#i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drxwsyni · 4 years

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Denied︱Yandere Shindo Yo x f!Reader

Prompt: “I can’t wait any longer.”

Trope: Jealous!Character x Friend!Character

a/n: This is my submission for the weekly nsfw prompt from the @bnhabookclub! I’m feeling really self-conscious about posting this so I hope it turned out okay. I don’t have any content for this character so I figured this might be a good start. Please read the warnings and only continue if you’re comfortable with them. This is set in a college/university au, quirks still exist and everyone is 18+.

5.8k words

Warnings: dubcon/noncon, swearing, some degradation at the end, yandere behaviour

_____

He was just another guy in your department at first.

Lingering in the study hall, making small talk with other students before lectures. You saw him a lot, but nothing ever moved past brief glances.

Your friends were the ones who introduced you to him. Whether you should be grateful or not was beyond you at this point.

It was late, you had a night class and were packing your laptop into your backpack at the end of a lecture. A Friday night usually didn’t mean much for you. Just as you were at the moment, your plans would usually lean towards the monotonous side. The comfort of your dorm room played a large part in those plans―but not tonight.

Those who chose to grace you with their presence time and time again, while you wouldn’t always consider them your friends, were set on dragging you out with them for drinks. You didn’t necessarily mind it, but the pushiness wasn’t completely appreciated. Especially when it came in the form of a couple not so restrained individuals.

Every friend group has their flirts, yours being no exception. Only now there was a new addition.

Shindo Yo.

He made his presence very clear. Transferring into your class right before the deadline for availability, he quickly wormed his way into your life. It was a matter of keeping himself in all the right places where he knew you would be.

Like with the peers you chose to hang around with, of course.

It was sickeningly quick, the way Yo grew comfortable in your presence. The whole night was spent trying to weasel your way from his side. It was a task that proved to be much harder than it should’ve.

You’d shove off the arm draped over your shoulders, or move away from his frame leaning against yours at a bar table. He just met you, yet he was already so goddamn clingy. As far as you were concerned, it only proved what kind of person he was. Someone who got too comfortable too quickly―absolutely no awareness for someone's boundaries.

As much as you hoped he’d leave you alone after that painfully tiring night out, he didn’t. Yo sat down in the seat beside you the next class you two had together.

A cheeky, “This seat taken?” Of course it wasn’t―you always got to class early so there was never anyone occupying the surrounding area for a while. Which meant he had time to chat your ear off until the prof showed up.

“Don’t think I got your number last Friday.” You knew he was looking at you with that shit eating grin. There was no way you’d give him the time of day to look though.

“You didn’t.” You pretended to read a page in your textbook in an attempt to silently convey how much you’d rather not to speak to him.

“That’s right, I didn’t.” He paused, presumably waiting for something else from you. And when you didn’t speak, he did. “I think it only makes sense I did get it though.”

You spared him a side glance, noting his jovial attitude, “And why is that?” Sounding a little snarky wasn’t your intention, but the excessive amount of affection he’d shown deemed it permissible.

He gave a half-hearted chuckle, “We’re in the same class, we hang with the same people. And now,” he put his laptop and water bottle on the table in front of the two of you, “we sit together. Don’t you think it’s only natural that we exchanged numbers?”

He acted so casual, his tone so friendly that it was hard to deny him. And in an act of reflex, you didn’t. “I guess not...but we could just―”

“Here. Make a new contact for yourself.” Yo extended his unlocked phone towards you, and with a reluctant hand you took it. The contacts app was already open, so you started to type in your information.

“Not gonna give me your phone too?” You looked up at the man who was waiting expectedly, eyeing the device that was resting on your textbook before looking back at you.

“Oh, uh...yeah, sorry.” Mildly embarrassed, you handed him your phone as you spoke, not before unlocking it and opening the same app. His fingers brushed yours as he took it from you, and for a moment you wondered if the contact was just as intentional as all the other times he insisted on touching you last Friday.

The two of you sat in silence as you finished filling out the contact form.

He returned your device, you doing the same. You mentally rolled your eyes upon seeing the heart emoticons Yo placed next to his name.

“Now that that’s out of the way, why don’t we start hanging out more? From what I’ve seen you don’t exactly make a point in talking to anyone. You could use the company.”

Was that supposed to sound friendly?

“Ah, I don’t know. I’m pretty busy with school and―”

“Oh, c’mon. I’m sure you can find some free time. If it’s parties you’re not big on we can just study together.”

