#I'd probably be okay even so since I'm getting a job in a few months but my sister has literally no money and couldn't find a job | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strawberryvanillafrosting · 3 months

Text

success life story ♡

heyy i'm here to share about my success story, the beginning is only before i started manifesting and about when i just started, all my success are on the very end of the blog, so feel free to skip directly at it if you're not interest by all the rambling !

have a good read ☆

michiko is so pretty, i've literally been told so many times i looked liker <3

the old story that i don’t live in anymore

okay so before i didn’t hate my life, at all, but i just found very dull and so poor of entertaining like it was just too fucking regular and repetitive.also a bit depressing. i thought of myself of such an unlucky girl before and i was like affirming all the fucking time that i was unlucky and guess what? everything really used to go the way i didn’t want it to go every single damn time and i’d be like i knew it im so unlucky boo-hoo.

same for the money i would just go every single fucking day rambling to my friends how poor i was and how i wanted money so bad and the same story every single fucking for days, weeks, months.

i really wanted a new appartement and my own room cause i used to share same room as my sister and it really was getting on my nerves, i had no privacy and place for myself. the apartment was small, my mum always kept complaining about it and then she would argue about my dad about it but the reason why we couldn’t move out despite trying for several months was cause my dad had whole lotta debts and my mom had a really low paying and hard job she was exhausted and, it was quiet hard to see them being this unhappy and they still tried their hardest to make us happy so i really wanted to get back at them.

about social life i had very few friends and barely went out, i'd say probably one time a month. and i really wanted to get that life of the party, and those big ass friends group and also i was crazy desperate about having black friends cause i am black and literally the only black out here without none of black friends and i felt pretty left out like wtf am i the only black girl with no black friends cause all of them (that's so dumb tho.. ) were friends and gets invited to the most fun hangouts and i was embarrassingly jealous of that and also complained a lot about it…and kept asking tf was wrong with me.

STRONGLY on this one : i wanted a relationship so bad and i kept hating and being sad to those couple on tiktok’s. one time i actually cried cuz i wanted a boys’s love so bad like i was craving it so bad. i was in such despair state before..cringy ahh ☠️

i used to be rlly insecure about my looks too even tho at some moments i felt more confident, i kept comparing myself and waisting dozens of minutes enumerating my "flaws ". i knew about manifestation but not really about law of assumption , for me manifesting was really all about listening to subliminals, method and scripting. we all once knew that phase yeah? i used to manifest from time to time but then would just give up again,since i was not seeing results and so on. so useful wow.and then there’s the others things like mediocre grades, poor family health, just constant tiredness and fatigue feeling,

tw : mention of being depressed,sh,ed, : felt empty like life had absolutely no meaning, suicidal thoughts, tried to end by over-consumption of medication, self-harm and bulimia, constant complaining and NEGATIVE ONLY mindset.

but now, NOW i tell you ever single thing i’ve just listed changed completely like every single damn thing i’ve just listed is no more, it’s out of the date, dead, buried and no longer existing !

it clicked

then at some point at my life i was just like. yk what? fuck i just wanna change it all. then i really like really got into it all over again and for good. no more 1 week i try then giving up cause i ain’t seeing no « results ».

i watched hours and hours of ppl talking about loa (i’m not saying you should do this at all it’s just that i was very under-informed and wanted to know everything about loa)on youtube, shoutout to rita kaminski and hyler who really put me into it and informed me. then i started reading neville’s pdf books, and tumblr blogs, kinda overconsuming but i liked getting myself informed.

and then that’s where everything started and that i got aware of all the power i actually hold. all the things i actually can do just cause of my mind. i wrote down all my wishes in present tense ,like every single aspect i wanted to change/have in my life. and i started fully living in the end like really got myself into and at first of course, wavering from time to time in the beginning. it was pretty easy for me since i was used to manifestation.but what i didn’t do before is persist no matter what and that’s what was really tricky for me in the beginning to persist no matter what and not just give up to bullshit 3D. but when i kept moving forward no matter the 3D and made it facts the only my 4D matters and everything has already happened, ALL and every single wish down to the last one flowed into my life. ONE by ONE every single hour of the day i would get my manifestations down to the last letter i wrote in my notes.every single thing

success storyy

in a matter of few weeks like really 3 week-ish like- 1 month max.

starting off LUCK i’m extremely lucky now every single time i play gambling activities i win. i’ve won insane amounts at scratch cards i think i’ve won in total more than 5’000$. JUST FROM SCRATCH CARDS.and before i started i NEVER EVER WON. now whenever i play there’s not one time that i’ll win absolutely nothing even just a small prize

won huge lottery prize (from 200 to 12k the biggest i’ve won yet)

winning a gambling games, either online or dice rolling luck,bets, bingos etc.. its literally insane every one keep telling that i literally has got god’s blessing (i’m the god guys🥰)

financially freedom, my parents upgraded jobs and i’ve got lots of incomes + the money my parents give me

all the debts my dad had, he got rid of ALL of them and when i tell you mf had a lot of em☠️

move out in a new huge ass condo which is a duplex (like really like i wrote it it’s actually scary how powerful we are..) I’VE FINALLY GOT MY OWN ROOM and we’re getting my desired furnitures and decorating the house i’m so grateful

friends and popularity i think biggest shock for me is really this. like my social life has gone from very paisible to completely fully booked and passioning life. like seriously i’ve been to more parties, concerts, birthdays, and hangouts during the last 2 weeks holidays than in my entire life

got lot of new friends, healthy relationships and quality time passed on lots of fun activities and sm memories

black groups friend. WITH AN S.so thankful to myself to be this good a manifestation i litteraly got into a black friend group of girls and i’ve never felt more at my place and understood this much. and these girls know the black group boys (when i tell you that 2y ago they were the person that i wanted to be close with so bad..also they’re really hot and funny lol)so we hung out with them and i was literally so highlighted and became pretty much friends with all of them !!

my man. HELLO I LITERALLY MANIFESTED MY DREAM RELATIONSHIP? when i met him i didn’t actually realize right on the spot that he was exactly how i wanted him to be and reading back to when i scripted out all the things i wanted at the beginning, everything matched. he’s literally physically and mentally the man of my dream LIKE REALLY. we’re no bf and gf YET cause it’s just a little soon but we see each others super often and we have the best relationship ever i swear it’s giving wattpad. the flirting is crazyyy.

dream bod.from head to toe my desired body. heavy on the lower body all for that azz and wide hips.ive got smooth and clear skin and smell good all the time!! litteraly flawless face + got my braces which suits so much and dimples

plenty of vacations (went to ibiza, usa and dubai )

lenient parents they use to be so strict before i swear its crazy they let me go so easily now, i can hangout without asking 3 days ,like they accept even if i've gotta go in the next hour or if wanna go on trip that's in another country. i can come back home so much later too

attractive & magnetic aura + being really charismatic (everyone i met keep telling me i’ve got this thing that really makes them want me, get closer to me)

good grades without doing much

perfect self-concept - as i kept living 24/7 in the state of wish fulfilled, my self concept only got better making me really know what i’m worth and never wavering/ going back to the old story

whole ass pc set up

all of my desired skincare/makeups/shoes/clothes

and so much more...

outro

i hope y'all liked my blog and that it motivated some of you to NEVER GIVE UP cause y'all are reallyy some powerful mfs and y'all already got all of yours desires !!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ honey kisses, shayama

#manifesting #law of assumption #sucess story #loa success #loa blog #loassumption #neville goddard #self concept #nondualism #void state #state of the wish fullfilled

1K notes · View notes

malecftw · 3 months

Text

Dirt - Tom Blyth

A/N: Duuuuuuuude, I feel like I'm in an alternate universe. Never would I have thought I'd ever be writing again, years later! Please please please let me know what you guys think since this is my first story back. It'll probably play a part in wether or not I'll write more since I obvs love writing, but a writer isn't a writer without readers.

Enjoy xx

Warnings: fluff.

(Not my gif obvs)

The cool breeze of the opening car door makes you smile. The vehicle moves slightly as someone sits in the driver's seat. After some rustling you hear: "Open up." You do as you're told and open your lips slightly, only to feel the cool metal of a reusable straw. A groan escapes your lips as you taste your favorite cooled beverage. By now, he knew all your favorites by heart, just like he knew your dislike for the standard paper straws they've started using everywhere. You're all for saving the planet, but paper should never be sucked on. You lean your head against the headrest as you turn your head towards the driver's seat, even though your eyes could only see black.

"Does this mean you're gonna be my servant all day?" You hear a chuckle. "Don't get used to it hot stuff. You're only blindfolded until we get there." You puckered your lips, "and where is there exactly?" you try again. For months, he's been keeping you in the dark about what he had planned for your birthday. He hyped it up quite a bit so your curiosity only grew as it led you to this moment, literally in the dark about the whole thing. He just kissed your lips and you knew that was the only answer you were gonna get.

The drive was filled with your favorite music, the occasional chatter and regular hand kisses as he held yours in your lap. Although you couldn't see anything, you weren't bored. It was rare that you got to spend much time together, so even this was a treat. You still found it crazy how he had been able to persuade the producers and director to film around your birthday. Well, persuading isn't exactly the right word. He had a few different gigs lined up, so he could basically tell them: "Give me these days off, or I'm going for the other job."

He was always the assertive one in the relationship. Especially when it came to you. Any free moment he could get, he would make sure to capitalize on it just so he could spend it with you. Ever since you guys met at Julliard, you'd been absolutely smitten with eachother.

Your thoughts were interrupted as the car came to a halt. "Slow down tiger." He said, quickly grabbing your hand moving towards the blindfold. "Tooooooom, please..." you whined, squeezing his hand. "You'll find out soon enough, trust me. Now I'm going to come over to your side to help you get out okay. No peeking."

The dramatic sigh that left your lips made him laugh, loving the advantage he had over you. As you play with a loose thread on your jean overall he opens the door. Grabbing your waist, he lifts you out of the Jeep, squeezing your sides in the process.

"Okay, take off your blindfold on my mark." He exclaims, followed by alot of shuffling, making you aware of multiple people present. "Go for it babe." He says loudly, and you do as he says.

The sight infront of you startles you, not at all what you expected. It feels like you're in some kind of national park. Only stones, sand and dirt in sight. If you exclude the group of people infront of you that is.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Everyone shouts at the same time and you jump back a little in surprise. In front of you are you closest friends, as well as some of Tom's coworkers you'd been lucky enough to get close to. A few Billy The Kid costars were also there, you assumed the others had to keep filming while he had a couple days off.

As you take in the sight, hand over your mouth, still in shock, you notice everyone has a bucket hanging from their wrist. "What the fuck!?!" you shout, happy but confused. Tom walks up to you, takes your hand and walks you closer to the group. He hands you a similar looking bucket, a chisel and a hammer.

"We're going crystal digging." Tom smiles, stretching out his arms proudly as he looks at the scenery. Your heart nearly bursts at the seams as you throw your new equipment to the ground and jump in his arms, clinging onto him like a Koala.

"Tom Blyth, you are the most unrealistically perfect boyfriend ever and I do wonder how I ended up with you." You whisper, looking into his eyes, trying to make him realise how much this means to you.

It's not like you were crystal-obsessed. It's just something you'd been drawn to your entire life. A little quirk one might say. It was a subtle part of your life. One that you had often gotten judged for by previous boyfriends. Tom never spoke negatively about it, it was just a part of who you are and if it made you happy, why would he try to manipulate it out of you like the ones before him. It's not because he himself wasn't that interested in it, that you weren't allowed to be.

"Babe, all I do is listen. It's not rocket science." He smiles as he gives you a little Eskimo kiss. "So humble," you mock swoon as het puts you down. "Oi, don't be jealous if I find the biggest rock okay." He grins while nudging your side. "Not gonna happen. I'm a crystal magnet." You say cockily as you join the group.

After a couple hours, everyone was covered in dust and dirt. Happily you look at your bucket, having found a couple huge, beautiful crystals and a lot of smaller ones. Next to you Tom was also holding his bucket closer to his face to inspect what he found. Your shoulder touches his elbow as you say: "You know what, I might have a couple of them made into some lovely jewelry pieces."

Tom looks at you bewildered. "Like what?" You don't think much of it as you answer. "I don't know. There's some beautiful stones in here for some earrings, necklaces, bracelets... Or maybe I can make some stuff myself you know. Get my creative juices flowing." He sighs softly at your answer. "I love you." At that you raise your eyebrow. Neither you or Tom were shy of expressing your love for eachother, but this was a bit random. "I love you too. I honestly don't think you realise how much this means to me. I never would have guessed this to be the surprise. It's so thoughtful. It truly shows how much you know me through and through." "I'm glad you like it. You're always down to try anything, even if you're not sure about it in the beginning. That's why I feel comfortable trying something new. I'm aware it hasn't been easy now that work's been steady and I've been away from home a lot. And you have no idea how much I appreciate you giving me the freedom to follow my dreams."

He leans down and kisses you passionately. Melting into his touch you stand there for a while looking at the scenery, taking everything in.

*That evening*

"You clean up nicely mr. Blyth." You comment on his attire. He does a little twirl, smirking as he checks you out. "You're not so bad for a little scavenger." You poke his side and sit down in one of the chairs. After you'd said your goodbyes to the rest of the group, Tom had driven you about an hour away from the crystal mine. You knew that wasn't the end of your birthday surprise since he'd told you to also pack some nice evening attire.

