#It is unfair to ask her to be the caretaker

[halloweeneva]

You die. You’re a child and you die and your God walks away when you ask him why.  You’re fourteen and scared. You’re dead and no one saved you.  This wasn’t supposed to happen to you. Your God promised to protect you. He promised. He didn’t. You get to come back and it is in spite of him. The rules are broken and maybe so are you. You don’t know what to do when all of your faith has been misplaced and the one person who was always always supposed to protect you didn’t. You are a creature of faith and you don’t know how to trust anymore. You fight and you bleed and you’re not alone but you can’t go home.  

The only people who care enough about you to try and save you are also children. You’re all children and you’re dying. The only thing you can do is try. You do. You drag yourself up. Kicking and screaming and clinging by your fingertips. You are broken and bloody and bruised but you are alive and you save yourself. 

You try to start over. You invent a new god. Try to brandish it like a shield but some part of you is still fourteen and small and dead on a cafeteria floor.  Your parents don’t want you anymore. You loved them. You love them. You don’t know how to talk to them. They loved the version of you that died surrounded by strangers. Some part of you is sorry that you didn’t die. That you changed instead.  Maybe you came back wrong. 

You don’t know if your parents would care if you died again. 

You die again. 

You tried so hard and it isn’t fair. You spoke to the universe and it spoke back and it still isn’t enough. You don’t know how to trust anyone to protect you. Every time you try you see your own broken body on the floor.

The place inside you that is supposed to hold your faith has cracked and broken and the sting of betrayal still smarts when you try to touch it.

You die and find God broken and dead and sobbing on the floor. She looks just like you. She is a little too much like you. You reach out to her and she is angry and betrayed and so so familiar. She kills you. You are sixteen and dead. She can’t save you. Maybe you can save her. You come back. Kicking and screaming and crying you drag both of you back to life.

It’s hard. She doesn’t know how to be a god. You don’t know how to be a cleric. You’re both trying. You have to hope it will be enough. You look at her and see yourself and sometimes you can’t fucking stand it. You love her. You need her. She is so fragile you’re fourteen sixteen and can barely hold yourself together let alone somebody else. You don’t have a choice. You need each other. It has to be enough. 

She dies and it’s your fault.

#Fhjy #dimension 20 fhjy #d20 fantasy high #d20 fhjy #Cassandra #kristen applebees #i have a lot of feelings about this one #Kristen and gods as adults with duty of care #gods as parents #what do you do when someone you trusted to keep you safe doesn’t? #how does that affect your ability to trust again? #people really hated Kristen for how she treated Cassandra #but like- #she’s a child #It is unfair to ask her to be the caretaker #the protector #to put the literal survival of another person solely on her shoulders #of course she can’t handle it #insert Evan kelmp ‘it was always too much to carry this and himself’

[guiltyreverie]

Remedy

Part 1 || Part 2

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x reader

Content tags: enemies to lovers; slow burn; afab!reader; clan issues; LOOOONG fic (check word count), there will be another part

Warnings: slow burn, gojo being a dick (even geto can’t save him here), enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, pain :)

Word count: 17.1k

A/N: I need to cope with current manga events and distracting myself with gojo content works best also why do I have the fucking the tendency to never get to the point (at least explains the length of this fic ._.)

There weren‘t many consistencies in your life, if you were being honest to yourself, after all being a jujutsu sorcerer meant having to predict the unpredictable and be prepared for any possibilities, at least thats what those stupid clan elders drilled into your brain at every possible moment but honestly speaking absolutely nothing could‘ve prepared you for Gojo Satoru to be the worst fucking asshole you have and probably will ever meet. You knew since you were a toddler you were promised to this asshole; binding vow infused with cursed technique and what not, basically it meant you keep the promise to get married and stay with Gojo Satoru or the cursed energy will kill you. At this rate though, you‘d consider just dying instead of marrying him, that‘s how insufferable he is.

For as long as you can remember all your family relatives would tell you day in and day out that you were lucky, you would marry the person that‘s guaranteed to have a successful life and you should be grateful for that but honestly, the moment this spoiled toddler looked at you like you were a cockroach and then called you ugly you have felt anything but grateful. In fact that was the first time you felt such inexplicable rage that you straight up threw your ballerina shoe at him and all your mother could do was pick you up and carry you as far away as possible from each other all while you stuck out your tongue at this dummy that called you ugly. Once you guys were far enough away from each other you had to listen to your mother rant about how you shouldn’t treat the treasure of the Gojo-clan like that or she might get in trouble. It felt unfair and this was only the first of many other scoldings to come.

The second time you meet him, your mother specifically asked you to behave, if not, you wouldn‘t be allowed to have dessert and god you‘d die for that dessert. Keeping the dessert in mind you tell yourself you can do this, he‘s just a spoiled baby after all but the moment he looked at you it already felt like he was itching for a punch. He turned around towards his caretaker and actually asked her: “if he really had to marry you“. This time only the dessert your mother told you about protected him because otherwise he would have tasted both of your ballerina shoes. You almost spat at him that you didn’t want to marry this brat either but your mothers warning glance was the only thing keeping your mouth shut. Then Satoru decided he had enough of looking at your ugly face and just turned around without a single word and left you guys. God you really wanted to throw a stone at him. Your mother looked at you and said: “not to worry because boys are mean when they like you.“. This was the first time you actually contemplated your mothers sanity bc why would someone be mean to someone they like. That’s how you decided to hate your future husband and show him exactly that, no matter the consequences.

The third meeting was actually longer than the other two, simply because this time your caretakers decided that a picnic would be nice and good for you two to get to know each other and familiarize yourselves with one another. This time you were prepared for the inevitable, when your nanny asked why you needed a rock you‘d simply state that it was a gift for Satoru and she gushed over how adorable you were being, what she failed to realize was, that it was anything but a gift for him but rather a meanie hitter in case he‘d be a jerk again. Now you two were facing each other and forcefully greeted one another and the nannies both unpacked their lunch and set it up in the middle for all of you to eat. Now, being the respectful child you were raised to be, you thanked them but Satoru let out a simple „hmph“ and began to eat only to spat it out right into your face. He started to complain about how salty the food was and if it weren‘t for your shock in that moment you would‘ve already hit him with your ‚gift‘ but lucky for him your nanny was already distracting you by wiping away the food in your face and then turning to Satoru to apologize since she didn’t know his food preference. Satoru looked at her in disgust and complained about how she lacks basic cooking skills for a mere nanny. That was also the last time you‘ve seen her on your estate and that really made you hate Gojo tenfold. After that day you vow to yourself to make his life just as miserable but the elders decided to stop letting you guys meet until you both were more mature.

The next time you see Gojo, you were both 8 years old and to none of your surprise he still was the same jerk only this time he pulled your hair and called you a pig but there was no one to hold you back from attacking him with a stick to the point you chased him through the entire estate until you actually tripped and hurt yourself and with tears in your eyes you had to listen to Gojos demeaning laughter while he insulted you one more time for good measure.

That’s how you‘d describe your entire childhood with Gojo Satoru up until you are both in Jujutsu High. After not seeing him for about two years, you could argue that he might‘ve changed but it‘s Gojo Satoru, your hopes are as low as believing this arranged marriage can be canceled.

The first time you see him again was while your teacher was introducing you to the other teams and just seeing his face gave you shivers of disgust. He‘d grin obnoxiously at you and all you can do is scoff, while the teacher talks about teams and what not. You were so enraged at seeing him you couldn‘t even listen to what Yaga was saying.

„Yo, did ya miss me? Bet ya did, it‘s not like you can see a handsome face like this every day.“, Satoru grins and it takes your entire might not to just punch him square in the face.

You grit your teeth at the pest you‘d have to see every day now and take a deep breath to calm down: „I might start to miss your face, when it‘s actually handsome, Gojo.“ you shrug and then glance at the guy with long black hair behind him losing his shit and slapping Gojos shoulder.

„Can‘t say I disagree, Satoru.“ he‘d press in between laughters and Gojo would immediately protest, turn around and kick him while he whines about him not having his back.

You just stare at the long haired guy with an amused grin, then look back to Gojo, almost cringe at him, then turn back to the guy standing beside him, „Geto Suguru, nice to meet you, Y/n. I‘ve heard a lot about you.“ he‘d bow slightly and your eyes almost widen in surprise, how can Gojo be friends with such a respectful guy.

„Knowing Gojo, it was probably only bad stuff“, you chuckle and bow to him as well. You raise an eyebrow, provocatively: „rather it surprises me how Gojo managed to find an actually respectful friend.“ you glance at Gojo one more time for good measure, only for him to grin then stick out his tongue at you

„Not all of us are incapable of making friends.“, he states nonchalantly, but the provocative and amused grin on his face betrays him. It really took almost everything in you not to smash his pretty face into the ground and beat it black and blue, but it seems like Geto was one step ahead by smacking him on the back of his head while he scolds him about being respectful to your fiancé.

Gojo in return simply mocks him, then whines about how you two are ganging up on him while he crosses his arms like a child. You‘d just shrug and then say; „it‘s not our fault, you‘re simply insufferable.“

His pout grows even bigger and you had to giggle because he looked like a bubbling fish, that‘s how ridiculous he was getting. He stopped pouting and kept staring at you, his face neutral. Gojo Satoru always was unreadable to you but in this moment he felt like another mystery of the world. Just what is going on in his head? You stopped asking yourself that a long time ago, there was no point in trying to understand him because you simply never would. The silence between you three was turning awkward very quickly and you decide to pull away from this meeting, deciding that you have much better things to do than have Gojo gawk at your face and most likely start to point out all your flaws and insecurities. You bid them farewell with an awkward smile and head to your designated room for the school year.

With a new place came a sense of loneliness that could hardly be described, it‘s comparable to a lack of warmth that flows from the blank walls that have absolutely zero memories attached to them, but you were determined to fill your heart up with beautiful memories in this place as well. This wouldn‘t remain a blank space; you refuse to allow that. You take a deep breath, your clenched jaw unclenching and your shoulders start to relax; the tension, you didn’t even realize had built up, slowly releasing and you felt like you were able to clear your anxiety slowly. This is going to be fine.

You unpack everything from your belongings and decorate the room, make it feel more like yours. The walls slowly are filled with small photos or gifts from clan members and friends. You smile proudly to yourself and put a frame containing a picture of you and your mom and put it on the desk. You hum happily: „I should buy some decorations whenever I have the time to check out the city“. You start to plan what you‘d like to have and whatnot. Some small plants would be nice but a low maintenance plant would fit your busy schedule more, maybe a cactus, at least you wouldn‘t have to worry about watering it, you chuckle to yourself.

A small knock at the door interrupts your planning process. You turn around and walk towards the door and open it swiftly, only to be faced with one of your teammates, Haname. She smiles and gives you a small wave: „Heya, I was done with setting up and was bored out of my mind, so I figured I should check out how my fellow mates are doing.“, she winks and basically barges into your room and looks around in curiosity. Your eyes widen in surprise when she pushes you away to enter the room and you can‘t help but think of a familiar white-haired pest at her boldness, but hers was more adorable, you didn‘t mind.

You continue to observe her, while she is looking around. Her cheeks seem naturally flushed and she had a round face, she reminded you of a squirrel, but it made her look very adorable. She had a small scar on her chin, it made her cute appearance seem a little more serious. You shake your head at your own thought process, it's rude to observe someone to this extent.

A loud sudden gasp interrupts your thought process, „is this your mother?“, Haname asks wide-eyed, „she‘s absolutely gorgeous, you obviously got those good genes from her, oh my god!“

You widen your eyes for the second time in the span of a few minutes, there‘s a small heat growing on your cheeks at her implied compliment, you knew you weren‘t bad looking but someone complimenting you so straight-forward was a rather rare occurrence.

„She‘s breathtaking, isn‘t she“, you smile in fondness, cheeks still flushed and you couldn‘t help but slowly grow fond of this bundle of energy in front of you.

In response she almost beams: „Absolutely! You‘re very similar to her, y‘know?“

You shake your head a little flustered and grin at her, you might‘ve found a new good friend in Jujutsu High: „You‘re also very cute, y‘know?“

She seems to beam even brighter at your compliment and grins and she throws her hair back in an exaggerated manner: „Thanks, gorgeous.“, she winks at you playfully. „So, do you have any plans for today, or can I kidnap you for the day? I heard from a second year there‘s an insane soba noodle restaurant nearby and I can‘t be bothered to go if I‘m alone.“

You tilt your head at her enthusiasm and seeming extroversion: „Just when did you meet a second year?“, you wonder out loud and laugh. You gesture towards the door: „After you.“, you smile looking forward to this unexpected event.

She nods and takes a step forward: „I just met them while I was checking out the training grounds. They‘re humongous, especially considering the lack of Jujutsu students, anyways they were there training and I watched them. Y‘know get some training ideas by observing and when they took a break I talked to them about the school, classes and so on. They were really nice and helpful! I hope everyone here is like that but you never know.“, she shrugs, as if to say, maybe there are assholes here, too.

You laugh at her enthusiasm and her willingness to talk to just about anyone: „You really do have a way with people don‘t you? I bet you could even make Gojo be nice to you.“, your left hand immediately starts to itch when you think about Gojo being rude to her but that‘s a matter for when they actually meet, which will probably be not far into the future, considering that first year students have classes together, despite being in different teams.

She halts in her movements, turns towards you, tilts her head a little to the right and looks at you in confusion: „Who the hell is Gojo? Do I have to know him? Sorry I don't come from a clan or something so I‘m not that good with sorcerer connections.“, she sighs defeated and grabs the back of her neck apologetically.

You furrow your eyebrows slightly, wondering how to explain Gojo Satoru to her, without complimenting his sorcerer abilities and sadly these go hand in hand; that jerk is a confident bastard and he has reason to back it up sadly. „Well, how do I put this,“, your fingers reach for your chin in a thinking manner, „Gojo Satoru, is the next clan head of the Gojo-clan, he has inherited two insanely strong Gojo-clan techniques, the infamous Six Eyes and the Limitless technique. He will most likely become the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer in the future, but I beg you with my entire combined pride, don‘t ever tell him I said this, or I might have to either kill myself or him.“, you explain and warn her. You sigh already feeling a headache forming at the image of his sly grin, if he ever got to hear you say this about him.

She grumbles in response to the new information: „Oh god, an overconfident man and he has valid reasons for that?“, she massages the space between her eyebrows, „i can already imagine just how annoying he is.“

„The. Absolute. Worst. And because of our insane luck, he is also a first year student,“, you smile at her sarcastically, your voice dripping with fake enthusiasm, „and knowing him, when he finds out you hang out with me, he‘ll also probably try to bother you to no end.“, you grumble at the thought of him bothering Haname, but you know it‘s inevitable, he‘ll probably pester all of the students, it‘s just a matter of time.

She sighs: „Well at least you warned me.“, now she grins at you and takes your hand to lead you out of the building and you follow her lead, shaking off the negative feelings that come with Gojo Satoru. At this point it‘s really just a buy one take two for free deal.

Soon the two of you arrived in the heart of the city, you were surrounded by crowds, people were walking by, tourists were reading a map, children were laughing and running around. You grin to yourself; now this is definitely the heart of this place, a new city means a new you. You can work towards improving yourself, become a better sorcerer, nothing is gonna stop you now.

You look at Haname and smile seeing that she‘s just as infatuated with the city as you. You link your arms together so you won‘t lose each other in the crowd. It would be an immense pain in the ass if you lost each other and you really didn‘t want that to happen on the very first day. When you link your arms together she seems to snap back to herself and she drags you forward, probably towards the restaurant she mentioned earlier. Thus your first day concludes with exploring through the city, buying some plants and decorations for each other's room and getting snacks for late nights while gossiping and wondering about the following school year.

The first day of classes started off pretty hectic, you were the type of person to prefer to sleep in for longer than you probably should, so when you realized you woke up an entire 20 minutes after you initially planned to get up, all hell broke loose. You cursed at your habit and got up as fast as possible. After all, you should at least try to look decent on the first day of school. You silently praise yourself at doing overnight curls, at least this would save you a lot of time. You brush your teeth quickly and do your make up so fast, you‘re finished almost entirely 20 minutes earlier than you usually would. You quickly put on your school uniform and check the time, it‘s 7:40 am. At least you were gonna be punctual and not embarrass yourself on the very first day.

While you put on your shoes there‘s a light knock on your door, you can bet it‘s most likely Haname. You open the door, smile a ‘good morning’ at Haname, take your backpack and step out of your room ready to face the first day of classes.

Soon the two of you arrive at the class, which you managed to find easily because Haname also checked out the rooms yesterday. You find yourself being more and more grateful for her presence in your life; she makes it 20 times easier to navigate through everything.

