#I'm so ashamed really

[love-too]

Just made a fool out of myself

#I've been so rude without noticing #my god #i feel so ashamed #I've not been myself lately and my anxiety is showing itself in a way that's unfamiliar to me #I've always had the high functioning tummy ache can't sit still type of anxiety #and now I'm in perennial freeze mode but I'm so emotionally reckless too #idk why #I'm so ashamed really #in front of my friends and towards them too #why can't i shut the fuck up??? #but then if I don't talk they get worried and also i need to talk or I'll go insane #i needed to get this out or i won't be able to sleep #like #I'm an adult for fucks sake #why can't i behave??? #i want to just bang my head on a wall #so embarassing

[arthursfuckinghat]

There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me

#you guys get me right #like you feel it deep in your chest #the joy the anguish the grief #it feels like words aren't enough #and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad” #I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks” #when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it #I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life #it eats at me #I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game #it fucking gets to me #playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further #until you're left with a gaping wound #“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen” #except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people #the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM #to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling #it's okay to feel strongly about things!! #this game man #this game #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #mick thinks #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 spoilers

[spicyvampire]

THE SIGN (2023 - 2024) EP. 9 dir A Natthaphong Wongkaweepairod LAMENTATION OVER CHRIST (1436 - 1441) Fra Angelico [source]

#the sign the series #the sign #thesignsource #phayatharn #tusersilence #userpharawee #user25shades #uservix #userrlaura #userbon #userblmpff #esmetracks #userbunn #mjtag #raeblr #thesignedit #tansedits #edits:ts #like it just looks so much like a renaissance painting #i simply could not get it out of my head so i made the post #to be fair it is Easter so maybe that's why I'm feeling like this u are never really free from the Catholicism #not me being catholic on main I'm so ashamed I'm so sorry it's a quintessential part of my relationship with my sexualty sorry 😔😔 #<- still extremely catholic to be ashamed like this tbh u simply can't escape it #lmao i can't

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.

Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.

If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.

#disability #ableism #ableism tw #this is one of the big reasons i was ashamed of admitting when i am in pain #and it's one of the reasons i was ashamed to address the pain i have #and i'm angry about that actually! nobody should fear being labeled as essentially having munchausen syndrome because... #...'young people NEVER have pain or disabilities and you're a liar!' #i really do want to start addressing my pain because i know it's not normal but holy shit batman it can suck sometimes #i honestly like talking to my dad about this because he also has a lot of pain (moreso than i do now) but he actually TRIES to listen... #putting this in the disability tag but i still don't feel right about labeling my own pain as such... #...but i know so many people with disabling pain who would relate... #...maybe it's internalized ableism on my part or maybe i just want to be respectful of people with worse pain #this is me really just reflecting on m the fact that i haven't ever had an amazing body in a lot of ways (though i am lucky still) #i'm still thinking about having an emergency cane to help me get up when my pain is bad but idk if it's worth the investment #so if anybody reading this has suggestions (esp. for those with back pain)... please hook me up i will platonically love you forever

[cold-neon-ocean]

Remember when I drew everyone as horses lolol??? I should bring that back tbh that was fun. I can't believe these are 3 years old (yeah i can sheesh) I kinda want to bring this AU back though, it was fun and evoked happiness for me ;; my silly horsies

#Legend of Korra #Korra #Bolin #Kuvira #Baatar Jr. #LoK #LoK AU #centaurs #[ repost because I posted this at ass o'clock last night lolol #anyways you get the senior discount if you remember these! #sorry I didn't repost Asami with the rest her art is just so Not Good I'm ashamed to look at it alkjsdfsdf #but I made up for it with a complimentary Bolin!!!! #Look there he is he's here now!!! #I had drawn him along with all the others but never posted him because I wanted to post him with Mako since everyone got posted with a budd #but sadly never got around to drawing Mako c': #I should do that sometime tbh I miss this AU A good centaur AU always warms the heart and sooths the soul #I'd originally posted them with their breeds and coat colors but some folks might get changed *cough* Baatar #these were from back when I really didn't know how to draw anyone because I'd JUST gotten into drawing LoK fanart lol #Baatar doesn't even have his black uniform in this wow #I still like these designs tho buckskin roan Kuvira my pride and joy look at her ;;;; #and blue appy Korra sobs I really loved how she came out tbh one of my favorites I'd actually never drawn Korra before that #idk if I'll ever be able to recreate that shine on Baatar tho i don't even remember what I did ] #Neon Ocean Art

[haneys]

hi, im very sorry to ebeg again but im at my wits ends again. we don't have money for rent. i had to leave my previous job because they were paying almost nothing and cutting my hours like crazy, leaving me temporarily unemployed and relaying on my savings. I've got a new job but im not getting paid until next month. i've already sold my valuables. i also need to rush back home this weekend because my grandma is in a dire situation and I need to be there before she passes. i didn't want to have to ask for help again but it really feels hopeless. im asking the landlord if we can pay later this month but so far i didn't get an answer and i dont know what to do.

