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shokos-lazy-life · 11 months

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Hi!I am new to your blog and I noticed you read the Demon Slayer manga so I hope I don't spoil something for you!The thing is I am brainstorming this idea that I may or may not turn into a fanfiction of reverse demon slayer thing but instead of Tanjiro and Nezuko,it's Yoriichi and Kokushibou?Any help?Do you think you maybe have any ideas?Thank you in advance and also I love your blog, it's really pretty!

Oh my god,you are adorable!

Thank you for the compliments!

And welcome to the Kimetsu no yaiba fandom,I promise everyone is lovely,well so far I haven't seen anyone making any fuss.

I think we are all too sad for that hahahh.

You are writing a fanfiction?!Go for it!I am sure it is going to be amazing!

No worries I don't mind spoilers.

and reverse?

As in Yoriichi and Michikatsu are the main characters?One a demon and another a slayer trying to turn them back?

That is an amazing idea but gosh it sounds daunting I wish you all the best.

As for if I have any ideas?Sure,I am no writer tho.

Also you didn't specify who's the demon and who the slayer.

I think I saw fanart,really good ones too,of Kokushibou as Nezuko and Yoriichi as Tanjiro somewhere,that could be used as inspiration,I am sure.

But since Yoriichi has been through enough in my very biased opinion I'll go like this!

So that last interaction between Yoriichi and Kokushibou was their final moments too.

Let's go with Yoriichi blitzed Kokushibou and one shot him out of misguided guilt or because he wanted his brother to find peace or whatever.

Like I don't think that screws with the canon that hard,like Muzan will find a new Upper Moon who cares.

So they both died leaning on each other and as Yoriichi is older and human he dies faster and falls on Kokushibou disgusting him in process because Kokushibou gotta Kokushibou,until the little flute falls out and Kokushibou spots it.

And then it's tears and guilt fiesta and lamenting and feeling sorry for oneself as Kokushibou ought to do.

And finally Michikatsu is back.

And promises to do better,to protect Yoriichi in their next life,to be a better brother. Because here Yoriichi went against himself and his own vow of not wanting violence to fulfill his duty,like the shock and sadness probably killed him here.

Realistically Kokushibou would still be mad but shhh we need that guy to have some redeeming qualities.

Michikatsu dies clutching the flute and Yoriichi's hand.

Yoriichi dies crying and clutching his brother's hand.

Upper Moon 1 is no more.

Hopefully his clothes stayed with Yoriichi's corpse and someone found them and buried them because anon the fact that we don't know what happened to Yoriichi's body after he died haunts me?Okay?Haunts me!

We know what happened to Uta,but Yoriichi?Nada!

Gotoge I need to talk!

Was he even buried?Did Kokushibou eat him?Did he bury him?Was he just left there to rot? Kokushibou was obsessed with what he left behind and made sure along with Muzan that Yoriichi basically got erased,did he just use some blood art fuckery to erase him? Hopefully someone buried my guy.

I got sidetracked.

But yeah in this au maybe Yoriichi gets buried with his brother's kimono and the flute.Hopefully by either a Hashira or one of the countless people he saved.

God forbid the Kamado's or Sumire somehow find him.

I am a big supporter of that amazing idea that Yoriichi got banged by the Kamado's like a screen door during a hurricane.

I mean Tanjiro bears such a resemblance for a reason yes?

Of course it could have been gods being cruel enough to reincarnate Yoriichi into Tanjiro or just basically curse Tanjiro with Yoriichi's life.

Seriously what if the reason we didn't see Yoriichi waiting for Kokushibou like every other demon got is that he is physically there as Tanjiro and therefore unable to be there?

Now that I think about if this crazy idea has any merit than Yoriichi got what he wished for and by the people he saw as family too through Tanjiro!A simple life with a family that lives him but Muzan still fucking exists!

That whole the people you help,help you back thing really is applicable here!

It's either that or Sumire,Suyako and Sumiyoshi all sat on Yoriichi and he is weak for them so..Only explantation I am allowing.

That or Kokushibou deserved eternal damnation but damn you can't tell me Yoriichi wouldn't have fought god himself to give that fucker a hug.

Again side tracked.

So some years pass and Yoriichi and Michikatsu get reborn again as twins because irony.

Now you can choose who's older and what families they have,do they have more siblings etc.

