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filmyypeople · 11 months

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‘Me’ playing different characters is like ‘Me’ playing different sides of myself : Samar Vermani

23rd June, 2023 I Richa Devesar I Filmy People

Samar Vermani, a well known face in the advertising world, who’s done over 200 TVCs so far is currently playing Ehsan in Sony TV Serial Katha....Ankahee. He has become a big craze especially among girls. Fans are going crazy over him and his Instagram account is a proof of that. Although he is not very active on social media but his fan following is increasing day by day and he is being praised for his acting, looks and dressing style. Infact, people are liking him so much that they want him to be the lead. Well, that’s quite a rare thing to happen but is very much evident from the appreciation being showered by his fans on his Instagram profile. One fan writes ‘I watch Katha just because of you, sometimes I skip all parts and just watch yours’, another one says ‘I don’t have TV at my place but got the App installed because I am hooked to the serial just because of your character’ while another fan says ‘You are a very good actor and your acting looks very natural, you should have been the lead.’ Some complement him for his effortless acting skills and others for his cute looks.

He started modeling at a young age of 23. Its been more than 10 years now and he is still in demand for TVCs and that is something which keeps him going. He made his Bollywood Debut as a lead, in 2018 with the movie Lashtam Pashtam although he was first seen in a supporting role in the film Jo Hum Chaahein in the year 2011. Not just modeling and acting in TV Serials but Samar has done some interesting Video Albums too including Sajte ho with Devo Ke Dev - Mahadev serial fame actress Sonarika Bhadoriya and Show Men Some Love - Men's Day Spl (not to forget his presence in Punjabi Music Videos) before taking a plunge into the world of OTT with web series Girgit in 2021 and recently released Happy Family- Conditions Apply. Its interesting to know that before Katha..Ankahee he was seen in a serial called Shadi Jasoos (2018) too. And to everyone's surprise Samar has also acted in a Srilankan Sinhala language movie called 'Kadira Divyaraja', a fantasy movie where he played the title role of Kadira.

Samar, as Ehsan has got different shades in his character which gives him a chance to showcase his versatility. How many shades does he have in real life? Well, well, well, in real life, he is a very soft hearted, modest, fun loving and happy go lucky kind of guy and is an Engineer. A versatile and effortless actor who believes in doing different character everytime be it serials, web series or movies, hails from Chandigarh. He likes to keep a low profile and this gives us a good reason to peep in to his life to get to know this humble, gentle and talented actor more. So here we go....

My first question to you has to be regarding Katha. Ehsan is stealing hearts.! You are getting so much love and appreciation. What made you say yes to play Ehsan?

To be very honest, what made me say ‘Yes’ to Ehsan was Director Ravi Bhushan Sir who is just the best in the Television Industry and also the Production House. Then I got the narration of the character where I got to know that Ehsan is a happy go lucky guy who doesn’t think much before doing anything because he lives in NOW. Vo past ko sochke itna rota nahi hai aur future ko sochke itna tension nai leta (doesn’t cry thinking about past and takes no tension about future). And probably that is the phase of life I am in right now where I don’t want to think too much about what will happen in future and what has happened in the past, I wanna really focus on my present and just enjoy life as it comes. And there was one more co incidence that I was reading the book ‘Power of Now’ when this role was offered to me. So, I thought lets go and explore it.

Since you belong to our very own Chandigarh, please tell us about your stay here, your schooling and friends etc.

You know one actually doesn’t realize the value of one’s hometown till one leaves it. Same thing happened with me. I left the city and home for the very first time at 18, to pursue my Engineering at Pune. Till then, I had not travelled much, more so because My Dad’s job was such that he could not take much off. So, I can say that it was first time for me to explore a different city on my own. And that’s when I realized the value of my city that O My God there is no other city like Chandigarh.

This is the city where I was born and brought up no matter which part of India I go, I can never forget Chandigarh. I feel what I am today is because of this city. People often say I have that stability in me. I guess, its because of my family and my city Chandigarh which has made me the way I am. My schooling was from Little Flower Convent School, Panchkula till 10th and in 11th 12th I was in Chandigarh preparing for my Engineering. I still relish my school friends and meet them whenever I come for a vacation here.

It's been more than 10 years since you moved to Mumbai, do you miss Chandigarh and what exactly do you miss?

Yes I miss Chandigarh, miss the peace, the calm, the roads, clean air. For me going to Chandigarh is like going abroad on a vacation. Whenever the city Mumbai gets on to me kyunki our work is like that you know from outside world it looks really fame and glam and all that jazz but its actually a lot of hard work, its lot of lifting yourself every single day. So whenever it gets too much on my health, mental or physical, I like to come back to Chandigarh and spend time with family. Ye sheher hi aisa hai like yahaan land karte hi (The city is such that after landing here) there is certain calmness in your mind so that’s the one thing I miss most about Chandigarh.

You are a Punjabi, right? So do you see Punjabi movies and which ones are your favourite?

Yes I am a Proud Punjabi and love watching Punjabi movies. I have many favourites actually from Carry on Jatta to Kismat. Infact I think if I watch 10 punjabi movies 8, I love. So, its like this. And being a Punjabi I feel, it’s a very sweet language that even if you are abusing in Punjabi na tab bhi vo pyaar lagta hai (seems like love).

Have you ever thought of working in a Punjabi movie?

Yeah, I would love to work in a Punjabi movie. The only thing is that like most of the Chandigarhians, I speak that kind-of-refined Punjabi because you know how it is in Chandigarh and Panchkula, people speak more of hindi so our Punjabi accent is a bit refined, you can say. Having said that given a chance, I would love to work in a Punjabi movie and then work on my Punjabi as well, for sure.

Punjabi film industry has grown so much in last 20 years, what is your take on that?

I think its really amazing! Anyone who is in abroad probably seeing a Punjabi film won’t say that it’s a regional film it’s a film from Hindi Film Industry simply because the kind of films they are making now with the kind of budget, content and production value , it doesn’t anymore look like a regional film. And with a very recent example of RRR we have seen that whether it’s a Telugu film, from south or a Punjabi film you know we can do our country proud on a world scale irrespective of the language.

Do you relate with the Mumbai culture and people around you?

I definitely relate with the people around me. Artists here are all so passion-driven that whatever work they are doing, its coming from the bottom of their heart. People are very nice here, very inspiring, very motivating. Its like whenever you feel down you just talk to your friend and he or she will understand what you must be going through because somewhere they are having same issues so that level of understanding is very much there.

Moreover, It’s a fast moving city where you have to be on your toes every single day. So I took some time to get used to it because coming from Chandigarh you know which is a chilled out city not this fast, so to say. But its been so many years now and I have become used to the city.

You did your engineering from Pune, how did acting happen?

Thanks to my Engineering, acting happened. Till the time I was 18, I had no idea what I have to do unlike today’s kids who are so sure. So for me it was more like following the mob. My parents took a decision on my behalf and made me do engineering which turned out to be good for me. But staying away from home for 4 years and doing everything on my own opened my mind. I discovered my liking for acting and started doing street plays, theatre in college just as a hobby and actually started enjoying it and post engineering I thought there is no harm going to Mumbai and trying your luck for couple of years. If it works well, its good and if it doesn’t then there is always Plan B to fall upon which was my Engineering.

Do you remember your first TVC?

I ofcourse remember my first TVC, it was with Prahlad Kakkar Sir, a well known name in the Advertising Industry. I was just lucky and fortunate enough to have got a chance to do my first TVC with him. Infact even after getting selected, I didn’t know that I was going to be lead guy out of four and that Prahlad Sir would be directing it. It was quite a big TVC and the concept and everything was great and it was a big hit also. And the best or you can say the funniest thing was that I could relate to it, how? A cop stops me and asks for my license and I give him money so it was quite ironical because my Dad is a Cop.

Your Big Break in Bollywood came with Lashtam Pashtam in which you worked with veteren actor Om Puri. How easy or difficult it was playing lead in the presence of such a seasoned actor?

Firstly, I really feel glad and fortunate to have shared screen with Late Om Puri Sir. It was his last theatrical release. And..it was difficult till the time I didn’t meet him. You know we all have some perceptions about such great actors. But I remember my first day on set with him. He called me in his vanity and chatted with me, discussed with me about everything about my life, my family and told me about his life too but nothing about the scene which we were supposed to rehearse. So, I was just thinking in my mind that why are we not rehearsing the scene? But realised later… that was his way to make me comfortable that first lets get to know each other and be comfortable and scene toh ho hi jaaega fir (scene will then be done) and it exactly happened the same way. So, he was like that elderly person on the set whom everyone is looking upto and really a friendly, jovial person. And it was so much fun working with him. Like I am actually truly, genuinely, grateful to have spent that time with him because Igot to learn so much and all that learning happened in a very fun way.

In TVCs we get to see a smiling Samar, in Lashtam Pashtam, you had an intense character to play, then in Girgit, you play a blunt cop and now in Katha a happy-go-lucky-guy with some grey shades, at times? Has it been difficult portraying such different characters or it comes naturally to you?

No, its not difficult but I enjoy playing such different characters. Because aap same-same play karke toh bore ho jaaoge na. (You will get bored playing the same characters) Its like having daal khichdi everyday, though its good but not everyday, you see. But yes, one thing is there that playing a different character requires a lot of prep and all.

I am glad that I have been offered such different characters you know where I get to play different sides of me. I honestly want to say that ‘me’ playing different characters is like ‘me’ playing different sides of myself. In Girgit, I played that more angrier side of me or the desi side of me, in the current show Katha, I am how I am in everyday life. Then Lashtam Pashtam , my first film didn’t do well unfortunately, but is very close to my heart. And Ads toh I love doing. I think Ads just keep everything rolling keep the actor in me rolling, keeps money rolling, so that’s the biggest reason probably, I could consistently survive in the city.

12. What is the best and the worst thing about being an actor?

Best thing is you get to play different character every single day but more than that its what you love doing I mean I get paid for whatever I do but God forbid, even if I wasn’t getting paid, I would have still done it and loved it the way I do now, why because when I am on set, when I am in front of the camera, when I am acting, I just forget time. So many times, we shoot for 14-18 hours in a day, though that’s not healthy, but there is no tiredness, maybe some physical fatigue but mentally, I don’t get tired because that is something, i love doing. So, I am, you know, by God’s grace fortunate enough to follow my passion, in my professional life.