Tom had booked an amazing restaurant. The owners went above and beyone to blow your mind, preparing an outdoor table with the best view. After dessert, you both were enjoying some lovely wine and eachother. Catching up after not having seen eachother for a while since you'd only flow in yesterday so you could spend your birthday together.

He absentmindedly played with your fingers as a comfortable silence settled between you two. You felt him rubbing your ring finger and noticed him looking at it. "Looks quite empty doesn't it." He says quite casually. You roll your eyes and jokingly hit his chest. "Don't play that game." You say, smiling widely. You'd talked about marriage before, you both knew you wanted it at some point in your life. Sure some people say it's just a piece of paper, and you couldn't fully disagree, but it also had a deeper meaning to the both of you. The promise of choosing eachother, every day, forever.

He looked into your eyes and shook his head.

"I'm not playing games anymore love."

The way he said it made you shiver. He'd made that joke before, but never with an answer so serious. He leaned back in his chair. "Do you remember, early on in our relationship, that time I forgot my tie for one of the first plays I did at Julliard?" You smile as you think back to that memory. "How could I forget. You were basically a living zombie for 3 weeks leading up to that play."

Tom nodded, back to playing with your fingers.

"I remember I had been so stressed. The character I played was so dull. I struggled so much finding ways to make him more interesting to the audience. And that damn tie. It was so important to me. Silly how something so small could mean so much at the time." "So much that you forgot it at home 3 hours before the play." You humored.

Looking enamoured, he continued.

"And I remember you. You with your make up half done, running towards me in a fucking thunderstorm. And when we met in the middle, you just casually opened your vest, handing over that damn tie."

Laughter exploded from your chest. You were in the middle of getting ready to attend the play when you got the frantic call from Tom. You didn't think twice and started running towards the school, and didn't even realise it was raining until you were running through the streets of New York City, by then it was too late to turn back to dress appropriately for the weather.

The man infront of you smiling, as he relived the same memory.

"That's when I knew."

A questioning look painted your face.

"I knew. Right then and there, that I'd always look for you in the crowd."

Speechless, you squeezed his hand.

He sat up straight in his chair. Taking both of your hands in his.

"I love you. I love the way you still can't use our airfryer, 2 years after we got it. I love your random obsession with knitting and making me wear your handmade sweaters to work. I love home, but only when you're there. I love that you let me be who I truly am and I love that you are fearlessly yourself."

He stood up and kneeled down infront of you, taking out a red, velvet box.

"Please allow me, to fulfill one more dream of mine."

As he opens the box he speaks with shaking voice and tears in his eyes.

"Will you marry me?"

#tom blyth #tom blyth fluff #tom blyth x reader #fluff #billy the kid #coriolanus snow

218 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

WIBTA if I refused to give people rides? I work a deep night shift, and the way a typical night goes is I report to a specific building, my boss tells me another building I'll be going to for the night, I get assigned a set of keys for that building then I hop in my car and go over there. At the end of the shift, I head back to the same building I reported to to turn in my keys before heading home. The buildings I get sent to are generally only about 3-8 minutes away by car, but I'm sure you can imagine it could be a lot of walking if you didn't have a car or bike while working this job. Even with a bike, there may be nights you'd have a rough time if the weather got bad, and things like Uber can get expensive if you have to use it a lot. With this context in mind I can move on to the next part- Lately we've been getting some new people, a couple of which that were assigned to go to the same building as me for me to teach them the job I do. These were two separate occasions that happened over the span of a few months, and both times the person happened to not have access to a vehicle or bike. They'd ask if they could ride with me, and I'd agree despite the fact that I am a bit of an anxious driver who doesn't really like having anyone else in the car. Especially strangers. But I figured it'd be okay if it was just for a few days to a week since they'd probably be moved to a different building to learn other parts of the job by then. Both times, after the first 2 or 3 nights, the person began asking me if I could maybe drop them off or pick them up from their home so that they wouldn't have to wait for the bus or an Uber. This made me very uncomfortable to be asked, not only due to the anxious driver thing but also just because I know I should not be obligated to make sure anyone else is getting to or from work. So I am pretty okay with saying no to that part. But when it comes to getting them to and from our shared building during the shift, I worry I would be being unreasonable or cruel to refuse someone a ride when I'm going over there anyway. To reiterate the main issues, I don't really like having strangers in the car, and now along with that I'm realizing that allowing these rides seems to sort of open a door for someone to ask for more rides. I know not every person would do that, but I feel like it could become a frequent issue. I've talked to one other person about this and they've tried to assure me I would not be in the wrong or a bad person for saying no and that I don't have to have an excuse, but I'm still worried. So… Next time a new person that does not have access to a car comes through, and asks if I could let them ride with me, would I be an asshole for politely telling them I can't?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

70 notes · View notes

shai-manahan · 2 months

Text

Hi! It's been a while since I've talked about the upcoming updates, but I finally had a chance to actually sit down and make plans! (the life of a corporate slave, am I right? 🙃)

It has something to do with the changes I will be implementing on my patreon, though. I've thought for a while how to give content that's worthwhile of subscriptions while also making sure I can be comfortable with them, and in all honesty, I had a tricky time doing it. HM is too personal for me, as I used to talk about before, and some of the patreon benefits I promised before eventually felt too revealing - of my own thoughts and people whose lives were a huge inspiration for this story.

I will be talking about these changes and the update schedules as well below the cut.

UPDATES

I aim to finish at least half of HM's Book 1 this year. It seems to be a more realistic goal than forcing myself to finish everything right away (which tbh may have been a huge pressure I put on myself the past few years), though admittedly, things are unpredictable in the field I'm in; my job is full of overtime hours, and I spend most of my weekends trying to recover (or sick).

Still, I gotta finish it one way or another, and it's not going to write itself (though I wish it would!), so yeah, set realistic deadlines, pull out a few all-nighters, and maybe I'll actually get through it, who knows?

I do hope I'll have steadier finances by the time Book 2 starts so I can put more focus on writing and have sufficient energy for it, but that's a conversation for another day.

Changes in Prologue - Chapter 2

Okay. I know I promised not to make revisions until I write more chapters, but changing how some game mechanics work and reworking the stats made it a necessity, and I underestimated how much rewriting I'd have to do. A few scenes ended up not working well anymore, and I couldn't resist from revising a few clunky sections while I was at it.

Dialogue options were one of those that were significantly affected by the stat changes, but no worries, nothing is changed in the story -- meaning Wesley still fucks with the Ripper's life (oops), Richard still goes off doing whatever non-sus thing he's doing, you can still punch Bale (it's even a lot funnier this time), Bertrand remains a bitchy cop, and you'll still have your sad flashback with your former best friend/lover/crush or whatever they are to your MC.

The plan is to release the updated version of Prologue and Chapter 1 to patrons by the end of March (I will have a few days off work that week) and release it to the public once the new content is also ready, which I presume will be available next month (I will keep you all posted but I really hope I can get it done by then because it's been forever 🥲).

I might tweak Chapter 2 a little so the available portion can stand on its own rather than be divided into two parts, because it's just too long lmfao and is harming the pacing as I keep worrying about the length. I'm also incorporating a few suggestions a few folks gave me these past few months.

Succeeding chapters

I've probably said this before but things are bound to get more insane in HM once we're past the first three to four chapters. But also quicker to write in a way. They're the kind of scenes I thrive in, and while they have bigger variations, they're a lot more fast-paced, characters start being manipulative little shits, and the threats are more prevalent than ever. Your Ripper will not have a good time, but I certainly will (I say as I look at my outline and get sad doing it). There will be a few "breaks" in between, but this is not and will never be a light-hearted story. Anyway, I'm inclined to believe I'll be more consistent with updates when that time comes, so bear with me for now :')

PATREON CHANGES

This is getting long, so I'll just list the updated tier benefits and end the day with it. I'll be posting a schedule that I will be committing to (here and on patreon tomorrow morning), with the below details as well (so if you wanna stop here that's totally valid) but for now, here's the tentative list:

Tier 1

Early access - 4 days before a public update (this month will be an exception and you'll get the update as soon as the other tiers get it, too).

Sneak peeks and deleted scenes - I included the latter because apparently I delete a lot of great scenes

Hints for future revelations in the story - the categories will depend on results of polls; the hints may be about Bale's death, about Ripper's family, Pharos, Cyro, the ROs themselves, or the nightmares that the MC is getting, etc. Might be in form of vague conversations/dialogues between unknown characters, might be me dropping subtle info about those involved. Either way, it will be fun :). The polls and these hints will be given monthly.

Tier 2

Early access - 1 week before a public update

all the other benefits for Tier 1

monthly RO snippets - I'm still experimenting with this, but I might simply write MC x RO snippets (with different kinds of MCs for different scenarios because I deeply hate writing blank slate MCs, sorry)

a choice to see the POV of a character, decided through polls, for every chapter/update.

Tier 3

Early access - as early as it's available and goes through testing stages

all other benefits for previous tiers

Non-RO short stories

Previews on unintroduced characters :)

That's all for tonight! I am so tired lmfao but I hope you all are having a great weekend so far! See you tomorrow :)

#patreon #patreon changes #updates #hollowed minds progress update #interactive fiction #hollowed minds series #hollowed minds #wip #writing #hollowed minds book one #if wip #interactive novel

39 notes · View notes

znerac · 10 months

Text

First Job || Pedro Pascal x FtM!Reader

Forgive me i was up all night finishing this and i don't have time to proofread so 😭 good luck!

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x FtM!Reader. Word count: 5.8k. Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Pedro calls you a 'good boy', Reader only has top surgery but it isn't mentioned, Oral (R receiving), Unprotected piv, Alcohol, no y/n Summary: Reader flies to LA from Canada to pursuit in his first official acting job. And immediately he and Pedro hit it off. When the readers coworker invites the group to a bar, you and pedro end up at your hotel room.

A/N: I hope it was okay writing from a ftm perspective!! 😭 i don't see enough male/transmasc fics (or at all) and figured I'd just write my own for those interested. Anyways, please enjoy! ^^

"Are you sure you can do this on your own honey?" you mother asked, handing you your suitcase. Giving her a soft smile you nodded "I'm an adult, Mom. I'll be fine." you said, now walking into the airport. "Okay.. But please call me when you land. And tell me how everything goes. This is your first role, i want to know everything" she said with a smile. You chuckled, "i will. You've been my biggest supporter, how could i not?" you said, checking the time. "Shit, sorry i have to go now. I don't want to miss my flight" you said, leaning over and kissing your moms cheek. "I promise I'll call you. Love you" you called with a smile, before rushing off to go through security and have your bag be set on the plane.

Around ten minutes later you finally boarded the plane, luckily getting a window seat. You were crawling with excitement, You had been waiting ages to get a decent role in a show, and now you had it.

Relaxing into your seat, you took out your phone to send a few messages to your friends and family before you had to take off. And when the plane started, You set your phone away and watched out the window. You always liked flying, only this time you were alone. But you were excited to finally reach out of your parents clutch to act more like the adult you were, And get on the road of fame. Hopefully. It was your dream to inspire others.

For the most part you kept your eyes out the window, Or drew in your sketchbook. The lady who sat beside you chatted with you for a bit, and you told her what you were flying to LA for. She seemed happy to be hearing about your job, and even wished you good luck. It wasn't a long flight, Alberta to LA was only about four hours, lucky you.

Once landed, you spent a painful amount of time looking for your bags. And when you found them, had to catch a cab. You would have to settle into your hotel room before meeting anyone on set. Just to grab your scripts and meet the other actors you would be working with. Calling your mom on the ride since you did infact promise her you would.

Letting out a sigh you plopped your suitcase on your hotel rooms bed. It was going to be a long couple of months of filming. And you considered having an early sleep tonight. But inevitably you'd probably just stay up all night rehearsing and practicing your lines. You were nervous to say the least, but you were determined to get this role perfect.

"Okay so you'll have a car parked outside waiting for you, That'll take you to the set and we can speak there. Don't worry, you'll do great"

You nodded along, phone tucked between your head and shoulder as you pushed your shoes on. "Right, Thanks, I'll be there as soon as i can" you replied, hanging up and rushing out the door. Your new agent was strict, but you didn't mind. Anything to get your lazy ass up and ready.

When you arrived, your agent met you at the door and lead you inside. "Okay, So this is where you'll be meeting everyone every weekday for the next few months. From here the directors and stage crew will assist you. Your trailer is out back for when your getting ready. Your script is also in there, organized by day and acts in the folders. Today everyone is just getting familliar with each other and taking a peek at their scripts." she stated, and you held back a groan. Too much information for a Saturday, You wished you could of slept instead.

You ignored the rest of the words your agent was spouting and looked around the room. Seeing a few familiar faces from different movies and shows. Well, might as well get to know them, right? As a new actor it might be good to get to know a few. Maybe you'd get tips or even make a few friends. While debating on who'd you'd try to walk up to, someone beat you to it.

"Hey, haven't seen your face before."

You turned around, Smiling at the new face. "Oh, uh he- hi, Nice to meet you" you said, putting your hand out. Great way to start the day off, Awkward as usual. The guy furrowed his brows with a grin, and shook your hand. "So your the new actor Davids been talkin about I'm guessing?" he asks, then tucks his hands in his pockets. Your cheeks flush with embarrassment. It was that obvious? "Yeah.. First big job I've got. I'm terrified" you joked, making him chuckle. "I remember my first job. Oh, and I'm Pedro, nice to meet you" he said with a smile. You returned it and replied with your name.

