Or worse - always until you adapt?

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Bleach is so cool sometimes and then so funny other times. Like, the fact that Ichigo's DAD is talking about temporal and spatial displacement and restricting this place's spirit energy on his own because he's powerful enough to do that and he can give Ichigo approximately three months to train in this pocket dimension.

#honestly it goes to show how stressful all this has been for ichigo #that his dad shows up in a freaking captain uniform in that fight against aizen #and ichigo's reaction is more like 'well this may as well happen too i guess' #i still have a lot of questions about ichigo's dad actually #and urahara actually #but urahara's been in the human world a shorter period of time #but like has ichigo's dad just been living in a gigai this whole time? how is he still so powerful? #it feels like the amount of time he's spent in the human world should have had some impact on his powers but i guess he has been randomly #ambushing ichigo his whole life to keep him sharp so maybe that counts as training #i'm sure there are answers i'm just not going to look them up lol

[tzufcallsmeshomps]

Just a moment of rest would be nice

#shompsketch #blaze royal #blaze #oc #original #the mental exhaustion has me wishing i could just go to sleep #but then there’s the nightmares #it doesn’t cancel out the love and support of my people… neither cancel each other out #and having these two emotions at such an extreme for a prolonged period of time takes it’s toll. #a 9 month old just turned 10 months old in an underground tunnel and i can only wish his mom gets to hug him (she’s a hostage too). #there are 3 and 4 year old hostages who’ve gone a month without a hug #and even when they’re hopefully rescued their parents won’t be there to receive them #they’ve been surrounded by their parents’ murderers this whole time #they shouldn’t need to go through this #will they ever recover #just. it’s this loop of grief and stress and urgency and worry and betrayal from those who see no problem tearing their pictures down. #with a latte in their other hand and a smug sickening smirk. #crumbling the paper. throwing it on the sidewalk. stomping on it and walking away like it’s nothing. #…can’t write more. rant over. #over and out #why am i even putting this in my art tags i don’t even know #but can’t bring myself to remove and put in a separate post