And the worst thing could probably be rejections, I guess. But these rejections also makes one a stronger person altogether. After all those Nos, a single Yes does the magic makes you to be grateful, to be at peace with yourself that All is Well. I always feel one thing that any artist who is working from his or her passion might or might not be as successful as they aspire to be, at a certain point of time, but they see so much in such a short span of life that they surely become humble and good human beings.

Who is the real Samar? What does he like, what he dislikes and what interests him the most.

That’s a tough one to answer because I think the line really merges where I can differentiate myself from my professional life why because whatever I am doing in my professional life is so close to me personally that the line really merges. I love to act and that’s what I am doing.

As such there is no specific thing which I dislike, I would say may be just few traits in me which I dislike.

I really love spending time with my family though we fight a lot (and he laughs) but it’s a very good time with them. Apart from the work, travelling is definitely something which interests me and yes meeting friends. Honestly speaking, I am really not a materialistic kind of person who would say it mere ko ye achha lagta hai vo achha lagta hai (I like this, I like that) I am content with a happy and peaceful mind. And if I am already sounding like a Saint… let me tell you, I also love dancing and playing cricket.

What do you miss the most after becoming an actor?

That’s again a tough one. I miss being with my family ofcourse but actually, since the time I have grown up this is the only life I have seen I am here in Mumbai since the time I was 23 post my engineering. Having said that one thing does bother me, not always because I feel God has really been kind in giving me consistent work and that too of my choice. But at times when I look at my friends who are in IT companies, I see they have a certain stability because they are sure of their job and we actors have to prove ourselves at every point. But that only is the beauty of this acting field that makes you stronger. Having said that, I also feel any other job will get me security but then I will not be sure of happiness whereas acting field may be insecure but thergives me lot of happiness.

What life is to you?

Life to me is living every small moment and finding happiness and contentment and peace in smallest of things I do everyday. Half of the time, we human beings are either in the future or in the past and we are kind of ruining up our present so as much as I give this advice to anyone, I try to follow it up every single day. Also one thing lately I have realized that if sometimes, things are not happening as you have planned, its okey. You never know what is kept in store for you. So let the supreme power bhagvaan keh lo God keh lo let him decide ofcourse hamara farz hai kaam karna mehnat karna (our job is to work, to make effort) but if some unexpected thing has happened and suddenly we are like Oh my God why this thing has happened that moment, just wait and watch there might be some good in it which time only will tell. So that’s the reason I try to live in today and not think much about tomorrow.

Please tell us about your upcoming projects?

At the moment, Katha- Ankahee is taking most of my time. Also TVCs are going on, as usual. Recently I did a TVC of Kia Car then I shot for Llyod Washing Machine and both are quite prestigious ones and I feel fortunate again, to have got a chance to be in them. And talks are on for a Web Series. So, that’s about it.

You have got an over whelming response from fans for playing the role of Ehsan. People are loving you and your character so what do you have to say to your fans.?

My fans and my admirers who really like my work, thankyou so much! I feel it takes lot of effort to actually search someone on Instagram and then drop a message which is quite over whelming and thankyou so much guys for your time and all the love. I literally try and read every single DM and reply to it because it really means a lot.

Ideally people say that one should not look for validation outside, one should be content and validated within oneself. But trust me when you get validation from outside that too with so much of love, it really feels good yaar! I cherish it, am really enjoying it and grateful for it. Thankyou so much guys, whatever messages you send and whatever love you give it really inspires me every single day to entertain you and do my best. Thankyou so much!

Well, thanks to you Samar for taking out time for us. And your fans are really going to have a great time reading this interview and going to get inspired as well, for sure! Good wishes for all your upcoming projects.

#samarvermani #kathaankahee #actor #lashtampashtam #bollywood #television #sonytv #filmypeople

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pumpkin-toast · 4 years

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brain on ratchet and clank mode, random late night thoughts in the tags

#THEIR DADS ARE THE KEEPERS OF SPACE AND TIME. HOW DID I NOT REALIZE.#kaydens the keeper of the dimensionator and orvus was the caretaker of the great clock OHHHHHH SPACETIME BROS #all the game titles are sex jokes. going commando. full frontal assault. a crack in time. quest for B O O T Y #thinking about how when i was small and clank was my favorite. but i love both of them now #thinking about how much i love talwyn. badass baby girl. i luv u and if sony retcons u i will never forgive them #also i just really love james arnold taylor???? like idk everytime i hear his voice in a r&c game my day gets better #thinking about the ryno. powerful ridiculous overpowered gun. killed nefarious in two hits and i was cry-laughing #ive never played the ps2 games. but i have collection. i should play collection after i 100% 2016.#orvus. just orvus. best dad. he and clank have the same laugh and whenever either of them does it my heart grows a little #i LOVE ORVUS HES A GOOD DAD i love when he and clank interact just ‘hello father’ ‘hello son’ i love them #both allister and orvus talk about the universes cruel sense of humor but only orvus said the trick is knowing how to take a joke #calling it now blue lombax girls name is spanner. probably not but itd be funny #dr nefarious’s va. armin. he does such a good job! hes like old but its so good!!!!!!#i really like nefarious in acit and a4o. hes so animated... fun to watch. paired with armins voicework its just... mmm so good #lawrence is god tier character. hes so good paired with nefarious. i love them.#the progs... deliciously evil. i love them so much but they killed cronk and zephyr so :(#cronk and zephyr!! they were in the 2016 game credits!! i nearly cried #the ACIT menu music gives me chills. like uber nostalgia. i love it so much reminds me of good times watching my dad play video games #qwark. ngl hes good but probably my least favorite character :/ sorry unpopular opinion hours

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fresh-static-snow · 2 years

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Hi?

I don’t consider myself very good at writing but I’ve found that I enjoy journaling lately so I suppose I’ll just write something here instead for once.

I'm sitting here slouched in my chair listening to "A State of Trance 2014" through my Audeze LCD-2C's while sipping on Trader Joe's 2021 Vintage Spiced Ale. I don't even remember the last time I logged onto this site, and I don't know when I'll log on again after tonight. I only logged on today to reset my password as I was auditing all my current passwords and resetting them for more secure items. I used to spend hours on this site, but it hasn't even crossed my mind in years now.

I'm 28 now, still listening to electronic music (rave to the grave baybeeeee), got married, bought a house, got a dog, bought a new car, work full-time in IT, got super into coffee, and have gone off the deep end of headphones and in-ear monitors (IEMS if mentioned again after this). I proposed to my now-wife at Disneyland under the fireworks on New Year's 2020. Little did we know what was to come in regard to COVID. But before COVID could shut the world down here, we found a cute little condo and made an offer on it. Amazingly (especially if you know anything about the housing market in the state I live in), our offer was accepted. We closed on our condo the day before the lockdown order went into effect. We almost didn't get to close due to my wife being laid off the day before but the employment verification came through somehow. I vividly remember our realtor saying "they won't shut us down" too.

We didn't have a wedding, instead we eloped and got married on the beach in California. We did have a photographer and we got some amazing pictures from the time we were there. We also had my best friend play dual role and be the best man/maid of honor. Shoutout to him for being great for that. My wife wrote her vows on the order forms from the restaurant where we met 10 years ago now. She looked so incredibly beautiful; I'll never forget it.

The next thing that came was a tiny dog, and I mean tiny. Pumpkin was a whole two pounds (0.9kg) when we got her. She had no personality and was like a blank slate. Looking back, we probably should've waited the extra month to pick her up, but we were too excited to wait. That bit us in the butt as she proceeded to scream-cry all through the night. She got not one, but two ear infections in that first few months too. Now, she is a great dog, if a bit ornery. She likes to *grunt* at you when she wants something and will do so louder and louder until she either gets her way or we have to get up and tell her to "place" in her bed.

I won't go to in-depth on how I got into coffee, but in addition to a Ninja coffee maker, I now have a burr grinder, a Fellow Stagg Pourover X kit and an AeroPress. I did have a hand grinder, but returned it as it was just a bit too pricey to justify in the end. It's amazing how much better coffee tastes out of the Stagg or the AeroPress versus the standard coffee maker. There's so much more flavor nuance to them and there's huge differences between them in their own! I don't yet have a favorite bean that I consistently return to (probably because I love getting new flavors everytime), but I have noticed I tend to gravitate towards darker roasts. I love lighter roasts due to their fruity notes, but I also love the smooth notes of a dark roast.

This next section is a long one.

Headphones. Or head-poe-hon-ees as good ole DankPods would say. I've always loved music. The daily prompt for my journal app, DayOne, last night was even "What would your life be like without music?", so my entry was basically a tale of "I would rather die". Previous to 2020, I had a set of over-ear Sony CH-700N (so catchy) that had noise cancelling, Apple AirPods Pros, Beats Powerbeats Pro, and a pair of crappy Skullcandy buds in my desk. Some might ask "why have two pairs of wireless?" Well I used the Powerbeats for working out due to the over-the-ear hooks, and the AirPods Pro at the office with the transparency mode so I could hear my surroundings while still jamming. In late 2020, I bought a pair of Apple Airpods Max to replace my Sony's. While they were very pricey, I loved the noise cancelling as they were way better than the Sony's, and the transparency, as well as the sound of them. In fact, I still love them and use them whenever I travel. Dat sub-bass tho mmmmmm.

