#I probably should have told my dad

[wanderingmind867]

I haven't talked about this in a while, but why not make one more post about my sexuality, for good measure? It's something I vented a lot about a long time ago, partially because I didn't want to discuss it with my dad or therapist. I probably should have told them, but it's too late now. I don't want to turn this post into a vent about the two secrets I've kept from my dad, but maybe I'll reblog that post again later. Sigh...

Anyways, I kept trying to figure out my sexuality because it really confused me, and I wanted answers for my own personal satisfaction. In doing that, I realized I'm aegosexual. I don't want sex and I've never even really thought about wanting sex with others before. I do however masturbate quite a bit. I seem to masturbate multiple times a week, so I don't know if I'm hypersexual too or if this is normal or what. But at the very least, I'm like 99% sure I'm aegosexual.

I'm also mostly attracted to the familiar, which means I mostly only read erotica about men. The male anatomy is familiar to me, so it's what I tend to look for erotica for. And I won't get into anything beyond this for right now, because I'm already feeling a bit awkward writing all this.

On a slightly less embarrassing note, I've figured out I'm probably Quoiromantic. I'm 19 now, and I've never understood romance. I know it's love, but what makes it different from platonic love? You can love a friend or a family member just as much as someone you're romantically involved with, so it all baffles me. And that's why I think I'm Quoiromantic. I simply don't understand the difference between Platonic and Romantic attraction in any major way.

#I probably should have told my dad #or my therapist #but it felt too embarrassing #so I never did #sigh... #aegosexual #asexuality #aspec #ace #acespec #quoiromantic #aromantic #arospec #aroace #autism #asd #neurodivergent #autistic #adhd #actually autistic #audhd #hypersexual

[lunarharp]

scribbly first date type affair (continuation of my modern au stuff)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #idk when the next modern au thing will be so i'll just post this by itself. hehe #that art was one of qifrey's first drawings. it was of a creepy eye. (it was around the time he got glasses as a kid) #(and was told that he might lose his sight completely one day so he became an emo because he already wanted to be an artist #like beldaruit who ran his foster home where he encouraged kids to draw art to express their feelings.) #and an insidious deviantart group called The Brimhats idk stole it & reposted it. he never got to the bottom of who exactly did it. #but one day. they will fucking suffer. #(he believes their goal was to develop AI art as they said stuff like 'all art should belong to everyone anyway' & 'there shouldnt be rules' #but actually they were probably just regular mean ppl who have moved on to new things in life than stealing kids' art on deviantart. #who knows though.) i want people to retain their disabilities or general tragedies like beldaruit would be in a wheelchair #and coco's mum is in a coma. but its just so funny if qifrey just has regular bad eyesight #and it's so cute that he would say he doesnt think of beldaruit as a dad & is distant with him but now basically runs a foster home too #where he doesnt just encourage like he was encouraged but actively teaches kids from sad backgrounds to become wonderful artists one day #anyway i am so fucking hungry now goodbye #P.S. BELDARUIT IS NOT OLD !!!!!!! i mean if qifrey is late 20s or older in canon like i want... i guess he..but.... NO !!!!!! 😭 #*edits in some follow-up drawings* #oru: i couldn't c-c-confess my feelings bc it always seems like he's worried about something..i shouldnt bother him.. #qif: *always worried about how to confess his feelings* #ive decided meeting at 7 on da is kind of ridiculous actually. i think they probably meet at like age 10 in canon..not immediately =_= #since beru-sama is like 'he finally found a friend'. whatever... this'll be my last art post for a while probably so see ya <3

