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gingersnappe-9 · 3 years

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Quisiera: Growing Pains (2)

Javier Peña / F!Reader; Post Narcos

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1.9K words

Summary: You have a lot on your mind. You never expected Javi to be one of them. But that's nothing a good soak can't fix, right?

Warnings: mention of loss of parent & degenerative diseases, minor depictions of sexual thoughts, minor profanity

A/N: because I'm a major dork, and no one asked, I created the floor plan for the reader's house and my friend @followwhereshegoes designed it in Sims for me. The photos are at the end of the chapter. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Your hair blew in the wind as you drove your work-beaten Ford F-250 home. Papers from a long day of checking up on animals and livestock fluttered beneath your now empty thermos for coffee. Your head bobbed with the familiar bumps and turns of the road as you drove home. The ride wasn’t unlike it had been any other day, but as you pulled into your driveway and peaked to the left and you knew he would be there. You had known for a few weeks now that Javi had been back. On a courtesy visit for Don Jesús -- Javi’s dad -- he had mentioned his son might be returning to Texas soon. That had to have been roughly two, maybe three months ago?

You never thought you would see him again. The kid who always thought he knew best. The one who was so sure of himself and that the world was his oyster. You weren’t surprised that he didn’t recognize you though. That was Javi you grew up with. This Javier was different. It was plain to see that he carried a weight with him. Knowing the things he knew, holding on to whatever he’d done in the back of his mind now and forever. He wasn’t the bright and shiny version of Javi you once knew, but he was still as golden as ever.

As you hopped out of the car and twirled the keys on your finger, you were beyond satisfied at your decision to postpone your reunion with Javi. Crossing the threshold of your house you recalled how panicked he looked. The quick flashes of “oh shit” in his eyes before he masked his uncertainty with precision and a charming smile. To others, he played it off fine, but you knew Javi before he was Agent Peña. You’d practically grown up with him so you were privy to those subtle tells.

Javi’s abuelos moved to be closer to their son and his family. His grandparents and your parents met in English class after they moved to America and the families stayed close ever since. Javi’s family was from Mexico, and yours came from Colombia. Each of your tíos and tías helped watch and raise you and your primos. While most of your blood relatives were still in Colombia, you loved your found family here in the States. All of the birthdays spent in one another’s backyards with copious amounts of candy that came pouring out of piñatas. Big Christmas gatherings with mountains of food like ponche, pozole verde, and dulcitos like your favorite manjar blanco. Above all, you remember the laughter.

You laughed so much as a child. Someone could look at you in such a way and you would have burst out into a fit of giggles and happy squeals. It was a bittersweet thing to recall. Things were just… different now. You grew up. Life changed, you certainly had.

This was the home your parents had built not too long after they came to America. You still felt like a little kid playing house sometimes. Being the sole occupant felt strange after the years you spent growing up with the place bursting with laughter, people, and above all love. But life changed. Your mother had died of a heart attack the year before you finished vet school. Ten years back, your father was diagnosed with early onset dementia and it was left to you to make the hard decision of placing him in a nursing home. You couldn’t care for him with the hours you worked at the clinic, and you didn’t think your heart could bear seeing the man you admired slowly fade away. It made you feel awful to admit, but there was only so much a heart could take. It could’ve been different if you still had your mamá, but it was just you.

Your body hitched a bit as you bent over to pull the dirt caked boots off your feet. Growing up is fun, they said. They never mentioned anything about rapid onset aches and pains once you passed thirty. You loved being a vet, you loved taking care of horses and all manner of livestock; being there for the folks who relied on you, but man alive was it taxing on the body.

As you padded your way into the study just to the left of the front door, you dropped the excess paperwork and lunch pale on your desk; your boots onto the old mat so as to not spread anymore dirt in the house. Trying your best to properly file away your paperwork, billing receipts and lists of future visits, you found your mind wandering back to Javier.

The wonderful way his bone structure had sharpened with age. Yeah he was a good looking teenage boy -- a bit on the thin side, but strong in body and mind -- but this version of Javi was a stud. His skin was naturally tanner than some, but it was even more bronzed by the sun from his time down in Colombia. A man with strong looking hands that wrapped the circumference of the tumbler glass filled with neat whiskey meanwhile yours could only manage to get around halfway. You were extremely annoyed at how he could pull off a damn mustache without looking like a creep. Finding that you were spending far too much time thinking about Javier Peña rather than getting your ass ready for bed, you set off on your nightly routine.

Pushing yourself up and out of the desk chair was more tiresome than you would have liked to admit, but not impossible. You then opened the door that led into your bedroom. It still felt a bit weird to call it your bedroom after all this time.

You had redecorated the place to your tastes. The main bedroom now had a beautiful four post bed with pleated gossamer drapes around the posts. The warm wood bureau and doors matched the deep trim of the window sills and frames throughout the house. You removed your everyday jewelry and placed them in the little wooden dishes you had bought in Colombia the last time you visited. You had just turned twenty two then, and didn’t care to remember how old you were now. Admiring the fine artistry of the delicately carved lines and lacquered scenery of a village always brought back fine memories, summers spent in a home away from home. Peeling off your work clothes proved a bit more challenging now that your muscles and bones had started to stiffen from the wear of the workday. You walked into your bathroom as naked as the day you were born, a small perk of having moved into the main bedroom since it had an ensuite bathroom.

After the long day, a shower just didn’t seem like it was going to cut it. You pivoted to the left and began to draw a steaming hot bath. A few drops of essential oil were splashed into the piping hot water. Your abuelita did always say, “Medicina cuando la necesita, pero los remedios naturales siempre son los mejores.”

Medicine when you need it, but natural remedies are always best.

Once the tub was filled as high as it could go and still accommodate your body, the taps were shut off, and you slipped into the warm bliss. The water worked its magic while you turned on a small radio that sat on the windowsill. It was tuned in to some station based in Mexico that always played música rancheras. You were a self-proclaimed “old soul” and loved your parents' generational music. It was a not-so-guilty-pleasure for you. Even when you were younger, some of the other kids made fun of you for not liking the more modern music. But your mom always reassured you it was because you were un romántico. A romantic.

The soulful melodies and elegant guitar echoed through the steam from the bath as your aches and pains were softly pulled from your bones. The sky outside the window was a dusty pink muddled with orange. The heat from the bath was wonderful. Your mind wandered ever farther as you sunk deeper into relaxation. Tonight was one of those evenings you imagined someone else in the tub with you, it was one of the reasons you’d thrown in a couple extra bucks when you redid the bathroom. You imagined leaning against their chest, them running their hands up and down the inner part of your thighs, getting closer and closer to where you wanted their touch the most.

Big and strong hands. Ones that weren’t afraid to leave an imprint, a reminder of their presence. Your cheeks flushed at the thought of them gently pressing and squeezing into your thighs, chest, and hips. The fantasy completed itself when you put a face to this mystery man.

Warm brown eyes, a well-defined jaw, somewhat pouty lips that practically begged you to kiss them with a fucking mustache of all things. You imagined the sound of his voice right next to your ear, whispering dirty things while he continued to paw at your body with confidence. The fresh recall of your most recent conversation made the day dream seem all the more real. It was intimate, enticing. You hadn't had any real boyfriend in a while and with the luscious way the water lapped over your skin, you couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together unconsciously as his conjured words echoed in your mind.

You feel so soft, Armorsita. Do you like when I touch you here, baby? Oh, you do. I can tell. Mi dama. Tell me. Tell me how much you like it, how much you love being mine. Let me have you, all of you. Let me show you just how much I love touching you right…

Your mind snapped back when your head slipped from its perch on the back of the tub. The room felt steamier than it had before even as the water temperature had dipped to lukewarm.

Was I really just fantasizing about Javier Peña of all people?

It was official then. You needed to get into bed and sleep off whatever delusions these were and come back to reality.

Fully washed and dried, you finished your routine by lathering yourself in your favorite lavender body lotion. Your body felt much better without the thin layer of Texas dust smothering your skin. Something different, however, clouded your mind, or rather, someone. It was a bit alarming how easily Javier permeated your idle thoughts. The encounter suddenly became very clear.

Why did you say goodnight as sultry as you did? Was that even sultry? Why do I keep thinking about it being “sultry”?

Your mind recalled the brief moment your lips touched his cheek. It wasn’t unlike any other time you kissed a friend goodbye. You’d been doing it forever. It was how you said goodbye. You knew that, and so did he. So why did it carve out its own special place in your mind? Why were the sensations so clear and vidid? Why did you so badly want to do it again and again without pause?

Of course your mind would fixate on the person who had just recently come back into your life. It was only natural. Humans are designed to notice differences. It’s a survival technique. To pay attention to possible threats. And you had yet to make up your mind if you considered this version of Javier Peña a friend or foe.

Taglist: @hnt-escape @betti-book @mcueveryday @athalien

#pedro pascal characters #narcos au #narcos #narcos fanfiction #javier peña

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.

Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.

Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs

-_-_-_-

2003

"Brianna, could you come here?"

I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.

Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.

"Hey, Grandpa," I said.

"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.

Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"

I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.

"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.

I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."

I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.

"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.

"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."

"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.

I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"

Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"

"Find what?"

"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"

He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.

I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.

"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."

This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.

And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.

And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.

"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.

"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.

"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.

"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.

Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.

Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.

He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"

I glanced at him with a scorn.

"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."

My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.

"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.

"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"

Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"

My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.

"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."

A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?

"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.

Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"

But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.

"Brie?" She blinked.

I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.

"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.

"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.

She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.

Oh, high school drama.

Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.

I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.

Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.

I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...

"Why the sad face, baby?"

I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.

I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."

"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."

My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.

"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.

"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."

"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"

I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?

Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.

"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."

Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you let her know?"

I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."

"All you can do is try."

"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."

My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?

"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.

"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"

"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."

"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."

I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"

"I know."

"That means a lot." I smiled.

He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"

"Sure."

I stood up and left for the kitchen.

On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.

I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.

I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.

Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.

"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.

He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.

I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.

I pushed open the door with my foot.

Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.

"Sorry it took so long. I - -"

"Who are you??"

I froze on the spot. "It's me."

"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"

My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.

He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.

But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.

"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"

I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?

"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.

With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.

I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.

In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.

Not even in the slightest.

There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.

Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.

"Brianna, Jesus!"

Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."

I was?

"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."

Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.

Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.

"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.

Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."

Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.

Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"

I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.

I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.

There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.

Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.

As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.

Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.

One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.

"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.

"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.

She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.

My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."

I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."

"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."

I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.

He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."

I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.

"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.

"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.

"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"

I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.

Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."

Two days later, he passed away.

I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.

Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.

I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.

As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.

Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.

Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.

Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.

"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.

"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.

I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.

I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.

The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.

The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.

The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.

However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.

And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.

And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.

-_-_-_-

2020

"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."

I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.

"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.

"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.

I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.

"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.

I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."

I hoped it would be good.

"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.

All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.

"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.

I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"

Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.

"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.

"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."

I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.

Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"

"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.

"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.

Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"

I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"

She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw dementia #tw death #tw grief #tw homophobic slurs

