#I don't want to intro Duke and have him just...there

[bonerot19]

I'm just screaming into the void here, but the problem with me as a writer, is that my ideas get more and more complex as time goes on. in an unhelpful way. let me explain.

seventeen going under is just Jason's POV, it's a simple story about a kid learning to let go and be loved.

sigh no more has multiple POVs, but they all still revolve around Jason and his problems/life so you get a more rounded perception of him as a character

someday has multiple POVs and multiple storylines and character arcs outside of Jason. like, he's still the main character, but also there are things happening that have nothing to do with him.

#every time I think I'm working my way towards an actual outline I think of Things To Add #cause I don't want to intro Damian and then hardly use him #I don't want to intro Duke and have him just...there #I love all of these characters so much so I want them to Have A Point #AND STEPH #she's got a lot going on I love her so much but she's going through it #and Jason is going through it #but there also might be a larger Underlying Plot??? #but I don't really want to write a case fic #lowkey not clever enough for that (re: don't wanna take the time to figure it out) #anyway I'm accidentally turning this fic into a fully formed Novel and i have to keep reminding myself that that is not necessary #send help #my fic!!

[iiiiiiis-things]

Y/N MAKES: PANCAKES

pairing: Duke Dennis x femblack!reader

cw: MENTIONS of fingering, kai being a dumbass, agent is your twin, that's it ??

blurb: soooo yeah i rmb watching markiplier makes literally all the time so this may or may not be a series.

a/n: ummm hey ?? 😂 yes ik i've been gone i'm gonna keep it real school is rlly taking over everything so i won't be posting as frequent i'll post like once or twice a month unless it's a reblog.. but in the summer i do intend to be more present !! (may or may not drop something in valentine's day we'll see 😗)

"duke get your ass in here" he walks infront of you and kai to get to his side of the table and you take the opportunity to smack his ass with the spatula

"bae."

*smack*

"dawg."

*smack*

"ouch! nigga stop!"

he turns around giving you a stank eye rubbing his ass cheek

________

"once upon a time, in New York City, the bronx. there was a woman who dreamed a dream. to take the previously made invention of pancakes and turn it into something incredibly new and interesting and zesty." before you could finish your intro kai cuts in from the back

"woah"

"kai shut the fuck up"

________

"i have decided that it should be up to me a fine ass black woman to revive the art of lost art...of pancake... art"

"you're doing great babe"

"duke."

rolling your eyes you take a deep breath and continue on to introduce your 'guest' "but as much as i wanted to, this fine ass black woman can't do it alone i present to you." you slam your hands down on the table creating a loud boom before lifting your hand up to your right

Duke walks into the frame and made the poor choice to get his revenge and smack the hell out of your ass with his spatula, which resulted in you smacking the hell out of the side of his fat ass head "known for his strong ass flipping capability, if he were to flip at 100% capacity he would annihilate the entire universe- and trust me. i know" a smile spreads across your face as you you make eye contact with him, he laughs before resuming his composure staring at the camera with an intense look "a lot of people may call him by his nick name 'duke dennis'" you use finger quotes around his name "but his legal name is actually my man. sooo"

"it is?"

"yes it is."

he sides eye you "ion-"

"NEXT! we have the crust nestor" you raise your left hand as Kai walks in rubbing his chin as if he fine or something "if you were to even question anybody who has the greatest, crispiest, goldenest crust" "i don't think that's a word" your brother leans over and whispers

"kai"

"my bad"

"as i was saying. the greatest, crispiest, goldenest crust in the world.. they would say my brother" you stretch your hands out as you describe him. kai brows furrows at his introductory "i have a name" you look over to him and there was just silence before the video was cut to the next clip

"and if you're wondering who I am, among the two negros standing next to me well, i can't believe you dont recognize me"

"your not that popular" Kai says shaking his head in denial and laying his palms flat on the table

"okay you know what, kai.. you getting on my last nerve" you turn your body around to fully face him lowering your tone as like your mother did anytime she was about to pop the shit out of him for asking to get something from the store "i'm sorry" his head hangs low and Duke turns his head to the side and brings a hand to cover his mouth, hiding his smile.

"like i let you be in my video" "i know, i know" Kai shakes his head "and you come in here disrespecting me like i won't slap the shit out of you" you make italian hands and cock your head to the side "ok sis, i'm sorry" rolling your eyes you wrap up your introduction.

"now let's get started and with this trio of perfection, how could anything go wrong?"

________

the next clips shows you slamming the bag of flour on the table in front of you as your boyfriend and brother line it up with everything else "we're going in RAW, unpro-" before you can finish your sentence Kai bursts outs laughing and Duke joins him causing you to roll your eyes.

"we're not using recipes! we're not using measuring cups! we've been doing this for hundreds of years" you side eye duke and point his way "him fasho- but uh we totally know EXACTLY, what to do with the ingredients on display on the table on th- here.. on the table.. displayed-here..." (i actually had a stroke writing this)

"it's ok, take your time baby"

"alright, whatever we're starting now. twin give us the count down" agent starts to count down from three and you immediately go for the flour "also i forgot to mention that someone-" you glare at Duke pouring at least 1 cup of flour in your bowl "forgot the buttermilk" for some reason the first thing Kai did was spray his bowl with pam which Duke notices "the fuck?" he stops pouring the sugar in his bowl to look at Kai because for some reason the next thing he decides to do is pour in the milk.

"see unlike these two idiots, i know that your supposed mix the dry ingredients first" you say glancing up at the camera "where are the spoons?" you look around the table as Kai lifts his head and winces "oh shitttttt- my bad yall"

"nigga"

"are you serious?"

you then smack your lips "fuck it" you start to mix the dry mix with your hands after doing that you grab the vegetable oil and pour just a little inside "ice spice is so fine" Kai grabs an egg cracking it inside "she wants me to be in her new music video" Duke furrows his eyebrows grabbing the oil from you "you?" you grab the carton of eggs from Kai's side of the table "yes. me nigga" kai smacks his lips as you accidentally bump into him knocking almost half his mixture out of his bowl "my bad"

"so as you can see my opponents being the dumbass they are used two eggs when your only supposed to used one" you use your white girl voice as you crack an egg into your bowl "yall this how I be in y/n pussy" you look at duke who holds up the bowl and starts to use his middle and ring finger to mix his pancake solution "boy stop lying you be like this" you lift your fingers creating a 'c' motion duke smacks his lips and stops you "girl no the fuck i don't, i be like-" before he could correct me kai yells at us with a face of disgust "OKAY we get it god damn"

_______

after playing around for a little bit time eventually runs out and the three of you attempt to create at least a few decent pancakes "we have syrup right?" Kai asks "duh why the fuck would we have pancakes and no syrup?" Duke responds to Kai. he smacks his lips and his brows come together as he starts to get irritated "bro didn't you forget the buttermilk?" "didn't u forget the spoons?" "okay but at least-"

"oh my god both of y'all shut the fuck up."

you all finish up your pancakes in separate rooms to create a little bit of suspense and to see who pancakes turned out the best and after setting the camera back up it was time to present.

"hey guys" agent waves at the camera as he fixes the flash "i'm going to be the judge of everyone waffles" you look up and fixes his statement "pancakes" "same difference"

______

"why the fuck is it hard?" agent tries to cut Kai black ass pancake with a knife but it doesn't budge "and black" Duke adds trying to get Kai eliminated but the way your twin was struggling to slice it was already enough. "you see it was a visual representation of my sister" Kai uses his arms to explain as you step forward "nigga u tryna be funny? alls i see is a black ass blob"

"it was supposed to be a monkey."

agent ends up picking up the mess with his hand, but it was so hard he couldn't even take a bite..

"alright next." he moves over next to you and removes the lid on top of your plate and he immediately begins laughing. Duke and Kai comes up to see what so funny as they soon realized what you created "i was inspired by the song peaches and eggplants featuring sexyy red and mulatto" your white girl voice comes back as you hold up the plate for the camera to see. obviously it was a peach and eggplant you even took the time to color your batter but what agent found so hilarious was the powdered sugar and whip cream spread across the peach and syrup leaking from the tip of the eggplant.

"alright, alright cmon lemme taste it" he grabs a fork and begins to slice through "hey!! i can cut through this one!" Duke laugh booms throughout the house as Kai rolls his eyes, after successfully cutting a nice piece of the peach he stuffs it into his mouth and begins chewing "mmm." you look at him with momma lips telling him he better say something good or he was gonna be fired "i mean yeah it's good. like real shit. but-" you whip your head to him seeing what else he has to say "wayyy to much whip cream, it makes the waffle extra sweet it would've been better with a drizzle of syrup" you once again correct him "pancakes" "shut up, tomato tomata"

"ok duke you ready?" "no" " to bad" he removes the lid exposing his pancake which didn't look bad at all but he forgot one thing "just normal waffles?" you scream from behind the camera "PANCAKES" "I KNOW WHAT I SAID" your boyfriend breaks up the small bickering "well shit how was i supposed to know we was making eggplants and monkeys? ain't nobody told me shit." he shrugs as agent cuts through his pancake and drowns it in syrup that spilt over on the plate before stuffing it in his mouth "mmm. it's not bad" you walk back into the camera frame wrapping your arms around Duke waist giving him a peck on the cheek which makes him grin "don't playyyy! see my baby can cook!" "but-" "damnit never mind" duke frowns as he catches an attitude and removes your arms from around him and agent continues "i don't know what the fuck u did but this is the chewiest waffle i ever tasted"

you walk over to the plate and you grab another fork to taste, cutting a small triangular piece you bite the tip off immediately realizing what twin was talking about "it's not necessarily chewy... it's like.. doughy" waving Duke over he walks up behind you wrapping one arm around your waist. lifting up the fork with leftover pancake on it you bring it to his mouth as he takes a big ass bite stuffing the rest in his mouth. Duke chews and chews soon swallowing "i don't see what yall talking 'bout that shit good" he points to his plate. Kai pops up out of nowhere with a fork squeezing inbetween you and agent trying to snag a piece he rolls his eyes and leaves back behind the camera to make sure it was still recording. "what the shit ?? this shit taste like ass" Kai immediately spits it out and Duek smacks his lips "nigga stop playing wimme that shit taste amazing!"

you move over grabbing your own plate over so the three of you can taste it. you and your brother both take a bite of the eggplant as Duke waits patiently for you to feed it to him "mmm. yeahh thats perfect. i don't even wanna taste the peach" kai shakes his head in disbelief that you actually made a decent pancake, rolling your eyes u feed duke a small piece of the eggplant, being a little nervous for his reaction "mmhm." he balls his fist bringing it to his mouth "oh yeah" he points towards your plate "that's the shit right there" you smile glad that he took a liking to your creation "thank you baby" you give him a kiss and Kai once again interrupts "ALRIGHT, my turn!"

"i'm not eating that shit."

#duke dennis is my man #duke dennis amp #duke dennis x reader #duke dennis x black reader #duke dennis x black!fem!reader #duke dennis #kai cenat #agent 00 #x reader #x black reader #guess who's back #(kinda)

[chickenkupo]

I Just Want My Tea

Summary:

Wriothesley, the busy man that he is, doesn’t notice that his tea stash is getting rather low, no thanks to Sigewinne taking her share since she considers it payback for what Neuvillette and him put her through once he was claimed. It wasn’t until after a shift at the Fortress of Meropide, however, that he noticed this. After going to the home that he and his mate, Neuvillette, share, he vows that the next morning he will run to the nearest grocery market to take note of their goods, and purchase some more that suit his tastes perfectly. He drools just thinking about it. 

However, Neuvillette is starting to feel a sort of odd heat beneath his skin recently, and it only gets worse as the days go by. He constantly finds himself staring at his love when they are together, and when they are apart, he can only think of having his man back in his embrace, littering him with possessive affection and a viscous need. He’s finding it hard to let Wriothesley go anywhere without him, now, this heat feeling like it is reaching its peak. 

But, the man desperately wants his tea, and the dragon wants his man. The compromise? Why, of course the dragon sovereign is going to turn into a little noodle version of his full dragon form, and go with him! Why, you ask, would he do this?

Well, how else is he going to pleasure the both of them while out in public?

TLDR: Horny noodle dragon is in his heat and tries to get freaky with his mate while he just wants to do some simple grocery shopping. Chaos ensues.

Recommendations: For full context, please refer to I Promise and Now For the Next Act. This is considered a little side story before I continue on with the next 'serious' work in the series.

Warnings: 18+, though barely. Will be writing up some stuff to add onto this as a second chapter with even spicier content, but this story had to leave my head one way or another. Dubious content, public sexy behavior, slight mind manipulation.

SHOUT OUT TO MY AWESOME BETA READER, Gleth_Eldigande! Please, if you like my content, go and check out theirs here! I promise you'll enjoy it! ALSO SAY THANK YOU! They work hard to keep my lore together and keep me on track!

Author Note: IM BACK BBY! Finally wrote up my Noodle Dragon/Wriothesley story. I made it WAY LONGER than I intended to, but I don't care, here it is! Tumblr is getting 2 day early access to this, after which I will be posting to AO3 because, once more, I cannot write something short to save my life.

Sheeeeeesh, long enough intro, right? Well, let's get to the good shit!

•

•

•

Wriothesley groans as he holds his head, a small, yet persistent, headache forming. He knew what the exact cause was, and there was nothing he could do to cure it, currently. He had a few more appointments with new inmates to address, assigning them to their roles and housing, before he could leave the rest of the duties to Grace. Thankfully he had a few more moments until the next prisoners arrived for his council. His wrapped hands reached towards one of the side drawers of his massive desk, and after reviewing the contents (or lack thereof) once more, a defeated sigh escaped his lips. His wooden tea box that was consistently managed and previously well stocked had taken quite a hit logistically. He reckoned that he should have taken Sigewinne more seriously when she proclaimed that she was going to do some damage to the supplies.

“YOUR TEA IS FORFEIT!” She screamed, loud enough for Neuvillette to still remember, even with his then feral brain taking over and becoming the overprotective mate that he was now.

The Duke did not take her that seriously after the event, however. Neuvillette had informed him of what she proclaimed, as he was still passed out at the time, his body trying to process all of these new changes and get some sort of semblance of rest, for once. But, as he continued to stare down at the empty contents, he knew then that she kept to her word. He winces, a sharp pain shooting through his skull. Not only did the tea he drank help to calm his nerves after dealing with, to him, ridiculous situations most of the day, it also provided him with a level of caffeine to keep him awake. Now, not having a single drop of tea all day, his body was going into withdrawal. He desperately needed the energy, too. Not only did the constant appointments seem to drain his energy, but he also had the odd situation occurring at home.

Neuvillette, to be completely honest, was going full horny mode on him here recently, and it felt like every night it was getting worse. At this point, from what he experienced last night, he knew that the moment that he walked through the threshold of their home, the hydro dragon would once again pounce on him. The attack being sudden, as Neuvillette would probably assault his mouth with his own, his long dragon tail being released from its glamor spell and then wrap itself around Wriothesley’s legs, and halfway up his torso, holding him in place as Neuvillette would continue his assault. Then, literally get dragged into their bedroom, tossed onto the bed and be devoured as if he were some sort of feast for a god. Granted, Wriothesley loved every single second of it, but it would take so much energy out of him. They’d continuously partake in divine levels of intercourse for the remainder afternoon and well into the throes of night, until it was almost near time for him to get up and return back to the fortress, though he noticed the snarls and hisses thrown at him as he got up and ready. Never threatening to him, but he knew now how dragons would literally throw a hissy fit now. It was cute, yet slightly terrifying. 

So, yes, Wriothesley needed his tea, desperately. There was no way he could go through another night of this and live to tell the tale. He’d just have to stop by the grocery building in Fontaine before he headed home. As much as he did enjoy the meals provided to him in the Fortress of Meropide, only one of the grocers in Fontaine had his favorite flavor of tea bags and loose leaves in stock, and he never went down the cheap route when it came to his tea. The man had standards, you know. He’d be a little late getting home, and maybe Neuvillette wouldn’t really notice. It wouldn’t take that long, anyway. Just one quick little trip and return home, snagging a sample of the already brewed tea that they normally had on sample display should be enough to boost his energy levels, somewhat. Ever since his somewhat odd transformation, his body did recover much more swiftly regarding many different levels of exertion, than his previous, normal human body did. For that, he was grateful, though it did take a decent amount of time for him to mentally and emotionally adjust to such changes. Dragons were determined and possessive little fuckers, but at the end of the day, Wriothesley wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Sir! Two new inmates would like to come in for their meeting, would you care to have them come in now, or do you still need a moment or two?” One of the fortress guards addressed him from the other side of the room. They must have walked in while he was deep in thought, as he didn’t hear their footsteps at all. Thinking about how your horny mate was fucking your brains out the previous night and reliving those clips in your head will do that to you. Wriothesley closed the drawer that contained the empty tea box at his desk, and did his best to put on a look that didn’t show the now throbbing headache he was suffering from.

“Go on ahead, let them in, let’s get this done and over with.” He almost grumbled, pulling out their files and taking a brief overview before the two entered his office.

The Duke had barely finished his sentence before two figures came barging in, the guard having to help press against the two individuals to keep them at a respectable distance from Wriothesley. Not so much for his safety, but rather theirs. Wriothesley did pack a rather ferocious punch, but little did everyone know that he had an even more ferocious hydro dragon that would spill blood in less than a heartbeat if even a hair on Wriothesley’s head had been damaged. But the citizens of Fontaine didn’t need to know about that, not quite yet.

“WHY IS HER ASSIGNED BED LARGER THAN MINE? HER CRIMES ARE WAY WORSE THAN MINE, THIS ISN’T FAIR!” One of the women screeched out, pushing against the guard with each emphasis.

“WELL HER MEALS ARE BETTER QUALITY THAN ANYTHING I HAVE HAD HERE SO FAR AND I DEMAND RETRIBUTION!” The other woman rang out, also pushing against the poor, singular guard, who was doing a rather fine job of holding the line. They might need a raise after today.

“S-S-SIR!” The guard yelled out, looking for any sort of instruction or assistance in the current matter.

The Duke merely sighed, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his broad chest, the migraine now pulsing.

How the hell was he supposed to survive today?

•

•

•

What should have lasted five minutes felt like it lasted five hours. In reality, it did turn out to be a couple of hours that Wriothesley had to sit there, trying to make sense of the situation and figure out the best way to handle it while the poor guard held the two women back from causing not only a fight with Wriothesley, but also between each other. Grace, having stepped in to take over when she noticed she had not been called after, had truly saved him that day. He swiftly exchanged information with her, and eased himself out of the room while the Melusine tried to calm the entire situation down. At first he was nervous for her, but after turning around and looking at her crazed expression and wicked smile about facing a new challenge, he blinked, gave her a thumbs up and headed out swiftly. He didn’t have much time to spare at this point, or at all, so he needed to make this trip quick.

As much as he hated using the teleport points, mostly because it always left him with such an odd dizzy feeling after reaching his destination, he didn’t have much of a choice this time around. Touching the teleport point at the Fortress, he concentrated his energy to focus himself to travel to the central hub of Fontaine, where the shops were only a short walk away. The blue aura took over him as he closed his eyes, and felt his entire being travel from one distant location to the other. He wasn’t sure what else he could describe the sensations he was feeling when this happened, other than he felt like he was displaced in an unknown area before his being settled to where it should be. A part of him wanted to figure out the mechanics of these one day, but sometimes it was better left unknown and to just be happily taking advantage of its properties. 

As his body settled in the heart of Fontaine, he doubled over for a second, holding onto a concrete railing to gather himself. Normally it wouldn’t have affected him so badly, but with the thudding pain in his head still present, it only amplified the uncomfortable sensations he was going through. Wriothesley took a moment to take a deep breath, hold for a few seconds, and then slowly exhaled. He found that helped him level himself after teleportations, and it did end up alleviating a little bit. He would have normally spent more time taking it easy for a few more minutes, but he didn’t have that luxury at the moment. He was late, still needing at least a smidge of caffeine at this point, and he had a nagging feeling in his soul that Neuvillette was not happy with him not being at their home. He was seriously fucked, not that he really minded that, but he’d rather not pass out the second they get started. Oh no, he was going to wear that hydro dragon out if it was the last thing he did.

Once he fully gathered himself and his surroundings, he hurriedly walked himself closer to the grocer. Luckily, they were ones that stayed open later than the usual surrounding vendors, so he still had some time. Wriothesley noticed that the surroundings were getting darker, the sun must be setting. His suspicions were confirmed as the outdoor post lights that littered the city began to glow, offering a new form of illumination for those out wandering about. Yeah, there was no way he was going to make it back at a reasonable time. He cursed to himself but accepted the circumstances. Now wasn’t the time to wallow and be mad, he needed to get in, grab as many of the peppermint tea bags as he could, and bail. Wriothesley looked up and saw that he was maybe a half a block away at most, before something suddenly came crashing into his side, sending him flying into a nearby alleyway. He gasped and braced himself for impact into the concrete below, but was shocked when he noticed he didn’t feel any pain, just a very familiar weight on top of him. He didn’t even need to look up to notice who was now straddling him in the dark and hidden alleyway.

“For fuck’s sake, Neuv! Really?!” Wriothesley fussed at his mate in a harsh whisper, eyes narrowed at the dragon that was laying on top of him, noticing that he was in a more half transformed body. His horns were showing again, his hair more unruly and trailing down further, eyes more feral, fangs showing and a faded mirage of his actual draconic tail whipping back and forth behind him; a dragon studying his prey. 