The both of you step in and are immediately faced with the rest of your classmates, one of them being your new teammate. You smile at him and he gives you a small nod back. Even when you first introduced yourself he didn‘t seem like much of a talker, so a small nod seemed like a good sense of appreciation from your teammate and you nod back at him. Haname went ahead and sat herself down in a free spot behind him, so you shrug and decide to do the same and sit next to Haname. The pest- Gojo still doesn‘t seem to be here and you let out a small relief, unsure if you could handle him and his shenanigans this early in the morning. If you were to be honest, if there ever were to be a bounty on Gojo Satoru‘s head you‘d be the one who‘d have put it up.

The devil seems to work hard today because the moment you thought of this, the door flung open and his pesky voice greeted everyone, his teammate Geto seemed to be with him and greeted everyone in a much quieter tone as well. You grumbled as if someone had just threatened to kill you and your entire family and mentally prepare yourself for the incoming headache which comes kind of hand in hand with Gojo‘s presence.

Gojo turns to look at you, probably already having sensed your death stare from thousands of miles away and grins at you and then the seat next to you. You widen your eyes at him and can already imagine his train of thought.

You shake your head at him: „Don‘t you dare even think about it, Gojo.“, you threaten your voice dripping with the intention to kill him

He looks at you mischievously and hums: „it‘s a free country, though? I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.“, he smiles, his eyes glinting provocatively and he pulls up the chair next to you. „Besides it‘s not my fault you can‘t focus in class when you‘re next to me.“, he grins slyly and it takes absolutely every inch of self-restraint in you not to push him off from the chair.

„Sometimes I feel like you were born just to piss me off“, you sigh in defeat, knowing that it‘s impossible to stop him from whatever he set his mind to.

„Please, honey“, he chuckles and leans closer to you while he rest his head on his hand, you scoff at the nickname and you already knew Haname would have to restrain you in the next few seconds, „you should stop being so self-centered, not everything revolves around you and that includes my birth.“, now he is fully smirking at you in victory.

You narrow your eyes at him and retort: “honey, if the world revolved around me, I wouldn’t have to marry you.”

The rest of the class who had been listening to your bickering, now visibly widened their eyes in surprise. Out of all the things that were to be expected, this wasn’t one of them. Your eyes slightly shifted around and sighed at your slip of the tongue, god you really didn’t want everyone to know this early about your predicament. You take a deep breath and start to take out your materials: “Let’s drop this, Gojo, it’s too early for me to be arguing with you already.”, you say almost pleadingly.

Gojo stares at you for a few seconds, which feels like an eternity to you, waiting for his response. Surprisingly he just slightly nods and drops the topic and you almost narrow your eyes at him again in confusion; Gojo never bothers to listen to you after all. You give him a small nod of appreciation and glance at Haname, who is already looking at you as if you had two heads and you almost sigh out loud again and curse yourself once again for already letting everyone know about your engagement with Gojo. She looks at you as if she was expecting an explanation and you whisper that you’ll tell her later about it all and soon after the teacher enters the room and the lesson starts.

While Gojo isn’t actively bothering you, you can feel him constantly glancing or just straight up staring at you, his constant gaze bothering you, you have enough and take a slip of paper and write down ‘Can you stop staring at me?’ then push it towards his table while still focusing on the teacher.

Gojo almost immediately takes the note, scribbles something down and you can see his spreading grin from the corner of your eyes. He pushes the note back towards you and you read his reply ‘Does my attention distract you that much?’.

Your eyes roll almost automatically, you should have expected this, though, he wouldn’t have stayed nice for too long, it’s too out of character for him. You scribble down ‘yes, you’re like a mosquito’ and push it back to him, this time you were the one grinning in satisfaction.

You can see him pouting and then he suddenly pokes at your side. You let out a yelp in surprise, drawing in the attention of everyone in the room. You grit your teeth in embarrassment and tell the teacher you just hit your knee at the table while adjusting your seating position and as soon as his focus is back on the board you glare at Gojo.

He grins at you and whispers: “That’s what you get for calling me a mosquito”

You glare at him again for good measure and whisper back: “i hate you”

He smiles and winks at you and then decided to focus back on what the teacher is saying, as if he’s ignoring you and your response, his lack of proper response seems to irk you even more and you kick him -not so hard to draw attention- under the table, this time you were the one smiling and he was glaring at you. Now you tried to focus on the lesson but the smile never left your face. As much as you hated Gojo you did love when you annoyed him.

While you copy the board Gojo slips a piece of paper towards you which states ‘it’s not over’ and you look at him from the corner of your eyes and start to wonder just what is going on inside his head when he smirks at you but you knew you had to prepare for the worst; when Gojos little head is completely functioning it doesn’t do small actions. You turn around the piece of paper to respond ‘I’m absolutely terrified :o’ and grin to yourself and push it back on his desk.

He gave one small look at the teacher to check if he was still facing the board and then came closer to your face, specifically your ear. Goosebumps ran all over your neck at the sudden close proximity and you had to fight the urge to scream at him and push him away, you didn’t want to get scolded by the teacher on the very first day. You turn to face him- big mistake- he was so close to your face, your noses almost touched and you could feel his breath on your face. Your eyes widen in surprise and you gulp, ‘why did he have to have such pretty eyes’, you start to think to yourself and you almost catch yourself getting lost in them and you flinch back, you turn around to face the board again and put some distance between you, you are more than ready to pretend this never happened. This was completely new territory you didn’t wish to explore with Gojo.

While you did put physical distance between you guys he had reached something today you never knew he could and that idea of vulnerability terrified you, this man isn‘t to be trusted and liked, at least that‘s what you can be sure about. Even if there was something going on you can still pretend it never did you tell yourself.

The only problem is that reality is a bitch and Gojo Satoru is an even bigger bitch and he notices the faint blush on your ears and has to smirk to himself and you really were unsure if you were ready to face whatever is gonna happen next because you knew showing vulnerability to Gojo never leads to anything good.

The class soon ends and you turn to Haname, ready to pretend like the last few minutes never happened. You link your arms together and as soon as you open your mouth ready to say anything, you feel an arm wrapping around your shoulders and a cinnamon like sweet scent fills you.

Gojo‘s pesky voice fills your ear: „Didn‘t I tell you this won‘t be the end?“ you almost shiver; he is too close.

„Don‘t you have anything better to do than pester me?“, you try to untangle yourself out of his arm but his steady grip doesn‘t let you, ‘oh how you wish you had the strength to crush a man's skull right now‘, you mentally grumble and pinch Gojos arm.

He whines about how you‘re bullying him and that is clearly unfair all while pulling you even closer towards him to the point your entire upper body is touching his and you can feel your heart heavily thumping against your chest; it‘s simply because you‘re not used to seeing Gojo like this, you tell yourself and decide on your next course of action: Ignore him.

You turn towards Haname, completely aware of Gojo‘s arm still wrapped around you, you look at her with a defeated gaze as if telling her ‘do you see what I have to deal with?‘. She raises an eyebrow at the irony of the situation, for people who hate each other, you sure were close to one another.

Geto seems to join your small circle with a chuckle and you have to sigh in relief: „Get rid of him. Please.“ you look at him pleadingly. He was your only chance of getting Gojo off of you. Meanwhile the latter is just chuckling at your demise.

He looks at you with an amused grin and then slightly shakes his head no and you grumble at him; you should‘ve expected this, he is friends with Gojo, he has to somewhat be an asshole as well.

„What happened to your inner moral compass?“, you whine while still trying to get rid of Gojo‘s death grip.

„It left the moment, this got a little too amusing for me to interfere.“, he just chuckles and faces Haname, „i feel like we should get used to this, if we‘re gonna hang out with them.“, he hums.

You glare at Geto: „and here I was genuinely respecting you yesterday.“, now you turn towards Gojo, „if you decide to do this regularly, at least put on some deodorant or shower regularly, you stink.“.

Gojo scoffs at your words: “I’m anything BUT stinky, and you know that. I bathe in more oils than some people ever see in their lives.”, he brags like the spoiled brat he is.

“At least something good about marrying you.”, you glint at him in amusement.

The playful mood suddenly changes and he rolls his eyes and whispers something about being a gold digger and suddenly lets go of you and steps away without a goodbye or anything. Geto looks at both of you confused and you wish you could give him an answer but you didn’t have one either, ‘did you do something wrong?’, you had to wonder to yourself. He follows Gojo after saying his goodbyes with an apologetic smile and your side suddenly feels cold.

You shake your head in a weak attempt to sort your thoughts; this is Gojo, he was never easy to understand and never will be. You have to admit, you hated this, this feeling of doing something wrong but you don't understand what. He knew you were joking, right?

Haname snaps her fingers in front of your face and finally gets you out of your thoughts. She looks at you with concern: “You alright? You look a little shaken up.”

“Yes- no, I'm just confused? Like what was that?”, you say unsure of yourself and about the current situation.

She shrugs: “I don't know, maybe you hit a nerve? I still don’t know the guy but he definitely seems like he has some sort of heavy mood swings going on. Anyways I thought you didn’t care about him?”, she looks at you as if she’s hinting at something.

“And I still don’t.”, you stare at her as if she should immediately disregard that thought, “It was just an odd situation and I don’t know how to interpret it.”

“Mhm, sure you don’t.”, she hums, “anyways, what’s the deal with you guys getting married to each other, despite seemingly not getting along?”, she wonders and waits expectantly for an answer.

“Clan matters, really. We were promised to one another before we were even born.”, you sigh, “so it wasn’t really either of our decisions.”

“Have you never tried to make it work?”, her eyebrows wrinkle up in curiosity and she seats herself on top of one of the desks, “I mean there’s no way out. Might as well try to get along.”

“With Gojo?”, you laugh in disbelief and sit down next to her, “hell would freeze over first.”, you grip her shoulder, “besides, you saw him earlier, he’s ten times worse usually.”, you sigh, still wondering if your little comment actually struck him that badly, Gojo was one complicated human to read, besides you shouldn’t care this much about him, it shouldn’t matter, you hate him and that will never change.

The only thing you want to know is if what you did was wrong so you decide to ask her.

“Anyways, did I go too far? He seemed pretty offended by my comment.”, you wonder.

“Nah”, she drags the word and makes a ‘pff’ sound, “you were joking around obviously, and so was he, he shouldn’t get his panties twisted so easily.”

She is making sense, you nod along, slowly getting reassured by her words. “Yeah, I’m probably just overthinking this.”

“Yep”, she smiles, “so don’t worry.”.

Soon after the first few weeks of classes pass and not much happens between you and Gojo, instead of annoying you like on the first he simply didn’t acknowledge your presence. You couldn’t help but welcome this peace but you also couldn’t deny that it made you uncomfortable, it was too odd, too out of place, something was missing and you hated that you felt this way and you would never admit that.

Now that the basics have been taught the school deems you all fit to finally go on your own missions with the supervision of a teacher and of course the missions would depend on your skill levels and teamwork. Your first mission went pretty well considering that this was the first time you guys were facing curses on your own. Actually fighting and seeing them was completely incomparable to reading about them, especially facing the ones in Tokyo. They are stronger here, even if they’re considered a low rank simply because of the quantity of humans in the city. Nonetheless if you wanted to grow your strength as a sorcerer just fighting curses isn’t enough, you have to train regularly and evolve your techniques, being weak and unfocused can easily lead to your death, you knew that. Hence why you were sparring with Haname right now, with your other teammate, Shinsuke, observing the both of you.

You both wanted to try out your hand at various weapons and improve your hand to hand combat, even if you don’t need a weapon, it’s not bad to have several aces up your sleeve and Haname apparently uses dagger, that she can cut herself with any time, it works best with her blood manipulation technique you only got a small glimpse of it but it seemed to have enormous potential despite being quite self-harming, she mostly only needed a small amount of blood and with further training she’d be able to manipulate the blood of other curses as well without even drawing their blood.

Ice manipulation was your cursed technique and with your vast amount of cursed energy you have inherited thanks to your bloodline, you barely had any limits. Your biggest problems apparently will be facing drawn out battles and having teammates, you can manipulate the ice easily but it needs more refinement, saving your cursed energy and instead of targeting the entire area you should learn to just target the enemy since it could freeze your mates as well. But you figured this will be easier following with the experience you will gain from your missions. That doesn’t stop you from still training in your spare time.

The three of you build up this system where two would spare and and the other observes and gives criticism and possible improvements and then you test them out. Sometimes the seniors or other teams would join and the same system repeats. The only ones who you haven’t seen were Gojo and Geto, heck even Utahime and Shoko have joined you all except for them. It irked you, it felt like he was avoiding you and Geto simply followed his nonsense ideas but you shouldn’t let his childish behavior affect your state of mind nor your good time at Jujutsu High, at least that’s what you try to tell yourself; your mood still gets sour whenever you think of him.

At least Geto is still acknowledging your presence whenever he sees you and gives you a smile or wink as a greeting. He’s like the sunshine that follows your broody mood whenever Gojo is nearby but all in all your interactions with the both of them didn’t exceed 2 seconds. On one hand you were relieved and on the other it still pisses you off that Gojo took a small joke this serious and personal when he jokes and pisses you off all the time and you were supposed to get over it.

‘This guy needs to grow up’, you grumble internally.

You were ready to take up a wooden spear and familiarize yourself with it; this daily training for several hours has helped you immensely with your stamina and focus and it actually helps you relieve some inner pent up anger, you don’t even realize you have until you start hitting something.

More and more weeks go by like this: School, Train, sometimes you add a sprinkle of going out and having fun and there are also the occasional missions you guys have and complete with success and only small casualties.

Your team has grown closer and closer to one another to the point you guys spend almost every minute, except for sleeping, with each other and they’ve grown to be your second family; already saving each other more than you can count and a non describable trust has formed between you.

Currently you were seated in the backseat of a car and boredly looking at the constantly changing scenery outside while silently humming along to the music on the radio. The song was just about to reach the refrain when the passenger princess decided to switch the radio channel again.

“For fuck’s sake, Gojo, this is the fourth time you’re switching the song before it gets good.”, you complain. This guy always manages to ruin any type of peaceful mood you could ever have. “Just connect it to your phone if you don’t like the songs playing”, you offer in hopes you can enjoy at least one song before you have to face your pesky and annoying elders.

Gojo and you were invited to a ‘small’ family dinner involving both of your close family, you didn’t know why but you got called and told to bring Gojo with you no matter how and it was no easy feat. As much as you hated your elders or these family gatherings you still could gulp it down and still attend even if you’d rather die than go to one of these. Gojo on the other hand never attends these and they know that, which means this gathering is important as hell and you’d rather face Gojo’s wrath than your mother’s for not obeying the elders.

The deal was: Gojo attends the gathering and you basically get him at least 20 Mochis daily for two weeks. How this man doesn’t have diabetes yet, is something you have to ask yourself daily; his daily sugar intake is worse than an unsupervised toddlers.

The grown toddler in question faces you and rolls his eyes: “These songs are boring, how can you manage to enjoy them?”

You could feel your eye twitching in annoyance: “Just connect it to your phone then, Gojo. It’s not that hard.”

He shakes his head, and switches to another station, provoking you even further, and he takes a small second to consider his next words, “then I wouldn’t be able to keep pissing you off.”

Your entire body tenses up in annoyance, you can basically feel your fingers tickling, basically demanding to choke him but you have to contain yourself, if he’s dead before you even arrive at the gathering, your mother is gonna scold you. All you can do is scoff and face the window again, if he was hoping for a bigger reaction out of you he wouldn’t get it tonight.

For the rest of the car ride, you ignored Gojos shenanigans, except for a few eye rolls here and there; in the end you were also just human and there’s only so much rage you can keep in.

You guys arrive at your not so humble abode; Gojo rushes out of the car and you have to question his next action, specifically his motive, because not even a second later he is making his way towards your door and you have to hold yourself back from opening the door and hitting him in the face with it. The reasonable part in you, knows a clan member is probably watching you from afar and this is the only reason he’s doing it but it still feels incredibly odd.

Satoru opens the door and holds out his hand, waiting for you to take it, he’s lightly and impatiently tapping his foot, which basically tells you he can’t wait for tonight to be over and done with so you take a deep breath and put on a smile before you grasp his hand and let him lead you out of the car. When you step out, he lets go of your arm and puts his hand on your back while simultaneously closing the door.

He leans down to your ear, his lips lightly touching it; you feel tingles run down your spine, physical contact really wasn’t your strong point, you almost curse at yourself and at the effect he can have on you.

“Let the show begin.”, he whispers and you have to cough slightly in a weak attempt to pull yourself together at his raspy voice being so close to you.

You nod to reassure yourself and repeat: “let the show begin.”

The both of you head towards the house, his hand never leaving your waist and you can’t help but feel comfortable, at least you aren’t the only one suffering tonight; the thought makes you chuckle out loud and Gojo looks at you as if you’re about to go insane. Mischievously you just keep looking at him but it’s only in moments like this you realize just how much he towers over you, he’s almost an entire head taller than you, if he wanted to he could spit on your head and you wouldn’t even see it.