You looked at him, slightly offended at the interruption but also confused at the offer of studying. He seemed like the kind of guy to just wing it through all his classes. Going out for more drinks certainly wasn’t on your to do list and it was something you presumed he was more inclined to suggest. But studying―that was something you could do. “I guess...if you’re okay with that. I’ve got some free time after this class, it’s alright if you’re too busy though.”

“No, I’m good too. Why don’t you send me your schedule so I know when you’re free.”

It was a harmless suggestion. Convenient even―he wouldn’t have to pester you over when it was a good time to study. But something about that smile of his didn’t sit right. It was more like a grin―suggestive in a way.

It made you uneasy.

You took out your phone, “I’ve got a lot of classes so I’m not sure we’ll be able to see each other very often.” Opening his contact, you attached the image of your schedule to the text and sent it. A second later and his phone buzzed atop the table.

“Perfect. Would you look at that, our schedules are actually pretty similar.” Yo was scanning the timetable, meanwhile you weren’t feeling so pleased hearing that you might have to be around him more than you could handle.

He looked like he was going to say something else, but just as he opened his mouth to speak the professor walked into the room. You hadn’t even realized it, but amidst your conversation with Yo the majority of the students had filed in.

It looked like the instructor was still getting ready for the lecture, booting up the terminal at the front of the room to display a powerpoint.

“You mind if I borrow a pencil? Forgot some stuff in my dorm.” He was back to looking at you with that smile of his. Maybe it really was just a friendly gesture, nothing more.

You were probably overthinking things.

“Yeah, gimme a sec―” Rooting through your pencil case, you managed to locate a spare utensil for the man. Offering it to him with a quiet “Here,” Yo took it from your hand.

“Thanks cutie.”

The professor started up the powerpoint. All attention shifted to the front of the room, meanwhile yours remained on the nonchalant behaviour of the man sitting next to you.

_____

The lecture was over before you knew it. Note taking and trying not to fall asleep were the main battles to be had, aside from trying to distract yourself from Yo.

Was he closer than he was before the professor started speaking?

“Hey, earth to (y/n).”

You looked up at his soft brown eyes, “What? Oh, sorry―zoned out a little.” Awkwardly, you stuffed your notes and laptop into your bag.

Yo laughed a little at your state, “Yeah, I can tell.” He began doing the same before continuing, “So, where did you wanna study. I know of a nice little place in the library on this side of campus. Or maybe if you’re hungry we can go to that new cafe that opened up down the street…”

Right, you promised him you’d study.

Somehow in your muddled thoughts the declaration got lost on you, but naturally such a thing would never happen to Yo. He was much too persistent for that.

The library was secluded. Not a good idea.

“The cafe should be fine. Is there anything in particular you want to go over?” All your belongings were effectively shoved into your bag. You stood up, retrieving the light jacket that was hanging off the back of your chair.

Yo began doing the same, picking up a discarded sweater. “Hmm, I think I just wanna go over the basics. But I’d be more than happy to help you out with anything.” He was pulling on the article of clothing, pushing the chair in with his leg. “I’ve actually got pretty good grades in this class. Think you need a tutor?”

His tone was almost teasing, but you paid no mind. “I think I’m good. Why don’t we just focus on the material from today’s lecture. Not quite sure I retained most of it to be honest.”

“Cool, you can borrow my notes if you missed anything.”

He was already walking in the direction of the door before you could respond, his backpack lazily slung over his shoulder.

You wouldn’t lie to yourself. Studying with someone was better than being alone. It’s just...Yo was very eager. You’d known him for less than a week, and he was already acting like you were lifetime friends. Actually, it felt like it was a little more than that.

But you’d keep it as friends. Besides, you weren’t about to abandon the people you had long-term committed relationships with for fresh meat.

Following him out of the room, you tried to maintain a safe distance between the two of you. Both physically and in conversation―it was safer that way.

_____

It would appear that Yo really was as intelligent as he claimed. You missed more than you thought from the lecture, and the man didn’t hesitate for a second when it came to diligently explaining the content.

Surprisingly, the time you spent with him was enjoyable. Perhaps you judged him too soon. There were no complaints on his end as you went over the material. A back and forth that should be painstakingly tedious was nothing but the sort.

You just studied. Disregarding a few flirtatious comments here and there, he was mostly respectable. And when the time came to go your separate ways, you did so with a hint of reluctance. However, that too was quickly disregardable.

