#I find it so draining to do

[sub-at-omicsteminist]

Why statistics so hard

I just want my funky integral squiggles back

#i hate statistics #I find it so draining to do #Im literally just stuck on residual plots #and I feel like it should be simple #but my brain won’t brain today

[buglaur]

#hellooooo it's been a long week for sure #got my exam results. did a lot better than i thought i'd do!!! #also had an interview for a place in a community college which i got #but i hopefully got into uni (i'll find out 2pm tmrw) so i mightn't need it!!! #i'm so scared man i'm used to class sizes of like.. 8 😭 #and now i've gotta get 4 buses a day to the city and back instead of a 20 min stroll up the road 😔 #did a pub crawl saturday to celebrate. had a lot of fun #been having fun with bg3 too!! i'm still on act 1 #my ear is blocked again 😔 it's €60 to get it drained ughhh i'll just suffer on #getting my first tattoo soon though 🥳 #enough about me lol i need to make a personal sideblog one of these days #i'll def have a lot less time to be active with sims stuff if i'm starting uni so i'll be sure to make one ^^ #ANYWAYS here's ms macmahon #/roxana #i swear to god i'm going to catch up with all the new kmik posts when i wake up tomorrow #if i don't assume me dead #ts4

[mythtiide]

todays falkler! more office au cause its cute ehe + some bonus stuff under the cut 🖇️

closeup of their faces cause i really like em

bonus flustered falke doodle

cut adler skirt content; i accidentally used the wrong brush but i really liked how this turned out ( + bonus sketch of the same skirt)

earlier falkler doodle that i kinda scrapped because i just didnt like how falke turned out; however i do like this adler ! so we win some we lose some

#signalis #signalis falke #signalis adler #the two paperclips look like an upside down heaet and i find that adorable #love can really bloom on the battlefield (the office) #not too much from me today because i really didnt draw a lot!!!!! #changing my blog theme kinda uses up a lot of my creative battery so after i do stuff like that i kinda become drained for the day #which suuucks because its like blog themkng has like nothing tk do with coding so like ?????? wheres the correlation #i dunno #myth.art

[qcomicsy]

Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.

#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it #I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool #fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell #marvel through at him #but rant aside #it's just– #I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched #comic book and aren't pretending to do so #people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something #comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining #and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and #and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core #aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them #you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon #and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon #content as fannon #and *refuse* to leave either #Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are #how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them* #and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun* #but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore #I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too #but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them* #I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore #sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics #I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters #Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore #fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love #nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007 #vent

[rileys-battlecats]

i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.

i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.

anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)

#rye.txt #growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done #which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion) #but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment #i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset #i feel guilty if im not constantly working #which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that #trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else' #my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art #which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better' #but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water #when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself #but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work #ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys #I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART #and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly #good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well #vent in tags #this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'

[alwaysneedyforsir]

is a hug too much to ask for

#seriously #i’m jus #so so goddamn touch starved #like i would do insane things to just get a hug rn #a proper hug that lasts like two seconds #so so tired #physically but also #emotionally n mentally drained rn #tired n exhausted n straight up numb #i get myself out of this shitty place n then fall right back into it again #just #a proper night’s sleep where i don’t wake up exhausted and dreading the day ahead #n a fucking hug #seriously when did a hug become too much to ask for #i’ll probably wake up n be horrified n delete this so enjoy my rambles for the next like #3.5-4ish hours before i’m awake again? #fml! #it’s fine i’m fine everything’s fine #i just need someone to hug me while i sleep a full night #and the chances of me finding that anytime soon are #too low to even try n pretend to calculate #goodnight y’all #wishing y’all the hugs that i can’t seem to get #me #my thoughts

[3-aem]

do you ever start your lil weekend tasks and then half way through just wanna give up and go back to bed

#im trying to transfer phone carriers and its just #so unbelievably hard idk why my friends all said u could do it online #like am i stupid doodoo brains orr #also i submitted like insurance claims and that whole process just drained my life force #i didnt even do that much but they were like please check ur benefits first and i spent 1548592 hrs trying to find the page #do they deliberately hide it!!!

[loupy-mongoose]

Do our lovely Linden’s have something special planned for Akoya this Mother’s Day?

I have an cute pic going up, but otherwise, no. X3

#puzzled-zebra #ask #It's been a draining week #I had an idea for a comic #but I didn't find the motivation #so a pic is all we get this time. #We can say they do something fun behind the scenes.

