#I didnt realize it was him in those other logs that last name him until a bit later and once I did it blew my mind

[arolesbianism]

JUST GOT THE LOG WHERE NIKOLA. THE. THE "EVIL" LOG. WHAT RHE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? that was. a lot of lore all at once. and this is a phrase i normally reserve for olivia but. NIKOLA WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU

YEAH IK RIGHT. Nikola is so fucked he's a rabbit hole that just keeps going, and "evil" in particular is sooooo fascinating because it's one of the like what 2 logs that we can be pretty sure are towards the end of the timeline, and it's the only one that gives us a real look into how fucked gravitas was at the end. Nikola in particular is soooo fascinating to see in that log because in other logs we see him mentioned in, managing the temporal bow wasn't his job, or at least if it was he was perfectly capable of leading other ambitious projects on the side, which I find unlikely but it is technically possible. So the question of what the fuck happened with him is soooo fascinating, and it's a big part of the reason he's one of my favorites among the scientists

#rat rambles #oni posting #what I love most abt that log is how even though we as the audience know that shit is fucked it shows that most ppl still didnt rly know #even most employees likely didnt rly know that they were living their last days #and ofc the question must be pondered what the fuck happened to nikola afterwards #it rly is the question of what flavor of absolutely fucked morals jackie was operating off of at this point #also congratulations on reading the closest thing we have to confirmed to be nikola dialogue his ass rarely escapes the second hand zone #and by that I mean he has like A email that is probably written by him #but yeah evil was like the 2nd or 3rd log I read back when I was first reading the lore logs? #it was a big contributer to me getting as hooked as I did in reading all of it so it's a favorite of mine #also it is a delightfully fun experience reading that first and only afterwards reading all the other stuff nikola is involved in #I didnt realize it was him in those other logs that last name him until a bit later and once I did it blew my mind #and trust me his other appearances do not answer any questions you may have abt evil they in fact only create more #but in a good way I love nikola hes such a piece of shit who got himself in too deep

[badboyfriends]

HERMITCRAFT 8 LIVEBLOGGING

fifteen hermits worth of liveblogging. i am losing my mind. LONG POST AHEAD.

JOE HILLS (First HC8 Video)

Mumbo did the speech. he forgot everything he was supposed to say <3

Pearl and Gemini were just .in a pit . having stuff thrown onto them

Every Hermit is staying on the same continent !!

FIRST DEATHS VERY QUICKLY, Iron Golems took out Tango and Etho (maybe more?)

Joe seems to be the only one looting the chests

Evil Jevin !!

Evil Xisuma appearance on Jevin’s 60 second video!

Pearl has something planned for an “archeticual wonder” for a resupply area upon death?

Stress, Xisuma and Joe are capturing villagers and starting up a resupply debut.

Bdubs is killed by Cleo and is now OUT FOR BLOOD

First death counts- Etho, Tango, Bdubs, Cleo?

Cleo was killed by Keralis

Joe has now supplied Cleo with weapons and food . She left but not before saying “Time to kill BDubs again!”

Gemini was killed by Bdubs! They both died and are now at spawn.

Pearl was killed by Cleo

Pearl is planning a respawn inn !!

Cleo was killed by Iskall

Cleo was killed by Pearl

False, Stress, and Gemini team up??? AA!!! they brought a delivery of supplies to Joe <3

i wish i knew what was happening on that end .

APPARENTLY XISUMA IS ONTO MAKING THE SECOND VILLAGER BREEDER ALREADY ??

Iskall is the first with Diamonds??

Breathe in that ash !

WAIT IS TANGOS EYES LIKE THAT RN BECAUSE HES TEAMED WITH KERALIS AND BDUBS ???

KERALIS, BDUBS, AND TANGO TRIED TO DO A SHAKEDOWN ON JOE. HE TRIED TO DROP LAVA, GOT HIMSELF ONTO TWO HEARTS BECAUSE HE PLACED IT ON HIMSELF, AND IS NOW SWIMMING OUT INTO THE SWAMP

the big eyed trio are now off to shake down Gemini

Joe fell in Lava in the Nether

Joe Death To Lava Two: Electric Boogaloo

Joe drowned trying to kill a glowsquid

WATCH JOE’S VIDEO OH MY GOD SEAN HILLS RECAP RAP??? MY BELOVED????? i am gonna be streaming this unironically later LIKE OH MY GOD THIS SLAPS. ALSO THE CREDITS AT TEH END IS HILARIOUS

Zedaph Episode Recap

Zed gave us a recap of the continent every Hermit will be living on !!

Wouldn’t recommend Zedaph as the first video for the season, he skips the intro/speech but it’s Zedaph and hes making it fun!! Lots of nice editing :)

~SCIENCE TIME !~

Zedaph.. why is your starter base made out of concrete ?

There are no sheeps whatsoever on his mountain

Hes calling his lab an icecream sandwich..yeah i see it

Zed tried to make a portal underater...f

Scar died to a creeper </3

Zedaphs base is gonna be tracking how long hes there/someones loading the chunk!

XISUMA LIVE BLOGGING

A cool cinema scene of him becoming an axolotl!! <3

NOW I CAN SEE IT, GRIAN WAS THE FIRST DEATH!! Death by Iron Golem!!

XIsuma’s baseplans need over 45 THOUSAND BLOCKS TO BE PLACED

He’s also planning on making a shulkershell farm!!

i’m not gonna lie ! talking axolotl X is horrifying ! thanks !

Day one Villager Breeder... chaos.

Xisuma Derp! looked straight at a buncha wool and said how badly he needed beds and then walked away

THE GIRLS CAME OVER AND CONVINCED HIM HE NEEDS TO MOVE THE DESIGN OVER MY FIVE BLOCKS FOR SWAMP VILLAGERS..

THE GIRLS ARE JUST LAUGHING AT HIM AND HIS VILLAGER TROUBLES

day one and Xisuma has got his axolotl!!

Very pretty starterbase!!

XB’s

..I’m not gonna lie theres not much to say!! He’s very calm :) he says hes going into it without a plan, and htat last season was the only time he had any thought of what he was gonna do.

He made a real nice starter house and thats about it!

Cleo’s

Bdubs: “She ain’t gonna hurt me!! i’m invincible, babey!”

Cleo learnt that BDubs will never hurt her even if she deserves it . I am starting to realize why she kills him

SHE DECIDED SHES GONNA BE A PROPER CHAOS GREMLIN THIS SEASON...

AISDJASID CLEO GOT PAID TO KILL BDUBS?? HDUIAIHSI SCAR WHY

“Alright I found my mission for the season! Murder.”

Cleo, Mumbo, Grian, and Scar are all holed up in a cave together!

..Scar died from a skeleton !

Cleo has now split from Grian and Mumbo! Scar is missing in action

CLEO FOUND A GOAT

SHES KILLING THE GOAT???

she got a HORSE <3 and Joe gave her a saddle! I think her name is..Widget?

She LOVES the candles for shamboo n waterbottles and bits n bobs for her armorstands!!

Got her Armorstand stickgod book <3

Geminitay POV

NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT NEW HERMIT!!

She has a LOVELY voice!!

The pov of her in a hole . being surrrounded . is kinda hilarious

It might’ve been Etho who was first death?? I GENUIENLY CANNOT TELL BECAUSE OF EDITING

All the murder was just for heads!

Seriously her voice is. wow

WE LOVE A QUEEN WHO KNOWS HOW TO CRAFT A SHIELD WITHOUT USING THE GUIDE <3

False, Gemini, and Stress are on the great journey for MOSS !

Gem just blew their minds with the moss.

TANGO KERALIS AND BDUBS ARE BACK Keralis: “Show the diamonds show the diamonds show the diamonds!” Gem: “Keralis. This is not how you make friends.”

The boys suecessfully recieved a diamond each

Etho n Iskall are travelling together!! You dont see those two together often

Etho got a glowsquid head!!

Gem: “Etho doesn’t share, is what i’m learning..?”

Etho hooked her with a fishing rod and said she has to do what he said .

In order to get the diamonds, Tango, Keralis, and BDubs placed down a sign saying “Gem is Great!” and Gem used a glow inksack on it.

Etho: “So..What is this? Do you have an ego, or this a motivational thing, or..?” He said, while laughing

Iskall: “I think its really funny that you have set your base up in the middle of a birch forest.” Gem: “I love birch forests! Do you not like my birch forest? Iskall: “I love it, yeah.” Gem: “This is the best biome in the game, Iskall.” Iskall: “Mmmm..” Etho: “I’m pretty sure I heard Iskall talking earlier that like, of all the biomes in the game, there was one he hated more than anything. Gem: “Oh really? And what was that one?” Iskall: “..Taiga.” Gem: “Taiga.. That’s true, thats a good one, thats a good one.” Iskall: “Don’t like Taiga.” Gem: “Mhm.” Etho: “Which one do you hate more than anyone?” Iskall: “..Diorite fields. Thats a bad one.” Etho: “Yeah thats a bad one.” Gem: “Didn’t know about that one. Well make sure to avoid’em. Birch forests are really good.” Iskall: “I’m a big fan of birch forests.” Gem: “Yeah, me too, me too. I’m glad we’re on the same page :) This is so beautiful! All the white and- and the like zebra stripes! is fantastic.” Iskall: “I..Um.. Yes.”

OH SHE’S CANADIAN,, ETHO HAS A FRIEND /j

She’s still in college :O SHE’S A SCIENTIST?? SHES WORKING AT A HOSPITAL?? POG!!

She accidentally found an enchanted golden apple in a mineshaft!! she thinks its the first she ever found in survival!!

She has a cow, sheep, and a few crop farms set up!! Her starter house has INTERRIOR!

SHE CHANGED HER SKIN AND ITS SO PRETTY AND HAS OVERALL AND I LOVE IT!!

shes doing a cottage core inspired base!

