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godofplumsandthunder · 3 years

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Twisted Fate

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Cancer, both Bucky and reader have cancer, Major Character death, brief hospital terms mainly reffering to cancer treatment. References to amputation.

A/N: This was written for the lovely @eurynome827 2k celebration. I got a lovely quote of lyrics from Hadestown, which I wanted to do something that was based off of the musical, but I couldn’t figure anything out. Then I had a big anniversary come up and this was came out instead. It’s very angsty, I cried a lot, and well I hope you like it.

The low, steady hum of the fan fills the awkward silence. The psychiatrist, newly assigned to the case, still doesn’t feel comfortable. “Case number 32557038” was widely known in the health care center. The whispers and rumors floated their way down the hall, past the copy machine, filling the office with this chilling tale. Some regarded it as a terrible series of bad luck, others thought it was an act of some benevolent God, pouring his rage on this poor couple. Dr. Breynord, after reading the notes on the file, Breynord knew that this case was perhaps the worst case of bad luck she ever saw in her career, and, maybe it was her stubbornness or naive belief in medicine, but Dr. Breynord was going to help this poor man get the peace he so desperately needs.

“James,” Dr. Breynord’s voice breaks the silence of the office, “I’ve read what my colleagues had to say about your case, but, I’d like you to tell me what has happened if you feel comfortable.”

Shifting in his seat, James sighs, with a small nod of the head, he starts at the beginning.

Bucky Barnes was used to change. Granted, it was other people’s change, but it was still change nonetheless. The poor folks that sat next to him each clinic visit changed, his caretakers changed, it seemed as if the whole world changed around him, while he was stuck in some perpetual hell. Every day dragged out in the same dull, and nauseating feeling, and at times, Bucky felt he was in an endless loop, forsaken by some deity he didn’t believe in. But, for however long Bucky has left in this fallen and cruel world, he’ll remember when you walked in, shattering the miserable purgatory he was banished to, he’ll always remember the day you changed his life.

It happened during his first transfusion session after his surgery. His arm, still wrapped in bandage, IV tubing leading straight to his heart, pumped his body full of liquids, as he waited for the toxic poison to enter his body. He always found it ironic, the “medicine” that was supposed to save his life, that was too dangerous for the nurses to touch with their bare hands, was willingly flushed into his body. Hair loss, mouth sores, and muscle aches were the better side effects. He can’t help but think about what is coming, especially as he sees his nurse, Thor, come over with the freshly made batch of poison [STRIKE THROUGH], chemotherapy as his doctor would want him to call it. Hanging the bag on his IV pole, Thor looks over at Bucky, giving him the “I’m going to go on a rant about something you should care about” look.

“Now James, we’re getting a new patient today. It’s their first transfusion. They’re going to be sitting in the pod next to you. I swear to the gods, I best not hear another complaint about your attitude.”

“Me? An attitude? No, I think you got me confused with someone else. I’m the brightest little ball of sunshine here!” Bucky can’t help but chuckle. It’s not his fault he wasn’t a “warrior”, blasting “Fight Song” 24/7, as he sips on a kale smoothie with coffee suppositories shoved up his ass. T

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Barnes,” Thor shakes his head as he cleans up his station, “don’t think I won’t throw your bald ass out of here. That cancer sob story, won’t work on me.”

Bucky goes back to his phone, already feeling the effects of the chemo. No matter how many anti-nausea meds they fed him, Cisplatin always makes him sick. So, he had the right to act like a grumpy old grandpa. While he scrolls through his social media feed, seeing all the accomplishments, brags, and just shit of his friends, Bucky hears your sniffles, as you make your way down to the end of the Oncology clinic, taking a seat next to Bucky. Even if Thor hadn’t given him the heads up, he would have known you were fresh meat. One infusion, his mom asked him how he could tell. It was easy for Bucky, it all had to do with the eyes. A cancer diagnosis shatters you. It kills all hope, light, and goodness that’s in you. You turn completely numb to the world, to the point where your own wailing and sobs feel muted. Bucky saw all of that in your eyes. Behind the puffy, redness, saw the shards of hope, the fear of the unknown. Before you could reach your seat, you stumble, spilling your possessions that you carried all over the floor. Bucky watches quietly as you quickly pick up your items, collapsing into the chair next to him.

“Sorry I couldn’t give you a hand, only have the one,” he wiggles his stump, and he's met with silence. Talk about a rough crowd, he thinks, his nephews love his stumpy jokes. “So,” Bucky continues, “what are you in for? I’m a sarcoma, in the arm.” You sniffle as you turn your body to look at this new man.

“Leukemia,” you confess, voice barely above a whisper. It takes a real effort to say it out loud because then it makes all of this real.

“That’s good then,” the “sarcoma” man says to you, and Bucky can see the confusion, and pain on your face.

“How is that good? How is cancer good?”

Using his arm, Bucky points around the room, giving you a tour of the room.

“See him, that’s Riley, he has an inoperable brain tumor. That young kid, with the Switch? His name is Peter, his body is chemo resistant. So yeah, leukemia is good. If you haven’t learned it yet, not all cancers are made equal.”

“Oh,” you barely make out. What were you supposed to say to that?

=====

Much to Bucky’s surprise, he actually enjoyed having your company. Your treatments lined up and so you both got to know each other well. Bucky enjoyed having someone close to his age that understood his problems. And it also didn’t hurt that you had such a great personality, you got Bucky’s dark humor (and it went without saying that you understood it was his way of coping), and you looked great. Not many people can rock a bald head. And Bucky has seen his fair share, and he can say with confidence, you rocked it. Not covering it up with caps, scarves, or wigs. Because why should you hide away? For the first time since his diagnosis, Bucky had a purpose. So, while his immune system allowed him to leave the house, he picked up a bouquet of fake flowers (neutropenia life, am I right?) and a box of chocolates to take with him to the next transfusion. When he got to the clinic, Bucky was a bit worried to see that you weren’t next to him. Instead, there sat Barb, 75 years old with breast cancer.

“Oh sweetie, are those for me?” Barb looks at the flowers in Bucky’s hand.

“No!” He snaps, as closes the curtain that surrounds his chair. He hears some huffs and complaints from Barb, but frankly, he doesn’t give a damn. Bucky only has one thing on his mind: you.

“Are you alright? You’re not here at Club Med” Bucky texts as quickly as his one hand would let him. Dropping his phone, Bucky stares at it all while the nurses prep him. And because of damn, HIPAA, none of the nurses can tell him where you’re at. Minutes turn into hours, and by the time Bucky’s infusion ends, you still haven’t responded to him or shown up at the clinic.

“Hope you’re okay. Call or text me. I'm worried” Bucky sighs, realizing how much you made his chemo treatments more bearable. How your laugh could make him forget of the poison he had to take, or how the light in your eyes could make him forget, even just for a bit, how much his arm stump was hurting. You were a drug, more potent than any he’s had before, and Bucky was becoming addicted. He’s picking at the hamburger he got for dinner, not having much of an appetite when his phone goes off. Seeing it’s from you, he rushes to answer.

“Y/N! I… Where were you? I missed you today. I had to sit by Barb and…” The sounds of your cries cut Bucky off.

“Are you okay?”

“No, Buck. I… Got some bad news today.”

“Where are you?” He asks. He knows you’re alone, and speaking from experience, you never want to be alone when you get bad news. He knows from experience.

“Buck…” you sigh, “It’s fine. Really.”

“Please, Y/N, I know what it’s like to be alone after getting this kind of news. Please, let me be there for you.” Breaking further down into tears, you cry at Bucky’s actions, actions of love.

“I’ll send you my address,” Bucky gathers the flowers and chocolates as he rushes to your apartment, breaking a few traffic laws to get there faster. When he gets there, the image of you, opening the door, eyes swollen from crying breaks his heart.

“Oh, Y/N,” Bucky sweeps you into his arm, as he closes the door behind, “tell me what’s going on hun.”

You both sit on the couch, the bag with the flowers and chocolate lay at your feet, as you stay in Bucky’s embrace.

“I’m… I’m dying Buck!” You manage to say in-between odds. “Dr. Fair... gave me three months to live. There’s nothing else they can do.” You break down in his arms, that last straw finally breaking, as you tell your newfound best friend, the person you were supposed to beat cancer with. Bucky tries his best to remain strong, to be the rock, the foundation you need, but you’re not the only one that is losing a friend. You sit in each other's embrace, as you mourn. You cry for all the missed opportunities, laughs, and memories that won’t be made.

“What am I going to do,” you whisper, your voice hoarse from crying.

Kissing your head, Bucky pulls you in closer, “we, are going to make these three months, the best three months you’ve ever had.”

Bucky lives up to his promise, spending every hour he isn’t in the hospital with you. The time you spent together changed your relationship. Neither had to officially say the words to make your relationship official. It was just you, and Bucky. Holding each other close, as the tempest waged on, trying to beat you into submission. You go on walks in the park, picnics, and one night when you both had the energy, went skinny dipping. Your logic being, what are the cops going to do? Arrest two cancer patients, with one of them being terminal? You threw caution to the wind and simply lived. Lived, breathed, and loved. Things seemed to be perfect until reality hit.

Your body wasn’t keeping up. Your cancer was spreading faster than they predicted. The doctors couldn’t give you an explanation as to why the cancer was spreading so fast. It shouldn’t have been. Soon, home hospice came, to try to make you more comfortable. And like the good partner he was, Bucky spent every minute by your side. That’s why, when you felt the inevitable coming, you felt your body give in to the tiredness of fighting, you grab Bucky’s hand.

“I love you, James Bucky Barnes,” you weakly say, giving him one last affirmation, as you went to sleep, for one last time.

As Bucky wakes up from his nap, feeling your cold body, he tries to ruse you back awake. Once he realizes what has happened, the last bit of humanity inside of Bucky snapped. He lets out a blood-curdling scream, as tears stream down his face. He strikes your face, pleas escape his mouth. Pleas to you, to a God he has long stopped believing in. His body shakes, his tears wetting your hair, as he holds you for one last time.

=====

“Oh James,” Dr. Breynord grabs herself a tissue before handing Bucky the box of tissues. “I truly am so sorry to hear that. I want you to know that I am here to help you get happy again, and to heal.”

Bucky sighs and turns away from the doctor as he wipes his eyes. “You’re just like the rest of them. You didn’t listen to me.”

Breynord was surprised that this was Bucky’s complaint. The other doctors had warned her that Bucky could be sarcastic, standoff-ish, and even flat-out rude to them. Breynord thought she did a good job listening to his story, what did she miss.

“I… I don’t think I understand what you mean, James.”

Bucky lets out a heartless, empty laugh, “you want me to be happy again. I’m never going to be. Not only do I have to live with the guilt of surviving, when she died, in my arms, but I’ll also never find another soul like hers. We had a connection, you know. It felt like we met before. When I held her in my arm, and her arms would wrap around me, it felt like I had the whole world in my arms. I didn’t need anything else when I had Y/N.”

“So tell me doc, what’s the point of carrying on?”

#eury2kchallenge #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky angst #cancer #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #oneshot

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ourloveisforthelovely · 3 years

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Hidden (one shot)

Harry Potter AU

Request: Can I get a enemies to lovers story? Like Regulus actually liked her as a child but didn’t know what to do with it. If you can add smut to it too plz

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader

Rating: M: smut

Credit: Lyrics from Magic Man by Heart used

_______

"Never think of never let this spell last forever"

Your eyes fluttered open as the bedside clock struck seven. The chill of the room made you not even want to think of getting up. You stretched your leg out until you felt the warmth of the body beside you. Turning as gently as possible, you smiled at Regulus’ sleeping form. You couldn't help but smile at how innocent he looked sleeping.

There is nothing innocent about him.

Your mind supplied as you resisted the urge to stroke the bedridden curls out of his eyes. Regulus was never a morning person. You had learned this the hard way.

He will be just fine once I get my mouth on him.

You thought gleefully. It took every ounce of self-control that you had not to jump on him. This was what you did almost every morning for the past six months. Regulus was always snippy until he realized that you on top of him actually worked to his advantage.

Everything is about to change…

The negative thoughts seemed to rush in and chase the sweet fluffy feelings of the morning out. You slowly lay back down beside your lover wondering if this was going to be the last morning?

For the past six months, you had been hiding with Regulus. After you witnessed Evan Rosier commit a rather unfortunate murder, the death eater had a gone on a psychotic quest to end your life. Your older brother Remus, realizing that you were in a decent amount of danger, decided to hide you somewhere safe. It was Sirius that suggested sending you to Regulus. His own brother was laying low as it was. After deflecting from the death eaters, Regulus was keeping his “nose clean” and staying out of the way.

Remus was hesitant at first. You were against it. The last thing that you were going to do was go hideout with some boy that used to make your life hell as a child. You would rather go right up to Evan and give him a big “fuck you” to the face and beat the shit out of him. The last thing that you wanted to do was spend any amount of time with Regulus. Besides, since when was it Remus’ decision on what happened in your life? You were a big girl and was totally capable of making your own decisions.

“If you don’t go there is a good chance that you could be harmed. You know that I can’t guard you 24/7. Sirius is off on missions a lot. I’m sure Regulus has grown up. If he tries to pull your hair again just punch him. I know that you can do that.”

At the time Remus’ comment made you want to punch your own brother in the face. Of course, you would feel bad about it later but at the time Remus deserved it.

You finally agreed to stay with Regulus when Sirius begged you shamelessly. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, your “brother-in-law” had a soft place in your heart that not many people did. You had a soft spot for Sirius since the moment he told you how bad his life at home was and how he was only happy at school.

The first few weeks with Regulus was awkward. The boy that you remembered from school had one hell of a glow-up from graduation. It didn’t matter if it had been only a few months since the two of you had last seen each other...damn had he changed! Regulus was still on the slender side of things but he had grown his hair out and grown in height another inch or two. You found yourself staring at him over dinner every night wondering if he had always been this attractive? Fuck, he was attractive with that “Black family scowl” that resulted in him looking perpetually bored.

It was stupid to fall in love with Regulus. There was no way that your family would ever approve. They would take one look at the dark mark on his arm and automatically panic. It didn’t help that Regulus took no steps to keep it hidden. It was just part of who he was no and if someone didn’t like looking at it...oh fucking well.

Oh, shigity, I am in trouble.

That was the thought that plagued you for days. Anytime that you were near Regulus, you were mentally telling yourself to stop. You would be wasting your time. Regulus wouldn’t want some girl to tie him down. Why would he want you anyway?

It was Regulus that made the first move. It happened one night when you were peaking out of the curtain at the street below. There was some kind of festival going on and it was nice to see other humans again. Even if you couldn’t interact with them, seeing people doing “normal” things was nice.

You weren’t sure how long you had been watching the people below. When Regulus’ hand had closed on your wrist, you jumped away from the window like a child whose hand was caught in the cookie jar.

“Close the damn curtain. If people see in here we are both doomed.”

Regulus snapped. You frowned, wanting nothing more than to sass him. He had hardly spoken to you in weeks and you were getting sick of it. You didn’t expect him to have some long conversation but a word ever so often would be nice.

“Excuse the fuck out of me for wanting to see other humans.”

You hissed. Regulus had you against the wall before your mind was able to process what had happened.

“If you want to go out there and get killed by the death eaters in the crowd then go for it girl. I bet you didn’t see Dolohov or any of his henchmen out there, did you?”

You shook your head. Regulus rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t think so. I told your brother that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you and I’m not going to. You might as well get over it.”

“What are you going to do if I don’t mind you? Pull my hair again? We aren’t in school anymore, Regulus.”

Regulus smirked at the mention of his previous behavior. He never picked on you to be an ass. Regulus had a ridiculous crush on you and had no clue what to do about it. He never had any great role models when it came to healthy relationships.

“Do you want me to pull your hair?”

The comment had left his mouth a little more sassy than he planned. You only blinked at him with wide doe eyes. Regulus didn’t care if you wanted to admit it or not but you were shocked with his words.

When you didn’t respond quickly enough for his liking Regulus reached down and kissed you...that was how it began. You wouldn’t admit to anyone, Remus especially, that after that sassy little exchange with Regulus something changed between the two of you. The line of annoyed childhood enemies who got under each other’s skin had been crossed forever.

You would forever smile at the memory of that night...your first time….

You lay between Regulus’ spread legs with your head on his chest. The both of you had finally given up after making love at least twice. Regulus’ fingers stroked a gentle path through your hair as the two of you working on getting your breathing back to normal.

“You didn’t tell me that it was your first time.”

He commented. You didn’t move to look up at him. At the moment, you simply wanted to enjoy listening to his heartbeat.

“You didn’t really ask.”

You replied. Regulus sighed.

“I feel like a dick..just so you know.”

You finally poked your head up and moved up enough to earn a groan from Regulus. His cock was trapped between your bodies and the friction was enough to make him want you all over again.

“I like it this way. I don’t need poetry and some romantic escapade for the first time.”

You said, pressing a small kiss to his lips. Regulus’ dark eyes were locked on your face before pulling your body back down against his.

“If that’s the way you want it.”

The next six months were a lot like the “first time.” You had started sleeping in Regulus’ bed and for lack of a better term playing “house.”

Today, however, was the changing point. Remus was supposed to be coming by with Sirius to pick you up, if things were “safe.” The last thing that you wanted to think about was leaving Regulus. I love you hadn’t been uttered by Regulus nor yourself but that didn’t mean that you weren’t thinking it. After month four, you were in the complete realization that you were in love with Regulus. You loved him but was afraid to admit it. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if I am just a plaything to him? Will I be able to live with that? Those were the questions that stopped you anytime that you came close to telling Regulus that you loved him.

Pulling yourself from your thoughts, you leaned over and pressed a kiss to Regulus’ cheek. He groaned and squeezed his eyes closed tighter.

“Too early.”

He whined. You smiled and sat up.

“Where are you going?”

Regulus asked, upon realizing that you were getting out of bed.

“I’m going to make some tea.”

“I said it's too early. Lay back down and keep me warm.”

You reached out to gently stroke his head. Regulus sighed, cuddling down into the pillow a bit more.

“I’m thirsty. You’ll be fine for just a moment.”

You replied before getting out of bed. Pulling on the silk dressing gown that Regulus had torn off of you the night before, you turned back to your lover. His dark eyes were on you, watching every move.

“Come back.”

He ordered. You blew him a kiss before stepping out of the room. Regulus shook his head with a smile before the realization of what today was hit home.

Remus is coming to take her away.

Regulus automatically snarled at the thought. The last thing that he wanted was for you to leave him. He didn’t care what Remus said, unless Evan was dead, you had no business leaving. He didn’t want you to. For the first time in his life, Regulus had something of a love life...a healthy love life and he didn’t want to give that up.

Remus will never agree to Y/n being with me. He won’t accept it no matter what we have to say. I can say that I love her until I’m blue in the face but it won’t be good enough...wait, I love her? I do love her!

Regulus lay staring at the ceiling as the realization of his feelings finally became clear. He knew that he loved you before but didn’t want to accept it.

Its a fucking great time to be in love with her...she’s leaving today. Good job, Regulus.

He thought with a scowl before getting out of bed and pulling on a pair of abandoned pants. Regulus knew that there was no way that you would consider not going with your brother. You would never choose him over Remus.

I might as well enjoy what time that I have with her.

(meanwhile)

You stood in the kitchen waiting for the water to boil. The kitchen was colder than normal this particular morning. Shivering, you wished that you had put on a bit more clothing.

Regulus’ arms around your waist made you jump. He quickly lifted you onto the countertop. You didn’t fight Regulus as he pulled you against him by your thighs.

“You scared me.”

You said with a giggle as Regulus tugged at the belt of your dressing gown until the garment opened.

“You look like you are alright.”

Regulus replied with a cheeky smile. Wrapping your legs around his waist preserving the contact. You quickly pulled Regulus into a deep kiss. His mouth consumed yours as he pushed you further onto the counter. Regulus swiftly moved from kissing your lips to making a path down your neck. Your eyes closed in ecstasy as he sucked a new love bite onto your skin. Lolling your head to the side, you wanted nothing more than to give Regulus better access to your tender flesh. Between your new kink for love bites and when he would bite down during making out; it was no wonder that your neck was bruised up most of the time. As soon as one love bite would heal, Regulus would give you another one. You wanted to think that this was his way of saying, “you’re mine.”

“Shall we go back to bed?”

You managed to say. Regulus shook his head as he tugged the dainty silk dressing gown off of your shoulders. The way that you laying with your head back made your breasts look fuller than they already were and Regulus was not about to lose this visual.

“No...right here.”

His words were curt and short. Regulus wanted to make damn sure that you knew that he wanted you here and this was where it was going to happen. Returning his mouth back to your neck for a moment, he placed a sweet chaste kiss on the forming bruise on your neck. His attention then went to your breasts. He started a tortuously slow attack on them. Nipping at the plump flesh, Regulus took his time with each and every inch of your soft breasts. Regulus’ hand squeezed the other breast greedily.

“You’re so greedy.”

You moaned earning a small smile from Regulus.

“Just greedy for you, darling.”

Regulus replied as he gave you a devious little smirk before spreading your legs wider. Kneeling down, Regulus kissed a path over your hip bone to your thigh. He was pleased when you whined his name.