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [Enough lowkey happened on that camping trip that this can be near the start of the holidays, like we already been knew but we're pretending still at this point that none of this is real okay lads, obviously they at the stage of pretending to be more life and soul than they actually are 'cos all the fakery so when she's in a mood and gone off it's more noticeable, you feel?] Jimmy: [that's a whole fat mood even if he doesn't actually find her with Harry he'd still be like UM hello] Janis: [I don't think she shoulda 100% come out with the intention of doing this but when she wanna (cos Jimmy, obvs, we know Harry is not that hot or charming really lol) can't it's like well this isn't real so I can't ask him so I wanna be with someone who I can for real, like it could be anyone but he's the obvious choice...apart from that, I think we can go] Jimmy: [100% agree it's not like a calculated bitch move and we know how messy they get at parties so] Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Yep Janis: fresh air Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: 🚽 Jimmy: Oi you're not 🤢 are you? Janis: Fuck off Janis: 'course I ain't Janis: only room with a lock Jimmy: what's up then? Janis: that song was so offensively shit Janis: can't hear myself think Jimmy: come outside Janis: why? Jimmy: I'll pick you a 🌹 obvs Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: a valid one Janis: if I've gotta act 😍 over that, how big the crowd I'm walking into is, etc Jimmy: it's quieter out here, dickhead Janis: idk, could run a bath and go under Jimmy: 💀💀💀 pact's for two Jimmy: can we both fit? Janis: the bath is suitably impressive Janis: no marble though so I'm disgusted, obvs Jimmy: won't somebody think of the blood splatter? 😒 Jimmy: let me in then Janis: What kind of proposition is that? Janis: Give me five minutes Jimmy: so high maintenance, you Janis: If you wanna be known as the kind of boyfriend who has to watch their girlfriend take a piss, be my guest Jimmy: who are you talking about my kinks to, girl? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no need Janis: all 👀s on us at all times Jimmy: yeah and I look like a right dickhead Jimmy: hurry up, Janet Janis: go 🚬 Janis: I'll be there in a few Jimmy: love when you tell me what to do Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: I'll add it to the kink list to 📢 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when it's so awkward like hope there ain't an audience bye] Jimmy: [lights her a 🚬 cos standard but is looking at her like ??] Janis: [taking it and just smoking for a bit 'some nights, this is just more inconvenient than others, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['Nah, it's inconvenient every night, mate' shrugs but is clearly like what the fuck do you mean] Janis: [🙄 'obviously but-' shrugs but in a idk how to word this now kinda way '9/10 when we ain't putting on a show we can still do what we want, yeah?'] Jimmy: [nudges her like go on and taking a big drag while he works out what that means and then takes a hot sec to answer we all know why 'depends'] Janis: ['yeah, it's the depends, ain't it' nods like we're on the same page now 'the shit you wanna do but technically can't 'cos it jeopardizes the whole performance, even when you ain't'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like what even though he knows cos gonna make you say it always #thatbitch] Janis: [just the longest smoke break lmao 'like if we actually wanted to hook up with someone at this party, we can't'] Jimmy: Bathroom door's got a lock on it Jimmy: you said Janis: Obviously Janis: as if there's any chance of 'cheating' without every cunt seeing Janis: they seem thick but they're well up on all this gossip bullshit Jimmy: not with that 🥉 attitude Jimmy: 💕 conquers all, Jules, ain't you heard Janis: Now I'm an amatuer, yeah? Jimmy: do you need me to say it again using the 📢? Janis: how many lasses you had in there tonight then Jimmy: As many as I want Jimmy: [walks away rudely] Janis: alright Janis: message received Jimmy: is it? Janis: Nothing cryptic about it, really Jimmy: we don't need coded 🗨 Jimmy: save that for whoever's meeting you in the bathroom Janis: I doubt I'd be meeting anyone if I had to go to that length of espionage Jimmy: Oi 💀👑 would go to the ends of the earth for you, my dear Janis: 💀👑 can also manage a game of chess, so I hear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: as romantic nights in go, you could do worse Janis: Romance would not be in his vocabulary, if he knew he had one Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: 💔 or 👍 Jimmy: Delete whichever one Janis: Doing someone else to make you jealous is a cliche too far, I reckon Jimmy: good job that ain't why then Jimmy: you can crack on Janis: Bill would be well let down Jimmy: I ain't got a balcony for him to haunt, it's alright Janis: 🤞 the lack of marble don't vex him then Jimmy: wouldn't be my first 👻🥊 if he really wants to get a mard on Janis: 👍 in a bit Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [later but not like hours obvs] Janis: you still about? Jimmy: weren't gonna just do one without telling you Jimmy: what kind of fake boyfriend Jimmy: [in my head he's having a drink with some art hoe from his class cos saying they're chatting would be a stretch lol] Janis: 💕 Janis: [obvs like oh but recovery of coming over and having a swig of his drink like bonjour] Jimmy: [gives it to her so he has the excuse of going to get another one cos doesn't wanna talk to either of them rn] Janis: [oh the small talk you are not making, this girl, soz hun] Jimmy: [when you just in the kitchen like this takes longer than it does/you can't poss push through the peeps to get back] Janis: what's her story then Janis: why is she so 😪 Jimmy: Who is she? Janis: Got enough to 📢 about you Jimmy: and what? Janis: so stalker or you should at least be able to pull a name out your arse, like Jimmy: Why? I don't remember yours and you're my missus Janis: Hmm 😏 endearing quirk or a sign of early-onset dementia Jimmy: weren't that early 👴 me Janis: True Janis: be back in 🚼 'fore long Jimmy: if you've forgotten how old I am, might wanna get your own 🧠 checked, mate Jimmy: and yeah, your kinks are blatant, calm down Janis: I've been around enough actual babies to know I don't wanna pretend to look after one in my me time Jimmy: I ain't around you in your personal time Jimmy: let you off the 🕛 Janis: no one wants to fake hear about my adult baby kink, dickhead Jimmy: Dunno where I put my 📢 Jimmy: 💔 Janis: are you lost Janis: you've been ages Jimmy: now you miss me Janis: She wasn't much company Jimmy: I don't need to tell you, she ain't the only dickhead here Jimmy: or to crack on Janis: We'll have to be seen in the same room at some point Janis: or I'll just go home, like Jimmy: Off you go then Janis: yeah, 'cos I can just go Janis: you know how this works Jimmy: You ain't been caught out yet Jimmy: maybe the fans weren't as bothered as we reckoned Janis: 'cos I'm not an idiot Janis: which is what we'll both look if we have a weird domestic now Jimmy: you can leave that right out Jimmy: it's how I've looked for ages Janis: You said I could Jimmy: Piss off Janis: You did, you pretty much challenged me to do it Jimmy: Take the out Jimmy: I don't fucking need you here now Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: if I wanted an out, I'd do it Janis: that was the whole point of talking to you Janis: if you had a problem with it tonight you should've said so Jimmy: If you wanna go home, go home Janis: No, 'cos you want me to go home, I'm not going to Janis: and if you want an out, you'll have to fucking say that too Jimmy: I don't care, Janis Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Yeah, fine by me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [storms through this party to go smoke again because that's the mood he's in] Janis: [when you'll have to go break something somewhere 'cos it is not okay, thank God we don't care about whoever's house this is] Jimmy: [honestly there better not be anyone annoying outside cos he will smack you lads] Janis: [seriously I'm like flat whites don't be there we can't be having the levels of violent rn 'cos can't deal with emotions] Jimmy: [likewise thank god he ain't going home to Ian rn cos that'd be a brawl and a half nobody needs] Janis: [oh you two] Jimmy: [he is not drunk enough for this lol] Janis: [when you're so frustrated that was a blatant flop and now you can't leave but can't stay, fun poll] Janis: *lol rude Jimmy: [you had one job Harry ffs] Janis: [must assume he's left 'cos highkey and you'd have to sleep with him and not happening boy] Jimmy: [what do you think she did do before she was like ABORT MISSION] Janis: [it probably got to the usual point and it's like hmm still nothing so maybe she gave him head 'cos frustration honey but then was like good day] Jimmy: [I don't feel sorry for you sir but I do feel sorry for Jimothy because he'd be doing drinking games rn throwforward to their other domestic at that party remember cos only time he ever joins in with that kinda nonsense] Janis: [they're always so grim and you are gonna get so drunk boy, I truly dunno where you're gonna be, casually barricaded in some room you're trashing, like] Jimmy: [imagine some time has passed so he's drunker] Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: you in the 🚽 again or what? Janis: no, I'm not Janis: all yours, mate Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: [sends her some flirty shit he's been sent meaning like I gotta hide but it comes across now like I'm gonna hit that #miscommunication ftw] Janis: There's that out you wanted Janis: good for you Jimmy: What? Janis: Don't what me like an idiot Jimmy: Don't be a twat like a twat Janis: Good one Janis: We'll pretend it'd be more scathing if you weren't pissed Janis: I said good for you, what more could I do to not be a twat? Jimmy: How about you pretend to have a word, you've only got the one job, rich girl Janis: What are you talking about? Jimmy: What did I just say? Janis: Why would I fake jealous of a girl you're gonna go fuck Jimmy: Why would you do owt to help me out? Fuck knows, tonight's obvs not the night for that Janis: You're making no sense right now Janis: and like fuck, this whole thing is about helping you out Jimmy: you Janis: me what Jimmy: You're making no sense Janis: This is stupid Janis: we ain't talking in circles Janis: you've got somewhere to be Jimmy: No I don't Janis: well, I'm not the one you need to let down gently then Jimmy: just Janis: I've already given her dirty looks Janis: ['cos you can't be in that room forever, like] Jimmy: [be extra like it's all for that girl's benefit okay boy] Janis: [when you're gonna respond like for like 'cos casual state you are in lawd] Jimmy: [have a MOMENT because god knows you're not gonna talk about any of this so obvs such a good idea to take your mood out this way instead of course] Janis: ['scuse the SHOW everyone but they can't get a room or the pretense is gone so] Jimmy: [also you all love it so] Janis: [ya perverts, lowkey start a softcore pornsite with all the footage y'all take] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [I get it, they're hot and this is low-key exhibitionism at this point 'cos frustrations] Jimmy: [when he's saying he missed her in between this intense sesh but is he saying it for the unnamed girl and the rest of the audience or because he actually wants to and has drunk enough 🤔] Jimmy: [because not saying it in a really extra fake way just genuinely like 'I missed you' bye] Janis: [excuse you, when neither she nor I is drunk enough to deal with that in a sensible manner] Jimmy: [it's fine we know they're not sensible rn or lowkey ever] Janis: [just gonna be saying his name like a reply, can't pretend you don't know his, babe] Jimmy: [nobody can pretend they don't know how into it he is, look away please art hoe gal] Janis: [there's some things you can't fake lads we know it] Jimmy: [especially when you're basically going as hard as you did on the school trip when you wanted Grace and Co to leave that room] Janis: [remember when, Grace does #triggered] Jimmy: [thank god we said she's not there cos this would be worse than that cos Janis is frustrated/angry af and he's angry/jealous af like imagine] Janis: [someone be shameless enough to stop them please 'cos we can't] Jimmy: [I know we've done the police before but have we done someone's parents rocking up? cos how shaming for this party thrower 🤞 it's not my boy Dan] Janis: [I don't think Dan is cool enough to throw a party at all, god bless and goodnight but yes a good idea, we shall do it] Jimmy: [when you have to go from 100000-0 cos nobody's gonna hear the parents key in the door over all that music and chaos so they just there like] Janis: [just running like lowkey what is happening but gotta go] Jimmy: [handholding for Winnie! at least until this boy has to stop cos can't run as fast or far as her] Janis: [don't vom that wouldn't be cute] Jimmy: [catch your breath and you'll be fine my beloved soft sir] Janis: [patting down his pockets like she's looking for an inhaler but obviously is looking for and gets out his pack of cigarettes like there you go, that'll sort you out 😏] Jimmy: [when he's gotta be so 😏 like steady on girl cos he's actually so 😳 and not just from running clearly, thank god for that 🚬 which we can all pretend suddenly needs the most intense concentration on earth like] Janis: [pushes him like shut up but is also 😳 so carrying on walking ahead so you can hide that and take a moment] Jimmy: [not even trying to catch up cos you also need a minute] Janis: are you going home? Jimmy: Are you? Janis: nah Janis: not when I can help it Jimmy: [shrugs like that's the most casual thing he's ever heard but looking at her like where are you going] Janis: [looking back and shrugging, continuing to walk on like let's see where I end up] Jimmy: [checking his phone to see if there are any other parties cos easter hols so obvs and showing her the options like do you fancy any of these] Janis: [a look like 'you wanna do more faking?' like you don't know oh girl and picking the party that's the closest to where they are right now] Jimmy: [gives her a look like I'll take free drinks over going home cos yeah that's the only reason okay] Janis: [nods like I hear that] Jimmy: [playfully nudges her like so come on] Janis: ['alright, alright' and walking needlessly fast 'cos minimal time alone is required] Jimmy: [when you automatically go to pull her back and then stop yourself cos no] Janis: [whether you notice that or nah, clearly pretending otherwise] Jimmy: [smoking and walking even if you have to light another one immediately idk how far this is and neither does he cos never knows where he is lol] Janis: [looking like 'aren't you gonna give me one?'] Jimmy: [looks back like not if you're 6 miles ahead of me but obvs does give her his and then lights a new one] Janis: [slowing down to take it but still keeping a pace ahead] Jimmy: [and he's just on his phone texting back and forth with Cass cos she's not asleep but should be but obvs he could be doing anything cos Janis don't know his life yet] Janis: [shamelessly like oh, take this time to think about your life and choices, babe] Jimmy: [let us take a moment to appreciate the state of them though like all the skin she's got on show and what he would've done to it, enjoy that in a sec Mia you nosy bitch] Janis: [gonna make her night truly, also he's probably feeling even more pissed 'cos cold air has hit him, like] Jimmy: [yeah that's always fun, thank god he didn't have time to get properly wasted cos Janis has enough catching up to do] Janis: [when you're low-key not even tipsy at this point 'cos the dramaaa] Jimmy: [Oh Jimothy you're clearly not serving as much of a look and you're too drunk, I'm disappointed in you] Janis: [we all know he looks good all the time it's rude] Jimmy: [get in this party and get her a drink boy but handholding cos coupleyness activated the second you're in] Jimmy: [I think he should share her drink because cute but also you don't need more rn and you know it but also he should put a song on he's worked out she likes so they can dance because remember when he thought a shit song started this lol] Janis: [make an entrance you two god bless so mad your mood about to get ruined lol] Jimmy: [omg can we say Harry is talking to Mia but bins her off for Janis when we need that to happen because funny and even funnier when they end up dating later] Janis: [ahh the levels of hate just going up every second, obvs needs to happen] Jimmy: [have your OTT dance moment first though like cos Mia cannot compete there even if she wanted to] Janis: [can't risk a collapse like] Jimmy: [literally how is she alive] Janis: [when he's probs shamelessly watching this but you don't notice 'cos 'course you don't] Jimmy: [he'd be so mad that this isn't a moment like soz jj are too busy having one] Janis: ['cos you think she's literally followed you here like oh God, hence she's gonna freak when she does actually see you're here like gotta go, maybe hit a bathroom again but drag Jimmy with you] Jimmy: [boy you wish she'd follow you anywhere bye] Jimmy: [meanwhile Jimmy just sitting in a bathtub like ?] Janis: [washing me and my clothes bitch, but seriously, just breathing so shallow like full freak out] Jimmy: [can't not notice so literally but very gently pulling her into the tub with him like sit down] Janis: [reluctantly getting in 'cos you're not ready to walk back through to get out even so may as well, leaning back and sighing like well] Jimmy: [taking off her jacket for her not in a saucy way cos that actually might help her feel better you think] Janis: [just rubbing at your now bare arms and straightening up your posture literally pulling yourself together like] Jimmy: [just giving her time cos not that dickhead who's gonna be like WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TELL ME RN] Janis: ['I fucked up'] Jimmy: [looking at her like elaborate please, but in your own time cos still not that dickhead] Janis: [a look like I truly do not want to do that please lol 'there's someone here I don't wanna see, like more than all the other people I don't wanna see, like'] Jimmy: [nodding like okay that's all I need to hear, getting up like let's go as if they haven't just got there and peeps won't be like ?? or anything because he's not thinking about the fake just the real of what she just said even though it hasn't clicked with him that this could be anything to do with earlier because why would she not wanna see that person as far as he's concerned and putting a hand out to help her up and out too which he so doesn't need to do we see you boy] Janis: [is shaking her head like no wait then makes a 😒 face at herself 'cos does not wanna be this contrary bitch or this bitch freaking out ever but like, it's happened now so- 'we shouldn't go, I already fucked up earlier, we should make the most of that lot being here' 'cos obviously Mia also made herself #seen 'cos when doesn't she lol] Jimmy: [when you touch her 😒 face unthinkingly and softly which shakes you to your core because get control of yourself boy so you make a big show of checking yourself in the mirror for an age like okay I'm ready] Janis: [when you fuck up his hair 'cos a. just that bitch and b. you're meant to be getting it on in here so don't be looking all put together 'amateur' but with feeling] Jimmy: [returning the favour because 1. oi and 2. her hair would be a MESS if you had and everyone knows that and tying her jacket around his waist so he can carry it for her without having to and it's like that thing when boys wear girls scrunchies on their wrists and girls lose their minds] Janis: [raises a brow like what are you doing at first but then nods like touche, as much as you've just said you should make a show for the flat whites, when Mia is talking to Harry again you gotta be like, let's get another drink first ty, hopefully some of the others are in the kitchen] Jimmy: [when you're about to question it by typing cos would never out loud obvs cos you can clearly see 💀👑 but yeah then there are others in the kitchen so you go with that] Janis: [#dutchcourage, least you can be cute/in everyone's way by getting on the counter and just casually wrapping your long ass legs 'round him to 😍] Jimmy: [just gently kissing all those lovebites you made at party 1 making a big show of how sorry you are for each one like thanks for all the bare skin I can use to put on a show yet again bitch] Janis: [truly out here in a bra lmao the confidence] Jimmy: [we're all jealous as hell that she can and looks amazing doing it, especially the flat whites] Janis: [Asia like he wanted me first though lol] Jimmy: [oh girl you wish] Jimmy: [we should have him come into the kitchen to get drinks for him and Mia which she can't be fuming about even though we all know his real motives] Janis: [ugh the level of smug, knowing looks that just make her wanna die, leaning into Jimmy's ear and cupping her hand like she's whispering something saucy to him but is literally just hiding like go away] Jimmy: [when he whispers back but uses the opportunity to ask her if she's alright because not an idiot] Janis: [nods 'I just missed you too' when you say it loud enough it could be for the benefit of the audience but is it or nah, we'll never know] Jimmy: [when now isn't the time or place to push her on what's actually wrong so you just go harder instead which equally begs the question are you trying to distract her/make her feel better or is it for the audience] Janis: [just do the most 'til he says something or goes away kids, speaking of, kinda torn between him not saying anything because he thinks it'll happen again ('cos like it has been repeats thus far so fair) so he's just kinda like smug but not gonna outright be saying something dead obvious to Jimothy to start shit...or getting him that drunk that he does, 'cos we could do it when they're outside smoking or something so the whole party don't actually hear for once? idk] Jimmy: [I like that idea like he doesn't say anything here and now so she's like thank fuck I might have actually gotten away with this but then later when he's drunk he could be like about to go and wants her to go with him or whatever] Jimmy: [I also like the possibility that he could say something to Mia at any point #mildperil] Janis: [that's a good idea, bide your time, dickhead] Janis: [also we know she's snekky so instead of being like um why do you keep looking at her and being salty she can probably get something out of him, she's smart and he ain't really so] Jimmy: [yeah that's what I thought and she'd love knowing that Janis 'cheated' this early on for JJ so] Janis: [exactly, hence she can nudge Harry into making that post after the basketball match drama] Jimmy: [OMG yeah I never even thought of that] Janis: [masterminding] Jimmy: [ironically Harry getting with Mia cos she doesn't play games which he thinks Janis is rn] Janis: [lmao good luck with that you already being played now and you got no clue] Jimmy: [I almost feel sorry for him but he didn't need to post those nudes so I don't] Janis: [mhmm honey] Jimmy: [live your best life at this party til later though JJ my babes] Janis: [hells yeah] Jimmy: [it hurts my heart cos they'd both relax thinking shit's okay now and be actually having a good time, fuck you Harold] Janis: [he probably thinks whomever it was has gone, like] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and like not gonna think about it too hard cos her mood has clearly changed and that's the important thing] Janis: [is there anything we wanna do specifically or, how we doing this?] Jimmy: [I think we can probably just skip to when Harry fucks things up because we know the vibe but yeah how do we wanna do that like maybe we can just plot out how it would have gone and see from there cos like she might run away or Jimmy might smack him we don't know lol] Jimmy: [like what do you think he should say/do?] Janis: [Hmm, like you said maybe he comes over and is like okay come back with me though, like enough 'games' now and is ignoring Jimmy so obvs he's like excuse you piss off then when Janis is also like fuck off no so then he's salty and says something when he's walking away like 'tell me how my dick tastes' 'cos he would] Jimmy: [well that's lovely thank you Harry, you're so getting smacked now boy cos his ex was a hoe and he doesn't need to be triggered like that] Janis: [when the worst you were expecting happened and a hoe gotta go] Jimmy: [clearly should try and follow her because how's that gonna look if she leaves without him but doesn't because literally doesn't care about any of that in the moment obvs] Janis: [we're not keeping up the act rn, hopefully there were minimal people about and we can just call Harry a liar later like he's not a trustworthy bitch peeps be known] Jimmy: [yeah I doubt there were many people outside and they'd all be drunk af whoever were and like you said he's not coming through with proof but I hope Janis ain't going to mcvickers gaff cos if Jimothy is going home they'd have to go the same way lol] Janis: [lol imagine, I'll make