#I relate to this sort of dysphoric feeling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nothorses · 3 months

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Hey this is vaguely related to the conversations you were having and I hope you’re ok with me dropping it in your asks. But when I came out as FTM I felt like I was forced to try and fit into this patriarchal idea of cis manhood by others. Like I couldn’t just be a person with a wide array of interests and desires if I wanted to be a man. Even by like, trans allies and other trans people.

I often see even other trans men using toxic masculinity but trying to be “positive” about it like “you aren’t a man unless you are comfortable in femininity or engage in politics this way” or even “do [blank] for these other marginalized communities” boiled down to “repent for being a gender traitor” IMO.

I feel like this sort of thing is tied to this like “binary vs non-binary” in a tangible way. I’m just not sure and I could be wrong and I’m curious about your thoughts. It’s been on my mind for weeks, these kinds of patterns in trans spaces and discussions and I personally have no conjunctive answer.

I think I understand what you're getting at, and I have definitely noticed this kind of thing in my own experiences and relationship to gender. I identified as nonbinary for as long as I did because I legitimately felt pressured to; I was surrounded by people who felt, and implied, and stressed, that masculinity and manhood were bad things & it was somehow morally superior to be nonbinary instead. I was afraid of being, or being seen as, aggressive and dangerous and morally reprehensible, and identifying as nonbinary felt like the Better Thing To Do.

This isn't, like, unique; Baeddels openly believed that this was the better way to go, and/or that nonbinary people were just Secret Trans Men pretending to be "non-men" in order to "avoid accountability":

Which kind of reinforces the myth that Being Nonbinary Is Morally Superior in and of itself: "trans men are just pretending to be nonbinary because it would make them Better People, but we all know that they can't really be nonbinary" is not actually challenging this assumption that being further from manhood would be morally superior. though denying the fact that nonbinary people can exist at all is still incredibly, disgustingly exorsexist.

this line of thinking didn't just come from this one specific strain of radical transfeminism. radfem ideology as a whole is, imo, more like a pink coat of paint on regular-ass cisheteropatriarchy. I think the ways in which radtransfeminism understand trans men and nonbinary people are incredibly indicative of this; trans womanhood has been sort of half-unpacked, but there are still so many deep anxieties around trans men and (some) nonbinary folks "betraying womanhood" and "infiltrating women's spaces", "mutilating" our bodies, etc.

I mean, it's internalized transphobia. my grandma wants to call me "grey" instead of "greyson" for the same reason that my trans ally lesbian peer wants to use "they/them" pronouns for me instead of "he/him": it obfuscates my connection to manhood, and in many ways, my defiance of the gender binary they're comfortable with. it makes my gender identity sort of "uncertain", and positions me a little closer to womanhood. it's more comfortable for them.

when I did identify as nonbinary and use "they/them", I was consistently misgendered as "female". again, I was being nudged back toward womanhood and the identity that was more palatable for others (including some trans people!). I was being nudged back towards the gender binary.

there is clearly also a trend here of nudging nonbinary people back into the binary in the "other" direction: again, the above example of Baeddels insisting that nonbinary people who were AFAB are "actually" trans men. Truscum often believe the same of dysphoric nonbinary people. Baeddels tended to believe that nonbinary people who were AMAB were "actually" trans women in denial, too. Exorsexism is a hell of a drug.

But yeah, I think you're right; I think the common thread between all branches of transphobia is a desire to protect the gender binary, and I think that necessarily problematizes any idea of a socio-politically "binary" trans person.

It's important to understand how exorsexism is unique beyond that, too; there are still differences between the experiences of trans people who do identify exclusively as one "binary" gender, and trans people who don't. I just think the categories are less perfect and binary (lol) than folks tend to think of them.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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aita for pretending to be cis online? im a trans man and have been trans for almost ten years now. i am pre-most transition even though i would like to fully transition, due to money and medical phobia complications. i do not pass irl.

a few years ago i attempted stealth (saying i was a cis man) on a discord server before ultimately admitting to being trans because i was afraid everyone could tell, and was informed that even though they even heard my voice on the server, no one there suspected i was afab, and even when i said i was trans, some people assumed i was coming out as transfem, because i had passed myself as a cis man so well. this gave me euphoria, of course, and made me regret telling anyone since i was apparently passing so well.

i held onto those feelings, and a year or so after that, quietly changed my bios and stuff to remove the trans part. a little while after that, i started actively saying i was cis male in my bios and to new friends.

i should clarify this is not out of safety or fear of transphobia, all my family and irl friends know im trans and are 100% supportive, im lucky enough to live in a very progressive area, and my online existence is small and filled with tons of trans and supportive people. it's only because i feel dysphoric when i know people can perceive me as afab, and since i don't have control over that irl, i just want someone in the world to see me as amab, even if im not and never will be.

