#like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them

[fleshdyke]

absnskaisgbsj

#lost literally one of the best friendships of my life yesterday #i mean it’s been gone for a while i just never had the courage to talk to them about it until yesterday. and that basically confirmed it tbh #they didn’t say i did anything wrong but they also didn’t not say i did anything wrong and i’m v paranoid that i did do smth wrong #like i dont want to talk bad abt any of them bc genuinely i had so much fun with these people and im so glad i got to know them #like when i talked to them they were very dry ig? like not like their usual self at all even when talking to someone they dont know #definitely sounded like they were talking to someone they hated. im trying to tell myself taht its just my anxiety but ummm yeah idk i think #im actually right this time #idk. it just sucks man. im trying to think of what i did wrong bc i just dont know what happened #i think im overanalyzing every interaction i can remember having with these ppl bc i dont even want to entertain the idea that they might #have been bad people all along. i dont want to think that and i dont but idk it feels like an observation about myself that ive made from #the outside in yk. like half of me is feeling the emotional response and the other half is just watching from the outside like im someone #else. and i know this is a normal human thing but its just always weird yk #and then theres the whole awful thing of seeing shit that they would find funny or that reminds me of them. and i also dont know what im #supposed to do when school starts back up again bc we took a lot of the same classes and if i end up in a class with them idk if im supposed #to say hi or just pretend they dont exist or not and i dont want to make the wrong decision so they hate me even more yk #whatever man. it fucking sucks but life goes on. my dog is just chilling in my room rn and i’ll always have her and tia and my brother #rambles #vent

[violentdevotion]

I really want to be married someday but I've never been in a romantic relationship of any kind so I can't conceptualise myself as a wife or part of a unit and most of the women in my life have already gotten married by the time they were my age and the topic of marriage is one that comes up a lot but I genuinely can't see myself as anything other than 19 years old.

#ameera speaks #im 20 #like i do really really want to get married but then i think about who i am as a person and i think about my perception of marriage #and the women who are married and they dont connect? #like ive never had to share my space or myself in that way and like inshaAllah i do get married but i genuinely cant see myself as married #maybe i should redownload hinge and get some practice #like ik im playing into this thing if women who are wives and women who are whores or whatever but i cant help that i feel unwifely #like when i think abt being in a relationship its nebulous and its sharing a bed with someone and its someone making me a warm #drink when im sick (probably bc im sick rn) and its saying the words my husband and its having someone to open and honest with but then #its also someone telling me to make them something to eat and not talking to me and complaining about every little thing i do #and i simultaneously feel that as a wife id either be incredibly loving and giving or just cold and absent #and sorry for the hashtag bad femin8sm here but ive never really had any luke proper goals in my life beyond general happiness and love #ive never seen myself doing a specific career or living inna specific house / neighbourhood #but ive always wanted for myself a loving marriage and as times gone on i see this vision of myself happy and in love less and less

[memospacexx]

Forgot to out my thing on MY BAD u can now send requests i think yayaayayay

Disclaimer!! This MIGHT be OOC cause we dont really know much about mammon as of now, when we get more on him i will be updating my general headcanons for him!!!

- initially he js thought you were the one who brought the most money thats why you stood out to him(sure)

- in this scenario I’ll make it so you work under him, managing his sales and making the advertisments n shit or whatever but its up to you wholeheartedly

- a succubus????did u seduce him???😞

- he genuinely started to get hissy whenever anyone talks to you…not that anyone really knew-

-you did not know he saw that. YOU DIDNT KNOW HE EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED YOU

-tbh if he ever put his ego aside and actually asked you out it would be like this:

“Eyyy if it isnt my favorite Succubus!”

favorite?you have NEVER SPOKEN TO HIM BEFORE

“Hello Sir-“

“Drop the sir sweetheart, anyways, i was wonderin if you would accompany me to this fine new restaurant?to discus the..urm sales of course!”

Lie buzzer sound

You thought it was lies but like…u cant really say that to a sin-

“Oh, of course sir it would be an honor” was he fr is this rlly abt that

-Do people know? NO cant risk that-

-However Fizz did find out- walked into you two laughing together, and to fizz, THATS WEIRD…Mammon??being nice??making someone actually laugh without insulting them?? Time to tell ozzie(before he quit)

-also you and fizz get along. I js wanted to point that out, you managed the sales of his robo-self, thats how he found you, he thinks your funny, and when he found out you and mammon were an item he was like

“Are you alright”

“What🤨”

-yeahhh…Ozzie does threaten him with it, like blackmail, but he wouldn’t actually leak that info unless it was an actual must, he knows how it feels 🤷‍♀️

-you two cant exactlyy go on dates, cos of the public, usually you two just watch a movie in his abode🫶🫶🫶

No he wont share popcorn. Get ur own (he will whine if u dont share yours cos he finished his)

If he were to buy gifts he asks his underlings to buy it. They dont question him (he will throw a hissy fit and probably kill them if they ask ngl😭)

Speeking of underlings they hate u lmaoo

They dont like the special treatment u get smh

But they arent mean to you( mammon will kill them💀)

And they refuse to tell anyone cause the fear they have for the sin of greed is INSANE

He made it clear if they gossiped he will indeed set everything they love on fire 😋

-you mention this new dress? Woah its on your (shared) bed

-scrolling thru ur phone and you linger on a specific item? Damn how did that get on your desk

-Favorite food? Say less(he ate it and had to get another but its okay)

But imma explain your job- basically you managed the sales and in-charge of the the advertisement,making sure it reaches the…right audience

And how you met(you didnt meet him when you got the job, someone else was handling it)

How he noticed you was all on accident

(You tripped infront of him . He thought it was the funniest thing for a day then he couldn’t get you out his head for a week)

He bought you VERY high heels as a joke bc of it😭😭😭

Tho a downside of his, in any relationship, doesn’t matter how much he gives and gives, it always feels like he’s taking too. You always have to be there, but not as a lover at times since your relationship isnt public. You have to always be there when hes out, he promoted you so you could be his “secretary “ so he had an excuse to keep you on a tight leash , he might try to isolate you tbh, hes greedy, he wants you all to himself, after arguing w him abt it he doesnt, thankfully, but hes just painfully possesive, but doesnt isolate you from anyone, just demands most of your time is on him

——————————————————

I hope this is to your likingg🫶🫶🫶

@nachowtoast

#helluva boss mammon x reader #mammon x reader #helluva boss mammon #helluva boss season two #helluva boss ozzie #fizzaroli helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss season 2 #helluva boss x reader #helluva boss #.memospace

[thatdeadaquarius]

*casually slides into asks*

The Creator having to be taught the language of Teyvat, except they don't realise that each country has their own seperate language and so they are just mixing and matching phrases from each of the languages and no one has any idea what they are saying

*slides back out of asks*

Hello hello my regular customer 💃

Before u slide out, have a cookie for the road! 🤲🍪

Ok but this would actually happen to me

Im partial to the headcanon that theres a trade language in Teyvat, but each country has their own native language, w/sub-dialects too (i think thats the word?)

Just like what u said basically, bc like what if they dont have the trade one 💀 it rlly is just diff languages and im just over here like 😃🗨👋

(Gif is u in the center trying to talk to other people on the sides lol)

Srry if uncreative or kinda a flop i am not a fountain of ideas as much as i wish to be😔🙏

This may be only funny to me...

