imsorryisuck

[imsorryisuck]

I’m sorry to anyone who saw me walk through the parking lot at warped tour in 2013 looking for someone to talk to at night.

I’m sorry I looked like a stereotypical asshole. I’m really not like that. I was only like that literally one day of year and that was at warped tour. I truly envy anybody that worked there. I did not want to look like some sort of hooker, but I think that’s how I ended up looking. I literally looked up to anyone that worked on warped tour and wanted to do anything I possibly could to help them since I lost my dream of working in the music industry. I would’ve given you all the food and drinks and anything you needed at warped tour, but I literally thought everybody working there was loaded and making tons of money so I never bothered.

If you worked on warped work at any period, just thank you. thank you so much for anything you did and I hope you are succeeding at life. I’m sorry you had to deal with an asshole like me dressing like a seeming prostitute. I’m glad I didn’t meet any men that night, they probably would’ve laughed at me.

#I’m sorry warped tour #I don’t know why this embarrasses me #warped tour

[imsorryisuck]

AP,

I felt so bad about myself for such a long time. Because you rejected me and ignored me so many times. At the same time, I never felt more on top of the world than when I discovered you. The way you looked at me, that same look you gave hundreds of other blonde girls. You captivated me. You gave me a light in the boring ass world I was in. You are one of the few men that I drove hundreds of miles for. I literally felt a real connection to you even though we had such minimal contact. I wanted you so bad. I had a goal to give you a lap dance at one point 🤮🫣. I sold weed so I could see you. The only thing I am ever guilty of is loving you to pieces and supporting you. Now, when I think of you, I just think of the lies you made the world believe.

And now I sit here and say that I wish I wouldn’t have wasted all of those years thinking about you. That I wouldnt have wasted all of my money on gas, your “art” and everything else. But at the same time, I would not trade the memories I have of you and that time. For anything because at that time, it was everything I wanted.

I made more enemies than friends when I liked you.

I’m gonna include some memories at some point for this one. It’s just gonna take me awhile to conjure them up.

[imsorryisuck]

Carole,

Im sorry I didn’t go to Jason’s 21st bday because I was having a panic attack. I told him I wanted to apologize to you all these years later and he told me not to. He didn’t want you to know we were talking for 10 months in 2020.

I lived for almost a decade hoping he would come back. Just so you know, your son captured my entire heart and I would have married him and made him very happy. He made his choices.

Sometimes I think about you and I miss you.

[imsorryisuck]

Jesse,

I bought you a drink to make up for that shit in the bar in Lancaster. I just wanted you to not think I was pathetic. I wanted you to regard me as one of the pretty girls you were friends with on Instagram.

I don’t know why I value(d) your opinion so much. Or why I thought that I needed your approval. I don’t know why I feel that about anyone ever. Especially a man I haven’t seen in 10 years. I don’t know why I care at all because I’ll probably never see you again. Maybe I have some sort of deep -seeded attraction to you that I’ll find you in 10 years and tell you about.

Truthfully/obviously I was so into your boss at the time. I never wanted you to think I was using you to get to him or the other guys you work(ed) for. I’m not into any of it anymore. I just wanted to speak my peace and let you know why I gave a fuck.

[imsorryisuck]

Patrick L,

 I’m going to start this note off, saying the thing that I always wanted to say. You are hot. I had a huge crush on you. I drove to New York City (7 hours) to find you because I finally got up enough courage to try to peruse you. And then I saw you and it would’ve been a perfect opportunity, I got discouraged, because you started talking to your friend about going to a strip club, and I knew I wasn’t as pretty as a stripper.

I’m sorry that I caused you any problems that one time in 2005 (ref to first post on this tumblr) I liked you so fucking much. Ironically, my husband looks so much like you . I still follow you on instagram. Sometimes I see you and look over at him and roll my eyes lol.

I so want to send this to you. I ended up having the biggest crush on your friend Max years later which is so random we are all connected.



