#I don’t know why this embarrasses me

[imsorryisuck]

I’m sorry to anyone who saw me walk through the parking lot at warped tour in 2013 looking for someone to talk to at night.

I’m sorry I looked like a stereotypical asshole. I’m really not like that. I was only like that literally one day of year and that was at warped tour. I truly envy anybody that worked there. I did not want to look like some sort of hooker, but I think that’s how I ended up looking. I literally looked up to anyone that worked on warped tour and wanted to do anything I possibly could to help them since I lost my dream of working in the music industry. I would’ve given you all the food and drinks and anything you needed at warped tour, but I literally thought everybody working there was loaded and making tons of money so I never bothered.

If you worked on warped work at any period, just thank you. thank you so much for anything you did and I hope you are succeeding at life. I’m sorry you had to deal with an asshole like me dressing like a seeming prostitute. I’m glad I didn’t meet any men that night, they probably would’ve laughed at me.

#I’m sorry warped tour #I don’t know why this embarrasses me #warped tour

[friendlyengie]

I think one of th things with soldier is that a lot of the times ppl just put him at his Maximum Everything. Maximum idiot maximum LOUD. But the thing is hes not really at 100 all of the time. Hes a very 0 to 100 type character. In the comics at least. Like i remember rereading the first comic and just sort of being fascinated by how he Is. Chill isnt really the right word but I dont know how else to explain it.

“The heart makes its own rules” what are you saying.

Anyways i think part of soldiers whole thing is that he operates in his own world on his own rules. He will say shit so casually or matter of factly but hes not always screaming it. Sometimes hes just. Saying things. With a tone that could convince you he knows what hes saying until you register the words and realize he is saying nothing sentences to you.

#Tf2 #idk. Idk. #I can’t do things with soldier for the life of me. Istruggle with him so bad. #He is second hand embarrassment: the character. You know. #I don’t even mean that in a derogatory way its just how he operates. #hes a joke character but not like a punchline just like a fucking. Aidk i dont know. #Idont think anyone knows what soldiers deal is. Not even ppl making official content about him. #as evident from the different vibe he gives in game vs older comics vs the official series. #boy why you so problems. #the clown speaks

[kicktwine]

oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock

#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock #if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died #sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior- #kipspeak #she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more ‘shameful’ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not #to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now #this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky #Is just fun for her. it’s fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or they’ll never learn to laugh at themselves #the twins and thancred 🫵 do this thing where they have big emotions but they don’t want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions #so alphy pretends he doesn’t have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is #just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. he’s got enough baggage for a flatbed #anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o #weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot #it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting #she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct #just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close #my brother didn’t learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and he’s #HILARIOUS. Don’t tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasn’t learned when to stop yet #too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed #very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if they’re having fun #and try to stop her if they’re not having fun. case in point ‘what is that supposed to mean?!’ vs ‘alisaie ryne was only trying to help.’ #I know they’re twins but that’s such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me #LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya #It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actions— #I’m not done let me s #she and raha are friends now I decree. ‘haha you like me’ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH

[blamebonk]

i LOVE how you draw levi it makes me go I WANT THAT FAT BOY………. you also give him frilly ears and I LOVE OT SO MUHc he is so boyfailure.not a request or anything i just love him in ur style especially

HAHA thank you!!u said it’s not a request or anything but drew this anyway teehee Shoved my mc Kris in sorry sorry

#every time someone says they love my Levi I do a little dance and giggle and wave my hand like an embarrassed lady it’s true #my art #obey me leviathan #mc Kris #I don’t know why this helped me draw something but..it did #obey me

[theswedishpajas]

The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄

#my art stuff #digital art #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin #this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle” #I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style #but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!! #I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism #cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever #constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal #you know how it is 😔 #I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff - #- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it #which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance #I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead #it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong” #at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards #man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether #either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something #being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff #don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes #tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me #i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure

[tariah23]

I rly don’t see how ppl be 20+ shipping kids anymore tbh… like, it’s so rampant and I don’t see the appeal to it anymore being as tho I’m in my late 20’s.

