#I’m so lost in what to do rn

[iiamendless]

ok, so I’m torn in what theme to do now for this blog. at first I was going to go the pure aesthetic approach, with flowers, fields, wild life, anything to do with nature really. but now, I’m thinking to keep it star wars based but subtle and feminine???? being a Leo means I have to overthink and be creative at the same time, we love that…help 🫠

#personal #I’m so lost in what to do rn #idk tho why I’m going all out with this I don’t even use this page much anymore #i just think bc I’m vibing with other things these days I feel I should reflect that on my socials #I’ll figure it out…eventually #I’ll probs use this whole week to work on it #but anywho THAT AHSOKA TRAILER THO….finally some content #it looks really good and I’m excited I can’t lie #the poster was pretty too

[mineonmain]

Jaewon Breaking Through The Fog Of Depression [LONG POST]

So throughout the last several episodes, we’ve got Jaewon, and the reactions of the various people around him, trying to get him out of his funk one way or another. Let’s go through the list of failures, before we discuss who succeeded:

Taehyung. I’m not gonna waste any word count on that man, he doesn’t deserve it. He had no idea what Jaewon was going through much less why, so nothing he said was helpful or relevant. He was the one person actively trying to instigate Jaewon, thinking he’d banter back and not realizing how serious he considered the situation. Taehyung’s lack of empathy and ‘nunchi’ makes him unpalatable.

Eunji. She’s an interesting one. Unlike Taehyung I think she understood more of why Jaewon was so affected (not because of his past but because of his present with Jihyun), but was afraid that she would lose him so she manipulated him in his vulnerable moments so that they stayed together. She kept trying to tell Jaewon that he was fine now in an attempt to convince him that he was, when in fact that probably just invalidated his feelings more than ever. Instead of encouraging his recovery it just made him feel misunderstood and alone.

Jihyun. While Jaewon trusts Jihyun and knows that Jihyun knows him, he can’t believe a lot of what Jihyun says to him because he KNOWS that his opinions are biased. Jaewon may be thinking that Jihyun is saying what Jaewon wants to hear, not that he actually means it, and so Jaewon is automatically disinclined to believe him. He wants to believe him so badly but he’s convinced himself that there’s no way that Jihyun truly believes what he’s saying. Isn’t that the worst part.

His Therapist. I know she means well, she’s the one other person who knows everything about Jaewon. But her job is to try and ‘cure’ him to the best of her abilities, and sometimes in trying to do that she missed what needs to be done. It’s unclear whether she’s being able to treat the symptom or the root issue. She tells Jaewon what he needs to do, but that’s easier said than done, otherwise he would’ve done it by now. Her telling him isn’t the point, he had to come to that conclusion by himself so that he believes it, before acting on it. It didn’t help that she was getting so visibly frustrated at his story and his reactions.

Now. Who succeeded? It’s the most expected and most unexpected persons around Jaewon:

Yoonwon. Yoonwon is probably Jaewon’s one true friend, someone who knows what he’s like and doesn’t judge him for it ever. He genuinely cares for her and loves her. They’ve absolutely got each other’s backs, and if there’s one thing these two do it’s never lie to each other. Seeing Yoonwon break down after Jihyun gave his ultimatum was probably the first time we saw Jaewon get out of his depressive trance and react with energy. His hubris is his desire to take care and protect those around him (often to his own detriment), and that instinct kicks in for Yoonwon. Until now, Jaewon did what he thought was best to prevent Jihyun (or anyone else) from getting hurt, but seeing her he realized that people were getting hurt despite, or even because of what he was doing. It was the first step of many towards his change in attitude and perspective. What he was doing was not only not helping but it was actively hurting someone he loved, so something had to change.

Restaurant Ahjumma. She’s a legend, she’s an icon, and she is the moment. Jaewon only knows her as a close friend of Jihyun, but has nothing personally connected to her. Even with leaving out specific details, he’s able to share his worries with her, and she (quite literally) smacks some sense into him, reminding him to look at the bigger picture and remember what’s actually important. Loving the ones you love, and pursuing your own happiness is more important to living than drowning in guilt, and taking care of yourself is the first step in that direction. She used the most simple of words that everyone understands to help Jaewon clear his mind. She knows nothing about Jaewon and he finds there’s a comfort in getting support from someone who doesn’t know you and had no opinion of you beforehand. Her combined street smart wisdom and maturity remind Jaewon of a more hopeful future.

What I absolutely love is how Jaewon only managed to connect to two women for entirely opposite reasons, but with a similar result. Jaewon believes Yoonwon because they know each other so well and he knows she wouldn’t lie, and he believes the ahjumma because they don’t know each other at all and as someone Jihyun trusts she has no reason to lie. While on opposite ends of the spectrum, they are both people that Jaewon doesn’t have to put up a mask around, there’s no pretention. It tells us so much about Jaewon, what he values in a person and in a relationship. Yoonwon makes him realize what he’s doing is wrong, and the Ahjumma gives him the courage to do what is right.