[watermelinoe]

my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone

#idk if my brother is dad of the year or anything but he didn't want her to have the smartphone so points for that #her mom bought it so she could track my niece whenever she's with her dad (my brother) and text her constantly #and considering she's so petty that she made my niece leave an easter gathering with a terminal family member early it's like #i'm sure she has her side of it and my brother was probably a dick somehow but girl you're punishing an eight year old about it #and i really don't think shit like ''ice age is for boys (so i won't watch it)'' came from my brother #i'm sure i'm biased bc it's my brother but genuinely i think she bought my niece that phone to spite him #and now she's just glued to it bc that's what smartphones are designed to do !!!! #you would really fuck up your own kid's attention span and self esteem just to get back at your ex??? #and this isn't even the worst parenting move on her part but luckily that guy died and can't be around my niece anymore ever <3 #but i just worry about her. since i moved away i don't really get to see her. #and not to be narcissistic but i feel like it's good for her to see women w short hair no makeup comfy clothes etc. #i wanna be a good example for her #i told her she should just worry about washing with soap wearing sunscreen and drinking lots of water #i just can't relate at all. at her age all my friends were boys and i was into dinosaurs and pokemon and werewolves #a lot of girls... didn't really like me 😔 i remember being upset bc one girl called me a tomboy #anyway if u read all this. secret radioactive kiss just for u. mwah 💚

[pepprs]

im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all #purrs #chicago #i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about #when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m #for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi #and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t #recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting #for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that #my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it #just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of #stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and #utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a #biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL #i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i #have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again #delete later #kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol

[bmpmp3]

and unfortunately i am like the equivalent of one of those true crime girlies but like, with white collar crime and corporate scandals. except instead of getting paranoid about random people minding their own business being serial killers coming for me, i just keep telling every tall skinny whiteboy friend about how much financial crime they could get away with if they put on the right posture and confidence.

#is this worse or better. is this worse or better. #they never take me up on it. the whiteboys ive collected tend to be too kind and awkward to do any of this tbh #BUT IMAGINE.....WHAT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH..... #sorry my dad once told me about a job he was contracted to do to set up some computer equipment for some college #and apparently a day or two later he was contacted because someone just walked in with confidence and stole thousands of dollars of equimen #and they wanted to know if he saw anything. he didnt cause he didnt really work there but apparently it was just some tall skinny white guy #glasses simple short hair probably a plaid button up. it was the 80s. you could do anything if you looked like that. its crazy #maybe my dad should have never told me about that because it like lit a fire in my eyes. im not gonna do any white collar crime i prommy #but lemme tell you. i think about it. all the time HJSKHKDS im too conspicuous but MAN if i was a tall skinny whiteboy............. #and okay the financial ciminal possessing my body aside - i also just get really into this stuff #its my favourite nonfiction stuff to read about. like to get serious for a sec: i wanna see companies get caught is the thing #being into this stuff tho - you will feel a lot of righteous and burning anger about how little these companies end up paying #so many huge life ruining corporate scandals have only just barely started paying out damages to victims like. maybe this year #it can feel like a start to see shit like whatever was going on with we charity or somehting get noticed #but theres always still a long way to go. still exploitation going unchecked. it keeps on happening but i wont forget

[phantom-curve]

I would very much like for this week/month/year/everything to be over

#woke up to a 3 am text from my bestie telling me she’s accidentally pregnant and doesn’t know the dad #the same bestie that told me she couldn’t support me through my miscarriage because she was too sad (for herself) about it #and I’m just over here like k cool thx I just ended my period after thinking I might be pregnant this month #cause ya know we’ve actually been purposely trying for almost a year now #also slept like shit cause my back was so tight and it literally hurts to cry as hard as I have been all morning #and it’s not even 7 am yet!🤡 #mads complains #probably should delete this later #tw miscarriage

[orcelito]

Advising appointment within an hour and I really shouldn't be so nervous but I haven't talked to my advisor outside of emails in an entire year now

She's gonna end up mentioning the Dead Dad probably, I just know it 😭😭😭😭

#speculation nation #i told her back when i first reached out a month ago #to explain things and such. idk. #shes a nice person and she was very sweet with getting me some class stuff waived #to make it so i only have 8 classes left to take. #i should probably check out my plan of study to have a solid idea of what i wanna take next semester... b4 the appointment. #idk im just nervous. i dont like people giving me condolences. it just reminds me of what im trying to not think about. #what do you say when ppl express condolences for ur dead dad? like no it's not okay. but like im getting by. it is what it is. #it's just awkward. idk. #well. i will just focus on the important part. my fall semester!!!!!! #ill go check out what i need to take and make sure i dont have any holds on my account #i will make this a nice and effecient appointment. 💪💪💪💪