But in late 2021, I was getting more and more into wired audio again. I had purchased a pair of KZ ZSN Pro X IEMs for $20 (on the recommendation of everyone's favorite Aussie audio YouTuber), and a pair of Moondrop Aria's for $80. The Moondrop Aria's are highly praised in the IEM/audio community and with good reason. They sound incredibly good, especially for $80. Now, you might think "oh wow $80 is a bit pricey for wired headphones. I used to get Skullcandy's at the store for $20 and they sound good!" and if so, that's great! I'm happy you think so! But for me, I needed more. So I went down the rabbit hole of "over-ear headphones". Both open-backed and closed back. For those who don't know, most consumer headphones (think Bose, Beats, Sony, etc.) are closed-back. This means the "cups" are closed on the outside. Sound doesn't pass through them and they provide a layer of passive noise cancellation. Open-back are what they say on the tin. Noise passes right through the cups. This goes both ways though; people can hear what you're listening to and you can hear the outside world. Now the benefits of open-back are the "Soundstage". or how wide the music feels and the ability to "place" instruments in the audio stage that you can hear. It's a bit hard to explain. I ended up getting six pairs of headphones from Amazon to test out and choose from. The pairs I got were the Hifiman Sundara, Hifiman Ananda, Audeze LCD-2C, Audeze LCD-X, Audeze LCD-2C Closed, and Audeze LCD-XC (X closed). If you look these up on Amazon, you'll see they range in price from $300 (Sundara) up to $1299 (LCD-XC). After a long time listening, I slowly eliminated the Sundara, 2C, and Ananda. I honestly had a hard time choosing between the X, XC, and 2C Closed. In the end, I chose the LCD-2C Closed as I prefer the closed-back nature of these cans. I loved the XC as a 2nd choice, but the price jump between the 2C and XC was just too great to justify the difference in quality. I also ended up with a Qudelix 5k amp/dac/bt receiver after much testing there.

But the headphone journey doesn't end there...I mentioned IEMs earlier and now we're coming back to that. After getting the Aria's and LCD-2C Closed headphones, I noticed that the left bud of the Aria never seemed to feel secure unless I was sitting still at my desk. So I looked into eartips and other options, but ended up ordering a pair of FiiO FH3's. These come with what's called an MMCX (micro miniature coaxial) connector to the IEMs, which can swivel. These felt much more secure in my ear, though I did not 100% enjoy the sound signature and clarity of these buds. So I returned them and picked up a pair of the then hype-train-riding 7hz Timeless. God they are amazing. I love them for the sub-bass, tonality, resolution and clarity they bring to the music. But they still feel a bit insecure! So my most recent purchase was a pair of Moondrop Blessing 2's. These have been on my list for a "long" while now, but the price always held me back. After getting the pair in, I'm almost mad I didn't get them sooner. I quickly then ordered a pair of Moondrop Blessing 2: Dusk's. "Buy Dusk" as the popular IEM reviewer Crinacle says. The Dusk just adds a bit to the bass and that's really all the Blessing 2 needs. I'm hoping to have those in soon, but in the meantime, I'm greatly enjoying the B2.

I did mention I got super into headphones above, right?

Anyways, I've finished my beer and I've been writing this for over an hour. If you read this all the way to this point, you're awesome. If you skipped here to the end for a TLDR: hi :)

Til next time.

Daniel (Fresh-Static-Snow)

P.S. I covered my PR tattoo lol

#life update i guess #gonna copy/paste this to my journal lol

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bciwasinlove · 3 years

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Ok so it's been almost 2 days for me I have been reading what others have said on twitter and tumblr stans, I've had the time to process my thoughts and now here is my thoughts I get...

So some people hold their favs on a pedestal which is why those people are the ones SUPER hurt by what happened. We shouldn't have our favs on a pedestal or we will be let down everytime they make a mistake. They are humans just like us and aren't above others we have all made mistakes heck I've made more mistakes then I can count. We love our favs and need to hold them accountable when they do something they shouldn't but like I said their humans and they aren't perfect. A lot of celebs haven't really been following guidelines bc their so out of touch with reality and have quite a lot of privilege [especially if their white] and that is a problem that should definitely be talked about.

It is very sad and disappointing what happened the last few days both of the breaking covid restrictions with everything happening here in California and how this will negatively [ actually already has negatively] effected both Olivia and Harry. A lot are just so confused and hard and just over all tired of all this. Everything we have had to deal with as of late and now this it's just idk gut wrenching knowing all the things families [including my own] have gone through bc of the pandemic and they do THIS.

I 100% agree with people [mostly mean this next part with the twitter stans] calling Harry out for what happened it should be talked about but my issue is with some OT5s not treating each member who didn't follow covid guidelines the same. Some OT5s say they have a lane but there is a difference between having a lane and having said lane on a pedestal while having another member half out the door on supporting them. Example of what I mean their was an OT5 I saw who has a Niall lane and when we got pics of him at a large dinner party with no one wearing masks they defended him to the tooth and nail but with the Harry thing they were so upset and wanted to leave. Another example was an OT5 with a Liam lane fought tooth and nail when we got pics of Liam and Maya surrounded by a ton of people during one of the protests with neither wearing a mask but with the Harry thing they were very upset with him.

You must hold ALL who haven't fullly followed guidelines accountable bc if your giving "your lane" a slap on the wrist and then seeing flames with another member does something then it doesn't seem like you actually care about the problem at hand and you CLEARLY love and support one over another in a negative way. TBH Zayn is the only member who has FULLY followed covid guidelines throughout this entire pandemic and for that I respect him a lot more.

If your a newer stan this PR pap walk is a nightmare to you it's ok it will be ok bc if you talk to an older stan then they will tell you this is sadly not the worst we've been through. 2015 we had to deal with louis close to tears announcing he was going to be a dad when he wasn't and then had the nightmare of 2016 BG stunting every week and Dani pap tuesdays all to hide the fact that Louis is gay. So this is not the worst and to me it's welp another stunt I hope will pass soon.

Thanks to this shitty stunt they pulled Harry has yet another label on to the list of horrible labels GP or media have on him bc of Harry's management. He was already seen as a queerbaiting womanizer and an arrogant ahole who doesn't care much for his fans but now he looks like a homewrecker who sleeps with people to get movie roles. Neither Olivia or Harry will be taken seriously after this when it comes to movies. So I don't know whose idea it was thinking this would help with movie promo bc this helps no one and makes everyone involved look like a piece of shit.

I know the biggest thing that rubed people the wrong way [besides the wedding happening at all] was Harry looking happy and officiating the wedding so now some think Harry is possibly friends and actually likes jeff. But look at it this way we have pics of Harry with the CEO of Sony who EVERYONE knows is basically the devil in disguise who you don't want to mess with. Jeff's dad has ALOT of power in the western music business and when winning an award they said he was like the devil but we all love him WHAT?! MJ and Prince made it clear how BAD the music business is and many dont speak up like they do bc those who speak out it doesn't go well.

Harry has been in and dealing with the music business for almost a decade joining when he was only 16 he must have learned by now how things work and how he has to act and play apart where it seems like he likes these people bc Hollywood is all about pretending, with fake smiles and fake lives. To think it's not possible he was acting when he has 10 years of expereince of faking being happy in the business is not a stretch. When he was only 16/17 you saw him cry and be insecure now he has learned how to fake being happy and except what is going on.

A lot think it is a stretch that the wedding was all a pre planned thing to help push a narrative but look at BG. At the beginning of BG it seemed crazy to think they faked a story and changed louis whole image to make it seem like he got some girl pregnant and had him fake having a kid to hide his sexuality but it became clear that's what happened. I get called crazy and delusional on other apps daily for thinking that kid is not louis saying they wouldn't do that to him louis wouldn't allow this to happen BUT IT DID bc he isn't free and has NO say it what happens So this wedding being fake just to push a PR stunt relationship and the H is good friends with Jeff narrative is not a stretch.

There are articles that prove Jeff was already married to his wife since at least February 2020, we have more pics and articles about Harry and Olivia then of the married couple, why were there paps or drowns at a small intimate wedding of someone who isn't well known when big wedding of big celebs have no pap pics and if it was a guest list of only around 20 then why was Harry allowed a plus one date and heck why was Harry himself who is just a coworker allowed at this small wedding? If you were the couple you would JUST have immediate family and maybe your closes friend not a coworker and their 3 week gf. I think this was all an massive stunt to push a couple narratives.

One think I never get is the fans who when anything happenes stunt wise with louis they say this is all a stunt, it's fake, he has no control over anything and he's no where near free but when this happened with harry they go he's fully free, start thinking maybe Jeff and him are friends, and saying they wouldn't go to this extreme to push a narrative. NEITHER Louis or Harry are anywhere near free! I'd say the Azoffs have as much if not more power then Cowbell ever did.

My thoughts [more directed towards twitter stans here] hypothetically speaking if this was some kind of wedding ceremony for Cowbell and Louis was there everyone on twitter would say the ceremony is a stunt to make them look like their still friends after Syco parting. Just bc Harry gets promo or more response from GP, and people knowing his name then Louis doesn't mean he is anymore free then Louis. Realistically no one in the industry under Sony is free every aspect of their life is monitored and controlled.

All of what I have seen and read shows this stunt worked well even better then BG did bc I do see some fans who now think H might actually be friends with Jeff, the GP thinks he sleeps with people to get roles, the media are making jokes about this "new relationship", some henries are making jokes about him being a homewrecker. In ZERO WAY was this a good idea at all and helps NO ONE! The people running what happens to harry need to be careful bc if they keep going as they do soon EVERYONE [except henries who think he's hot] will hate him and not want to hear about him ever again. That is if this mess didn't do that already bc this stunt rubbed so many people the wrong way I wouldn't be surprised if people said I'm done I'm leaving I can't with this anymore.

I will say for myself I have been around almost 10 years supporting them hoping one day we will see them be free and happy. They are trying hard, harder then ever to get rid of us. They WANT us gone but I won't leave, I can't go anywhere not when I've been apart of this for so long already. I'm here, I'm staying, I WILL stay until they are out and free even if that takes another 5 to 10 years.

#my thoughts on the last 2 days #harry stunting #pr relationships #harry's image just keeps getting worse #harry is nowhere near free #if they aren't careful everyone will hate harry

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rhyce · 3 years

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I turned down two offers to go pick up yesterday. Two offers from two different people. They both were going to pay. All I had to do was drive them there and they'd pay for it. One said "I'm going to hook you up good for this", the other said "I will get you well, I'll take care of you till we both run out". They're both good on their word too, they've taken care of me and our addiction many times in the past. But I had to pass up on it this time. I'm tired of doing h. I'm ready to move on to bigger and much more exciting things in life.

So here's the story.. I was around the age of 13. I was super depressed all the time. A lot of fucked up shit was going on in my life so I really didn't ever have anything to look forward to. I didn't have anyone I could rely on or talk to about things. I was on my own. Music was my comfort.

