#I really am completely invisible

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

rediscovered this vine and couldn't resist

#this was a lesson in why thumbnailing is important! #bc instead of an actual angle change i drew the exact same angle just slightly to the left #i literally almost thumbnailed this but i went 'nah this is simple i dont need to' .... mf you needed to #i normally have no interest in making little animatic type things but these guys are just to easy and fun to draw #might make more vine based ones #anyway posting this at 1 am bc im a coward <3 #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #scribble salad #i really hope im remembering correctly that frank is a little aware? not to wally's extent but hes got some awareness? #anyway this vine is what i imagine being on the show was like for him #wally kept just staring off and talking at an invisible point #frank must've thought he was completely bonkers huh

[thecruellestmonth]

Do you guys really believe that killing is the singular bad thing that cops do?

Or even that killing is the most frequent bad thing that cops do?

Are you saying that if cops didn't kill, then they'd be the same as Batman? Because then you're suggesting that effectively Batman already is a cop, with the exception that he hasn't killed (just like the majority of U.S. cops, who have never once shot or killed anybody).

I'm a bit worried to see opinions suggesting that only killing is wrong—and that violence, stalking, and humiliation are okay. In real-life, police commit countless acts of those "little" abuses, terrorizing entire communities, before they murder anybody.

Invading people's privacy is wrong. Hurting people to the point of hospitalization is wrong. Forcibly drugging people is wrong. Putting people in cages is wrong. Torture and "enhanced interrogation" are wrong. Ambushing people in their homes and safe places is wrong. Keeping inexhaustible wealth is wrong.

Superhero comics are power fantasies. Not all fantasies need to reflect our ideology in reality. But once you apply your real-life values to fiction, once you decide that fiction showcases exemplary real-life ideology—then your praise for Batman's ideology does become a worrying reflection of your real-life understanding of social issues.

#copaganda #Bruce Wayne critical #GCPD #fandom discourse #Batman copaganda #police brutality cw #Almost sorry to drag serious discussion of copaganda into ridiculous superhero comics but I swear the other guys started it first... #To be clear I'm completely disinterested in condemning or interrogating Bruce over his personal choice not to kill. #But I am so fascinated in how he justifies his own use of violence and privilege!!! So very very fascinated!! #Once again: LESLIE THOMPKINS IS RIGHT. #Actually I'm not gonna tag this post as @nti Bruce W@yne--because really I enjoy canon Bruce a hell of a lot more than his stans do lol. #Sorry but Batman isn't a darling anti-cop revolutionary. If he were then he'd get in line behind Green Arrow and like the Invisibles. #I mean maybe The Audio Adventures version is anti cop but still in a free-market libertarian power fantasy kind of way if you can dig that. #violence mention cw #murder mention cw #fandom drama #This is why Cheer doesn't work because Red Hood realizes 'Oh I don't want kids to lose their parents like I lost mine-- #--therefore I won't murder anymore. It's time to put my faith in the system. 👼👼👼' #Jason sweetie... you lost your father firstly to criminalization and incarceration for property crime. #You lost your mother to poverty and addiction. You are actually not like Batdaddy and your trauma is not a mere echo of his trauma. #Batman discourse

[citnamora]

While we absolutely should make telling your friends that you love them a more socially acceptable thing I think we should show just as much energy in normalizing not saying those words back because many of us do not feel the emotions attached or simply don't like saying it from personal discomfort or other completely valid reasons!! This is something we also need to acknowledge!!!

#aplatonic #friendship #loveless #notthebookbyaliceoseman #this invisible pressure of saying it back or being a bad person/asshole if you don't reciprocate?? is so bullshit??? we need to stop acting #like not feeling something that's a common experience is a bad thing!! or completely unnatural!!! because it's really shitty!!!!! #you should absolutely bring this up with your friends btw!! the point is to not assume and overstep boundaries!!! #don't get me wrong. I am all for affectionate friendships whether verbal. physical. etc. and I think telling your friends you love them #(if you're both comfy with it ofc) is very sweet!!! I adore the idea!!!! but we should put just as much energy towards letting ppl opt out! #this applies to any relationship btw. I was just focusing on friendship because I saw a post today of a loveless person stuck in this #and I feel for them. I too have times of extreme discomfort with echoing a sentiment towards friends