her run off in a different direction don't worry] Jimmy: [poor bitch she doesn't need the awkward walk of shame] Janis: [she know some places, go work out that aggression again, not that you can but you know] Jimmy: [mhmmm god only knows what Jimothy is gonna do when he gets home cos you can't just casually go to sleep like this is fine] Janis: [I'm like what are you gonna do, what are you gonna say, oh girl] Jimmy: [and how long are you gonna leave it to have the convo too like] Janis: [right, when you wanna do it now to say it, but then you're like, he's not gonna wanna and you're scared too but you don't wanna leave it too long, gay] Janis: [gaaaaaaaaaay 🙄 GAH grammarly GAH ] Jimmy: [he's gonna have to act like he's so not bothered cos it's such early days I'm gonna die] Janis: [okay, I'm gonna say next morning, torture yourself, and inadvertently him, all night] Jimmy: [yassss] Janis: Hey Jimmy: Morning Janis: You alright? Janis: sorry about that idiot last night Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: If you're gonna apologise for every dickhead from last night, do it in a bit, I'm short on time Janis: I won't take on accountability for every cunt, like Janis: just that one Jimmy: Alright Janis: Yeah Janis: you at work? Jimmy: Nah Janis: Oh, alright Janis: well, my bad then Jimmy: I'm in later if you wanna erase your guilt using the tip jar Jimmy: might have another fight in me if it's for 💰💰💰 Janis: Come on Jimmy: what? Janis: Don't take the piss, like Janis: I'm trying to say sorry properly Janis: it was fucking embarrassing Jimmy: he's 💔 give it him Janis: He's an idiot Jimmy: who here ain't? Jimmy: yet to meet 'em, me Janis: Best of luck on that score Jimmy: Tah Janis: I appreciate you punching him regardless Jimmy: it weren't for you Janis: Obviously Janis: still Janis: and he chats shit all the time so, no one will care to remember if they heard anything Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Hopefully they're all too hungover to show their faces in CG today 🤞 Jimmy: 💀👑 don't get hangovers Jimmy: she'd have to swallow Janis: Do spirits have calories 🤔 Janis: oh 👻 Jimmy: give her a bell, you'll have your answer Janis: I'm not feeling that guilty Janis: no need to punish myself like that Jimmy: I get it, you're a fake catholic an' all Jimmy: nowt's real with you Janis: Bit harsh Jimmy: is it? Janis: Yeah Janis: we don't know each other like that Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔🎻💔 Janis: Don't be a dick about it Jimmy: we don't know each other like that Jimmy: I ain't gonna be nice to you, Jill Janis: Alright Janis: well I've said what I need to say so that's that then Jimmy: In a bit then Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah right Jimmy: [posts something extra like mhmm yeah right] Janis: [as extra a response like this convo isn't even going this badly rn] Jimmy: [being even more extra back like gotta remind her how fake this is and how much you don't care] Janis: [oh lads, just a back and forth] Jimmy: [for ages like is anyone but Mia THIS invested] Janis: [the answer is no[ Jimmy: [but like it's also shade on his part cos it's like him saying we've done this so now I don't have to see you today, job done] Janis: [we know it and she knows it honey] Jimmy: [and we know the flirty undertone that's real af isn't there that usually is, they are so phoning this in rn] Janis: [this is so sad tbh] Jimmy: [what if they run into each other somewhere that they don't expect to idk where but like they can't pretend they haven't seen each other cos other people have seen them but like it's not a party so can't be that OTT] Janis: [where could it be hmm] Jimmy: [like it could be something he's taking either of his siblings to even but then why is Janis there 🤔] Janis: [tis the issue, unless we go for the park, like we always do but it's real, and if we make it a nice day, teens would be hanging to peep 'em] Jimmy: [oh true] Janis: [I can't think of anywhere else they'd both be and other people to see, 'cos I was thinking we could steal when Ellie was doing the family shop 'cos Janis could do it too for something to do but idk if any other teens would really be there to the level you'd be like 'we must go 'round this shop together' maybe when they're more 😍 again though] Jimmy: [yeah unless like someone worked there and clocked them but even then a bit of a flimsy excuse probably] Janis: ['cos I doubt any of the flat whites are working in a supermarket so yeah] Jimmy: [exactly and my other thought was maybe it was the pool or like a sports thing but Janis already did the school trip for extra credit so I doubt she'd have to do anything else] Janis: [unless she is just there working out 'cos said about being underwater and not able to hear shit so good throwback] Jimmy: [OOOH] Janis: [also the levels of awks like oh hi we're all just here in our swimsuits lollll we're mean but it makes sense, especially if there's like a kid's holiday deal or some shit you know the vibe] Jimmy: [I'm just imagining in angus thongs when her tan 😂] Janis: [thank god you ain't that hoe lmao] Jimmy: [if Asia is there though lol she is] Jimmy: [she could totally have a little sister and be there like] Janis: [just swimming like a mum] Jimmy: [sending Mia JJ updates with her waterproof phone cos that bitch don't swim so she ain't gonna be there] Janis: [when you just want the ground to swallow you up and you're just saying and looking like I am SO sorry whenever you can 'cos you can't just leave] Jimmy: [casually regretting giving her all those lovebites last night now cos that's all you can see and it's not helping you pretend to be unbothered haha] Jimmy: [thank god 😒 is his default expression] Janis: [up in this pool like a woman shamed in so many ways lol, at least the kids are there for some distraction] Jimmy: [we know Bobby is a shy clingy lad so that'd take a lot of his focus and save us all from dying even more than we are, Cass just trying to drown him cos she's mad he stayed out for ages last night too probably]] Janis: [and you're a #seriousathlete so you can go do some laps without Asia clocking anything God bless] Jimmy: [I really hope the Cass and Jimmy playfight splashes Asia and she gets her hair wet] Janis: [the least she deserves for enabling this awkward rn] Jimmy: [imagine how annoying her little sister would be, stay away from her Bobert you are too sweet] Janis: [fucking little Europe or some shit Jimmy: [We should do China or America cos both on this list I just found] Janis: [ew hate/love that] Jimmy: [maybe there's two of them oh lord] Janis: [Grace be so jelly] Jimmy: [not making them twins though cos she would die] Janis: [forever triggered lol] Jimmy: [I'm thinking one around Bobby's age and then one older but still younger than Cass like] Janis: [sounds legit to me, should we skip forward or try to do this a bit and see what happens, idm] Jimmy: [at least if there's two of them she'd be busy herself so she can't stalk them as hard, I say why not try and see what happens] Janis: [so obviously we wanna do races, who can hold their breath longest, handstands, whatever other tricks you can do in a pool] Jimmy: [Cass throwing her key on the bottom to swim for it, Jimmy like no bitch cos she always loses em and he'd have to get so many cut without encouraging that behaviour] Janis: [gotta lay down the law with a child just attached to you lol God bless] Jimmy: [how awks because this is so early on so like they know nothing about each other's lives and Cass has probably instantly decided she hates Janis and Bobby is like 👀 deer in headlights] Janis: [we're all dying lol like Asia please leave] Jimmy: [Jimmy like neither of you say anything about our missing maybe dead mum or dickhead father please while trying not to betray how he feels about this fake dating/ Harry situation...so chill] Janis: [the stress good lord] Jimmy: [thank god he does have work later I said so he can use that as excuse to leave sooner than he actually needs] Janis: [Asia probably gon follow] Jimmy: [ugh true so then he has to ask Janis if she wants to come so she can hear because 😍 obvs] Janis: [at least she'll have the sense to make up an excuse 'cos we don't need to prolong this casual torture lol] Jimmy: [and at least he has his sibs there so the 'goodbye' doesn't have to be extra af] Janis: [at least we're buying ourselves more fake dating time here 'cos the awks and anger] Jimmy: [I'm proud of us but I'm sorry lads before he goes you've gotta have hot chocolate like I always did after swimming I don't make the law] Janis: [my boo insists, also the kids obvs, like he doesn't work in a cafe and you could swing by there, no no] Jimmy: [yeah fuck your pretentious latte art bitch] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: the ☕️? Janis: not bad but don't reckon they'll replace you with a 🤖 quite yet Jimmy: 💧 on my apron Janis: no doubt help with the 💸💸 tips Jimmy: they'd be more 😍 for 💦 or ☔ Janis: too nice a day for the latter Jimmy: [shrugs cos it's april so could happen] Janis: shouldn't have dried your hair Janis: very music video Jimmy: [when you're amused but you have to hide it so you get your phone out for selfies like she gave you the idea cos tbh not trying to get put on a register by taking 📷 in the pool] Janis: [🙄 but 😏] Jimmy: [casual selfie sesh and then busying yourself putting them up like] Janis: never off the clock, eh Jimmy: two jobs'll do that Janis: wouldn't know Jimmy: bit rude to rub it in, rich girl Jimmy: this ain't a 🎻 sorta place Janis: just the kinda rich girl I am Jimmy: You're alright, I'll keep the 🔪 in my back out of shot, know enough 📷 angles, me Janis: it's really bad manners to bleed everywhere, you know Jimmy: I know how to clean up after myself, that'll be the kinda poor boy I am Janis: 🚫🎻 Janis: you said Jimmy: I weren't saying it to 💔 you Jimmy: not my job Janis: just saying, follow your own rules Jimmy: make me 😘 Janis: not really got room to lecture there Jimmy: room for nowt 🦒 Jimmy: 🚫🎻 Janis: don't be short about it Janis: you're almost entirely in the right, you may as well take it Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: almost Jimmy: I've done nowt wrong 😇 me Janis: Nah Janis: you told me to do it Jimmy: convenient that Janis: is it? Janis: doubt that Jimmy: for you Janis: Yeah, clearly Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: were obvs such a good idea at the time Janis: You only set all this bullshit up for failure, not me Jimmy: how did I? Janis: You literally said it was fine Janis: I was the one saying it'd probably fuck it up Janis: I did it and I've tried to make it up but you don't care and you're offering no solutions so fuck it Jimmy: we don't need owt 'cause nobody knows owt and even if he says owt it'll sound like bollocks Jimmy: sort your head out Janis: yeah 'cos it's ideal for you to have to punch out lads all the time Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might make my dad proud of me Jimmy: a scrap might just be a laugh Janis: you want me to say you're welcome then Janis: alright, that's that then Jimmy: want you to carry round a 🪥 next time you fancy cracking on with dickheads like that Jimmy: but alright Janis: cheers Janis: you give great advice Jimmy: might do, if we were mates Janis: well we obviously aren't Jimmy: 😮😮😮 Janis: whatever Janis: [making these awkward goodbyes] Jimmy: [when you don't want her to go even though this is awful] Janis: [when you cannot take any more though] Jimmy: [pulling her back like he wanted to last night but couldn't cos he can pretend it's so fake lol lol lol] Janis: [when you're like 'what?' all light and jokey for the fake but then you look at him like actually though] Jimmy: [boy quick tell your face, Daniel will be livid, that you're giving yourself away like this] Janis: [just in a stare-off rn] Jimmy: [leaning in like he's gonna kiss her but obvs can't cos too real rn so he's like 'stop being a dickhead' in a whisper like that's what he was gonna do all along] Janis: [when you're actually like stunned lmao 'great advice as always, Taylor' under your breath and then a faker 'see you later' moment for the rest] Jimmy: [😏 because annoying her is easier and safer as is blowing her a kiss like bye babe] Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you're so irritating Janis: please don't need me for another 3-5 working days yeah Jimmy: I gave you an out, girl Jimmy: It ain't my fault that lad's 🏆 an' all Janis: I knew he was a dickhead before I did it Janis: not 💔 Jimmy: massively your type every 3-5 working days Janis: you reckon, do you Jimmy: you just said Janis: I didn't Janis: I said I knew he was one, not that I was about it Jimmy: if you weren't about it you wouldn't have done it Jimmy: unless you're not about this, and if that's it, take your out Janis: 'cos those are the only two possibilities Janis: I'm 😍 or sick of this and ain't got the balls to say it Janis: well it's neither, tah Jimmy: I never said you were 😍 Janis: alright, my type, whatever, it's the same thing Jimmy: if you wanna get with lads then you obvs ain't gay so we don't need to do this anymore, that's what I'm saying Jimmy: he'd have been happy enough to brag about how straight you are Jimmy: next time take a 📷 and you're 👍 Janis: you really think that thought had never occurred to me prior to this? Janis: if I wanted that, I would've done it ages ago Janis: not my first time, whatever popular opinion dictates Jimmy: weren't gonna chuck you a penny for 'em, my dear Jimmy: If I wanted to wait around at some shit party while another lad sorts out the lass I'm with, I'd have my ex back Jimmy: not my first time at that Janis: all you had to do was say no Janis: not even, just agree with what I was saying Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: tell yourself no, I'm not your fucking conscience Janis: conscience has got nothing to do with it Janis: obviously it'd be wrong if we were actually together Janis: but it's fake so it's just a matter of logistics and if you say you don't care then that's what I'm going on Jimmy: I've got nowt to do with it Janis: Jesus, yes you do, this is a deal between me and you Jimmy: that you were acting put upon about all night so yeah it were fine, to get you to stop marding for 5 seconds Janis: so now it's your turn? Janis: that's a mature way to deal with shit Jimmy: I'd have legged it but you beat me to that, Janet Janis: 'cos you were well in a talking mood Jimmy: I took that hint from you ages before, that'll be why Janis: I tried Janis: this is some bullshit Janis: I tried before, and after, and both times it was all good except it clearly fucking ain't Jimmy: how about you try not to put me in the path of lads you wanna fuck? or have or will do Janis: It weren't even Janis: fine Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: It weren't even what, that you couldn't have called me after you were done? Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: No Janis: I didn't think of it from that perspective, alright, that's fair Janis: this shit is a headfuck Janis: it's not like there are rules, that I've done this loads, enough to navigate it perfectly Jimmy: the only rule is that we don't mess each other about Jimmy: helping each other out is the whole point Janis: Yeah Janis: I seriously didn't think it would, believe that or not Janis: he hasn't bragged about it before but lesson learned Jimmy: I weren't here to mug off before Janis: No Janis: well, like we said, no one's gonna listen to him so as far as damage control goes Jimmy: I heard you the first hundred times you told me that Jimmy: there's no damage control for all the 🕧 waiting around for you in different parts of that massive house Janis: then tell me what I can do Jimmy: if we ain't gonna be in the same room for longer than 10 mins don't bother to invite me Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: alright Janis: I'm not going to do that again, not that you asked but Jimmy: He'd have you back, I never hit him that hard Janis: shut up Jimmy: Alright don't, you can do better Janis: we can all see what he is Jimmy: I weren't giving him 😍 soz to piss on that threesome you had your 🤞 for Janis: 🤢 Janis: stop Jimmy: you can give it all that after you let me be all over you when you were all over that dickhead? Top one Jimmy: if any dickhead's 🤢🤢 it's me Janis: it were complicated Janis: yeah, we should've left Janis: I just Jimmy: weren't trying to have a chat then were you? Jimmy: not a word Janis: so that was selfish Janis: never said I weren't Jimmy: just Janis: I'm sorry Janis: I should've gone when you offered Janis: I wanted the night to be worth it somehow though Jimmy: What does that mean? Janis: Like you said, we'd barely been in the same room so Janis: would've been a wasted night if we left then Jimmy: I'd take a wasted night night over a weird one Janis: Yeah Janis: it made sense at the time Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't emoji at me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I dunno but I was close to absolving some guilt Janis: bit rude Jimmy: save it for confession, babe Jimmy: I'm in black but that's where the similarity ends Janis: I've never been Jimmy: first time's the charm, Nah? Or is that the third? Jimmy: I dunno 😴 Janis: Cheers Janis: I really have to ask for eternal forgiveness before you're gonna bother Jimmy: If you were my real girlfriend, ain't getting The Lord involved for owt less Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: sorry your ex was a bitch too Jimmy: leave it out Janis: just saying Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: it ain't your problem and she ain't been mine for ages either Janis: okay Janis: still Janis: shit Jimmy: shut up Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: Doubt that Janis: Oh now I talk too much Janis: convenient Jimmy: yeah well chatty, you Jimmy: never know when to stop Janis: yeah well Janis: one of us has to keep the conversation going Jimmy: so #goals girl Janis: Obviously Janis: I feel like my fucking sister right about now Jimmy: Has she been with him an' all? Jimmy: taking the #twinning a bit far there, mate Janis: I hope not Janis: I dunno why you'd make me think of that Janis: I just meant general slagginess and regret Jimmy: I reckon you'd know, hardly the type to keep that to himself Jimmy: Why do you regret it? You said you knew he were a massive twat Janis: I don't know Janis: 'cos he's made me look stupid Jimmy: Only in front of me and I knew you were an idiot 😏 Janis: Thanks Janis: very supportive Jimmy: Do you want me to belt him again? Janis: Only if you feel like it Janis: but it ain't really about him Jimmy: not what I asked, 'cause nah, it ain't about him Janis: No Janis: If you never have to think about him again, that's best for me Jimmy: That all I can do you for, Jules? Jimmy: you don't fancy an overpriced latte or owt, I get that Jimmy: 🌹? Janis: Am I that demanding? Jimmy: Do you want a fake answer there or what? Janis: Cheek Janis: and after you dared to offer me a latte as well Jimmy: I never Janis: Hmm Janis: likely story Jimmy: what's tonight's? Jimmy: we in or out? Janis: I reckon we've done enough to earn a night off Jimmy: Alright Janis: don't you Jimmy: I asked you Janis: Yeah, and I asked you back Jimmy: and I said alright Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Try not to kill yourself at work today Jimmy: And be stuck haunting the CG, you're alright Janis: and you ain't allowed without me Janis: more importantly Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: You're the only one I wanna haunt, baby Janis: Yeah, I better be Jimmy: You are Jimmy: 💔 as Asia is about it Janis: she's lucky I didn't drown her Jimmy: If you really loved me, you would Janis: always coming out with this after the fact, aren't you Jimmy: What's more #goals than murdering a love rival? Jimmy: if you dunno that, Jasmine, I dunno what we're even doing here Janis: Rival is a stretch Janis: if you reckon that then you only gotta ask her Jimmy: Calm it down, bighead Jimmy: The DM asking her to attach ankle weights in the deep end has already been sent Janis: gonna be 😭 over her cankles forever now Jimmy: I were 😭😭😭 first Janis: you mean you didn't just have chlorine in your eyes? Janis: awkward Jimmy: it were already awkward Jimmy: leave my 👀 out of it, tah Janis: but they're so dreamy Jimmy: Send tweet Janis: 😏 Janis: working overtime for you, boy Jimmy: I asked you what you wanted, you never answered, girl Janis: I don't know the menu Jimmy: I have to do everything, I see how it is Janis: You wanted demanding, babe Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Stop flirting with me for 1 second so I can make you a drink! Janis: Bet that's what you say to all the customers Jimmy: Depends Janis: if you like it or nah, sure Jimmy: Nah, what I like is nowt to do with it Janis: Tips? Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: that's kinda fucked, you stop and think about it Jimmy: I don't get long enough breaks to stop and think Janis: Poor baby Janis: I've got all the time in the world to ponder for you Jimmy: just keep rubbing it in, you Janis: 😂 Janis: you know you'd hate it if I weren't a rich girl Jimmy: You ain't paying me nowt last I checked Janis: you'd have nothing to take the piss out of me for if I weren't Janis: worth it's weight in gold, surely Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Bollocks would I not Janis: Bollocks would you Janis: I'm 🥇 Jimmy: You're 🥈 Janis: Psh, fuck you Jimmy: And you're only that 'cause my 🥇 makes you look good Janis: Oh please Janis: you must've bumped your head 'cos you sound downright delusional now Jimmy: Beg all you like you ain't having the 🏆 til you pry it out of my 💀💀💀 hands Janis: Me? Beg? You? Janis: now you're hearing things Jimmy: I can barely read and I still saw that please, girl Jimmy: Felt it an' all Janis: shut up Janis: I was asking the LORD to give you some sense, that's all Jimmy: Convenient that Jimmy: Getting him involved again Janis: I'm a good friend and a good Christian 😇 Jimmy: You ain't either, unless you were chatting shit earlier Janis: Who knows Jimmy: He gonna deliver this drink to you on a ☁ or what? Janis: If only Janis: not a service you provide either, I suppose? Jimmy: I could do Janis: Impressive Janis: if dubious Jimmy: Depends where you want it Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: I'll come get it, not that much of an arsehole, usually Jimmy: You're still not having 🥇 Janis: not even if I say please AND thank you? Jimmy: Go on Jimmy: I'll see how I feel Janis: 🔮 so mysterious Jimmy: Old news that Jimmy: And not what I'm waiting to hear off you Janis: You'll be old news, soon 🤞 Jimmy: 💔 Janis: that's the whole point, yeah Janis: or do I accuse you of being closeted too Jimmy: can do Janis: I'm bigger and better than that 🥇😇 Jimmy: 👏 Janis: you thought I was gay too then Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: Nowt to tell Jimmy: I don't know you Janis: Neither does anyone else who's reached the conclusion Janis: it's not personal Jimmy: Alright, I don't think about you as much as they do Janis: 🙄 Janis: they don't think that much period Janis: but my sexual history ain't playground knowledge so obviously Jimmy: Who started it? Janis: I dunno Janis: you know how it is, only one person needs to say it once Janis: pack mentality bullshit Jimmy: It'll be a lad you didn't wanna get with or a lass who's fuming you're fitter than her Janis: That don't narrow it down Janis: bighead, remember Jimmy: 😏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: is it? Janis: I mean, Bill said it best Janis: telling everyone I ain't wouldn't do shit but make it seem like I was Janis: why else would I have agreed to this Jimmy: 'Cause I'm so fit and mysterious obvs Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm not Asia Jimmy: I know 😭💔 Janis: Could've asked, dickhead Jimmy: She has a BOYFRIEND, Jenna Janis: She wants a NEW ONE Jimmy: duh Janis: ask her then Janis: she'll have so many good ideas Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Fucking hell, I'd sooner put up with your bad ones Janis: Gee, thanks for the reminder Jimmy: 😘 Janis: no one is there, right Janis: like, no one who's gonna want a show Jimmy: What do you think? Janis: hold on then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🖐 Jimmy: 👀 Janis: how do you live like this Jimmy: What? Janis: having to be around them, even in the holidays Janis: without going postal Jimmy: I ain't got a choice Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: I know, still doesn't mean I get how you do it Jimmy: What's to get? It's a job, even rich girls know how they work Janis: Never mind Jimmy: No, go on Janis: Nah Jimmy: We're back to 🙀 are we? Janis: Nah, we're back to there's no point 'cos you always act like you're so superior when that's not even what I'm saying Janis: so forget it Jimmy: The point is that I serve dickheads all day Jimmy: Mia wishes she could take the 👑 Janis: And you can never just say that Jimmy: They're the centre of your 🌎 not mine Janis: Keep the drink Jimmy: I don't want it Janis: Neither do I Janis: another customer to complain about Jimmy: You can have that 🥇 at least Jimmy: well done Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Later Jimmy: Yeah