WOAHH!!! SHE MADE HTE MOST GOREGOUS CUSTOM TREE I’VE EVER SEEN ??

BDUBS IS HERE and he is so so so impressed by the tree ?!

also hes carrying a clock.. :(

He’s here with a present!

HE BROUGHT BAMBOO!

she thinks its so funny that he stops conversations to sleep AOIDHFEAUI\

SCARS

WE GOT A TRANSITION SCENE!! the canonical reason for the bed in his old village always being occupied is because underneath it, was his wizard portal!

Bdubs: “It’s a new season! You’re the little guy now!”

They are all very amused by that ^

they’re rubbing the fleece of bdubs jacket .

Bdubs: “Have a nice rub :)” PLEASEAHSIOJDIUASLDHIASDA

His starter base is gonna be a wagon and he wants the end game to be a bioshock esque skyscraper!

he confused a horse for a player . flashback to iskall thinking mumbo was a mob

PEOPLE THINK MUMBO DOESNT HAVE PANTS ON.... </3

Scar, Mumbo, and Grian.. have NO braincells. at all. THey just placed a crafting table with a boat on top with a bed on top with a boat on top .

this is what BROS FOR LIFE looks like.

BOATEM POLE !

SCAR IS STUCK UNDERGROUND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IRL AND HAS NO PICKAXE..

AND HE DIED TO A CREEPER .

it seems like Grian, Mumbo, and Scar are working together !!!! HOLY SHIT !!

THERES SO SO SO MANY FARMS???????

he died several times trying to catch a skeleton with a sword

FIRST CHEST MONSTER OF THE SEASON <3

SCAR JSUT TOLD BDUBS HE LOOKS LIKE OSCAR THE CROUCH... BDUBS CANNOT EVEN ARGUE

OH NO.... GRIAN WENT AFK IN A HOLE . WITHOUT A HELMET .

THEY PUT A  GLOWSQUID HEAD ON HIM

OH MY GOD MUMBO MADE A NOTEBLOCK SONG?? AJUDA

SCARS BUILTING IS SO SO SOOS GOREGOUS SERIOUSLY GO WATCH THE VIDEO OH MY GOD ITS HUGE

its a giant ass house boat wagon . its pulled by a llama . that killed him . so now its trapped, pulling hte agon, forever

Grian: “..Thats a very big house, for a very little hat.”

GRIANS SUPER SPECIAL EGG??

SCAR PUNCHED IT..

they really came out here . and killed the egg already.

Scar: “..I touched the thing”

TANGO POV

We see the three big eyed boys forming <3 they interrupted Tangos intro

THEY’RE BULLYING HIM ABOUT HAVING SMALL EYES AHIDUIASUHDWIS

HE TRIED TO CALL THE TRIO TEAM BUG EYE... THE OTHERS ARE VERY OFFENDED

they found an axolotl and Bdubs was TERRIFIED just screaming “WHAT IS THAT YELLOW THING?!”

BDUBS IS ATTACKING IT ???

okay nope Bdubs caught one and Tango lost it

Bdubs is naming his axolotl Idiot

AMAZING HOUSE. WHY IS TANGO SO GOOD AT BUILDING AND REDSTONE??

Impulse POV

MUMBO TRIED TO PLACE DOWN A BERRY BUSH TO HURT IMPULSE . HE FORGOT HOW BUSHES WORK..

I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT IMPULSE WAS IN THE BOATEM POLE

so it looks like those four are hteo nes who grouped up together

PEARL BROKE THE CONSTITUION SHE GOT IN THE WRONG BOAT SMH

THIS IS SEASON EIGHT! FIVE BROS !

So its gonna be about five people in the same area!!

YOO!! Fantasy build for Impulse!!

G gave Impulse a spyglass, they had a fun moment of zooming in on eachothers face and complimenting eachother IHAUDIHAW

Grian and Impulse worked on an xp farm!

ASHDUIWAHISD GRIAN JUST LOGGED ON INFRONT OF HIM

a pillager stole his boat . not just any pillager . the one with a banner. </3

he has to live with Mumbo tuning a song .. </3 haha

Mumbo POV

it took fifteen seconds until Grian ran in during Mumbos intro

CONFIRMED? GRIAN WAS FIRST DEATH?

SECOND PERSON TO THINK MUMBOS PANTS ARE SKIN COLOR. GRIAN..

Grian: “Can you..Briefly explain why you’re just wearing a hawaiian shirt?” Mumbo: “Uh- what do you mean ‘just wearing a hawaiin shirt? I have shorts on as-well, dude”

FOLLOWED BY

Mumbo: “Can you explain why you’re wearing a red jumper?” Grian: “You know- you know i was born with this!”

MUMBO AND GRIAN STOLE THE BOAT LOOT FROM RENDOC

I THINK RENDOC JUST STOLE THE DIAMOND MUMBO THREW??

Grian: “Is that Scar?” Mumbo: “I can’t see past your giant waffle!”

DSFSDFJIOA they did an edit where they placed down a boat, both Mumbo and Grian got in, they made noises and then bopped up on top of the ravine they were in <3

THEY HAVE NO BRAINCELL THEY JUST PLACED DOWN A BENCH AND SAID “THIS IS THE MARK OF OUR VILLAGE!” and then placed a torch and a boat and a bed and aANOTHER BED..

..Mumbo is trying to be a pacifist this season!

Grian’s taunting him with beheaded things

And obviously part of being pacifist means he’s gonna be vegetarian in minecraft!

..he cannot use monster farms because pacifisim..

Mumbo was in the middle of reading the magical Timmy shack that Tango made (did i remember to mention that? who knows) and IN THE MIDDLE OF GETTING TO THE PART ABOUT IF YOU REMOVE STUFF FROM THE CHEST, NOTHING WILL BE ADDED IN IT AGAIN. Grian opened the chest . Mumbo SHOUTED HIAUDHUW Grian jumped man

They renamed it “Cave of Do Not Enter” HIAUEDUH

Mumbo and Scar BOTH did not know- at least Mumbo didn’t, Scar forgot,  that podzol spawns from two-by-two spruce..

him and his guitar song to be played underneath his house.. it goes with the aesthetic i suppose

MAN HE NEEDS SO MUCH HAYBALES I FORGOT THATS NEEDED FOR THE TUNE HE WANTS

Mumbo: “What.. On Earth.. Scar, it’s meant to be a starterbase, buddy! What is this? This is many things, many many things, a starterbase is NOT one of them!”

HE LITERALLY DIDNT KNOW THAT THE DRAGON EGG TELEPORTS... WHEN YOU TOUCH IT...

BDUBS

nothing special we havent seen yet!! just him screaming about axolotls.

He was working in the Mesa in his intro, skipping the “speech” from Mumbo

He released Idiot the Axolotl and lost it .

Him SCREAMING “Gemini” is HILARIOUS

While Gemini gave away those three diamonds, Keralis got so excited he won a bet with Tango and Bdubs, that he gave back . two of the diamonds . and none of htem released until well after they left

Bdubs: “That’s why i have my mwoss skin!” PLEASE I LOVE THE WAY HE SAYS IT.. make the moss hood.. REAL..

it took me a while to figure out what his base is but i LOVE IT so so much!!!

Nothing much new to add !!

Stress pov

please i love her . very good !! False seems to have joined her sheerly because Stress sounded like she knew what she was doing. she does not.

False felt peerpressured and asked Stress for permission to fight her because everyone was killing eachother .

It ended up with Stress following False. they found a village!

ISKALL only saw him one other time today!!

JEVIN APPEARS AGAIN !

XISUMA FELL INTO HTE BREEDER AND IT WAS SO FUNN IUAHHYIAUSD

Ren: “Ya look goregous, Stress!” Stress: “Thanks! Don’t murder my dog!”

She’s so proud of herself for caving!! (with False n Gem

Iskall blew up!

..Iskall fell from a high place

Stress has a LOVELY ravine base!!

False

False wants to become pirates with Stress <3

gatekeep gaslight girlboss

BIG OL MUSHROOM HOUSE !!

it looks like a mushroom church and i LOVE IT.

Nothing new we didn’t see from Gem. She does want to come up with a banner design for her base, though!

Grian

..Mumbo just thought Grian had a purpose so decided to follow him <3

ALSO HIS INTRO, AS HE JOKED ABOUT IN THE OTHERS VIDEO, WAS, IN FACT, THE BOATEM POLE

Grian is SO PROUD of the fact taht they got good loot from a treasure map. Ren and Doc are NOT IMPRESSED

Grian: “Lets go, potato boy!”

Mumbo: “I don’t have to replace everything I break! Peace Love and Plants- are these plants..?” He says, mining amethyst

pants

he who controls the egg, controls the server... Grian.. you’re doing great sir

...He decided.. his goal.. is to make his OWN..caves and cliffs update... HELLO..?

Grian was the first one to kill the enderdragon, MAN. Speedrunning career WHEN? /j

Grian: “And now [Mumbo] is flexing on my bed!”

he might not have a base. but he has an egg.

It is now 2am. i cannot do this anymore. This will be continued.. tomorrow!

#long post #SERIOUSLY I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW LONG I WENT #spoilers #hermitcraft 8 #hermitcraft 8 spoilers #hc 8 #hc 8 spoilers #mcyt #mcytblr #hermitblr #hermitcraft #mika-posts

[lovecinnatwist]

So I know you wrote a star sapphire Dick au, but I raise you a star sapphire Jason au—he always seems to love everyone around him a lot more than they seem to love him and he just wants to be loved so badly poor baby

Hello Anon! I loveeee this idea! You didnt specify a pairing so I've made it gen. Let me know if you have a pairing in mind. I've left it open for ideas.

All are welcome to slide into my DMs with ideas for star sapphire!Jason.

Lanterns Lead Home

The first moment of consciousness Jason Todd has after being beaten to- not death apparently- is warmth. 