#I’m grown….. it always baffles me to see it like man I don’t care I don’t find joy in it anymore since I’m not a teenager #I just look at them and think they’re like my fake son… daughter nephew niece whatever lol #give me the struggling and mentally fucked up 20+ year old give me those middle age bitches man if I’m going to like a ship now anyway #like i don’t care about the romance between kids man it sucks that this is such a huge thing in most fandom spaces #not that I participate in said spaces since ppl are annoying and embarrassing #also very nasty #sns is diff tho like that’s a whole other thing 🪽 #sns is just a classic it’s legendary it transcends space and time it it- #I’m so glad that jjk is full of adults tho lmfaoo #one of Gege’s only W’s… especially impressive for a shounen #i like jjk outside of the goiji pairings too like I just genuinely enjoy it despite how awful it is now lol #again #I do think that ppl need to learn how to become more comfortable with enjoying media outside of shipping tho #like there’s nothing wrong with it obviously but I’m talking more like how tons of ppl only get into a new series for the sole purpose #of shipping instead of engaging with said media and the story that it’s trying to tell… #this is why fanon and wild insane hc’s usually get out of control too to the point where those who might be interested in checking out #a series might be deterred because they don’t even know what the show is about because the only stuff that ppl see about the thing is ship #stuff and like discourse #and the behavior of the fans… #these ppl be 30+ arguing with teenagers man it’s crazy to me #I just think there needs to be a balance lol #like still go crazy. Have fun and all but you get it #but anyway. with all that being said! Goiji stays winning in my heart 🚶🏾‍♀️ #rambling

[krisget-thebanana]

Oopsies my hand slipped and I drew this

#FINALLY gave into the urges and drew them. sorry guys the mental illness won this time #tbf i’ve been deranged about this pairing for almost a year now i think i have a right to indulge myself after so long #GOD this is embarrassing to post. my sense of shame is too strong to be posting cringe art of my godawful ships even on here #if you hate me for drawing this don’t worry i’ll go die in a hole after posting this!!! #just kidding i’ll actually probably draw more even though i find it embarrassing #death note #death note fanart #mello #mihael keehl #soichiro yagami #soichiro x mello #mello x soichiro #soichello #<— some of you may want to filter those last three tags considering that i post about them semi regularly #if you don’t know how i’m pretty sure you just go settings —> account —> filtered tags and put in whatever tag you want to filter #chara’s art #first time drawing soichiro and i draw him at the most difficult angle possible. why did i do that to myself #i mean it’s not bad for my first attempt but he looks. thinner?? then i intended??? #mello’s face looks off here but i had fun drawing him #anyways happy new years. i spent the last few days of last year and the first few hours of this year drawing this #what an amazing and productive way of spending that time #new years resolution is to go outside and touch grass #i can’t stop writing in the tags. i think it’s because i’m hesitating to post this lmao #oh my god whatever just shut up and hit post

[moonilit]

Self Immolation chapter 17, Holy and Jote for @itsjustliah

#Tiny jote made a tiny student #Jote being so embarrassed she flipped a kid 360 degrees up in the air was so funny #I wish joshua saw it he would have been laughing the whole way to the infirmary #Jote battle senses KICKED IN #You can’t tell me she didn’t give the same flop to joshua at sone point he would know #Joshua make a bond with holy and be the trickster he is #“I have heard jote say she doesn’t like filthy mouthed kids” said joshua to holy #“I heard the captain say she doesn’t like when you don’t eat your viggies” said holy deadpanned #Joshua: #Joshua: very well kid you didn’t disappoint me #NOW tell me why did i draw holy like this i swear it was not intentional #Also when my first impression was she was 14 yaxgjbf #Jote #joshua rosfield #ffxvi #final fantasy xvi

[trans-ghostboi]

This is literally the most stupid idea I’ve ever had but ig if this post gets like idk 1k notes by April 15 then I’ll stop $hing and tell my therapist so that I can get help

#this is genuinely the most idiot decision I’ve ever made but atp any tiny scrap of motivation and/or care is helpful #it’s like 12:30 am so I’ll probably delete this in the morning but oh well #why is it embarrassing to post my issues on here literally no one actually knows me #$hblr #$h vent #vent post #tw vent #also I have no idea who’s gonna see this but don’t tell me shit about how $h is bad and oh why would you do that love yourself and all that #like I fucking know you’re not doing anything other than making me feel like shit

[pinkspiraling]

i wonder if he thought about me today

#i wanna text him so bad but he’ll want me to come over and i’m on a vacation now #but i just wanna know how his week is :( but we don’t talk like that #oh my god i’m so embarrassed with myself. we don’t talk like that…WHY AM I WANTING MORE i hate it #pink never shuts up

[grmpgm]

ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually

#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can #i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed #i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline #my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up #and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf #it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do #it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time #kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly #it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly #it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person #it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t. #so i won’t be i guess. #and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional #worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully? #i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place. #i have literally no excuses #it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better #and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!) #it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL

[lesbiansanemi]

Still thinking about the conversation I had with my roommate’s bf like two weeks ago where he said he was scared of furries but also didn’t even know enough about furries to know they were called furries I had to figure out wtf he was talking about. The urge to become a full blown furry now. Despite having all the makings of a furry I for some reason have never ended up enthusiastically becoming one despite my best efforts. Well. With spite as my motivator here we are. Where are the furry artists, I’m commissioning both my tentative ideas for my fursonas. I’m inviting all my friends who are furries over and we’re gonna work on making fursuits. I will also make this a hostile living situation for you AND I will get the added bonus of doing fun furry stuff