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fangsfics · 5 years

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Die a hero?...No thanks Chapter 7

Trigger warning: self depreciating thoughts/ thoughts of disappearing

If someone asked Flug to describe dementia in one word, he'd slap them and repeat the word chaotic ten times. Why ten times, they may ask. That's because once doesn't even begin to encompass the chaotic nature of her. Thinking back, he was glad to have dropped 505 back at his apartment.

Thirty minutes into “Dementia style fun” and they were running from an angry mob of pissed off mall shoppers. No, she didn't try to steal anything. Stealing something would have been an easier feat compared to this. No, what she did was much worse. Within those thirty minutes, not only had she managed to fill every single elevator and escalator with bubble gum and cotton candy (pulled out from nowhere!!), but also positioned every single mannequin into extremely explicit positions in front of children shops and made it rain energy drinks from the sprinkler system. Flug was somehow roped into achieving the last one all on his own.

The worst part of it all was that Flug was having the time of his life! The adrenaline, feeling of exhilaration, the burn of lungs, it was all so great!

It was also horrible. He was a hero, a person of the upper moral echelon. He should be the one stopping people from committing these actions, not actively participating in it. But yet, he couldn't find it in himself to feel bad. Logically, he knew he should but the feelings weren't bubbling up like he thought they would.

No, he felt euphoric, like he was on top of the world! Nothing could stop him now!

Right now they were running from a mob of angry mall goers. He could hear the angry slaps of their feet and the loud cursing from right behind them. The mob was right on their heels and it was so damn exciting!

“Hey Fluggy buggy, what'd I tell ya? It's fun isn't it?!” Dementia screamed over the roar of the crowd.

Panting heavily, he threw her a large grin and a thumbs up.

“Eeeeee! I knew you'd love it! It's my favorite pass time on the weekends! Although I can't do it too often cause then the people recognize me and I get chased out before I can even do anything. Boring!” She threw her hands up, emphasising her last word.

He snorted loudly and looked back at the crowd to flip them off. Cries of indignation rang out and he snorted harder. Hah, what a riot! Dementia began to laugh wildly as well and screamed cuss words back at the crowd, causing them to rile up even more.

God, when was the last time he had this much fun? Honestly, he's never. Not in his childhood, teenagehood, current hood, never…Disappointing, he needed to have this more often.

Looking over at Dementia with her wide crazed smile, hair going crazy in the wind, he also realized he's never felt this comfortable with someone before either. He felt that they clicked in a way that no one could even begin to understand. A loud, chaotic earthquake and a calm ocean combining to create a devastating tsunami, ripping and terrorizing the local populace.

It was powerful, crazy, destructive! It was...was...pure fucking fun!!

He cackled madly and grabbed Dementia, pulling her into a side alley. She yelped at the sudden handling of her and glared at him.

“What are you doing?! Let me go! No one, but bon-bon touches me without permission!”

She gnawed at his arm in anger, seething at his audacity to touch her. She growled when he ignored her. They skid to a stop when they hit the end of the alley. The mob crowded in and blocked off the entrance.

“We have you now!”

“You can't run from us anymore!”

“You're gonna pay for ruining my clothes!”

“Uh, hey nerd? What's the plan now that you've trapped us?” Dementia whispered as she spit out a square of his lab coat. She stared anxiously at the crowd behind them. Flug turned around and scoured through his pockets, throwing small bits of paper away angrily. As his hand touched cold metal, he grinned and pulled out a small green and black disk.

“My plan is...this!” He yelled manically, slapping the disk onto his chest. The green glowed brightly as both Flug and Dementia began to float upward. Dementia's eyes widened as she felt herself become weightless. He cackled madly as the angry mob screamed in anger at their escape.

“Woah!! Fucking sweet dude! I'm flying!”

“We're flying, Dementia!”

“IM FLYINGGGGGG!”

Flug smirked at her and chuckled. He decided that he liked her, she was fun, interesting, kind of annoying. She could be the first friend he's ever had, 505 didn't count cause he was kinda like a son rather than a friend.

They rose about an inch above the building, bobbing up and down like a buoy. Flug gently placed her down on the roof and reached up to take off the disk. With a sudden small pop, the little disk exploded into several pieces causing Flug to fall face first onto the rooftop. He groaned in pain as he pushed himself up onto his knees, rubbing the irritated areas.

“Hahahahaha Seems like the nerd's also a clumsy dunce! Better watch out or you'll trip on air!”

Ok, she'd be an irritating friend. Still better than what he's had.

“Dementia! Shut up! I'm not clumsy, my device simply malfunctioned!”

“Oh Oh, that's even better” she giggled, “That means you're not a nerd anymore, no more smarts! Hahaha welcome to the brawn club, Population, Dementia~”

Flug rolled his eyes at her.

“You do realize smart people can make mistakes right?”

He looked over what was left of the disk. Most of the protective plastic had melted off and the wires had fused together. It was hard to tell what went wrong, but with his tools at home he could determine the cause in no time. It worked pretty well for a prototype.

“Does that mean I'm smart, Fluggy buggy?! Cause I've been told I'm dumber than rocks. Though I bet they wish they didn't say anything at all considering they died by said rocks a few moments later. That was pretty fun actually! Anyway I'm smart now!” Dementia gasped dramatically. “Maybe I can be Black Hat's nerd!”

“What? Dementia no. Yeah, you're smart in your own way, but you can't be Black Hat's “nerd”. It takes years of learning and mechanical knowledge. Plus who would take care of your job now?Also, you can't be smarter than me...Wait, I don't even want to be Black Hat's nerd. Fuck, scientist! Look at what you're making me say now!”