"Well, come on. I'll introduce you to everyone. Might as well, since your stayin for a couple months" he offered, and took you around. You liked how Pedro was easygoing, good with getting along with others. It was hard to find people like that. And you found yourself clinging to this guy for the rest of the day, a bit afraid to go anywhere else. Since he was the only 'familiar' one you knew.

He even took you to your trailer and let you know how most things went around. You were thankful, and it clearly showed. "So, Where'd you come from?" he asks, sitting on the small couch as you looked through the folders. "Oh I'm from Alberta. What about you?" you asked, turning around and leaning against the counter.

"Chile. Two pretty different places, yeah?"

You nodded, "god yeah. Ones too cold most of the year and what, chile is hot?" pedro laughed, and the two of you kept chatting. Learning few stuff about the other, How he usually got killed off as characters and whatnot. You found him funny, and immediately felt comfortable around him.

Looking at your watch, you hummed and your stomach growled. "Think its time to get somethin to eat" you muttered, "you hungry Pedro? I can order us some food." you offered, "Sure, but let me pay. You shouldn't be paying when its your first day here" he stated with a soft smile. You bit your inner cheek, "how about we split the bill instead, i don't want you paying full" you stated, getting your phone out. Before pedro could protest you were already on skip. "Do you just want me to order a pizza or something? I don't really know what's good around here" you offered, looking back up from your phone. "Sure, Easy food."

After eating you decided to go back to your hotel, the next few days for you were busy. Being on set and learning your lines and staging were tough. It was very different from acting classes and such, being on an actual set and such. It was very intimidating, but pedro reassured you it was easier than you thought.

You bit your lip, pacing in your trailer as you practiced your lines alone. Sitting on your couch with a huff. "Why didn't we get more time-" you mumbled to yourself, closing your eyes and going through the whole thing in your mind. Focus, you could do this!

You almost didn't notice when the door opened and your agent walked in. "Get up. You have to change and be on set in ten" she rushed, and just when you thought you had it. "Okay- okay give me a second-"

"We don't have time. David won't be happy if your late." she said, grabbing your hand and pulling you out. You let out a groan, Following her to the dressing room where a crew did your makeup and helped you get into costume. It was a stressful eight minutes of your time, and now you were off-stage. Watching the scene before you.

Pedro looked over, Nugding your arm. "Hey, you'll be alright. Your first scenes with me so I'll be there" he said with a comforting smile, his eyes looking you up and down. "You look good." he stated, and you smiled "thanks.. So do you" you replied. Pedro nodded and when it was time for your characters to be in the scene, you went on and moved with him.

Thankfully, previous days you had done this scene and others. You felt decently prepared, the only thing making you nervous was that it was being recorded.

You were holding up well, The scene was almost done. And you were confident that you could do it. That was, Until you froze. Forgetting the line that you had been worrying about. Freezing in the middle of the set, trying to wrack your brain for the line you were supposed to say. It felt like a big deal, getting the filming done first try. And when they yelled 'cut' you could feel the dread settle in your stomach.

You could hear david call your name "whats up, why won't you say your line?" he yelled, not mad but you felt like you were in trouble. Pedro looked over at you, as did the other actors. You felt like you couldn't speak.

"I uh- um.. I forgot what i was gonna say-" you mumbled, looking around.

David sighed, "Fine. Everybody take five to look over your scripts."

Pedro walked over and patted you on the back. "Good Job. You did pretty well". You felt your mouth go dry at his words, he was being sincere. But you couldn't help but feel guilty, Hearing a few of the other actors say your name and complain a bit. "Hey, don't sweat it. This happens all the time. Usually we have a scriptor up but i guess they thought we wouldn't need it" he said, hand lasting on your shoulder. You bit your tongue, wiping your eyes. Pedro's look softened and he pulled you into a little hug. "Hey- hey its okay, this happens all the time, honest to god. No need to feel bad about it"

The feeling of his arms wrapped around you made you relax a bit, although you still couldn't help the feeling. "I know. I just thought i was doing so well-! I was so ready but i blew my first scene. The rehearsals went good-" Pedro laughs "good rehearsals usually mean a few bloopers. Lets get you some water, then hop back on set." he said, taking you to one of the tables and handing you a water bottle, that you happily chugged down about half of.

The rest of the day on set went pretty well, actually. Now you sat down next to Pedro, and a few other actors. "What happened earlier, what made you freeze up so badly when you forgot your line?" Amanda asked, She was another actor who welcomed you in immediately. "I don't know. I could of just like, improved but nothing came to mind." you hummed, Drinking the gross coffee that the crew set out. "Happens to the best of us. I don't know why Diane made such a big deal out of it, Since it literally happens all the time."

Amanda's face lit up, "say, today went well, aannd its friday.. We had a long week of practice. You guys wanna go out and get a drink?" she asked, and the others at the table immediately agreed. Your eyes lit up, "i could use a drink. What about you, P?" you asked, turning to your friend. Pedro nodded, "i know a good bar. I'll order us a cab."

The thought of a drink to settle your nerves and relax for the weekend sounded great. As you all piled into a cab, you were luckily enough to catch front seat. And at the club, You all sat around a big table. The only difference being now you all had alcohol in your hands, and loud music blaring.

Amanda was kind enough to pay for the first few rounds, mostly because she wanted to get you talking and to open up. And of course it worked, you slurred slightly and replied to any questions asked.

"Daaamnn.. Did you see that guy over in the corner? Man had a cake" Amanda slurred, laughing as the boys in the group either made a joke or fake gagged. You couldn't help but fake a gag, though silently try to find the apparent dumptruck she had went on about. Blushing as she caught you looking. "Man, you looking out for caked up guys over there?"

You swatted at her hand, "shut up, a guy can appreciate a good cake anytime he wants"

Amanda wiggled her brows, "if your lucky you should bring one back to the hotel, if you know what i meaan.." she teased, making your cheeks flush more "shut up! I ain't into guys, no way-" you said, worried. The group laughed, and you couldn't help but join. You needed the laughter, and at this point they were probably too tipsy to care about your preferences.

For a second you felt a weight gain on your shoulder, making you confused. That was until you found Pedro leaning against you. You couldn't help but look at his hair, slight curls and a nice brown. You couldn't help the urge to want to play with it, the alcohol making you less afraid to ask. "Can i play with your hair?" you asked, hearing an approving hum from the other. Making you smile as you lifted you hand up and threaded your fingers through the soft locks he had. Making you nearly awe. His hair was so soft.. You couldn't stop playing with it. Giggling softly to yourself as Pedro leant into it, humming deeply. By the sounds of it he was enjoying the attention. And you blocked out the sound of anyone teasing you for it.

Your head snapped over as another drink was set in front of you. Bringing it to your lips and taking a sip, feeling pedro's arm snake around your waist and tug you closer. Was he always this affectionate? Maybe it was the alcohol. But you didn't mind, not at all. He wasn't holding you in a weird way.

Taking another sip, you turned to see Max, another one in the group who had joined you guys, Stand up. "yo amanda, Lets hit the dance floor."

The group ended up leaving you and pedro alone to go dance.

"Sorry is this weird..?" he asked, lightening his hold on you. You shrugged, "Maybe a little. I don't mind though" you said, bringing the drink back up to your lips. "You having a good time?" you asked, turning as he sat up, hand still snaked around you. "Yeah. I'm just enjoying myself. Don't do that much at bars. Or in general" he stated. You nodded, inching closer to him. "You wanna join the others up there?" you ask, And he looked at you. "What, askin me to dance?" he asked with a smug grin.

You rolled your eyes "Damn right i am. You gonna accept or not?" Pedro let out a laugh, stood up and pulled you to your feet. "Absolutely, lets go" he said, Practically dragging you into the crowd. You laughed, being pulled closer to him. Letting your body sway to the music, Giggling as Pedro danced along with you. Eventually the two of you found your rythem and were dancing like idiots, but having the time of your life. For once you weren't worried about how others looked at you. All you cared about was having fun. And surprisingly Pedro was a great dancer, he moved and you noticed how he was definitely trying to pull a few laughs from you.

"Come on, Do what im doin" he called, pressing his back up against yours and doing a little dance. You chuckled and tried to copy him, failing and ended up just moving a little while your eyes was on the other. He smiled and stood straight, "Hey, you were the one who asked to dance. Show me what you got" he said, pointing towards you. Rolling your eyes, you shook your head. "Clearly I'm not as talented. And we've been dancing for a good fifteen minutes! Lets go grab another drink" you said, turning on your foot to head to the bar. Pedro leapt forward and put a hand on your shoulder. "Hey, let me buy. And then we can head upstairs, theres another bar on the rooftop" he said with a grin, walking with you to the bar. After grabbing your drinks and letting pedro pay for the two of you. He lead you to the rooftop where there was in fact, another bar and dance floor. But it was slightly more crowded with few seats available in the corner.

He took you to the more secluded corner and sat you in the booth, sitting beside you. "Didn't realize it was late already" he stated, pointing to the night sky. Taking a sip of your drink you nodded, looking over at him. His brown puppy eyes locking in to yours. After a bit of time you heard a familiar voice speak up, "so this is where you guys went. Was afraid if i got max to look in the mens room you two would be makin a mess of the place" amanda teases, sitting across from the two of you. You rolled your eyes "told you already, Amanda. I'm not into guys" you said, and she scoffed "whatever, you wouldn't admit it either way" she stated, stealing your drink and taking a sip. "Why'd you guys come up here then? Its more crowded."

You shrugged, and pedro sat up. "Night air is nice. Plus you guys can be a little-" he paused, "Too much" he said with a grin. "I mean, you've been teasing our pal for something he might not even be. He might not want us to know anyways." he stated, "you push it he might run off" he said, leaning back into the booth.

Amanda rolled her eyes, "sure. Oh and," She leant towards you, "i can always get you with Max, he's single and likes guys-"

Pedro set his hand on the table with a 'thump'. "Amanda, Enough" he said, a bit of a defensive play to his tone. Amanda gave him a smirk and nodded, backing up. "Alright fine! I'll leave you guys to it then!" she said, slipping your drink back to you and leaving.

You sighed, "shes alot to handle." you groaned, taking a big drink of your beverage. "Yeah. She pushes it alot" he said, taking a slug of his. "Sky's kind-of pretty. Not as nice as home, though" you state. "Yeah? Not much light pollution there?" pedro asks, leaning onto the table a little. "Yeah! A lot of the time its a super dark sky, lots of stars. If your lucky, you catch the northern lights too" you say, smiling a little. Pedro nodded with a smile, "interestin. Never seen them before." he said, and you sat up with a grin. "When the shows done you should totally come and visit, I'll take you to a nice spot or something where we can see them really well" you offered, "sounds like a deal" he replied.

After another hour or so of conversating, you two got comfortable and you leant up against pedro. The alcohol hitting you both pretty hard as you couldn't stop doing little dances and laughing at the stupid jokes you both made. And at one point, you two were just staring comfortably together.

"So, earlier when amanda asked if you liked guys, were you lyin or are you actually not into them?" Pedro asked with a slur, downing the rest of his drink. You hummed, placing your glass down. "I lied" you said with a playful grin, "i din't want anyone to tease me or anythin. I hate gettin set up and, who knows, y'all coulda been against me for it" you rambled, and The other nodded. "bah, their all harmless. But amanda had no right to push you, or ask you if you wanted to hook up with max" he said, a bit of a groan to the end of his sentance. You grinned at that, leaning towards him, "yeah you got pretty pressed at that. You aren't jealous are you-?" you teased with a slur.

Pedro's eyes hardened and he looked away, "No, and so what if i was? S'not like you'd be into it, would you?" he retorted, grinning. You laughed, "sounds like you miiight be into it" you continued to tease, feeling his hand appear on your thigh. "Nooo, Never" he said, sarcasm lacing his tone. There was a moment where you two stared at each other. And then the next, you both crashed your lips against anothers. Humming at the taste of liquor on his lips, you slipped your hand to the back of his neck and slipped it into his hair. Pedro groaned into the kiss, taking your cheek into his hand and pressing harder into the kiss.

Tugging softly on his hair you were able to pull more groans from him, and he was absolutely loving it. The feeling of your drunken lips on one another and somehow having the perfect rythem was- it was amazing. Before you knew it, his free hand was lightly feeling up your chest. And he pulled you into his lap with a hum, grasping your thighs and moving to leave kisses down your Jaw and your neck. You let out a hum and placed your hands on his shoulders as he continued to suck and nibble at your skin, leaving just barely visible pink marks. He let out a groan of frustration when he felt his phone buzz, pulling it out and looking at the notification. "Others are leavin." he mumbled, looking up at you.

You bit your lip, "tell em we'll catch a new one" you said, waiting for him to finish typing and put his phone down before you pressed your lips desperately against his. He met with the same energy, his hand tangling itself in your hair. Usually you weren't one for one night stands. But your drunken mind could care less, the heat in your chest wasn't just from the alcohol now. Or, in your pants.

