#I’ve been thinking about this a lot cause I started making a childhood nostalgia playlist and it’s got certain commonalities to it but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beauty-and-passion · 4 years

Text

Time to talk about the flower shirt

You read the title. Time to talk about this.

This is the infamous flower shirt Thomas put on in his store and, since the fandom is the fandom, everyone started to speculate about those flowers.

At first, I didn’t want to do it. They’re just flowers and other people already talked about them, so what could I possibly add to the conversation?

But while I was writing about Orange, I had to talk a moment about the orange flower. It was supposed to be a small parenthesis, just a couple of words about that.

But then I looked at the other flowers and what other people told/not told about them and how some didn’t find Patton’s flower... so here I am, adding my two cents to this theme.

You needed it? Probably not. Well, I’m writing it anyway.

So let’s take a closer look at those flowers and see each one in detail:

__________________________________

Roman: Red rose

Should I really explain why it’s perfect for Roman? Red roses are the universal symbol of love. Basically in all cultures red roses symbolize passion, true love, romance and desire. Also, according to this website, even the shade has a meaning! In fact, the deeper the red shade is, the stronger is the passion.

And even the number of red roses has a meaning! In this case, we have only one single red rose and that "represents love at first sight, or if it’s coming from a long-term partner, they are saying “you are still the one”.”

You know what that made me think? About Thomas telling Roman “You’re my hero”. A perfect symbol that he was “still the one” for Thomas.

__________________________________

Orange: Lantana camara

This is an incredibly peculiar flower.

Lantana Camara symbolizes severity and rigour. And this alone can be analyzed in all possible ways, but there are other interesting details about this plant I think it's worth mentioning.

Lantana is toxic for livestock, such as cattle, sheep, horses, dogs and goats. According to Wikipedia, previous studies suggested it could be toxic for humans too, especially the green unripe berries. However "other studies have found evidence which suggests that its fruit poses no risk to humans".

Lantana is a freaking invasive plant. In some areas, it's so predominant, to reduce biodiversity, because its presence "can significantly slow down the regeneration of forests, by preventing the growth of new trees". Also, as if this isn't enough, this plant can also produce toxic chemicals which inhibit other plant species.

Lantana has also a great adaptability, that helped it to be so invasive: it can live in a wide range of different environmental conditions, it can survive long periods without water, heck it's even resistant to fire. It's not a plant you can underestimate. Like Orange, I assume.

But Lantana isn't just an invasive plant. Lantana has always been used for medical purposes, because it showed good antimicrobial, fungicidal and insecticidal properties and its extract helps against respiratory infections and ulcers.

Also, since it doesn't have many pests or diseases, lantana became a common ornamental plant. It even attracts butterflies!

In other words: isn't that the perfect plant to symbolize the double nature of a dark side? It can be a threat, change the environment, destroy and even kill. But it can also be a medicine, something useful, something beautiful.

Whoever Orange is, Lantana camara tells us that, whithout a doubt, he’s a dark side.

__________________________________

Janus: Sunflower

Do you think Janus isn't perfect enough as he is? Do you think there's not enough husband material in the snek?

Well, you’re wrong and the sunflower is here to prove it.

Sunflower symbolizes loyalty, adoration, longevity, vitality, worship. Now add this up to the sunflower’s behaviour and how it follows the sun... and you’ll get Janus. Janus literally acts like a sunflower: Thomas is his sun and everything Janus does is for him. His whole existence is centered around Thomas.

But we already knew that, because it's the same message that shone through his playlist. Everything about Janus tells us how much he adores Thomas, from his canonical behavior in the series, to his playlist, to this flower.

Oh, do you need another proof that this is flower is perfect for Janus? Some societies use sunflowers as religious symbols. Ah, some good ol' reference to religion: it’s like being in his playlist all over again.

And, of course, sunflowers are used for a variety of reasons, like cooking oils, skin care and so on. Even the flower says self care.

This man is perfect.

__________________________________

Remus: Green chrysanthemum

Here's another interesting flower.

Chrysanthemum symbolizes death and it’s the typical flower used for funerals. And I thought this was its universal meaning. It was perfect for Remus just like that.

But then I found out that Europeans use chrysanthemums for funerals and to honor the dead. This flower actually has a whole lot of meanings, some completely different from this.

In China, for example, chrysanthemums are associated with wealth, prosperity and long life. Also they're symbols of new life and reincarnations, so they're the perfect gift for old people or newborns.

While in Japan chrysanthemums are symbols of power and royalty. And that's even more fitting for Remus, because he's a Duke, so he is royalty.

But chrysanthemum also symbolizes friendship - and not just "a friendship", but a meaningful one. It's a symbol of loyalty, devotion, romantic/platonic love and, in general, positive energy. It's a flower with an incredibly strong meaning, so it can't be given too lightly.

And this makes it even more perfect for Remus. It's a flower with a huge plurality of meanings, it's both associated with life and death, it's powerful and it's royalty.

Also, you can eat it. Isn't that the perfect Remus flower?

(On a side note: please notice how chrysanthemums and sunflowers are both associated with joy, loyalty and devotion. I would have never considered "joy" a common trait between Janus and Remus while loyalty and devotion... well, they both care about Thomas and his career and they both work for him despite not being accepted, so I can see why those are common traits.)

__________________________________

Patton: Nemophila

Surprise surprise, this flower wasn't easy to find. I’ve never heard of it, so I had to search among endless lists of blue flowers, hoping to find one that would perfectly match the one on the shirt.

And that’s how I found nemophila.

First of all: nemophila is also known as "Baby Blue Eyes" and it's an extremely rare color to find in nature. It’s very famous in Japan, thanks to the Hitachi Seaside Park. Open this link: it’s a literal sea of blue and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Of course, it attracts people every year.

Nemophila represents prosperity, congratulations on success and victory. Not the first things you would associate with Patton, right?

Well, while I was searching more informations about this flower, I found out this website about the essence of Baby Blue Eyes and the passage I quoted down below has the exact same words you can find on that link:

With its pronounced affinity for water, the Baby Blue Eyes flower essences addresses qualities of tender sensitivity, innocence and trust associated one’s early childhood relationship to the father, or other significant masculine figures that are in some way disturbed.

Very often the father was absent, or there was a lack of support or genuine presence. The Baby Blue Eyes type attempts over time to cover this wound of vulnerability with a false “hardening,” such as emotional distancing, mistrust, cynicism or spiritual alienation. It is a flower that can be equally helpful for men or women, although it is especially needed for many men who struggle to become strong, by disowning their pain.

So nemophilia’s essence has qualities associated with childhood, to the father figure and attempts to “repress” and hide emotions.

That’s Patton. That’s him, period. The childhood-related emotions, that are linked to Patton’s longing for “a simpler time”. The mentions of a father figure - who migh be absent or showing lack of support (like, idk, suggesting you should die so your friends live?). And the attempt to “cover the vulnerability” doesn’t remind you anything? Like the Nostalgia episodes?

This flower is Patton.

__________________________________

Logan: Blue petunia

I would like to say, from the bottom of my heart, a huge "FUCK YOU" to this flower, because I spent TWO DAYS searching all the blue flowers in the world and all possible variants, asking myself why this goddamn flower looked so familiar and why it was so hard to find. Blue isn't even a common color in nature, so why couldn't I find it?

I've learned more about blue flowers in these two days than in my entire life. I've searched among flowers I never saw before, like glandora diffusa, leschenaultia and omphalodes verna. I was so desperate to consider this flower a new species, with the petals of a bellflower and the corolla of a morning glory. I even found a goddamn chinese variant of the morning glory that was somehow similar but not that much and why, WHY this was so hard to find?!

And then, after two days and a lot more desperation, I remembered: my dear friend @reptilianwithscallions told me about a post they made, regarding this shirt and the flowers. Maybe they had some idea about Logan's flower?

Well, let's all thank my saviour and this post, because otherwise I would've kept searching until the end of my days.

Long story short, Logan's flower is a fucking blue petunia.

And it's a very peculiar choice, because petunias have multiple meanings, several of which can be contradictory.

In general, petunia symbolizes anger and resentment. It reminds someone that you're still angry or disappointed by their actions and you haven’t gotten over the things that caused these feelings.

Oh my, I didn't know we were back in Logan's playlist. It's basically what he kept expressing towards Thomas with his songs: that he was angry at Thomas for his decision, that he doesn't approve that Thomas hasn't "a real job" and so on. Petunia is a flower that screams passive-aggressive, so it's perfect for Logan.

But petunia's meaning deeply changes, depending on the color of the flower. And while petunia in general symbolizes anger, a blue petunia is a symbol of peacefulness, intimacy and deep trust, shared between two or more people. It's so wholesome, because the deep trust reminds me - again - of Logan's playlist and how it ended: no matter what, he and Thomas are always best friends.

Also, petunia flowers have even a secret meaning behind. Since they’re also gifted to new neighbors or to people who have just moved into a new home, they represent a perfect welcome and a way to express affection and kindness to others.

You’re lucky to be so wholesome, you tricky flower.

__________________________________

Virgil: Perennial Geranium

Geranium is a confused flower.

Some of the other flowers have conflicted meanings, but not as much as this flower. These are the most common meanings I found:

Folly or Stupidity

Gentility and kind nature

Clever minds

Ingenuity

Melancholy

Perfect gift for a bride

You can gift it to someone with whom you have planned a meeting

You can gift it to someone with whom you haven't planned a meeting, just to make them feel welcomed

True Friendship

See? It’s confused.

Aside from jokes, this variety of meanings is due to its great diffusion: since geraniums grow everywhere, every culture gave them a different meaning. And sometimes these meanings depend on the situation too.

Awww, isn't it perfect for Virgil? He can be good and bad at the same time. Anxiety can be bad for Thomas and detrimental for his life, but it can also be the alarm Thomas needs. It depends on the situation.

And, just like geraniums in general symbolize positive emotions, happiness and friendship, so Virgil is in general a good guy. All he does is for Thomas' wellbeing, not against him.