But i did my bestest for you beloved regular <3

Also u didnt ask for this but u got it anyway LMAO <3

(sorry if i accidentally start callin u xiao pfp i couldnt find a name to call u by)

Ok but like?? Was anybody gonna tell you???

Or like r u so incomprehensible now bc youve mashed all their lingos together that they dont even recognize any of their languages anymore 😭😭???

Yall ever heard that meme sound that has like music playing in the background and its just a loop of a guy saying "..HuH?..HuH?...HuH?"

^^^Everyone else trying to understand you

..

...

.....?

WAIT A MINUTE ?!%

OH GOD OH NO PLEASEEDA@!?

I HAD THE WORST THOUGHTTT!!!!

DO U JUST SOUND LIKE A SIM TO THEM??!!!

😰😰😰😰🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲💀💀💀

CRYINGSOBBING

I CANNOT ESCAPE THIS INTRUSIVE THOUGHT PLEASE NOOOOO JDIOOALLFJSLAFQ

IM ACTUALLY LAUGHING ANDBCRINGING PLEASE -> GOD WALKS AROUND SOUNDING LIKE A SIM TO THE REST OF TEYVAT STOP

♧

Ok but so many people r trying so hard to teach u their language more fully so u can commit to one at least

(Off the top of head, Thoma, Tighnari but if u keep mixing them more and more even on accident he gets too frustrated and accepts it lmao, Amber, Ningguang she wants ur first teyvat lang. to be Liyuean so bad, Kazuha just wants to genuinely understand u and you understand them aw what a sweetheart, Ei once again a person who wants u to learn Inazuman first lol, Zhongli, Jean, Ganyu, Alhaitham but he'd be a terrible teacher i can see it now, Ayato, Ayaka, Gorou, Yae Miko just so u can actually read her novels abt you + have bragging right lol)

..

...Its not really working

Which makes sense tbh, at least to me, bc i sure as fuck couldnt initially hear a big difference between Portugese v. Spanish, Korean v. Japanese etc.

Until i like, kept hearing it over and over and finally got it

(it was easier to differentiate between them on paper than auditorily?? auditorally?!? aUDITORIALLY??!! GODAMMIT IS THAT EVEN A WORD)

.

But I could totally see their languages just all sounding really similar to you, or like, theres some bits and pieces from each lang. that mimic others (pantalones Spanish = pants English for example, and its like all u catch are the "pant" sound so ur like?? Ok so same language right? Hence the mix and match)

♤

So this happens on the daily these days,

U r still going and seeing people,

But nobody has managed to communicate to you that its all different languages lol 🤭

Like this below, happens all the time ⬇️

.

Ur having dinner w/ Kamisato clan bc ofc they wanna welcome u!! :D

And Thoma's there, and yall r at the Teahouse, Thoma just got out the hotpot (oh god🤢 ...wait is that you now, r u just like Venti saying oh Barbatos...?)

And they just started dinner but its already a problem w/ur ass LMAO

.

Thoma: "What do you want to drink Our God?"

You: "Ahfs kal aldsplease give me ahdhai?"

Thomas face just like "...😶🙁 oh no" HAHA

Ayaka trying to help him,

"Please repeat that Your Grace?" 😅

You, again lol: "I would dhkaied that aifjwe please :)"

U sound like a SIMMM TO THEMM 😭😭

.

Utter fail poor Ayaka is at a loss for once,

they're trying so hard to be polite and you havent even gotten a drink yet let alone the meal lmao,

Poor Thoma is struggling, hes just like,

"Um, uh, this one??" All worried bc now hes gotta point to the pitchers one by one until u either point or nod

AND THE REST OF THE DINNER IS JUST THAT SITUATION OVER AND OVER

U give up and just start nodding or pointing for food or napkins or drinks all like, "Oh wow my accent must be heavy today 😀🤷‍♂️"

Absolutely clueless, and they cant even figure out how to tell u lol

...

Oh god i dont wanna think about the chaos if ur also only understanding the basics of every language so not only do they not get all ur words, u dont get theirs 💀

Reminder :D = I have a ✨️poll for 100 follower celebration!✨️Yall get to choose what u wanna see me write about,✨️ Check it out!! :) ♡✨️

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds:

@karmawonders

(Feel free to tell me if u ever dont wanna be tagged anymore i wont be mad/offended :] !! )

#absolutely GOOFY take #i love it #sagau obsessed xiao pfp asker every response of urs matters SO MUCH to me <3 #blessed be sagauobsessed may u get ur beloved 5 or 4 star in one pull 🙏 #ask box open #genshin impact #genshin sagau #genshin isekai #sagau #my asks #genshin imagines #gender neutral reader #genshin sagau ideas #genshin god reader #genshin impact sagau #genshin scenarios

[arowrath]

thinking abt this again bc genuinely most of these are like. necessary or at least Highly Preferred which is part of why im trapped in a sisyphean cycle of living at home with no job. like.

no phone call no email -> really bad at these due to the autism and will leave them undealt with and unresponded to and often unread/unlistened to for days if not weeks. not an employable trait. i can do email if needed but it sucks. phone call is my worst enemy

no talking to people -> i worked at goodwill for 3 weeks and had to work register like 5 times maybe and each time was one of the worst experiences of my life i mean that. never again. i cant do it id rather die

no schedule -> i hate schedule i love schedule i would kill schedule just to revive her again with a passionate kiss. i need schedule but not too much and not too little and also i need to make the schedule. unemployable trait

no computer programming or sex work -> personal preference. im really hot so i could be a computer programmer and i am intrigued by the concept of programming so sex work is theoretically an option but due to how my brain works and experiences in my youth id rather not

no youtube -> i grow more suspicious of social media by the day. also i think being popular online enough to make a living would wreck my mental health in new and exciting ways. also i dont like how i look or sound in videos. and i dont own a ring light

no band -> i dont have any of the skills required to start a band

no leaving my house -> i would love to leave my house this one is a necessity bc i cant drive and wouldnt have a car to drive anyway. and my mother isnt a fan of driving me places and my dads work schedule probably wouldnt allow for it

no one gets mad at me -> pplease. No consequences No criticism No mad at me No mean to me No scaring me No yelling at me. unemployable request

$27 an hour -> minimum wage here is like $13 now and i’d like $15 an hour at least. makes for easy math. $20 is even easier but im not a rocket surgeon

Other notes:

NO furry art (i love you furry art creators i just dont have that skill set). NO dishwasher (bad for my mental health). NO job that is actually 5 jobs (if im paid to mow lawns i dont want to also have to advertise and talk to people and deal with customers and buy new lawnmower parts etc just let me loose on the damn lawn). NO cant sit down (i get dizzy and tired and my legs and feet and body hurt). NO math (i dont have math autism). Etc.