So, this story takes place when I was 13. The year was 2006. My devices I had for listening to music on was an ipod that never had any music downloaded onto it, because my parents always said no when I asked (so why even buy my the damn ipod if you're not going to pay for the music?? Seems counterintuitive, but idk, that's just me) And I had a Sony CD walkman. I would mainly listen to cd's on the walkman. I obtained the cd's in a lot of different ways. Both of my parents had their own collections of cd's that I would often sift through and pull out what I wanted. I also had friends who would trade cd's. It was an elusive, underground black market cd trading business that operated in the very back section of the school bus. Lol. Anyway, there was this one particular cd floating around one day, it was a pretty badly scratched up mixed cd that had two nirvana songs and the rest were shitty, bland songs that I can't remember. I listened to it and immediately fell in love with the two nirvana songs. I quickly agreed to what would appear to be a bad deal on my end (the metallica black album in perfectly good condition for a scratched up mix cd that would always skip sections of the song at just the wrong time) so that I could get ahold of this cd to have for my own personal arsenal. I loved that cd! For about 5 days. Then it went missing.

I was so devastated. I didn't have much growing up, so what I did have I would always make sure to take very good care of. This cd was one of the most important things in my life at that time. Those two nirvana songs sent me on a hunt to listen to every single nirvana song ever in existence, I wanted to know everything about the band, I had become obcessed. I would sit in my room and listen to those two songs on repeat for hours at a time, I memorized every lyric by heart (which is not easy to do with a nirvana song), I couldn't get enough of it. Every lyric, every riff, was just like nothing I've ever heard before. So this cd was not something I would quickly forget about. I was desperate to have it back.

When I say I looked everywhere for this cd I literally mean every single place it could have possibly been at. I looked in all the common places, in all the unlikely places, I looked everywhere. I'm not going to list them all but you have an idea. I couldn't find it. I was feeling defeated.

Finally I broke down and threw myself on the ground in my bedroom and started to cry out of frustration as I prayed. I was just so damn desperate to have it back that I prayed to God and even said out loud something along the lines of "if anyone can hear me, God, ghosts, ancestors, fairies, anyone!! please help me find this". I felt so completey hopeless. I was laying there on my back, in the middle of my bed room when I turned over to look under my bed. It was a spot I had already looked at plenty of times before but everytime I looked there nothing had changed. It was just an empty floor. But this time when I looked (I wasn't even looking for it, I just happened to look in that direction) I saw a cd laying face down, a little off to the side, directly under my bed. There was no way that cd could have ended up there. I knew there was nothing there just a few minutes beforehand. But there it was.

The cd wasn't even one that I had owned before. I asked all my friends and my brother about it and they don't ever remember knowing that cd even existed.

The cd was an original copy of the nirvana nevermind album. Up until that point I never owned an original nirvana cd, all I had was that one mix tape with the two songs (which by the were heart shaped box and all apologies, those two songs weren't even on the same album). So yeah, I had no idea where this came from. Still don't know. But that cd became a major part of my life.

I would listen to that album, in its entirety, many times over. I would try and re-create the riffs on my guitar. I had many many sad, depressing nights where I was either hungry, trying to drown out the sound of angry yelling, trying to forget about my lonliness and the heartaches I dealt with that day, or sometimes all 3 where I would lay in bed crying, while listening to that album on repeat for hours. That cd shaped the person who I am today. I wouldn't be the same without it.

Next time I post I'll elaborate more on what I was talking about in my first post. About this exciting opportunity I have been given and why it means so much to me.

But that's all for now.

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svu-ncis-criminalminds · 5 years

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Never The Same

Request : Can you write an SVU Carisi one where you are his partner held hostage on the job (like liv was) or something where you have some PTSD afterwards and Carisi makes you stay with him because you have nightmares and he takes care of you please?

Warnings : This is relatively dark, I tried to keep the parts of the hostage situation sorta vague. It’s no more graphic then a regular SVU episode

You’d always thought you would be well enough equipped to handle most things life threw at you. I mean you’d gone through so much shit already up until now what could ever possibly make you a victim? But as you laid in the hospital bed surrounded by white and the bright lights above you, you didn’t really feel much of anything at all. A nurse was talking to you but you couldn’t hear her, you knew the whole spiel by heart anyway. They were collecting evidence and you were to act as their petri dish until the last sample was collected. Hands on your skin, swabs searching for dna.

Then you were standing, everything still felt so bright. Then it was dark and they were running an ultraviolet light over your flesh. A nurse put a hand on your bare shoulder and you sucked in a breath at the contact. She withdrew the hand and you turned to look past her as she spoke but you didn’t hear her.

“(Y/N)?” She tried again and you managed to focus your eyes and ears on her this time, “There’s clothes for you on the bed if you wanna get dressed. Then Lieutenant Benson wants to talk to you.” You swallowed hard and nodded stiffly before going over to the bed and pulling on the hospital issued t-shirt and sweatpants. Once clothed the nurse gave you a half smile before opening the door revealing your boss Olivia. The nurse disappeared and Liv let the door shut behind her so it was just the two of you.

“(Y/N)..” Her voice was gentle, like how you talked to all the victims when you were hoping they would open up. Tears pricked at your eyes and you had to turn away from her arms crossing over your chest as you sunk down onto the hospital bed. The entire time you were there you closed your eyes and imagined the moment you’d be free. But now that it was over whenever you closed your eyes it was like you were back in that room again. You could still smell him, see him, feel him. You shuddered and raised a hand to your face to rub it.

“Do we need to do the questions right now?” You asked looking at Liv. She could see the exhaustion written all over you and shook her head.

“No, but you know better than anyone what happens when you refuse to talk about, to acknowledge your problems. “ You nodded raising a hand.

“Liv I know, alright, I see a therapist I will keep seeing a therapist.” You assured nodding. Yes you knew, you’d given this speech, you understood it all in theory. Then why did you still feel so numb? She was still looking at you so you offered her a tired smile, “Thank you.”

“I’m just glad you’re alright.” She gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze and you managed to keep yourself from jumping out of your skin again but your stomach felt like it was in your throat. “Call me tomorrow, once you’ve slept and I’ll take your statement, okay? I’ll even come to you if it makes you feel better.” You thought of the last time you were in your apartment, where he ambushed you. Then you thought about how everything you owned had been touched by dozens of hands as they combed your life over for evidence. You nodded because that was the only thing you thought you could do. Liv gave you a nod back and took a few steps towards the door before pausing. “Sonny’s here.” Your eyes jerked up at her words and widened slightly. “He’s been waiting hours for you.” Had it really been hours already. “Can I send him in?” You were nodding yes before you could even really process what she was saying. Liv left the room and you were alone for the first time in days. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. You were alone for less than a minute before the door opened.

Sonny stood in the doorway looking more disheveled than you’ve ever seen him before. His face was stubbly, his hair was completely out of place and covered in days old product. The bags under his eyes looked as big as yours felt weighing on your face. He shut the door gently and walked halfway between the door and you before stopping again. You must’ve started crying because you felt the tears on your face. Then Sonny did something you hadn’t seen him do before and he was crying too. And then you were hugging and then you were really really crying. It was like he flipped a switch in you and you went from feeling nothing at all to feeling so much at once.

“Shh, It’s okay, It’s okay.” Sonny was whispering into your hair as you attempted to empty yourself of some of the pain you’d been though in the last few days. “It’s over, he’s never going to be able to hurt you again, I swear.” You broke the hug and sat back, lifting the sheet from the hospital bed to wipe your face before offering it to Sonny who accepted it sheepishly.

“Are you okay?” You asked softly and Sonny shook his head.

“You’re not supposed to be asking me that.” You shrugged and waited for a response. Sonny smiled slightly and shrugged.

“I’m fine now... I-” He cut himself off and swallowed hard before looking at you. “I haven’t slept since they called and told me you were missing.” He admitted and you felt your shoulders sag even more. “I needed to find you.”

“You did.” You whispered taking Sonny’s hand and squeezing it tight in yours, “You all found me. I’m alive, I’ll be... alright. It’ll be alright.” Sonny squeezed back before stiffing a yawn. “You’re exhausted.”

“So are you.” He countered, “Your apartment is still technically a crime scene.” Your face fell slightly before turning into a small smile.

“I didn’t really want to go back there anyway.” You admitted and Sonny nodded with a soft look of understanding.

“Come to my apartment.” Sonny suggested his hand twitching nervously, “I’ll sleep better knowing you’re safe and there’s me and loaded gun between you and the door.” You laughed slightly and rubbed the back of your neck nodding barely.

“Yeah. Yes please.” Sonny stood up from the bed and took his jacket off holding it out to you.

“It’s about three days dirty but it’s a lot warmer then a hospital t-shirt.” You took the jacket and slipped it on before standing up and slipping on the hospital slippers.

The Uber ride to Sonny’s apartment passed by in a blur. You wanted to doze but closing your eyes sort of felt like putting nails in your own coffin. Everytime you blinked you saw him. You should have asked the hospital for a sleeping pill. You followed Sonny up to his apartment in a fog only checking back in once you were in his living room and the door was locked and deadbolted.

“Do you need anything?” He asked as you took off the suit jacket and tossed it over the back of his sofa.

“Tylenol PM?” You asked and Sonny gave you a sad smile nodding. You followed him into the bathroom and that’s when you saw yourself for the first time. It felt like you were staring at a stranger in that mirror, you hardly recognized her. She disappeared when Sonny opened the cabinet and grabbed a pill bottle, opening it, and handing you two little white orbs. You accepted them gratefully and took the cup from the bathroom counter and filled it with water before swallowing the pills and gulping down the glass. Sonny shut the cabinet and you turned away from the girl in the reflection.

“Anything else?” You paused before nodding sheepishly, Sonny tilted his head and smiled slightly, “What?”

“Can I have pajamas?” You asked returning the little smile, “I smell like a hospital, I can’t sleep if I smell like a hospital.” Sony chuckled slightly and nodded.

“Yes of course,” He assured and this time you followed him into his bedroom and watched him rummage through his drawers thankful for the considerable lack of mirrors in this space. Sonny turned around and presented you with a Fordham hoodie and a pair of old thread barren sweatpants. “The most comfortable articles of clothing I own.” You cracked an almost full smile that time and took them.

“Can- Can I get changed in here? I don’t like the bathroom.” You said the second half in a half whisper and Sonny looked like he was going to ask a question before thinking better of it.