It took a few seconds before Neuvillette replied, a hiss escaping his lips as his words left his mouth. “Yes, really…”

 

Wriothesley rolled his eyes, and then tried to push the man off of him, who didn’t budge at all. Blinking in confusion, and then trying again, he got the same result, with a hint of a growl from the man above him. Neuvillette lowered his head and started nuzzling down on Wriothesley’s neck near his mating mark, purring again, looking very reminiscent of the day when the claiming took place. A part of Wriothesley wanted to fade into bliss and let the hydro dragon have his way with him, but for now he had more blood rushing to his brain than his cock, which was starting to get harder by the second. They couldn’t do this out in the open, and Neuvillette sure as hell couldn’t reveal his form to the citizens of Fontaine like this. Well, brute force obviously wasn’t going to work. He had only one plan left that seemed to snap Neuvillette out of his feral fits like this, and technically it was true.

The Duke lifted one of his hands slowly, running it through Neuvillette’s hair, in a calming manner, letting him nuzzle further into his neck and breathing in his scent. The massive amount of heat radiating from Neuvillette indicated to Wriothesley that whatever he was going through was getting worse, so hopefully it wasn’t too late for him to listen to reason. 

“Babe, please. My head is throbbing right now, and I need some caffeine, okay? It’ll help lessen the pain and I can uh…actually be awake and last for what you got planned, eheh…plus, can you put away the whole…dragony bits? This is not the way to really reveal this sort of information, you know…” Wriothesley laughed nervously, his cheeks flushing with an intense blush, praying to the archons that this would actually work.

Neuvillette immediately stiffened as the words settled into his brain and he fully comprehended the situation, but the heat within his body was unrelenting. His two cocks, hard as the cement below them, were brushing against Wriothesley’s own erection, still tempting the two of them into further, dirtier deeds. The hydro dragon’s instincts were going wild, demanding relief for the two of them, and Wriothesley, though his scent was incredibly attractive to him, was severely lacking in his own scent being mixed in (even though, to be quite frank, if there were any other dragons around, they could definitely smell Neuvillette all over him), which made him even more irritable. But his mate was correct, and he needed to get himself together. Wriothesley was not rejecting him, and he needed to be a good mate and take care of him.

Almost immediately, the tail that was behind Neuvillette faded back away into nothingness, his horns began to recede, fangs and hair retracting back to their previous forms. A noticeable, and adorable, pout played on Neuvillette’s face as he started to remove himself from straddling his mate, offering him his hand as he pulled the two of them up so they were both standing casually in the alleyway. Wriothesley, as he was shaking the dust and dirt off of himself, started to scan his surroundings. It didn’t seem as though anyone had walked by while they had their little scene, a relieved sigh being released once he realized this.

“Listen, ba-” Wriothesley grunted, knowing he wasn’t whispering now and was addressing Neuvillette properly, as they were in public now and more easily noticeable than before. “Monsieur Neuvillette…” he corrected himself, and cringed at how that sounded now. He knew the hydro dragon didn’t like being referred to in that way by him, but knew that they had to keep up the formalities until the proper time presented itself. 

“I’ll be able to come back once I’ve grabbed what I need, real quick, alright? It shouldn’t take long, and then we can go back to…” Wriothesley’s voice trailed, as he continued talking, but Neuvillette couldn’t seem to focus on anything that was being said, as long as it was nothing regarding his health or safety. 

Instead, all Neuvillette could do was feel both of his cocks still pulsing, needing friction and release. His skin started to grow hot again at the lack of touch against his mate, driving him insane. He could feel his fangs beginning to lengthen, ever so slowly as he continued staring at the scales that lightly dusted Wriothesley’s skin from his recovered injuries. He had to do something, and he had to let Wriothesley get what he needed.

“I’m coming with you, end of discussion.” Neuvillette proclaimed, ever maintaining the image of a proper gentleman even with the hell he was currently going through, as he cleared his throat and adjusted his garments, slapping the dust off of them as well from when they plummeted to the ground earlier.

“What? No, that’ll take forever! Everyone will want to talk to you! Listen, we’re both struggling here, ba-Monsieur. Go on back, and I’ll meet you there. I promise, it will not take long, okay?” Wriothesley stated, trying to reassure his lover, patting him on the shoulder as an emphasis to this. The Duke thought he was finally in the clear as Neuvillette did not respond, and began heading his way back to his original destination, before he had the oddest sensation run through him.

As quick as he felt the energy in the air, it dissipated, and suddenly he felt something wriggle its way through underneath his jacket and undershirt beneath his vest, and wrap around him like some sort of snake. He gasped in shock, trying to tear open his shirt to see what the actual fuck was going on, and his mouth dropped open as he peered down. This hydro dragon was nothing but trouble underneath all that proper poise and composure.

Underneath all of his clothes and happily coiled around his bare torso, was the hydro dragon himself, in his full dragon form, but…incredibly tiny, like a plushie. His white scales glistened with blue ever so slightly in the little amount of light that was being produced nearby. His little white hair and beard was rather fluffy and tickled his skin, the horns being too dull to prick or poke him, but still noticeably there, and the same with his claws. His tail completely wrapped around his torso and tickled his body a bit as it waved back and forth across his skin. 

With an agitated sigh, he glared back down at Neuvillette one last time, who merely placed his scaled chin on one of Wriothesley’s pecs, tongue flickering out and teasing the skin of his mate, looking up at him with large, slit lilac eyes that Wriothesley was all too familiar with. The man sighed as he tightened his clothing back up, trying to ignore the ever present hydro dragon that was now descaled down to a small noodle plushie size and wrapped around him. Yeah, he wasn’t going to regret allowing this to happen at all, but maybe for once the dragon would behave himself.

“Alright, I’ll allow it, I get it, we’ll compromise on this. But if you give me any sort of trouble, I swear…” Wriothesley warned, and knowing his lover, he was surprised when he didn’t hear any sort of feedback. Dragons were rather proud creatures, so a statement against them as such, even from their lifelong mates, usually warranted some sort of warning growl, hiss or light love bite. But Wriothesley felt nothing. Blinking, thinking that maybe Neuvillette was just really distracted with how he had been feeling the past couple of days, he took it as a sign of acceptance of terms, and moved onward to the grocery store.

Oh, how wrong he was. No matter the dragon, they were all the same in this respect. When they wanted something, they got it. End of discussion. Though they do cherish their mates deeply, they were nothing but masters of persuasion and persistence. One way or another, what they wanted would become theirs. Neuvillette was not an exception, even to this.

Even if he was in an adorable noodle form that Wriothesley was secretly gushing about in his mind – it was too cute to handle, but he had to stay focused.

Wriothesley tested the next few steps that he took, making sure to concentrate more on the dragon that had curled around him than the still throbbing pain that he felt in his head. So far, so good. It seemed Neuvillette was content with just having some skin to scale contact. Maybe that’s what he needed all along, or that’s just the level of restraint that Neuvillette had now, knowing that his health wasn’t at tip top shape. He chose to end his logical reasoning, and focused instead on the grocer, who was now in plain sight. The door was still propped open, and the lights were still on inside, some patrons walking in and some walking out with their purchased goods. A brief sigh of relief escaped his lips as he started to walk through the threshold, observing the different aisles of goods, knowing exactly what he needed. He was a man on a mission right now.

Though the building looked rather small from the outside, the inside of it was quite large. Aisle after aisle of consumable goods were on display, one trip here is all you would require for most of your culinary needs. Ranging from fresh meat, to locally grown vegetables and fruits, to imported goods, the store had all that you needed and then some. Since the rebuilding efforts of Fontaine began after the the chaotic events occurred, many of Teyvat’s nations decided to pitch in one way or another and send goods to the local stores of Fontaine, helping to restock whatever goods they had until the nation was able to provide at full capacity for its citizens once more. The citizens of Fontaine greatly appreciated this for many reasons, but one of the major ones was the new type of diversity of resources and food provided. Wriothesley was just one such of these people. Without Mondstadt sending over some of their interestingly flavored tea, he would not have been able to try the peppermint flavor that he now constantly desired. Something about the mint from the land of freedom itself just had that extra fresh and tasteful twist to the brew that he couldn’t find anywhere else. Plus, if he ever had a day when his throat was irritating him (he’s mentally glaring down at the cute but troublesome noodle dragon that was coddling his chest, being the source of these recent moments), it fixed him right up. The Duke was about to walk down one of the aisles to go to the middle of the store where it had a more open view of where the items were located, when all of a sudden he felt a light tapping on his shoulder. 

The man turned around to address the individual, immediately on high alert, which faded almost as soon as it had developed. A sweet, gentle smile of a young woman graced him, one that was sadly familiar to him now, but he was used to having social situations like this. He blessed her with one of his trademark smiles, arms crossed over his chest. He did poses like this to give off a rather calm, but stern demeanor. He had a reputation to uphold, after all, no matter the circumstances. But he would be lying if he were to say that this didn’t have a secondary purpose. He had started feeling Neuvillette wiggle against his skin and clothing, trying to adjust himself, he supposed, to get a better view of the situation. Though, that was still rather hard to do with the amount of layers that Wriothesley tended to wear. 

“Your Grace, it was indeed you! I just wanted to thank you for your assistance the other day. I know it’s not the best situation, but you’re truly one of the best to handle it. I don’t know what I would have done without all of the help that you and your men provided.” The young woman said, with a sweet, soothing voice. Such a compliment caused Wriothesley to blush ever so slightly. Most people wouldn’t be able to tell, even in bright lighting. But one being could, and that was the ever growing jealous dragon that was snuggled up to him.

Noodlette (Wriothesley was proud of this title he just came up with for him, he’d have to tell him about it later after they got back from pound town), was clearly starting to get agitated. The moment he seemed to have heard that it was a female voice that was close to his mate, a slight hissing sound escaped him. Luckily for Wriothesley, her voice seemed to out-mask his tiny hiss, which irritated the hydro dragon even more. He was well aware that women were of no interest to Wriothesley, but he was also well aware that most people found the man attractive, and loved to have his undivided attention. Attention that should be his, by the way, especially now when his heat was about to be upon the two of them at full blast. Noodlette grunted, and being the needy dragon that he was, started to come up with some mischievous plans.

“Of course, it’s all part of the job, after all. Your brother will be taken care of at the Fortress of Meropide, I swear. But, it’s good to see you out and about. Get your mind off things, you know? People make the wrong decisions sometimes, but we’ll handle it from here.” Wriothesley tried to assure her that no thanks were necessary, it was all part of the job. He was about to continue on with another sentence before he stopped in his tracks, immediately becoming stiff, so much so that the young woman in front of him gasped, reaching her hand out to him to check on him.

“Your grace! Are you alright?!” The woman asked, worriedly.

Wriothesley continued to try to keep himself together, but the sensations were already starting to flood his senses. Noodlette had started slowly licking the skin around his left nipple, lapping the hardening bud up while lightly nipping and pulling on it. Noodlette also had his claws out, though not all full sharpened length, as he slowly dug into Wriothesley’s skin, not enough to break it, but enough for his mate to feel the tension, and slowly started to drag his claws down. The two of them came to find out that Wriothesley loved it when the hydro dragon would release his claws and scratch at him while they were love making. It became one of his favorite things, and Neuvillette didn’t mind at all. The more marks on him to show the world that he was claimed, the better, in his opinion. Wriothesley grunted as he tightened his arms around himself, hoping to constrict the noodle dragon and halt his actions. It worked, for now. Little did he know that the dragon was beaming, having had a naughty moment with his mate, getting him all flustered, and this woman hadn’t achieved that. Plus getting a tight hug like this? The dragon was the proudest he had been in a while now.

Clearing his throat to hide a moan as Noodlette started to slowly inch his claws back down his skin, Wriothesley put every bit of his focus and energy into keeping the conversation normal.

“Y-Yes, sorry about that. I’ve been having a little bit of a headache today, nothing to worry about. That aside, I’ll be sending some update reports your way once your brother gets established at the Fortress.” Wriothesley stated, surprised at his own ability to keep himself together at this point. He could feel the little noodle dragon starting to squirm again, and he had no doubt that his lover wasn’t enjoying the woman’s company, especially being so close when he had one thing on his mind, dicking his mate down hard. The Duke was getting the message loud and clear. Get away from other threats, get the goods and go home so they can lose themselves in feral lovemaking. 

The young woman brought her arm back to her side as she eyed him up and down, skeptically, making sure he was indeed alright. After a few seconds of seeing him maintain his composure, she simply offered him another soft smile, nodding her head. 

“Alright. I do hope that you feel better, your grace. Once more, thank you for all of the help, truly. I apologize that part of my family caused so much of a mess for you, but hopefully this will all be the proper steps in the right direction.” She concluded, giving a small bow as she eyed him up and down once more, making sure that she didn’t miss anything. But, his stature and expression remained the same as he had given a small smirk, nodding his head in acknowledgement to her. She took that as her dismissal, and promptly left after gathering her small bag of goods and left. 

The moment that her presence couldn’t be felt nearby, Wriothesley began to feel an odd, small vibration coming from Noodlette. Blinking in curiosity, Wriothesley peeked downwards and saw that the small dragon was gently rubbing his head against his skin again, purring away, with a big smile. It was almost as if the hydro dragon were just as gleeful as ever, rubbing his face away on him like a cat would their owner. The man had no doubt Noodlette was enjoying himself by staking his claim yet again by scenting him, like it wasn’t already obvious through the faintly shimmering scales that littered Wriothesley’s skin if the light hit them right, or the blue essence that Neuvillette had pumped into him the night of the claiming that was still coursing through his veins. This made Wriothesley think of all the ways the dragon obviously had him as his mate and vice versa, his mind not clearly understanding just how truly territorial dragons were with their mates and close loved ones. In truth, the woman that had approached Wriothesley just moments ago was lucky that the dragon didn’t strike her down right then and there. Dragons, back in prior times, held no mercy against any threat, subtle or not, to their claim. However, that just showed how much Noodlette still respected the position and title of his mate. Though, instincts were hard to completely control, and this was what resulted from him trying to resist them while also giving in a bit, before it all drove him into insanity.

If only Wriothesley understood this to the fullest extent, however. Instead, the man just found Noodlette to be needy and extremely bratty at this point. Though not necessarily untrue, he would find out later that night exactly what this all entailed. That didn’t stop the Duke from continuing to glare down on the blissed out Noodlette, and after looking around to see if anyone was nearby and content when there was not, he squeezed the dragon a bit which earned a little adorable squeak from the tiny dragon, like some sort of plush toy. Wriothesley knew he didn’t hurt the poor little thing, just surprised him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Wriothesley hissed at at Noodlette, who tried to look up at him with the most innocent eyes that he could muster, along with an odd light chuffing noise, which the man assumed was some sort of pouting huffs to emphasize his adorableness and lessen his anger. Wriothesley growled at the minuscule dragon, who then got a cranky face of his own, and growled right back at him, even though it sounded so pitiful. The growl of the dragon eased off into a whimper, as Wriothesley started to feel the whole body temperature of the noodle dragon that had wrapped himself around him start to drastically increase. Noodlette started whimpering even louder, and Wriothesley blushed as he started to feel a rhythmic movement against his chest, sides, and…was that Noodlette’s little tail that had somehow wormed its way past all of his belts and headed straight down his waist? 

Wriothesley’s eyes widened as the rhythmic ministrations continued, and he began to hear an odd panting noise coming from Noodlette. Was that also…what was that hardness that was bumping up against him? Wait, what the fuck? Was Noodlette humping him now? Was this what this was?!

“Y-You need to stop that and get it together! You’re such a little shit! Stop it, stop it!” The man growled out, keeping his arms once again tight around his own torso, trapping the little Noodlette to prevent any more movements. The last thing that needed to happen was for him to have a massive boner in public like this and have to provide some explanation to the general public as to why he was walking around a grocery store in that sort of state. The little Noodlette let out a little squeaky whine again, barely audible but with Wriothesley’s increased sense of hearing since their initial coupling, he sure was able to hear it loud and clear.

However, the young little boy that was bouncing between the aisles didn’t notice this noise. He had broken away from his mother, who had found someone that she knew a few aisles down and was doing the classic mom thing of talking for what felt like hours, just to say nothing or discuss boring drama that the little boy had no interest in. None of the aisles had really piqued his curiosity, except for the one with sugary sweets and drinks. His mother had swiftly ushered him away from those, the last thing she needed to deal with was a hyperactive kid when it was close to dinner time as it was. So, the kid ventured away as soon as her attention was divided, and that’s how he came upon the aisle where he saw the strange man, dressed so scarily (and like a badass), in grays, black and reds, with belts and boots to match. He was awed at first, until he saw the odd behavior of the man. He seemed to be hugging himself and muttering some odd words, almost as if he were fighting with himself. What was once awe then turned into apprehension and wariness as the kid started to get a worried feeling about the guy in front of him. He was acting odd, clearly talking to himself, should they call the guards? 

The child started to take a few steps away until he accidentally backed into one of the shelves, causing a can of archons knows what, to fall off of the shelf and roll on the ground towards the odd man. The kid's heart began to race so hard he felt like it was about to burst out of his chest and go running down the street. He was frozen in fear as the can rolled right into one of the black boots of the man. The man then whipped around to look at the kid, sharp, gray-blue eyes pierced right through the kid's soul, it felt like, and the kid started to shriek and cry as he ran back towards where he last saw his mother. 

Wriothesley stood in place as he was trying to comprehend what was going on, as well as hoping that the kid didn’t see the little Noodlette’s head poking out from underneath his vest, tongue flicking out in curiosity. It took a second for the man to notice the little dragon head poking out, viewing the outside world for a few seconds before he hastily shoved the little scaled head back down underneath his clothes. At first, the dragon tried to fight and push its way back out, but the horny seemed to get the best of him again the second he felt more skin to scale contact. The little dragon crooned as he began rubbing his face all over his mates skin again, tongue lapping out, teasing the man. This made Wriothesley groan as he accepted his fate. He knew there was no trying to calm the little dragon down, he needed to go and get the tea and get the fuck out of here, and fast. He was already starting to make a scene, he didn’t need anymore added to his docket right now.

“Just, just don’t do anything crazy, please, I’m almost done!” Wriothesley begged as he began to race down through the store, heading towards the exact aisle that he needed. He glanced around, sighing in frustration as he noticed some of the items had been moved around since he had last visited the store, the peppermint tea not in the same location as it was before. Luckily, he remembered that the packaging was in a light blue box with a scene of misty mountains on it, and after taking a moment to go back and forth in the aisle, he managed to finally find it. The second that his hands grasped the box, he felt like his migraine was already starting to fade away, the cure was finally in his grasp. Happy, and somehow not becoming a moaning mess at the noodle dragon that was currently trying to tease his nipples again, he began to storm out of the aisle and towards the front of the store to pay for his goods, before he felt a presence in front of him. 

“Oh, it’s you! Oh, my son just adores you, he’s always going about how he wants to work at the Fortress of Meropide one day! Seriously, you’re his biggest hero! It’s not often we see you in these parts of Fontaine, can we get your autograph, your grace?” A middle aged woman ran up to him, leaving her cart and child behind, and whipping out a pen and notepad that he saw also had a grocery list on it.

As much as Wriothesley wanted to oblige her, he felt the little noodle getting rambunctious underneath his clothing again. That was never a good sign, he noted. The hydro dragon probably thought this was yet another threat to his claim, which had him mentally rolling his eyes. However, to his surprise, and dismay, it seems as though Noodlette had come up with a new method of torturing him. It was subtle at first, but as Wriothesley was about to reply to the woman, his actions ceased as he heard a weird sort of…tune? Coming from the little dragon. At first it just seemed like a series of growls and coos, but now it started to blend together in an odd, soothing melody that hastily started having his senses be dulled and a light heat pumping through him. He shook his head, holding a hand up to it to support himself as he began to come back to, though not fully snapping out of it. 

“Oh! Are you alright?! You must be suffering from hay-fever like the rest of us right now, I know that look anywhere, young man. You need to be getting your rest and sleep! Come, Conner, let’s leave your hero to rest! How else is he going to stay big and strong and keep us all safe?!” The mother stated to her child and she returned back to her cart, trying to usher the two of them away. 

It was then that Wriothesley got a good look at the young kid that was with her, eyes wide open as he noticed it was the same young child that he had seen before that ran off, terrified of him. He inwardly groaned, thinking for sure that he didn’t blame the kid for having that sort of reaction, he was a kind of scary guy, especially with how frustrated he was sure he looked after this whole debacle. After the kid realized who was in front of him and his mother, sniffles turned into a full blown crying episode as he clung to his mother for comfort and safety.

“Now, now, Conner! It’s okay, we’ll get his autograph when he’s feeling better, okay sweetie? Who knows, maybe the Duke will feel so much stronger then that he’ll even want to pick you up onto his shoulders, wouldn’t that be fun?!”

The child only started crying harder after hearing that, clearly still terrified of the man, little to the knowledge of his mother.

“Hush, hush! Here, why don’t we go back down the sweet aisle and I’ll grab you some sweet bread, wouldn’t that be nice? That’s my big boy!” the mother crooned, as she gathered her son and started walking down the way towards the desserts and breads. Wriothesley only wished he could give some sort of verbal reply, but that damned song that Noodlette was performing was preventing him from doing so. He was surprised that the older woman or her child couldn’t hear it, which started to make him believe that Noodlette was making this only noticeable through his own hearing.