Pedro pulled away with a pant, looking around briefly. "Maybe we should call a cab, we don't exactly need the pap catchin us like this" he said with a nervous chuckle. You bit your lip, and nodded. "Sure- we can go to my hotel if you'd like" you offered, to which he sent you a nod and grabbed his phone while you shuffled off of his lap. Nervously looking around at the mention of the paparazzi was etching at your nerves. Which were quickly soothed by pedros hands sliding around you with a couple kisses to your nape. "Lets go" he said quietly before you both got out, and walked downstairs. There was a sway in both of your walks, which you both giggled a little at. Waiting outside on the curb you watched as a cab pulled up, and you slid in saying the address. Pedro slipped in beside you and did his seatbelt, as well as yours. His hand was comfortably on your thigh the whole was as you both talked nonesense to eachother. Surprising you both when you got to your destination, and pedro paid without a thought.

Getting out you fumbled for the key in your pocket and lead him to the elevator, and walked inside. Almost immediately when the doors closed and the button to the floor was pressed, pedro pulled you in and kissed you again. Your soft lips on his and still tasting the faint alcohol on his breath. You groaned as he pressed you gently against the elevator wall, feeling up your sides and just slightly under your shirt. Scaring you both at the ding of the elevator when the door opened. But laughing as it arrived on your floor. You took him by the hand and practically dragged the other to your room, playing with the key until it worked and scurried inside, taking your shoes off and barely managing to get the first off before pedro's hands were on you.

This time he pressed you firmly up against the wall, kissing you a bit harder, more lust built into it than anything. You blushed a little, putting your hands on his sides and sliding your hands up underneath his shirt. Feeling his slight-stomach and pecs making your face redder. He was just your type. You let out a hum as his lips traveled from yours to your jaw, then just under your ear.

"You sure you wanna do all this-?" he asked, panting softly from the lack of air. You thought for a second, a bit of anxiety creeping up. "Um, yeah- but i have to tell you something" you urged, feeling his hands come to rest gently on your hips. "Whats that?" he replied, looking into your eyes. You bit your lip, you had to tell him. It wouldn't be fair not to- right? "I'm well- not like, most guys, yknow? I- don't have the like- normal bits n stuff like-" you stammered, royally fucking up your 'coming out' to this guy. He chuckled, "not all guys have dicks, i get it" he said, easing your anxiety with the little joke. "So you still-?"

He smirked, "i think you know the answer" he said, pulling you towards him to meet his hips. You nearly gasped at the feeling of his bulge there, and he went in and kissed you again.

He began to lift up your shirt and only broke the kiss for a second to take it off of you. Slowly grinding his hips against yours, making you shiver and whine slightly as it turned you on further. He pulled away to admire you, licking his lips and grinning as his eyes met yours again. He let you remove his shirt, gently guiding you to the bed afterwards. "M'gonna make my boy feel real good, kay?" he hummed, watching your knees hit the matress causing you to fall back and sit on the bed. All you could do was nod, meeting his lips as he leant down to kiss you. He let his hand wander to the hem of your pants, slipping under the waistband and sliding over your boxers. Groaning into the kiss as his fingers glided over your slick-coated boxers.

"Already baby?" he teased softly, feeling the wet fabric again with a content hum. Your cheeks went hot, and you avoided looking at him in embarrassment. But corrected that quickly. "Uh uh, you've gotta look at me. Or I'll stop what I'm doin" he stated, watching your eyes travel back to his before he grinned "Good boy" he mumbled, making you moan out softly just from the petname itself, making your arousal flush throughout your body. He chuckled, "you like that? You like bein' my good boy?" he asked, carefully slipping his hand under the strap of your boxers and letting a finger glide through your folds, pulling another moan from you.

"Mmm.. M'gonna make this pretty boy feel amazin" he groaned, ducking his digit in slightly to gather your slick before rubbing circles around your sensitive clit. You whimpered and grabbed his wrist, then changed to grab the bed so he didn't get the wrong idea. He hummed, looking down at your crotch, before back at your face. "Want me to get down between those pretty thighs of you, handsome?" he asked, and you nodded, "Yes, please-!" you said a little too quickly, blushing at the grin on his face. "M'alright then" he said, and with one quick move, removed both your pants and boxers down and off of you.

You gasped at the cold air, making you shiver. "Pedro i-" you paused, seeing his eyes dart to yours. "I don't- like being in the open" you admitted softly, and he bit his lip with a nod. "Here.." he said, getting up and shutting off the lights and closing the curtains. As much as he wanted to get to business right away- he was also keen on you being comfortable. Even in a somewhat-drunk state. "Lay down. Under the covers" he instructed, in which you followed, a little confused. Before you knew it, he was under those covers, and in between your legs.

"You- you didn't have to-" you began, but he quickly interrupted. "You deserve to be more comfortable" he slurred, spreading your legs with his hands. "I don't mind" he mumbled, and you could feel his hot breath on your core. Squirming a little at the idea of this man eating you out. "Pedro please-" you started, but let out a gasp as you felt him drag his tongue up your folds and to your bud. He let out a groan, "tastes so good-" he muttered before he started to devour you. You moaned, instantly taking a fist full of his hair. And pedro grasped your thighs as he tasted you, using the flat of his tongue to tease and pleasure your sensitive bundle of nerves. He absolutely loved all the noises that came from you, making him groan into you and gently grind up into the matress.

The feeling of his tongue exploring you was amazing, he paid careful attention to what make you feel good, and wasn't afraid to do what made you loud. Fuck, he couldn't get enough. Lapping up your juices like he hadn't eaten in days. Your thighs squeezed his head as your back arched, small whimpers and moans pulling from your chest. God the pleasure he was giving you made you unable to think. And embarassingly enough, your climax was already itching at you.

"I- Pedro- a, slow down i'm gonna-!" you shouted, pulling on his hair in an attempt to push him away or get him to slow down. But if anything your speech letting him know he had you that close already was amusing and arousing to him. He pushed your legs open and used his tongue to perfectly abuse your clit, making you cry out and tug on his hair as you came. Moaning as you clenched around nothing, your high making you nearly see stars. Your hand holding tightly onto his hair as you calmed, breathing heavily once pedro took your wrist and crawled up so he could kiss at your collarbone. "Good boy.. Been awhile hasn't it?" he teased, rubbing your sides.

Your face felt like it was burning, biting your lip as you felt his chest with your hand. "Fuck, thats embarrassing" you laughed, causing him to chuckle. "Don't worry bout it stud. I'm not done with you anyhow" he stated, leaving wet kisses along your neck and jaw. "Yeah? Whaddia plan on doin to me?" you pressed on, a smirk evident in your voice. Pedro ground his still-clothed hips against yours, giving you a chance to feel the hard-on he had previously been ignoring. Making you gasp at the sudden contact. "Fuck, i actually can't wait" you breathed, earning another chuckle from Pedro.

He slipped his pants off and hovered over you, planting kissing all over your neck and collarbone. And just the feeling of his length digging into your thigh had you trembling. "Pedro, please" you hummed, shifting. Unable to stop thinking about how good he'd feel inside you. He let out a breath, "don't worry baby, m'gonna fill you up all nice" he said lowly, gabbing your leg and lifting it to your stomach, using his hand to help position himself right against your dripping folds. He exhaled hard. "Gonna have my boy cummin' around me all nicely" he huffed, slowly inserting himself with a groan. You couldn't help but moan out at the feeling of his cock stretching you out nicely. And fuck, you didn't think he would be this big. But when he bottomed out, you both let out a huff of air. He wrapped his arms around your stomach, kissing at your shoulders. Letting you adjust for as long as you needed, and when you jolted your hips on him, he took the hint and started slow, but it didn't last before he was slamming into you and the room filled with the lewd sound of skin slapping against skin and both of your moans and breathing.

Pedro often changed the position slightly, looking for that sweet-spot everyone had. And once he noticed the higher-pitch and crying out, he focused on pounding repeatedly into that spot that made you see stars. You were a sweaty, moaning mess. The intense pleasure he brought you basically paralyzing you as you focused on how amazing you felt. The only things falling from your mouth now being whimpers of his name and small moans. You could barely breathe with how air got punched out of your lungs each time he bottomed out on you.

"H-Aah. Fuck- Ngh.."

Pedro was surprisingly vocal, whimpering wasn't too much of it, he would express himself with either throaty groans or little words or- well trying to be words. "Gonna make my boy feel so good- fuck 'm just right-" he groaned, not letting himself get any closer than you were. As hard as it was, he was able to control himself. That being until he felt you clenching around him, and hearing the cries of his name spilling from your mouth. He tried to coax you through your orgasm, but had to quickly pull out before his was a problem. Letting thick ropes of cum spill onto your stomach with a loud moan. For awhile the only noise in the room was both of your panting.

He bit his lip and fell to the side, humming. "Ffuck" he huffed, feeling the comfort of the bed occupy his thoughts. But he let out a grunt as he got up and stumbled to the bathroom to clean himself up, and grab you a washcloth that he cleant you up with.

He studied your face for a moment, then your body. Remembering what you told him earlier as he found your suitcase and grabbed a pair of your boxers before slipping them onto you. "Just relax handsome" he told you, tucking you back into bed when you tried to get up. You looked at him worriedly, "are you leaving?" you asked in a worried tone, making his face fall. "No, of course not" he said, crawling in with you and pulling you to his chest. Feeling your exhausted body go limp over him after a few minutes.

This was.. Definitely an eventful week.

Reminder that fic requests are open! :P

#why do people not do masc!Readers >:(#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #pedro x reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro is the only guy I'd call daddy #GOTDAYUM #Smut #smutty fanfiction

66 notes · View notes

lokislittlesigyn · 6 months

Text

This past weekend I had .. A truly lovely experience. One that will stick with me forever, I believe.

Story time.

About a month ago I got an unexpected message that Tom Hiddleston would be at NYCC. I'd never heard of NYCC before - though I live within driving distance of NYC. I visited last year to see a Broadway play and visit the Loki figure at Madame Tussauds. But more, in 2019, my parents surprised me with tickets to see Betrayal on Broadway.

When we went to the show, I hoped to give Tom a letter, thanking him for the impact his work has had on my life, and get some art autographed. After the show - which was breathtaking and fantastic and funny and heartbreaking - I stood outside in the bitter cold and watched as Tom stayed outside for 2 hours talking to and autographing things for his fans. I distinctly remember saying his name and him looking me right in the eye - I asked if he'd take my letter. His response? "Of course I will." those words also stuck with me. spoken surely, as though kindness was deserved without question.

I got an autograph from him that day on my Playbill - they didn't allow non-Betrayal works to be signed. But I wanted, very badly, to see him again. Namely for a hug ... And to get that art signed.

In the spring of 2020 I heard about a drivable convention Tom was slated to be at. Tickets to see him were hundreds of dollars, but I was willing to pay.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything was cancelled.

Fast forward to last month. My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to ask for, I have a steady job and I'm trying to give myself permission to buy fun things so I actually feel something when I get a paycheck. ive legit been getting money and just feeling nothing when it goes into my account. :')

And I did it. I bought a pass. An autograph pass, since the photo passes only allowed a few seconds with the individual - I wanted to talk even for a moment, not stand awkwardly while I try to make myself give a natural smile.

I'll spare you the details of the convention itself - it was huge, and while it was exciting, that wasn't the main draw. Tom was. I finished an art piece and had it printed, and took it with me to give to him. I also wrote a message on the back of it, so there was no risk of the message being lost (I don't know if he actually got my first letter. There's really no way to tell!). That message is private, but the art is not.

It took over two hours to get through the line. As someone with joint and sensory issues, this was .. Quite an experience. if i hadnt had my compression socks on i honestly dont think i would have made it. also i really need to look into what ADA passes they have because there is an ADA line and i continuously tell myself im not disabled enough for that but maybe i am, idk

But I got through the line and went around the corner where they had a curtained-off area, and there he was.

My first thought? "Oh, you're real."

its always surprising to see him in person.

But as happened before, the nervousness and excitement and heart beating out of my chest gave way to a quiet calm.

He took the piece I brought to be signed, and signed it. And I spoke up.

"I made this for you, if that's okay." And I handed him the above artwork.

He took it. Looked at it. "You're very talented."

I thanked him.

And he looked at me again.

Now, it's relevant to mention I am autistic. Eye contact is extremely difficult for me. It feels unsafe, exposed, scary. I can literally get physically unsettled if I look at someone's eyes too long. This man is the only person - not even my mother and father feel safe to look in the eye - that I can not just stand to look in the eye, but actually feel ... peaceful. i think it's because he has lokis eyes.

"Thank you. Have a good rest of your weekend."

He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I thanked him again.

It's a small interaction. It was in the last event on the last day of the con - this man was probably exhausted, and rightly so. I also want to be clear, I don't have any sort of parasocial feelings toward Tom, or even romantic/etc. feelings. Tom is his own person, with his own life and experiences, and I don't feel anything toward him other than a general fondness and gratitude. More importantly, he is married, a husband and a father, and that is so important to remember.

I'm simply grateful to him. Out of hundreds, possibly thousands of people over the weekend, he took a bit of time to look at the art, and say something kind, and to look at me and smile.

Photos weren't allowed in the area, or I would have wanted one. Likewise, there were tables between the attendees and him - I would've asked for a hug otherwise. But I don't regret the weekend, for all its ups and downs. I got to give Tom a present, and I know I'll see him again someday.

And maybe next time, I'll get that hug.

#for context i want to get as close to hugging loki as possible lol #i have hugged the madame tussauds figure #i have hugged disneyland loki #i have even hugged loki cosplayers #tom is the closest thing to loki that remains un-hugged by lokislittlesigyn #she will hug him someday #that is a threat /lh #i'll post the digital version of the art soon #<3 #nycc #nycc 2023 #tom hiddleston #storytime #sigyn goes on an adventure #sigyn loves loki a lot

30 notes · View notes

o-uncle-newt · 4 months

Text

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 27: Zurich Part 2

Okay, now that my face has loosened up from the grin it's been in for the last twenty minutes...