The relaxing atmosphere of your dorm was much preferable.

It wasn’t the last time Yo asked to study with you. Surely enough, when the opportunity presented itself, he had one thing in mind. Always a one sided initiation, he would send you a quick text, asking if you were free.

You were always free, and when it came to something as harmless as studying there wasn’t anything to hold you back from holing up in a cafe with Yo after class.

But that wasn’t enough for him.

Too much distance, you presumed. It wasn’t something you minded―you preferred it that way. But Yo was a man committed to closeness. And he wanted to be close to you.

He came to your dorm room unannounced, passing it off as checking up on you. And if you weren’t doing anything you would be soon, him always insisting that an impromptu study session was in need.

You had no clue how he found your dorm room.

Yo was nice to you. Patient, understanding―a little touchy, but still. He was nice. It made it easy to overlook his less than ideal traits.

The traits that had him slowly integrating himself into your everyday life. Or at least trying to.

He suggested doing something that didn’t involve hovering over textbooks and drowning in the scent of freshly brewed coffee. Going out for dinner, seeing that new movie that just came out, going to a live music performance at the bar.

You denied him at each turn. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Yo. It was just that you had your suspicions about him. The relationship you two held was still newly formed. Maybe a month had gone by at the most, and during that time you were trying to get a better idea of the kind of person he was.

The person he didn’t let everyone see.

There was no way he was so effortlessly kind and helpful. He was a good friend, someone to study with. But there was concern to be held when it came to the prospect of who he really was. If there was a different personality underneath the layers of sweet sentiments and innocence, you needed to be aware of them.

He was a man to be kept at a distance at the moment, for your own sake.

Your other friends didn’t warrant the same treatment. You’d known them since graduating high school for the most part. Maybe a few of them were newer acquaintances, but they still had at least a year under their belt.

Another month went by, and you were still on the same level of friendship. Study buddies, with the occasional bout of small talk here and there.

But he was pushing you. The disconnect was getting to him. The visits to your dorm didn’t stop, and he started suggesting other, less public spots to go over the course content.

He brought up going to the library once again.

“They’ve got these private rooms we can rent so it’s easier to study. Doesn’t that sound better?”

You trusted Yo, but only to an extent. Not the way you trusted your other friends. And he saw that.

Two more months and not much had changed. Exams were rolling around and you needed to focus more than ever. But a little fun couldn’t hurt.

A few times here and there you were once again dragged out to social events. Parties, bar hopping―shameless behaviour.

Except it wasn’t―not to Yo.

He tagged along, like he would with any other excursion you went on. Like the first night you went out with him he was as clingy as ever. And just like before you kept pushing him off. Maybe not as much, but enough for there to be a difference. A difference between the way you treated him and the way you let all your other friends get close to you. That’s what was shameless―his complete disregard for your boundaries.

After one night of repeated resistance he got worse. The insisting attitude was amplified. He sat closer to you, and you did your best to subtly inch away. Sometimes you let him have his fun, but mostly you wanted to maintain that space that kept you safe. If he did turn out to be someone that wasn’t the man you’d been studying with for almost four months, you needed to have a way out. Being in public with him did the trick.

The two of you were burning the midnight oil―luckily the cafe on campus was open until the current ungodly hours of the night. Yo was as helpful as ever, going over the seemingly endless notes and lecture powerpoints as many times as you needed. You tried to help him, but he was too smart for his own good, or at least that’s how he acted.

And yet, his normal beaming personality―always a little too kind to feel genuine―just seemed a little...off.

You couldn't quite place where the feeling came from.

“Ahh, well I don’t know about you but I’m ready to pack it in,” he sighed with a stretch. The two of you were huddled around a small table, nearly completely covered in papers, textbooks, wayward sticky notes―you name it.

It was late, neither of you were really tired, but the idea of going over the same thing you’d been reading for the past three hours wasn’t appealing.

You agreed, “Yeah, I’m good with that. Thanks for helping me tonight, probably would’ve procrastinated otherwise.” It was the truth, you were a glutton for punishment, and avoiding the necessary was something you were prone to do.

“No problem, cutie. You know I don’t mind. I get a lot out of it too after all.”

You shook your head, lightly laughing at his claim. “Like you need it, your marks are practically perfect.”

Both of you were lazily moving your things into your respective bags while he responded. “It’s not just the studying, I get to spend time with you.”

