#I've hit the one year mark of posting stories in this fandom

[goingxmissing]

2023 fic reader highlights

thanks to mostlymaudlin for putting together this template. i'm going to enjoy rereading all of these over the next few days and using the floating ao3 comment box, which has significantly improved my life, and increased the unhinged nature of my comments.

Fic that made me laugh

Cool Things to Say to Your Soulmate by @powerful-owl & @love-leah • daniel ricciardo/max verstappen • a collection of soulmate AUs (everything em writes is hilarious, and this is full of heartache, miscommunication, and so many fun takes on the soulmate trope. delightful. haven't looked at geese the same way since.)

2. Fic that made me cry

one step closer and i'm real by @officialmood • daniel ricciardo/max verstappen • time travel, alternate universes (this fic is exquisite, every version of daniel that max meets is distinctly different and broke my heart in a multitude of ways. made my heart twist in the best way.)

3. Fic that gave me a story hangover

all this happened, more or less by multi21 • charles leclerc/max verstappen • social media, canon divergence (so much fun and so inspired! charles is a secret singer-songwriter, told through social media posts and devastating lyrics, le castellet is in my head at any given moment. went with this for story hangover because i thought about it for Days afterwards and then charles literally put his music on spotify. drop the escalier des fleurs content charles!!)

4. Fic I want to discuss book club style

playboy in the grotto by @freeuselandonorris • lando norris/oscar piastri • watersports (the pinnacle of horny romance: gross, filthy, desperate, fond. had to pause reading several times to rant about my favourite bits. need a book club to discuss the wider cinematic universe where they explore more kinks in the most tender way.)

5. Fic that got me a lil flustered

the fire is slowly dying by @strawberry-daiquiris • oscar piastri/mark webber • age difference, mentor/protégé (this is one of the most unhinged fics i've ever had the pleasure of enjoying. oscar is a total menace. scenes in this fic will stay with me Forever. i urge anyone to take a chance on the pairing if you're intrigued and FEAST.)

6. Fic by one of my favourite authors

jump right in by @strawberry-daiquiris • lando norris/oscar piastri • rule 63 (imagine your fiancée muses, 'what if lando was a girl and she'd never had an orgasm?' one day and then a couple of months later she's still working on a 100k+ masterpiece following the 2023 season where a third of the grid are women? i'm the luckiest. this fic is everything and i'm going to be LOST without it when it's finished.)

7. Fic I reread more than once

screen glows in a dark room by @hollywoodsargeant • oscar piastri/logan sargeant • phone sex, sex toys (steaming hot phone sex, not a single word wasted. the first fic i read for this pairing and i keep coming back to it and also the whole apex predator series. HIGHLY recommend checking these out for the Dynamics.)

8. Fic I sent to everyone I know

side by side in orbit by @glasscushion • lando norris/oscar piastri, max fewtrell/lando norris • cuckolding, voyeurism, open relationships (the concept is rancid and the vibes are UNMATCHED. this was delicious. as i said in my comment: when max feels spit pool beneath his tongue, when he forgets to breathe because he's so into what's happening in front of him. i felt that!!!!! immediate rec.)

9. Fic that made me fall in love with an author

i'll kiss you first by venerat • lando norris/oscar piastri • a/b/o (my first fic for this pairing, i read it on a Very Early train and my brain never recovered. you might be able to tell from my tumblr. me reading this fic over and over like: 😅. still can't see the word 'ripe' and not think about lando being a grotty omega. every fic by venerat is an absolute BANGER. hit that subscribe button, my friends!!)

thank you to all of the wonderful authors and creators who have shared their work in fandom this year. 2023 has been a feast <3

#fic rec #i tried to do this post without commentary but it was impossible #blanket rec for all fics by the authors mentioned #i only wish there had been more spaces but it was such a delight to use the prompts to really think about fics that fit #i've read basically no books and A Lot of fic this year sooooo #can't wait to lose my mind rereading all these!!!! #maxiel #max/daniel #lestappen #max/charles #landoscar #oscar/lando #loscar #logan/oscar #oscarmark #nortrell #fic #ao3 #about me

[ladamedusoif]

Visiting - Chapter 8: Sister Winter

(Moodboard by the wonderful @cutesyscreenname)

Pairing: Professor!Ben (College AU) x OFC Lydia/fem!Reader (reader POV/2nd POV)

Summary: Seeking a change of scenery after her life falls apart, Lydia crosses the Atlantic and arrives in a small New England town, to spend a year expanding her intellectual horizons as a visiting professor of art history at a small liberal arts college. Her growing friendship with Ben Morales, professor of Hispanic literature, forces Lydia to confront the fallout from her past - and raises unexpected questions about the future.

Chapter summary: The morning after brings complicated feelings as Ben and Lydia return to their respective families for the holiday season.

Word Count: 7.7k

Rating: Explicit (MDNI; 18+)

Content (chapter specific): Professor Ben College AU; smaller-than-usual-for-this-fandom age gap (Lydia is 42, and Ben is 47); canon is not a thing here; slow burn; idiots-to-lovers; references to PiV sex; strong language; alcohol consumption; weight and body insecurity; serious self-esteem issues; references to panic attacks and anxiety disorders; references to the holidays; both Ben and Lydia come from families that mark Christmas; angst central.

A/N: The title of this chapter is inspired by Sufjan Stevens' eponymous song, which is one of my go-to Melancholy Winter Tracks. And yes, it was really weird writing Christmas in July.

I'm so grateful for all the love I've had for this story and for this pair. Every comment and reblog and ask is a little lift to my soul!

This chapter introduces Lydia and Ben's extended families. In addition to their chosen and found families, both in work and in their friendship groups, this pair are from closely-knit families of origin - though of course, that brings with it its own challenges.

Further A/N after the chapter to avoid spoilers.

See the Series Masterlist for an outline of Lydia's story and background.

Cross-posting to AO3.

Chapter 7 - Chapter 9

@lunapascal and @julesonrecord - thank you for cheering me on and offering wise and practical advice with this difficult chapter. @tessa-quayle - I am always so touched by your enthusiasm for these idiot dorksicles (a term I am appropriating from Jules).

Taglist:

@lunapascal, @julesonrecord, @cutesyscreenname, @tessa-quayle, @vermillionwinter, @iamskyereads, @tieronecrush, @perennialdoll247, @love-the-abyss, @imaswellkid, @intheorangebedroom, @javierisms, @fuckyeahdindjarin, @littlemisspascal, @khindahra, @pedrostories, @readingiskeepingmegoing, @ruebyretro, @rhoorl

Ben is a deep sleeper - or maybe he was just completely worn out after your exploits that night. 

Either way, he doesn’t even move a muscle as you shift towards the edge of the mattress, fumbling your way out of bed and carefully tip-toeing across the floor, gathering your underwear and dress as you come across them on the floor.

The panic hit you when you woke around 5am, eyes flicking open suddenly in the dark stillness of Ben’s bedroom. The only sound was his soft, steady breathing, interspersed with the occasional tiny snore. In slumber, he somehow appeared even more handsome, more beautiful, snugly nestled into his pillow and hair sticking up at all angles. Fragments of light peeked around the edges of the blinds, picking out some of his features.

Whereas a couple of hours before his lovely face had felt like a comfort, in the wee small hours of the morning it triggered doubt. Your brain promptly forgot everything he had said about how beautiful he thought you were, how much he’d wanted you. Instead, it struck up a familiar, repetitive chorus.

He couldn’t really want you. He’s so gorgeous. You don’t deserve him. He’s sexy and kind and good and you’re a mess. Even if he thinks he wants you now, eventually he’ll realise he’s made a mistake. 

In the light of day, you might have been able to muster the little tricks you’d learned in therapy to quiet the voice of your inner bully. In the early hours, vulnerable and anxious in Ben’s bed, the chorus simply grew more insistent. 

So you carefully get out of bed and pick up your clothes. You pad out of the bedroom and find the bathroom, hoping that a splash of cold water might reset your thinking. 

Instead, the sight of yourself in the mirror just serves as further evidence for the case against you. Your makeup is smudged, settling into every line and wrinkle. You look jowly and heavy: matronly, even, and certainly not worthy of the handsome, good man whose bed you’d shared. 

You feel the defences around your heart building themselves back up again. 

You shouldn’t have let them down in the first place.

Still, you seem to want to somehow change your own mind. You tip-toe back across the hallway and peer around the door into the bedroom, as if maybe seeing Ben might quell the panic that’s beating a frantic, jolting rhythm in your chest. 

He’s still in the same position, his back to you as you stand at the door. There’s not a lot of him that’s visible, save for the tufts of messy hair and the outline of his broad form under the comforter. 

The panic eases momentarily as you feel a surge of affection and want. For an instant, you allow yourself to remember how good it felt to make love with him, to laugh and kiss and hold and touch and fuck together.

You have to leave in a few months. It would have to end one way or another. You couldn’t face that. You couldn’t go through the pain. And what if you hurt him, too? Better to get out now.

You return to the bathroom to dress quickly and quietly. In the semi-darkness, you pad down the stairs and retrieve your shoes, bag, and coat from the hallway. 

What the fuck are you doing?

“I’m getting out before he has the chance to reject me. Before we get too deep. Before I have to go home. Before it has to end. Before I hurt him.” 

Before I fuck it up, like I always do. I always ruin everything.

You remember from Thanksgiving that there’s a little notepad in the kitchen, for shopping lists and reminders. You think for a few moments before writing a note to Ben, folding it over and affixing it to the front of his fridge with a magnet. 

You know this is going to hurt him.

“Better than really hurting him further down the line, even if I’d never want to. I don’t deserve him.”

You try to block out the memory of the evening before, urgent declarations of want and your bodies pushed together against the hallway wall, as you quietly open the front door and leave. 

His immediate instinct as he blinks awake and stretches his long arms is to reach for you, to find your soft, warm body and pull you to him for another kiss, another cuddle; another chance to feel you, so wet and tight and perfect, as he sinks back into you.

“Mmmmm. Morning, baby.” Nothing.

Ben sits up and realises he’s on his own. He wanders around the upper floor of his home, calling your name, as if he’ll summon you out of the ether by repeating it.

He moves down the stairs and into the hallway, now filled with the crisp morning light of midwinter. Still nothing. 

His final hope is that you’re in the kitchen. Maybe you couldn’t sleep. Maybe you were hungry, or thirsty. 

“Lyddie?”

No you. Just a note.

“What the fuck, Lyddie. What the fuck are you doing?”

He leans back against the countertop, staring at the folded piece of paper - at his name, carefully inscribed in your neat, flowing script.

Dear Ben, 

Thank you for last night - it was great, really. I thought it would be easier if I just headed out. I didn’t want to wake you. Safe travels west. Happy holidays. See you soon. - L.

“Fuck.”

The thing that really drove you out of the safe warmth of Ben Morales’ arms and bed and out into the half-light of a December morning, walking home to your empty apartment alone and afraid, wasn’t your fear of fucking up - at least, not really. It was part of it, true, but what tipped the balance was not just fear, but feelings.

You pack the last of your things for the journey home for the holidays and try to ignore that simple fact. You had kept your defences up so sturdily and so dutifully for a long time, until he came along. Until you had to go catching feelings for a man who lived an entire ocean away from you.

You were frightened of fucking up because what you had - the friendship, whatever situation you entered into when he pressed his lips to yours and took you into his bed - meant the world to you. You were scared of hurting him, and of being hurt, because you cared about him so much. 

It was a strange paradox: you had done something that hurt the two of you now, in order to avoid the potential for greater pain further down the line. You’d always had a natural inclination to run from things that scared or overwhelmed you, after all. In your own, tortured logic, it made sense to run from the sheer force of your feelings for Ben. 

As you checked and double-checked the apartment while waiting for your cab to the airport, you remembered David’s words and felt a little guilty. You’d tried, though. You’d tried to let the light in. You just hadn’t expected it to blind you.