I think that it is important for me to say here that this is my favorite finale of anything ever (obviously in combination with Part 1). In any medium.* It's just so so perfect, emotionally resonant (which I don't need to devote SO much time to because as I noted JF did it perfectly here) and one of the funniest episodes JF ever wrote of anything.

It's also got some absolutely GENIUS plotting and impeccable attention to detail, including such tiny things as having Theresa establish in Part 1 that Martin has told her time and time again about the St Petersburg saga, and therefore she remembers enough about it to contribute when they're planning in Part 2 by pointing out that in St Petersburg Gordon would have been able to take anything small out of the aircraft. It's unnecessary- JF could have given the line to someone else- but the fact that he not only gave it to her but gave us enough information for it to make sense that she said it works so well. And then when there's "stop quickly" "that I can do," and Arthur screeches them to a halt, it's a perfect reminder from last episode about the brake pads, which is such subtle set up for Martin to suggest that they be given in lieu of payment. (Sure, if I were Bruce Fraser I'd be a BIT more suspicious that the guy who offered 14k only showed up with 12, but he's also the kind of guy who likes Arthur's Goofy painting so maybe it's just better all around not to trust his discernment.)

When I first listened to this episode exactly nine years ago, I was a couple of minutes late, and so it wasn't until months later that I first heard the amazing cold open with Tiffy. Which, by the way, is so so funny... I love it so much, it's just perfect as a recap-without-being-too-info-dumpy and as just a peek into Arthur's world. Which is fitting, because I really see this as Arthur's episode. There are very few episodes that feel that way- St Petersburg was KIND OF one, but it ended up being more about how the rest of them jump into action to protect him than him being able to do anything. But here... this is Arthur's moment! He's INCREDIBLY active in this episode, whether solving the ID problem or realizing that Gordon is trying to trick them. He doesn't usually get to be so it's really great

If I had to rank the others in terms of their relevance to the plot after Arthur, it would probably be Douglas, Carolyn, Martin. Douglas is definitely the key one, and I'd argue that without his key role, Martin would be basically irrelevant to the plot here- the episode tries to convince us that Martin might not take the job, but even once he has a real practical way to stay with MJN we kind of know he won't, and have known since Yverdon. But Douglas, as JF noted in Farewell Bear Facts, has to prove he's worthy of being captain and put himself on the line- and he has to be able to serve in a mentorly capacity for Arthur (where it's a bit more paternal, even) and Martin.

On that last note, I used to be a bit annoyed by Douglas telling Martin to take on his shtick, because I was like "Martin is fine just the way he is, imagine if he turns into DOUGLAS"- I still kind of think this way (though of course I'm sure it's more metaphorical than him pretending to be Douglas exactly) but relistening to the whole show, including some of my least favorites, reminds me that Martin could kind of use being someone else... who he used to be was really fucking annoying lol.

As far as Carolyn, I WILL add something about her journey here because JF doesn't mention it in his post. He talks about how her journey is to be more vulnerable to Herc, but I think it goes farther, in a way I've talked about here. The question she finally asks Herc- why does him saying he loves her mean something different now than it did to his previous exes- is her being vulnerable to HIM, but also an expression of an inability to be vulnerable that she'd shown to everyone, not just him. The whole time- til at least late S3, at least- she couldn't trust people, she felt like she needed to rule by fear, and it takes vulnerability for her to accept that eventually she's not the one in total control and people are doing things for her because they care about her and the company as something bigger than her and that it's not totally in her control. Maybe this episode it manifests itself in the question to Herc and being vulnerable to him... but it also manifests itself in her changing the name of the airline. It's OUR Jet Still.

A few smaller notes:

Martin, Douglas and Arthur all saying Yellow Car is my favorite thing ever

I use the phrase "a thousand strawberry lollies and the Princess of Liechtenstein" all the time and it's one of my favorite lines ever

The scene with Douglas-as-Gordon and Martin-as-Douglas is possibly the funniest exchange JF ever wrote (I feel like I say that kind of thing a lot)

And... "I hate flying into the sunset" is such a fantastic line to very-nearly-end on. It's a tie back to Limerick, but it's also an expression of how they literally are ending with a fairy tale ending, flying off into the sunset... which they'd all said wasn't possible in Zurich Part 1! Though Arthur was still right- it wasn't a totally fairytale ending, it was more like The Jungle Book. Martin's not there, he goes off with the girl to the human village. And so it's not a fairytale ending, where everything freezes at an unlikely ending point- it's BETTER. They're all in the best possible places for them, as characters, to continue, even if it's bittersweet, and it's amazing.

I do have to say- doing this every day has been such a joy. I may come back tomorrow to do a final thing but I'm not sure, but in the meantime, thank you for being here and I hope you enjoyed as much as I have!

*It used to be tied with the finale of Detectorists, and I still love the S3 finale, but they then fucked it up by doing that Christmas special last year which was honestly horrendous.

#cabin pressure #cabin pressure advent 2023 #cabin pressure advent #john finnemore #zurich part 2 #also for all who celebrate #merry christmas #or should i say #GET DRESSED YOU MERRY GENTLEMEN

16 notes · View notes

cherivinca · 4 months

Text

Since the year is almost over, I wanted to make a small 2023 introspection (as well as talk about 2024 plans...)!

First of all, I hope everyone had a decent year! Mine was... okay. Better than 2022, and I've been feeling better in the latter half, I think, keeping myself busy and studying languages, writing, etc. But basically since graduating back in 2020 I've felt pretty lost (not helped by the pandemic, and the subsequent cost of living...)

In the past year I haven't been posting as much. There's a lot of art I kept to myself this year, and others I've posted on my (very small) personal tumblr blog. It's been harder to feel like it's "worth" posting here, though I hope I can change that

The art industry has felt tremendously shaky this year, and it feels even more bleak for someone who hasn't managed to break in <:( I've been working on my portfolio, and there's still more work to do, but I'm applying for schools this fall; if nothing job-wise comes up, then I will probably go back >< I'm already at a slight disadvantage since I don't live in the provinces that have studios, but I can't afford to move unless I have a job... haha (pain). I don't want to call it giving up, but gaining new skills might be helpful regardless. Even if it becomes a hobby, it might make me feel better 🥲 I never planned to be commission-dependent for so long

Anyway, I booked my first international trip (to Europe!!) this coming March, because I told myself I'd finally do it after getting my passport back in 2019 (expecting to travel after uni.....lol) so I'll be taking on comms primarily to help fund that in the next few months. I need enrichment in my enclosure, badly

I've been writing this year too. I don't know when/if I'll share my story stuff here (maybe related art...?) or not, but we'll see if I ever do anything with it. (It's wlw/fantasy hehe). In general, I hope to feel better about posting here, and maybe start making a small amount of merch!! I've always wanted to try :) And stream more, if I can!

Thank you to everyone who has supported my art this year, whether it's been through likes, rbs, following me, or commissioning me. :* Especially in this past year. I can tell that a lot of people have less disposable income, but I really appreciate people who have commissioned me regardless (which is another reason I worry for the future...)

Here's to more art & cool things in 2024!! And hopefully better times!!

#text #rambling

19 notes · View notes

chaeinedup · 10 months

Text

First encounter

"Can the day go any slower?"

You couldn't agree more with Innie, sure working at the diner is not as bad as it could be. You get to dress up a little, be in character for a few hours and since the rest of the employees is your friend group, it's almost the perfect scenario. Until you want to rip out Beomgyu's hair when he jokes around a little too much, but that comes in the contract you sign when you choose to be friends with a guy like him.

"We just have an hour left until our shift is over and then we can finally rott in bed for the rest of the day."

Lily always tries to make everyone see the bright side in everything but poor girl is stuck with two sarcastic bastards (You and Jeongin) and a very impacient pisces man. She's the perfect balancing factor, she tries her very best to bring the excitment out of each and every person in the room, works for 5 minutes and then she joins the misery bandwagon.

The bell above the main door made all of you perk up and fix your posture, this sound means business.

"Okay, I'll take their table", those are words you never expected to hear from Beomgyu's mouth on a toasty Tuesday at 6pm. But everyone just assumed he was trying to impress god knows who, or he just couldn't stay still anymore.

...

"Here, so three cheeseburgers menus with two vanilla milkshakes and one chocolate. I'm gonna go to the kitchen to help Jeongin, you and Lily take care of the drinks."

"Sir yes sir" you jokingly roll your eyes at him.

Your favorite part of this job was making the milkshakes, number one because you can make them really pretty and number two there's a recorrent "joke" you have going on with your coworkers.

For each costumer that orders a milkshake, they will get an extra cherry on theirs if any of you think said person is cute, crush material cute. This has led to many discussions on who has questionable taste, who pulls absolutely no bitches and who's always thirsty. Safe to say you don't belong to any of these categories, thankfully you have not only a type but standards as well, something Beomgyu couldn't brag about.

Once Lily was finished with the vanilla ones she approached you while widening her eyes.

"TWO CHERRIES!!", she whisper-yelled, "Do you even know which one of them ordered the chocolate???"

"No, but I have a feeling I'm gonna get it right, one of them is sitting alone while the other two are sitting on the same side, I bet you a month of kitchen duty that he's the one who ordered this one."

"I'LL BET ON IT", Innie shamelessly yelled from the kitchen window.

You threw a glare his way that made him giggle in amusement. Beomgyu quickly grabbed the plates to serve and you followed right behind him with the biggest question known to mankind. !Is the cute guy you have an eye on, the one that actually ordered the chocolate milkshake!

Once you said "Chocolate?" and he let out a "for me, thank you." you cheered knowing Jeongin had yet again lost another bet and will be heading to his third consecutive month in the kitchen. Victory feels good.

You went back to the counter, doing some cleaning, when Beomgyu approached Lily.

"Wait tell me my eyes are decieving me, but... not one... but two cherries?"

"Hey don't look at me, it was y/n."

Beomgyu was frozen in place, he actually thinks he just witnessed a serious crime.

"Hey and proudly, I'd do it again, I mean have you seen him? It was worth whatever you're about to say."

"YEAH I HAAAAVE SEEN HIM BECAUSE HE'S ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!!"

His words didn't seem to be real, there's just no way that you just gave one of Beomgyu's best friends... two cherries....

Your world was falling apart mainly because your actions will definetely have consequences, but also because Beomgyu couldn't seem to be able to hide his resentment.

You had to just smile and say everything was okay so the costumers wouldn't just run out the door, as they probably should.

While coming out of the kitchen doors Jeongin cheerfully announces "I'm the one that lost the bet but it seems like you're the real loser" and you might just have to agree with him.... again....

previous// //next

22 notes · View notes

theintrovertbean · 3 months

Text

I hope y'all like long chapters and angst because I outdid myself with this one.

Word count: ~4.8k (yes, I'm crazy)

Warning: there are mentions of blood and death. Only in a metaphorical sense, but I'd rather include a warning.

And for anyone who thinks Dara is a bitch. I know. I wanted them to be. Hurt people can be like this sometimes. No, they won't be like this for much longer. They're just ✨sulking✨but they're gonna turn into a huge simp soon (probably next chapter.) Pinky promise.

Wounds of Magic, Scars of Love (Nadia x Dara) Chapter 2

Dara poured themselves another drink. It had been a while since they felt sorrow as deep and heart-wrenching as they did at that moment. They leaned back in their chair and gazed at the glass of red wine on their table, pondering whether they should drink it or not. They certainly ought not to, but what else could one do when in such excruciating pain? Even if only for the moment, the delicious burn would help ease the pain. Nadia would drink it. Dara smiled. Oh yes, she would drink it. In the past, they used to detest the idea of the Countess drowning her feelings in wine.

It’s just not a healthy habit.

But it was nothing more than a memory. There was a time when they thought Nadia would be gone forever. When there was no solution, no cure that would bring Nadia back from her coma, Dara lost all hope. Or when Dara found her lying on the cold tiles of her bedroom, already asleep.

I thought she was dead.

The pain, oh, the pain they felt was piercing through their heart like an arrow. They screamed, they cried, tears streamed down their face as they held her lifeless body close to their own and begged her for forgiveness.

Please, just come back.

And when Nadia woke up, Dara waited for her. Despite everything that happened, there was a small glimpse in their heart, a feeling of hope that Nadia would come back to them. And she did. Nadia was back.

Only she was a few months late and she would not have come to Dara had she not needed them.

But they perished the thought. They had a job to do. Attempting to clear their senses, Dara stood from their desk where Nadia had left them hours ago. They made their way up to the living quarters and when they fell face-first onto their bed, they cursed to themselves in a language that an average Vesuvian would not understand. There was no remaining strength in their body, but they knew they had to get up. It was already dawn and they had to hurry if they wanted to make it to the Palace before the sun went down.

Dara slid down from the bed and landed on their knees. “Ugh,” They made a tired sound as their eyes searched the room, trying to comprehend where they were and what was going on. They raised their hands and looked at them both, then they attempted to push a finger through their palm. Only it did not go through. “Okay, so this is reality. Fucking great.”