And this is confirmed by the vast use of geranium's essential oil. It's one of the most popular and it has a ton of properties: anti-viral, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory, anti-depressant, decongestant, relaxing and so on. Just like our Virge boy can be incredibly useful under the right circumstances. (Did someone say "Flirting with social Anxiety"?)

Also, geraniums are simple, humble flowers that usually grow outside, but then we take them and make them part of our homes. Once again, it’s Virgil: he's an outsider, he's humble, he talks bad about himself - but Thomas and the others took him and made him part of the famILY anyway.

__________________________________

Thomas: Cherry blossom

I searched this flower everywhere and the only one that looks like the one on the shirt is the cherry blossom. Why did Thomas make a cherry blossom with eight petals, when they all have five? I have no idea. Is this a different flower, maybe? Maybe, but I’m done: I've looked at enough flowers and I don’t have any strength left.

As you probably already know, cherry blossoms are extremely important in Japan. They're beautiful, they're everywhere and they're meaningful.

Why? Because cherry blossoms are considered the perfect metaphor for human existence. When they blossom it's a pink ocean, a party, people go to admire them - but they’re short lived, because in two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. It's just like human life: a small, rich, glorious parenthesis in the void. Something little and precious that ends soon.

But cherry blossoms also symbolize rebirth, optimism, hopes and dreams. When they bloom, it means springtime is coming and spring has always been associated with renewal.

That’s a very good choice for character Thomas. He’s basically a cherry blossom, the whole series is: something that reminds us how beautiful life is, how multi-faceted, how important. Just like Thomas' single being encompasses seven different sides of himself, so life presents a wide range of choices, of aspects, of flavours. All beautiful, all worthy of appreciation, no matter how different they can be from you and your experience.

And this becomes even more important, in relation to the passage of time and the transience of life. Because life is short and, after that, there won't be any more time to appreciate anything.

In addition to that, I would like to point out how the theme of passage of time is something we already saw in the series. And not just one time, but several. Since the first season, we have episodes all around the concept of growing up, growing old, not being a child anymore, becoming an adult. And the last Aside keeps going in this direction. It's clear this is a big theme and its connection with the cherry blossoms proves it.

But why is the flower so different on the shirt? Because Thomas wanted to mess up with us? Probably. Almost certainly. Once again, thank you Mr. Sanders for making me question everything.

The floor is (figuratively) yours now: if you have any other information, thoughts or opinions, feel free to share them.

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow @effortiswhatmatters @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag @doydoune @miasheer @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist @corndot @payte @mcang3l @geekyapollokid @kawaiipotatuh @hypnossanders @idontreallyknow24 @imcrushedbyarainbow @simplyapannightmare @patton-cake

@riseofthewerewolf @frog-candy-bee @bosspotato01 @rosesandlove44 @methaley @sololad @firey-alex @sashootkahoot @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan @croftergamer @misty-the-girlflux-mess @thedevilseyes @arya-skywalker @csi-baker-street-babes @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@virgildarknessdementiaravenway @mishanthropist @dracayd-universe @unknown-artworks @lonelyfangirl453 @starlightnyx @alienvamp-hesitantflowerface @stubbornness-and-spite @alittletoo-extra @averykedavra @iloveeverytjing123 @bookedforevermore @joyrose-fandomer @anachronismes @the-cloud-14 @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing

@thatoneloudowl @grayson-22 @softangryfuckingdepressed @theotherella @boopypasta @nevenastark @varthandi @floofyconfusednerd @nothing-worth-mentioning @mikalya12 @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside @coldbookworm @orchidstanslogan @snixxxsmythe @frog-candy-bee @holleratyour-buoyancy @alexowlndra @fadingbagelbananapatrol @our-bloody-mari666 @cxsmospooks @we-need-more-empathy @riverraysong

2K notes · View notes

winepresswrath · 4 years

Note

you mentioned in the tags of your last post that you relate a lot of music to the yunmeng bros, any recs in particular? i’m looking for songs to add to my yunmeng bros playlist :D

It’s less a Yunmeng Bros playlist and more a Jiang Cheng playlist that doubles as a Yunmneng Bros playlist. I feel like I should warn you all that:

My guiding principle for nerd playlists is “does this song make me laugh in this context.” The full Jiang Cheng edition includes “Numb” by Linkin Park. There is a lot of girly pop.

There are also a lot of breakup songs because not enough people make music about hating yourself for loving your brother. If I think the bitter self loathing outweighs the sexiness, it goes on the list.

I started adding commentary is a misguided attempt to explain myself (I am inexplicable but also right about all of these songs except one). Sorry!

I think think this playlist is hilarious (see above) but I’ve been informed (by cowards) that actually it “brings the mood down”

Grape of Wrath- Yunmeng Bro Edit

Purple Rain (Prince)

No Jiang Cheng playlist would be complete without this song, but despite the title it’s Wei Wuxian all the way through.

I never meant to cause you any sorrow/ I never meant to cause you any pain/ I only wanted to one time to see you laughing

Our House (Madness)

Yanli is the one they’re going to miss in lots of ways. Lotus Pier was their castle and their keep. This song manages to be frenetic about nostalgia for most of a verse, which I think is both impressive and on point.

Our house, in the middle of our (something tells you that you've got to move away from it)

Hey Brother (Avicii)

More Yunmeng Siblings! I think sometimes things are obvious because they are correct.

Hey brother! Do you still believe in one another?/Hey sister! Do you still believe in love? I wonder

Boy Problems (Carly Rae Jepsen)

I always have a terrible time choosing what Carly song to put on a given playlist, but this is the one that’s on it right now.

So tired of hearin' all your boy problems

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together (Taylor Swift)

Sometimes it’s not about drama and tragedy and transcendent love. Sometimes it’s about being really mad because you’ve spent a lot of time having feelings about an asshole who you know isn’t going to change, and then being additionally mad that you’re wasting your time being mad about that.

This is exhausting - Jiang Cheng aged 18 3/4

(They are getting back together though. I will not be taking criticism on this point)

Rare (Selena Gomez)

This song doesn’t actually belong on this playlist because there is no point in canon where Jiang Cheng has the requisite self esteem. “I don’t have it all! I’m not claiming to. But I know that I’m special. :(” makes me laugh, and so it stays.

Crack Baby (Mitski)

Usually when I’m amusing myself making everything song about The Untamed Mitski reminds me of Lan Wangji, but this is a song about being in perpetual withdrawal for the love you knew in childhood so it’s about Yunmeng Bros.

Crack baby you don't know what you want/ But you know that you're needing it/And you know that you need it bad

Are You Happy Now (Michelle Branch)

The quintessential “fuck you! You don’t get to pretend that this didn’t matter it DID” song. Also, by the end of the story Jiang Cheng has accepted that Wei Wuxian no longer cares about him and is happy now, so this song makes me laugh in a mean way.

Would you tell it to my face/Have I been erased

Happier (Marshmello, Bastille)

This is the single most obnoxious way you could possibly respond to “Are You Happy Now” while also being a completely valid and reasonable response to “Are you Happy Now.” Playing them back to back really nails their second life vibe.

I wanna raise your spirits/I want to see you smile but/Know that means I'll have to leave

La Di Da (Lennon Stella)

Sometimes Wei Wuxian’s inner monologue is also expressed via the medium of girly pop.

We both know there's no use/Talkin' 'bout what I owe you/I want back the old you

You're gonna say something you don't mean/So just before you take it too far, I'll hold my ears say "la da da di da"

Glendora (Rilo Kiley)

The only reason Rilo Kiley isn’t the ultimate Jiang Cheng band is that Rilo Kiley fucks. Nothing on this playlist makes me laugh harder than this song, not even Pink’s Family Portrait. This is the best “I am actively ashamed of loving you” song in the world.

I cry, cry, cry, then I complain/Come back for more, do it again

I should find someone better for me/But Mom says we're born this way

And So It Goes (Billy Joel)

Brother-divorce is hard on the heart. Sometimes because of stabbing, other times just because it’s difficult to leave someone when you’ve grown around them as much as you’ve grown with them.

So I would choose to be with you/That's if the choice were mine to make/But you can make decisions too/And you can have this heart to break

Maybe This Time (Liza Minnelli)

Someone give Jiang Cheng a prozac and a hug.

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky/Maybe this time, He'll stay

Everybody loves a winner/So nobody loves me

He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother (The Hollies)

In any modern au where they’re mad at each other both of them change the channel the second this comes on the radio and then stare out the window, bereft.

While we're on the way to there, why not share?/And the long doesn't way me down at all/He ain't heavy - he's my brother

Dessa- Children’s Work

This goes out to all the siblings.

You slept in my bed / and if I kept quiet... I could hear all the voices in your head When the wagon tipped / I prayed over your body I asked God to take the damage out on me

#this travesty of a post happened because my playlists are not easily shareable #and i could not in good conscious include we are never ever getting back together without #specifying that they WILL #get back together #i know this is mostly angry breakup songs #but ALSO #they love each other and they are gonna be fine!

74 notes · View notes

ts-unpopular-opinions · 4 years

Text

Side Track Opinions Part 4: Patton

(Only three boys left! I think Patton may be the side who I’ve seen the least analysis about with regards to his playlist, so I’m excited to look a bit deeper)

1) Campfire Song Song: I don’t think the lyrics are very deep with this one 😂 You’ll find that a lot of Pattons songs talk about growing up, so I just find it fitting that a childhood song that probably brought Thomas a lot of joy is Patton’s first song.

2) Turnaround: Both Patton and Logan have songs from The Little Prince on their playlists, so my mind instantly goes to Logan. The song feels like Patton trying to get Logan out of his own head (““Straight (Straight), how can you be so straight? Life is everything but straight (Straight)” “Now, why don't you sing out loud? The tune you keep inside?”) He loves Logan a lot and thinks that sometimes he takes life too seriously and doesnt have enough fun (“Turnaround, and put your pen down”). Patton wishes Logan would relax and just enjoy life sometimes because he worries that taking everything so serious can be harmful (“How can you be so shy?” “Don't say hello, say hi”).