[gothham]

i am soo bad at accepting genuine sympathy because i just don't feel things like that sorry

#context - my dad has cancer #boss: i'm so sorry chloe #me: haha it's okay #boss: let us know if you need anything #me: it should be fine. if he dies he dies #boss: 👁️👄👁️ #i probably shouldn't have told her in the first place but i needed an excuse for my poor attendance lmao #chloe.txt

[softly-mossy]

life really fucking sucks right now

#teddy situation has undone probably a year of recovering haha i fuckig hate landlords #basically told us we need to get rid of ted because 'he is a liability' #THE DAY BEFOREBTHANKSGIVING #and i was expected to be chipper and happy at family dinner. #naw man. i havent really left the house because i wana spend time with ted hahahaha #he's going to live at my sister's place but still. i dont want him to have to go #selfharmed as in nearly scraped the skin off the entire back of my left hand #WAS HIT WITH 'I HONESTLY FIGURED/EXPECTED YOU TO (SELF HARM' LIKE DAMN HAHA #idk. i want to be hit by a fucking car. or anything else that will blast me away. #had another prospective friend end up being just a dumbfuck that wanted an easy lay #dad's been home all week #its just a lot man. and losing all that progress i worked hard for its another kick to the teeth #and its like. why should i go see my therapist again. im gonna tell her whats wrong. im gonna cry. she oretends to care. i come home #i just dont want to be here anymore. i dont. i keep hoping for things to get better because thats what im told to do and things get worse #i cannot live the rest of my life like this. im allowed to be selfish and say it isnt fair to me. and nobody should be stucj dealing with me #im not gonna have a happy ending like all my friends did. im gonna be lonely and suicidal until i finally get thr balls to just fucking doit #local idiot sad

[planeoftheeclectic]

Hello, Peregrine 4 for the WIP Wednesday ask game please!

Also, what's this about a dnd character's Inigo Montoya speech? That sounds awesome, you should work on that too.

3 minutes of editing done! Here's the first three sentences of Snorri's Inigo Montoya speech!

____

You don't know me. But you know my mother. Or rather, you knew my mother.

#auburnlaughter #my writing #WIP Wednesdays #thank you!! #dnd #context is that Snorri is a dragonborn bard following in the footsteps of her mother who was the founding member and inspiration for a grou #of adventurers who made it big - but only after an accident had made her lose her voice and they just kinda...left her by the wayside #so my character's motivation to start adventuring was in part to show up the Golden Company #once he found out they were still alive...well. Also I should say there's apparently only one of them still alive. #The lich told us so. and I think we can trust him on that #the lich is terrified of them btw #like turned everyone into an undead army levels of terrified #and tbf the company just got...up/downgraded from 'careless assholes who cause problems on accident as high-level parties are wont to do' #to 'malicious egomaniacs who were probably making a grab for total control of the island' #and at least one of them - the one who is still alive(?) - was working with the evil god who's been causing problems #also! there's like a 50% chance he's Snorri's father! because my DM asked me 'hey what's Snorri's relationship with her dad?' #'uh not much of one he wasn't really around most of the time.' #'Cool! Snorri never knew their dad. Don't worry about it.' #so naturally I (not Snorri) have been VERY WORRIED ABOUT IT ever since #it's great. he's only just gotten to the point where she *might* not stab him on sight (or try to. we're only level 3) #and him turning out to be her dad wouldn't change anything. It's going to be great #he might not be though! who knows what steve is planning! certainly not me!!

