#I'm tired and randomly remembering something that happened hours ago | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justwonder113 · 2 months

Note

Sleepy Minho has me!! Can you write a drabble about him coming home from like dance practice or something and he's just super tired and wants to cuddle with his s/o??

Your writes are Hella cute, love you! ❤️

Oh my God I'm so glad you like my writing, it means a lot to me!!! Also, thanks for requesting, words can not describe how much I loved writing this, sleepy Lee Know has me in different kind of chokehold❤️❤️❤️❤️

Also I'm really sorry it took me eons to write this. I really hope you'll like it❤️❤️

My Masterlist

WARNINGS⚠️ : Gender neutral reader, Some cursing. I don't know whar else to put here. If I missed something please tell me.

You were jolted awake from your sweet sluber by a most adorable but also really heavy furball jumping on your stomach. Soonie looked at you with curious eyes, unphased as if he didn't just crush your insides. The fluffball sure as hell knew you didn't have a bone in you to get mad at him. "What is it baby? Are you hungty or do you want to play?" Soonie meowed at you. Trying not to startle the cat you carefully straightened up. How long were you asleep? Your whole body felt sore. You searched for your phone and once you saw the time your eyes almost popped out. Where the hell was Minho? You jumped up from the sofa, not realy paying mind to Soonies disspleased whine. You quickly dialed your boyfriend's number and waited for him to answer, but he didn't so you tried again for a few times but to no avail. You knew he was extremely busy these days and that his schedule was hogged but he was supposed to be home a while ago! Also, the fact that he didn't say or text you anything made you worry even more. God why did you have to fall asleep? All you remembered was that after finishing up witch chores you sat down to take a breather. How did you even manage to fall asleep just like that? What if something had happened? Why wasn't he picking up? Should you call Chan? Maybe he knows something? You were starting to borderline panick when you heard the cats meowing at the door. They always did that when Minho was at the door. And in seconds you did hear the door click.

You quickly went to him and wrapped your arms tightly around him. He stumbled for a second but quickly returned the hug. "Hey baby." His voice was soft and quiet but it was apparent that he was really tired. He must have overworked himself again. You loved how dedicated and hardworking he was , but it also killed your heart to watch him neglect his needs to achieve perfection. He spent countless hours at work, barely slept and mostly had quick meals which mostly consisted of takeout. You tried to be as accommodating as possible. You did most of the chores in house, and whenever you had time you tried to make him nutritious lunch. But you could do so much.

You couldn't help but pout at him. "Where were you? You didn't even pick up your phone. I was really worried about you!" You couldn't hide your frustration anymore. "You're coming home later and later everyday. You barely sleep or eat! I'm not even going to start talking about how we barely see each other! You need to take care of yourself more baby, you should..." Minho didn't let you finish your ramble, he slid his hand from around your back to your neck and quickly pulled you towards him so he could kiss you. The kiss even though was short was so full of love and yearning that it almost made you melt. Good thing Minho was basically holding you or you would have fallen. "I'm sorry love, training lasted more than usual." Fuck, what were you even mad about? Minho's soft voice always made you weak in the kneez. Also the way he called you love? Bless your heart for lasting this long and not just randomly exploding on you. Little shit surely knew what he was doing to you.

Minho's voice bought you back to reality "Can we go to bed?" "Wait you're not hungry?" The disapproval in your voice made him smile. "I ate at work I promise. I'll take a quick shower. I want to go to bed cuddle you and just exist with you okay?" He paused for a second before bashfully adding sweetest please. Oh he said please there's no way uou could sat no to him. Not that you could, not to that offer. You wanted to tease him for showing his soft side for you but you decided against it once you looked into his eyes. He looked at you with such eyes, he could ask you to kill a man and you'd actually do it. You couldn't put it to words but you knew that he needed you and you were going to be here for him. It really hurt seeig him this tired and overworked. You knew he tried his best not to show it, every day despite being tired as hell he tried to help you with everything he could, be there for you even though he was the one who needed support now. His eyes were red and not sparkly as you're used to. His dark eyebags were prominent. He was a bit shouched and a bit paler. Seing him this vulnerable was like a dohble hit for your heart.

"Of course love. Get ready for bed, I'll put away food and I'll be back." You kissed his cheek and urged him to the bathroom.

You tried to take care of everything as fast as possible. You felt proud of yourself that you took care of most of the chores today. You praised yourself that you changed sheets and brought out new fluffy blankets.

Maybe you were being a bit selfish but it kind of excited you that you could finally spend some time with your boyfriend. You really missed spending time with him, not just existing in the same space. Whenever he came home he always fell asleep and you didn't have the heart to not let him rest little time he spent at home. It was natural you were feeling touchstarved.

You rushed to the bedroom as fast as possible once you were done. The sight almost made you squeal by sheer cuteness. Minho had almost completely covered himself in blankets and now was looking at you with sleepy eyes. The cats also took their designated places on the bed also looked at you as if waiting for you. Maybe you were a little delusional about the last part but wise people say delulu is the solulu.

Minho immediately opened his arms for you, lifting the cover for you to crawl in. You immediately jumped in, finally feeling content being between his arms, feeling his warmth, his familiar scent surroung you. Minho also hummed in satisfaction. "I've missed this so much" you couldn't help but admit. "Please tell me you don't have anything tomorrow and that we can just be in house all day." You looked up at him with hopeful eyes. You saw the corner of his mouth slightly lift up. He leaned down and literally kissed your pout away, not that you could actually be mad at him.

"I'm sorry baby, I have to go in the morning. But I promise I will be back before you even wake up. I will also bring you some breakfast and we can do whatever you want okay? I'm all yours." You couldn't help but beam with joy. Finally he has some time off. "So you're telling me I can make you do anything? Be careful all this power might go up to my head." You quietly spoke as you played with his hair, Minho only hummed. Instead of talking he fully turned to you and hid his face in the crook of your neck, tightly holding you close by your waist.

Sleepy Minho surely was your favourite. He always got like 100 times more squishy and adorable. Literally you had to have patience of a God to not pounce on him and civer his face with kisses. Maybe not only kisses. His cheek was so cutely smushedand his slightly open prettiest pouty lips? You were just a human! You really didn't want to disturb him or else you would have chomped on his squishy cheek eons ago. Cuteness aggression really was eating you from the inside.

"Baby go to sleep. I can feel you staring." Minho grumbled out after a while. So he was awake huh? You couldn't help but smile. You slid your hand through his hair and started playing with his soft locks. Minho immediately leaned into the touch. You were sure he would start purring if he could.

"It's not my fault love." You admitted and softly kissed his cheek. " I've been starved of my boyfriend for days, and now you're here cuddling me looking all pretty and cute! And here I am being generous and letting you sleep on me while all I want is to literally cover you with kisses! And this is the thanks I get?" Based on the silence that followed you thought that he fell asleep, but you were proven wrong when he held your waist tightly with one hand while the other held onto your thigh, and soon enough you were on top of him looking into his mischevious eyes. Apart from his sparkling eyes his lazy grin was also a clear indicator that he was up to no good.

