#χ.txt

[hellpupp]

who will let me boop them 899 895 times so i can get all three badges

#if u REALLY loved me u would let me absolutely ruin your notifs /j #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

my immune system, at the slightest provocation:

#seem to be getting a slight cold #so naturally my body decided attacking absolutely everything in sight is the only reasonable response #disability #psoriatic arthritis #χ.txt #autoimmune disorder

[hellpupp]

🦇 ℌ𝔞𝔭𝔭𝔶 ⚰️ ℌ𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔬𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔫 🥀

full outfit:

#got nowhere to go and nothin to do but LIKE HELL am i gonna just Not take the opportunity to be a hot genderweird vamp #χ.txt #i can't remember my selfie tag lmao

[hellpupp]

shoutout to my mutuals who have a bunch of rly specific recurring tags that they use.

i love scrolling down my dash & seeing a cool beetle or something and being like "ooh, what do we have here? do i detect a 'Bug Boy's Invertebrate Inspiration Power Hour'?", scrolling a little further, and getting a big ol' hit of dopamine bc IT IS "Bug Boy's Invertebrate Inspiration Power Hour"!!!

#χ.txt #[sees some aesthetic artwork of a rabbit] 'ah yes that one's gonna be a lapine.' #funny text post abt unhinged codependent & extremely anxious besties? we've got some 'Burger Boys' over here

[hellpupp]

bought myself a lil cheapie bubbler so i can finally retire the ol' gatorade bottle, lmao

unfortunately $20 doesn't get you much in the way of aesthetics, so i made it a little cuter

#χ.txt

[hellpupp]

very pleased to announce that we are bringing back Indulgences, updated for the modern age!

instead of allowing catholics to purchase a Sin Permission Slip from god by donating to the Church, cis people pay a trans person a sliding scale fee (depending upon the severity of the transgression, and not including violence.)

In exchange, the cis person gets either: One(1) microaggression, or use of transphobic slur/outdated terminology of their choice; OR, One(1) statement of absolution for past instances of these actions.

with the launch of this exciting new program, we can at long last do away with conversions like this: "omg i'm sorry- it's just sooooo hard for me bc you're such a [pretty/handsome/etc.] [incorrect gender]!! ugh i'm so sorry i feel just awful, i'm a terrible person."

with Cis Indulgences, that uncomfortable 10 minute long self-flagellating apology can be skipped right over with a simple micro transaction!

to enroll in this program, simply find your local trans person & fork over your wallet. they'll know what it's for! ;)

SPECIAL OFFER: sign up by May 1st to get one FREE indulgence with your registration fee!

"Cis Indulgences: They're Gonna Pay for my Dick!" ™

#For $8000/mo I Will Stop (correcting/being angry at you when you misgender me) #[Cis Voice] 'Oops I Have Done It A Second Time !' (hands you $300) #anyway cishet women stop calling me pretty challenge #i know i'm pretty but ur not saying it in a faggy way so Be Quiet #χ.txt #LMAO? this got posted w/ a mature label initially but i did NOT apply that. wonder if tumblr caught a word it didn't like in the post

[hellpupp]

i'm so fucking bored lately, i need at least 5 of you to get Worse on purpose & be terminally online about it

#this is a Joke #in case that was somehow unclear #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

mutuals, i am sinking my teeth in2 ur skin and shaking ur little ragdoll body from side to side, like a dog w/ its favorite chew toy 💜

#gently gnaw ur besties #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

i can tell i'm a 30-something man, now, bc i got an incredible deal on a craftsman power sander & a black & decker jigsaw today ($10 each!!!!) and my mind is now Consumed with thoughts of what i could possibly go home and power-sand.

#χ.txt

[hellpupp]

"playlist" but it's literally just half the discography of 1-3 artists (in album tracklist order) & a couple of random 80s one-hit-wonders

#i literally won't allow myself to put more than 3 songs by the same artist on a playlist at the absolute most!!! #and they can Never be consecutive except in the rare case of 2 tracks that are made to transition seamlessly #Yes i am being a Judgy Snob #2 bad ekfjdjhf #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

-> misses 3 days of meds bc i was sick & out of it

-> "🥺🥺 why is my brain eating itself?? why am i so sad and anxious and lonely? why do i feel so Isolated, & Attention-Needy??? clearly these things are True. i should spend the entire day examining myself under a microscope to root out the Fundamental Flaw that makes me this way."

#Every Goddamn Time #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

ok i was skeptical when people kept telling me that gc2b binders weren't safe anymore, bc (stitching-quality issues aside) i've had good experience with them for a long time.

but uhhhh. ya boi did, in fact, injure his ribs. going to UC tomorrow to get checked out to make sure it's just a bruise or strain, and not a break (doubt it, seeing as i'm not bedridden) and i've stopped using my binders for now

in the meantime, because it's not exactly safe for me to completely stop binding in public, i'm using KT tape. i wouldn't say it's comfortable exactly, but it does an ok job of flattening me out, and it's not as restrictive as the binders. i've made it through the day without being literally nauseated w/ pain, so i'll call that a win, lol.

#χ.txt

[hellpupp]

"what are you looking for in a male character?" another male character, mostly

#zing!!! #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

something that's been bugging me a lot lately is that i feel very talked Around.

like, i keep running into situations where i try and start a conversation, or participate in an existing one, and people just kinda never even acknowledge that i've said something, or will respond to other people in the convo, but continually Not to me.

idk, for the most part i'm sure it's not intentional. but it starts to really fuck with me after a while, especially when it's happening in multiple areas. starts to make me feel invisible.

#idk what i'm getting at w/ this. i don't exactly expect it to change. at least not Once and for All. #i guess i just needed to Say it bc i've been bottling it up #χ.txt

[hellpupp]

speaking of complex & perhaps seemingly contradictory identities, while i publicly ID as gay man, that's honestly a huge oversimplification for the purpose of convenience. it's very important to me that people w/ more than an elementary understanding of gender understand that when i say my gender is "gay", i'm not just being silly, i mean it. my sexuality & gender are inextricable from each other.

my partner of 10 years identifies as a trans man (w/ left nonbinary), so that's how i feel most comfortable as well. if i were with a woman, i'd probably identify as a woman (but maybe just woman-aligned nonbinary.) if i were with a nonbinary person, i'd probably feel more comfortable identifying & being more "visibly" Other, in terms of gender presentation.

i think i probably would have always ended up medically & socially transitioning to at least some degree, but that wouldn't necessarily dictate my gender identity.

i've had people suggest "oh, so you're pansexual & bigender/genderfluid/etc!" and while i somewhat understand the impulse to be like "oh, there's an existing term for the experience you're describing!" ......no. i'm not any of those things.

i suppose in the most technical sense, my gender is fluid, but it's not "genderfluid." my gender is gay. my sexuality is gay. idk how to break it down more simply than that.

#χ.txt #gender is a game & i have eaten the rulebook and introduced pieces from 4 different completely unrelated game sets

[hellpupp]

how does one Stop being at "bitch eating crackers" tier annoyed w/ someone's existence when simply removing them from your life isn't possible w/o other major social sacrifices you aren't willing to make

#grinding my teeth to dust #χ.txt #white-knuckling the bathroom sink: 'we are going to be KIND. we are going to be CORDIAL. even when it SUCKS. #bc the kind of person u want to be doesn't EXPLODE at people for being annoying.'