“Omg, you're so right!” Dementia squealed, ignoring his last statement, “Blacky would be without his body guard if I wasn't there! Look at your arms, there's no way you could take that place. They're practically sticks! Alright, you be the nerd and I'll be the brute! I'll even come and grace you with my magnificent prowess by smashing things!!”

“What n-”

“FEDOR ALYOSHA FLUG! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!” A thick Russian voice cut Flug off.

On the roof right behind them was Flug's dad, Strong Man, absolutely red in the face with anger. There was a large cracked crater under his feet, showcasing the strength of his landing. Dementia, deciding to take a strategic retreat, camouflaged and scurried away.

“D-dad, hold on! Please, it's not what it...looks like?”

Strong man glared sharply at his son.

“Don't. Even. Try. I know what happened and I beyond angry. Causing a scene at the mall, vandalizing property, constructing lewd scenes?! I taught you better than this. We're leaving now and you better have a good excuse or you might end up back at the academy!”

Strong man grabbed Flug's arm and dragged him away.

____________________

Dementia watched as Flug and the large hero vanished from view. She hadn't completely left Flug to the hero's mercy. She hid behind a large vent, waiting for an opportunity to rescue him or that was what she expected to happen. What she didn't expect was for the hero to claim to be Flug's dad.

Flug's dad, a hero… digusting! She scrunched over, gagging at the thought. Ugh, she had to do something about this. Poor Fluggy trapped under a hero's lineage, stopped from causing mayhem at his heart's desire. He needed to be rescue as fast as possible.

First things first, Black hat needed to know. She stared at the spot they disappeared from, then scurried away toward the hat mansion.

_____________________

Flug slammed against the soft cushions of his couch. It didn't hurt, but his vision spun from the force of his impact. His dad stood before him, hand still outstretched from having shoved Flug down. Looking at the intimidating stature of his father, Flug’s body trembled in fear as he pushed himself up, his arms barely having enough strength to accomplish this. Strong man roughly shoved him down again, this time leaning his face inches away from Flug's own.

“You can't even begin to imagine the depth of anger right now. How could you do something like that?!” He choked, his voice tight with barely restrained rage, “I understood when you acted out as a teenager, that's normal, but now? Now you have no excuse. Where is your medicine?! I know you haven't been taking it!”

“Dad wai-”

“No! I don't want your excuses! You don't get any excuses anymore! You are a hero now! You have expectations that you must fulfill. Do you know how hard it was for me to make sure no one recognized you and that you didn't get arrested?!”

“If I could just expla-”

“You don't! You were too busy fraternizing with your new ‘friend’, causing trouble, ignoring any thought of the consequences! I have more than half a mind to get rid of this apartment and force you back to the academy, you obviously can't handle your freedom!”

“What! You can't do that! I paid for this and I am-”

“My son, I can do whatever I want with you! I raised you from childhood to adulthood, you are mine! Watch your tongue or I will go through with it! Do you understand?”

“.....”

“I said. Do. You. Understand?”

“...yes отец.”

“Good. From now on, you will come visit me every morning at 8 am so I can watch you take your meds. I will be the one giving them to you, so that way you can't switch them with sugar pills. And don't even say that you won't switch them, you can't be trusted with your medicine on your own anymore. I expect you tomorrow at 8 on the dot. If you are late even once from now on, it's the academy for you.”

With the last word, he stomped out of the apartment, slamming the door with finality.

Flug stared at the door and watched the wall splinter with cracks from the strength of slam. He didn't know when he started crying. The tears simply began to roll lightly down his face. He reached up to wipe at them, but they didn't stop no matter how many he wiped away. He didn't even know why he was crying, he felt completely numb.

Well he did at first. After a moment, pure sorrow cut through him like a sharp knife, crying turned to sobbing. His wails echoed through the apartment. He felt alone, pathetic, worthless. Nothing about him was worth a damn in the world. Maybe everyone would be happier if he just dis-

Warmth enveloped him in a hug and soft coos were purred next to his ear. 505, the gentle and loving bear that he had saved without a second thought. The bear that he had made a difference to, that he mattered to. He might not matter to anyone else in the world, but he knew that he mattered to 505.

He turned around and hugged 505 tightly around the middle as he bawled. He didn't think, he just let himself feel and get all the horrible sad emotions inside of him out.

He sat there, cuddled up to 505 until his tears ran dry and he felt numb again. His head hurt and his eyes burned. If he closed his eyes would everything disappear, would his pain stop? He pushed his face deeper into the soft blue fur and drifted off to a deep sleep.

#my writing #die a hero?...no thanks #villainous #villanos

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pyro-flug · 7 years

Note

Hey, lizardhat anon here, there's no hate coming from me and I absolutely understand you! I still love your stories and I'm gonna continue admiring both your fanart and fanfics. But, you giving dementia a girlfriend gave me an idea, how about some bonding time with the boys, and dementia figuring out a perfect, villainous gift idea for her girlfriend's birthday or smth (I just thought it would be cute to have flug and bh trying to come up with a more evil but still romantic idea than the other)

“UuuuuuhhhhHHHHHGGGGGGGGGG,” Dementia groaned long and loud from where she had flopped over the back of the living room couch. Flug, who was sitting opposite of where his friend had thrown herself, raised his eyebrow at her. “UUUUUUUHHHHGGGGGG.”

“What’s wrong?” Flug sighed. Immediately, Dementia vaulted over the couch and plopped down next to the scientist with a hopeful grin on her face.

“What do you usually get Blackhat for presents!?” she blurted out.

“Why are you asking?” The lizard girl’s hands shot forward and gripped the doctor’s lapels tightly. Then she began to shake him as she said,

“Please, please, please just answer me Flug, I need present ideas!” A lightbulb went off in Flug’s head and he smirked under his bag up at his friend.

“OooooOOOOooohhhh, I see what’s going on here.”

“No you-”

“You’re trying to figure out what to get Larissa for her birthday, aren’t you?” Dementia let go of her friend, grabbed a pillow, and fell back into the cushions as she screamed into it. “Thought so.”

“I’ve been dating her for almost a year now!” The pillow was thrown across the room as Dementia let out her frustration. “I feel like I’ve known her forever, but I still have no idea what she’d like for a birthday gift and it’s so frustrating!”

“So you want ME to come up with a gift idea???”

“What’s this about gift ideas?” Blackhat said as he entered the living room. The other two villains snapped to attention; Dementia hopped up on the arm of the couch and then glanced at Flug out of the corner of her eye. When neither answered the eldritch snarled and crossed his arms. “Is this something for me because so help me you know I don’t care for physical gifts all that much unless it’s-”

“No Blackhat Sir!” Dementia finally spat out, nearly tumbling off her perch in the process. She rubbed at her neck out of embarrassment before continuing. “I… I’m just trying to figure out what I should get Larissa for her birthday tonight…” Blackhat’s face arranged itself into an unreadable mask as he deadpanned,

“She’s a villain, right?”

“Well, yeah? She’s kinda small time, but she like’s it that way and-”

“And what does our company do?”

“Um, make weapons for villains?”

“Exactly.” Blackhat’s greenish teeth were bared as he grinned menacingly. “So you give her a super weapon that can destroy any foe that stands in her way!”

“Uhhhh…” Before Dementia could awkwardly reject the idea, Flug stood up and walked over to his boyfriend.

“Blackhat, sir, I don’t think that’s a wise idea,” he stated firmly. “A weapon is probably not the kind of gift that Dementia wants to give Larissa at this point.” Blackhat furrowed his brow,

“Well, then what would you suggest, Doctor?” Even with his bag on,the other two could tell the scientist had a mischievous smile on.

“Well sir, a gift can be what you give to someone metaphorically as well. For example you could bring someone out for dinner or the such.” At this Dementia butted in and said,

“Flug, I don’t think Larissa really wants me to give her a dinner date or-”

“So that’s why I suggest they go rob a bank together, or break into some rich hero’s house and ransack the place! Like you and I do, sir!” This time Dementia did fall off the arm of the couch.

As the lizard girl brought herself to her feet, ready to protest, she found that her friends had seemed to forget she existed. Blackhat had a surprisingly lovestruck expression on as he stared at his scientist.

“You’re right, Flug.” he purred. “That is a pretty evil gift idea for a villain.” Flug but a hand on his hip confidently under the praise he received.

“Well of course it is, sir. Only the vilest of gifts for us villains, right?”

“Do want to give me a gift right now?”

“Well, the question is are up you for a robbery or a vandalization?”

“Can we do both?”

“Why not.”

“Guy’s I would really appreciate it if you’d stop making goo-goo eyes at each other and help me out before you go on a destruction spree,” Dementia plead. The pair startled out of their entranced states to stare blankly at the lizard girl. “A gift for my girlfriend?”

Flug has the decency to appear flustered by his loss of focus, but then he laughed and shrugged.

“I’m sorry, Dem, but I think you’re going to have to figure this one out on your own. Blackhat and I really only know what we like, so we’re not going to be of much help finding something for Larissa.” Dementia sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Fine, I’ll try to figure something out All. By. Myself. You two go break some windows or whatever.”

Once Flug and Blackhat had left the room, a wave of anxiety swept over Dementia. She began to the pace the living room in an attempt to relieve it, but it wouldn’t leave her be. Eventually, she couldn’t bear the heavy thoughts weighing her down and she decided to take run around the mansion to take her mind of things.

Twisting corridors and hundreds of stairs slowly cleared her hazy brain. She knew that she still had a few hours to figure out what to give Larissa, but it felt like she only had a few seconds. Those few hours were going to be extra stressful.

Evening came too quickly for Dementia. By the time she managed to throw on a midnight blue skater dress, a pair of leggings, and knee high boots, she could hear 5.0.5 calling to tell in his soft grunts that her girlfriend was there.

Larissa was leaned up against her dark orange motorcycle outside the gates of Blackhat mansion. She was dressed in leather jacket with a red plaid tank top underneath.; leather combat boots entrapped the cuffs of her black jeans. As Dementia approached the vampire flashed her sharp teeth in a smile and ran a hand through her poofy hair.

“Hey there, darling,” she purred. When Dementia reached her, the dark skinned girl extended a hand and brought her girlfriend in for a smooch. With a dusting of pink on her cheeks, Dementia pulled away, and then gestured vaguely towards the motorcycle.

“Where you taking me?” Dementia asked. Larissa’s grin widened.

“I was gonna let you take ME somewhere, babe.” Dementia gasped.

“You’re going to let me drive! YOU’RE GOING TO LET ME DRIVE YOUR BABY!”

“Well, I’ve taught you the basics and then some, so why not?” Without another word, Larissa tossed Dementia a helmet as she got on the back of the motorcycle. The lizard girl soon followed, practically vibrating with excitement as she turned the engine on and took off roaring down the road. She knew exactly where to go.

Music was spilling out onto the street near where Dementia came to stop. Larissa released her grip around her girlfriend’s waist, and flashed her another smile as they got off. When Dementia grabbed her hand and began to drag her towards the clubs doors, the vampire’s eyes lit up. A poster fluttering in the soft breeze near the doorway confirmed her suspicions.

It was Electro-Swing night.

Caro Emerald’s That Man began as the two girls walked in. Dementia was beaming back at her girlfriend as they skirted the edge of the dance floor to find a booth. Before they could choose one through, a familiar figure waved them down from across the room.

“Flug!” Dementia shouted. “What are you doing here, I thought you and Blackhat were gonna pull a heist tonight?” Speaking of the Eldritch, at that moment he chose to appear with two waters in hand and slip into the booth next to his boyfriend.

“Well, we sort of changed out minds,” Flug explained. “There was a billboard right outside the jewelry store that had a poster saying that tonight was going to be electro-swing night at the club, and well…” Flug bumped Blackhat’s shoulder playfully. “You know how he can’t resist a good swing dance.” Blackhat scoffed and rolled his eyes as he pushed Flug back.

“You like it too,” the eldritch muttered. Just then Jamie Berry’s Lost in the Rhythm started and both couples froze, smiles slowly taking form on their lips. Dementia found herself being swept away by Larissa’s hand on her hip, and she soon was very much lost in the steps and spins she took.

It was nearly midnight by the time that the girls stumbled out the club doors; both of them were laughing over some stupid joke that Dementia had told. Instead of going directly to Larissa’s motorcycle, the vampire dragged her girlfriend up a nearby hill to lay down and watch the stars for a moment. As they lay there, bodies still warm from dancing, Dementia felt a twinge of guilt run through her.

“Larissa?” the lizard girl started. Upon hearing the anxious tone in Dementia’s voice, Larissa sat up.

“What’s wrong, babe?” she whispered soothingly.

“I… I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything really special for you birthday…I just.. I just got you this…” Then Dementia sat up as well and reached into a hidden pocket on her skater dress. She drew out something small, and then presented it nervously.

It was a pastel green pendant, carved into the shape of a rose, hanging from a gold chain. “I uhh… I used some inventions from Flug’s lab, and an old necklace making kit to try to put it together for you. I just didn’t really know what you wanted and so I kinda freaked out and I’m sorry if it’s not-”

“Hey.” Dementia shut up and stared into her girlfriend’s soft gold-brown eyes. “I love it, Dem. And anyways, you didn’t even have to give me anything cause I’ve already gotten the best gift I could ask for.”

“What’s that?”

“You.” Dementia short circuited as Larissa moved in to kiss her gently on the forehead. When several quiet seconds had passed awkwardly, the vampire began laughing hysterically at the blank and shocked look that was plastered on her girlfriend’s face. Then finally, Dementia snapped out of her stupor and launched herself at Larissa for a bone-crushing hug.

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!” Dementia murmured in the taller girl’s collarbone. Larissa returned the hug, and then pressed another kiss to the girl’s forehead.

“I love you too, babe.”

The sound of a motorcycle engine revving, and the scent of new leather as Dementia pressed her face into her girlfriend’s back as they pulled away from the club, was a small comfort that she hoped she’d never have to give up.

OH MY GOD I’M ALIVE! I’m sorry this took so long to get too between college and everything but hey, I’m here! i hope this okay and isn’t too disjointed or anything, my friend ;-; Thank you for being patient, and also you’re a favorite now because you asked me to write about Larissa and that made me so so happy to write about her, so I hope this makes you happy! I’m glad you like my stories and stuff and thank you for undersatnding too!

#paperhat #lesbian dementia #dementia #villainous oc #black hat #dr flug #my writing #dementia/oc

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letsdiscoverkitty · 7 years

Note

Hey, I was just wondering, what made you decide to study neuroscience? I'm thinking about majoring in it but having a hard time choosing between it and psychology (the sciencey side of me wants to do neuroscience because it's more technical, but the humanities-y side of me wants to do psychology because it'll give more insight into people in general). I would do both seeing as I'm probably doing an arts/science dual degree, but I have too many other interests to incorporate!! Any thoughts?

Hey love, I hope you don’t mind me posting this; I am very likely going to ramble a bit now so I am going to apologise in advance for the length of this reply!

Why neuroscience? Good question.All my life I have never really known what I wanted to do - one moment I wanted to be a vet, the next a PE teacher, then a banker. I did not have ONE thing that I excelled at hugely/was focused on, instead I was a good all-rounder. I loved science and maths as well as PE and music. I found it very hard to narrow down my options for my GCSEs and then further for my A levels because I wanted to do more than they ‘allowed’. In the end the A levels I opted for were:Year 12 - Maths, Chemistry, Physics and Religious studies (philosophy and ethics)Year 13 (I sadly was only able to take 2 A levels due to being very unwell and self taught myself the majority of the year from home): Chemistry and MathsYear 14: (when I returned after treatment to finish off my studies): I finished my Religious studies A level and then picked up further maths and EPQ ‘for fun’.

