#I want to feel like this matters

[lizzy-frizzle]

Some days its just....so bad. Indescribable existentialism. Crushing depression. Feeling so awful that all I can do is sit on the couch and worry about dying. Having the irrational fear of ceasing to exist and everyone forgetting about you.

I can't stop it.

#I want peace #I want to feel better #I want to feel comfort #I want to feel like this matters #Like I matter

[tshortik]

I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️

#i talk sometimes #art talk #i made a tweet like this on twatter ages ago but i've been feeling this a lot lately #also this is the start of me writing more on this blog and not only using it as art because who cares!! i don't!! #I wanna translate raw emotion into colors and shapes. I wanna know where to ignore all details and where to go ham you feel me? #i used to dream about developing a style like for MtG where it looked like a masterful oil painting that oozes realism and details #and i've realised the last two years or so that I would actually hate that for me. I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it. For myself. #it's that pipeline from wanting to be the perfect realistic wotc artist to accepting that I will never be that #instead i wanna learn how to stylise better and get a good brush economy going yknow. I wanna be bolder. #i doubt i'll ever be as incredible as all these MtG artists no matter what anyone says. but it's ok!! i don't have to be!!! #i just luv art man!!

[astrolavas]

thinking about the... potential clawthorne woodcarving mentorship.

+ bonus cuz also thinking abt how if hunter ever met dell's palisman and got reminded of flapjack, he'd probably feel bad abt making that association cuz he knows what it's like to be seen only as someone's different version (even though the bird wouldn't mind much so lol)

#eda having that palistrom seed.. hunter saying he wants to learn how to carve palisman... his relation to clawthornes. it HAS to mean STH js #the owl house #toh #hunter toh #toh hunter #hahaa always thinking abt hunter growing a soft spot for palismen and loving creating and bringing them to life #but never being able to replace flapjack no matter how many palismen for other ppl he carves. I'M GONNA- #:((((( :/// #like he's not going to want to replace flapjack just like that rn. cuz he LOVES that bird. it's gonna be so hard for him to just.. Move On #and flapjack's a PART of him.. so very curious where they'll go with this because..... HM. HM like he serves as his disability aid almost #and he can't just REMAKE him. but he cannot also just.... ignore what happened straight away. but it's also important to heal #but whatever he decides to do i feel like he'd love to just............ create. whether it be for himself or others #BUT GAH. ANYWAY XKJSJSK wrote an essay abt this already don't need to write one in the tags TOO. so uh .. yea #little guy.. pls find happiness #my art #fanart #hunter #hunter noceda #hunter wittebane #eda #eda clawthorne #dell #dell clawthorne #dell's palisman #toh art #edalyn clawthorne #also like...... if flapjack and dell's palisman were caleb's and evelyn's palismen...... and knew each other........ #and while flapjack was waiting for his new person at the bat queen's cave dell's palisman was being passed down clawthorne generations #OUUHGHHHHGHHHH they were probably friends..... they Knew each other #what's up with you you mysterious yellow bird with eyebrows...... what's your story

[wyvernity]

been thinking about the sinnohtrio lately......plus misc other stuff

also, casual ko-fi drop!! get something in this sketchy style starting at $10 woop woop

#finally decided to do a commission test run u_u #pokemon #trainer lyra #trainer kris #trainer dawn #trainer lucas #rival barry #rival silver #ayalumi #hisuian zorua #luxio #timeskip tag #rkgk #anyway it's sinnoh time !!! #still figuring out their designs and lore but this works for now #god's specialest little guys & their very normal bestfriend who they would kill/die for. up to interpretation who is killing/dying #dawn is the platinum protag who meets giratina and becomes champion #distortion world affected her way more than compared to cynthia and cyrus since she's still a developing kid. but hey cool ghost hair! #4-5 yrs later lucas gets blasted to hisui..lost his memory for the three years he's there and when arceus sends him back he's just like Man #the entire time barry is CHILLING PLAYING HAVING FUN #and forever worried abt his friends ): dawn & lucas are soo nonchalant about what happened to them it's a bit concerning to everyone else #design comments umm the only thing that matters is that they still have their og scarves 👍 #and i guesss these are spring/summer outfits. winter dawn gets leggings and big coat ok. she already has too much yin energy #btw i use the cleanse tag as the direct opposition to the spell tag even tho that's probably not a real thing LOL) #oh yea barry wears the tower master ribbon 24/7. tower tycoon in training and won't shut up about it (i love him) #character dynamics i will talk abt that in another post if i feel like it... these days i just want to go replay pla aughh