"What are you doing?" You couldn't help but ask.

"First of all you need to spend less time with Hyunjin. Also to answer your question, I'm being a good boyfriend. My partner just said that they want to cover me with kisses. Who am I to oblige?" You were the one who spent too much time with Hyunjin? What was up with these theatrics then? You couldn't help but grin at his lovable but also really silly antics. " You're annoying do younknow that?" You muttered against his lips, softly holding his cheeks. Minho moved his hands and put them on top of yours. "Shut me up then." He didn't even wait for you to say anything, he just leaned in and connected his lips to yours, slowly but surely melting your thoughts away. God you really loved this idiot.

374 notes · View notes

bornto-raisehell · 7 months

Text

The idea for this fic randomly came to me at midnight (about an hour ago) so naturally, I wrote it now instead of waiting.

I've watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) a few times in the past weeks and I realised the incredibly odd relationship between Franklin and Nubbins (the hitchhiker) and I just had to write something.

Warning: mentions of blood and injury (also pls ignore any grammatical/spelling mistakes I'm tired af)

Blood runs thicker than water

"Blood runs thicker than water"

Or at least that's what Franklin always heard as a kid. The saying never really occurred to him as something important when he was younger. Now, in his twenties, it made more sense. Family was important, after all.

Blood was thicker than water.

Sometimes he'd think on the way he was treated as a child. He was frequently teased at school, pushed around and called names that he would never have the fortune of forgetting. This led to him rarely attending school, though it wasn't like home was much better. At home he was constantly babied and treated as fragile, or entirely ignored as if he were not there. As much as he hated thinking of it, even his dear sister Sally was guilty of this at times.

It had happened again just earlier, Sally walking off with the others and simply leaving Franklin with the promise that they would "be back soon". Franklin sunk back into his wheelchair.

Blood was running thinner.

That day, he spent a lot of time isolated with his thoughts. The others had left again, to explore the old Hardesty house. Franklin was a Hardesty, yet they'd still abandoned him. He was foolish enough to believe Sally would maybe take him with them, but she didn't even stop to say goodbye to him before they left.

Water may have well been thicker than blood.

He fiddled with the bandage on his arm, picking at the threads. They'd picked up a hitchhiker earlier. A lanky figure with black hair and a red mark streaked across his face, contrasting his pale skin. Franklin had thought about him a lot in the past hour or so, more than he'd like to admit. The man was intriguing as far as Franklin was concerned. Franklin was the only one who had properly spoken to him, he understood how it was to be ignored. He found the way the dark haired man spoke too fast and stumbled over his words, to be interesting, despite the man not making much sense when he spoke.

Franklin recalled how the man had stolen his pocket knife and sliced his own hand open. Franklin still wondered how somebody could do that to themselves. The hitchhiker wasn't in the van much longer after that. Before he was kicked out, he had run his own blade deep across Franklin's arm, the razor rusty. Sally cleaned him up.

Water was thicker than infected blood.

Thinking about this, Franklin realized that the cuts meant something more. The hitchhiker had stolen his knife to slash his own hand. The mans blood was on Franklin's knife. The hitchhiker then sliced Franklin with his razor. Franklin's blood was on the man's razor. He had connected the two. He had bonded them through blood. Franklin remembered the old saying.

"Blood runs thicker than water"

#nubbins sawyer #franklin hardesty #texas chainsaw massacre #the texas chainsaw massacre #tcm #tcm fanfic #fanfic #cw bl00d

22 notes · View notes

genderfluidflutejazz · 9 months

Text

I got three hours of sleep and can't go to bed until like 6 pm since me busy today

In other news, I'm wearing a dark blue shirt and black pants since I was too tired to dress nicely. I also have this somewhat ugly hoodie with me that looks like it has a dalmatian pattern.

Today is it/xe since it's my little comfort box and me is tired.

Barely finished it but mashed potatoes and mac and cheese it what I had for breakfast since I was too tired to make myself something.

Other, just some news on my life! I sit with 2 people at lunch, just going to call them E (she sits across from me) and V (he sits on the bench to my left). Me and E share a lot of interests that I can ramble about but V doesn't have any of those interests and he always sounds ups at when me and E talk about them. Me and E are about to move tables away from V since he's been making us both somewhat uncomfortable.

Starting as early as I can is about a week and a half ago when I meet V. Ignoring most of what happened that day, the main thing that stood out was at the end of the day. I was talking with F (my best friend since 5th grade) since I don't get to talk to him much when V comes up to try and give me a fist bump but I physically recoiled when he came up. He told me later that it pissed him off and that was the first bad sign to me.

I had just met him that day and I have some very bad sensory issues with things touching me, whether or not he knew this barely matters. It's that he didn't know that makes it even weirder, he had no clue what happened when I was younger and there is no reason that should of pissed him off.

There's other things, like randomly asking my dead name for no reason and asking my ethnicity when I was trying to tell a story of theater class yesterday. He also keeps talking down about F, saying he should be nicer. Mind you, V doesn't know F very well, F never liked being in Ohio, he always hated it and most of the people here and never wanted to get to know people. F us under no obligation to be nicer, he's allowed to just not like people but V brings it up every time I try to talk about F.

V also insists to an almost annoying extent that he is on most people's favorite person list but won't let me talk about mine since the most important person to me is F and any time I mention F, V decides it's a great time to talk about him as if he knows him. V also insists that I be nicer and that he's special so I shouldn't treat him how a treat everyone else, which annoys me regardless of it being a joke since it just tells me that he doesn't want to be my friend, he just wants to be friends with an overly sweetened me. He also keeps using the term emo wrong and it lightly ticks me off.

I'm sure that I missed something but that's about all I can remember right now.

Otherwise, in better news, I look cute as hell today despite being tired and Mr. Rainbow Frog is happy! We're also working on getting me meetings with a therapist again!

#breakfast #mashed potatoes #mac and cheese #genderfluid #gender #mild vent

3 notes · View notes

baekhvuns · 1 year

Note

True, Olivia x Helena - what a great duo. Ohhh where did your friend met Sebastian, did they talk? I saw him on a motorcycle in London once, hahaha

Omg, The Interview... not this movie 😭 does your uni has any dark secrets then? 👀

Advice wasn't 3 years ago, but the time is running so fast I'm constantly confused. Like wdym it's almost the end of 2022...