This thought makes you slightly mad and you have to narrow your eyes at him: “Don’t even think about spitting on me or anything like that or I will get you Mochis only for a week.”

He genuinely looks lost for a moment, “Just what goes on in that stupid pretty little head of yours?”, he shakes his head but then grins as if he realized something, “thanks for the idea, shortcake.”, he hums, now happier than before.

In response you groaned, you just had to open your mouth. Now you wish you could unwrap his arm around you.

“Don’t you dare or I’ll spit on every meal you’re gonna eat for the rest of our lives.”, you threaten and you mean every single word.

He hums and pulls you closer towards him before he winks and blows a kiss in your direction. Leave it to Gojo Satoru, to make you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster and have your fight or flight mode activated all the time, and right now, you wish you could fight him, he is basically asking for it, but sooner rather than later you already arrive on the front door and ring the doorbell.

You both take a deep breath and you warn Gojo to behave once more for good measure. Soon the door opens and you’re faced with the clan elder greeting the both of you. Albeit they can’t let you guys step inside without a small side comment about how an engaged couple should show up together more often and you have to strengthen the grip on your purse to hold yourself back from either rolling your eyes or pushing the elder away in annoyance. You fake a laugh and respond that you both are very busy people and rarely can make it together to events like this then head inside and greet the rest of your families.

The two of you engage in small talk with the different family members and go from group to group together. Whenever you guys part from one group Gojo whispers small side comments in your ear as if he was a gossiping auntie and you can’t help but laugh at some of them, no matter how much you hate him, you have to admit he does make wonderful company for events like these.

During the passing of the night Gojo’s hand never left your body, even if he let go sometimes his hand always found its way back to your waist and you can’t help but feel giddy at the realization, if you were in the unknown about your feelings for one another you’d genuinely think the both of you were in love given the plain intimacy between you guys. The worst part is, you could get used to it, in fact you are getting used to it, and you don’t like this. At all. Being vulnerable with Gojo Satoru is never a good sign and you dread whatever comes with being comfortable around him. It’s like you are waiting for the killer to finally catch the unassuming victim and waiting for their impending doom but right now you aren’t in a spot to put distance between you guys.

Finally the both of you are done talking to everyone and make your way towards your and Gojo’s parents, after all they’re the ones who are most likely the ones to be the happiest to see the both of you well and happy together.

Your father looks at the both of you and lets out a small whistle before he looks at Satoru and his face wrinkles up in a huge smile: “Did you finally tame the dragon?”, he asks Satoru teasingly then pulls him into a hug, “I hope she hasn’t been threatening you too often. That anger of hers is unstoppable.”

You gasp at your fathers betrayal and Satoru grins at you victoriously, his eyes basically telling you that he’s got your parents wrapped around his finger and you can do absolutely nothing about it.

“Don’t worry about her, give her a little affection and all her worries and anger are gone within seconds.”, he hums happily.

You fake a smile, wrap your arms around his waist in a half hug and subtly step on his foot with your heel, “How can I be angry at you, when you’re this adorable.”, you coo and your mood genuinely brightens up when you see him slightly hiss in pain.

He wraps his arm around your waist again and slightly pinches your side and you have to hold tight onto him to not show a physical reaction towards your parents.

He then looks at your mothers and grins, “she’s such a catch, isn’t she?”

They laugh at the both of you before they stop and start scolding the two of you: “You should attend these events together more often.”, while the other says: “Do you know how awkward it is to always come up with excuses for why you never attend our gatherings?” and much more until they finally hug the both of us.

Satoru’s father now steps in to greet the both of you and then looks at you apologetically: “I hope Satoru hasn’t created any trouble for you.”

You have to genuinely laugh at this, if he only knew, albeit you didn’t want to give neither your nor his family a bad impression but still wanted to keep some type of honesty so you simply answer with: “Only his usual shenanigans, but don’t worry, he’s improving.”

This time Satoru gasps, “I’m not that bad, I’m a fucking delight and you know it, darling.”

“Satoru!”, his mother looks at him pointedly, “no swearing!”, she scolds him.

He apologizes, but you can see from miles away he doesn’t feel the slightest bit sorry about the slip of tongue.

You engage in further small talk, answering all their questions about your wellbeing, your stay at Jujutsu High and basically everything else.

At one point the gathering seems so normal, so ordinary that you can’t help but wonder why they insisted so heavily on the both of you attending together. There’s no way they would have been this adamant about it if this was just a normal gathering.

Satoru beats you to it, though and asks the question you’ve been dying to know and skillfully mentions he had important stuff going on tonight, “so, what is the purpose of tonight’s event? I even had to ask my teammate to take my mission for tonight”

You had to physically restrain yourself from patting Satoru’s head proudly for coming up with this excuse, at least he can sometimes make that brain of his work.

“Oh,”, your mother smiles, “well there are two things planned on today's agenda. First of all we wanted to announce future plans that would follow your guy's marriage in the future, that involve both of our clans and then we wanted to discuss details of your future engagement party, i mean we still haven’t officially celebrated it.”, she explains.

You look at her surprised: “I thought the official engagement announcement would be after we graduate?”, you wonder out loud and Satoru nods along.

Now Satoru’s mother chimes in: “Please, everybody already knows you two are going to wed each other, might as well get the engagement over and done with.”, she chuckles and you can’t help but gulp.

You knew it was bound to happen at one point or another but actually deciding on a date and being engaged officially makes this entire deal so real and it feels like you can’t hold on to the bubble you’ve been living in for the entire time you’ve been at Jujutsu High. You and Gojo Satoru are actually going to be engaged and there’s no actual change to your situation but something about this feels so much more different to your situation before and you can’t pinpoint why yet.

You take a deep breath and for the first time genuinely look at Satoru. He has a blank expression and even though you can’t read minds you just know he’s going through the same predicament as you right now.

You slightly squeeze him in a weak attempt to get him back to reality, you guys still need to pretend everything is alright between you two. Lucky for you it works and now he’s looking at you. You can see the hidden dark look in his eyes; he didn’t want this and your heart feels like it twists in pain, this is probably the only time you’d be the one who could understand Satoru’s thoughts and feelings better than anyone else and you slightly nod and squeeze his arm in a reassuring manner, no matter what, it’s gonna be ok, you try to convince the both of you. This is the only thing you guys won’t be able to change; you two are gonna end up married, whether you liked it or not.

Satoru takes a deep breath then suggests to discuss these matters in a more private setting some time next week and excuses himself before he goes anywhere but near our parents. His mother looks at you confused and worried.

You grasp her hand and squeeze it lightly to reassure her, “he’s fine.”, you smile and follow after Satoru.

He is outside, sitting on the edge of the terrace currently ruffling through his hair, while you slowly walk towards him. The cold of the night breezes against your naked shoulders. Never in your life before have you had to comfort Gojo Satoru nor did you ever think you would but it seems like there’s a first time for everything. Every fiber in your body is screaming to leave him alone, telling you that it’s not worth it, but you can’t, not when you know, not when you understand and you really hated your caring heart in this exact moment so you bite your teeth and swallow down the cold you’re currently feeling and sit down next to him.

He notices you and lets out an annoyed huff: “can’t you leave me alone? At least for now? Before we actually have to stick together side by side for forever.”, you tense up at his sudden rude behavior, you knew he wasn’t exactly ecstatic about the current events but you failed to predict that he’d be pissed enough to let it out on you and you suddenly wish you hadn’t come outside but you grit your teeth together; you both needed to talk about this, whether you liked it or not.

You sigh in order to somehow gather your thoughts and consider your next words, you need to stay calm.

“I don’t like this either, Satoru, just as much as you do. But we can’t change the inevitable. It is going to happen and the best we can do is try to get along and make the best out of it.”, you shrug and look at him, waiting for his reply.

He chuckles coldly, his face unreadable, the only thing visible in this dark terrace that’s only lightened by the moonlight are his furrowed eyebrows, and he snaps: “Make the best out of it? Did you forget all the past years we have spent together so far? I fucking hate you, y/n,”, he stands up and you get up as well, you wrap your arms around your body, is far too cold out here for your type of attire, “that’s not gonna change any time soon, so stop trying to act all high and mighty as if this doesn’t bother you.”, he takes a step closer to you, you two are only a few inches apart now, “Don’t fucking lie and say we fucking make the best out of it, when we both perfectly know this is literally the worst shit anyone can pull on the both of us.”

You scoff, ignoring the small peng in your chest, clearly offended and annoyed by his attitude: “I’m not trying to be high and mighty, I’m trying to fucking deal with this like a mature human being and you snapping at me isn’t going to change our arrangement, Satoru. Grow up and accept it.”

His hand runs through his hair and you can’t help but let your eyes follow his movement and you gulp, realizing how attractive he looks pissed off and you want to hit yourself for being distracted by this in this type of situation and then the realization hits you, you are attracted to Gojo Satoru and it feel like someone suddenly punched the air out of your lungs.

You are attracted to Gojo fucking Satoru, your future husband, who hates you like the fucking pest and the feeling should be likewise; you almost start to curse out loud at yourself, just why did you have to realize this now out of all moments, while he’s expressing his unending hatred for you, why did you even have to be attracted to him in the first place?

“You see, y/n”, you can see he’s clenching his jaw, “right fucking now, i’d rather wish one of us died, rather than grow up and accept it.”, he almost spits out and you know, he is just angry and he just wants to hurt you right now but something about your sudden realization and then Satoru immediately spewing these harsh words out combined makes you snap and you slap him. Satoru widens his eyes in shock and you almost were surprised at your own actions too, at least you would’ve been, if you were in a normal state of mind.

It's just like you thought earlier, being vulnerable around Gojo Satoru is not a good thing.

You shake your head in disappointment and remark harshly and visibly angry: “Out of all the things I expected when I stepped outside, you stooping this low, wasn’t one of them, but I guess there’s a new low every day for you, isn’t there, Gojo?”, you turn around and step away from him. You can’t be near him, not now, not like this. You both needed to cool down, before this gets even worse than it already is.

You step inside and take a deep breath, you need a distraction, anything will do, you can’t even bear to look at your parents right now, you know when they did this deal, this wasn’t what they were expecting for you, and yet you still can’t help but feel angry at them. They took your right to love and be loved like you deserved from you, instead you had a future spouse wishing your death rather than be with you. Anger is slowly starting to be replaced with sadness and the urge to cry is growing stronger and stronger.

What a fucking fun night, you grumble and do your best to keep your inner tumult together, you can’t afford a breakdown in front of your families.

Your cousin approaches you, having noticed you’re not so okay, she tugs you by your hand and pulls you somewhere more private, “you okay?”, she whispers and she knows you’re not okay but how else would she be able to approach this?

You shake your head: “I need to leave, before I break down this entire house, either with my tears or my anger, I haven’t decided yet.”

She nods, barely following along, “okay”, she goes and grabs her car keys, “where are we going?”, then walks out of the house with you following right behind her.

“Bring me back to Jujutsu High, please. And no questions, I’m begging, I can’t form answers right now.”, you plead and step into her car.

She nods affirmingly, “no questions” and drives you home.

The car ride is quiet, only quiet music playing through the car speakers, your cousin leaves you to sort your own thoughts and even after the car ride when you’re already at Jujutsu High you still feel lost about everything. You thank her and step inside, you’d take her out to lunch one day but now you’re in no state of mind to properly converse or do anything else other than think.

Why are you even so affected by this, this is what confuses you the most, yes Gojo is attractive, you established that earlier, but he hates you and you hate him, nothing has actually changed between you guys, or has it? You groan out loud in frustration. No matter how much he hates you or how angry you are in a certain moment and no matter how much you actually don’t mean it, you don’t wish someone else their death, that was a real low blow of him and you don’t think you could ever look at him the same again.

You sigh, you had no intention of solving this situation, this wasn’t your fault and yet you were still standing in front of Geto’s room. Seems like your feet automatically carried you here while you were deep in thought. You contemplated if you should knock or not but apparently Geto didn’t even let you think about that before he opened the door and looked at you in confusion.

“What is bringing you here, princess? I know I’m attractive but I’d rather not do something with my best friend's girl.”, and now you notice how this might come across but you couldn’t care less right now and he winks apparently not realizing that you are here for everything but sleeping with him.

“Bad timing for jokes, Geto.”, you shake your head, “speaking of your best friend, though, fucking fix his dipshit brain or something and give him something against emotional constipation.”, you grumble, clearly frustrated.

He looks at you even more confused before it dawns upon him, something happened and given that you went to him, it was bad, like horribly, only Gojo fucking Satoru could do this, type of bad.

“I’m going to leave it to him to tell you but punch him at least twice for me, please, I already hit him once, but he doesn’t care about me.”, you sigh and you swear you could see the gears turning in Geto’s head.

“That bad?”, he asks genuinely concerned and you only nod, then apologize for disturbing him, wish him a good night. You don’t even give him the chance to ask any further questions before you turn around and head to your room.

You were absolutely done with Gojo Satoru, you grumbled and cursed him all the way up until you arrived at your room. Once you reach the small space you take a deep breath. Feelings come crashing down like a barely holding up dam broke loose and you curse Satoru even more.

It hurt, it hurt seeing him so pissed off about this, about you and you can’t help but feel like your self worth is completely lacking, thoughts start to spill you never thought you’d think and you know tomorrow you probably won’t care and it’ll just be back to Gojo being Gojo but tonight you cared, you let him in even if only for a split second and it was already enough to make your lips quiver and your eyes threatening to spill with tears, Gojo Satoru is your own personal and he proved that to you tonight. You still can’t believe his implication; he’d rather choose death than get along with you, what does that say about your personality? Your desirability? Were you that ugly or was your personality that unlovable? Your insecurities grow bigger and bigger and you’ve put yourself into a circle of constantly demeaning yourself without even trying to.

You don’t even know how or when you fall asleep; only in the next morning when your alarm bell rings and you’re still in your evening dress with completely smeared makeup do you realize you fell asleep. You look like absolute shit and you also felt like it; but you can’t go on like this. In an attempt to get rid of your pathetic behavior you slap your cheeks hard and mutter to yourself: ‘Don’t give Gojo Satoru the satisfaction of having power over you.’ and you pull yourself together even if it’s out of simple spite, if it keeps you going, it keeps you going.

The dress is being discarded and so is everything else, you take a quick shower and put on your daily makeup and blow dry your hair, you’d simply leave it straight today and out on your uniform; you didn’t feel like attending classes but you’d only repeat yesterday’s events if you stayed in your dorm room, and the circle of toxicity would continue. At least classes would serve as a good distraction.

As punctual as always at 7:40am Haname knocks at your door and invites herself in, she gives you a double take and looks at you, or well, more like analyzes every inch of your body before she simply states: “You look good but you also look like shit, I can’t describe it. Was last night that bad?”, she wonders out loud.

You grasp her hand and lead her out of the room with an exaggerated groan: “an absolute fucking disaster.”, you repeat yesterday's events and she listens attentively and proceeds to curse out Gojo with certain insults you can’t even properly pronounce. Now for the first time you genuinely felt like smiling and reassured, your feelings finally felt valid and you were glad you decided to open up to her.

“Anyways”, you shrug, “let’s stop talking about this, or him, he is simply not worth it anymore, I learned my lesson, I have to put my guard up before I fall into a rabbit hole I can’t get myself out of.���, and you sigh, this won’t be as easy as you hope it will be and you knew that but you have to, otherwise you might actually not make it out of this alive.

The both of you arrive at your classroom and you sit down at your regular seats; the room is quiet, everyone either being occupied with their thoughts or still trying to get a few minutes of sleep before the teacher steps in.

Gojo’s seat is empty, so far, you have to wonder if he’s going to show up today, considering how angry he was yesterday. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to see him and yet here you are checking the door whenever it makes the tiniest bit of noise, you really wish you could slap yourself right now in frustration; stop caring about him, you chant like a mantra in your head.

Then the door opens again and you face the sunglasses Gojo wears every single day; your body tenses up and you catch yourself holding your breath, he is looking at you while you are looking at him and everything stops for a few seconds; you really don’t know how to face him or what to do. Do you behave like usual? Are you even capable of doing that? Or will you ignore him, god, you hate this uncertainty.

The tension between you guys breaks when Gojo is being pushed from behind, Geto steps into the classroom and you’re finally able to look away from them, from him. Your head turns towards the window while you rest it on your arm and you know he’s still looking at you but you don’t think you can handle another fight at the moment.

He seems to be sitting down next to you and you can feel yourself tense up even more, you didn’t think he’d actually sit next to you today and thought he’d switch seats with Geto, but it seems like he’s mature enough for that at least, you think to yourself bitterly.