I personally would have put Michikatsu as a older brother to,you know,repent?

But it works even if Yoriichi is older because Michikatsu would have a brother complex anyway.Man just built too old Japanese.

So Yoriichi hopefully gets a clean slate because trauma and also give him some peace damn.

But Michi probably has some complex and self worth issues because he constantly thinks he isn't enough.

Maybe he remembers a la Tanjiro,thru dreams and random phantoms getting him down a peg or twelve.

Their names could be completely made up,the same,they could be descendants a la Muichiro and Yuichiro,could be Kamado's,whatever you want works.

You have extra guilt points if they belong to Tokito's or Kamado's with Michikatsu's jealousy about Kamado's obvious if he remembers.

Anyway they went to town or stayed home or whatever vague reason you could give so these two can meet Muzan.

And considering Muzan is a crackhead really anything works.

But whatever they are just walking or sleeping or minding their damn business when they see Satan.

Muzan obviously shits himself out of anger and fear both because Kokushibou and Yoriichi are both standing there.

So he grabs Yoriichi.

Instead of killing him which would be the smart choice,he turns him into a demon obviously.

Because Muzan is nothing if not pathetic,dramatic and ineffective.

Thing he panicked hard and was going to grab Michi first but instead in blind feral panic got Yoriichi, because like the ultimate asshole he was,he was about to recreate Kokushibou and have him kill Yoriichi because Muzan sucks like that.

And so gave him a huge amount of blood and panicked and gave him more when he noticed it Yoriichi hoping he would just explode or something.

But nah gods aren't done laughing at all of us so Yoriichi does turn and jeez he is pissed,that fucker tried eating his brother.

Meanwhile Michi is horrified because what the fuck or frozen if he remembers anything at this point.

So you just have demon Yoriichi and Muzan shitting himself and duking out and Yoriichi fucked him up but no nichirin blade so they have to wait until the sun.

A Hashira runs in to a most horrifying and baffling scene ever.

The progenitor of all demons is getting his ass whopped by what looks like a twelve years old juiced on demon blood and his brother is there holding a random object as a weapon.

There is gore and viscera on the floor everywhere.Muzan eventually throws in the towel and blasts off,leaving because Hashira or the sun is up or something.

A very pissed off Yoriichi and shaken Michi and a baffled Hashira stand there until Yoriichi notices the Hashira and starts attacking.

Michi finally get his shit together and jams the flute into Yoriichi's mouth and like fuck is Yoriichi running that precious gift so he calms.

Hashira tells them to get the fuck out off the sun because demons burn in it,but nah it's been the morning for a few hours now and Yoriichi just swinging his legs on the porch completely fine.

Because his existence is meant to fuck with Muzan,and yeah he conquered the sun immediately.

Now the Hashira has the daunting task of explaining all this bullshit to the others and Oyakata-sam somewhat coherently.

Bonus points if the Hashira is either Muichiro or Rengoku for double gut punch.

Now Michikatsu gets to be a slayer,a poor main character and hopefully a better brother with Yoriichi as his overpowered cute sidekick.

Chaos abounds!

Now for the short points:

Yorii is on demon time all the time and instead of people the sun powers him so he is yet again the boogeyman to all the demon and a personally insult to Muzan because fuck that guy.

Yorii is straight up feral,he bites,kicks,growls if you look at him or his brother wrong and his blood demon art thing is probably some unholy mix of sun breathing and demon magic bullshit,like he kicks you and now that part is permanently sun burned,so he is lethal to fight against and as fast as the actual sun.

Yorii adores kids and babies especially, everyone is too afraid to ask why.Like give him the butterfly triplets and he is entrained for hours playing hide and seek with them.

He looks demonic all the time because the amount of blood he was injected with,so like slit eyes,hair probably blood red and a unholy cross of sun shading and blood shade tips in his hair.covered in head to toe in the sun mark that of course sprouted on his forehead because of course it did.

Yorii walks around in his twelve years old form unless he needs to help someone reach something and then he turns 6 ft and gives Michi a hear attack.

Yorii prefers the kid form,he can feel his brother is uncomfortable with his adult form.

The flute is constantly in Yorii's mouth and he has this adorable habit of calling for Michi by playing a short tune on it.

So far only Uzui and Michi figured out the flute language down.