When it came to applying for University I was quite unsure of what I wanted to do; all my life I wanted to go to Oxford however I decided to not apply there in the end as I finally realised that there was so much more to life than constantly piling more pressure on myself and that I wanted more of a balance to life. In the end I applied for a Maths and Philosophy as I was so unsure as to what I wanted to do and found the joint degree complimented both my scientific/maths side and my enjoyment of humanities. Around this time I was also chosen to attend an ‘Aspiring female potential programme’ at HSBC bank in Canary wharf - it was an incredibly interesting few days however I left knowing that I definitely did not want to go into banking - it was just not ‘me’ in any way/shape/form.

Anyway, fast forward a bit and I went off to York to study maths and philosophy and although I had to leave for medical reasons within a month, I also realised that the degree was far too dry and dull and I didn’t enjoy it. Thus I had a lot of thinking to do. York were holding a place for me so I ended up looking into other degrees that they offered and when I read their neuroscience degree format something clicked within me. Their teaching approach was slightly different and it basically meant that it was hugely multidisciplinary subject - pulling on maths, biology, chemistry, psychology and philosophy. All of which I wanted to study! Unfortunately I decided to not take up my place at York and instead reapplied as it was far too far from home and I had had very bad experiences up there and thus did not think going back that far away would help me. So that leads up to my offer for neuroscience at Bristol, which I have been holding for a number of years now...

Since I found out about the neuroscience degree a few years ago I have been doing a bit of reading myself and although I get a bit worried at times that it might not be ‘right’ for me, there are many areas that excite me and that I am incredibly interested in. The brain is such an amazing organ in the body and it is something we are still yet to understand fully; it is where science is right NOW, and that makes it incredibly exciting. I also believe that through my struggles with mental health I have become very interested in that area and wanting to help others in some way. I decided that psychology was not the degree for me and I still believe this as I don’t want to be a psychologist. I am interested in how we all have similar ‘internal make up’ however we are so different; each of us has a conscience, a personality, and there is no place we know of, as of yet, in the brain that creates this. It’s almost mind-blowing thinking about how the brain functions and allows us to think/move/react/speaketcetcetc and the sheer potential that we as human beings have. I think I would also enjoy learning a bit about development/how we are people learn, as well as diseases such as Alzheimers and Dementia (I have wanted to help with this for years as my grandfather sadly suffered from dementia before he passed away).

Although I am saying all of this, I have no idea what I want to go when I graduate. I am kind of hoping that through my degree I will be able to learn what I enjoy/don’t enjoy and then looking into careers from there. I think there is always a lot of pressure put on young people to have to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives, but the truth is that very few people do. Maybe 5% of people have a set career in mind and follow it. For others its all a bit of an adventure and trial/error - but that does not mean that they have done anything wrong or failed in anyway, quite the opposite really.

I would recommend looking into what modules are studied at your institute as every place is going to differ. Read through them and see if they interest you/whether you would like to study them. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer here and whatever you choose to do I am sure you will enjoy it! I know it feels hard and complex at the moment, I understand completely as someone who also enjoys a whole host of different areas. If you could do a joint honours then I would definitely look into that, it sounds awesome! I know that my long ramble has likely not helped but I hope it has at least helped you feel a little less alone. I am wishing you the best with everything that you do, take care and good luck xxxx

#willothewhisper #asks

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shinkookiefanfiction · 5 years

Text

SHE'S MY NOONA

Chapter 12

Jungkook's p.o.v

I finally took her home, i was proud of myself being able to take her home peacefully. She was about to go inside bit she then turned back and came towards me "Jungkook, it has been more than 3 times we crossed over is it..aniyo." she hesitated even if we both knew what it was.

"Noona, i think we are destined." I cried teasing her as she managed to laugh.

It was really cute. "Jungkook, uhm tomorrow are you free?" She asked nervously but as a noona. " aniyo i think I'd be free after sometime." I said to her curiously

"Do you want noona to take you out?" She asked smiling at herself knowing that she was trying to fulfill my promise. I was so happy that i cried happily. "Really!, no postponing?" I made her to promise me as she took my hand and we did a pinky promise with a stamp."pinky promise?" "Pinky swear." She chuckled

She then got a glimpse of my unique bracelet i cherished given by my grandad who was an artist. "That's pretty." She cried with a smile wanting to touch it but i hesitated but i stoped "Mianhaeyo, granddad gave it to me before he died i really cherish it." I said as shejust smiled and understood

"I understand i also don't like people touching my precious stuff like the ones i was given by my omma before she died too." She said sadly but just chuckled and rubbed off her tear from her cheek.

"Yah, noona your ways are still childish you should smile no matter what." I teased her as she tried defending herself and hitting me. "Tomorrow I'll arrange everything so don't get suprised arasso?!" She made a funny face making me more amused.

"Noona if i leave you one day how will you feel?" I asked her with my own reason." But she got mad and teased me still hitting my head. "Yah!, don't say that." She cried "so will you cry for me!?" I cried happily but she interrupted me "don't get your hopes up what if i don't!" She laughed sneakily making me upset.

That's when we bid each other goodnight. She was too precious for me to be with her every moment because that is what i wished for every hour of my life.

End of p.o.v

A/N p.o.v

They didn't realize Cha eun woo and I'm yoona were watching "it seems like you are being too late, Min ah is having guys chasing on her while someone close like you is scared." Yoona said as she stared at the guy leaving the house and Cha eun woo who was furious just decided to get out of the car.

Jungkook walked his way when Eun woo suddenly appeared and started a fight punching him on his face making his lips bleed and strangling him till Jungkook strongly pushed his hand aside. "What do you want!?!"

"I told you to stay away from Min ah!" Eun woo angrily cried making Jungkook just smirk "wae?, is she your property?are you jealous? All you can do is stop me but not fight for her coward!!" "Why are you even trying you are famous you have alot of pretty idols around you why Min ah?! Can't you just leave her?i'm asking this slowly" He cried desperately.

" I'm also saying this slowly that i won't give up on Min ah to me age doesn't matter cause I truly love for the first time in my 15 years.

Eun woo tried to punch him again but he avoided it " Eun woo lets not do this, we aren't children cause Min ah noona is the one to decide at the end.

He then left leaving Cha eun woo more angry." Don't be delusional if you are trying to approach Min ah as her dongsae then your wrong she just sees you that way and nothing else."

Meanwhile

Jungkook arrived back to his home only to find Suga and Jin at home playing chess. "Yah where are the others?" He asked as Suga just smirked "is that really a question you know what the other guys do."

"Ooh hyungs?" Jungkook just cried as he joined his friends "yah!, Jungkook is still young why bring that up!?" Jin cried to suga

"What the heck, he's already grown i even know he has a crush on ahjummah's granddaughter." Suga cried as if it was nothing he saw."Jungkook but what happened to you?, your lips are bleeding." Jin worried "its nothing." He said "let me guess girl problem and having a rival." Suga guessed it correctly with no stress. "It was nothing to me." He said as Jin rubbed and applied some medicine onto his mouth "seeing you like this makes me think you are totally inlove with her." Jin muttered.

Jungkook suddenly just felt his face turn red just thinking he came from there. " for how long did you know?" Jungkook asked him seriously "does it matter, what matters is mpt keeping it as a secret from us cause we are your hyungs." He cried standing up heading to his room.

"Did you ever express your feelings towards her?" He asked before he went to sleep. Jungkook seemed confused but he was ready " aniyo , she just came from breaking up from her boyfriend, i wouldn't even dare." He said as Suga noded "that's good you just need to take things slowly." He cried as he left and a smile drew my face.

"Jin ottokye i'm having a date with noona tomorrow." He cried disturbing Jin to help him since he got all jealous.

"Yah!yah!" Jin cried "but..will you be okay to leave her here have you told her yet it's your last chance still." He asked making Jungkook's mood change.

"I was going to but I'll do it tomorrow."

The next day

That afternoon

Shin min ah's p.o.v

I got all dressed up ready for a date with my super star dongsae. It just felt weird since i had dates for a long time now here i am dressed all nice just for my dongsae. I think i should wear a dress i smiled to myself hurriedly going outside.

I was all ready i got out closing the shop making sure to inform my granny that i was leaving. "Min ah you look pretty where to? On a date with a guy?" One of my usual customers commented on me.

"Aniyo its just like a promise i made to someone not an actual date." I cried as they wished me luck.

I was heading at the park making sure i called him. After i made sure unluckily the guy i never wished to see called me he wanted to meet and finish everything up.

That's right i had to finish every thing up cause our relationship was just a delusional but i couldn't leave Jungkook, I'll just hurry up then.

At the coffee shop

Right this is where we first dated, he was so cruel everything started at this shop now we were going to end it.

I sat opposite from him he looked uneasy and uncomfortable even though it hurt i just had to bear his disgusting heart.

"Mianhaeyo-" he cried as i cut him off "please get straight to the point." I cried " right, lets end it here." He said the words i knew would shutter my heart. "Everything between you and i ended yesterday." I cried painfully.

"Aah neh..then can we still be friends." He asked knowing that still it would hurt me. "Why would i be friends with a betrayal just remember we just ended everything." I cried

"Then i hope you come to our wedding with your friend we saw yesterday. Tell him i invite him and his company to our wedding." He said providing me the wedding card hurting my pride, why did it have to be him now even if i was trying to move on.

Later

I forgot myself that i drank alot getting really drunk..realising i still didn't get over him.....soon before i realised it i blacked out...

Later

ANONYMOUS P.O.V

I watched as she got drunk and passed out. My heart ached, i just realized that even if we were destined to meet we weren't destined to be together.

It was all a waste i knew she didn't get over him. What was i thinking expecting her to be with me who can't always be with her. I sat infront of her as i watched her struggle.

I think i should give up on you. I stood then gave her one of my bracelet i cherished the most. "Goodbye Min ah kumaoh for being my first kiss."

End of p.o.v

The next day

Min ah's p.o.v

I woke up with my head ache. Realising i was still wearing my yesterday's dress. I quickly rinsed my self prepared breakfast ready to visit my granny at the elder's hospital.

I visited granny and she looked fine and healthy but too bad she was suffering from dementia. "She needs to have an operation soon so we can prevent her from the critical one all you need is just 2.1M to do it." The doctor said to me.

We didn't have that much money even the restaurant couldn't get that in a month but i promised to take care of it. "Arasso, I'll look." I said thanking him.

Everything was turning difficult but at last i was free all i needed now was a job for it. I then remembered Jungkook all of a sudden something was wrong he always texts me in the morning but now he isn't perhaps he's busy it's not like i'm missing him already.

I managed to catch up with my friend Go ara on the way who looked sad and tearly obviously she didn't have a life just like i. I decided to comfort her as she started complaning to me.

"Go ara what's wrong your always happy what's wrong?" I asked her "Min ah this can't happen...!!" She cried "why? Did one of your other celebrity leave for military?!" I teased her.

"Min ah how can you make fun of me while BTS are leaving for America for one year today!"she cried.

Just hearing that made me think perhaps it was a joke. Jungkook could have told me "are you joking me!" But Go ara never jokes to things like this. Before I knew it i hurriedly ran to their company still wondering why he didn't tell me.

I reached there but everything was true i saw a lot of fans crying and shouting for BTS sudden leave for debut in America.

My energy drained off there was no need to ask cause they had already left. I scouted as tears flowed from my eyes suddenly remembering what he asked me the day before "noona, if i happen to leave will you cry and miss me?" He asked me.

Why did he think i won't miss him thats why he left, i was only teasing him. That bad person after spending more time with me now he left but why was i crying my heart was beating fast just by the thought of it. "Goodbye Kookie" i looked up in the sky seeing an aeroplane flying.

Meanwhile

In the plane

First class private

The bts and their manager were all celebrating their journey to the us going to debut there. It was really nice for adventures but it hurt leaving the people you love for a year and far away. Everyone bid their parents at the airport.

The young maknae couldn't celebrate knowing he didn't say a proper goodbye to that someone who opened up his heart that has been locked for a long time.

Everyone knew Jungkook had made a hard decision and it was part of life, the hardest choice.

"Yay! Kookie we know you loved her we all do but that had to be the choice and you made the correct one cause it's for her own good." Suga adviced as his hyungs tried to cheer him up.

"So be happy like your usual self and let her suceed on her own now." Jin adviced "yeah you can meet someone better." Tae suddenly blurted out. Making his hyungs glare "but she was better than anyone else." Jungkook muttered.

"You are right i need to forget her and move on too." Jungkook suddenly got up and went to join his hyung to drink but drank more than enough getting drunk. " she broke a promise we made but i still love her. "

This worried his hyungs as they knew it might be hard just to forget her. "That's why i hate one sided love." Tae cried "yah!,don't speak loud you never know." Suga cried.

"By the way i was so happy when he would smile all the time just because of her. "

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lewd-weirdo-blog · 6 years

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Things that keep me up

(part 4)

Regrets

We all have plenty of regrets. But I think the things I regret most, involve someone leaving my life forever. Whether they passed away or we stopped talking for some reason, or I forgot (which sounds horrible, I know. Because I know I've forgotten people important to me but I don't remember who they are or I can't find them.)

I've recently had my 3rd family member pass away, and I have so much regret and guilt. Because that's the third person I promised to visit soon and never got the chance until they were gone.

My great-grandmother devasted me. My first encounter of mortality when it really set it than all these strong people who taught and raised all of us, wouldn't be around anymore. I couldn't see her much because of the custody arrangement, and those 2 days with my mom was my only time I could relax, so I didn't leave much. Just soaked in what it feels like to have a parent care more about you than what they look like to society because of you. Our Sunday tradition is eating a large meal all the adults prepared at the eldests' house. She had been asleep for 3 days on a home breathing machine. It just so happened to fall on the weekend I was visiting. I like to think she was waiting for all of us to be together.

My second was my grandfather (fathers side). Even though I'd already encountered mortality in my family, his loss was earth shaking. He had had 3 heart surgeries. He did all the outside chores and fished. He loved to talk a lot, and he's the most sane person in that part of my family. He started becoming frail, and I couldn't take seeing that. He'd bump a door handle and have to get stitches. He tried to hold on. I kept avoiding seeing him because I couldn't face seeing how close he was to running out of time. I was supposed to leave for the beginning of work training and I kept promising him I would visit right before I left. He didn't make it. I got the news and rushed down. I was happy to be home but so upset for the reason.

Then, just 2 weeks ago, my grandfather (stepmoms side). This man was an ox. Stubborn, hard-headed, ornery, made of steal. He was basically superman with jokes and a big belly that shook when he laughed. He had Alzheimer's and it was causing Dementia to set in. He had a major stroke. His second in the last few years. And everyone was shocked to find out how I'll he'd gotten and what it had done to him. He was in hospital nursing and therapy. At first, he hurt a few people while he was out of his mind. He started talking about being out at sea in the military (he was never enlisted and my mom speculates he was thinking of me and caused his mind to get confused). He calmed down eventually and because there was no call, everyone thought he was fine. His time for therapy was up, so my mom went to pick him up. She got there and they were shocked to find out no one had informed her or anyone that he had deteriorated suddenly and was taken off his meds (except morphine and anti-anxiety ones) because he was clinically diagnosed as "actively dying." I hadn't seen him in 2 years because work and costs to go home. I knew I wouldn't but hoped I would make it to say goodbye and I'm sorry for taking so long. He passed as I was leaving to go home. I regret missing my last chance to see him, or hear him call me "side-kick sam."