i also am not by any means a transmed. i myself am also gnc, and many many of my friends are loud and proud queer weirdos, and i am too with everything but my agab. i love the wacky ways other trans folks present their genders and refuse to sanitize themselves for cisciety. i do not think anyone should ever have to water down who they are for any reason and i don't think being afab makes anyone less of a man, just i personally don't like facing the fact that i am afab and would rather people see me as a cis man whenever i can control it.

this might be where the asshole comes in here, because being gnc, being surrounded by so many trans people and being in many "afab dominated" spaces (such as fanfic writers, tumblr, fandom in general honestly) as well as having a lot of trans headcanons makes me paranoid people are going to clock me and even if they don't say anything they'll know im faking being cis. because of that, and to avoid the dreaded "egg" conversations (people trying to insist or imply that ill soon "find out" that im transfem) ive sometimes been telling people when the subject comes up that i had experimented with my gender before and thought i was transfem or nonbinary in the past, so i sort of fit the idea of cis+ and that might be why i feel more trans than cis even though im definitely cis.

i also tell them im intersex and have trans family (both of these are true, though obviously im intersex in a different way than i say) to get them off my scent.

i know i dont owe anyone my agab, but when all is said and done, i am lying about my gender and history with gender exploration, and i kinda feel like im disrespecting other trans folks by implying it would personally feel better to be cis, like i can't relate to other trans people saying they never want to be cis and the goal of being trans isn't to be cis. but i do. i also worry that having trans hcs (including in sexual contexts) for characters while im presenting myself as cis makes people think im a chaser.

anyway sorry this is long, but aita for lying about my gender?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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viiiiiiiiiin · 2 months

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Hello dude, what's up lol. I haven't done that many requests so I hope I don't mess this up. Can you write some comfort regarding a disabled trans FTM reader and the kid pirates, mainly involving Kid and Killer? All platonic. I know it's quite specific but the pain of my cEDS is killing me right now and I'd be great to read something along those lines. Being trans and crippled can lead to a lot of dissociation regarding your body, it feels foreign to you in an extreme and debilitating way, what better than to cope with my two favorite fictional characters lol

Kid Pirates with a trans!disabled!reader

Includes: The Kid Pirates , FTM Reader with cEDS

Important Info: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I took a long time researching this so I hope it's accurate.

A / N: Awww I hope you feel better :((. I did a LOT of research for cEDS and I REALLY hope I you the facts right. Please , please comment or message me if I got any information wrong or anything of the sort.

None of them truly understood you. You were strong , so why did you try not to fight ?

The first person to ask you about it was Killer. You explained to him that you had cEDS and he was confused as hell.

You explained the symptoms. You bruised easily , your skin is velvety / dough like , minor trauma can split your skin , etc. You explained that being in fights could put you at risk.

You also explain what it was.

He understood. He was more that willing to accommodate for you. He wasn't a monster. A pirate , yes. But not a monster.

Anytime anything happened , he was there. He made sure to assist you as much as he could without making you depend on him. You were your own person after all. He knew you wouldn't like it if he babied you.

Kid caught on and asked Killer about it. You were strong , so why was he acting this way with you ??

Killer tried his best to explain your condition and why he did the things he did. Kid still didn't understand.

Killer had to explain it in dumb terms for him to understand. At that , he also tried to help.

You were part of his crew. He may not say it much , but his crew means everything to him. Especially you and Killer since you 3 were childhood friends.

The crew learned from Killer as well and did their best to help while also trying to make you feel like yourself.

Killer was your go - to whenever you were in pain or felt dysphoric. He would sit with you for however long you needed him to and would comfort you as best as he could.

It was during one of these sessions that he learned about you being trans.

He may not have shown it , but he felt a sense of pride at the fact that you were so trusting in him.

Kid wasn't the best at comforting words , but he did sit with you and Killer sometimes. He let's you hangout in his office while he tinkers with whatever thing he's working on.

It's then that you guys get into deeper conversations.

He also learns you're trans but doesn't know what the hell it is. You had to explain you were a girl and now , you're a guy. Top surgery or not , he silently promised himself that he would make sure everyone respected you for the gender you went by.

If anyone said anything about your disability or gender , he'd beat the shit out of them.

Even if he wasn't good with comfort , he was willing to defend his friend to the ends of the world.

So was the rest of the crew.

They would help you as best as they could. They adored you and cared about you , so why would they not ?

Heat and Wire would be the ones to help you whenever you went through any pain or dysmorphia because of feminine issues.

Killer and Kid , however , we're your go to whenever it came to any body related stuff.

They would talk to you like you were on the same level as them. Not any less and not anymore. You felt like you truly belonged to the Kid Pirates.

When it came to fights , you were benched. You were more of a strategist and mixologist.

Though you are different from them , Kid and Killer truly care for you. You 3 are childhood friends. They would never give you up because of your own problems.