With a tired sigh, they stood from the floor and dragged themselves to the nearby closet. For a moment, Dara wondered what they should wear for such an event and eventually settled for something comfortable for travel and elegant enough for whatever Nadia had planned for them. After all, they cannot show up at the palace looking like a commoner. They left the last few buttons of the shirt unbuttoned, exposing a bit of Dara’s chest that allowed a small peak at their tattoo.

Then Dara filled a small bag with items they deemed necessary: healing potions, protective charms, ingredients, and some crystals. The truth was that they did not really know what else to pack. Nadia did not say what would be their job or how long they would have to stay, so Dara hoped that the palace was well-equipped enough.

Or maybe it was not Dara’s skills that Nadia needed. The thought briefly crossed their mind. What if Nadia was just looking for a way to get Dara to the palace? Well, there was only one way to find out, but the what ifs kept reappearing in the magician’s mind.

So Dara picked up their bag and left the shop, but not without casting a protection spell. Then it was time to leave and face one of their greatest fears: Countess Nadia. But Dara knew about one thing. It was something that took them years to understand despite being present throughout their entire life. It was the connection between fear and desire.

Perhaps a part of Dara longed to go to the Palace. Maybe they wanted to meet Nadia again, maybe they craved this pain and tried to convince themselves that Nadia, like an ethereal goddess, would rid them of it. Was it foolish if Dara hoped that they could rekindle their relationship? Or was it not worth it? Was it completely lost?

How pathetic would it be if Dara fell onto their knees in front of Nadia as soon as she said the word?

Very.

Dara felt ashamed of even playing with the idea.

As the magician walked through Vesuvia toward the Palace, the people looked at them and some even smiled. Everyone had at least heard of Dara, the former Court Magician who worked tirelessly to save lives when the plague was raging in the city. Well, their efforts were mostly in vain, but they did try, which could not be said about Count Lucio and his Court.

“Dara!” They suddenly heard their name and turned to face the person who called out for them. “Where are you going all dressed up?” It was no one else but Selasi, Dara’s favorite baker in all of Vesuvia.

The magician smiled, knowing the nature of Vesuvians. If they spilled the truth now, people might misinterpret their words and start talking. Again. “Well, wouldn’t you like to know?”

“People say that they saw the Countess’ carriage at your shop last. Is that true? Was she visiting you?”

“My lips are sealed, Selasi. Besides, there’s only one thing in Vesuvia that spreads faster than the plague did. You’ll know everything by tomorrow morning.”

“Ahh, but the wait,” The baker complained, but despite his dissatisfaction, Dara could not afford another gossip about them and the Countess. It would be too much for their heart.

“Patience, my dear friend.” In the meantime, the magician picked a fresh loaf of bread and tossed a few coins to Selasi. “You can pass the time by baking some of that delicious pumpkin bread of yours.” They quickly tore off a small piece of the baked good and took a bite. That loaf of bread was probably the best thing that would happen to them the entire week.

“Which is what I do all day, every day.”

“And I suggest you stick to doing that. Anyway, I must go now. Wouldn’t want to keep the Countess waiting.”

When Dara turned away to leave, they heard the baker say, “So it was her!” And it made them chuckle as they walked away.

They walked through the Vesuvian marketplace which was busy and filled with life as always. Dara was never a big fan of marketplaces, but this was far preferable to plague hospitals and empty stalls.

As the magician climbed the stairs leading to the palace, a fortune teller booth caught their eyes. “Lucky numbers, check. Groceries-” Dara failed to notice a patron backing into them until they crashed into each other.

Dara did not stumble and mentally thanked themselves for having such a solid build, but the basket on the tiny stranger’s hip spilled an unusual amount of pomegranates onto the stairs.

“Oh perfect! As if I wasn’t already late,” The stranger said as she knelt down to collect the fruits. Instantly, Dara crouched down to help her and as the magician handed them a few pomegranates, she smiled sweetly at them. “Ooh thank you! How sweet of you to help. And after I bumped into you in the first place.”

“I’m not entirely innocent either. I could’ve paid more attention. I’m sorry about the fruits. Clumsiness runs in the family,” Dara told the stranger and continued to help her collect the rest of the fruits. They looked a little bruised, but it was nothing to worry about.

“Are we related by any chance? Clumsy is my middle name,” Giggled the stranger and Dara returned the last pomegranate to her with a small, polite smile.

“I would be very surprised if we were.”

“A shame. Sometimes I could use some of your big boy genes.”

With a laugh, Dara extended an arm to her, offering a handshake. “My name is Dara.”

The stranger took it, squeezing Dara’s hand back with her own calloused ones. “Dara. Oh, Dara! Wait, wait! I know you!” A wave of surprise washed over her face and Dara felt at loss, unsure who the kind stranger might be. “You’re the magician Countess Nadia invited to the palace! She said we were expecting you.”

“Well, I’m afraid there is no other magician named Dara in Vesuvia.” And they felt somewhat thankful about that because two Daras would turn this cursed city upside down. “So, yes, that would be me. And you are?”

“You can call me Portia. I’m Milady's head servant.” Her name sounded familiar. Knowing how things were in Vesuvia, Dara probably heard it through gossip. “Well, how lucky were we?” Portia asked with a smile on her face. “Come on, I’ll show you the quickest path to the palace.” Not like Dara was unfamiliar with it, but they thought it might be best to keep this secret for a little longer.

Together, they climbed the stairs leading up to the Vesuvian palace, which filled the magician with a sense of nostalgia. For months, they walked those stairs every single day, desperately searching for a cure that would free Vesuvia of the red plague.

“Dara…” After a while, Portia began talking. “I’m glad you’re here. The Countess could use some good help.”

“She surely could.” But why did it have to be them? Surely, Nadia could hire any professional inside or outside of Vesuvia if she needed someone to assist her. So why Dara? There had to be some other reason because this made absolutely zero sense and Dara was quite sure that Nadia did not want to talk about their past relationship either. If all she wanted to do was to have a chat, she could have done it the night before. “The whole city is a mess right now.”

“Is it? I heard that some places are in pretty rough shape.”

“They are. The lower you go, the worse it gets,” The magician informed the head servant. There was an entire district that got destroyed by the flood and a lot of people were struggling to make ends meet. Beggars had become a common sign on the streets of Vesuvia. Of course, the nobles and the wealthier citizens cared very little about it, much to Dara’s displeasure.

For a moment, Portia seemed saddened by Dara’s words, but then she looked at them with a smile on her face, a glimpse of hope shining in her eyes. “You look like the good sort to me.”

Dara chuckled, amused by Portia’s attitude. Such positivity was a rare but welcome delight nowadays. “Do I? I’ve heard some… interesting rumors about myself.” From being the Countess’ lover to being a vampire. Sometimes Vesuvians came up with the most absurd things just for the sake of gossiping and Dara only found them entertaining until those tales began to include them too.

“But they’re only rumors, aren’t they?”

“Curiosity killed the cat. So who knows, I might be a vampire.”

Portia laughed and Dara had a feeling that the two of them would get along. “Well, they did say that you’re the mysterious type, so I guess that one is spot on. Is it also true that you helped during the plague?”

“I did. Those were some difficult times.” Memories of pain and death filled the magician’s mind. Most Vesuvians preferred not to talk about the plague, but the lingering sense of doom was still present in their hearts. In Dara’s too. They remembered everything that happened and sometimes they wished there was a way that would help them forget. “I’d prefer not to go into great detail, but I can tell you that the plague affected folks in more ways than one. We were all desperate and acting in ways that were unlike us.”

“I wasn’t in Vesuvia yet when it happened.” Dara envied her for that, but when the plague came, they could not ignore it. All that suffering, all that horror made them feel desperate to do something, anything that could help.

“Trust me, Portia, it’s for the best because people were dropping like flies. Old and young, sick and healthy, rich and poor. The plague spared no one and it was not a pretty sight. Even the late Count had it.”

In the meantime, they reached the palace gates. It was already late afternoon, and Dara’s stomach was rumbling with hunger. A gate of twisted iron towered in front of Portia and Dara, with a guard standing on each side. When they saw Portia, they lowered their weapons, but raised them again as soon as their eyes landed on the magician.

“What are you doing?” The servant asked with concern in her voice. “This is Dara. They’ll be staying as our guest.”

“Ludovico, Bludmilla. It’s good to see you again.” Dara nodded towards them, a cheeky smile gracing their face. It seemed like they had met before.

“What is the witch doing here?” Ludovico asked, gripping his sword tightly, but Dara could see the slight tremble of fear that cursed through his body. The poor fool.

“Careful now,” Bludmilla said between gritted teeth. “We’re not above violence…or torture.”

Gulping in nervousness, but not because of the threat, Dara turned toward Portia. “There was a little…incident some time ago.” Then they looked at the guards, hoping they would accept the olive branch Dara was extending to them. “Relax, I’m not here to hurt you. I have come at the request of the Countess.”

“I can confirm,” Portia stepped in, giving the guards an annoyed look. It appeared that she was unaware of what happened in the past, which made the magician feel slightly more at ease. “Dara was invited by Milady and I doubt that she’ll be happy to hear about you two threatening her guest.”

Wordlessly and with hesitance, but the guards opened the vast gates, allowing Portia and Dara to enter. For a moment that was filled with awkwardness, they did not talk. Dara just stared ahead of themselves, right at the marvelous Vesuvian Palace, wondering what was awaiting them. They suspected that it would be nothing good, but if the worst happened, Dara could always find a way to escape and never return.

“Sooo…” Dara jumped a little when Portia broke the silence. They were just about to reach the Palace entrance. “What did you mean by incident? What did you do to them?”

The magician shrugged and swung their fist against the door with a suspicious amount of familiarity. “Nothing that didn’t heal within eight days.”

Portia raised her eyebrows and gave Dara a questioning look while the door opened and they both entered. It felt strange to be back and Dara could not help but wish they had refused Nadia’s proposal. They looked around, their eyes tracing the polished walls and tiles but in the meantime they did not notice their own steps slowing down. Everything looked just like the last time Dara was here. Well, except the Masquerade decorations and Lucio’s overwhelming amount of portraits.

“Come on, Dara, make haste. We don’t want to keep the Countess waiting,” Portia said while tugging on Dara’s shirt gently, leading them further into the Palace.

A servant with a blue-feathered cap emerged from the hallways and then bowed to Dara. “It is good to see you again, Magician Dara.” Then they rushed to Portia’s side, who appeared quite surprised by how many people seemed to know them. The magician only feared the questions that Portia would ask about the past later.

“Chamberlain. How are we doing on time?” The head servant asked.

“Impeccable timing! The first course will be served shortly. Her ladyship has yet to descend.”

Portia sighed in relief as she handed off the fruit basket. “Perfect. Tell the kitchen that our guest has arrived.”

The Chamberlain left with a curtsy, disappearing behind a panel in the wall.

“I’ll show you to the dining room. Her ladyship will be there soon.” But Dara almost froze at Portia’s words and she could sense that something was wrong. “What? Don’t tell me you thought we wouldn’t feed you!”

Portia led Dara to a fine mahogany door at the end of a hallway, but the magician still hesitated. “Are you sure?” Dara asked. ”The Countess and I are…not exactly on good terms.”

“Jeez, what the hell did you do? First the guards and now the Countess?”

But instead of answering Portia’s question, Dara decided to quickly slip into the dining room. Before them stood a table with various delicacies piled up on it and the sight alone made their mouth water and their stomach rumble. “Isn’t that a bit too much food for two?” Dara asked while the head servant pulled out a chair for them, gesturing for the magician to sit.

As Dara approached the table and sat down on the chair, their eyes got caught on a painting. Heads of animals and in the middle stood a figure of a goat, like a sort of provider, a savior.

They had seen it before, many times when they dined here as the Court Magician. However, something about it felt different. Those deep red eyes were hypnotizing, beckoning Dara to keep looking, to stay, to abandon all thought and let the painting corrupt them.

“Welcome, Dara. I see you are admiring the painting,” Nadia’s silk voice echoed through the dining room, causing Dara to tear their gaze away from the painting. They quickly stood from their seat to greet the Countess with a polite bow, then they both sat down as Nadia took her seat at the head of the table.

“Admiring is a strong word,” Dara told her. They noticed that Nadia’s lips curled into a small smile, and Dara wondered why. It appeared she was happy to see them, but Dara could not bring themselves to appreciate it. It was still painful to even look at her and they failed to understand the amusement in her gaze. Did she enjoy it? Was she preying on their hurt?

No, that was unlike her.

But it had been three years. A lot of things could have happened during that time. Well, Nadia spent the vast majority of it asleep, lost in a deep coma, but people change and life was not going to make an exception out of Nadia just because of her two beautiful eyes.

“Do you not like it, then? The painting?” The Countess asked, still smiling at the sulking magician. Dara had a feeling that she was trying to be nice and polite, but they just wished that she would get straight to the point already.

“It’s distastefully egoistical.” In the meantime, the two of them began eating.

“Such honesty!” The Countess laughed, but the magician’s face remained neutral. They were not in the mood for friendliness and lighthearted jokes, which Nadia quickly noticed and cleared her throat. “I suppose that is a fair way of putting it. I must confess that I do not like it either. So why does it remain on the wall, you may ask? Sentimental value, I suppose. It was one of my husband’s favorites.”

Ahh, yes. Count Lucio. Dara was more than familiar with the late ruler of Vesuvia. They were his Court Magician for a time, after all. Dara knew him as a selfish man who’s only worse trait other than his fashion sense was his ability to lead.