The fuzzy feeling of being held by what must be twenty different pairs of hands pulls him back as he wakes. Every broken sob and desperate scream that wants to rattle free of his chest melts away into nothing. The air itself seems to vibrate with something sweet that he can’t put a name too. Every draw of breath fills him with kindness until he can recall the feeling-

love.

Tender touches chase away the bruises and scars until he can’t remember if they were ever there. Soft and caring caresses cup his cheeks and soft lips kiss away his tears. It’s too much and something that he’s been without for so long. For a moment he thinks of Catherine. Who she had been before the drugs. The thought of her breaks something in his chest. He cries and what seems like dozens of voices echo out validations. They sing back welcoming calls to release and let go.

So Jason does but he’s still floating. Still in the warm embrace of what he realizes must be his sisters. They must be because they call him that over and over and over again. A cup of something sugary comes to his lips and he gulps it down greedily. It coats his insides sweeping through him like a scolding saccharine syrup.

Consciousness starts to slip again but insistent slaps to the face jolt him awake. 

‘ Not yet. ‘

He knows what the words are but his ears don’t actually hear them. The woman over him has blue skin and gorgeous eyes that see into everything he is. He wants to turn away from it but she holds him steady. There is another cup. She makes him drink and this time Jason feels like he’s suffocating. 

He swallows more cups until he feels like he's at his limit. Then the hands are moving him and the rocking motion makes him feel sick. He passes from one hand to another until someone is bringing him to his knees in front of a huge glittering basin. 

“ Purge Ja’s Purge and be reborn. “

He feels dizzy and sick. Like he’s still rocking. He clenches onto the cool surface ahead of him. He tries to collect himself but memories start surfacing like bile in his throat. He remembers everything in startling detail. It all flashes before him until he flies forward and purges. 

He shakes and shudders through it. The loud cheers after every heave grounds him in support. Many hands hold him to stop him from falling in but no one stops him from emptying everything that he is into the quickling filling basin. 

He trembles and they replace that one for another. He can’t believe there’s more to give but everytime he feels peace a vile memory twists up and sends him face first into the bucket. By the time he’s thoroughly wrung out and empty- gentle hands pull him up. He doesn’t fight as he’s taken by many hands to a cool pool that bubbles against his skin. It fizzes and sizzles but doesn’t burn as his body is submerged. His eye lashes flutter. 

He gets a vague glimpse of blue skin and pinks and then someone tells him to hold his breath. 

He does and goes under. Everything goes black. 

Most Pink Lanterns don’t need to go through the rebirth. At least that is what Ja’s has heard from the others. The ring finds them before anything bad can happen. Usually during high emotions of love or joy something Ja’s has felt little of. Or well maybe that isn’t quite right. 

He does love, he loves everything. He loves hard, fast, passionate and ferociously but sometimes it feels like there isn’t any left for him. Sure he’s had people care for him, but to choose him first? To love him first…. Wilis loved money, then Catherine loved the drugs, then there's Bruce who loved the Crusade and Alfred… well Alfred could never love him more than Bruce. 

It had been that that drove him to Ethiopia in the first place.

He remembers everything in startling clarity now. His birth, his life, his death and of course both rebirths. It’s hard to forget the feeling of splitters digging into your fingertips and the taste of mud as you dig yourself out of your own grave. Who knows how long he had been wandering Gotham in a fuzzy haze? No one found him, no one had been looking for him. At least that's what he thought until he saw a pink glow.

The star sapphire. His star sapphire to be precise. 

Lost in the memory he gently touches the gem. It’s a wonderment, meeting the sisters of the lanterns corps and of course… getting permission to be- well who he's always known himself to be, Ja’s as they call him.

It had been freeing to be allowed to be nurturing. To be allowed to be tender and to care. Despite the changes that he’s gone through he feels more like himself than ever before. Like his body suddenly fits and he is grateful for the Zamarons for allowing him the ceremony. They honor his pronouns, as they all honor and celebrate femininity as its essence and not as sex or gender. Ja's has learned nothing if not the suffering of smothering his divine feminine in his last life. 

Now he is free.

( He tells himself that's why he hasn’t gone home to Gotham. Not because the existence of the third Robin Bruce has replaced him with. )

He does a good job at ignoring his old life and memories for the most part too. The few indulges he allows are watching digital transmissions of different versions of pride and prejudice with his sisters. Even in space nothing seems to beat human literature, something that Ja's gets to share with the others. He learns how to love deeper. Not only himself but more importantly everyone and everything. Mostly in the emotional sense… while the others- well Ja's isn’t quite ready for the sexual sense yet. 

Like many of the Pink Lantern Corps he has yet to meet his soul mate. 

The thought flutters low in his stomach. While he could easily show someone their love in his ring, the power didn’t work for star sapphires themselves. They simply had to wait for the pull and circumstance when they would feel the electricity in the air. Other members in the corps said that the feeling is indescribable. Like swallowing lightning or crashing into a planet with nothing to cushion the fall.

Though unfortunately, most of his sisters felt that with every good looking creature they came across. 

Ja's takes a drink, lounging about in the Green Lanterns station. They’re taking a short interlude before heading back home. One that the others are taking full advantage of.  It’s kind of embarrassing how the revealing costume and reputation of his corps makes others stare. He hears the whispers and feels the eyes on him just as clearly. 

It’s stupid because he isn’t even the best looking of them all. In a universe full of aliens most lanterns find humans rather dull. He hears the giggles as the others flirt. That’s all it is sometimes, flirting. While other times- Ja's turns the blind eye to Nadia’s wink as she disappears with a lantern down the corridor. He doesn’t flush long familiar with their games. Still a little part of him feels empty.

If only he could give as freely as they did. 

The chair next to him creeks making him sigh. Great, another lantern trying their luck. Couldn’t they tell he just wants to finish his drink in peace? He turns around to give the person a piece of his mind, anger already hot on his tongue. 

That is until playful green eyes fall on his. Ja's immediately tries to escape but Ryner grabs his wrist.

“ Well if it isn’t my favourite Star Sapphire. “

Ja's knows there’s no way he’s going to be able to pull the other off without causing a scene. He gives one more futile tug while Kyle just raises an unimpressed eyebrow. He groans just as the lantern orders himself his own drink. 

“ What do you want Ryner? “

The green lantern only lets go when he’s sure Ja's won’t run. Which is funny considering the fact that he's always running. Whether it be from bad guys, suitors or most times his sisters. It’s something that comes from growing up on the streets. The only place he’s ever felt safe had been… warm memories of the manor and Bruce's smile tug at his heart.

“ What makes you think I want something Ja’s? “

The very clear inflection of his voice Ja's wants to say. The other human has always made himself a pest whenever their corps comes to visit. It’s probably because they are both humans and around the same age. Not that they’ve really spoken about how they both ended up here. 

He doesn’t answer Ryner and takes a sip of his drink instead. The playful smile on the green lantern holds no matter how long Ja's ignores him. 

“ So I'm going down to Terra thought maybe you’d like to come? Apparently Batman could use some extra hands. “

At the mention of Batman Ja's interest piques. It’s rare to hear about anyone from his former life. Of course he does look through mission logs from time to time. It’s public access in the lantern corps library after all- but otherwise it's uncommon for Bruce to ask for help. The last thingJas's saw was Batman, Nightwing and Robin rescuing Hal from a villain he didn’t recognize. 

Ryner is either ignorant to his inner conflict or ignores it. 

“ It’ll be fun. You know Bats never lets us in his city. Could be nice? We could get a burger afterwards. Maybe catch a movie. “

It sounds like a date. Ja's would think it’s one too if he hadn’t told Ryner exactly how he feels about those things. He’s a nice guy, not bad looking from what he can see… but still he needs- well he wants the spark. 

He meets the boyish smile with a frown but it does nothing to make it go away. He shouldn’t. He’s done pretty well ignoring both earth and the bats. Still the big huge heart in him wants. He wants to see Bruce again and help him. 

A tiny part of him wants to go home and pretend like his dad still loves him even though he’s gone and gotten a new kid. One who’s probably in Ja’s room with all new clothes that are fitting of a good son. A loved son. 

Ryner bumps shoulders with him pulling him out of his head. His ring had begun to flicker a bit from the emotional distress. The other human places a hand over it to block the light and Jason let’s him. It’s a distraction. 

“ C’mon Ja’s Earth isn’t like you remember it. Let me show you a good time? “

That stupid hopeful smile and the shy way Ryner really looks at him hurts. He’s weak to things like this. People actually caring about him. He’s practically starving for it. He swallows down his protest. After all it would probably be nice to see his family again. They probably wouldn’t even recognize him. He could go and help and then maybe take up Ryner on his offer for a burger. 

Something light. Something Casual. 

“ Fine.. That sounds ok- I’ll go. “

Ja's wishes he could ignore the stupid happiness radiating off of the other lantern. 

“ Swear to God Ja’s this is going to be so much fun- You aren’t gonna regret it. There’s this one place that serves burgers like the size of your head and the art on the wall is just so hilarious- “

Ja's rolls his eyes as he finishes the last of his drink. 

“ Shut up Ryner and don’t make me regret this. “

The green lantern mims zipping his mouth shut and Ja's laughs.

Turns out he’s actually right as well. 

Jas's hasn’t been to Earth in years and it really shows. The place looks different. Even Gotham in all its dirt and grime feels foriegn to him. He joins the other lanterns in their job of catching and sending the aliens back to a prison at the corps. It’s fun with the little quips the Green Lanterns seem to toss back and forth between one another. Jason isn’t used to it but it’s a vibrant kind of energy that leaves a smile on his face even while he’s fighting. 

With the group supers the battle is over quickly. Quick enough and Ja's finds himself disappointed. He doesn’t know why but ever since they’ve been back in Gotham he has been positively vibrating. It’s new and exciting and maybe it’s because he caught a few glimpses of familiar capes and blue. 