“Do whatever you need to do. I’ll give you some privacy.” You nodded and watched Sonny leave the bedroom shutting the door behind him. Once alone you stripped out of the hospital smelling clothes and tossed them in a heap in the corner. You picked up the hoodie and held it to your face breathing in deeply for a moment and humming. Smelling like Sonny was a million times more comforting them a hospital. You pulled the hoodie on and then the sweatpants tightening the draw string as much as you could and chuckling slightly at the fact that your feet didn’t even peek out of the sweatpants. You padded over to the bedroom door and opened it before going to find Sonny. You felt safer when you could see him.

“I made tea, if you want it.” He offered from the kitchen and you smiled slightly nodding. You took the hot mug in your hands and leaned against the counter fighting to keep your eyes open. “You can take it to the bedroom, (Y/N), your about to fall over.”

“I’m fine.” You rolled your eyes but you were already retreating back towards the room. You paused when Sonny didn’t move. “Are you...” You trailed off. Sonny cleared his throat.

“Whatever you want. I can sleep on the sofa if you need some peace and quiet.” You shook your head and bit your lip lightly.

“I don’t want to be alone right now.” You admitted. Sonny nodded his head and picked his own mug up gesturing towards his room. You lead the way and put your mug down on the bedside table before collapsing down onto the mattress and letting out a groan, “Is this memory foam?” You asked pulling the duvet up to your chin and curling up. Sonny climbed into bed on the other side and chuckled.

“It is.” He assured and you groaned again already falling down into a nice deep tylenol PM induced sleep.

“You just got yourself a new roommate.” You muttered and Sonny grinned watching as you dropped off into sleep immediately. It was the most peaceful you looked all day and he found it comforting to see some of the pain lifted from you even if it was only momentarily. Sonny hadn’t lied when he said he hadn’t slept since you went missing. He hadn’t stopped searching for you the entire time, chasing ever single lead into the ground until you were safe. But now with you safe, right here, right in front of him in the same bed he felt his own sleep tugging him down, the last thing he saw before he blinked himself into sleep was you asleep beside him. It was something he found he could get used to with no effort.

Sonny wasn’t sure what time it was when he woke up but it was still dark when he did. He laid there for a minute eyes still closed willing himself to fall back to sleep when he noticed what woke up him. He blinked his eyes open and turned his head to look at you beside him, twitching with your face screwed up into a scowl. Sonny leaned over to flip the lamp on the nightstand on before sitting up slightly, you were having a nightmare.

“(Y/N)?” He whispered and you let out a whimper, wincing in your sleep. The idea that you were currently back in that room in your head made Sonny sick to his stomach. “(Y/N)... come on,” He tried again, keeping his voice as gentle as possible. He didn’t want to scare you awake but he couldn’t let this continue. He hesitated for a minute before placing a hand on your arm and rubbing circles. “Wake up, (Y/N), it’s just a nightmare. You’re okay.” You eyes didn’t open but you started crying and Sonny started to think he wasn’t going to be able to snap you out of it. “You’re okay, you’re okay, (Y/N), please, you’re okay, you’re not there anymore, you’re not with him, you’re with me, I’ve got you and I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.” Sonny continued to rub your arm and used his free hand to push some sweaty hair off your forehead. “(Y/N), it’s gonna be okay, please wake up.” The twitching subsided first and Sonny nodded to himself rubbing your arm a little harder as he continued to stroke your hair. “That’s it, I’m right here, you’re okay.” Your eyes blinked open suddenly and you jerked yourself into an upright position, drawing your legs to your chest panting slightly.

Sonny sat back and gave you space lifting both hands, “You’re alright, you’re alright.” He assured, and you turned to look at him, chest still heaving slightly. When your eyes met Sonny tried to give you a reassuring smile, “You’re safe, I promise you.” You nodded slightly and used the sleeve of your hoodie to wipe your face.

“I’m okay.” You muttered.

“It was just a nightmare.”

“I know what it was,” You snapped before shaking your head, “I’m sorry, I-”

“You don’t need to be sorry, (Y/N).” He assured. You were both silent for a moment before you scooted over on the bed, laying back down.

“Thank you, for waking me up,” You whispered. Sonny took that as a cue to lay down as well allowing you to cuddle up to his side. Your head found his chest, hearing the heartbeat of the man beside you was soothing, and if you were going to fall back asleep maybe it would help you from falling immediately back into that nightmare. Sonny wrapped an arm around you and continued to rub circles on your arm.

“I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, (Y/N).” He murmured and you smiled slightly nodding. “You’re going to be okay, everythings gonna be okay,” And for those few moments before you fell back into a dreamless sleep you believed him.

#svu #law and order svu #svu imagine #law and order svu imagine #law and order svu one shot #svu x reader #law and order svu x reader #law and order svu x reader #sonny #sonny carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi one shot #carisi #Dominick Carisi #detective carisi #carisi x reader #trigger ptsd #trigger rape

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thesoundofaghost-mp3 · 5 years

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Movies:

Charlie's Angels 2

Garfield (1st)

All Matrix

Midnight Kiss

Spiderman VS Doctor Octopus

Tomb Raider

Underworld 1 + 2

Dungeons And Dragons (Matrix Producer)

Bats 2 Human Harvest (La Nuit Des Cahuves Souris 2)

Corpse Bride

(Added 05/10/2019:)

xXx (Vin Diesel)

Gone In 60 Sec./ 60 Sec. Chrono

So Close (2002 - 2004 International)

Initial D Battle: 01 (anime)

Initial D The Movie (2005 - 2007 International)

War Of The Worlds/Guerre Des Mondes

The Fast And The Furious (1)

2 Fast 2 Furious

Terminal Gang

Agent Cody Banks (2003 - 2004)

Americars: Mustang Mania (Discovery Channel)

Returner (2002 - 2004)

Love Battlefield (2007)

Webs (2004)

All Harry Potter Movies

(Added 16/10/19:)

Sweeney Todd

B99 Season 1

(Added december)

Wanted

Tomb Raider (Le Berceau de la Vie)

The Dark Knight Rises

Une Virée en Enfer (Paul Walker)

Added 26/02/2020

The Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift

Revenger

Batman Forever

Pirates of The Carribean Jusqu'au bout du monde (3)

B&T 1 + 2

Music DVDs:

Bullet For My Valentine - Live at Brixton

Black Eyed Peas - Bridge to Elephunk

Evanescence - Anywhere But Home (Live 2004 at the Zenith de Paris)

Tokio Hotel - Zimmer 483 live in Europe

CDs:

Pierce The Veil - Misadventures

Pierce The Veil - A Flair For The Dramatic

Evanescence - Fallen

Evanescence - The Open Door

Eyes Set To Kill - Broken Frames

The Offspring - Smash

Twenty One Pilots - Blurryface

Crowned Kings - Wise Guy

Simple Plan - Simple Plan

Simple Plan - No Pads, No Helmets...

Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown

Blink 182 - Blink 182

Linkin Park - Midnight To Midnight

Bring Me The Horizon - Sempiternal

MCR - The Dark Parade

Nirvana - Nevermind

Tokio Hotel - Scream

Tokio Hotel - Schrei

Gravity Kills - Superstarved

Fugees - The Score

Moby - 18

Lana Del Rey - Born To Die

Black Eyed Peas - Monkey Business

Black Eyed Peas - Elephunk

Black Eyed Peas - Bridging The Gap

Eminem - The Marshall Mathers

Cascada - Everytime We Touch

50 Cent - The Massacre

G-Unit - Beg For Mercy

t.A.T.u /Тату 200 По Встречной (Russian "200 MPH in the Wrong Lane")

Compilation CDs:

L'Album Rock Volume 3 (blue case, 2CDs in one)

Sony 2disc Old School "40 of the hottest old school hits" (2016) light blue n pink

MTV Fresh2 (1996)

Fonodisco Holidays Macarena

Rock Sound Volume 104 (2006)

Sampler 159 RockHard (2015)

Singles:

Evanescence - My Immortal

Evanescence - Bring Me To Life

Evanescence - Going Under

Gwen Stefani - Rich Girl (ft. Eve)

Gwen Stefani - Holllaback Girl

No Doubt - Don't Speak

t.A.T.u - All The Things She Said

Daft Punk - One More Time

Shaggy - It Wasn't Me (ft. RikRok)

Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River

Tokio Hotel - An deiner Seite (ich bin da)

Tokio Hotel - Spring Nicht

Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started

Black Eyed Peas - Don't Phunk With My Heart

The Rasmus - In The Shadows

Eiffel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee)

50 Cent - Candy Shop

Christina Aguilera - Genie In A Bottle

Eve - Let Me Blow Ya Mind (ft. Gwen Stefani)

Cher - Strong Enough

Cher - Believe

Eminem - Cleanin' Out My Closet

Eminem - Just Lose It

Aqua - Barbie Girl

Shakira - Hips Don't Lie

Shakira - Whenever Wherever

Destiny's Child - Say My Name

Will Smith - Men In Black

Fugees - Killing Me Softly

Fugees - No Woman, No Cry

One-t - Bein' A Star

Moby - Natural Blue

Moby - Porcelain

Moby - Honey

Scorpions - You And I

Janet Jackson - What I'll Do

Madness - Shame And Scandal (In The Family)

Mettalica - Until It Sleeps

Bomfunk MCS - Freestyler

The Cranberries - Zombie

Video Games (PS2):

Need For Speed - Most Wanted

Need For Speed - Carbon

Need For Speed - Prostreet

The Sims Bustin' Out (Permis De Sortir)

The Urbz Sims In The City

Tomb Raider - Angel Of Darkness

Tomb Raider - Legend

HP And The Chamber Of Secrets

Capcom Classics Collection Vol.1

Echo Night: Beyond

Call Of Duty 2 Big Red One

ToCa Race Driver 3

Madagascar

Books:

De Augurken Koning + The Pickle King

Harry Potter Books (Pocket)

HP: Prisoner Of Azkaban (Big)

HP: Deathly Hallows (In english)

Les Chasseurs d'Ames - Alyson Noël tome 1, 3

Pizza Au Sang - Ange Gabrielli

Berceuse pour Bérurier - San-Antonio

More Flanimals - Ricky Gervais

#may's stuff

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theproofinthisong · 5 years

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oh my god you fools are still at it. unbelievable. can’t believe you’re still arguing about this post in my notes have you got nothing better to do. apparently not. so let’s go again!