Some people say "it's their money they can do what they want" well yeah, though sometimes I question if it's really THEIR money not their parents, because wtf??? But those stans must be so fucking bored to fly everywhere? So no job, no school? Tbh I would be too fucking tired, I love Ateez but no way I'm travelling around the world for two months just to see them. Same with fan signs/calls, just let it gooooo at some point. 😭 Most of those fans might not be dangerous, but you can't convince me this isn't some weird obsession 🤡 the urge to block, especially a few Hwa biased fans kshdjsysjsuskshwu, but I wanna see the man - the struggle 💔

You're right, I HATE the concealed lips trend so much

Baeksussy back at it, I won't trust you again 🔪 Wolf Girl and Black Prince is controversial, but some people love it and I'm like??? It's not even dumb, entertaining fun, it's just awful. I only bothered because the guy looked good, but his personality? TRASH. And Erica... girl, have you no shame. Brother's Conflict I- yeah remember, who allowed it?! The guys were pretty tho

I read the latest installment of Campus Affair and SJ is also giving DUMB. I CANNOT WITH HIM 😭 is there nothing behind that forehead??? Damn I need to catch up on the Harem. Tbh the character doesn't need to be black-haired, I can envision Hwa in every hair colour basically

I think BBC was shocked that someone as cheerful and nice as Chuu decided to stand up for herself. Ooooh I hope all the members can get away from that company (I think Vivi can't because she's a foreigner and would have to leave Korea </3), but not BBC denying it ofc lmao. I also hope Omega X wins their case and comes back soon.

Yes the chest, the Hwaboobs need to be covered too

I almost thought Spain x Germany would end in 0:0, hshahsiagshsha it was still a draw, but wtfffff. I could never take Neymar seriously, I know he has his moments, but I can't stand him and his shitty acting, he learnt all the tricks in Barca lmaooo 💀 this guy did a Neymar. ??? Yes, Tottenham players are doing well, can't deny it.....

I don't follow WayV's music, but I always see their questionable or loser behaviour, especially Yangyang 💀 but I felt that video actually, it happened to me

I need Soohyuk's sweater and I need Seonghwa in his sweater 🤗

I tried to find the best tier list, but all of them were missing something. My friend said she actually started making her own list a few months ago, sooooo maybe we will help her 👀 BESTIE THE HOLIDAY THAT LOW NOOOOOOO. Wait you didn't see Love, Rosie?! :o you must see it IMMEDIATELY. Here is mine

Stop because when Seonghwa dropped THE pool photos I instantly thought of that tenelka fic

WHITE HAIRED HWA IN THE JAPANESE MV LET'S GO LET'S DIE

That's what I said when they announced SuperM, no Changmin but Lookass?! Be serious 🔫

THE 2ND ONE I'M GONNA KMS!!!

I'm afraid about Seonghwa's and Mingi's hair, please please please no scissors 😭😭😭😭 and I don't wanna say goodbye to blonde Hwa either 💔💔💔💔

DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME I'M THE STEALER

Very true <3 I'm crying lol

WHAT THE FUCKKKKK. Seonghwa's a cutie though

.......... If I saw him outside my window I'd have jumped - DV 💖

hi hello!!!

True, Olivia x Helena - what a great duo. Ohhh where did your friend met Sebastian, did they talk? I saw him on a motorcycle in London once, hahaha

i need them to play like a fairy god mother vs the ‘evil fairy god other” I NEED THEM ON A DISNEY FILM !!!! they didn’t! the rush hour was too much but my friend momentarily froze bC JUST RANDOMLY?? we do not see anyone else but our canadian mascot ryan reynolds here so it was quite a surprise fhdbd AYOO??

Omg, The Interview... not this movie 😭 does your uni has any dark secrets then? 👀

LMFAOOOO YEAH THAT MOVIE 😭😭😭 seth rogan made my uni mad it was a whole fiasco fhsbshd,,, u know what i do know if they do but it is a creepy uni,, the most dark secret i know is that there’s a avocado statue in the uni garden <3 lights up as well <3 fbwndh

Advice wasn't 3 years ago, but the time is running so fast I'm constantly confused. Like wdym it's almost the end of 2022...

no bc why did november skim past so fast??? it was oct 31st like yesterday and now it’s snowing and dec 1st???? wHAAAT??? time is a simulation

NO BC EVEN IF IT IS THEIR MONEY,,, don’t u get bored seeing the same idols again? like isnt it inconvenient to sit on a plane and travel 7 seas away to attend a 1 hour fansign jetlagged completely??? no school, no job??? just vibes??? NO BC IS IT NOT TIRING TO WANNA TRAVEL WITH THEM REPEATEDLY??? “but you can't convince me this isn't some weird obsession” no u are correct, i get that they wanna travel just bc “yolo” but come on bro spending 400$+ on tickets for 2 months at idk 12 shows??? is it not tiring like id be physically exhausted at the second day of the concert, like ive seen this exact setlist yesterday why do i wanna see it for 2 more months 🤨 FBANDHWK SOFTBLOCKING THE FANSITES

You're right, I HATE the concealed lips trend so much

no like, we’re not gonna kiss it??? why are u hiding them??? it’s the bronzer and the concealer im about to fire this makeup artist 🔫

LMFAOOOO 😭😭 no bc it had POTENTIAL but it was executed terribly tbh,, YOURE RIGHT HIS PERSONALITY WAS TRASH THEY WANTED TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE A USUI 2.0 BUT FAILED AT IT SO BAD,,,see the red haired one in brothers conflict, do u rmr subaru i-

FBWNDHWJ IM NOT THERE YET BUT THEYRE ALL SO DUMB 😭😭😭 NOTHING BEHIND THE FOREHEAD STOP IM GONNA USE THIS AS A DIALOGUE IN THTIS YUNHO FUC FBENFHEJ ,,, i also have it catches up on harem ever since that webtoon update about free passes each day like MF i can’t even read nothing???,,, ur absolutely correct, he is red haired hwa <3 but im sorry this. this guy right here.

YEAH!! the way they keep denying everything and jtbc calling them out on it fbdbd,, bc chuu’s so loved globally hopefully she doesn’t get blacklisted like a certain someone! vivi and hyunjin, hopefully vivi’s working with the visa issues before terminating! i hope so too! have a lot of evidence and hopefully they win!!

Yes the chest, the Hwaboobs need to be covered too

hwaboobs and sooboobs. need them both in a room, covered.

NO BC GERMANY IS NOT HERE TO LOSE,, seriously the teams this year are so unpredictably good <3 i keep laughing at how the guy from the saudi team got touched and he rolled over and fell 😭😭 mf how dramatic are u 😭🤚🏼 he deserves a rolls royce for that acting fbsnd,, LMFAOOOO neymar is so jokes STOP FBWKDHWK HES IN HIS NEYMAR ERA COMEON MAN LEARN FROM HIM,, he pretend to be hurt every match and now he is! LEARN 😭😭 ngl sk was robbed of a goal 🤚🏼

I don't follow WayV's music, but I always see their questionable or loser behaviour, especially Yangyang 💀 but I felt that video actually, it happened to me

wayv is so questionable sometimes i forget they’re a group bc they act like a walking talking sitcom,,, and yangyang,, why’s he always set up like that, breathing hard and groaning over a TAP FBWKDJAK

I need Soohyuk's sweater and I need Seonghwa in his sweater 🤗

im about to make soohyuk hwa’s father in the next fic, i can’t take this resemblance anymore every time. i just see him and go “so that’s what dilf seonghwa would look like, huh”

SEND OVER THAT LIST ASAAAPPP BESTIES FRIEND!!! SAVE US,, lOOK HEAR ME OUT I DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT PROPERLY OKAY WHEN I DID IT WAS A MESS AND IT LEFT THAT IMPRESSION ON ME,, ILL REWATCH IT ONE DAY,, AND EXUSE ME WHY IS 5 YEAR ENGAGEMENT SO LOW ON UR CHART 🔫🔫 WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY

Stop because when Seonghwa dropped THE pool photos I instantly thought of that tenelka fic

no bc is this not… AD..