His gaze doesn’t leave you this entire time and you’re almost about to tell him to stop staring at you, when jumps up and mutters something along the lines of ‘Fuck it’ before you can feel your chair being pushed back and Gojo right in front ouf your face. He was so close you could see his sparkling blue eyes hidden behind the sunglasses and his severe eye bags, to be specific, he looked worse than you this morning and it made you feel some sense of satisfaction, at least you weren’t the only one affected by this last night.

He stares at you and then whispers: “We need to talk.”, the eye contact between the both of you doesn’t break and he keeps looking at you so deeply you could almost think he can read your mind.

“Classes are about to start, Gojo”, you barely mutter out; you don’t trust yourself, your voice to properly speak out right now.

“I don’t care”, he says in a hoarse voice, “what I care about is fixing this.”, he looked at you almost desperate and pleading and you feel your entire strength leave your body when he pulls you up by your arm and drags you out of the classroom and you let yourself be carried away.

The only thought screaming into your mind is ‘I don‘t think I hate him‘, you care for him in a certain way because all he has to do is genuinely look at you and your determination is crumbling at his demand.

When you‘re just about to leave the classroom you can hear a faint whistle; it‘s Geto probably.

Gojo‘s hand is softly wrapped around yours while he still keeps tugging you to wherever he wants to go and you follow him silently while your eyes keep following his tall frame. You don‘t know what you‘re going to face, an apology? An explanation? Neither?

Your entire body is tense, and you doubt the tension will leave you any time soon, before you can even realize you already are in an empty classroom and you‘re anxiously waiting for Gojo to say anything.

He clears his throat and takes a step closer towards you, you take a deep breath and step back -you swear you can see a glint of hurt guilt in his eyes- you know that the physical distance won‘t actually put distance between you guys but you don‘t trust yourself being too close to him at the moment, leading to you perfectioning the mask of indifference towards him, even if you feel anything but indifferent towards him on the inside.

His hand grabs the back of his neck and he looks away, probably contemplating his next choice of words. It‘s rare to see Satoru at a loss for words and you didn‘t think you‘d ever be the reason for that but here you were, waiting for him to open his mouth.

Your foot lightly taps on the ground, your pride not letting you even think about being the first to say anything, he was still the one who screwed up so he should take the first step.

After you wait a few more minutes expectantly, you‘re starting to grow disappointed, if he decided he could cut you off from classes and then proceed to just stand there and look at you; you weren‘t gonna have it.

You raise your eyebrow, impatiently before you finally decide you have enough and then make your way back towards the door ready to go back to class.

“Wait..”, you stop and look back at him expectantly, “I’m sorry, okay?”, he grabs your hands and slightly tugs you towards him, “I went too far yesterday, I was angry at the world but then let it out on you, that was wrong of me.”

“I know, Satoru,”, you make no motion to move away from him, “and I understand, but even if I understand, there are certain things I just can’t overlook.”, you sigh, “I’m not a punching bag nor will I let myself get treated like one.”

“And I won’t treat you like that, I promise”, he pleads and steps even closer, “I really mean it when I say I regret it.”, his hands cup your cheeks, “I’m genuinely sorry, y/n.”, and he looks at you with so much sincerity you have to genuinely question if you aren’t dreaming right now; his hands are warm and you suddenly felt like you needed more of this, more of him.

You need to get rid of this thought, you can’t have more of him, no matter how much you want it; Satoru is unattainable like that.

“It’s okay”, you manage to whisper, afraid that if you would speak too loud, you would ruin this bubble the both of you have surrounded yourself with, “well, it’s not okay, but I accept your apology.”, he lets go of your face and smiles brightly, on a whim you decide to grab him by the collar and pull him really close to your face, his smile slips a little and you can see him glance down at your lips, then look back into your eyes. “You pull this shit one more time and I will make sure, there will be no heir of yours”, you whisper your face traitorously getting closer to his, he gulps, “understood?”

“Understood.”, he whispers, the space between your faces getting smaller and smaller.

You let go of his collar and pat out the wrinkles: “good.”, you back away from him and start heading back to your classroom.

As you make your way back to the classroom you don’t spare a single glance back to Satoru, all you can focus on is your heart beating loudly and rapidly as if you had just sprinted through the entirety of Japan, and your mind wanders, you let yourself think about what would’ve happened if you didn’t stop whatever happened in there. Would he have pushed you away? Kissed you back? Those are questions you’ll probably never hear the answer to and you have to almost physically fight yourself from looking back at him; you were afraid that you wouldn’t like whatever is written on his face.

The class is vividly discussing something and you bow to your teacher and apologize, clearly embarassed for being this late. However the teacher just shrugs you off, someone -probably Geto or Haname- explained why you weren‘t there despite your stuff lying on your desk, Satoru is a few steps behind you and grins sheepishly at the teacher, he then stops Satoru him and warns him to solve private issues out of class time.

You have to hold back a shit-eating grin at being treated much nicer than him and Geto doesn‘t even hold his laughter back and you almost start laughing, too. These guys will be the death of you, you can feel it. Geto grins at you, and you know that‘s his way of checking up on you and you feel grateful for him; he was most likely the one to get the stick out of Satoru‘s ass.

While you and Gojo sit down Haname explains what you had missed during the time you were gone, apparently you guys would be divided into different teams for the next three months. It‘s basically going to be a rotation system, where two members of each team will go to two different teams every two weeks; The reason for that being that we need to get used to working with different types of people and training our flexibility, after all the teams weren‘t going to always be the same either when we are grown up.

The two of you look at each other, you knew you didn‘t want to switch teams so early but their reasoning made perfect sense and you could hardly disagree with them.

They were discussing the importancy of team dynamics and what they need to pay attention to even when you aren‘t used to your team members yet; they even made a list of the do‘s and don‘ts when it‘s the first time you‘re working together.

This also led to the big debate going on right now, who would go where in the first round and because the class was being so indecisive the teacher simply decided to draw lots.

While he was drawing the lots Satoru chuckles beside you: „Don‘t worry, y/n, I‘ll take very good care of you, when we‘re going to work together.“ and you groan in response, but he‘s right, you‘ll have to work with this goofy clown for two entire weeks at some point.

He grins and ruffles your hair, leading to you scoffing at him, while Geto chirps in: „He is as bad as he seems.“ and you have to bury your head in your arms in frustration.

Whatever was out there hated you and loved to see you suffer at the hands of Gojo Satoru. At least they took mercy on you and decided that today wouldn’t be the day you’d have to suffer. You almost sigh in relief when your name and someone else's gets called out and it wasn’t Satoru’s.

Another few weeks pass and you have to admit, it’s incredibly exhausting to always get used to new team mates once you get used to the ones you just got paired up with, you at first thought, yes it would be mentally taxing but not to this extent. The entire dynamic changes and with new members, one minute you’re the main act and then the other you’re the support and then the next second you have to save your teammate from getting annihilated by a blast they didn’t see, and then the same game over and over just with other people.

At one point you work together with Geto and you find out you guys actually get along even better now that you weren’t constantly annoyed by the white-haired manchild, they do usually come only in pairs of two, after all. If you were to describe your relationship with one another it would be like two grannies sitting next to each other and gossiping about everyone and everything and you were actually kind of sad when you guys had to part ways but all good things have to come to an end unfortunately.

Just like the good things have to come to an end, the bad things have to show up sometimes too, you think to yourself, while you can only dread your existence for the next two weeks, Satoru is grinning from ear to ear next to you and almost jumping up in excitement. You don’t have enough migraine pills for the upcoming weeks, you were 100% sure of that.

“Hello, partner.”, he stretches out his hand to you, as a form of greeting, with the same grin as before, reluctantly you stare at it before you take it and he abruptly pulls you towards him; you crash against his chest and almost hit him in the chin for being so rash with you. He lifts his hand towards the other person and waves at them: “Yo!”

He has his arms so tightly wrapped around you, that even when you try to push him away, you can’t escape his death grip, ‘at least he smells nice’, you grimace and greet your other partner. He only lets go when your assigned team leader shows up and even then his arm remains wrapped around your shoulder.

The leader frowns a little upon the physical contact but says nothing and you wish you could bury yourself six feet deep; sadly Satoru will never cease to embarass you.

Even when you guys are on missions he keeps calling you weird nicknames and every time he does, another curse would be sent flying towards his direction but this lucky motherfucker doesn’t even have to dodge since his infinity stops them from touching him and it irks you even more, especially when the teacher scolds you afterwards for being reckless and that you shouldn’t throw back curses at your teammates, no matter how annoyed you are.

Today you were sent to a particularly hard mission because, obviously, Gojo Satoru was in your team and the elders decided that since he’s there nothing is impossible. Curses after curses were coming at you, it was like an entire army of them, they weren’t particularly strong but the sheer quantity of them was what exhausted you - no matter how many times you freeze and crush them many more appear, there has to be some kind of power source but even Satoru’s six eyes can’t figure out where its at at the moment; there is so much to analyze, he needs time, is his explanation and you wish his stupid brain could work faster, your output was slowly getting weaker.

Finally he comes up with an idea, he teleports next to you and asks: “Are you capable of freezing the entire area?”, you look around the incredibly large area, it should be doable, but you doubt you’ll be able to stand properly after that but that’s a matter for later.

You nod at him: “Just step behind me.”, you start rushing towards a relatively empty area and wait for everyone else to step behind you. When they are, you freeze absolutely everything, including the walls and ceiling, leaving only the area behind you, where your team is, unfrozen.

Satoru quickly looks around, then teleports away and shortly after the curses that have been surrounding you disappear into thin air; he did it, you smile proudly and then everything starts to spin and you prepare yourself to get down on your knees but you feel strong arms wrap around you holding you steady.

“You okay?”, Satoru’s voice suddenly appears next to you, he must be the one holding you right now.

“I’m fine, give me a second.”, you hold yourself up against his arms; when everything stops spinning you slowly get out of Satoru’s grip only for your knees to finally give in and at lightning speed he is once again holding you securely.

He puts your arms around his shoulders and lifts you up and carries you piggyback style, you rest your head on top of his shoulder, you blame it on your exhaustion although the faint blush on your face could tell everyone else, it wasn’t just because of that. Maybe if you hadn’t closed your eyes to relieve the trembling headache slowly appearing you also would’ve noticed the slight tinge of red on his ears.

Before you even know it, you fell asleep and wake up in the middle of the car ride back to the school, you look at Satoru sitting at the other side of the car, looking out of the window, it seemed like he was thinking about something and you couldn’t help but stare at him. Your eyes wander from his drop dead gorgeous eyes, to the slight crease between his eyebrows then towards the frown on his face that’s usually covered in a smile or grin and it makes you want to frown as well - the mission went well in the end, why does he look so bothered?

“Good work out there.”, you say in an attempt to make that crease between his brows disappear.

He looks at you and then finally smiles: “Good morning, sunshine.”, now he completely turns towards you, “You okay?”, the crease between his eyebrows appears again, “You went off to fantasyland not so long ago.”

“Yeah, I’m fine”, you smile at him, “just used too much of my powers, too quickly, a little rest and I’m back to the usual.”

A little longer than necessary he keeps staring at you, analyzing you and then finally spills out in a sing-song tone: “You went a teensy tiny bit overboard, didn’t you?”

Now you were the one frowning: “You said freeze everything, that’s what I did.”, you shrug, “besides at one point I did have to let out all this pent up frustration I get from working with you.”

Suddenly he grins at you like a pervert: “There are so many different ways to let out your frustration on me and that’s how you decide to do it?”

Your eyes widen in realization and you hit his shoulder: “I did not mean it like that!”, you grimace, “Fucking pervert!”

Unfaced by your hit, he just playfully rolls his eyes and hums: “Uh-uh, sure you didn’t”

Too embarrassed to even look at him anymore you now face the window and have to scoff, leave it to him to ruin any type of nice moment between you guys and you can see from the reflection of the window, he still has that shit-eating grin on his face - how you wish you had slept through the entire car ride now.

When you arrive back at the school you still feel slightly wobbly on your feet but it definitely was better than before, the driver told you to go and visit the infirmary just in case and of course Satoru volunteered to bring you there; if you were strong enough to properly walk on your own, you definitely would have protested with your entire might but you weren’t really in a place to argue so you just let it be and used Satoru like a crutch and weirdly enough he let you.

Once you were in the infirmary they did a general check up on you and already sent you back to your dorm telling you, you just need to charge up again.

Satoru insists on walking you back to your room and wraps one arm around your waist, you stare at him in confusion.

“You do know I can walk by myself now?”, and attempt to wiggle yourself out of his arms.

He doesn’t let you go and just smiles: “No risks; better to be safe than sorry.”, he winks at you and you swear you could feel his arms wrap even tighter around you.

If you or someone else would ask you ‘When did you get so used to him always touching you in one way or another’, you wouldn’t have an answer to that; it just happened, when or how, you didn’t know either, all you know is at some point it felt odd not having his hand somewhere on your body whenever you were together.

Satoru brought you to your room and when you prepare to thank him and say goodbye to him he walks past you and just sprawls on top of your bed, without a single care and you just stare at him, too shocked to do anything else.

A few seconds later you finally get a grip on yourself and scowl: “Out of my bed, Gojo.”, your eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

He just moves a little more to the side, probably making room for you, “Don’t wanna”, he pouts and pats the spot next to him, initiating that you should just lie next to him.

‘He’s going insane’, you think to yourself, there was no other explanation for this random clingy behavior; you were sure that if you’re going to lie down next to him you would be going insane as well and sigh, “did you hit your head?”, your head tilts slightly to the left in a questioning manner.

He moves his head towards your general direction and opens one of his eyes, he doesn’t say anything but his facial expression definitely says ‘are you being serious right now?’; you look at him with the same expression until you finally realize he isn’t going to move any time soon.

“At least take off your shoes on my bed”, you grumble and step towards your occupied bed and lie down next to him.

Satoru quickly takes off his shoes and then lies back down facing you, the two of you were so close that whenever you guys breathe out you’d feel the other person's breath on your face and it takes everything inside of you not to freak out or curse at Satoru for putting you guys in this awkward position - two people in a bed made for one person.

At some point you close your eyes and try to sleep but you can’t; not when you know Satoru is lying right there in front of you in your own bed. The two of you weren’t actually touching but it sure didn’t feel like it, instead it felt more like he was touching your entire soul, his presence consuming all of your senses and at one point the only thought you were capable of thinking is ‘Gojo Satoru’.

In frustration you turn around, your back is facing him now - a weak attempt to escape his presence - you perfectly know it’s useless but you’re tired and your head is aching and all you wish is to sleep.

Finally you get used to the heat and soft snoring behind you, at some point it even seems like a lullaby and you drift off to sleep.

When you wake up the first thing you notice is the lack of warmth next to you. You turn around to the spot Satoru lied in earlier, of course he left, before you could even wake up. It was a weird situation to begin with but you still can’t help but taste the sour aftertaste it leaves on your tongue. Satoru isn’t the type to stay, you don’t even know why you’d delude yourself into thinking he would in the first place.

Your warm feet hit the cold ground and you almost wrap yourself in your blanket again but just put on your slippers and a sweatshirt from your closet until you get ready and dressed for the training ground today - the classes today will focus on physical combat and honestly, you were in need of pummeling something to the ground today.

Haname, as always picks you up and you walk together; you contemplated telling her what happened last night but telling her would mean it is a big deal - and it isn’t, you convince yourself. Gojo was just tired after carrying you back to the car and then dragging you to the infirmary so he decided to nap in your room and leave as soon as he got up, it’s completely sensable.

She interrupts your train of thought when she asks: “How was your mission yesterday?”, she nudges you, “I heard you exhausted yourself completely.”

“I’m okay,” you sigh, “just went a little overboard. Not really that bad or anything.”, and nudged her back as a comfort.

The look she gives you clearly says that she doesn’t believe you and gives you a once over before she decides to drop the topic, noticing that you don’t really want to dwell on it.

You look around and see some of your other classmates gathered, some are sitting on the ground and some are warming up and stretching; you decide to follow them and gesture to Haname that you are going to start stretching and she joins you quickly.

You decide to stretch your legs and sit down and touch your toes with your hand, after a few times someone pushes you from behind deeper towards your toes and you curse at them ready to punch whoever is messing with you like this.

Gojo’s wide jerkish grin greets you, you push him away and flip him off - the audacity of this guy. For a second you consider asking why he left but you decide it’s not worth mentioning and you once again push down the tight feeling in your throat.

Geto is right behind him cackling while you glare at him: “Piss me off and you’re next.”, you scowl. They really are going to be the key reasons if you ever switch to the dark side.

These two don’t stop, though instead they join you and sit right beside you; one mosquito on each side. At first you try to ignore them and go back to stretching but then they decide to - as childish as they are - make faces at one another and basically yell loud jokes and there’s only a certain amount of patience you have and you’re running out of it.