“Reggie, please.”

Regulus gave you a wink before nuzzling your thigh.

“Such a sweet little love.”

Regulus said, placing a chaste kiss to your mound. You were dying to Regulus to use that talented tongue of his to make you come. At the moment, you were dying to come.

“Regulus…”

You were silenced when he put a finger to your lips.

“Hush now.”

Regulus said gently as he went back to kissing and nuzzling your thighs. Every little sigh of desire made drove Regulus further and further.

Damn it, I love her. I can’t let her go...I need her.

Regulus had to shove the unfamiliar thoughts of love on the back burner. If this was the last time that the two of you would “be together” he didn’t want to spend it being depressed over the realization that you would soon be gone from his life.

Spreading your legs a bit more, he looked up at you. Your eyes met as he took his tongue along your slit. Sighing, your head fell back as Regulus lavished his attention on your clit.

“Reggie...darling…”

You wanted to tell him that you loved him but you stopped. Now wasn’t the time to tell him that you loved him. Saying “I love you” with your boyfriend eating you out probably wasn’t the best time. Regulus probably wouldn’t take it very seriously.

Regulus stopped abruptly. He didn’t want to wait anymore. At the moment, he wanted what was his...possibly for the last time.

Pushing his pants down, Regulus kicked them to the side before pushing in. You gasped at the sudden fullness as Regulus pressed in balls deep.

“Feel nice?”

Regulus questioned as he started a slow rhythm which already had your legs trembling. His hands clutched your thighs, enjoying the feeling of your shaking thighs.

“Always.”

You said as your eyes closed.

“No, look at me.”

Regulus ordered. Your eyes immediately opened watching as Reguls bit his bottom lip. His dark eyes were locked on you as you looked over his body. You had to hold back a sigh as you watched the muscles in his stomach tense with each thrust.

My prince charming…

You couldn’t help smiling at the thought. Regulus gave you a small smile as if he could read your thoughts. Had he actually been able to, Regulus would have known how much actually loved him.

“Focus, love.”

Regulus groaned. Your breathing increased and your back arched. Regulus knew that your release was quickly coming. It wouldn’t take much for Regulus to get multiple releases out of you.

You cried out as your first orgasm flowed through you. Regulus pushed in balls deep against to pull you into a deep kiss.

“Come on. I know you can be louder than that. I want to hear you.”

Regulus normally cast a silencing charm when the two of you made love. He wanted to make sure that the two of you were being safe. The less that the neighbors heard the better. Regulus made sure that the neighbors knew next to nothing about neither of you. To them, the young couple next door was secretive and secluded...Regulus wanted to keep it that way.

Today, however, desperation won out over carefulness. Regulus had left his wand upstairs in his haste to get to you.

“Time to really make you come.”

Regulus wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you into his arms. You expected Regulus to carry you to the couch. The two of you had made love there many times over the past few months. To your surprise, Regulus gently laid you down on the cold stone kitchen floor. He grabbed your dressing gown and balled it up to shove under your head.

“Spread your legs. Give me what’s mine.”

You didn’t need to be told twice. Regulus took his place between your legs and filled you again to resume his pace. From his position, Regulus had the best vantage point. Between watching your breasts bounce with each thrust to watching his cock fill your pussy; Regulus knew that he wouldn’t be lasting long at all.

“Close”

That was all that you could say as Regulus quickly picked up his pace until you threw your arms around his shoulders.

“Yes, that feels great, sugar.”

Regulus purred as you came apart underneath him. He pumped into you a few more times. You cried out the moment that you felt his cock pulse and the sudden warmth fill you.

The two of you didn’t even get to enjoy the afterglow due to someone knocking on the door. Regulus quickly stood up and pulled you back to your feet.

“He’s early.”

Regulus said as you gathered up your dressing gown. You knew that this should be the time that you told Regulus that you didn’t want to leave him but you couldn’t speak.

“Hurry and get upstairs.”

Regulus snapped. He was quickly becoming the cold boy that you had met on the first day. Your lover was on the backburner. Doing as you were told you hurried upstairs and left Regulus to quickly redress in the kitchen.

“I’m coming, Lupin.”

Regulus snapped as he buttoned his shirt. Opening the door, both Sirius and Remus stood on the other side. Sirius smirked at his younger brother’s disheveled appearance. This was certainly different from the normally well put together boy that Sirius was used to. He never saw Regulus looking this sloppy.

“Burning the candle at both ends, Reg?”

Regulus rolled his eyes and moved aside to let Sirius and Remus come inside.

“I just woke up, Sirius.”

You walking downstairs stopped the conversation. Remus smiled seeing you for the first time in 6 months. This had been the longest that he had ever gone without seeing his sister and he was more than excited to get you back home.

“Y/n, it's good to see you. I’ve missed you.”

You quickly hugged your brother. Saying that you weren’t happy to see Remus would have been a lie. You missed your older brother fiercely since the day he left you in Regulus’ care. You just didn’t want to leave with him.

“I’ve missed you too, Remus. It's good to see you.”

Remus patted your face and handed you off to Sirius who hugged you as if he hadn’t seen you in 20 years. Turning back to Regulus, Remus could see a strange expression of what looked like regret in the other man’s eyes.

“Thank you for taking care of her, Regulus.”

Regulus nodded but didn’t speak. Remus turned back to you with a smile.

“We should get going.”

You quickly turned to Regulus as if begging him to say something. Was this really going to be goodbye? Did Regulus expect you to just walk away as if nothing had been going on between the two of you?

“Remus...I….”

You started. Remus frowned, tilting his head. He could see that you were struggling with something. Remus wasn’t sure what it was. Were you afraid that you would still be in danger? That would be the case and you no longer had nothing to worry about. Evan had been killed by Moody. You could come home and be comfortable.

“Everything is fine. You have nothing to worry about.”

Remus gently wrapped his hand around yours to pull you along. You looked over your shoulder to Regulus. He quickly moved from his stagnant position.

“Y/n, wait.”

You turned around to face Regulus. He quickly shoved his way between Remus and yourself.

“I don’t want to go.”

You quickly said, ignoring how Sirius and Remus would look at each other. Regulus was totally ignoring Remus and his own brother. If they wanted to sit and listen to this conversation then they could have at it.

“I don’t want you to either. I’m in love with you.”

Your mouth dropped. This was everything that you wanted to hear. Regulus did have feelings for you! It wasn’t just a physical affair.

“I love you too.”

You replied before turning to face your brother. Remus looked completely stunned.

“I love him, Remus and I don’t want to go with you. I’ll always be your sister and you can come to see me anytime that you like but I want to be with Regulus.”

You waited for Remus to object, to say something about Regulus being a death eater...anything to try to stop you from wanting to stay. Remus, meanwhile, smiled.

“How long has this little affair been going on?”

“6 months.”

You answered. Remus looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Well, I wish you would have written to me. I could have saved myself a trip.”

You were totally stunned by your brother’s comment. Sirius looked equally as stunned. He hadn’t said anything since Regulus said “I love you.”

“You’re not going to throw a tantrum?”

You questioned as Regulus wrapped his arms around you from behind. This was his ultimate test. If Remus didn’t freak out over Regulus touching you in front of him then maybe there was some actual hope.

Remus shrugged.

“I knew that you would fall in love with someone sometime. If you need anything, you know how to get a hold of me.”

Remus patted your cheek before dragging a still clearly stunned Sirius (who was muttering about his brother and remus’ sister liking each other) along with him. Regulus turned to look at you with a small smile. This was the last thing that he had expected to happen. He had expected you to go with Remus. You would be happy with your brother and friends while Regulus was alone. He would spend the next, God only knew how long, morning your loss.

Now, however, everything was different. You had chosen him. Regulus had finally been chosen first. He wasn’t the one who was always forgotten about anymore.

“I didn’t think that you would choose me.”

Regulus commented as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. For once, Regulus Black was getting the girl.

“I’ve wanted to tell you that I loved you for a long time. I just didn’t think…”

Regulus gently put a finger on your lips.

“We can both be happy, for once.”

He leaned down for a sweet kiss. This was the first kiss as an actual couple and you couldn’t be happier.

“Just so you know, I have been happy this whole time.”

_______

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entracteofevil · 3 years

Text

Round Table Discussion with the Cover Illustrators

Entr’acte of Evil, page 142-145

--First, everyone please introduce yourselves.

Ichika: I’ve been responsible for the first cover and the illustrations for the series. My name is Ichika.

Suzunosuke: I am Suzunosuke. I normally just draw what I want to. I was able to make the cover for the second book.

You: I am You, and I was charged with the cover for this book. I’m really nervous, but I look forward to being able to do this interview with you.

--When did you all first start making illustrations?

Ichika: Since I could first remember. I don’t recall it all that clearly, but by the time I was in first year I was already drawing.

Suzunosuke: I think it was about middleschool. Apparently when I was a kid my parents were consulted by my teachers on the fact that I couldn’t actually draw pictures.

--You couldn’t draw pictures?

Suzunosuke: Even when I was made to stay behind by myself in kindergarten, the only things I drew were like little pictures of flowers on my drawing paper. It wasn’t that I was sick or anything like that, I was just a normal kid who couldn’t draw.

--I see, that’s very unexpected. What about you, You-san?

You: I don’t clearly remember when I first started drawing as a hobby, but my first picture was when I was three years old, and was a portrait of my caregiver in nursery. Back then I always wanted to use every color of crayon I had, and I guess the fact that I’m still always using rainbow colors even now just goes to show that what you learn in the cradle you carry to the grave.

Suzunosuke: I think that’s cool.

--Incidentally, when did you start making pictures related to VOCALOID?

Ichika: I think around 2007…maybe? I remember the first time I drew Miku was after listening to Yuuyu-P’s “White Season”.

Suzunosuke: I don’t remember how many years ago it was, but I feel like the first thing I drew was Kurousa-P’s “Cantarella”.

You: I listened to VOCALOID the first time in the winter of 2007, so I think it was probably around that time.

--So then, when was the first time you encountered AkunoP’s work?

Ichika: It was right after “Daughter of Evil” was posted on Piapro. I had just finished up making a PV, and when I was looking for new content on Piapro I got drawn in by the title and started listening to it.

Suzunosuke: The “Servant of Evil” was on NicoNico Douga’s rankings, and when I opened up the PV it had a tag saying to watch it after “Daughter of Evil”, so I watched them in order of “Daughter of Evil” and “Servant of Evil” for the first time.

You: Like Suzunosuke-san, probably in the autumn of 2008. The “Daughter of Evil” had a lot of buzz when it was first uploaded! I saw it in so many places with Ichika-san’s illustrations~ It feels so strange to see it having taken this form so many years later.

--Suzunosuke-san and You-san, this was the first time you’d seen a song that used Ichika-san’s illustrations, wasn’t it?

Ichika: I’m sorry for being alive…

Suzunosuke: Sorry, haha

You: Hey, hahaha

Ichika: I’m honestly really shaking here, haha

Suzunosuke: Maybe we should reply with “You’re a very wonderful person” ha ha.

-(Laughs) So what was everyone’s thoughts on the work when they saw “Daughter of Evil” and “Servant of Evil”?

Ichika: I think the imagery in it was really easy to get emotional about. I also thought it was a really interesting concept that although “Daughter of Evil” and “Servant of Evil” had a really different feel to them, they still felt like part of the same story.

Suzunosuke: All else aside I thought it was really sad, and I kept getting stuck on the fact that Allen couldn’t be saved. Still, it was because it was such a sad story that I was captivated by it. It also really made me feel the potential of the VOCALOID genre. It’s a derivative work, but also original content.

You: At the time I had thought it was really interesting and unusual to make a work with such dark fantasy elements using VOCALOID. I also really liked how catchy the tune was. It was also really impressive with all the derivative songs and fanart that got uploaded as things went on. I think it’s a work that shouldered a main pillar of the VOCALOID community in its heyday. And it’s really cool that it’s continuing to spread around the world even now.

--What image do you get of its creator, AkunoP?

Suzunosuke: Given he’s got “Akuno” (of evil) in his name, I thought he might be a scary person.

Ichika: Generally the people who do DTM have a kind of science-y image, so there’s that. And when we actually met, I remember he was a lot like that image. Though he was a bit thinner than I had imagined. Maybe if Akuno-san had shown up to our first meeting with his sunglasses look I’d answer that his image was different, haha.

You: Before I met him offline…He made a lot of romantic-type works, so I actually wondered if maybe he was a woman. When we actually met, it was apparently right after he’d changed his look, so I was a little amused to see him wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses.

--Have you all met AkunoP-san wearing sunglasses?

Suzunosuke: I actually just brushed him off because I didn’t know who he was for a second. As a fan the way he is now is probably close to his image as AkunoP, I would think.

Ichika: I also brushed him off.

You: Everybody brushed him off!

--Well that was an unexpected outcome, haha. Next, do you have a favorite AkunoP work?

Ichika: I actually really like “Clockwork Lullaby”. I prefer the quietly compelling melody and lyrics. Aside from that, I remember when I listened to “Daughter of Evil” I was really drawn to it, wondering what other kind of work he’d done, so that left a significant impression.

Suzunosuke: I think that might be “Re_Birthday”. The flow of sin and rebirth is so painfully beautiful, and I always get misty-eyed no matter how many times I listen to it.

You: Like Suzunosuke-san, I like “Re_Birthday”. I really love the music, and as for the story of it I think it’s really great it has that theme of salvation.

--I see. I had thought that Suzunosuke-san might say “Lunacy of Duke Venomania”, so that was surprising.

Suzunosuke: I could also say “Lunacy of Duke Venomania”, but I don’t want people to think I’m someone who likes erotic content, haha. But that’s also another song that I really like.

About the Novel Illustrations

--How did you feel when you heard about the “Daughter of Evil” becoming a novel?

Ichika: I was simply surprised.

Suzunosuke: I thought it was awesome.

You: I thought it was awesome for Akuno-san. I thought there must have been so many fan’s voices there, and that kind of invisible strength was deeply moving.

--Ichika-san, in the first book you did the cover illustration as well as the ones in the book itself—What was something that was hard about that?

Ichika: I’d have to say highlights.

--Highlights…! Certainly you had to do quite the interaction there… Honestly, was there any point where you were like, “I hope these editors step in dog crap”? haha

Ichika: Nah, ‘cause ever since I’ve become able to put in highlights more seriously, so I’d say it was good practice, haha.

--Suzunosuke-san, you were asked to do the cover for the second book; how was it when they approached you for that?

Suzunosuke: I had thought for sure that they were going to have me just do a pinup on the inside of the book, so then I was kind of like, “Now what?” The others who’ve been involved in it are such amazing illustrators, so I wondered if I’d be good enough for it.

--Was there anything you had trouble with?

Suzunosuke: Drawing the two of them to be just adorable was a little hard.

--I understand you had a bit of revision going on…?

Suzunosuke: Oh no, I saw that as being good training in a lot of ways, so even now it’s a good memory for me.

--You-san, you’ve been asked to do a lot of color illustrations each time, and in this guidebook you were entrusted with the cover illustration. How did you feel after finishing your work?

You: I really like doing the pinups, and I’ll generally paint them as I like, but I dealt with the cover with some different feelings in mind. As a fan I thought that Ichika-san would be given preference for sure. And I’ve refined on my composition a bit looking over past work. I wanted to emulate the flow of things up to now, so like Suzunosuke-san’s work I made it very horizontal.

--Who are some characters that were fun for you to draw in this novel series?

Ichika: All the characters are fun to draw, but if you’re gonna make me choose I’d say Elluka…I had this sense of security while drawing her, like it wasn’t an issue if I made her look a little bit like a villain.

Suzunosuke: I’ve only drawn two characters, so that would be the harmonius Clarith and Michaela. That pair so really cute, so I like them a lot.

--Suzunosuke-san, are there any characters that you would like to draw?

Suzunosuke: I love old man figures, so I’m a bit intrigued by Leonhart. Though I know that’s probably not what you were looking for, haha.

Ichika: (after half a second) It is!

Suzunosuke: Yay, haha

--You-san, you’ve probably drawn all of the main characters at this point; are there any that you’re fond of?

You: Everyone’s fun with how cute they are. I think Riliane-chan is really precious with how her hair is done up. And then there’s the princely Kyle-san—for some reason I’m always grinning when I draw him.

--Please tell us the impressions you were left with as the story has developed.

Ichika: I wasn’t expecting the romantic love between Michaela and Clarith, so that surprised me a bit.

Suzunosuke: I was actually really surprised that the base for Michaela and Gumillia’s appearances were those characters in those other songs.

You: I was also surprised at Michaela and Clarith. I felt the books complemented the content that wasn’t expanded on in the songs, which made them have a lot of interesting points. I think it’s also pretty great that I can now listen to the songs with a fresh perspective.

--Conclusively, how do you think the story will develop in the third book?

Ichika: I think Kyle’s mom is gonna be the final boss.

Suzunosuke: Hmm, I think all of the countries might get wrapped up in the fires of war. All the preliminary announcements have a pretty foreboding feeling to them.

You: All will go according to the will of god (AkunoP).

--Please let us know any final thoughts you have.

Ichika: Thanks for having me here. I don’t know yet how the third book is going to go, but I look forward to being able to go through the novels again with you.

Suzunosuke: I’d be really happy if I could be with you on the sidelines. This interview has been great!

You: I’m really happy to be linked to this series and involved in the work in this way. Thank you very much!

--Thank you very much for joining us everyone!

directory

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translations-by-aiimee · 3 years

Text

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 18

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 18 - Memories

Lin Yan was afraid that the professor was going to run away. When the event was over, he didn't even take the time to change his clothes. He called over to little Daoist priest to tell him he could leave first, then rushed to the backstage lounge. The crowd trying to leave completely blocked the exit. Lin Yan wasn't able to get out for a while. Behind him was a swarm of school reporters, sweating profusely as they followed.

"Excuse me! Coming through!" He wasn't sure whose foot he stepped on in his rush, but the girl in front of him turned around and gave him a sharp look.

"Lin Yan!" a clear voice rang out. Lin Yan looked up and saw Weiwei standing at the door with a red staff badge hanging around her neck.

Lin Yan didn't care anymore about feeling embarrassed while he hurried through the crowd without any organized manner. He shouted at Weiwei: "Can you do me a favour? This is urgent!"

"It's my birthday next week, come over for dinner!" Weiwei shouted on her tiptoes.

"Okay, whatever, help stop the crowd behind me!"

Lin Yan ran as fast as he could straight down the corridor, stumbling from time to time over the hem of his clothes. When he burst into the backstage VIP room completely dishevelled, he realized that he had been worried for nothing. The professor hadn't planned on sneaking away at all. He was seated on the sofa and had waited for him, sipping his tea.

"You came? Sit down."

Lin Yan clutched his chest and nodded, breathing too heavily to speak.

The lounge was decorated in a very stylish way, with arc-shaped floor-to-ceiling French windows, beige wallpaper, and light brown soft leather sofas that looked like they were worth a lot of money. The school had always been willing to spend money on entertaining guests. The professor poured a glass of water for Lin Yan and pointed to the single-seater sofa opposite of him.

"You're Lin Yan, who came to us for an internship before, right? You performed well today. You've got guts and have a good mind." The professor pondered for a moment: "I thought you'd come find me sooner or later. I didn't expect that you would get back here so soon. "

"Do you know me?" A series of questions popped up in his mind. Lin Yan suppressed the urge to outright address his issue. He apologized for the outburst just then, and then said seriously: "I did here for that internship. This is very important to me, please tell me everything you know."

The professor nodded slightly: "I can probably guess what happened. So, I'll speak slowly. Listen carefully. If there's any useful information, I'll tell you." He sighed and looked out the window. He spoke softly: "The fact that you are still standing here in good shape is already much better than the person who came before you."

Lin Yan looked back at Xiao Yu, who was holding his hand tightly, standing ignorantly.

The floor-to-ceiling windows were facing the path outside the auditorium. The students must use this path to get to the dormitories. In the night, boys and girls walked down it together in large groups. I don’t know who yelled: "The river flows eastward, the stars in the sky look to the Big Dipper!*" The professor smiled, turned his face to Lin Yan, and recalled: "I was about the same age as you when I first entered the tomb. It was a good time to be young."

*(Song lyrics from "Hao Han Ge" by Liu Huan)

"Young people don't know what's important. . ."

The professor spoke very coherently, as if he had been wanted to say all this for many years. Lin Yan even felt that he was using this as an opportunity to reminisce about his nostalgic youth. But when the professor painted the scene back to Lin Yan, it sent a chill down Lin Yan's spine.

Twenty-five years ago, a group of coal miners in Jinxiang County accidentally collapsed a mineshaft while they were hacking away. They removed some jade plates and funerary wooden figurines from inside the hole, which turned out to be the entrance tunnel of an underground tomb. Once the county head official learned about this tomb, he blocked off the mausoleum and reported the news to the central government. At that time, China was still a novice in both archaeological technology and cultural relic preservation, and it was still difficult to excavate many imperial tombs. Therefore, this cultural Ming Dynasty tomb was handed over to the university, and a team of several master's students hired some local volunteers and rushed to Jinxiang.