But Dara knew Nadia even better. The magician can still remember all the nights they spent with the Countess talking about anything and everything. Which often included complaining about Lucio as not only a leader, but as a husband too. Dara knew well that Nadia hated Lucio, that she wished for a way to escape her marriage. It was only her pride and the desire to help that made her stay. If Dara asked her while they still could, would she have run away with them?

Because of that, a strange feeling arose in Dara’s chest. This behavior was unlike Nadia, so they asked her, “Since when do you care?”

“Pardon me?”

“Since when do you care about what was Lucio’s favorite? That man was an ass and he brought you nothing but pain. I see no point in keeping that painting just because he liked it. That’s exactly why you should just throw it onto the fire and watch it burn.” Dara knew very little about how the Count died. They were present at the Masquerade, yes, but when the supposed murder happened, the magician was with the Countess in her chambers. The more Dara thought about it, the more they realized that perhaps it was not so surprising that the Vesuvians gossiped about them.

“Yes, well.” She cleared her throat while looking away in visible embarrassment. “I suppose you’d know. But now that you’re here…”

“Excuse me, Countess, but what does any of this have to do with me? Surely, you didn’t ask me to come here just to chit-chat about your late husband.”

“I know how fondly the people of this city remember the Count’s Masquerade. Did you ever attend it, Dara?” The Countess asked with a smile, but it quickly faded because of the mixture of horror and confusion she witnessed on Dara’s face.

It stunned them and pierced through their heart like a hail of arrows. Did she not remember? Surely, she would not forget. “I…” Dara tried to put together a coherent answer, but they simply did not understand. What on earth was going on? “I even danced with you. We spent the last Masquerade together.” Their voice sounded a little softer this time, not offended, but hurt, betrayed. Everything that happened between the Countess and the magician, was it so unimportant? Was it all meaningless to her? To Dara, those few months they shared with Nadia were the most wonderful time of their life, but if she did not feel the same way, that would be like sentencing the magician to death itself.

The people of Vesuvia often spoke fondly of the annual Masquerade, but for Dara, it was a bitter, haunting memory. The last one brought them nothing but pain and emptiness because that night, they did not only lose Nadia, but also a part of themselves. It was like someone dug their claws deep into their chest and ripped their heart out. In its place remained nothing but a hole, an empty gap of nothingness that Dara was desperately trying to fill. But without Nadia to mend that festering wound, nothing felt ever good enough. Every last ounce of joy was taken from them, just like Nadia was and without someone to hold and share everything with, life itself became meaningless.

And a life without Nadia was not worth living. Even the thought that she was alive, that she woke up from her coma and that she lived was enough to keep Dara going.

“Yes, of course. How could I forget?” Her cheeks flushed red and Dara could only wonder why Nadia could not recall the unforgettable events. Perhaps she hit her head when she fell into her coma? Or could it be something else? Either way, she owed them an explanation, no matter how hard she tried to divert the conversation.

“Dara, the Masquerade is precisely why I called you here. This year, I intend to hold it once more.” Dara gave the Countess a surprised look and so did every servant in the room. Since the last Masquerade went horribly wrong, Dara thought that organizing such an event again would lead to nothing but another disaster. “The festivities in Lucio’s honor will be more fantastical than ever. There is but one loose end in need of tying. Count Lucio’s murderer still roams free to this day. Doctor Julian Devorak, my husband’s former physician.”

Dara felt cold all over and they looked down at their plate, no longer plagued by hunger. The night Lucio died, Dara was thrown into the dungeons, chained up, facing Julian’s cell. They knew him, not as well as they knew the Countess, but Dara was familiar with the doctor. A few times they worked together during the plague and they even spent some time as friends. There was no way Julian killed Lucio.

“Doctor Devorak confessed to the crime when we caught him,” Nadia continued. “All that is left is his sentence. Execution by hanging.”

There was a sudden, loud crash and when Dara looked to see where it came from, all they saw was Portia’s horrified face. At her feet two broken plates and what the magician assumed was the intended dessert.

“Portia?” The Countess gave the servant a questioning look.

“F-forgive me, Milady. Slippery hands.”

“You are forgiven.” Despite the pardon, Dara could see a flash of something in Nadia’s eyes. Suspicion? Anger. They could not tell, but Nadia was certainly putting together a puzzle in her head. “This is where you come in, Dara. Doctor Devorak has been very elusive. But you have quite the reputation. Rumor has it that you are one of the greatest magicians in Vesuvia. I myself see the future, in dreams, whether I like it or not. And this is how I know that you are the one who will find Doctor Devorak…”

“What if I say no?” The magician asked. “Lucio is dead and finding his murder won’t bring him back. Besides, I doubt that there’s anyone in Vesuvia who truly misses him. Yourself included.”

“Then I must ask you to reconsider, Dara. Perhaps you misunderstand me. I do not relish executing the doctor, but justice must be served. Not only for the Count, but for the city. When we find him, we will bring him before the people, so that all may see his long-awaited punishment. And so, to commence the festivities…The doctor will die on the gallows for his terrible crime.”

Dara looked up from their plate and for a moment, jade eyes met ruby ones. Nadia’s gaze was like an ocean of thick, warm blood, overpowering in its intensity. Every glance was suffocating, drowning them in that sweet, dark warmth. Yet, Dara could not help but yearn for her embrace, to be gently, lovingly plunged down into their inevitable doom.

Was it wrong to feel this way? Yes, it certainly was. But that ocean of blood that suffocated Dara and plunged them down into darkness was also the sweetest of red wines. The magician was a tower of anger, the embodiment of hurt and denial that stood proud above all. And Nadia was like a gruesome death, the blood that swept through Dara’s walls of cold, crumbling stone.

But good red wine stains and so does blood. And just like that, Dara’s heart was stained too. Stained by an attraction they once felt, by feelings that despite begging themselves to stop this madness, still refuse to go away. And the sad part was that no action, not even the darkest magic could ever wash it out.

Dara felt lost in Nadia’s eyes and if it wasn’t for her looking away, the magician feared they would have been stuck staring at her forever. “Portia,” The Countess called out for the head servant, but she did not react. “...Portia.”

“Yes, Milady!” Portia finally answered.

“Show Dara to the guest quarters,” The Countess gave the order with a deep blush on her face, presumably overwhelmed by Dara’s earlier stare. It was for the best that she ended the dinner right then and there because the magician would have certainly continued to embarrass themselves.

“Right away, Milady.”

Portia pulled Dara to their feet, and with a humble bow and a surprising amount of strength, whisked them to the door. She remained oddly quiet while leading the magician to their room and as much as Dara hated the awkwardness, they did not think that Portia, or anyone, would appreciate their consolation.

Upon entering the room, Portia said a few sentences to the magician, but she avoided looking into their eyes. “This will be your room, Dara. You can put your things wherever you like. Breakfast is at sunrise… I’ll wake you.”

Something in Dara’s heart urged them to say something, to ask Portia if she was okay. But they were strangers and Dara was not exactly known for being the bravest, most sociable person. So they let her go, into the night, and the magician was now alone in this marvelous palace with a grim history and a future that promised them nothing but darkness.

#nadia satrinava #countess nadia #the arcana nadia #nadia the arcana #the arcana #arcana nadia #nadia arcana #arcana #nadia x mc #nadia x apprentice #nadia x dara #dara the oc #oc dara

12 notes · View notes

phdmama · 10 months

Note

Ooh, I love the idea of the kiss meme you posted! I'd like to suggest #11, in joy, if that sparks anything creative for you! 🩷

Okay, this is literally pretty much SOOC (straight out of the camera, entirely unedited) and I even wrote it in the tumblr window?? I don't it's sort of a coffee shop-esque thing (in my head Draco is on an International Curse Breaking Team). Hopefully, it captures something for you! xox

It's an ordinary day at work. Slow, like it always is in the afternoons. Harry's already wiped down all the tables, refilled all the creamers and sugars. There's really nothing more to do and he's had more coffee than he probably should have, but in his defence, he works in a coffee shop. And he was up late writing to Draco. So now he's just kind of leaning against the counter, pushing his broom desultorily back and forth.

These deployments were hard enough when they were just friends; now that they're... this, whatever it is that this is, well. They're kind of agonizing, if Harry's being honest. And he can't even tell anyone because they'd agreed to keep it quiet until Draco gets back, and they can figure it out.

"Harry," says a voice from the doorway and Harry looks up with a grin.

"Ron," he says. "What are you doing here?"

"Closed up early," Ron says with an easy smile. "Thought I'd come see how you were doing."

Harry blinks at him. "I'm... fine?" he says finally.

"You sure about that?" Ron asks, and hums a few bars of Cursebreaking Man.

Harry drops the broom and covers his face with his hand as he groans. "Oh no."

"Oh yes," Ron says happily and drops into a chair.

"How did you know?"

Ron shrugs. "You're not exactly subtle, mate," he points out. "And that last night before Draco headed out, well. Let's just say, it was pretty clear you weren't off to do some grocery shopping."

Harry drops his hands, his cheeks warm. "That was months ago, though. Why haven't you said anything?"

Ron suddenly looks a little shifty but is saved by the bell, literally, as the doorbell jingles as Hermione and Luna walk in.

"Harry," Hermione says with exaggerated surprise. "How are you?"

"Okay," Harry says. "What the fuck is going on?"

"Oh nothing," Hermione says.

Luna opens her mouth to speak but Hermione throws an elbow and Luna closes her mouth so quickly, Harry can hear the click.

"Are there any more of those gingerbread cookies?" Hermione asks and Harry frowns at her.

"In the back," he says and then sighs, because whatever else is going on, Mrs Albertson will murder him if he doesn't actually perform his job duties and fulfil a customer's request, even if that customer happens to be his oldest and most meddlesome friend.

So he walks into the kitchen, opens the tin of gingerbread cookies that just happens to still be out on the counter from when Harry had been snacking earlier, carefully plates three cookies and heads back out into the cafe proper.

"You're pretty lucky I..."

His voice trails off because standing there in the doorway is...

"Draco?" Harry whispers. "Are you... what are you... You're here?"

His heart is racing and his hands start to shake, so Harry hastily thrusts the plate out and someone grabs it.

"What are you doing here? I thought you..."

Draco's not supposed to be back for another month is the thing.

Draco smiles. He looks tired, Harry notes and then takes a second look. Draco's hair is longer, and he looks far too thin, with circles under his eyes and his arm in a sling.

"Figured I'd stop by since I'm going to be back in town for a while."

Harry takes a step and Draco takes a step and then suddenly, they're both moving fast to meet in the middle. Harry brings his hands up to frame Draco's face, runs his thumb over the sharp cheekbones.

"Are you okay?" he whispers and Draco smiles, ragged, but so real and here and something like Harry up like a firework.

"I am," Draco says, and reaches out with his good arm to pull Harry closer. "I'm home."

"That," Harry says as he leans in, "is the best news I've ever heard," and then his mouth is on Draco's and nothing else matters but this.

#my writing #drarry vignette #kiss meme #now I really do have to go to the grocery store!!

21 notes · View notes

llycaons · 5 months

Text

came to the conclusion as I have several times before that I am simply not cut out for my job. I am bad at it, slow and a poor communicator and passive and easily overwhelmed. they said it would take about a year (from hiring? or from being on my own? either way) but whatever makes people slip into the flow and anticipate needs and Know The Supplies, maybe I would have gotten it had I gotten the normal training. maybe I wouldn't have. its easy to say 'oh I'm struggling because I'm in a unique situation' and maybe that's true, but I had trouble long before we got the Unique Training part, and then since the training was so different I had trouble with that, to the exasperation of my trainers and co-workers. and it really didn't feel good every day to know you're not living up the expectations and standards of the people around you, to know without a doubt they're all smarter and more adaptable and quicker-thinking than you.

I'm doing okay now since I'm one of the very few people on my unit and they desperately need me, and leadership is covering for my inadequacies by sending me to do easy stuff when I need to get floated, but like...there are team members who are extremely hostile to me and its for good reason! and it makes it worse to know THEY'RE not the ones in the wrong. maybe they could be nicer, but if I truly had confidence in myself, it wouldn't bother me so much.

but I don't know what to do. there is no other job I can do with these qualifications and skills, and no way to leave this city until late next year. and I need this income. I'm going to limp along until I can safely extract myself, but until then, we'll all have to bear it. and it's a terrible thing, to know you're a burden on your team and that you're only here because everyone else has quit. if I thought I would ever actually put someone in danger, I'd of course leave immediately. but I'm doing relatively straightforward cases with very qualified people all around me, and I know the basics to keep people safe at least

I find myself thinking about my strongest critic, who quit a few months ago, and how much my failure to adapt may have led to that decision. maybe it's self-centered; there were many issues far before I came along. and they haven't spoken to even their closest friend here in months, so I think they probably resent this place a lot and want to leave it all behind, and I don't blame them

things have gotten so much better recently because of those staff members quitting and my manager waking up to realize she has to actually support us, and I don't dread going to work anymore, even to float. tho we haven't been canceled in ages 😔 I don't know, I think the true issue is that I just need more predictability and stability in the things I do on a day to day basis. I learn slowly, and I have trouble remembering things. ideally I would find a job where we do a limited type of low-acuity cases every day but still....pays as well? I don't know, I don't know. give this another year then I'm sure everyone will be happy to see my back.

it's difficult to see yourself as incompetent, disliked, and unwanted in your job, and not have that bleed over into your personal feelings about yourself. it's really hard. I think of my failures and the anger, contempt, and aggression that came to me as a result, and it really makes me nervous. we're doing cases in another part of the hospital soon, with different people. it was such a mess last time! why was I so overwhelmed?

it's frustrating. I know I can do some of these cases - even difficult ones like livers and kidneys- and do them perfectly competently. I'm fine in any belly case. I even enjoyed neuro. I just freeze up when I don't have confidence. I don't know what to do all the time! and I need to be in a situation where I do. I don't know how much work I can even do on my end to Not Be Like This. studying didn't seem to help, and I can't study from the internet anyway since every place does things differently.