One time , you guys went to a bar and you got harassed. They grabbed your wrist and you bruised REALLY fast.

Because of that , Kid and Killer beat the person's ass and held you by their side for the rest of the night.

In their eyes , you're one of them. It doesn't matter if you struggle with something or not. Theres always someone to help you and they would never leave you alone.

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iloveyouemanuelmarco · 8 days

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A couple of random headcanons I made up for my human ver. of AM/Allied MasterComputer from IHNMAIMS because ofcourse I have to(Warning: Cringeworthy OC x Canon stuff please don't judge me atleast QwQ!!Okay anyways here we go!!♡):

•He is an old man obviously but he's probably around somewhere from 40-60 years old, atleast in looks to be honest with you. This could be due to stress, genetics, unhealthy habits or all of the above but he just has an older appearance.

•I could imagine him growing up around the 1970s-1980s, and due to that he had never gotten checked out professionally or by himself for any sort of neurodivergency despite atleast having some recognizable behaviors. I imagine he would be an undxed autistic with depression, anxiety and other forms of that stuff despite how cruel he is to others.

•Speaking of such, he would atleast have a sort of hyperfixation and special interest towards computers, robots and artificial intelligence in fiction. I could imagine him being a sort of objectum too and probably hates his human body in a strange yet relatable and understandable depressing dysphoric type of way. He probably does not feel human atleast on the way others are and is extremely envious of others in fact.

•He would probably be apart of the LGBTQIA+ community whether he'd like to admit it or not, specifically being atleast bisexual or pansexual but maybe at the same time asexual or atleast on the spectrum of such attraction and sexuality. Maybe he'd be gender-nonconforming or even genderfluid/bigender too with using mostly male but sometimes female pronouns but maybe thats just me projecting again haha.

•Doesn't remember his actual "human" name atleast due to his serious memory loss issues and struggles understanding who he himself is supposed to be sometimes so he unironically calls himself "AM" which I guess would be his edgy robot-sona/OC in my comfort alternate universe fan-webstory lol.

•He would probably either be super sensory atleast sometimes or only allow certain people to touch him physically, but if he does allow you to be affectionate with him he would probably stink of muskyness and aged sweat due to the fact he'd probably have trouble showering and becomes paranoid because he somewhat does believe he is part computer as apart of his alterhuman identity and stuff(I know it might not make the most sense, but it's atleast somewhat relatable to me as a person when referring to myself you know? I do shower though so-).

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our-trans-youth-experience · 1 month

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This trans youth sent his ask to me via message but has allowed me to share it incase it helps others. Thank you anon :)

Anon: "hey i was just wondering if you had any advice for me. i am a teenage transmasc (not entirely sure about my identity yet) but have been experiencing massive dysphoria around my name and chest and stuff. i cant come out to my parents as they are very transphobic and i may end up being disowned. i feel as though i am trapped in this situation of not being able to come out but unable to be happy like this. i am very sorry for the rant hope you have a good day."

_______________________________________

hey welcome :)

I'm also a transmasc kid in a very similar situation to yours, in fact almost identical, so I can relate.

A few things i recommend:

- If you are friends with some people at school you know will be supportive, maybe try come out to a couple of them MAKING IT VERY CLEAR THAT YOU ARE NOT OUT TO ADULTS/YOUR PARENTS. It's not much but being called a preferred name and pronouns by even only a couple of people can make a huge difference.

- If you are able to buy your own clothes or choose what you wear (I am not), I recommend using clothing to express yourself and hide your chest. Layering with thinks like jackets and flannel shirts are a great option as they hide your chest and look quite masc. Additionally, i recommend t-shirts with those big, thick plasticky printed designs on them, as they don't flex very easily hiding your chest a little. Straight cut jeans can help hide curves if you get dysphoric about that. And if all else fails, a big hoodie hides everything

- if you are not able to get a haircut and have long hair, i recommend tucking it in a hat like a beanie to give the appearance of short hair. If it is long enough, you can even flip it over and make it look like a sort of fringe.

- If you wear makeup, or are open to doing that, there are plenty of masculine makeup tutorials out there which can really help make your face appear more masc

- In terms of a binder, I assume that like for me that is not an option. However, layering sports bras can be alright for now. Just make sure to be safe with it, don't size down, and stop if it restricts your breathing at all.

DO NOT attempt to come out to your parents if doing so may put you in any danger. When you are an adult, you can leave home, transition, and be happy. It will get better, I promise <3

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helioshellion · 1 year

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hi im bucky and welcome to my long list of kiryu and majima headcanons mostly revolving around health related stuff bc that interests me. ive talked about it before but ive been wanting to reveal my mastermind plans for them. ive vaguely alluded to these all in my fics like friday night and phanto. anyways heres a list. may range from mildly nsfw but in a more medical way not a sexual manner since idc about that sort of thing

KIRYU

So for Kiryu he is a trans man who forgets his t injections every day of his life. every time he gets out of prison he has to restart on it and every time he has to go through all the initial stages once again like an evil cycle of hormones.