WHITE HAIRED HWA IN THE JAPANESE MV LET'S GO LET'S DIE //// That's what I said when they announced SuperM, no Changmin but Lookass?! Be serious 🔫

BETSIE WHAT IS THIS MV I HAVE NOT STOPPED SCREAMING !!!! no srs??! changmin would’ve been the best top tier addition to superm! his vocals and his dynamic with everyone would just been so much better!

THE 2ND ONE I'M GONNA KMS!!! /// I'm afraid about Seonghwa's and Mingi's hair, please please please no scissors 😭😭😭😭 and I don't wanna say goodbye to blonde Hwa either 💔💔💔💔

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT, FIRST THE LIP STAINS AND NOW THESE PC’S 😭😭 WHY DO THE JPN ALBUMS HAVE TO BE SO EXPENSIVE I WANT THIS FRAMED 😭😭😭 if the stylist comes near mingihwa or yeo,, im boycotting them 🔫

DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME I'M THE STEALER

DHWKDHKWDHKW HE SAID IT AGAIN WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING 😭😭 BAITING US

Very true <3 I'm crying lol //// WHAT THE FUCKKKKK. Seonghwa's a cutie though

omg stop it, his aura changes when he’s blond,,, idk if ive seen this before but after kai’s blond hair in monster ithought id never see an aura like that BUT seonghwa’s blond, every fucking type of it, im so in love. he’s so different with blond hair, it’s his fratboy calling actually

STOP I WAS ABOUT TO SEND THAT TO U

.......... If I saw him outside my window I'd have jumped - DV 💖

but uhhh anon is this not model hwa for a street magazine shoot. 🙂. I wOULD NOT LET GO OF THIS MAN bc what is this

anon 😭😭🤚🏼

mingi has joined the ysl line, i knew i could trust him, will be preparing a model mingi au

very surprising news, i dreamt about the guy who performed dreamers at fifa <3 first time. im, apparently, obsessed.

and exo finally exoing 😭🤚🏼 idk if u can see me crying

and i need to u do this. COMEON.

HE IS SO CUTE

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

0 notes

scuttle-buttle · 2 years

Text

Don't Let Go

Summay: Zemo keeps the holster on.

WC: 2098

Rated: E

Tags: smut, on the rough side, dom!zemo, some dub/con type vibes at certain points (but it is all consensual of course), tall!plus size!reader, body image issues about size, no stated use of protection, uh yeah

A/N: um. Look. Your guess is as good as mine as to where this came from and after me not being able to write for months. I started this in June, got stuck, stopped, forgot i started writing it, randomly was going thru my wips for #nostalgia today, and then this happened. Sad to report no further progress on Heist tho. I’m hoping very soon. Bone app the teeth?

🖤

You remember when you had the conversation. Only a few nights ago on a Friday, barely more than a week since first going on the run with him, you and the Baron drank a few glasses of his expensive scotch at the new safe house, and you had found yourself opening up about fantasies, or lack of.

"Come now, Schatz - there must be something you have been intrigued to."

A simple shrug is what you give. "Maybe a few times…. But it's not something I put much thought into or anything like that." You take a sip, the alcohol rough in its burn.

"Why is that?" he questions without missing a beat.

Meeting his gaze across the couch you see he's been watching you the entire conversation, as though there is nothing that even comes remotely close to being more important than whatever silly ideas you have to share. “I mean I’ve spent my whole life as this bigger, intimidating person. Hell, I’m taller than you, by what an inch and a half? And most people that much, if not more,” you lightly scoff and sip again from your tumbler of scotch. “It wasn't something feasible being bigger I guess-” you gesture to your torso “-so I dropped the ideas before it could really set in as something I wanted. I told you - I'm always on my own and having to do my own thing. Had to get a grip on my life and be an independent woman and all that," you chuckle.

Zemo had been more than thorough in acquainting you with the basics of intimacy the last week; yet he let you take the lead as much as possible. Almost entirely, truly. You weren't at the point of anything wild or experimental, nor were you brave enough to try going rogue. So it was easy, it was standard - not that you had any complaints. But Helmut was adamant that it was you who controlled how he kissed you, how he touched you, how he broke your body and soul piece by piece in the long hours of the night.

You look across the room into the flickering light of the fireplace. Quieter, you add "just once I’d like to feel like the small one in a situation, to have to look up to someone literally and figuratively, to not feel like I’m too big and to just be able to let someone else make the choice for me." Looking back at him and speaking a little more blase, you finish "but I don't know. That's about as far as I got."

“I like looking up at you, Schatz, it’s like looking at an angel,” Helmut whispers. Since you had unofficially gotten together after escaping Riga he was constantly praising and complimenting you. You always expected to feel like he was just flattering you, but he made it such a point to talk about your intelligence, kindness, generosity, humor, and how beautiful he found you in equal parts.

You don't bother fighting back your grin. “I’m sure you do, Baron.” Downing the rest of your drink you tell him you are tired and head off to bed with a kiss.

Helmut had business to attend into the late evening. You made yourself busy reading some old book from the safe house’s upstairs library. The sun set as you read. Oranges and pinks and purples cast the room in a peaceful glow as you engulfed yourself in tales of times gone by. Maybe three hours later you hear him call out for you, breaking you from your page; “Schatz, could you come down here?”

Excitement bubbles within you at his arrival. “Be down in a sec!” You closed the book and placed it on the desk. Wandering around in the darkness you think you hear him in the kitchen. You call out “Helmut are you-” as you reach for the light switch when a shadowy figure backs you into a wall, knocking the breath you had from your lungs. For a second you panic, heart beating wildly out of your chest, until you see a glint of that familiar chocolate in the shadow’s eyes. The white-knuckled grip you have on the fabric of his top relaxes.

Pressed up against the kitchen wall by the man, you can just make out that he's clad in his gear. A thick burgundy turtleneck covers the expanse of his broad chest, the leather straps of a holster secured around his shoulders. Sturdy combat boots brush the sides of your ankles from where he has trapped your legs between his. The shoes give him an extra inch compared to your barefoot state, in addition to the commanding way he carries himself at present. Even as his gaze is eye level with your own like this he looks as if he towers above you.