This group of people included the professor and Lin Yan’s current supervisor. When preparing the materials for the tomb, the professor and Lin Yan both found some strange information. He strangely discovered that whether it were the county chronicles, the local chronicles, or genealogical records, there was no record of the tomb's owner. One of the workers on the team claimed to be a master of fengshui. After seeing the mausoleum, he said that it would be impossible to excavate. The earth's meridians formed a breeding ground for negative energy. The evil spirits attracted to the space were too dense to bury people. The owner of the tomb wouldn't be able to find peace after death. Not to mention the misfortune it would bring future generations. However, most of the students were young and energetic. They were eager to try after seeing the exquisitely carved jade artifacts. Without much consideration, they went directly to the tomb with tools and equipment.

"Strange events started after that." The professor adjusted his glasses and grimaced: "We should have listened to the warnings, but we didn't believe in evil at the time."

First, the four chickens brought to ward off evil spirits died overnight. When the underground tomb gate was opened, the scaffold collapsed, and an 18-year-old fell and broke his right hand. Everyone thought it was an accident, but from the time they entered the tomb, all those involved in the excavation had nightmares whenever they closed their eyes. Every night they dreamed that they were dying to the point that no one dared try to sleep anymore. Fatigue and constant fear made everyone’s fighting spirit die off after only a week.

"What happened after that?" Lin Yan looked back at Xiao Yu in surprise. He thought he had been tormented thoroughly by him, but he hadn't even seen half of this ghost's ferociousness yet.

"After entering the main chamber, we found many valuable cultural relics beside the coffin, but they were poorly preserved. We could only brush off the embroideries. Watching the treasures that we brought out so easily blacken and carbonize the moment the sunlight hit them was the fatal blow to our spirits. I cried miserably, but everyone was equally depressed and even fearful. No one had the energy to comfort me."

The professor's hand shifted on the windowpane, leaving behind a damp handprint. "There seemed to be some kind of energy in that tomb that could make people fall into despair. We worked hard and sang to make ourselves feel more brave, but it was still useless. A rural volunteer girl went crazy on the ninth morning and smashed her husband's head in with a machete while everyone could only stand in shock."

"Blood sprayed all over the bricks on the top of the tomb, and it was dripping everywhere. The woman put her husband's head in front of the blank memorial plaque, kowtowed three times, and sat on the ground convulsing, laughing eerily, while laughing and shouting a name." The professor looked at Lin Yan and asked, "Do you know what name it was?"

Lin Yan took a dazed step back. He wanted to break away from the hand holding his, but Xiao Yu held it tighter, not giving him a chance to escape.

"It was Xiao Yu. Who exactly is Xiao Yu? I searched through both the official and unofficial records, but I couldn't find any record that mentioned this name." The professor's expression became painful: "We gave the woman a consolation fee to settle the matter. After she took the money, she laughed for a while before she raised her machete and slashed it down across her neck. The blood was sprayed onto the memorial plaque. When she fell, only a thin piece of skin kept her head attached to her body. At that time, people didn't know much about archaeology. At first glance, some of the students were okay, but the hired volunteers were all scared away, saying that we dug up the grave of the dead, and this was retribution for it."

"The last person who left was the fengshui guy. He told me that the tomb had no fengshui. The owner of the tomb had died violently. Nothing could approach the tomb through the evil energy breeding ground. This resentment built up over a long time. The woman's body had been filled with too much Yin energy and she was the first to fall prey to the ghost."

"The man left. The students didn't want to go, but they were still having nightmares every time they. They tried to stick it out for a week before packing their bags and returning to school. No one else died. The first time the lead took over, he wouldn't even touch the coffin. It was a disappointment for everyone."

Lin Yan imagined the beheading. His face grew pale, and his stomach felt sick.

"Are you alright? You don't look well." The professor seemed to catch on to the younger's expression, and pointed to Lin Yan's cup: "Drink some water. Take a break then you can listen some more."

Lin Yan shook his head and asked, "Was it really like the fengshui master said?"

The professor hesitated for a while, and his fingers scribbled across a section of thin vapor he exhaled onto the glass. Two words appeared on the glass: "Xiao Yu." As if he didn't want to see it, the professor wiped it away and shook his head: "I have seen a lot of weird things throughout my career. The demon and ghost theory is not unfounded, but I think that the tomb might be some kind of spiritual formation. In ancient times, emperors and generals did everything they could to prevent their bodies from being destroyed. Many strange arts and techniques also emerged. It is possible that the woman was already delirious and so was the first to lose her mind in the consuming and the gloomy atmosphere in the tomb."

Lin Yan imagined the shadowy chamber with two headless bodies lying on the ground. He could barely squeeze out a wry smile: "What does this whole thing have to do with me?"

"I'm getting to that part." The professor sadly lowered his head: "Young people have never been willing to admit defeat. Since then, I've been very interested in the history of the Ming Dynasty Chenghua period. At first, I wanted to find out the identity of the tomb owner but I really fell in love with the history, and, 20 years later, I became an expert in the field. But long-term research in any field will encounter roadblocks. I was troubled by problem for nearly two months, and finally decided to go to the Ming Tomb again."

Lin Yan asked puzzledly: "Are you not afraid something will happen again?"

The professor shrugged: "No way, the large amount of untouched cultural relics inside was too tempting. The team left before anyone had even touched the coffin the last time I was there. I've never gotten over it."

"Be considerate of the obsessions of an old man who has been involved in academia for most of his life." The professor said: "When the newspaper published the news about the excavation of the Ming Tomb again, a message came from my secretary saying that someone was willing to help me. He understood fengshui. If something went wrong, I could turn to him."

"I'm not the same young man who spent a whole year studying about the tomb. I ran all over the country all day and night. I was too busy to take care of it, so I asked the secretary to keep in touch with him."

"Later on, something did happened. It was exactly the same as before. After entering the tomb door, everyone was inexplicably depressed and paranoid, and soon began to have nightmares. I was so afraid that the tragedy would happen again, so I had to ask the person who knew fengshui for help. He told me that I need to find a person who shares the same horoscope as the evil creature in order to make it stop. Then he gave me a birth date and said that he could find someone with the same birth date horoscope."

Lin Yan had already guessed the answer. He pointed at himself and hesitated to confirm: "Me?"

The professor nodded: "That birth year made me think of a student. I asked your supervisor. He said that he had a friend’s son who was looking for an internship, and his own student, Lin Yan. It was just an extreme coincident that your birthday fell onto the right date."

"You know what happened after that." The professor looked at the path outside the window. The students were almost all gone now. The moonlight didn't reach the path, instead only reflecting the black shadows of the trees that were swaying back and forth in the night breeze. "If you want to ask me who the owner of the tomb is, I can only tell you that I don't know. It's shameful; after more than 20 years, I have revisited this topic year after year, but I still haven't made any progress."

"If you have anything else to ask, please go ahead. As soon as you say the name 'Xiao Yu', I knew it was you. You've got a lot of guts to throw my things like that." The professor laughed, "I was just like that when I was young. I had trouble with authority back then. It took a lot to keep up with me."

Lin Yan hurriedly lowered his head and apologized. He kept thinking that it was this File Folder dragged him into this mess, but it didn't seem like he did it intentionally. . . How much did he know about what happened after? Thinking of this, Lin Yan raised his head and asked, "Don't you want to hear how I know Xiao Yu's name?"

The professor waved his hand and relaxed his expression: "People my age don't want to listen to these ghost and monster stories. It's bad luck. I know you're fine when I see you standing here. I didn't discuss it with you. I blame myself for not discussing this with you sooner. I'll try my best to explain anything you need, but the rest. . ." The professor said, spreading his hands, expressing that there was nothing he could do.

During their talk, the professor's personal secretary came in and urged him to leave, saying that the car was ready and the school officials were all waiting downstairs. The professor nodded to the secretary, turned around and asked Lin Yan, "Is there anything else you want to know?"

Lin Yan felt stuck. The most renowned Ming historians in China had no answers. Did he really have no choice but to wait out the three months, waiting for this ghost to remember his life experience and tell him his wish. But what he couldn't remember? Would Lin Yan be forced to accompany him for eternity as a ghost?

As he pondered, a thought popped up, like a small copper hammer hitting the glass with a crisp sound. Lin Yan stopped the professor who was packing up and asked: "You. . . you mentioned that the fengshui guy had mentioned a horoscope date. I happened to be looking for an internship at that time, so it all worked out, right?" Lin Yan's voice was trembling with excitement: "This is too much of a coincidence. It's almost like he was waiting for me. . . Where is he now? How did he know something would happen in the Ming Tomb?"

The professor suddenly stopped, frowning and thought it over: "You're right to be suspicious. At that time, I was busy planning the excavation and didn't care much about it. . ." The secretary who was waiting at the door shouted: " Xiao Liu, do you remember that fortune teller? Give me his contact information."

The young girl flipped through the folder in her arms, and replied: "That person never contacted me directly. He had been passing messages through a young guy who was new to the team. I'll look into it for you. I'll get back to you about in in the next few days."

The professor's face sank, and just like Lin Yan, he had no answer. He whispered to him: "It'll should be easy to track him down." He patted Lin Yan on the shoulder: "I'll help you out with this, don't worry. "He took out a pen and left Lin Yan's his phone number, and the corner of his mouth ticked up: "I still owe you your prize. I'll give it to you the next time we meet."

When he left, the crowd was gone. The corridor was empty. The old custodian didn’t even turn on the ceiling light to save electricity. Only the wall lamp glowed a dull yellow. Lin Yan’s face drained of all colour. He suddenly felt like he was in a horror movie. He was the lead actor stumbling along the wall in a terrifying corridor.

The professor's story made him feel incredibly afraid. Behind him was a ghost, a murderer who put people to death in a cruel and bloody way. He didn't even dare to look behind him. He was afraid that when he turned around, a ghost covered in bloodstains would be there, grinning sinisterly at him through a veil of long hair, saying: It's your turn.

Lin Yan's breathing became heavier and heavier. When he couldn't resist the urge to run away, he was suddenly pushed harshly against the wall. His body was wrenched around. Lin Yan raised his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

#dig a grave to dig out a ghost #dig a grave to dig out a ghost translation #chinese bl #chinese novel #english translation #danmei #danmei novel #yaoi #yaoi novel

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purpleyellow · 4 years

Text

Bon Voyage season 4

BTS 8th member

Sunny’s masterlist

“Sunny during Bon Voyage 4″ Shout out to the Bon Voyage anon!

a/n: It took a while but it’s done. Your opinion is very important for me, send feedback and requests anytime 💜 Also, don’t be shy and interact a little, ask box is always open

(Italics means the person is speaking in English)

“It’ll be around 45 minutes until we get to the destination” Jimin spoke from the passenger seat after reading the GPS.

Jungkook nodded while starting the camping trailer they were in and Suny got comfortable in the small table the van had, Hoseok and Taehyung sat in front of her. The other members were driving in an SUV.

“Are you going to read during the trip?” Hobi asked the girl pointing to the book she had placed on top of the table “We’ll probably be noisy so I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now”

As he said that, Jimin pressed play on his phone and the melody of Ddaeng started playing as Taehyung turned the electric microphone on, singing with his whole soul and ignoring the two members talking.

“I was going to see if I would be able to read without having motion sickness but I guess I won’t be able to do that now” She sighed looking at the noisy boys and head bopping to the beat. “Ahh, New Zealand”

Looking out of the window, Sunny got lost in the view as she sang along with the boys, the small road trip passing by relatively fast for her.

“Okay, let’s go,” J-Hope said opening the backdoor of the vehicle and the three members in the back instantly got hit by a very cold breeze “Maybe not without coats,” He said turning around and Sunny grabbed the big trench jacket she had miraculously found in the store they had gone to earlier.

Putting on the black thing on top of her jeans and pink sweater, she finally got out of the car and ran to the fence that divided a big field filled with sheep. Waving at them, she unintentionally caught the attention of the pastor there.

“You guys are recording something?” the middle-aged man asked her pointing at the cameras recording the rest of the members who were only starting to make their way to where she was.

“Yes, it’s kind of a Reality thing” She answered and smiled politely, not wanting to give off too much information about what they were doing.

“Oh okay, I’ll see if the dog brings them over so you and your friends can interact with them” The man did a head nod and whistled to the dog. Jungkook approached Sunny after a little sprint, leaning on the fence as well to get a better look in the approaching sheep. “Come inside, there’s no problem”

Opening a little gate for them, and the other members, a few of them walked inside and started taking pictures with the animals and the landscape for a moment, until it got too cold for them and they decided to go inside to grab warm drinks.

“Are you ordering?” Sunny asked Hoseok as Namjoon told him the same of the drinks and he nodded to her.

“Putting to work the English I learned in the US” He smiled and waved the waiter over “You want coffee right?”

“You got it” She answered him in English making RM chuckle. They walked together to the table and waited for the waiter to bring them their drinks.

The group spent a good amount of time just sitting in the small restaurant as some of them rested and J-Hope and Taehyung recorded the Chicken Noodle Soup challenge. Retuning to the campervan, they sat in the same arrangement and tried to pass time since the trip would take a long time.

“Let’s play that game where you have to rhyme” Jimin spoke loud enough from the passenger seat so everyone could hear him.

“Which one? The poem thing?” J-Hope asked locking his phone and putting it away.

“I don’t know. Let’s just have one person say something and then somebody else rhymes with it until everyone had a go” He explained while still giving out directions “Taehyung you can start”

“Roses are red, violets are blue” He said without thinking too much.

“I was born smart, what happened to you” Sunny completed with the first thing that came into her mind making Hoseok and Jimin laugh while V widened his eyes.

“That’s not the direction I was going for but okay,” He said repressing a smile.

“I want to start, let me think,” Jungkook said from the driver’s seat and thought for a second before speaking and leaving everyone dumbfounded “Roses are red, corpses are blue”

“Sorry you’re dead, I forgot you’re allergic to roses,” Sunny said without really thinking and making the rest of the boys laugh once again “Oh, it doesn’t really rhyme”

“What’s up with you today?” Jimin turned around to look at her and she just shrugged.

“Kook was the one bringing up dead people”

The BTS members had just arrived at an observatory when the sun started setting, having to wait for it to be completely dark before looking at the stars, the members parted ways, some of them going inside the small cafe to stay warm, while the others, Sunny included, stayed outside to look at the landscape or shoot J-Hope’s challenge (a very recurring theme in this trip).

“We should have bought more coats, it gets too cold during the night” Namjoon noted while he and the girl were walking around and taking pictures of the view.

“Yeah, I have like this thing and a hoddie in my backpack,” Sunny said looking down at her clothes and staring out again “It’s fun to have a change for once, we usually go to warm places for Bon Voyage”

“Agreed, although I miss the warmth a little” He chuckled kicking a rock and pondering for a moment before speaking again “I have so much to do back home, it��s like my mind can’t stay focused and enjoy what’s going on in that moment”

“Oppa, I think you’re going through work abstinence,” Sunny said with a breathy laugh.

“The weird thing is when I was on vacation back in Europe I wasn’t feeling like this. But now, it’s like the cameras triggered my memory and everything that was on hold keeps showing up in my head” He sighed stopping in his tracks and looking around to see if anyone was recording them. Although the mics were capturing all the words, the audio wouldn’t have a use unless there was footage.

“We won’t go back to actually work in a week, but I guess you can find some time to rest your conscience and run over the lyrics I wrote over the break” She smiled sheepishly and shrugged her shoulders.

“You didn’t rest?” He turned around to her with a shocked face and tried pinching her arm, although all he did was twist the fabric of her coat.

“I did. I spent some time with friends and stayed with my mom for some weeks. But when I had nothing to do I wrote a little, not my fault I wasn’t in some foreign country like most of you” She winked making him roll his eyes.

“Not fair, I’m as much as a workaholic like you. Now I feel even worst for not being productive”

“You’re the biggest workaholic in this place, maybe with the exception of Yoongi Oppa but you get me” She placed a hand on his arm and turned around so they could go back to the little restaurant. “That means you deserved to rest more than anyone here. So tell me, did you find a girlfriend during your break like JK?”

“Please don’t remember me those rumors,” He said now fake annoyed and smiling at the situation. “I’m kind of worried for him still”

“He does seem a bit quieter than usual” Sunny noted “I just wanted to talk to him for a bit and get him to vent for once, he seemed so stress when I called him one day”

“Yeah, let’s give him time. I’ll chat with him if I get the chance and I’ll tell him you’re worried too”

“Thanks, on a random note, I’m still not 100% used to seeing him with tattoos, but it does fit his image for some reason” Sunny smiled along and they joined the rest of the group.

Waiting for a few more minutes inside, the members had a pleasant surprise once they walked out and the sky was completely full of stars. The desert-like place helped to make visible the whole milky way, making a lot of amused sounds leave their mouths.

“It’s insane to think that’s over us all the time and we can’t see it” Yoongi said from somewhere near her and Sunny nodded along, even though it was too dar for anyone to see her.

“The camera can’t capture it like I’m seeing it” Jungkook complained while trying to take a picture and Sunny grabbed her own phone to see if she was luckier than him.

“There’s no use trying to take pictures,” One of the observatory people told her and pointed to the telescope they were walking to “You’ll have a better sight with that, but everything is going to be stored in your memory”

“Oh, so like, not even the crew is going to capture the sky like this?”

“I’m afraid not,” He told her and she nodded “I’ve seen they have some professional cameras so maybe a picture that comes close to it”

Smiling at his reassurance, Sunny walked a little faster to be able to look through the telescope before the other members.

“It’s dark, stop running or you’ll trip” She heard Jin speaking from her left but she ignored him, going straight to the object and bending a little so she could see better.

“Woah” Sunny gasped with how close the stars appeared, their shine being indescribably beautiful, but the moment got interrupted by Jimin patting her on the back.

“I want to see it too” He insisted until she moved along, of course stealing a last look to hopefully remember that sight forever.

After the two accommodations they had gone to, BTS finally arrived at the place they would be camping for two days.

To be honest, Sunny wasn’t too excited about it, sure she had gone camping with her parents as a child, but she knew the boys wouldn’t just let her run around and play with flowers like she used to, not that she would do that anyway but it still would be nice not have to light up a fire like she was doing right now.

“Why can’t I help them with the tent?” Sunny asked Jin, who was next to her trying to do the same thing.

“Because they learned how to do it last season when you were doing nothing because of a small cut” He reminded her of the excused the had used last time and Sunny tried not to smile.

“It hurt okay, I still have the scar on my foot”

“Show me then” Jin challenged her, knowing it was a lie and Sunny shrugged.

“It’s cold, I’m not taking my shoe off,” She said and sighed when the small flame she had going died once again. “I don’t think I’ll be able to light this”

“Of course you are, just keep fanning it,” Jin said handing her a frying pan, to which she frowned at “What? It helps to make more wind, you’ll thank me once it works”

“Alright then” She grabbed the pan and started fanning the fire more aggressively, her arm growing tired sooner than anticipated, but the flame got bigger none the less and at some point, the fire was strong enough to live by itself.

Massaging the muscle on her arm, Sunny got up from her crouched position and walked over to the campervan, where Taehyung was grabbing some things to decorate the tent they had just built.

“Can you help me carry those things outside?” He asked and gave her a bunch of fairy lights after she agreed.

“Do you know who will be sleeping here tonight?” She asked him once they were inside the orange tent and watched as he hung the lights on the walls.

“I think it’s Yoongi Hyung and Namjoon Hyung” V answered “I’m staying in the trailer with Hobi Hyung, Jimin, and Jk. Are you really staying in the SUV with Jin Hyung? We can make room for you if you want to”

Taehyung recalled the conversation they had earlier when Jin said he didn’t like sleeping on sleeping bags and since there was no room in the van he would just lay one of the car’s seats down and sleep there. Sunny said she could do the same since she didn’t want to make the trailer’s bed too crowded.

“I can give it a try, it’s no big deal,” She said getting out of the tent with him. “If it gets too uncomfortable we’ll change the sleeping settings tomorrow”

“Okay then, if you want to wake me up in the middle and trade places I’m okay with it” V smiled and they walked to where the rest of the members were getting ready to have diner.

“Why are you going to do this when last time you almost died with only having diner in a suspended table?” Hoseok laughed at Sunny when they arrived in the place they would be going on this insane swing.

“Because since last time everyone keeps saying I’m scared of heights, I’m here to prove I’m not,” She said determined but her palms were slightly sweaty.

Of course, it was normal to get a little scared before going on a 300-meter swing that could probably lead to your death, that did not mean she was afraid of heights, it only meant Sunny had the self-preservation instinct that people like Jungkook didn’t seem to have.

“You should go on the catapult thing as well,” He said while bouncing on his place and the rest of the boys bought their tickets.

“I’m already going on the swing of death, I don’t want to be thrown into it as well” She mumbled holding onto his arm, to both keep him in place and relieve some of the nervousness she was feeling.

After getting into the special gear and both Jimin and Yoongi had declined multiple times the opportunity to do it, the group moved along the bridge that they would be “jumping” from. Holding onto Jungkook’s shoulders, Sunny tried her best to not look down and quickly got over that part.