[lovelyrotter]

yknow i think a lot of the really far-gone transfemme vs transmasc people who still play by the 6th grade milquetoast "trans women are targeted way more than trans men cause femininity is bad and masculinity is good In Our Society, so trans men get free acceptability passes" feminism forget that trans men/transmascs started life. as. little girls. we were mistaken, from birth, for baby girls. and we were raised by our parents to believe that we were little girls.

a lot of trans men and transmascs then grew up to be teenaged girls

a lot of trans men and transmascs were adult women too

and for a while we *believed* we were girls and women. some of us even WISHED we were girls and women (points at myself). and much more importantly, we were continually seen as girls and women. a lot of the time, we are STILL seen as girls and women, even with full fuckin beards and baritone voices. especially if we need to go to any kind of medical professional. this is what our free acceptability pass looks like?

its just so much more nuanced than these 'boys vs girls' people ever seem to care to think about. even binary trans folks dont have the same sense of cisgendered binary that cis people do. we literally cross from one fake end of the fake-binary to the other. thats where the trans in transgender comes from. i dont know how some other trans folks seem to forget that?? i don't know how, somewhere along the line, we forgot that trans men and transmascs also directly suffer under misogyny?

#my t #sorry for more gender based griping i saw smth on twitter that reminded me of this. #the bright spots of Little Girl euphoria i had in my childhood were rare and beautiful. i refuse to forget them. #my perception of myself i had as a child is important to me. #possibly in a different way to others because. yknow. i am plural. #and plural folks have a different brain and sense of understanding of themselves that singlets wont have. its just a neurological differenc #but my little girl self is an important part of my present day adult man self. #and looking at the adult trans men in my system who are still under my care today- #the little girls they were - however fucking briefly - are still important to me and to them too. #and i fully understand that a lot of other trans folks cannot think of themselves this way #but trans mens experiences of being mistaken for little girls are as important as trans womens experiences being mistaken for little boys #we are all trapped in the same systemic cycle of gender-based abusive conditioning. #really we just have to do away with assigning gender to baby bits completely. its weird. #trans men are either eternally confused women or just invisible #and crushed under the weight of maintaining a cis-man image. #i mean for fucks sake #my partner system and us have been talking about having a kid for ages #if i were to get pregnant i'd just have to accept the fact that i have to masquerade around as a woman for 9 months. #because there is NOTHING for pregnant transmascs. #nothing. #there aren't even a lot of gender neutral options for maternity clothing. #even the term 'maternity' denotes femininity and motherhood. #paternity clothing isn't a thing that exists for me for look forward to or even mildly worry about. #and i'm just talking about a *planned* pregnancy involving a trans man. what do yall think happens to transmascs with unwanted pregnancies. #what a privileged life i lead as a no-op no-hrt trans man. big cishet loves me because i am obviously exactly like a cis man now #just want people to stop infighting and being stupid tbh. #breaking: bro strider fictive gets really fuckin pressed about gender and systemic abuse again!

[gardenia777]

society if i wasn’t obsessed with the idea of being in a relationship

#omg me when i vent in the tags hold on #discord oomfies : here we go again #IDKKKKKKK i’m on my period but something about being completely romantically invisible for my entire life is so. IT FEELS SO SHITTY #like i’ve never had a talkikg stage i’ve never been hit on nothing ever like that #like it is hard not to feel like a hideous beast i just don’t know what i’m doing wrong #I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME WHAT IM DOING WRONG!!!!!!!!! #bc as pathetic as this sounds i really do spend like the majority of my day wondering what the hell is so unattractive about me #bc i put all this effort in to try and be as conventionally attractive as possible. am i saying its working? no! but it’s not as bad as it #could be #and i mask SO HARD trying to be nice and normal #AND IM JUST!!! INVISIBLE !!!! #romantically that is the christian girlies who follow me around wanting to be friends don’t count. #omfg i know i’m whinging so much i’m annoying mysekf but if i don’t get this out i’ll explode #just keeping waiting for SOMETHING to happen and watching it happen to everyone i grew up with except me #IT HURTS!!!!!! #ok . going to go . idk do something . listen to rautavaara maybe

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

its so important to me that william is a jealous petty little bitch. its so important to me that hes an absolute shithead about it. you go girl be so toxic<3