He has extreme nerve damage in his hands/fingertips due to severe hypothermia suffered at the end of Yakuza 5, and therefore cannot feel in his hands anymore.

Also suffers from a migraine disorder.

He deals with a very prominent compartmentalization problem stirred by his ever-changing life stages. A sort of out-of-sight-out-of-mind mentality born out of his fear of losing absolute control over his life. This goes hand-in-hand with general low empathy.

This also results in an extremely flippant attitude towards both sex and romance. He is not committal at all and does not imagine himself settling down. He is a reserved person, but he doesn’t shy away from sex. He lives in Kamurocho, after all. He’s just mostly desensitized and is mostly neutral towards it as he gets older.

Yes hes bisexual love wins. But he has a low opinion of the men in his life thinking them callous and more difficult than he wants to deal with. This increases with his age and the worse the villains get. He almost has a mentality of needing to Win and Be Won in regards to romance. He must Prove Himself, or someone else must prove themself to Him.

Oh yeah and TMJ sorry to his jaw.

His life is in constant disarray and his self-contained environments reflect this. His living spaces are messes. Ashtrays filled with countless stamped cigarettes and shelves lined with half-eaten food and beer cans. He doesn’t want to be regarded as sloppy but theres something in his brain that makes him struggle with Cleaning his own spaces. There’s something about his mind that likes the control he has TO mess up his own space.

He has several single-tooth partial dentures mostly in his molar area. he has one prosthetic canine tooth.

He is no-op in regards to his transition. T has shrunk his chest enough that it sags loosely. If you’re curious, he’s dry as a desert down there. sorry.

He doesn’t exactly have a circadian rhythm. He sleeps and wakes up whenever he wants, and his brain does not register Night/Day. Meaning he could sleep through an entire day and his brain will not register sunlight. This results in getting him up to be extremely. Extremely difficult.

Big one, he lives with something like CTE. (Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (double parantheses because this condition cannot usually be diagnosed while someone is alive)) Which exemplifies his already present suicidal ideation and depression. Out of anyone in the series Kiryu has taken some of the Worst bodily trauma over a LONG period of time. It has taken a toll on his body and mind.

MAJIMA

Oh boy!

Majima has a hormone imbalance ever since the hole. if you remember in my fic Phanto I alluded to him being completely impotent and sterile due to a castration in the hole. He has gynecomastia and hypothyroidism but has no qualms about it. He’s not dysphoric about it at all, and tries to stay extremely vigilant about his testosterone intake (tgel, needles scare him).

Because of the above he has little to no sex drive, not to mention the extreme trauma relations to it. He has complexes on top of complexes about it. So he just doesn’t do it.

He has a weak right knee, which is the one he uses to kick/attack as he’s able to use his stronger leg as support. His arms and legs are longer than his torso, and he has an extreme slouch, which presents itself as a very permanent slouch crease on his stomach fold.

He has a distrust of men, mostly older than him, and is not a cis man, although he doesn’t have the language to describe himself or his sexuality. He’s old and doesn’t feel the need to.

Blatantly, not even just a Me headcanon, but Majima does have a mentality of needing to be beaten in order to fall in line. In relation to pretty much everything in his life. It’s much stronger the younger he is, and weakens as he gets older, aided by his improving mental state. By 7′s time, and he is an emotionally healthy person. Hiccups are to be expected, but they’re nothing to shame or be ashamed for.

In Dead Souls he discusses needing to keep his hair cut at an exact measurement. He is a massive micromanager in regards to Anything at any given moment. His living arrangements are extremely empty and uncreative.

The younger him was extremely flippant about caring for his eye, which resulted in several infections and close calls. It’s one of the reasons he decides to get his eye exenterated when he’s older. Somewhat of a symbolic thing as he works through his trauma, letting go of this thing that has clung to him, Literally an Infection. He changes things up, and lives happier for it. He wouldn’t have been alive it hadn’t been for Nishida.

He is one of the most intelligent people in the. Yakuza Team or whatever. Regardless of his deteriorating memory issues, he reads like a motherfucker and can beat anyone in almost any mind-game.

This is a byproduct of not considering the Kiwamis (majima everywhere and majima construction) as canon, but my Majima is very heavily inspired by 1, 2, and the movie iterations of Majima. Meaning, he is not a generally “nice” person. He is extremely empathetic, and reads people very well, but he tends to hold these qualities over peoples heads when he’s younger. As he gets older, these qualities shift to more. Altruistic purposes. He isn’t nice, but he is an understanding person.