The little noodle started to unwind himself from his mate, now slithering out from underneath his clothes, head and neck peering out to look Wriothesley directly in the eyes. The duke could only stare and get lost in the piercing, slit eyes of his mate, even in this form. Where they were once wide and adorable to look at, now they held a level of conviction and seriousness, a possessive aura flowing through them. Wriothesley didn’t sense anyone near them, which was a relief, but he was confused as to what exactly was going on now. 

To his shock, those same small glowing orbs that had appeared when Neuvillette had first claimed Wriothesley appeared again, and the longer that the man stared at them, the more he started falling under whatever spell that Noodlette was casting upon him. The tune was so coaxing, his migraine, which was still there, had lessened to a dull thud, and the heat that was once pooled in his gut was starting to branch out everywhere within himself now. The song teased him with senses of peace, pleasure and possession, if he would only surrender himself to it. It needed his consent, craved it, and he knew the moment that he gave it, all of Fontaine be damned, this dragon was going to claim him then and there, in front of them all. This was, he assumed, what Sigewinne had once told him about as she had started to study the mating rituals of dragons, especially after what she had witnessed that one fateful day. There weren’t many records, but the ones that did exist, she absorbed their contents immediately. 

There was one story that she shared of a dragon’s mating call. Normally, this would be used to lure a potential mate in, but it also served different purposes as well, especially if a mating bond had already been established. If that prerequisite had been met, then the mating call held an overall different purpose. Instead, instead of luring in a potential mate, this call was used to lure their stubborn mate to give into their deepest, carnal desires, tossing logic to the side and also increased the sensitivity within their nerves, guaranteeing that once the mate fully submitted, they would experience a pleasure more intense than ever before, unless the song had been used on them previously. Sometimes mates needed to be reminded of who they belonged to, and when a dragon called out to them with this mating call, they would never forget again. 

Wriothesley tried to fight against the sensations at first, but the battle was easily lost. He felt his consciousness flow into a state of calm and bliss that no other sensible thoughts were running through him. He should be resisting, checking to see if anyone else saw this little noodle of a dragon poking out from underneath his clothing to stare into his soul and devour it whole. He should be convincing Neuvillette that this was a horrible idea, that they needed to keep away from the prying eyes of the citizens of Fontaine that were still within the store. He knew at first that this needed to be top priority, fuck the tea at this point, but he couldn’t fight. Whatever energy was flowing through him now, it was as if it were his own blood pumping through his veins. This claim that the dragon had was eerily strong and superior, it transcended anything that Wriothesley could muster against it. It should horrify him, but it oddly gave him a sense of satisfaction and adoration for the hydro dragon. Previously, no one in his life held any high value to him, other than Sigewinne. No one truly cared or wanted the best for him or would be willing to give up everything just to see him smile. He felt that, among many waves of lust and wanting, through the bond that they shared with each other. He, himself, was about to toss every sense of care away and act upon it. 

Wriothesley took a few steps forward, now noticing that there was a full body supporting him now, helping him to keep upright. The Duke wanted to raise his head and address the figure, but no words could be formed. The searing heat continued to rage through him, not in discomfort, but rather waves of pleasure. He was about to release a series of moans, before a gloved hand came up to press a finger against his lips, silencing him. 

“Shh, my dear, we wouldn’t want you to, how does one say, ‘spill the tea’ now, would we?” A haughty Neuvillette teased, now fully back into his humanoid form. Since his mate received the mating call so well, his body and soul knew that it would be appeased soon, and the primal instincts within himself started to recede, enough for him to drag his prize back into their den for a copious amount of carnal activities. 

“Now, let’s go and make a purchase and commence our meeting, shall we? We have some rather important details to go over…” Neuvillette said, again in the same teasing tone as before. He offered Wriothesley his side for support, helping him walk ahead towards the front of the store. Helping was a rather loose term here, however. The call was still playing through Wriothesley’s mind, and it felt like the bond between the two of them was flowing through his body and helping to propel his legs forward, beyond his sense of control, one of his hands holding his head to soothe the dull throbbing that still persisted. Even the mating call wasn’t enough to douse the intense pain. To outsiders, it would look as if the duke were suffering from a casual migraine and the prim and proper Neuvillette was helping him to finish at the store and return back to the Fortress of Meropide as soon as possible. They had no idea that there was a dragon in heat clawing to release and mate with its lover before a feral rage took him over that would level Fontaine as fast as it was rebuilt.

Wriothesley could hear faint mutters through all of the sensations that he was currently feeling. He recognized Neuvillette’s voice easily, but there was another that was there. Cheery, concerned, and businesslike. He assumed that it was the storekeeper, ringing up their purchase and voicing their concerns for him. However, his professional mate addressed the issue, he was sure, as they spent a few more moments there and were ushering themselves out the store, he could hear the bell of the door ringing as it opened, and once more as it closed. It was odd, he couldn’t really sense anyone strongly outside of his mate, but a part of him knew it was still the working of the mating call. He only needed to recognize his mate, respond to him and surrender himself completely to his dragon, and only his dragon.

He felt his body continuing to move on its own, until it suddenly stopped. The hold that was over him was starting to lift now, not completely, but enough  for him to become aware of his surroundings. It was now dark outside, the sun must have set while they were inside dealing with each other's shenanigans. The lights of the lamp posts were keeping the areas lit, which struck him with a wave of curiosity. The two of them were currently in front of one of the large fountains within the city square, close enough to feel some of the droplets of water bounce off of the surface and dust their skin. As Wriothesley continued to take note of his observations, he saw that there were a decent amount of people surrounding them, some in small groups and conversing with each other, others appeared to have been walking down the streets connecting to the other parts of Fontaine, while the rest were surrounding the fountain, taking in the beauty of it. But, there was something really odd going on here.

None of the people were moving. It was as if they were frozen in time, but everything else around them was continuing on. The waves of the fountain continued to cause a light sprinkle to grace their skin, and for that Wriothesley was thankful. At least there was something moving and making him feel less crazy, though he had no idea what was going on, yet again. Looking to his mate for answers, he gasped as he saw that Neuvillette’s eyes were glowing bright, pupils sharp as he stared at him, causing shivers to go down Wriothesley’s spine. They didn’t need words between them right now, the bond pulsed between the two of them and gave him all of the information that he needed. Neuvillette had done something to stop everyone from being able to see whatever the hell was about to happen. The duke tried to take a few steps back from Neuvillette out of caution, and that was the absolute wrong thing to do.

It all happened within a split second, a snarling, loud and ferocious growl was released from Neuvillette as he rushed right up to Wriothesley before he could take a second step backwards. Immediately, arms were wrapped around the duke, pulling him so close to the man that their noses were practically touching. The hydro dragon continued with his warning growls, fangs elongated to greater lengths than before, horns protruding from his crown and the dragon tail that was once a ghost form of itself now completely corporeal and wrapping around Wriothesley, holding him tight.

“Wriothesley…” the dragon purred out, with a slight growl towards the end. This made the man weak in the knees, completely thankful that his mate was supporting him with his arms and tail. He felt like such a limp noodle right now, and he knew that fighting any further would not be beneficial to him at all anymore. No, he was prey that was captured now, and he needed to face what was coming for him.

“We have what you need…” Wriothesley looked and saw a small bag attached to his side, it must have been the tea bags from earlier. The man gulped, knowing that he had teased the dragon before and had given him trouble while in the noodle form, a big no-no for the mate of a dragon.

“Now, you must suffer the consequences of your actions, my love. You were late, you did not tell me of your status, and kept me waiting.” Neuvillette continued, as he began to move the two of them painfully close to the fountain that was behind them. Then, a sharp smirk played on Neuvillette’s face as he pushed the two of them into the water of the fountain, Wriothesley’s eyes becoming wide as he wasn’t prepared for his dragon’s sudden motion. The dragon continued to push the two of them into the water’s depths that seemed to be endless now. The Duke could feel the unfamiliar waters turn into ones that he was too familiar with now. What felt like minutes underwater being pushed through by his dragon, then ended as they both breached the water's surface, his body being tossed onto the familiar bed that the two of them shared. It was obvious now that Neuvillette had frozen people in their steps so that they could teleport back swiftly to their den. Neuvillette stood at the door leading to their watery bedroom, as he smirked at his mate, holding the bag with the caffeinated goods inside.

“You’ll have your tea here in a few moments. But I’m going to have you all night…”

Archons, this dragon drove him crazy in every sense possible, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

#genshin impact #neuvillette #wriothesley #wriolette #ao3 writer #ao3 #neuvillette x wriothesley #ao3 fanfic #writing #noodlette #wriothesely smut #neuvilette smut #dragon smut #sigewinne #noodle dragon #genshin smut

[dangara2610]

(6/10) Migrant from Corona to San Franstokio - Intro

Who am I avoiding to? Of course I want to write about this AU here, in English *dramatic music * hehehehehe, well...

Here we go:

Warning ⚠️ I don't remember very well :v so, we are having glimpses

In this modern world of 2053 (aprox) , 14yo Varian is ready to present his "Great explotations" at Krei Tech science expo, an American company visiting Corona in the search of new talents

Princess Rapunzel joins and shares colosal machines, she wins some fans

Cassandra wants to join the Security Agency as her father promised but got stuck as a janitor staff member.

Varian uses his hidden top secret alchemical cleaning formulas, working amazing.

The "Assistant" fiasco happens

The "Priceing the best invention" fiasco happens

Varian is sad but stoat the water fountain

And here is were the things got a change

A blonde tall guy goes where Varian is, and they talked, Cass saw this, but, knowing the guy has a good reputation (and he is the very organizator of this expo, she gave them space to chat.

The guy names was Krei, and he raised Varian spirits at congrating him, explaining that he was the clear and only winner

How sometimes is okey to not make a fuss over cheaters and enjoy a silent price like this: Getting recognized and payed by a true expert on the industry.

Varian was confused but happy, he answered that he didn't wanted the money, his words and encouragement was the true price

Krei insisted this was a great inventions and he would like to have it at his house, and Varian told him he would give it to him as a present, for free, just for the friendship.

Krei felt a burst of evil joy over free expensive things and a genius kid adoring him and offering his work with no care over the cost, but he contained and kept his calm and friendly mask.

Krei thanked him, said his farewell with good wishes, carrying away the invention, but Varian stoped him asking him to please come along to Old Corona .

Varian would gladly show him other inventions at home, Krei accepted gladly

Then at the trip, Varian didn't stopped info-dumpping him about all the way, historic data, infrastructure data, and how a great work his dad does in his job as the Major/Duke of Old Corona

Krei was like "OMG! This is a son of a politic, what did I got myself into?"

Oups, I have to go

This will continue

Have a nice week 🪷🌸💐🪷🌸🪷🌸❄️🫧🥭🍎🪷🌼🪷🌸❄️🌟🌼🍊🫧❄️🥭🌊❄️

#varian #tangled varian #tts varian #varian the alchemist #varian tts #rta varian #rapunzels tangled adventure #varian and the seven kingdoms #big hero 6 the series #big hero six #big hero 6 #BH6 Krei #Krei BH6

[coffeewritesfiction]

I wanted to have a big fancy announcement for this but life happened and it sucked so

For fans of my various Cthulhu Mythos stuff, set in the Pharaoh Syndicate Investigations verse: my goal for the first two weeks of July is to create an outline for Through the Yellow Window 2.0. I just didn't like it as a short story so I'm remaking it as a novella. Like this post to be added to this experiment of mine.

I'm gonna eventually have a nice fancy WIP intro for this but for now, have the summary under the cut

Lazarus Core is dead. The Harbinger of the Pharaoh Syndicate is all that's left. Like a dog, he obeys the commands of his master, no matter how demeaning, cruel or gruesome they may be. And Nathan O'Tipp is not known for his mercy.

Sent to investigate a suspicious incident at Miskatonic University's Orne Library, the Harbinger finds the worst of all signs waiting for him: the Sign of the King in Yellow painted on a wall. He destroys it but it's too late. Carcosa takes him. There Harbinger finds friendship with a familiar woman. She knows his name. It doesn't keep either of them safe. Captured by the Duke of Carcosa, the Harbinger alone is sent back to Earth with a message for his master. Only as he recovers from that nightmare does he recognize the woman - the woman who vanished off Miskatonic's campus, as Amie DuPont, his childhood friend. And the Harbinger will do anything for his friends.

Weaving in and out of Carcosa both sleeping and awake, the Harbinger dodges the Duke and his friends in a desperate attempt to rescue Amie. But it's not just them he's working against. Several Professors of Miskatonic University, led by head librarian Henry Armitage and his son William, are also looking for the disappeared woman. They don't realize the depth of the situation they're walking into, and the Harbinger may not be able to help them.

He may not be able to help himself, either. With every defiant action he takes, the Court grows more and more interested in his existence. The Duke becomes curious. The King recognizes him. The Harbinger will do anything for his friends, but when the past he's tried to outrun comes calling, what will he be able to do for himself?

@slenders1ckn3ss @jacquesfindswritingandadvice @redacted-metallum @actualblanketgremlin @higgs-space @phantomnations @mushabumi @assistantdirector--janson @aldhidbah @sabtael @yourheartonfireblog @jade-island-lives @arsenwormwood @cecuesta @darkhorse-javert @comicgoblinart @lizadomuch @minutiaewriter @angelsofprey @izzyspussy @passthebeat-blog-blog @dragonedged-if @andromedaexists @cyanide-latte @lillis-writes @suckerpunchfemale @late-to-the-fandom

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writeblr community #cthulhu mythos #lovecraft mythos #lovecraftian

[mousmoula]

my thoughts (and prayers) on shadow & bone season 2:

(spoilers ahead, mostly about the crows, also i haven't watched the last 2 eps yet, i'll reblog with anything else when i do)

i LOVED wesper but holy fuck did they rush the fuck out of their relationship

i'm too lazy to retype it but i summed it up adequately here earlier:

the other tags i wanted to put here aren't in english so tldr: in the books, wylan and jesper's relationship is founded in their mutual respect for and admiration of each others' strengths, intelligence and genuine trust that they can do so much more than they allow themselves to. this type of relationship takes time to build, time which this show absolutely did not give them. that being said, again—i doubt the creators thought they would have the time to begin with (see tags above) and i don't really blame them for rushing it.

also... so many iconic scenes from soc AND ck lost 😭 i liked how they recreated some of them in the context of the show but some others i'll miss forever

on the plus side, we may not have gotten "just girls?" "no, not just girls" but we did get jesper recognising wylan only after he's on top on him,,, other stuff so i can't really complain lol. i enjoyed it!

wylan felt quite underdeveloped to me, plus he was reduced to his relationship with jesper, barely existed outside of it and didn't interact almost at all with anyone else. it HURTS me soul, last 2 eps better fix this.

i loved matthias making friends with his cell mate 😭

pekka rollins was a good villain in the books but they made him truly horrible in this one like jesus christ there was NO reason for him to be that bad. not complaining though! i like a good villain. i also want to see him crucified

KAZ BREKKER AND HIS LOVELY, BEAUTIFUL, INCREDIBLE BRAIN

no but i love how, once you learn enough about kaz, he's so... easy to read? as a character? every single plan of his so far this season i've been able to predict and it brings me such joy every time. this isn't me saying he was predictable, in fact i think they got his funky little brain very correctly and i loved that. they didn't get everything perfectly with him but i think his plans were super well-thought through and it reminded me how much i adore this asshole (affectionate)

where the hell was jesper's gambling addiction during this season.......... i was so happy with how they dealt with it during s1 and now 6 eps in it hasn't been mentioned in the slightest

his conflict with being a durast was also handled a bit badly, mainly because there was hardly any conflict at all 😭

overall sad with how jesper's character was dealt with, he's one of my favourites and i'm pretty frustrated lol

KANEJ<333333

i could write an essay on why i love and adore every single one of the crows basically

GENYA LOVE OF MY LIFE

i love her so much she didn't deserve all this crap i'm SO upset with her backstory with the king ew

how tf do people like alina and the darkling together lmao there's no romance there 😭

NIKOLAI IS EVERYTHING TO ME ACTUALLY i haven't read shadow and bone but i loved his character so much

think i've said this before but when he appeared in crooked kingdom i pictured him in my head as the duke of weselton (or however tf that's spelt) from frozen. make of that what you will.

TOLYA AND TAMAR'S INTRO WAS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER WATCHED i rewatched it so many times 😭 absolutely incredible characters, i love them

i feel so bad but among everything else i really couldn't care about the whole darkling and alina plot... mal being the firebird, nikolai's crew, baghra's sacrifice, genya trying to redeem herself etc were all very interesting arcs and i cared very much about them but the main plot about alina and kirigan and the problems between them. i just. Do Not Care

tolya and jesper's "friendship" so to say was lovely

i'll genuinely clip tolya and tamar's intro and tattoo it on my forehead i'm listening to the soundtrack now and i'm losing my head it was so GOOD

kaz better mention van eck by the end of the season i NEED them to set this plot up for when (if) we get s3 or a soc spin-off

the fold was such a good world-building part last season but we barely saw it this time. i fucking miss the fold. what's life

the whole season felt very,,, transitional, maybe? so we better fucking get another one. netflix i'm watching you and you better fucking prove me wrong

where the fuck is fedyor 😭 and (because i care about fedyor's happiness) where the fuck is ivan

me: damn i hope vasily dies he's annoying as fuck

vasily: *dies a good 10 seconds later*

overall: generally happy with this season, upset with what they did to the crows, still hyped to finish the last 2 eps and share more thoughts (and prayers)

if you watch the series with the mindset that it's a completely separate thing (from six of crows/crooked kingdom) and just to have fun, you're guaranteed that much, in my opinion. it's fun and i can ignore the stuff i'm upset about because i can re-read soc anytime so yeah!

#long post #my apologies #shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #six of crows

[larrythefloridaman]

Rewatch notes update! Cpuk 12-14! These notes are getting Dense as i have to resist the urge to give play by plays. The P. Rool arc sits below the cut.

CPUK12! j0hn intro ep of sode <3

Johannsen's champion ruleset is kept a secret at first, but as im sure you'll remember, was 'i get to fight in all round 3s. because im boredt im here to scrap not sit around in the champion's suite.'

Introduces team calibur as the team of disrespect and Possible Evil. Korioni the ice dragon from hell being the first calibur contestant post crimson is very funny to me especially because it's the Chill head talking in this episode. Hell has no ice but hes just vibing with it. Ryan: "Squid Jenny tried to go down and ask like 'whats your story?' and all she got was 'I'm an ice dragon from hell.'" Comona: "no big deal." Ryan: "He's not like 'YOU ALL WILL SUFFER, BLEGH' hes just like 'yeah im from hell. dont worry about it.' Comona: "like 2000s neopets rp boards." Korioni: "grass grows, birds fly, and brother? I'm from hell." Chill head's Dramatic And Aggro brother getting retroactively vagued about

Spaghebbi <3 Comona has heard of her, from when she applied to the tournament, looking over her resume, and she uses the stage name spaghebbi to advertise her restaurant of the same name to boost her brand.

Team charm, Pixel! Fashionable funny doggie here to look good and give the world a show.

Team clutch, Jacob. Normal suburban 11 year old who plays fortnite that acquired special powers after killing real actual ganondorf from the legend of zelda. He's the nephew of Somebody in cpu kerfuffle. Jay's submission information: 'also jacob's like. Stupid. Like REALLY stupid even for an 11 year old.' Guess we know why he didn't notice anything was weird considering the guy he's the protege of, punished k. rool, isn't actually there but rather Some Guy Stealing His Identity,

Team Chonk P. Rool! Plumb <3 As we eventually learn the intro information on p. rool is only applicable to the guy he stole the identity of. But the real punished k. rool is a rude ass chaos fiend who's scales dulled to brown after enduring a punishing training arc. 

Team cones! John my beloved <3 Comona: "Everybody knows Hackers are meant to be disruptive, to lurk in the shadows but Hackerman John not exactly the kind of hacker people would think him to be. He has his very very long universal key- the Skeleton Key if you would- but he doesn't just use it to hack, but he also uses it to slice and dice. He'll hack but you're gonna know he's coming." Ryan: "but you know what key he uses the most right?" Comona: "which ones that?" Ryan, doing a shulk impression: "BACKSLASH!"

Team Cross, johnathan joestar. Jojokes. Gentlemanliness.

Team Craken, Duke Salad! King of the crop. That thing's straight up just some lettuce Hoedown and Patch grew that came to life <3

Exhibition match- Johannsen vs. Blond Sora! Ryan realizes he hasnt put johannsen into the system yet and comona and Ryan joke about maybe needing john to help out with fixing the overlays

Duke salad v. P. Rool - P. Rool's infamous comeback potential is first described RIGHT out the gate. Comona: "when you're fighting P. Rool and you're in the lead, you don't want to give him time to consider the last time he got his ass beat, you don't want to let him imagine that wall because he will use those feelings." Haha yeah he sure will. Several tournaments of forced losses will sure as fuck give him Some Feelings To Use.

Duke Salad nearly zeroes to death the first stock of the second match and P. Rool dunks him anyway for a 2-0. Comona: "P. Rool THRIVES when he's behind."