You’ve been avoiding your phone, save for sending a message to your family group chat to let them know you were safely en route to the airport. When your mother’s name pops up, you open the message.

MOM: Good woman, Lyd, you’re there good and early! Time to have a nice coffee and a bite to eat. Can’t wait to see you! 

Your mother was always thrilled when you got to the airport ahead of schedule, knowing your propensity for last-minute panic. You had no idea how to explain to her why you were sitting, red-eyed and heartbroken, in an airside coffee shop three whole hours early. 

You still hadn’t opened the two voice notes from Ben. A missed call on the phone, which you spotted after you got through security, then the two notes. Part of you had hoped that if you just ignored them long enough, they’d go away. Typical Lyd.

You take a deep breath and a sip of your enormous festive coffee, topped with whipped cream and sprinkles and reeking of peppermint syrup. You pop in your earbuds and press play.

The sound of his voice is like a knife to the heart. You’d feared anger, but instead Ben sounds like he’s aching.

“Hi, Lyddie - Lydia. I, uh, I got your note. Um. I guess I thought we were on the same page, about… about last night. Maybe not. Sorry if I got the wrong idea. I… anyway. I guess you’re on your way home now, or about to be. I’ll, um - I’ll talk to you. Happy holidays. Safe travels.”

It’s all you can do not to run out of that airport and hop into a cab back to his place, to hold him, to tell him how sorry you are, to beg him to forgive you for being a fucking idiot.

You’ve fucked it up. Told you you would.

You press play on the second voice note. His voice, still cracking a little, sounds stronger, steadier, more determined.

“Hi, just wanted to say - I don’t regret it. I don’t regret that we spent the night together. I’ll never regret that, no matter what. It meant something to me. I don’t want you to regret it, Lyd. Please.”

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you press ‘call’. He doesn’t answer. 

Ben listens to your voice note again while he’s sitting in the departures lounge, a day after you’d passed through. He hasn’t slept very much in the last day and a half. This morning, when he was washing his face and trimming his beard and moustache, he was sure he’d aged a decade in the space of less than 48 hours. The delay to his flight gives him plenty of time to nurse an enormous black coffee, though he wishes it was something even stronger.

“Hi. I’m at the airport. I tried calling, but - I guess you’re busy. Or maybe you just don’t want to talk. I understand why you - listen, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, I don’t know what - I can explain, it’s just - it’s hard not being able to do that face to face. I promise, I can explain. I can. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Ben.”

Your voice catches at that point in the voice note, and he can hear you trying not to completely break down. It breaks his heart every time he listens to the message.

“I guess I will see you in the new year, then? I promise I’ll explain then. Safe travels west. Okay, then. Bye.”

Jet lag is a bitch. But you summon the strength and focus to slip in your earbuds in the privacy of your childhood bedroom at home, and press play on the next voice note he sent you. 

You might be imagining it, but his tone is softer. He still sounds hurt, but calmer, somehow. 

“Hey there. I’m just about to fly out. I got your message and - yeah. Probably best to see how things are in January. Maybe it’ll be good to have some space, clear our heads. Anyway.” He pauses, his voice quieter. “It’s good to hear your voice, Lyd.”

Oh, fuck. He wants space. Fuck. That’s not good. 

You take three attempts at your response before you manage to record a coherent message. 

“Hey. I hope the flights are okay, and that you get there safely. Yeah - um, yeah. Space, clear our heads. So, guess I’ll give you your space, until I see you and can explain. And it’s so good to hear your voice, too.”

You press send, your eyes glancing over the little round picture of Ben at the top of the screen. You say the words you’d left unsaid at the end of your message. 

“God, I miss you, darling.”

TJ Morales waits inside the arrivals hall at San Francisco International with his twelve year old twin sons, Dylan and Carlos. There’s only eighteen months between TJ - Thomas Juan, to give him his full name - and his older brother, and despite living on opposite sides of the country for a decade, they’re very close. It’s become an annual tradition, when Ben returns for the holidays, for TJ and the boys to pick him up.

This year, the three are decked out in an array of Star Wars-themed Christmas shirts to welcome Ben home: Dylan’s printed with a pattern of C3PO in a Santa hat, Carlos wearing a shirt emblazoned with Chewbacca wrapped in fairy lights, and their father wearing a pattern rather sweetly titled ‘We Wish You A Merry Sithmas’.

The running joke in the family was that TJ was the ‘cool brother’, a title he’d given himself when they were in middle school, much to the amusement of their parents. In many ways, that dynamic held fast to the present day. TJ, with his laidback personality, his long dark locks and neat beard, his array of plaid shirts, band T-shirts, and casual hoodies, still seemed to embody West Coast cool in a way that his more serious, anxious brother didn’t. His job certainly helped - a sound engineer for a video game studio, the kind of job both boys could have only dreamed of as they hid their shared Game Boy from their younger sister, Teresa.

Even so, as Ana Morales liked to remind people when she spoke about her sons, when she’d asked a three year old TJ what he wanted to be when he grew up, his answer was clear: “I wanna be like Ben.”

The sliding doors open and passengers begin to stream out, excitedly greeted by their families and friends. The two boys keep watch at the barrier, their dark curls bobbing up and down as they compete to spot their beloved tío first.

“Tío Ben!!” 

Carlos wins this year, waving frantically to his uncle as he pushes his luggage trolley through the doors.

Ben grins widely as he wraps an arm around each of his nephews, ruffling their hair as they show off their new holiday shirts. TJ throws his arms around his big brother, embracing him tightly. “Welcome home, hermano. We missed you.”

As he pulls away, TJ notices how tired Ben looks. His smile, genuine as it is, doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“You okay, Ben?” he asks in a low voice as they follow the boys out of the terminal and in the direction of the parking lot.

Ben nods, putting his arm around his brother as they walk. “I’m okay. Just tired. It’s been a long semester. I’m so glad to be home with you guys - it’s been forever.”

“Can I ask you something, Lyd?”

Your younger - only - sibling, Kate, is bouncing her one year old daughter Evie on her lap while Cora, her older girl, dances around the room and sings along to Encanto.

“We don’t talk about Bru- sure, of course. What’s up?”

“Are you alright? You’re normally full of energy when you’re home for the holidays and you just seem - I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like someone’s turned down your brightness.”

You haven’t said anything to Kate about Ben - well, nothing more than acknowledging him as part of the wider group of friends you’d established at Barrow. You certainly haven’t told her about your growing closeness, or what had happened, or - god forbid - your feelings for him.

It wasn’t that you two weren’t close enough for sharing that kind of confidence. You’d been brought even closer together since your ex-partner had cheated and left. You just felt like if you actually articulated the words, it would make it too real. Too much. Too fragile, too likely to disappear like every other crush or love affair you’d ever had.

“I’m just tired, I think. It was a lot in a few months - moving there, adjusting to a new environment, meeting all those new people, doing new classes. You know I’m always wrecked at the end of the semester.”

Kate raises an eyebrow sceptically while Evie chews on a giraffe-shaped teething toy. “There’s something off.”

You exhale, frustrated. “I’m fine.”

“Did you meet someone?”

Your eyes widen. How the FUCK does she know?

“I don’t know what the hell you’re on about. What gives you that idea?”

“You were happy when we’d talk and FaceTime. You were always so excited going out with your new friends. And now you’re back here you’re tired and gloomy. It just makes me wonder, you know - was there more than intellectual stimulation going on over there. If you know what I mean.”

You roll your eyes. “Jesus, Kate.”

“They’re working you too hard, Benjamin. Doesn’t your poor brother look tired, Thomas?”

TJ exhales and takes a sip of his coffee. He was used to the annual routine - their mother fussing over Ben like he’d been thoroughly neglected since the last time he was home. 

“I asked him earlier and he said he was fine. Didn’t you, B?”

Ben nods. “I’m fine, mom.”

Ana Morales does not seem convinced. “Well, you’ve got a couple of weeks now to rest up. We’ll take care of you.”

TJ shoots a look at the twins, who giggle conspiratorially.

The door into the kitchen opens and Lucy, TJ’s wife, staggers in carrying a precarious stack of lilac-coloured cake boxes printed with the logo for Pun in the Oven, her bakery and coffee shop in the city. Ben and TJ immediately stand up to relieve her of the burden, placing the boxes on the kitchen table as Lucy - or as she’s more usually called, Luce - wipes her brow and grins in the direction of her brother-in-law.

“BENJAMIIIIIIIIN!” She grabs Ben and pulls him in for a hug, smiling widely. “Missed you, man!”

Ben smiles softly at her in turn. “You look great, Luce. Any new tattoos since I saw you last?”

Luce arches an eyebrow and holds out her left hand, revealing a simple outline of a heart in purple ink in the space between her index finger and thumb. 

“Hope you don’t mind, dude. Took some inspiration from your bullseye for this one, just because I always thought the placement was cool.”

Ben spreads the fingers on his left hand, flexing his thumb slightly as he looks at the small bullseye tattoo he had done during his junior year abroad. 

“I’m honoured. Any chance your husband might get a matching one, eh?” 

Luce giggles and wraps an arm around TJ. “You know he hates needles. He got our initials done, that was enough for me. He was so brave.” She plants a kiss to TJ’s cheek, triggering dry-heaving noises from their sons.

Ana surveys the stack of cake boxes on her table. “You didn’t need to, Luce. This is far too much.”

Luce shakes her head and holds up her hands. “Nonsense. Just a couple of the leftovers from today and a few extra batches of the holiday specials I threw in this morning. Plus, for the homecoming…”

She lifts the lid on one of the boxes and pushes it in Ben’s direction.

“Coffee and walnut - your favourite.”

Ben’s eyes light up and he hugs his sister-in-law. “This is the best gift I could ask for. Thanks, Luce.”

“Don’t you think he looks tired, Luce? He needs to rest, poor boy.” Ana tilts her head at Ben, who is already searching for a knife to cut a slice of the cake.

Luce does think Ben looks tired, but there’s something else that’s just not quite right. A sadness, somewhere, or a resurgence of his anxiety. You can see it in his eyes. Maybe her husband knows more.

“We’ll look after him.” 

There’s always been something special about Christmas Eve. As a child it was the anticipation and excitement for the day to come, desperate to go to bed but too excited to sleep. As an adult, drafted in to help prep the food for the next day’s dinner, you peeled potatoes, sliced carrots, and monitored the turkey slowly cooking in the oven while listening to carols and Christmas songs on the radio. 

More than that, there was something in the air - maybe not ‘magic’, contrary to the message pushed in every TV ad since November. But possibility: of transformation, of newness, of togetherness, whether with blood family, found family, or whatever community you chose for yourself.

Or, just maybe, you’d completely internalised A Christmas Carol. Never mind Charles Dickens, that was mostly the Muppets’ fault.

The arrival of your little nieces in recent years has brought back some of the old traditions from your own childhood. You’d been followed around for most of the day by Cora, who had turned three a few months before.

“How does Santa bring all the things, Auntie Lyd?”

You smile and continue peeling potatoes. “I think he has some magic that lets him have a really big sleigh that just carries all the toys for everyone.”

“But then it’s too big and won’t fly.”

“No, it will. Because it’s magic.”

“But then he has’ta come down the chimley.” She gazes up at you, narrowing her eyes. “Should just use the magic to put the presents down.”

You’re stuck there. Thankfully, your brother-in-law Marc arrives in search of another slice of cake, and you palm her off on her daddy. 

With Cora and Evie safely in bed and asleep, you and your parents help your sister and her husband set up the living room, carefully setting out the Santa gifts and filling the little stockings embroidered with each girl’s name. 

Marc takes a careful bite out of the slice of cake and drains the glass of port left at the fireplace. “I don’t know how he isn’t absolutely rat-arsed, with all the port and whiskey and that being left out for him. No wonder he’s falling down chimneys.”

With your parents gone to bed, and Marc watching Die Hard on a random movie channel, you and your sister unwind for a bit with tea and Christmas cookies. She eyes you up, as if steeling herself to make a confession. Or, as it turns out, to encourage you to make one.