“We doing the swing part in pairs, so Jin Hyung and Hobi, me and Taehyung, ad then you and Jungkook okay?” Namjoon asked her once they were on the platform thing and watching Jin and Hoseok get settled on the thing.

“Okay” She said strangely more calm than before, mostly due to the instructors making sure the equipment on her groupmates was very well adjusted before letting them hang over the edge of the platform.

The sudden drop and the boys’ scream startled her a little, but Sunny couldn’t hide the smile on her face seeing how much fun they were having on the swing. So she sat next to Jimin on the steps and cheered Taehyung, who was far more scared than her when it was his turn.

“We’re doing it like the others okay?” Sunny turned to Jk once they were waiting for Namjoon and V to get back on the platform. “No funny ideas or things to make this any more dangerous than it is”

“Sure, sure,” He said jumping excited for their turn, and once the instructor asked them which way they were going to drop he nonchalantly answered “Upsidedown”

“No, no” Sunny exclaimed shaking her head. She had watched four people safely drop on the thing sitting down, she would safely do it sitting down as well.

“Yes, yes. Upsidedown” Jungkook repeated making the woman smile.

“He can go upsidedown and you can sit normally after him. How does that sound?” She asked politely making Sunny consider going alone.

“Can I do it first then?” She asked turning around to one of the producers to ask if it would make the content less exciting. Giving her a thumbs up, Sunny took it as a yes and turned to the instructor again.

“Sure, you can go in any other you want” She waved the girl near the edge and started to fix her gear.

“Wow, you’re making me wait more because you’re too scared” Jungkook laughed watching from her side and leaning on one of the security bars.

“I’m swinging off this thing by myself, I think the only thing you can’t call me right now is scared” She rolled her eyes at him and heard Jin laughing at their exchange.

“Okay, you can sit and take your feet off the edge,” She said, and in that moment, sitting seconds away from a 70-meter free-fall and 300-meter arc swing, Sunny felt scared shitless.

She looked ahead to the instructor and blocked out any kind of noise around her, not really knowing what was going on or how much longer until she would fall onto her inevitable death backward, the only thing she could feel was her heart beating out of her chest.

It came out of nowhere, but suddenly she felt all of her body drop and a scream leave her mouth, instantly gripping onto the swing’s ropes. After a few milliseconds that felt like ages, she finally could feel the security stuff holding her body in place and preventing her to slip and die. Her screams turning into a laugh as she started to swing on the huge thing.

“I’m gonna swing, from the chandelier” Sunny sang as the thing lost momentum and looked around at the mountains around her. The adrenaline running crazy on her body as she leaned her body back every time the swing went back.

“Were you singing Sia?” Jimin asked once she made back to the platform making the girl laugh.

“Did you hear that from here?”

Getting out of the helicopter, Sunny stretched a bit and walked along the mountain of snow, following her members. She saw a few of them making snowballs, and falling in the snow so she thought she should do the same.

Falling back on the snow, she moved her arms up and down hoping to make a snow angel, but once she got up it didn’t look like one at all.

“That doesn’t look quite right” Yoongi smiled at the weird blob on the ground and helped her get some of the snow off her hair.

“I don’t know where I was aiming with that, to be honest” Sunny said shaking her coat. “What are the others doing?”

“Jimin and Taehyung are walking around and doing something I don’t understand and the rest are building a snowman” Suga said and started walking with her to where the rest of them were.

“Sunny, do you have something to put on it?” Hoseok screamed for her pointing at the two balls of snow that barely looked like a snowman.

Taking off her beanie, she threw it to him and walked closer, looking for things that could make the “statue” more human-like.

Placing a pair of glasses on its face and a scarf around its neck, the members decided they had done a good enough job and walked away, looking for more things to do.

“Hey, look at this” Jimin approached her with a concerned face and a hand full of snow. “Is this an insect?”

Leaning down to look at what he was showing her, Sunny didn’t react fast enough when he lifted up his hand and smeared snow on her face.

“Really?” Sunny screamed after taking some of the snow off her eyes and looked around to see the boy jumping excited and grinning mischievously. Running towards him to push him on the ground, she got slowed down by the snow and failed to do it, instead of holding him in place and kicking the back of his knee to somehow take him down, which she also failed to do.

Looking at them from afar, Jin sighed and looked at Suga “Why are they like this?”

END OF THE TRIP INTERVIEW

1.What did you think when you heard you were coming to New Zealand?

“I liked it but it wasn’t anything special. Like I had heard good things about it and was interested in some of the videos the guys showed me so I thought it would be fun to come here, and it really was.”

2. This was your first work after vacation. How was it?

“I didn’t travel anywhere during the vacation, mostly because I wanted to see some people and I couldn’t do that if I was away, but also because I knew we were going to come to New Zealand right after and I just realized I didn’t have this extra need for going away and spending time outside of Korea. It sure was fun to spend this time with the members after not having them on my daily routine like I’m used to, it consolidated in my mind that no matter the time we spend apart this group of people will always feel like family.”

3. What did you like the most?

“I really enjoyed the overall feel of the country. I don’t know how to explain, but everywhere we went the sky was always beautiful, the landscape, the mountains, the roads we went through, everything was always beautiful, and even though my nose is stuffy and my fingers froze a lot, the weather feels so cozy and so nice. This just seems like one of those places you go backpacking with your friends and the fact that we did exactly that feels really good to me”

4. When did you feel bad or disappointed?

“Hmm… I don’t think I felt disappointed about anything, but since we changed locations so many times this trip, it did cross my mind how I wasn’t much use whenever we went to another accommodation since I don’t drive and couldn’t really help them whenever someone got tired and needed a rest. Also, I don’t think I was that entertaining this time, so sorry for the people watching this”

5. How did you feel about this trip?

“Everything was really nice. Compared to the last time we spent most of the trip together as a group instead of pairs, and that made me grateful for all of the members’ presence. Also, the destination really made me want to come back, with them but also with the rest of the people I love”

6. To ARMYs who’d watch Bon Voyage Season Four

“I said it before, but first I’m sorry if I didn’t appear as entertaining. I hope you understand that I truly liked this trip and was just living through it in my own way instead of exaggerating it and making it seem fake. Everything was perfect and I hope you can have some enjoyment just watching the members being ourselves”

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Humans Are Space Orcs, “Black Hole.”

I was walking, I tended to do that when I had to think, and today was a thinking kind of day. I’m not exactly a thinking kind of guy if I am being honest. Most of the time the inside of my head is a wasteland of song lyrics, movie clips, and microwave noises, but right now I had to try and figure some things out.

First and foremost I had been thinking about the spiderlings a lot lately. It hurt e all over to think the things I was thinking now, but it had to be done.

The spiderlings, when it came right down to it, were just kids like toddlers. They were still learning how to interact with people, they were still growing up, and admittedly, I wasn’t doing a very good job at parenting. First and foremost, however, was the fact that they shouldn’t even be on the ship in the first place. Children weren’t allowed on UNSC ships unless there was rescue mission going on, or they were being transported for some reason.

No one else on the ship would be allowed to take their kids with them, so why should I. It sort of wasn’t fair if you thought on it for a little bit.

Number two, it wasn’t exactly fair to the spiderlings either. They needed some sort of education if they wanted to live in this universe as it was, and right now I didn’t have time to sit them down and teach them anything. I honestly couldn’t really do anything for them at all know that I thought about it. I was horrible at discipline and even worse at teaching them the things they should know.

They needed a preschool or something where they could learn how to read and write, though I had no real idea where to do that.

I had been thinking about this a lot lately based on some of the things I had come to realize while I was gone on leave, the number one being that I took too much on my shoulders. N o one here except for me was expected to father and run a ship at the same time.

If anything I was doing the spiderlings a disservice by keeping them here.

It hurt me to say all of that because the aggressive controlling part of me doesn’t want to admit that I can’t do all of it all by myself.

But I can’t.

However, I do know someone who potentially could if she was going to do what she said she was going to do.

A part of my, however, didn’t want to contact Eris.

We hardly knew each other and to ask for favors would be a bit much. Arguably the adaptids were older than she was, meaning that choosing her to help me in this endeavour wasn’t fair to her either, but who else was I going to get to take care of them.

One thing is for sure, they needed a lot of things that I just couldn’t provide, and that meant I was going to ave to let go.

Made me sick to my stomach but there you had it.

I admired it.

I Can’t do it.

I turned the corner onto the bridge my mind made up. I would have to Call Eris when we were out of warp and see if she would take another couple of hybrids.

I made myself feel a little better by promising I would call and visit as often as I could, though it hurt me to think how the spiderlings might respond to me just up and leaving them.

I tried to remind myself that I wasn’t up and leaving them, I was doing what any other father in the UNSC would have to do and that was find them a place to stay and learn and grow and all of those other things, but a part of me still felt horrible.

To take my mind off of that decision, I turned my head towards one of the bridge crew members, “Grab a tablet and follow me.”

They did as told, bot up and followed.

It honestly still surprises me when people follow my orders. Like I expect to have to explain or justify my reasoning to them, but instead they sort of just get up and walk over like that was supposed to be how it worked.

I wasn’t totally convinced.

I motioned them to follow and together we walked down the hall.

I took my first stop in the medical bay where Krill and Katie working quietly to deep clean the med bay while there were no patients to work on.

Krill looked up and his antennae buzzed slightly when he saw me. A frown crossed his face as he looked me over, expecting some sort of injury. I have him a smile and almost winked but then remembered that when you have one eye winking just looks like blinking.

Katie straightened up, “Good morning Commander.” She said with a wide smile.”

That would always surprise me to, when your friends call you by a title.

“Morning Doctor.” I responded in kind walking over with my assistant at my heels.

Krill seemed to relax, “how may we help you this morning, commander.”

I took a seat on the edge of one of the beds and bounced my foot up and down a bit as i thought, “I was just thinking about the ship and how it’s run.”

They looked at each other.

I held up a hand, “Don’t worry it’s nothing like that. I just realized the other day that I don’t really know how things work on my own ship despite trying to control everything all the time, so I am going to go around to all of the departments get and idea of how they work, and what they do, and how they might need my help if anything.” I motioned back towards my assistant, “Lt. McKinnon is going to take notes for me, and then later on I am going to meet with the Jedi council, and we are going to decide how best to delegate and meet the needs of the ship more effectively.”

Katie raised an eyebrow, “The Jedi council?”

“Yeah, that’s what I am calling it, and you can’t make me decide otherwise.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled and I smiled back.

If they thought my idea was dumb, they at least humored me.

As far as my involvement, there really was none, though I had to make sure that everyone was up to date on their medical evals and vaccinations, which was probably a job I could delegate to someone else, or at least give Katie and Krill the power to do, so I would have to look into that later.

I stood from there and together me and my assistant moved to the other departments before slowly coming around to the rec hall where I knew I might find a particular grou pf of people.

Cannon was there as I expected he would be playing pool with a group of other Drev.

Cannon was a good shot while the others were a couple seconds away from poking each other in the eye with the cues, but they were laughing and talking rapid fire in drev, fast eough that I was having trouble understanding just exactly what they were saying.

Cannon leaned over the table and took a shot sending one of the balls into a corner pocket with a satisfying clatter.

The other Drev groaned and he raised his fist in triumph.

I approached once Cannon won the game, and the big guy saw me coming raising the pool cue in greeting like he might raise a spear. The other Drev did the same

“Zhad tsak Hajee lasan jirhaat.”

I raised my hand and returned the greeting.

May your spear be sharp or something similar.

I kept the conversation mostly in Drev for the sake of the clan, “Cannon how are you this morning?”

He lifted his head to me, “Won seven duels and tested some of Chalan’s new weapons.”

I smiled, “Ben busy than I see.”

“I always try to keep it that way.”

Cannon was the defacto clan leader. Technically it was either sunny or I, but Sunny wasn’t reall the clan leading type and I had everything else to run so that gave Cannon most command over the Drev, which is why I was here.

“Just coming in to make sure you guys have everything you need and see if there is anything that you guys need done. Cannon obviouly you are on the jedi council, so you’ll figure this out later, but I want to make sure eveyrthing is running smoothly. Is there anything your clan needs to discuss.”

Cannon tapped his fingers agaisnt his carapace beore pulling me aside by the arm.

“Tatazan is…. Pregnant so, what should I do about that?”

A ton of bricks for Commander Adam Vir.

I blinked blindsides by that afformentioned rockslide, “I uh…. Hmm that is complicated.”

I turned to look at the floor. I suppose it should ahve occured to me that when we took on an entire Drev clan that we were also taking on mated pares. Now the UNSC guidelines about being in relationships didn’t cover the Drev considering that their battle partners were always thir significant other so hiring a Drev would be impossible if the rule was followed.

But I had failed to recognize the ‘mated’ part of a mated pair.

“Well shit.” I muttered

“This isn’t exactly ideal.”

Cannon nodded, “I think it might be best if the child is raised off the ship on Anin.”

“I tend to agree with you there.” I leaned in a bit, “I have been thinking about the same things for the spiderlings.”

He nodded knowingly.

“A ship is no place to grow up.”

I agreed no matter how much child me would have disagreed.

“We can discuss that in meeting tonight, though as clan leader you have the most say in this.”

He nodded his large head, “Where is my sister?” He wondered looking around for where she might be.

“I sent her off to play with making new weapons.”

“Sent her off?” Cannon chuckled in amusement

“Yeah, I think she worries about leaving me on my own, like I am going to set something on fire or something.”

“Have you set anything on fire/” He wondered wryly.

I smirked, “No but I’ve been thinking.”

“For you, that is actually worse than setting things on fire.”

The two of us laughed and I patted him on the arm as I returned him to the pool table and a second round of him kicking everyone’s ass.

Cannon was a good clan leader and had thrown himself into the work wholeheartedly. They respected him, and he got along with them. Not a day went by that you didn’t see him leading the Drev in some new sort of activity to broaden their horizons. I sortof wished Sunny would join them more often. I think it would be good for her to speak her own language and have friends er own species, but I get why she tended to distance herself.

These Drev were from the same clan that mistreated her entire life, and memories lie that were difficult to forgive at times. Still, they had to be better than me, and I worried about her.

Sure spending her time being beautiful and nobley aloof all the time gave her an heir of…. Hmmm how shall I say…. Excitement and intrigue, but still…. I wanted her to be happy.

And as much as the greedy part of me wanted my friend all to myself I recognized that probably wasn’t a good thing.

I’d talk to her later about it I decided.

“Commander Vir to the bridge, commander Vir to the bridge.”

I motioned my note taker to follow, and we hurried back to the bridge taking our seats. The captain’s chair was familiar at this point, but I still couldn’t shake off that tiny moment of thrill as I sat down.

“Report.”

“Warp ends in five minutes, commander.”

My heart pounded nervously in my chest. This was it, this was the big moment scientists had been waiting for forever. A real live real time picture of a black hole. Now it was important to keep away from the edge or risk time dilation, spegetiffication, and instant death.

The kid in me was about to pee himself in excitement, but the Commander in me was intent on not letting everyone die.

I picked up the com on the rest of the ship inviting them to prepare for warp exit, and then told them to get their asses up to the observation deck to see something awesome.

When I put the mic down I was back in commander mode ordering the crew to ready themselves for this moment.

My eyes were fixed straight ahead.

This was going to be insane.

If we came out of this wrong, we could be caught in the event horizon and be….

Goners.

“Exiting warp in ten.”

I prepared to take manual control of the ship breath held trying not to imagine what would happen if we appeared at the edge of the event horizon sailing on a dust cloud of light as we plunged towards our death, a black pit of nothingness.

“One”

The warp drie disengaged, and we jolted violently as the air warped around us.

I slammed back in my seat taking immediate control of the ship waiting for any warning bells to go off signaling extreme gravity,

I took a relieved sigh when there was none and lifted my head to the viewing window.

‘“Ho-ly shit.” I muttered

The rest of the crew gasped.

It was…. Well it was wow.

IIf you guys have ever seen interstellar, I would go so far as to say that was pretty accurate.

From this distance the thing didn’t look so big, but the very marrow of my bones knew what it meant. The massive disk of light and dust that surrounded it slowly spiraling inward towards a pit of nothingness.

The halo ring of light that surrounded it glowed upward as unbelievable gravity refracted the back of the black hole towards the front.

It was like a dark eye in the middle of space staring outward at us unblinkingly as it lurked in the darkness...

This

Was the center

Of the Milky Way.

290 notes · View notes

protectoroffaeries · 3 years

Note

2, 5, 7, 8, 37, 39, 40?

2. a song with a good horns section

short skirt/long jacket - cake

-first weekend getaway with my partner, we go to this inn that is significant to us both

-there was really fucking cool attic attached to our room that had a stairwell to a skylight in the center

-we sat on the stairs & made out for a long time

-this song came on the shuffle like a ridiculous amount of times during that & so i forever associate it with that memory

-anyway the horn(s?) (i will admit to not being able to tell what specific kind it is/there are) in this song fuck

5. a song with sick drums

seven nation army - the white stripes

-i actually learned to play the bassline for this song as one of the early things i did when i started playing guitar

-so for years that was the aspect that was emphasized in my head

-but i heard a cover recently that really emphasized the drums & then when i went back to the original i was like damn wait it WAS always going this hard on drums

7. a song you love in a time signature that isn’t 4/4

wuthering heights - kate bush

-this song is actually in 4/4 at times but it switches to 2/4 and 3/4 (according to google the word for that is "polyrhythmic" lmao)

-this is my favorite song that isn't strictly 4/4 & just generally one of my favorite songs, rhythm deets notwithstanding

-it's such a unique song in a lot fun ways & kate bush's voice is iconic

-it's also iconic to write a song about a famous piece of literature when you only saw the last few minutes of the movie adaptation

-honorable mention is mrs. robinson - simon & garfunkel (which is 2/2)

-half the reason that i like this song is cause i got a great-grandmother named mrs. robinson & my family had a habit of singing the chorus to her when i was a child

8. a song with a killer bass line

longview - green day

-a friend of mine & i were just talking about the bass in this song like two days ago

-i like green day quite a lot

-my sister ended up at a green day concert like a month ago (& heard this song live) without realizing green day was fucking playing before she arrived. who does that.

37. a song that legitimately makes you cry

saturn - sleeping at last

-i am not really one to cry because of music & so this was the only one i could think of off the top of my head

-this song makes deeply emotional every time i hear it, there is something about the way the opening instrumental sets the stage for the lyrics that really winds me so like by the time he starts singing im like Oh Fuck

-it's so hopeful yet so melancholy 😭 like perfectly bittersweet in all the ways that being alive is

39. a song you recommend to the person asking this

love like ghosts - lord huron

-scrolled thru ur blog & then thru my spotify likes so that the two could connect in my brain

-frankly i think this whole album (strange trails) could be a vibe for u

-i know im like, generally pretty mainstream in my taste so i recognize there is a certain likelihood that u know & already have an opinion on this song

-so here is my disclaimer: I Do Not Control The Vibes

40. a song you just really wanna talk about

omaha - counting crows

-there are dozens of songs i really want to talk about (i have written analyses of like. all my favorite songs)

-this is the one i've been talking about most recently though

-august and everything after is my current favorite album (lmao & omaha is only my second favorite song from it)

-anyWAY: someone mentioned to me that this song could be interpreted as a critique of american christianity & i felt big dumb for not coming to that conclusion on my own

-it's got some pretty glaring refs to chrisitanity in the lyrics but they're presented in a way i would call fairly casual (the whole song has a deceptively casual delivery i think)

-also the opening (before the first verse) is Powerful, it's one of those openings that if im not appreciating it properly I WILL restart the song

-i would like a tattoo of the first line ("start tearing the old man down")

#taran-wanderer #asks #answers #music asks #thank you so much for the ask!#i had a lot of fun answering it!#fuck now that ive posted this i want to talk about like 10 other songs i didnt mention

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catboymingi · 3 years

Text

the dragon’s appearance - veninder chap. 4

navi/masterlist

story masterlist

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: somewhat crack, a little angst, fluff (FLUFF in caps); eventual best friends to lovers

word count: 7.1k

warnings: slight language

a/n: i’m back on my bullshit and also making y/n’s background way more specific than it has to be but it's about the ~storybuilding~. also i am running out of lyrics to summarise the chapters with :(( recycling?

hun er gal, hun er syg, den pige - that girl’s crazy, she’s sick

mingi didn’t even need to ask who this was, the way she spoke up telling him all he needed to know. and if there had been any doubt, feeling you tense up next to him immediately after hearing her voice was confirmation that it was one of the girls that had dared to call themselves your friends despite how they treated you. he was, in all honesty, fuming at her audacity, but this wasn’t about him, it was about you and resolving the situation as quickly and easily as possible. so instead of giving in to his emotions he replied, voice raised just enough to guarantee the professor would hear him: “oh i’m so sorry, i didn’t know there was fixed seating! i just don’t know anyone but y/n, so i thought it’d be okay, sorry again!”

now it was the girl’s turn to fume, and even though you still refused to look up from your papers you could imagine how the steam was shooting out of her ears when the professor told him that it was okay, that seating was free and that he could stay right where he was. she left, sending him a look that could kill, but he didn’t care. this wasn’t his issue - he’d be able to deal with whatever she’d have planned for him. he was just worried about you, because even though she’d left to sit at the other end of the class by now you were still tense, staring at your desk as if you weren’t even really there. the redhead placed a hand on your knee, squeezing gently to comfort you and let you know he was there, that you’d be okay as long as he was there, but before he could say some reassuring words the professor started speaking, and he knew he had to be on his best behaviour because he wasn’t actually enrolled in this class. so he just squeezed again before listening intently to whatever was going on right now. he didn’t actually understand much, but when he saw that you still seemed so taken aback that you didn’t even seem to have realised that class already started he began writing down every single word the professor said, sometimes having to guess just what exactly the word was when it was some scientific term, but trying his best.

it took you a little while to snap out of the state of shock your ex-friend had caused you, and when you did you realised you had no idea what was even going on. your eyes turned to mingi, who was taking notes as if his life depended on it, and who, when he noticed you’d returned to the here and now, moved his arm slightly so you could see what he’d written down and hopefully catch up enough with the topic to participate from now on. your eyes widened when you realised he’d taken your notes for you and was still doing so right now until he could be sure you’d actually be able to decently concentrate, and now it was you who squeezed his knee, an act of thankfulness, before you shuffled a little closer to get at least a rough overview of the topic of this class.

his notes were taken meticulously; you were certain he’d written down every single word the professor said simply because he couldn’t tell whether or not something was important or not. and these notes managed to get you back on track after maybe a minute or two of reading through them and listening to what was going on right now, and another minute later you were able to be your usual, question-filled self. mingi still didn’t exactly understand much of what you were discussing, but he felt like you had a much more straightforward way to talk about concepts, which didn’t make your points any less valid, though. you weren’t dumbing down anything, you just left out the unnecessarily elitist terms that he knew were so common in academia, so even he felt like he got a rough grasp of what was going on. it didn’t take much to see that you were a teacher’s favourite, and rightfully so - you brought up a lot of concerns, different points of view on what had just been talked about, and even to him, someone that had no idea about the topic, it was clear that you had a very diverse way of looking at the problem or topic and actually thought a lot about what you learned rather than just learning it by heart to pass the course. you seemed excited, interested, fully immersed in the topic, and it was through these discussions that he found out that you spoke at least three languages well enough to offer a different perspective on sociolinguistics based on their cultures and how the cultural norms found realisation in the respective language. he wasn’t sure if this was the average for this course, though, and he was the only odd one out, or if you were actually extraordinarily skilled in the language department. though it didn’t matter much to him, because either way he felt like you were a genius and he was a mere peasant watching two experts talk. not that he minded - this wasn’t his major, so of course he wouldn’t be able to engage in the same kinds of discussions as students who’d studied this for roughly a year already. he was just very impressed.

before you knew it (and before he knew it, which was maybe more surprising) class was over, and the redhead gave you the notes he’d taken for you earlier since he wouldn’t need them anyway.