I know these things can't be helped or controlled, but it's awful going up and seeing someone, in their casket, and asking if the morgue switched bodies on accident, because it had been so long since you'd seen them, that you don't even recognize them. And you can't say you're sorry for being late because there's no sparkly eyes or laughing voice telling you "its okay," or "I missed you too."

And I'm sorry it's been lengthy and not much really explained other than passings, but I have to go because I'm crying and I haven't let myself do that since I first found out the news.

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jennymanrique · 3 years

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Diary Of A Pandemic: The Caregivers

Nurses have carried the weight of 16 months of pandemic care in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Photo by Shutterstock

In Texas, at least 10,500 people died in Nursing Homes and Assisted Living Facilities during the worst of the pandemic. Through it all, nurses have had to fight the virus twice as hard - on the job and among their families at home.

Through the worst days of the COVID-19 pandemic, many nurses in Texas assisted living facilities, hospitals and nursing homes were diligent in taking care of elderly residents and patients, even as their own relatives were battling the virus at home.

Yes, vaccinations have recently helped stem the unprecedented health crisis in these facilities, where Latinos are a significant portion of the frontline workers. But it will be some time before these essential workers can overcome the emotional toll of the experience.

Texas Health and Human Services Commission data shows that between April 2020 and April 2021, nearly 9,000 Texans died in nursing homes -- a rate of 175 per week. Another 1,550 died in assisted living facilities. These figures account for roughly one of every five COVID-19 deaths reported in Texas.

Nationwide, such centers have long reported problems. The Center for Health and Community at the University of California, San Francisco, found that in the last 20 years, nursing homes have had serious problems with patient care. Even before the virus, 75% had shortages in staffing registered nurses. And 63% were found with infection control violations.

“Nurses are part of high-risk (for COVID) minority groups due to lack of tests, face masks, gowns or personal protection equipment (PPE),” said Charlene Harrington, emeritus professor of nursing and sociology at UCSF and the study’s leader. “Since some receive low salaries and hold several jobs, they cannot stay home if they are sick.”

Experts recommend minimum staffing of one nursing assistant for every seven residents. Some facilities employed one nursing assistant for every 10 or even 15 residents during the pandemic, Harrington said. “This was emotionally hard for everyone as they couldn’t bring outside help.”

“Nurses are part of high-risk (for COVID) minority groups due to lack of tests, face masks, gowns or personal protection equipment. Since some receive low salaries and hold several jobs, they cannot stay home if they are sick.”

With the vaccine rollout, Texas lawmakers unanimously approved Senate Bill 25 to allow residents in nursing homes to add an "essential caregiver" -- anyone who can spend at least two hours a day with them in registered facilities.

The initiative followed recent Texas Health and Human Services Commission recommendations to expand visitation statewide in nursing facilities and other long-term care settings.

“The forced isolation was particularly hard on residents with dementia and their families,” said state Sen. Lois Kolkhorst, the bill’s author.

Groups like Texas Caregivers for Compromise pushed for the legislation and are now anxious to see it implemented. “The reopening is not optional,” said Mary Nichols, one of the group’s advocates. “While we should be cooperative as facilities get implementation of the guidelines in place, they should be able to give relatives some specifics about when they will comply.”

palabra. spoke with many Latinos on the front lines, in care facilities and COVID units, during the pandemic. While performing essential work, many were also caring for elderly relatives at home, helping them through COVID infections, quarantines, isolation and depression.

We’re highlighting here the personal accounts of a few who speak for many:

“I was afraid the virus would clot my blood or clog my lungs and I would die”

Rosario Passmore

Until three months ago I was working at the Windcrest Nursing & Rehabilitation Center in Fredericksburg, TX. It is a town where my neighbors are mostly Germans and Hispanics.

Before the pandemic, I worked an 8-hour shift taking care of up to 25 patients. Since I always worked in cardiovascular units or intensive care, I liked working with the elderly in adult daycare, mainly with those who had overcome heart attacks.

But with the arrival of COVID my shifts grew to 12 hours. I was assigned to the COVID unit and I could no longer move freely to other parts of the nursing home. I got a raise of $3 an hour, although, in other COVID units such as the ones in hospitals, nurses like me were paid double. But the admissions were closed at my facility and there was no money. There was room for 120 people, but we had only about 60.

There were many COVID-positive cases and those infected spent at least 10 days in isolation. They closed the entire nursing home. No one could come in. Family members who wanted to see patients did so from the windows. I often brought a tablet (computer) so they could chat with relatives. But when someone was dying there was no possibility of saying goodbye.

The elderly were very desperate. They missed the outside world. Sometimes we let them go for a walk for just half an hour.

At first, the relatives brought food packages and we waited 24 hours before touching or distributing them. But we stopped receiving things from outside for fear of risking a transmission.

Disposable surgical gowns, shoe covers, and N95 masks that we ordered … began to arrive around April. Everything had to be insulated. We looked like astronauts.

I had only one Latina patient who suffered from Alzheimer's and lived with great anxiety. She only found calm when walking in the garden. But when she had COVID, her activities came down to eat in the room and conversations on a tablet with her three children. I was the one helping them to connect. After a few days off, I returned and learned she was gone. Her relatives thanked me for being with her for so long, dressing her, and feeding her.

The Health Department made constant inspections and took weekly COVID tests. They were very annoying for my nose but I got used to it.

When I got home I would undress in a room furthest away from everyone, put my clothes in the washing machine, go in and out through the back door. I would eat in the kitchen.

I live with my 30-year-old son, the oldest of two, who graduated as an electrician in San Antonio. He eventually ended up taking care of me when I got infected. He would leave my food outside the bedroom door.

That was in December. Despite the strict mask policy, some nurse aides and drivers bringing supplies lowered their guard. They no longer kept their distances. A relative of one of them tested positive, and after three days I began to feel the symptoms.

I saw that COVID affected my patients’ lungs. So I kept quarantined but I did breathing exercises. I was afraid that, like it happened to other nurses, the virus would clot my blood or clog my lungs and I would die. COVID was tough: I didn’t want to eat. I still have back pain, a stomach ache that feels like an ulcer.

My brother passed away at that time. Although his test came back negative, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and treated with antibiotics and inhalants. After leaving the hospital, he went missing for two days and we found him dead. We are still waiting for the autopsy results to find out what happened.

A cousin in El Paso also got infected. He died four months ago, but my aunt never received his corpse. The funeral homes there were full, even up to a month ago.

My mother is 81 years old. She was born in Mexico, in Ciudad Juárez and lives in El Paso. She used to visit me for a month every year, but during the pandemic, her doctor would not allow her to come because I am a frontline worker.

I was offered a higher-paying job at a nursing home in Kerrville, Texas, where there are fewer patients and everyone is already vaccinated. There is still a COVID unit here and we are admitting people, but the elderly who come from hospitals are quarantined for 10 days or until they test negative.

I got the Johnson and Johnson shot but I am still wearing PPE.

In June, I'm going to Los Cabos, a trip that I had to cancel last year. I can't wait to spend more time with my family, having a BBQ or going out for a drink with my friends. We Latinos are all about family and hugs. I'm sick of this mask.

“Even though some residents tested positive, they were in denial”

Lupe Weaks

After 20 years of working in nursing homes, I recently decided to join a nursing travel agency. I learned there was a shortage of nurses in San Antonio, and moved there. Since then, I have been helping in the COVID unit of an assisted living facility. I grew up Catholic in a Latino family from Guadalajara, Mexico. My parents always told me: if there are people you can help, don't turn your back on them.

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was working at River Hills Health & Rehabilitation Center at Kerrville. It was a 12 hour shift, three days a week. Then I had four days to relax at home. The lockdown was strict, not allowing any visitors, and testing of all of our employees. The relatives of our residents constantly called late at night saying: “I tested negative, let me in.” There was a lot of explaining, but we were very cautious and held strictly to our rules.

Residents were allowed to watch TV. We encouraged them to learn more about COVID on official COVID sites online, to explain how serious it was, because some believed in conspiracy theories.

Even though some tested positive, they seemed to still be in denial. They suffered from depression and anxiety. They said: “I know I don't have it, I don’t have diarrhea. For keeping me here I am gonna get it.” We were constantly talking to families on the cellphone, explaining the need for quarantine. Connecting them on FaceTime with loved ones cheered them up a lot.

I told them: “Stay in your room, you are safe. Practice breathing, drink water, be grateful now until you are tested again.”

We needed to check the temperature, oxygen, and vital signs twice in a shift. We changed uniforms in an isolation room and threw away biohazard uniforms. I had 10 patients on my charge. They got tested once a week.

When the peak of the disease was more intense, I was covered head to toe. I wore my N95 super tight on my face, put on gloves, and wore the big paper suit hoodie (PPE). Some patients appeared to be afraid because they couldn’t recognize us.

We constantly wiped down everything with Lysol -- the doorknobs, the surfaces.

When I would get home from an overnight shift, I undressed right outside my door. Entered in panties and bra and put everything in the washer, and ran to the shower. This was all to protect my husband. I got tested twice a week.

I think the measures in both places I’ve worked were above and beyond. If someone showed signs of respiratory distress, I called 911 immediately and the patient was sent out to an ICU. When they were safe they came back here or went with their families. Some lost their lives because they had underlying conditions like high blood pressure or heart conditions.

I was vaccinated with Johnson & Johnson and so was my husband. Despite that, I am still regularly COVID tested. It doesn't matter, the care continues.

Now that visits are allowed again, we just received two visitors. But they can't stay in the same area. They must wear masks. And they can only see one family member at a time.

Some patients are allowed to walk out of their room, but not to visit other patients in other rooms.

Even though more people are now vaccinated, we will probably go one more year with the mask rules. We check for side effects of the vaccines and tell residents to drink a lot of fluids and if they have symptoms, they have to isolate themselves in their rooms again. So far, they complain about their muscles being sore, and that’s it.

As for my family, I lost my mom to a heart attack. She was from Guadalajara and my dad from San Diego, where I was born. My family lives in California, and nobody contracted COVID. I checked on them constantly and they told me the rate of infection was a lot higher because people from Tijuana come to work and travel back and forth. I just said to them: be careful, right now try not to travel and always wash your hands.

“It was devastating to see how one person dies after another. I had to seek therapy”

Fabiola Merlin

I have been a nurse for five years. During the pandemic, I was working at the University Medical Center in El Paso, the largest hospital in a 250-mile radius in the county. We admit people from El Paso, Ciudad Juárez, in Mexico, from New Mexico, and from around the entire state of Texas.

I was driving up from Juárez to work. At first, I was afraid of not being able to cross the border, but since I was an essential employee, I was allowed to cross daily. The entire hospital ended up being a COVID unit. In March, when everything exploded, nurses and doctors were very scared, always in fear of exposing ourselves and our families.

We did not know how to handle the situation. We lacked PPE. We did not have enough gowns, and the N95 masks were also insufficient. There was a cleaning process we came up with to reuse them five times. It was very uncomfortable because after cleaning the masks, they smelled pretty bad. When we started to receive N95 masks donations, things got better.

We brought in quite a few portable oxygen and BIPAP machines (to push air into the lungs). But we didn't know how to use them, so respiratory therapists had to come to teach us.

When patients lack oxygen they start to get confused because their lungs become too saturated and they need to be oriented. I had to tell them: this is what you need to be alive, if you take off your mask, you can die.

It was easy to become too close to them, getting to know their family through video calls. There is a close relationship with the patient when you see what COVID is doing to their bodies. It is strong and sad. One hopes that something good comes out of all the care you did, but it is not like that.

There was a Code Blue for emergency situations every minute, and it was out of control. The hospital had to order more black bags for the deceased. Several times, after I got home, all I could do was cry. I didn't know how to get that pain out. It was devastating to see one person die right after another. I had to seek therapy.

The unit I was working at had 29 rooms with single beds. But with the COVID wave, the hospital became saturated and we had to double the capacity.

My patients were between 30 and 80 years old, and mostly Hispanic. I think the risk factor in our community is that we have bad diets and bad habits are predominant. Young people have hypertension or chronic diabetes.

I am an only child. My dad passed away many years ago and my mom is 70. I avoided seeing her as much as possible, but I ran errands for her and left fruits and veggies at her door.

I spent so much time with my fellow nurses that it would have been irresponsible to actually visit my mom. I never saw her, and that was very difficult. As Hispanics, we are very tied to family.

I lived with my boyfriend, but in the first months of the pandemic, we began to sleep in separate rooms. I constantly disinfected the house, the doorknobs, and the shower.

Recently, on my days off, I worked registering vaccinated patients on the Texas official website. They were very organized at the beginning vaccinating health personnel, but the doses began to get scarce and many older adults with chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, or immunological problems had to postpone their appointments.

My mom already received the second dose of AstraZeneca a month ago in Juarez, but they are very slow in Juarez covering all the elder population.

Now I work in another hospital and although our challenges continue, I think the biggest lesson I learned was to enjoy life. Being healthy is something I value a lot now.

“No one knows how difficult it is to care for a frail relative, much less if she is depressed.”

Vicky Morales

For eight years I have been seeing my family every Sunday for lunch or to play the lottery. But when COVID hit, my interaction with my parents was limited to running errands for them and seeing them sporadically, always wearing masks.

My father Espiridion, born in Mexico, in Nuevo Laredo, turned 84 and my mother Juanita, from Zacatecas, is 76. My father complained: “take off that mask, we want to see you. You are not going to get infected and you are not going to infect us.” We then decided we would just call them on the phone. They were suffering a lot of anxiety and depression.

A tumor was detected in one of my mother’s kidneys and she had surgery to remove it. I had to quarantine myself before going to take care of her for almost two months.

Her recovery was complex. But perhaps the most difficult thing was taking care of someone who had never had to ask for help with anything. My mom has always been very independent and strong. She always cooked for everyone and was always on the go. In recent years, her knees and heels hurt a lot from surgery on her foot, but except for taking a little more time to rest, she never needed our care.

My sister Irma and my brother Martin came from Fort Worth to visit mom in Laredo. We were in the second wave of COVID and because of New Years' celebrations, we anticipated more cases. Our family did not have dinners or anything. We were taking great care of ourselves. We don't know how, but at the beginning of the year, my mother tested positive.

My dad tested negative, fortunately, they had been sleeping in separate rooms. My dad would leave her food and things at the door, so not seeing anybody caused her even more depression.

At first, she could not breathe and they gave her infusions, but two days later her pressure rose a lot and I had to call 911. They sent some (emergency medical technicians) to check her and her heartbeat was out of control. I followed the ambulance to Laredo Medical Center, but it was very distressing. They didn't let me in.

They kept her there for about three days in intensive care because there were no more beds available in the COVID unit. She was alone in a room but when she left she was very upset because no one had come to see her.

When she was discharged, the nurse told her that she must feel very blessed: Of the seven people who came on the day she did, nobody else went home.