I also shift the timeline around to place his marriage with Mirei before the events of 0 to allow better, smoother story progression. And I’m not going to handwave away anything he did because oh yeah did he fuck up.

Speaking of relationships, if Majima were to ever, he would be Very Attached. He is monogamous by heart, and is more about mental connections over inherently sexual or romantic. He is a One-and-Done person. He isn’t flippant like Kiryu, and holds an extreme amount of value in loyalty and love. He is not one for more monetary romantic gestures. He values touching a lot more, but discourages touching HIM. He’s stone. He feels love in being the one to touch, and for his partner to Be touched By Him. And I’m not talking about sexual practices or anything. But if that did progress to that, expect similar results.

However, adding to that, he is not going to try to “make things work” in any way. He will walk away if requested, and he will walk away at the inclination of things Just not working out. He jumps to conclusions quickly, but it is for good reason. Knowing when to bow out keeps him alive.

Back to body stuff. He has dentures along his entire bottom jaw. His top teeth are very discolored from smoking, resulting in a visible difference between his top and bottom teeth.

And whatever here’s Kazumaji bullshit too because I am predictable.

They’re more friends than lovers, if that makes sense. Regardless of the amount of love shared between them, their lives are a long string of boats passing by. Their loyalty for each other is extremely strong, and underlying love does carry this, but they can’t exactly settle down anytime soon. Majima talks to him as a confidant, not as a lover, and Kiryu speaks to him the same. It’s almost more intimate in a way. Neither of them put up fronts when they’re alone. They are both private together, speaking to each other ways they’d never speak to anyone else.

If we’re on a scale, Kiryu is the more romantically affectionate one. He’s the one who thinks of dates, who thinks of kissing, who thinks of whatever else. Majima doesn’t initiate any of this due to his before-said complexes on top of complexes.

Yet, on the flip side, Majima is the one who could most easily fall into domesticity. It’s something he’s fantasized for himself ever since he was a boy, and something he cast aside immediately following the hole. He imagined a family impossible for him, and has attempted to cast aside that part of himself. But there’s no destroying Who you Are. He wants to be a tender person. Once Saejima, his strongest familial relationship, returns, he lets that side of himself regain a foothold in his brain.

This is both supported and contradicted by canon depending on the game, but I’ll settle on one. Despite Majima’s reservations and trauma, he is more trusting than Kiryu in a lot of situations. (In Yakuza 2: “There’s nothing wrong with putting your trust in a guy...”) Kiryu will tend to be cynical and have to be “won” in order for him to put his trust in you. Majima, however, will put his trust if he feels he can, but is very liberal with rescinding it.

Kiryu goes through a phase in his romantic relationship with Majima where he feels unwanted due to Majima’s low intimacy drive. The only way that’s resolved is by talking. There’s a lot of things they cannot get out of their relationship with each other, and that’s absolutely fine. They find other things to make it work.

On the flip side....... Kiryu’s revolving-door life results in Majima feeling cast aside again and again. It’s not that Kiryu thinks of hurting Majima, but his idea of romance is very different to Majima’s. He thinks he can just put on a new skin and live out an entirely different life as a different person. This is what causes their relationship to fizzle out time and time again. Their relationship is a very, very unstable wave. It’ll be strong, weak, whatever. The bottom line is that they’re never going to be able to reach that Perfect Meeting Point.

BUT this is all from Yakuza 1-6....Post 7, and I have no idea! Maybe they can try again and see themselves more successful due to their Very different life circumstances. Without the clan to hold either of them back, maybe they can make things work. However, I can’t imagine them ever making anything “”official”” as in calling each other boyfriend Or getting married. Their relationship is strange and tumultuous but they genuinely. wholeheartedly Love each other.

#artbucky #kiryu kazuma #majima goro #kazumaji

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bestbutchbracket · 5 months

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putting this on this blog because it is relevant kind of and also i sort of need to feel like i'm not shouting into the void. your butch character does not always have to be a peppy extroverted "stupid" (in terms of traditional logical intelligence) fighter with a big sword. there are butches who are goth or emo, there are butches who are shy and awkward, there are butches who are artistic and flamboyant, there are butches who are nerdy and bookish (hi, it's me, i'm like three and a half of these!) let your mage character be butch! let your royal character be butch! let your techie character be butch! i don't know when literally everything that wasn't based around athletics became Girly. why am i seeing a character who has never showed any interest in being perceived as feminine and whose primary skillset revolves around economics and politics being described as femme just because her love interest is somewhat more warlike. why am i seeing princess bubblegum's more masculine presenting alternate universe self be presumed to be less intelligent than the original when they are Literally The Same Character. as someone who has never considered many of my interests particularly feminine before it feels so. i don't know if dysphoric is the right word. Weird and Bad to see the incredible minority of sapphic characters i can actually relate to be reduced to the Girl Ones because having one butch in a relationship is already toeing the line for a lot of people, god forbid we have two, right?!?

also this is not me bashing on stuff like the girl knight trope. i love the girl knight trope. there are fighter gals who i absolutely adore. and i'm happy we have literally any kind of positive rep to enjoy when a couple years back a lesbian who "acts like a man" was seen as either something to be fixed or something to be feared. and not every piece of media you like has to have a character you can personally relate to in it. it just starts to feel really tiring and isolating after a while. and i feel like i can't be the only one.

also while we're here this is not a butch woman.