#text #many other such problems #Not really asking for a solution btw just complaining #neg

[dennisboobs]

i know peace bc ive never used twitter it seems like ur torturing urself a bit

yeah. but honestly if i can make like. one person stop fucking harassing glenn i'll take it. idgaf about these idiots qrting me trying to make fun of me, i don't want them anywhere near my twt (free blocklist) and they'll forget about it in an hour anyway. but some people have seemingly genuinely thought about it and agreed after a little pushback. it's mostly a bunch of teens who want to be edgy or think glenn has no feelings because he's a C list celebrity with a nice house. i don't think many people bother trying to push back against the accepted culture over there and most of them seemingly don't even think about it. i don't know why but twitter culture just. expects you to be incredibly fucking rude to celebrities on principle even if you like them. and this is. encouraged. and applauded. i think its disgusting, and ive been on the receiving end of parasocial relationships that had people getting overly invested in me and my friend, completely fucking obliterated any boundaries and speculated about our genders/sexuality/relationship so its. kind of personal. i hate to see it and i can empathize with glenn to a degree. especially when like. you compare other clips of him at cons or even on the podcast where he's WAY more reserved talking too deeply abt queer shit vs those encounters with fans, the guy was having the time of his fucking life with a bunch of superfans who let him know how much they care about his work. i really, really wish that we were on our best behaviour and a bunch of fucking 15 yr olds who have never been called a slur a day in their life and don't know the weight of their words weren't creating a hostile space for both sunnytwt and for glenn. why do you, as a fan, not want to be able to interact respectfully with someone you admire? why do you not want to treat him as a human being? like there's a difference between deifying a celeb vs being fucking respectful. it's not like this is elon musk it's fuckin. glenn. like he is so. just a guy. treat him like one. i can't help but feel bad when 90% of what he sees from fans are people in the comments of his posts bullying him. like why would you not want this man to know how insane he makes you on a daily basis. why are you so afraid of expressing genuine emotion that you have to harass him. bc its cringe to say you like sunny? that's the extent of his fucking interactions with fans. of course he's stoked to talk to fans who have actual love for the show. he probably never fucking sees it. and you know. its frustrating to see people who were THERE. interacting with him in person. now doing this shit. my own mutuals were doing that shit. i follow like 6 people on sunnytwt. its just. accepted. idk. i don't know how to phrase this in a way that makes sense but if you enjoy glenn's interactions with the fandom so much maybe dont fucking push him away. if there are a bunch of ppl qrting his old tweets with what seems like actual literal hate. idk. id start deleting if i were him. like there are just zero fucking boundaries and it makes me mad. why would you do this shit when you could take advantage of him being accessible and tell him how much sunny + dennis means to you instead.

#ask ada

[dyketubbo]

/rp for all of this . i think c!sapnap and c!tubbo shouldve had a chance to be friends again. like c!eret is always attributed as the one who took tubbos first life but sapnap was the one to Actually do it and they still have like. tension with each other like sapnap kept messing with michael and insulted tubbo during the tour with tina when looking over lmanburg meanwhile tubbo seems to be like. unaware of sapnaps distaste towards him? and i think tubbo probably still misses when he was just fucking around with sapnap but then they grew apart especially throughout tubbos presidency

and its so tragic because a good chunk of why sapnap went against dream is because of how he treated tommy so idk itd be sweet if he offered that same protection to tubbo but at the same time theres something really interesting in how sapnap and tubbo used to be good friends but tubbo just kept being on opposing sides even though he certainly does appreciate? sapnap in some wayand i think sapnap internalized that in some sort of way because while tommy always felt the need to apologize tubbo didnt because like. he didnt have any reason to. either he was being hurt by sapnap or his harmful actions werent directed to sapnap so he doesnt think sapnap would have any true ill will towards him especially after the disc finale

and yet imo i think theyre the two characters that make the most sense to kill dream? tommy is out because i think him separating himself from dream is like.. Important. this post isnt abt that ill talk about that another time. characters like eret and wilbur are out bc i think its important to their stories for them to Not take someones final life even as a moment of redemption. george could be a contender but i think dream being dead breaking him out of his dissociative stupor would have to be like. through him Not doing it because he already dreamed about doing so? and i think sam and quackity need to like. heal. and killing dream would boost their beliefs that theyre in the right too much. techno phil and niki are out bc i dont want techno to have a Big Cool moment of taking out the Big Bad, phil doesnt care enough about dream, and niki for similar reasons as sam and quackity. and i cant think of anyone else who it would be like. a reasonable story beat. except maybe jack or punz i think if jack did it itd be funny BUT STILL

sooo much of tubbo and sapnaps relationships with dream is like. him just not taking them seriously. tubbos a pawn to him sapnap is practically nothing more than a dog by his side and either of them killing him is like.. a final fuck you. breaking the game. and itd be really interesting if they teamed up to do it but their relationship isnt really like that in canon. missed opportunity imo like sapnap was a factor into the dominos that led to michael getting kidnapped he stole the nightmare set (to get it away from dream, but still) i think hes genuinely one of the few who may actually believe a part of lmanburg falling was because of tubbos presidency he was on dreams side for a good while he was the first person to take a life and it was tubbos. sapnap wishes he were apart of lmanburg to the point of counting himself as a citizen despite everything. tubbo believed his purpose in life was lmanburg. but sapnap sort of just keeps slighting tubbo and tubbo barely even notices and i think they just deserve a chance to talk. i think theyd have a lot to talk about

#these are big chunks sorry lmao #mask mews #amaryllis analyzes #i guess lol #sapnap #tubbo #dsmp #i think like. some part of sapnap still processes tubbo as tommys sidekick #but tubbo just sees sapnap as his own person who happened to have been a package deal with dream for a good while #if that makes sense. #i dont know! i just know that i wish they talked #i could probably give an indepth answer for why i think each character should or should not be the one to kill cdream btw #and ultimately ctubbo and csapnap are the Big Choices for me. mostly csapnap for the sake of not traumatizing ctubbo further #but at the same time if it is ctubbo i think it would make sense #in my mind where ctubbos arc in s4 is better written anyways

[noxiatoxia]

you must talk about hikakao...... ooooo y ou want to so bad ............

I DO I REALLY DO BUT IDK WHAT TO SAY .......... hmm well actually I have a Few thoughts. I was thinking abt kaoru bc i am always thinking abt him sadly, and something i think a lot of people fail to realize is kaoru is actually quite selfish in his own right. a lot of people (and even myself in certain instances) portray kaoru as being exceedingly selfless or having no self esteem, which i dont think is necessarily the case, at least not straight-forwardly. Like, Kaoru is pretty far from selfless when it comes to others, it really is only like that with Hikaru. even then, he is only "selfless" when he deems it beneficial for his brother. for example, giving up haruhi so hikaru can spend more time with her because it would help hikaru grow as a person. but in that same regard, Kaoru is really selfish and self-centered in that he thinks he is sooo much smarter than his brother. like, he thinks he has it All Figured Out and thus only his vision of the future and what is "good" and "bad" could possibly be the "right" one. Cuz of this way of thinking, thinking he knows things everyone else doesn't and he "sees everything for what it is" (cough carriage cough) means he not so subtly dictates what HE feels hikaru should/shouldn't be doing. like he wants hikaru to grow up and move on not because it is genuinely the best thing for hikaru, but because KAORU thinks it's the best thing for hikaru, and so he is going to push hikaru in that direction without hikaru's consent bc kaoru thinks he knows what's best for his brother more than hikaru himself knows. which brings me to another interesting point, kaoru is EXTREMELY possessive. we all talk about how possessive hikaru is (cuz he is) but kaoru is arguably a lot more creepy about it bc with hikaru he makes his intentions blatantly clear (he's kinda surface level honestly) while kaoru's doing all these calculations and actions with hidden motivations to micromanage his own brother. kinda fuckin weird when you think about it. of course he's doing this bc he thinks it's helping hikaru or w/e. but i can't help but see a twisted level of irony in the fact that kaoru fears hikaru leaving him, and so his solution to this issue seems to be....proving HIMSELF to be the catalysis in hikaru leaving him (aka nudging him along the path of independence) like idk maybe it gives him a feeling of control or fulfillment.