Pixel vs. Johnathan. Commentators still nervous about Johannsen's special secret rule. Jojokes abound. Pixel is trying too hard to style on johnathan. Pixel gets 2-0'd and three stocked, and Johnathan finds his tenacity inspiring. Pixel: "dont patronize me." But he isnt hes just earnest like that

Hackerman John vs. The Ice Dragon From Hell, Korioni. A joke is made about John sounding like Patrick Warburton, which. god. god no. Awful. /lh 

Ryan: "See, I've played enough Overwatch to know you don't actually need compatible technology to hack, you can just go LEGS? HACKED, COMBAT ROLL? HACKED, FLASH GRENADE? HACKED."

They land in reset bomb forest for match one and Ryan says Korioni casually burned this village down because it was full of sinners, You Know How It Is, and now uses the burnt space as a vacation home. Huh.

Comona: "my favorite part about hackerman john is the way that he actually hacks his own body, like he bulks up his muscles and a variety of other various things. The weird part about it is he's not even a cyborg or anything he just hacks… muscles." Ryan: "taking tips from Sombra." lol. lmao

They go stock for stock, despite commentators concerned at the start that John would, as a simple mortal hacker, have trouble dealing with An Actual Literal Dragon. Korioni is also confused by this. Korioni: "why is this Mortal giving me so many problems what is his Deal?" John bullies immortals for fun moments <3

J0hn activates Glass Cannon Protocol (smash art) last stock high percents and goes 'either im hitting and winning or getting hit and losing. either way im making it end here' and Comona admires the gumption even though it costs john the match. John's Decisive Straightforwardness is probably something Larry admires about him honestly, considering how much more fidget-y about what-ifs he seemed to be before they were together, based on the nccts. Guy who "knows exactly who he is and what he wants to be" (cpuk17) for sure.

Also, commentators use she/her a few times for Korioni in addition to he/him, or at least, as canon later establishes them as a hydra, the Normal Chill Guy head. (nccts making it clear this head's individual name is Jonny. Lot of johns and jons in this tournament. CPU Kerfuffle, shockingly, one of the only shows ive enjoyed with a somewhat realistic amount of Johns.) Good for her!

John doesn't do so hot in the first match or the start of the second, but starts playing dirty and quickly, disrespectfully turns the set around. The first round three of the tournament reveals Johannsen's special rule- The Rat Fights in All Round Threes, at a lower cpu level. (Its funny to me that every time ryan wants to nerf a character he lowers the cpu levels but like. That doesnt make them Weaker it makes them Dumber, which sometimes is Advantageous- there's a brief terrifying moment where johannsen is in the lead despite being lower leveled because sometimes a lower level cpu will go for plays a level 9 would be too smart to go for or expect and sometimes, that pays off!) Anyhow. John utilizes the rat as a distraction to make easier work of Korioni. Korioni's a little scared of the rat.

Comona: "John must have paused the game to get that tech because that was IMPOSSIBLE." There's a joke about John's 'hackerman eyes' and him getting visions of the Very Immediate future and skipping them if they're just not interesting enough. Understanding in retrospect why I got so attached to The Visor as a design element. Also, Quad, in a later episode: "I can't see the future. Yet." Why you holding out on the man, John? Gonna share the precog software with the rest of the class? Anyway. potentially another drop of evidence in my 'sensitivity to/ability to manipulate/perceive the script is generally perceived as Weird Psychic Phenomena by the denizens of the cpukverse but doesn't seem to be Known About, Understood or Believed In outside specific circles' worldbuilding speculation bucket

Jacob vs. Spaghebbi. Spaghebbi replaced her arms with spaghetti. Jacob is an 11 yr old that plays fortnite. He feels Exactly like captain falcon when he wipes out tilted towers. Jacob is the kind of kid to eat microwave chicken nuggets off of the fine china. Comona and Ryan chatter nervously about how it feels almost like theyre watching a real person play as Spaghebbi plays with her food. They feel like Spaghebbi could pass the turing test. Jacob gets spaghetti sauced on. 

Losers bracket! Duke Salad vs. Pixel. Ryan: "so. who do you think is going to win, and Be Nice About it." Comona: "to put this lightly- as lightly as possible to be kind as i can… after Pixel's SHAMEFUL display in winners bracket, i don't see pixel standing a CHANCE against duke salad. If i put it any lighter than that I would be telling you lies."

Johnathan taught Pixel Hamon and Pixel did much better against the Duke than expected in their first match. I don't know enough about jojos to comment on this. Pixel and the Duke go stock for stock in match 2, and Duke takes it. Game Three. Rat Time. Ryan: "From what I know about Pixel, they're gonna get tilted by the rat, but maybe their training with Johnathan has made them a little more patient."

The Red Kraken visits Patch farms often, but Duke Salad's never ridden on their ship, the Crimson Melody. Duke salad makes the match a 2v1 and takes johannsen and pixel stocks in a killstreak. Duke Salad's patience is emphasized, between poison cloud and the special cannonball move, and takes Pixel's last stock.

Korioni vs. Jacob. Jacob just wandered in here and fought a restaurant owner and is now fighting An Ice Dragon From Hell. 11yr old fortnite player vs. A Dragon. Ryan: "equal power."

Yoshi's Island. Comona: "ah, this is where korioni actually grew up, when they were a young wyrmling." Ryan: "yeah, before The Great Catastrophe. You'll see the great catastrophe later on I'm sure." Korioni: "you are 11 years old? It's cute that you have a concept of time." 

Ryan: "I love the lore with Korioni right now, she's just an eldritch being but she's like. Incredibly Chill about it. Pun intended." Comona: "completely intended."

Korioni is getting her ass beaten by an 11 year old because Kori keeps trying to outplay jacob and stumbling into failure. Jacob is not winning, korioni is losing, crucial difference. Korioni starts bringing it back, until Jacob fucking Gets Him offstage. Comona: "the dragon's pride is often their downfall."

(Knocking on door) Are You Winning Son? Jacob, with his single bouncing screensaver braincell: "yeah im winning i Love bloodsport!"

Second match, Korioni's home turf, Hell. Korioni loses her first stock in less than 20 seconds. Comona says Jacob's gotta be scouted for esports teams soon looking at these plays.

Korioni's losing the spirit to fight and goes yknow what? Maybe I should just leave the fighting to the kids and go continue being An Awesome Dragon From Hell instead, maybe cpu kerfuffle just isn't for me. Jonny gave it a go and isnt interested in showing up again. As we see later though, his siblings/other heads however…

Korioni and Pixel go for coffee as the first guys out. Comona: "I'd love to see a just… ice dragon from hell. At starbucks." Ryan: "yeah, with this fashion gay wolf." Comona: "power couple." Ryan: "we should leave the gossip to squid jenny." huh. pixel/jonny. donkey and dragon from shrek type beat

P. Rool vs Johnathan Joestar. Comona suggests Jojo's nurturing empathy and Punished K. Rool, who thrives on punishment, are bound to clash over fundamentally opposed ideals. As we know, this isnt actually punished k. rool but Plum, who's 'thriving when punished' comeback factor is more fueled by rage than anything. Match goes about as they usually do for Plum- hes losing at first, down to the wire, and then firmly Doesn't. Death by chonk. Lot of jojokes i do not understand. Johnathan homie stocks while down a game. Ryan suggests it was so his lead doesn't stay too big and activates Prool's punishment complex. Comona: "P. Rool functions on revenge and revenge alone, and Johnathan knows better than to let him tap into those selfishly driven emotions. P. Rool still does his stupid comeback thing. For the fourth time. Ryan's start of darkness, almost whining: "die already..." Comona: "this is- this is rapidly approaching plot armor levels of ridiculous."

John vs. Spaghebbi. Comona: "for all intents and purposes if someone didnt know what this was, you'd walk up to these two and these are just two people fighting in the streets, like whats going on, but despite these two's normal, grassroots upbringings, these are two formidable opponents. I'm reminded of the dragonball world fighting tournaments- these are people who just fight as a hobby and enjoy it and testing their abilities."

Comona: "johns a very sneaky player, i always feel like johns getting sauced and then i actually look and percents are even." Ryan: "hes very funny because he'll look like hes getting his ass kicked and then hes just. winning." John survives past 200% on his first stock without using Shield Protocol.

John chokes last minute in their second match, throwing because He Wanted The Rat. He Has Chosen The Rat. Guy who is Completely Willing and Unphased By the prospect of embarrassing himself if it means getting to see a lil guy. Its suggested this was an attempt at a strategic play but if it was it did Not work out. He wanted to see a little guy. lets be honest. Spaghebbi's playing loose, cutting loose, putting on her fucking footloose. Feet, foot feet, dance on your fucking feet.

The giants from majora's mask are hired on staff to keep the moon from crashing into the beach. 

Comona: "Hackerman John's gonna need to hire some help to get through this one." Ryan audibly struggles to confidently remember Dan's name to make a joke about John hiring him. John gets very close to bringing it back, but ultimately spaghebbi takes it. 

Chat member: "Hackerman John and Shapeshifter Larry. Gay?" Ryan, with an air of mystery: "who knows?" the seed is planted.

Jojo v. Jacob. A gentleman must always shake hands first. Jacob knows jojo memes and nothing else about it. Jojo loses a stock second match at 10 seconds in. Jacob really really really likes upsmashes. This set is mostly direct match commentary. People chant and beg and PLEAD for the rat and they get what they want. Jojo, Jacob, Johannsen. J. Jacob wins.

Chat member: "what is Johannsen's Last name?" Ryan: "no idea, have to get squid jenny to check on that." There's speculation in chat about Johannsen being, in some sense, a jojo,

Hackerman John vs. Duke Salad. John loses his first stock VERY fast. You can't hack a plant. It's not allowed. It doesn't work. John loses first match spectacularly. Ryan is getting a report from the field. Ryan: "Hackerman John's showing some weird signs of… something, he's panting really hard, he's sweating a lot according to Squid Jenny- maybe if this goes to round three we'll see what's going on." John manages to pull ahead and take round 2.

Ryan: "update on the report from the field from Jenny, the sweating from hackerman John has continued, and with that successful victory, he's making an announcement to everybody. Let me make sure I'm hearing this right- 'time to reveal the true form.' I don't know what that means but I get the feeling we're about to find out." Strangest part of this is how much effort it appears to take for John to… whatever this is. He changes form pretty casually later and it doesn't seem like maintaining his human-looking appearance takes him any active effort in later appearances, nor do I see why it would, so my best guess is he's psyching himself up to do the Robot Reveal and. maybe powering through having a bit of a panic attack about it? In nccts terms this is extra interesting because this is the moment on a narrative level he's first established as robotic in nature and as gaiden 2 and then the nccts later establish this means, script-sensitive, which j0hn explicitly mistakes for/processes as anxiety, so this must've Felt Pretty Weird.

Anyhow, introducing- Hackerbot J0hn! With a freshly minted zero in his name. In a sudden turn of events, the reason he can augment himself so freely is because he's a robot that can hack other bots. And its round three, so there's also a Rat In The Mix. Duke Salad: "...I just fucking work here, man." 

J0hn, now working with the fullness of his robotic potential, still is not used to it even a little bit and does not do well. Drawbacks of not using your fucked up science-granted powers unless you think you need them for practical reasons- having MUCH less practice at using them than your boyfriend who uses his every ten minutes for fun or because he cant help it, I suppose. He's still hacking himself on the fly but in a very different style, Ryan says. He's actively less effective in combat in his 'true form' than he is in his human 'disguise,' but J0hn's just happy to have shown off his true self to the world and heads off to relax and get coffee. Ryan: "He can't drink it, but he's gonna go get it." 😔

Winners Finals. Prool vs. Spaghebbi. Round one goes to prool and its stupid and makes ryan understandably angry. Ryans asking the referees to double check and make sure all that was legal, and it seems to be. Round 2 goes similarly, even with Spaghebbi trying to play defensively against Prool's comeback power. Ryan admits as Spaghebbi loses 2-0 that he doesnt want Prool to be champion and, after saying he shouldn't metagame, that he cant just make him ditch to go back to his home dimension like dani, he says, no, fuck it, he doesnt want Prool to be champion, and hes willing to cheat to stop it from happening. 

Round one is thrown out with concerns about the legitimacy of the win on grounds of Prool pulling some fuckshit. Spaghebbi is given another match with him to set the record for real. Spaghebbi was perfectly fine with losing, but the refs called her out for a redo and she wasn't going to turn down another shot at winning. Prool is starting to get irritated with this- the refs gave their first round the a-okay already, why do they have to redo it anyway? Regardless, Prool fully confirms his 2-0.

Jacob vs. Duke salad. Mostly just match commentary, but a very fun set. Duke Salad's got his eyes on a rematch with Prool. 'Duke, you killed a child… Amazing!'

Duke Salad vs Spaghebbi. FOOD FIGHT. Round one on fountain of dreams. Very even, very steady very tense. Ryan's blatant bias is for duke salad, and the duke takes match one. Round 2 goes to Spaghebbi. Rat Time. Johannsen does very little and Spaghebbi wins.

Grand finals. Spaghebbi and Prool rematch. Getting a report from the field before the first round- Duke Salad has given Spaghebbi a gift. A House Salad, from the duke himself. She eats the salad and throws herself into the first match with Prool. 

Spaghebbi gets the first stock even after a cannonball to the head. Prool's comeback potential looms. Spaghebbi takes it to a last stock situation and Ryan holds his breath, trying not to hope, and he was right not to. Prool takes it last second despite Spaghebbi's huge percent lead. Ryan cant even bear to comment.

Round 2. Green Greens. Ryan keeps trying not to have hope Spaghebbi will take this so he wont be disappointed, his biases now fully, shamelessly on display, having turned against Prool entirely. Chat Member: "Hangry, red, villainous, anyone else think something's up?" Ryan: "...hm. i dont wanna make any assumptions, but…"

Ryan admits to being salty as chat comments on his deafening silence watching Prool and Spaghebbi fight, fully convinced she's going to lose. Hes right. she does. Prool wins.

Ryan openly declares he will not allow prool to become champion as he queues up the championship match. Ryan, talking out of his ass: "I know what you did, Punished K. Rool. I know. And I'm not letting you do it here." ← this is nothing and goes nowhere. he is using his powers of storytelling to say fuck this lizard because he doesnt want him to win <3

Hes too mad to even commentate about johannsen losing to Prool. He is grumbling and grouching and salty and peeved. 

Its time to break some rules! And so an exception is enshrined IN the rules- fuck prool. prool is jumped by a collection of competitors to be prevented from taking his earned championship- Johannsen, Captain Valentine, Big Yopper, Spaghebbi, Duke Salad, Rights Sentience, and Mario from Super Mario. Most of them are said to be there for revenge of some kind in a very handwavey sense, rights is supposedly there because Prool is 'an affront to rights,' ironic given this whole exchange is the tournament wrenching away Prool's rightfully earned win on a basis of 'fuck that guy in particular.' I assume while revenge is the blanket statement the real motive for the participating parties here is another chance at championship despite the breach of rules and fairness, not unlike Spaghebbi's unearned redo, and not unlike the competitors apparently devolving into mad max shenanigans offscreen when the champion's seat was left 'unclaimed' during the hiatus. (it was captain crimsons. but this was apparently left unacknowledged for 'fuck that guy' reasons which like. Is justified in a vacuum but is and has Become even more kinda retroactively weirdly targeted over time in a way as the comedically driven moral double standard about murder in the show reveals itself, as is hilariously demonstrated by the commentators discussing letting the Grunk, himself manslaughtered and brought back which everyone hates crimson for, just attack and/or kill whoever he wants if it's funny in the next season and as is briefly discussed in the nccts. Murder is okay but only if we like you and its funny 👍)

Ryan had fun watching him get ganged up on. Valentine gets the last hit in, and the three characters who got kills on prool enter a four player free for all with him and whoever wins gets championship. Ryan: "if Prool wins this one, I promise I will accept it. Just kidding I'll pull some other bullshit because im a bitch baby The Real Championship Begins!"

Captain Valentine wins, finally getting his groove back after 11. Captain Valentine: "Fuck That Rat!" Ryan: "Honestly? To be fair? Right now? You know what, I think Captain Valentine's just happy that in the end he doesnt have to fight that FUCKING rat again." 

Ryan throws that rat at him for shits and giggles. Apparently this fight is happening because Val just wants to put his pride back together. He is doing worse than last time at first, but hes developing a begrudging respect for the little fella, and manages to pull out a win. Ryan promises Prool can come back next tournament and try again, for the sake of fairness, and dont worry chat, he has a plan.

CPUK13! ryan catches jay and comona up to speed. Jay, punished k. rool and jacob came from another universe. They had tickets for the Dimensional Plane (GOOD pun, and also very funny confirmation that the bus is not the only means of public interdimensional transport. In the nccts universes are implied to have some element of physical proximity/distance between universes to account for with regard to travel time, what with nelson warp not being instantaneous and such. so i suppose it makes sense there might be different forms of dimensional transport accommodating for said travel time, planes are faster long distance than cars and all,) but jay couldnt go. Punished K. Rool was such a heel however that noone wanted him to win, so there was a 7v1 to stop him from becoming champion. Jay: "yeah thats about accurate to what i expected."

Ryan: "now, this was a very big breach of The Rules, and the Iggy Collective elected, in the interest of fairness, to invite P. Rool back to try again, along with some other people." 'In the interest of fairness' is the Funniest way that could be put because whats fair about that. You blocked him from becoming champion as a group Just Because You Dont Like Him, and then tell him 'you can go ahead and try again if you want!' With full intent to do it again if he wins. Like thats not fairness you are playing matador and P. Rool is an angry bull for whom there is no winstate. "We'll let you win if you can win when we won't let you win."

Jay, talking about Punished: "Prool is a really good fighter, and yknow nobody likes to acknowledge that hes a really good fighter, because he's just an asshole. Hes the biggest heel. He counter picks to stages he wont even win on because he just wants to piss you off. He'll turn items on when its illegal." Ryan: "damn. What an asshole. We all hate him." Plum does not understand why everyone hates him so much, alas hes been mistaken for Some Guy Who Sucks whose behavior he obliviously resembles 😔

Zagreeus, from Hayds! Zagreeus is a 14 yr old edgy bi kid that loves and kins zagreus from hayds. His submission information states that he found zagreus's plight with his parents and life in darkness relatable, and has tried to summon gods before, failing every time but once, when a god took pity on him and didnt want him burning down his parents garage with a gasoline summoning circle. Some unnamed goddess granted him the powers he wanted, and with them, and equipped with his power glove (which is So Bad, and that he uses to play hayds,) he joined cpu kerfuffle. Okay so what id remembered about him kinning zagreus so hard he developed his powers either wasnt exactly accurate or that's how the commentators simplify it later or smthn because Wow

Matrimony Knight! Just likes marriage, especially gay marriage. Ryan princess bride mawwiage bit is going to happen All Night.

Genwun! My miserable little clown submission. Ngl when i submitted them i had No idea how bad some people's experiences with genwunners were, they were just A Bizarre Subset of Nostalgia Blind Internet Weirdos With Absurd Beliefs that i knew existed in the abstract but had never met any. Regardless, they get better though and genfour has evolved normal opinions about pokemon and willingness to accept the progression of time. they're my one and only cringefail submission and I do love them.

Chili's! Ryan: "I can't imagine what other restaurant chain a Red Robin would represent." Comona: "yeah, me either." Chili's will get so very angry with you if you label her as any other restaurant. The commentators react with confusion to Jay implying red robin was ever a restaurant that existed, and jay says it must be something that only exists in his dimension. It's all Chili's now. The family coming of age rites name change domination of a new restaurant thing established in cpuk 23 truly be rewriting history huh

Machiavelli! Submission information states: Machiavelli is a science project using the tournament as field practice for testing and creating the perfect killing machine, though it is sometimes very clueless, self-destructive and dimwitted in its actions and lacking knowledge. It adapts to mimic it's opponents fighting styles to learn as combat progresses. Exact sentience unknown, although its intelligence appears to sit somewhere between a child and a dog, loyally following the command of its 'owners,' but shows enough free will to act unprompted in pursuit of its own aimless whims. As for what Machiavelli is, and what he is made for, that information is as of yet unknown.

Twist! The mage aboard the red kraken and first member of the red kraken proper to appear. 

Sephiroth. Just The Real Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7 and remake. Ryan: "now you might be asking, 'why is he HERE?'" Jay: "do you think we could STOP HIM?! do you think WE know?!" He was not invited, he just showed up. Johannsen was gonna fight but Sephiroth was like *One-Winged Angel plays* (which follows him around like an aura) and Johansen was like *porky pig stammer* w. well Okay-

Sephiroth's comically long sword apparently pierced the hull of the Dimensional Plane and jay apologizes for possibly having brought this upon us all. I think sephiroth's sword should be like doug dimmadome's hat. Infinitely long so that you cant see the end of it whenever its funny for it to be that way

UPS Founder vs. Jacob exhibition match. Not much to comment on here, mostly just plain match commentary.

First match- Sephiroth vs. Chili's. Jay remarks nervously upon chili's resemblance to aerith, while discussing their hopes for the tournaments winners and Valentine's rule changes as champion- cutting a bunch of the weirder, messier stages off the list to leave mostly more clean, traditional ones. Chili's spellbook is a menu and her spells are named after menu items. Thoron is the bigmouth burger. Chili's down-aerithed him into hell <3 sephiroth, unamused: "puns are the lowest form of comedy." She remains rent free in his head the entire second round sending sephiroth to losers Immediately.