“So, who is he?” Kate poses the question at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around her gigantic Christmas mug of tea.

You put down your own mug and sigh.

One of Cora’s favourite questions about Santa Claus is how he does it all in one night. Apart from magic, which even at three she seems sceptical about, you tend to cite time zones as an explanation.

After all, how else could Cora and Evie be already starting to wake up to their gifts on one side of the world, while Santa hasn’t yet visited the extended Morales clan on the other?

With Luce and TJ hosting Christmas this year, they extended an invitation to Ben and Ana to stay with them on Christmas Eve. In truth, they hoped being roped in for an 80s Christmas movie marathon with his nephews would help distract Ben a little. Maybe even get him in the holiday mood. 

By 11pm, Lucy has finished the prep for tomorrow’s meal and is shooing her sons to their beds. Their grandmother retired a couple of hours before to the guest bedroom, carrying a dog-eared copy of A Christmas Carol - she likes to read the last couple of chapters every Christmas Eve, even if Tiny Tim always makes her cry.

“I’m going to head up, babe - don’t stay up too late. You have all the stuff for the sofa bed, Ben?”

Ben turns to acknowledge his sister-in-law, nodding. “All here. Thanks, Luce, it’s really nice spending Christmas Eve with you guys.”

She smiles warmly. “It’s our pleasure. Teej, I’ll see you in a bit? G’night, Ben. Merry Christmas.”

The Morales boys are sitting on TJ’s couch, each drinking a beer while Scrooged plays, quietly, on the TV. 

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” TJ runs a finger along the condensation on his bottle of beer, sleeves rolled up on his blue flannel. 

Ben fiddles with the cuff of his own, pine-green checked shirt. “As in…?”

His younger brother fixes him with a glare.

“As in what - or should I say, who’s - on your mind?”

“He’s called Ben. He’s a literature professor at Barrow.”

“Her name is Lyddie - I mean, Lydia. She’s a visiting professor. I’m sure I’ve mentioned her?”

“I met him on the very first day. He was my - what did he call himself? - my ‘welcome wagon’.”

“We went to dinner, as we normally do with the visiting people. And we just…man. Clicked. As friends.” 

“I mean, I made a Big Night reference and he got it? Honestly, I hadn’t had such a good time in…I can’t remember. I told him about what happened - the shit hitting the fan, and all that.”

“I guess we just started hanging out. Having coffee, talking - just friendly stuff, you know? She was new, we had a lot in common. I - I liked having her around.”

“He was so sweet to me when I was settling in. Like, I have made some really good friends over there. But sometimes he’d bring me coffee in the afternoon, and - I dunno, I started to look forward to it.”

“She’s unbelievably smart, TJ. Doesn’t think it. Always puts herself down. Same as when you try to tell her she’s pretty. But she’s so fucking bright, I swear to god. And she has the best taste in movies and music. And she is pretty. More than pretty.”

“And he’s so kind and giving. He’s running this whole diversity programme to try to make Barrow less white and wealthy and he’s had so much shit about it from fucking dickheads who think Ben’s not as good as them because he’s Latino and because his parents had to fucking work hard for a living. Assholes. All that and he’s really goddamn handsome.”

“And she’s a bit of a firecracker when she wants to be. You know that culture war idiot Lacroix? She just went for him at the away day because he was giving me shit.”

“He’s so fucking funny. The biggest dork you’ve ever seen. Actually did a ‘reeling you in’ dance at my birthday drinks to get me on the dancefloor. Once, he laughed so hard in my office that his glasses flew off his face. Hanging out with him is - was - so great.”

“She’s got this knack of knowing how to lift my spirits. I said to her one day that I’ve never laughed as much in work before - I meant before her.”

“I was the only person to get who he’d dressed up as for Halloween. That was a fun night - at Evan’s. You know Evan. You’re mutuals with Evan on Instagram, right? We were a little bit merry. Well, a lot merry. It sounds so fucking dumb but we touched and I swear I could feel electricity going off in my brain, and I…I hadn’t experienced that in years. Years.”

“Had her on my lap on the ride home from Evan’s. I put it down to being a bit drunk on Spooky Margs but honestly, I didn’t want to let her go when we got to her place. I’ll explain the Spooky Marg another time, man, you do not want to know.”

“We do - did - a lot of movie nerding out together. Did I show you the gifts he got me for my birthday? And the card? He got me a Hitchhiker’s Guide card. Y’know, because -”

“42. The answer to the ultimate question. She’s 42. I don’t think I said that to you. I guess I should have known there was something there the day I ordered that card, huh.”

“I knew there was something there on my birthday, for sure. And dancing with him, to that song - fuck. For a couple of minutes I just let myself pretend, you know? But he never did anything more, not that night.”

“I wasn’t drinking when we went out for her birthday, but she was. So I didn’t want to make a move, in case she wasn’t interested and felt I was trying to take advantage. But I wish I had.”

“He ended up alone in Barrow for Thanksgiving, so he invited me to come over. I’m sure I told you about this? The parade, the movie? Well, it was - it was really nice. God, that’s such a shit way of explaining it. It was just -”

“Mom did a video call, remember? And she saw her and she was all nice as pie and then she was giving me shit about whether Lydia was my girlfriend, and why wasn’t she my girlfriend because she was so pretty and so funny, and - god. You know what she’s like.”

“And all day I kept thinking ‘I wish I could tell you how I feel’, and then I’d remember I was just fucking visiting. I’m temporary. It’s temporary, by default. And he couldn’t want someone like me. And you know I can’t go through that hurt again. You know, Kate. You saw me at my lowest.”

“I did think about asking her out that evening, TJ. I did. But she’d said some stuff about being ‘good friends’ or something, and I just thought it was safer not to. I didn’t want to ruin what we already had. You know? She probably wasn’t interested, that’s what I thought.”

“I went to give him a kiss on the cheek to say thank you.”

“I turned to meet her. I wanted it, wanted to kiss her.”

“And we kissed, accidentally. For a couple of seconds. At least, I thought it was accidental. Don’t look at me like that, it wasn’t long.”

“I wasn’t brave enough to kiss her like she ought to be kissed. She panicked and I thought she didn’t want it.”

“I should have kept kissing him.”

“We didn’t see each other for a couple of weeks, between conferences and travel. And fuck it, I missed her.”

“We messaged all the time and I still missed him. We didn’t talk about Thanksgiving. Not until - well.”

“So I told her I meant it. Meant to kiss her.”

“I don’t know what it is but tying a man’s tie is so intimate and so hot and - yep. We kissed properly.”

“We ended up back at my place the night before she went home.”

“We…we were together, the night before I came back over here.”

“I’m not being ‘coy’, TJ. I - okay, we slept together. Happy now?”

“Yes, okay, yes, we slept together that night, at his place.”

“And I asked her to stay. I wanted her to stay over. I was ready to drive her home and get her stuff. I would have gone to the fucking airport with her. Anything.”

“I woke up in the early hours and I just - fuck. I just lost it. I flipped. All the dark shit just came roaring back up.”

“She left a note. I couldn’t believe it.”

“The sex was not bad, fuck off! I can’t believe I’m about to say these words to my baby sister but - best sex I’ve ever had. Four times. Four fucking times.”

“I know I’m blushing, dude. It was really, really fucking good. Really good.”

“Who am I, Kate? A fucking cliché? I left him a fucking note? All because I couldn’t handle having real fucking feelings, because I knew I’d fuck it up. Like I always do. And oh look - SHE FUCKED IT UP. Again.”

“I really thought we were on the same page, you know?”

“He left me a voice note. Here, listen.”

“I tried calling her, but she was already at the airport.”

“I called him back. No answer.”

“I don’t think I would have been able to speak to her. She left me a voice note, too.”

“It would be easier to explain in person, right? Wouldn’t it?” 

“Maybe we needed the space and time apart, anyway. Especially if she regrets it.”

“He said we could do with the space. He said he hopes I don’t regret it. How could I ever regret that, with him? I’ve fucked it up, Kate. I know it would have been pointless anyway with the temporary visiting stupid situation, but - still. I ruined everything.”

Kate reaches over to pat the back of your hand, her festive, red and green manicure glittering as the light bounces off her nails.

“You probably didn’t, love. You always think you did. Can I - can I see a picture of him, if you have one? Want to see this nerdy sex god for myself.”

You open your phone and swipe through your pictures, finding one you’d taken of Ben on Thanksgiving. He’s holding his plate stacked with blueberry pancakes, smiling and bespectacled on the couch as you watch the Macy’s parade.

“Here he is.”

Kate studies the image carefully, eyebrows raised. She zooms in and out a couple of times.

“Well, hello, gorgeous! He’s handsome. Really handsome. Look at that smile, whew. And those eyes!” She zooms in and out again. 

“May I remind you that you are a married mother of two?”

“I can look and appreciate, can’t I?” She swats the air as if brushing your comment away.  “Fuck, it’s like someone engineered him in a lab for you. He even kinda looks like a mature version of those imaginary boyfriends you used to draw in your diary when you were thirteen.”

“He is fucking handsome, isn’t he? He’s so - wait, what? How did you know about those?”

Your sister rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Bitch, I read that thing cover to cover. You were so dramatic. Still are. You got any of the two of you together?”

You open your photos and pull up the photos Ani took of you and Ben dancing the night of your birthday drinks. “These are probably the best.”

Kate’s expression changes when she swipes through the set of pictures, zooming in every so often to look at your and Ben’s expressions more carefully. She looks up at you, hands you back the phone, and looks like she might cry.

“You okay?”

“Fucking hell, Lyd, you’ve got it bad. Both of you - I mean, look at the two of you! I know they’re just pictures but on top of everything you’ve said? I don’t think he’s just got a ‘thing’ for you, I think he’s really into you.” She chews on a cookie. “Remind me what you said in the note again.”

You recount the contents of the missive. 

“It’s just… you clearly have serious feelings for him. You’ve told me all these things about this wonderful guy. You told me it was the best sex you’ve ever had. And then you say ‘it was great’ to him in a shitty note?! I can understand why he’s pissed off.”

“I screwed this up, didn’t I?”

Kate throws her head back in frustration. “Still dramatic. You screwed it up a bit, but - surely he’s not that much of an asshole that he wouldn’t hear you out?” She drains the last of her tea from the mug. “Admittedly if it wasn’t Christmas, I’d be putting you on a flight to San Fran. However - talk when you get back. Explain face to face. Don’t assume the worst. I don’t think he can turn off his feelings that easily.”

“You don’t know that she regrets it. You don’t even know why she left without saying goodbye. You said she’d had some rough shit in the last couple of years. She said the night together was great in the note, didn’t she? And she’s been in touch, so… I dunno, man. I wouldn’t write her off.”

TJ takes the last swig from his bottle of beer and slaps his brother on the thigh.

“Can I see a photo of this Lydia, then?”

Ben sighs and digs around in his jeans pocket for his phone. He chooses the one he’d taken of you on Thanksgiving, sitting in the diner with your grilled cheese sandwich and basket of fries. You’re still wearing your glasses after the movie, smiling at him in your thick cable-knit sweater.

“That’s Lyddie - I mean, Lydia on Thanksgiving. She made that sweater herself, you know. She’s a talented woman.”

TJ smiles as he studies your features, zooming in a little on your bright, happy face.

“She’s a pretty woman, too. Beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes - kind-looking, and you just know she’s smart and funny as hell.” He turns to his older brother, wrapping an arm around his broad shoulders. “Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.” 

Ben smiles and huffs a laugh at the reference. “Quoting The Way We Were at me? Hi, Mom.”

“Hey, Ana Morales has good taste in movies! Remember the VHS copy she always used to put on and cry at?”

Ben smiles at the memory. He turns to TJ, eyes full of emotion - worry, sadness, and affection. For his little brother, of course - but for you, too.