#but hey on the bright side!! look forward to something neat in february.#also i want to post on here more often just in general.#college and stuff though. you know how it is.#okay to reblog #(but you don't have to i'm sort of just venting)

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mmmmalo · 2 months

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you do a lot of in depth readings in HS proper about like. gender and roles and stereotypes and fitting into/breaking out of them. or 8re8king out, in this case?? since I am asking specifically about vriska. I see a lot of people say she comes across as transfer, but I've been rereading Homestuck and I don't see it at all ?? I know you've made some jegbert jender posts so I was wondering if you had any insight. thank you very much, feel free to disregard this. congratulations on passing the japanese test and I hope you have a lovely rest of your week!

Thank you! Sorry for the late reply, I needed a minute.

I reread some Vriska sections to see if anything stood out, but unfortunately if you've read my June posts you've probably read everything I have to say regarding Vriska and transness. I only seem to pick up on the ways she acts as accessory to other trans narratives (those attached to Tavros and Egbert)... Her old sunglasses are a reference to the pirate One-Eyed Willie from the Goonies, which was totally a penis joke, but that alone doesn't tell you much...

Maybe a month ago I would have said with some confidence that all girls on Alternia are trans girls, because I've been reading the slaughter of the limebloods as a mass gynocide that rendered Alternia exclusively male. But recently the overlap of phallic and papillary symbolism has me wondering if some of the castration imagery doesn't double as mastectomy imagery, rendering the polarity of much of the story's transgender symbolism ambiguous... like not so much intersex as a quantum superposition of binary sexes. Like, I cited Tavros in relation to trans symbolism, and another moment for him was the struggle to get into bed because his horns are too big -- I've read this as a dysphoric moment, with the horns being phallic, but Equius (and Mallek) demonstrate that horns can be papillary as well so suddenly I'm compelled to reevaluate that moments as Tavros potentially (metaphorically) experiencing a transmasculine dysphoria posed by having enormous breasts. Or quasi-reevaluate, since the former reading would remain quasi-valid

So my answer is, I don't know and I've recently come across information that maybe undermines a great deal of what I thought I knew. I'm currently stuck between a model of Alternia where Vriska is a trans girl and a model where Vriska is Schrödinger's trans girl, existing in a story where both interpretations are encouraged. That the name "Alternia" could be self-referential, always posed as the alternative to another version of itself, feels distinctly Homestuck -- likewise the notion that the circularity of Alternia <> Beforus was anticipated by each term's self-circularity. But the matter of it feeling appropriate isn't really an argument so eventually I will need to reread to confirm and the prospect is daunting, because I'm sort of worn out.

#sorry that you've caught me in a quibbling humor #metameta

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species-dysphoria-culture-is · 3 months

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sorry for not being a culture-is ask but . just wanted somewhere to talk for a sec!! ! not otherkin of any sort n im fine with being human but. sometimes i have these specific moods where (along with other things but that’s irrelevant right now) I just feel, like, really dysphoric about not having wings because. holy shit. i want demon wings I want to stretch them out so bad. same with like horns n a tail like…. oughhhh… I’m not like feeling it right now but I vaguely remember how it felt and. idk. didn’t know where else to put this just seemed related to this blog n the people who follow it :3

no problem with it not being a culture ask!! and that (in my opinion) is still species dysphoria, even if you still ID as your assigned species of human. ofc you can label it how you want but still. also i would experiment with calling yourself nonhuman- you don't Have to, but it might give you one of those "!" moments where Something Falls Into Place which is always a nice feeling. and even if it doesn't sometimes it's good to try yknow? either way i wish you luck with the dysphoria !!

#not sdc

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elfyprincess · 1 year

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I relate a lot to detransitioned & dysphoric women in some ways. Thankfully, I never transitioned. But I did go through a brief period of time where I questioned my “gender identity.”

I went through a really rough patch around the ages of 14/15. I think that’s when the horrors of misogyny really started to sink in for me. I slipped into complete despair. I thought there was no hope for women. I started to believe that we really were just born to be oppressed. I would break down crying over stupid misogynistic shit I saw online. Etc.

I hated being female and I hated being perceived as a woman. When I talked to my friends at the time about these feelings, they told me I was probably gender-fluid or a trans man.