which actually ties into another point ive been thinking about; i do think a lot, a LOT of kaoru's actions and fears (COUGH THE CARRIAGE COUGH) tie into him feeling like he has no control over anything. Fearing his friends leaving him, his brother leaving him, like this guy acts like he has no control over anything and i can't blame him. ouran, for being primary a comedy, does give some rather insightful depictions on different types of dysfunctional families and how it affects the children in them, with the hitachiin household's brand of dysfunctional being child neglect. I can't blame kaoru for feeling like everything's out of control or unstable in his life when he never had a stable life to begin with. i mean, not having any sort of parental figure in your life WILL make everything feel uncertain and loose. and then the only semi-qualified parental figure ended up betraying both the twins' trust and ditching them. i can eeeeasily see how this would forever instill a sense of lacking direction and control in kaoru's life, pushed further by the fact that he's gotten it into his head somehow that hikaru is more important than himself (not a manga fan personally but kaoru does legit flat out say in the manga, according to the wiki, that "hikaru is more important" than himself. so.)

and like. if you're a guy who's ONLY stable thing in his whole life has been his twin brother who he feels inferior to, and is slowly "realizing" that that very brother is going to "have to move on" one day? no yeah i can TOTALLY see kaoru adopting this very, very controlling mindset of "helping hikaru" to grow up just to feel like he has control in this otherwise hopeless situation for him. honestly it's really fucking interesting to think about and i have no clue if the author intended for it to go this deep but damn.....i love his fucked up brain.

and rounding on a point i said earlier, about how i don't think kaoru necessarily has "low self-esteem" in the traditional sense, what i mean is I don't think kaoru is a "i hate myselffff" guy, i mean without reason. as it stands in canon, i dont think kaoru regularly thinks "i hate myself" or "im worthless" or shit like that. what i DO think he thinks is "hikaru is more important than me" (not better, which would be more subjective, but more important, like it's an objective hard fact) or "my friendships are time-sensitive" (in regards to the host club). And i think this IS low self-esteem, but it's a very passive and harder to detect form of it. Kaoru puts himself below Hikaru, not cuz he thinks he's less deserving than Hikaru, but because, intrinsically, Hikaru is just "more important" and that, whether Kaoru means to or not, is going to UNDOUBTEDLY shape how he thinks of himself since he's basing his own importance in comparison to somebody who is "more important". Likewise, his constant fear of losing his friends, again likely caused by his upbringing + some undiagnosed anxiety disorder, can easily lead into feeling worse about yourself since the ability to create and maintain friendships and connections is often tied to someone's sense of self-worth. (I mean, you've heard of how old cartoons or PSAs or whatever refer to bullies and other "low life" people as just unhappy people with "no friends" and the like. this is just a fucked up perception a lot of society holds, that having "no friends" is a red flag.)

All of this eeeeasily tells me kaoru will, if he hasn't already, develop some sort of depressive disorder or mindset, especially if he keeps pushing hikaru away from himself (at least before, he was simply "less important than hikaru". Because without the guy you're directly comparing yourself to constantly, you're no longer second best, you're just nothing.)

wow this got off topic from hikakao to just kaoru character study really quick. let me round things back.

it's no shock hikaru and kaoru's relationship is an odd one given everything they've been through, and it'd not be so odd either that this crippling co-dependence causes kaoru to view hikaru like a partner of sorts. In cases where he genuinely falls in love, or more aptly, realizes he wants Hikaru in other ways that are not-so family-friendly, this would cause huuuge issues to his already fragile mindset about how his world operates, and he'd be quickly suppressing these desires likely out of a worry for hurting hikaru in the process.

this is also where the selfish thing comes back into play, because what if it was HIKARU who initiated it first? He wants to take their relationship to the next level, he wants kaoru like this and he knows kaoru wants it too, but kaoru keeps saying no, we can't, it'll ruin everything, it'll hurt you...

like kaoru would have likely agreed if this was pre-episode 21 or whatever, but past that general time area, he becomes a lot more obsessive with this idea of "moving on" and so I think he'd turn Hikaru down out of the idea of "the greater good." and even if Hikaru insists he knows what he wants, what makes him happy, Kaoru would still say it's not like that, it won't ever be like that, they can't do this, and Hikaru would definitely be the only one able to get through to Kaoru, because 1 it's Hikaru and 2 he's blunt as hell, so he'd probably snap and be like "Stop being so selfish and making my own decisions for me! If you want us to be independent so bad, don't I at least get the freedom to make my own mistakes?"

bc like, I highly doubt Kaoru is even cognitively aware of his controlling behavior. He does the things he does because it feels like he has to. And he probably had no clue how insanely suffocating he was being until Hikaru said that.

fuckkk that's what i love so much about hikakao right there y know. yes i love their toxic codependent swag and how insanely, well, insane they are for each other. but the idea of them growing up, becoming independent but STILL choosing each other time and time again, this time not out of necessity but out of genuine choice just because they love each other that much?? fuckkk.........fuuuck.......... win. win.

#;noxiatalks2ya #THIS GOT SO FREAKIN LONG SORRY #you know me #gotta do my kaoru character study once per week #hikakao

[tenteen]

hi beautiful. what are your buffy opinions. lay 'em all on me

Riley sucks i hope they kill him horribly . i hated him the second he showed up i knewwww it was going to be a romance i hated watching. elaboration: hes like if they made everything about Bangel uninteresting and (as far as i am) have not at all examined any power dynamics between the two, and i feel like if they do they will find a way to position Buffy over him since they love to connect them on the monster hunting front but since shes the mystical slayer she has some kind of power over Riley. I can see it now. Also he treats her like 11 treats clara with the whole obsessing over her being enigmatic or whatever and i hate him

i used to be a Xander hater but hes grown on me a lot but he still can be so sucks sometimes and also it gets annoying when all Joss does is use him for a mouthpiece for his jokes. I understand hes a self insert but it makes it even more annoying

I wish we knew anything about Olivia its cool to see her in the show and its not like. super important but if shes going to keep showing up in Giles’ life i want to know about her !!