“I mean it, Ben. She is lovely. She sounds lovely - disappearing act aside, of course. And the way she’s looking at you in that picture - fuck, man. You can just see how much she likes you. You’ve every right to be hurt and angry, but - maybe don’t give up on her. You’re both too fucking old to let a chance like this slide, bro. Don’t let her go.”

Christmas Day is a chaotic whirlwind of overexcited nieces, a family dinner delivered like a military operation, and fighting over what to watch on TV. Same as it ever was. 

It’s nice. It’s comforting. But you’re impossibly lonely, embrace of a loving (if stress-inducing) family unit aside.

Since you’d cut and run a few days before, the steady stream of communication back and forth between you and Ben had essentially ceased, save for the voice notes. It’s become such second nature to you, the constant contact, and the rupture is all the more brutal as a result.

In the early hours of Christmas morning, lying wide awake in your old bed, you remember that during the Apollo missions to the moon they had a thing called LOS, or Loss of Signal. When orbit took the craft to the dark side of the moon, all communication between Mission Control and the astronauts became impossible for a time. 

LOS was nerve-wracking, particularly in the first attempts at lunar orbit. What if they never re-established contact? What if something happened on the dark side, leaving the crew lost forever while the rest of the world carried on? You have heard the recordings, the hiss of static fraying the nerves of those on the ground awaiting the return of the signal, the sound of a voice spinning through the vastness of space.

You’re in extended LOS, you realise. In spite of yourself, you smile, thinking how in any other circumstances Ben - with his Saturn V model and his Apollo 11 sweatshirt - would love the analogy.

“Did you send him a happy Christmas message yet?”

Kate doesn’t even look at you as she says it, all casual. She’s too busy scraping the remains of the Christmas dinner off the plates before stacking them in the dishwasher.

“The fuck?” Her ability to read your mind is starting to become disturbing. 

She swivels. “Did you send Ben a message wishing him a happy Christmas? If I was you I’d take a nice picture and send it. You look cute in that dress.”

“Do you think he wants a Christmas message from me? I doubt it. He wants space.”

Kate closes the dishwasher and presses the start button.

“I don’t think he knows what he wants, probably. Other than you. I’m sure he wants you, going on the way he looked at you in those pictures.”

You make a whining noise. “That was before.”

“You and your apocalyptic thinking. Unfortunately, Lyd, if you want to fix this you’re going to have to be the one leading the fixing. Start with a message.”

She sidles over to the kitchen counter, where your phone is safely tucked away to avoid doom-scrolling, picking it up and waving it menacingly. 

“If you don’t, I will.”

“FINE. But I’m not sending him a cute selfie, that’s ludicrous.”

You retreat to your room. It takes you a full half-hour to pick a photo and compose a message.

A notification appears at the top of your screen.

KATE: SEND THAT FUCKING MESSAGE

Breathe. Send. Run away.

Ben sneaks another buñuelo from the pile made by his mother earlier that Christmas morning. The sweet, spicy kick of the cinnamon sugar with the fried dough lifts his spirits - as does the sight of his three niblings side by side on the couch, engrossed in a game on Dylan and Carlos’s Nintendo Switch. A twin sits on either side of their youngest cousin, Julia - Jules to all - and helps her manoeuvre the controller and work her way through the game.

Newly-turned seven, and the daughter of Teresa Morales and her Irish husband Pádraig, Jules might be the youngest in the family but is a tiny force of nature. Though he didn’t have favourites among the three, Ben had a special connection with Jules, who routinely mailed him letters and drawings every couple of weeks. He would diligently respond with a hand-written letter, usually enclosing a couple of packs of stickers or a new book for her to read.

“I’M BORED NOW.” Jules hops off the couch and saunters over to her tío Ben, who’s sitting at the table in the dining room off Luce and TJ’s living room. “Can I have a buñuelo?” 

He brushes cinnamon sugar out of his moustache and off his dark red sweater, and looks over at his sister, who rolls her eyes and nods in resignation. “Your mom says yes, so…” He holds out the plate. 

Jules scrunches her nose up in delight as she takes a bite, then cocks her head as she studies her uncle. “I think you might be sad.”

This is a perceptive kid, Ben thinks. 

“I’m okay, Jules. Just a little tired.”

She chews another bite of her snack and shakes her head. “No. I think you’re sad. I can make you happy, though!” She makes a serious face. “Wait here, okay?”

She returns carrying a bundle of brightly-coloured hair clips and what looks suspiciously like a couple of bottles of nail polish. 

“Mama always says she feels happier when she gets her hair done. And has her pretty nails.” 

The little girl perches herself on a chair, sets out her equipment, and gets to work, tongue peeking out as she concentrates on painting Ben’s nails (she adds a glittery topcoat for extra effect) and carefully placing hair clips in his hair. 

“Everyone, tell tío he looks pretty!”

The rest of the extended Morales clan turn to look at Ben. Dylan and Carlos immediately grab their phones to take photos. TJ raises his eyebrows and nods approvingly. 

“That makeover stays put for the rest of the day, Ben.” Teresa is deadly serious, not wanting her little girl to see her handiwork undone. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it. Thank you, Jules. I feel much better.”

You allow yourself a glance at your phone later that evening, a glass of champagne lending you some extra courage.

Still nothing.

You cast a glance at the contents of the little gift box Ben had left for you before leaving Barrow. A beautiful, dark red notebook, subtly personalised with your initials in embossed lettering - and a set of Nouvelle Vague-themed film button badges.

“Stupendous as always, Luce!” 

Ben and TJ carry stacks of empty dinner plates into the kitchen, the family well-fed and content after their Christmas meal of beef and a seemingly endless selection of side dishes. 

Lucy is preparing dessert, which mostly consists of the cakes and cookies left over at Pun in the Oven when they closed for the holiday the day before, served with ice cream and fresh fruit.

“Your mom did a lot of the work, guys. Can’t take all the credit. Hey, TJ, can you carry this cake stand in with you? Thanks, babe.”

She notices that Ben has a somewhat wistful expression on his face as he sorts out the dirty dishes.

“Hey, I just wanted to say - I asked TJ if he knew what was going on with you, and…”

Ben nods and smiles. “He told you.”

“I’m with him, Benjamin. From what you told TJ, I think this is worth fighting for. Or at least, it’s worth giving her a chance to explain properly.” 

He casts his gaze downwards. “You know, when I saw those photos the boys took of my ‘makeover’, the first thing that popped into my mind was ‘I better send these to Lyd’.”

“You miss her.” Luce pats him on the back. “So why don’t you? Send them, I mean.”

Ben turns to her in astonishment. “Seriously? We said we were giving each other space, time… and I’m still not sure what she wants.”

His sister-in-law rolls her eyes. “If you don’t send her a happy holidays message with one of those pictures - I will. And you know I don’t fuck around.”

He stands with one hand on his hip, bringing the other up to cover his face. “I know you don’t. Shit. Okay. I’ll do it. But only so you - or worse, TJ - don’t.”

Luce does a tiny dance for joy as Ben turns to leave. She spots - and recognises - a baby pink no-crease hair clip sticking out of his dark hair at the back of his head.

“JULES, have you been in our room??”

Ben settles himself at the desk in his brother’s home office, where he’d deliberately left his phone all day. He’s still not convinced that Luce is right about sending this, but she’s a woman of her word. 

He holds your gift to him, unopened, in his hands. He unwraps it quickly.

A pair of brightly-coloured socks, patterned with books and pens. And a soft, hand-knitted, merino watchcap in a Prussian blue, with a little tag stitched inside: Hand Knitted by Me.

He didn’t expect your name to be there, waiting for him, when he turned over his phone.

You had chosen a slightly chaotic photo of yourself that your brother-in-law had taken, of Cora bopping you in the face while trying to stick a huge bow on you. It would at least, you hoped, make him smile.

Happy Christmas, Ben. I was injured in a gifting incident earlier today. - L.

He selects a photo of himself showing off his painted nails, his hair festooned with coloured clips, while Jules beams in the background at her handiwork.

Merry Christmas, Lyd. I got a holiday makeover courtesy of Jules. - B.

You each hope that the other will somehow be able to read, in the gaps, the words left invisible:

I’m so sorry.

I don’t know why you did it.

I care so much about you.

I really miss you.

I think about you all the time.

I want you.

(bookshelf divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more; other dividers by @cafekitsune)

Further A/N: TJ's 'Your girl's lovely, Hubbell' is, of course, a reference to The Way We Were.

#visiting fic #visiting masterlist #mr ben snl #mr ben au #mr ben x ofc #mr ben fanfic #professor ben x ofc #professor!ben #professor!ben x ofc #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal #pedrostories #Youtube

[vase-of-lilies]

I just recently hit 500 followers on this blog! I only had about 300 until my blog shit itself last year, but I am so grateful for each and every one of you!

You have to be 18+ to participate.

If you write 250 or more words, please put a "read more" cut

Any fandom can participate!

Send an ask to claim a prompt - If I run out, I will always add more:)

NO pedophilia, incest, bathroom stuff (Scat, piss), or full-on beastiality (hybrid/monsters are fine)

If you do choose to write a darker story, please be sure to list all of the warnings:)

These stories can be anything from fluffy, to dark, angsty, whumpy, bloody, smutty, to even just plain-out humorous.

"Make it stop!"

"I can't breathe. I can't-| can't breathe."

"Please don't hurt me. Please."

"I'll be good. I promise, l'll be good."

"Would it be okay if I held you?"

"Hey, it's over now. You're safe."

"Don't worry. They can't get to you here."

"I've got you."

"Take a deep breath, and count to ten. You have to breathe, okay?"

"Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to tell me, but I'll listen." @nekoannie-chan

"Why do you let others stare at you like that? Do you like the attention? Then, I guess you wouldn't mind if I did this."

"You think you're some sort of saint, but you're not. You call me sick, but you're the real monster.

"You enjoy what I do to you."

"I want to mark you in front of everyone."

"I love you so much, you have no idea to what limits I'd go to prove that to you." @nicoline1998enilocin

"Be good for me baby. We wouldn't want to see those tears again."

"Do you think I like hurting you? Because I fucking love it." @emerald-evans

"It's okay to love me, please love me." @buckys-wintersoldier

"I want to tell you I love you until my throat bleeds."

"This is why I fell in love with you. This is why I'm obsessed with you."

I hope you enjoy this challenge!! When you are done, tag me in the work add the tag #mays500challenge, and post away! The day that I will make the masterlist of posts will be February 14th (my birthday!), and if you need more time feel free to ask:) I know Kinktober is happening, so I don't want to overwhelm you!

Enjoy!!

Tagging a few people who might be interested:)

@the-queen-of-hell-666 @navybrat817 @jobean12-blog @bucksangel @bunplushyy @scarlettwlw @emerald-evans @milknhonies @sgt-seabass @cherienymphe @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @fandoms-writings @breakablebarnes @thebluemage @emerald-evans @babyjakes

Thank you!!

#mays500challenge #writing challenge #Mays 500 follower celebration #vase-of-lilies follower celebration

[amtrak12]

ATTENTION ALL BERING AND WELLS FANS.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get my fanfic But You're Friction to 10,000 total hits on AO3. (link above)

Why? Because I'm in the process of writing a very long Lucifer fic and given both the larger fandom size and the longer length of the story, that fic is swiftly on its way to hitting 10k hits which would be my very first time ever hitting that milestone. And as awesome as that is (it is very awesome!!), I kind of like the idea of one of my Bering and Wells fics hitting 10k first, and But You're Friction is soooooo close!!!

^Screenshot of my stats graph on AO3. But You're Friction is on the left with 9,964 hits. (It was actually at 9,959 hits for several months but I just had a guest click through and read the whole fic yesterday so it went up!) My Lucifer fic, Can We Keep Her, is the bar on the right and it's currently sitting at 8,833 hits and closing fast. I was getting about 700 hits per chapter, but this latest update has already netted me 900. Which means my very next update could cross over the edge.

Am I proud of my Lucifer fic? Absolutely. Do I think it's better written than my Bering and Wells stuff? Yes, obviously. I've learned a shit ton in the last decade of writing. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!