#im allowed to say this because i was like this #literally “youre the most jealous man i know” “YOU KNOW OTHER MEN???” #no but fr. i like that hes shitty and jealous and petty and mean about it. i really really like that #william wisp is like if danny phantom was me in middle school and i will stand by this fact until i am proven wrong or i die #whichever comes first #i cant put it into words much but. representation for the jealousy bitches without completely villifying them immediately <3 #is it cool to do? no. is it mean? yeah absolutely. does it hurt other people? sometimes!!! #but also sometimes youre a teenager whos been hurt by the world in more ways than you can count #and the one person whos had your back through a lot of it is now #spending all their attention on other people and treating you like youre invisible (<< a particularly harsh jab for this specific case) #you thought what you had was special but it was never really *dating* was it? #so technically theyre not doing anything wrong but that doesnt make the knife in your heart hurt any less !!!!!!!! #sorry im having ghostknife emotions tonihht i just finished episode 5 its so important to me that william is petty and shitty and jealous #reaction time #i BETTER see some fics out there with this. #you people are not allowed to sand him down to be the sad quiet emo softboy. #which he is but like hes more complex than that. let him be shitty and mean.

[gothamcityneedsme]

on a literary level, i understand why people consider the house in hol to be horrifying, the single signpost of all that is terrifying in the unknown and impossible etc. but for me, even in the book, the scary parts were always how those things affected and changed men. (or like. How man survives in such a space).

the house never really terrified me. The man is worse than the minotaur

#Shitpost #running into this with regards to that game that came out #but also just the popularity of setting/location/liminal space horror increases this #Like idk man. This is why that game that was made cant really entertain me or terrify #because the horror in hol is the expierences of the people in it #who they become and how they change #a game puts the player in that position and as i am unaffected by such mystery #i would simply never enter. It. Wouldnt bother me #in orfer for the story to function i require the characters through which to interpret it #the terror is not in the situation or the house to me. It is in the navidsons and the others #idk on a level i understand this concept but it strikes completely dull to me #im listening to a video while working and im just hit by how much it doesnt affect me #when the guy who fell fell. I was terrified for him and the loss of power he expierenced #When the shotgun scene happened i was terrified of a man who had let this place warp him into a monster worse than the invisible minotaur #i find these would-be-theseuses more scary than the house #the adventuring spirit of man can so easily be an invader #and he brings his own demons with him to inhabit empty spaces #idk man. I feel like im talking about the walking dead 'the monsters are people'-ing this #and its like. Theres worth and saving to be done for people. But humanity is still the origin of the horror? #this is so strange to try to voice/write out #but this video was 50 minutes and i was thinking before the guy even brought up hol specifically #And this is just my overall thoughts on liminal spaces (and liminal horror) really #i am very unaffected by this particular fascination #which is a shame rly because it seems like it would appeal #but it doesnt lol

[alphalesbian]

.

#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money) #and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

[hellpupp]

Big Sad

#kicks dirt #idk how many times i can openly ask for what i need & just. not get it. before i've just gotta Stop bc it starts feeling pathetic #and potentially even bordering on emotionally manipulative. #debating the Morality of even tag-venting on my own blog bc i don't want anyone to assume this is targeted #i just feel Deeply Lonely and like i have absolutely nothing going on in my life except work #and just lowkey like.... Unseen. #sometimes i try So Fucking Hard to have a conversation with people only to have 100% of what i say completely ignored me #* in favor of a random meme. #it starts to fuck with you after a while! makes you feel Uninteresting and Foolish and Annoying #idk. #i mean i also ran out of my (Extremely Rough Withdrawal) SNRI last week so like. that isn't helping. #but it's more than that. i've been feeling like this for a while. #it just. really sucks when you move & have no irl friends. no energy to make any new ones. #and all of your long distance friends have A Lot of shit on their plates so you feel shitty and inconsiderate for even thinking of asking #for. well Anything really. let alone some of their extremely limited time & energy & attention. #like who tf am i to ask anyone #let alone people who are all Very busy and struggling w/ their own shit #for their undivided attention for a chunk of time they could be using to take care of themselves #i don't want to feel invisible anymore #but i also don't want to be a drain on the people i care about #i hate Needing things #i wish the depth of my love and devotion to the people i've chosen to care for was fulfilling enough on its own #so i'd never need to ask for things #having emotional needs is like. sooo gross & selfish of me tbh. :/' go the fuck to therapy holy shit u would Never say this abt Anyone else #anyway. watch me delete this in 5 seconds bc the need to be seen & the mortification of being Perceived can & do coexist #χ.txt