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

when you literally live in a world that wasnt made for you 😆🔫

#dont think im gonna get into grad school. dont know what the fuck else im going to do. #i dont want to fucking work i want to research. probably wouldnt even be able to find a job in my desired fields so what would i even be #fucking doing. and at that point how would i get there. bc i dont drive. and i dont want to fucking drive. i cant #it feels like im having a panic attack when i try. so gotta find a driving school. what if it doesnt work. what if it does. im driving to #work i dont wanna do. my friends are spread out and working and dont have any time to call. since i dont drive i dont get out of the house #except to grocery shop with my mom on weekends. i dont have anything productive to do but i cant even relax properly bc i feel like im in a #panopticon with my parents and i need to at least LOOK busy while i live in their house. so im just doing nothing all day but i want to #but i CANT!!!! and i cant even broach the subject of therapy or meds which i really think i need because like. my parents just dont fucking #believe in it or whatever. like ive really essentially told my dad i think i could be autistic and he hasnt been like oh should we find #help or anything hes just been like ok cool that surely has no repurcussions on your life #even as it was part of the fucking conversation why i dont want to drive #its just. its whatever. i feel so stuck but i dont want to move forward because moving forward just means going into a world where i have tl #work a job i probably hate and make hardly enough money to live in a shitty apartment because the economy and society are fucked #trying to experience the Wonders but i cant escape the Horrors. what the fuck ever ugh

[qumiiiquinnquin]

i probably should have kept art strictly a hobby and not try to pursue it like i wanted

#vent #im parroting what my dad told me tonight. that i should keep my hobby as just hobbies and not try to make them our career #problem is. ive always wanted to have an art-related career. #ive already been thinking taking a art class in college was a mistake since i started #but idk what the hell else im gonna do with my life. that's what my counseling class is for but. idk #hes probably right and i should just get through this semester and find something else to dlw ith mu life #so passionate about nothing

[yoohyeontual]

I thought I would have a nice day today, but it turn into a big fight how great

#my mom is constantly saying we don’t care about her and that we won’t let her express herself #but the way she need to express herself hurts both me and my dad so we kindly tell to not do it please #but she get offended cause she take it that we don’t care about her feeling and take the side opposite of her #but once we tell her she dosen’t consider OUR feelings she repeat that we don’t care about HERS #no you’re the one only caring about your feeling #I’m exhausted I’m already so stress and confused about what to do I need money and the store won’t call back so I need to find somethin #but there’s nothing around my house that won’t end with me having having panic attack everyday like at my old job #but she won’t hear a word we say if we ever tell her she does something to hurt us she takes it as an insult #she says to take her as she is and she will never change even tho we tell her it hurts us but we should change and and absorb everything #todays conversation was one we have often and I feel the same way she does about the subject but I hate talking about it we don’t have #to keep talking about it what is done is done no matter how much we talk against it it just hurt #even when I told her it was mentally the worst time of my life she still thing that I should listen to her complain non stop and have #to think about it when it just hurt #i feel like Imm just repeating but imm so tired of everything and don’t wanna go in detail I hope it still clear #we had plans today and everything is just ruin #i would continue playing my game and stay distract but this ruined my mood so bad #tomorrow is probably gonna be bad to cause my botch my parents are stubborn especially my dad and he won’t talk to her now and probably #won’t tomorrow neither and she’s gonna be mad and say that he should get over it #i would cause I hate to fight I just want peace but he’s not like that #i love them but they are exhausting sometimes #i wish I could just leave but I have no one to meet and I’m scared if I leave they are going to fight even more today or tomorrow #or that my mom will get offended idk #i wish I wasn’t coming back to complain but I need to ‘’speak’’ somewhere or I’ll break down 😭 #I’m not here often and I don’t feel like scrolling you can tag me in things if you want it would help or use my tag for your content 💕 #I’ve been stalking a tag for a couple of days that’s why I couldn’t resist reblog that nice Eri post when I came earlier and keep reblogging #alex.txt #tw negative

[cheekblush]

i'll be taking a break from tumblr bc i really need to focus more on my studies 🙈🙊🙉