When they all land on the roof for briefing Ja's feels like he’s about to burst from the excitement. 

This time when Ryner bumps into his shoulder it isn’t quite as annoying and he bumps back. It’s playful and light which seems to be the mood with them all. That is until Batman comes down with his dark dramatics.Jas's goes stone still at the sight of him. A blue and Black shadow follows behind before the bright colors of Robin pop up the edge of the building. 

It’s- strange to him. Like being on the wrong side of a mirror. He takes in what he can see of Bruce’s face from under the mask. The worn lines seem just too deep to be on the man he thought of as his father. Even Dick’s posture feels different and the new Robin… Well Ja's wishes he could say he feels anger but if anything he just feels- strange. There’s also something else. It’s slow and thrumming in his mind like he’s running on outdated software. His entire body itches all over and all he wants is to get closer. He needs to be closer. Close enough to touch, feel and just make sure they're real. That they are who he remembers and not just a figment of his imagination-  

Ryner nudges him and Ja's hisses under his breath. 

“ We gotta go. Didn’t you hear the man? “

Ja's had not heard him. The soothing quality of Bruce’s voice always made it hard to focus. The dark timber of it has always been more relaxing than menacing in his opinion. Just- being so close to them but not with them feels so strange. He knows he has to go over there. It’s been years and he probably doesn’t even fit in space left. There's anxiety at the thought, to go home he'd be willing to cut away any parts of him that he needed to. He swallows. It’s a sad and small mindset, something that he’s supposed to be better than by now. 

“ Heard him say what? “

Someone clears their throat and now there’s all eyes on them. Apparently they weren’t being as quiet as they thought.

“ That your help has been appreciated but you are not welcome in my city. “

Hearing it and knowing it are two different things. While Ja's always knew how Bruce felt about metas and supers, actually being told to leave is equal parts hilarious and frustrating. The itch that has been nagging him turns into an entire rash. He takes two steps forward but Ryners hand stops him from closing the distance. He shrugs off the touch, it doesn’t feel right. 

“ Yea? And who decides who comes into Gotham. Last I checked I have a birth certificate sayin i’m Gothamite and that means I can come to this cesspool whenever I want. “

He spits the words in the accent to prove a point. He’s giving away too much- too much information. He knows how Bruce obsesses over identities. It's not like the corps where everyone knew everything. A few people look around and Jas's suddenly feels even smaller. Ryner pulls him back and he can’t get himself to move. He just stares at Bruce hoping- wishing that the man will know it’s him. That he’ll close the distance and hug him and hold him. That he’ll smell like home like he always did when Jason could fit on his lap. 

Because as many sisters as he has now he only has one living father, brother and grandfather. He only has them and Jason wants so badly to be told that he could have them again. Space has never felt like much of a home. As much as the others made efforts they’re versions of love and his are different. He clung to the idea of meeting a soul mate and being full but now that he’s actually in front of Bruce he just wants to be here. With his dad. 

The shush on the roof is eerie. Ryner pulls harder and this time Ja's stumbles back. 

“ Ja’s lets go. “

The hardness of his voice spurs him into action. Bruce doesn’t move. He doesn’t move an inch and it hurts so badly he thinks he might die. When the lanterns take off he hesitates for just a moment. His eyes find Dick’s hoping for…. He doesn’t know what. When their eyes meet his heart pounds and his blood rushes in his ears. The blankness he gets back makes him flinch.

His eyes flicker to the Robins and the innocent wide eye stare is just- too much. He feels like a spectacle. His eyes flutter around and soon he realizes just how out of place he is. Not like he ever fit to begin with. 

Shame rolls over him. He staggered back a few steps. No one moves and his throat goes dry. He turns and flies after Ryner in mortification.

#star sapphire jason au #ficlets #lanterns lead home #gen fic

[words-for-holland]

Happier (3) | T.H.

Summary: Harrison is looking for answers. More unknown text messages and blackmail. A phone conversation takes place. Wait...who’s the new guy?

A/N: Don’t be shy let me know all your theories! Again, thank you for the support on Happier! The story continues!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Puzzle

This whole thing was just a giant puzzle that needed to be solved, but the closer one got to solving it, another complication comes around. The story wasn’t clear for anyone, but for Harrison it was a mess. He had so many questions that needed to be answered, so many clues he wish could have been solved at the snap of a finger.

Tom was too lost in himself to even comprehend the puzzling reality, Y/N while also lost in heartbreak had been awefully quiet since she left London, Kate was lying to Harrison, and Natalie had been too friendly with Tom.

Harrison replayed the conversation with Kate over and over again in his mind, trying to remember every little thing she said that night. He knew Kate was aware of something. Her tone said it all.

“Listen I dont know who you are, but if its the same person that sent my best friend a threatening message that she’s better off breaking up with her boyfriend”

“She received a few messages...from Tom.”

“Oh my god.” Harrison said to himself in realization. How could he have been so dim to not recognize what Kate had said in the first place? He paced around as he continued to think it through. But a threat message? Who would send a threat to Y/N? And what did they threaten her with? Tom and Y/N’s relationship has been secretly hidden from the public for as long as they’d been together. No one knew she even existed...right?

For a moment, Harrison stopped in his tracks, thinking of Natalie. Though he quickly shook the idea off. Natalie may have wanted Tom, but she wouldnt go as far as threatening Y/N. He had been friends with her since they went to primary school, and knew she wouldn’t go that far. “Maybe a stalker fan?” He questioned himself. Though he also quickly ruled it out, but something about it just didnt feel right.

In the kitchen, Harrison took out his laptop and started googling Y/N’s name. If her name didn’t show on the News or one of those Tom Holland fan accounts, it would at least answer one theory. As he scrolled through pages and pages, nothing showed up until...he found on account. He logged into the site and browsed the history, realizing it was all about Y/N and Toms life. Not as a couple but seperately. It all seemed too strange. Only very few accounts followed it and yet no other accounts in the world had mentioned Y/N. Harrison quickly shut his laptop when he saw Natalie enter the room.

“Oh don’t mind me just...grabbing a water.” She giggled, making her way to the fridge.

“Hey mate...uh..I guess everyone got hungry at the same time?” Harry asked, a bit surprised to see Harrison and Natalie in the kitchen.

“Yeah. I guess.” Harrison muttered.

“Well aren’t you a ray of sunshine. If i didn’t know I’d say you were the one more affected by the break up then Tom and Y/N themselves.” Natalie commented.

“No. It’s just that I dont think Y/N broke up with Tom just because of some rumors about you and him.” He explained rubbing his face from exhaustion. Natalie’s smile dropped, when she heard Harrison mention his potential theory.

“Well...did you talk to Y/N about it?” Harry asked him, also intrigued by the theory. “Now that I think about it she —“

“Oh come on. Just leave the poor girl alone. Im sure she knew what was best for the both of them. You’ll only make it worse.” Natalie interrupted, taking a sip from her water. “Well since you boys are all talk, Im gonna go find something more worth my while.”

Out of sight and out of mind, Natalie made a quick call about what she heard. “Harrison’s getting suspicious, and so is Harry.”

“Time to clean up then.” The unknown number spoke out before hanging up on Natalie completely.

Meanwhile, Kate had managed to get Y/N out of the apartment and walk the streets of the city. Her heart and spirits were still low, but she appreciated the efforts. Kate and Y/N went around stuffing their faces with crepes and ice cream. It was the cure to any bad days, but it wouldnt have been a Kate and Y/N date if they didn’t hang around the New York Aquarium. It was also the perfect time to crack out what Y/N really knew about the unknown text message, and who was harrassing the both of them. “Look, I know I promised you a stress free outing, but I saw a text from your phone the night you came back home.” Kate confessed.

Y/N’s face became pale almost as if she’d seen a ghost. She knew, and now there was no point in going back. “So you know then.” She says quietly looking at the fishes.

“I only know they threatened you.” Kate states, leaving out that she, herself, was also threatened. Y/N had enough on her plate to worry about, and it wouldn’t be the best time to being up how her message also threatened their friendship. “How long?” She continues.

“Weeks maybe. They started around the time I was fighting with Tom.” Y/N vents, she takes a deep breath before she continues. “Each message was worse than the last. They threatened that if I didnt leave, Tom would lose career, and I...I couldnt do that to him.” Tears were falling slowly, but Y/N was quick to pick them.

“Why didnt you tell him?”

“Yeah, Kate let me just tell him the truth of why I left him because the messages weren’t offensive nor threatening enough. And let’s just assume that the person texting wouldn’t blackmail either of us if they knew I said something. Anyways, maybe it was for the best...I could never fit in his world and those past few months just proved that.” Y/N’s words continue to spill out every fear and thought she had bottled up within her. It felt good..for a moment, but nothing can really erase a heartbreak of losing the one you loved.

As the pair walked through the shark tunnel, Y/N bumped into a tall figure. “Oh my god, Im so sorry...Matt?” she asked in confusion. The moment Y/N looked up into those familiar brown eyes hidden behind the thin glasses, she knew. How could she forget? 

“Y/N? Wow, it’s been so long how are you?” Matt greeted as he wrapped her into a hug. “Kate, it’s good to see you again too.” 

“Yeah, we’re great, just you know...navigating life.” Kate responded to him. “We haven’t seen you since what?  High school?”

Matt smiled and nodded at Kate’s response, his focus remaining on Y/N. He didn’t remember much with Kate back in high school, but Y/N was a different story. They were good friends at the time, always competing in classes, but as junior year rolled by things got awkward. Y/N was falling for Matt while he didn’t return the favor at the time. Though he’d be lying if he didn’t say he may have felt the same at one point, but just never committed. Now all grown up, he didn’t realize how pretty she turned out, but her personality wasn't there. He must have figured something was wrong. After all, a girl with that kind of spunk back in the day, didn't seem like the one to lose hers so easily. “Yeah, look. I know it’s kind of a spur in the moment, but maybe we can all hang out sometime? I’d love to catch up.” 