[momochiiee-reblogs]

On another note I feel so drained after last weekend

I'd love to take a break from life for a while but my younger sibling has constantly been sistematically causing problems every week and it reached a horrible point this weekend

My parents don't help at all cuz they put absolutely 0 limits to him so I am here just seeing him throw his life away and have the worst kind of company

#irl struggles #momochiiee mussings #I am trapped in the role of a parent because the real parents are neglectful af #it's absurd thinking they put me under so much pressure all my life and were so strict to me while completely neglecting my mental health #and to my brother it's been the entirely contrary they've put 0 pressure on him 0 rules or conditions and had him go to therapy since young #the boy is.... a handful completely disrespectful and insensitive towards everyone all the time #yet he gets drunk and comes crying to me saying he wishes to be like me? Boy have just a modicum of human decency that's all it is #I have many reasons to loathe him for his actions and opinions yet I care about him and hope he sees the wrong in his ways some day #If I ever get to afford living on my own I'm probably not going to stay in contact with them unless they reach out first #I'm so done with them all and the hypocrisy in this family #not that I believe they would really reach out to me anyway #I've always been very invisible unless it was to blame someone for anything or to unleash frustrations to randomly scream at me for anything #so yeah it's been a terrible weekend and my mood is a few kilometres underground to say the least

[catboybiologist]

“As a biologist, the terms biological woman and man don’t make any sense to me” okay then you’re an idiot and a terrible biologist. I swear to god, morons like you only become biologists just so you can hold it over others, when in reality, if biology deniers like you can become biologists, then being one really doesn’t mean much anyway. But this probably just gave an autogynophile like you a boner to read, anyway.

Oh fun! Haven't gotten one of these in a while. Disregarding the fact that you somehow think the qualification for being a biologist entirely hinges on defining womanhood, I do need to ask some clarification. I know I'm feeding the trolls here, but here we go: does your definition of "biological woman" mean:

Sociological woman? Eh, context dependent, I'm not fully out of the closet, but oftentimes, I am and present femme. So let's call that one 50/50.

Psychological woman? Because I am one.

Neurological woman? Because I am one [1].

Physical woman? My soft tissue redistribution is handling that well.

Hormonal woman? My blood tests are within cis female ranges.

Transcriptional woman? As a signalling molecule, the downstream effects of estrogen have broad transcriptional effects, completely changing the profile of gene expression and functional genomics of my cells. [2]

Genetic woman? I mean, see my above point- as far as my genes that are actually active, I have all of the same transcripts being produced, controlling which genes are expressed.

Karyotypic woman? I actually have a few signs pre-HRT that might point to a non-XY chromosome pair, but I haven't had a karyotype. We'll put that down as unknown. And hell, even if its XY, there's plenty of cis women who are karyotypically XY, with suppressed sry or complete androgen insensitivity. Interestingly enough, a completely androgen insesitive woman can go her whole life without knowing- and functionally, is very similar to a trans woman, actually. Fancy that. [3]

Reproductive woman? I can't produce an egg cell, but neither can significant fractions of cis women. Also, this is all gonna change soon, which is fun. [4]

There's also a lot of understudied aspects to the biology of HRT and even pre-HRT that are emerging, largely demonstrating widespread cellular and genetic remodeling of trans individuals undergoing hormone therapy. The field is a bit behind due to constant political pressure to revoke funding, but a lot of the results are extremely exciting in both testosterone and estrogen hormone therapies. I'm sure that, as a self professed biology As someone who presumably has a lot of expertise in biology, I'm assuming that you're aware of all of this cutting edge research, and are keeping up with modern papers, including but not limited to these cool findings:

Trans men on HRT exhibit significant genetic and transcriptional changes that make them biochemically male. [5][6]. It's a good hypothesis that the same happens with estrogen treatment, but those studies don't exist yet- I'm sure you're reserving judgment until more publications exist, of course.

Trans men on HRT develop male cell types and tissues. [7]

Trans women experience muscular and blood cell changes that align with cis women moreso than cis men [8]

And many, many more! This is an exciting, underserved, and groundbreaking field of research, and I'm sure you're keeping up with the latest in scientific journals about it.