To stop running away from what scares him…

…and face it head on.

#the eighth sense #korean bl #bl drama #jihyun x jaewon #jaewon x jihyun #inu baek #werner du plessis #can you guys tell how normal I am about this show #bc I’m so normal about it #really truly #frothing at the mouth rn #i have so many more thoughts buzzing around in my brain #at least I managed to pen this down #hope it doesn’t lost in the tag sauce #how do I move on from this #what next #if Korean netizens on average could stop being homophobic the we could get some press and promotions #and maybe sponsors and money to make a second season #i want an Aeri-centric season

[killmymind]

i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh

#feeling sad? sure. hopeless? been there done that. anxious as hell? at least once a week. but lost? no. not really #and that’s really fucking scary because i’m not familiar with it and i just don’t know how to deal with it #i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time because i’m 25 and i don’t think i can afford feeling this way #taking a break from uni sounds good in theory but in reality? again. i’m 25. i need to at least achieve one thing in my life holy shit #it’s SO hard to see the good even when it’s right in front of me or someone points it out. like having a job or studying or getting to #travel or even just having friends ARE achievements but i always want More More and More i am addicted to wanting more cause it feels like #nothing i do is ever enough. and now i’m adding feeling lost because i’m finally acknowledging the fact that i don’t know what i want to do #with what i’m studying or how to get a different job in the future when i almost have no experience and everything is just so frustrating #because i simply don’t fucking know. i just don’t. i can’t afford not knowing!! everything is so messy rn you would think i’d be thriving #after seeing louis and meeting aria and traveling to germany and i am genuinely so happy those things happened but fuck man there is always #the Bigger Thing taking over and it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat i just don’t fucking know man. maybe i am an ungrateful brat #but it’s just so hard to be happy when you’re feeling so lost with everything in your life and yourself #anyway i just. needed to let that out #negative #effie talks to the moon

[cle-levanter]

i’m grieving channie’s room like it’s the death of one of my family members

#honestly fuck this company #he’s working himself to the fucking bone for them and they do this #and the fact that we had to learn that through a damn fansign too? no explanation allowed? #i just hope chan doesn’t blame himself #jype just lost a big part of what made skz special to many people and what brought many stays to stayville #i’m so fucking disappointed and sad rn #I’ve had hope for the last 3 months… but guess I shouldn’t have #people who have chan’s bbl —> please send him lots of love and encouragements; remind him he didn’t do anything wrong and that stays will #always love him and stay by his and the boys’ side… please please please send him and the boys good vibes and messages #as if life wasn’t hard enough already #i (we) just lost sth I (we) looked forward to every week and that did so much good for stays and stayville in general #ig I just miss him dearly #almost every time when I could watch I shed tears during the screen hugs bc it just felt so good #ily chan; stays love you never forget it #stray kids #bang chan #chan’s room #channie’s room #lia.txt

[writhe]

i am having such a wonderful & lucky day & also i am limping everywhere

#foot injury be damned the sun is shining #halliwell did amazing at the vet and we had such a positive experience. the vet REALLY worked with his anxiety & also was cool #and she really trusted our bond and it was so cool he got pretty nervous but like didn’t snap and once we tried some things based on what i #said he found soothing or familiar he let us check his breathing and heart and did a blood draw and got 2 shots! #& i got him ice cream after and he honestly seems like. idk! in a good mood despite the stress #heat set a TON of stuff #i’m vending on saturday and i actually feel prepared haha #i did good cleaning progress. more to do later but yknow #hung up some lost dog fliers and got a free rose vanilla coffee! #and set up my tattoo machine! so i will get to use it for the first time later! #oh and won some money on scratch offs. so i have like a pile of winning scratch offs rn

[inkykeiji]

@ ᴛᴏᴅᴏʀᴏᴋɪ ᴛᴏᴜʏᴀ: your mom called, i told her you’re fucking up big time <3

#but i don’t care baby i already lost my mind <33333 #just me answering dabi’s phone while he’s in the shower like ‘hi rei; no he’s doing awful; no no he’s a coke head actually’ #‘okay i’ll tell him you called. bye!’ #laying on my tummy on the motel bed <3 waiting for him to come out of the shower with lil dewdrops of steam clinging to his chest like #‘your mom called! i told her ur fucking up BIG TIME’ #HAHAHAHA #the last two minutes of that song just reminds me of dabi SO MUCH #like jimmy only love me when he wanna get high??????? yep #i’m only like halfway through the album rn but i like the vibes so far!!!! #very southern gothic of her tbh #(the song is a&w by lana del rey btw! if ur like ??? what lmao) #candy necklace is <33333 #clari chatters