You flick the both of them on their forehead: “either stretch or go somewhere else.”, you glare.

They stare at each other for a few seconds and then they continue to bother you; one pokes your cheek while the other pokes your side and then Gojo asks, while he's digging his finger deeper into your cheek: “What’s gotten you so grumpy today, hmm?”

A loud scoff leaves your lips: “How can I not?”, you slap their fingers away, “it’s way too early for your shenanigans.”

The both of them chuckle and you wonder what you have ever done to deserve this until they both get slapped by someone on the back of their head: “leave the poor girl alone.”, the teacher scolds them and you sincerely thank him before you grin at the both of them in satisfaction.

They both grumble but don’t say anything else - they better not- they’re already on your bad side today, you weren’t sure if you could handle more of their relentless pestering.

The class immediately starts after this incident and you can finally let out some of your inner pent up anger.

In your head the training dummy is Gojo and he gets the beating of his life; it’s almost therapeutic to beat up dummy!Gojo and you really wish you could do this more often.

Your life continues the same as always: you attend classes, train, sometimes go on missions, are pestered by dumb (Geto) and dumber (Gojo). Well in Geto’s defense; he’s okay sometimes, especially because he’s the one who stops Gojo from overstepping too much but he sure loves teasing you too and they don’t miss out on their daily intake of annoying you.

Now you guys have reached your second year at Jujutsu High, sadly not all of you have made it and when the first one of your classmates died you felt like the world is about to end but you had to recover and continue this path; you knew sorcerers die daily and sometimes it’s the ones you know.

Everything went fine and you had your daily routine, you had improved massively compared to your first year and even got promoted to Grade 1 - you’ll probably become a special grade in the future if you manage to get a better hold of your reverse curse technique.

Then the incident happened and you weren’t really sure if things were fine by then. Satoru and Geto failed their mission and Geto started to spiral into someone you didn’t recognize as Geto. When you first heard of it you tried your best to console him but nothing you ever said really went to his head and you decided to let him; it was something he had to realize on his own.

As it turns out leaving him alone wasn’t the best of ideas because not long after Geto steps towards the wrong path and kills more than 100 people and turns towards the wrong path. You wish you could scream at him, beat him, do anything to make him regret his actions but he had chosen his path and now he was considered to be your enemy.

Gojo was even more closed off right after this, even more unapproachable, yes he still talked and bothered you to no end but you knew he had closed off his heart and had his walls up as high as possible. He hid himself behind his mask of cheeriness and dumbassery but you couldn’t stop him.

Today was another day you were paired up with Satoru, the only difference now to before is that he didn’t bother with team effort; he’d kill the curse in a few seconds and call it a day.

You grumble at him: “Y’know, you can at least try to let us take part in exorcizing the curse.”, you raise your eyebrows in annoyance.

He shrugs: “it’s not my fault, nor is it yours. I’m simply out of your league.”, he grins and you weren’t sure if he just said that to get under your skin or actually meant it.

Your head shakes in response: “It’s still a team effort, Satoru.”, you scoff, “how am I ever supposed to increase my reverse curse technique efficiency if you always clear the job by yourself.”

He just walks away from you before he turns his head around to face you and smirks: “Now that’s not my responsibility is it?”, he interlocks his hands behind his head and you wish you could kick his knee caps, “besides, look at this from a positive perspective - i finished the job for the both of us.”

“I wouldn’t be attending Jujutsu High if I wanted others to do the job for me”, you grumble and slap his arm in offense.

He chuckles and shakes his head: “Chill, once in a while you can lie low and let me handle it.”

You grumble at him but don’t respond anymore - it’s pointless to argue with Satoru; he'd never bother to see your point of view, not anymore at least. Another thing that had changed; you knew it wasn’t really his fault but there’s only so many times you can excuse him.

At one point you do point out his changed behavior; it was a normal Saturday evening, you were on the way to his family's household to finalize the small details of your engagement party, the car ride was silent - which already was unusual in itself but you expected some complaints from Satoru and it took one faint bitter chuckle on your side for him to question what’s wrong and you drop the bomb on him.

“You changed, Satoru, in some ways for the better, in some for the worse.”, you point out.

He didn’t take it that well; he furrowed his eyebrows in anger and scoffed: “Yeah, it’s called growing up, maybe you should try it, too.”

“You know exactly, that is not what I meant”, you roll your eyes, he knows what you mean he’s just deflecting.

“Maybe, it’s none of your business, y/n?”, he snarls and it feels like he punched you right in the guts; you had expected this but still nothing could prepare your heart for this, “Nobody asks you to care for me or my -apparent- lack of emotional well being”, he snarls defensively.

“But I do care, Satoru!”, you respond, or maybe even yell back, you don’t know, you mostly hear your thumping heartbeat and not your own voice.

He rolls his eyes: “Well then fucking stop,”, he scoffs, “it’s annoying.”

It felt like he stabbed you in the guts, took out your organs and tried to put them back in in the wrong places; you know you relationship to one another is complicated, one time you try to murder the other and another time you’re joking around as if you never had a care in the world and despite these complications you thought he cared -at least to a certain degree- about you, but Gojo loves proving you wrong it seems.

A switch got turned off inside of you and your entire demeanor changed - Gojo wasn’t the only one with his walls up now.

You snicker coldly: “You’re right, caring about you isn’t worth it.”

For a faint second you swear you saw something flicker in his eyes but you refuse to believe it was actually real and it was just all in your head - he doesn’t care, he has proven that already.

He turns back around to face the front and the car is once again filled with silence.

You don’t even want to speak anymore but you had to settle at least one thing: “Remember to act when we’re at your place.”, you sigh, hoping he listens to you for once in his life. “I don’t want to hear our parents nagging us because we can’t get a grip.”

He doesn’t turn around but you can see him nod stiffly - at least you’re on the same page on this matter.

Not long after you arrived at his mansion and you almost felt like hurling out of the car; it felt too exhausting to be in there - it took everything inside of you to wait for Gojo to open the door for you.

When he opened the door, he held out his hand - the same tense expression on his face as earlier and you almost grimaced at him; nonetheless you took his hand and stepped out of the car. You were stiffer than a stick to release the tension, you take a deep breath and try to relax.

‘This is going to be terrible’, you sigh to yourself and a coldness fills you the same way Satoru’s cold hand is wrapped around yours.

One of the servants greets you and invites you in, you glance at Gojo out of habit but he doesn’t even bother looking at you and stares straight ahead. You hold back an eye roll - if this man could be any more stubborn you’d actually blast your own head off.

He puts his arm around your shoulder and you have to tense up, it feels weird to be at odds with Gojo and yet so close to him; you two couldn’t be any closer and further apart at the same time.

He silently whispers: “C’mon, we don’t have all day” and guides you to the dining room.

Once inside you both greet each other's family and sit down to eat; not long after the plans already begin - the choice of flowers, other decorations and so much more, well it’s not like you had much of a choice just like almost everything else that involved your and Gojo’s future. It was incredibly frustrating but you knew it was to no avail - you’d just have to bite your tongue.

The evening is getting worse and worse and the more time passes the more you’re tapping your foot impatiently - you just want to get home as fast as possible and sleep; all you want to do is sleep.

Every time someone commented on something Satoru would give passive-aggressive back-handed compliments towards you, like “weed would look best on y/n” or “she should wear something bright to balance out her personality” and you’re one comment away from actually slapping him - he’s going too far with his sappiness.

When they’re finally done with everything you almost jump out of your seat until Gojo’s mother looks at you with those pleading puppy eyes and you curse your nice heart for always bending to other people’s wills.

You keep staying for even longer than necessary; to the point your back even starts to hurt and you’re almost close to begging Gojo to leave; gladly he beats you to it when he slaps his thighs and calls it a night - you would kiss him thank you if he wasn’t the reason why you were in such a sour mood.

The moment you leave the house you speed walk towards the car - you couldn’t handle anymore of his nasty comments nor his nasty attitude; you just want, scratch that, you need to get away from him.

Without a word you sit down in the car and wait for the driver to start driving. You were beyond pissed but mostly hurt, you wanted to scream at Gojo but it wasn’t worth it, he wasn’t worth it, at least not anymore.

#fanfiction #x reader #author #gojo #gojo satoru #jjk manga #jujutsu kaisen #satoru #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #satoru x reader #guiltyreverie

[qsmprambling]

A ramble about qBad and Parenthood (all for the character of course!)

It's pretty obvious that no matter what anyone says or how much they insist otherwise, Bad does not accept anyone (other than Skeppy) as Dapper's parent but himself.

Yesterday when Baghera said that Dapper was her son Bad pushed back on it a little, but when she didn't budge he very quickly said they didn't need to talk about it.

He loves Baghera, he accepts (reluctantly) that Dapper wants to call her mom, but in his own head and heart it is clear that he is Dapper's only parent, and Dapper is his only child. He may talk about adopting other eggs, but when it comes down to it he still considers them his nieces and nephews. While Pomme was trying to find the right time to call him 'dad', because she considers him as one of her parents, he had a heart to heart with Dapper while she and Richarlyson were near and it was very clear that for him he has his nieces and nephews, and then he has his son, Dapper.

It's somewhat understandable that maybe Baghera and Pomme might not see it as a big deal; they are already part of a 5 parent family to one egg, so what is the big deal about adopting another egg/getting another parent? It is just a different mindset and they obviously mean no harm- they adore Dapper and Bad!

But for Bad and all the other starting egg parents this is not the case. They are all individual family units, with extended support (aunts and uncles and friends), but still their own family units all the same. Since the start it has been him and Dapper against the world, and they got through the incredibly rough early Island days and became close. He adores Dapper, and Dapper loves him, and he loves their family.

So of course he is going to be upset with changes to this dynamic, especially without his consent and behind his back. He admitted to Tallulah that part of him was afraid Dapper was going to replace him, and who could blame him? He took care of Dapper for months on his own, and he adores Dapper more than anyone (after all, 'Dapper' was his answer to all Cucurucho's questions about who he loves the most, his best memories, etc.)... but the moment he is away for a few days, Dapper asks someone else to adopt him? He hasn't said as much but that has to hurt, or at least raise some questions. I don't think any of the original egg parents would be happy with such a development, because again, they are all individual families. Someone just walking up and saying they are now also a parent to your child is jarring to say the least!

Also before it gets mentioned, qBad can indeed be a jealous person, but in this situation there is validity to his feelings. He is happy for Dapper to have other connections and friendships and family members, but having other parents is a step too far for him.

And it's sad seeing other parents and even Dapper invalidating his feelings in that, telling him it's a good thing that more people love Dapper and he should just let everyone adopt his son.

Up until Baghera, everyone was happy to be aunts and uncles to the eggs, and there was no issue with this connection. And up until now, no other egg has been adopted by another player except for Tallulah, and that was by her grandfather and main caretaker after spending months in his care (AND it's temporary). But Dapper was adopted by Baghera while Bad was away, and Etoiles too has also told Dapper he was adopting him and they just wouldn't tell Bad about it.

I don't know, I don't have a conclusion to this, I just find it unfair. Bad really loves their little family, and it bothers me that other people are crossing those boundaries and then judging Bad for being upset about it.

I'm glad the QSMP twitter only listed Bad as Dapper's parent - because that's the truth (even if Bad would like them to mention Skeppy too).

#qsmp #badboyhalo #dapper #been bugging me since the first adoption

[cryptidclaw]

Sorry if this is weird to ask you but with the talk of queens (abt them being treated lesser and weirdly in general, which I totally agree with) I was hoping to get some input on an idea for my own rewrite.

Reading the books, I just kept asking myself "Why should they have to be shipped into a den for six months to care for them all on their own when theres tons of cats, especially their mates, who can and should be helping so that they didn't have to drop everything else abt their lives and hobbies for so long just because they had kids? Why is it that she loses so much about herself but her mate can stay a warrior and have nothing to do with parenting and that's okay? How come being a mother is treated like a statement of inability to be in power? (Bluestar and Leafstar, for example). Why does she lose her "warriorhood" like that?"

It's not just that they're treated like their stupid and only thinking about their kids for me, it's also the fact the erins treat parenting like queens (women) are the only ones who can/will/should be involved in parenting. It's unfair to both them and toms, and honestly, to me, it makes more sense for parenting to be communal, much like hunting and patrolling responsibilities are shared. With of course parents still playing a big part.

Essentially, my idea is to just abolish it being a whole job thing like that in my rewrite and have it be a shares responsibilty between everyone (but their parents most importantly). Queens ofc would still get "leave" from other duties while recovering and for nursing, but they don't have that expectation to be the kittens' only caretaker for so long, and their mate(s) would have just as much expectation to be involved as compared to the lack of any expectations of paternal and other-cat-given care in canon.

Oh, and much like the other shared duties that the Clan has, not everyone has to be involved if they don't want to or they just arent good at it. Some cats do more patrolling, some do more hunting, some do more healing (In my thing its not exclusive to a seer), etc, and some do more childcare. It's that simple. But if you choose to have kids then your gonna be involved unless you just aren't a good parent (ex: Rainflower). I think it makes more sense being communal when a big part of the Clans, to me at least, is community, loyalty, and the bonds that keep it together, and that needs to be formed and what better way then to let the kittens learn they can rely on their Clanmates young, and know that they are just as worthy of trust, love, and loyalty as their parents/queen?

And it's not that I see anything wrong with the role of a queen and parenting, promise, I just think it's unfair the expectations always fall on them, and that the erins write fathers like they have no place being fathers in the first place. Also outside of my irritation I just rlly like the idea of the whole clan taking part in raising, playing with, and educating the kittens idk it's just always been cute to me. And like I mentioned before, there are cats who play roles like a perma-queen, and there's nothing wrong with that.

But yeah I just kinda wanted to know if this rlly makes any sense at all/if it's fair 😭 sorry if it's uncomfortable or anything like that

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!!

this is a BIG reason as to why I added the Caretaker role to RoC as well! Caretakers take on that communal helper role in taking care of kits (as well as the rest of the clan). Queens and their mates should both equally share in the parenting role, and should also get help from others in the clan. also cats literally do this. they communally help in caring for kittens!

so ya! I love your idea of the whole clan helping with caring for the kits! it is just SO much better than the way canon does it.

#cryptid answers #warrior cats #warriors #cryptidclaw's warriors au #rise of change

[sggk]

Wednesday i got a 20pg document from D’s lawyer cruelly assassinating my character denying my humanity & weaponizing what he knows about my father’s domestic violence against me as a child. Thursday my mom tried to kill herself and i had to go find her across town before she could do it and sleep in front of the door so she couldn’t leave again. Friday/Saturday i stayed up over 24hrs to watch my Zayde and he died while i held his hand and talked to him and then i had to wash & dress his body alone because nobody else felt able to. Sunday i organized the shiva house. Today i was asked by his sons to step in as a pallbearer based on my caretaking only for his “actual” grandchildren who were nowhere to be found in his dying year to publicly call me a blonde haired bimbo who has no right to carry their Zaide in front of their entire extended family at the funeral. They then stood up to make a surprise eulogy about how much their grandfather loved them only & how my siblings and i aren’t to be counted as grandchildren. At the cemetery they interrupted the rabbi’s prayers to demand that i not be allowed to shovel dirt onto the coffin as a last mitzvah given that i’m not a blood relation. All of this usually would not bother me however i think it has been an usually trying week even for me and although they’re right that he didn’t love me, i did take care of him all year as he died when they wouldn’t even call to check on him and so their reasoning seems just a little bit unwarranted . ANYWAY it’s so unfair that i’m the only one not allowed to die here

[donnerpartyofone]

We can all agree that pedestalizing people is bad for various obvious reasons, but I think a lesser-discussed subtext of this behavior is the implication that the pedestalized person gains caretaking responsibility as a natural consequence of their alleged superiority. Put differently: If you get turned into Superman, it becomes your job to save people.

I have a dear old friend who has a bad habit of idealizing people. It starts out as sweet and flattering, then it becomes kind of overbearing--any kind of distorted perception of oneself becomes burdensome even if it's positive--and then eventually she starts making noises to the tune of "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!" Like if you accept that you're her hero, the expectation is that you have to do what a hero does, and suddenly you have all these chores and favors and stuff lined up that are not really great for the friendship. In the case of my friend the behavior is not consciously manipulative; anyone will tell you that she's not, like, a bad person. She's just deep into this idea that somewhere out there is someone who can fix all her problems for her, she's really not into resolving things on her own. She's a classic self-help addict (could use more emphasis on the "self" part imho) and, hilariously, she has been "fired" by more than one phone psychic who she wouldn't stop calling. Like those people chose to stop taking her money in order to push her out of the proverbial nest. And of course, like a lot of people with this disposition, she doesn't actually take the advice she's given, just does whatever she wants instead...and then comes back in short order to ask for more advice.