Getting But You're Friction across the 10k mark first is about the nostalgia. It's about the pride. It's about every small fandom -- but especially OUR little small fandom -- proving that we work harder than anyone else!!

This Bering and Wells fic is a high school AU with smut that I swear I wrote in a fever dream because it only took me like a week to draft with no planning and no plotting. I refuse to reread it because of said smut scenes, but I remember feeling very proud of it at the time and the response was extremely positive so I feel like the quality could hold up.

It is 5 chapters and 20,000 words long so I either need 8 people to click through the entire fic or 36 individuals to click on the story link to get us to 10k hits. You are under no obligation to read or comment on the fic. I literally just want my best received Bering and Wells fic to be the first of my fics to hit 10,000. lol

Also June 2023 was the ten year anniversary of when I posted the fic, so it seems extra fitting to hit 10k hits this year :) We have until October 20th (my next Lucifer update) to do this. So let's go nerdsbians!! \0/

Thank you for your time! Hope your current blorbos and faves are keeping you well fed on awesome meaty stuff! <3

#Bering and Wells #Myka Bering #Helena Wells #my fic

[hydriotaphia]

2023 Fic Year in Review

Thanks @tinacentury for tagging me!

List of Fics Completed this Year (NSFW marked)

Excluding the WIPs and the non-Bridgerton stuff:

The hollow man (Mature)

On emancipating oneself from the galling yoke of sovereign men

There is richest juice in poison flowers: A Passion in Two Acts (Explicit)

For he confounds hell in elysium (Explicit)

Swollen (Explicit)

Sweet and bitter love (Explicit)

Here the frailest leaves of me (Explicit)

Utterly butterly delicious (Explicit)

The Ballad of Sexual Dependency (Explicit)

An act of contrition (Explicit)

Finding comfort

Eating well

To be young and in love

This is me down on my knees (angst warning)

Every luxury in this house

Number of Words Written

70,417

Your Most Popular Fic

Excluding Farthing, for hits and kudos, it's Swollen. For comments, however, it's This is me down on my knees probs because of the Anthony/Edwina AU chapter, 'my hope was written on sand'.

Your Personal Fave

I'm incapable of picking a single fave so - Malebolge (series) and Swollen. I loved that Malebolge had a small but amazing readership.

You Fav Scene

I largely wrote things that interested me this year and I write scene-based stories so there are a lot of fave scenes. Top ones are:

the Malebolge AU of the Conservatory Ball scene in The Hollow Man where Anthony and Kate meet again after two years and he finally realises how much damage he's done.

the sex scenes for Anthony/Simon/Cressida in Sweet and bitter love. I wanted emotional guts and gore on top of kink.

A Fic or Scene that Challenged You

Oof, hands down The Ballad of Sexual Dependency. Balancing the emotional connections between Kanthony and the sexual connections between Antwina, and still trying to make it believable (in fic logic anyway) and coherent took a bit.

A Line of Writing You’re Proud Of

(Violet warning Anthony away from Kate in Malebolge): "Your father and I shared an exceptional marriage,” she says. “Because we were equals. It is cruel to seed a garden where only weeds may grow."

A Comment that Touched You

I've been very blessed with comments and I re-read them sometimes when I'm stuck or having a bad day. Special shout-out though to @bitchandfake who not only ref'd Stuff The British Stole but also bought kurkure.

Something that Inspired Your Writing

Poetry. Random thoughts. Re-watching s2. Spite.

Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Ahaha, you will get NO singles from me. Finding new friends in the fandom. Loved being the only fic for some tags (come on rare pairs! I need the rest of you to pull your weight :P) and adding a few new kinks to the B'ton banquet. Apparently I also started a bit of an Antwina-issance? Antwina's still the only thing I've had a Tumblr ask about...

Do You Have Any Writing Goals for Next Year?

Finishing my WIPs: Farthing; Malebolge; Femslash Kanthony aka Flower Fic;

Playing with style again.

Tagging @penny-loaf, @smooth-boob, @suspendingtime and anyone else who would like to do this!

#ao3 fic year in review 2023 #writblr

[syntheticmortal]

I got tagged by the lovely @crownedinmarigolds! Thank you so much mate!! I'm absolutely charmed 🥰

Now my rat bastard spouse stole most of my tagging options on their post so to not double-tag I will add:

@skaerdir, @klaciate, @tzimizce and @vamp-orwave!!

If anyone who sees this wants to be an honourary tagee, then go for it XD

For those who don't know - Hi I am Alex! (He/They) and I'm a writer and an English immigrant to the USA!

3 ships: oh mate all of these are OCxOC with @c-n-i-d-a-r-i-a-n

Victor and Gloria – A Nos and his unbound Ghoulfriend. Making your touchstone one of your mission Ghouls is dangerous af but live fast love hard, lads.

Jeff and Lamb – Another of Vic's unbound Ghouls and the Thin Blood Nos that joined the Warren. Disgustingly fucking cute injected into the den of the rejected and disgruntled.

Ventan/Taakur Rig and Rozanin Rig – My and Daz's SWTOR PCs respectively. A Chiss Cipher Agent that ends up having to go hide with his Mandalorian hireling with her Clan and Roz's unrequited love becomes hella requited and suddenly Ventan/Cipher Five-now-Taakur has step kids??

I love it so much.

first ship: Oh god this takes me back to being little. Probably a Sonic one??

Shadow and Rouge if I had to take a guess??

last song: Temptation by Sean Paul! A proper bop

But honestly massive shout out to the second Nostalgia Synthwave mix by Odysseus on youtube

This thing keeps me sane, and has all the songs marked! – that opening one, Realign by Cerulean, can usually just melt my brain into peace whenever I hear it

last film: Snatch – Like VTMB it's a problematic fave that oozes style and characterisation throughout. Watched it as prep for a Setite I'm going to play in a V5 game >:D

currently reading: Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan as part of genre research. Finished The Vampyre recently too! Really I should pick AC up today, I've been working hard on my editing and outlining of my own pieces and neglecting the reading part of the craft for a few weeks >.>;

currently craving: So I'm drinking far less booze to save money whilst I'm out of work trying to get some Proper Writing done. So when I hit a good worthy milestone I'm getting a bottle of whiskey and I am ready.

fav color: Green! Sometimes purple!

relationship status: Maaarriiied to @c-n-i-d-a-r-i-a-n

last google search: I had to double check the spelling of Taakur for the ship section, so it was 'mandoa' :')

and before that I'm pretty use I searched Scryfall last night to go look at MTG cards even though I have no one to play with right now :'D (at least it's saving me money >.>)

current obsessions: Was tempted to add my own work here but I'll tag that on the very end XD

There's a lot of fandoms I don't leave – World of Darkness and Warhammer 40k predominantly as settings I always have another angle I want to see explored in!

I do however have the Magic the Gathering bug, even though I haven't really played in years and years now – but card interaction as a generation for narrative has always kind of captivated me? Like there's a couple big mean Ogre cards that make Rats more dangerous, but due to the way the systems work they also empower the Ratfolk of Kamigawa, the Nezumi, as they count as 'Rat' cards still. So big Ogre spellcasters improving Rat people as part of a contained bit of narrative kind of fascinates me as a concept.

Plus each deck presupposes a Planeswalker character who's casting those spells – and I was always intrigued by that notion and so most of my OCs are representative of decks I played (or wanted to :P) and then in turn each Planeswalker needs a Plane to come from, probably from a still existing culture on that Plane too, and so it can kind of wonderfully reverberate inspiration.

Like how every VTM Kindred OC presupposes a Sire!

BONUS ALEX SECTION

So if you want to get to know me, let me tell you about what writing I'm working on/have made recently.

Out now!

The Mutilation of Finley Reid

A short story of masculine horror, about a young man by the name of Finley who suffers in the pursuit of having his place as a man affirmed by his peers.

The world of Torranham Nights is an anachronistic reflection of England set in the coastal city state of Torranham, drawing from contemporary culture and folklore as well as the legends and reality of the cultures that came before – without being fetishistic about it like a lot of stories will.

Handle It

A short retail horror, about working the cash register of a butcher's counter, and the customer who orders increasing amounts of ground beef...

Inspired by my own work in a same spot, anyone who's done service work should get a kick out of this – plus it's free and only takes 20 minutes to read! XD

On the way!

Defector – name subject to change

A short story of grief, shame, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, and community. On the moon.

A Special Recon mech pilot, “Crash”, from Earth has defected to the Moon rebels, and now lives in Magnolia City, rotting away in her tiny apartment. Then the Provisional Government sends one of its elite commanders, a former enemy of Crash's, to pull her out.

Elhart: Arrival

The first of a short story fantasy anthology about a city of refugees at the edge of time and space, hiding from the end of the multi-planar universe. A super soldier has washed up with a near-fatal headwound and no memory, and she must learn to live in a far more peaceful world than the one her instincts suggest she came from. But who was she? And can she earn the trust of people who fear her potential to kill?

Neon Sun

A novel! Cyberpunk Vampires! If we're mutuals you can come ask about this but I'm not ready to share things too publicly for this one yet, but the outlining has gone beautifully in my opinion, and the worldbuilding is singing.

Speartip

I'm making a TTRPG!! It's a Powered by the Apocalypse engine game, about serving as the primary field agents of a faction of people who need your support and protection. Because if you're going to be a hero, who are you doing it for if not your kin?

Setting agnostic as hell, excluding some implicit need for magic in the class moves – I'm prepping to playtest this in sci-fi and fantasy settings to see how well my mechanics hold up in both swords and firearms based stories. Plus I'm going to explore a variety of perspectives of what the faction can be – from ethnic groups, to gangs, to guilds, to neighbourhoods.

I'm VERY excited about all this!!

#synthetictextpost #syntheticwriting #Spotify #Youtube

[dg-outlaw]

So I finally hit 100k+ words on Ao3!

I know some writers write that many words in their sleep, but it feels like a big checkpoint for me. My first story was posted in August 2023 and now, just over 6 months later, here I am.

This is not the first bit of writing ever for me, but it's fiction writing that has been shared with the world--for better or worse.

Obviously, I have no plans to stop, but I wanted to mark the moment in time, especially as my 40th birthday is banging on my door. Yeah, an old dude on the internet is writing fanfic and I'm enjoying it (and hopefully you are too).

Anyway, check out the latest chapter in 'Getting Lost in the Flames', the last part of a JaySteph fanfic series, now on Ao3.

Thanks to everyone thus far who has read, left kudos and comments, and have generally just been part of this ride with me. Those things mean more than you know.

Big shoutout also to the JaySteph fandom, as it's what got me going on this path and gave me a place to ground myself and have some direction. My house and computer is a graveyard of started projects, notes, outlines, ideas, and good intentions of stories I've wanted to write for years, but for one reason or another I didn't make it happen. If anything, this has proven to me that I can make it happen.

#jason todd #red hood #stephanie brown #batgirl #jaysteph #fanfic writing #my fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #100k words and counting

[zeroducks-2]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

@sproutwings tagged me in this, thanks Sandrine ♥ I'll give it a try!

How many works do you have on AO3? on the Zero_Ducks account, 37 (+1 unrevealed).

What’s your total A03 word count? 393,092

What fandoms do you write for? Only DCU at the moment.

What are your top five fics by kudos? (all of these are Sladick!)

You could be my luck, with 394 Kudos. REALLY? Oh well that's a discovery lol. Dick gets pollened and hides in Slade's safehouse because it's the closest he can get to, hoping Slade isn't home. Slade is in fact right there.

Darling Little Things, with 355 kudos. Also quite the surprise! Omegaverse in which Dick is pregnant with Slade's pup, but hasn't told him out of fear Slade wouldn't want them. Everything goes surprisingly well.