[ruporas]

drank too much

[ID: Digital Art of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. Vash’s body is turned slightly away from the viewer as he holds a staggering Wolfwood by his shoulder. He has one foot ahead of the other, the foot in the back used to stabilize himself from tipping over. Wolfwood is tethering into Vash, his weight pressed into him with his arms wrapped around Vash’s waist and his face is hidden away as he leans against Vash’s shoulder. Vash’s expression can be seen, his eyes wide and mouth tight-lipped, and his face is flushed red. A speech bubble comes out from Wolfwood, saying a drawled “Spikeyyy...”. The background are desaturated pastels of blue and green, showing night time, as they stand in the middle of an empty street that is also lit by the moon not depicted. Yellow light is seen coming from the inside of a saloon. End ID]

#vashwood #Vash the Stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #when i think of who handles their alcohol best -- it's going to be vash naturally. considering his age but also his plant biology? #idk how his plant biology comes into things but it feels like it makes sense... and helps build his tolerance... also he's canonically #a bit of an alcoholic i think... one of his vices. and im sure ww drinks but his go-to comfort is through smoking not drinking #slight detour but the barkeeper was also like i'm the angel that provides drinks for these troubled souls. all i could think of is #a parallel from ww to vash... vash going thru this hell on his own during that point in the chapter and ww is the angel who will give him #his space and then also save him later. But anyway. that's a completely different topic. as a result of ww Not being much of a drinker #i feel like he'd be clingy... a LOT less verbal but more physically affectionate #i feel like he'd be able to speak as he normally does but when he wants to ask for something he'd just reduce it down to names #spikey needle noggin while tugging on vash's arm. vash explodes immediately #this is also very self indulgent if u cant tell. #i was just thinking that ww while sober is a hard cage to crack through no matter how close vw gets to one another. #while ww can end up being emotionally vulnerable -- has to at some point within their relationship -- he still just has tons of trouble #navigating his own personal wants. #ruporas art

[idolomantises]

i really want to draw sera and lili going to church together. however, churches are a pain to draw. i'm tempted to use 3d assets if the task feels too overwhelming.

#txt #i actually used a 3d asset in one of my earlier comics and i think nobody noticed #or maybe they were too polite to say anything which i hope is the latter bc there's a lot of stigma towards using 3d assets #but if you can blend them in decently i feel like it shouldnt matter too much #there's a character at the church i really want to introduce as well

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[wired-heartbeats]

For the record I think Vox is being effected and possibly swayed by Val’s poison just like Angel is, the pink signifying it on Angel shows up on Voxs screen during and after interacting and being influenced by Val directly, when Vox is operating independently it isn’t an actual normal feature of his

This paired with an earlier moment from episode 2 when Val first mentioned something had happened with Angel Dust, Vox seemed happy about the idea of Angel quitting

“He quit? :D”

It’s interesting for sure, makes me wonder what Vox actually thinks about Angel, and more importantly, actually thinks about Valentino. He’s a business man, and clearly the Vees all teamed up (at least initially) because it helps elevate their status and power spread, they may be friendly with each other but we as an audience don’t actually know if there’s more to it as of now. But still, interesting

#personally I think Vox is afraid #He clearly has some defensive traits about his status and feels the need to prove a point no one even questioned yet #I wonder if he knows on some level. that if he were to falter he could very well end up in a situation like Angels #I think once we see more of how Velvette’s actual relationship with Val is we’ll have a better picture of what’s going with them #but one thing is for sure. Val is *manipulative*. and he’ll take what he wants no matter the consequences. Vox is able to calm Val down but #that could be having a rebound effect on Vox in the long run. keeping him in check. I doubt Val would stick up for either of them anyways #not unless it directly benefited him #I hope it gets touched on in some way bc I love the other two Vs characters and want to see Val squashed like the grimy insect he is but #ya know #in an in character making sense sorta way #cats chatterbox #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel Vox