You glanced up at him with an inquisitive look before disregarding the notion. “Yeah, okay. Well lemme know if you wanna cram a bit more before the exam. You know by now I’ve got nothing better to do.” Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you grabbed the empty mug and placed it with the other dirty cups at the counter.

Yo did the same, “Actually, would you mind stopping by my dorm really quick. For once there’s actually something I don’t get about the lessons. Maybe you could help?”

He was giving you the innocent smile, waiting for a response. “You mean like...right now?”

He nodded, “Yeah, it’ll only take a sec. Left the notes there by accident.”

It seemed harmless enough, and if it would be brief then surely you could spare the time to assist him.

You followed Yo out of the cafe, letting him lead you to the residence building he was staying in on campus. It wasn’t a long walk, and you were thankful given that you wanted to spend as little time as possible completing this final task of the night.

The journey up the elevator and to his room was done in silence, you taking in the familiar surroundings as your own dorm building was made to look almost identical. Eventually you arrived at his door, him unlocking it and letting you enter first.

He had one of the single room dorms, fit with a separate washroom and kitchen area.

“It’s just in my bedroom.” He moved past another door, and you remained trailing his path. “I’ve got it here somewhere...Here it is!”

He held out some papers being kept together by a staple in the corner. You took it, venturing further into the room as you scanned the documents.

“Ah, Yo...isn’t this stuff we’ve already gone over?”

You heard the door to his bedroom shut behind you, prompting you to turn in his direction. Yo still had his hand on the doorknob, a pensive look mixed with almost a brief moment of conflict. But that quickly faded.

“Y’know, I’ve been trying to figure out how I was gonna go about this for a while. I just...I can’t wait any longer. And honestly, I’m surprised you even came up here.” He laughed off the notion, eyes coming to rest on your form.

You put the papers down on the windowsill. “What are you talking about?”

He was looking at you with almost apathetic eyes, contrasting the slight smile that was just a little too off. “What, you think I haven’t noticed the way you’ve been treating me?”

“I’m not sure I’m following, Yo...”

“You keep pushing me away. Time and time again…” He took a step forward, “You don’t do that with anyone else. Why is that?”

He was blocking the only exit to the room. You eyed the door, a pang of anxiety washing over you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about...Can we just go over the work―”

“Shut up. You know what I’m talking about.” He spoke slowly, drawing closer to you as he continued, “Your little friends don’t get the same treatment. You don’t mind getting close with them, do you?”

He was backing you further into the room, each stride he took forward being responded with a step behind from you. “What makes them so special, huh?”

Another step.

“They have something I don’t?”

Another step.

“I bet they’ve got you wrapped around their finger.”

Another step. His methodical and drawn out rant didn’t cease.

“And they’re probably fucking telling you to stay away from me, aren’t they?”

You hit the desk behind you, leaning back to put a desperate few more centimeters between the two of you. It left you at a loss for words, seeing this completely new side of him. Something threatening.

Yo was barely even a foot away, voice dangerously low. “Oh, sweetheart.” In an unexpected movement, he cupped your face with both hands, staring directly into your pleading eyes. “You don’t have to listen to them anymore.”

A little too gently in contrast to his demanding attitude, Yo pressed his lips against yours. You grabbed his forearms, attempting to pry him off. He only responded by deepening the kiss, pressing you further into the desk behind you. Unable to comprehend his actions, you stood there frozen.

He didn’t stop, one of his hands weaving its way into your hair, a leg pushing itself in between yours. Seemingly unsatisfied with your lack of reciprocation, he gave your locks a harsh tug. The brief pain made you gasp, and he took the opportunity to push his tongue past your parted lips. If you knew any better you might’ve just bit down on the offending intrusion, but something told you it would only bring bad news.

Yo held you against him until you were frantically pushing against his chest. The lack of oxygen must’ve been mutual, as soon he pulled away.

But he wasn’t quite done yet.

Moving past your lips, Yo began leaving a trail of light kisses―along your jawline, descending to the soft, supple flesh of your neck. The hand that once remained cupping your face had moved, opting to wrap around your waist to prevent you from squirming out of his grasp.

“Y-Yo, I don’t think―”

He bit down harshly on the junction between your neck and your collarbone, stopping your train of thought and earning a small yelp. A little gentler, he sucked on the spot before detaching from it, moving to place new marks on a few other areas.

The whole time you were at odds with yourself.

This was wrong. He was just a friend. It’s all you wanted him to be.

And yet, the nagging voice in the back of your head grew more and more distant with each passing second.