#during the same conversation he very heavily insinuated he thought I was a cringey weirdo in the most derogatory sense #by making fun of most of my hobbies and calling ppl who liked them cringey weirdos #but then going ‘oh! oh no! I don’t mean you though you’re fine you’re like Normal 😀’ #so. you know. #anyways last night I walked in the door from work #and the entire apartment smelled like weed and there was a dog barking at me and he was watching tv SO loud #🙃🙃🙃 sensory overload immediately in main part of apartment so I hid in bedroom all night #I’m also irritated cuz I’ve had convos with my roommate about weed FOREVER ago #literally my one ask was if he was gonna smoke he do it outside so the apartment doesn’t smell like it #idc if you smoke and you are free to do edibles/dabs/whatever inside just pls don’t smoke joints #I hate the smell and it’s bad for the animals #so why is it 🙃🙃🙃 all of a sudden happening again as this guy moves in 🙃🙃🙃 #anyways about to become a revenge furry and also suuuuuper fucking cringey just to bother/embarrass him #esp cuz he said he wants to have friends over all the time which I’m also FUDJDJSJSKSK about #but sure! invite friends over! #I’m gonna sit in the living room with my giant easel and draw furries and listen loudly to vocaloid while they’re here 🥰 #I’m gonna have a great time! you won’t tho lmao #kaz rambles

[xmcu-fietro]

anyone know any tips for hacking into that sweet adhd hyperfocused state of mind when you’re depressed and apathetic about life 🙃

#like actually. does anyone know how I can feel that fun hyperfixation buzz in my brain when my dopamine is this low #because this isn’t very fun #and it’s really affecting me #turns out it’s bad to not care about your own well-being. who knew!! /s #tw: suicidal thoughts #not trying to be TMI or get too dark or anything but honestly I just don’t really want to be here? and I’ve felt this way before so I’ll be #fine but it still sucks. I just don’t understand what the point of me being here is #and I know this level of apathy isn’t logical because there are objectively good things about my life but it all feels so pointless #I just feel so defeated that I’ve had years of meds and therapy and I STILL struggle this much #I don’t get what my purpose is beyond ‘getting better’/coping w disability and I don’t get why I’m here #not sure why I’m sharing this much on tumblr. I’m definitely going to feel awkward/embarrassed about this later #actually adhd #adhd #hyperfocus #hyperfixation #fietro’s personal posts

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be #so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating #like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read #and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’ #bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere #but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak #and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u #and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN! #HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD…… #my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing #i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘ #and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War #Please Hug Me Though. #imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy #and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool #your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock #how are you supposed to respond to that. #snack time #toa #longpost

[calamitydaze]

long tag ramble below u have been warned

#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again #but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags #(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now #but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao) #so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t #anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable #and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it #her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night #but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt #or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort #and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person #and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal #as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward #i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer #but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been #either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing #i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever #also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway #sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation #i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me #but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still) #plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down #so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again #but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to #anyway. i think that’s all i have to say! #i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open #love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶 #bella talks

[bastardsofravenkroft-blog]

wait what happened with pissditching? im p sure you talked abt them in an ask response but i never understood what happened...

basically pissditching is friends with revengeromance and girlgerard (both of whom i dislike atp*) i said something in the tags of a post abt how i was pissed at revengeromance for something (unrelated) and pissditching found it and lowkey harassed me and several friends over it and said some real fucking weird shit to me so i blocked them (and probably said something snarky abt them on main but i dont really remember)

*i dont personally like these two users bc they (specifically gg) are the forefront of call gerard way nothing but she/her and i think thats fucking weird 🙂 personally. so i have them blocked and don’t interact with anyone around them at all.

#so in the tags of a random post i mentioned leo. so like. what was pissditching doing on my blog huh. i know but i dont want to get that far #into it honestly. at least publicly. but i know what they were doing lmao #do i make an ass of myself on the internet at times for reminding ppl someone’s prns? yeah probably. jokes and affection can be okay #but every. fucking. time. is so fucking weird. and gross. at least to me but what do i know. anyways #theres two ppl in that circle who i really hate enough to not mention here.i have nothing neutral to say at all. neither are gg or pd. #anyways this is also why i don’t interact with most of the fandom anymore its just so exhausting #ppl say that sort of shit to g. and as a qnc/queer person it just gets to me yk #btw im not posting this to “start drama”. dont even. the “gender wars” are such bullshit it’s embarrassing #crimson answers #crimson speaks #reportinglivefromsoda #the jester #the flunkies