Of the six siblings in our family, I was the only one who could work remotely, so I moved to my parent’s house to take care of mom. Watching my parents lose their routines was very difficult. My dad would go out every morning to have coffee with his friends, run errands home or pay bills. My mom used to hang out at an adult health center where she liked to make coffee for others and play the lottery. With the shutdown, she lost that social life. On top of that, one of her friends died of COVID. That depressed her even more, enough so we had to medicate her. I think she recovered easier from kidney surgery than from COVID.

My 58-year-old brother, our only brother, was infected in winter, at the same time as my mother. He was hospitalized in Fort Worth for two months, and we were not allowed to see him either. The doctors told us to make rosaries because he had fibrosis in his lungs and they couldn't do more for him. But, miraculously, he recovered. He recently got out of the hospital. Finally, in spring, he was able to walk again.

My dad is a Korean War veteran and has received assistance from volunteers at food pantries during COVID. But other than that, I don't think any government agency did anything, even contact tracing, for them.

My father has already received the two doses of the vaccine, Moderna, and my mother just got the OK from her doctor to be vaccinated.

I think this strong experience, which has not ended, made me admire nurses more. No one knows how difficult it is to care for a frail relative, much less to deal with their depression, and much less in a pandemic.

Originally published here

#English #Nursing homes #nurses #assisted living facilities #long term care #hospitals #COVID19 #covid units #elderly #dementia #depresion #anxienty

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demon-winchester · 3 years

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Tremors Behind The Veil Chapter 9

-Chapter 9-

Screaming and howls everywhere

I jumped from the bed with cold sweat and warm tears running down my face.

The nightmares have been getting worse.

Three days have passed with no signs of Circe in any of the abandoned churches surrounding the city.

I have not exchanged words with anyone... the days have felt endless. I need a win.

The doors of the bunker opened and I headed out. The weather was really moody. The sun was cowering behind the clouds and a light fog has coated the city, a city still asleep with only some birds chirping , saying good morning to whoever was unlucky enough to start their day this early. Two churches were left on my list and then, if I had time I would join my classmates for a coffee... Only two days were left after all.

Both churches turned out to be a waste of time. Empty, gothic buildings with some rotten furniture and plenty of bird nests. Another failure, my god I need a break.

I showed up to the cafe and I managed to scare a couple of my friends sitting with their backs turned on me. The time moved swiftly and the atmosphere was really light, it felt like a normal day for once. I tip toed my way around their questions and I must say it went surprisingly better than I expected. Though I couldn't forget the fact that this meetup was more bitter than sweet. It felt like a goodbye and as far as I'm concerned, it was. Lydia emerged with one of the teachers so I excused myself and I approached her once she was alone. We hugged and we started chatting. Eventually, I talked about the dead end I've put myself in because I'm sure her insight would help.

"Huh, abandoned churches you say?" she exclaimed while gazing in the distance, "Chapels are technically churches too aren't they?" she continued. "Well I thought about that too and I've checked.. Even if you count the fact that they are too small for a ritual or something, every last one I've checked was entirely empty" I answered. "Oh damn... OH DAMN" she said jumping up from her seat and smiling, "you know where else you can find a Chapel don't you?" she continued and I was left entirely confused,"Hospitals you idjit!!!".

My eyes lit up, "See, most times you're stupider than a pile of bricks but others... Well other times you surprise me and that's why I love the way you think" I said while starting to gather my stuff. "I'm gonna take the last part as a compliment but nevertheless fuck you!!" she replied. . . "You're leaving already aren't you?" she asked with a lower tone. "That lead might make the difference between life and death and I'm running out of time" I answered. "Tomorrow is the last day you know" she sighed. "I do know, and I'm spending it with you if I find her today... That's why I'm on a hurry" I replied and I hugged her "Bye for now and with a little hope, tomorrow is going to be amazing". "Bye" she replied in a somber tone while I was walking away.

After a bit of research I found an old hospital complex placed near the outskirts. I talked with some people on some creepypasta sites. It's called the Eloise complex but it's known within the community as the Hiver Noir Asylum meaning Black Winter. Stories date back to the Cold War era where the clinically insane were living there and apparently some doctors decided to have some fun with them... Even after all the things I've fought, humans still take the crown for the most despicable. It's been abandoned for 10 years now and it's supposedly haunted, sudden temperature drops, constantly frozen windows and they say you can hear teeth grinding and 'faint wails of anguish of the lost souls', man the creepypasta writers have a lot of imagination. Recently though there have been reports of veiled figures appearing in the premises. Certainly a great contender.

The sun was setting and the scenery was perfect, I of course had the cover of night and the fog would certainly come in useful for getting there... Too far to walk so I had to use my wings.

I landed and dust rose from the ground around me. The asylum was desolate. Overgrown weeds all around the premises and vines slowly making their ascend on the walls of the building . It almost felt like nature had consciousness, like she was trying to reclaim these grounds and then, hopefully, drag this horrid building in the deepest circles of hell.

I approached and I started hearing a weird sound but I couldn't quite understand what it was so I brushed it off. I reached the doors. The windows were frozen and the door knobs were encased in ice.. they wouldn't open. I kicked the doors down and a faint scream was heard in the distance. The weird sound could still be heard but now it was coming from right behind me... I could almost phrase what the sound was.. it stood on the edge of my tongue but I couldn't quite grasp it. I roamed around the building for a bit and the atmosphere was suffocating each and every second.

Eerie phenomenons were happening as I was delving deep inside the building. Peculiar figures standing at the ends of expanding corridors, doors opening and closing by themselves, faint wails in the distance, sudden temperature drops and that awful sound hadn't seized in all this time... My blood was running cold and the exit had never seemed quite so sweet, yet, I had to keep going. The wooden floors were creaking on my every step as I entered a long hallway full of rooms. I kept walking and I was sure some of the footsteps weren't mine. Something was terribly wrong in this asylum.

I was startled and I stopped moving. A face was at the end of the hallway, it was tilting from the wall and looking at me. I - I couldn't move a muscle and the person, or the thing, or whatever it was, it was still staring at me. When I managed to take a step back I felt someone breathing on my shoulder. "Can I crawl inside your body? I feel so, so cold." someone whispered to my ear, then I heard that sound and it was coming from them all this time... They started grinding their teeth.

Countless nights full of feverous dreams and horrific delusions. They all came back, flooding my mind. Memories of that asylum deeply buried were now digging their way back to the surface. I've been here before. I was just a kid when I roamed these halls last time. My grandfather was admitted in this place... He was fighting with Alzheimer's but something else must have been going on in order to be here... This is an asylum for the insane after all. We would visit him during the spring and I can faintly remember the scent of daffodils as if it was dancing around my nose while I was running down these halls... These memories would always end up the same way once I entered the room of my grandfather. Seemingly normal but on a closer look, signs of deterioration all around. From dead flowers to cracked mirrors and even bugs crawling around. This happened every year and I remember that every time he struggled more and more to recognize me. He would tell stories about terrifying witches, fire breathing dragons and castles on snowy mountaintops and even those stories would start to lose meaning the more he kept talking... The words would start colliding and you couldn't understand what he was talking about. I used to have nightmares about these situations and I now believe that's where my fear of getting dementia originates from. After his death I dreamt about some of the other patients, they would visit me in my room at times and they would tell me how my grandfather's torment hasn't stopped... they would tell me he was burning in the pits of hell and that this was my fate as well...they would always grind their teeth as they would enter my room in my dreams..at least I hope it was in my dreams..

The grinding sounds were still right behind me. A weird figure in front of me, something on my back, black goo dripping from the ceiling and now a myriad of doors banging on their own right in front of me. I close my eyes trying to think. Instinctively, I form my hands to fists and I punch the thing behind me falling right through it. It was now walking slowly towards me. Its skin seemed burned and its face . . Oh god it was horrific . . It was just skin apart from a mouth with rotten teeth continuously grinding. It was getting too close. Time to use my powers I thought to myself, I punched it once again making it disappear. "Take the hint asshole" I said and I looked at my fists . . Dark vines all around them, so that's how I can defend myself. I begun walking, the doors all stopped moving at once and the figure in the end of the corridor was now gone . . Finally, some silence.

I kept traversing through the asylum slowly going to higher floors. Weird thing would happen but not too unexpected for this place . . Shadows, screams, the occasional teeth grinding from far far away and doors opening and closing by themselves.

"Sir" I heard a child's voice coming from behind me. I turn around and there he was, a small boy wearing old, almost torn, clothes. "Sir can you help me?" he continued hesitantly. "Hello little dude, what do you need?" I replied, slowly approaching him. "M-My ball . . It's in a room and i'm afraid to go get it." he said looking at the ground. "Hm how about we make a deal, I'll go get you ball and you can tell me if you've seen a girl with white hair and some people wearing black bed sheets, what do you say?" I asked with a reassuring smile. "Deal!" he answered and giggled. "Amazing, so where is that room?" I continued. "Well, it's that one." he replied as he pointed at the end of the hallway. I walked up to the door and a sign was above it saying "ARCHIVES", the door was locked, how do you lose a ball in a locked room I thought to myself. I pushed it and the lock broke immediately revealing the room. You couldn't see much, the only light was coming from the one window of the room, really made me appreciate how surprisingly well lit was the rest of the asylum. I saw the ball at the corner of the room and I went there to pick it up but as my eyes were adjusting to the lighting my blood ran cold. My name . . . my name was written on every wall and ceiling of the room. I picked up the ball and I almost flew out of this room . . Too creepy for my tastes. I started walking and my 'employer' was nowhere in sight. "Hey kid!" I yelled and suddenly he replied behind me, "Yes?" he said. "Okay, I found your ball, tell me about the girl and the people with the bed sheets and it's all yours" I said. "I thought I saw the girl coming here a few nights ago and going to the amphitheater at the top floor but i'm not sure. But, I've seen the bed sheet people hanging out on the top floor the past couple of days." he replied with a smile, never taking his eyes of the ball. "You have been so helpful so here's your ball" I said while handing him the ball, "how did it get in there though?" I continued. "I have no idea" he replied and he grabbed it off of my hand. "Alrighty then, nice meeting you" I said while nodding. "Thanks for the help" he replied. I turned around and I started walking towards the stairs. "Oh yeah, I forgot, do you want me to help you get out of this place?" I said, turning around to face him and he was already gone.

"What the fuck" I said out loud and I started looking for him. A few minutes passed and still no sign, I returned to the archives to take a look and the ball was once again there. I went to pick it up and I noticed that there was another corridor in the archives room. I followed it and at its end I saw the skeleton of a small child with the same clothes my little pal wore. "Oh God" I said silently as the realization hit me. The door closed suddenly and the faceless thing from earlier started emerging from the wall behind the skeleton. I ran but the door was somehow locked again and this time it wouldn't break open. "It's rude to ran away from a lady" the thing said while grinding its teeth. "Fucker if you're a lady i'm turning gay" I sassed while trying to find a way out. I saw a vent and I started climbing on top of some shelves to reach it. I broke open the vent and suddenly while I was climbing inside I couldn't keep moving. "You're not getting away" the thing screeched and grabbed my leg with its slimy arm. I struggled to break free but I couldn't and in the meantime, it kept climbing. Its head emerged and at that moment summoned the vines around my fists and I punched it throwing it on the other side of the room. "I'm not disappearing this time hehe" it said laughing while spilling something white from its mouth . . its blood I assumed. "Do what you want, I'm getting the hell out" I replied while I was dragging myself through the vents.

I heard some weird sounds in the vents and they became more prominent as time passed. "Oh oh" I said and the vents broke down making me hit the floor fave first. I've been through worse I thought to myself and I started running up the stairs to the top floor.

"Time to power up" I said and I summoned my armor along with my sword on my back and my gun on it holster. Harbingers started appearing as I was following the signs to the amphitheater though they would go down way easier than I remembered. The closer I got the more they were and by the time I reached the doors of the room the place was practically crawling with them. I cleared out the place and it was time to see if I had finally found her. I tried to open the doors and as always they wouldn't barge so a kick it is . . . The doors fall down to the floor and I see her, in a chair in the middle of the room just standing there, her eyes turned blank and dozens of harbingers flying around and screaming. I started shooting. That must have done something because she suddenly came to her senses. "You came to get me" she said. "Of course I did" I replied. "Come untie me fast!" she ordered while struggling to get free. "Stay there for a bit, I've got it. Plus if I untie you, you'll have to fight." I continued. "Don't threaten me with a good time" she said smiling. I approached her as I kept shooting and I slashed the chains with my sword, finally the harbingers were almost all gone and I now had some support. The thing came in through the door. "We're not done yet pretty boy" it said and it started approaching. "Damn, she fugly" said Circe. "She?!?!?!" I asked. "How did you know it's a 'she' I continued. "Follow me and I'll tell you as we're escaping" she said and she started running to the roof door. "Well, that's a vengeful spirit and an ugly one at that, basically if their skin seems like it's melting it's a female." she continued as she was kicking the roof door. "Such a smart lady" the thing said, now closing distance fast. The roof door broke down and we were outside . . . The thing was right behind us so we run to the edges. It slowly kept approaching. "You haven't seen what I can do yet" it said and smiled with that horrid rotten teeth. Circe ripped a piece of her shirt and she placed it inside my armor. "We jump on 3" she said. "I'm sorry what, this place is 6 floors tall and-" I continued but she interrupted me, "THREE!" she yelled and she dragged me down with her.

She muttered something while we were falling down and somehow we were safe. "WE COULD HAVE DIED YOU PSYCHO" I screamed at her. "But unfortunately you didn't" said a familiar voice. Smoke came from the roof and danced around the figure that was standing at the entrance of the asylum eventually materializing into the spirit. The figure stepped forward and he was Damien. "Why are you still on our trail" Circe asked with a disappointed tone. "A job is a job love and I have to finish it" he replied with a grim smile. "Let us go and let's put this behind us" Circe continued. "Hell no" I said. "He fucked with us again but this time i'm so much more powerful" I continued. "Aiden stop" said Circe. "Aiden keep going" said Damien. "You indeed have become more powerful" he continued. "And how would you know that?" I asked holding my gun tightly. "Well I've been watching you of course. Not me exactly but my friend Proxy here . . I believe you've met" he said. "Of course that's your friend" I replied. "Aiden, please let's go" said Circe but I couldn't let him go unpunished, let's not forget I now have a really powerful weapon ready to test on him. I drew my sword but his expression was indifferent. I started running my hand across it revealing its new form

. . he smiled and raised his eyebrow. "AIDEN STOP NOW" Circe screamed as the sword was taking form once again. I decided to shoot some energy straight to him but something felt...off. The beam left the sword as Circe was screaming "NO". It all happened so fast. The beam hit him but it did no damage, instead it came straight back to my sword. Circe just started running away. Damien raised his hand and I couldn't move a muscle. "You see I have some tricks of my own" he said. He started approaching. I couldn't do anything. "You see, you have indeed become more powerful but I still played you like a pawn" he said while he drew a pitch black knife. I could only watch. "Once I'm done with you my next target is her." he whispered in my ear and anxiety filled my body, I hoped he was talking about Circe . . I didn't want to think of the alternative. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pockets. He took a the lighter and lit a cigarette. "It feels nice having you as my plaything" he said as he touched the lit cigarette on my face. "What wasted potential" he uttered and he slowly forced the knife into my throat.

I could taste my blood. Everything was turning dark. Hope started slipping through my fingers.

#fantasy #darkfantasy #supernatural #dark #fiction #book #writing #writer #author #books #dark fantasy #dark fic

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