3) I Got a Name: Patton has trouble with Thomas growing up, we know this from the most recent episode. He worries that life is moving too fast and that he doesn’t know how to handle the change (“Movin' ahead so life won't pass me by”). Despite this, he has so many memories of Thomas’ childhood and he holds them very close to his heart (“I've got a song, I've got a song, And I carry it with me and I sing it loud. If it gets me nowhere, I'll go there proud”). Even though he cherishes these memories, he still thinks hes foolish to dwell on them and doubts he will ever be able to get over those memories (“Like the fool I am and I'll always be” “They can change their minds but they can't change me”).

4) Oranges: This song bothers me... Not in the fact that it’s a bad song or that its hard to understand, but it goes against everything we canonically know about Patton. While on first glance its a silly song about the words oranges and chocolates not rhyming with anything, its deeper meaning is actually more so about hiding away ideas and being afraid to make use of them (“How we take our ideas and put them in storage, But peel back the rind, who knows what you'll find”). If the song is supposed to be conveying Patton’s emotions, then I’m just confused. This song makes me feel like he wants to try out all of Thomas’ ideas and love every part of him, but we’ve seen his distaste for Remus is very obvious (“If you don't open a chocolate, who knows what you get”). I’m still on the train that Patton is the reason creativity split in the first place, so him saying things like these just make absolutely no sense...

5) I Don’t Wanna Pray: Although Patton takes religion very seriously and bases a lot of his morals on his faith, he has some doubts about whether religion can be the answer to everything (“Help me to the sun, hey I'm looking everywhere” “And now I don't wanna pray, no I say I don't wanna pray, no”). Patton has also begun to realize that God has created everything in the world, not just good and love, but also hate and pain (“I love my god, god made love. I love my god, god made good. I love my god, god made hate. I love my god, god made bad”). Perhaps this is shows his willingness to start accepting the darker parts of Thomas.

6) New Soul: Oh this is such a Patton song... Of course theres the obvious: Patton is Thomas’ inner child and encompases a lot of those feelings from Thomas’ youth. He hasn’t quite figured out how to function in Thomas’ more serious, adult life (“See I'm a young soul in this very strange world”). Then there’s lines like “Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take” and “Finding myself making every possible mistake” that just feel so Pattony. He’s so lost and confused anymore when it comes to guiding Thomas in the right direction, but he tries his best. We can see that in the newest episode with him trying his less ‘assertive’ guidance. Despite this, he knows that he messes up all of the time and he feels awful for it. Everytime I listen to this song I just think of the “I’m sorry.... Again!...” line from POF.

7) Better Together: Oof... This is a tough one because its so loving and sweet. I find it hard imagining Patton singing to only one person, so I just like imagining him singing to Thomas, Roman, Virgil, and Logan. Patton, as we know, cherishes all of the memories that Thomas has created and that all of them have created together (“Our dreams, and they are made out of real things. Like a shoe box of photographs” “And all of these moments Just might find their way into my dreams tonight” “I believe in memories”). I also though it was super interesting that the song mentions “sepia-toned loving” because Patton’s room has a sepia affect when we see it in Moving On and I think this Patton’s nostalgia and this song go together very well.

8) Vienna: This song is so sad, but so sweet... To me, it’s pretty clear that Patton is singing to Roman (and obviously Thomas as well). He worries that Roman dreams too big and works way too hard in an attempt to acheive those dreams (“Slow down, you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile” “You've got your passion, you've got your pride, But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?” “Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true”). Patton wishes that Roman would be able to relax and just enjoy what he already has because he knows that Roman will only burn himself out in his attempt to accomplish everything he wants to (“Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You'd better cool it off before you burn it out” “You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need”). Basically, Patton loves Roman, but worries that some of his dreams are impossible to reach and that is hurting Thomas.

9) It’s You I Like: This song is for sure about Virgil or Thomas. I’m leaning more towards Virgil because the next song is also about Virgil. Really all I have to say is that the title says it all. Patton is ready to accept Virgil for who he is, problems and all.

10) Little Shadow: THIS SONG IS IMPORTANT! Patton is the one who brought Virgil out from the dark sides, or at least convinced him to leave for good (“Little shadow, to the night, will you follow me?”). I think this could be a big reason why Janus and Virgil have a lot of bad blood. Janus used to be Virgil’s source of comfort and protection, but one day Patton just decided to fill in that role and do it arguably better? I’d be pretty butt-hurt if I was Janus too. That explains why Janus was honestly such a jerk to Patton up until the end of the most recent episode when Patton accepted him. I think Janus realized just what Virgil must have felt like way back when Patton accepted him. Janus realized that he wasn’t good for Virgil like Patton is and that had to have stung... I guess we’ll see what happens between those two in the future...

11) Sad: What do yah know? Another Virgil song! This one was actually confirmed by Thomas to be about Virgil so that makes it easier to analyze for me 😂. Patton wants to help Virgil get over his pain and history with the dark sides, but he doubt if anything he does is helping (“You're just too good at being sad. I'm just a Band-Aid on a broken heart. Yeah, I'm the best at making you laugh for a breath, and you're back in your head, you're so sad” “Don't know if I'm hurting or helping” “All I wanna do is take the sad from you, But I can't and you wouldn't let me anyways”). It’s sad, its sweet, its very Patton.

12) Oh Heart: Thomas has a crush! Basically this whole song is Thomas singing about being in love with someone and him begging Patton, or his heart, not to make a fool out of him. I imagine Patton get’s really confused and jumbled up whenever Thomas is in love because love can do that to a person! It’s really cute and I honestly overlooked this song on my first couple of listens through the playlist. Here’s just some cute lines I liked: “Who am I kidding? You're the one” “Oh heart, Oh Heart, stop making a fool of me” “You should look at me. Look at me!” “I'm going to make you laugh again”. With this song and Jumpstarted from Roman’s playlist, I’m starting to see just how hard to handle Roman and Patton may be whenever Thomas has a crush 😂

13) The Flame: This one seems really deep, but for the life of me I cannot crack it. To me it just feels like Patton telling Thomas that no matter how dark things get, he can always look to his heart for the answer (“But hold on for your heart to beat inside To be your guide”). I honestly get really creepy vibes from this song. Like Patton is trying to get Thomas to ignore all of the dark parts of him and instead just keep listening to him and him alone (“There will be times that grow darker with the dusk, But light will still remain in us”). This song is just interesting to me because it feels like one of the first instances where Patton believes he has all of the answers and doesn’t need the others help. But truly, I’m not sure what this song is about.

14) Landslide: Did someone say time to cry? Cause it’s time to cry! This is a PERFECT song for the ending of POF where Patton admits to being afraid of growing up and changing. I think this song is Patton singing to Thomas about these exact fears (“Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?” “Well, I've been 'fraid of changin' 'Cause I've built my life around you, But time makes you bolder, Even children get older, And I'm gettin' older, too”). It’s honestly like this song was just written for Patton and it makes me wanna cry every time I hear it.

15) Float On: One word... REPRESSION! Not much to say other than Patton ignores all the bad things that happen to Thomas and just tries to act like everything is okay. Not a very good thing to do, but very on brand for Patton.

16) With a Little Help From my Friends: Another song that I hate to take at face value, but I don’t really have any other ideas for what it means. Whenever Patton is feeling down or in a slump, he looks to the others for comfort and support. Think, Logan giving Patton the cat hoodie at the end of Moving On. Those are the kinds of vibes I get from this song.

17) What Makes the World: (edited because I was looking at the wrong lyrics) Basically Patton thinks that love is the answer to everything (“Love makes the world go 'round”). No matter what, no matter how dangerous or serious a situation is, you should always trust your heart (“Oh, I heard to turn away a neighbour, Is living without danger, But that ain’t so”). All in all, Patton has a very unrealistic view of society. He tends to always see the good in people which can be a bad thing sometimes.

18) Somewhere Over the Rainbow: You thought the last song was foolishly optimistic... well youre in for a shocker with this one! Patton basically just goes on and on about how great the world is. I’m honestly starting to wonder if Patton is even capable of criticizing the world and the people in it. It seems like the only thing he can criticize is Thomas. Also, like I said in the last song, I think this creates an interesting dynamic between Patton and Janus: One loves the world world and only ever sees the good in everyone while the other despises it and sees the bad in everything.

19) Golden Slumbers: I feel like this one is way too short to get a huge idea on what it’s about. It seems to me like Patton is just comforting Thomas and reasuring him that things will be okay, despite the changes that are happening in his life.

20) So Long: AHHHH THIS SONG IS SO CUTE! It’s very fitting as Patton’s last song as well, based on the events of the last episode. If you can come up with an argument that convinces me that this song isn’t about Janus, be my guest, but it’ll be hard to do. In the song Patton basically sings about how Janus can be a pain in the butt and really get to him, but they work well as a team and he wants them to stay together as a team (“I won't get too sappy, I had no epiphany, I just enjoy your company” “You test my nerves, It makes me stronger. So can you bother me a little bit longer?” “Because it's been so long since I made a friend like you” “I could dot the I's and you could cross the T's, Cause letters alone are lonely”). Basically I love them, they are great, they are best friends now, and that after credit scene still has me shook over how quickly they just became friends. We stan our divorced dads 💙💛

(Sorry this took so long guys! I’ve been procrastinating! Let me know what you think 💙)

33 notes · View notes

poemistic · 4 years

Text

top 10 mlp musical numbers

since I’ve been rewatching the childhood tv show, i was like ‘well why not?’ the songs I’ve chosen to rate are all from my mlp songs playlist on spotify, so it is already personally biased. when i watched mlp as a kid, most of my memories are from seasons 1 - 5 and maybe a little bit of season 6? (i really lost interest when starlight came into the picture as a “redeemed villain” like are you for real??) so a lot of these songs i have an attached childhood nostalgia to. if you think i missed any...no i didn’t ❤️

so before we get to the good part, we first got some honorable mentions (that are not in any particular order)

the spectacle

the smile song

ballad of the crystal ponies

EQ cafeteria song

in our town

the magic inside

CHS rally song

ACADECA

life is a runway

my past is not today

you’ll play your part

awesome as i wanna be (after this are the songs I want to be in top ten but don’t make the cut ;-;)

apples to the core

glass of water

unleash the magic (im really sad about this one its Good)

raise this barn (THIS ONE WAS SO CLOSE TO BEING TOP TEN SO CLOSE)

----

omg those last two songs hurt to put on the honorable mentions. but now onto my top ten personal favorites! rated from least favorite to most.

