#ive never seen myself doing a specific career or living inna specific house / neighbourhood

[violentdevotion]

I really want to be married someday but I've never been in a romantic relationship of any kind so I can't conceptualise myself as a wife or part of a unit and most of the women in my life have already gotten married by the time they were my age and the topic of marriage is one that comes up a lot but I genuinely can't see myself as anything other than 19 years old.

#ameera speaks #im 20 #like i do really really want to get married but then i think about who i am as a person and i think about my perception of marriage #and the women who are married and they dont connect? #like ive never had to share my space or myself in that way and like inshaAllah i do get married but i genuinely cant see myself as married #maybe i should redownload hinge and get some practice #like ik im playing into this thing if women who are wives and women who are whores or whatever but i cant help that i feel unwifely #like when i think abt being in a relationship its nebulous and its sharing a bed with someone and its someone making me a warm #drink when im sick (probably bc im sick rn) and its saying the words my husband and its having someone to open and honest with but then #its also someone telling me to make them something to eat and not talking to me and complaining about every little thing i do #and i simultaneously feel that as a wife id either be incredibly loving and giving or just cold and absent #and sorry for the hashtag bad femin8sm here but ive never really had any luke proper goals in my life beyond general happiness and love #ive never seen myself doing a specific career or living inna specific house / neighbourhood #but ive always wanted for myself a loving marriage and as times gone on i see this vision of myself happy and in love less and less