[imsorryisuck]

Traci,

i’m sorry we weren’t close. I’m also sorry that you had to call my house when I was a kid because Boodie was annoyed by me and your daughter. It always bothered me because Tara kept saying why did you ask my mom what she wanted? It was because I knew I was in trouble lol. But I always felt bad about that. And I’m sorry when I was a kid that I walked my dog past your house, and your dogs would bark. I wasn’t doing it on purpose to annoy you.  I’m getting a rabbit next week and I’m thinking of naming her Boodie.   I know that’s a piece of strange and Random information that no one asked for. Thanks Traci and I wish we could be friends as adults.

[imsorryisuck]

Im sorry Spreadshirt,

Im sorry to Spreadshirt. I really wanted to work there and I bombed the interview. I know exactly what I did and I still feel bad because, like I said I really wanted to work there. I interviewed in 2006. I still feel bad. I still want to bring cookies and apologize in person.

#spreadshirt

[imsorryisuck]

AW,

I could look like a fucking smoke show, but the second I see you in front of me, my brain turns to scrambled eggs. Once my brain turns to scrambled eggs, it doesn’t matter what the hell I look like other than I’m a complete idiot with verbal diarrhea. You have done more for me in my life than most of the people that I know personally. You’ve done that for a lot of people and you should be extremely proud of yourself for the impact that you make on this earth. You are a fucking legend. I will never ever write you a direct letter like this because I want you to think I am somewhat sane. Also, my brain turns to scrambled eggs because I have a crush on your best friend. I feel like I have to be absolutely perfect in front of you, so you won’t tell your best friend that I am a complete nut.

I’m sorry for the following things (that I hope you don’t remember):

Being drunk, coming up with absolutely nothing important to say to you, or awkward silence because of the egg brain, flashing you, the whiskey tattoo (which is being removed in a week or so) being drunk (again), being embarrassing, and just the fact that you may not think of me as highly as I think of you.

You get the points for always being amazing. I get the points for being a total idiot, and I do swear on my life that you and I could actually be good friends if we could just get past that initial interaction.

I never ever thought that it would be 2023 and I am still with you. Even though we are not together as real friends, your journey has taken me with you, and even though we’re in separate cars, we’re still taking the journey together. when you see me and you smile, I always know it’s me you’re smiling at and not the person behind me.

The next time I see you, I actually do have something really important to tell you. It’s not the greatest information in the world but it’s information that I need to pass on to you so, maybe the scrambled egg brain won’t show up.

More to add later

[imsorryisuck]

Julie,

I’m sorry I broke your finger in fourth grade when we were playing soccer in gym class. I didn’t even want to talk to you after that because I was so embarrassed.

You were one of my best friends. I wish we were still friends because we had been friends since preschool.

We were never the same after fourth grade. I went through a lot of shit when I was younger and I had to come through the other side. At school, I became an outcast and you became popular.

I’m so sorry if I hurt you and if you live with that today, I feel very badly.

[imsorryisuck]

Johnny Ock,

Is that your name? I don’t know your real name. But your name is John from Columbus Ohio. I don’t know if you’re alive or dead because this happened in 2005. I am so sorry that you lost your job because of me. I don’t know if you actually lost the job because of me or you blamed me, but I have blamed myself for the past 18 years. You sold me a backstage pass for a Good Charlotte concert. I was a teenage idiot and bought it. All I wanted was to meet Benji. I had no idea that I would be threatened with trespassing charges that night. I’m sorry I outed you for selling me the pass, but I did not want to get myself into trouble with rockstars (or cops) saying I trespassed. 

I was pissed that you stole my PSP. But if the PSP made up for you losing your job then I guess it was worth it because it’s 18 years later and I have been feeling like shit for doing this. If you’re out there, please reach out and I am coming to Columbus next week (and this summer too) and I will take you out and get you drunk and I’ll buy you a PS5. Again, I am so sorry for this, and I never intended anyone to lose their job. 

If it’s any consolation, I really wanted to work in the music industry. It was/is my true passion in life, and I live every day with the regret that I never got to do that because no one took me seriously.  The more I think about it, I feel like that may have screwed up my chances.