10. What My Cutie Mark is Telling Me. (this song just scratches me right in my 9 yr old brain. I remember recording the episode this song was in and being so excited to see it. it was the season 3 finale. also rainbow dash, applejack, and rarity’s parts in this song Slapped period.)

9. Flim Flam Brothers’ Super Speed Cider Squeezy 6000 (honestly 9 and 8 are tied but i like 8 just a liittttle bit better than this one. but like cmon. the title? already fire. this song made me like capitalists HORSES for crying out loud. this one is a Bop and a half.)

8. Hearts Strong as Horses (awkward title but the SNARES IN THIS SONG THO. this song gets me fucking pumped and not to mention this song is in the best cmc episode. just a really catchy upbeat tune. can’t go wrong.)

7. Battle of the Bands (i have THREE DAZZLINGS SONGS IN A ROW for this. rainbow rocks really went off when making the dazzlings, adagio dazzle especially. All of their songs made onto the list because they’re just That Good. like Seriously. also me gay for adagio :P)

6. Under Our Spell (ME BIG GAY FOR EVIL HYPNOTIZING WOMEN!!! the lyrics, the Vocals, the way you start to hypnotically sway unconsciously... its all so fantastic.)

5. Welcome to the Show (this song had me playing it on repeat and imaging that I was sunset singing along with twilight and the main six to defeat the dazzlings. i loved this song so much, so much serotonin. the dazzlings sound amazing and yea maybe the music in our hearts is a little cheesy but it still makes me pumped whenever i hear it 🥺RAINBOW ROCKS BEST EQ MOVIE)

4. Bats (im going to be totally honest here. Bats is objectively better than number three and will name you reasons why. Bats is those rare mlp duets where not only does it have really good dynamic exchanges between characters, but also drastic tonal changes with great visuals to go along with it. Not to mention the duet is very confrontational, which you honestly can’t find much of in mlp. the song is definitely one of the best out there. Plus i also really love applejack’s angry singing voice. her yeehaw accent is just *chef’s kiss*)

3. Babs Seed (the reason why bats is 4 and not 3 is well....it simply does not bop harder than babs seed. and babs seed is. A. BOP. this shit fucking BUMPS. SLAPS. HITS. A FUCKING BANGER. you put this on at a party i AM ON THE DANCE. FLOOR. PERIOD. just fucking listen to it alright. cause this is playing at my funeral.)

2. I’m The Friend You Need (listen this is song is soo good. you wanna know why? i didn’t watch the movie this song was in and it’s on my #2 spot in my Best Mlp Songs Ever list. Also just the trumpets, and how sleazy and slippery capper is and how his vocals exude that exact vibe. You never even meet characters like capper in mlp. everyone is either a friend or a villain who cackles with dramatic lightning in the back. capper is, refreshingly, neither. and the whole song in general just wants to make me samba or something i have no idea. just listen to the song!!)

1. This Day Aria (i had to put this as number one. i had to. i am legally bound to do it. this song was the peak of the mlp fandom and my life. it was revolutionary. it changed fandom history. the season 2 finale was not advertised properly, but in a good way? they said nothing about the changelings and the queen At All. it was just “get ready for mlp’s season 2 finale! a canterlot wedding :D” and it lowered everyone’s expectations for it. and that was GREAT. when the twist happened it made EVERYONE FREAK OUT LIKE WHAATTTT!!! AND THE SONG?? UGHHH!!!! it was SO HYPE and the SCORE, THE VOCALS, THE DUET, THE SHOCK OF IT ALL!! disney was crying, they WISHED THEY HAD WHAT MLP HAD. This Day Aria has best villain song of mlp, as well as the best song of mlp Ever.)

----

and thats the end! thank you for reading this far! i started this because i saw the most trashiest ‘best songs of mlp’ list in my entire life and Had to fix it. BITCH PUT LET THE RAINBOW REMIND YOU AS #1??? one of the boringest songs in mlp ever. sorry not sorry but if let the rainbow remind you is your favorite song, please get some taste.

anyways these are all just my own personal opinions! and if you like mlp and wanna talk about it more don’t be shy to tell me your thoughts! although, don’t expect a lot of mlp content from me. i’m still hyper-fixating on hxh. hope you guys appreciated my thoughts on mlp’s best songs! :DD have a nice day!

#mlp #mlp equestria girls #mlp movie #best songs list #also if yall want me to talk about starlight...#i will 😳😳if you insist😳😳

12 notes · View notes

hydra-collector · 4 years

Text

a sanders sides analysis of “far“

far, if you’re not aware (which honestly you probably werent) is an album by regina spektor (the same one as ‘one more time with feeling’ from logan’s playlist) and regina spektor has songs that work weirdly well with sanders sides so i’m going to give each song on the album a side. i might do this again with ‘what we saw from the cheap seats’ but its not as weirdly perfect as far.

this ended up being really long, so it’s under the cut.

the calculation: logan, no question. it’s basically about trying to 'calculate’ love from what they saw around them, mostly in media, because don’t understand it. they’re desperate to make it work, so they try again and again “beating their hearts against each other” and eventually, it sparks. intrulogical if you’d like someone to pair it with, since roman has all the romance with thomas.

eet: this one was more difficult, but i think its a lot of patton. after all, the summary on genius literally says “’Eet’ is a wistful, introspective song brimming with nostalgia. The overarching themes seem to be about a person’s development of morality through their experience in their childhood.” it connects a lot to ‘moving on’ in that respect, where thomas wishes he could go back to the times he remembered in patton’s room. if you don’t already know, eet is the backspace key on a typewriter, but since it actually prints letters, you can’t really go back. i also think the line “using your headphones to drown out your mind” is perfect for virgil. i think in “someone’s deciding whether or not to steal/he opens a window just to feel the chill/he hears that outside a small boy just started to cry/’cause it’s his turn, but his brother won’t let him try” janus could be the thief, trying to decide what thomas should take for himself, and obviously remus would be the brother that’s crying because he doesn’t get his turn to be listened to.

blue lips: janus or logan. part of it is kind of like an analysis of society, but it’s mostly about death and aging, which i think both of them will have thought about. the line “the pictures in his mind awoke/and began to breed” definitely reminds me of remus, intrusive thoughts and stuff. its preceded in one verse by “and no one saw and no one heard/they just followed lead” which i think could be about how thomas won’t let himself talk about remus’s thoughts, or janus’s lies, or even logan being tired of how thomas just tries to do everything everyone else does.

folding chair: roman, i think. part of it, patton, maybe. it’s hard to articulate exactly what i mean, but i think a lot of it has to do with being tired and lonely. i think maybe what i’m thinking with roman is that he’s been living so long one kind of way, but it’s not a happy kind of way. like he wants to do something (maybe flashbacks to ‘broadway here i come’ mayybe) or become a dark side, but he’s scared. “now i’ve been sitting on this abandoned beach for years/waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears/but every time the tide comes in to take me home/i get scared, and i’m sitting here alone.” i’m still not completely sure why this came off as roman to me, but maybe someone else would see it better. i don’t think it fits nearly as well as the other songs, but hey, i said i’d do all of them.

machine: janus or logan. kind of surprised it’s not a definite ‘logan,’ with its name, but it’s a lot about society and there’s a transition from “pre-war apartment” to “post-war apartment” which doesn’t fit logan very well at all. and rather than being ‘i am a machine,’ it’s “i’m hooked into machine.” i think that implies that the machine is society (forgive me if that doesn’t make much sense, genius doesn’t have much on this one) because we’re so intertwined, so connected to each other and functioning as a society, possibly how the government wants us to. some of the lyrics make me think it’s about some alternate universe, like “I collect my moments/into a correspondence/with a mightier power/who just lacks my perspective/and who lacks my organics/and who covets my defects,” which is the only reason i didn’t take logan out of the characters completely.

laughing with: janus, if he’s singing it sarcastically. i think he would be making fun of the people who ‘laugh at god.’ also the line “no one laughs at god on the day they realize/that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes” which i think would’ve resonated very well with janus before svsr. not gonna say much else bc i can barely listen to the song as it is, much less analyze it.

human of the year: maybe also janus, but then again maybe moreso roman or patton. i say janus mostly because it has a very creepy vibe to go with the fictional award of “human of the year.” but roman or patton fits more with the receiver of the award. at least roman would probably give up anything to be deemed that great person, that hero.

two birds: anxceit babyyy. or roceit. it’s really weird because i can’t really tell whether virgil is leaving the wire or janus. the obvious option would be virgil, leaving for the light sides, but the subtler option is the callback. then again, i’m not sure if the one on the wire would change to roman or the general light sides if it was the callback. i also don’t think that virgil wanted janus to come with him, which doesn’t make sense for how the one bird would ask and the other would lie (hehe deceit) and say he was going to come. then again, that could just be a different interpretation of how virgil left the dark sides. in my opinion, though, roceit is much more fun. “i’ll believe it all:” roman. “i won’t let go of your hand:” janus. roman is lying to janus, he’s saying he wants to go to the wedding. janus is trying to just get him to go to the callback. roman’s tempted by it, tempted by how janus is treating him. the line “one more or one less, nobody’s worried” could maybe be janus trying to convince them that it doesn’t matter if they go to the wedding, that lee and mary lee won’t really care. anxceit’s also fun, though.

dance anthem of the 80′s: doesn’t really have a side that it fits in canon, but i think it’d be interesting to put it with patton in an AU. the character is peppy and innocent at first, but it descends into a more depressing tone. i also think the heteronormativity does it a favor in its context. again, it has nothing to do with canon, just thought it’d be cool in an AU.

