#but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment

[rileys-battlecats]

i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.

i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.

anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)

#rye.txt #growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done #which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion) #but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment #i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset #i feel guilty if im not constantly working #which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that #trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else' #my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art #which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better' #but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water #when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself #but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work #ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys #I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART #and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly #good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well #vent in tags #this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'