[caimitos]

saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries #it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc #ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop #like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions #cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt #you know how it goes #vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own #students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country #until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem #this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL #our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries! #but the mental image is a bit funny #vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa #i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med #expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc #anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history #i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3) #as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me) #lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc #theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly #being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her #lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao #years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth #cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination.... #I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess #but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh. #skl.txt

[visceravalentines]

this is a post scribbled angrily in glitter pen in my diary pls ignore <3

#this is so insecure and bullshit but like #sometimes writing fics is. no fun #bc you feel like you can't keep up with other writers just churning out fics and they're all so good and nuanced and better than yours #or bc you can't keep up with your own brain and all the ideas and you don't have the time to do them all justice #or bc you just can't get a spark of a conversation with other fans to catch fire the way you want to so you're just. #spinning wheels in your own head wishing you were better faster friendlier less alone #and let's not forget the fucking commodification of fandom #getting messages in your inbox only to find it's people harping for more content for a fandom on the back burner or a fic you've left behin #i love that you love my work like that but. it makes me feel like i'm at a family reunion and my aunt is asking me about the job i had #two jobs ago #and somehow you keep getting those messages even tho your current work is sparse on comments and reblogs #so you spend your slivers of free time writing something you hope is good for these characters you love only to feel like you're standing #alone in the street hawking a mediocre finished product and everyone is walking past you disinterested #it's fucking isolating. it's draining #you can only write “for yourself” so much before it's not worth the time and effort #obviously i will keep writing. but like. it's fucking frustrating. and i feel like a petulant child about it but i just can't shake it #anyway. here's wonderwall or whatever

[greenerteacups]

Long ask ahead! Sorry in advance for my rambling!

I’m a huge fan of Lionheart! (Latest update got me furious btw, your Umbridge characterization is amazing; i need. Revenge. the woman is vile)

my long ask today is on the topic of writing fanfics, or beginning to; i’ve been a fan of hp for a longish (?) time (i am currently in my first year of college, so since elementary school) and i want to start dipping my toes in writing fanfics, esp dramione. problem is, i have all these grand plans and ideas but i struggle with motivation and perfectionism — especially perfectionism. this has been a long standing problem on my end, but if every line is not to “my standard, or “perfect”, i feel deeply dissatisfied and i find it impossible to move on. i’m also very flighty — i get distracted easily, and lose momentum. i have so many ideas that i want to try out that i end up having a plethora of projects, none with a resolution. do you deal with this? what are your biggest struggles with writing? how do you move past them?

i also would like to say that i know that you’ve stated that writing is all for fun, but if you were to get published, i would 100% buy! i really hope you’re doing something in the creative industry, because really, your writing is amazing.

Hey, what up! Thanks so much!

If you'll permit a bit of tough love: it sounds like you don't really like writing those projects. There are a lot of reasons someone might leave a project, but when it comes to free hobby writing, if you've abandoned something, Occam's Razor, it's because you don't want to do it anymore.

And BTW: that's fine. You're not legally obligated to finish stuff. You're not under contract. If you're a hobby writer, your sole obligation is to have fun and please yourself. I've written tons of stories without middles or endings; I've got dozens of 3 or 4-chapter would-be longfics sitting on my drive, with absolutely no intention to finish them. I'm totally fine with that. This is something I do for fun. Why would I bully myself about not being sufficiently "productive" in something I'm doing for fun?

But it sounds like maybe you want to finish a fic, and/or see finishing as a prerequisite to publishing, in which case: you need to keep writing a project after you're bored or dissatisfied with it. In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that you should go back through your drive, find the project you like least, and force yourself to write 1-2 pages on it. Because you are never going to be as pleased with what you've written as you are with the fake perfect story in your head. Even the worst, shittiest, misspelled, poorly plotted story that exists is better than the fake perfect story, because it exists, and is real writing, rather than just being the concept of something that is well-written. Abandoning a story because it doesn't live up to the hype is like refusing to eat because what's on the plate isn't as good as the Platonic concept of a chocolate cake. Like, of course it's not, dude! You didn't imagine it as having flaws!

It seems like you know that, which suggests that you need to force yourself to write something that you don't want to. So try shorter stuff! Writing short stories is a great way to learn the tools of the trade while giving yourself less time to burn out. Make it easy on yourself. And like, remember to forgive yourself. There are some things you can bully your brain into doing. Sincere and authentic art is not one of them.