genius next door: logan, or remus. this song hurts me every time i hear it, since i’ve started associating it with logan. it’s pretty much about this kid, the genius, who’s presumably depressed and goes into the lake each night, holding his breath until he comes back up. this ends up being a bad idea, because at one point he holds his breath too long, and dies in the lake. mostly as i’ve thought about it, i’ve considered logan, but honestly it kind of fits remus better, like how he “didn't care as long as he was able/to strip his clothes off by the dumpsters/at night while everyone was sleeping/and wade midway into that porridge/just him and his secret he was keeping” (the porridge is the lake.) in addition to that, they describe his death as “and the genius next door was sleeping/dreaming that the antidote was orgasm.” sorry for y’all having to catch me referencing other songs, but in the mountain goat’s “amy aka spent gladiator 1″ he says “do every stupid thing that makes you feel alive/do every stupid thing to try to drive the dark away” (which i think is also a very remus song) so he’s describing how it feels good to risk your life. the adrenaline will make you “feel alive,” which is probably why the kid in the song did it (which i saw in the comments someone compared to being the ‘orgasm.’) and while this is not a good idea, considering what happened to the genius next door, i do think it’s a very remus thing to do if he was depressed.

wallet: patton. it’s a very cute song, and it’s pretty much just about how the singer found a wallet, looked at it a little, then returned it to the owner. the singer says “i have no wallet/i keep my cards together with a blue rubber band” and i think that would be something patton does. “you'll never know me/i'll never know you/but you'll be so happy/when they call you up” is probably how patton would feel returning it. finally, something not depressing.

one more time with feeling: i don’t need to choose a side for this one, it’s already logan. i do want to share my thoughts on it, though, ‘cause it seems i disagree with a couple people (plus i didn’t analyze his playlist so i haven’t said anything about it before.) “everyone takes turns/now it's yours to play the part.” he’s supposed to help thomas, as he did in dwit and tried to in svsr. “and the misery inside their eyes is synchronized and reflecting it to yours.” they didn’t listen, though, in svsr and it took half an hour in dwit. for the chorus, “hold on/one more time with feeling/try it again, breathing's just a rhythm/say it in your mind until you know that the words are right/this is why we fight,” i think maybe he’s trying to be interesting to them. to just get through it, and practice and practice until he has the words that they’ll like. that’s just my little hc, though. “you thought by now you'd be/so much better than you are/you thought by now they'd see/that you had come so far.” these lines hit the hardest for me. remember how logan was in the beginning? especially in moving on, he seemed to have no compassion for thomas’s feelings. but hasn’t he gotten better? i think he’s trying to be better to them, to be kinder about emotional problems. and he has come far, but not as far as he would’ve liked, especially considering that he hasn’t seen them appreciate it. he was hoping that they’d notice, that they’d be glad he was doing better. that they’d be proud of him. but they aren’t. they just disregard him even more, unable to forget about who he was, unable to consider how far he’d come (maybe projecting a little.) i also think that the “this is why we fight” could be him talking about how because they don’t listen, he’s exhausted from getting angry at them each episode, and they get annoyed but their ignorance is why they fight.

as a whole, i think he’s just trying again, and again, and again, and i thought, maybe he’s trying with feeling. like, he’s trying to feel for them, trying to care. maybe it has to do with what he did in svsr, where he hinted at his feelings, how he felt like they didn’t care. and they didn’t say a thing. they only could’ve reinforced the idea that even though they’ve tried to tell him that he feels, they don’t care. i went on a whole rant about patton, roman, and thomas in svsr and i could again, but that’s not related to the song.

man of a thousand faces: roman, loosely. at first i was like “man of a thousand faces?!?! janus?!?” but it actually barely fits him at all. it might actually be about drugs, but we’ll ignore that. “his words are quiet like stains are/on a tablecloth washed in a river/stains that are trying to cover for each other/or at least blend in with the pattern” could represent his mistakes, his ideas, maybe stuff that didn’t turn out. and maybe the better ideas will cover up his mistakes. “good is better than perfect.” it could be that his perfectionism is driving him insane, and he needs to start reminding himself that it’s better if he starts reaching for at least just good. “and i’m crying for things that/i tell others to do without crying” is such a roman line i...

anyway that’s the album. if you read through this i’m... impressed.

9 notes · View notes

gottagobuycheese · 4 years

Text

Tag Thingy

Thanks @silent--sonata for indulging my terrible sleeping habits XD

(fyi this will probably be unnecessarily long and rambly, so it’s going under a cut (EDIT: whelp the song list got a little out of hand, I’d apologize if I were even remotely sorry))

Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to get to know better

Nickname: Cheese (or Lactose Wedge, or Dairy Product of Unspecified Origin and Purpose)

Zodiac Sign: Gemini!

Height: 160.5 cm/5′3″ (Bubbles I refuse to believe you’re actually that much taller than me)

Hogwarts house: Somewhere between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff allegedly, both of which I’d be honored to get sorted into, but honestly I’d just be stoked to get sorted at all

Last thing I googled: I think it was something along the lines of “how to speed up audio playback in GarageBand,” but but my train of thought was derailed before I actually looked at any of the results so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and on a related note, thanks again for the magical audio editing @imperiousheiress!)

Song stuck in my head: The end credits to Legacy of the Wizard (which is SUCH a jam, thank you for enlightening me @jessicafish) Following and followers: 227 (goodness just looking at that number is stress-inducing) and...104?! When the HECK did you all get here??? I think just last summer I was happily floating about in the 50′s. Anyways, to anyone I have not said hello, hello! Hope you enjoy your stay, and I am sincerely sorry if you expected Quality Original Content, or even just regularly scheduled other people’s content. Sadly, neither of these things tend to happen here.

Amount I sleep: During the school year it’s usually anywhere between 30 minutes and 6 hours (DON’T EVEN START BUBBLES YOU HAVE NO RIGHT), usually landing in the 3/4 hour ranges if I’m smart about it, but now that I am on Unofficial Break, it’s usually at least around 6 hours (except today was 3 because Avatar is an excellent show and the weirdos in this house have regularly scheduled breakfast at 9-something every morning). Sadly my sleep schedule can only be forced to tolerate normalcy for so long before careening back in the other direction, so we’ll see if this is just a blip or if we’re back to normal mid-Atlantic Ocean hours!

Lucky number(s): I wouldn’t say these are necessarily favorite numbers, but I do like 2 and 9. But come to think of it, second attempts at Official Things do tend to go better for me than first attempts, so maybe there’s some merit there after all! Dream Job: Don’t think I’m really cut out for dreaming anymore, haha (unless you are a theoretical future employer in which case I am Extremely Full of Ambition and Passion). The bed-adjacent metaphor has been made, and not to brag, but I can sleep on pretty much any surface. Currently studying my Not Favorite aspect of STEM (was there ever a favorite or did I just like being good at things sometimes) and learning how to People™ properly (and also learning a gazillion convoluted drug names like what the heck dude, did you just fall asleep on your typewriter coming up with these), so I’ll take whatever place hires me and pays me enough not to depend on my parents for everything, I suppose. In an ideal world, that would entail a job where I could make friends, and even more importantly, a job where my shortcomings would not cause Massive and Irreparable Harm, but I don’t think this line of work really meshes with that last one, so I guess I’ll either have to get my shit together™ extremely soon or fake my death, adopt an alias, and flee to a completely new place with no ties whatsoever before trying to get another, less high stakes job.

(Though I guess, less cynically, I like helping people well enough? And stories are fun! Maybe there could’ve been something with that. Not that there still can’t be, mind, but there’s still a long way to go between Here and There)

Wearing: Black shorts. Navy t-shirt. Brown some-specific-kind-of-jacket-I-forgot-the-name-of jacket. Is it summer? Is it fall? Am I in middle school? Who can say, but they are COMFY so sadly I have no cares to give

Favourite song(s): way way WAY too many to list here, and I do not have them all organized in a handy playlist separately, but to name a few (and these are not necessarily the MOST favorite okay, it doesn’t mean I don’t love stuff not on this list, it means you can’t force me to pick between my children and I am going to find at least one quick thing from a few things I like before I need to hit post and go back to looking like I’m being studious, and also things I think you should listen to right now, but for everything I’ve linked assuming I mean the whole OST), here’s a spam of links in no particular order:

LoZ Wind Waker - The Great Sea (aka the epitome of optimism)

Undertale - NGAHHH!! (I was about to link more but then I realized it’d be the whole soundtrack lol)

LoZ Breath of the Wild - Hateno Village (Night)

A:tLA - Peace (bad call BAD CALL NOW I HAVE EMOTIONS)

Legend of Korra - Final Scene/Ending Theme (MISTAKES WERE MADE MISTAKES WERE MADE)

Kung Fu Panda - Oogway Ascends (I feel like I’m taking you on a whole little album journey now XD)

PMD: Explorers of Sky - Dialga’s Fight to the Finish (aka the Gotta Shower Fast song)

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Pursuit ~ Cornered (aka the HURRY UP AND PACK UR SHIT YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES IN THREE HOURS song)

Apollo Justice: A New Trial Is In Session (very underrated soundtrack imo) and also Apollo Justice: Telling the Truth (because these two are very closely associated in my head and it’s getting harder and harder to narrow things down so maybe I should stop lol)

Your Name: Katawaredoki (in which I am forcibly thrown heart first into the bedroom of my second apartment at approximately 12-something A.M.)