Served Cold, with 338 kudos. This one was expected since it's more than a single chapter and was a pretty anticipated entry of my Sladick series. Slade takes his revenge on a hit that Dick ruined.

lie in your bed the way you made it, with 327 kudos. LMAO. I love this fic. It has to be one of the filthiest I've ever written. A pwp in which Dick took a blow intended for one of Slade's marks, and not wanting him to die, Slade has to take care of his sorry ass.

Slade's lucky day, with 301 kudos. My very first Sladick fanfic! Slade is on a mission in Montenegro, and Dick is too. They end up accidentally and less accidentally helping each other, with some strings attached.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Always. Fandom remains stagnant without interaction, and that's on writers too, not just on readers. Also if I post a fic (which doesn't happen often compared to how many fics I write) is because I want to talk about it with other people!

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Among those I posted on AO3, probably Losing Game. It's an Eobarryiris fic, and I imagined a potential way it could go well but it ends on a very angsty note (it's a timeloop situation in which they have no idea how to break it, and one of them keeps dying in every cycle so they keep resetting it because they can't let him go).

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? It has to be Darling Little Things, it ends on a very fluffy note.

Do you get hate on your fic? Not regularly but it happened. What hate gets there is promptly deleted, trolls are not to be fed.

Do you write smut? My smut has plot sometimes.

Do you write crossovers? No, the most I can do is "characters from X universe are now in Y universe", but I don't mash-up characters.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yeah. Long story. Bad ending. It was years ago though.

Have you ever had a fic translated? A couple of times, not from the Zero_Ducks account though!

Have you ever co-written a fic? I co-write pretty often.

What‘s your all-time favourite ship? I am too ADHD to pick one. Speaking of the DC fandom (which I'm here for), Sladick and Eobarry which I'm sure doesn't come as a shock for anyone.

What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Boy I have 200+ WIPs I will never finish, and I really want to finish like 80% of them lmao. Probably Clipped. Based on the fact that I have no idea how to finish it (it's a Bad Guys Won scenario in which all them little birds are captive and in distress)

What’s your writing strengths? Smut!

What’s your writing weaknesses? Being that I'm not a native English speaker, I have a hard time writing in "styles" which penalizes the dialogues. I have no idea how to show that a character is a certain English speaking nationality, how to give them dialectic quirks, how to make them speak in an old fashioned way. I can in my native language though, and it frustrates me so much not to be able to "translate it".

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? If it's just a small line it's okay, it helps the immersion. If it's entire dialogues I don't see why, people don't understand it what's the point.

First fandom you wrote for? Possibly Spyro Gateway to Glimmer when I was 6 lmao.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Again strictly speaking for the Zero_Ducks account, I think it's Elegia. It's been almost two years but it holds the test of time, the emotions still feel very raw and the smut is still good (it's that one time Dick's suicidal behavior after Jason's death went a bit overboard, and Slade decided to do something about it whether Dick liked it or not).

I got to tag people now I guess! No pressure folks, it's just the law

@deepwithintheabyss @anawrites3 @waffleinator-inator @ftl-faster-than-life @ladytauria @thesandsofelsweyr and anyone who wants to do this!

#wanted to tag jelly too but alas I can't remember her new nickname #20 questions for fic writers

[dawnrider]

Congratulations on 20 years of fanfic writing! It's such an accomplishment, and we're so very lucky to have you in our fandom!

Looking back at some of your older fics (maybe anything more than five years old? Ten?), which ones still hold a special place in your heart, and why?

And, what's your advice with regards to sustainability? How does one keep the joy alive over time, either in fanfiction and in anything that we might do?

Thanks so much, my friend, and congratulations again!!

Thank you @fawn-eyed-girl! I feel very fortunate to have found folks here in the last few years that help remind me why fandom is a community.

For older fics, or at least ones that I started at least 5-10 years ago (maybe not so much finished...) I think Miracle stands out as one that holds a special place. It had a long hiatus in the middle because Life™ happened. But I spent a lot of time on that story and it's one of the first longer stories I've finished.

Particularly for fanfiction (and I may be a broken record about this) I think not shackling yourself to a schedule is really important. Set aside writing time, plan for posts within a certain timeframe, but

don't punish yourself if you don't hit those marks.

Too many people these days are stressing themselves out about posting schedules and writing a certain number of words in a day. As I said before: Fanfiction is not Work™. If you're making yourself miserable over it, then it's time to reevaluate. It's meant to be fun. Let it be fun and if you get readers that are a pain about not posting often enough? There's a block feature now for a reason.

Also, write what you want to see. If there's an out-there idea and you want to see it? Write it. If you think people will not like something, eff it, write it anyway. Nothing says you have to post everything you write. Nothing says you have to post anything you write. But if you do, I bet there will be at least one other person out there that thinks your idea is pretty cool.

#dawnrider fanfiction #20 year anniversary #AMA #ask me anything #writing advice

[crackinglamb]

AO3 Year End Roundup, 2023

Normally, I'd do this in a couple days, but we're close enough for government work (and I'm on a deliberate break anyhow, so nothing new is being posted). Normally this would also be a tag game, but I haven't seen it floating around yet, so...

Hey, you wanna do your own roundup? Go for it. Yes, I mean you (looking at you, DAFF crew). Consider this an open invite. Tag me back so I can see what y'all have been up to.

Words posted: 241,283 . This total has had subtracted from it the amount that already existed for the fic that carried over from last year (which was WG, of course). So this is actually what I posted this year.

Additional Words Written: ~166K. I have several WIP's going on in the background. One of which is finished and will begin posting after New Year's. Another of which is about halfway done. The rest are...procrastination projects/getting the wiggles out. They may never see the light of day. But they count as writing, so they are included.

Grand total of words: 407, 283 (goodness gracious)

Fandoms: 2

Works: 12, 11 of which were new.

Highest Kudos: Into the Current, at 271 (just like last year, I'm not counting WG since it wasn't new). The Iron Bull/OFC, rated E, 79K words, complete.

Highest Hit Oneshot: The Mighty Fall, at 706. Sookie Stackhouse/Eric Northman. Rated T, 2900 words.

New Things I Tried: I wrote a trio of fics for True Blood/Southern Vampire Mysteries this year. The WIP that's finished and waiting for the new year is a continuation of this series.

I also posted a ficlet I'd originally posted here on tumblr for archiving purposes. Some Years Into the Future...

Fic I Spent the Most Time On: Driftwood, my Bullmance series. Writing ItC itself wasn't particularly long, about two months, but T3, the next fic, is still being written. At first it was all going to be one long fic, but then I decided I've had enough of epics (meaning any work significantly over 100K words), and split it into parts.

Fic I Spent the Least Time On: The Mighty Fall. I have finally gotten to use the tag 'I wrote this instead of sleeping'. 🤣

Favorite Thing I Wrote: Usually, I have trouble with this category. I'm poly, you know. But this year, I actually DO have a fave. Okay...I have two.

How Deep the Bullet Lies - a gift for @rosella-writes, for the Solas Lovers Exchange. Solas/Cassandra Pentaghast with a whumpy open ending. Rated M, 4200 words.

More Than Mere Stone - a gift for my beloved @ir0n-angel in the same exchange. Solas/F!Trevelyan, pure fluff. Rated G, 1500 words.

Favorite Thing I Read: In Twain, by CatC. It's everything I wanted in a 'background character gets caught up in events' fic. With a sizzlingly hot Bullmance and So Much Cole. I think I've read it three or four times already. At least. If you need something comforting and wonderful, I cannot recommend it enough. It's simply delightful, and so is the author. Rated E, 172K words, WIP.

Something I Finished: I did it, at long last. I finished What a Wicked Game to Play. It was the focus of NaNo (and took literally three days once I put my mind to it, hence much of the other writing I did that hasn't been published). It feels really good to have my beloved Behemoth marked with a green checkmark. The story itself isn't finished, and I'll eventually write more for Imogen and Co., but for now, it is Done.

Writing Goals for 2024 – Keep on keeping on. I want to finish T3, so I can start posting it. I want to finish a couple other things from the WIP list. There will of course be a new Fluffuary prompt list. Biggest goal, however, is simply not to burn myself out. I've started waiting to publish until a fic is finished, which has done wonders for my stress levels. No more posting gaps on an in-progress fic.

Allow me to Gush about some things I wrote this year.

(Otherwise known as: honorable mentions)

Out of the Dark - Lark Cadash was once going to have an epic fic to her name. But I'm Tired, and frankly, I'm bored with rewriting the events of DA:I over and over again. So I've turned her into a series, where I can just put up oneshots and short chaptered things in no particular order that add up to one big story. This is one of them. Post-canon, Lark goes into the Deep Roads to find the answer to a riddle that's bugged her for her entire life. She gets more than she asked for, with a side serving of sad Solas. I've had many of the headcannons included in it for a long time, with no home. Now, they're out there in the world. Rated G, 4800 words.

What Lies Beneath - my actual giftfic for the Solas Lovers Exchange. I had such fun writing this, and had ideas for it as soon as I received the assignment. I got to set something in the Hissing Waste, which is one of my favorite places in the game, as well as write a polyship for my two favorite romances. F!Cadash/Solas/Iron Bull, rated T, 3400 words.

Maker Damned Fools - back in 2020, I wrote a Varric/Hawke short little thing for the first Fluffuary. I always wanted to go back and expand it into a fuller story. Add it to the pile of Things I Finished This Year. From their meeting to post-canon. Rated E, 32K words.

What a Wicked Game to Play - *deep satisfied sigh* It took two years and ten months to complete, with near constant weekly updates. It's 411K words by itself (not counting the rest of the series). It contains about 350 embedded images of either screenshots or fanart. It is both the highest hit (over 90K) and highest kudo'd (1535) work on my archive. Affectionately known as 'the Behemoth', extensively written with my signature yeeting of canon. Imogen McLean, MGIT, Inquisitor, beloved of Fen'Harel. I am stupendously proud of this work, but I am also incredibly happy it's done. I set out to write an epic, and I damn well succeeded. Rated E.

See y'all on the flipside! 💕

#Lamb writes #ao3 #2023 year end roundup #dragon age #southern vampire mysteries #true blood

[kefalion]

My AO3 2023 Wrapped

The post with the questions is here

Follow me below the cut to see my answers

Not all questions are relevant to my AO3 year, so some will be skipped

Fic you clicked on the most times this year (shows in History)

I went throguh 40 pages of history, so I'm not only sharing my top 1 clicked. You're getting a top 4 because the gap between nr 4 and nr 5 was huge. All top 4 have one thing in common. They're massive multichapter stories (or collections) that I began reading pre 2023. They're also all Star Wars

Number 4: edge of providence by adiduck (book_people), whimsicalimages. Visited 86 times

Status: Complete Words: 328,498 Chapters: 38/38

Anakin and Obi-Wan discover Kaminoo a few years earlier. It changes the course of the Galaxy. The main relationships is Obi-Wan & Anakin as well as Obi-Wan/Jango.

My favourite things about this story is seeing Obi-Wan be an excellent mentor to Anakin, the Sith plot unravel, and that the romantic relationship happens slowly, which to me makes it plausible

Number 3: The protégé by @spell-cleaver Visited 89 times

Status: Complete Words: 224,549 Chapters: 39/39

Sets up an alternative universe where Padmé joins Anakin when he turns on the Order and the Republic, Palpatine dies soon after, and Padmé becomes Empress Amidala. Follows Luke's journy in finding his family and finding himself.

What I like best about this story is that it's sprawling. The world feels huge and lived in. Naboo culture is explored beautifully. The relationships in the Skywalker family is another strong point. It's messy and real, but the love is always apperant.

Number 2: all the echoes fade by @reedroad Visited 93 times

Status: In progress. Words: 453,728 Chapters: 43/?

What if while searching for answers post the fall of the Empire, Luke fell into a parallel dimension where he and his sisters were raised by their Father? What if all the major characters from the films and animated shows were given room to shine? That's what this story does.

I love how big this story is and how at the same times, there is room for intimacy in how the relationships are shown. For example, the way Vader and Padmé's relationship is shown awed me time and again.