my p*pal is @/farthog and i also have blik if you're polish. anything helps because dollar/euro is worth much more than pln. if there's anything I could do, draw or write you something, help you with homework, etc. just let me know. thank you everyone 😞

#patxt #i feel so ashamed having to do this AGAIN and amidst everyhring that is happening but I really don't know what to do #im so scared genuelly I'm scared my grandma will pass I'm scared we won't figure this rent out I don't have anyhting to sell anymore

[zu-is-here]

Can you draw baby aim holding cross finger after just been born?

warm

#zu art #post dark cream #cross!sans #dream!sans #aim!sans #undertale #undertale au #utmv #the moment I started thinking about the birth process everything went super weird XD #I mean I'm 100% sure Cross gave birth at home (was ashamed/didn't trust doctors) & Dream was with him trying to calm him down with the aura #omit all the details— #such a sensitive and /intimate/ moment was really uneasy to draw ;w; #and b-baby Aim... so smol.... (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀) #I wonder if Cross was happy cause it's over or cause all of that was worth it? ♡ #preg!cross #(well not pregnant already but the topic is x)

[earlgodwin]

the irony of cesare slutshaming juan for sleeping in brothels had me with tears in my eyes considering his very first scene in the show is him rawdogging a prostitute like his life depended on it...like babygirl we see you!!!

#like they're such whores i'm screaming!! but also so on brand when you think of it. since the real ones both were fucking sancia byeee #i believe the scene where cesare fucks that girl is just a glimpse of the show adapting the Real cesare's General Manwhorishness™ though! #if you're the borgia family enthusiast you already know that cesare has sired 7 illegitimate kids because of his romantic exploits lmao #cesare borgia i love your hypocritical ass fr like yessss #also love their rivalry so much because there's cesare who always wanna one-up juan in every aspect and be seen as the serious and driven #which is true about the hypercompetent and ambitious part!! but he fulfills his duty in the family in ways that are not conventional #meanwhile with juan...he fully embraces his hedonism and isn't ashamed of it. while he's aware that cesare outdo him in everything... #the only thing he has over cesare is his position as a gonfaloniere!! so he winds cesare up with flexing it!!! #the difference is cesare is as much as he hollers about doing everything for the family...he pretty much does it mostly for selfish reasons #his desperation for juan's position and rodrigo's attention made him sabotage the family more than persevering it etc #while juan is genuine but is reckless and incompetent but he Really tries yk? he really does! but he spiraled bc he feels weak and insecure #oh well both brothers are idiots in their own ways #i miss them fr #cesare borgia #juan borgia #the borgias #juan and cesare #text post

[thebirdandhersong]

i personally think there was no need to make remarks about age

#i dont need to feel any more ashamed about this when i shouldn't feel ashamed about this in the first place #because three years is not a HUGE difference. it IS an age gap but it isn't a GIGANTIC red flag-waving age gap. #but i guess for a guy it is if the girl is older #but anyway man it was comment after comment line after line and i felt like i was standing in front of a firing squad #not gonna lie my whole chest literally hurts when i think about it too deeply! #i have literally never been told before that i'm not an option because i'm too old #i also personally (and this is a bit bitter of me to say so maybe) i resent the fact that he did take the time to tell me that he was not #personally attracted to me. and then add at the end of the conversation that if i were younger he'd consider it #like. you literally told me you don't like me that way and aren't attracted to me that way #so the only reason you'd consider me as an option really is the fact that you know I'M interested in you ???? #anyway makes me want to throw up:) #the waiting room chapter

[cosmic-shine]

Live my life as unlucky sad creature, Lynette is only littly ray of joy ._.

#even the paper failed me T_T #i feel so bad in everything #i've got flu #made a mistake at work i'm very ashamed of #my home need repairs but i don't have time or money to fix it #feels like i'm a really small helpless rabbit #not doctor who #genshin impact #lynette

[annoyingann]

I'm a weak woman, you don't dare judge me!!

If I want to draw teenage school romance with self-insert, then I DO IT! maybe I would have been a happier teenager if I had someone to give me flowers >:[

(Actually I am very much thrown back now in memories of my 15. You know, first exams and first stress.. now I’m just trying to stabilize my mood by drawing something that brings me tons of serotonin :Р)

#sketch #ann yells #silly doodles #self ship #self insert #hedone high #i'm cringe but i'm free #(⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠˙̫̮⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠) #I remember myself at 15 exactly like this #slightly scared #tired #with a childish chubby face #I really felt like an ugly freak at the time lol #I know it's not true #I remind myself of that #so I'll draw things like this! #they remind me that I'm not a freak and I'm worthy of love #and that at that time there was no person who loved me romantically not because there was something wrong with me #that was because this person simply was not in my environment #Sorry for the ton of thoughts! I know that's not what you're here for! but I'm not ashamed to express my feelings :з

[viiinz]

everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)