Digimon Adventure 01: Butterfly (MASSIVE 90′s childhood anime feels, and also Last Summer Before Everything Went to Shit feels (on a general scale I mean, not personal))

Pokémon: Lugia’s Song multitrack cover by Jordan Moore (would that I could have a talent of that musical talent)

Pokémon the First Movie: Tears of Life (great now I’m on a Pokémon music spiral GUESS IT’S CHILDHOOD NOSTALGIA HOURS NOW)

PMD: Blue Rescue Team - Farewell and Run Away/Fugitives (you CANNOT make me choose between these guys okay, my brain WILL explode, and whoops now I want to link the whole ost)

Palette by A Dear Friend (wink wonk)

Pokémon: Alpha Sapphire - Fortree City (wow talk about mood whiplash)

Detective Conan: Main Theme (I can’t find the specific version since there are so many, but it’s a Good Theme)

Super Smash Bros.: Brawl - Opening Theme

Pokémon Colosseum - Relic Forest

Song for Lindsay by Andrew Boysen Jr. (oh great now it’s time for marching band feelings I guess)

Mt. Everest by Rossano Galante

Deltarune - Field of Hopes and Dreams and A Town Called Hometown (orchestrated) (aka the Lots of Work To Do song) and You Can Always Come Home and Don’t Forget (hey guess what I wrote a bunch of fake extra verses for) (also it looks my pathetic attempts at narrowing things down are getting even more pathetic so I’ll wrap up soon XD)

Guild Wars 2 - Fear Not This Night (never actually played this myself but my friend got me addicted to the music)

Lord of the Rings - May It Be (Enya) (aaaand now I miss choir, THANKS BUBBLES)

Lion King - Can You Feel the Love Tonight (Multilingual) by Travys Kim (aka how I remembered how fun these things are)

Original Song by Anonymous

(The urge to add all the other songs I’m not adding is so strong but I’ve got so much work to do so just assume I mean all Nintendo music from any game I’ve played, all Ghibli movie music, every musical I’ve ever heard, and even more)

Random fact:

Apparently as early as the 17th century, you could guess that a child would have a shortened life span if their foreheads tasted salty. Yes, there is a specific reason, and yes, you may already know what it is, and thankfully no, that life span projection no longer holds true, assuming access to Modern Medicine!

Favourite Authors: Okay I have not read enough various books of enough various authors to be able to answer this, so I’m just gonna go with a few books instead. They are not necessarily all-time favorites, but I enjoyed reading them very much at the time and more often than not go back to them for comfort reads: The Martian, any of first three Harry Potter books, and The Rise of Kiyoshi. (That last one’s not really a comfort read but I am drowning in Loving Kiyoshi juice so here we are)

Favourite Animal Noises: Certain kinds of birds (UNLESS it’s some ungodly hour of the morning and you’re trying to sleep)? Ooh, and crickets!

Aesthetic: A slob, but like...a comfy slob. An incredibly disorganized hermit who is happy to mill about in the uncontrolled entropy. (Are we talking about what aesthetic I give off, or what I like to look at, visually? Because I like space, and water, and mountains, and forests, and forests ON mountains, OOH and forests on mountains at night where you can see space, perhaps reflected in a body of water. Or just water, idk. Different things are pretty to look at at different times)

WELL THAT ONLY TOOK FOREVER SORRY FOR THE OBSCENE LENGTH

@pachelbelsheadcanon @averybritishbumblebee @shingeki-no-korra @sailorlock @yeswevegotavideo @soultheta @queenerdloser @ifeelbetterer @rogueofdragons @peppervl @amadness2method @mutalune and anybody else who wants to do this! This isn’t seventeen, and I don’t know if any of you have already done it/been tagged, but I hear people moving around upstairs so that means this break is over XD. And ABSOLUTELY no pressure to actually do this, this is pretty much just me wishing you well! (and YOU of course, my dear reader! I hope everything’s going all right, or if it’s not, that it does soon)

4 notes · View notes

lotusawareshare · 5 years

Text

9 Must Haves In Your Emotional First Aid Kit

Psychologist Guy Winch’s book Emotional First Aid, discusses how we treat physical injuries and illnesses but seem to all but neglect our mental-emotional wounds. The book contains many applicable strategies to implementing this practice when we experience emotional distress.

For those or us who are unsure where to start with this, I suggest putting together an emotional first aid kit for the times when it feels as if life is beating you to a bloody pulp. You can then crack out this personalized box of comfort when you feel like you’re in the pits of hell or if you’ve simply had a bad day.

Not everyone will want the same things in their emotional first aid kit – we are have subjective interests and preferences. What a magical thing it is to be unique in all the Universe, beloved.

One thing I do strongly suggest doing in creating your kit is to incorporate things that stimulate all five senses. This will be one tool for immersing ourselves in the present moment, especially for those of us who have anxious tendencies.

1. Get Or Make A Kit Container

If you make your own kit or decorate it, bonus points! I suggest you take some time to customize your kit in whatever way is pleasing to you. This can be painting your name on the box, jazzing it up with stickers, writing a small uplifting message or quote on it, or bedazzling the crap out of it. Whatever gets that warm fuzzy feeling in you going.

Sometimes when we’re in emotionally choppy waters, the simple act of seeing a personalized kit made by past you for future you can immensely touching. There’s a sense of overwhelming love when someone has done something so special for us, especially when that someone is us! Especially if we take into consideration that at our darkest hours, what we need most is usually self love.

2. Feel Good Playlist

Craft this playlist with songs that you know will cheer you up no matter what. Soulful, dancey, classical, upbeat, funky – add whatever music you consider to be a personal mood booster. I discuss the importance of music selection and how this can influence our mood and mindset in my post 7 Therapy Alternative For The Creative Mind.

Music has an incredible ability to bring us into present moment awareness. We tune in with our senses and often our hearts as well when we have chosen music that resonates with us.

3. Something That Smells Relaxing

Rustle up some essential oils, bubble bath, incense, lotion, candles, or a jar of your dog’s farts for your kit if that tickles your fancy.

When I’m feeling especially emotionally charged, the smell of lavender and eucalyptus tends to alleviate some of the anxiety and stress. Slathering myself in some awesome smelling lotion also makes me feel really cared for (not to mention silky smooth). Things like bubble bath and lotion not only stimulate the sense of smell, but also touch – which can make them doubly as powerful!

Remember friends, scent is intricately tied to memory, so select your scents accordingly. A scented candle may trigger feelings of nostalgia of happier times, which can be a good reminder that better things await the other side of the darkness, or it can potentially cause you to sink deeper into the pain, especially if you’re dealing with loss.

4. Your Favorite Healthy Snack

Having something light to munch on can be comforting to many of us. In childhood, we may have had a favorite grandparent that comforted us with snacks or beverages as a way to show love and care. We can show ourselves this same care and even take it a step beyond by recognizing that Nature put medicine in the food.

Why healthy you ask? Processed foods have been shown to negatively impact mood, especially for those of us who experience ongoing mental health challenges. Not surprisingly, healthy foods help to boost mood and can help with mental clarity.

If you want to learn more about healthy eating, check out my post 7 Tips For How To Start Eating Healthy.

5. Photos That Inspire You

This can be photos of your dream travel destination, animals, clips of quotes, photos of your happiest times, family and friends, memes that hit your funny bone, or anything else you damn well please!

By incorporating images of what we love, we remind ourselves that better, brighter things await when we have gone through the darkness. We remember that these feelings will not last forever – they are only temporary even if they feel like they’re here to stay in the moment.

6. A Journal

I cannot tell you how immensely helpful it can be to word vomit all the things that are taking up space in your mind. It feels a lot like an emotional enema – you get out all the crap! It’s truly amazing how much lighter you can feel after writing about all the things that are hurting you.

But like an enema (maybe? I’ve never actually had one but I’m assuming here), journaling about the pain you’re feeling and releasing the intrusive thoughts rattling around in your mind can be unpleasant during the process.

7. A Letter Written To You By You

We all need words of gentle encouragement from time to time. And who knows better what you need to hear than you?

As you sit down to write this letter, first make sure you’re in a space of unconditional love. (For more on this, check out my post 5 Tips To Master Self Love.) Then we can start to envision our most painful times. Try to really bring yourself back into that period in your life without letting yourself get sucked into it. We want to simply observe, not become trapped in the emotions.

What does that hurting version of you need to hear? What would help soothe his or her soul? What reminders would be particularly helpful and healing for this version of yourself to read?

8. Something Cozy

This can be anything that makes you feel safe and comfortable. Think warm socks, your favorite comfy T-shirt, a light blanket, or maybe a plush toy.

The sense we are trying to stimulate here is touch, so if these options are not to your liking, feel free to substitute something else. You could try slime in a jar, a stress ball, or a fidget spinner, just to name a few options.

The point of this is to make ourselves feel nurtured and protected. Having a comfort item or piece of clothing that makes us feel cozy can help us to feel more safe and connect us to a sense of inner wellbeing.

9. A Friend Or Several You Can Reach Out To

Take your dearest and most supportive friend, shrink them down to size, and stick them in your box! I jest, I jest.

Have this discussion with your friend before you assign them to this important role in your life. Offer to do the same in return for them if they would like it. A lot of us may hesitate to ask someone this for fear of judgment or rejection. Try to remember that how they choose to respond is their decision and honesty is the best policy in these matters.

If your friend is open minded to it, ask them to write you a short note to encourage you to reach out that you can include in your kit. Then do the same for them if they would like!

For those of us who have very little support in our lives, there are support groups we can attend either in person or online. If you desperately need someone to talk to and are thinking about hurting yourself, please please please reach out to your suicide hotlines. Many options are now available like calling, texting, chatbox – and all for free.

There is no shame in recognizing when you need help. None. Zero. Zip. We ALL need help from time to time and this is okay.

Friendly Reminders

Remember, the darkness doesn’t last forever, and we often come through it to the other side stronger than before! When we are in these states, we must cut ourselves some slack and do whatever feels good to us in those moments, without judgment and resistance as much as humanly possible.

Using this emotional first aid kit may feel strange at first, and can feel foreign if we are not accustomed to caring for ourselves in this way. So many of us are used to pushing forward and kicking ourselves in the butt! But it is when we accept ourselves as we are right now, no conditions clauses or expectations, that we begin to feel better.

Give yourself the same love and care you’d give to a loved one. Knowing we are loved, especially by our own selves, can make an enormous difference. Be gentle with yourselves, beloved!