“thank you so much for that”, you told him, smiling shyly because you were still kind of embarrassed that he’d had to take notes for you.

“i just hope they help” was all he replied, because it wasn’t a big deal to him at all. when you packed your things he noticed that the girl from earlier was staring at you, and to prevent you from looking around to see if she was he put his arm around you, guiding you out of the classroom like that while distracting you by asking just how many languages you even spoke.

“depends on how you see it?” not the reply he’d expected - you could speak a language but not speak it by matter of definition? it was probably a language major thing.

“give me the biggest number you can with a definition that makes you happy”, he told you, because he wanted to be impressed. not that three languages wasn’t already impressive, but you’d made it sound like there was more, and he was curious to find out more about that.

“if we count just being conversational, and we also count classical languages… like, eight? though my parents are immigrants so that doesn’t really count, because two of those eight i didn’t really have to learn, we speak them at home. three, actually, now that i think about it. i was the only kid in first grade that barely even spoke korean.” you laughed at the memory, but mingi looked at you wide-eyed.

“which ones do you speak?”

“finnish and swedish from home - my father is finnish, we moved here because he got a job at the embassy. and my mother is finnish as well, but with swedish as her first language, and she made it a hobby to annoy my father by speaking swedish with me when she was plotting something. then english, korean, i took japanese in high school but i think everyone did? some classical chinese because there was no way i’d be able to figure out hanja without that, latin from my mother because she thought it was important for whatever reason, and german just for fun. how about you?” and even though he was a little embarrassed about his in comparison depressingly low amount of languages spoken he told you, because you seemed excited to know, because he could tell languages were a big passion of yours.

“korean, obviously, and english, and i took some chinese in high school but wasn’t the best, so i’m pretty sure i forgot most of it.”

“is there any you’d really like to learn?”

he furrowed his brows at that question. was there? it wasn’t something he’d thought about, and now he was desperately searching his brain for any language he’d ever been interested in even when it wasn’t mandatory. you noticed his expression, though, and chuckled a little.

“it’s fine if there isn’t, you don’t have to make one up.”

“sorry. how about you?”

“there’s too many”, you laughed, “i’d learn all of them if i could, and i’m trying my best to actually at least start with that. but if i have to pick just one… maybe russian? or arabic? i’ve been interested in french, too. and spanish. this is too hard!” you were whining, unable to pick just one, and mingi thought it was adorable. he was grinning like some kind of idiot because he’d managed to distract you, to seemingly entirely remove the fear from your mind at least for now. you were either smiling or pouting, your eyes wide and excited, and he felt like he’d gotten to know you a lot better just through this conversation already.

when you arrived at the table the other boys were already sitting at for lunch you were still talking about languages, rambling on about your childhood and how weird it was to realise that on top of the three languages you were already frequently speaking with your parents there was a whole other language that everyone else spoke and that, while you could understand it, you had no idea how to speak. he was just listening, sometimes humming in acknowledgment, sometimes commenting or asking about a story, but mainly happy to hear about your experiences, and you were so immersed in the conversation that you didn’t want to stop, because he actually seemed to care about what you were saying.

“hey!” was the only acknowledgment anyone that wasn’t mingi got before you resumed your story.

“when they taught us about hanja, i thought i was going to die. hangeul was already so hard to write because everything is so small and then the new characters were even smaller!” the boy nodded in either acknowledgment or agreement, you weren’t sure, but it didn’t matter all too much to you, anyway.

“how is hangeul small?”, jongho asked; your comment had apparently piqued his interest.

“you put so many sounds into where a single letter goes in latin script!” you sounded so exasperated, but the others didn’t have the context of you not having grown up with korean as your first language yet, so they didn’t understand where the problem was. to them, hangeul was the regular character size and it seemed like it didn’t even occur to them that it might have caused problems for you.

“she speaks eight languages!”, the giant next to you offered as an explanation, and while it didn’t exactly clear up your distress about the korean script it did make it a little more understandable, considering how most languages (that they knew of) did offer a little more space for their sounds or letters.

“my mother read to me in swedish, and my parents taught me how to read and write swedish and finnish before i ever even realised that there’s more than one alphabet”, you clarified further, and now it seemed like a lightbulb had been lit above the boys’ heads.

“you’re not korean?”

“technically i am? i have dual citizenship. but my parents aren’t born here, if that’s what you meant.” the faces around you all bore the same expression of surprise at the information they just got, six ‘o’ shaped mouths and six pairs of wide eyes looking at you.

“say something funny!”

“jokin hassu. or något roligt, in swedish.” their eyes got even wider and san asked you what you’d just said.

“something funny?”

“yeah, but what does it mean?” it seemed like he was impatient, not realising that ‘something funny’ was in fact the translation of what you’d said.

“it means ‘something funny’. that’s the translation”, you grinned. “i didn’t know what else to say, so i just translated it.”

now oohs and aahs could be heard from around you, and they soon gave you sentence after sentence to translate, watching you as if you were an interactive tv programme.

seonghwa put an end to the fun when he reminded them that you hadn’t even started eating yet, and everyone started apologising immediately, but you just waved it off. it was nice to get to speak the languages you grew up with again, because you certainly didn’t do so with your parents, with whom you barely had any contact anymore at all. but now you should probably eat, if the growl in your stomach was a sign to go by - you could always do this again later.

“how was class?”, hongjoong asked with a slight hint of worry in his voice while you were eating, but he was surprised when you smiled at him without even the slightest hint of any negative emotion.

“it was good! though mingi really saved my butt.” you sounded a little embarrassed, and reasonably so - everyone was once more looking at you wide-eyed.

“you went to class with her?” it seemed like it was impossible for wooyoung to control his volume when he was excited or surprised, so he was near yelling the question at mingi, who by now seemed equally embarrassed as you.

“yeah. it was kinda fun, actually.” now the number of surprised eyes staring at him increased by another pair, because you hadn’t expected him to actually like your class when he didn’t even understand the topic.

“she’s a teachers’ favourite”, he then informed the others teasingly, and you playfully hit his arm.

“i’m not!” you genuinely didn’t think you were. you just asked questions when you wanted an elaboration, and participated in discussions when the professor started them. but you weren’t trying to make the teacher like you by acting a certain way; you were just genuinely interested in the topic, and it was hard for you to shut up when you got so invested in something.

“she is”, the redhead said in an exaggeratedly conspiratorial way, “and she’s a genius, too.”

now you yelped out his name - you didn’t like it when people praised you like this, because you didn’t feel like you deserved it and because it made you a little uncomfortable, made you feel like you were now expected to live up to the impression others had of you even when you couldn’t. but those feelings quickly subsided at his next words, being replaced with a mixture of shock and disbelief.

“do you think you could teach me the basics so i could take that class as extra credits?”

“you’re joking.” you absolutely would not believe that he meant it, no way. he had no reason to mean it. sitting in a class where he didn’t have any idea about what’s going on while you all but ignored him in order to talk with the professor couldn’t possibly have been nice enough for him to want to do that weekly.

“it’s your choice, obviously, but i think it’d be fun.” a smile accompanied his words, a smile that wiped out any doubt you’d had.

“i can try? no promises that i’m a good teacher, though.” and while you appreciated the bright grin you got in response the boy appreciated his friends’ reactions a lot less.

he felt his phone buzz and saw it was a message in their private group chat, from yunho.

[saint bernard]: someones WHIPPED

and everyone was quick to agree, which awakened the carnal urge to commit a crime in mingi, a crime that would reduce the amount of people in ‘hyung hate club’ to him and you only. he stopped himself before any blood was flowing, though, both because crimes are illegal and because he didn’t want you to witness that. but no promises could be made for when they were home alone, no one there to witness and frame him.

“put your phones away, it’s rude”, he ordered in a desperate attempt to get them to stop grinning at each other the way they were now before you’d notice anything, and because his attempt was a success he considered maybe leaving them alive. maybe.

the rest of lunch break was spent joking around and teasing each other, and ended with mingi asking you to text him the room where you’d have your last class so he could pick you up. and even though you were still anxious about being in class by yourself, with the people that obviously wanted to ruin your life, the fact that your first class had gone so well reassured you a little, making you feel like maybe it’d be okay for the rest of the day as well.

and it was, surprisingly. you were shot angry glares and had insults whispered at you in passing, but nothing bigger than that happened, maybe owed to mingi’s obvious protective attitude earlier. while they knew they’d easily be able to take on you, the giant was a whole other question. he hadn’t seemed intimidated at all, calm and collected, so they couldn’t even turn his reaction around on him. and the new situation required a new approach, which meant that they’d have to cut you some slack until that new approach had been developed. you knew this, too, knew that the current somewhat peaceful situation was a mere side effect of them having to adjust to the change in circumstances, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted. you were very aware of the fact that this could all too soon be over again.

still, you managed to enjoy the rest of your classes as well, and when you left the room after the last one had ended and saw a certain redhead waiting for you, as he’d promised, you smiled at him, and first when you saw his shoulders drop a little did you notice that he’d been nervous as well. but at least for now there was no need to, you were okay and nothing had happened. you still wanted to get away from the girls as soon as possible, though, so as soon as you’d said hi to him you took off, him following you quietly until you’d left the building.

“you’re okay?” it had seemed like you were when you came out of class, but your quick exit had sparked some worry in him again.

“a little anxious”, you let him know, “but nothing happened. it’s more being scared that something will happen.”

he nodded in understanding, wrapping his arm around you without thinking much about it and once more somewhat embarrassed when he noticed what he’d just done, but you just moved a step closer to him so it’d be more comfortable for him. then, you sighed, but he decided to ignore it, not sure if you wanted to talk about whatever had caused that sigh. when you sighed a second and a third time, however, each time louder than the last, he decided to ask.

“what’s up?” the way it sounded like the worry had sneaked its way back into his voice had you feeling a little guilty, seeing how there wasn’t actually anything up. you just wanted to tease him.

“you’re just so unfairly tall, i feel like i’m your arm rest.”

since this wasn’t at all the reply he’d expected it took him a moment to fully realise what you’d said, but when he did he started laughing before walking on with his knees somewhat bent, reducing not only his height but also his speed. now you were laughing as well, enjoying his awkward crouching walk more than you maybe should.

“i really hope you appreciate this”, he interrupted your laughter, “because this does kind of hurt my thighs.” you didn’t stop laughing at this, but you crouched down a little as well now, readjusting his arm on your shoulders before pulling him up with you when you stood up straight again.

“maybe i’ll just have to start wearing platforms again instead”, you thought out loud, your laughing faded into a grin now. then, changing the topic entirely, you asked: "do you actually want to join my class? you'd have to catch up with a lot."

“if you’re willing to waste all your time helping me try to catch up?”

“if you’re ready for me to never shut up ever?” this wasn’t an exaggeration; you’d annoyed the girls more than once by studying with them and being way more immersed in the topic than them, even though you all shared similar majors and the class was relevant to all of you. so you couldn’t help being scared that he’d get annoyed with you as well, seeing how this class wasn’t even relevant to him, and you tried to test the waters by joking like this. but he grinned at you, saying that worst case he’d just feed you fruit loops to buy him a few seconds of silence.

“no but the more you talk the more i learn, that’s how it works, right?”

“mm, maybe? i haven’t tried teaching anyone yet, so we’ll have to see”, you admitted a little anxiously. you’d be happy if you managed to help him catch up enough to join the class, but you weren’t exactly confident in your teaching abilities.

“wanna start today?” mingi’d noticed that you were almost at the train station now, so if he wanted to spend the evening studying with you he’d have to ask before you got in your trains going opposite directions.

“i can’t offer you any decent dinner, though. i forgot to get groceries this week so the options are limited to toast, fruit loops, and instant ramen. in case that makes you change your mind.” you wanted to tell him now before he got disappointed by how little you had to offer even as a host, and because if you told him now it’d be less embarrassing to reveal your pathetically empty cupboards when you were at your place.

and he could tell that you were a little embarrassed about the apparent lack of food choices, so he tried to cheer you up.

“is it even a study session without instant ramen?” he genuinely meant it, too - studying and instant food kind of belonged together, the instant food being an important part of what made a study session feel like a real study session. it was about the vibes, not the nutrition.

“okay”, you laughed, then added: “next time we can go somewhere else, too, i just obviously don’t have all my materials with me right now.”

“your place is fine”, he was quick to reassure you. if anything, he was worried that you might feel awkward about having him there again. it wasn’t exactly like you were close, though it sometimes felt that way to him and he had to remind himself that you’d only met half a week ago.

you were once more being prevented from paying for your own ticket by mingi, who’d already paid when you just got your wallet out, and you scoffed at him playfully.

“you know i can pay for myself, right?”

“but i’m being a gentleman.” and with that, he considered this discussion done.

severe buzzing from your phone startled you when you were sitting next to the redhead on the train, because you’d forgotten you’d just muted the girl chat for 24 hours rather than fully leaving it, and your 24 hours were up now. it was as active as ever, and though it seemed like the current topic was unrelated to you just the thought of still being in this kind of space with them made you feel sick with anxiety. but you were too scared to leave the chat, so instead you just stared at your screen.

“it’s them again?” of course he noticed. you just nodded, leaning against him in exhaustion with him gently rubbing your arm.

“we have a group chat and i want to leave, but i can’t.” it was absolutely stupid to feel this way, you knew it was, because what was scaring you wasn’t no longer being in the group chat, it was the act of pressing the little ‘leave group’ button with your own finger.

“you can’t leave or you can’t not be in it?” he surprised you with how he actually seemed to understand your struggle, the very important distinction between the conscious act of leaving and the passive state of not being in the chat.

“i can’t leave. this is our stop.”

he didn’t reply when you left the train, but once you’d started walking towards your dorm he asked you: “do you think i could leave for you? would that work?” you told him you didn’t know, because you really didn’t and you also didn’t really want to think about this at all right now. you wanted to be home, in your bed, with instant ramen and focusing on nothing but how to make mingi understand, remember and internalise the basics of sociolinguistics. it was an act of escapism, definitely, but sometimes you just needed to pretend your problems didn’t exist until you were ready to deal with them.

the rest of the walk was spent in silence, though not uncomfortably so. you both seemed to be in your own thoughts, arms brushing against each other every now and then as if to remind each other that you were still there, even when you weren’t talking. it was nice to know that you didn’t have to talk when you were spending time with mingi, that just being near each other was already enough sometimes.

and just this being silent with each other was what managed to in a way comfort you enough for you to be able to fully concentrate on your materials once you’d reached your place, asking him whether he wanted to eat first or study first as you unlocked the door.

“let’s start with studying, and when i feel like my head’s exploding we’ll eat?”

“deal. make yourself comfortable, i’ll hunt for all my notes.” and with that said you proceeded to ignore the giant that had now settled on your bed in favour of groaning and sighing while you tried to gather all the relevant material from the last year, a task made more difficult because he most likely didn’t have any linguistic background, so you also went through your notes from other courses to find those that had the basic linguistic terms explained on them, because there was no use telling him about phoneme variations if he didn’t know what a phoneme was, and you wanted to be sure to give a 100% right definition.

once you’d found everything you needed you sat down next to him, now trying to divide the notes by topic so you’d have a better overview over what you had to teach him and how much it’d be. he whined quietly next to you at the sheer amount of paper you’d spread on the bed - how was he going to learn all of that?

“we’ll start easy”, you laughed out at his desperate expression. “you can pick the topic that seems most interesting to you, and we’ll start with that.”

then you listed the topics available, along with a short summary or explanation of just what was hidden behind a term like chronolect, which he decided to go with because he thought that might be easiest to a total beginner, because he obviously knew how people of different ages talked, right?

not right. he soon found everything to be much more complicated than it sounded, but he was determined to learn, and you really appreciated how hard he was trying. you knew it had to be hard for him, but he didn’t seem to want to even take a break until he understood, and it was actually you who told him it was time to eat.

“i didn’t think it would be so hard when we’ve barely even started yet”, he groaned while you were waiting for the food to be done, and before you could stop yourself a ‘that’s what she said’ escaped your lips, which made mingi look at you in shock before he burst out laughing.

“i didn’t know that’s what you were thinking about while i was trying to learn!”, he said in feigned indignation, and you hit his arm playfully as you pretended to be equally as scandalised by his implication as he was by yours.

“i don’t know if my memory is giving up on me here, but wasn’t it you who asked me to spend the night together? twice?”

you heard him gasp loudly in reply and grinned at his expression.

“i didn’t know you’d use that against me!” there was a mixture of shock and hurt in his voice, though very obviously playful, and you immediately started apologising in an exaggerated manner, pleading him to please forgive you for your careless words. and even though he tried to stay serious the pout on your face and the fact that you looked like the pleading face emoji made that impossible, stern expression turning into a small smile turning into a grin turning into laughing with his mouth wide open and head thrown back in a matter of seconds. and then you were lost, too, joining in and laughing until your stomach hurt and the instant ramen demanded your attention.

when you found him looking through the notes you’d used for studying by himself it surprised you, though in a positive way. you were glad to see that he at least seemed to have caught a genuine interest for the subject now, glad to see that he was eager to learn. still, you asked him to please move the notes away so you could eat without the risk of them getting dirty and, consequently, unusable. he did as requested and you sat down next to him as soon as you’d handed him his plate - past experience had taught you that shuffling to comfortably sit on the bed when you had an open container in both hands was a very bad idea.

the two of you ate in silence and went back to studying right after, and it was first when you heard thundering outside that you realised how much time had passed. it was fully dark now, heavy rain hitting the window and lightning lighting up the sky every now and then. neither of you looked pleased at the weather, though mingi a lot less so, considering he was the one that somehow had to get home. and it really didn’t seem like the rain would stop anytime soon.

“i’m gonna be so soaked when i get home”, he whined out, making you feel sorry for him because he was right, not even a minute outside in this weather would have him drenched to the bones.

“you can stay over if it’s still like this in an hour”, you offered, not thinking much about it, your main thought being less about him staying with you specifically and more about him not having to go out when it would most likely result in him getting sick. you came to regret your offer when he looked at you with a teasing glint in his eyes, though.

“so now you’re asking me to stay the night? when you called me out for having improper thoughts earlier because i’d offered you the same?”

you rolled your eyes in reply, grabbing his wrist and attempting to drag him out of your bed.