I will admit that I somewhat blame blackpill radical feminism for my feelings of self hatred. Because at the time I started having these ~gender issues~ was also around the time I started looking further into radical feminism. Of course, I am thankful that I ultimately went down the gender critical/radfem path instead of the trans path. But I don’t think radical feminism is faultless.

I am now in a much better place regarding my relationship with womanhood. And I block blackpill radfems & feminists that say shit like, “there’s no hope for women.” Personally, I don’t even consider them feminists. I don’t think you can call yourself a feminist if you believe that there is no hope for women.

Being a feminist is hard & staying positive is hard, but I believe that sort of pessimistic rhetoric does more harm than good. Especially to young girls like I was. It’s completely counterproductive. Why would young girls want to become radical feminists if radical feminism believes there’s no hope for women? Any teenage girl would choose being a trans man over that…

#personal #terf diaries #sorry if this doesn’t make sense #i think i may have started rambling #feminism #feminist #radical feminsm #radfem #radical feminst #radfem safe #terf safe #peak trans #terfs please touch #terfblr #radfems please touch #radfems do interact #radfems do touch

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throughalleternity · 4 months

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Hello what pet names/words of affection should Maggie and Alex avoid, because they make Leon/Lucy dysphoric? Like would words like pretty/handsome or babe be too feminine/masculine for their taste?

Yeah, handsome and beautiful feel too... much at first? Like, Leon isn't used to other people seeing him as a man and sometimes he has trouble believing that other people do. And then it's harder to imagine that they would think he's attractive, so that type of compliment can bring up those feelings. Words like "cute" can feel infantilizing, and "pretty" is borderline. So intially they stick to stuff like "I really like that jacket" or things that aren't related to appearance, or like "I missed you". Over time, once people adjust, and he gets more confident and used to it as well, then he likes those sorts of words.

Babe doesn't really feel overly gendered to Lucy (I think she'd use it for James, and that might be canon? Can't check right now). The only thing is that Leon wants to make sure Maggie and Alex aren't still seeing him as Lucy when they use it. I don't think of them as using other pet names usually, so that's really it.

#answering things out of order again #if anyone knows what's canon let me know #ask me #gender stuff #genderfluid!lucy #supergirl #supergirl words #update: babe is canon!

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gentlemanbutch · 11 months

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Idk if any other trans (especially those whose identities are somewhere outside the binary) relate, but my longing to look like someone else/envy over other people’s looks has been just…sort of interesting to see evolve.

As a kid, I had no concept that one could be trans (much less anything but binary man/binary woman), but I can look back now and see I was dysphoric on top of just insecure like anyone else. I remember looking at girls my age and wishing so badly that I looked like them because I wasn’t conventionally pretty and never felt like I was good at performing “girlness” correctly (and also I went through puberty earlier than most of them did and ended up with a much larger chest than they did, and I spent a massive amount of time absolutely loathing my chest…)

Now that I’ve had top surgery and have been on T for more than a year and don’t really pass either way, I almost never feel that way about women. Very occasionally I do, in a very distant way that I know will never be attainable and ultimately would not make me happy — it just sounds like it would be easier. I more often see conventionally attractive guys and get that same feeling, but more intense. Just like damn. I wish I looked like that. And I don’t even know if I would want to look like that if we lived in a perfect world free of bigotry because I feel so connected to my butchness and being a big hairy dyke, but like … oh my god it would also just be easier. Ya know?

#internalized transphobia #I guess #idk it’s just made me kinda sad ish lately #it’s hard to feel confident being a visibly queer person in an envornment where you never see anyone else who’s visibly queer #southern queer #southern trans #trans southerner #queer southerner #queer #trans #transmasc #lesbian #butch

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iloveyouemanuelmarco · 2 months