Check out the full post on my website!

https://lotusawareshare.com/2019/01/14/9-must-haves-in-your-emotional-first-aid-kit/

#anxiety #depression #mental health #emotional #mental illness #mental disorder #mentally ill #positive mental health #emotional first aid #positive mental attitude

29 notes · View notes

morningsound15 · 6 years

Note

How do you think Beca would handle her fame in perdition? We know all the gossip magazines like to make up stuff about celebrity couples and that talk show hosts and interviewers like to prod, do you reckon Beca would be open about her relationship with Chloe bc that’s something she’s wanted for so long, and therefore would scream from the rooftops that she’s in love with Chloe Beale and that she’s hers?

i know this wasn’t your intention anon but congratulations you got a drabble i just wrote in like 3 hours:

(P.S. If you love Stevie as much as I do, PLEASE watch this video of her singing “Wild Heart” while getting her makeup done for a Rolling Stone photo session. It will change your life.)

[COVER STORY]: Beca Mitchell on Her Newest Album, Coming Out & Finding Love. “I’m bisexual, and I’m proud of it.”By Sydney Havershaw

You probably wouldn’t recognize Beca Mitchell if she walked past you on the street. Her personal style is more ‘early-20’s grunge rock enthusiast’ than ‘Grammy Award-winning musician.’ She’s dressed comfortably for our interview — in a pair of skinny jeans, combat boots, and an oversized flannel shirt. Mitchell seems perpetually youthful, and among the crowd of college students around us, she fits right in. At 5’2”, she is also certainly an unassuming figure on the street. “I’m basically a hobbit,” she jokes early in our interview, when situation demands we perch on a set of barstools while we wait for our lunch table. Mitchell’s feet dang comically off the floor, and she swings them absent-mindedly while we get to know each other.

The restaurant where we meet is a tiny hole-in-the-wall Italian bistro — the space is so small it can barely fit 6 tables and the mini-bar it confusingly insists on forcing into the already-crowded room — but it’s a favorite of Mitchell’s (who made me adamantly swear to reveal neither the name nor location of her personal haunt). The little building is charming and rustic and somehow both out-of-place and perfectly nestled within its surroundings. The atmosphere is exquisite. I find myself nearly anxious to grab my pen and begin scribbling down notes.

There’s something easy about being around Mitchell. She has this awkward energy that makes her seem jumpy but also strangely endearing. She’s quick to crack jokes and put herself down for the benefit of the group dynamic. Though her proclivity to make fun of herself is startling at first, her wit and sincerity ultimately triumph, becoming the adjectives which immediately come to mind whenever her name is mentioned in my presence thereafter. Before we even order our food she’s had me in stitches twice, both times with stories about some of her more raucous adventures with her all-female college acapella group, The Barden Bellas (more on them later). She’s an excellent storyteller, if not excellently verbose, and I cannot wait to see what she might have in store for our interview.

It’s a bright afternoon in early March, with clear skies and only the barest hint of a chill in the air. It’s beautiful, and the subtle feeling of spring is beginning to emerge in outfit choices, store inventory, and menu changes. But while most people tend to feel energized and rejuvenated with the promise of new beginnings, Mitchell is still practically reeling from the relative whirlwind of the previous month. She won a Grammy, came out, and started a new relationship — and that was all just in one day!

“I feel like everything changed overnight. I went from being, like, a club DJ to now, I’m at the point where people literally stop me on the street for pictures.” She laughs and shakes her head, like she can’t quite believe it. “It’s been completely nuts.”

For those who may be unaware: after a very public Grammys acceptance speech earlier this year, Mitchell was caught locking-lips with her date, Chloe. [Note: While their relationship is not a secret, and the identity of Mitchell’s partner can be easily found, Mitchell requested we leave Chloe’s last name out of this article for the sake of her privacy.]

Almost immediately, Mitchell’s name-recognition sky-rocketed. The image of the kiss circulated countless gossip websites, made headlines in newspapers around the country, and became a trending topic on Twitter. Videos of the night played on nearly every morning talk show. Mitchell’s social media following almost tripled overnight. Suddenly, and without warning, Mitchell has found herself at the center of a media blitz caused by her very public — and incredibly adorable (link) — public coming out. Seriously, if you haven’t seen the video of her acceptance speech yet (have you been living under a rock?) go watch it right now. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, you’ll squeal, you’ll fall in love.

[image]

Pictured: Beca Mitchell [left] and partner kissing on the red carpet.

Since we both know where this interview is eventually headed (it would be impossible not to talk about it at some point), I figure I should ask: does she want to talk about her relationship first?

She shrugs, her leg bouncing under the table. “I don’t know. No? The… I always think of myself as an artist, first. And my personal life is my personal life. But, you guys are, like… the gay magazine. I can’t imagine it won’t come up.”

Her confidence from earlier has all-but vanished. Perhaps because her music carries with it the easy, confident maturity of an artist with twice her experience, it’s easy to forget she’s still new at this. In order to put her at ease, I start off with a few softball questions, things to get her excited and make her more comfortable with where our interview is going.

Her favorite musician growing up? She smiles, looking much less anxious. “I think this probably is gonna hurt my rep, but I gotta go with Stevie.”

“Nicks?” I ask. This is surprising to me, though perhaps it shouldn’t be. While Mitchell’s music is pretty reliably ‘Pop’, it also shows evidence of clear influence from eclectic styles of music, including jazz and alternative.

“Absolutely. She was my childhood crush. And like, she’s totally everything that I want to be, as a musician. First time I listened to the album Rumours I thought, ‘God, that’s just about the most tragic thing I’ve ever heard.’ It’s the story of a relationship falling apart, the dissolution of a marriage, about cheating and heartbreak and mistrust. But it’s also about optimism, and joy. And… well, to me, it’s also about love. And I used to sit there and listen to that album and think, ‘That’s what I want. If I can produce a piece of music even half as emotional, half as complete, I’ll be happy.’ My entire life, all I’ve ever wanted is just one great love story to tell.”

She’s passionate when talking about her music. She seems energized and excited, like she’s thrilled that anyone at all is interested in her music in any capacity. Because it seems like her preferred topic of discussion, I keep asking her questions about her most recent work. Her favorite song on the album? “Oh, that one’s easy,” she says. “Gotta be ‘Saudade’.”

Saudade is a Portuguese word that roughly translates to a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia. It is a word closely associated with Brazilian music and Brazilian culture. Its most famous usage in pop culture comes from the famous Antônio Carlos Jobim Bossa Nova song “Chega de Saudade” (the published English version is titled “No More Blues”). Mitchell uses the chord changes of Jobim’s chart as the basis for her own melody. This is a common musical practice amongst jazz composers (similar to what ’sampling’ is to Hip Hop and R&B artists), but much less prevalent in Mitchell’s more Pop-dominated genre.

“Saudade” is an early stand-out on Mitchell’s album. It’s a melancholy affair, with a Latin/Bossa drum feel that immediately conjures images of warm summer nights. And to round out the nostalgia of the instrumentals, the song’s lyrics are almost as haunting as the vocal work. Cynthia-Rose Adams, one of the album’s main featured artists, manages to evoke a quiet, unendurable kind of heartbreak while still keeping her performance subtle and subdued. The piece is more than a little impressive. It truly is a masterclass in sad, mournful, longing ballads, and puts more popular efforts by artists like Adele completely to shame. If it isn’t on every teenage girl’s “breakup playlist” by the end of the year, I would be shocked.

But when asked about her preference for that song, Mitchell’s response is less-confident than the quickness of her earlier answer would imply. “I work with a lot of really incredible musicians. My friend, Cynthia-Rose [Adams], who actually provides vocals for that track, she’s a trained jazz vocalist. She’s listed as a co-writer for that song because it’s really all because of her that it has any kind of melody. I showed her a bunch of lyrics really early on, back when I was still work-shopping, and she was in the room with me when I was writing the first draft. But, God, it was terrible.” She laughs again (always willing to joke at her own expense). “No, for real, it was… horrible. So cliché and dumb. But Cynthia just kind of on a whim suggested we try to craft a love ballad using the chord changes of Chega, and I listened to it one time and then it’s like I couldn’t stop writing. It all just poured out of me. The music tied to the lyrics and back again. It’s like the song always existed, and I just was the first person to hear it and write it down.” She pauses, as if she’s only just realizing how long she’s been speaking. “But really,” she says quickly, “without the performance Cynthia puts out on that track, it just… I couldn’t have done it with any other singer. I’m so grateful for her.”

This is a common feature of our interview. Mitchell is almost reluctant to take sole credit for her own music. At every turn she’s thanking her vocalists, her sound engineers, and her co-producers. It belies the incredible amount of time and energy and dedication she put into crafting this album. Anyone who works with Mitchell will also be sure to note both her work ethic and her unyielding attention to detail. Talking to her, you might think a great many things about her character, but ‘immodest’ would certainly not be one of them.

When I ask how she met her collaborators — specifically Adams and Emily Junk, the album’s other featured vocalist — Mitchell grins wider than she has all afternoon. The ease immediately returns to her body. She relaxes in her chair, lounging back with her legs crossed over the knee. She seems like any other 20-something again. You never would guess that, a few short weeks ago, she was a trending topic on Twitter.

“I met Cynthia and Emily in college. They were in the same acapella group I was in.” She’s talking about the Barden Bellas, the nationally-ranked all-female acapella group out of Barden University, a small liberal arts college just outside Atlanta, Georgia. Mitchell was the captain of the group for 3 years, and led the Bellas to two national championships and one world title. “We were really just a bunch of misfits,” she says when I prod her for more information. “And, y’know, being a group of only women, it’s actually pretty hard to make a name for yourself in the acapella world. The best groups are either mixed or all-male. And we’re a very diverse group, and most of us don’t necessarily fit with conventional beauty standards. So I’m just really proud we were able to break through, make an impact, and show people what a group of badass, powerful ladies can do.”

Does she keep in contact with her old group? “Oh, of course, we talk on the daily. I mean, the Bellas gave me everything. They’re my family. I truly don’t know where I’d be without them.”