Numer 1: Prompted | Obikin by @intermundia. Visited 103 times

Status: "Complete" Words: 127,374 Chapters: 24/24

This is a compilation of short stories. Various AUs. From Modern. To various movie AUs. To Sith!Obi-Wan. All of them about Obi-Wan/Anakin. Maybe it's complete. Maybe more will be added.

To say why I like this is a bit tricker than the others. There are so many different things to be had here. All of it captures the essence of the relationship it is about, however, and to do it in so many packages is amazing.

2. First fic you clicked on this year

According to the History, I started the year with more of @spell-cleaver Fixing Your (Relation)Ship Since 5 AFE by SpellCleaver

3. First fic you Bookmarked this year

The Face of Antiquity by Lemon (lemon_sprinkles) for Cam_Watson

I have it marked as TBR. I've apparently not read it all year. Maybe this is how I should start my 2024

4. First fic you posted this year

A Roll of Destiny 

Status: Complete Words: 21,803  Chapters: 19/19

This is an RPG sheet story. I rolled out prompts and built a story about Obi-Wan and Darth Vader. Set after the Kenobi series. It was a very different writing expereince. Not knowing what was going to happen next made it more akin to reading. I could only plan out short chapters at a time.

5. Your most read Fandom this year

Star Wars. Hands down. I barely read anything else.

6. Your most written for Fandom this year

Same. Hard same. Star Wars.

7. Your most read pairing this year

Obi-Wan/Anakin

8. Your most written for pairing this year

Obi-Wan/Anakin

9. Most popular fic by hits you read this year

Oh dear. I need to go through all 40 pages again. Let me quickly see how many more questions are about my reading History. Oh. Read. I just checked if it was in my history. I'm not going through all those pages again. Most hits in my history of 2023 goes to

Bring Him to His Knees by Musyc Hits: 1,726,530

Going by the fics that were grouped with it, I was checking what was popular. I have not read this.

10. Most popular fic by hits you posted this year

Visualising Our Fantasies [Explicit Obikin Art] by Kefalion, SageGarnish Hits: 43,352 This is a landslide victory. My post with the second most hits has just over 2000. I guess people are starved for explicit art.

11. Most popular fic by kudos you posted this year

Same. But by a smaller margin. 1st place 410. 2nd place 200

12. Most popular fic by comment threads you posted this year

Same again. 29 for Visualising Our Fantasies [Explicit Obikin Art] and 10 for the second highest number of comment threads

13. Your personal favorite fic you read this year

Difficult. I've read a lot of good fic. One series that stands out to me is

Star Wars: Aberration by SiegeGunn

The main character is Cal Kesits, and it explores how things could go of it was converted to the dark side and became an Inquisitor.

By being a series, it explores widely varying povs and characters, though the larger stories in the series focus on Cal. Really cool.

14. Your personal favorite fic you posted this year

Another very difficult question. Let's go with this

Complete Your Training by Kefalion

While watching the Ahsoka Series, and before it too, I had theories. And right before the way they decided to take the story was revealed, I wrote this in a frenzy. It came together over a long time and was written down in hours. Really cool experience. And I think the story turned out great too. It's also the first time I've posted a podfic

15. Most recent fic you clicked on

Aside from the ones I've clicked on to answer these questions, it's

Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Too Polite to Tell You About His Huge Penis by kingdomvel The title alone is art

16. Most recent fic you Bookmarked

Forget Me Not by AFishNamedSushi

Summary: 5 years into Obi-Wan’s exile on Tatooine, a man calling himself Anakin Skywalker comes to call upon the old Lars homestead. This man certainly looks like Obi-Wan’s old Padawan, but he has no memory of the Clone Wars, his life with the Jedi, or Obi-Wan.

Status: Complete Words: 48,050  Chapters: 12/12

17. Most recent fic you posted

I added a chapter to the explicit art collection. Prior to that it's Complete your training from question 14

18. Highest word count fic you read this year

skip

19. Highest word count fic you posted this year

A Roll of Destiny  That's the RPG fic I mentioned in question 4. A bit over 20k words.

20. Your total word count posted this year (shows in Statistics)

34,662

21. Your total hits this year (shows in Statistics)

51,654

22. Your total kudos this year (shows in Statistics)

915

23. Your total comment threads this year (shows in Statistics)

54

24. Least popular fic by hits you read this year

thy fearful symmetry @ossidae-passeridae Only 144 hits atm! Go give it some love! But mind the tags! Dae doesn't write for the faint of heart. It's star wars. It's a reaction to the Mandalorian season 3. It's just over 2k words. And it's clever and unsettling.

25. Least popular fic by hits you posted this year

Complete Your Training makes another apperance. Hits: 1,074

26. Least popular fic by kudos you posted this year

Complete Your Training again. Kudos: 71

27. Least popular fic by comment threads you posted this year

Not a tripple whammy for Complete your training. Story with the least comment threads goes to Take Care of Yourself, I Wish I Could 

It's the first story I've written with explicit sexual content, and it's more of that than plot. I see why people hold off commenting. But that trend was more obvious than I expected at the time of posting.

Status: complete Words: 7,095  Chapters: 1/1 Star Wars - Obi-Wan/Anakin

28. Number of fics you clicked on this year (20 per page)

I've gone on and on about my fourty pages. 39x20 + 11 makes it 791 fics I've clicked from January to the start of December

29. Number of Bookmarks you made this year (20 per page)

222 - What a nice number!

30 - 45 skip

It's mainly about popular fandoms and ships. I've already answered that. It's Star Wars and Obi-Wan/Anakin

46. A playlist of all the songs you used lyrics from to title fics this year

I've not used any songs for titles. I have so many WIPs of this variety though. Next year maybe!

47. Shout out an incomplete fic you read this year

See you around, Jedi by PaperCraneCastles

Let's go with this. It's Cal Kestis/Boba Fett.

This is what I wrote when I bookmarked it: delightful. The characterisations are so fun. Boba is more than hot. He wears his competency well.

Words: 7,602 Chapters: 3/4

48. Oldest fic you read this year

Every so often I visit my old fandoms. This is from such a time. Updated Okt 2012 we have a Mass Effect fic THE STEPS AND THE SHORE by spicyshimmy

But holy wow did I almost only read fics from 2023 and 2022. Seeing 201x was frighteningly rare. I think it's because I've read so much Star Wars fic over three years. Only new things are new to me.

49. Your most posted Additional Tag this year

eh... There's no most. Got a lot of 2s

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics (2)

POV Third Person Limited (2)

Scenting (2)

Animated GIFs (2)

POV Anakin Skywalker (2)

50. Your favorite comment you left or received this year

How do I pick one???

This one was fun.

I’m crying? WHY AM I CRYING???

To get people to experience emotions is always the goal

#ao3 #fanfiction #fic #reading #writing #wrapped

[sohotthateveryonedied]

this isn't on the list but what are your biggest fanfiction pet peeves (that other authors do)

oh man we're about to get CONTROVERSIAL in here fghjkghj

generally bad writing

no capitalization and/or punctuation

no paragraph breaks

people who abandon fics yet mark them as completed simply because they're done writing them THAT'S NOT A COMPLETE FIC!!! WHY ARE YOU MARKING IT AS COMPLETE IF YOU JUST GAVE UP AND STOPPED WRITING!!!! DON'T TRICK ME INTO READING BECAUSE I ASSUME IT'S COMPLETED ONLY TO END UP WITH A BIG BOWL OF NOTHING!!!

people who make multi-chapter fics where every chapter is 400 words or less. literally unbearable

i once read a fic where this person put a big image of a stop sign at the beginning and end of every chapter and wrote this whole long paragraph about how you need to comment or else they wouldn't feel motivated enough to write a next chapter, and at the beginning of every chapter they were like "thanks to everyone who commented, though i did notice that it didn't match the amount of hits so i'm feeling disheartened now....woe is me...." and never in my life have i wanted to reach through a screen and attack a person more

typos in the title. if you can't even catch a typo in your title then i'm flat-out not reading the fic

fics where the author obviously wants to make a political message so they're very doing it through fictional characters and not even trying to make it sound natural or in-character

people who mash a million different fandoms together into one fic so it's 76564678 words long with 28380 chapters but only one or two of them is for the fandom you used the filters specifically to find

on that note, really any time people put a bunch of different oneshots and prompts into a single fic so every chapter is a completely different story but they just put them all together because it's part of the same event even though the series option is right there?? just make them separate fics please i'm begging you

reader-insert fics. they just weird me out

people who "start" a fic but the first chapter is just an author's note talking about how they're GOING to write this fic and haven't yet, but they're working on it, they swear. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT. WHO ARE YOU HELPING. JUST POST THE FIC WHEN YOU'VE ACTUALLY WRITTEN IT WHY ARE YOU POSTING IT WITH ALL THESE TAGS IF YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED THE FIC YET

"fictional character we all know and love/oc" as before, it just weirds me the hell out

miraculous ladybug, danny phantom, and white collar. 'nuff said there

if you censor words in the middle of your fic ("r*pe" "unalive" "f*ck") you immediately sound eleven years old in my head and i will exit the fic faster than the speed of light

people who spell damian wayne as damien or damion or any other variation. this is a COMIC BOOK fandom. BOOK. with WORDS. you literally have to READ the name to even know the character exists or to experience the medium at all, how can you fuck something up that badly

"everything is the same except this character is actually the same person as this other character from a completely different fandom" (ex. everything is the same except dick grayson is also harry potter, hannah montana-style) one of the strangest genres i've ever encountered

fics with a length of like. 90 words. and yet the thing has a hundred tags. what is even the point of that. who wants that

#there's a million more but this is off the top of my head lmao #lay it on me papa bob #soho speaks

[allcanonisrelative]

Oh! You're playing a fanfic game!

X: A character you enjoy making suffer. (any fandom! or all the fandoms!)

OH HELL I've had this open for like two days because I was sure I was forgetting someone. But then I forgot the post. I'm just a stranger here in this tumbling land.... ANYWAY, the answer: Y'all, this is what 12 years of friendship looks like: the perfect question 😈 First up is Mr. Joshua Lyman from The West Wing or, as @sarapod recently called him, the ultimate Emotional Support Trash Object. He's ridiculous and he's Wrong a lot but he's incredibly good at his job so I love the combo of competence porn while fucking him over, basically. Also this is hilarious of me to say because the only two TWW fics I've managed to finish and post are fluffy and cute. All the bits where I just throw shit at Josh and make him suffer are drafts on my laptop or languishing in emails and texts between me and Imp. I mostly like to make him head over heels for Sam and stupid about it. Second is a tie between Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy from the 09 reboot. Cuz really Bones has never done anything wrong in his life (that's a lie) but by virtue of his proximity to Jim he ends up suffering a lot. I'm obsessed with this series I've been writing for like 10 years where they're crazy about each other but have to keep their hands to themselves because if they were caught fraternizing they'd be assigned to different ships. (...spaceships, not relationships.) It lets me hammer at the Jim Kirk characterization from TOS that I love so much: he's incredibly good at his job but he'd be a happier person if he wasn't. The way he talks about the Enterprise in The Naked Time: "Love. You're better off without it, and I'm better off without mine. This vessel, I give, she takes. She won't permit me my life. I've got to live hers." Perfection, no notes.

Chris Beck and Mark Watney from The Martian. This one's almost too easy though cuz. Ya know. Chris leaves his husband behind on Mars. But it's delicious.

Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes and to a lesser extent Sam Wilson. I'm extremely fond of 'we were in love but we never talked about it' for Steve/Bucky and then Bucky being left to deal with the fallout of loving and losing Steve without any kind of closure, but then working it out like a damn adult with Sam Wilson.

Everyone on MASH suffers enough thanks to the narrative but if I'm gonna make anyone suffer on purpose it's gonna be BJ. Other honorable mentions go to @impishtubist and me's very specific iteration of Sherlock John and Lestrade from the series we cowrote in 2011 where like...we knew from the very beginning that the story was going to end with Lestrade's death. I also kinda like making JLM!Sherlock suffer but again I've only finished a couple of Elementary stories.