@nikabear488 : point to me where exactly did i say shawn needed to come out. where did i say this. right i didn’t. i would never force someone to come out when he’s not ready yet. i’m bisexual and it took me two years to come out. it can take you 6 months, 3 year, a decade or more. i will never judge that. what i’m judging is his label’s decision to prevent him from doing so, not shawn. next time check my posts before coming at me for absolutely no reason. as for the music part i really hope this is a joke because?? your other argument means nothing because it’s the same old, cringey, tiring argument i’ve heard about a thousand times. everytime us lgbt people say a celebrity we like is gay we’re getting these messages “ok but you’re the homophobic one for saying this!!” it’s pathetic and disrespectful as fuck. once again i’m not saying shawn is gay based only on mannerisms and if you read my post you could have known. i’m pretty sure you’re one of these people that think photographing men with flowers in their beards will end sexist culture and defending straight men’s platonic hugs is more important than actually protecting gay, trans and bi men from homophobia and transphobia. i’ve got nothing more to say except you’re the close minded one and if you see someone being discussed as gay as an insult, my dear friend, you are the one with a problem, not me.

@anti-radfem: that url name got that URL NAME. nauseating. you talk as if you’re stuck in tumblr circa 2011 and that’s honestly ridiculous. also i’m too kind for answering you because your words mean absolutely nothing to me, you dumb republican trashbag. go fuck yourself and never come back. i don’t give you the right to even talk to me.

@crystalgem18: you know what? i said before i wasn’t bisexual. not because i wasn’t aware of it or didn’t want to say it. because i knew i couldn’t. i knew i was exposed to homophobic violence and i didn’t want to take the risk. there are countless examples of lgbt people not saying they’re gay when they are. and shawn being closeted by his label is a good reason not to say it. you are all talking about a conspiracy, needing evidence, and that is purely disgusting. antis are pulling the same shit when talking about harry and louis as if it wasn’t fucking obvious they are dating. why do you always need more proof? why? when we give you your precious proofs, y’all suddenly become blind. closeting in the music industry is a thing, as much i don’t want it to be. i would rather live in a world where it doesn’t fucking exist and lgbt people can love and live freely. i would fucking love it. but you’re fucking deluded if you can’t see most of the cultural industries are still deeply homophobic. you dumbasses all talk as if closeting is something we created when it has been, tragically, going on for ages.

just talking about singers? ricky martin was closeted. olly alexander was told he should hide the fact that he was gay to protect his band (and brand). george shelley from union j? closeted too. i could go on for a decade. closeting is fucking evewhere. in sport, acting, music, all kinds of art. and the common point, everywhere? management does it because money matters more to them than anything else. they want the conventionally attractive men to appeal to the largest female audience. because it makes MONEY. they don’t care about anything else. cash, public image, marketing. the music industry is rotten, extremely racist, sexist and homophobic and half of the managers should be in jail for what they have done to the artists they are in charge of.

and before you come at me and ask me why shawn would sign with a label that wants to closet him it’s because the people writing these documents are clever. they willingly take advantage of legal loopholes and trick young, impressionable artists into thinking they’re protecting their image or they put a vague line in the middle of thirty other pages knowing exactly what they’re doing. they know the youngs artist don’t have the knowledge in law or music marketing to have the upper hand in this. sure people were already talking about shawn being gay before but as soon as he got signed, it became more important to give him an heterosexual image because he was gaining visibility. and that article, depicting him as crying about the nasty gay rumors? it’s calculated. it is meant to convince the general public that he’s not gay, will never be (how my god how can you even imply it, which is what you hetties sound like) while keeping the progressive card intact (the “it shouldn’t matter” line). all music labels have different strategies. sony wants louis to be seen as homophobic. harry’s label as an ally but nothing more, except a nasty womanizer. mostly, they want them to be represented as straight. just like shawn. and that printed interview? it came out right when the hailey bieber topic was super popular. it’s marketing GOLD. they posted it at the right time. at the time where it would be the most efficient. i wish their nasty techniques wouldn’t work. most of us lgbt people are not fooled by the press because we actually have eyes and brains.hearts. but you are and i fucking hate it. so stop talking about conspiracies, theories and disrespectful shit like that. you’re hurting me and thousand of lgbt fans with those words.

also the fact that you’re the second one to hit me with this reverse homophobia argument is absolutely sickening. i’m a bisexual girl. don’t you think i know about prejudices and the harm they do to people? i’m fucking hurt by everything you said. you don’t have a fucking clue what i went through and you’re assuming you know when you don’t fucking know shit. i wish i could make fun of the fact that you said “what if i’m straight what’s the problem” but i fucking can’t. yes it matters. it matters because lgbt voices matter more than straight voices in this kind of discussion. and if you can’t see why, you’re incredibly tone deaf. i’m not “obsessed” with shawn’s sexuality. i’m not doing anything wrong to him. i’m not harassing him and stalking him following him to his hotel. and who does? the nasty het fanbase that thinks he will sleep with them as soon as he meets them. not me. not us.

and honestly? if the interview was legit and shawn was truly straight and hurt by the rumors? (which i don’t believe at all) i would drop him right on the spot. because when these interviews are published, with denials that EXTRA, it always means something is up. the guy is either homophobic (if he really believes those words) or closeted (the label wants to protect the straight image so bad they’ll wrote anything that will sound the MOST straight and gay repulsed)

the fact that you’re EVEN asking why a label would closet its lgbt artists speak for itself. you’re ignorant as fuck and you are writing me paragraphs to give me a lecture but the truth is you know nothing. i don’t want to start a civil discussion with you. i don’t want your straight opinion on the matter. i don’t fucking want it. take it back and never come to my blog again.

i started writing this post knowing that it would make me mad. y’all make me fucking mad. you should be ashamed of yourselves.

#my posts

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wellthatwasaletdown · 5 years

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But Adele - Sony's big money maker (she barely has to promote even) - has her twitter controlled but 1D are only controlled in retrospect - despite them having a much more sm involved fanbase? No. Adele *agreed* to have her sm controlled because she knows she's mouthy (she talks about having shit stirred on sm) and would constantly be getting in dramas that need clean up and waste time and energy. And 1D would either have had a situation like her - vetting before posting - or the ability to post what they like and face the consequences, which I think Z is still doing in some ways after that tweet.

I'd give the benefit of the doubt to some Cowell manipulation but the men were quite capable of crying Hack! when it suited. If FP couldn't be prevented then how to stop them saying 'er my intern is fkin up' or some such after some supposed sabotaging 'not them' tweets?

Its maddening because so many people have had such real courage to expose the kind of blackballing, shelving, pettiness that ppl like Weinstein have actually done but then 1D stans just want to abuse all that just to play some kind of 'choose your own Harry/ Louis / Liam' makebelieve game, where their fave can do no wrong and 'mgt' is the cause of everything they don't like.

The fact that 1D had interns tweet generic promo is not proof they had no immediate access like Adele, or that they were powerless to correct bs tweeted by an intern/Cowell gone rogue. I'd say Louis bs tweets, Harrys porn tweet, Liams Duck Dynasty tweet and Zs FP tweets all point to them having very little vetting, too little maybe.

They're just humans, no way are 5 young British lads without a college ed between them are going to have the perfect nuanced take everytime. Hand them sm and they *will* show their arses. Adele had the sense to know herself and take precautions when she reached megastardom

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okgoldendoll · 3 years

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I've been saying for months that I need a journal. A place to place my thoughts and share my days. A way to reflect, release and remember. With that said I guess I'll start today March 4, 2021. Also seeing as I don't have a journal I'll just post here for now. Lol it's not like anyone will read it anways. Grammar, punctuation will not be taken into consideration in these journal posts. I just gotta get this shit out as fast as possible.

It's 11:24pm at night, I just got of the phone with my partner. A few hours prior I was on the phone with my therapist, confidant aka R. We spoke about asking probing questions, intensional questions, and the importance of communication in a relationship. We also spoke about a goal I had set to do better at reaching out to my friends. Anways during this conversation I asked R for her take on what's a consider to be something lacking in my romantic relationship, communication.

This was something that weighed heavily on my mind at the start of my relationship. In that communication, banter, feelings sharing ect is and has always been extremely important to me. Most relationships I treasure the most are with those I feel I can have deep and meaningful conversation with. But I felt that was something I wanted and have continuesly wanted to cultivate in the relationship I'm in at the moment. I often found and was deeply crushed when my attempts to foster such a relationship was met with resistance and being accused of being argumentative. This cut deeply because that has never been my intention. After speaking with R she advised me that is communication is something I feelmis lacking them I should let my partner know that I value and want to hear there opinions. Inspired by her advised I tried this an hour later in conversation. Least be said the response I got was startlingly painful. I could just be overly sensitive but knowing who I am I doubt that. I started of the conversation by talking about the conversation I had with Rana on how much communication is important to me. Then lead into adding that I would love to hear his opinion more often. And that if he's shy it's alright. Essential I think I was just pushing to get an understanding of why it's usually just me talking. He said that he doesn't like over the phone conversation. Which is fair but in that same token he's just as combative when it comes to deep conversation in person but that's a whole nother story. I assured him that yes I understand his not liking phone conversations but I reconfirmed that I'm not a probing person and in loving him I just want to get his insite and opinions on topics. He got frustrated on told me he's not like me and can't speak for hours about one topic or the same topic over and over. He said that's he doesn't have an opinion to share on the topics I bring up because they're girly/girl topics and he has nothing to say about them. I was BAFFLED you would think I was speaking to him about periods or makeup or something. I was literally stunned into silence because my instant reaction was to be combative and as how what I talked about is a gendered topic. I had literally spoke to him about wanting to have a calendar, becoming better at reaching out to people, goal setting, I spoke to home about communication, and lastly about the delay Sebastian cousin situation. So you can image how confused I was to be told these are considered girl topics. Then we went on to say he has no opinions about any of those things and those are things I'd talk to my girls about. I was actually so upset. He then said when I called you I just wanted to say hi I didn't think you'd want to talk for ages. So I took that as in I don't want to talk to you. So I said to that. Oh so you didn't want to talk to me? And he said no I do but I was in the middle of a game with my boys and I just wanted to say hi. I think I realized at this point that being hurt by the whole situation would literally just escalate things so I was silent for a bit collected myself and clarified that all I wanted was to let him know that if love to hear his thoughts and opinions more often. I didn't expect him to have something to say about everything but that id just like to have or hear him speaking more often rather than it just be me talking all the time for ages. Journal sometimes it can feel like I'm talking to myself, what a scary thought to speak to someone for hours only to come from the conversation having received notbibg from them. I might as well just record myself talking.