I'm sure, of course, that you understand that it becomes impossible to draw a distinct line anywhere in here, and that words like "woman" are shorthand for the myriad of traits that invisibly synthesize in our mind and in society to represent a concept? I'm sure you understand that science is fundamentally descriptive, not prescriptive? I'm sure that you understand that these findings, while really cool and interesting, actually don't mean jack shit about what the word "woman" means or not?

As someone who is the ultimate decider in what a biologist is, I'm sure you know that bioessentiallism is a childish mindset that completely ignores and disregards the constantly changing, dynamic nature of biological systems, something that extends well beyond biological sex and its relation to gender.

I'm sure that also, that you understand that beyond just this, that the role of science in society is to advise how to achieve our moral principles, not create moral principles in themselves. And I'm sure that understanding means you know that trans affirming healthcare and supportive societal treatment leads to reduced mortality and increased happiness for everyone, right?

So great to talk to someone who is surely a scientist on this. You are a biologist, if you're talking like this, I assume? I assume you're not going to spit complete misreadings of scientific language from the background sections of these papers that only reveal you've never read a scientific paper in your life if you're thinking this way? I assume you have experience interpreting data like this?

Also, imagining my genitalia while writing this? Ew. Please stop projecting your fetishes into my inbox.

Works cited:

Kurth F, Gaser C, Sánchez FJ, Luders E. Brain Sex in Transgender Women Is Shifted towards Gender Identity. J Clin Med. 2022 Mar 13;11(6):1582. doi: 10.3390/jcm11061582. PMID: 35329908; PMCID: PMC8955456.

Fuentes N, Silveyra P. Estrogen receptor signaling mechanisms. Adv Protein Chem Struct Biol. 2019;116:135-170. doi: 10.1016/bs.apcsb.2019.01.001. Epub 2019 Feb 4. PMID: 31036290; PMCID: PMC6533072.

Gottlieb B, Trifiro MA. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. 1999 Mar 24 [Updated 2017 May 11]. In: Adam MP, Feldman J, Mirzaa GM, et al., editors. GeneReviews® [Internet]. Seattle (WA): University of Washington, Seattle; 1993-2024. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK1429/

Murakami, K., Hamazaki, N., Hamada, N. et al. Generation of functional oocytes from male mice in vitro. Nature 615, 900–906 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-023-05834-x

Pallotti F, Senofonte G, Konstantinidou F, Di Chiano S, Faja F, Rizzo F, Cargnelutti F, Krausz C, Paoli D, Lenzi A, Stuppia L, Gatta V, Lombardo F. Epigenetic Effects of Gender-Affirming Hormone Treatment: A Pilot Study of the ESR2 Promoter's Methylation in AFAB People. Biomedicines. 2022 Feb 16;10(2):459. doi: 10.3390/biomedicines10020459. PMID: 35203670; PMCID: PMC8962414.

Florian Raths, Mehran Karimzadeh, Nathan Ing, Andrew Martinez, Yoona Yang, Ying Qu, Tian-Yu Lee, Brianna Mulligan, Suzanne Devkota, Wayne T. Tilley, Theresa E. Hickey, Bo Wang, Armando E. Giuliano, Shikha Bose, Hani Goodarzi, Edward C. Ray, Xiaojiang Cui, Simon R.V. Knott, The molecular consequences of androgen activity in the human breast, Cell Genomics, Volume 3, Issue 3, 2023, 100272, ISSN 2666-979X, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xgen.2023.100272. (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666979X23000320)

Xu R, Diamond DA, Borer JG, Estrada C, Yu R, Anderson WJ, Vargas SO. Prostatic metaplasia of the vagina in transmasculine individuals. World J Urol. 2022 Mar;40(3):849-855. doi: 10.1007/s00345-021-03907-y. Epub 2022 Jan 16. PMID: 35034167.

Harper J, O'Donnell E, Sorouri Khorashad B, McDermott H, Witcomb GL. How does hormone transition in transgender women change body composition, muscle strength and haemoglobin? Systematic review with a focus on the implications for sport participation. Br J Sports Med. 2021 Aug;55(15):865-872. doi: 10.1136/bjsports-2020-103106. Epub 2021 Mar 1. PMID: 33648944; PMCID: PMC8311086.