Perhaps ironically, she is a very talented and energetic person who actually CAN do a lot on her own, and a few years ago she started writing a fun, quirky, topical book that we all agreed was a great idea and might actually make money. In a moment of epic stupidity, I offered to give her "friendly feedback" whenever she wanted a reader. Soon I was embroiled in a weeks-long argument about how she could pay me even though I didn't want money, and then when I named a price she couldn't pay it, and if I lowballed her she'd say that was "unfair" to me and my supposedly valuable services, and eventually I had to have this like meeting with her at a neutral location that was mediated by her ex-girlfriend to find some kind of rational end to the conversation. That's how I became her editor, even though as I frequently and forcefully reminded her I am most certainly not an editor and have none of the necessary skills or education other than the ability to read; all I ever offered was the "friendly feedback" thing and suddenly I wound up in this nightmare business relationship that was predicated on her delusions about how I'm the smartest bestest writer in the whole wide universe and I simply must save her poor little book project or it will perish.

It wasn't long before I was getting these late night phone calls telling me I was doing a bad job because I had to be "REALLY BRUTAL" and "TEAR IT APART" and she couldn't figure out why I wasn't doing that. I reminded her over and over that I'm not a real editor and I'm doing only what I am capable of doing and I'm certainly not being dishonest with her, which was the unpleasant subtext. If she's unhappy she should get a real editor, or at least a lit student who could use the pocket change. Then one day she changed her tune and told me I had actually edited her book so hard that it completely removed her personal voice from the text, and she was forced to start the whole thing over from scratch. I was deeply relieved.

...but of course, I've never stopped hearing about it. Once a year or so she comes around to remind me of what a totally radical job I did awesomely editing her super book, and don't I want to come back and finish it with her? I make a civil reminder of the fact that actually she was totally unhappy with everything I did on the book, and I don't think it's a good idea for us to work on it anymore. The response is always something like "hahaha i dont remember that LOL" (I think she really doesn't!), and I just have to back away slowly. This is not even the most fraught thing she's involved me in; hopefully I will not get started on the time I agreed to pick her up from a minor outpatient procedure, which transformed from a simple favor into a plan for an elaborate slumber party in a hotel featuring more and more people including her crazy mother who she was in a vicious fight with...while I just tried for weeks and weeks to get her to tell me where and when the procedure was happening so I knew when to pick her up. And I never even found out the answer after all, somebody else took care of it in the end, for some reason.

Anyway I'm typing all this out now because It Is Happening Again, she's trying to rope me back into the book thing which she somehow remembers as this great experience, and she wants "a friend, not some stranger" to help her finish it. And I'm trying to figure out if I should a) remind her yet again that she was very unhappy with my work on the book, and I am not a real editor, and maybe "some stranger" would be really great for her because the situation will be more professional and there won't be any impact on any of her personal relationships, or b) just tell her I don't have time, good luck! I kind of feel like being more explicit with her might give her a much-needed wake-up call about how she's been mixing business with pleasure, to her own detriment. I also feel like it would be the more respectful thing to do, to treat her like an adult who can hear something tough and make a rational choice with that information. But on the other hand maybe this is a good time to set a boundary and NOT act like it's my job to help and guide and save her, even if it's just with tough love this time. Ugh!

PS There's actually a secondary component to this which is that she's a hairdresser, and that's how I originally befriended her. She's intensely affectionate and emotional, but she's also a huge flake and I almost never get to see her if it isn't for an appointment--which she often has to reschedule several times anyway. A little while ago I told her I need to grow my hair out and save money and she panicked, seeming to realize that if she has to make actual social plans she won't be able to stick to them. So her way around this appears to be getting me back into a business relationship where we're trading haircuts for editing, and I don't want to do any of it. I just want her to like be normal with me, but that is entirely too much to ask of some people.

#complaints dept

[elsewhereuniversity]

Published in the readers' section of the student newspaper. Due to some printing error, the writer's name is smudged illegible in every single physical copy of the paper

So. Umm. You may have heard about the mysterious fire that broke out in one of the third floor rooms in the eastern dorm, and somehow stayed contained to that one room only. I will admit, it was kinda my fault. Or not really, it was my roommate's fault, but I could probably have done more to stop it.

To be fair to me, I didn't ask for the tonttu to move in and appoint themself as the caretaker of that particular dorm room. I also did not ask to have an asshole roommate who refuses - well, refused - to keep the place clean and had no respect for the various supernatural caretakers of places around the campus. She would have gotten himself on the wrong side of someone else sooner or later anyway, and that wouldn't have ended any better for her than this did. And it's not like I didn't warn her! I told her so many times to clean her shit and to respect the tonttu and leave out some offerings for them, or at the very least not spoil or steal or throw away the offerings I left. I did also try to tell the tonttu to be chill about it, but you know what they get like when they really get angry.

To be unfair to me, my ancestors came from rural northern Europe, so I'm pretty sure that that ancestry and all the strangeness around the campus interacting is why the tonttu came. And honestly I was pretty fed up with my roommate too, even if I think death in a fire was slightly more gruesome way to end the problem than what she deserved, and I was trying to solve the problem through the usual and less lethal means.

So if you were wondering how it is that a fire breaks out in a dorm but stays contained to one room, and one roommate wakes up in time to escape unscathed but not in time to warn the other roommate or get her to safety, but the other roommate is burned to death (if she didn't die of smoke inhalation first), and yet somehow all the surviving roommate's belongings are miraculously undamaged, yeah. It's because even though a tonttu can be very helpful in protecting your dwelling and keeping things nice and neat if you show proper respect, they can be real vicious and vengeful if you treat them wrong.

Anyway, I'm looking for a new roommate! Has to be someone who knows how to act towards helpful nonhuman entities. Preferably someone who's tidy by nature, but if you're not, an honest effort towards keeping the place at least reasonably clean is enough

#tonttu #death mention #stories #long post

[cozza-frenzy]

The Alters Of The Magbox

Last updated May 31st 2024 - Total Headcount is 12 This post is mainly just for reference, but feel free to take a look if you've not met all of us yet, or are just curious.

Terry [Last Name Redacted] Pronouns: They/Them (Neos: Toon/Toons/Toonself, Fin/Fins/Finself, Star/Stars/Starself) Species: Beyonder System Roles: Host, Conflict Resolution Likes: Seafood, fresh fruit, shirts that look like bowling alley carpet, electronic music, their partners (Lito, Chaos in-system, and Sigyn of The Panopticon) Dislikes: Liver, cold and damp weather, getting "front stuck" Theme Song: Battle Scars - Paradise Fears Tag: #Shit Terry Says "I'll carry you home, no you're not alone, keep marching on, this is worth fighting for"

Chaos Loony Whackadoo Danger Crimefighter Gadget Stortion Pronouns: It/Its (Neos: Twist/Twists/Twistself, Spin/Spins/Spinself) Species: Cartoon Likes: Strawberries, rave music, dad jokes, causing problems on purpose, its adopted kid (Andy), its partners (Lito, Terry in-system, and Len of The Panopticon) Dislikes: Silence, green vegetables, causing problems by accident Theme Song: Louder Than Words - Pink Floyd System Roles: Gatekeeper, Caregiver, Protector Tag: #Spiral Posting "It's louder than words, the sum of our parts The beat of our hearts is louder than words"

Taffy Brewer Pronouns: They/Them (Neos: Star/Stars/Starself) Species: Object Head Likes: Vegetarian curry, walking outside, plants and animals, their partner (Roy in-system) Dislikes: Meat, heavy rain, crowds and loud noises Theme Song: Down To Earth - Peter Gabriel System Roles: Self-Care, Caretaker, System Management Tag: #To The Stars "We're coming down to the ground To hear the birds sing in the trees And the land will be looked after We send the seeds out in the breeze"

(Art by our Partner System, @rinjak3 !) Martin Blackwood Pronouns: He/Him, They/Them Species: Beastkin Likes: Comfort food, tea and biscuits, pop music, drag shows, their partners (Jon Sims and Jonny D'ville of The Panopticon) Dislikes: Body shaming, the smell of cigarettes, foggy days Theme Song: North - Sleeping At Last System Roles: Caregiver, Grief Holder, Emotional Regulator Tag: #Tea And Sympathy "Let the years we're here be kind, be kind Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide Settle our bones like wood over time, over time Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine"

Vivien Blackwood Pronouns: They/Them (Neos: Paint/Paints/Paintself) Species: Cartoon Likes: Mint chocolate, authentic ramen, video games, animated movies & shows, making and appreciating art Dislikes: Physical contact without consent, being cold Theme Song: Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall - Coldplay System Roles: Creative Work, Caretaker Tag: #Beyond The Shadows

"So you can hurt, hurt me bad Still I'll raise the flag"

Andy Stortion Pronouns: He/Him, She/Her, They/Them (Genderfluid) Species: Beastkin Likes: Ice cream, french fries with ketchup, stickers, colored pencils, board games, asking questions, their in-system family Dislikes: Raised voices, being ignored, people in mascot suits Theme Song: Ready Now - Dodie System Roles: Trauma Holder Tag: (None yet - Andy is underage in-system, and doesn't browse tumblr without supervision) "You said "I will listen, tell it all When you're finished we'll talk more" But I didn't know how, so we took it in turns To my surprise we found my words"

Dr. Roy Boss Pronouns: He/Him, It/Its (Neos: Dark/Darks/Darkself) Species: Cartoon Likes: Dark chocolate, BBQ Ribs, thunderstorms, heavy music, mad science, his partner (Taffy in-system) Dislikes: Authority figures, bright lights, unfairness and injustice Theme Song: Get Up - Korn feat. Skrillex System Roles: Anger Holder, RSD Holder, Medical Advocate, In-System Medical Care Tag: #Boom Baby Boom

"I am clearly broken And no one knows what to do Pieces of the puzzle don't fit So I pound them into you"

Dagwood Hero Sandwich Pronouns: He/Him, It/Its Species: Cartoon Likes: Ice-cream sundaes, veggie dogs, making people laugh, story books Dislikes: Jokes that "punch down", violent media, swearing (for himself - he doesn't mind if others do) Theme Song: All You Need Is Love - The Beatles System Role(s): Mood Booster, Memory Keeper, System Management Tag: #Bring Me Sunshine "Nothing you can make that can't be made No one you can save that can't be saved Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time It's easy"

Jenova Destati Pronouns: She/Her, It/Its, (Neos: Fen/Fens/Fenself) Species: Divine Beast Likes: Salads, berries, being outside, peace and quiet Dislikes: Crowds, loud music Theme Song: Sweet Time - Porter Robinson System Role(s): Pain Management, Stress Management Tag: (None Yet) "To live, we're dying Why wouldn't we see our world as dark? But I won't spend time Resenting the way things are"

Salvador Sabado Pronouns: They/Them, It/Its Species: Cartoon Likes: Songs by Supertramp, prog house music, spaghetti and meatballs, books, Grundo's Cafe (an old-school Neopets clone) Dislikes: Being touched without consent, being talked down to Theme Song: The Logical Song - Supertramp System Role(s): Trauma & Stress Holder, Knowledge Holder Tag: (None yet - Salvador is underage in system, and doesn't browse tumblr without supervision) "Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned? I know it sounds absurd Please tell me who I am"

"Thirteen" (Real name & face withheld) Pronouns: He/Him, She/Her Species: Not Disclosed Likes: Social events, fine dining, "Dad Rock", her partners (Roses in-system, Archivist Grian of The Panopticon), dishes with lots of garlic Dislikes: Alcohol, rainy days, gambling Theme Song: The Dying Light - Sam Fender System Role(s): Inner World Architect, Trauma Holder, Life Protector Tag: #Unlucky For Some "But I'm damned if I give up tonight I must repel the dying light"

"Roses" (Real name & face withheld) Pronouns: He/Him, She/Her, They/Them (Genderfluid) Species: Not Disclosed Likes: Karaoke, social events, cooking, sweet potatoes, their partner (Thirteen in-system) Dislikes: Alcohol, loud and grating noises, being outside after sunset Theme Song: Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John System Role(s): Social Advocate, Trauma Holder, Misophonia Holder Tag: #Restless Nights

"You know you can't hold me forever I didn't sign up with you I'm not a present for your friends to open This boy's too young to be singing the blues"

#Adventures in OSDD #The Magbox Idiot Box #Dissociative Identity Disorder #OSDD-1b System #Actually Dissociative #Endos DNI #Endos fuck off #Endo Supporters DNI

[fitrahgolden]

WEARY MEMORY: 9 - LEANING BACK ON A BROKEN WILLOW TREE

“You sure you don't need anything?” Anthony asked as they pulled up to Kate's house after the flight home from Edinburgh.

“For the third time, Anthony, I'm sure. It's not that bad.”

“No? Then why are you rubbing your temples raw?”

Kate hadn't even noticed she was doing it. Some time during the hour and a half long flight home, Kate had developed a splitting headache. Nothing she couldn't handle, but she wasn't surprised when Anthony had immediately gone into caretaker mode and would not stop checking in on her, and even tried to get her to let him take her to A&E.

“Maybe I'm rubbing them because you won't stop asking if I need anything.”

“Fine,” Anthony grumbled before putting his 4x4 in park.

By the time Kate had said goodbye to their kids, Anthony had gotten her luggage out of the back.

“I'm just gonna help your mum with her bags,” he said into one of the windows.

She let him lead the way to her door. Once the bags were inside, Anthony looked over at the kids in the car, then ran a hand down Kate's arm.

“At least tell me you aren't working at all today,” he pleaded, his voice low.

Kate sighed. “I'm not working. I'm going to keep all the lights off, lie down, and do absolutely nothing. Promise.”

Anthony seemed mollified. “I wish I could join you,” he said wistfully.

“Me, too.”

“Soon?” Anthony looked at her, eyebrows raised in hope.

During their last night in Edinburgh, Kate and Anthony had decided they would tell their families about their reconciliation, starting with the kids, once they got back home.

“Soon,” Kate promised.

Anthony leaned forward slightly, but caught himself. He shook his head before putting a warning finger up. “No work.”

Kate smacked it away with a laugh. “No work. Bye.”

—

As promised, Kate spent her afternoon with the lights off and the curtains drawn. She changed into an oversized shirt that skimmed her thighs and texted Edwina about holding off on picking up Newton until tomorrow. After taking a couple of painkillers, she settled under a blanket on the sofa and fell asleep.

Anthony with a “ta”: How are you feeling?

Anthony with a “ta”: I'm going to assume you're asleep. Text me when you see this.

Anthony with a “ta”: I'm coming over. Don't be mad.

—

Kate slowly blinked herself awake, feeling much better, and groped around in the dark for her phone to check the time. It was then that she realised that the reason she woke up was the knocking at her front door. She checked her messages on her way to answer it, pausing momentarily when she read the last one that had come in.

“Anthony, what are you doing here?” Kate put a hand on her hip, her other hand holding the door open.

“I told you not to be mad. I bought you ice cream.” Anthony held up a grocery bag, and weaponised his smile in a way that was wholly unfair. “Let me in, Kit.”

Kate tried her best to look annoyed, but didn't think she was pulling it off. She opened the door further so he could cross the threshold. Anthony kissed her softly and whispered, “How are you feeling?” as he nuzzled her nose and ran a hand under her shirt–checking to see if anything was underneath it, Kate knew.

“Much better, actually. I should take the ice cream and send you home.”

“Mm, Ned would be disappointed. He loves being in charge.”

Kate closed the door and followed Anthony into the kitchen.

“Are we having this now, or…” Anthony turned around when he reached the fridge. “What is it?”

“What?” Kate was grinning like an idiot, and she knew it.

Anthony narrowed his eyes at her, a smirk forming on his lips. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Right.”

“Just put the ice cream in the freezer.”

“I will, but then you're going to tell me what you're thinking about.”

Once the ice cream had been put away, Anthony stalked around the kitchen island towards Kate. Soon, he was placing his hands on the counter on either side of her. He levelled his gaze at her, his expression smug and playful. God, she was just so happy to see him, to have him here, not in their therapist's office, or at a restaurant. Here, at home. Just the two of them. 

“What did you tell them?” Kate whispered, her eyes flicking down to his lips.

Anthony mirrored her, his gaze turning downward. “The kids?” he murmured, not looking up. 

“Yeah, what reason did you give for coming here?”

“I told them that I'm going to take care of their mother.”

Then his mouth was on hers. As always, Kate's fingers were in his hair instantly. When she tugged, Anthony groaned, grasping her waist and encouraging her up onto the island.

After a few blissful moments, Anthony pulled away and panted, “Don't you move. Let me just go ahead and get–”

Kate tugged on his arm as he was about to head in the direction of her bedroom.

“Mm-mm.” She shook her head, pulling him back between where her legs were dangling off the counter.

“No?”

“No, please.” She answered earnestly. “Just you. Just… Just us. Is that OK?”

Anthony kissed her before nodding. “If you're sure.”