Anyways the conversation ended amicably. But I'm still stunned from the shock disappointment I left with. In hindsight it could just be bad timing I was looking for a conversation of merit in a moment where someone didn't have the time or patients to do so. Or is this something bigger than that. For months of carried the idea I'm my heart that something is lacking in this relationship. As much as I can love someone what are the things I need and desire in a relationship that I can do without. Communication has always been one of this things but I never appreciate the importance because with past relationships is was just a natural and free flowing chasm. I've never felt dissatisfaction in my partner's ability to communicate. And it's odd because I feel upset for finding fault in this because he's perfect in so many other ways. Also I should note when I say lacking in communication I don't mean in not contacting. He is never lets a day go by where he doesn't speak to me. What I mean is I find what lacks is deep meaningful conversations. The conversation that have you feeling like you bared your soul to another human being and they saw you, understood you. Those conversations that begin at dusk and carry on until dawn. The conversation that lead you through the past, present and future experience with someone. That leaves you feeling like youve been heard and understood in ways that you've never been understood it heard nefoy. I don't know if you can understand or if you've ever felt it but moments like that...they just leave you

Feeling that you found your other half.

The all incompusing dissapointment that moments like today leave with could make me cry. I fighting with the idea that not everyone is like you. Perhaps some people are just who they are and it's only you who desires to love in such away. But if that be the case then does that mean I need to find someone who fulfills this desire. Based on past experiences I know there are men who have never led me to feel such a lacking in our relationships. I also wonder am I not being patient or understanding enough. Is this a guy think, is it hyper masculinity, is it just a lack of skill...is this something that can be worked on.if it is something that. An be worked on do I want to stay and work on this. Do all the other amazing things I love about this man outway this desire. I'm not sure if it's even a desire I believe this is something I ABSOLUTELY MUST have in a relationship. Soni see myself having the ability to continue and faster a strong loving relationship if I don't feel the person I love communicated in a ways that I understand and in the same way that I communicate.

Oh my gosh yes that what it is! It's like we're speaking to different languages. And the more I try to communicate and get my words accross I'm met with frustration, anger and dismissal. How much more dismissal can I take...

I previously let it go with the thought oh well some people are just not good at conversations but as long as I live them and they are amazing in other ways I thought it would be enough. But slowly the desire to have shared deep and meaningful conversation returns because that's just who I am and everytime I'm always left feeling an empty feeling that something is t right something is lacking. And it genuinely breaks my heart.

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minxis · 7 years

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Animated Movie Tag

Tagged by: @boxfaery

favorite disney movie? - Beauty and the Beast, because f*ck. And also The Hunchback of Notre Dame, because... f*ck.

least favorite disney movie? - Chicken Little. Everything in it is just... no.

favorite dreamworks movie? - there are too many f*ck Probably Kung Fu Panda movies.

least favorite dreamworks movie? - SHARK TALE! WILL SMITH FISH IS STILL IN MY NIGHTMARES.

favorite pixar movie? - Ratatouille. All time favourite♥

least favorite pixar movie? - Cars II. I hate it. It’s so bad.

favorite laika movie? - Corpse Bride!

least favorite laika movie? – ParaNorman. It was just... meh.

favorite studio ghibli movie? - Grave of the Fireflies. I cry everytime.

least favorite ghibli movie? - Porco Rosso. It was super boring for me!

favorite sony animation movie? – Hotel Transylvania!

least favorite sony animation movie? - Do Smurfs count? Cause if it does, then that!!

favorite blue sky movie? - Ice Age (But only the first one). But I also loved the Peanuts movie!

least favorite blue sky movie? – 3rd and the 4th Ice Age movies, bleh!

favorite animation company? - Well if this doesn’t count the ones this list had, then I’d say Don Bluth Productions

favorite don bluth film? - Anastasia

least favorite don bluth film? - A Troll in Central Park!!!!!

I tag: You. Yes, you. Do it.

#animated movie tag #animation #tagged

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xsapphirestar · 7 years

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MM fandom reminds me of MS fandom

Hahaha

MS used to be really popular

like 10-12 years ago +

until big bang patch , there were huge changes .

in the year 2007 ~ 2010 ;

i was quite new to MS at that point of time.

i was really a newbie, noobie and naive .

in the year 2007 ~ 2008 ,

it was when i first discovered ‘bannedstory’ a free program for maple sprites. (kind of like mmd. free program but drawn models lolz) .

so i played around with the program ;

my first YT channel , where i uploaded almost everything i did with bannedstory and some other program i forgot . I used to be really desperate for subscribers too. not anymore. IDGAF ABOUT THE NUMBERS ANYMORE LOLZ. itz just numbers.

i watched other users’ ms videos , i also discovered a paid program ‘ sony vegas‘ but since i couldnt afford it ( i was really young and naive ) //i’m still am// ^^;; //illegal//

i played around with sony vegas, AND HOLY SHIT. sony vegas is such a COOL PROGRAM WITH ALL THE AMAZING EFFECTS & TRANSITIONS ! but it is a paid program . the full version is really expensive .

in 2008 ~ 2009

(dont rmb exactly when since it’s long ago) , i received many negative remarks , comments , criticisms . i was so affected by it that i deleted everything + my first youtube channel . i think it was my very first ? i upload almost everything i did with ms bannedstory there. i deleted that channel. i forgot the reason why i deleted it , since it is so long ago . but i dont think i regret it. a little part of me regretted it, cause i couldn’t see what my younger version of me did. :x

i also deleted everything on my second channel until it is left with 2-3 videos.

im sorry for being such a noobie. sorry for being such a useless burden

yes idk why do i exist in this world .

im such a trash . im useless . im a burden. i creep everyone out . nobody likes me . That happened like , 9-10 years ago , but i still remember those memories.

i guess im not meant to know people . im not meant to have friends . im meant to be alone . i dont deserve to know people . i dont deserve to have friends . im destined to be a loner4lyfe :’)

sorry that i was born this way .

even school made me thought this way …

2011 ~ 2014 ;

itz a traumatic experience for me . ; new ;

i meet new people , experience something new . i guess i was also going through a stage of puberty .

towards the end of 2011

My classmate abandoned me , she said she hate me . I began to overthink .why does she hate me ? am i a bad person ? did i do something wrong ? is it because of how i treat others ? how i treat my … friend ? i was mean ? i was being rude ? im useless ? im a burden ? how weird i am ? … She was the first person who made the first move to talked to me in school . i guess i kind of like her , as a friend . she meant a lot to me . She is the first person who tried to be my friend during my school days , while the rest do not give a fuck and gave me ‘ i do not like you ‘ face , even their body language says it . i got kind of attached and used to her presence , because i’m not used to making the first move to talk to people , being around with people , hanging out with people in school . i’m kind of a loner . im kind of anti-social & sort of … shy . i have different personalities. i act differently in different situations.

; 2012 ;

When she said she hated me last year , she abandoned me . She started hanging out with my other classmate . And everytime she saw me or when im close to her , she always make an excuse for me to stay away from her , and then gave me a blackface or that ‘ i do not like you ‘ look . hahaha

I guess there is a first for everything . I do not know how it feels having someone who did all these for me . itz a new experience for me . i feel lost ;; i do not know what this feeling was …

i started playing an online game ‘ auditionsea ‘ in late 2010 , but got more focused & addicted in mid 2011 .

I tried releasing my stress and emotional pain by playing auditionsea, because i do not know what i am feeling . I feel empty , hollow inside . i do not know what this feeling is. i feel … lost .It did not really work but it did pass the time .

i also overthink a lot . i kept thinking and thinking . i overthink so much that it fucked me up . i became more messed up . i tried acting not myself because acting myself will make me think more , and more emotional . im kind of a emotional person , to prevent me feeling even worse . i tried acting like a different person online… but it did not work and backfired . it still messes me up .i am so damn lost . i tried to become a different person irl , it is the same result .it backfired , did not work , making me even worse . i guess being true to yourself is the best ? … “ be yourself “ . everyone is different and unique . but i tried doing all that because of overthinking . i overthink , i think a lot . F m l .

In this year 2012 , maplesea released a new class , ‘ phantom ‘ . I saw his cinematic trailer and animation . holy shit . He is such a cool class, and he steal skills ! I stopped playing MS temporarily because that game gets boring after awhile when you completed what you want to do . I have to admit, Phantom made me install back MS and i got addicted to ms again . I really like MS storyline and lore . His individual storyline is kind of good , itz like watching an anime but you have to play the game to read the story lolz . The art is quite good , I LIKED IT !! but i took fucking 3-4 years to reach level 200, cause i stopped playing temporarily at LV 150-170 + . i do not know where to train , lost motivation and my damage is really NOOB . PLUS I AM POOR AS FUCK and NOOB AS FUCK . After phantom class , they began to release more and more class and i kind of neglected the old class which i haven’t get to 200 yet. lolz.

I guess I am meant to be alone , i do not deserve to have friends . i sorry for being such a weird person okay . i am sorry for being born this way . idk why do i exist in this world , idk why am i born with this personality . idk why am i so useless . idk why am i such a burden . why am i so useless …i’m really useless. i am meant to be a loner i guess .

i guess that is why i became more anti-social .

In mid 2012 - late 2012

In one of my school classes , i saw my friend crying . My other classmate saw it too , and he asked her why . She said her friend // my other classmate abandon her. She left her for another friend. I feel kind of bad. i thought i could finally feel good about it , seeing that she is finally feeling what i am feeling. But i just feel… bad. I am meant to be alone , so that means im used to being alone … I’m used to feeling lonely, but i am not used to feeling empty, hollow inside. Hahaha. fml it feels like a part of me has been ripped out and it hurts so fucking bad .

; In 2013 ;

In the beginning of the year , january , my school class has new sitting arrangement for everyone . I was chosen/paired with the same classmate . Idk, she acted like nothing has happened , like she had forgotten the hatred she has for me , and started talking to me again . Friends again ? i was confused . but it was only temporary . i guess all good things do come to an end .