Searching his eyes as best as you can in the limited light, you attempt “Hel what-”

A calloused palm cups the skin of your cheek, his thumb pressing softly against your mouth and silencing you. He says nothing; you wait, swallowing in anticipation. The digit glides slowly along the seam of your lips before pushing slightly between. You don't mind the intrusion, instead finding the taste of his skin intoxicating as you run the tip of your tongue over him. Pupils flit from your own to where his thumb rests. Zemo sighs. Feeling the fire within your core ignite you decide to take initiative, giving a gentle nip before sucking delicately on the pad of his thumb.

There is no mistaking the way his eyes blacken. The softness in his tone doesn’t match the formidability of his presence as he whispers “My Leibling…”

Zemo’s body presses yours further into the wall with such force it tears a gasp from you; his lips and tongue ravage yours with such a ferocity unlike anything you’ve known. Hands clutch at your jaw like vices. The thought crosses your mind that perhaps his fingertips might leave bruises. Nevertheless, you can’t be damned to stop him, especially not when you feel the beginnings of his hardening cock pushing into your hip, or the wetness seeping between your legs.

Finally, when the burn in your lungs becomes too great he breaks away and instead attaches his mouth to your throat. You have no doubt he can feel the pounding of your heart where he sucks and bites at your flesh. The Baron slides a hand under the edge of your top. His fingers are hot where they dig into your soft side. A feeble attempt to maneuver your hands to remove your shirt results in a tsk from him, his own larger ones moving to rip the fabric of your nightshirt right down the middle and exposing your peaked breasts to the cool air and his hungry stare. “Fuck - Helmut, what’s- ugh-” a particularly hard pinch to your nipple breaks your concentration, “what’s gotten in to you?” The question comes out as a moan.

Instead of an answer he tugs at the waistband of your shorts. With your reassuring nod he pushes them over your wide hips and thick thighs. Not a minute later he’s pulled a leg to wrap around his hip and opens you up to the grind of his still-clothed cock. “Don’t think, Leibling, just feel,” he commands.

The material of his pants rubs a delicious friction; your juices soaking through the fabric. You can feel the inferno growing. Breathy moans fill the near-silent kitchen. “Mein Gott, Draga I can feel how wet you are. Does this excite you? To know that you are enough to drive the great Baron Zemo to such primal need? To such depravity as to not even give you the luxury of a bed, but instead to have you right here and at my mercy?” He punctuates his statement with a harsh roll of his hips.

You whine in need. The pressure between your hips grows, you need him more than you can bear to think. Quickly you move to undo the fastening of his trousers between you. He does not stop you, only slows his movements to make it easier for you to work. When his bared cock finally rubs along your soaked core you manage to whimper a pathetic please. Helmut’s grip on your leg around his hip remains firm. He uses his free arm to place each of your hands on the straps of his holster along his pectorals. You pull on the leather as if to test its strength. There is barely enough room for your wrists between you where your chests are crushed together.

Suddenly Zemo drops as he leans to wrap his free hand underneath the leg that still supports your weight; his brute strength lifts you completely before you realize what he’s doing. “Wait no- Helmut I’m too-”

“No.” Zemo snaps his hips forward, burying himself to the hilt in one fluid motion.

“Oh my god.” You sound pathetic as you keen at the fullness within you.

Both of his hands support you under the soft curve of your upper thighs. You tighten your legs around the small of his back on instinct. Panic surges through you despite the wonderful feel of him inside you. You aren’t small, you weigh too much, you’ll hurt him.

He jerks his shoulders minutely to bring your attention to where your fingers are wrapped around his holster straps. “Do not let go, Draga. Do you understand?”

“But-”

“Do you understand, Leibling?” he asks again, this time more demanding than you’ve ever heard.

“Yes.”

The first slam of his cock is fierce. It is precise. It is beyond any sort of pleasure you’ve ever felt, to have this man fucking you within an inch of your life as he all but cradles your body within the palm of his hand like it was your destiny to be there. Through all your sobs and cries of ecstasy he does not let up on the onslaught. Each thrust hits deep within you. His hips angle to brush your bundle of nerves with every movement. The peaks of your breasts tease and graze his sweater; probably an unfair advantage for him to be clothed and yet you at his complete mercy. You can’t fault how the sensation only heightens your euphoria. This time you know for sure his fingertips will paint your thighs with their memory for days to come; will create a masterpiece along the expanse of your skin that no Van Gogh or Picasso or Da Vinci could ever hope to produce.

Your release comes all too quickly at his attentions. Helmut doesn’t let up, nor does he seem to even break a sweat at his herculean task. At one point you swear you feel the leather straps start to give under the chokehold of your fists as he orders you to come again along his shaft, his words leaving no room for you to think otherwise.

Helmut reaches his own peak as your channel tightens around him, the growl of your name against your temple like a bolt of electricity. Hips slowing to a gentle roll, he does not pull himself from you, instead adjusting his hold under you to keep you pinned between his body and the wall. Your forehead comes to rest on his shoulder. The Baron drops sweet kisses to your temple, to your cheek, as you both come down from your high.

“Mmmm…Maybe you should put me down now? My legs are sore,” you mumble into his sweater, flexing your thigh and calf muscles where they still circle his waist.

“And if I do not want to? What then, my Leibling?” At your answering groan he hums in contentment before slowly removing himself from you, moving from the wall, and carrying you to the loveseat in the next room. Oversized boots thump with each step. The loose pants hanging from his knees slow his walk to a shuffle. He sits, situating you in his lap. Zemo looks down to see your fingers still wrapped around the holster. With a smile he says “you may let go now, Schatz. You did so well for me, such a good girl.”

It takes your digits a moment to cooperate as you untangle them from their place. “I’m not sure I can move my hands…?”

Helmut chuckles at your admission, taking your hands in each of his. He brings them to hip lips and places delicate kisses on them. Carefully he begins to massage your fingers and palms; “well, we must see to that, shouldn't we?”

(I'll be honest idk who is on my tag list for zemo since I haven't written for him in like 9 months sorrry)

Tag list: @ay0nha @livvyshmiv @fictionlandslanddreams @vinylrosess @typical-bistander @ntlmundy @dragon-baron @anteroom-of-death @somethingthatsaysbubbles @lieutenantn @multiversemarielle @trashbin2 @whatawildone @laura-naruto-fan1998 @greeneyedblondie44 @godidontevenknowwhat @lorna-d-m @hardlyinteresting @marchingicenotes7 @earlgreysandcloudydays

#zemo x plus size reader #zemo x reader #zemo x plus size female reader #baron zemo x you #zemo x you #helmut zemo x reader #baron helmut zemo #helmut zemo #zemo #zemo smut #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #daniel bruhl x reader smut #daniel bruhl x you #daniel brühl x reader #tfatws zemo #scuttle-buttle #daniel bruhl fanfiction #zemo fanfic

236 notes · View notes

flameontheotherside · 2 years

Text

Bummer... 😞

How do you miss someone you never met? How do I explain to my therapist that I feel like a widow? How the fucking hell do I not get triggered over the smallest things?