Hashiras are just baffled and sometimes unnerved by the small demon just lounging in the sunlight but it's completely peaceful,surely it's just a child?

A victim yes?You only get his side eye if you have some evil intention to his brother or whoever Yorii adopted into his family.

Michi of course has a guilt complex over 9000 here.

Especially if he remembers,dear god.

He failed,dear gods,did he fail.

And now he is also feeling guilty for anytime he envied Yoriichi,he is kinda offended that even Muzan's blood doesn't matter to Yoriichi tho.He really is blessed.

But all the guilt and self hate works out here because he gets decent company to tell him just how stupid he is.And he gets to beat demons with a stick.

He doesn't have people comparing him to Yorii now either.

The wonder of having better people to talk too.

He probably learns fire breathing or water breathing but modifies into Moon breathing baffling everyone because that's a thing?

He hangs out with Muichiro,Rengoku,Uzui, probably Shinobu?

He is always praising Muichiro on his talents but despairs over his lack of tact and manners.

Muchirio finds him an encouraging nagging mother hen and his brother a weird little bird.

What friends he has depends on how much you change the canon?Are the upper moons the same?

It will hilarious because Michi is such a chaotic idiot but loves to pretend to be a straight and honorable man and that leaves the Hashiras completely bamboozled because the man can be peacefully meditating and then turn around and yell at Muichiro because manners you ill mannered brat!How did descendent turn out like this?!!

And what was that even supposed mean?

This weird crochety old man who's actually a twelve year old!

Yorii doesn't give a fuck,his brother is the best brother.

And then the angst and anger you could pull if the Hashiras find out who Michi actually was and the angst of meeting Muzan again.

But hopefully by now he would have a better support group and more perspective and a knowledge that he isn't the only person important or wronged in this world!

As I said this fic has a lot of potential,a little research to be done sure,but if you are passionate about it,go for it!

I would personally read it and most certainly love it!

Also I haven't asked what genre you wanted so if it was horror or humor or smut?

Go ahead and ask,I am not here to judge after all and I love trading ideas!See ya and all the good luck to you!

I hope this helped!

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feluka · 4 months

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i can't even begin to imagine how wael al-dahdouh feels this is worse than death this is the most painful fate imaginable!! just watching all his family and loved ones die one after another how can they be so cruel?!!

#i keep thinking i know the heights of their villainy but they keep breaching that limit and suprising me!#i can't imagine the weight of so much grief. my mind breaks trying to think about this.#who even remains in his family??

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ruporas · 1 year

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good mornings throughout the travel

[ID: Two comics of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The second is underneath the read more.

The first is in four panels and follows Vash and Wolfwood through hotel rooms. First, Vash and Wolfwood exit adjacent rooms, and Wolfwood has sparkles floating around him as he exclaims, “Rise and shine! Ready to go?” Vash frowns, displeased, and says, Urk— Good morning to you too.”

Next, they’re in a room with two beds. Wolfwood is awake and fully dressed. He’s sitting on the bed and smoking, back turned away from the viewer and he says, “Wake up already, sleepyhead.” Vash sits up with his eyes still closed and yawns before saying good morning. After that, they’re sharing a bed, and Wolfwood gets up and says, “Morning, sunshine. Time to get up.” His body shadows Vash from the sunlight. Vash is still lying down with a blanket draped over him as he mumbles good morning.

Finally, they’re embracing in bed, both shirtless. Sunlight shines on them, but their contact allows their shadows to drape over their faces. Vash smiles, kisses the top of Wolfwood’s head, and says, “Good morning, Wolfwood.” Wolfwood sleepily says, “Mph, g’morning, needle-noggin’,” snuggling into on Vash’s shoulder. End ID] ID CREDIT

TRIMAX Vol. 10 Spoilers under read more // bonus comic

[ID: The bonus comic starts with Vash asleep in bed, fully clothed with his hair half-black. Someone says “Good morning,” and Vash says, “Morning, Wolf—w...” He trails off as Livio, holding a plate of food, stares with abject shock.

Livio says, “I’m sorry.” Vash, smiling but sweating, says, “No, it’s my bad...” Livio repeats, “I’m sorry.” Vash says, “Geez, stop apologizing,” and cuts off Livio’s “I—” with a “Good morning, Livio.” Livio quietly mumbles, “... Good morning...”

