#ah fuck that’s what it is. im angry abt how insignificant a lifechanging event actually is

[danothan]

i keep wondering why my schedule has been so wonky lately as if i didn’t quite literally get into a car crash less than a week ago

#danbles #car accident mention #hello from 5 in the morning #we’re fine everyone’s fine the other person’s insurance is allegedly going to pay for it #but i think it was my first real look at death so i’m still trying to process it #weird guilt feelings for smth that wasn’t even my fault #grief is a weird thing to process i’ve found out! #i’m not used to being angry yet it keeps coming back #it’s very hard for me to care abt things rn #but ik it’s just one of those things i have to ride out. i’ve certainly been thru worse #and the fact that i can confide in my interests is a good sign that i still care at all. and i will care again #i’m rly lucky that i’ve had my sibling to talk to abt this but that’s also bc they were there #and got it worse than me! nothing hospitalizing thank god but we’re still healing #anyway i don’t need sympathy. talking abt this with anyone other than my sib has been rly irritating (is currently in an irritable state) #but i think i just wanted to let ppl know that i’m going thru smth. idk how that helps but it does #i think i just cant reconcile with the idea that i couldve lost someone i care deeply abt and everyone else is just moving on #ah fuck that’s what it is. im angry abt how insignificant a lifechanging event actually is #i don’t want anyone to care but i do think i need someone to know that it’s not normal rn #like i just need to throw it out there into the void that smth Has happened #and then i can go back to a new normal #alright it’s 5:30am now i think i should go to bed fr #also this got rly heavy but i dont wanna freak my friends out. like i’m okay and i’ll be okay #each day has gotten easier so far #and it doesn’t mean i’ve been pretending to be happy #it’s a rly weird duality idk how to explain #like apprently i was laughing a lot during the actual crash! emotions are weird man idk! #christ it’s almost 6 now OKAY GN FR peace and love everyone #normal is right around the corner 👍