#cw transphobia #biology #basic biology

[tossawary]

One of my personal nitpicks for historical fantasy is a lack of servants, staff, subordinates, and... idk... subjects? Like, their absence is not... a total dealbreaker for me, depending on the situations the characters are in and whether or not I can just assume that other people are there in the background... but so many of the protagonists in historical fantasy stuff are higher-ranking (very often royalty), and/or have busy jobs, and/or have enormous houses that would necessitate having at least part-time staff.

Like, girl, you should have a maid! WHERE is your chaperone?! WHO is driving this carriage?! Where are your footmen? Are you trying to imply that a WEALTHY DUCHESS is taking a CAB?! You know that you probably have tenants, right? Where is your steward?! Where is your lawyer? Your accountant?! (Like, yeah, you're not going to have your lawyer living in your house, but you HAVE one, right???)

Or, man, you're supposed to be a military commander and you don't even have a single secretary?! Where is your SQUIRE?! (In the spirit of historical fiction, I am jumping wildly across time periods with every sentence here.) Man, I know you aren't looking after your own boots. Where are your GUARDS?! Who set up this tent for you?! Who is looking after your horse?! Who is making and carrying the incredibly valuable maps people are recklessly stabbing daggers into?!

SOMEONE has to be scrubbing these floors and delivering the mail and cooking the meals and doing laundry, and they're probably all DIFFERENT people! My dentist has at least three different receptionists and we can't even get ONE for our court wizard here? A sorcerer's apprentice to take notes? Someone like Sherlock Holmes could get away with just having a housekeeper and taking taxis, sure, but your character is supposed to be a KING?! Why is he answering his own front door? He's going to get assassinated. His SERVANTS should have SERVANTS.

Like, yes, I understand that a lot of servants in certain places at certain times were supposed to make their labor invisible, but there have always been servants who still had to interact directly with the masters of the house?! Yeah, there are potentially really messy ethics here, class divisions are bullshit, but I don't think that completely ignoring the reality that humans have ALWAYS been doing work for other humans is better than just including some well-paid and well-treated servants and employees? Because a complete absence of them, especially where logically for the worldbuilding there MUST be servants (and probably exploited servants, or worse, for some particular worldbuilds to work), often makes me think that your main characters just don't care enough to notice the "lower class" people or know their names.

Also, even Frodo Baggins had a gardener and Samwise Gamgee might be the best damn character in the story?! Sam saved the world?! Servants are PEOPLE. Servants are often the funniest and most interesting characters, tbh, with the most to say about a society and its workings (yes, Discworld is a very good book series, highly recommend), and also the joke of some romantic scene being carefully orchestrated by a stage crew of servants frantically diving into bushes to stay out of sight never gets old to me. Teamwork makes the dream work!

I don't want to gatekeep historical fiction, especially not historical fantasy, because the worlds don't necessarily have to conform to our own and may have magic and characters are often in very unique circumstances, but... sometimes I pick up a story and it's like... "Author, please tell me that you know there is a difference between a butler and a valet?!"

#tossawary reading #tossawary watching #I don't know what to tag this as #tossawary fandom #long post #where are your servants

[inkskinned]

it's just that there's a few more steps you have to take that other people don't have to take, but they don't see the steps, so they think you should be able to hop from moment to moment, a chickadee.

it isn't getting out of bed. it is the weight, the hook in your chest, the anchor. you have to move the anchor first. you have to silence your alarm, but your phone is in your hand, which means now you have to put the phone down, which is too-hard. you get stuck in there for a while, the white screen, mindlessly scrolling. you don't even like this activity, have tried a few other options but - here you are, and time is passing.

you've googled iron deficiency causes depression and if i drink enough water does it help with mental illness and anxiety but no caffiene within the last two weeks, like how you googled am i gay quiz at 17.

it isn't just calling the doctor back, it's the anxiety, it's these little moths in your lung cavities, furious and fluttering. you need to figure out how to capture your fingers from between their nervous bodies. you are an adult, you can say the words yes hi, i'm calling because i need - but you need to practice first. maybe write it down because what if you misspeak, wouldn't that be embarrassing. write it down, but you need to find a pen first. well, actually, your desk is kind of messy. you should get a new pen. you should get a new organizational system. you should try journaling.

your grades in school were always strange. the way teachers would say things like it feels like you're not trying. you could touch stars in the stuff you cared about. well, sometimes. god be willing. homework average zero. oops! your english teacher's wrinkled brow: i know you know this stuff. what the fuck are you doing?