Vash sits up from the couch he was sleeping on and looks down, thinking, “... That’s right. I won’t wake up to you anymore... I have to get used to that...” End ID]

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #i just think. when theyre traveling for a long time together #sleeping in the same inns sleeping in the same rooms potentially as they get closer #realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 bedrooms if theyre comfortable fighting back to back #realizing they dont need to pay the fee for 2 beds after one night of being forced to sleep in same one since all the 2 beds rooms ran out #and being comfortable with it - and then after their feelings are shared #realizing theyd rather sleep and rest peacefully next to one another #and wake up slowly and enjoy the mundane while they can #i drew ww waking up first bc i dont imagine he sleeps much tbh. i think vash is a light sleeper too and more often than not #and vash goes to bed just bc he knows if he tries to leave ww would follow him #i also think vash never had someone stand guard for him before even if that isnt what he wants out of ww to do. but knowing that ww is #there means that he can actually sleep peacefully without worry that someones going to drop on him immediately. i think he'd get used tothat #and ww -- as he opens his heart more to vash -- gets comfortable staying in bed a little longer #sleeps a little better -- especially when they start to share a bed bc there's a warmth there that he can't help but cave into #bc he hasn't had that in a long time.#ruporas art

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fox-guardian · 2 months

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[ID: A digital comic of Sam and Celia from The Magnus Protocol and Danny from The Magnus Archives on a gray background. Everyone is colored in a single color. Sam is red, Celia is green, and Danny is yellow. Sam is a fat Arab man with short curly dark hair, a mustache, and a small goatee, and he is wearing small black earrings, a cardigan, a turtleneck, trousers and loafers. Celia is a slim Korean woman with short dark hair and she is wearing rectangular glasses, piercings including an industrial piercing, an x-shaped earring, and snakebites, a button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a vest, trousers, and black wrist cuffs. Danny is a tall, beefy Latino man with short hair, a cut in his brow, and a "cat mouth" and he is wearing small hoop earrings and a waiter uniform including an apron and name tag.

Sam and Celia sit at a table looking tired. Sam is resting his chin on his hand and Celia has her fingers steepled.

Sam: We'll NEVER get what we need without this specific thing and/or connection. WHATEVER will we DO?

Danny appears holding a notepad and pen, shrugging sheepishly and smiling with flowers around his head. Sam and Celia sit up, smiling at him excitedly with their hands in the air

Danny: UM, I might just know a guy! Sam: Our regular waiter, Danny Stoker! Celia: You ALWAYS have what we need! Danny: HAHA, what can I say?