#i had a panic attack when i woke up this morning my heart was beating so fast #bc it dawned on me how much time i have already wasted and how little time i have left to prepare for my exams #went outside in the cold to breathe some fresh air and calm myself down #my dad was there and as soon as i saw him i started crying.. #he embraced me & told me that i don't have to be scared & that everything will be fine he kissed my head & kept holding me #this means the world coming from him bc he's not a man of many words & usually doesn't show a lot of affection #and usually when i complain & whine about my studies he doesn't take me seriously at all & is rather annoyed #but this was obviously very different my heart really hurt from beating so fast & i'm glad he saw that i genuinely needed comfort #i stayed outside in the cold breathing crying looking up in the sky & watching birds until i calmed down a little #and i know i need to delete this app off my phone in order to stop self sabotaging #i waste sooooooo much time on here just endlessly scrolling #this has become somewhat of a safe space for me but i keep neglecting my studies bc of it #like relax the pretty pictures will still be here after you come back not failing your exams is more important!! 😭 #i probably should be writing this into my journal instead of here but i haven't been able to find it for months now so 🙃 #anyways.. please pray for me that i pass all of my exams at this point i don't even care about my grades anymore i just want to pass!!🙏🏻 #stay safe and take care love you all 💗 #i might still come on here from time to time to like some posts on desktop but feel free to call me out if you see me on here too much! #☁️

[consulaaris]

actually no i’m still fuming about being called a “little princess” for uhhhh [checks notes] not wanting to sleep on the floor for three fucking weeks because my mother is having a whole fucking mental breakdown over my move.

#rae talks #she also told me i’d be sobbing about it because i’m basically incompetent and i’m about ready to blow a gasket #my dad stepped in but i do feel guilty bc i think he’s probably #gonna get reamed by her in private for having tried to help me lol #like i’m sorry but i am fully capable of taking my bed apart and taking it to a dump myself lol #oh and!!! and!!! told me all my sentimental items are absolutely useless and i should throw them away #i think the fuck not #like i know she was picking a fight bc she’s in a mood but i hate how easily i fall for the bait too lol

[blackcatanna]

My PC crashed while I was playing The Sims 3 and it turns out I have mega RAM issues (not sure if caused by that stupidly unoptimised game (would be very on brand) or something else I didn't notice because I have four 16GB sticks and haven't done any resource-intense work with the PC in a while) and I'm currently trying to figure out what's wrong, how it happened, how I can fix it and how I can prevent it happening again.

Shout out to EVERY article telling me to test my RAM sticks in another PC, like I just HAVE ONE hanging around. To be fair, I am a massive hoarder and have many old devices but surely the POINT of having a PC is that you just replace components? Who HOARDS PCs? Whoever they are, I guess I need to get on their level.

And NO I am absolutely NOT going to hit up my few local friends who have PCs and ask them to dismantle their work tools so I can shove in my possibly fucked up components and see if anything explodes (exaggeration, obviously, but still).

#ranting #I hope my bb PC will be okay UWU #she is six years old #as are all her components except for two of the RAM sticks I installed a couple years ago for work purposes #nothing has ever broken in her in all this time and I am ready to replace what parts are necessary to keep her happy and healthy #I should probably (definitely XD) give her a proper clean while I'm inevitably rummaging in her innards... #Gotta remember the top advice my Dad gave me to release potential static discharge before handling PC guts: FONDLE THE TAPS #She's actually COMPLETELY FINE functionally #I wouldn't know there was anything wrong with her if the BSOD hadn't told me there were memory issues... #I do wonder how long some of the RAM might have been dead for without me noticing... #64GB is A LOT of RAM for doing not very much #Anyway #just endlessly bitching in tags while waiting for this endless diagnostic to complete XD #Last I checked it was on over 8000 errors X_X #I really hope it's the RAM itself and not the motherboard because RAM is easy to install XD #Looking up how to replace motherboard and I'm just... Ben Affleck smoking meme X_X #CBA #I mean #I would do it for my bb but I hope I don't have to X_X