I’m all for gay willow im ready for it but the way they made Oz leave the show was so OOC and i loved him and willow together and honestly? Wild At Heart wasnt a terrible episode i enjoyed it even and from my understanding Seth Green had a movie he wanted to be in so he was written out. well :p he did not deserve that

I have not watched any Angel yet and I really miss cordelia… badly

willow buffy should be end game. to me. thank you and goodnight

s3 was probably my favorite so far the mayor plotline was legitimately so good and fascinating. ok ill stop ramblint bc i cant think of anything else ive been thinking abt super hard. Im so excited to see more of Tara and still being grateful i know fuck all about this show. Hush was episode of all time. also BEER BAD IS NOT THAT BAD OF AN EPISODE I HAD FUN WATCHING IT IT WAS SO SILLY.

also it was criminal how short lived some of the best characters are. Faith Oz Drusilla …… And Angel i get he got his whole own show but I really just enjoyed seeing him in Buffy sometimes 😭 Do not talk to me abt S3’s ending or Amends or The Prom or any of that bc … I went insane for so many reasons and Bangel made me genuinely unwell

ok now i’ll tell u my fave characters (in order) and finish this post . thank u for asking feel feel to rip me apart in my replies and pls dont spoil me for anything !!

Willow

Buffy

Giles

Spike

Drusilla

Oz

Faith

Cordelia

Angel

Harmony

Xander

if u read all of this bless u

[narwhalandchill]

ok misc stream thoughts!!!

ANYWAY livestream over nice 30 pulls of aventurine funds for anni!!!! they didnt do anything insane but honestly it was kinda cope to expect them to, ratio for free was clearly a more of a spontaneous move and hes available throughout anniversary anyway so the "another 5*" were.... a little over the top im sorry wjkjwdjkwdjk altho i wouldnt have complained obviously. a free himeko or sth couldve been on theme for the cosmodussy event but eh cant be helped

im actually glad for the skippability of the reruns 😭😭 like i have luocha n jingliu (+ LC for latter) so by skipping acheron for now im gonna have a nice time getting aventurine and most likely his LC (2/3 of his 4* LC selection is so sad tho), love that fucker hope he gets to do proper mayhem in story too. cool death talk please dont actually die yourself for real for real tho i will be sad. like i do think its based of aventurine to pull off a stunt that appears to be what we in the business might call a certified chapter 5 komaeda moment but. ahahaha nooo dont actually die youre such a funny hat man .

(also sick boss form is sick but . bootleg FL im sorry aventurine. they hit perfection already and theyre never fucking topping the galaxy cape cyclops eye beak mask drip i swear JSWJWJDKWJKDWJK but also yes me biased? in favor of that ginger? i could never)

but it seems ill have a solid time getting aventurine and saving up for now??? since i dont think im too interested in robin or boothill either. i was kinda worried topaz' rerun would be in 2.1 for IPC antics with aventurine bc i am kinda curious abt pulling for her but now its gonna be 2.2 at the earliest so. Phew

the stream ran a bit too long lmao but like overall i tend to like the dev discussions so most of it was still neat, altho downside of dev streams is that not knowing chinese i cant just like. afk and listen on headphones and go get water or something 💀💀 and they were definitely dragging stuff out on purpose no way they werent but eh. people will live its just bideo game livestream. and like these folks do hard work on the game they can yap about what they do sometimes its only right lmao

leakers public shaming session was definitely a jumpscare but i do genuinely empathize w shaoji on that one. like. ive always been one for kit + banner leaks first and foremost and story leaks just. i dont care for them much. ive had my share of looking at them occasionally but i definitely agree with the way story leaks either by themselves or when misconstrued and misinterpreted really fucking mess with the intended experience for any given story and how that must feel like shit for the writers. like if story leaks stopped happening altogether id be perfectly content. and thats just ppl who look at story leaks on purpose cuz. im not going to even begin w how like. yes the leaks subreddits and most big leakers do spoiler warnings and keep the story stuff spoilered. but then theres literally the entire rest of the internet where shit gets spread untagged and without warnings the second they are posted anywhere at all and how that fucking ruins peoples experiences. like its 1 thing to click at a spoiler tagged post knowingly and get ur experience messed up with. but when u dont even want to see it its rly fucking bad and i v well understand condemning all story leaks (even those properly flagged) just on that basis alone. but yeah actually felt bad for him there and see where he was coming from for sure, even as a consumer of leaks

ok well that sure was a wall of text. didnt expect to write that much JWJKWJKDDWJK but ya

Anyway. biggest priority is holding strong w skipping acheron as sick as her animations are but def looking forward to her teaser and the animated short. like . even with the black swan dykery. (that was a fucking jumpscare too). i dont need her rn. despite how cool she is 😭😭

& also have to say im v happy they clarified their stance on hi3rd references like. the way theyre going abt it is absolutely how it should be going. hsr by nature is more directly linked to hi3rd like honkai is in the name but its such a dumbass idea (like some fan takes out there....) to want the stories of hsr depend on another games lore. rewarding old fans with easter eggs and tidbits is perfectly fine and im even interested in seeing where they go with acherons obvious raiden situation - especially knowing theyre not about to ruin their own story with "it was hi3rd all along!" (not that i ever rly thought theyd seriously blunder that bad lmao 💀) . so yea thats neat

i think story wise im not gonna say much of my thoughts bc unfortunately i have clicked on like. a leak or four. not the major stuff i dont think but enough that commenting on stuff w some of the things im aware of in the periphery is going to tint stuff . but im still excited to see where things go!!!

AAND OH. ACTUALLY i do have one more thing . so the multiple POV thing being actually implemented is SOOOO good im so fucking happy theyre committing to it being a thing 😭😭😭 like SO many story pitfalls can be avoided by just letting it be that TB doesnt need to be fucking everywhere a major thing happens as the centerpiece of events so we as players can see it. like it gives a way of showing different events and sides of characters in a much more natural manner its sooo good that theyre implementing it already. like this alone has me in such high hopes for the story going forward. like yea theyve branched from our POV before already and in penacony as well but expanding on it even more is 100% the correct way forward

last thing: god they did jingliu so dirty in her concert illustration. WHAT is she wearing 💀💀💀anyway yeah lesgo 2.1 its cool

i lied real last thing: siobhan . siobhan i would do anything---

#i have no clue who to get from the 4* selector also. my hanya is e4 now so no need to get that. yukong e6? but i havent rly built her at all #ig i could still get her but w the way i have sparkle and ruan mei and bronya and the 4* harmonies built already its. ehh #gallagher is the new unit so i might just get him for collection purposes but i dont think ill rly have much use for him #guinaifen eidolons??? shes e2 now and e4 is the good one for energy so it could be a step on the way #ill need to build her for burn dmg for kafka against fire + lightning weak eventually anyway. now shes just debuffer ult spam build #anyway. neat stream now i need to eat the stream was long and then i wrote this djjkdjkwdjkdjkdwkj #rambles #hsr #long post

[upsidedowngrass]

Charlotte post NOW (/j only if u want!!)