Last night I got into a funk after seeing a trailer I posted about a movie. I didn't have the sound on but watched it and just seeing it, I recognized it as my journey ...THIS. If for some reason someone decided to steal my experience for a novel or a movie idea, it would mortify me. The thought of it literally made me sick. My stomach is in knots.

Sometimes I want to stop writing here...

The moment I think that I've shared enough, something makes me write again. If I don't right away, it's like this nagging. Like the same kind of nagging I felt my whole life and since I wrote that letter to Erik's guardian angels in 2007... coincidentally on his birthday. Feeling this is another something I have to do.

Honestly I don't know how many times I have to keep writing about the same thing over and over again. About how much this journey hurts. It's not exactly some kind of sugar coated love story. This is mostly painful and I wouldn't wish this kind of journey on anyone.

There are times all I can do is lay in bed and cry.

I can't talk about it. Not even to my bf who is very very accepting and begs me to open up. I get so fucking tired of going day after day. Just living until I die and who knows what comes after that. Maybe I am crazy no matter how many times this dead guy in my ear tells me I'm not and begs me to not give this all up. All night I've had to keep myself together watching movies with my bf next to me pretending there something in my eye. It happens once in a while.

Now I'm in the bathroom with a hurting stomach not just from thinking about above but I'm lactose intolerant. Had a bowl of fruit with two kinds of Greek yogurt and two bean and cheese burritos. Don't judge me! My bf will be awake all night and maybe into the morning because he got out of bed about 5 hours ago. I know the moment my head hits that pillow I won't be able to stop crying until my meds kick in.

I wake up most days counting the hours to go to bed.

For a long time I looked forward to sleep. Erik started showing up in 2011-ish. I knew him by his hair and he'd show usually at bodies of water and it would take 4 years to finally see his face that I'd come to know and love. Technically I was already in love with in in 2012 but that year I had to let him go.

I thought there was no point to any of it. I stopped being spiritual and tried to convince myself the psychic who predicted Erik's suicide was a fraud. Deep down I knew the truth but what was I supposed to do? A psychic randomly reached out to me in 2017 asking me to talk to him. That's when I knew I was fucked and my life was going to change. Sure for the better but I can't go back no matter if I wanted to.

To be honest, I do sometimes hope I die in my sleep or that I could do what Erik did. God literally knows I tried...three fucking times. Only once since this journey started. Erik made me get up and go to the hospital. I was starting to feel very sick anyway. You can't overdose and die on some meds it turns out and if you try, it's not fun being so sick like that. I only beat myself up for weeks for being so stupid.

Erik always says, "Were together now!"

...Yeah but not really. It's easy for him to say because he's dead and soaked in spirit juice so bad its like he's forgotten what it's like to be human. No he remembers and that's why he's always saying that. I don't want to talk to him tonight. If course he's okay with that. Sometimes there would be days that I don't. It's not like we are constantly talking and whatever. I have a life. We usually save conversations for before bed. I like the idea if having a normal life. Something I always wanted because I was constantly bullied for not being normal. I realize that now that normal was something I was never supposed to be.

So idk if I'll be writing for a while. I don't know how long this funk is going to last.

😘💕 Good night y'all!

3 notes · View notes

naomichandere · 2 years

Text

I met a girl three years ago from a randomly adding strange people in my dummy account.

Is it destiny? If I didn't reactivate my dummy account, maybe we didn't meet each other. Then after I reactivated, I saw her chat. Of course, she initiated first (*smug face*). She asked me, who am I? Hmm fishy, is that her moves? Haha, I dunno and Im kidding. Then I mistakenly replied her 'Ph' (dumb) because I thought she's asking me of where I am from. Dumb, I didn't clearly understand her question, that's why.

Days had passed by, we got to know each other. I tell her everything and why not? It is my first time meeting someone online. She tell everything too except some are lies? How did I know some information are lies? She told me first that his father was an Engineer. Then lately I found out that he was a good teacher at their place. Hmm I think maybe she wanted to protect her privacy that's why she did that but I didn't take it too serious though.

We both have same traits: during childhood, mannerisms, both middle child and actually we do have same second name but different in spelling. It's cool, really cool. I met someone having same qualities is kinda attracting.

I still want to know more of her. During my Sagada trip in October 2018, I felt something. I missed her. I blamed the twelve-hours long travel and I missed her the night we are travelling. Its crazy, I dunno, I have this urge feeling that I want to know more of her, I want to talk with her more but at the same time, I need to enjoy this once-in-a lifetime trip experience. Is it weird? We just met September 2018, it is one month ago from this trip and I think I already developed an attachment that I didn't felt to some people I met before. This is something worth to remember, a good memories.

The Sagada trip continues. It was 6pm. I just recently took a hot shower and finally I can rest and message her. I felt happy and excited to talk with her. It was memorable. She made me laugh with her jokes and tease that made me feel that I want to squeeze her cheeks because she's so cute. I want to say I missed you but I Im glad I didn't. Then 9pm at our Inn, I wanna lay in my bed but I went ouside and sat on chair. I was alone at that time and I asked her if we can call. That was the day I got to heard her voice for the first time. Such a beautiful voice. Attraction feeling got intensed and I can't control it. I think I'm falling inlove.

I thought Im the only one who felt the feeling of missed. She also missed me when I had my trip because she kept me awake up to 3am just to entertained me. Hehe. How cute is that? Really cute. But I fell asleep that night because Im really tired (a short nap it is) and was awaked after a short nap and glad she still responded, our talk continued. In our talk, she mentioned 'Gravity.' She explained the concept of it: when the two objects have mass and got attracted, they will collide that's why there's zero gravity in space because that would happen, blah blah blah. I thought it was a serious talk and I asked her many questions because the topic is really interesting. The night was fun despite of my tired body.

Days had gone by and we are still messaging each other. Until November came, I am now confused to my feelings: Am I falling inlove to her? Why is the attraction intensifies as time goes by? Sometimes I felt jealous to some of people she was talking too, weird. Because we just started to get to know each other so my mind tells me that I need to control my feelings? But I don't want to. I let my feelings freely. I didn't controlled nor stopped it from developing.

She got cuter and cuter day by day in November and atttaction is getting high. Then I started to request calls every night just to hear her beautiful voice again. It is so feminine and sweet that's why I love listening to it (welp until now). I love listening to her when she talks in Bisaya (Visayan Language). Yeah, I started to love everything about her.

Still in November and I cannot control my mind to say my thoughts at that call. I just said that Im falling inlove to her and I don't know the reasons why I fell in love. It just came out to my mouth and the feelings are too overwhelming. I am also shocked to myself that I directly confessed, that was unplanned and I never think of hesitation to confess though whether she will refuse / accept me and if my feelings are not reciprocated, I am okay with that. At least, I will never regret to say and shared my feelings to her.