#greenteacup asks #correction: you can bully your brain into writing but you can't bully it into writing WELL #so get a routine and then just forgive yourself as much as you can for not keeping it #and don't write longfic. longfic drains endurance it's a terrible starter project #although then again. haruki murakami wrote a novel on his first try. so what do i know? #maybe we're different kinds of writer. i hope you find your way. and if it's similar to my way - great!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit #we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today #luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying #so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem #canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine #think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say #but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart #i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here? #what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this? #why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess #its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks. #idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad #it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl #like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this #i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away #i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster #unrelated

[castdowns]

the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

[monstriiss]

.

#;; ooc. #need you to know that if i have unfollowed anyone lately it has NOT been me it has been a glitch #love finding that out when i come in here to check on things 🙃 #anyway my hiatus is going to continue most likely #im trying to get out of it but shit has been hitting the proverbial fan a lot and my battery is drained to a shaky 1% #thank you to all of you who have stuck around in the mean time and dealt with my radio silence I really do appreciate it ❤️❤️❤️ #im so grateful even if im not showing it at the moment #i hope you're all doing as okay as you can be in these shitty times ily #;; tbd.

[wakanai]

.

#i feel so isolated #i can talk to people #but it's hard for me to find someone i can genuinely connect with #hard for me to converse in interesting conversation with people i find interesting #i was in a group setting a while ago #talking w “friends” (not close friends; but still 'friends') #it was ok #the thing is #i don't particularly like my friends #like im not that invested. it's hard for me to find people i connect with enough to be invested in and vice versa #it's most likely a 'me' thing #i think its because of a lack of communication skills that its hard for me to find connection/make friends that i rlly like and etc #ironically the friends i do like are always extroverts and i always feel like i care more about them than they do #because they have sm friends whom they're close to and genuinely connected with meanwhile i struggle with even making 1 connection that #doesn't drain me/makes me happy/keeps me stimulated #so when i do find that 1 person i become attached and want to be closer to them #and when that happens idk i remind myself that they dont care for me as much #and i try not to be too clingy so as not to annoy them #i want to be closer to them though. we have our own friend groups but still #school for me is overall quite lonely. my 2 close friends are in another school #there's only a few people in class that i enjoy talking to #the only one (the 'main' one) that's my friend is the extrovert i mentioned a while ago #and for some reason im getting flashbacks or trauma from my past friendship #because as of now we're just classroom friends #and in my past friendship. i was also invested in that homegirl. but..we drifted apart T-T #its quite sad #i feel lonely #i want to be better at bond making and connections because #its miserable #vent

[mattodore]

the echthroi protagonists on the set of barbie

#river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #echthroi #oc extras #i didn't feel like doing any of my other ocs bc there just aren't enough colors for the full lot (but still missing three lmao) but okay so #imani: this barbie is living in a plastic house #romeo: this ken is collecting roses #sehyuk: this ken is carving his name in flesh #dutchie: this ken is circling the drain #alessandria: this doll is tending to too many wounds #delphi: this barbie is stomaching bone #dionte: this ken is digging claws into dirt #nicholas: this ken is fading in and out of the light #............................... romeo fr the only oc in here having a good time i'm gkjfdhnfjghndfkjghn #!! cw for vague mentions of abuse and drugs and like... a lot trauma in these tags past this point bc i'm talking abt my ocs !! #we got fuckin uhhhhhh neglected child aching for affection grows up craving any kind of touch even a welt abusing substances and himself #vs. barely there boy nearly human enough for love but missing the mark and growing up detached wild too apart from anything to feel alive #vs. eldest daughter discarded for only son unable to break free from kinship and find herself and a life apart from the plastic #vs. murderer drug dealer crime lord born to a cold family then sent away and abandoned out of shame #vs. recovering catholic suffering guilt and violent urges toeing the line of morality and seeking acceptance #vs. werewolf never meant to lead suddenly having their entire family ripped from them and struggling with power and isolation and grief #vs. woman who spent her whole life being used and hurt and silenced growing claws and teeth to strike back and maim and feast #vs. lost boy in a foreign land mourning the loss of his mother has humanity ripped from him and is forever altered from failed shifting #vs. protective volatile arsonist orphan older brother figure whose entire story arc is [redacted] #vs..................... romeo the hopeless romantic like it's kjdnhkjfnghk #maybe it's just bc romeo is a new oc and i haven't had the time to really sink into him but i kinda like that about him #dutchie was originally supposed to be the untouched by history oc but then i made him catholic and well. that turned around pretty quickly #i fully blame his pinterest board for that like you add one cross image in a board and suddenly every pin you get recommended after is like #hey what if you fucked this guy up a bit? and who was i to argue with that? ...................also i just reached tag limit LMAOOOOOOOO