Okay I'm gonna hit post before I forget again! THANKS IMP YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME MWAH

#ask answers #random fandom

[a-case-of-the-ace]

Fic writer interview :D

Thank you @eoinmcgonigal for the tag!!

Welp let's see how this goes. I've been doing the writing thing for a little over two years, I think? Time has flown and I have done... little.

How many works do you have on AO3? 21.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 57,611. None of which have reached over the 12,000 mark.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Something, Old, New, Broken and Blue at number 1, followed by Something Precious, a Bold Beginning, My Soul Says Ouch and Match Made in Vain. The top 3 are for Stranger Things, and the 4th and 5th are for Mafia: Definitive Edition. I reckon the top ones are at the top mainly because they're a bigger fandom.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do, I'm always so happy when I get them, but I worry I sound like a broken record. there's only so many ways to thank someone for reading and commenting, even though I'm overjoyed every time it happens.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Possibly Ready for Table for Doctor Who's The Two Doctors, since that doesn't end in a good spot for the main character, but the canon story has a good ending, so you know it's going to be ok. Probably Bon Appetit, for Mafia: DE, since it's a dark yandere cannabilism fic.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? That's a tough one, most of mine have happy endings. Possibly My Soul Says Ouch, since the characters spend so long pining over each other before getting together? Also my only polyam fic, (or at least where it's not just implied) so 50% extra love?

7. Do you write crossovers? I haven't, none have really occurred to me. I don't usually read them either, but if it's done well, I'll read it.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not hate per se, but I did have one commenter who didn't like some things, and told me I could change things, and didn't need to stick to the canon. I quite liked my choices, though, and so did other kinder commenters. I do the fic for me, first and foremost.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not in anything I've posted, but I'm currently writing a Galavant fic that has some, for angst reasons. I did have a tad in A Bold Beginning, but I danced around the subject so much that I don't think it counts. I'm ace, which I don't think helps much, I'm basing most of it off of what I've read.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. Wouldn't mind if someone did though.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? Mega tough one. Good Omens got me into it, but I haven't read much of them. Stobotnik, since I only watched the films for them? Two/Jamie? I read a lot of Johnlock, but that was ages ago. Geraskier? I think I just binge a ship and return to it if I really liked it. Depends if the ship's small or big, I guess.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I had a mermaid!Tommy au I tried to get going for a long while, but kept getting stuck on logistics. An omegaverse mafia fic, an angsty guilt fic, and even a fic for Forever (TV show from 2014). Plus a bunch of ideas that hit while I was writing something else, and I'd lost the fixation by the time I finished. There's still a few sticky notes with ideas in my phone, from inspo at work. I think I get a lot more ideas than I manage to write :(

15. What are your writing strengths? Beginnings. I love nothing more than going "Bang! Here's what's happening." Otherwise, I dunno what my strengths might be. Writing in full sentences for the first draft?

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Hanging on to the motivation to finish a fic. Not using a variation of the phrase "All they could do was hope." Nearly put that in thrice in three chapters by mistake, I'm sure it's getting old. Motivation for sure though, I miss the days when I was writing tropey one-shots, at least they were one and done.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I haven't really had a need to do it, and would worry about formatting if I did. Closest I've had to this was a heavily accented character, but I didn't really know how to write an accent and so I didn't write it in. Not sure if I'd do it that way again, but it made it easier.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Mafia: Definitive Edition. Wrote my first fic in one of my last year 12 math classes. Also the fandom that made me switch from looking at tumblr on Pinterest to actually being on tumblr. There wasn't enough content, so I had to go searching, and then make my own.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? Really want to throw my hat into the ring on Wez/The Golden Youth, from Mad Max 2, but the only ideas I have for them are really long. Other ones I've considered writing include Forever, Red Dwarf, Sportarobbie from Lazytown, Johnny/Reg from SAS Rogue Heroes and Jude/Cardan from The Cruel Prince.

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? I'm really liking the Galavant fic I'm writing at the moment, mainly because it's shamelessly self-indulgent. Probably one of my Mafia fics, Chosen by the Life, Choking on my Love or Bring Me Home. It's been a while since I've read my own stuff, this has been a real trip down memory lane.

Desperately trying to remember people who write so I can tag them... I'm so bad at names, if I miss you I'm sorry. And I may not know you at all well so I apologise if you find this weird.

@feline-ranger @iiep-wop @lilies-in-a-vase @somethingaboutamagpie @ihni

#tag game

[traincat]

 fanfic writer 20 questions, tagged by @beamkatanachronicles! thank u Danni!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

110!

What's your total Ao3 word count?

994,043, and considering everything I have almost ready to go is over 5000 words, it's going to cross that one million mark soon. 😬

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

the majority of my fandoms posted on ao3 are marvel based. stats list over 30, but a lot of those I would say are pretty nebulously separated.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Masked Man (Who Has Everything) (XMFC, Magneto/Xavier, M) the Magneto is Batman fic. I wrote this based on a prompt from the XMFC kink meme years and years ago. It's not something I would've written now, but I've been told it holds up at least in terms of it being funny. It no longer has a 2000 kudos lead on my second most popular fic, but it's still pretty up there.

Keep Throwing Things and Slamming the Door (Spideytorch, T)

My first Spideytorch fic to hit it big! I had a written a couple before this but nothing really got attention like this one.

Tales From The Back Pages (Spideytorch, T)

The canon first words soulmate AU! I had a lot of fun playing with early Spider-Man and Fantastic Four canon writing this one.

Say You Will, Say You Won't (Spideytorch, T)

The fake but real married Spideytorch fic.

Kind, Sober, and Fully Dressed  (Spideytorch, T)

The fic about the time Johnny asked Peter to come over and watch his sex tape, which is yeah, totally canon.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to! I've been bad about it for the past couple of years, although I try to always respond to a direct query, especially if it's about podfic or translations. I'd like to be better about responding to comments.

What's the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I'm going to cheat because it's The Spider and the Last Spark (rated E) where the ending isn't posted yet. But it's been written this whole time. (It's coming! I just have to iron out a fight scene.)

Do you write crossovers?

Sort of? I don't think crossovers between Marvel comics count. I have written crossovers, although I generally prefer fusion AUs.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

laughs. usually not ON the fic (although I have gotten a few weird comments) but a lot of it posted to social media, which was, you know, weird and unpleasant. memorably, one time I posted a snippet of a fic and someone plagiarized it and posted their own (this was an extremely obvious plagiarism, the whole premise and chunks of dialogue were lifted) and when I didn't respond directly but finished the rest of the fic and just posted that in response, they accused me of plagiarism. I had posted the snippet publicly and had time stamps and also everyone knew it, but it was still kind of wild. accused by my plagiarist of plagiarism.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

generally speaking the spideytorch kind lol.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

oh yeah. and not just in the plagiarism story from above.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A bunch of times! I really, really treasure translations, and it's so wild to me (in the best way) to see all the languages my fic has been translated into. It genuinely makes me feel like my fic is really valued and I'm so happy about it. Thank you to fic translators! I love you!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm kind of a control freak so my posted fic isn't co-written but it's always such a fun concept. I did cowrite an AU of a fic years ago with a friend and it was so melodramatic. We were going to write a SERIOUS DRAMA with CONSEQUENCES about SMALL TOWN AMERICA (for some reason) and we were like fourteen so needless to say it wasn't the work of literary fiction we were envisioning. but it's pretty fun to remember.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

I'm a little burnt out on them at the moment but the record will show it's been Spideytorch.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

no one say anything I'm working on it. part two is over 20k at the moment.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at dialogue, and banter, and romance.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I would LOVE to be better at coming up with plots and I know the only way to become better is to just write them but it's so hard. lies on the unforgiving ground.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I'm for it if people feel confident about it lol. I've definitely done it when I should have felt LESS CONFIDENT about it even though it was in a language I was fairly familiar with but y'know. I read a fic recently that had a feature where the translations were visible when you hovered over the text and that was really fun.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Stealing Danni's answer here because I definitely wrote for other fandoms before this but the first fandom when I was like "in fandom" as in participating in a community and making friends and getting into drama was Fire Emblem 7.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written?

It's probably a tie between The Boy From New York City and Work Song. They both taught me a lot about writing, in part because they're two of the longest things I've ever written. The Boy From New York City in particular really burnt me out after I was finished with it but it was a story I had wanted to write for ages and I'm really glad I finished and posted it. Work Song let me do one of my favorite things which was dig really deep into canon and play with the things comics these days are reluctant to get into, the messier sort of outcomes of events and the feelings of it all. I have a really big fondness for both of them still.

Also it's not finished yet, but I've been working on a Kaine and Janine road trip fic set immediately after Spider-Man Beyond and I've just really loved playing with it.

Who do you tag?

anyone who wants to do it!!! sorry I was drinking wine while I was cooking like a lot of wine. I'm tagging you if you want to answer the questions.

#writing meme

[leatafandom]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag @incorrectcoldflashblog! This was really nice to think about and look at the stats since I don't normally look at them. It was a pleasant reminder.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I've been writing on Ao3 since '19 and I have 116 works right now, hopefully, it'll be 117 by the end of the weekend if I can get my shit together

2. What’s your total A03 word count?

843,577

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supernatural, Spideypool, Merthur, and Buffy Verse (mainly Spangel though)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Distraction: Scars - Rated Mature (1,173 Kudos)

This is a Bad Idea, Rated Explicit (920 Kudos)

Waiting for the Perfect Time, Rated Teen (654 Kudos)

Distraction: Voice(s), Rated Explicit (614 Kudos)

Breakfast, Rated Explicit (427 Kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Always! I might be slow sometimes, but I always respond to a comment. I appreciate them so much. It always makes my day to know someone else besides me enjoyed a story I wrote. I also just love talking about my stories.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hahaha, I write so many sad and angsty things. I normally try to make a happyish ending cause I know people enjoy that (not sure if I always hit the mark, but I try). So this one took me a while to dig through stuff. I think it would be Foolishness? It's pretty sad and tragic. I enjoy it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I live in the bitter-sweet and I don't think I have many that are purely happy. I feel like the happiest of endings will not be published till next year though. I think The Valley Kingdoms is pretty happy. Even if in my mind it's not an end more like a middle, but it is the end of that part of the story.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, not yet.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. So much smut.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Hehe, I write crossovers of my own stories. But no not of fandoms.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of as of now.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I've had two fics translated, and I am beside myself with joy that someone wanted to take the time to translate them for others. Wine and Dine is available in Russian as well as some of Learn (I believe they have only done up to chapter 5 of Learn on Ficbooks)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope, not yet.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I swoon for Spideypool every single time, forever.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Dude this question is evil right now. I am currently trying desperately to empty my drive of my WIPs (not counting my multi-chapter fics) before switching how I store my stories. I still have so many not-posted works, and I want to finish them all. But, I know I won't. I probably won't finish Once and Future Soulmates. It's an angsty sci-fi meets fantasy Merthur idea I started writing that has a few chapters written, but it's a big project and idk I just haven't gotten to it. As far as posted WIPs I plan on finishing them all.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

World building and that blend of happy sad. I think I'm pretty good at that

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Word choice and like lack of repetition with body movements. I struggle with body movements and tracking.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I typically don't, other than like phrases I know. Writing in character dialogue is hard enough, to be completely honest.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Lord of the Rings! I still have some of it posted on my Ao3 but my old drives and the internet ate the rest of the story and my prequel ;-;

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

It would be a tie between any of the Monster Eater Verse fics and the Common Deadpool Distractions series. I love those verses so so dearly and I re-read them often.

Thank you so much for tagging me this was truly a pleasure to sit and think about and look over the things I've written over the years.

No Pressure Tags: @idabbleincrazy, @hobbyistauthor, @fantasticstoryteller, @maggot-monger and anyone else who would like to <3

#tag games #long posts #writer tag games