[fishsticxz-art]

trapinch trapinch trapinch trapinch trapinch trapinch trapinch trapinch

#chomp #pokemon #gif #fanart #3d #3d modeling #3d model #3d models #blender #blender 3d #lowpoly #low poly #3d art #trapinch #i wanted to finally try out the texturing tool inside blender cause usually i just make a uv map and export it and texture in medibang #but i feel like sometimes being able to draw on the model itself can be super helpful #so i did this so figure out how it works and practice #its not perfect but i think its cute so it doesnt matter :] #trapinch my beloved #pretend its tomorrow so i can say trapinch thursday

[ryllen]

maybe i do want us to kiss a little more

#can you really accept who i am ... ? the fact i am a human and will forever a human; just like how u are never satisfied with yourself #u might never satisfied with me either #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #twst yuu #lilia vanrouge #twst mc #fanart #i . just . wanted to draw . a kiss . #but i did think a lot if he have a desire to be with a strong fae partner so he can erase the human blood from his lineage little by little #or he'd feel guilty about dirtying his fae partner's blood for passing human blood in him to another fae child & make them possibly weak #i think he would somewhat feel guilty too to make a human half fae child because where their place would be then #maybe his true desire is just to end his blood with him as malleus guard and that's all there's to it #i wish all his doubt would be erased once he saw how beautiful his child with his eyes is #just a child who will try their best no matter what blood they have in them

[susieandhobbes]

There's something so fun about the idea of Sydney and Richie getting closer in season 3 and Carmy just losing his entire mind because Sydney was his. She was his hire, his business partner, the only person who saw him separate from the history with Mikey. His little mind-meld, sentence-completing, unison-speaking cooking twin and why the fuck is she giving Richie samples for her menu ideas before talking to him?!

And I really don't mean this in a shipping way - the logical end result of the s2 finale is Carmy throwing himself headfirst into work and being like "HELLO SYDNEY I'M READY TO WORK NOW" but there's no way she'll be able to trust him because she basically had that trust shattered repeatedly for 3 months straight. But somehow, in the midst of their friends and family fiasco, Richie, WHO SHE STABBED, had her back? He brought her down from her panic and gave her the encouragement to pull it together and complete service.

Syd obviously has a wonderful relationship with Tina but Richie being really good at Expo, the thing that literally makes Sydney throw up, means they'll have something to work on together next season.

And Carmy will cry maybe idk

#the bear #sydney adamu #carmy berzatto #richie jerimovich #and i do feel like i need to repeat this #I DO NOT SHIP SYD AND RICHIE #i will bonk you motherfuckers hard #And i think no matter how you view syd and carmy's relationship #he would feel threatened as hell by someone else in the kitchen getting close with syd #because you cant say 'i wouldn't even want to do this without you' #and then not feel some type of way when she's doing it with someone else

[wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt]

"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."

What the fuck were the House writers on

#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #this quote is attempted murder #i cant live like this #This also puts the scene were Wilson tells House he wishes he was more of an asshole into perspective #“i wish i had been more a selfish jerk” “youd still have cancer” “atleast id feel like i deserved it” #because wilson spent his whole life helping people because some part of him genuinely believed that he would live a very long good life #as long as he was doing good and helping people #but in the end none of it mattered and in his mind he wasted his entire life being overly good when he couldve just lived how he wanted #because in the end it didnt make any difference #brb sobbing #thats why when people act like wilson is the devil for saying that to house i lose 5 years of my life #house md #house #greg house #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #hate crimes md #hatecrimes md #wilson #housemd

[uncanny-tranny]

Shoutout to all the other adults who have acne or any other condition of the skin that you are expected to outgrow or "just deal with."

Adulthood isn't this magical time where everything just disappears, and the reality is that these skin conditions are largely genetic. It isn't your fault (nor your skin's fault) that you are an adult with different skin than other people. In fact, it's neutral (and even, dare I say, good!).