Yo paused his ministrations, “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do this. You’re such a fucking tease, you know.”

In a swift movement he gripped your hips and lifted you into his arms, forcing you to wrap your legs around him for support.

“What are you doing? I think we should just―”

“Just what? It’s your fault I’m like this.” He was moving towards his bed, and upon reaching it laid you down at the foot of it. Not wasting a moment, he climbed over your form, nestling himself in between your legs. He leaned down to capture your lips with his once again. One hand next to your head was used to steady himself while the other moved to undo the buttons of your blouse.

Finally catching on to his actions, your own hands flew to the one fumbling with your top. You managed to break the kiss, a little breathless as you spoke, “Stop it Yo, please.”

He took both of your hands, using only one of his to pin them above you. Without the obstacle he resumed his attack on the other side of your neck, ignoring your pleading, now preferring to simply rip at the shirt. You heard a few buttons hit the ground as they flew from the fabric.

Sitting up slightly, Yo fixed his gaze on your now exposed chest. “So...fucking beautiful.” It came out in a breathy sigh, like the sight eased every tension in his body all at once.

He was getting impatient. His head dipped back down to your exposed chest, alternating between gently nipping at the skin and latching onto one spot for a few moments before moving on. His now free hand trailed down the side of your waist, inching lower and lower down your body.

It was a pitiful attempt―trying to pull your hands out of his grasp. Yo was much stronger than you once perceived, another thing to prove just how much you didn’t know about him. Your quiet pleas fell upon deaf ears, him paying no mind to your protests in favour of reaching some self satisfying goal.

The wandering hand slipped beneath the hem of your skirt, and you could feel his fingers brush against the seat of your panties. He momentarily pressed his fingers into the plush and covered skin. That didn’t seem to be enough for him though, as in a swift motion he pushed the fabric aside, a digit slipping between your folds. He massaged teasingly small circles repeatedly, making you unconsciously buck your hips in hopes of gaining more friction. After a few moments his fingers delved lower, gathering some of your slick in between them.

Yo smiled dangerously against your skin at the realization, “You’re fucking enjoying this, aren’t you?” His hot breath fanned against you as he chuckled. “Good, it’ll be easier for the both of us if you stopped acting like you didn’t want me.”

You whimpered at his crude words, turning your head to the side in shame. He was right, the heat you felt pooling from his actions wasn’t intended, at least not from you, but it was there nonetheless.

“C’mon, don’t get all shy now.” Without warning he pushed a single finger into your burning core, earning a shocked gasp from you. His thumb remained circling your clit as he pumped agonizingly slowly in and out of you. He added another digit soon after, the slight stretch making your face scrunch up in a small wince.

Assuming he’d gotten bored with leaving marks all over your chest, Yo moved up again to press his lips back into yours.

His fingers curled expertly inside you, reaching that soft, spongy area that sent your mind reeling. You were slowly falling apart around him. And in a moment when you were trying to come back to your senses, Yo activated his quirk, sending ripples of low vibrations through your core.

You jolted from the unexpected sensation before you felt your body reacting sickeningly quick to its effects. He didn’t cease his attack for a second, muffling the moans you tried desperately to hold back while greedily working his mouth against yours. Leaving no area unexplored, you could only let him consume you further as your body succumbed to his ministrations.

Yo’s actions grew more intense, his fingers moving faster in an almost brutal pace while he let his quirk grow in intensity every time he hit that sensitive spot, targeting it with each thrust. You felt the coil in your lower abdomen start to tighten as he slowly worked you towards release.

He broke the kiss, leaving you panting in his wake. “Fuck, I can feel you getting close.” Yo accentuated his claim with a few harsh pumps, somehow going deeper than before. You arched your back at the sensation, earning a pleased look to creep across his face.

“P-please, Yo. I w-wanna―”

“What? You wanna cum, is that it?” He lowered his head back to your neck, pressing light kisses into it before ghosting his lips against the shell of your ear. “I don’t know if I should let you. Been such a bitch to me these past few months, you think you deserve it?”

As if to prove his point, Yo halted his movements, retracting the effects of his quirk. You squirmed beneath him, whimpering at the loss of stimulation.

“I should make you beg for it. How does that sound?” Tantalizingly slowly, he began lazily pushing his fingers back into your heat, dragging them against your sensitive walls while removing them just as steadily. He repeated the action, smirking down at the sight of you writhing against his touch―or the lack of it.