“I am. I need all of you.”

That seemed to flip a switch in him. He kissed her again, a completely different feeling to it than the last one. It was so demanding, so consuming, Kate almost expected him to climb up onto the counter himself. Instead, he pushed her onto her back, his touch a little harsh, just as it was when he then rid her of her knickers, pulling them over her legs in a couple of jerking tugs.

He lifted one leg up onto his shoulder and looked at Kate, steely-eyed.

“No one else is here, Kit. Don't hold back, understand? I finally get to really hear you.”

With that, he ducked his head down, and Kate immediately gave him something to hear.

—

An hour or so later, Kate and Anthony were on the kitchen floor, completely nude, polishing off the pint of ice cream Anthony had brought with him that evening.

Once Kate had finished the last spoonful, she reached up over her head to tip the carton and spoon into the sink above them. Anthony moved quickly, taking advantage of the way her manoeuvring pushed her chest out. He covered a nipple with his mouth and flicked it with his tongue.

“Shit.” Kate laughed as she let herself be taken.

“Let me put you to bed,” he breathed against her sternum.

Kate sighed regretfully, a hand running through his hair.

“You can't sleep here, Anthony.”

Anthony's groan was soft as he sat back up. “I know. I just… I want to shower with you and tuck you in. I can't go to bed with you yet, but I'm getting impatient thinking about getting back into a routine with you, Kit. Let's get ready for bed, and then I'll leave.

And so, for the first time in almost four years, Kate and Anthony got ready for bed together. They stood side by side in front of the bathroom mirror, brushing their teeth. Kate couldn't stop herself from constantly looking over at Anthony, at the other sink, his sink. No one had used it since he moved out. It never stopped being his.

Kate's eyes also flicked over to the huge standalone tub, the one Anthony insisted on.

“Anthony, it's a swimming pool.”

“We need a big tub, Kit.”

“Reckon there will be a lot of shared baths in our future, do you?”

“Absolutely. But we also need a place to sleep on bad nights. You prefer the tub, right? I want to be in there with you.”

In the shower, Anthony helped Kate run conditioner down the length of her hair, and she scrubbed his back. In the bedroom, Anthony sat at the edge of the bed and watched as Kate did her evening skincare routine at her vanity.

Once she joined him at the bed, Anthony pulled back the covers on her side. Then he cradled her face in his hands and kissed so tenderly, she nearly wept.

“We have to tell them. I hate that you have to leave. We have to tell them so we can all be under the same roof again. I'm so close to begging you to stay.”

Anthony laughed softly. “I'm so close to begging you to let me.” He slid his hands down and pulled her even closer as he hugged her. “Get in bed so I can kiss you good night, Kit.”

—

“I'm sorry I said you couldn't kiss.”

“Is Dad moving, or are you?”

“Are we having a wedding?”

“And when are you moving?”

“Can I throw flowers like on telly?”

Before Anthony left the night before, he and Kate had agreed that she would come over the next day so they could talk to kids together. Kaveri had made a sound that could only be described as a screech before she and Maaran both started peppering their parents with questions, seemingly welcoming the news without hesitation.

Edmund, however, stayed quiet, observing his siblings with stony eyes from his seat in the corner of the sofa. When the other kids finally allowed for a lull in the conversation, Anthony moved to sit next to his eldest. Edmund turned away from him just a little.

“Neddy,” Kate said softly. “I know this is a lot to hear. How are you feeling?”

Edmund mumbled, still looking away.

“What was that, Bud?” Anthony asked.

Edmund turned toward his family and sighed heavily. “How do you know you aren't going to break up again?”

“Why would you say that?!” Maaran cried. Kate put her arm around him.

“Shh, Kanna. Let him talk.”

Anthony nodded solemnly. “Ned–”

“Did you guys know only six percent of divorced people marry each other again?” Edmund was looking at his siblings, not his parents.

Kaveri scrunched up her face. “What does that mean?”

“It means they probably aren't really getting married, Riri.”

“Shut up, Ned! They just said!” Maaran buried his face in Kate's side, muffling his voice when he spoke again. “They just said they were getting married, idiot.”

“I want a wedding, Dad,” Kaveri said as she crawled into Anthony's lap. “I want to throw flowers at you.”

Anthony patted his daughter's cheek before turning towards Ned again.

“Where did you learn that, Ned?”

The boy shrugged. “I looked it up when you moved out.” Anthony and Kate looked at each other. Before either could respond, their son added, “And again last night when you went to Amma's house.”

Ah.

Edmund continued, answering the unasked question. “I didn't know, but you guys were acting so weird in Scotland. I thought maybe… Well, this all doesn't matter. It's still only six percent.”

“I want to go to my room,” Maaran announced as he stood, glaring at his brother. “They wouldn't tell us they're getting married if they aren't getting married. I can't believe you're being so mean to them.”

“Yeah, don't be mean, Neddy. You can't be mean at the wedding.”

“Guys, leave your brother alone,” Anthony ordered, his voice more stern than he’d intended. Kaveri shrank a little while Maaran rolled his eyes.

“Can I go to my room, please?”

Kate nodded. “Go on, Maan,” she said softly. “Take Kav upstairs with you.”

Anthony had to nudge his daughter off his lap before she would follow Maaran out of the living room.

“Don't let Neddy stop the wedding,” she said on her way out.

Edmund scoffed. “That's not what I'm doing!”

Anthony put a hand on his shoulder, “We know that. Don't worry about her.”

The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, Kate spoke.

“Ned, you're right. Plans change, lives change, and you can't always see it coming. You know that better than someone your age should. And, yes, it is unusual, remarrying. But that is what your father and I are going to do. It's OK that you're having a hard time trusting that, especially right away.”

Edmund took a deep breath as he leaned back against the couch cushions, aggressively wiping away a tear. “It just… It feels too good to be true. I know that sounds stupid–”

Kate shook her head vehemently. “Not at all. That's exactly what I told your dad, actually. Just a few days ago, while we were acting ‘so weird’ in Scotland.”

Edmund laughed just a little, and with that, the tightness in Anthony's chest loosened a fraction.

“Really?��� their son asked. “It feels like that to you, too?”

“Not as much. It feels more real every day. But I've had more days with it than you have. I hope it will start to feel more real to you soon. You need time. We get that.”

“But, Ned,” Anthony said. “Maan and Kav's feelings about this are important, too. Don't give them a hard time for being excited, OK?”

“OK.”

“Do you want to keep talking about this now?”

Edmund seemed to think about it for a few long moments.

“Can you see if I can talk to Jocelyn early this week?”

Anthony gave him an encouraging smile. “Of course, Bud. We'll see what she's got available.”

Their son seemed pacified for the time being. “Can I go?”

Anthony and Kate both nodded. Once they were alone, he reached for her.

“I love you. You're amazing.” He pulled her over until she was sitting pressed up against him.

Kate shook her head. “I'm fucking shaking, actually. That was terrifying.”

“I know. I think it was alright, though.”

“Could have been worse, for sure.” She laid her head on his shoulder.

“One day at a time.” He kissed her hair. “Let's take the wins where we can get them.”

#bridgerton #kanthony #anthony x kate #kate and anthony #kate x anthony #kate bridgerton #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony and kate #anthony bridgerton #kanthony fanfic #kanthony fanfiction #kanthony fic #the viscount who loved me #kathony #kathony fanfiction #kathony fanfic #kathony fic #bridgerton au #bridgerton fic #bridgerton fanfiction #divorce au #co parenting au #weary memory au #weary memory

[byekuma]

PSA: Denji is not a simp. Denji is a victim of emotional abuse and manipulation Discussion

From a deleted Reddit user.

Post talks about abuse and sexual abuse

Like, I get it - memes are fun and you can't get too serious with a manga that recently had a chainsawman ride a shark through a tornado baby.

But, seriously, I'm getting dismayed that more people aren't directly calling out the ways that Denji is being manipulated and abused vs. the number of throw away comments that Denji be simping.

The closest person to Denji I've met in RL was a woman who had come from a poverty and violence ridden area of SE Asia who had married a wealthy British investment bank.

It was absolutely disgusting to watch this guy provide some form of the thins she craved: security, food, affection, respect, etc. but do it in a way that ultimately made her more dependent on him. When he inevitably left her, she was completely fucked.

What generated that original post was the proportion of shitposting to a deeper discussion of the manga.

I've had a couple of questions asking if I somehow miss the irony of most of the memes.

I really don't - I've laughed so hard I've chocked on my drink accidentally. I love (almost) all the memes and shit posts. In retrospect, ! should've phrased the original post better, but hey, drunken rant.

But, I hope everyone who roll's their eyes takes a look at the reaction and realises that this touches a nerve for a lot of people, whether through their own experiences or through that of someone close.

Denji is actively being sexually abused and groomed so. Yeah? Remember the chapter where makima starts getting close to him and ends up pushing his hand on her breast and insinuating she'll have sex with him if he defeats Gun.

Then remember Himeno propositioning denji for sex and then y'know. Actually admitting what she did was fucked up and unfair to him.

Because she's a fucked up person and has at least that much self reflection.

There's a lot of abuse, and how cycles of trauma become interlinked (as denji ends part 1 as a caretaker to someone who was once made into a monster). Makima has been contorted into a monster, but what she does to denji and others is still deep manipulation and abuse. It's particularly horrifying with denji because of how intimate so much of it is, and denjis realization in the end that she was never once looking at him.

It's something I like a lot about chainsaw man.

Bc ... It doesn't play down how denji is being sexually abused imo and I know a lot of stuff treats victims poorly, and seeing a teen boy struggling through that fixation and desire is really emotional. (Connect_bit_1457)

Not a headcanon and not a theory just facts. She was abusive

#chainsaw man #csm denji #makima #anime #manga #discussion

[the-nihilistic-rhapsodaire]

So... how do we feel about Miri's mother? I do think she's changed at least a bit

and I do believe she wants to spend more time with Miri, but she can't just show up after a year of claiming she doesn't want anything to do with Miri at all and take her back as if Rei and Kazuki were just caretakers all this time. The only reason why she wants to see Miri again is because she's dying. But how do we know she won't just go back to her old habits? In episode 3, she made it explicitly clear she wanted nothing to do with Miri, and now here she is again asking for her daughter back. I don't know, but if I was Rei or Kazuki I'd find this to be extremely unfair.

But then again, Kyu is also right- if they kept Miri, they would be seriously endangering her life and possibly harm her while she's caught in the crossfire.

#buddy daddies #misaki unasaka #kurusu kazuki #rei suwa #no bc kazuki and rei did so much for miri😭😭😭 #they thought they would be a family forever #excuse me while i cry

[theangrykimchi]

48!! —thot-son-of-odin

Aaaa!! You can't guess how absolutely excited I was for this prompt as I've wanted to write this particularly scene for literal *years* but didn't really want to write an entire fanfic around it. So thank you for this opportunity! I hope you'll enjoy reading it 😘💖

Read on AO3

Working as a live-in nanny was never in Loki's plans for the future, but here he was, at 25, working as a caretaker for a two year old.

In all honesty, it wasn't the easiest work but it was better than other alternatives for someone who was also studying for university. Plus, the money was really good, Thrud was an absolute pleasure, and his employer was pretty laid back and fun to be around. Thor wasn’t pushy or demanding like his previous two employers—and way more handsome than most people Loki had ever laid eyes on. Which was <i>kind</i> of a problem because Loki was sure Thor didn't lean that way (and by that he meant <i>Loki's way</i>) and that was just unfair because Loki had suddenly turned into one of the most popular clichés and had, of course, developed a crush on his boss sometime in the five months he'd been working for him.

Loki pined <i>hard</i>, day in and day out—especially when Thor scrunched his nose and laughed one of his full, belly laughs or when he answered Thrud’s questions, mastering all the seriousness he could, or when he held his daughter close and rocked her to sleep. Loki was truly gone on him if he found the way Thor fell asleep with Thrud on the sofa <i>cute</i>.

Ugh, this was totally unfair!

Today, Thor was still downstairs when Loki made his way to the kitchen with Thrud following after his steps, chattering a mile a minute in barely comprehensive baby talk. Loki stopped in his tracks when he entered the room and saw Thor was in there, in his undershirt and slacks, flipping a pancake on a precarious stack.

“Good morning.” Thor beamed at them and, damn him, he looked really fucking pretty with the light streaming in from the windows giving him a golden glow, half-ready for work. It was too early in the morning for Loki to have to deal with him and his…Thor-ness!

“You're still here,” Loki blurted out, freezing at the doorway while Thrud yelled in excitement and ran to her dad who picked her up readily and kissed her cheek in greeting, making the toddler giggle as his beard tickled her.

“Got an important meeting later and decided to take my time getting ready so I can calm my nerves. Can you get the plates?” Thor hitched Thrud on one of his hips and brought the stack of pancakes at the breakfast table while answering.

“Oh,” Loki said and went to retrieve the cutlery and crockery while Thor secured his daughter in the booster seat and then went to get the toppings. Coming to stand right behind Loki, Thor held on his bicep as he stretched to reach a bottle of chocolate syrup from the top shelf. “Wha-what’s the meeting about?” Loki asked just so he could say something, trying not to look as affected as he felt when Thor lingered for a couple moments more than necessary. He could feel his breath, hot and minty, as it breezed through Loki's hair for god's sake!

Thor fell back and walked away, leaving Loki to stand there, clutching on Thrud's silicone spork.

“The money we need for the new production to go through,” Thor said. “The sponsors aren't exactly convinced of its effectiveness so I need to be at my most charming today and kiss their asses.”

<i>You could kiss my ass</i>, Loki thought stupidly, getting a very vivid image in his brain. Out loud he said:

“I bet you're going to charm fat checks out of their pockets before the meeting is even over.”

It made Thor laugh and Loki was sure he was looking at him lovestruck but he really couldn't help it—Thor laughed with his whole body, his face open and expressive, his broad shoulders shaking as he leaned backwards.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Thor said, mirthful, a brilliant smile still on his face.

They had breakfast while they discussed softly between them, taking turns to feed Thrud as she was more interested in hitting her plastic plate on the booster’s tray instead of eating but, before long, it was time for Thor to finish getting ready and go to work. He sighed as he looked at the time, looking ruefully at his daughter and Loki.

When he was ready to go, Loki followed behind him to the front door. Thrud hitched on his hip.

“Did you get the documents from the study?” Loki asked, gently removing Thrud's thumb from her mouth.

“Yes, I think I've got everything,” Thor answered, peeking into his briefcase to make sure before he patted his pockets to check for his keys. “Do you have any plans for today?”

“Nah, just getting this little mongrel to daycare and studying. I'm going to make stew or steaks for dinner, depending on how your meeting will go. So, call me later to let me know you seduced hundreds of money out of them, okay?”

Thor laughed again and lingered in the doorway. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lo. You're truly the best.”

Loki shrugged with his free shoulder, fighting down the blush that was threatening to spread on his cheeks.

“Drive safely,” he said instead, holding on to the door handle as Thor smiled and butterflies rushed through his gut.

“You too,” Thor said back and leaned in, kissing Thrud's forehead and then leaving a soft peck on Loki's lips before he turned away and left.

Five steps down the porch he froze in his tracks. Realising what he had just done.

Loki stood equally still, Thrud slipping slowly downwards as she wiggled to be set free, wobbling her way further in the house to her toy box.

Thor's eyes were wide and terrified when he turned slowly to glance at Loki who was staring at him, eyes equally wide, mouth parted in surprise.

“Ahh, fuck it,” Thor cursed lowly and let his briefcase fall with a thud on the wooden boards. Turning fully, he made his way back to the front of the house decisively, reaching for Loki just as Loki was reaching out for him.

#thorki #thunderfrost #thor/loki #anon #thorki fic #my stuff #my fic #thorki ficlet #kiss prompts #kimchi writes #ao3 link #loveisakiss #kimchi.writes

[kafkaoftherubble]

Ædith sibling lore because you care. I know you do :]

Ædith's older sister is called Gail and her younger brother is Zoltan, so she's the middle child.

They're born into a noble house, hence Ædith's high government position. As the oldest, Gail was supposed to inherit the position from her mother, but Ædith got it instead. Volkaire vetoed Gail becoming head of the house because she has down syndrome so he thinks she's incompetent. The unfair treatment towards her sister is also what motivated Ædith to get into disability activism in the first place.

All three kids have a bad relationship with their parents because of the ableism towards Gail. Gail worked incredibly hard and got two degrees, one in history and another in political sciences so she is more than qualified for the position. She also has a husband and a son, but I haven't named either just yet. Overall, Gail is very successful and doing well in life.

Ædith is head of the house but uses it almost exclusively to fight for the rights of minorities, starting several charities and doing volunteer work that others think is below her station.