#positivity #body positivity #acne positivity #i have skin redness and acne still and it actually is a neutral thing at worst :3 #in fact it makes me feel better because it gives me the (false) notion that i am genetically more like him than anybody else :) #he has the same unique features i do :) #and it's helped me appreciate body moles and non-ski slope noses and boney features #as much as people like to pretend that body image is shallow (it can be) it's still not a moral failure to be insecure #we live in a society after all and it's inevitable that society's messaging can become like a malevolent growth in your brain #it's okay if you have a hard time with the reality that your features are neutral at WORST. it's hard to swallow that pill sometimes #but no matter what just know that you are lovable and you are loved. as you are too #do what you want forever dear reader #oh hey the 'him' that the tags didn't include is my dad! not some Mystery Guy lmaooo

[tatck]

Practising him

#stvh #my doodles #vagabond au #sonic au #eggman #i made the mistake of not practising the style and going right into it last time and i dont want to do that again because it looked bad egh #case in point all these look slightly off from the next #i feel like his colour scheme needs improving but also it doesn't really matter #fanart #sonic the hedgehog

[tricoufamily]

if you're wondering why bob is here it's bc in the original villareal story there was a very minor background detail that diego lobo and bob pancakes dated in college and broke up tragically and that's where the story peaked. so i included him it's still canon

thank you for these it was so fun!!!!!!!!!!!!

i did these in my this is the fall sim style so i'm thinking. if they exist in this universe what's all their opinions on the 'did jacques do it' situation. let's take a look

don: saw a photo of jacques's wife on the news during the investigation. said "whoa mama that's a hot babe!" like johnny bravo and did not read the headline. does not know anything about it still.

vlad: well he's psychic he could figure out the truth if he actually cared. and he has!

olive: obviously respects it. except for the getting investigated part, would never happen to her.

diego: does not think jacques did it but enjoys the tabloids. knows other rich people personally who he thinks have killed their spouses

morgyn: will post things like "friendly reminder that j*cques v*llareal literally killed his wife and is a billionaire so maybe don't go to one of their hotels" on tumblr and will then do a call out post about like a fanfic writer who wrote an unhealthy relationship with more severity

pascal: knows conspiracy theories and this one is bullshit. or maybe it just doesn't interest him as much as aliens and that's why he thinks that

jeb: has a very "well of course he did. them rich folk can do whatever they want. there ain't no hope for the rest of us" while kicking a can down the road approach

bob: thinks he did it. is very alarmed that it was brushed off. eliza's like bob book the hotel and he's like am i going crazy. does anyone hear me.

#olive and pascal do NOT exist in this is the fall strangetown has their own universe but it's still fun #i really need to finish remaking all of strangetown #for the record human vlad works for the company high up he knows jacques. he keeps his feelings on the matter private. #but anyway yes bob and diego. both from small towns met in college. diego was in drag and bob thought he was a woman #then was still attracted to him out of drag and had a months long spiral about his sexuality it was a thing #they just wanted different things. it wouldn't have worked. bob likes small towns. he wanted to stay and have a house and a family #diego wanted the exact opposite. they had to part ways. bob still thinks about him laying awake at night. kind of a lot #bob is like he probably doesn't think about me at all anymore he's definitely moved on. no diego thinks about him a lot too #the ones that got away #ts4 #ts4 cas #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #townie makeover #townie makeovers #don lothario #vladislaus straud #olive specter #diego lobo #morgyn ember #pascal curious #jeb harris #bob pancakes #this is the fall: extras

[ca-3]

• • • ♡ × ❕️❕️❕️

I saw this tweet and of course had to make it about them

#persona 5 #pegoryu #ryuji sakamoto #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #persona 5 protagonist #nothing like the silent protag x their bestie #i want do this for sunny and kel too now... #ca3 art #i was just going go leave it at that first panel but i turned into a mini comic 😗 #it doesnt matter what they do together cause they always feel free together ❤️💛 #persona 5 royal #also i have small hc that when they start dating Ryuji has a habit of sometimes unknowingly holds Ren's hand but renren thinks its endearing