“Yeah, I think that’s what you deserve. Go on, beg for―”

Before he could finish his demand, a few loud knocks could be heard at the door of his dorm room.

“Yo! You in there buddy!?” The voice of a man you didn’t recognize bellowed out from the other side of the door. Your body froze at the sound.

The last thing you wanted was someone finding you in this position. The thought made your blood run cold, and you looked up at Yo to see if he was having the same idea.

From the look on his face, he definitely wasn’t.

Yo ripped the hand away that was pinning your wrists down to the bed, instead clamping it firmly across your mouth. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, grasping at his grip on your face.

“Yeah, what’s up man!”

As soon as he spoke an intense bout of vibrations crashed through your core. He returned to thrusting in and out of your sopping heat, not relenting even as you thrashed against his hold.

It was too much―his quirk now more powerful than ever. He continued to rub tight circles into your clit with almost the same level of vibrations, maybe a little less intense than the ones he was sending through you with his other fingers.

The man outside his dorm spoke again. “I was just wondering if you had the notes from last class. Me and a few guys need them right now.”

Yo spoke without breaking eye contact with you, relishing in the way you tried to control the little noises as a result of his relentless movements. The glint in his eyes that you once saw was gone, now replaced with an empty darkness.

This was the Yo who was being kept from the public. The person you did your best to avoid for so long.

“I do actually, I’m in the middle of something―why don’t I stop by your place in a few minutes?”

You tried to close your legs, or somehow move away as you were pushed towards release faster with every passing second. Yo only pressed your head back into the mattress with more force, acting more as a warning than a way to keep you in place.

“Okay, sounds good man. Hey―are you with someone right now?”

His methods were wreaking havoc on your body. The fear of being caught and the intensity of his actions sent you over the edge. As if sensing you were done for, Yo let out a final wave of forceful vibrations, sending you crashing hard into an orgasm. Your eyes shut tightly as you rode out the blinding sensation, body seizing up completely.

You didn’t know how long it lasted for, but by the time you finally came down from your high it seemed the investigative man on the other side of the door was gone.

Yo removed his fingers, holding them up to his face in awe. Through your tear stained vision you could catch the glistening of your slick, stringing as he pulled his fingers apart. You watched in disgust as he continued to lap at the substance, sucking his own digits clean with a sinfully low moan resonating from his throat in the process.

Focusing anywhere but at him was a better option, but he wouldn’t have that. As you tried to turn your head again with eyes trying to distract themselves on something that wasn’t the man towering above you, the hand over your mouth moved to clamp around your jaw.

“Fucking look at me.” Yo turned your head back harshly at the demand, and your eyes met his. The threatening tone in his voice was one you’d never heard before.

“I’m gonna go give my buddy what he needs, and you’re gonna stay here until I’m done.”

He waited a few seconds, gauging your initial reaction. Finally, Yo released his hold, climbing off the bed and letting you curl into yourself in defence.

“If you’re gone when I get back, I’ll tell everyone just how much of a little slut you are. And we both know they’ll believe me, I’m way more likeable than you’ll ever be, princess.”

A pitiful sob wracked your body, soon turning into steady convulsions from crying. “I-I’m not...m’not a s-slut.”

He grabbed a notebook that was sitting on his bookshelf before walking to the side of the bed where you were trying to move towards in an attempt to leave. He crouched down next you you, petting down the hair on your head in an almost loving manner, “Oh I know that, but your friends don’t. They might let you tag along with them but I know they don’t really like you. Not how they like me.”

At his point you were sobbing into your hands, trying to rub away at the hot tears streaming down your face. “D-don’t―please don’t tell them that.”

Yo swiped a thumb across your cheek, doing little to rid them of your tears. “I won’t, you just be a good girl and nothing bad will happen, okay?” He gave your face a few reassuring pats before retracting his hand.

You were a mess―clothes disheveled and hair turned unruly.

He was bluffing. He had to have been.

“Don’t move, I’ll be back as soon as possible!” Yo was exiting the room, giving your crumpled form a final once over before leaving, notes in tow without letting you get out another word of protest. The door shut with a thud, and you could hear the signature click of a lock falling into place.

You could leave. You should leave.

And you wanted to, but his words kept repeating in your head. If he wasn’t bluffing then you weren’t too sure if your friends would take your side. It wasn’t just your friends either. Your family would find out, your school even.

Yo was a well liked man. A trusted man. You trusted him.