AHHH charlotte jumpscare!!!!!!!

im not sure what SPECIFICALLY to post abt her bc this ask is a little vague, BUT i do think abt her a lot!!! tho i DO gotta think about her more, she is a WONDERFUL character

bc idk what specifically, my interpretation of her post canon and WHY (also under a readmore because WOW!! i had apparently a lot to say abt her):

i think!!! she is a LOT more mellow after she gets home. like in one 16 after shes respawned its like. she seems to be friendlier? which. i think has to do w like... i dont think she was a bad person really, and i dont think shed been acting Maliciously, but when it came to having friends i think it was really easier for her to genuinely take things as worst as they could be. we dont actually get much of her backstory, so its up to interpretation as to WHY, but i think she genuinely struggled with being distrustful of those close to her. she likes them, that much is clear, but trusting people is a whole other thing

but i think she really DID view her friends as pitying her. as not respecting her, even when they werent Being cruel. they were concerned for her safety, and how her recklessness was affecting her. and i think that can end up walking a line between pity and not wanting your friends to do things that are pretty unambiguously dangerous, and what was very standard friendship ended up feeling a lot MORE like they didnt respect her or her choices

and i think what changes this is that. she DID die. and i think that contextualized for her that her friends werent concerned because they thought she couldnt handle herself, but because they just Generally care abt her yknow? as fucked up as her dying is, i think it did ultimately make her realize that THIS is what her friends were worried about. they didnt want THIS to happen to her, and i think in an odd way? it kinda made her. idk understand? trust? the people around her more. like in a 'oh, people around me dont only care about me for selfish reasons, or cruel reasons. they care because they CARE' way

and i think that, and the fact that she says that shed been thinking about this a lot? i feel like it kinda all forced her to slow down and WANT to talk to the people around her. because shed been pushing them all away because what was the point in talking to them? and i think once she REALLY noticed how amelia was doing, after thinking so much about all this, it kinda MADE her want to amend things. or at the very least, to talk to people more. shes isolated herself long enough, and its now more than ever that she realizes how much others meant to her in the first place.

(i think in some aspects, amelias method of coping also bothered her. amelias coping mechanisms werent necessarily BAD, theyre not good by real-world standards, but given the situation shes in, it was just... once of the few ways she COULD cope. but i think the flaws in this method of coping really came through once airy came back, because in forgetting everything about who she used to be, earth became a very daunting place, but now that airys back, any amount of feeling like home the plane may have unfortunately gained was completely undone. and i think charlotte actually SEES that, and its not the exact same as her own struggles, but i think she WANTS to help amelia, because she of all people knows how the feeling of being isolated, either on purpose or accident, can feel Extremely Awful. that, and she knew amelia before things on the plane got REALLY bad, and she SAW (since ive seen people note that she!!! was watching amelia do yoga w the others) amelia gradually give up, become comfortable, and then LOSE all of that

and i think, at least right before bryce showed up, it felt fucked up that charlotte WAS the only other person from the same world as amelia and theyd!!! never even spoken about it??? (like how she comments that they NEVER told each other their names. which only applies to her and amelia. that statement was intended very specifically towards amelia) and its like. i think it mightve made her a bit 'no WONDER shes not doing well. even if shes trying to act like she is' (which i dont even think amelia is doing to deflect so much as an attempt at 'if i pretend its ok it WILL be ok right?'))

and!!! once getting home i think this would all really lead her to be a bit more patient with others. i dont think the distrust would STOP being an issue, but i think such a terrible experience causing her to completely recontextualize the actions of those around her would actually help, at least a little . i dont actually know if i think shed stay friends w parker and that friend group, but i think theyd at the least keep in touch. parker clearly, even when they were arguing, STILL cared about her, and i think seeing her disappear probably was. a bit haunting, and so i think at the very least hed like to know shes Okay

also whenever people have the characters live together post canon, they only ever include bryce liam and amelia, and i GET why!!! charlotte didnt really interact w them for a looong time. but after charlotte is revived i actually see her as talking with them yknow? i dont think shed stop talking to them again, and i think her talking with amelia was a genuine attempt to help!! so i think theyd stick together. i dont imagine liam actually gets closer with any of the contestants while hes trying to send them home (tho i dont think it worsens substantially either. i think it just sorta. stays where it is? and if he did have notable interactions with any of them, itd PROBABLY be mainly w amelia and bryce, tho i dont think he DOESNT talk to charlotte too! he just has a diff sort of connection w those to, based on the experiences he Shared w them) so i think he isnt SUPER close w charlotte, but i think the others may become WAY closer w her!!! so i think if they all moved in together? that WOULD include charlotte!!! (that, and i think charlotte would also develop a sort of respect for liam . because he kinda DOES display exactly the type of traits she didnt really see people as having!!! going to EXTREME lengths to help people, including HER! so i think shed generally have many thoughts on him)

anyway !!! thats it the point is that as much as one would fuck charlotte up in her own way, i think, similar to how bryce tried to get his life together after he was first eliminated, shed similarly end up having a better ability to navigate social stuff in not such a pessimistic way as before!!!!!

#hfjone #one is a series abt the complexities of isolation man........ #how people create it and how people respond to it #i also have many thoughts on what one is abt but . theres such a theme of isolation #(also? its been a longstanding idea ive had that like #charlotte and bryce both mellow out more after one #while liam and amelia both become a bit more easily agitated #NOT that charlotte and bryce wouldnt have their own problems but like #i think BECAUSE these two were in a shittier place that made them rethink stuff #while liam and amelia were doing okay and abruptly had everything ruined #would make charlotte AND bryce actually a bit Better at Navigating things specifically #and i think charlotte and bryce are meant to somewhat reflect back amelia and liam actually #and are meant to show the different ways awful experiences affect people #DUNNO. i think i could put these four on a chart and liam and amelia would be on a diff side from bryce and charlotte #based on the general Way that one affected them #but then liam and bryce would be on a diff side from amelia and charlotte too based on their experiences in a more literal way #if that makes sense #though i think liam AND charlotte ALSO share in their stubbornness and amelia nd bryce in a desire to Let Go of things #so itd be a complex chart #ask

[inmaki]

i totally get you,,, it's just a personal thing for me,,, i guess i can never excuse murder unless it's a special case. i know this is a fictional world and he's fictional and all but, i guess it ultimately had me wondering if i was in it or if he was here. if all of the people i care about were non-sorcerers, i REALLY wouldn't want them, you know, dead. i guess that had been the dealbreaker for me...? idk, i still love him and i mourn the person he could've grown to be had the circumstances been different.

i agree with all the points you made, though!! he's been nothing but kind, and not to be accusatory but, his 2 closest friends also never really checked up on the guy and if i had to go through something like that myself i would go crazy too,,, just not to the extreme, even if he believed that what he was doing would lead to a more ideal world. all in all, he's a complex character, and it's nice to talk about it. he's one of my faves, and for more reasons than just him being really attractive (men with medium/long dark hair and have it tied up in some way make me very weak.)

i'm sorry if i'm rambling!!! jjk has grown to be one of my biggest hyperfixations and i feel like i could talk about it for hours,,, and everytime i talk with you you always make me feel welcome,,, i hope you don't mind, haha. i appreciate the ears, zuma, always. thank you <3

- 🍉

YEA I TOTALLY GET U DWDW!!! i wish gege went into more detail on his story and just.. their whole yourh in general bc i genuinely dont believe gojo and shoko both didnt notice anything abt him changing?!?! not even yaga I DUNNO 😞 it hurts so bad thinking abt it AAAAGHHH he had so many ppl around him but felt so alone ehjdsiavbd

AND THE ‘men with medium/long hair having it tied up in some way’ IS SO FUCKINF REAL like when its down? mehhhh ok BUT WHEN SUGU HAS IT IN THAT HALF UP OR A BUN GODDDDDD!!!!!1!!