The confession? Hmm I want to say her the 3-letters that night. Hehe. But Im hesistant and I didn't. And I know, Im really sure that I love her. I love her so much. I can't contain my feelings, my attractions, and she filled my heart full. That night when I confessed, she just replied a 'visayan phrase' and I didn't understand it. I just laughed at it because she's so cute and tell her that she will make me guess again. Now its time to search what does that mean. But she's too witty. To all those people who can speak Bisaya cannot really translate the phrase into Filipino. They have different translations. Now my curiousity got higher to know what does that mean.

Until November 21, we had a call. I heard her beautiful voice again then asked if what does she mean to her phrase. Then that's the time my feelings got reciprocated. I can't contain how happy I am that time. Also she said to me someyhing about her gravity she talked about. It was her indirect confession of her attractions to me. Gawd, double kill! I mean, she got me twiced already without knowing. I got blushed. Sobrang kilig. Sobrang saya yung naramdaman ko. I do. I am inlove with her. The time that we met is doesn't matter. This is my first time to feel this. To feel happy. To feel the love I am curious in a long time. To feel that you own someone who can tell it's yours. Im glad I met her.

Note: we had our first video call before I confessed to her. Hehe :3

0 notes

regenderate-fic · 2 years

Text

And Still I Will Live Here: Chapter 3

Fandom: Doctor Who Rating: Teen Ship: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler Characters: Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Jackie Tyler, Pete Tyler, Tony Tyler Series: And We're Not Out of the Tunnel Word Count (Chapter): 2,378 Other Tags: Pete's World, Pete's World Torchwood, Angst, Chronic Illness, Disability, Disabled Character Read on AO3 / Read in order

Summary: Rose has been tired for a couple years now. She thinks it's from working so hard on the dimension cannon without a break, but then she gets a break and she doesn't quite recover. Finally, she starts going to doctors, but they're no help. At least John (the metacrisis Doctor) is with her every step of the way.

(Fic is COMPLETE with chapters posting Tuesdays and Fridays!)

NOTES: posting early because i am tired and i want to go to bed now. you're welcome.

editing to add— this fic is only getting angstier from here, i don’t have trigger warnings because i don’t think anything really unexpected happens, it’s just emotional, but if you’re worried about something specific being triggering you can ask in a comment or a message to me here and i’ll do my best to answer.

also this is the chapter where the other shoe drops, so to speak, so i'm going to link my playlist for this fic. if you don't want spoilers don't click it until you're done with the chapter (there's only one song that could really be a spoiler but you know). this playlist is very dear to me i hope you like it

Soon after Christmas, their normal routine resumes. It’s cold out now, and the cold makes Rose feel flushed and achy, her body desperately trying to warm itself up. She stays inside as much as she can, adjusting the thermostat every couple hours to keep herself from overheating.

She struggles to keep up at work, but she’s managing, sort of. She can’t imagine being any less exhausted at this point, although she vaguely remembers a time when she had enough energy for a heart-racing adventure and a night out besides. Back when she was nineteen, and free. It feels so long ago.

Her cardiologist appointment comes and goes. They tell her she might have something, but she immediately forgets what. They tell her to come back for more tests, and she schedules them over the phone. They’re still months away. John gets hold of the notes they give her and starts researching. He orders her compression socks, tells her to eat more salt. Eventually, he starts taking her pulse randomly throughout the day, pressing his fingers tenderly but firmly against the soft part of her neck.

“Just for extra data,” he explains. “In case we need evidence.”

Rose laughs tiredly. “It’s not a mystery novel,” she says. “It’s just me.”

John holds her close. “I just want you to be taken care of.”

“I am,” Rose says simply, looking up at him. He’s helped her so much, with everything.

She goes to the neurologist in March, when spring is just promising to come. They schedule her for an MRI, still months out, and prescribe her a migraine medication. She takes it. She thinks it helps, on the days her brain is threatening to escape her skull, but she can’t quite be sure.

And then one day in May, she’s having lunch with John and a few of their coworkers, talking about what they’ve done in the past, and the conversation lands on Rose’s time dimension hopping, looking for the Doctor. Two of the coworkers they’re eating with are new since then, looking at Rose with wide eyes; and one, Sasha, traveled through a few universes with Rose, once the holes between universes widened enough to accommodate two people at a time. Rose is talking about the different universes she walked through, trying to remember what it was like to be able to jump through dimensions with no guarantee that she would have food or shelter on the other side.

“Which one was your least favorite?” Sasha asks. “Mine was the one where everyone had all those computers implanted in their bodies. Creeped me out.”

“Plus we could hardly participate in conversation,” Rose agrees. She thinks for a moment. “I don’t think that was my least favorite, though. Mine is probably that one with Donna, where the Doctor was dead.”

Sasha shudders. “Yeah, things were pretty grim over there.”

“It always felt so wrong,” Rose says. “Just being there, I mean. Gave me a headache.” She grimaces. “Like, I could tell it wasn’t supposed to exist, you know?”

“Um, no,” Sasha says, uneasy. “Felt the same as always to me. Except more apocalyptic.”

All of a sudden, Rose can feel John’s eyes on her, burning a hole in her sleeve. She looks at him, and for a moment she sees the Doctor, wild-eyed at the moment of realization.

“That’s it!” he yells.

“That’s what?” Rose asks, staring.

“That’s— that’s what we’ve been looking for.”

And suddenly it hits Rose like a ton of bricks. “Oh, I’m so stupid!” she exclaims. She should’ve figured it out ages ago. It’s been so obvious, right in front of her, this whole time. “It’s the universe.”

“We’ve got to run some tests.” John jumps up, pulling Rose with him. She follows, a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach as they leave their baffled coworkers. John rambles as they go down the hall— “It was silly of me to think all that looking into the TARDIS wouldn’t affect you. Or, silly of him, maybe. I can’t believe we didn’t think of this sooner. We’ve got to test you for artron energy, huon particles, time sensitivity…”

They’ve reached a lab. Rose sits at one of the benches, staring at the flat black tabletop, while John fiddles with test tubes and machinery. All she can think about is how thick she’s been, to miss the correlation this whole time. She knows she never started feeling so tired until she was in this universe. There was a time when she could run miles and miles without taking a break. And Donna’s universe always gave her a headache, every single time— and the adrenaline rush she felt every time she managed to get back to her original universe. She always chalked it up to the nerves of thinking she might see the Doctor again— but now she puts the bursts of energy into a whole new context.

It sinks in, then. The only way she’ll ever feel better is if she goes back to the original universe.

And the walls between universes have closed— it’s going to be much, much harder, if not impossible, to get through. The chances that they’ll be able to open a hole big enough even for one person to slip through are so very slim, and opening one any bigger would put multiple universes at risk.

Which means—

Her heart feels like it’s falling in her chest.

She looks up. John is looking back at her, a tear running down his face, and Rose knows he’s come to the same conclusion. Any trace of the Doctor about him is gone now: he looks so very human, swaying in the middle of the lab, a test tube in one hand and a stethoscope in the other, his expression so totally lost.

“Oh, John,” Rose says, but it comes out a sob. “What are we going to do?”