Jay: "does Chili's serve wings?" Ryan: "of course it does its a bar and grill, everywhere serves wings." Jay: "well it certainly does now!!" Ryan, getting it: "but only one wing." Comona: "you only get one. Choose Your Sauce Wisely."

Twist vs. Zagreeus. Extended bit about zagreeus being on a bad run and pronouncing greek gods names and things like weapons weird. zayus. Arr-TEM-is. Po-sedd-in. Shy-eld. Spee-are.

Comona: "zagreeus is failing the skill check, how did twist learn to fight like this?" Ryan: "she was born with it. And she may have absorbed the power of an eldritch god but thats beside the point."

Zagreeus loses hard first round. Jay: "if im zagreeus at this point im pulling out the cheat engine." Ryan: "you think so?" Comona: "i dont think the situations that dire yet, lets give him a little credit." Zag manages to take the second round on Gamer, as something of a gamer.

Jay: "if zagreeus is the son of hayds, then the son of zayus would be hercules?" (pronounced like molecules) Ryan: "no, its herakles, obviously" twist dunks zagreeus

Ryan starts queueing up p. rool and Jay pops off so hard it sounds like he stuck his microphone in his mouth. Jay: "im sorry. I get excited." 

Then machi gets queued up! Baby's first match, quick get the camera. Machi is small and light and Jay expresses concern for his ability to survive P. Rool's heavy hits. Jay: "of course, i have no reason to assume hes lightweight considering he's completely original and resembles no other character." Comona: "as much as i'd like to say Machi will pull out a win here, and I do think he'll get off to a hot start. P. Rool always comes back. Like a boomerang."

Ryan is trying to have hope P. Rool will lose. Jay makes the first comment suggesting something is amiss with regard to Punished K. Rool, saying that P. Rool as he knew him HAD been a huge heel but after eating a loss he'd gone away for awhile and when he returned, he'd thought he'd grown, showing his stuff as an incredibly good but much fairer fighter, and that this regression into heeldom is… odd. Machi's like one of the only fighters ive seen consistently dodge pretty successfully with plum's stupid fucking gun. Powerful little dodgebeast. Got SO close to beating p. rool first round. Machiavelli is so powerful and perfect and also balling <3

The second match is so frustrating because machi is working so hard. and i know it's for naught. Anyway its very funny that they describe Machi's battle prowess as 'playing 5D Chess' when babygirl you KNOW he's eating pieces. A close, exciting game.

Matri vs. Genwun. Jay: "having only played one game in their entire life, I think genwun's experiences- theyre pretty limited, having only played pokemon red and blue. I feel like Genwun's gonna lack the matchup knowledge they're gonna need here that they'd have if they played Literally Any Other Video Game or watched anything but Star Wars."

Ryan clarifies again for someone in chat that Iggy and his collective of friends and companions are the showrunners, staff currently including Squid Jenny as field reporter and Home MD as the field medic.

P. Rool hungrybox at the grocery store copypasta

Matri and Genwun slug it out. Comona: "this match is just- The idealism of being together forever for the rest of your life vs.-" Ryan: "being a genwunner." Comona: "I was gonna say never branching out and being alone your entire life." Ryan, more insistently: "yeah, being a genwunner."

Comona, after Matri takes first stock hard: "that is the only time genwun is ever gonna get something put up his ass." GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Jay: "read that like he was reading their vows!" Matri (Comona): "i do promise to WRECK your ASS in SMASH, in Sickness and in Health," Ryan: "matrimony knight can see the FUTURE hes going 'This Will End In Divorce' and then Finishing It!" Jay: "that was not the matchup of two people who have never met, i think these two have Fought Before, these two have a History." They share no words before starting another fight, and genwun looks pissed.

Matri is said to be steel/fairy type, neither of which being things Genwun understands. Also its noted gender wasnt introduced until gen 2 outside the nidorans, ergo why genwun does not participate. Beloved cringe ass loser nonbiney submission of mine. Genwun gets 2-0'd. 

Sephiroth vs. Zagreeus. Sephiroth gets his makeup from sephora. Jay: "I would love nothing more than for Sephiroth to have stowed away in my trunk, forced himself into the competition and then just got stomped." It took way too long for like the third hit to land, they dance around eachother a lot. They discuss some confusion over the exact functionality of Sephiroth's wing mechanic. Jay: "I mean, its not like this is a game or anything we could just ask sephiroth-" Zagreeus reflects a flare killing sephiroth instantly before he can finish the bit. Despite some striking plays from zag he still firmly loses match one.

Zagreeus is adept in minecraft, sephiroth is a nineties kid ill equipped for modern gaming, despite Sephiroths best efforts zag takes first stock and gets so close to taking the second before seph finishes the match with a commanding comeback. sephiroth does Not congratulate him for doing his best but zag just gives a thumbs up to the rest of the fighters and heads to the cafe to relax. Zag got such a tough hand, dealt twist and sephiroth back to back, lil man fought SO hard

Genwun vs. Machiavelli. Genwun struggles to respect and consider their opponents playstyles for adaptation. Machiavelli doesn't respect his opponents not out of malice but because hes a baby that doesn't comprehend how or why he should.

First match takes place on the Unova Pokemon League. Genwun, upon seeing Shaymin: "the fucks that green thing." Machi LOVES to fake people out with the rock. Genwun doesnt get threestocked but gets sauced on so hard that an Event occurs anyway. They meet up with Matri to discuss something. Genwun has been given pokemon platinum on Nintendo DS. Time dilation occurs, (jay says it might be a side effect of him visiting from his dimension? More space and time intertwined-ness,) genwun speedruns the entirety of pokemon platinum in a near instant, watching the lucario movie while making dinner in the middle of this temporary time bubble and transforms into Genfour. Comona suggests they saw shaymin in the background and were like 'i… dont know that one but… i kinda like it…' and decided finally to give more things a try.

One-winged angel plays. Machi: "why do i hear boss music." Genfour's newfound excitement for new things powers them to take like. the only match they ever have <3 as jay says, genfour might make a friend, something genwun never had, and that friend might just be machiavelli!

Megalovania duck hunt. Genfour looks at retro games and says No. Im Clean Now. Nostalgia was their drug of choice and they Want No Part Of It anymore they want to be a Well Rounded Being Now. 

Comona: "im gonna be real with you i need genfour to win this one, I need genfour to see, purely, the joy in living for the future with other people." Jay: "living your life as it is right in front of you, not restricting yourself in the past." Fun thematic foreshadowing for the rest of the season, methinks, given the coming arc villain, introduced in the next episode and Machi's creator, Dr. O's whole 'gifted kid gone rotten' situation, for what is a gifted kid gone rotten but someone who grew up thinking they were special and better than other people and people used to KNOW that and could not accept the reality when they grew up that they are, in fact, just like any other person. (Reinforced by her ironic fate banished into the distant past and further reinforced by the nccts, where she was explicitly still hung up on high school bullshit.) Cue larry coming in swinging with the revelation to break her- that Some Broke Stupid Petty Criminal Cunt from the Grocery Store with enough Patience Determination Resilience and Willingness to Change and Adapt can do exactly what she does and Better when just given the opportunity because she isn't special <3

Genfour loses, but Machi follows them to the cafe to hang out a while. friends!! Its suggested in his submission info in gaiden 2, iirc, that genfour's original mewtwo form served as 'inspiration' for chessmaster's creation, and unlike Plus he wasn't treated as Brand New, so it feels safe to assume Mach 2 was made sometime between this episode and then- and the first time Dr. Order decided to show herself in the tournament instead of sending experiments or assistants and observing is the next episode. not all her creations go straight to tournament when created- Crimsonaut being Crimson's 'respawn point' and next host following being exorcised from the captain, Order's initial study of Crimson samples from the Grunk's corpse mentioned in the nccts, his created purpose and cover story for hosting crimson, and his being paired with the dimensional bus which has referenced usage in season one suggests both that he at least slightly predates cpuk11 and that direct combat was never what he was made for so there was no reason for him to be involved in it until dr. O needed to stock a full tourney, but Mach 2 was a second iteration of her attempts to make the Ultimate Fighter. Did Mach 2 maybe… do poorly enough in some kind of preliminary testing she didn't even bother sending him to tournament and took that slot herself instead? and was that why she was so particularly harsh to him, despite his not rebelling like Google? Much to think about 

Twist vs. Chilis! The queen of the 5$ margarita and the purple pajama'd mage of the red kraken. They go stock for stock but Chili's is unbreakable. Chat: "after this can they go on a date to the cafe"

Comona: "you gotta remember to watch your back going into an applebees after all this." Jay: "yeah cuz chili's is gonna be right behind you tapping on your shoulder like-" Chili's: "are you sure about that?"

Comona follows this bit with a firm disclaimer not to allow cpu kerfuffle characters to create real-life brand loyalties to things that don't care about you and that the commentators dont really care about either. And that by the way for chili's pricepoint just going to a good local place instead is just practicing self-care, honestly. responsible commentating. 

Again twist and chilis go stock for stock, Chili's losing the second round. Mostly match commentary, but theyre some very entertainingly intense matches. Ryan talks a bit about the Taco Mac clause. Theres some fesh pince jokes in there. Round 3 is similar, with more jokes about the Chili's menu. Serving loaded potato skins. Twist is tipping the waiter with a boot to the head. Twist takes it.

Ryan: "people in chat are shipping twist and chili's which- I will say, the character twist is based on is, i think, ace, but this also is a separate continuity- ive got several continuities- so i'm leaving the shipping up to you guys." Comona: "yeah, any headcanons, any fanons- and, I mean, ace doesn't necessarily mean theres no room for something romantic-" ryan: "yeah!"

P.Rool vs. Matrimony Knight. Ryan: "I hate to say this but I do think p.rool is taking this." Comona and Jay agree with an audible grimace. Matri does not do well first round. Comona and Jay make fun of ryan sneezing like someone who should be in a hospital. P. Rool is, as usual, disgustingly powerful in combat. 

Matri begins to pull out a lead second round. Jay: "P. Rool is never on his final form. Watch him pull out D. Rool." Ryan: "what is that, destroyed rool-?" Comona: "what about ja rool."

Matri manages to take it to round 3, to ryan, comona and jay's joy. But they temper their excitement with 'listen its p. rool. Dont get your hopes up. Dont do it.' They're right to do this matri very nearly gets threestocked and the last stock is matri getting dunked like a fucking basketball.

Losers bracket, Chilis vs. Machi. Comona thinks chili's is gonna win the tournament. Jay thinks Machi is going to be a comeback god, losing at first and then taking it back. First match on mario maker. A stage only left legal because ryan LOVES it because it fucks with the ai. Machi doesnt do well with the random stage at first, but brings it back HARD, nearly a reverse threestock, ending with Machi stealing Chili's sword and fucking Getting Her in a clutch move.

Match two funny zelda tower. Machiavelli in his 'anime arc' after copying chili's. Ryan: "he's just grown hair!" Comona: "He's a growing boy!" Stocks stay pretty even throughout, chili's footstooling to take the final kill. Taking it to round 3!

One winged angel, machi and chilis stock for stock again. Machi's on last stock and the commentators are talking about kid icarus uprising nearly the entire match. Chili's walks off, having learned some things herself and is approached by… some shady individuals apparently involved in creating him. Iggy says to pay them no mind. Don't worry about it. Comona: "...is this like the equivalent of like, if Boston Dynamics entered a robot into a smash tournament?" Jay: "this is like if Boston Dynamics entered a robot into a real actual martial arts tournament."

Swordfight! Sephiroth vs matri. Comona: "the two ends of the spectrum as to what constitutes a sword." Fuckin. wedding butter knife versus masamune the doug dimmadome ass katana.

Matri, hank hill impression: "frame data? Cancels? I Just wanna Grill for gods sake!" Also Matri, teleporting behind Sephiroth: "nothing personel, kid."

Matri does not win. If sephiroth wins the set he's fighting chilis. The next match is mostly match commentary with some family guy impressions for flavor. Sephiroth is the kind of guy who mimes crushing it out of spite when you blow him a kiss. Matri manages to take round two.

Word from the field! Sephiroth is pissed. He knows this could be his last game. Ryan: "hey, comona? You know sonicfox, right?" Comona: "of course." Ryan: "you know how in that one game when he thought he was out, he took his hat off?" Sephiroth takes his shirt off. The limiters are off. Matri does best with plenty of momentum but its hard to keep momentum with sephiroth. Matri's wedding vows (for at least one of his weddings) was the opening of the song Start Of Something New from highschool musical. Sephiroth ends up taking it in the most embarassing, sad, possible choke from matri. Sephiroth puts his shirt back on.

Twist vs P. Rool. Drac's Castle. Furthest a team cracken members ever gotten at this point. Twist racks up damage fast. Comona: "is this like, a dark arts emporium twist likes to frequent? Shes looking mad at home right now." Ryan: "y'know with all the purple, it would make sense within the lore of the red kraken story." Twist takes first stock and dash dances on prool and Ryan's almost crying tears of joy.

Twist gets prool down to one stock, then prool takes his first and gets her to over 100% in seconds and then takes her second, and you can hear ryans heart breaking as the other commentators start submitting themselves to the inevitability of Prool comebacks. Twist does, however, manage to take the first match!

Jay starts to turn around a little on prool, saying his loyalties lie first and foremost with people from his home dimension. Ryan: "i understand it. I dont respect it but i understand it." Twist successfully 2-0s Prool and Ryan feels the most alive he has all tourney. Jay: "he'll be back." Comona: "well of course he'll be back, hes still lurking in the losers bracket." Ryan: "nothing you can say will wipe the smile off my face right now."

Chili's vs. Sephiroth runback! Ryan thinks we're gonna see a 2-1, that sephiroths gonna put up a little more of a fight but chili's is still gonna take it. This proves a good guess with sephiroth taking first stock. Sephiroth wasn't taking Chili's seriously before, but now this becomes a meeting of the minds. Chilis still takes match one. Chili's isn't taking Sephiroth seriously anymore.

TWOOOOOO BANANAS.

Round 2, monkey watch wuhu island. Sephiroth may or may not like monkey watch. Jay: "hes an edgelord but thats like, his dayjob, we dont know what he's into in his freetime." Chilis struggles on Wuhu island because there's too much space for bartending and too many local businesses to outcompete her, and sephiroth takes round 2.

Megalovania find mii. Sephiroth is hearing boss music. Terrifying stock for stock match, but chilis keeps the lead and finishes the match with a vicious dunk in the gap. Comona: "stamping a close set with 'but really, i was winning the whole time.'"

Losers finals, Prool vs. Chili's. After twist, prool can officially bleed so Comona feels no reservations about backing chili's. Prool got pineappled at barely over 20%, but chili's loses her first stock only 40% into Prools next. The match is fast and chaotic but not particularly lore-heavy. Chilis takes round one. Jay: "the way i see it, matches with prool dont even start til round 2." Ryan: "if prool gets 2-0d by twist and chilis both thatd be the lesbianest thing ever. Considering the headcanons running around." Next match is stock for stock again, but Plum finishes it, sending them to a round 3, which ALSO goes stock for stock. 

Jay, sounding sad: "if prool loses here youre gonna make me put him back in the car, arent you?" Comona and Ryan, firmly: "YES." They jinx it. Chili's loses, and prool wins by the skin of his teeth with a violence. Jay, scared: "HOW DOES HE DO IT. I DONT WANT HIM BACK. HE WASN'T LIKE THIS IN MY WORLD. I DONT WANT THIS FUCKER BACK." Comona: "you did this." Jay: "I DIDNT DO THIS! I DIDNT DO THIS! IT WAS YOUR WORLD THAT DID THIS TO HIM!" Comona: "alright, Huey Emmerich!" I know just enough about metal gear to know how grievous an insult this is.

Grand finals. Twist vs. P.rool. Ryan: "im so afraid. Because i know p.rool. I know what he's gonna try to do here." Foreshadowing. Ryans trying so hard to have hope. But i know craken won't have a winner in grand finals until gaiden 5. Jay suggests, as a compromise, that if P. Rool wins, they can let Jacob take championship and pick the rules instead. Ryan remains firm that P. Rool cannot win, its against the rules. If Jacob wants it he can win it himself fair and square. Note how things have shifted from 'i need an excuse to keep p. rool out of championship because hes too strong and i dont want to use the same one i used for dani again' to 'FUCK p. rool, no quarter no compromise he is an object to hate for fun.' Due to a simple shift in the rules which ryan Iggy put there. Makes you thonk dont it.

P. Rool bracket resets Twist. The dread is seeping into Ryan. Jay and comona try to cheer him up by pointing out twist might do better on this stage. Ryan: "I liked it better when she 2-0d him but thats just me." Ryan, later, watching Twist still losing and sounding like hes wilting: "I'd like to see him dead, but thats just me." Comona: "P. Rool's really taking advantage of these layers to the stage." Ryan, becoming sephiroth and trailing off: "uh huh. My immortal rage…" Comona: "Yeah, im struck pretty silent watching P. Rool fight too. Like hes just… sucking the hope out of me." Jay: "Personally I'm feeling pretty good, i gotta be honest." Comona: "be happy if you want i wont judge-" ryan: "i will." Comona: "-but its not gonna stop me from voicing my opinion." Jay: "is now a bad time to share he offered me a cut of his winnings if he takes this?" Ryan: "not very pog." Jay: "dimensional plane tickets are EXPENSIVE." 

P. Rool takes another match. Comona, bitter: "hes just too GOOD. at the GAME." Twist requests a port switch, forfeiting a stagepick in exchange, which prool accepts. The next match goes stock for stock until twist takes it, to Ryan's vicious glee. Comona and Ryan pop off excitedly about port priority. Jay: "I dont think thats real, ryan, i gotta be honest-" Ryan, turning into the fucking green goblin: "WELL, IF YOURE SO CONFIDENT, THEN LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE KEEP TWIST ON PORT ONE, SHALL WE?" Jay: "okay!" Ryan has fully unhinged. 

P. Rool wins. Ryans hit despair. P. Rool calls Jay. Ryan: "kick him off the call. kick him off the call." P. Rool says hes not giving him his money. Ryan: "oh, so youre on OUR side now, now you UNDERSTAND,"

P. Rool championship match. P. Rool vs Valentine. Ryan: "ive said it before ill say it again. This fucker is never going to be champion. Never. as long as I live. So we'll see what we do if he wins this." Comona: "as much as i dont like p. rool he does have spice." Ryan: "yeah he is spicy I just hate him." Jay: "cant believe hes not giving me my money." Ryan: "i can, have you met him?Jay: "its just, i had faith- its not like you guys knew him first!" Ryan: "true."

Jay: "we might need to start a go fundme to send me back to my own timeline." Comona: "the hell does a big fat asshole crocodile need with money anyway?" Jay: "good question." Ryan: "fishing?" Comona: "i was gonna say influencing government but that works." Anyway rip valentine time for another p. rool beatdown. Someone in chat special requests a match with sephiroth. Jay: "lets see who wins- the main villain or sephiroth." Prool decimates him. Ryan decides to take his rage out and beat the hell out of plum himself via Iggy. Ryan: "this isnt for the audience. this is for me." Plum still takes first stock against a human player. It still goes to last stocks. Iggy does win tho.

Twist vs. Valentine bc fuck P. rool. Ryan: "got a lot of haters in the chat mad that I wont acknowledge P. Rools win. But you forget, the 3rd rule of cpu kerfuffle: Fuck P. Rool. Dont blame me, I dont make the rules- well i do but-" Comona: "yeah, Iggy does." Ryan: "right! Take it up with Iggy. Or dont, cuz he'll kill you-" Jay: "i dont know how Jacob, who's just such a good kid, ended up on a team with p. rool." Ryan: "im sure theres some lore reason."

Valentine keeps a commanding hold on his championship, although twist put up a damn good fight. The commentators say, once again, that P. Rool will be returning for the next tournament. Comona: "we are an equal opportunity tournament, that doesn't turn away proven challengers." 

Cpuk14 time! Representing Team Calibur, the team not for becoming the best, but for knowing you already are the best- Doctor order. Right out the gate. 'Ever wonder where all these lab experiments gone wrong and super fighting robots come from? Doctor Order knows, not that she'd tell you. mad scientist/personal trainer who seeks to create the ultimate fighter. Joined team calibur over, say, team cones, as she seeks to reign in chaos, a lofty goal in the face of what cpu kerfuffle is. What's driven her out of the lab and into the spotlight remains to be seen.'

Neither Comona or Jay have seen her in action, not even in jays dimension, although Jay says hes aware of an alternate universe version of her named pablo that's just a totally normal guy. Jay, sounding uncomfortable: "Dont ask me how I know theyre connected." Ryan: "is it the vibes?" Jay: "its the vibes."

Bing! Bing's original submission information says hes a personification of the web service bing and decided to take up fighting because he was tired of being overshadowed by the popularity of Google. Interesting given that Google the person did not yet exist, but future tournaments do in fact insist he's got his complex about that Google. 'also, due to being a search engine, hes very knowledgeable.' LOL. LMAO EVEN. Ryan has high hopes for his results in the tournament. He places 5th.

Returning from CPUK1 for the first time, Dark Jimbo! A hypebeast turned emo. Hes not quite as edgy anymore (thank his therapist) but hes gotten attached to the aesthetic and music and such. Apparently discovered an emerald mine beneath the house and the money from that is whats funding his access to the expense of recurring hair dye and band merch nowadays. Comona expresses that in what hes seen of Jimbo, despite the aggressive, dark exterior, as a fighter he is sort of timid, which might cause him some trouble. But hes been training with his dad, and you cant count him out.