[whyoneartheven]

I just watched Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and anyways my life will never be the same

#Like guys I thought it was just another Wild West movie #But it’s so good #and sad #im no scholar but I’m pretty sure it checks all the marks for Ancient Greek tragedy #If I was more emotional I’d be bawling my eyes out rn #I’d rant about it but I’m already doing that #But like (spoilers ahead) #the way they’d gone so far down a dangerous road they lost what was important to them and eventually their lives #the way etta was so happy with them but knew they were lost and left bc she didn’t want to see them die #The way the running joke abt Sundance not knowing how to swim/farm/etc. pointed to the fact the only thing they were good for WAS crime #The way it showed the romance of the Wild West and cowboys and bandits etc all fall apart #And anyways #yeah I will never be over this #Evie rambles #ok byeeeee #*screams* #ok but the musical choices were strange however

[fandom-fae]

honestly. on one hand. i really really really like the version of peter pan from once upon a time, in the way that the actor does a phenomenal job, the character has great dialogue and is just overall really really enjoyable to watch imo. but then i remember how he kept wendy in a cage for like 300 years and like

i stan him but that is so. AGSJDHJDHDJ. like i feel SO BAD for wendy there. this poor girl honestlyyy. like. that’s so disturbing honestly. like i can’t imagine much things that would mess with someone’s psyche more than that. like if he had just kept her on the island then fine, but constantly in that tiny hanging cage??? big OOF.

like i’m sure she’d need like permanent therapy afterwards and even then how would you even begin to unpack that in therapy???? like??????

#like pan ily but was that necessary????? #the worst part abt liking villains is when they do stuff like that ahdkndkfnfkf #(that part is a joke. just to be clear) #like idk he’s so cool but that makes me side eye him anyway. also cuz like? what was that like?? like was she just kinda there or did he/the #lost boys actually interact with her? on a regular basis i mean. other than giving her like food and whatever. and like if yes. then how did #they interact? was it taunting her? more civil? maybe with some of the lost boys even friendly? or just plain threatening?? #like there are things that are way more outright and obviously cruel but this is like probably the worst thing he’s done bc its so prolonged #like abandoning rumple was bad already. but he couldn’t have known that that pain would last for hundreds of years instead of a few decades #and the thing with killian’s brother liam was also not great (i don’t remember the details of that scene so idk rn if he told them about how #the water works exactly or not so idk if he was being a total bitch or if they just didn’t listen) but either way liam’s pain was also not #that long yk? like he died and that was that. sure- killian’s grief was v v long but idk if i’m counting that bc he’s not the one that was #directly hurt yk? anyway yeah. AND THEN THE THING W WENDY. like taking her as a hostage is one thing but doing that for iirc THREE fucking #centuries in such a tiny ass uncomfortable looking cage???????? that’s ridiculous #like i can’t even fathom how much her psyche would be messed up by that irl #moi #fandoms #ouat peter pan #ouat wendy darling #peter pan ouat #wendy darling ouat #once upon a time #ouat #hajshdifjjdjd #sorry for the rant but it was fun and will happen again <3

[danothan]

i keep wondering why my schedule has been so wonky lately as if i didn’t quite literally get into a car crash less than a week ago

#danbles #car accident mention #hello from 5 in the morning #we’re fine everyone’s fine the other person’s insurance is allegedly going to pay for it #but i think it was my first real look at death so i’m still trying to process it #weird guilt feelings for smth that wasn’t even my fault #grief is a weird thing to process i’ve found out! #i’m not used to being angry yet it keeps coming back #it’s very hard for me to care abt things rn #but ik it’s just one of those things i have to ride out. i’ve certainly been thru worse #and the fact that i can confide in my interests is a good sign that i still care at all. and i will care again #i’m rly lucky that i’ve had my sibling to talk to abt this but that’s also bc they were there #and got it worse than me! nothing hospitalizing thank god but we’re still healing #anyway i don’t need sympathy. talking abt this with anyone other than my sib has been rly irritating (is currently in an irritable state) #but i think i just wanted to let ppl know that i’m going thru smth. idk how that helps but it does #i think i just cant reconcile with the idea that i couldve lost someone i care deeply abt and everyone else is just moving on #ah fuck that’s what it is. im angry abt how insignificant a lifechanging event actually is #i don’t want anyone to care but i do think i need someone to know that it’s not normal rn #like i just need to throw it out there into the void that smth Has happened #and then i can go back to a new normal #alright it’s 5:30am now i think i should go to bed fr #also this got rly heavy but i dont wanna freak my friends out. like i’m okay and i’ll be okay #each day has gotten easier so far #and it doesn’t mean i’ve been pretending to be happy #it’s a rly weird duality idk how to explain #like apprently i was laughing a lot during the actual crash! emotions are weird man idk! #christ it’s almost 6 now OKAY GN FR peace and love everyone #normal is right around the corner 👍

[lux-scriptum]

.