John swallows. He walks over to where Rose is sitting, laying a gentle hand on her shoulder. “We’re going to find a way to get you back.”

“Even if—” Rose can’t even get the words out. “Even if you can’t come?”

“Even then.” John pauses, speaking through a shuddering breath. “You deserve health, Rose.”

“I want you.” Rose turns in her seat, burying her face in John’s chest. “It’s not fair.”

“No.” John’s arms are around her, strong and sure. Rose can’t think what she would do without them. “It’s not fair.”

They stay like that for a long time, holding each other in the empty lab, quiet tears running down their faces. Rose suddenly can’t hold John tight enough, like maybe if she keeps her arms wrapped around him she won’t have to leave him.

So when John steps back out of the embrace, Rose panics for a moment. But he’s still less than a foot away, his hand digging in his pocket as he says, “Hold on. I was going to do this later, but—”

And then he’s down on one knee, a small box in his hand, and it’s all Rose can do not to start sobbing again.

“Rose Tyler,” he says. “I— I love you. Across universes.” Tears are still running down his face. “The time we have left— I want to spend it married to you. If you like.”

It feels like every possible emotion is swirling in Rose’s stomach. Sadness, happiness, love, fear— she can’t put a name to them all.

The worst thing is, she wants this. She’s wanted it, in one way or another, for years, for longer than John has technically existed. But why does it have to happen like this? What’s the point in getting married if they know the marriage has an end date?

But… John is right. They have to make the most of the time they have left. So she nods, wiping tears off her cheeks, and says with as much of a smile as she can manage, “Of course. Yes. I love you. I’ll marry you.” She reaches for John’s hands, pulling him to his feet, and he kisses her, hard, pressing her against him like he’ll never let go, before taking her left hand in his and slipping the ring onto her finger. It’s a silver band set with two small diamonds, and Rose can’t stop looking at it.

“I can return the ring if you don’t like it,” John says, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Get a new one, and all.”

Rose shakes her head.

“I love it.” She rubs at her face, trying to wipe away her tears. “It’s perfect. Really.”

She looks up at John, and he’s looking at her so tenderly, with so much love, that she can’t help but start to cry again. It’s starting to give her another headache. She wraps her arms around him again, trying to let her happiness drown out the sorrow. It doesn’t work.

“D’you still want to run those tests on me?” she asks, her voice thin and quiet. “Just to make sure?” Maybe, just maybe, they’ve gotten it all wrong. “Maybe it’s something else. Or we can fix it here.”

“Don’t know until we try,” John agrees, but his voice is dull. He moves around Rose, setting up his instruments: he listens to Rose’s heart and lungs, measures her for artron energy, vortex energy, huon particles, dimensional interference, all while she sits on her stool, letting him poke and prod at her. He does something to try and figure out her positioning in relation to time, and then he looks at Rose. She can tell just by the look on his face that it’s not good news— he’s got that sad-but-trying-to-hide-it look, the corners of his mouth turned distinctly down.

“What did you find?” she asks nervously.

He sighs. “Oh, Rose. It’s not good.”

Rose nods. It’s like there’s a weight on her chest, pressing down, threatening to crack her open. She asks again. “What did you find?”

“You’ve got more vortex energy than any human should,” John says, avoiding her eyes. “Traveling in the TARDIS, you pick up a bit of artron energy, that’s the background radiation, but it protects you from raw vortex energy.”

“Like what’s in the TARDIS,” Rose says slowly.

“Exactly.” John lets out a breath. “No one’s meant to absorb so much vortex energy. And I got it out of you—”

“But it still changed me.” Rose understands now. “The TARDIS… made me more like it. I wouldn’t have survived if it hadn’t.”

John nods. “It was trying to protect you, Rose. It needed to change your biology. It made you feed on vortex energy, just like it does. Not a problem if you don’t leave the universe— plenty of vortex energy there. But this universe—”

“It’s the wrong sort of energy.” She remembers when they came to this universe for the first time, how the TARDIS seemed so dead outside of its home. “And I didn’t know until now.” She takes a deep breath, willing herself not to start crying again. “What— what happens if I don’t go back?”

“I don’t know.” John takes both of her hands in his. “You could get sicker. You could keep going, just like this. Maybe, eventually, your body would adjust to the new vortex energy, and you’d start feeling better.” He hesitates. “Or maybe it’ll kill you.” He squeezes her hands, looking her right in the eyes. “I don’t want you to take that risk.”

Rose nods. She’s never felt this scared before, or this uncertain. “What’ll I do?” she asks. “If I get back there?” The tears are starting to fall again. “My whole life is here.”

“You’ll figure it out,” John says, full of sincerity. “Find the Doctor, maybe. Or Jack. Or travel on your own. Settle again on Earth. You’ll have loads of options.”

“None of them with you,” Rose says. “And what’ll you do? Without me?”

John shrugs. Rose can see the tension in his shoulders, the way he schools his face into a relaxed smile. “Oh, I’ll manage. Maybe I’ll hang out with your mum.”

Rose’s eyes widen. “Oh, God. Mum. I’ve got to tell Mum.”

John’s hands move up her arms to rest on her shoulders, his thumbs rubbing reassuring circles on her skin. “You don’t have to say anything right away,” he says. “You’re not about to drop dead tomorrow. And it’ll take us time to get the dimension cannon working again.”

If we can get it working at all, Rose thinks, but she doesn’t say it.

“We can’t wait too long,” she says instead. “She’ll kill me if she doesn’t know early.”

“This weekend,” John suggests. “We’ll have her over for tea.”

“All right, then.” Rose leans forward, resting her forehead on John’s chest. “Can we not think about it anymore today?”

“Of course.” John runs his fingers through Rose’s hair. “Do you want to go home?”

Rose nods against John’s chest. “I don’t think I’ll be any good to Torchwood.”

John laughs. It’s all choked-up. “Me, either.”

They see Sasha in the halls. She takes in both of their tearstained faces and asks, “Is everything all right?” Neither Rose nor John really knows how to answer.

“We’re working on it,” John says finally. He squeezes Rose’s hand. “We’ve got to go, though. Emergency.”

“I’ll spread the word,” Sasha says. She glances from John to Rose. “Feel better, both of you.” Something bitter twists in Rose’s chest at that.

John doesn’t let go of her hand the whole way home. When they get out of the car, he lets go just long enough to come around and help Rose out of her seat, and then when they get inside they collapse on the sofa, hopelessly intertwined. Rose keeps kissing John just to remind herself he’s there, desperate to make every moment last. They order food, delivered to their door, all the things Rose can still eat, and John’s thoughtfulness makes her want to cry again. She turns on the telly as they eat, trying to lose herself in whatever random show is on, and it almost works. But John still won’t let go of her, and she won’t let go of him, until finally they fall asleep on the sofa, slumped against each other.

#my fic #chaptered #doctor who #fanfiction #and still i will live here #ten x rose #tenth doctor #rose tyler #angst #and we're not out of the tunnel

1 note · View note