But now, it’s time to address the elephant in the room. I almost want to apologize to her, though I know it’s completely unnecessary. She has made it apparent that she is comfortable answering personal questions, and has previously specified to me that she is open and completely willing to talk about her own coming out experience. But even though I know she’s agreed to this line of questioning, that’s still just the kind of person she is: she makes you want to look out for her, to keep her safe. She’s so shockingly sincere, so non-malicious, that to do anything to harm her in any way seems tantamount to blasphemy.

Almost like she can sense a shift in the air between us, Mitchell sets her shoulders. I ask her if she’s nervous about coming out. “Not at all,” she answers quickly. “I’ve been ‘out’ for pretty much my whole life. Sexuality has never been a problem for me. I’ve never talked about it before because, honestly — and I know this sounds cheesy and cliché, but I really do mean it — it’s just never come up. It’s been such a non-issue for so long. And I guess I figured it would become common knowledge sooner or later. I just never anticipated, the, um…”

“Going viral?”

She flushes. “Yeah. Never saw that one coming.”

Becoming an overnight sensation by going public with a relationship is an experience that is difficult to replicate or understand, if you haven’t been through it. I ask Beca how she feels about the sudden influx and attention she’s been receiving.

“I don’t mind the attention,” she says honestly. “It can get pretty scary sometimes, but it’s not like I have paparazzi lurking around my apartment or anything, so I feel like I got off pretty easy. I mean I don’t like the attention, but, y’know… sales have gone up, at least,” she jokes, somewhat half-heartedly.

And about her new internet celebrity status (there are dozens and dozens of Tumblr pages devoted to her alone) as an out, queer female musician?

“I mean, I hope we’re moving into a time when, like, it doesn’t matter who anybody dates?” she says, somewhat uncertainly. “I’m like, yeah, technically a celebrity, but it still shouldn’t really matter who I’m with. Man or woman. Like, shouldn’t we be past this, now? If I had kissed a guy that night, I wouldn’t have made the front page. There’s just something different about a queer artist, a woman kissing another woman publicly, I guess. And I mean I do get why. When I was a young, baby bi, I didn’t really have any musicians I could look to, to see myself represented. I know how important it is to see people be out and open about who they are and who they love. I don’t mean to imply that I’m taking that for granted. I am so thankful to every person who’s told me that they’ve connected with my story. And to the people who say I’ve helped them in any way, like… truly, that is such an honor.” She pauses, chewing on her lower lip nervously. “But at the same time, I don’t know if I like that we still live in a world where it’s, like, headline news if a low-level celebrity like me just happens to be dating someone of the same gender.” She laughs lightly. “Guess that’s not something I should say to a magazine that focuses on LGBTQ issues, huh?”

I shrug it off. Mitchell’s point is, after all, a valid one. In this modern political climate, there does seem to be something strangely antiquated (if the early-2000s can be considered ‘antiquated’, that is) about a celebrity needing to give a ‘coming out’ interview. But, despite the merits of her argument, I still have a job to do.

I ask her about her burgeoning role as an icon for other young queer women hoping to enter the industry. “I don’t know if I’m the best role model,” she says with her signature self-deprecating manner. “But I am queer. My music is based off of my life, and I am in a same-sex relationship at the moment. My last album was about a woman. And none of that’s a secret. I’m just going to continue to make the music that I want to make, and my sexuality and my current relationship are definitely a big part of my art. I’m not going to apologize for that. I’m just gonna live my life the best I can, and if people want to see me as a role model for that… yeah, I’d be proud of that.”

I wonder how Chloe feels about her sudden thrust into the limelight. Her life as an inauspicious, unknown civilian must be all-but over (at least, for the time being).

Beca is careful with her response. It takes her many long moments to weigh her words. “We both really value our privacy. And with regards to our relationship, well… I don’t want to speak for her. But I do know that she’d prefer it if she didn’t have any of the fame or the attention. Because of that, we’re really doing our best to keep a low media profile, for our families and also for our personal lives.”

[image]

Pictured: Beca Mitchell, wearing an Angela Chen Jacket, Skoot Apparel Sneakers, Gap Socks, Stylist’s own tank top, and her own jeans.

“But I… we really do want to keep out of the media, as much as possible. But I don’t want people to… A lot of people have contacted me recently, like… way more people than I expected. I get Instagram and Twitter messages every day from young fans; people approach me in the street and tell me that they’ve been impacted by my story; I get letters from people saying that it’s meant a lot to them to see a prominent queer female artist, and… I do feel such a responsibility, now. I understand how much it blows to feel alone and… misunderstood. So, while Chloe and I are trying to keep our private lives private, I don’t want people to think that I’m ashamed of who I am or who I choose to date. That’s not the reason we’ve been keeping a low profile. I’m not ashamed of who I am. So I want to be open about my life. I want people to know that I’m bisexual, and I’m proud of it. And I’m proud of my significant other. But I also want people to respect me, and what I choose to share. I’m sort of a public figure, now, and I signed on for it willingly; like I knew this was coming for me. But Chloe doesn’t really want that life, so… if people could respect my privacy, that would be amazing. I’m not going to stop being who I am and loving who I love proudly and vocally, but I want people to understand that the parts of my life I share are the parts of my life I’m willing to share. Because sometimes — and I think we forget this a lot because of how everyone’s always gotta be documenting their lives on social media and everything — sometimes I think there are some things that should just be for you.”

She shakes her head ruefully. “My publicist is gonna kick my ass. That answer was so preachy and long-winded.” She startles. “Oh shit, can I say ‘ass’?” When I nod in the affirmative, she seems more than a little relieved.

I tell her I understand her desire for privacy. I want to respect her wishes as much as possible, but I’m still dying to know something.

Does she think she’s found her one great love story?

“Chloe’s my best friend,” Mitchell says calmly, with a serene sort of smile on her face. “And she makes me happier than anyone in the world. So if you’re wondering whether I’m ‘finding love’?” She smiles coyly, and looks off to the side. The street outside our café is bustling with activity. A young couple walks by with limbs intertwined, their free hands each balancing an ice cream cone. On a nearby bench, an old man reads the newspaper to his bent-over wife. It think maybe it’s just me, noticing all the sweet signs of romance filtering through the air. (Spring, like I said, makes me think of new starts and new beginnings.)

But Mitchell finally turns back to me. Her smile never wavers. “I would say that it definitely looks promising.”

#perdition #one shots #bechloe #anonymous #asks #didn't plan on writing this but got inspired #:)#long post

147 notes · View notes

blackchantilly · 7 years

Text

OK, so, this year has been weird. I’ve been under a lot of stress from various factors -- mostly good stress from buying a house, mostly bad stress from my grandfather’s worsening dementia -- but overall it has been stressful. So much has happened.

And I think I’ve probably mentioned too many times that I’ve been...regressing? Or something. I don’t think that’s the right term, but I’ve been trying to reclaim something nebulous from when I was 10. I really don’t know what I’m trying to do, but man, am I trying -- hence all of the late ‘90s nostalgia I’ve been trying to keep off this blog with varying success. Something about having really vivid memories of that time in my life and trying to relive the feelings attached to them. Like...that’s the definition of nostalgia, but it’s way more intense than I’ve felt before. Usually those feelings and urges are fleeting, but this has been pervasive and distracting.

I’ve been blaming it on my Saturn return, and I stick by that. But there’s go to be a solid reason why I chose that particular time period. There were other periods in my life that I have vivid memories and good feelings about, so why not that this time?

So I was sitting here listening to my “cry over my childhood” playlist and that remix of “The Mummers Dance” came on and...that was it. I started getting a clearer picture.

It’s April of 1998 and I’m riding in a car with my grandmother back to her house. Everything is bright green against the gray sky and rain is imminent. It’s beautiful. It looks like the utopian dreams that haunted me when I was very young; I would see myself among my tribe, a group of people unfamiliar to me, at some ancient stone ruins in the British Isles. I wouldn’t know why I was there but I would feel utterly at home and complete. Ten-year-old me, staring at the green grass and green trees and dark wood, listening to the dance remix of “The Mummers Dance” on the radio, is overcome with that same feeling of completion.

I realize then that I’m being called to some purpose by something my mother and grandparents would call blasphemous. I’ve been warned about The Devil and his temptations; usually the warnings were about sex or drugs, but as he was the Lord of the Earth, any aspect of material reality is considered evil. Those feelings of fulfillment are coming from the earth itself, and I'm afraid. In my head I refuse, and words echo back in response -- “You’ll never have this feeling again.” And it disappears.

Four months later I got my first period, which changed everything and fucked me up in a number of ways, but the details of that are a whole other story.

The point being, I think every little girl at one point or another hopes to wake up one day and discover she’s a witch, and then an epic coming-of-age journey through the magical arts ensues. Girls younger than me waited for their letters from Hogwarts. I expected to wake up levitating on the day I would hit puberty, or cause a horrendous accident at school with powers I didn’t know I had.

Instead, I got some vaguely threatening call from what I thought was Satan on a random spring day, and it would be another 10 years before I would stop running from it. It makes me wonder how different things would have been if I had answered the call then and there.

I think if I analyze it long enough, maybe I’m trying to reclaim power for my 10-year-old self now that I know better. I feel short-changed by society and my conservative Christian upbringing. My potential was so impeded, and I’m having to work twice as hard to come into my own power now as an adult because there were so many unnecessary rules I was forced to abide by as a young girl.

So...WTF? Is that what this has all been about? Or am I just overthinking it and really I just love boy bands and lip gloss? (I’m pretty sure I don’t, though.)

Has anyone ever experienced anything like any of this? The overwhelming nostalgia during your Saturn return, being drawn to nature like something literally out of The VVitch, the dreams about British ruins? Do you really like Loreena McKennitt on overcast days? I want to know I’m not alone even though I’m not expecting anyone to read this.

#PERSONAL #pagan #paganism #witchcraft #saturn return #for once I'm publishing this rather than leaving it to rot in my drafts

1 note · View note