i will continue to remind u that ur never not allowed to ramble w me melon <33 I love hearing what u have to say u always have such good opinions on the jjkverse,, do u have any other topics you wanna discuss :00 ive personally been getting mad abt the fact that everyones fav husband nanami had to die while somehow meimei survived!!!!!!!!?? like no!! why did gege decide yes this is a good idea!!!!! i get sad whenever i remember hes gone but that creepy ass lady survived IT HURTS. 😞

#inmaki #zuma’s 🍉 anon #GIMME UR THOUGHTSSS PSPS

[chasingfictions]

also uno reverse card-ing florence back at u <3

THANK YOU KING.

on that note:

fav song: KING. i cant describe what this did to me when i heard it for the first time. most insane song in the world . listen to the live at msg version and try not to have full body shivers it;s impossible

least fav song: ok i have certain songs that i have listened to less over the years but lately ive been coming back to them and being like wait does this actually fuck??? which is to say my answer is probably strangeness and charm but now im kind of into it. also toxic opinion i did not enjoy cosmic love for a while like i think it just feels like a song i get fatigued of more? but lately i listened to it again for the first time in a while and i was like OH!! this FUCKS!! holy shit!!! which is to say fatm has the same principle as btvs which is no bad songs / no bad episodes. all good. even when it's bad it's good.

fav album: genuinely dance fever is the best album ever made. like. i think it combines everything that works abt the sound of the lungs/ceremonials era and everything that works abt the sound of the hb3/high as hope era into one perfectly balanced album. NO SKIPS ALBUM. like florence has no bad songs but she does have songs where im like ok im not feeling this right now. im always in the mood for every song on dance fever. she said i am making an album about vampires and mental illness and being queer and god and dancing. and i said HEY!!! HEY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! I LVOE YOU!!! i have this album on vinyl also it's the only album i own on vinyl shout out to @ho-tato for buying it for me on vinyl

least fav album: ok dont hate me but i think high as hope is one of her weaker albums. like i still LOVE high as hope i love that whole era when it came out i listened to it on repeat for like 3 weeks. BUT idk for me i think the songs are a little less distinctive ? still obviously bops. 'no choir' is insane. literally she is out here making songs that speak to the rest of her discography. 'no choir' is cousins with 'restraint'. and like if u asked me abt any individual song on high as hope i'd be like yeah it FUCKS. but as a whole album i think it's a little too muted? or maybe i just wish it was longer? idk. i love you high as hope. youre my cherished baby high as hope im sorry i said all this.

song that got me into them: ok this is so hard to say bc i have loved fatm since like. the 7th grade. but the first song i remember getting REALLY into is 'landscape-demo'. EVERYONE GO LISTEN TO LANDSCAPE DEMO. SHE'S JUST LIKE THE WEATHER! CANT HOLD HER TOGETHER! BORN FROM DARK WATER! DAUGHTER OF THE RAIN AND SNOWWWW. oh my god. shrimp emotions.the right way to listen to that song is when ur 13 and on the bus to middle school and it's a dark morning shifting into daylight and also you just started practicing witchcraft .

seen live; YES!!!!! ive seen her 3 times!!!!! for the first time at a music festival during the hb3 era, and then at a free concert for a talk show also during the hb3 era and then i saw her in CONCERT during the high as hope era every single time changed me as a person. i couldnt go to her concert in my city during the dance fever tour bc it was the same weekend as my brother's wedding. im fine about it. im FINE. i just wish her and my brother had planned better. would some cross communication have been so hard. and also i know her intimately from my whole chest and my spirit so in that sense i see her live every day.

rating: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10  !!! one million!!! ten billion!!!!!!!!! there is no numerical value for her she transcends that. i want to be ejected into outer space with her.

#ask #fatm

[boypussydilf]

aw hey another relationships ask. how about sae and akechi? (platonically if thats not obvious,) vastly interested in hearing your opinion

OH MY GOD I HAD NOT EVEN CONSIDERED THEM. CAN WE TALK ABOUT SAE AND AKECHI IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT SAE AND AKECHI “youre literally about to talk about them” I AM}!??!?!? SWEET!!!!! literally i saw i had an ask and i was like oh man I’ll probably have to save it for tomorrow and then i saw what it was and was Instantly restored to Full Health. my HP bar is massive and so is my brain. anyway this is once again gonna turn into kind of a big post so

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

SAE NIIJIMA. AND GORO AKECHI. HAVE. THE LITERAL FUNNIEST DYNAMIC OF ANY CHARACTERS IN ANY PIECE OF MEDIA, EVER.

They’re, like, coworkers, which is already incredible bc they’re like. a 27 year old woman and a 17 year old boy. i dont actually know how old sae is but you get the idea. can you imagine being sae and working so hard to earn a position & respect as a young female prosecutor and then theyre like. can you confer with this Teenage Prettyboy. shes so strong for not just walking out.

But It Gets Better. Every interaction they have is stellar. The very first time we see them interact, which is also The First Time We See Akechi, At All, is, god i dont remember the Actual conversation they have i only rememebe the end of it, the most important part: akechi trying to get sae to buy him sushi and looking so miserable and pathetic when she’s like “only the cheap stuff :/“. Fucking…. incredible. 10/10 introduction to their dynamic all on its own. I cannot remember if akechi ever asks her to get him sushi again in the game or if im recalling something that happened in the anime or a fanfic. but. god its so funny. akechi, AKECHI, trying to pester this adult woman he works with into treating him to food. and her refusing. its incredible i could talk in circles abt how good this is for years.

and then it gets even funnier bc of like. the scene where sae realizes that Her Laptop Has Been Tampered With, and she asks akechi if He did it because they had a Disagreement recently. sae thinks akechi is petty enough to like. illegally take important and classified case information from her computer. over some difference of opinion that like, i imagine we see in the game, but if we do its so Understated that ive never noticed it. and she goes Did you try to get revenge on me. you bitch. like its so so funny

AND IT STILL GETS FUNNIER. BECAUSE. makoto says like. she got the impression sae had more trust & respect for akechi than for her. Sae is like “this guy I work with can be annoying and full of himself but he’s genuinely smart and he gets the job done i respect that” and then the guy in question is A TEENAGE CELEBRITY.

I don’t think we ever get to see akechi talk about sae all that much but like. It seems like he does Genuinely Like Her. And also is constantly passive aggressive at her!

In conclusion i. They’re incredible. They’re coworkers, theyre enemies, theyre very good friends with deep respect and even a kind of admiration for each other, theyre one businesswoman and the weird as hell teenager she works with that she feels compelled to be nice to because she has a little sister his age.