Zoltan left home and restarted his life as a commoner. He was fairly careless until Ædith's arrest, when he's forced to go home to help Gail. Really he just tells ableists to screw off so she can do her thing. He also helps break Ædith out of prison and starts getting his act together to help his sisters fight Volkaire's tyranny because he hates aristocracy and being around rich assholes, but he really really loves his sisters and would do just about anything for them

Alright, lore letter #1! Turns out, my response is kinda long! It's a Three-parter.

Ædith's characterization due to her life experience

A minor question re: Gail's sterling achievement despite her Down Syndrome in a highly ableist country with unsupportive parents

Zoltan

----

I was about to comment on how rare it is that Ædith, a middle child, displays traits that are usually seen in eldest siblings. Ædith is dutiful, expresses a sort of compulsion to shoulder a lot of responsibilities, and displays heightened sensitivity to other people's well-being or needs—skills an excellent (or way-too-self-sacrificing?) eldest sibling possesses, but not something a middle child is, well, known to develop early on.

And then it turns out it's because, since young, Ædith has to be the caretaker for Gail and the de-facto "eldest child of the house", assuming her duties and responsibilities due to Gail's struggle—genuine or societal fabrications alike—with Down Syndrome. I imagine Zoltan as a maverick and a rebel since he was a kid, so he had to be a bit of a headache source to Ædith, too.

Amazing instance of experience-informing-personality, π! I LOVE a good cause-and-effect work!

---

It's neat that Gail manages to persevere despite the limitations imposed on her societally. But I think this means you'll have to answer a detail-oriented question:

Is Gail homeschooled? Or was she sent to a private school? Or did she study in a public school, or did she complete her studies in a foreign nation?

The reason I asked is because Gail's obstructions in education are twofold, as far as I can tell: her parents' attitude toward her, and her country's national attitude toward people with disabilities. I'll address the second first!

A country that is so wantonly ableist as per the Emperor's attitude will not provide accessibility options, special needs, or even any useful concerns to their (aristocrats-only) public school.

For example, there were no real facilities or policies toward children with any kind of neurodiversity or mental/developmental disorders in my Malaysian education experience growing up. One of my classmates, when I was 7, had an unknown but severe developmental disorder due to encephalitis when he was just a wee baby (Child Lyn was nosy curious enough to poke around for information regarding "this strange kid in class.") The boy had no real structural support nor dedicated teachers/assistance. His parents sent him to school because they both had to work, and he was constantly treated like he did not exist in class by most students and some teachers (not maliciously; they were just not trained to teach him, ya know?). He did not take exams, and he hardly learned how to write his name by the end of the grade. His conditions did not improve even after we changed classes (it's a typical system to get reshuffled into a new class in each grade, usually according to your school grades), and I think he was later transferred out of my school.

I don't know if he managed to enroll in a special needs school, which definitely exists in Malaysia. But that's the follow-up question for this, too:

Do schools for children with special needs exist in an openly ableist country like Odeda?

Drawing comparisons to the easiest example of an ableist fascist country in history—Nazi Germany—there were no policies, encouragement, or support for any special needs schools. Why would the state allow such an institution, after all? They were seen as a waste of time, land, money, and resources. A useless waste, for the "defects" of the species, who will "damage" the country's Darwinian approach to "perfection."

So what this follow-up question is really here for is this: how extreme is ableism in Odeda? Brandi worries about herself due to her own mental illness, and in your previous version, her OCD was actually made a hindrance by Odedan policies in her quest for love or marrying Lewis. On a scale of "how easily can someone mask to fit in a neurotypical majority," I think OCD is more easily masked than Down Syndrome, which has a much more pronounced effect on one's education. So if Brandi herself could easily be marked as "lesser" under Odedan's ableist outlook, then Gail's Down Syndrome will provoke worse, right?

If Gail was educated either in a public school or a special needs school within Odeda, then you'll have to explain how she managed to do so when society was rigged against her. Without top-down (i.e. government) inclusivity, sensitivity, and resources, it's very hard to imagine a causal pathway where a child with Down Syndrome manages to succeed under such a climate. And that's not counting the peer pressure, bullying, microaggression, and other possible systemic discrimination Gail would have to face growing up.

Her parents' ableist/non-supportive attitude toward Gail will also make it a little harder to explain why she is allowed to be homeschooled or sent to a foreign land for education.

The second set of options is to have Gail be educated the same way Maurice was: privately. Or else, she was educated in another country that is far more inclusive or egalitarian or something.

However, it's hard to imagine ableist parents actually giving any care or damn about Gail enough to worry about her education, let alone spend money on it. Even if Ædith was the one who insisted that Gail should receive education as any other child deserves, there is only so much she as the kid could do against her own parents. who are the actual masters of the household, until Ædith was at least "old enough" to have her own way of pooling in finances.

Suggestions!

Nonetheless, it is still feasible to write Gail as succeeding despite her twofold blocks! I was trying to come up with some as I elaborated on the questions. Here are some; you can remix them for even better ideas, or they can help you come up with something far superior!

Ædith and Zoltan secretly give Gail some of her earliest education, such as basic literacy. ~ Additional benefit: this scenario provides a causal reason why Zoltan, despite his rough attitude, loves and cares for his sisters deeply—he once had to teach his oldest sister and assist his middle sister with limited support from their parents. This could also be the sentiments Zoltan draws from when he decides to break Ædith out of prison and assume Gail's primary caretaker role. ~ Meanwhile, an experience like this can further bolster Ædith's commitment to disability activism. It can also become a support conversation: Ædith explaining her initial difficulty and frustration in teaching Gail. Without training and knowledge, it's incredibly challenging to teach anyone with mental disabilities. I, uh, speak from experience. ~ To Gail, this experience is a source of strength, because she will always remember that her siblings love her regardless of what the world thinks and that there are people who do not look down on her just because she's "defective." This can translate to her own drive to succeed and seek her own happiness.

A sympathetic governess or private tutor. Such a person could originally be assigned to be Ædith and Zoltan's teacher, but they decided to secretly teach Gail as well. ~ Even if the parents found out, the governess or tutor could argue that they would not ask for extra compensation for Gail's lessons. ~ The governess/tutor could even argue that by teaching Gail, they can help her mask herself better so as to "not bring shame to your esteemed family" or "draw Volkaire's ire for siring such a child." Pragmatic arguments by the tutor for a far more compassionate goal, basically.

A sympathetic relative living outside Odeda takes in Gail out of sympathy or kindness. This way, Gail can get any sort of education over a long period in a foreign land that is less ableist than Odeda.

That's all I could come up with for now. I hope it gets your juice flowing!

---

Not much to say about Zoltan for now, since he's pretty much a rogue version of Ædith in a way. I like his addition nonetheless! Think he can provide a lil' foil to Ædith this way, ahahahah!

----

And this is why I can only answer this type of letter slowly and little by little! Look at the RAMBLE holy shit. YAP SPELL S+ I SWEAR. Please be patient with my slow ass, ahahhaha!

I have to go back to work after this amazing brain stimulation (your story is better than my work SO MANYFOLD)! Thanks for the crumbs; 'tis was delectable!

Will proceed to other letters (THE HABAD ONE I FOUND IT) in due time! That includes your intriguing new project too, ahahahahah!

#why do you forget the shield? #the word in the picture means “happy”

[the-owl-tree]

Your post about Sandgorse makes me think that Tallstars’ revenge would have been an excellent way to explore how it feels to grieve a parent who was either toxic or straight up abusive. The thing is, most people without wanting or meaning to, do deify the recently deceased, tend to remember only the good moments or minimize the bad. Having Talltail realize at the end that his father was truly abusive, and that even if the hurt he feels is understandable, he was not a good father and he doesn’t need to feel guilty for moving on, would have been a pretty good lesson towards the younger audience. I’m saying this as someone who went through a similar experience with a family member, was relating to Talltail’s guilt and stress about lack of closure, and then felt utterly betrayed when the books painted Sandgorse as a good parent and Talltail as someone that needed to “make up” for him . They even present Palebird as somehow being worse, when she was experiencing post partum depression on top of losing a child (this seems to be a recurring theme in warriors, since Sparkpelt goes through nearly the same thing)

Absolutely agree with you! The first half of Tallstar’s Revenge sets this up: Tallstar needs to learn to accept he can’t keep envisioning Sandgorse as a hero he needs to live up to. I love stories about rocky relationships with guardians, of children who have to grow up and realize they can’t be the person their parents want them to be (or that their parents won’t become someone they want them to be). It’s good juicy drama and often times these stories are satisfying in the sense of seeing people grow and move on. But it doesn’t happen.

The recurring theme of fathers in warriors is that there never needs to be a reckoning of their absence (Stormtail) or their shotty treatment of their children (Sandgorse and Raggedstar). The narrative either twists it around so that the father’s shitty behavior is never acknowledged, or worse, it completely puts the blame on the mother figures in the situation (once again, not excusing Lizardstripe or whatever being abusive but like….why does the cat who talks about how it’s unfair toms don’t have to give up anything when having children become the abusive mom. Can we think critically here. Raggedstar abuses both Yellowfang and plays a part in Brokenstar’s rise to power and he’s a fucking footnote compared to her).

Just a note for this next session on Palebird, I’m moreso talking about her from a writing perspective. Not as a real mother with PPD. That’s a distinction I want to make clear.

I think the thing that bothers me more about Palebird’s story is that she is absent in Tallstar’s life as a child, she doesn’t defend him from her father and her arc is wrapped up by, not talking with her son or asking for support from her Clanmates, but by remarrying and having more children. It’s a baffling and, with the rest of the series treatment of mothers in mind, shitty way to conclude her story.

I will fight tooth and nail that Sparkpelt being able to rely on other queens to ensure that her children were cared for was GOOD and NOT NEGLECT. What’s the alternative? A depressed mother who can barely care for herself takes care of two children as well? There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, there’s nothing wrong with leaning on community for support. ESPECIALLY if it means two children will be cared for, the prioritization of Sparkpelt being the sole caretaker would’ve put Finchkit and Flamekit in a much worse situation.

But Palebird doesn’t get that help and the story, from what I remember, never really comments on that? It’s a bit of a mess. I’m not fond of how they wrote her. Honestly, both Sandgorse and Palebird are interesting conceptually but the execution and resolutions of their characters is just sort of “I want to throw these two in the trash and start from scratch” energy to me lol

#warrior cats #deer rambles #SORRY THIS GOT LONG #busy day today! I need to destress by getting mad about warriors LOL

[danggirlronpa]

Since polyships are on the table... 🍑 Mahiru/Hiyoko/Ibuki or 🍑 Mahiru/Sato/Hiyoko (I have a feeling this one will go horribly, as I tend to headcanon Hiyoko as being very jealous of Mahiru's affection towards Sato; both Sato and Hiyoko are definitely in love with Mahiru meanwhile can't stand each other. I imagine Sato also dislikes Hiyoko because she reminds her of Natsumi - however fair or unfair that comparison is, I definitely feel like Sato has a hatred of bullies. Meanwhile I think Hiyoko would have a soft spot for Ibuki; she would at first try very hard to push her away and prod at insecurities, but once that failed I could see them getting close. Plus, Hiyoko is attracted to kindness - something that she sees in both Hajime (platonically) and Mahiru, which makes her have a soft spot for them - and underneath her jokey-ness, Ibuki is very kind. And I don't even have to explain why Mahiru/Hiyoko works in this equation, lmao - Ibuki/Mahiru is probably the relationship between the three I've put the least thought in, but, I feel like they'd be amicable.)

Also, my Natsumi rarepairs.... 🍑 Chiaki/Natsumi and 🍑 Mikan/Natsumi... I know they don't interact but Chiaki and Natsumi are very much foils for each other & how they affect Hajime, so I think its a damn shame they never interact... plus Mikan/Natsumi would be so tragic.... finding your girlfriend dead... realizing your friend, Sato, killed her..... selling Sato out to your dead girlfriends brother.... Mahiru having such a favorable view of Sato and negative view of Natsumi & Mikan having the reverse.... the biased narration of Mikan (and Mahiru too).... the thought of my girlfriend was nice to me, a real angel, so she COULDN'T have been bullying you.... and then a year later, meeting a demon in the form of Junko Enoshima, who reminds you so much of your dead girlfriend, who tells you that Hope's Peak is corrupt, didn't look into her death to avoid a scandal with the reserve course so the funding to their pet project doesn't get shut down... and you're angry, you're so angry, that was your girlfriend and they don't even care.... why not let the devil tempt you into revenge? Don't they deserve it? I am so crazy about Natsumi/Mikan and NO ONE is tapping into their potential, the only fics on it on ao3 are my own.... I adore them 😭

I've been holding onto this ask because part of me doesn't even want to touch on a response so it can just stand alone as a testament to the ships. I LOVE seeing people talk about their rarepairs, absolutely fuck yes. Please don't think I'm ignoring you when I'm brief or my thoughts differ from yours because this RULES.

Mahiru/Hiyoko/Ibuki: Neat! Every dynamic in here is fucking stellar. I definitely also think this is a ship that centers on Hiyoko, which in and of itself is sort of fun. Danganronpa fans HATE her. But women LOVE her 😏

Mahiru/Hiyoko/Sato: Basically Canon. I'm biased about this because Mahiru/Sato is my real True SDR2 OTP and I consider both it and Mahiyoko to be Basically Canon on their own. But ALL TOGETHER. BOTH IN LOVE WITH MAHIRU. You know that tumblr post that's like "superhero and supervillain but theyre both friends with the same civilian so when their buddy invites them all out together as civilians they just have to silently seethe at each other across the table"? Yeah

Chiaki/Natsumi: Fine. This. And I'm going to be exposing a lot of things about myself as a person here so everyone just be cool. This is a kismesistude. And I will leave it at that.

Mikan/Natsumi: HELL YEAH. This might only appeal to a niche audience but hear me out, okay. You know yakuza mangas that are like. Oh No I Am A Sad Abused Young Woman/Twink Who Has Been Sold To/Become The Caretaker Of A Child In/Married Into/Reincarnated Into/Otherwise Somehow Become Involved In The Yakuza! im so frightened! what does this mean yakuza want with me!! a heart of gold?! could it be??? oh but because of my abuse i feel like i dont deserve this but through this yakuzas unrelenting instant love for me and very violent vengeance upon my abusers and also some gang drama to force us into compromising situations will i be forced to learn self esteem through the power of love?? THATS WHAT I WANT FROM THEM. THATS THE AU IVE WRITTEN IN MY HEAD. AND ALSO WAY OF THE HOUSE HUSBAND AU

#asks #anon #mod hangout #mod ships #talk to the mod #chiasumi #natsumiki #mahiyobuki #mahisatoyoko

[vegaseatsass]

Blank S2 ep 1 spoilers

I took so so SO many notes during Blank 2x01 and now I'm too tired to write most of them but 1. I do think Kimchay enjoyers should consider like, jumping in just from this episode and enjoying the parallels if Kimchay GL sounds like a thing they've ever wanted in their lives 2. Giving an A+++ to all the kissing and sex scenes this episode. I really feel like they've leveled up. All the nose-first kisses and the lipstick smear on the chin yeahhhhhhh 3. I really loved Anueng's acting in the scenes where she was drunk, she was so much more natural than I'm used to, which made the morning after performance feel really extra blatantly like a performance. So I do feel like we now have confirmation that the shtick she does in daylight IS a weird infantilizing mask, and that is kind of intriguing to me. 4. I would love to have gotten more time with Anueng/Yui tbh, and I am so down for a Yui threesome, now and forever. It feels unfair that Yui, the most adorable and confused pawn in the weirdest jealousy battle ever, has to deal with her not-even-girlfriend's homophobic dad's shit without getting to at LEAST eat some Phi pussy 5. Honestly such a wild and enjoyable episode from start to finish. I MISSED THIS CRAZY-ASS SHOW SOOOOOOOO BAD Like ok. So Chet, a man who discovered ~six months ago that he has an adult daughter, has been regularly consulting his ex-fiancee - who is his daughter's lover but he doesn't know that, he only knows she's his daughter's guardian, moreso than his daughter's biomom, who btw was also in love with Daughter's Lover - for parenting advice, and just generally running all his parenting decisions by her first. He discovers that his daughter is "dating" a woman (to make her lover jealous) so he calls Daughter's Lover up and asks her to come join him at an intervention. When Daughter's Lover acts supportive of his daughter and her cute fake girlfriend (...to make daughter jealous back...), he's like wtf, I needed you to tell her being gay is bad, how could you not get that??? You're supposed to help me parent! Go tell her gay is bad!!!! fully believing that she will, fully confounded when she does not. Like my dude, there are some LGBT things happening around you, and your daughter, and your daughter's mother, and your daughter's de facto caretaker... but honestly the cute butch you were forcing the wrong identity labels onto is the least of your concerns. Such a weird show. My life feels fuller now that it's back <3

#blank the series #blank the series s2 #dear diary