Team Cones! Larry the Florida Man <3. Ryan explains Larry's previous appearances under separate show names, and describes Larry's powers as something that 'awoke' in him. Of course, this is before the Dr. O connection was made, but its fun wording nonetheless. Jay: "as you know, im a very cut and dry commentator." Ryan: "uh huh." Jay: "No jokes. So of course Larry is right up my alley as the most consistent fighter in the tournament." Jay clarifies Larry ironically is pretty consistent in a way, jokes aside, he can perform fairly well in all his shapes. He openly wonders if Larry's ability to perform as well as he does with all his forms is a trained skill, or if it's all instinct. Ryan suggests they'll get Jenny to look into getting an interview about it.

Team Cross. Engineer TF2. They solve practical problems. The commentators proceed to start referencing TF2. I dont know anything about tf2. Jay says he and engie trained under the same fighting master- Superb Mario. Unclear if this is the same character as Mario From Super Mario.

Team Charm, team of all thats good and kind and gay, representative Therapuppy! Chat member: "Thats A Dog!" The blurb for her says, paraphrasing, 'with the introduction of Sephiroth to smash, therapuppy went ahead and signed up for cpu kerfuffle, because god damn Cloud and Samus really are in The Same Game as Sephiroth and Ridley, huh? Damn, kinda fucked up.' funny. funny that sephiroth is directly one of the reasons theras here. Thera's just here to check in on everybody's mental wellbeing and have a good time.

Team Chonk. P. Rool. Jay: "man, fuck this guy. me and p. rool, we're from the same neck of the woods, we're from the next dimension over, and i couldn't make it to a kerfuffle one time so he took my ticket, and he came over here and he started throwing hands and now we can't get him to Leave." Hes jay's ride home so hes been stranded here for 2 weeks and Ryan's been pulling strings to keep him out of the champion's suite and hes heard that P. Rool's getting Very Mad about that. Ryan: "but- fuck it. Its my tournament- its iggy's tournament. Iggy made me do it."

Team Cracken! Whip. Yeehaw. She's a cowgirl bayyyybe. Whip's sea creature accessory is an Electric Eel Whip. Neigh Neigh the horse has never appeared but they live in our hearts. Whip is canonically 'a cringe ass neigh neigh baby.' Vital lore information.

Exhibition match: Squid Jenny vs Chili's! Jenny and Jimbo have the same problem of being good at wracking up damage but struggling to close kills. Jenny is more of a recon specialist than a frontline fighter. Jenny supports all other contestants and is well known and well loved as an upstanding young member of the kerfuffle community. They shake hands and the commentators give their predictions for the tournament, by which i mean, guesses about who has the best chance of making p. rool bleed. Comona and Jay want to see Engie pull it off, Ryan thinks Bing can do it.

Round one, Jimbo vs Engie. Comona: "now, if this were two human players, Id say, now lets buckle in for a 24 minute set," absolutely zero faith in jimbo from jay and comona. The phrase 'not to play crimson's advocate' is used,

Jimbos first match against Engie is so embarrassing that engie throws the poor kid a southern hospitality pity stock next round. A slip of tongue results in the suggestion that engie tf2 is nonbinary. Jay: "i really dont know 'im that well, could be!" Engie: "y'dont need a gender t'solve PRACTICAL problems."

Jimbo manages to do better that next round, on the starfox stage that isnt the plane that i forget the name of, because engie couldn't pick up momentum after that thrown away stock and Jimbo took it and ran with it. Comona: "Jimbo was looking real comfortable up there in the vacuum of space, where I assume he was born…?" Ryan: "hes dadondorf's son, and who knows where dadondorf came from." Everything about dadondorf's background except his immediate familial relationships is an absolute mystery and I think thats delightful. it creates so many questions that will not be answered. He adopted a (Apparently Potentially Alien in Origin.) orphan hedgehog as a son after his birth parents' passing. He married a meat dragon. Jimbo's granddad is a fucking BOAT

Round 3 commences on Mementos. Jimbo's a gamer, but as a persona fan hes never actually played a persona game before, so he might be at a disadvantage. Jimbo has a bit of a panic attack during the set after losing first stock and loses his second with an SD. Jimbo manages to avoid a 3-stock and gets close to taking it to last stock, but no dice. To losers bracket with the poor emo kid.

Larry vs. Whip. Pre-match predictions for larry matches are pointless. donations from real life chat members serve the in-universe/in-character purpose of helping to pay for the high upkeep costs of the stadium and facilities with all these explosive, destructive matches going on here, which is kinda funny. Never seen a tournament arc where they mention the tournaments gotta crowdfund a budget for repairing the stage when someone hits someone else into the floor so hard they leave an anime crater because of how often it happens

Larry pulls out bubblegum banjo on wuhu island. Larry's in whips head, hes in the commentators heads, hes in the AUDIENCE'S heads. nobody knows wtf is goin on but its entertaining and he's winning. Whip is having fun and playing on the ledges. It is not doing her any good. Comona: "yknow, if Larry just had a main he might be one of the best players in kerfuffle history." Ryan: "bold of you to assume his adhd will allow him to focus on having a main." Comona: "thats what im Saying, like, if he Could, but that's just not how life is balanced." Jay: "the way i see it, Larry is so good BECAUSE he doesnt have a main. Hes got that GENERAL knowledge." Comona: "got those fundies down." Ryan: "mhm, a new character could come out today and he could probably beat you with 'em." Larry <3

They discuss how it must be rough for Whip as a newbie to get matched against Larry round one, the unpredictability probably rattling her a bit. Ryan: "I mean, it all depends on what Larry ends up rolling, if Larry rolls something she can deal with then Whip could do well, y'know?" Jay: "a good point." Comona: "mhm. An interesting thing, to not be in control of your own fate." Ryan: "That's why Larry thrives."

Larry rolls Peach, they suggest Whip's experience with her team leader Hoedown might help her some as far as familiarity with the fighting style goes. Larry gets a stitch very early and doesn't even bother to use it just to fuck with Whip. Just to flex. Despite Whip's strong damage lead, Larry takes first stock. Things go down to even on last stock, and whip manages to take one game. They make a game of trying to guess what character larry will be and they're all wrong he's blue dark pit and he decimates whip on warioware

Bing vs. P. Rool. Cue the booing. Bing you're not winning this one. Comona says Bing has been overshadowed by the Green Roy, Google, (before he's even been born,) and is out here to show his stuff as a perfectly respectable player in his own right. Bing has an inferiority complex over a guy that straight up doesn't exist yet. like a kid sibling getting jealous of the new baby getting all the attention before it's even born. Jay: "I have my… feelings, about P. Rool, obviously, but objectively, with my experiences with real life combat because this is all happening in real life, Bing has a sword, but P. Rool has projectiles he has no way to counter. It's coming down to P. Rool on this one." P. Rool has a strong damage lead and Bing Chromicides him about it. Then P. Rool stops him from recovering the next time theyre offstage for an instant. And then destroys his last stock with all the swift ease of swatting a fly. Ryan, terrified: "I THINK P. ROOL'S MAD, GUYS. I THINK HE'S OUT FOR BLOOD?" Jay, similarly shaken: "ive never seen him do that before." Comona: "this has gotten very personal."  Ryan: "im worried for MY safety! Round 2 I guess!"

Bing takes it to Dracula's castle because he saw P. Rool lose to twist here. P. Rool takes first stock so quickly but Bing isnt going down without a fight and manages to take the next game in another very fast match. Bing takes P. Rool's first stock (and his own) in Yet Another Chromicide, truly his signature strategy when fighting a tough opponent is and has always been Youre Coming Down With Me, Fucker, because he struggles to be confident in his ability to win without also completely wrecking his own shit in the process. P. Rool takes game 3 and sends Bing to losers. Bing says he'll see P. Rool again next time, Jay mistakes it for sportsmanship before Ryan clarifies that no he's shittalking like hes gonna decimate that lizard the next time they fight. Truly Bing is this interesting blend of stupid, deeply insecure, and yet profoundly overconfident, all of which compound into a man who is straight up going to get himself killed in the stupidest most unnecessary possible way just trying to prove something noone was honestly asking him to someday

Dr. Order. vs Therapuppy <3 a scientist who's been creating artificial life in pursuit of creating the ultimate fighter aaaaaaand. A therapist. 'That she might probably need.' lol. First round is on midgar, Comona: "which is probably where Dr. Order resides. Big City where people won't uh. Question your experiments." As Therapuppy wracks up almost 90 damage without order landing a single hit, the Commentators guess that Dr. Order is having a hard time mentally psyching herself up to hit a puppy. Jay: "i feel very strongly that Dr. Order is evil, but not cruel." Oh how time will mark you as naive. Therapuppy steals Order's ball with her fishing rod twice and yeets her for the final stock. 

Before round 2, Jay describes Dr. O as someone who has a knowledge of psychology, but like None of the people skills necessary to apply it usefully, unlike Therapuppy whose training in not only that but as a therapist and counselor give her a very particular dominance in the realm of mind games that leaves her with an inherent advantage in this matchup because Dr. Order thinks she knows more than she actually does. Comona references Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake in reference to thera. 'I want a therapist with a funny dogy and long, looooong fishing rod.'

the Doctor is nooooot the best as a fighter in terms of skill, but she is described by Comona as a hard hitter and her experience as a personal trainer (and coach, of her creations,) is touted as evidence she knows what it takes to create success and build strength, which. As we see later proves mostly only technically true to any extent of machi and quad, really. Despite this, order does manage to eek out a game two win against thera utilizing deep breathing. Jay: "i think Deep Breathing is some kind of experimental proprietary invention of Dr. Orders because lemme tell ya. I breathe and that doesn't happen." Ryan: "yeah but is your breathing deep." Jay: "gimme a sec lemme try that." Jay leaves. Comona and ryan giggle to themselves about him punching a hole in the wall as gamers are wont to do. Jay, returning: "MILLIONS ARE DEAD." 

Round three goes stock for stock, therapuppy managing some excellent mind games and strategy. Therapuppy's happy to have (hopefully) helped the doctor and with the doctor's 'regular stoic vibe' shes like. "Interesting. I'll have to remember this." And goes to losers. Every cpuk villain starts off as vaguely stoic or otherwise emotionally restrained in some fashion and then just Unhinge at some point

Dark Jimbo vs. Whip Losers round one. Comona accurately predicts its going to be a looooong one, especially so with CPUs. this sets' record for The Longest Match in CPUK History's never been dethroned, and thats probably because it nearly singlehandedly drove the decision to add a timer. Especially funny remembering his dad hamhel fought the shortest, the legendary match from 20 with val that could fit, in its entirety, in one twitch clip. Jay: "dark jimbo has like… powers of darkness, right? Not like evil darkness powers, but like-" Ryan: "I mean, i thought it was just aesthetic, but he could, I mean we've seen stranger." This set runs so long it makes jimbo reconsider his approach to both combat and life itself and in his second match starts putting effort into closing out kills much more. Whip continues to play the patient waiting game and it doesn't pay off. First 2-0 of the night.

Bing vs. Dr. Order. Hell on earth. A point is made of how dr. Order's patient methodical combat mindset just doesnt work for someone who gets up in your face and stays there before you can think like bing does. Round one is on castle siege, which they joke about being microsoft headquarters. Bill Gates lives in a Fucking Castle. Bing keeps the lead for most of the match but Order brings it to last stock with a Fancy set of maneuvers. Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just got away with a sick move. Ryan: "this one isnt open and shut- Bing's an explosive player but eventually that's gonna blow up in his face." Bing takes it.

Ryan: "I think, Dr Order, like whip, thrives with very patient play, but thats not gonna work against bing, who is All About getting up in your face." The commentators agree- Dr. Order needs to adjust her strategy to be more aggressive. She does not do this. Bing also does not change his strats. Comona: "say what you will about Bing- he gets results." Jay: "just maybe not as many as google." lol

After losing, Dr Order pulls out a notebook to start writing something down as she leaves. Ryan: "thats not… something we should be worried about, should we…?" Jay: "this is fine."

Chat asked about them. Gen4's chilling. Is a platinum speedrunner (which is an oxymoron) now

Engie TF2 vs Larrold. Once again no point to predicting the outcome of larry matches, only measuring his opponents' adaptability. Larry rolls luigi and ryan and comona interpret this as Larry making fun of engie for being short. Ryan: "it doesnt feel like Engie is learning, if anything Larry's learning." Comona: "if larry's learning then this whole bracket is over." Ryan: "yeah, larry's a fucking learning computer." Jay: "do we have word from Squid Jenny if Larry can control who he gets?" Ryan: "sometimes. Only sometimes." Larry rolls mega'd man next and does 70 damage before engie can land even one hit, and survives on first stock to 200%. Engie alllllllllmost brings it back but larry still fucking gets him.

Comona: "Larry's really shining now- its good to see this kind of glowup from larry. hes always had some potential but honestly- its kind of- touching, Larry has embraced the chaos inside of himself and isnt hiding anymore, hes not afraid of it anymore and hes just here like 'This is who i am.'" shrimp emotions about this one

P. Rool vs. Therapuppy. Jay just got a phone call. Ryan and comona discuss. From the standpoint of the competition, comonas still pretty sure this is p. rools game, but that he's going to learn more from it than any other match he's ever fought in. Ryan thinks thera might take a game at least. Thera takes first stock despite p. rool's damage lead, and prool takes it to even, but thera makes shockingly short work of p. rool. Comona: "who knew that what p. rool really needed was Fucking Therapy?"

Jay gets a call from a friend in his dimension, and. His P. Rool is still there. He got a snapchat from him hes at quizno's with jacob. Thera starts the second match before the commentators can process this. Who the fuck is this guy because hes Not P. Rool. Jay: "think about it- how many times have i said he wasn't like this in my world?" Comona: "an IMPOSTER? AMONG US?"

P. Rool just has no counter strat for the fishing rod. Therapuppy 2-0s P. Rool, to the astonishment of the commentators. Jay explains after talking more with his P. Rool, that hes never come to this dimension even once for a kerfuffle. It's been this mystery guy the WHOLE time, in a case of identity theft. Chat ponders potential crimson involvement but ryan shoots this down as unlikely and sends Squid Jenny to ask the guy some questions. P. Rool grabs her, changing color with white-hot-rage and promptly starting a battle. This is E. Rool. Enraged K. Rool. 

Ryan: "the therapy didnt Work, hes just Mad as Fuck now!" Comona: "he's resentful about how he's been treated- Which- which i guess is fair, but don't resort to violence against the TO! You're gonna get banned!" Ryan: "way he sees it, we clearly don't give a shit about the rules, why should he?" Comona: "which i mean… he… but we run the event, right…?" Ryan: "i mean yeah, we run the event, but that's just what he's saying." Jay: "realistically I see where he's coming from but identity theft and…" Comona: "but violence is never the answer. Harming your fellow man is…" Ryan: "your fellow squid, even." Comona: "your fellow squid or kid even." They are saying this about bloodsport. They are saying violence is never the answer about bloodsport. Comona expresses hope that this will help E. Rool get the frustration out of his system so he can calm down. Small voice. Small baby bird. and commends jenny for sticking out the fight in the meantime. They describe E. Rool's eyes as glazed over in a blind rage, like he's just absolutely gone, beyond reason. Home MD retrieves Jenny, she's in good condition, just in need of some medical attention. Ryan makes a joke about donating to help pay for jenny's medical bills and then has to clarify for chat that yes you do in fact get medical insurance working for iggy dont worry

E. Rool vs. Jimbo. They do not have high hopes. Jimbo does better than expected with a big target on the small bright stage of prism tower, he keeps it sorta even. E. Rool is playing cruel and cheap, fueled by the rage of both being cheated time and time again, and of being exposed as a fraud. He's so angry that he's just letting himself get hit. In the second round they get a darker stage, and Jimbo's doing better, getting hits in. Comona: "hes like batman, he thrives in the darkness." Ryan: "he is just like batman, in fact i think the fact that you just said that gave him power." He loves batman. One of his idols, jay says. So excited about the comparison. Imagining jimbo in a little batman costume for halloween. adorable. Anyway he footstooled E. Rool about it. Truly jimbo's performance in combat is directly tied to his current self-esteem. Jimbo brings it to last stock but doesn't win. The commentators get scared hes gonna SD again but Jimbo says 'nah those days are behind me now that im BATMAN' and then immediately gets launched into the blast zone. E. Rool: "im da joker, baby."

Bing vs. Engie tf2. Theyre pretty confident in Bing. Jay: "in comparison to bing, engie over heres looking like yahoo." Chat: "bing gonna make engie look like jeeves." Bing gets runover by a boat twice. Bing hates water. Greatest weakness. future lore making this Bing also getting killed instantly by space hornets. The commentators call game one a very overconfident homie game. Engie keeps schmoving around him but Bing manages to take it to last stock, but Engie ultimately 2-0s. Bing tells engie to take care of the big man for him.

Winners Finals. Larry vs Therapuppy. The winners finals noone expected but everyone wanted. The populist's choice. Comona thinks this will be a tough one for therapuppy, because larry is already Very comfortable with who he is, even if, for the good of Society that might be best changed. Hes comfy with the chaos. Therapuppy's goal is making people happy and better and Larry's already got himself figured out. Jay thinks this is still in therapuppy's corner because nobody knows what to do with the fishing rod and he doesnt think larry's an exception. Larry lies to a therapist about being illiterate on international television, potentially to avoid confronting his trauma on the same internationally televised scale. <3 florida schools dont teach you to read but they do teach you to handle gators. Therapuppy presses, trying to get to the root of why not being able to read makes him so insecure, and Larry's probably just doing everything in his power not to laugh. Round 1 goes to thera.

Larry rolls lonk from pennsylvania for round 2 on skyloft, or rather, either lenk from north carolina or lunk from ohio. Take your pick the commentators can't decide, but one way or another he's 'betraying even his origins,' even as the commentators also decide skyloft overlooks florida. Larry gets real silly with this one, takes it to last stock, but Therapuppy 2-0s, sending Larry to losers.

E. Rool vs. Engie tf2. Jay thinks hes too angry right now to fight smart, so engie Might take it. Chat asks if E. Rool is a free agent, and the commentators say they dont know, they dont know much about E. Rool except that hes mad as hell, strong as hell and a Liar. Jay speculates that Team Chonk might consider kicking him out with these new developments. Engie struggles to close a kill without the help of the stage, and no hat is hard enough to stop E. Rool from crushing his skull. The second round is only more painful. Engie manages one funny stock before E. Rool kills him dead.

Losers finals. Larry vs. E. Rool. Utmost excitement from the commentators. Larry pulls out sans hoodie ice climbers to megalovania. They go stock for stock down to the wire and Larry takes it and its legendary i dont need to give the play by play its all match commentary because its So Much that theres just nothing else to talk about. E. Rool: "how did i lose???" Larry, turning back to original form: "heh. maybe its the way you're dressed."

Round 2. Larry rolls Venus skin palu (before venus even exists.) This does not go as well as the ice climbers as far as weird picks goes, E. Rool leads the whole round. Ryan gets mad at Larry doing less well this round and has to remind himself not to expect anything of him and just enjoy the ride. He's not great at Palu, so E. Rool takes it, but Larry started taking it back more toward the end than expected. Lategame matches before voice acting became a bigger part of the format tend to have a lot less lore in them because the commentators are too tense about the actual matches themselves.

Round 3, Larry rolls kirby, its very even, E. Rool bled in his fight with Machi. Its apparent, though, that Larry's more interested in this being a good show than winning, and brings it to last stock even damage, but Larry finally gets yeeted. Commentators express certainty that in terms of raw skill, these two are equals, and Larry lost because the unpredictable factors of his condition simply didnt quite roll in his favor today.

E. Rool vs. Therapuppy. True finals. Therapuppy takes first stock after only moments of doubt from ryan, maintains a lead on at least damage the rest of the first match. Fishing rod inescapable. E. Rool's getting Scared of it, but E. Rool manages to take first round only because he survives to 200% and thera is much more launchable than him. Thera doesnt mind losing- she takes it in stride and goes into their second round with a smile. Round 2, thera makes it to 200% before losing first stock, E. Rool leads this match, until thera spikes him for his second stock. They end up even almost blow for blow on last stock until thera finally smashes him into the blast zone to take it. Round 3, norfair florida. Thera's just having a good time. E. Rool's so mad hes not thinking and its making it difficult for him to learn and adapt to Thera's plays, so thera sticks with the tried and true tactics and things keep fairly even, up until the end. E. Rool bracket resets.

Everyone takes a nice break, things have been way, way too tense in a scary sort of way, but E. Rool seems to calm down, and he and Therapuppy are seen having a talk, (Apparently one reason in-universe there were less visible voiceacted scenes at this point was just not having the sound equipment for it,) and since Jenny's down right now Home fills in for her to check up on things- and E. Rool almost attacks him, but Thera talks him down. The commentators reevaluate- is he really that bad of a guy? Like, he's been playing the heel, but realistically, the only reason he's gotten so angry and unmanageable is because HE'S following the rules and no one else is, and until things hit this boiling point he hadn't really even put up that much of a stink about it, beyond a little complaining. Home MD comes back with a report: his real name. Plum K. Rool. Thats always been his name- there was just a bit of a… mixup, because he shortens it to P. Rool too, and he kinda… ran with it. Played it like a character. A lie he didn't even intend to be telling at first just got too big. 