“you know what, forget it, if you get pneumonia that’s not my problem.” at your threat the redhead did a 180 on his behaviour, now begging you the way a little child begged for an extension on their bedtime, except he was begging you to not send him out into the cruel, unrelenting, cold harsh wind. and even though you pretended to be considering doing so you knew that if he actually wanted to he could most definitely spend the night. it was just fun to tease him back.

“fine”, you finally gave in, “you can stay. but behave!”

he sighed in relief (as if there’d ever been any doubt about that), promising you he’d be on his best behaviour, and, as if to prove it, went to do the dishes for you. you knew you wouldn’t be able to stop him because he was at least half a head taller than you and without a doubt much stronger, but it was still worth a try. you should have known it’d barely even bother him, though, pulling on his shirt and trying to drag him back towards the bed, to no avail. he walked on as if he couldn’t even tell that you were trying to move him with every ounce of strength you had in your body, but the grin on his face told you that he knew, and that he was enjoying this too much for your liking. you decided to let him get away with it either way, this once, because truth be told you hated doing the dishes, hated the sensory hell it proved itself to be, time and time again.

you watched him ‘be on his best behaviour’, trying to come up with a way to prevent the situation from turning awkward should the weather not magically turn around, but the only thing your brain could come up with was watching a movie; that’d have to do then. he didn’t seem displeased with the suggestion, finishing washing up quickly and once again sprinkling some water onto your face.

“‘best behaviour’ my ass”, you huffed under your breath, but of course mingi heard you, sending you a smile that with a lot of benevolence could be interpreted as apologetic, but if you were feeling unrelenting might also be a teasing one. he was on your bed and patting the space next to him as is this were his place, though, before you had a chance to threaten him with kicking him out again, and, even though you would deny it if anyone were to claim it, the way he looked so comfortable and somewhat domestic made you a little soft. not very, but just enough to let his teasing slip as you settled next to him.

that position was soon neglected in favour of you sitting between his legs as you found that that was more comfortable for watching a movie. one of you had been complaining no matter where you’d placed the laptop before, because it always gave the one that wasn’t currently complaining a better view. but when you were sitting like this you could just place it right in front of you, and because your friend was so tall he could easily rest his chin on your shoulder without it being uncomfortable at all, and now you both were able to decently see.

you hadn’t decided on a movie yet, though, scrolling the ‘popular right now’ section to get any kind of idea. there was one that seemed interesting enough, kind of dramatic (which was needed because you were not about to watch a romcom with the unfairly attractive redhead pressed against your back like that), and you clicked on it to see the preview since it had sparked your curiosity. as soon as you saw the description you noticed it was a horror movie, though, trying to exit out before anything scary would actually appear on screen.

you succeeded, but your frantic clicking had confused the boy behind you - your netflix was set to finnish, so he didn’t actually understand the caption, but when you told him you’d accidentally chosen a horror movie’s preview rather than a regular dramatic movie he sighed out in relief.

“thank fuck you closed that.”

“not a fan of horror movies either, hm?” you weren’t trying to tease him, and the question sounded like more of an observation. you absolutely hated horror movies, with every fibre of your being, hated the jumpscares and the gore and how you wouldn’t be able to sleep without light for at least a week after. so you found yourself relieved when he told you that he’d have to have his eyes pried open forcefully if someone wanted him to watch one, because at least this way you could be sure he’d never suggest watching one, nor would he make fun of you for being scared.

your thoughts were momentarily guided in a whole other direction though when your partner in being a coward leaned forward, chest pressed even closer to your back and also forcing you to basically fold yourself in the middle underneath his weight as he pointed towards a section title he would in no way be able to pronounce.

“choose from that one.” it was the kids’ movies section, but you had no objections. it was neither a romcom nor a horror movie, the only two genres that were a hard no for you right now. still, you found it hard to do as asked because the way he was leaning forward had your chest almost pressed against your legs and greatly limited your arms’ moving range.

“it’d be easier if you weren’t crushing me”, you whined out, trying to get him to lean back by pressing against him with your back, and with a surprised ‘oh!’ he did lean back, finally giving you room to move again.

“let’s see”, you hummed out, now scrolling the kids’ movies section. you didn’t really know which one to pick, though - kids’ movies weren’t really your usual kind of movie, so it wasn’t like you had a go-to favourite. it seemed like mingi noticed, because he decided to interrupt your aimless scrolling by speaking up, surprising you with his question.

“is there anything you watched as a child? something that’s not korean.”

you didn’t need to think long about this - the moomins immediately shot to your mind, something you’d watched up and down as a child.

“i’m not sure if they’ve ever been dubbed to korean, though”, you informed him, “but i can see?” and without waiting for his reply you abandoned netflix in favour of google, where you hoped that your phonetic interpretation of how moomin would be spelled using hangeul was at least close enough for the search engine to do the rest for you.

you were both glad and somewhat astonished when you did actually get results for your search, clicking on the first video that seemed about as long as you remembered the movie to be and leaning back against the taller one’s chest as you felt nostalgia wash over you. and it was the actual movie, though not dubbed - someone had added korean subtitles, and the finnish speech only made your nostalgia stronger. you were comfortable, head leaning against mingi and his arms around your waist because that was the least awkward place for them to be, underneath your blanket in the dim light coming from your laptop, warm and cosy and, before you knew it, lulled to sleep by the comfortingly familiar sounds of your childhood.

the red-haired male didn’t even notice that you’d fallen asleep, thinking that you were simply just as immersed in the movie as he was, until he tried to tell you that he needed the bathroom and you didn’t reply. peeking over to your face he saw that your eyes were closed and your mouth slightly ajar, and a fond smile made its way onto his face. still, his bladder wouldn’t let him not wake you up, and he felt incredibly guilty when he had to disturb your slumber.

“sorry, but i got big girl business to do”, he told you quietly, and even though you were slightly annoyed at being woken up you laughed at the memory of how that was the first thing you’d heard from him, that his business was big girl business. you paused the movie and shuffled to let him get up, but before he went to the bathroom he asked: “do you want to go to sleep now or finish the movie?”

your heart said movie but your other heart, the one that regularly had you give in to your body’s wicked desires (such as an entire bag of crisps in a single second) said sleep, and once more that heart won. you mumbled out a sleep and he smiled at you, telling you to get ready while he was in the bathroom, then.

getting into your pyjamas was an act in and of itself, because you absolutely did not want to move at all. you did it, though, forcing yourself into the admittedly much softer fabric before plopping right back onto your bed.

when the boy returned (once more shirtless, and you weren’t sure if that was to your dismay or your delight) he would’ve guessed you hadn’t even moved, had it not been for the fact you were wearing something else than when he’d left you. the laptop was closed now, though, placed in the empty space underneath your bed so stepping on it would be avoided even if someone had to get up during the night in a half-awake state.

you shuffled to make room for him as he made his way towards the bed slowly, room lit only by the street lamps outside now. he laid down next to you, looking at you for a moment before the drowsiness-induced desire for cuddles and warmth won over the embarrassment that would have securely prevented a less tired mingi from saying what he said next.

“can i hug you?”

and because you were at least equally sleepy and in need of a warm embrace you just ‘mhm’ed in confirmation, resulting in both a long arm and an even longer leg wrapped around you immediately after. you turned to your back because it was slightly uncomfortable like this, laying on your side facing him, and he didn’t waste a single second before he placed his head on your shoulder, the arm on that side holding on to him now, too. you felt warm and cosy (and soft at the thought of the giant cuddled up to your much smaller frame like this) and it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep again, once more unnoticed by mingi, who had almost immediately fallen asleep as well.

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 3 years

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The Pretty Reckless’ Taylor Momsen Lives for ‘Death by Rock and Roll’

“The 27 Club” is a depressing cultural phenomenon — it’s the age musical luminaries Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Mia Zapata of the Gits, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix died.

The Pretty Reckless singer Taylor Momsen is now is 27 but was 25 when she wrote a reckoning in the semi-autobiographical “25.” The song appears on Death By Rock and Roll, the band’s fourth record. The LP is a stunner; a dozen stellar songs that are at once reverential, referential and intensely personal.

In the past four years, Momsen lost two hugely important people in her life. In 2017, Chris Cornell died by suicide, and not long after, her musical mentor and best friend Kato Khandwala died in a motorcycle crash. Understandably, Momsen was devastated. Thanks in no small part to the catharsis of music, the age of 27 seems to be a renewal, as she exorcises her pain in Death By Rock and Roll. The Pretty Reckless’ best album to date, the passion and pain are palpable in both music and lyrics. The plaintive “Got So High” could be an alt-rock chart-topper, in wonderful contrast to the raw rallying cry and aggressive gutter-rock feel of the title track. She moves easily from the quirky cinematic moment of “Broomsticks” into the fiery, feminist coven-call that is “Witches Burn.”

Speaking from her pandemic hideout in Maine, Momsen isn’t on the other side of the grieving process.

“I’d be a liar to say that I’m, you know, over things,” she tells SPIN. “I’m still in the process of healing, but the making of this record really was just a huge step forward. I was in a very, very dark space there for a while, and if it wasn’t for the making of this record, I don’t know if I would be here right now.”

She wallowed, but ultimately her instinct for self-preservation kicked in. As did a worldwide pandemic. Masking up is nothing new for Momsen, who calls herself “a super hypochondriac” who hasn’t left her house since March.

“Even before COVID, I was strict. It probably stems from being a singer and not wanting to get sick on tour, because you never fully recover. So [I always flew wearing] masks,” Momsen says.

Though she’s healthy, and it’s probably not an exaggeration to say that, emotionally, Momsen was saved by rock and roll. “I keep just sticking to the word rebirth,” she says. “I know it sounds cliché, but it really does feel like that for the band.”

While the songs are truthful, sometimes sad, always powerful, they’re never a pity party. “I keep trying to want to put a positive spin on it because I don’t want it to be this representation of this very morbid thing,” Momsen says. The concept behind Death By Rock & Roll is a positive rallying crying, something a band might shout together before going on stage. “It’s an ethic that we live our life by; go out your own way, rock and roll till I die,” she continues. “Don’t let anyone tell me differently.”

The phrase “death by rock and roll” was coined as the band’s de facto motto by Khandwala, which made it an appropriate choice for the album title. The band’s friend, producer and touchstone, Khandwala died in 2018 at the age of 47. He was with The Pretty Reckless from 2010’s Light Me Up to 2014’s Going To Hell and 2016’s Who You Selling For.

Khandwala’s memory bookends the album: A recording of his actual footsteps on a wooden floor begins the record, and the final song is the poignant tribute “Harley Darling,” a stellar ballad that could be a hit on Americana/country radio. If the only way around something is through it, Momsen dove in headfirst, putting all her angst, love, sadness and power into the songs.

“The record delves into a lot of darkness and a lot of sadness. There was no way around that as a writer. And as a person. It just became so a part of who I was that I couldn’t avoid it. But I think by writing it and getting it out, that was a huge part of the healing process.”

Wanting to use music to process and express her emotions, she called Khandwala, who had produced every The Pretty Reckless album, to talk about recording.

But then came the call that Khandwala had died.

“That was the nail in the coffin for me. I threw my hands up in the air and kind of went ‘Yeah, I give up.’ I went down a very dark rabbit hole of depression and substance abuse and everything that comes with that.” she confesses. Momsen was so down that she couldn’t even listen to music. Eventually, listening to her favorite artists helped her. “I started with the Beatles, listening to every detail, the whole Anthology, and just going through what made me fall in love with music when I was young.”

The band – drummer Jamie Perkins, guitarist Ben Phillips and bassist Mark Damon – met Momsen through Khandwala and were all equally devastated, processing losses in their own ways. They were on tour with Soundgarden in 2017, which was a thrill but ended in tragedy when Cornell died.

“As an artist [being asked to open the tour] was the highest compliment that you could possibly get,” she says. “If you know anything about me, I mean Soundgarden is just the epitome [when it comes to rock bands]. I was there that last night in Detroit,” she remembers. “I talked to him at night I gave him a hug and said goodbye. When I wake up to that news the next morning … It just went from the most elating experience to the one of the most devastating. And Kato was at all those shows.”

Cornell’s death shook Momsen and the band profoundly. She says it “took me down to a place where I wasn’t useful in the middle of a record cycle.” The Pretty Reckless were supposed to be on the road for another year, but Momsen wasn’t up to performing as she dealt with her grief. “I couldn’t grieve and continue to get on stage every night and pretend, put on this big rock show like everything was okay. I left the tour,” she says.

With time, she was able to listen to Soundgarden’s music, and eventually, she picked up a guitar. Death by Rock & Roll was a record that was easy in the worst way possible.

“I didn’t have to try to write it. It was more just a necessity that I didn’t even know I needed. It just kind of poured out of me,” Momsen says of the writing process. “There were a lot of tears during the recording. We put everything we had into this album, physically, emotionally. There are good days, bad days, obviously. I think the full spectrum of emotions was spanned on making this, from anger to tears of happiness to tears of sadness.” Some days were too difficult for Momsen even to attempt vocals, too heartbroken from the past few years.

That said, Momsen, in conversation, along with the record itself, aren’t outwardly mournful. Her voice has laughter and life. “I’m ecstatic for people to hear the album and to share it because I’m really proud of it. I know it sounds cliche, but it really does feel like the first album, like we had to start from scratch again, and we didn’t know how that was going to go.”

Still, there are songs where Momsen chooses not to divulge the true inspiration to inquisitive journalists. “I think it’s unfair to the listener to detail song lyrics in a personal manner. It takes away what it means to [the listener].” She offers up an example to clarify: “I’m a huge Pink Floyd fan. (She references “The Great Gig in the Sky” in the song “Rock and Roll Heaven.”) I’ve watched every documentary ever made about Pink Floyd. In one, Roger Waters is talking about ‘Shine on You Crazy Diamond,’ going into depth about what the song was about to him, about Syd Barrett.”

Momsen was shocked to learn the song’s true story. “It was so not how I had taken that song my entire life! I’m glad that I know the story now. But if I had known before I listened to it, I think that it would have changed my perspective of the song. It wouldn’t have had the same impact that it had on me and my personal life. That’s why I don’t like to do that.”

Death by Rock and Roll reaffirms The Pretty Reckless’ love of rock and roll, along with the people who made them who they are, musically and as individuals. “I think because we went through so much trauma, and so much loss, that this record, in one way, feels so much like a gift. We’re given the gift of rebirth; I mean, how many artists can say that? As artists, you struggle to find inspiration always. In this case, inspiration was just thrust upon me.”

With a record that marks such a powerful turning point for The Pretty Reckless, talking about Khandwala and Cornell will be inevitable and ongoing. “This record starts and ends with my love letter to Kato. So there’s no getting around talking about that,” Momsen concedes. “But it’s so much more than that. I think it’s reflecting on the cycle of life. You come into this world with nothing but your soul, and you leave it with nothing but your soul.”

#Taylor Momsen #the pretty reckless #2021 interviews

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skamamoroma · 3 years

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“I Told Sunset About You” - Review/Recap/Whole Bunch of Nonsense Rambling about my Love!

Every now and then a show comes along that I get absolutely knocked off my feet by and I can’t stop thinking about it until I write a whole bunch of nonsense because it’s THAT GOOD and this damn show. I’ve thought about it all week. Outside of the SCU and other longer running stuff, the last time a show sidetracked me like this was San Junipero and I dreamed about that episode for weeks! This show got to me so much that I knew I had to write that whole bunch of nonsense for real and I decided to write a bit of a review and then some specific posts about some of the themes, metaphors, ideas and shots etc that I adore. So if this is not your thing, I tag religiously!

So if you haven’t seen it, the show is about two young boys, Teh and Oh-aew, living in Phuket in Thailand about to take their entry exams/go through the Uni acceptance process. They were childhood best friends until they had an argument which caused them to stop speaking to one another for many years until they meet again at a Chinese class. The story is about friendship, identity, love, rivalry, family, authenticity, ambition and growing up. It’s sweet, funny, painful, warm, difficult, romantic, hopeful, honest and insightful. I hope you don’t fall asleep reading... !

My friend in Japan recommended this show to me. I watch a lot of movies/tv from different parts of the world but rarely from this part of the world not because I don’t want to - I DO! - I just don’t know what’s good and I tend to rely on recommendations from friends or coming across things by chance. If you’ve followed me for even a while, you know my JAM is character driven, nuanced, beautiful shows that go heavy on authentic emotion but use cinematography/music/sound/colour and other creative tricks to further the story. Nothing makes me go starry eyed more than a show SHOWING without a single moment of TELLING where it isn’t necessary and this show hit every single one of those things and more to the point that I was completely swooning at how much of a masterpiece it is. I swear some tiny moments in this show have me floored with how effective and meaningful they are. ARGH.

As icing on the cake, it’s beautifully LGBT+ themed (written in part and, I believe, directed by LGBT+ folks - if I’ve got that wrong from translations, let me know). These themes are created with care and love, felt refreshing with characters I don’t feel I’ve really seen before. I know that there is info to suggest that they wanted to create this show much more FOR LGBT+ folks and to differentiate it from a style of show that is perhaps more popular for a mainstream audience or a certain audience that wants a certain thing from some Thai dramas (I’m personally not into BL - I think that’s what the genre is called as I kinda don’t know how to feel about that stuff being hella tropey and made for a specifically straight female audience)… and you can tell. They apparently didn’t promote this as that genre. Some of the other themes were so interesting and explored so beautifully. The idea of rivalry and competition was handled with so much insight and depth that it really did stun me at time’s how skilled the writing is.

The acting… oh the acting. I know Billkin and PP have apparently been close friends for many years but even that sometimes doesn’t guarantee to equal this level of chemistry. They are stunning actors, genuinely nuanced, so charismatic and loveable. I love that even the sad anguished moments are messy as hell (and a couple so delightfully dramatic), the gentle sweeping romantic moments are swoon worthy and allowed to linger or exist in silence, the tension they create is often feels a little too intrusive to watch and the nuance - so much is said without saying anything at all. Some specific moments are handled with so much care when dealing with really complex emotion and I’m floored to see such young actors achieve some of the moments they do because some of the emotion is genuinely complex. There’s a lot of Teh who is terribly complex and to achieve that balance between difficult to work out and yet still feeling like you understand him is a very tricky thing and yet, that’s what I felt when I watched his character. I am in awe of their abilities to be honest and just found them completely mesmerising from start to finish. I love that a lot of their character traits are established so strongly through acting choices that by the end, when both have come kinda full circle and have learned from the other, you can see the OTHER in the OTHER, if that makes sense! Teh in the final few scenes takes on some of Oh’s characteristics. It’s so noticeable but never oversold. Perfect.I can’t overstate this enough! Some moments left me breathless for so many reasons.

My mum lived in Thailand for a while and in Phuket where the show is set and I loved seeing stuff I recognised from a few of her photographs. I felt I learned a lot about Thai culture too, stuff my mum would have learned and I adored the world surrounding these characters! Btw, if I get anything incorrect re: the culture - come shout at me! :)

The music. Knowing that the soundtrack was written for the show and sung mostly by the two leads was such a surprise because they are beautiful songs. The score is, and I cannot emphasise this enough, bloody gorgeous. There are parts where they play the most gentle soft piano music that kinda breaks my heart and others when they perfectly place the most uplifting soaring sounds that enhance some simple scenes so much that they felt so impactful. There’s a song on the score called Skyline Minimal which is used in a specific scene and in the documentary the director talks about how just the sound of it, you don’t need the lyrics, it just makes you miss someone and makes you cry and he’s absolutely spot on so that when you hear it, what happens on screen just shatters your heart. The soundtrack is woven into the storyline so deeply that the lyrics are used, the melody is used to trigger Oh-aew’s memories at one point and the pretend source of the main song, Skyline, is directly linked to not only the idea of learning Chinese and what that means for them both as characters and as a pair but two of the main themes of the season, ambition and identity!

The cinematography. Christ on a bike. I could write essays. I am a sucker for meaningful camera work, stuff that does half of the storytelling for you and I cannot praise this more highly other than to say it’s close to perfect. Some moments are so absolutely mesmerising and meaningful that a simple movement or a simple peek at something means a LOT. I’m going to have to write a whole damn post on some of my favourite moments because I can count on one hand the shows/movies of late that I’ve seen that achieve what this show does with camera work, directorial choices and general approach to non-verbal story telling. The level of thought and detail and using a camera in a creative and loving way... I found it so moving and so beautiful the way you could feel the level of consideration that went into the smallest moments, how entire moments of character development were done silently…

The use of metaphor. Anyone who knows me knows I am absolutely WEAK for this stuff. If a good complex emotion or concept can be developed in a way other than with words then I am yours… I will read into everything, enjoy every clever reference and revel in the use of colour or light or sound or motif. This show was a gift in that sense. I’m going to end up writing posts about stuff like the use of colour and the hibiscus flower and coconuts and the use of Chinese words. Again, some moments were so genuinely beautifully done and unexpected that I was like a kid in a sweetshop and was a little swoony over them. There are some moments when the Chinese phrases/words are used through their tutoring in a way to sum up the character’s feelings, moments are built up to by establishing motifs that, when used to their conclusion make for the most BEAUTIFUL or gut wrenching moments. The hibiscus flower scene/colouring in may be one of my most favourite scenes in the whole show and I just smile thinking of how wonderfully it was developed.