Kate was all for it, but Y/N felt a tension she wasn’t sure if she wanted to act upon. After all, breaking up with your boyfriend after 2 weeks, because of threatening messages and still loving him deeply, it wasn’t an easy thing to move on from. Then again it’s not like Matt was asking for a date, it was just to catch up after not seeing each other for 6 years. “Uh, maybe. I have to check my schedule, and see when Im free, but I can let you know” Y/N answers him. 

“Great, well..here’s my number, and hopefully I hear from you guys. I gotta get back to my brother, so hope to see you around.” he quickly says as he walks away. 

“Wow. Matt Brynne, who would have guessed?” Kate says, breaking the silence. 

“I know...Funny I used to be so head over heels with him at the time, and now I barely feel a thing.” 

“Well yeah, cause you still love...you-know-who.” she teases, though it probably wasn't the best time to be making that type of joke with everything going on.

“And I don't think I’ll ever stop.” Y/N mutters to herself. As Y/N and Kate make their way forward, Kate’s phone began to vibrate. 

Unknown

Set up a date and take a picture of Y/N and that boy you posted on your insta story. Or Y/N finds out the truth about what you did. XOXO

Kate looked up as she cursed herself, realizing she forgot to keep her story private. It was supposed to be a harmless post of old friends reuniting and now the unknown number has used it as blackmail. It would have been easy to find the culprit, but her view count was up in the thousands with unfamiliar faces. It’s what she gets after gaining a decent following on TikTok. Kate couldn’t let Y/N know what she did, and she’d make sure she would hide that truth from her for as long as she can. “Hey, Y/N...I think we should hit up Matt.” she says, running after her best friend. 

At the same time, another texted popped from Y/N’s phone. She picked up thinking it might have been a group chat with her close friends, but it was from the only person who could make her heart flutter and break simultaneously. 

Tom

I can’t stop thinking about you. About us. I still love you. 

Y/N almost called him..almost, but she knew better. She couldn’t...not unless she wanted to continue to hurt each other. 

Meanwhile, back in London, Harrison was ready to come clean to Tom about what he’d found out. He watched as Tom finished typing on his phone, and throwing it on the side of the bed, rubbing his face. This was the new normal. Tom being alone in the dark, reflecting on his sadness and exhaustion. Only stepping out when needed and keeping up smiles for appearances. 

It was then Harrison was ready to knock on the door, when his phone received a notification.

Unknown

Don’t even think about it. Or I’ll make sure you and your lads careers are over for good.

Harrison sighed deeply, as he put his phone down, and walked away. Until he came to a most probable conclusion. “Natalie.” he says anger. “I should have fucking known.” At this point he no longer cared, about who she was before and how they were friends. The timing of it all seemed too perfect. Her arrival, the eavesdropping, the flirting. It had to be her but with what proof other than unknown numbers and good timing? Another part of him feared...what if it wasn't her?

Meanwhile, Tom was still unaware of what was really happening behind his door, but he did know, he had to take a chance now and try to contact her instead of sending these useless messages. In the moment, he showed no signs of regret, only praying Y/N would pick up so he could hear her voice. 

“Tom?” Y/N answers hesitantly.

Tom closes his eyes, as he takes in her soft and gently voice. “Y/N.” he speaks softly into the phone. 

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl​ @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @trumpettay @astridcommings

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine

[dianaagron]

hello darkness my old friend i’ve come back on tumblr once again (after like one month of not uploading anything or reblogging or answering messages for that matter because im a shit person who is actually very busy)

once upon a time this was called the your fave crack edits maker watched the thing earlier review but let’s be honest im not editing a flying fuck lately so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  (here are part 1, part 2 AND part 3 tho)

warnings: i talk like a sailor, i haven’t been in touch with the fandom or with the whole franchise for like months and if you’re not that interested in the actual plot of the thing and you’re just watching out of love for the characters, there’s a 99% chance i’m even more disinterested than you (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:·ﾟ✧

basically if you’re looking for in-depth analysis and metas yo this ain’t the post for you my friend

good luck reading lmao

it’s a truth universally acknowledged that if a tri movie is coming out, tumblr user dianaagron (clara for friends) won’t know about it until the day after, when she’ll wake up and check twitter after 84 years of not logging in and realize that yesterday was the day. actually, this time i remembered the episodes were out the same day they were released, but still it was because of good ol’ twitter, because with all the mess that’s going on with me (part of the reason why i’m never here) even if i happened to check at the beginning of the week when soushitsu was coming out, i still managed to completely forget about it in the span of a fucking day. also, i’m fucking pissed because i’ve always watched the thing after downloading the various episodes because that way i have all my stuff and i can go back and easily find caps and other stuff like that but nope not this time because i can’t fucking find a single torrent and i’m refusing to download subbed episodes because a) it’s gonna take so long to direct download something and b) what use are subbed episodes when i know i’d be replacing them with unsubbed ones as soon as i can find working dls (this is a cry of help: tell me where i can download the episodes, im dying, thank you)

one thing to take into account: i was extra pissed for various reasons yesterday night when i watched the first two episodes, so i’m not really sure if that’s why, compared to the shit that i had to deal with in real life, the episodes (in the contrary to all expectations) weren’t bad at all. truth is i actually liked this installment? INCREDIBLE, I KNOW. of course it had its nonsense moments and parts that made me roll my eyes (im buying pizza for everyone who can guess which were those moments) and other negative parts, but i really preferred movie 4 to movie 3. i’m guessing this is an unpopular opinion because i remember everyone was so happy with kokuhaku back in the day and i was the only soul going like lmao i didnt even cry but idk, i liked this one, it wasn’t bad. btw, i said i’m guessing mine could be an unpopular opinion because i’m writing this sorry excuse of a review before reading anything else cause i don’t want to be influenced :)))))

(save me ive written 500 words on nothing) (meanwhile i finally found torrent links) (and i had to pause the review because i ended up going out yesterday night so this is me talking one day later from what you’ve read before)

once again, i feel like nothing happened in the course of these four new episodes. now, i know i’m extremely slow when it comes to get plot points and all that (not because i’m that stupid, thank you very much, but because of my attention span varies from 1 second to 2 and a half so it’s hard for me to recall what happened in the previous installments unless i go and rewatch all of them - thing i won’t ever do because this girl right here is lazy as fuuuck) but if you sit down and think about what was revealed, you get close to nothing lmao.

winning points of the movie (for me):

not too many extreme closeups like in the previous installment. it flowed better, the animation quality wasn’t as terrible as it was in the previous four episodes (im saying this just by quickly looking at the caps i took - while in the other i had so many ugly caps here they all look presentable and usable) (i say this from the point of you of someone who makes edits of course, i dont have the knowledge of an animator lmao), the majority of the shots with mimi, which are the ones that i pay the most attention to, are super pretty, but also those with taichi’s!!! his design was super on point, i have many caps im probably gonna insert later of just him looking hella attractive, and sora!!! omg sora was so fucking beautiful in these episodes i was so :)))) yay for nice designs, they make me happy.

the lack of you know who for basically two episodes. it was so good, so nice, so calming. i was loving life and life was loving me.  

HOW THEY HANDLED THE TAIORATO!!!! if you know me or if you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know this already, but i’m saying this in case i have new readers (HI) or, y’know, to swipe some dust off: i’m not the biggest fan of the main three. that comes from the fact that michi is my otp and i love taishiro probably too much for my own sanity, so i tend to be on the taichi/koushiro/mimi & yamato/sora/jyou side of things (which is like, super unpopular because if it’s not taiorato then it’s yamichi, so you get why my life is a constant struggle). anyway, thing is that i actually loved the interactions between the three? it was light and it felt super real, it could easily be relatable. it was also clear to me that taichi’s and yamato’s roles in sora’s life were blatantly different and i also loved to see how the two of them while being in the same situation reacted differently, but i’m gonna touch this topic later. overall tho, good job on the dynamic between those three. im clapping my hands, i wasn’t excited about it when the movie poster came out five months ago but i’m so happy that they made me love the parts with taichi, yamato and sora.

it wasn’t heavy on fight scenes. i know. I KNOW. but as i’ve said, i’m not the average digimon fan so i’m happy with my bonds developing and less fights and all that stuff :))))

meiko exceeding all expectations and NOT CRYING for all four episodes. such sorcery. 

on the other hand tho

y’all, who the fuck is that ygdradude? am i supposed to know? did i miss a focal point? am i that disinterested in the plot to miss a fucking focal point????

also what the fuck was that part with i dont know his name, the teacher, with the white space shit and the talk about libra. what is libra, who is libra, what the hell, what the fuck

pedo gennai dear lord i felt so fucking uncomfortable 

remember when i said meiko didn’t cry? she didn’t cry because they replaced her with her partner and made meicoomon whine for 3/4 of the movie instead 

the opening scene ????????????????  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ artistic choice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the fact that they basically wasted half an episode (the last one) on three evolutions. they really need to cut down the timing of those, for real

i can’t think of anything else rn 

they could’ve kept meiko away for other three episodes if it was me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

then again they could’ve just kept meiko away from tri in general if it was me

warning: i have 98 screenshots ready to use, i’m gonna try to cut some stuff because that’s too many, but here we go 

they were pulling some hikari shit right here (as well as some charlie chaplin sorcery for the whole sequence)

that’s what i’m saying

OKAY LISTEN, that fucking egg with the circular thing under it made me highkey hope for some sort of magic shit happening and bringing the 02 kids back because it looks like a digimental egg or however those things were called. like my hope was so highkey that i fucking ended up dreaming the night between me watching the first two episodes and the latter two that miyako was back. unfair. i hated it. i want my kids back. 