end ID]

~~~~

rusty quill i have a suggestion

#fg's art #the magnus protocol #tmagp #samama khalid #celia ripley #danny stoker #tim stoker tuesday #feat danny #HEAR ME OUT OKAY #listen. listen. danny has hobbies. a lot of weird niche hobbies. i imagine he knows a lot of people even if he himself can't help them out #it would come in handy!! and it would be fun!!#and if they're bringing other magnus people in why not danny??#he'd be fresh and funky in an arguably better way than the tmagp versions of tma characters since we didn't have much to go off of anyway #please please im begging i love him so much #(obviously this isn't a serious plea to rq im just. Hoping. hoping and coping.)#(.... unless? 👀)

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cinnamelle · 1 month

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i would die, and without regret i'd offer up my life because i'm a SOLDIER

#ffvii #ffvii remake #ffvii rebirth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #cloud strife #my art #i spent many hours on his hair i can't even #too many tags i'm pretty sure i forgot some but who cares ( me )#when you have art block just draw chocoboy cloud #if you see me fix something. it's your imagination.

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ryllen · 2 months

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#twst #twisted wonderland #sebek zigvolt #okay but DAMN??? THIS RESONATES so well with how they have been interacted with each other???? I ACTUALLY FEEL TOUCHED *SNIFF* *SOBS*#IT'S VERY UNLIKELY but i can't stop imagining SEBEK SINGING IT NOW especially the I HATE I HATE I HATE PART SO HIM AUGHH THANK YOUU??????#lilia vanrouge #kalim al asim #cater diamond #light music club #fanart #GOD LOOK HOW GOOD HE LOOKS WITH LIGHT MUSIC CLUB #he might not even need microphone BCS HE IS SO LOUD ALREADY #BUT DANG #i mean it could be that the mic is not even ON HFSHDH bcs the club member just wisely thought so #look at this boy having his clothes and hair set up by the club members #HE LOOKS SO GOOD AND YOUNG #MUCH YOUTH #AUGHHHH...............#THE MUSIC CLUB LOOKS SO CHEERFUL AS WELL IT LOOKS SO FUUUNNN AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!#who knows who knows lilia worked on his influence 'magic' to get sebek to do thiss #augghhh i can dreeammmmmmm

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zarla-s · 3 months

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The “I’m not stuck in here with you, you’re stuck in here with me” challenge

Make a playlist of the worst and most annoying songs you have. Downloading new songs for this challenge doesn’t count, these have to be songs you already have and listen to regularly. Novelty songs that are meant to be annoying or terrible also don’t count (The Most Unwanted Song, Markie’s Diary, deliberately bad singing, etc.). Something like Dancemania Christmas Speed counts although it should be broken into individual tracks for maximum shuffle potential. Nothing longer than 5 minutes.

Get in a car with a bunch of people.

Get the aux cord.

Start your playlist on shuffle.

The first person to skip a song or ask to skip a song loses. If someone else is also playing, you then switch to their awful playlist.

Alternate endurance mode:

Each song successfully played through earns the listeners a point.

The first person to skip a song or ask to skip a song loses a point.

The game lasts until you get to where you’re going. The person with the most points at the end wins. If it’s a tie then... idk, congratulate each other.

What would you put on your playlist? 👀 If you play this game with me you will almost certainly lose btw.

#go to bed zar #i have terrible songs you can't even imagine

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gvalesdraws · 9 months

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i started watching critrol!

#i want to steal his gender so much you can't even imagine #im on 15th episode and apparently have brainrot #critical role #critical role fanart #the mighty nein #the mighty nein fanart #mollymauk tealeaf #print is available

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brawlite · 29 days

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i posted about this on twitter with the comment of "lol, lmao, even," but i got this silly comment on ao3 yesterday:

and i'm sure there's something to be said about hate comments and bait like this, but all i can think of is: the peerless cucumber energy of it all,

#and if it comes down to me vs. someone else i'd rather receive these comments than someone else who might be bothered by them #but also the tendency to be mean to a total stranger is just so baffling to me #like just... why?#embracing vitriol and hate can't be good for your mental health i imagine #but also really just: lol lmao even

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wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt · 6 months

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I will never recover from the knowledge that thymoma generally has a very high survival rate, and in most cases that it becomes fatal, the patient has unknowingly lived with the cancer for years. There's a chance that Wilson was sick for half the series and didn't even know it.

#I'm just imagining House looking back at the last few years in horror thinking about the possibility that Wilson had been sick all along #I can see it leading to him feeling like all of their memories are tainted #House definitely blames himself as well even though it was never in his control #I can't imagine how much his already extreme self-hatred was amplified #And he probably looked back at all the mistakes he made and all the fights they had and realizing that -#- while they were having all these fights that now seem so trivial that Wilson was probably sick #They wasted all that time unknowingly with Wilsons cancer slowly progressing as they argued and fought #It makes me want to cry #I'm not a doctor and I know this obviously isn't always the case but from what research I've done this seems the be the standard mostly #house md #house #greg house #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #wilson #housemd #favs #favourites