it isn't the showering, it's the mirror before the shower and the soft horrible pull of your naked physique. you have to avoid eye contact completely or else it'll be 93 minutes later and you'll have picked at your skin until every little pore is bleeding. you have to stand up but standing is tiring and also you should have remembered to buy more soap but you never remember anything. maybe get out of the shower and while it's still running and you're still dripping wet, use your phone to take a note. make a note to get your groceries. let the shower run while you stand half-in half-out and get lost in your phone for a moment. come back out when the water runs cold and now you have to sprint to get ready.

your grandmother's frown. you're just being lazy. protestant work ethics in a house that isn't even protestant. she says she just learned different but she means learned better, doesn't she.

it's not that you can't send the email, it's that your hands have been hurting lately and the desk really is messy and also why the fuck would you even care about this thing? doesn't everyone else feel like they're drowning? hi brendon thanks so much for sending! will review and get back to you shortly. but now you're on the internet, close the tab with tumblr on it. go on, close it. feel the little soft vapor of boredom come up and over your eyeteeth and make everything overwhelming and itchy.

literally all you have to do is put on shoes to go outside. you're literally already dressed, that's the hard part of this whole thing. literally just put the shoes on. just... do it! do it! this shit is easy!

it's literally that easy. just stop taking all those stupid invisible steps. stop following your strange made-up rules. times like this, even you're positive you're faking. you just don't want to bother with the cleaning and the cooking and the being-an-adult.

but then - shouldn't you be able to put these stupid shoes on? nobody's even looking. go on kid. life is out there! just take the leap!

get moving.

#spilled ink #writeblr #warm up

[darkmothsy]

That feeling when you're the least important member in your family

#i am completely replaceable #the house looks better when im not the one upkeeping it #everyone is happier when im not the one trying to help #everything works better when I'm not around #sad #personal #i had a really bad day and no one noticed #invisible #i want to disappear #late night thoughts #sad hours #ignore this #I'm hella depressed #mentally ill #everyone is better off without me #just needed to vent #since no one is gonna see this anyways

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#ah. my parents would have an easier time if i could do this #oh. maybe my friends would like me more if i did that #huh. id belong more if i wasnt like this... #diary #personal #i keep thinking more and more lately how people would like me more if i was just a bit different in some places #like or #or even just #and really. it always make me think just how fucking worthless i am? like. if only all these people knew someone else #i keep on thinking and thinking and thinking about just how utterly useless i am #i... always act certain ways and do certain things and put up walls here and there with everyone around me #i cant remember a time i havent done this. ive always his myself. especially from my parents. #maybe thats why i only ever am completely okay and comfortable alone #i think for some people there just is simply no peace in others. at all. #and i sometimes think. that perhaps nobody truly knows me at all? perhaps they just see this fucking illusion i created #i... dont really like showing the person underneath. and i certain wont show it. #idk. sometimes i just think no one seems to quite perfectly understand me and what i want. #idk. honesty i just wish someone else better than me would replace me. bc im no good really. i wasnt built quite right #idk. ive tried really hard. but im sorta still invisible. unimportant. and while in some ways i truly enjoy life #its just not enough. not even close. i honestly wasnt built to exist like this i think. i think im sorta like a shooting star maybe? #brilliant and short-lived before i blow up spectacularly and just burn. like maybe theres some remnants left but not enough #idk. just a thought. if i could be replaced by anyone else id probably take it. i dont matter much anyways.

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

Hehe

#ok look being bullied is like really bad and traumatic but being literally invisible to your classmates hurts too #at least for me for some reason it amplifies the feeling of being the odd one out #and idk the fact that my f*ther usually picks me up makes this specific dey a little bit better #because it's a reminder that i am not completely insignificant #anyway he didn't come today and i weited 25 minutes for him to show up watching all my classmates leave together and pass right by me like #i wasn't even there #and tbh after 20 minutes and around 50 the next car is going to be him #I kinda started to cry because i had a terrible dey #and i think he understood it when he finally arrived and found me sitting on the edge of the sidewalk tearing up #he still blamed me for weyting for him at the wrong place #but like i still feel like shit #and like there's something wrong with me because that's what being ignored on purpose makes me feel like #by my classmates because I've actually been told that #and i low key want to dig a pit and hide in there