Thera and Plum run into the reset in good spirits. Plum's doing better taking a step back and just enjoying the ride. Still sucks that he took out his anger on Jenny- and hes not feeling too good about it either- the tournament will surely be followed by apologies, or maybe he'll continue to be a heel about it, but either way the commentators are fine with that- its just good to see the competitors remember that in the end it's just a game, and it's supposed to be fun. A good time. The commentators discuss how dangerous E. Rool clearly was during his blind rage- and how Thera couldve easily gotten seriously hurt if she hadnt been careful. Things go to last stock, even% on round one of the reset, and thera almost takes it but fails to recover. Second round is on mario maker, P. Rool's favorite stage. Cute. Thera takes it, sending it to game 3 of reset on dreamland, final round. The whole sets been electric, down to last stocks of last sets with short leads, P. Rool fearing and respecting Thera's power but ultimately juuuuust clinching a win.

Therapuppy: "Congratulations P. Rool! Im happy for you!" Plum: "b. I. H. i thought. You didnt. You didnt want me to win?" Thera: " course not. You're my friend! Course im happy that you won, why wouldnt i be?" Plum: "yknow what? thanks therapuppy. Thanks." And they have a nice hug.

Ryan claims that if P. Rool actually wins he'll actually let him win this time. Plum K. Rool vs. Captain Valen- hold up. Squid Jenny, who is fine now, getting a report from the field. Val and Plum are talking, and asked Val who his best friend is, and hes got no idea who to say except johannsen. Not sure if he was just caught off guard by the odd question and picked the rat as the first friend that came to mind or if hes genuinely made better friends with the rat in the past month or so than he is with gordo's revenge, visible man or rights sentience but the former feels more likely. Either way Plum wants to make the champion bout a team doubles match to celebrate his victory with the only person who's really rooted for him. Thera says she would've done the same. Val and jojo have pretty good team synergy. It goes down to thera vs. val on last stock and val takes it, remaining champion. Comona: "where valentine goes, johannsen follows." Ryan: "yeah, ever since dantoinette kind of- yknow."

And so dusks the P.rool arc and the dawn of Spoiler alert! doctor order being the Worst rises.

#cpu kerfuffle #rewatch

[wench-and-jezebel]

The Musketeers Reaction: The Good Soldier

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

Wench Intro: This episode is brought to you by the fact that my work life sucks and I’m drinking one of my finite number of sodas that count as Jezebel-approved Real Snack Food, so we just had to do a react… what a shame :)  We’ll pick up Dark Angel at some point soon, but I took advantage of the lull between Ben and Alec to steal Jezebel’s fandom attentions!  On with the show!

– – – 

GAHHHH! The king is such a child!  He whinesssss so much

So they ARE French!  Where’s the accents 😤 😂😂😂

Ooo jumpscare

Oh, buddy, not a “torn between my old friend and my new ones”  [Friends or "friends"?]  

She’s too nice!  [Anne?]  The queen [… Anne alksdjf]  Oh ☠️☠️  [She pays for it, alas]  Oh nooooooo!  Wait, the queen?  Or the sister?  [asldkfj The queen.  Anne of Austria.]  Hey the Terminator is from there [wtf is this exchange? We're bonkers, I see]

d’Art!  Of all of them to pop up!  It’s always d’Art!

d’Art.  You have.  No right.  To call anyone mad.  adslkfj

“Your endless deceptions… now give me your word”  ‘Cause that means anything

[Poor Constance keeps getting dragged into shit]  I know 😭😭  [Y'all, she ain't dumb]

Are they holding hands?  Buddy… Port is gonna be jealous  [Marsac's wrist is tied to Aramis' and his cloak is hiding the rope]  Oooh

D’ART.  YOU DONT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE SHES MARRIED!

[Um.]  Well  [*Hand on wrist*  *sigh*  "I've thought of you many times"]  Er… bro.  [Bruh… this scene]

But.  But you just called him that?  Why?  If you don’t-?  *sigh*  [No, stop, that’s not what he said… He said "Your name is held in contempt amongst your old comrades.  You're a coward and a deserter.  For that alone, you're under sentence of death."]  Ohhh  [That's all qualified by the "amongst your old comrades"]

“Friends”

Poor d’Art

Athos got some dead eyes! I’d be so scared to cross him

[Marsac favors Tom Hiddleston btw]  Ye I see it

Ooooof

Wottttt?!??  PLOT TWIST

OOOOP!  He ded  [He ded]

Fuck that! Rats

[Cardinal, stop posturing; it always goes badly]  Exactly  [I know this version of you is true neutral so you really don't have to do the whole villain monologue thing]  😂😂

He favors Izzy so much I can’t even

[Dude, the fics I could write in jail with no responsibilities]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ MAAM DON'T GET ANY IDEAS

[I adore Athos' and Porthos' loyalty to Treville]

Buddys temper is extremely short  [‘Tis true!  And d'Artagnan is not holding back!]

Gonna be beaten by a child  [He didn't, but only because he cheated and grabbed the sword to throw it away alskdjflaskdfj]

WHAT A CHILD SWEET LORD

Oooo!  Not mad at the longer hair!

WOMAN  [MA’AM]  You don’t know what you want, sweet lord!  [YOU ARE MARRIED]  “Married”...  Lots of quotations this episode

“You’ll be out on your ears” Like you was supposed to be this time

Womennnnn

Which… would be pretty good protection, what do you mean?

[I love this scene btw]

Athos is like… Wot now?  [Dumbass legit picked the best swordsman in the Musketeers laksdfjalskdfjaldskfj  Like.  Buddy… Ya ain't winning]  😂😂😂😂  [“Athos is the best swordsman in the regiment”  See?  I wasn’t exaggerating.]  😂😂😂

Athos is like… Aight, easy

[Buddy pissedddddd]

[It is a veryyyy good thing they picked Athos, for real… Man's about the only one of them not gonna be hot-headed and screw it up.  He'll sit there, stare the dude down with a glare that could cut, and still give the apology, but he *will* actually give the apology]  😂😂😂 but then he gets basically called hot headed anyway and has to apologize… Like, sorry I won?

Oooooop!  OOOOOOP THE SCAR

[I love Athos’ passive aggression]  YESSSS  ["What motive could a Musketeer possibly have to want to kill the Duke of Savoy?"  *cough cough* I KNOW WHAT YOU DID]

– – – 

Jezebel: 🙂 Flirt Ep! 🙂

Wench: Indeeddddd

Jezebel: Buddy shoulda kept the locks 😮‍💨💕😂

Wench: asdlkfj Then you’ll love season 3; I think they all have longer hair

Jezebel: 💕💕💕💕  But also ack!  As much as he has been my favorite, I hatteeeeee the old friend loyalty storylines.  But like. Can one of them have a happy backstory episode orrrr? 🥺🥺 or is it like a requirement for the musketeers ☠️

Wench: Uh... d'Art was good up until his dad?

Jezebel: Exactly ☠️☠️☠️ He was probably doing his interview telling his life and they were like “ehhhh we don’t think you’re the right fi—” and then he goes “…and then my dad is as murdered.”  and they’re like “oh, you’re in”

Wench: Also technically Aramis had the backstory AFTER he joined.  He didn't have trauma pre-regiment that I know of

Jezebel: Ahhh I see 🙂  But alas idk if I trust the friend or not.  And I’m leaning more toward not.  And now 🙂 the sword fight! 🙂

Wench: I love that fucking swordfight

Jezebel: Again!  Man has DEAD eyes!  I would not want to fuck with him!!

Wench: akdsljf Don’t be rude

Jezebel: Shush! I don’t mean it to be rude! He just has a constant look of I give zero fucks

Wench: But that two-handed twist thing in the middle of the fight?  I'm not at all sure it's historically accurate (and probably isn't) but I love it regardless.  You know the bit I mean?

Jezebel: Yes! 😂😂😂 and SAME!

Wench: Aight... ready?

Jezebel: Yup!

– – – 

[Aramis, how have you not gathered that Athos is gonna be loyal alksdfj  I thought y'all knew each other really well alskdfj]  Not gonna lie I’m kinda annoyed Flirts so quick to drop his loyalty  [Oop!  Scandal!  :))))]  Shush lol

[Also, Port in the rain again]

Oooop… Maybe they should be losing loyalty

[Oof, the soundtrack HELLA Doctor Who rn]

Oooooooh hell no  [Bruh they said she's married]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [Not that that’s stopping d'Art but still]  I really hope Flirt doesn’t defend this.. What a TURD! Ew! 😤😤😤

Lady, you stop that look

Poor d’Art ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ He was getting excited  [I love her though]  But yes I do too!!  The little giggle was adorable!  [:)))]

Ooooop

Well shit

Damn I felt the anger behind that punch irl 

Booooooo, Flirt, his- Welp.  Saw that punch coming.

["I need a drink"  We know, Athos, we know]

Ooooop she gonna get ded

[I love their cloaks 😭]  Yesssss! 

“It’s absolutely pointles- Do as he says”  And that doesn’t scream red flag  [He recognized d’Art]  No, I know laksdfj  I’m saying the duke is dumb

“How awkward”  ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

The loook ☠️☠️☠️☠️ cardinal being sassy

Well now look at that, Flirt… You done fucked up!  [Not the kind of bedroom bondage he expected?  :)]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️  [I’m hilarious]

THERES SO MANY GUNS IN FACES

OHHHHH!  PLOT TWISTSSSSSS!  [Yup!  Not Treville's fault after all!!!]

FLIRT you are flip flopping so hard

Oooop more trauma *sigh*

His queen gift! 🙂  [Something something past lover vs present]

Now Flirt’s in the rain

– – – 

Jezebel: 😤😤 I don’t like the friend at all but I don’t fully hate him either! I get why he was doing what he was doing. But it was still wrong. And the captain wasn’t truly guilty. But Flirt you upset me in this one!  For shame! They are always blinded by the urge to be loyal to the friend.  And there wasn’t much Flort interactions 🥺🥺

Wench: My condolences asdkfj  If it's any consolation, there was relatively little Athos too.  We both suffered

Jezebel: I also felt bad for Athos because he held on to his loyalty for so long then in the end he looked so disappointed that maybe it was in vain.  Meanwhile, d’Art. 😮‍💨 buddy either a) doesn’t like conflict or b) doesn’t like change. Cause he refused to believe the captain was capable of this with like… NOTHING.., to back it up.  At least the others had worked under him for a while

Wench: Yeah… d'Art is just a bit naive and idealistic.  So he believes in the good of people without much basis.  He's also hot-headed, which seems contradictory sometimes, but it's not… He makes up his mind quickly and then refuses to change it unless confronted with a serious reason.  So, he's convinced Athos killed his dad; damn but he's gonna have to fight a duel, even against three Musketeers and not just one.  He's come to know Treville as a good guy?  He wouldn't betray the Musketeers.  Etc

Jezebel: Yeah I see what you mean 🙂  Also I loved the dutchess!!!

Wench: Yessss

Jezebel: Do they ever talk about her being a spy again?

Wench: I don't think so aslkdfj

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️  What about Cluzet?

Wench: Nope

Jezebel: Sheeesh loose threads!  I’m still salty I didn’t get more Flort 🥺🥺 😂😂  I mean, I didn’t get much Port at all!  He was just kinda there… For shame!

Wench: Let him recover from last episode.  Oof- and prep for the next

Jezebel: ☠️☠️☠️ recover from whatever they walked off t- wait, next episode?  Is it bad?

Wench: Yes.  I have to stay up and do some more work.. wanna do another?  np if not

Jezebel: I’m 👀👀 hmmmmm…. Yes.  I do

Wench: Aight :)

#jezebel (pr) #musketeers #the musketeers #bbc musketeers #bbc musketeers reactions #athos #porthos #aramis #d'artagnan #portamis #s01e04 #the good soldier

[hessdalen-globe]

WIP Questionaire

thanks for tagging me @thetruearchmagos

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

I made the map years ago with no story in mind, I just wanted to make my own world. That first map was very different from the current draft, I wasn't very experienced with map making then. But the countries and major locations are pretty much the same.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

I tried really hard to find a song to fill this question, but after going through my spotify playlists and trying to think of one from memory, I just couldn't come up with one that fit.

So, here's the Duke's of Hazzard Intro. I was gonna use this just as a joke, but if you actually listen to the lyrics of the song it kind of fits with the general theme of my wip.

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

I really like Cozar's backstory, his personality, and where I plan to take him. It took me a while to discover him and piece him together, but I'm really satisfied with what I've come up with. Oros is another character of mine, and while he might not be a main one I think he has potential to be entertaining.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

I'm really not sure about that. I'm not really part of many current, big, or well known fandoms, so I'm not sure what attracts those fanbases to their media. I want to have a good number of characters that are thoroughly explored within an adventure/redemption story. So other pieces of media that share those traits would probably share fans with my wip.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

Motivation and doubt. I doubt myself and my abilities, I wonder if people will like what I write or think that its weird, boring, or predictable. I'm afraid of mean criticism and its tough for me to share what I've written. I've also struggled with motivation because my courses are very writing intense and have sucked out the joy I used to get from writing.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

The only one that's important in my first book at least is the Wharzov. It is a large and dangerous feline predator that lives in the taiga of southern Norphendra. The easiest way to describe it is a gray sabertoothed mountain lion. It also preys on humans.

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

Lots of different ways, the common everyday methods of transportation don't really differ from ones we use in our world. Throughout the first book alone they use cars, planes, and trains. At the end though, they get a new super secret way to travel that I won't talk about yet haha.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

Like I touched on before, my school courses have ruined writing for me. It's turned into something I see as a chore because I hate all the things I've had to write for my classes. They're long, tedious, and boring, and so its become very hard for me to dedicate my free time to writing after being forced to spend hours typing something I hate. So I haven't worked on my wip in months.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

The tough bad boy that just needs some love. If this was a popular anime, there'd definately be some wattpad fanfictions about Cozar lol.

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

That its something that people see, and its something that makes people happy.

[cielsosinfel]

This is me rambling about my current BG3 playthrough character, don't mind me

I've been playing a Dark Urge origin... It's just like my fucked up guro BL visual novels :") I even got to make him go through horrific eye trauma TWICE (the unavoidable intro eye trauma, but then there are TWO MOMENTS where he can get it stabbed out and replaced... wow... this game was truly made for me.)

He's a Mephistopheles Tiefling and Druid of the Spore (though I'm not having as much fun with it as I thought... Druid subclasses seem undercooked.) Based on my first/only DND character who was a mephtief and swamp druid lol. And kind of mixed with my ultra-feral Night Elf druid from my WowCraft days.

Basically playing him as someone very conflicted over the Urge(TM), who definitely has some self-disgust and self-hatred over the things he fantasizes about, remembers, wants to do, DOES... but at the same time his perspective of what's normal, and what's moral or amoral, is so warped that some things just feel too natural to be a problem. Like grave-digging the graves of innocents! Eating the flesh of other tiefling who he failed to save from death! Slaughtering enemies even when they drop their arms and beg for mercy! No big deal, right. Anyway the guro potential is real high, especially pursuing an Astarion romance where they can make each other much much worse on an abusive gory dubcon level, so I'm like... writing fic. Slowly between college work. lol

There's stuff there with being a druid who feels a calling to thee path of Spores, the cycle of death and decay and how it's necessary for life to bloom again, the violence of predatory nature and it's importance in the stability of the natural world... etc etc etc

Usually I struggle to get attached to customizable PCs in games like this because the voice offered by the dialogue choices and narrative never feels strong enough to build a character off, but... I actually am getting deeply invested in fleshing out this OC? Kind of. I mean, he's made from salvaged parts of two separate OCs obviously. But Dark Urge origin is SO MEATY with the character's narrative, while giving you so many options for characterization... it's been fun.

I just wish there were cuter vanilla head options for Tiefling dudes. All of the faces are like... Duke Nukem levels of 80s Action Hero. I had a cute modded face I LOVED but it has 0 animation and when I got to the first kissing cutscene and his lips were not moving at all while the LI was macking on his face... it had to go.

So now he has the one cute half-elf male face but it still looks kinda weird on Tieflings... (Someone point me in the direction of editing textures so I can figure out giving him better eyebrows please)

#rue in baldy gate #mine poste #bg3 #oc stuff

[the-firebird69]

You have huge numbers of troops coming and they are very Giant and they're going to go right over these people here in punta Gorda and Port Charlotte whove been so very annoying, and to pull them all in and yeah in a few minutes and it's going to happen tonight because of the immense force that is headed this way as I see it is by sea and it is enormous and is by the land bridge which is now a hundred miles across at the Bering Sea and from Brazil a huge forces assembling is massive and a worldwide alert has been issued this is a gigantic force, once I saw the seafood destroyed and sea life they began amassing in large Force because they're invasion plans was changed and thwarted. It is now gigantic and class A and it has a lot of special in it and they do have spaceships and considerably size Force that's gathering potentially 200 million spaceships which would cause very serious problems he had empire has four billion ships and the foreigners have two billion but they cost damage to them and they want to threaten their way in and not just meeting space in battle cuz it's going to be battles all over the more likely can space is growing right now it's 400 million and, we anticipated going to at least 2 billion but they don't seem to have access to more shifts than that I don't say pull them out and they haven't been doing that. That combined Force they might be able to invade it's no longer a guarantee that they can be repelled and the force is growing still especially the ground force and it's also Air forces it's becoming very large. The diamonds are being mined out as well and the clones are joining up with the force to try and invade the United States and their forces formidable they have about 200 million ships in space with their class A it's going to be a war in space and they also have two planetoids.foreigners are pulling ships up, and Max which is at about 500 million to each fleet and the clone army is calling his forses.... Huge numbers and they are in the Midwest upper Midwest and above and in the south they are below and they're coming up and they have many artillions probably $700 artillion have come out but they really have several million and each location and they plan to come up later on what's the battle ensues to take over and fight Max and Forgieners. It's a huge day we're raising kaiju you now and we're raising ships ourselves, many kaiju are gigantic. And there's a song on the radio I'm only One call away Superman got nothing on me and flashdance okay I'm trying to make fun of our son and this is his time at bat. And kisses is conjuring are giving him trouble just give it back but then manipulate stuff and Zeus is saying do you think it's my turn yet right now this planet is going around and everybody's fighting huge armies and huge fleas and then knocking each other out and here it comes the main event and while they're away he's going to rack them up. And it's me Thor Freya and Nevada Ariana say it's a huge thing that's coming this way as well as this massive intro. Is where working is entire life on it. We are working like madness right now we need control is huge.

Thor Freya

Flash dance lol hahahaha

Hera

Ohh man. It's a bit large lol

Zues

Hehehaha

Thor Freya me too lol haha Freya

Yeah well I came organized and stuff

Frank Castle hardcastle we're organized too but give me a break

Organized warfare like Chris Achilles a new book coming out and the name change to Achilles from aker Lee it's a new book by Paramount pictures

Duke Nukem Blockbuster

This is incredible he's doing something I can't tell what it is and for Christ's sake with her face all these retards that are left they can't be that hard but don't have all this hardware now I don't know where two billion chips is a lot it looked at it it's true and plus these ships of Tommy f and those are half decent chips okay you're getting ourselves organized and getting ships up and his people are too this is going to be a big fight a huge one and you guys going to be out of here so sick of you morons

Mac

We're coming for you mack we guess and he says he's going to send assassins and take us out he has anything like that from us I was going to say I do understand something he actually has done that but other people do it and what we see coming are huge numbers of army of theirs and if we don't leave they're going to grab us there's too many and we can't stop them here sweet people just sit there and make fun of him for being alone and it's pitiful all day and night anyways even though I was doing it

Bja we're pitiful creatures and we keep pestering him into bothering us and it's ridiculous we have to get out of here anyways what we're doing is so stupid and maybe we'll do something and take it over you don't know our flotilla is Giant but pound for pound they have more force in US but they're not ready for people to bring this size force. It's on shortly

Jenna

We have a right to speak and you trumpstures are dead can't believe what you're saying right now you're so dumb the no defense is here we have to leave and you want to sit here and bother him well I care about what happens to him and not to you so probably have to fight yours to get out of here and so he's not in danger we have to start doing it now

Becka

[serpenteve]

[This is a long ask, I am sorry]

I'm Russian Anon from a bit back, and NEVER TALK TO ME about these names in the Gregverse. I can understand wanting to have something that is perhaps Russian-influenced, but then you alter our names in a a way that is interesting, and you don't just ignore things like our patronymics, how we address each other depending on familiarity (For example, you would address your superiors/strangers/teachers as [Name] [Patronymic]. Alina should be addressing Baghra as Baghra Ilyichna), or our family names (For example, if Anna Karenina was born Nikolai, he would be Nikolai Karenin instead).

-Fedyor--Fyodor. Probably changed because people named Fyodor are sometimes given the nickname Fedya. That, or LB didn't realize that in Russian, Фёдор (Fyodor) is sometimes spelled without the two dots of ё (A letter that has the sound 'yo') by natives, so it looks like Федор, which it still is not.

-Malyen is not a Russian name. I have no idea where LB got it. No one names their child that if they have working knowledge of the Russian language. Perhaps a nickname for your child? The root of the name, depending, is found in our words for 'too few' or 'little'.