He was so good at what he did. Hiding his true intentions under that far too positive and easy going attitude. It made it easy to disregard him, and look at what happened when you did.

You denied him the satisfaction of such a closeness for so long, not even knowing what it was doing to him. Realistically, it shouldn’t have done anything. Any sane person would’ve taken the hint long ago to leave well enough alone.

But the absence of light in his eyes, the condescending attitude―all of it was evidence to show that he was everything but sane.

He’d be back soon.

And you stayed where you were.

#alright time to go drown myself in holy water thanksss #bnhabookclub #yandere bnha #yandere shindo yo #yandere mha #yandere shindo yo x reader #yandere my hero academia #tw dubcon #tw noncon #tw swearing #tw degradation #yandere

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art-of-living-and-philosophies · 4 years

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Reminder: don’t forget to expect the unexpected.

It is very easy to fall into a pessimistic thinking pattern when it just so happens that one usually faces undesirable outcomes on a daily basis.

Of course, part of that has to do with reality, but another part of that has to do with ones perception of reality. An undesirable outcome for some may be viewed by others as an unproblematic or even fortunate outcome. But I digress.

The main point of this entry is to remind myself that Life is full of unexpected occurrences.

I so often and so easily become engrossed in a perception of reality that always assumes the worst in anything. People, places, events... you name it. Most troublesome of all is that I actually come to believe that this perception is incontrovertible. As my therapist often says upon hearing my views on life, if that’s the way you think, it is no wonder why you are always sad and anxious.

It takes an unusual day like today to shake my ‘core beliefs’ on life and crack the lens of pessimism that I use to view the world.

Just two days ago, I was sad as hell, angry, and worried about my student life. Early in the day, I regretfully thought to myself how I wish I had taken courses I enjoyed more this year. It was my last year after all, and I questioned why I had not simply taken courses that could make my everyday life more enjoyable. Why did I choose challenging courses from which I have barely learnt and for which I barely care?

The answer to that would be that I thought my transcript had to be adorned with “wow” courses with “wow” grades in order to optimize my chances at whatever indiscriminate ‘thing’ it is that I may attempt to do in the future that would require my transcript in a selection process.

Furthermore, I visited the office hours of one professor upon whom I had high hopes of making a good impression and whose course I really wanted to shine in.

The course is a special Capstone Seminar course offered at the prestigious Victoria University as the University of Toronto, taught by a former Canadian Ambassador.

He told me that, while my first assignment was one of the cleanest and well-written of the entire class, its content was in numerous ways subpar. It implied that in comparison to my sparkling peers, I was only dim. The grade I received on that assignment made that course become the one with my lowest grade of the entire semester. This course, I thought, would have to be the one I need to put the most time into remedying. I therefore also mentioned to the professor that I was absolutely inundated with assignments and feared that I would not be able to put maximal time and effort into producing quality work. My words did not affect him whatsoever, and he simply said some sentences to the effect of ‘just deal with it.’

So that entire meeting was a punch to the gut. I felt sad leaving his office, but the sadness turned to slight anger when I began to think, in a very competitive manner, about how I would show my professor and peers that I absolutely deserved to be in the class, and that I was on par with the best among them.

The mixture of sadness and anger then started to involve feelings of angst as I rhetorically questioned how the hell I was going to deal effectively with my numerous impending assignments and exams that were coincidentally all due at once. For the next two days I worked neurotically and non-stop on the two most pressing assignment I had. While not developing the assignments quite to the extent that I would have felt satisfied with, it still felt better to be working than idling.

Then came today. And my emotions have deeply swayed from what they were for the past two days.

Indeed, today was usual in a sense that things have gone swimmingly. In my opinion, things rarely ever do; and if they do, never so many times in a day, which is why I found today worth writing about. Allow me to elaborate:

My agenda today included - visit History of Hong Kong professor’s office hours - visit Politics of Southeast Asia professor’s office hours - visit New College Student Council

After my lecture on the History of Hong Kong I immediately headed to my professor’s office to discuss the 15-page paper that would be due in two weeks.

I had spent many days brainstorming ideas, but only to meagre avail. Given the amount of work I had ahead of me, I had given myself a deadline of one week in advance in order to have time to devote to my other assignments and exams. The pressure of time was on, and with every moment that went by where I did not get closer to creating a clear outline for my paper, the worst I felt.