Another thing I truly adored was how I genuinely loved every single character. There’s no demonisation, no discarding of characters at the expense of others (especially as I hate when women in movies are treated this way when there’s no reason to), no characters who are used as scapegoats. If anything, you come out adoring the characters who traditionally “get in the way” of a pairing because, well, they don’t. They don’t feel in the way or an annoyance. They feel genuine and lovely and you root for them. That’s a really really kind way to treat your characters but, above anything, it’s just lovely to see that much consideration given to characters to treat them all as humans. I get a little sick of seeing ‘bad guys’, you know? I like flawed, messy but human people. Hoon as a big brother is so understated but when he appears and when it matters, some of his moments are so genuinely emotional it’s amazing how they allow him to be a typical brother, kinda dismissive and teasing his younger sibling but then he’s THERE and really fully there for his brother in some truly significant moments. It felt so earned for me and goodness, one moment kills me when Teh is full on in the middle of a family fight, sobbing and confused and in a room of them all, Hoon goes directly to his brother and the simple way it happens had me in bits. Apparently, that was an improvised scene too so it makes it a little special.

The ending. Any LGBT+ soul out there knows the pain of watching another miserable ending and, don’t get me wrong, I’m ALL FOR endings where you don’t necessarily get what you WANT but only ones that make sense and are earned so they make you think or realise you don’t NEED what you want etc. BUT also want happiness and hope and love and watching LGBT+ characters thrive. Not to spoil, but they treat these two very well by the end… you just have to make your way through a box of tissues first!

So yeah, it was alright. Hahahaha. I genuinely think it’s a masterpiece. I feel the love and care that went into it, the time taken to consider and think and find ways to say a LOT by saying very LITTLE. I feel the commitment to LGBT+ media, little nods to other shows/moments… I feel their wish to be original and to try to make new characters feel fresh and unseen. I just adored it and I’m so grateful it exists because as a piece of art, when you finish it and can write legit essays (and I’ve seen posts other people have written and I’m in NO WAY the only one here) then you know you’ve done something kinda special! So that’s me, getting my whole bunch of nonsense down… and now I can make specific posts and ramble a whole bunch more! Mwahaha.

#itsay #i told sunset about you #thoughts etc

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headoverheelss · 3 years

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Song Lyrics From Slipping Through My Fingers By ABBA

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile I watch her go with a surge of that well known sadness And I have to sit down for a while The feeling that I'm losing her forever And without really entering her world I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter That funny little girl

The first time Natsu saw Hana in her headband and jacket was when her daughter was 6 years old. Natsu didn’t know what to think. Did it scare her that maybe she made the wrong decision about Hana’s future? Yes, it did, but after seeing her daughter grow, Natsu realized she made the right decision. Hana was a mix of Kai’s resilience and Natsu’s abundance energy. She would have become a ninja even if Natsu decided against it but the pain was still there. The pain of knowing how the life of a shinobi ends. Hana’s life was also entwined with a prophecy. A prophecy that Natsu’s mother use to tell Natsu under a guise of a bedtime story. Natsu wanted to get Hana prepared for that future.

“How do I look Mama?”

“You look great darling.”

The moment was closing in on them. Natsu knew it and Hana tried to ignore it. Getting sick wasn’t in Natsu’s plan, but once she realized what was happening she tried to teach her daughter everything she knew and left the rest to Baki. After a couple years, Natsu’s body started to get weaker and soon the former ninja found herself hospitalized. Now after months of fighting, Natsu’s body couldn’t take the medication anymore so she decided that this was the end. Now Natsu spent her last hours with Hana by her side, wishing that she could just stay a little longer.

“Darling..I’m sorry.” It was getting harder to talk.

Natsu saw Hana’s body start to crumble. Tears were streaming down her face but still Hana tried to stay strong.

“It’s alright Mom. I’ll be okay.”

Natsu took her daughter’s hand.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The heart monitor started to slow down. Her eyes kept fluttering, fighting to stay open but to no avail they closed. Natsu felt herself wake up a second later. Her body felt light. She didn’t know where she was but she knew she wasn’t alone.

Her eyes searched until finally they landed on him. Natsu got up and ran into Kai’s arms.

“I tried my hardest.”

“I know, my love, I know.”

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table Barely awake I let precious time go by Then when she's gone, there's that odd melancholy feeling And a sense of guilt I can't deny What happened to the wonderful adventures The places I had planned for us to go Well, some of that we did, but most we didn't And why, I just don't know

“I’m home.”

Kakashi put down his mission bag. He had been on a two week long mission so it was nice to finally be back in the Leaf.

“I’m in here.” Gai called from the kitchen.

Kakashi walked towards the kitchen. He could hear Gai humming to himself.

Kakashi walked towards Gai and wrapped his arms around the ninja.

Kakashi laid his head on Gai’s back and took a deep breath. It was always nice to be home.

“Welcome back Rival. How was the mission?”

“Took longer than expected but we accomplished what we needed to do.”

Gai turned the stove off but still stood with Kakashi wrapped around his back. He knew Kakashi just needed some time to calm down.

“Where is Hana?” Kakashi didn’t see his daughter when he entered the house.

“She went out with her friends. She has been working her butt off for the dance recital.”

“You know I’ve been thinking about doing something for her.”

“What do you have in mind, Rival?”

“Maybe we take her on a vacation or something. She’s been great ever since we adopted her and I feel like we don’t spend enough time with her as it is.”

Gai smiled to himself. Hana has been the best daughter since they adopted her. It did take her awhile to open up to them. Gai and Kakashi learned that’s she’s been through a lot so the two have shown her at every interaction that’s she is loved and protected.

“We will talk later but for now let’s eat”

Slipping through my fingers all the time I try to capture every minute The feeling in it Slipping through my fingers all the time Do I really see what's in her mind Each time I think I'm close to knowing She keeps on growing Slipping through my fingers all the time Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture And save it from the funny tricks of time Slipping through my fingers... Slipping through my fingers all the time

The horror of watching Hana approach Akito almost made Gai throw up. He wanted to put himself in front her. He wanted to protect her from everything but this was the one time he couldn’t do what he wanted.

Hana looked different. Her hair was pulled pack into a ponytail and on her forehead was the Regulation Leaf Village headband. On her back was a sword and on her arm was the regulation sand village headband, but the big difference was the chakra she was emitting. It was loud and strong.

It was intimidating.

“Kushina! What is the meaning of this? Why can’t we get to Hana?” Kakashi was frantic.

Kushina made a face. She was debating whether this was the right time to tell them but they already look like they’ve been through hell from the war.

So she told them the whole thing starting with the prophecy, just like how Kushina was born to hold Kurama, Natsu was born to give birth to the Sun. A protector of Earth who was destined to kill their best friend. That is why Hana trained so hard for years. This was her moment.

“We can’t do anything. This is their battle.”

Kakashi and Gai looked on as they watched Hana prepare to fight. Akito and Hana matched each other in strength and skill.

Kakashi flinched every time Hana got cut by Akito’s sword. Akito was slowly overpowering Hana and it scared everybody.

Baki moved over to Kakashi and Gai, putting a hand on their shoulders.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys but it wasn’t my secret to tell. There is one more thing under her sleeve.”

“What is it?”

“We started noticing that if Hana takes time to build her chakra then her eyes and hair turns red. The more chakra she builds, the more powerful she becomes.”

“What are the drawbacks of letting all of it out at once?” Kakashi knew something like that had to have a give and take.

Baki looked hesitant to tell them but relented after looking at both of their faces.

“We talked about it before she had to leave the sand... and.. well..

She dies.”

Kakashi was the first one to run to the barrier of chakra. His hands balled into fists, pounding the barrier as hard as he can.

Gai followed after getting over the initial shock.

“Hana! stop please!”

Gai’s yells were loud and overwhelming.

Kushina felt tears come to her eyes. She knew they cared deeply for Hana. That was their daughter out there, risking her life.

Kushina cleared her eyes and looked towards the battle. She gasped.

Two faint outlines could be seen. Kai and Natsu stood right by Hana.

All of Hana’s parents were here. Here to watch her die.

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

Bonus:

Hana took a deep breathe. Her body was cut with blood soaking through her clothes.

“And this is your best? I’m disappointed Hana.”

Akito taunted her.

Well, he was always good at trash talking.

There was one thing she could do but Hana knew what the end result of that was.

Hana looked around at her friends and family. She was born to protect them. She can’t let Akito get the better of her.

Finally, Hana looked at Kakashi and Gai.

She heard their screaming. They wanted her to stop but she has to end this. If she doesn’t, the cycle will just continue.

She looked at her dads and gave the best smile she could give.

Thank you for the happy moments and the fun memories. You guys were the best parents. I love you. Take care of each other.

With those last words, she felt the tell tale signs of her chakra building. Her hair and eyes stained red.

#kakagai #naruto #fanfictiion #fanfiction

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eabhaalynn · 4 years

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My 11 Songs of the Decade (because 10 would be boring and is overdone.)

Cigarette Daydreams – Cage the Elephant

The song… This is the closing song of Cage the Elephant’s 2013 album, Melophobia, and the third single released from this album. It describes the pain of someone’s search for their own identity through the musings of a parted lover.

For me… To this day, this is the song I cry to. This always has been me and my friend Iona’s song. It will forever be inseparable from the Ulster Museum and Botanic Gardens in Belfast, from rainy summer’s days and rants about our seemingly massive problems with GCSEs and girls from school. When she went abroad for her gap year, I couldn’t bear to listen to it. It’s another one of these songs that manages to articulate what it feels like to be young and thinking too much.

Key lyric…If we can find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you can find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVJ0v6Vta8

Ribs – Lorde

The song… This is a deep house influenced electronica song that discusses Lorde’s stress over ageing. It was released on her debut album, Pure Heroine, in 2013. It begins ambiently and builds to become increasingly more frantic as the song progresses.

For me… Despite being released when I was a young teenager, this song was written when Lorde was sixteen or seventeen. It articulates exactly what it feels like to be that age, at that stage of life. I’m quite sure teenagers across the globe can relate to that. This song has been the soundtrack of my teenage years, the imagery is both relatable and accessible. Listening now, it gives me a sense of nostalgia, a yearning to be back where I was a year, or two or three years ago. Even now, it is the sound of being alone in a crowd. It is musically perfect, and a piece of exceptional songwriting.

Key lyric…This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary, getting old

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qaeoz_7cyE

Sign of the Times – Harry Styles

The song… This is Harry Style’s debut single as a solo artist. It was released in early 2017 and appears on his self-titled debut album. It is a power ballad with eclectic influences from genres such as soft rock, indie rock, glam rock and psychedelic soul. It features Styles’ vocals alongside choral harmonies throughout. It is essentially about avoiding emotion during times of grief and hardship.

For me…This is the song of me leaving school (for the first time). Listening to it now coughs up all the feelings of relief, and yet uncertainty. Excitement, but also nerves. Summer 2017 was a turning point for me. I had had a terrible couple of years over my GCSEs, and overall, my second school was a far better place for me to be than my first one ever was. At the time though, I didn’t know this. Sure, how could I? This song helped me figure out my feelings, and make sense of feeling happy when I really didn’t know what I should have felt at all.

Key lyric…We don't talk enough, we should open up Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before It's just what we know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN4ooNx77u0

Ride – Lana Del Rey

The song… This song comes from Lana Del Rey’s third EP, Paradise, released in 2012. It served as the first single of this re-release. It is a ballad that includes, among other themes, parental problems, loneliness and alcohol misuse. Del Rey sings over a string drenched, piano driven melody.

For me… This is the song of every summer. It has never been an exceptionally happy song for me, but it is the embodiment of what it is to feel young and alive, if a little bit tired. The glamour of it, alongside the acknowledgement that everything isn’t perfect, but that they will be okay if you just go with the flow, was exactly what I needed at the time it was released. The blissful uncertainty of the summers of being 14 and 15, partnered with the irrelevance of the future, is exactly what this song will always be about for me.

Key lyric… Been trying hard not to get into trouble But I, I've got a war in my mind I just ride, just ride

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0

Don’t Delete the Kisses – Wolf Alice

The song… This is the second single from Wolf Alice’s second album, Visions of a Life. It is characterised as dream pop, synth pop, shoegaze and indie rock. Frontwoman Rowsell referred to it as “one of those, you know, ‘head out the window on a long drive’ kind of tunes.’

For me… If ‘ribs’ is the sound of being seventeen, then surely this is the sound of falling in love. This song is the ultimate love song. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is greater than any one person as it is simply the sound of the feeling. I am very lucky that I actually was falling in love for the first time at the time this was released. I will always be indebted to Ellie Rowsell for being there to tell me in plain English how I was feeling. This song has defined every ‘lovey dovey’ mood I have been in for the last two and a half years. I’m sure most people of my age feel the same. It was written for the era we are living in and it is perfectly suited to it.

Key lyric…I see the signs of a lifetime, you 'til I die

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqxE-zppu30

Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers

The song… This is the third single from Phoebe Bridger’s 2017 Debut album ‘Stranger in the Alps.’ It describes “being in love with someone who is super mean to you… like conflicted feelings.” Bridger’s stated to radio station KCRW that the song was written about fellow musician Ryan Adams.

For me… Admittedly, I discovered this song late in the decade. But it’s a song about feelings. Like, really hard feelings. This decade, and especially the latter half of it, threw up a lot of feelings, about a lot of things. I suppose this is fairly standard for most people approaching the end of their teenage years. It’s angsty, without being too bothered about anything. It’s raw and honest; articulating everything I’ve felt about everyone at one stage or another, and I’m equally, I’m sure it articulates enough people’s feelings about me.

Key lyric… You said when you met me you were bored And you, you were in a band when I was born

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sfYpolGCu8

A & E – Brand New Friend

The song… This illustrates the rise and fall of a relationship, and in doing so highlights the more melancholic acoustic side of Northern Irish indie pop group Brand New Friend. It was initially released in 2016 as the closing song of their debut EP, American Wives, but was remastered and re-released on their 2017 album Seatbelts for Airplanes.

For me… This is the song of the medicine application. Bearing in mind I know this band, and know that there is a well-developed meaning to the song that has nothing to do with me, this is the song that I have listened to, and seen live, countless times from the day I decided I wanted to be a doctor to the day I got into medical school and beyond. It is a rare and beautiful connection to have to a song like this, and one for which I am forever going to be grateful. Now, I can’t hear the song live without bawling my wee eyes out. I have come so far, and the band have too, and the song has been with us every step of the way. That truly means the world to me.

Key lyric… She wants to be a paramedic / Wants to save a strangers life / Now she wants to hold my hand / Does she know she’s saving mine?

https://open.spotify.com/track/5RmOfF1s5zW2B942H9OGXT?si=hsauA8iXQN6mXQnL8s0fBw

Brazil – Declan McKenna

The song… McKenna initially self-released this song in December 2014. It is critical of FIFA, of their awarding of the 2014 World Cup to Brazil without addressing the deep rooted and extensive poverty affecting the Nations people. It gained widespread media attention throughout the FIFA corruption scandal, before featuring on his debut album, ‘What do you think about the Car?’ in July 2017. It is an indie rock song that is driven by guitars and synths.

For me… This song was the sound of 2016 and 2017. It was released a while before this but I was fairly late jumping on the bandwagon. It’s a political song, speaking of the injustices behind FIFA and their 2014 World Cup in Brazil. As an angry little leftist, I have always appreciated this. I can only appreciate it more knowing that Declan McKenna himself was only fourteen when he wrote it. For me the song has many happy memories attached to it, from the long summer walks from my house to the nearest village to see my friends who were working as sailing instructors, to attending a tiny gig of Declan McKenna’s in the Oh Yeah Centre in Belfast and being about 6 feet from his face while he was 6 feet from the cusp of fame.

Key lyric…Because you've had your chances, yeah you've had enough I'm gonna burn your house down to spread peace and love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duHjQ3BE6D8

Robbers – The 1975

The song… This is the sixth single from the 1975’s self-titled debut album. It was released as a single in May 2014. The song’s concept follows an ill-fated robbery, and was inspired in part by the 1993 film ‘True Romance.’ It is essentially about a relationship in which the partners are too focused on each other to notice the destruction they are each causing.

For me… This song is fairly definitive of my teenage years as a whole. The narrative of a toxic relationship that the writer could not, or would not leave, was one that I always managed to connect to, across all aspects of my life as a young teenager, encountering uncomfortable situations within school and with different people and groups of friends. Matty Healy was (and honestly still is) one of the biggest crushes I’ve ever had. I’ve now heard this song live three different times, at three completely different phases of my life. It is a song with so much meaning, and yet one that has grown and evolved with me throughout the decade.

Key lyric… Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, 'Babe, you look so cool'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyy3YOpxL2k

Get Well Soon – Ariana Grande

The song… This is the final song on Grande’s 2017 album ‘Sweetener,’ it is a soul ballad with layered vocals, and is inspired by Grande’s personal anxiety and trauma following the May 2017 terrorist attack following her concert in Manchester. In memory of the 22 victims of this attack, there is a 40 second moment of silence at the end of the song.

For me… I am, and have been, a very anxious person for a very long time. This is something I have never really hid away from, but also never felt up to talking openly about. This song manages to describe the feelings associated with anxiety in a way I have never heard any mainstream musician attempt before. Ariana’s concert which was attacked in May 2017, that which inspired this song, immediately followed her concert that my father and sister had attended, and so the whole song and sequence of events is and always has been very close to home for me.

Key lyric…I'm too much in my head, did you notice? (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXU4P6j3TNY

She’s Thunderstorms – Arctic Monkeys

The song… This is the first song from the fourth studio album by arctic monkeys; Suck it and See, released in 2011. It originated when Alex Turner was looking for a new way of complimenting someone. It begins with an Eastern inspired riff and is fairly heavily guitar led, characteristic of this period in the Arctic Monkey’s discography

For me… I’d be lying if I said this isn’t one of my favourite songs of all time. I chose it for this list because it is my favourite song by the arctic monkeys, who are my favourite band. Its subject, Alexa Chung, basically leads the life I wish I had. Even more so at the time this song was written than now. I remember being twelve or thirteen and just wanting someone to write something like this for me. The sheer detail of the lyrics is beautiful and so captivating, they played a huge part in helping me find my love for music in an accessible way. I loved, and still do love, the relationship they had. I feel like it translated so well into his music, and into the popular culture that shaped my teenage years exceptionally well.