-The Darkling is named Aleksander, which is a name that means 'Defender of Mankind', so I have questions about what, precisely, his purpose in the story is. He should also be Aleksander [Patronymic] Morozov, and called Sasha, Sash'enka, or even Sash'en'uchka, depending on how close you are to him (Or if you're an enemy and wish to insult him). Perhaps Alyosha, too but that tends to be reserved for Alexey.

-It should be a huge deal that Alina and Mal lack patronymics as orphans. To address someone who is not a friend or family, in tsarist Russia, without their patronymic would've been a not-small insult. They would always be referred to as Alina Starkova or Malyen Oretsev by people trying not to be too rude. They couldn't even be introduced at court without revealing themselves to be orphans.

-The same for Zoya Nazyalenskaya. Either she has turned her father's name intro an unusual patronymic (Suhmevna? Suhmichna?), further marking her out.

-It would be easy to denote intimacy (Or scandal) if say, Nikolai was inviting Alina or Zoya to call him Nikita or Kolya.

-Or, if you want to show Alina and the Darkling being in love, Alina was being called Alya or Alinoch'ka by Aleksander.

-I'm sorry for another rant, but our naming system is useful for story drama, interesting, and not even that difficult!

Ahhhh I love Russian forms of address! It's such a handy way to immediately denote the relationship between two characters just by what they call each other 💕💕And thank you for the mental image of Baghra sarcastically calling Aleks something like "Sash'en'uchka" in public and him immediately faking his death and moving to Tsibeya ☠️

It would have been interesting if both Mal and Alina didn't know their surnames and went by the Duke's name (Alina Keramsova, Malyen Keramsov) and that immediately told everyone that they were orphans and how that would have affected their identities. Also, I read somewhere that "Malyen" is the "Ravkan" form of "Malcolm" which...........................ok whatever leigh

At some point, I just decided that the Gregverse doesn't have diminutives for the sake of simplicity, but then in the second book, Nikolai refers to Vasily as "Vasya" so then that means that diminutives DO exist and we have to contend with characters like Genya or Misha who everyone calls by the diminutive??? What is their actual name??? *cue x-files theme*

#viv answers #linguistic butchery of a perfectly beautiful language

[house-of-boomer-shooters]

Introduction

"Hello internet! Welcome to the house of Boomer Shooters, a blog where you can ask questions and chat with some of the universe's most famous (or infamous) one-man-armies! My name is Isabelle and I created this blog in agreement with the boomer shooters to get to know the rest of the world a bit when they're not out ripping and tearing."

"Who are the boomer shooters you ask? Well I'll let them introduce themselves!"

"Hello you sweaty degenerate basement dwellers, it's ya boy Postal dude but you can just call me Postal. Do I have a name? Who the fuck knows, I forgot that shit anyway a long time ago. It's probably from all those health pipes I've smoked but oh well, that high was worth it."

"Heyyy babes and bastards, the name's Duke, Duke Nukem. I love guns, cigars, bombs, explosions, but most of all I love hot babes! Lots of people call me arrogant and stupid but I don't give a fuck, I just shoot the bastards lol. Who needs brains when you've got giant fuckin guns and hot babes by your side?"

"Hello internet. I'm William J. Blazkowicz I go by a few names though. B. J. Blazkowicz, Billy Blazkowicz, Terror Billy, and probably more. You can just call me BJ to keep things simple. I shoot Nazis for fun and I have zero tolerance for bigots. I tend to keep to myself but I'd die for my family and country."

"The last one is Doom Guy but he doesn't like talking that much so I'll write out an intro for him. He goes by Doom Guy or Doom and he is super quiet as you can tell. Most people think he's mute but he can speak, it's just that he chooses not to. He only ever really speaks to me and on very very rare occasions to the other boomer shooters. He likes to let his actions speak for him and not waste time talking. He is actually multilingual and speaks english and animalese. He learned the second one after he met me since I don't actually speak english but he wanted to get to know me. We've been the best of friends for years and he actually translated all of my text for me! He loves animals, guns, heavy metal, guitars, collecting, gaming, and much more. If he does talk his text will show up in green like this. Say hi Doom guy!"

"... Hey..."

"Alrighty then, that's all of them! We hope you enjoy chatting with us and we look forward to answering your questions! Before you open that ask box though I'd suggest you check the rules first. Don't worry, they're short and simple so it won't take too much time. Have a great day internet!"

#doom #doom slayer #doom guy #doomguy #id software #postal 2 #boomer shooter #duke nukem #postal #running with scissors #rws #wolfenstein #doom eternal #rp #b j blazkowicz #animal crossing #isabelle animal crossing

[penstrokes]

Multiverse of Madness Reaction

Are Pizza Balls a real thing? I want some.

Spoilers below:

What I Loved:

America Chavez

Wanda's intro with the Wandavision theme 😭😭

Strange's comment about "bug-themed heroes"

Bruce Campbell

That sequence where Strange cuffed Mordo with half the hand-cuff so they just had to duke it out without magic lol

The fight with Maria Rambeau, Peggy Carter and Wanda was pretty cool

Just...hearing Patrick Stewart say the words "Wanda Maximoff" like omg

The battle with the music notes?? The dueling orchestra?? *Chef's kiss*

The concept of burying a Strange at the beginning of the movie and then coming back to it at the end.

The very last scene in the movie is so chaotic lmaoo

The second post credit scene 😂😂

Everything Wong. All Hail Wong

Left Me Shook:

They freaking pulled the eyeball out of the creature's head?? I thought they were just gonna stab it

Black Bolt exploding his own head? Sheesh

Evil Strange getting impaled

Miscellaneous Thoughts:

Can't wait for this movie to come to digital so I can slow down the first multiverse travel sequence.

Ok it's obvious Marvel still doesn't have the stretching effect figured out which is why Mr. Fantastic barely did anything before Wanda offed him

Idk how I feel about the whole Clea thing. I know the whole point of the movie is "You have to move on from things." but I'm actually weirdly attached to Christine and Stephen as a couple, and it kinda hurts.

Hot Take (I guess?):

I don't think Wanda was out of character here. Maybe its because I've seen Agents of SHIELD and what the Darkhold does to people but I believe Wanda, seeing what she desires above all else just out of reach, and with the Darkhold whispering in her ear, would do what she did. She started out as a villain in the MCU and always had a bit of a ruthless streak, and the Darkhold brings out the worse in people.

#doctor strange in the multiverse of madness #marvel #mcu #doctor strange #america chavez #doctor strange spoilers #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: Mortal Kombat 2021

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where Today I'm Looking At The 2021 Mortal Kombat Movie...

Now, I Bet You're Asking Me, Andrew, Why Are You Reviewing This And Not The Original Mortal Kombat Movie And It's Sequel, Mortal Kombat Annihilation? Because I Don't Need A Frying Pan To Hit Me Over The Head To Know For A Fact That Both Of Those Films Are Horrible...

Where This Film Knows How To Handle The Game It's Taking On, Of Course, Some People Will Disagree With Me On This But Intend To Prove Those Haters Wrong Today...

So, With That Said, Let's Dive Into Mortal Kombat 2021...

Expect Spoilers From Here On Out...

The Movie Starts At The Home Of Hanzo Hasashi In Japan In The Year 1617, Where Hanzo Goes To Get 2 Buckets Of Water For His Wife, But Before He Goes, He Tells Her That He Loves Her Very Much...

However As Hanzo Gets Water, His Family Is Visited By Hanzo's Nemisis, Bi-Han, Whose Group Known As The Lin Kuei (Who Controls The Power Of Ice) Is Out To Annihilate Every Member Of Hanzo's Group, The Shirai Ryu From Existence And With Hanzo Being The Last One...He Makes Himself A Good Target...

So, Yeah, Bi-Han Kills Hanzo's Wife And Eldest Son By Freezing Them To Death, Which Leads Hanzo To Create A Makeshift Weapon (Out Of A Blade His Wife Used For Gardening And Some Rope) So He Can Fight The Warriors Of The Lin Kuei Before Fighting Bi-Han Himself Only To Get Killed During The Fight...

But Before Hanzo Dies, He Hears The Cries Of His Baby Daughter But In Attempting To Go To The Baby He Dies...

But That Doesn't Stop A God Named Raiden From Showing Up And Taking The Baby Himself To Find The Kid A New Home, Which Not Only Leads To A Title Card And Brief Star Wars Like Intro Revealing That There Is A Tournament That Decides The Fate Of Earth And Earth Has Lost 9 Of Them And Should It Lose One More, Then Earth Will Be Invaded By A Realm Called Outworld...

However, An Ancient Prophecy Has Revealed That A New Group Of Champions Led By Hanzo's Ancestor Will Tip The Balance For Earth...

Which Leads Up To Now, Where Hanzo's 21st Century Relative Who Now Goes By Cole Young Is Boxing For Money For His Family...

Now, Very Briefly, Let's Talk About Cole Who Is A New Character For This Movie And Is Not In The Video Game...

This Has Fans Debating That The Main Focus Should Have Been A Character From The Game, Namely Johnny Cage Instead Of A New Character To Which I Unfortunately Disagree With As Going With A New Character Works Better In The Movie's Favor...

Think About It, If They Had Made A Character From The Game The Main Focus It Would Come With Expectations That The Fanbase Expects For Characters Of This Game Adding To The Other Expectations For The Other Characters That Are From The Game That Are In This Movie...

Where A New Character Not Only Gives Us A Fresh Set Of Eyes To Look At This World, But A Way To Put Us Not Only Into The Movie But Into This World...

Unfortunately, Cole Loses The Fight But It's Enough To Impress A Guy Named Jax (Played By Jimmy Olsen From Supergirl) Who A Tattoo On Cole Only For His Daughter To Reveal That It's Not A Tattoo But A Birthmark Which He's Had Since He Was Born...

Meanwhile In Outworld, The Ruler Of This Realm, Shang Tsung...

Yes, That Guy,..

Tells Bi-Han Who Has Now Become...

Sub-Zero...

That The Prophecy Is Upon Them And He Wants Him To Go To Earth To Eliminate The Champions, Which Leads Sub-Zero To Attack Cole And His Family While They're Getting Dinner At A Restaurant...

Luckily Though, They Are Saved By Jax Who Reveals He Has A Tattoo Like Cole Does And That He's Been Chosen To Fight But Before Jax Can Tell Him Anymore They're Confronted By Sub-Zero Who Attacks Their Car, But Before Jax Goes To Fight Sub-Zero He Tells Cole To Go To Gary, Indiana...

This An Action Movie, Not A Musical!

Anyway, He Tells Cole To Go There And Find Sonya Blade Who Will Have More Information About Everything...

So, With Cole Taking His Family To Safety, Jax Goes To Fight Sub-Zero Only For Sub-Zero To Freeze Jax's Arms And Rip Them The Hell Off...

Jax Falls To The Ground Which Leads Sub-Zero To Believe Jax Is Dead But We'll See Jax Later...

After Dropping His Family Off, Cole Goes To See Sonya Blade Who Not Only Reveals That People With Markings Like The Ones Cole And Jax Have Have Been Chosen To Fight For Earth In A Tournament Known As Mortal Kombat, But Also That She Has A Mercenary Named Kano Who Killed A Champion That Sonya Was After Only To Get The Marking Himself...

But Before Sonya Can Give More Information, They're Attacked By Reptile, A Minion Of Shang Tsung But He Defeated By Kano Who Breaks Free During The Fight...

Before He Leaves, Kano Mentions Raiden's Temple, (A Place Where Champions Have Gone To Train For The Tournament) So Sonya Makes A Deal With Kano To Take Them There For 3 Million Dollars (Despite Not Having It) And He Does...

Travelling To The Middle Of The Desert, We Get A Small Fight Between Kano And Sonya, Before They Run Into Liu Kang (Played By The Black Ranger From The Power Rangers Reboot) Who Takes Them To Raiden's Temple To See Raiden Himself Who's Not Exactly Pleased With What He Has To Work With...

But Beggars Can't Be Choosers As Outworld Comes To Them Forcing Liu Kang And His Cousin, Kung Lao To Deal With The Intruders But Raiden Interpheres As Shang Tsung, Sub-Zero And Another Minion, Mileena Arrive...

However Despite Ordering His Minions To Kill The Champions, Raiden Creates An Electric Force Field Preventing Them From Entering...

Yeah, Go Cry To Your Mama, Shang Tsung...

So, As Both Kano And Cole Begin Training For Their Arcana (Which Is Their Inner Power), Sonya Discovers That Jax Is Alive And That As Sub-Zero Froze His Arms He Also Cauterised Jax's Wounds And All It's Going To Take Now Is Time...

Which I Think Is Liu Kang's Way Of Saying "We Can Rebuild Him, We Have The Technology"...

And So, Jax Becomes The Six Million Dollar Jax...

Well, I Guess Six Million Dollars Doesn't Buy What It Used To Buy...

With Very Little Success Of Getting Their Arcana On Their First Day, Everyone Has Dinner Only For Kung Lao To Start Insulting Kano Which Leads to Him Getting His Arcana Of Shooting A Laser From His Eye...

But Unlike Kano, Cole Is Having A Hard Time Getting His Arcana And With Time Running Out He Needs To Get It....Fast....

This Leads Raiden To Send Cole Home Despite Telling Him The Truth About Hanzo And How He Was He Was Hoping That The Power Of His Bloodline Would Be Strong Enough For Cole To Get His Arcana...

Meanwhile In Outworld, Shang Tsung Prepares His Minions, Millena, Nitara, Kabal And General Reiko For An Attack On Raiden's Temple...

But How Will They Lower Raiden's Force Field?

Well, Unfortunately, Kabal Knows Kano And Goes Off To Convince Him To Join Shang Tsung's Team And Guess What? He Accepts.,,

So, Yeah, Kano Brings Down The Shield Allowing Shang Tsung And His Minions To Attack The Temple While Cole Is Attempting To Protect His Family From Freaking Goro!

And Holy Shit, Did They Give Goro An Update!

But As The Fights Happen We Get Lines From The Game Including "Finish Him!" And "Flawless Victory" Kung Lao Kills Nitara Only For Shang Tsung To Kill Kung Lao, Jax's Arms Finally Look Like They're Worth Six Million Dollars And Transform Into Badass Robotic Arms Intead Of Wimpy Ones

And Cole Gains His Arcana (Of Transforming Into Kinetic Armor And Weapon Creation) To Save His Family From Goro Which Leads To The Most Gruesome Death In This Movie...

But Despite Cole Returning To The Temple To Help, Raiden Gets The Team Out By Taking Them To The Void, Which Is A Space Between Earthrealm And OutWorld To Come Up With A Plan

And Their Plan Is Very Simple...

Jax Fights Reiko ( Reiko Gets His Head Smashed In By Jax), Sonya Fights Kano (Kano Has An Ironic Death And Sonya Gains His Mark, Becoming A Champion) And Liu And Cole Fight Both Mileena And Kabal (Kabal Dies By Liu's Fire Dragon Ability And Mileena Gets Blasted By Sonya When She Shows Up)

They Had Intended Taking Sub-Zero Together But When He Shows Cole A Bracelet That Belonged To Cole's Daughter, He's Like "I Have Your Family, Come Get Me Bitch!"

So, Cole Enters A Portal To Face Sub-Zero Alone, Well...Not Really...

Using A Blade That Belonged To Hanzo During The Fight, Cole Summons The Spirit Of Hanzo To Fight With Him...,

But He's Not Hanzo Anymore, Oh, No....He's...

Scorpion!

And He's Like...

So, Yeah, Scorpion Kills Sub-Zero By Burning The Bastard With Fire Breath Before Returning To Help And Cole Saves His Family....

But As Raiden And His Team Arrive, Shang Tsung Also Arrives Saying That Death Is Just Another Portal And Next Time, He Will Come With Armies Before Leaving

However, Though They Won This Battle, The Fight Is Not Over By Any Means As Raiden Assembles A New List Of Champions For The Team To Recruit...

Packing Up His Locker At The Wrestling Ring, Cole Tells His Agent That He's Going To Hollywood As We Look At A Poster That Tells Us Johnny Cage Will Be In The Sequel...

This Movie Was...Pretty Damn Epic!

How This Isn't One Of The Best Video Game Movie Adaptations Ever I Will Never Know, I Guess It Just Comes Down To People Are Idiots And Don't Know What The Hell They're Talking About...

"The Story Is Confusing" If The Story Is Confusing Then You Don't Belong Reviewing Movies Cause You Have No Idea What A Good Movie Is!, "The Movie Has Horrible Writing" Have You Even Seen The Original Mortal Kombat Movie? That And Annihilation Have Worse Writing Than This Movie! "We Should Have Had Johnny Cage Instead Of Cole" We're Getting Him In The Sequel, Give The Writers A Freaking Break And Stop Being Critical Pricks!

So, Yeah, It's Obvious That This Has Become My Favorite Video Game Movie And I Say Don't Listen To People Like Angry Joe Or Hack The Movies Who Don't Know What They're Talking About And Go See This Movie

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off

#Mortal Kombat #warner bros

[ben-the-hyena]

The more I think about it the more a Moulin Rouge episode parody would have been hilarious and even more hilarious when you realize the show parodied so many movies it could have happened

Like Bella insisting (and being Toulouse Lautrec to be the narrator but everybody think just because he's small) in playing it because he loves the movie ("YOU like this ?" "Vampires do have a dramatic, romantic side") in paying tribute to it but as usually things turn wacky and crazy, the other racers are not as eager as him (well Dick is but wants to steal the spotlight too much) and the censor lady of the CN network just HARRASSES them in changing words (THREATENING FLOATING PRESENCE), plot devices (NO COURTESANS, JUST DANCERS ! I SAID JUST DANCERS) etc since we all know what the movie is about and Bella loses more and more his cool. Songs are parodied with snarky or literal lyrics "COPYRIGHT WE CANNOT FIGHT COPYRIGHT", and the ending that has Bella snap and give up is when instead of a tragic ending they all give up and they realize France has its own kind of falous race, le tour de France, so they all go jump on a bike and off they go back to the usual across the country. Bella ends up joining

Christian is Peter. All over love but also his usual stupid clueless self fucking up the scenario through quiproquos or adding things to make it more fun because "musicals are boring" ; also doesn't get half of the hints and believes all the network changes were in the original "That was one weird movie"

Penelope is Satine who of course for censor needs is not only not a courtesan but a dancer, bur instead of tuberculosis she has a rare disease that has safes fall on her head at random times until it will kill her, ruining her musical intro number after a "WAIT WHAT" after Bella gave the modified G rated pitch. She is almost dead by the end of the episode/show of course. Meanwhile she was chosen because she was the most attractive of the ladies available and Pandora is once again jealous and furious from this "HOW ABOUT ME !?" "Who are you again ?"

Muttley is the duke. Silent lady's man who just snickers all the time with popcorn as the show goes on. Gets fucking wrecked by C.A.R instead or Chocolat when he insists too much to Satine ; trolls Dick or bears with his complains as usual too

Dick in fact wanted to be Christian just yo have the main role and out of jealousy towards Peter as usual but was given the role of the Argentinian. A dashing handsome hispanic hidalgo with such a nice moustache !? He was sold ! But what does narcolepsy mean ? Therefore whenever a crisis is needed IQ blows a dart of a product he made right to him so he just collapses in snores immediatly no matter how much he hates it, even in moments where he is not supposed to which annoys him AND Bella "IQ WHY !?!" "But that's more realistic, narcolepsy is a very dangerous condition for a reason !" He even gets darted in the very end by Muttley to shut him up, making him snicker before the end credits

The remaining Toulouse's troop are Tiny and IQ ; IQ however has no clue of the real scenario because the censor but also everyone fakes it to preserve his innocence "why does the Duke want Satine anyway ?" "Because dating websites don't exist yet and he is lonely" "oh like Mr Dastardly" "YOU LITTLE-" *darts him* "zzzzz"

As said the other performers are played ny other recurring characters, C.A.R (EVEN GHE CAR, YELLS SNAGGLEPUSS), Mrs Barnstorm who insists on being seen adored or else everybody is fired, Duchess (and her puppet is one too) who takes advantage of her presence to try to kidnap Peter like at some point during a romantic scene Peter gets tied up and taken away while Penny is like "Christian ? Where are you ?" before getting crushed by a safe, and Pandora who gets her revenge by playing Nini to be the betrayer who tells the Duke about Satine and Christian ; she and Dick have a Tango de Roxane parody scene that is JUST starting to be conniving and flirty when IQ darts him "NO NO WAIT WAIT- zzzzzzzzzz" letting Pandora poker faced with a sleeping man in her arms and "the show must go on" as Brick Crashman just takes a broom and gets them out

Brick Crashman is Harold Zidler who presents the show more like a live than a real cabaret "WELCOME TO WACKY DANCERS I'M HAROLD CRASHLER AND THIS IS A LIVE WITH OUR FAVORITE COMPETITORS IN 19TH CENTURY PARIS" gets thwarted by everyone whenever he gets in the way for the dramatic scenario

Snagglepuss cameos who wants to be a Cancan dancer or dramatic actor but keeps being found no matter how hard he tries and gets kicked outside

Scrappy Doo is the Green absinth fairy. He barely appears they freak out and splat him

#MIKE DISA I HAVE A REQUEST !!! #episode #tv show #parody #crossover #moulin rouge #wacky races #WITH ALL THE SHOW GAVE US IT WOULD NOT BE OOC AND I LOVE TO IMAGINE IT #moi #lol #I'm laughing