taichi being handsome: exhibit A

mimi being beautiful: exhibit A

sora being incredibly pretty yet sad: exhibit A (i told you guys the design was extra better compared to the last movie) 

random caps taken merely for the fact that taichi and mimi were next to each other looking aesthetically pleasing to the eye  (also do you ever cry about the skin tone difference between these two because i tend to do that a lot) 

i can’t stand them hahahahah

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) frankly they could’ve shown yamato in the next scene so that way the foreshadowing would’ve been blunt and people wouldn’t still be bitching. or maybe they would anyway lmao. also look at the girls being all pretty together im so :))))

just pretty mimi and taichi + koushiro talking i was :)))) i love them all i love my kids, especially kou when he goes on about his tea

and i also FINALLY appreciated a koumi scene!!!! it happened!!!!! honestly, as i’ve said, i’m not entirely sure if it was because i was facing so much rl shit right before i watched the thing or what, but this time i was just enjoying what tri had to offer me without caring too much about other stuff like “ugh they’re pushing the fanservice with ship baits” and such. this was just plain cute, mimi was terribly in character, koushiro as well, and it was just the kind of interaction that i love. i love my kids pt. 2974521248 like, of course i would’ve loved for mimi to feed one to taichi, but i’m still somehow sane and i know they’ll never show something like that in canon? but still, it’s nice cause i know how differently from koushiro taichi would’ve reacted in a setting like this and i just can use it in my fanon world. goodbye.

this is why i’m team taichi, yamato

taichi being handsome: exhibit B

JUST IMAGINE HIM LOOKING AT MIMI LIKE THAT BEFORE THEY KISS IM SO ??????????? im gonna make a manip just wait for it

AH YES The Interaction™ also known as one of my fave parts of the movie lmao but it’s so nice whenever mimi talks it’s taichi the first one to answer im happy goodbye

cutie patootie be looking at his cute patoote

legit thought palmon was going to transform into sailor palmoon or something

why so ugly good lord

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS!!!! THIS THING RIGHT HERE!!!!  let me put it into context in case you don’t remember: this was taichi asking his LEGIT CANON BEST FRIEND IZUMI KOUSHIRO TO NOT PUSH HIMSELF TOO MUCH AND REST. can anything be as beautiful as this? this made my heart defrost, im alive, y’all need to reevaluate your “taichi and yamato are bffs” business because. of. this. right. here. (im slamming my fist on the table, in case you were wondering) 

hikari being smug af with takeru tho, that gave me life as well. also jyourato sitting next to each other <33333

AND THE SISTER IN LAWS <3333333 under a blanket that it’s so mimi’s 

penis shot

taichi you fool...

a word on the so called triangle that of a triangle it has nothing but whatever: it was clear to me that yamato and taichi hold two very different spots in sora’s life, while both being important to her. there are multiple times when we see yamato trying to make taichi break the ice and talk to sora, and that’s because he is her best friend, so he should be the one who is supposed to know how to make her feel better at all times. another thing i noticed was how it was yamato to be the most sensitive to sora (unsurprisingly so): you see it especially when taichi is busy with agumon and he’s still monitoring sora, worried

here

and of course this whole exchange was beautiful, and i don’t have much else to add. truly iconic. 

[insert penis joke here]

can we please take a moment to appreciate sora and mimi? they are so important

DA BACKHUG DOE guess who also watches kdramas lmao

minute 18 of episode 2 say goodbye to all your dreams of greatness 

CRYING HE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH imagine him holding a baby 

i’m too lazy to go back and take another screenshot, but jyou with both palmon and patamon holding onto him was something else

🙄  🙄  🙄  even here mere expression makes me 🙄  but at least she wasn’t crying

i wasn’t

actually, as studies say, mimi is, in fact, a libra

why you know who tho when we all know it was sora who was supposed to be in the picture

why you know who pt. 2 

GET OFF THE RAILS YOU FUCKING FUCKS IS2G THEY FUCKING WAITED UNTIL THE LAST MOMENT TO GET OFF LIKE YAMATO AND KOUSHIRO U PRICKS IF YOU DON’T SEE THE OTHER TWO MOVING WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING, A HAND FROM THE SKY? THE TEA TO BE SERVED????

the fluff tho

the contrast between hikari being the calm one and having accepted the situation vs taichi still being unsure and lost was nicely done by making her facing the light and him staying in the shadows, good job with the cinematography im clapping my hands

F U C K I N G  W H Y  no, but seriously, i was already uncomfortable before with him being on top of her but this just just like yikes to a whole new level like i just don’t get it???? was it necessary???? just ew

i love mimi and the lowkey koukari pass it on

who the fuck is ygdrasil tho

ah yes, chosen children be so fit, they be running from huge monsters wanting to kill them off, they be escaping just with their two legs. incredible. 

digimon au: cruise OR digimon au: titanic (spoiler: meiko is jack) 

tag urself im jyou speaking the words of wisdom

takeru was cute here

weird lighting aka good luck to those who gif these scenes lmao

teach me this choreography guys don’t keep it to urselves 

this was some weird shit right here let me tell you

ah yes again with the superhuman strength, surviving after a fucking huge machine slams you repeatedly against a mountain or smth like that

ur the one saying it gennai get a fucking grip 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! MY JYOURA HEART, JYOU BEING DASHINGGGG how can they not believe him when he says he has a girlfriend i mean have you seen the dude? he’s going to be a doctor, he can fucking catch a girl falling from 20 meters up in the sky i meAN 

THE REAL HIGHLIGHT OF THE MOVIE. GALS BEING PALS. (for real tho, i felt so blessed? it’s in moments like these that i just feel all the love for this anime, im so :)))))) )

and jyou comforting sora as welllllll~~~~

and that’s it with the pics you guys!!! a couple of further points

if they didn’t waste half an episode on three evolutions, they could’ve just gone further with the plot, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

im not saying meiko grew on me, because i still want her out, but i can deal with her if he doesn’t cry as much as he did in the first three installments 

what’s up with that ygdradude and libra talk is my question

they still need to address the 02 kids mystery and i need my babies back 

the triangle is not, in fact, a triangle

i love my kids 

and the episodes weren’t bad, come on. they went a little further with the plot by showing that the chick whose name i don’t remember had a partner that died and so that was the reason for the reboot, so they did give some answers, and at least the pacing of this movie was faster than in the previous one. 

also, as i’ve said, idk what’s the popular opinion but i loved sora’s arc, it was nicely done and i don’t have anything to bitch about (except for meiko’s unnecessary presence). i felt for her and i wanted to wrap a blanket around her and just give her all the love.

and that’s it i think? 

im blocking out the memories of the scenes with gennai because im feeling super uncomfortable whenever i do

we’re talking first kiss between wang so and hae soo in scarlet heart levels of uncomfortable

the ending sequence was so cute <3333 especially sora and piyomon, they were my faves closely followed by taichi and agumon

and im done

thank you for reading

i’ll probably go back to my hibernation now 

ily all 

if you got to this point i’m truly buying you a pizza 

and let’s not forget the winning screencap, you can use it every day at every hour, every moment in your life

#digimon #digisafe #michi #mimi tachikawa #sorato #clara reacts #i cut down the number of caps from 98 to 62 or smth like that #y'all thought i'd be sleeping on this #AS IF #i need to write my pointless thought somewhere #tri spoilers

[mamonthemoon]