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

Again yet another case of like. ^ All That is just like. Their actual canon interactions. I cant improve on that. The only way it can be made better is by having More of it. GOD I wish we got more of it. Oh also I think they talk shit about other people theyve both worked with together. With the utmost professionalism.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

theyre a combo of “GOD i want akechi to have friends. so bad” + “This is the funniest thing ive ever seen. in my life” i wish i was big brain enough to come up with something as riotously hilarious as their dynamic. the whole concept is so singularly unique. i dont know if that was even INTENTIONAL. its all There and it just gets skimmed over. just….. completely fascinating

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

*sobbing and blubbering* what if… goro akechi… had friends and people he cared about… even if he wont fully admit it or tries to avoid it… Like legit that’s. theyre. theyre like friends. i keep going to say They Get Along but they do not get along. but they are. friends. mostly in a Work Friends kind of way but still. & like. i think itsjust inevitable that as an Older Sibling sae will see people younger than her & feel Urge To Watch Over Them And Make Sure Theyre OK even without any like Personal Attachment. *sae voice* i guess i have to take care of this annoying fucking kid because NO ONE ELSE IS!!

of course agaun they also both just have Professional Respect for each other. as well.

favorite interaction they have in canon

AGAIN. THE ONES I LISTED @ THE BEGINNING. AKECHI TRYING TO MAKE SAE BUY HIM QUALITY SUSHI AND SAE ACCUSING HIM OF BEING EVEN MORE PETTY THAN HE IS. 10/10 SITUATIONS

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

ACTUALLY I HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST WANT TO SEE THEM INTERACT MORE FULL STOP. i think anything they did together would be funny

#thank you thank you gotd theyre so #theyre my favorites why is everyone not talking about them all the time #basilask #persona 5 #< for my own organization <3

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi! so i don’t rlly know how to even phrase this but lately i’ve had a lot of stuff getting worse, none of the “basic” diagnoses i have (like depression and anxiety and stuff) describes it at all. so i’ve started questioning if i maybe have a personality disorder bc it’d all make sense, both the behaviors and how i see the world and why its only getting worse and more noticeable now etc.

i keep finding myself in cluster B PD traits and lately ive been reading more on NPD and i genuinely completely see myself in the description of the covert subtype. i always blame others for everything and am completely unable of accepting or feeling guilt. nothing is ever my fault, its always someone else doing something or provoking me or it’s the way i was raised or it’s because of the system etc. i’m deeply insecure but hate showing any kind of vulnerability. when i’m in a vulnerable position i get ashamed and angry bc i cant stand feeling weak. i often get so angry i do shit that could easily destroy all the relationships i have. i never apologize (unless it’s a situation where i have to in order to save the relationship but still never actually feel sorry) bc that’s showing vulnerability and admitting i’m wrong. i always compare myself with others, i used to think this doesnt apply to me bc i generally don’t care about typical things such as popularity and status as i’ve always been an outcast - and it’s kind of a major part of my identity that i feel different than everyone else (even though its most likely just how i was forced to learn to cope with being excluded), but i’ve come to realize i absolutely do always see myself as “the worst one” in terms of mental health. i can’t stand others talking about their issues bc no you don’t even have it that bad at all, i’m worse. i feel like no one will ever be able to truly understand me bc the majority of people are npcs anyway. no one thinks for themselves, they dont have any self awareness and just do what they’re told. i treat others like shit but still expect them to be nice to me because i deserve it because i’m sick. i deserve more attention from doctors because of how unwell i feel. i should be the one that gets treated first. i obviously never voice these feelings but it makes me so pissed off when i have to wait like i’m never important enough for anyone. like there was this one case when i had to wait longer for my appointment bc some girl came in due to an emergency and all i felt was angry and annoyed and like when is it my turn to get taken seriously?? i completely lack affective empathy and very rarely genuinely care about others. others being sad annoys me and others being happy makes me angry, sometimes even to the point of having homicidal thoughts. i’m envious of pretty much everyone who i consider better off than me. and again i dont mean shit like money or clothes but more like just the ability to be normal, having close friends, being in a relationship, all that stuff i know i’ll never be able to have bc of my mental illnesses. i’ve never been able to form genuine relationships, i do have a few friends but they all mean nothing to me and are just there so i’m not lonely. i’ve never been able to feel love or affection for anyone. and when i think abt it i dont even really want to be like them, i just want to make them suffer. i lie to everyone and only reveal my “true” self when im having a breakdown and basically cant control myself anymore as i have so much suppressed anger inside i sometimes feel like i have to genuinely put effort into stopping myself from physically attacking others; who cares abt words when im that far gone. and even then i later turn it around and make it seem like im just depressed and stuff (which is true, but theres also so much more no one knows about). everyone around me considers me a shy meek polite nice caring person and it just feels so ironic.

idk what to do at this point, genuinely. writing it all down like this makes me sound so fucked up even though i act relatively normal when i’m stable enough. but in reality i feel like on the inside i’m just breaking, i’ve had to turn to drug abuse as its literally the only thing that helps me cope with everything & prevent me from being even more destructive (towards both others and myself) and its making me even more short tempered when im sober and even more paranoid someone’s going to find out and get me in trouble. my therapist knows about it but doesnt do shit. ive been on so many psych meds before but its as if literally nothing ever works on me. like i would never normally seek advice on tumblr out of all places but i thought just maybe i would get understood here as i keep getting just either ignored or insulted on places like reddit (sure jan calling me a psycho is definitely going to help my issues when all i did was fucking ask how to cope with my issues).

sorry abt the wall of text. do you have any advice? ive been going to therapy for years but its all useless. i cant be honest with anyone for pretty obvious reasons. i just really dont feel like living for much longer. but even just acknowledging this ask and not judging me would mean a lot.

I obviously can’t diagnose you, but I will say a LOT of what you said is behaviors that and I other NPDs do, which makes me think that even if you don’t have it, advice and such that is geared towards pwNPD could help you. Unfortunately there isn’t much self-help geared towards pwNPD (I say self-help bc clearly your therapist is not a good therapist for you and I know it would probably be difficult to get a new one), but DBT workbooks are a good place to start. I think they’re technically geared more towards BPD, but they can definitely still help narcissists. Stuff like this is why I hate how much NPD is stigmatized, because we all DO deserve help and we all DON’T deserve to feel like this.

It sounds pretty basic, but are you a part of anything like online NPD/cluster B support groups, ie discord servers? Obviously they’re not a cure-all, but even just being around people who have the same thing and who you don’t have to mask around can help. If you don’t have any I could happily provide some if I can find a public one. Of course, communities like that can be a hit or miss, but it’s definitely at least worth a shot to try to find a group of people who are struggling with the same thing.

Another piece of advice, which might sound completely neurotypical on the surface, is to start journaling or writing down feelings. It might seem like just a small thing but having a place that only you can access where you can talk about things like vulnerability could be a good starting point, because at least you’re admitting it to yourself and getting it out there in some way. Lying to everyone and not being able to show your true self is really exhausting, so having one space that’s yours and yours only where you can learn to be comfortable with being vulnerable — even if it’s just to yourself — is a tiny thing that can work wonders. It doesn’t have to be some super dramatic “dear diary, woe is me” type thing, it can be something as simple as “Today I fucked up, and I know I fucked up, but I still blame xyz, I hate xyz.” That way you’re getting the vulnerable thoughts AND the angry thoughts out there without 1.) hurting others with the angry thoughts or 2.) having to show vulnerabity which would hurt you.

Of course the end goal might be to “unlearn” the behaviors, so to speak, but that can’t be done overnight, and until it is done, it’s better to have a few places to be open, even if it’s just amongst yourself or other pwNPD.

I hope this helped, lmk if you need more advice — and definitely know that you’re not alone, as cheesy as it sounds.