#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy #it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since #ippolit terentyev #the idiot #god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition #and they just make fun of him #literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does #they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up #because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable #and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility #that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are #and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!! #he's EIGHTEEN and DYING #this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever #and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature #he has a right to be upset about that #he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about #and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that #and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others #and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that #yet i feel bad for him #and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him #and yes he's doing it for attention #of course he wants attention #can you blame him?? #all he wants is to be heard #to feel like his life mattered #but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up #like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with #sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol

[theflyingfeeling]

I hate it here sm

#i have a scheduled phone call with my employment agency person later this afternoon #and i already know i'm going to cry #not because of the phone call per se but just the fact that i have to do business with them in the first place #i don't care if someone else is unemployed or why they are unemployed. it is not my place to judge anyone for not working #but for me myself and i personally? it is so humiliating. the ultimate personal failure #i am so ashamed for not being good enough to have a job #even if i know i'm not being fair on myself bc the reason my contract will not be renewed isn't bc i wasn't doing my job well enoug #it's just that they literally don't have work for me to do when the other person returns 🤷‍♀️ #in any case i find it so unfair from the universe that i was working so hard all winter and then the reward i get is full-time unemployment #again!!!!!!! #there's so much more that i could say about this but i don't need y'all to know just how pathetic i really am

[finalhaunts]

Since I have some (very reasonable) concerns about ace discourse possibly making a return thanks to recent events, I'd like to remind everyone (and myself) that majority of the time the pointless infighting and drama you see among queers really only happens online. If you go to a pride parade as an ace and/or aro nobody is gonna give two shits besides like, terfs and high schoolers who very clearly grew up online. And if one of those two parties DO approach you and give you shit for it i guarantee all the other queers there will defend you. Nobody normal actually cares this much about shit in real life and most of the community understands that; the vocal portion that do care that much don't have much power over the community outside of their echo chambers online, because they know if they just go out in the middle of a queer event and start attacking people they're gonna be the ones getting their teeth knocked out. So like. Don't let anything you read on this website make you think otherwise.

Anyways, aros and aces are queer (yes even the cishet ones), people with confusing/contradictory identities come over here and kiss me on my mouth, etc.

#.txt #speaking as someone who used to be an exclusionist #and is now an aroace dykefag 7 years later #nobody fucking cares and its stupid as hell to. uou're not the true enlightened one you're just some weirdo who doesnt talk to queers irl #'you used to be an exclusionist?' yes unfortunately. i was an 11 year old who had just been introduced to online social justice circles #so i really had no clue what the hell i was talking about and was just regurgitating other ppls talking points #but still #i'm 18 now #so #i am kind of ashamed of that though

[sexygaywizard]

I'm a very shameless person but one of my small shames is that I absolutely lose my lesbian mind over butch girl eminem edits. I absolutely would do almost anything to get head from feminem. Sorry

#literally looks so much like so many girls I've had crushes on LMAo #i'm not really that ashamed bc tbh i don't think you can blame me. it's a small shame #i talk

[okkennymay]

This time around I thought I would make a comic relaying the events after the last time I posted, because my gosh is it easier to explain with pretty pictures than upsetting words >vO I prefer to make jokes about my situation than anything, ‘cause honestly it’s a solid way of dealing with it and I take so many medications as it is, why not add laughter to it I say! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Despite my condition’s best efforts I still managed to organise and complete a commission with someone through emails! Thank you @waezi2 you were so patient as I arose from my grave every other day to get things done (❁´◡`❁) Fighting my body and winning to complete it was the victory I needed! The sheer satisfaction I get from a commission well received by someone is like pure nectar to me~ Sweet sustenance I just can’t get enough of! The money don’t hurt either, Disability Support Pensions do not go far in this economy 👀 This is as close as I can get to having a job and I wont let C.V.S (Cyclic vomiting Syndrome) or Chrohns take that from me! 

I’m raring to dive into more if anyone’s interested ♪(´▽｀) I’m just about to post a new “commissions sheet” to broadcast that very fact >vO I do love having something to draw between Ectober pages~

#OKKennyMay #chronically ill #chrohns disease #Comic #cyclic vomiting syndrome #If you're wondering about the fire #long story short my body has little to no control over it's temperature and sometimes it tries to overheat me to death during my episodes #it makes it such a hassle constantly changing out ice packs and devouring ice only to vomit it out trying to cool it myself down physically #In a room that's colder than ice but feels like a furnace to me #all the while in a desperate and delirious haze #needless to say it's a bit of a wild time but i've got a really awesome mum who keeps me alive during these moments #I'm determined to be more honest about what's going to in my life for my own sake #i'm tired of having nightmares about people knowing details about my illness so i'm just going to rip the damn bandaid off #no matter how embarrassing or horrifying it is to relay at times I gotta do it #because i'm tired of being ashamed for things I have no control over dang it! It's not my fault my body doesn't work right >:V #hey if you read all these tags thank you #I appreciate you