So about the 5 of CUPS.  I am getting in touch with writing and music and art and so happy to have access to a computer to do these things.  I could not flow like this, as I wanted, at my pace, on my phone.  It is SO great to have a computer again.  I am blessed, I am thankful.  I am so happy, today I logged into Soundcloud to find Jan and Taylor collab and made music and it just touched my heart and made me so happy.  Also talkin and chillin beside dont know her name but shes a Leo, I could tell she was more on point and driven and aware the first time i saw her come into the cafeteria one night.  Not like the others.  A good thing.  She is having some struggles with people evidently, being different, and them talking about her business, ay dont worry about it their petty basic losers. Bitches. I also got a nice comment 6 months ago on a track I did, “perfection” - how nice. I wish I had been able to make music and tracks through these past few years... I felt trapped, unable to express and create.. So I just sat in my car and sang... Ive been without a computer for the past 5 years WOW! I set out to evolve- to break my internet addiction, I wanted to be in real life, and not in my own little bubble, I wanted to be aware and grounded and discipline myself.  Well, I sure do appreciate this computer access now, and the internet, and everyone’s creativity and the era we’re in is so beautiful in that way, considering how awful the fucking world is! Like all these churches are you for real? and all these heathens that lie cheat steal? Crazy! War... Hate.. Rape.... Oppression.. Slavery.. Injustice... Women under men............ all this.... I was shielded from for most my life, ignorant and dumb and aloof. Its better that way!!! I sought to understand though... big mistake!!!! Understand I have..... Damn. Shoulda asked and prayed for good things! Not something like understanding! Wow dont do that unless you want to go through heaven and hell and everything in between, chaos, mundane, and the unseen.  So much... Off on a tangent again.... Point is... I am EMBRACING the 5 of cups. I literally stand like that.... I stood like that figure today, on the hill across the empty basin up the hill where I walk to be with nature, the little bit that is there, amongst the trash and brush.  I asked Jesus to heal my heart if he exists, and told him he knows I have lived like him, at least more than pretty much most people, and that hey maybe I havent, and I dont know, obviously Im doing something wrong.  I cried, because my heart needed me to, my body needed me to. And it felt good to, with the wind, or fresh air, far away from the building and people.  I cried and spoke to Ayla. I feel I will be with her in one year.  I am saddened by our seperation and how long it is taking, and I want her to know she is SO loved.  In fact, it is the only reason I live. I typed love.... and perhaps that is the correct sentence here.  Ayla is the only reason I love.  It is true.  I never loved before her.  I never loved until I became a mother.  And I loved everyone with that love, too.  Mostly her of course, an overwhelming neverending supply of love, JUST LIKE THE SUN.  Ayla is Jesus. And so am I, as a result of loving her and giving my all to her like I have. PURE LOVE. I prayed for it and I got it.  It was so painful, before and after, her. But she is Joy. She is grace.  She is everything.  She is my teacher.  She is SO beautiful.  And I cant stand to see her cry without crying.  That image is burned in my brain.  I was happy at the moment, starting my new life with psycho, briefly, he was treating me well.  I was putting in work to make that nasty house a home.  I was loving again, and being reciprocated in that love and affection.  BUT NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU. AYLA RAY.  I mourn for that I have been unable to accomplish housing you and me.  I have been unable to attain a living situation.  And it is SO frustrating.  I believe things can get better.  I believe in me.  I believe in my strength and perseverence, and I trust my intuition.  I have been working very hard to be strong.  I have worked very hard to be sober.  Worked to be creative.  Worked to be spiritually sound.  Worked to have greater understanding.  And I have been getting feedback from the people who work here and run this place, as well as doctor and social worker type person at the Internal Medicine Clinic today, positive feedback and thanks for sharing my experience, and told that I am wise and have a greater understanding, etc.  It didnt even feel good to receive the praise, I was too busy extracting what I had to say, and it is exhausting and frustrating because the pain stays inside me, and all I have to do is wait. and wait. and wait. but its okay.  I am happy.  I have a place to be, I have some people to talk to, and we talk and then all wander away, its perfect.  I have had hard times and been very frustrated but through it all I am grateful and see the silver lining for sure.  I am not dwelling on the past, on the wrongs I was wronged recently.  Im used to it!!!!!!  I accept it.  My car was on its way out, and Ive never been in a good living situation anyway.  The way Ive lived, being in this homeless shelter really isnt that hard.  Except that my body doesnt appreciate the shit food and eating meat, and I have to be careful about my sugar intake.  I feel awful after I eat.  I will be so relieved and at ease when I can smoke mari again.  I hate eating.  Yet, Im always hungry now it seems.  My weight is 115.  Im on track, perfect weight.  Just my body doesnt feel good due to my nervous system. And these people dont want to prescribe me Ativan.  Im pretty sure the song Jan and Taylor did, the lyrics talked about the generic name for it.. loradiazepine, or something.  Ill have to check.  The song was titled “Giving up on a Friend”.  It was beautifully prosed and poised. Truly impressive.  So happy inside.  I have really been sad for all my creative lovely friends that died...... drugs, lack of love... parents being not what they needed to be...... crazy, we came from a good area... but.. moreso than in the hood.. i feel like everyone be so isolated. anyway. it made me happy, to stand with those 2 cups left standing.... so many died and spilled... those cups.... what a beautiful world, to hold my Tiffany, Kyle, Des.... they were beautiful sensitive souls and im so sorry this world was so cold! im so sorry i couldnt express and shower them with the love they deserved.. i dont regret or blame myself anymore, because i didnt have the capacity to love... until i had Ayla.  So forgiveness is there.  I needed THEIR love.  Their creativity and spirit lit me up when i was dark and grey.  No one knew how much each other struggled... its so sad.  But I remember how happy I felt being at the community house as i called it.... the boys and their shenanigans....... I also watched young No doubt and Gwen Stefani.. how beautiful... I cant believe I never watched the music videos when I was younger I loved her! She inspired me so much... so different... I guess she was to me, what Billie Eilish is to Imani.  I want to write a letter to Imani. I love and miss her.  She is truly ahead of her time.  I cant wait til I can get some money and send her a letter.  Im gonna have to go on googlemaps and find their house so I can know the address cuz I dont remember or rather, never logged into my brain, the house numbers. I would totally adopt Imani.  It makes me sad the things I cant do because of money.  What I can do, is be there for them in other ways.  In the spirit ways, creative, being aware paying attention to them, telling them how beautiful and wonderful they are.  It made me sad how depressed and angry I was, Imani got to hear me straight up raw bitching... but I belive it truly helped her transition with her dad, and know that shes not alone, and that I see what he does and hate it, and that I have problems with my dad too.  And that her dad is a bastard who doesnt support her dreams and creativity as much as he should, because he had to repress it in himself. And that you have to hold onto your creativity, no ones going to help you, basically.  I have to reiterate that.  She is truly passionate and creative and wise and mature way beyond her years. I know she gets love from all around, family and friends, Im really hoping my absence hasnt left a dent in her life or heart, truly, sometimes.... sometimes you know, I wish someone will miss me or realize the hole thats left by my absence.. but I dont wish that on her.  I want her to be happy and good. For real. But as for my daughter.... I cant say I am okay with her being happy without me.  I have struggled with the selfishness of that.  I WANT her to be taken care of and happy.... I even thanked the women who replaced me, for being in her life, glad she had females but come to find out Oriana bitch.. fucking slapped her... and THATS why fucker wouldnt let me talk to her and dicked me around whil eim busting my ass trying to work my shit pay cooking jobs but hold Ayla top priority and just be left in the dust with NO control, me.. not respected. But now I have evidence in my phone from conversations with worm saying these things, if it will even matter........ its a shame this last bastard isnt going to be helping me with the law and with my daughter and case... I mean I cant really accept him into my life being that he acted how he did and talked to me and berated me after praising me like he did, like a straight up classic psycho, but ive never met a man so bipolar SHIT....... ANYWAY, maybe I can date a lawyer though..or hangout at the law library.. but i dont want to run into him.  IDK what will become of this, IDK what my path is, But I am focusing on the Two upright cups, The cups still standing.  The strong survive... I used to think everyone would make it til old age, except the rare car accident etc... I had NO IDEA so many people would die... so young.. every year...aiy. So I see it as survival of the fittest but its no joke.  I am still struggling.  Where my friends reached for drugs, partying, relief, escape... I sought to really make it for real and not get sucked into that life that I saw would drag people down.  Why did I see this and they did not? Is it because I was more of a loner, less able to socialize or fit in or pretend? I dont know... I know that.... I didnt connect very well to people and was pretty much isolated more than others.... also.. sexually void.... so i did not have those intense feelings of attachment or love like others had... it would have been too much for me to handle probably but still, my life was empty and cold and dark and grey.  Still is, a lot, except when I bring my conscious energy and intent alive... but subconsciously... all is not good... My moon is in the 4th house, and until my home environment is good, until i feel secured and loved and family...... I will not be well emotionally.  I know this.  Astrology and the occult has truly armed me with knowledge.  Self knowledge, and a tool and friend if you will... guide.. mentor.. something to interact with... something to listen! to be there for me to see, what is going on....Astrology for the core personality and blueprint of what makes a person tick.. what drives them.. how they function... of course a conscious person is harder to decipher, someone who has worked on themselves, to balance out their traits i guess but anyway, people shine as they are! whether exhibiting negative qualities and not shining at all but being muddy and negative, or by being bright and vibrant and strong.. either way, it is seen.  Its not evil lol. stupid man. how can you be against something you know nothing about? that is ignorance. how can you stand for something or against something if you dont even know what IT IS? Lost respect.  That should be a name of a song I will write, or rather, the title of what I have already wrote.  I gota speak it into a beat. Cant stay in this notebook i will inevitably throw away.  It must make it off the page and into something shareable.  I write too much to keep throwing it away.  It all seems too basic for how deep i go, i feel i dont do myself justice i guess. but simple is good.. i am not so hard on other artists! i need to create and let go and not worry about it and just keep at it.  Just like selfies take like 20 shots to get a good one.. haha. done with those. the fact remains. so, 20 tracks to create then, and bam ill have a good one worth sharing.  it is cringing, to listen to some of my stuff for real, from a few years ago, but also deeply giddy satisfying like a gift from my past self, an adult, channeling my inner child, i am ridiculous, while everyone else is trying to be so serious and hard and rap. it was nice to hear real music from my friends of the past. love in my heart. 2 cups remain standing. 3 are down, indeed, much has been lost and spilled.  I was contemplating today how sad it is people are appreciated after they pass. and i thought of how Kathy joshs mom said Nanny said something similar. and i think how i had a card i never sent her, with cactus on it, when i was in napa, but shit got serious and i never could send it, and then i just ended up keeping it, and i think i gave it away to salvation army in a little cheap gold frame idk? like the conflict to let go or follow through, and when somethings old and passed.. and when that energy isnt the same.... it traps me up.  but honestly i dont have love for her or for any of his family anymore. i did talk of kathy today to this lady whos next to me’s son earlier when he came in and was friendly, came in again when his moms here and hes so pissy and confrontational like trying to diss me for what? you JUST came in here being nice and whatever and then like hell bent on being an asshole for why? what the hell did i do to you? whatsup with these bipolar men? you aint even a man 21 yrs old so pissy wtf... i sure hope i have better dealings with my daughter when shes a teenager. this kid is retarded anyway, making fun of a handicapped man in front of a woman he talks to.. he was happy to start talkin to me.. and this kid had to just ruin it and diss him for no reason, i wish i would have spoke up about how disrespectful that was and how he made HIMSELF look bad and lost respect for HIMSELF. but i was on vistaril, and the thoughts were there but not the execution. thats why i dont like drugs. plus i couldnt sleep and it made me stuffy in my throat and neck and lymph system aiy im not having it leave my body alone with this shit! youre not pushing this shit on me i will be heard! its a struggle!!!

but ay this kid made my body uncomfortable, stress response with his petty bullshit like damn wtf? gtfo. teenagers for real need to go on a rite of passage, like in the old days. it is NOT RIGHT to have them around!! i truly TRULY believe that! its not healthy for anyone involved!! let them go... let them spread their wings and fly.. let them run into a tree.. let them feel that pain against the night sky, alone, and figure out what to do all by their damn selves! they want to. theyd prefer it. no teenager wants to be trapped. why do we work against nature? can we do something about this? what can we do? what social structure can we put in place to make these wrongs right? I mean, the army is the only way for a young boy or girl to go off on their own? or college- but how appealing is that for a lot of kids, after 15 years of the school system FOR REAL WTF!