#grief #griefposting #I thought I’d have more time before the holidays hit me #it’s unexpectedly heavy today #i dont get it #i bounced back so fast yesterday from my irritability #but today I’m just #crushed #for no reason that i can find #I’m just so fucking sad #and so fucking tired #i dont know what to do with it #where am I supposed to put it while i try to not suck at my job #I’m training someone today i can’t afford to be lost and listless #i miss him #i dont want to take another day off #I’m trying to save my hours for the big holidays #and for moving in the spring #I don’t have a point I’m just not sure who to vent to rn #so my blog is gonna be my dairy rn #I’m sorry

[alexnooah]

.

#literally gonna fucking end it rn #my fucking god #do you ever get evicted because your mom died so you lost your job #and then in the process of finding a new job your landlords kick your partner out of your house #after saying 3 times that they could move in #and then give both of you covid #and then because you had to cancel every single fucking job interview you had you still don’t have a job #so you can’t fully pay rent #so your landlord says you can set up a payment plan #and you give them $500 and now have -$30 in your bank account because of course #so what do they do? knowing that you currently have no job and no income? they evict you #i have paid my rent on time every fucking month #i never make noise #i never complain even tho trust there’s lots to complain about #the worst thing i’ve done in their eyes is use the dryer after 9pm #but instead of getting a second chance or anything i get them at my door smiling and giddy to evict me #i’m done i can’t do this anymore #maybe the world isn’t a good place and people aren’t kind and everything is fucking meaningless #maybe i’ve spent my whole life being a pathetic fool for thinking otherwise #anyways that all hehe #el em ay oh

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[koravelliumavast]

But hey I get a week off for thanksgiving so that’s nice.

#ok so one was stats exam. ew wtf was that idk what’s going on half the time. it may be my highest grade rn #chem exam. I’m bad at math and chem right now is a lot of math that I’ll never even use. lowest grade rn at like a 70 #Chem lab practical. this is one of the exams but I’m confident that I may know what I’m doing but I also don’t know what it’s about exactly #food science exam. this is actually my highest grade at 85. slay. confident about this bad boy because it’s the fuckin bread chapter #the lost metal

[minakoainosupremacy]

I’m sad, I’ve had a bunch of fun cool ideas sitting in the back of my head since like new years which I wanted to use for rare pair week, but like life has been kicking my ass so I didn’t have time to even start anything and now it’s over :( guess they will just keep living in my head until next year

#this is if I’m also not dying next year… which is unlikely #don’t do what I do. don’t work full time and do school full time. especially when you’re doing a dual graduate degree program. I’m in hell #brain screams #it especially makes me sad cause when I started writing fics in the summer it made me SO happy to be writing again!!! #especially about sailor moon!!! one of my special intrests and fav shows of all time!! it makes my brain SO HAPPY!!! #as I keep telling myself - just cause I don’t make these things now doesn’t mean I can do them in the future. my ideas will still be there #I can write the fics I want and finish the YouRube videos I’ve started. I can make silly little doodles and comics and short animations #I can take my Venus plus on hikes and exploring and to wonderful places!! we can go to museums and cafes and concerts!! #we can go to the ocean and climb mountains and get lost in the forest and get muddy and wet and cold and sit by campfires and climb on logs #I can take my not fully fleshed out idea of using her and my other plushes to make a sort of live action stop motion skit video!! #I want to be creative and free and have fun and live my life and pursue my passions!! #but rn… all i do is work. work and homework and class and homework. until I’m so fatigued I can’t walk and I can’t sleep and I can’t think #to be real watching the anime and having the codename: sailor v and stars arc of the manga is like one of the few things getting me through #when I’m so tired I can’t think I have those as comforts so I’m not sitting on the couch wanting to die #I find so much comfort in existing in the space of this fictional universe and I draw strength from the characters #like sailor moon helping me get through some of the hardest fucking shit I’ve ever done in my life. and helping me remember to love myself #also lowkey helping me fight off my depression and ed and substance abuse issues #I just both get so much joy and comfort from this space but also I feel I owe it so much gratitude for kinda helping me from crumbling #I want to also contribute to this space cause it gives me joy to do so and cause i want to give back and contribute to others joy as well #like it’s a combo of I love this and want to and also as a form of gratitude i want to and also to help others experience joy I want to #but… I don’t have the time or energy now. and if my life keeps going on like this. will I ever? I’ve never let myself slow down. #idk if I ever will :( oh well