I went in telling him, firstly, that I was very worried about not being able to fill 15 pages with the current topics that I had been researching. Through some discussion however, he was able to give me direction and structure for my thesis. He somewhat reassured me that there would be enough scholarly work out there to support my paper, however it would require lots of sifting through the available literature. On the topic of requiring a lot of time for this paper, I then brought up my second concern. I explained to him that i actually care about his course and that I rarely want to go above and beyond with research for courses as I do with his. Going above and beyond would require time, and I feared I wouldn’t have enough given my current assignment and exam schedule. All of my courses have consecutive due dates for final assignments and exams, leaving me with little time to devote to each. He responded with ‘There’s no problem. When the due date for this paper approaches, if you find that you need more time, send me an email and we can make arrangements.’

Alleluja. Not only had he helped me produce a structure of sorts for the paper (the biggest step in the direction of getting it done), but he had also given me the green light for an extension. Sigh of relief as I left his office.

I now had about one hour to kill before visiting my other professor’s office hours. I remembered that I intended on giving New College Student Council a visit. It turned out that their entire office was closed off due to construction, so I went to the New College Office for Student Life in hopes of getting information on how to see someone from student council. By chance, there happened to be one girl sitting at reception who was on the student council. I immediately welcomed the opportunity to talk with her. she heard my concerns out and said she would get in contact with people in order to rectify the situation. As we were in the middle of our conversation, another member of the student council walking into the office. The girl and I then stepped aside with the other council member to discuss the concern further. He mentioned something about there being a lack of graduate representatives, and I mentioned that I was wondering why no grad rep had contacted us about the photos. He then immediately asked me if I would consider taking on the position myself for the coming semester. Wow, did not expect that. I said I wasn't opposed to the idea but that I would have to know more about the responsibilities of the position. Then came in another student council member, the Vice President (also coincidentally someone with whom I had kind interactions earlier in the year), and both student council members I was with told my concerns to him and also said I might be the new Grad Rep. What an odd yet positive string of events, I thought.

Off I went to my other professor’s office hours. As I waited for the professor to arrive to the office, I attempted to prepare my speech which would essentially beg her for an extension on the paper that would be due in three weeks. It was the lowest-stakes assignments among the 4-5 others that I would be having that very week. If I could get that assignment extended merely by a week, I would be relieved of so much pressure it seemed. Finally, the professor arrived and I sat before her. I began with something close to “I am here to talk about the essay, but not about the topic per se, it’s about the timing of the essay.” I then showed her a document on my laptop that I had created for the very purpose of demonstrating to my professors my hectic schedule.

I had also shown this very document to the professor from two days ago, and it had no effect.

i showed it to her saying, ‘this is what I’m dealing with.’ And immediately--and I mean before I could even finish my sentence--she said “I have no problem whatsoever giving an extension on this assignment.” I was shocked at the rapidity and kindness of her response. I told her I felt badly about asking for things of this nature (i.e. extensions), but she was completely in favour of extending the deadline for me. She said that she saw how I performed on my midterm (she gave me a 91 or 92 per cent... ridiculous) and she knows that I am always in class -- all to say that she knows I am not asking for an extension because I am a bad student. I was very touched and relieved to hear her say that. And then she went even further with her kindness and said that I wouldn’t even have to give in the assignment until the beginning of next semester if that suited me best. THAT’S A 4-WEEK EXTENSION. UNHEARD OF. I was simply blindsided by her utterly unsolicited generosity. To close our conversation I repeated several times how thankful I was for her kindness. Unreal, unreal, unreal...

And now here I am writing this passage. What an afternoon it has been! I had felt quite low for weeks, dreading the inferno I believed awaited me in the remainder of this month, and I had felt especially low two days ago after receiving hefty criticism from my one professor. Yet now, the unexpected string of events that occurred today have completely change the way I think and feel about myself and the immediate future.

Times like these prompt me to reflect on the kind hearts that have touched my life throughout my time at the university. 王老师, Prof. Jurgensen, Mrs. Vandergberg, Miss Amanda Arulanandam, Miss Minh Do, Prof. Lim, Prof. Murali ... They have all acted as sources of light amidst darkness, gasps of air when I felt I was choking, hope when I felt only despair. Without their kind hearts, my university life would certainly have been worse off. I owe so much to those who have helped me along the way. In times like these I have to meditate on my benediction, and change my perspectives on life. The world cannot always be black grey and blue... To view the world this way even though I have seen the love from so many around me is to insult their actions. I must honour their acts of love I have received by both viewing the world with a more optimistic and loving lens and by modelling my actions on theirs.

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