I stand for a better world, thats what I stand for. I have incredible morals and ideals, as my venus in sagittarius would suggest. in the 3rd house.. communication, short distance travel, siblings... thats what that house rules, i cant remember what else.  I feel that brotherhood sisterhood of humanity... HUMAN KIND... BE A KIND HUMAN.. like that shirt i saw someone post on tumblr yesterday! SO CUTE! I need that shirt! Id buy it if i had money! HUMANKIND. perfect. yes i am a humanitarian and i love specifically, FIRE it is FIRE with which I LOVE !! SPECIFICALLY higher ideals, higher learning.... long distance travel/exploration/being carefree and adventurous... DIVA, its said, also. yes. I do seek to bring humanity what I have learned. What I have worked so hard to acquire.. understanding.. better ways.. “alternative” methods... theres so many people suffering, people who want help but the help that is offered is no good.... i want to be a person that helps. i always have. but i have assessed. i have reflected over and over, the past, what i have done wrong or why things have gone wrong or bad.  Its really simple when you realize.  You cant help someone who doesnt want help. This is something we hear a lot. So I realized, that Ive wasted to effort or time when, there ARE people out there who would appreciate and benefit from me... i COULD be of value.... i really havent been... im just ari to these people called friends and family. a nobody truly, respected for nothing really, just appreciated for who i am and being there but its just on a shallow level like anyone could really do that, whatever i did, i feel. i dont feel appreciated by my friends and family- i dont. i truly believe this is NOT just a feeling, but reality. and i face it. and i accept it. i accept people i have loved... just dont care, and dont see my depth or care to seek it for themselves or match me in my devotion or dedication to excelling in various ways, of serving, of growing, of giving, of loving. i am tired of being alone, amongst people that supposedly care for me. Adults have only cared what i can do for them. Only children appreciate me on a level that is reciprocated, on a level that i recieve anything nurturing or feel value in interacting... i DONT... i dont find value in interacting with adults really.  I still do it.  I enjoy conversating. but really i could take it or leave it. i appreciate the interactions and conversations, but i really dont care at the same time. i am desperate for attention and aware of it and not seeking it, i know where i come from, i know ive been a people pleaser, i know ive lacked genuine human connection and interaction. i know this. i prefer to be a loner. i like to laugh and interact. its cool. but children are what light me up, children are what serves me, fills me up, fills my cup. So the two cups are Ayla and Imani really, if we want to be symbolic about it in that way. They are kinda like the only people I truly care for.  I have shed everyone else. Even Megan. our interaction was vitally important for me, to have a friend to talk to via internet, but im done caring.... its just happened. maybe it would have happened anyway, i think it would have, but it sticks out in my mind how she said she thinks i have to let go of ayla. ill let go of you bitch. i laid my life on the line for you and she dont fully realize that even though i have told her, tried to tell her in the most humble way possible just showing my heart and what my intentions were. but really let go of my daughter? i mean i did. i DID. makes no difference. i mean, i understand though..... i remember being in Napa with my toddler Ayla and Megan struggling being sober and quitting smoking and using Lavender essential oil all the time, but first i remember how scary her situation was and how scared i was for her, i stood for her, i stood to be strong and support her, but i wont lie the situation didnt look good, and im sure thats how she and everyone else sees me. my strength or true work has not been evident. being a loser has only been evident. but i dont care, i work and work.... they are all basic to me.... i care of course, i mean i wish things coulda been different but im over it i accept what is. and im actually glad i havent been held down by taking care of a child who will ultimately be unhappy and take me for granted.. like how could i ever make it? i wouldnt be able to focus on anything. and i havent made financial career progress as much as ive needed to.. it hurts me that i should be farther along BUT IM NOT. I havent had the support Ive needed. and if i focused on my career and pushed all this aside... neglected my inner child... NOT delved into creativity.... NOT been true and real and fought to be sober when the adults will all tell me i need to be on pills or i need to do this or that.... i realize now i am a true leader...  i have power and peace and presence others do not have... because they have not put the work into it.... what ive put work into is transcendental...it is invisible, mostly unrewarded work. it has real effects.. i mean i had to.. i had to find my own way... forge my own strength. How can one just listen to what others tell them to do? Be a slave? Be a slave to those who hurt me? Obey those who hurt me? Who are blind? Perpetuate this awful cycle of doing what you have to do, and have no joy and work and drink alcohol and tell the kids to go play and leave me alone for real NO hell fucking no. children are beautiful gifts. and these people here.... they do not know how to handle their children, a lot of them, its the typical shit i see everyday. like really. youre not even going to enjoy your kid? just drag them along a miserable life, filled with have to’s? wheres the joy? i wana be around joy and strength and presence and VITALITY! i want a man that cooks for real. and loves and smiles and dances, and is weird a little but also so hott. like i deserve that, no? im really waiting for that situation where i would be of value with WHO I AM and what i have worked so hard to be... this shit aint free! i aint just frollocking around being carefree like people may think, fucking around, not being serious.... I guess im Low key serious.... Low key mike.. low key.. ive thought of him. but im let it go. last time i tried to just send him love he pissed me off and the vibe i had for him changed, i wished i had just left it at appreciating him in my heart, and left out the part where i express it. yeah. shit like that be so frustrating. thats what i dont need is just shit to spoil my day however little and petty or huge and devastating. anyway i was appreciated for things, mostly for listening and being intelligent and witty and beautiful and my body and sex and my effort in cleaning and love for the doggies etc....but it wasnt enough.. he was a drain on me... like a boat with a hole in it, where i have to continuously slosh out the water coming in whilst cleaning bugs off the boat and making sure dogs dont jump off and blah im done just really wow the effort... the draining... the complete draining of my energy... how fast it can go from good to terrible and dangerous for my health..... have to build trust over time.... i will not have sex with a man until we date for awhile... ill say.. but i know this may not be true. i chalk this one up to online, really. if i met him in person, we would have not connected i truly believe that. its only because we started out text messeging, saw each others hearts, but real, NOT compatible. emotionally yes and love yes- we totally experienced what astrology has to say... if he wants to be ignorant thats his perogative, most men dont accept astrology. they think they create themselves so much ahahaha i laugh everytime i say that. they are so stupid. but not all. some believe and see it to be true or to have merit. I sure ventured off from topic of 5 of cups... or did I? its all related. its a ramble. im flowing. man i wish i could relax though. time to hum. man i wish there was good food to eat. nourishing soup. please. PLEASE LORD feed me some good food that will do me good. i need soup so bad. I am totally finding a restaraunt tomorrow and demanding i do dishes or something, in exchange for some soup. I just wonder whats around besides fast food places. Ill have to take the bus probably. I need good food. I feel like I am dying. I dont get the right medicine, the right food..... i just have to be thankful for what i do got. im poor, money wise.. health wise i am also poor majority of the day.. its awful i really hope this changes soon its hard.... im gona lay down.. but its already been 5 hours since ive eaten dinner... i do have crackers... processed crap.. hopefully my body likes it.. man i havent had fruit in HOW LONG. or yogurt. i need yogurt. 

[stitchedhart]

Dont judge a book by its cover

My blog entry for today is about Lek! He’s such a gigantic revelation (regardless of his height) hahaha. One night, I was about to log out of facebook and ready to switch on to my tumblr for my next blog entry when a message popped up saying “Hi”, I answered back, “Bagong gising :D" Then a video calling followed. The call lasted longer than expected, we stayed up late chatting just about anything… laughs, bickering, and the political mumbo jumbo in our beloved country was even brought upon. Then came the topic about his past girlfriends, how he wooed each of them, how those gf’s family judge him and how long his relationships lasted. I was astonished he was so into long-term relationships. 3, 5 and even 8 years on a steady relationship. Like, OMG! I kiddingly told him, if he would have wooed me before and we became an item he should have had a grandchild by now.. lol. 

We were laughing so hard. He said, staying in a long-term relationship was all about being committed to the person you love. About building trust and respect to self, to his girl and to the girl’s family. That was just amazeballs eh?! Few more of laughs and teasing then came the topic about me. Yeah ME!..Moi! I said something about my ex-es. I was fucking bewildered when one by one he recited the names of my ex- boyfriends from high school to college hahaha. I was laughing my heart out on the other line. I didn’t saw it coming- the revelation that he knows so much about my love life way back then. Really. (Lol) 

Tho we were said to be friends, what we had was not the typical one. We dont talk like normal humans do. We let our eyes do the talking. “Pasulyap-sulyap” thingie hahaha. I dunno, but he was just so “mahiyain” (shy type). It was my late cousin who have disclosed all my love affairs to Lek during that time. Tho I was aware that my cousin was sabotaging some of my past relationship because he’s got a protege, i didnt know that ‘twas his bestfriend hahaha (Rest in peace Cuz, i miss you!)

Realization dawned, that you never know what other people think about you or how they feel towards a certain person or thing just by knowing that person by name or the reputation he/she has. You shouldn’t prejudge the worth or value of something, by its outward appearance alone. You have to know the person a little bit deeper so as to tell the real character. Because good attitude is not found just on the first layer of our skin. 

Moving on to another topic, (2:30am) “Hey i saw your fb post about choices, eh?!’ "Yeah. What about?” He said, we share the same principle prior to the fb post. That life is just a matter of choice. Everything that happens to us in life is a result of our choices. Destiny doesn’t happen by chance, it always happen because of our choices in life. Therefore, Lek doesn’t believe in destiny.. And so do I hahaha. The chat went on until 3:00am. If it had not been for my phone that gave up, we could have not gone to slumber. So much for decent sleep lol.

#childhood #bestfriend #morefuninthephilippines #crush #secret admirer #mementos #love affair #choices #destiny