I've always thought I'd either leave here and then go back home, or stay exactly in place, but I could still stay a year and then just get another job in the same place.

I've always wanted to get higher certification, but knowing the people around me are way more competent without having that, it feels like a joke. a slap in the face. I dont have anything neat to wrap this up with it's just. I've always been so good at school and so proud of that even when I don't have much else to lean on. so this feels really bad. I should contact my EAP counselor today

#cor.txt

7 notes · View notes

tentacleteapot · 7 months

Text

yaaaaay life update (it's not a fun one)

well, for anybody who doesn't know, I got laid off again the week before my wedding. it's been a month since I was laid off from the job I scrambled to get the last time I was suddenly laid off from, and this time I have significantly less resources to work with when it comes to paying rent/bills. I filed for unemployment but in doing so I indicated that I wanted to look for work in the fields I've actually been trained to work in rather than looking for another job in a field that was disastrous toward my mental health, so Oregon unemployment interpreted that as my being "unwilling or unable to seek employment in my primary occupation". this is sort of a vent post, I guess, sorry about that. I just figured I should at least clarify where I've been at lately and why I've been quieter, is all.

apparently it'll take six to eight weeks for someone to review this issue, so I have to wait until the middle of November before I can expect someone to have even looked at my file, which doesn't account for any time they may spend reaching out to me for more information or deciding to approve or deny my claim—and even if they review it as quickly as possible they could easily just deny it.

I'm going to be honest, this has been pretty bad for my mental health, as has the fact that I'm seemingly being funneled back into a line of work that was already pushing me to a bad enough mental place that my wife and qpp were both pretty worried about me as it is. I don't know if I should think about opening up commissions (or what I'd open them up for, as my art isn't at a point where I feel like it would be appropriate to charge anyone for it and I have very few examples of my writing to share online as it is) or if I need to start asking friends and family for financial help, or what. all I know right now is that I'm stressed out, tired as hell, and probably not great to be around at the moment, and I'm sorry for that. I may be slow to respond to discord/messages at the moment, too, but I'll get to things as soon as I'm able. in the meantime, um, I guess keep an eye out for a potential follow-up to this post if I don't hear back from unemployment soon, as I won't be able to pay rent in December unless something changes really drastically really soon. I guess if anybody wants them I can provide my ko-fi or paypal information, but please don't feel obligated. capitalism is gradually crushing all of us, it just hadn't worked its way over to me until now, and I don't want anybody else to put themselves in a bad place by helping me out.

that's all. sorry to vent on main, I hope everyone else is doing okay.

#daphne.txt #vent post

7 notes · View notes

ameliawarnerr · 2 years

Text

Evanescent

(She was the Evanescent of his life— there and gone.)

Part 7

(Part 6: here.)

Warning: Slightly strong language.

(Dual Pov Chapter)

Amelia’s (MC) Pov

I walk until I’m in their sight. Once I’m not, I run.

I am not even sure if I am scrambling toward the car. My eyes are shut, my hands are turned to fists. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes but they don't. How could they? I didn't even cry when my mother died. Mother died. Because of me.

It was the worst probable time when I got entangled with Duskwood. My mom had only passed away. But I got so intrigued, so desperate to avoid reality. It did work for some time. But it's over now.

It's all over now, isn't it? I tried everything. I changed my number, shut down all my social media accounts, left my job, and started a new life. Far away from home, away from the guilt. But now Alex is here. He is here and he knows everything. He’ll take me away from here. I'll be forced to face them. Their faces, their words of disappointment.

I find the car, I open the door and stand there motionless. I glimpse at my hand which holds the keys. I have a car, maybe I should just run away. Everyone recently found Hannah, and they have Richy’s betrayal to get over— no one will bother about me. And Jake—

Jake. I collapse in the seat remembering the earlier image of his face. The way his eyes pierced through me. His desperation to get me away from Alex. Him holding my hand. Despite my efforts to make us look like friends, he was calm. But I know he noticed it. I hated myself at that moment. I hated when I thought it would only complicate things if my family and Alex were to know about Jake so I moved away from him. I could see the hurt and irritation in his eyes so I tried hard to not look at him at all. When he dragged me away from Alex, I expected him to ask me questions about Alex or my behavior. But he was concerned about me. He truly evidently cares for me. But how am I ever going to tell him that I am being arranged to marry Alex? How will I tell him that I have just as much mess to deal with as him? I told him, I'd wait for him. But will he? After all those lies I've fed him, will he wait for me?

I unlock the phone and stare at the message my sister sent me yesterday. I have no idea how she has my number.

Rose: Dad has fixed your marriage with Alex. Alex is coming to get you. Please come back.

When she told me that Alex is coming to get me, I thought she meant about my place. I never thought Alex would come here in Duskwood. I was so close to Alex when I used to live in Boston, three years ago but we drifted apart after I shifted for my job. It was all good— the ideal life I wanted to live. I had a job, a few friends, a good apartment, and I was happy, above all. And last month, I finally had all the money I needed to have a drama institute of my own. But then one month back, Rose called me. She told me that mom needed to get a surgery done. My mom’s heart had a hole in it ever since she was born. It wasn't serious until—

“The money is huge. Dad has some. I’m giving my three months saving too.” My breath denied to leave. “It’s still not enough, Amelia. How much can you send?”

I threw myself on the couch, staring outside the huge window. “This month?”

“The doctor suggested to get it done in a span of two months. We don't want to risk anything. We want to do it as soon as possible.”

“I can't give you any money this month. I have none.” I lied. “If the doctor adviced two months, then I guess it will be fine if we do it in the starting of the next month. I'll have a good money then.”

“Can’t you get that sum of money a little early?” I dug my nails in my bare legs.

“I...can't. I'm sorry.” I wince seeing the blood on my skin and my nails.

“Okay. I'll see what I can do. Do you want to talk to Mom? She's missing you.”

Grabbing the cushion tightly, I replied, “I can't— I'm— I need to get home first.” I seriously couldn't bring myself to talk to her for a whole different reason.

One week after that, I had seventeen missed calls. And twenty three texts. I checked my sister’s text first.

Rose: Mom isn't with us anymore. The funeral is tomorrow. Come, please. I can't handle this alone.

Then—

Tears make my vision blurry. “Why wouldn't you just fall?” I complain as I wipe them off. I need to talk to Alex. But first I need to tell Jake. My train of thought stops at him again. He'll probably think I am selfish after that. He'll probably love me less or not at all. I wouldn't blame him— I can't blame him.

When Jake was in the mine and I didn't hear from him, I was so so so scared that I'll lose yet another person because of me. And maybe I would have tried to forget about him just like I did to my mother. But I never want to forget him.

But I can't face him either right now. He already knows something is wrong. And seeing my current face, he’ll want me to tell him and when I wouldn't be able to, he’ll blame himself. I don't want him to blame himself for my incompetence.

I start the car. I need an escape. I have no idea where I am going as I drive aimlessly. I’ll come back. For Jake. I promise myself. I owe him.

I...just need time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake's Pov

I just need time. To deal with this. To make sense of this information. Why would she blame herself for her mother’s death? She had been away from home when that happened. She's evidently in denial. For whatever reason she blames herself, I want to tell her otherwise. I’ll tell her it was not her fault until she believes it. For that, I need her.

I cannot go on a second without seeing her and that concludes why I raise my voice at particularly no one when Dan says the car isn't here. “What?”

I turn around and I immediately call her. Disappointed, I turn back wondering to myself, “Why’s her phone busy—”

My words die in my throat. Alex has his phone against his ear. “What makes you think she’d pick up your call?” I wonder out loud, pacing towards him. Dan comes in between us.

Dan’s physically closer to me than Alex so only I hear him when he says, “Jake, honey, we already got a situation. We don't wanna create another.” He sings it urgently while keeping an eye on Alex.

Alex answers my question. “Most probably, I am the reason she ran away in the first place. So I believe it's me who should be talking her out of any stupid act she's up to.”

“Jake, honey—”

“Shut up, Dan.”

“Hey! It's my car she took!”

“Do you care about the car or her?”

“Both are equally involved in my life—”

“Can both of you shut the fuck up?” Alex stops our futile argument.

“Who the fuck are you to tell us to shut the fuck up? It's a private matter.” Dan targets him now.

Alex says, “A person whose eardrums are being harmed because—”

I walk away as Alex falls prey to Dan’s stupidly provoking arguments. I try Amelia’s number again. This time, it rings. But she doesn't answer.

Fuck it, I need a computer.

“Dan!” I call out to Dan who's still busy arguing with Alex. He shakes his hand at Alex as if Alex said something too stupid for Dan to comprehend and walks towards me. Alex follows him though no one asked him to come.

When he is near enough, I speak, “Amelia isn't answering her phone. I need to trace her location. In other words—”

“You need a nice ass computer. Got it. Follow me.” Dan says and gestures me to follow him.

Alex tags along when— again, no one asked him. He hurries towards me. “You can hack?”

“How else did you think I found out your name?” And some extra information.

“I thought it was Truecaller.”

I halt. “Truecaller? Is it legal?” I ask him.

“Yes.”

I start pacing again. “That concludes why I never heard of it. I don't rely on legal sites anymore.”

Once we’ve reached the place Dan mentioned on the way, I sit down in front of the computer, motionless. Three pair of eyes on me.

I clear my throat. I look at Dan who's a little late to understand but finally gets my hesitance. He suddenly laughs out loud, putting a hand on the older person who lended us the computer of his shop. He stands directly behind me and I can't do anything when's he standing on my head.

“He needs to talk to his girlfriend. He’s shy.” Dan slowly sends him away and comes back to take the owner’s spot over my head.

I connect my phone to the computer, and try to pin point her location with the help of her phone. I am glad she hasn't turned off her phone. The map of Duskwood isn't that complex or huge, it takes a few minutes for me to know her exact location. She's near that plain areas where I gave her and Lilly a clue. I’m surprised she remembers it.

I lean back to the chair. “I know where she is. How do we get there? Do you know anyone who can lend us their car?” I ask Dan.

“I can.” Alex chimes in.

Dan and I slowly turn our heads towards him. I eye him. “You wanted me to give you a ride thirty minutes ago.” I fold my arms at my chest.

“I was trying to get close to her again.” He reasons.

I raise my eyebrow at him. “Again?”

“We were close when she used to live in Boston. I need that bond back to take her home.” He explains.

I wanted to tell him that he’s getting neither of it back. Neither their bond nor her.

Instead, I stand up. I don't wish to waste any time now that I finally know where she is. I never wanted Alex to come with us but I guess I can't kick him out of his own car.

After twenty minutes of driving, we finally spot Dan’s car. My face is expressionless as Dan beams about the car being alright. Alex stop the car and I get out but lean back. “Stay here.” I tell both of them, glaring especially at Alex.

There are no lights here. I switch on the flashlight of my phone and as I walk a few steps, I spot another flashlight. My eyes travel to the hands of the person, then to the face.

My chest rises and falls in relief. She initially looks shocked but then she relaxes. Then sadness creeps to her face and I frown. As I move towards her, her hand goes to her side, the flashlight now focussing on the road.

She speaks first. “I know. I just needed some time to—”

She's cut off by my lips on hers. I kiss her slow, and passionately. My hand around her neck caresses her skin. I don't ever want to let go but I pull back, slightly.

“If you need some time then you need to fucking tell me before going in search of it in the middle of nowhere.” She has to look up to meet my gaze. At least, she's not avoiding looking at me like earlier. My hand goes to her cheek. I say, softer than before, “Why wouldn't tell you me?” I am not talking just about her running away. And she realises it too. “Did you assume I'd judge you? Or it will change anything?” I'm in no position to judge her.

“No. Jake— I— how did you get here?” A sense of disappointment tackles me as she tries to change the subject. I know she already is aware of the answer but I'll entertain her.

“I traced your phone.” I simply say.

“Oh.” She looks down at her phone.

I move my hand from her cheek to her chin and force her to look at me. “The only thing I am upset about is that you came here without telling me. I’m not upset about the things you kept from me. I understand that. For a while, I did that too. And I am not upset that you pretended to be happy or about your arranged marriage with Alex.”

Realisation hits me. She doesn't know about the arranged marriage. If she did, she would have told me. Keeping everything from me, she would have at least told me if her family arranged her with some guy. She would have told me. That's something I expect her to tell me.

But the previous disappointment only rises as I see no change of expression on her face. No shock.

I take a step back from her.

“You knew.”

I feel my expectations, reality, and my hopes for an unconditional love laughing at me.

Part 8

-------------------------------------

Heyyyyy

Lemme know your thoughts in the replies!

Also, there's a huge (sort of) difference in the likes of my first few chapters and the recent ones. Does that mean my fic is flopping? Should I still continue? ( I really want to)

This is my first fic and I have no experience about these things.

Anyways

Love y’all !

Enjoy ~~~

50 notes · View notes