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radiance1 · 3 months

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Cha know that space whale au that was made because of @puppetmaster13u calling Danny a space whale in a tag on a post they made?

Yea so I'm thinking of that again.

Now, hear me out. Instead of there being an active alien invasion happening when they arrived, they're faced with a completely calm looking Earth that looks about the same as Danny remembers.

Not that Vlad would remember, considering his time spent in the void where he forgot basically everything.

Of course, this giant whale does NOT go unnoticed by the people living on Earth and especially the Justice League.

They manage to make their ways onto Earth without being stopped by the Justice League, however. Suddenly, there was a giant whale that could clearly be seen from space with the human eye, and just as suddenly there was absolutely nothing there anymore.

Of course, it caused widespread panic, calls to the government for them to do something about this and especially multiple people asking the Justice League to explain whatever the hell that was.

Was it a new enemy? Another insanely powerful being hellbent on taking over the Earth? Maybe a scout?

Nobody knows anything, and that makes it worse. The Justice League are currently looking around for information, spearheaded by a highly paranoid Batman.

And I do like @bet-on-me-13's take that they lived in Atlantis before it sunk!

So imagine this, Danny and Vlad turn into their human forms (Which probably don't have human legs since they can't remember how to use those) and they try to find their old home. Danny? Is suuuuper excited about this, because he hasn't been home for a really long time and he knows that he's missed so much!

Even Vlad finds himself curious, his memories and (most of) his emotions eroded away by the void. But Danny says that this was his home before he became touched by the void, he's heard stories of what he used to be and that he greatly loved a certain team so he's a bit curious.

So, ancient space whale and void touched being goes towards where space whale believes- knows their home should have been.

Only to find nothing but water.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #space whale danny #void touched vlad #I imagine they can't use human legs functionally anymore after spending so long without them #Especially Vlad #He probably doesn't even remember he had a form different from now #He probably just copied Danny when he turned into a more human one lol #Honestly Danny probably looks like a merman and Vlad looks like an octopus version :3

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fashionsfromhistory · 9 months

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Evening Dress

Jeanne Hallée

1901-1905

The MET (Accession Number: C.I.50.40.4a, b)

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petricorah · 1 year

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zuko alone pt 2

lovingly inspired by this [ids in alt]

#zuko #sokka #zukka #zukka fanart #myart #sokka leaving aka the light in zukos life leaving #i imagine this is right before a confession but something happens and sokka decides to go home permanently and they both can't say how they #feel even though it's almost understood because it's too painful #when i first drafted this sokka's hair wasn't nearly as long but then i got carried away because of canon long haired sokka #after i drafted this i actually came up with a longer form one that's more faithful to the inspiration so maybe i'll do that someday.#where they're actually dating already but the love just. isn't enough for their duty #drawing sokka without his necklace is weird. like he's nakey #sokka fanart #atla fanart #atla #avatar the last airbender #can this be divorced zukka if they were never together? tagging anyway in case people have angst blocked #divorced zukka

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yuwuta · 2 days

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hi 👋 bsf upstaging bf with choso???

ok i’ve gotten asks for pretty much every other jjk boy on this subject and i want to say something as an overarching theme: all of them ain’t shit. not a single one of them. there’s a scale, some (gojo) are worse than others, but in general, none of them really give a fuck, if that means upstaging, sabotaging, or straight up kicking your boyfriend to the curb so that they can be your boyfriend instead then so be it. but they’re not shit, NONE OF THEM!! but there is a hierarchy and different methods of execution and all that, so here’s where they stand

president and ceo of not being shit: satoru gojo

why would satoru care about your boyfriend? in any and all universes, he is raised in a world where consequences mean nothing to him. so what if he’s a little rude to this guy? so what if he buys you a ridiculously expensive birthday gift that might be seen as romantic? so what if he offers to take you on a vacation that happens to overlap with your boyfriend’s birthday? the worst that will happen to satoru is nothing; the world bends to his whims, never the other way around.