Key lyric…Here is your host, sounds as if she's pretty close When the heat starts growing horns She's thunderstorms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQSQnHh4rPE

#music #songs #arctic monkeys #ariana grande #the 1975 #lana del rey #phoebe bridgers #lorde #declan mckenna #brandnewfriend #cage the elephant #wolf alice #harry styles

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sierrabinondo · 3 years

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2020

damn my last tumblr post is the last day of woodland creatures, did i not do a 2019 wrap up?? i feel like i did. oh well lmao

so, arguably the most tumultuous year in modern history (at least, american history- all pandemic and political events considered) is about to come to a close. it was very not fun experiencing a pandemic as millions lost their loved ones to covid. i was part of the 20% of people that became unemployed as a result of the economy taking a huge dump. i would not want to experience this same year again if it meant that every life lost could be saved. with the year i was given, i made the best out of it that i could.

like every other person on this earth (except for where the virus was already spreading), this year started out normal as hell for me. i was hating my job but chugging through each week, with the occasional show to worry about and then planning our band’s 2020 release plans. despite my salaried job, i was barely making enough to put anything away in savings, forthcoming disney trip aside. i really felt like i was putting in all this work at a full time job just to barely stay afloat and it grated at my soul. i don’t dream of labor, and i only take jobs like this because nothing i am passionate about truly makes money and the marketing jobs i would actually care about are never available to me/never come to fruition after submitting myself for consideration.

disney was a huge highlight of my year despite being deathly sick. i keep wondering if i had covid (i never figured it out), but it sure as hell felt like it. i feel like if i did have it i would have passed it on to jeremiah and his family but i didn’t. i could still kinda taste, but not smell because i had the worst sinus infection i ever had in my entire fucking life. like i know i get them a lot but really, holy shit. i really had it bad. it started when we were in the studio the 2nd to last weekend of february on the last studio day. i had to go back to the studio several months later because i was that unsatisfied with how the vocals came out. i didn’t want to fuck up these releases and have my performance be mid so i was willing to pay to have to re-do everything. i assumed if this was like any other sinus infection, it would go away in a week.

lmao.

i had that infection for THREE WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS. i played a show with that monster sinus infection, and went to disney with it. i went two weeks without meds because i really was convinced it would go away on its own. before we left for disney i finally got antibiotics at urgent care and couldn’t drink most of the trip which sucked. but that finally did the job, and the infection waned when we returned from disney. despite being physically weak, in pain (there was one friday my body pains were so horrible that jeremiah contemplated taking me to the hospital), and leaking snot all over my sleeves the entire trip (LIKE IT WAS THAT UNCONTROLLABLE. I HAD NEVER GONE THROUGH THAT MANY PACKS OF TISSUES IN MY LIFE. I WAS LEAKING SO MUCH I HAD TO LOCATE THE BABY CHANGING STATION IN MAGIC KINGDOM. IT WAS LIKE A SECRET STERILIZED TROVE OF HAND SANITIZER, WIPES, TISSUES AND BABY OIL.) i had an amazing time at disney. and it was my first time going with a significant other so it was incredibly fun. it was also a wonderful opportunity to spend time with his family. the only very not fun part was missing our nephew in the main street parade because some bozos fucked up the info they gave my sister-in-law and we were out walking around when his high school band had actually marched earlier than we thought.

it’s funny, because that weekend after we returned was the last weekend of “freedom” everyone had before lockdown. we were weary of covid while in florida but still living it up on vacation. at that time, there had only been 3 cases in orlando. 3!!!! i had plans to go to a party once home but i cancelled only because i still wasn’t completely out of the woods and 100% well again. i felt so bad cancelling because it was for my friend’s party and she never really did parties usually :( and i thought it wouldn’t be a good idea considering i may or may not have had covid.

then... the following week came.

monday we got a weird email from our CEO saying there was going to be salary cuts and that it was essential for the company to survive a downturn. i pouted but my parents consoled me saying it was better than nothing; maybe look for a new job. and then- i got the nothing! a day or two later, i was let go. and i could tell my manager was absolutely not souped to be giving me this call at all. she literally prefaced it like, “this sucks, but-” and gave me the news. and i was utterly devastated, sobbing controllably, because i was just scraping by on this income to begin with. and i had JUST, finally, received health insurance through this job. i was asked to continue working through friday the 20th, which i would be paid for, and then i would have to return my laptop and any other work materials (like printouts and promo stuff) i had possession of.

that day and the days following i had coworkers calling me or emailing me telling me they were so sorry. i was the first to be let go, and they were kind enough to extend words of encouragement to me. clients i worked closely with, a couple of them around my age, assured me that i could use them as a reference. many of my colleagues were my higher-ups, but were very down-to-earth people. one call that stuck out to me was from my colleague sarah.

sarah was candid with me and said, “y’know how i was unemployed for 6 months?” i knew this well though we had only worked together for a year and a half; it was an important part of her path to where she was in her career now and why she chose it. she continued, “those were the best 6 months of my life.”

and i would come to find out that yes, me too being unemployed was the best fucking time of my entire goddamn adult life.

when i posted i was officially unemployed i had an outpouring of support from my friends, and received enough animal crossing commissions to pay one month’s rent. the first day i finally felt peace was when i was sitting on my porch on an abnormally warm march day playing animal crossing following my last day at my company. it was like the universe was giving me a hug and telling me everything was going to be all right.

what would come was a pretty chaotic couple of months. jeremiah, my roommate and i would stay up until 3 am either watching anime or playing video games, subsequently sleeping until 11 am or noon. pair having fun, drinking (mostly me lmao) and lounging about with the scary realization that thousands of people every day were dying of covid and it could be my high-risk parents. i would cry at night and be so fucking scared. my sibling would tell me my family was being reckless, running unnecessary errands, and whenever my dad showed up to drop off food or necessities i would cry because i couldn’t hug him. i’m even getting choked up thinking about it now. and it was a fear that returned during the second spike around the holidays because it is the loss i fear the most.

amidst this really horrible time, i would play games almost every other night online with my friends and it was so much fucking fun because all of us were either unemployed, furloughed or working from home. we’d laugh so goddamn hard our voices were hoarse. one of my favorite memories is playing quiplash with the creatureposting gang and then my big friends from college. and a really fun night in particular was SIIE release night, i popped a bottle of champagne and got absoluely zonked lmao. every few days i would have something to look forward to, some sort of virtual plans with my friends. this would continue until july when my friends were slowly starting to go back to work.

most of my early quarantine days were as follows: wake up, watch anime, work on commissions for most of the day, order extremely good food for delivery, play video games, and then bed. at one point commissions became so overwhelming i started to get slower at churning them out. though this became a daunting project, WOW it really forced me to become a better artist. and this year i got to spend so much more time drawing, which was fantastic.

one thing i DID NOT spend a lot of time on at all? ugh. MUSIC. FUCKING MUSIC. i barely touched my guitar, stopped writing lyrics after july, and barely completed the instrumentals for about 3 songs. the only thing i consistently practiced was singing (because i would literally curl up and die if i didn’t). do you have any idea how much i blabbed to my therapist in 2019 about how much i would get done if i didn’t work full time and could just focus on my creative endeavors? and then life HANDED that shit to me on a silver platter the following year. i really did nothing insane musically with my time. and now i am really kicking myself for it. if i think about it, it was mostly because i was so exhausted from doing AC commissions, and partly because i was really intimidated about the prospect of struggling through songwriting. now i really wish that i had tried.

one thing i started doing this year was streaming. i originally planned to just do it for fun, because i am horrible at video games and i really didn’t expect much out of it. i thought it would be cool if my friends could watch me play animal crossing. and then i unfortunately learned that this 3rd expensive pasttime is actually really, really, really fun. i started to spend half my week streaming and it led me to either getting closer to some online friends i only talked to a lil previously and making new friends. viewers would ask me if i continue to stream after the pandemic was over, and i enthusiastically assured them i would. and i meant it. even with the difficulties of returning to work and the band playing shows again considered, i really wanted to. i don’t get invited to things anymore anyway, so fuck it if that’s what i stand to lose lmao.

when the curve flattened in jersey i decided to become lenient again and start meeting with my bandmates. we spent the year trying to finish some new material and chip away at what work we have to do for the full length (yes, a full length). we had plans to tour this year and it sucks that fell through. we also had plans to do so much more content during the pandemic and we faltered under the stress of... well, existing in a pandemic. we did finally get to drop a new single though, and the difference in hype now vs when we dropped our last work was incredible. i am so thankful we were able to build an audience with nothing new for two years. i still often beat myself up because god every day i look around me, at our peers, and wonder where the fuck we’ve gone wrong to have such a slow build. and even daily just trying to stand out and prove that we have cut our teeth/deserve a chance is so demoralizing. i feel like it’s even worse than before. i literally have to talk to myself out loud, both alone and during interviews lmao, to remind myself that we truly have accomplished so much. and to take in and appreciate the little positive things. because this could all be over in a second. and this won’t be forever. the older we get the more we are risking for this, both time and resources, and it won’t do to let myself get bogged down over my inner competitive voice. but god it’s hard. like even with new music we still didn’t even TOUCH any of the goal numbers we set for ourselves in may. though we did put out less music than we had planned, and we really hope to change that in 2021 forreal.

there was a single we were supposed to put out this year that’s on hold due to some pending assets but goddamn. if we really don’t break some sort of ceiling with this one i don’t know what will. i have the strongest gut feeling about the next single and in my opinion, it’s the best one we’ve had to date. when we play it at shows, the air in the room sometimes shifts. i’m eager to see what the response is and i’m so ready to push it with everything i have.

fuck this is getting so much longer than i planned i have to try to wrap this up lmao.

with our government stimmy money we turned around and got the dog of our dreams. we figured, i’d be home enough to watch him, and it was finally goddamn time. it’s why we moved into a house and not into another apartment. i was so scared meeting the puppy parents, and totally on edge the entire day. we went out to meet the breeder to test my allergies and see how i would react. samoyeds are not 100% perfectly hypoallergenic, but they were often lauded for being so. honestly? i still didn’t feel confident after two hours with the dogs because the pollen out there was bad (one of my WORST allergies) and i had mysterious hives on my arms i couldn’t figure out where they came from. for months jeremiah and my parents had to calm my nerves and remind me i lived with 3 cats before i moved out (i’m more allergic to cats) and that i would be fine. i had to do a lot of work on myself to get out of my own way about being excited about finally owning the dog of my dreams.

this little fucking boy. i couldn’t believe he was real. neither in the pictures i often looked at about 20 times a day on the breeder’s facebook page nor when we went to meet him. and he was truly, truly perfect. our little shithead. when we went to go pick him out, he sat apart from his puppy pile of brothers, sniffing around the room and trying to rip off his ribbon collar. we locked eyes and he fuCKING APPROACHED ME. i could not fathom any other puppy in the room being brawly. this was the one. we could already tell he was a mischevious smartass, because once he untied his ribbon he proceeded to rip off the ribbons of all the other puppies. but he was the cutest, flopping over on his back when you were near to get belly rubs.

ever since we have picked him up he has simultaneously been the biggest joy in our lives and the most source of stress lmao. that first week, and the next couple, werE FUCKING ROUGH. i had a horrible anxiety attack when i couldn’t calm him for bedtime the first saturday he was home and i was loudly sobbing to jeremiah that i couldn’t handle this shit lmao. he was so scared i was having regrets but i am just a fucking anxious wreck and not used to having a DOG!! this is my first dog!!! but while i can remember what life was like before him i cannot imagine going back. the first time he got sick and we took him to the emergency vet i cried so hard. when he is wagging his tail happy to see me and he looks like a fuckin seal because his ears are folded back it is the best feeling. i’m so excited for when he gets older and we’re vaccinated for covid so that we can take him on so many adventures. he is truly the best.

there is so much more i want to say but this is long as shit. this is even painful for me to read lmao. it’s always been for me, a guy with dogshit memory, to remember everything, but so, so much happened. so i’m gonna wrap up the real descriptive stuff with this.

being unemployed allowed me to just experience life. to wake up each day, enjoy the sun in my backyard, have time to try new recipes, go for long walks, GET A DOG, get better at art, get better at singing, spend more time with friends (virtually), bond even harder with my amazing, beautiful boyfriend, create amazing work with my bandmates, improve at video games, connect with people all over the world, and so much more. all my life i let money dictate my every move. i am insanely privileged to have experienced this but when i had to just live within my means off unemployment i did just fine. i once believed i was perpetually indebted to my employer when i was discarded like it was nothing. i can get a job anywhere and be fine. it strengthened my class consciousness and while i have control over my own destiny it is our country that has so royally screwed us of living the lives we should be living. our lives do not revolve around labor. so until we win the fight and get what we deserve, i will be returning to work next month (full time... in commercial real estate.... again), but i will do whatever it takes to replicate the everlasting feeling of joy i felt this year for the rest of my godforsaken life. if that means struggling for 2021 to build up my twitch channel and the band, working 9 hour days and then streaming/writing music for another 4, so be it. i felt from a young age i was not destined to live a normal life and that feeling has stayed with me no matter how much i have tried to play the game of life as i have been told. i finally have the confidence to pave the life i want.

so, if you are here at this very spot because you read everything, thank you. if you are here because you scrolled to see how long this was, here’s the TLDR of my best parts of 2020:

- tapping out cover

- the 2 shows we played lmao, maybe 3 tops

- disneyworld

- ACNH outside on the porch on release day in warm weather

- making banana bread

- learning how to BRINE meats

- watching anime until 3 am, namely the time we watched pokemon journeys until 3 am

-watching so. much. anime.

-watching livestream concerts with my friends (the chon one was a real good time)

-playing jackbox with my creatureposting friends, the volcano saga (if u know u know)

-playing jackbox with my big friends

-the first time we ever had panchos and juanchos

-finally having sushi again after painful cravings and being grumpy

-the first time we had chinese food again after the lockdown began

-hitting the punching bag for the first time in forever (my dad bought me one)

-the first time we had ramen in forever

-surprising joe with cake at his doorstep for his birthday (we thought he would be the only one with a pandemic birthday lmao)

-playing monopoly and wheel of fortune on the switch, surprisingly having fun

-jeremiah’s birthday

-getting PAID for my ART

-writing + recording ONE (1) acoustic demo

-finally finishing the singles, fixing the vocals

-shooting band promos

-unus annus

-meeting samoyeds

-meeting BRAWLY

-streaming except for the times 13 year olds cyberbullied me

-my birthday when my mom got me a terrifying singing birthday candle contraption and my sibling curbstomped the shit out of it (i was literally crying laughing like that kind of noiseless laugh cause you’re laughing that hard)

- getting the stamp of approval from andrew wells and anthony green

-my friends having their first baby!!!

-dying from thanksgiving charceuterie board

-that week i binged ghibli movies on an hbo max trial and did nothing else

-filling the front porch with plants and most of them SURVIVING the fall, possibly winter but we’ll see in 2021 lmao

- (in general) nailing riffs i fucking sing over and over when practicing but prob won’t get down good enough to sing in front of others lmao

-solo inflatable pool hangs

-thursdays with sarah in the fall playing with the puppy

-the release of the first WSA single in two and a half years

-virtual movie night with sarah watching happiest season

-the music video shoots

-brawly experiencing CHRISTMAS

-receiving really thoughtful gifts from jerry and my parents

-deciding i would work towards being a full time streamer to supplement being a musician

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mwolf0epsilon · 4 years

Note

Story on Norman catching Sammy in Joey cult ?

It's been twice now that I've written Norman's demise. Y'all really like killing people uh?

Summary: Sammy was weird in many ways, but this? This was just crazy.

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Back when Norman was still a little tot, his great nanna used to tell him and his brothers and sisters about their great poppop. How he'd been raised in some sort of cult that indoctrinated its disciples from birth. She related to them how, even though he'd managed to escape them, their constant drilling of ideals had never truly left him. Which was why nanna had gotten rid of him. Love him as she did, she knew he was a crazy dangerous man. Little five year old Norman had been very curious about those tales his mama begged nanna not to tell them. He especially found it curious when she described his eyes. Having a condition like the one he had, had made him a prime target for neighbourhood bullies that called him "Crazy-Eye". So hearing about someone who had actual insanity behind what most considered to be the windows to the soul... It had given him a sort of relief, because at least there was a spark of life behind his own unsynchronized peepers. "N'aw child, don't yous go be tellin' ya mama 'bout what ol' nanna be tellin' you 'bout ya poppop, ya hear?" "Ok nanna. Won't tell a soul." "Yous is a clever one, boy. An' don't forget ta keep an eye out... Crazy can hide in plain sight. Sure did for poppop." Insanity could hide in plain sight. That was perhaps the most valuable lesson to take from his nanna's tales. What she could never get across was how hard it was to see someone you cared for slowly be afflicted with it.

Sammy was a weird man. Had been from day one of Norman meeting him, and never quite changed even when he put a reign on his deplorable attitude. He wasn't a bad person per say. Misguided by a parent with that typical southern brand of white superiority complex. A man who thought his skin color made him better than all the other folk, and who taught his boy to think it was just as sacred an idea as the damn gospel he also tried to drill into Sammy's head. But Sammy was admittedly clever, and much more curious than his father had been. He asked questions and he tried to change when he realized his own crappy behaviour didn't please him all that much. But then things started getting unsettling in the studio. Little things popped up, and the world's own agenda got in the way of Joey Drew's plans. Turns out Joey wasn't about to fold for anything or anyone. Those who were drafted were the lucky ones. Those who were socially outcasts or liabilities in the military's eyes, were not so lucky. They stayed, so the wrongness affected them. The wrongness... Norman had felt something was not right for a long while, but now that he had to get acquainted with so many new hires and the such? He'd been preoccupied. So when the ones he knew suddenly started acting unlike themselves he'd been caught by surprise. "I don't understand how Mr. Drew has no trouble with him... He's just so..." He'd found Buddy in the bathroom, trying to clean the obvious ink stains on his clothing. "Why did I think helping him would make him less nasty?" "Sammy tends ta blow up at minor things. If it was as bad as yous say it was, then he was just freaked out from nearly drowning." He got as many paper towels as he could to help the poor kid get rid of as much of the ink as he could. "Doesn't excuse what he says to me... Or the other Jewish employees..." Buddy murmured sadly. "What did he say?" "Not important... Just makes me uneasy. It's like I'm specifically not worth anything just because of my... Mr. Polk?" Buddy blinked once the projectionist dropped everything he was doing to stalk out the door. "Yous ain't the first he's gone and played that card on. Was a long while ago but I can refresh Sammy's memory for the folks he's been barkin' at." "Oh! Uh, you don't have to! It's not going to fix anything." "Trust me, a hard knock on the noggin' works just fine ta sorte Sammy's bullshit." Norman smiled in passing at Dot who paused to watch him and then look at Buddy in concern once he peered out the bathroom door. "You two kids run along now. I'll see yous around." He tried not to laugh when he heard Buddy fretting over potentially getting fired for starting a fight. Kid still had a lot to learn about how Joey Drew Studios ran for all these years. Sometimes tough love was all it needed. But not this time.

His nanna's tales rushed back to him when he'd cornered Sammy in his office. Norman didn't like roughing people up, but he'd promised the music director that if he stepped on any toes for the wrong reasons he'd give him a whooping like the one the blond had been begging for, back when he'd first harassed the projectionist. He had half a mind to start hollering until he'd caught sight of Sammy's eyes. Nanna had described insanity in great detail. The unfeeling and unfocused darkness in poppop's eyes that consumed the man she'd loved and left nothing behind. Sammy's eyes were a soft hazel, the nice flicker of green so full of the essence that made Sammy Lawrence who he was. What Norman saw instead of those pretty peepers were dark pools, a sickly grayish brown with flecks of blackness like tar. Like ink... Norman completely forgot what he was to say. He couldn't bring himself to talk when he saw the same thing that had tormented his nanna's dreams. It just wasn't right.

Joey Drew was up to something, and Sammy was involved somehow. By his own volition, Norman wasn't too sure. The kid was acting mighty strange since Norman had noticed his eyes had inexplicably changed color, and whatever progress for positive change he'd made was completely gone. If anything, Sammy had become an incredibly volatile and aggressive husk. Very few people noticed, which was what was so concerning. "It can't be a coincidence... Joey barely showin' his face 'round the departments and Sammy actin' up like the devil bit him in the ass..." He'd paced as he watched Jack drink what was likely the 5th cup of coffee he'd in the morning. "Whatever it is, Sammy's more enthusiastic about his songs for a change..." He sounded nonchalant about it. "He complained about all the pieces Drew forced him to change... Now he's less, angry about those. Seems to love them actually." "Those little annoying jigs? He said they was garbage!" "And they are. Putting lyrics to those was dang awful but... Well if he's happy, I'm happy..." Jack gave a weak smile before coughing a rather wet sounding cough. He took another sip of his coffee to sooth his throat. "You comin' down with somethin'?" "Must be... This gross cough has been popping up a lot. And my nose is awfully stuffy. Can't smell or taste nothing, which is good considering I gotta hide away in the sewers to work..." Norman huffs. People were getting sick from being forced to do overtime with no rest. Jack getting sick wasn't entirely out of the question. But the stench of something acrid coming from his mug did give him cause for concern. Best check to see if Wally hadn't accidentally stored the coffee beans with the cleaning supplies again. A week later he forgets about it once he instead finds himself making a list of the people he stops seeing around the Studio not long after he noticed something up with Joey and Sammy.

There's Jack, who he hadn't noticed gone at first until he'd gone poking around the sewers and not caught sight of the shorter lyricist. There was Johnny Brokehart, who's organ was completely abandoned in its little corner. No one dared touch it, in case the man returned and found so much as a pipe out of place. There was Julian Whitaker, the tall gangly cellist that often sat with the resident art critic, that Vernon fellow who liked to stare at the cartoon posters like they were masterpieces on display at a museum. Susie Campbell had gone too. Wally insisted she hadn't quit, and was awfully worried about her. Allison and Thomas had also up and split after they'd made a scene at one of them fancy parties Joey used to get investors to dump money into his lap. Shawn Flynn, Grant Cohen, Bertrum Piedmont, Lacie Benton, Emma LaMonte... People were vanishing left and right and there was no say of them being fired. Norman had a theory, and he didn't like it one bit. He tried to do his best to inform the younger hires to run before something inevitably happened to them. He told Buddy and Dot it was dangerous, in as little words he could so not to let Joey catch wind of what he did know. He prayed to whatever god was out there that no bad befell those two kids. And then he'd grabbed his light and went down, where the groaning and moaning came from.

Norman ran. Ran as fast as he could, trying not to look at the things trapped in those tubes. The creatures that were tall, gangly, and vaguely humanoid. Weeping faces pressed to the glass, begging to be let out. The disgusting sludge creatures, barely holding themselves together and clawing at the glass in obvious suffering. The thing that had Sammy's voice and that was rushing after him, axe in hand and Bendy mask covering its face. Screaming at him to accept the "Lord's" blessing. He ran and dodged strikes that nicked his elbows, his legs, grazed his ankle and back... He came to a full stop before what could only be described as a throne. Horrified to find something twisted that looked like a humanoid corpse-like Bendy bound in chains. And then he was knocked onto the floor, air escaping his lungs from the sudden collision. The Sammy thing was on top of him, overjoyed to have caught him. And then all around, Joey Drew's voice filled the room... The thing on the throne shook and hissed. "Excellent... You know what to do Prophet. Baptize this non-believer in the name of your lord." "Anything for you my lord. Anything!" Norman tried to fight him off, knocked that silly mask off his face even. Except there was no face. Not even eyes. Windows to the soul... If he had none, then did Sammy even have a soul anymore? The axe raised, and Norman Polk didn't even have time to scream before it plunged into his chest, destroyed his ribcage, and obliterated his heart.

#Eps Writes:#Bendy and the Ink Machine #BATIM #Norman Polk #Sammy Lawrence

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