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Ok so I might sound kinda crazy but hear me out, do you ever feel like you're cis when you're transgender based on reality? I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense so lemme explain my situation to you a little bit but please be aware it's probably not gonna make much sense to anyone other than me and hopefully a few other people I guess? But whatever, anyways: So basically to start us off at the beginning, I've known I was somewhere on the transgender/genderqueer spectrum for like I think a few years now or atleast 1-2 if that's important and at first it was like I was fine with not being completly a girl, but at the same time it didn't feel like a big deal because I was still mostly a girl and I had the idea that no one would get mad at me if I just lived like a cis person when I actually felt like a demigirl or something related to that because I still liked being feminine while at the same time I wasn't completly female like my birth gender. Then, awhile later I realized I felt more boyish when it came to my gender identity, but at the same time felt more girly and felt my sexuality changing it's personal definition so I was like..."Yo wtf why am I getting so upset all of a sudden being feminine? I atleast thought it wouldn't be that bad" because on certain days I would get dysphoric but also be ok on other days. Keep in mind, this was around the time still where younger me was being influenced by the transmedicalist/truscum debate points that were more popular on the internet to say the least so it was obviously gonna be negative and cause me to push those feelings of mine aside for not wanting to be seen as a "trender" or someone fake or whatever. Ofcourse I would eventually grow out of that and realize with the internet that all trans people are different and that you don't have to pick between trans boy, trans girl and nonbinary" which was slowly turning into a binary at some point by cis people. Blah blah blah, eventually I decided that I was a trans dude(ftm) but also genderfluid which is sorta accurate today but I felt more bigender then when I identified as such than anything now so I don't know uhh. Why'd I bring up all this past gender and sexuality spectrum clutter again??Oh right, because I've been noticing changes with how I present myself atleast sorta recently. To keep it somewhat sane-sounding, for the past 4 months at the very least, while I do recognize that I am technically and realistically a trans boy due to being afab, at the same time for some odd reason, I keep feeling...like a cis-ajacent man for a lack of a better term? Like its not that I wanna be some sort of "pick-me" or whatever, far from it actually but like...I do identify with the label being ftm but at the same time apart of me doesn't because I already am a man despite not being like that at birth???I feel less like a trans guy and more like a feminine cis dude trapped in a mostly female body??I know it doesn't sound accurate to you all but I hope it somewhat can make sense later? Tbh it's better when explained verbally irl than like me attempting to write down a complicated experience of mine coherently. I don't wanna be a cis male either since they hurt so many people so there's that...

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celecaster · 15 days

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Sort of a weird thing where it's like, I don't feel like my AGAB not just from a dysphoric lense but like, I don't know, I just don't feel like I've ever cared about or even been familiar with things associated with or expected of my AGAB. But it's like, maybe 'nonbinary' fits me closest but there's some subtext about that that I don't relate to either, or something? Maybe it's just because it's an English word so it throws me off. Like if I call myself nonbinary I will automatically be presumed or read under the lens of, say, American gender roles [ doesn't matter of which gender ]. Weird.

I'm envious that there are communities of trans people elsewhere though. It's a weird thing but even though trans people exist here, of course, maybe it's uh, well I can't articulate it and won't bother to. Just that it feels like I'm stuck in mainstream society with normie-cis-type people anyway so what's the point. I don't know any trans people anywhere.

#I'm not counting people I know exist but I have no personal relation to #This poste makes no sense I know I just have a strange dysphoric feeling right now #Anyway somewhat thought about it from the last reblog: it's not exclusive to trans-ness but more a thing about communities #A very strange feeling overall surrounding who/what I 'identify' as without the context of a 'community' for it to be built off of #Just an alienating thing all over again?#Like I can't have interpersonal relationships and I also can't be a member of a 'community'#so any identity I have is meaningless because identities themselves only exist within sociocultural context #so it's not self-loathing so much as detachment #I don't feel like I exist at all

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bigmeansweatydyke · 2 years

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Hey so I'm just wondering, what does 'ex-radfem(ish)' mean in your bio? Which radfem views do you still hold/not hold and what made you decide to consider yourself an ex-radfem?

(Not looking for a gotcha here btw, just curious. I have a lot of radfem-adjacent opinions but wouldn't call myself one online. Interested in hearing many different views.)

sorry this took a million years lol. i still consider myself a feminist and believe think radical feminist/second wave ideas are really valuable, and i am still very critical of men as a whole lol. however over the past year i've just become more and more squicked over how many radfems (mostly terfblr but others as well) speak about and treat dysphoric women and the discussion surrounding dysphoria in general. when it comes to trans people i personally DO feel a connection with them because with how i feel about myself and how i live my life, these are people i have more in common with than i don't, especially in relation to trans men and transmasc people. for years i've wanted top surgery or at least a major breast reduction and i felt guilty for wanting that or discussing that in radfem spaces due to the general attitude of "young gnc girls NEED role models!" which i agree with a lot! however i feel that there's this subtle attitude that i should basically just be a sacrificial lamb for radfems/gencrits lmao. like i'm an adult with a good understanding of my dysphoria and what would make me feel better, but i should continue to feel like shit so radfems and gc's can one-up the transes on twitter and tumblr dot com. along with the subtle implication that dysphoric women who do transition or go through w aspects of transition are ~poor misguided women~ who have been lead astray.

i've actually been more open in discussing some of my views with friends and acquaintances irl and you'll honestly find that even people who front on social media as being really intensely into "TRA" arguments are a lot more open and complex in their views.

plus i just don't like the general sort of nastiness i see on radfemblr; i don't like the way it's made me think about other people, about folks i don't even know. i'm just not that kind of person a lot of the time.

idk my feelings on the matter are complicated and i'm always trying to challenge my views. sorry if this was a disjointed ramble, i've been thinking about how to answer this question for a while and have so many thots. i hope this cleared things up a bit though!

#response #my post

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