it’s a combination of complete self-confidence + trust in you + getting joy out of bothering people that earns him this number one spot. he’s confident in every sense of the word, so he doesn’t see your boyfriend as a threat. even if satoru didn’t love you romantically, he wouldn’t see a boyfriend as a threat to your friendship either, because he has no doubts in himself—and to the second point, he doesn’t have any in you either: you’ve proven your loyalty to satoru, proven that even when he pisses you off, you still love him, even when you’re dating somebody else, you still make time for him, even when he’s being shitty and stubborn, you don’t kick him to the curb, you just pinch his ear and bring him back down to earth. he’s always chosen you, but you’ve always chosen him, too, so again, what’s to fear when a boyfriend is added to the equation? nothing, because satoru knows this guy can’t earn or replace the loyalty you’ve given him.

and to top it all off, he likes watching your bf grind his teeth. he likes watching this guy have to hold his breath, because what can he say without sounding like an ass—he won’t ask you to tell satoru to fuck off because he hasn’t done anything wrong. treating your best friend to fancy dinners and exotic getaways and designer clothes is just nice when you have money—your bf would be pretty shitty to deny you that. and he’d sound insecure, too. and satoru knows your bf doesn’t have the balls to confront him, and even if he did he’d lose. it’d be embarrassing. so, satoru wins. he always wins. satoru engages in psychological warfare, and he has the physical strength, social power, and financial security to back it up, so he, literally, can never lose. and, sure, having your bf around is annoying, but it’s so much fun to watch other people lose that he lets the guy stick around for a while. you’ll get tired of him and run back to satoru eventually, and he’ll confess this time… hopefully.

vice president: kento nanami

if you expected kento to be lower on this list, think again, because he is just as bad. he’s only second place because he’s not as overt, nor does he wish to actually taunt your boyfriend like satoru would. for kento, you’re just his number one priority. you always have been, ever since you came into his life; it was confusing at first, for him to care so much about you beyond an objective sense of responsibility, but overtime he came to realize that he way he wants to take care of you is different. he doesn’t just want to ensure your comfort and safety physically, he wants to make sure you’re taken care of emotionally, he wants to bear your burdens for you, not just help you through them.

kento is a good friend, a trusted confidant, a reliable person overall, and over the years, he’s inadvertently raised your standards. casual situationships and relationships where you’re not the priority become unappealing when you’ve had someone by your side for so long who’s treated you better than that. if your best friend can buy you flowers, and make reservations at new restaurants, and drive an hour to pick you up in the rain, and cook for you when you’re feeling sick, then why would you tolerate anything less in a romantic partner? these things are the bare minimum to kento, but most other men fall far below average; it’s hard for them to compete where they cannot compare.

so when you do accept a partner, kento is skeptical at best. he knows that what he does for the people in his life isn’t necessarily special, but he doubts that your boyfriend is capable of doing even that—and even if he does meet the standards, he’ll be outclassed anyway. because kento is a good person, but he’ gotten really good at how to be good to you. your boyfriend might get you flowers, but kento already knows your favorites. your boyfriend might send chocolates, but he doesn’t know which ones you’re allergic to, and the brand you prefer; kento does, which is why the ones he bought for you are gone within the week, and the generic box sent over by your boyfriend was re-gifted to satoru. when you voice your doubts about a date your boyfriend mentioned wanting to plan, kento feigns interest, and then innocence when he asks if you’re busy a few days later, if you’d like to help him bake something instead—something he knows you’d much rather do. the short version is—kento knows you, and he uses it to his advantage. he uses the knowledge gained during your friendship to outclass anybody in your dating pool, and he does it so smoothly that it hardly seems intentional or harmful, but it is. which is why he’s just as bad, if not worse, than satoru.

treasurer: megumi fushiguro

there’s actually no au in which megumi isn’t shit because no matter how you square it, he gets it from his daddy. whether he’s raised by just satoru, just toji, or some au where he has them both in his life—the common denominator is that they’re there. if megumi ever did confide in either of them about hating your boyfriend, both satoru and toji would offer the same advice: “can’t you just get rid of him? what’s he got on you?” which is absolutely not how you should parent a child...

megumi might have his doubts about his personality, but he’s never been insecure about his appearance. it’s hard to be when he looks like that, but also when he’s had either toji or satoru (or god forbid, both) in his ear his entire life. he might have some fucked up attachment issues and skepticisms about the general population, but he has a very secure view of himself. so, to start, he’s not impressed by your boyfriend, and is honestly a little offended that you think this guy is objectively more attractive, or that you’re more romantically/sexually attracted to him that you are to megumi—or even, any of your other friends. he’d rather you start dating nobara or yuuji, at least he could live with that because those are pretty people, but your choice in boyfriends… he’s not trying to be mean but you could do better. you’ve done better.