; 2014 ;

everything’s gone once again . i became alone once again ~ i came to a conclusion that i am meant to be alone , nobody likes me , i creep everyone out . my classmate became really close to my other friend classmate . They both are close before , but closer this year … Hahaha . i felt like i’m a replacement . spare tyre .

; 2015 ;

I changed to a new phone on 12 January 2015 . That means my contacts are gone . I had to restart everything . Games , dl apps from playstore , new accounts , and other stuffz .

; 2016 ;

… i don’t know …. i feel so messed up !! LOST ;; LIFE GOES ON . NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS , LIFE GOES ON ANYWAYZ .HAHAHA FML . I had my very first IA / intern experience . :’) it was a challenging and new experience for me for 2 months lolz . That was also the period of time where i tried out MM ^^;; . i was curious so i tried out . Never knew i will love this game so much lolz . FUCK MY LIFE LOLZ. i intend to tried the game out for awhile , like play the beginning intro , then uninstall . MM made me confused , especially the convo with unknown where he send the address to the player lolz . i intend to uninstall after i played the introduction / prologue , but ZEN made me think otherwise . ZEN is really welcoming and SWEET OMFG ~ he reminds me of phantom from MS . Because of him , i decide to play the game longer , and i got even more confused but i still play CUZ OF ZEN !! FML AND THE LONGER I PLAY , THE MORE I UNDERSTAND AND THE MORE I RELATE TO THE CHARACTERS AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS GAME OMG LOLZ FML . I don’t even know how , itz just sort of naturally happened !!! FUCK ZEN :’( LOLZ JK.

i guess i fell into a deep wishing well , unable to escape. a.k.a mm hell .

…..

hahaha .

i became more afraid . my fear increased . i developed a fear of talking/interacting with people . i am afraid of making friends. im afraid of making bad impressions . im afraid of opening up to people . im afraid of knowing people . im afraid the same shit will happen and i will go through it again

its not that i do not want to learn new things .

(who doesn’t want to learn new things? it means you get to experience it and that means knowing more things. you’ll be more knowledgeable about the things you enjoy i guess)

itz not that i do not want to learn . itz not that im being stubborn (i kinda am) . im just afraid

afraid of making mistakes

i feel so useless . i feel so stupid . why do i exist in this world

maybe one day , when i am walking down the streets , some psychopath will stab me or a car will knock me down LOLZ . i doubt anyone will miss me . not my family . what friends ? what is friends . what is a human being ? my family will be so glad to see me dead if that ever gonna happen . im such a burden anyways . im useless .

mean people exists because to balance the good and bad in life .

but why do i feel that more mean people exist than genuinely nice people ?

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #42

“i don’t ask much, i just want you.”

have you ever been to the white house? no, i haven't. what are your plans for tomorrow? not shit. like always. maybe be able to adopt my snake. do you have a debit card? no why did you stop working at the last place you were employed? i kept having anxiety attacks that induced vomiting. have you ever made out with a complete stranger? no...? what would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? probably kill myself. are you very close to your siblings? no would you kiss the last person you kissed again? i'd love to. what bugged you about the last person you dated? well i know now that he's not very understanding. but he tried to be. have you ever slapped someone, why? i hit my sister when i was little. don't remember why. have you ever had sex with someone the same night you met them? no, because i'm not a whore. if you could fly or breathe underwater, what would you choose? the latter, i think. is your life the same as it was a year ago? exactly the fucking same. are you in love with someone? should be obvious enough. what is your relationship status? are you happy with that? single, and no. i'm lonely as fuck. have you ever thought you could do a better job at being president? hell no. when people smoke around you, does it make you cough? sometimes. it'll always give me a headache. would you rather name your child michelle or monica? michelle do you know anyone who works at mcdonald’s? no have you ever felt like you lost a part of yourself? i KNOW i fucking have. when jason left, it was like the majority of me fucked off. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? no. when you younger and misbehaved, what did your parents threaten you with? mom would threaten to spank me or take away computer privileges do you think it’s weird how babies are made? i mean yeah, i guess, but it is what it is. how would you react if your last ex wanted to get back together? i would just... fuck, man. i'd be so damn happy. are you comfortable in a short skirt? fuck no. do you and your family go on a vacation every year? no. we never do. when you were going out with your last ex and you had the chance to date your celebrity crush, would you have left your bf/gf for them? absolutely not. i don't care who my celeb crush is, no one lights a candle to jason. does your dad swear? yeah if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say? absofuckinglutely!!! do you think braces are sexy? does anybody, really? it's just something you tolerate. i don't think anyone's "sexy quotient" is affected by whether or not she/he wears braces. do you know anyone that is gothic? i'd love to be a goth if i could afford the wardrobe. how many coats of mascara do you use? like two what were you almost named? kathryn does your family hire someone to do your chores for you? no do you know how to use photoshop? very vaguely how about sony vegas? yeah what is the main reason you want to have children when you grow up? idk, i just... do? when i was with jason, i wanted children because i loved him so much and thus human instinct would have it i wanted his kids, but now that i'm with nobody idk, i just want kids one day. i guess. what do you struggle with? depression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolarity, no job, no money... i struggle with everything. are you self conscious? VERY what is the name on your birth certificate (feel free to withhold your last name for privacy reasons)? brittany marie is all you need to know. what day did you take your first breath? february 5th, 1996 what are the names of the lovely individuals that brought you into this world? donna and ken. the stereotyped image of a girl LOVES to shop. does this hold true to you? i like to shop only if it's for myself. i know that sounds greedy, but i just like... don't get the pleasure sensation otherwise. even if shopping isn’t your favorite... every girl has a favorite store. what’s yours? hottopic which type of undies do you wear most: Thongs, bikini/briefs, bootyshorts, or granny panties? if i wear underwear, bikini. describe your style for me, using minimal words? comfortable do you have a walk in closet? do you even have a closet it all? no, yes. tampons or pads? why? tampons, because i don't like feeling like wearing a bloody diaper. do you ever pamper yourself? what do you do? no, because i'm fucking poor. do you like surprises? no. i get scared of what it is. how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? none. when is the last time you watched a hockey game? yearrrrssss ago. ever been paid for sex or a sexual favor? nope. have you ever been to a strip club? no, and i never will. do you listen to a variety of music, or do you tend to stick to one genre? i stick to a genre. metal. when you’re going to be at home all day, do you bother to get out of your pajamas? no. which is like every day. do you play angry birds? no. i just recently saw the movie tho and it was super cute. what do you have pierced on you? ears, nose. what’s important about april? my little sister's birthday is there anyone who hates you? probably if I say “psycho”, who is the first person that comes to your mind? me dated someone more than once? no where did you get the last shirt you were wearing? hottopic does your mom know your deepest darkest secrets? no. are you scared of needles? nah, not really. do you know what an ‘amv’ is? yeah, i make them sometimes. how many songs are on your ipod/mp3 player? over 1,000 are there any orange clocks in your house? no do mice freak you out? not at all. how many formal dances did you or have you gone to in high school? i went to two proms. is there a certain movie you always cry at when you watch it? yeah, "the notebook" tears me up everytime. are any of your siblings married? yeah do you like kiwi? hell yes. ever go ghost hunting? no when it’s time to dress up for a special occasion, are you more likely to wear a dress, a skirt, or dress pants? dress if you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? what is your favorite flavor? milk, bc i dislike its flavor when i add water. my fave's apples and cinnamon. if you could only own a hair dryer, curling iron, or straightener, which one would you choose? straightener if you’re straight, have you ever thought about kissing the same sex? if you’re gay, have you ever thought about kissing the opposite sex? no. your last relationship, who dumped who? he dumped me. do you believe in love at first sight? explain. no, because even thinking it's possible to look at someone and love them is ignorant as fuck. do you keep a planner? no, because i don't need one. i don't do anything significant, ever. do you want kids anytime soon? no. are you excited for next year? not really. new years doesn't mean anything. what occurs in time isn't affected by one year suddenly ending and changing into another. 2017 will be just as bad as 2016, probably. do you know any german words? i took four classes of it, i know plenty. do you say any words that are pretty specific to your area? no have you ever smoked? nope can you make yourself cry? no. have you ever held a starfish? i don't think so. would you rather live in hawaii or alaska? alaska could you use a haircut? totally what do you put on your scrapes or cuts? usually, nothing. sometimes a band-aid. do you like cheez-its or cheese nips better? cheez-its by a long shot. have you ever held a snake? yes. i hope to again very soon<3 do you know anyone from canada? yeah, jacob's ex. nice girl. has a wild animal ever been loose in your house? mice are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? naw, shit's cool. have you ever met an alaskan? only online. my friend mikaela's alaskan. did you ever play spyro? lmao. i'd STILL be playing it if i had my ps2. have you ever had a near death experience? car wreck, yeah. do you think some babies are ugly? some definitely are. do you love stuff crusted pizza? no, actually. do you apply lotion after you bathe? no, but i REALLY should. has a youtube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? nah son. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? ha ha, i already do. do gangs scare you? of course they do. the bloods tried to break into our house once when ashley was home alone with maddie. what do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? i don't care how big your boobs are, if your breasts are developed, wear a bra, please. it's only to be decent. does your best friend wear makeup? she rarely does. do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship? be a fucking adult and fix the damn problems. would you rather have donuts or donut holes? donuts do you still watch movies on vhs? no, mom got rid of ours have you used a ouija board and had a freaky experience with it? no, never used one. what’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have? get rid of my depression. god, please. what “group” did you belong to in high school? everyone considered me an emo. guess i was and still am one, i'm so ridiculously emotional. what is the best thing you have done in your life? dated jason. what is your favorite animal? list three adjectives to explain your choice. meerkats, as they're very social, ridiculously bold, and curious. what was your nickname growing up? twinkie if you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why? a meerkat biologist, because i love meerkats so much and they make me happy. have you ever had feelings for 2 people at the same time? nope. if you found someone seemingly perfect for you, but it turned out they had a child… would you still give the relationship a chance? at my age, no. if your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back? probably not, honestly. have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? yep do you think the next person you kiss will be a better kisser than the last person you kissed? HA. i HIGHLY doubt that.

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