secondly, megumi…. doesn’t care about him. at all. he’s not like satoru in that it brings him happiness to tease your boyfriend, he’s not like kento in that he skews your standards in his favor to nudge your boyfriend out of the picture; megumi literally does not care if this guy lives or dies. your boyfriend could drop dead and megumi would be like damn… that’s crazy… and move on with his life. which is a wild view to have of your best friend’s partner; and it also drives said partner to madness because why the fuck won’t your childhood friend acknowledge his existence?? but again, megumi doesn’t care that his apathy towards your boyfriend bothers him—megumi doesn’t see him, doesn’t know him, doesn’t care to know him, and it drives a wedge in your relationship.

thirdly, megumi is, canonically, a bully to people he doesn’t like. if your boyfriend gets angered enough to the point of confronting megumi, or whining to you, then it’s inconsequential to megumi to hurt him, and he won’t hold back. also on the reverse side, if there was a situation in which your boyfriend was getting hurt or needed help, then megumi is not helping. he’d probably just watch, or join in.

after a while, megumi grows past apathy into exhaustion. he thinks you should do better, he thinks you should know better, he thinks he’s better. and he is. he’ll show you that. (also, he is most likely to try to seduce you into infidelity because he doesn’t care about your boyfriend, so you’re single to him).

first secretary of not giving a fuck: yuuji itadori

jealousy is something that yuuji used to feel guilty about, guilty enough to drive him to confiding in satoru/nanami about his feelings and seeking advice for how to deal with it, because he thought being jealous meant that he was being a bad friend to you. but neither of his mentors are shit, so yuuji learns to adopt the age old mantra: all is far in love and war.

he’s better than satoru in the sense that he doesn’t antagonize your boyfriend, he’s better than kento in the sense that he doesn’t outwardly outclass your boyfriend’s efforts, he’s better than megumi in the sense that he does care about people outside of his immediate circle of friends, and as long as your boyfriend is a human, then yuuji will care about his life; but in all other senses, yuuji is surprisingly neutral, and in some cases, actually worse.

yuuji has two things to his advantage that he absolutely abuses: his likability, and his strength. when it comes to likability, he can just play the friendly, nice guy card. wrapping his arm around your shoulder, twirling you around in a hug, pinching your cheeks, playing with your hair, laying on your lap—he’s just yuuji, he’s just being friendly, he’s just being nice. it’d be pretty shitty of your boyfriend to tell him to be meaner to you, no? ^.^ yuuji is also sneaky with this in that he uses it to say otherwise mean things under the guise of a friendly disguise, and people rarely think otherwise of it. (“it’s fine if you go to the club with us if your bf doesn’t want you to. it’s not like you’re gonna marry him” “are those boxes giving you trouble, man? not surprising, haha!” “you guys didn’t break up yet? aw... i mean... well, no i meant that, but come on, let’s take shots!” all said with a smile that looks like this 😇😇 on his face)

in terms of strength, it’s an unbeatable challenge for your boyfriend—because even if he gets pissed off at yuuji being too close to you, too affectionate with you, too sweet to you, what’s he gonna do? because he certainly can’t beat yuuji in a fight—he couldn’t even beat yuuji in a race, he couldn’t even beat yuuji at mario kart, so there’s nothing for your boyfriend to do but shutup and wallow.

second secretary: yuuta okkotsu

does he need an explanation… does mr. “how rude, this is pure love” need an explanation… does mr. “i will kill itadori yuuji myself” need an explanation… does mr. “i won’t let sensei kill his best friend again, [i’ll do it myself]” need an explanation… hasn’t he already proved himself as the single most loyal and contently insane person on the planet…

once you have yuuta’s loyalty, you have it forever. not even for life, because he’d find a way to transcend space and time to protect you in the next one. even if, for some reason, you didn’t want it anymore, you have it; yuuta’s love is final sale, no exchanges or returns. the only reason he’s not ranked to be worse than megumi or yuuji is because yuuta has one grave disadvantage: he is not normally confrontational, and is the definition of anxious LOL. he’d feel bad if he didn’t make an effort to get to know your boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean he has to like him...

yuuta might know that he has feelings for you, but he’s honestly content with a platonic relationship if that’s how you choose to express it towards him. if you want to be friends, then he’s your friend; your love is that pure and vital to him, that he takes it in whatever form he gets it. he’s desperate for you in a way that has him completely at your whim; he doesn’t need reciprocity to love you, just knowing you, and knowing you accept his love is more than enough. keeping him around as friend, keeping him in your life, keeping him in your mind—that’s all yuuta could truly ever want. so, even when you have a boyfriend, it stings a bit at first, but as long as you still have the same amount of room in your life for yuuta, then he won’t do any harm to this guy.

unless: (a) your boyfriend makes it difficult for yuuta to have access to you, (b) your boyfriend outrightly ticks yuuta off, or (c) the worst option, your boyfriend does something to hurt you or make you sad, then he’s off yuuta’s radar completely. he won’t confront, and he won’t intervene. but if any of those conditions are not met, even for a second, then your boyfriend is as good as gone and there’s little anyone, yourself included, can do to stop him.

honorable board members: choso kamo, toji fushiguro, toge inumaki

everything about choso is on sight. it takes one wrong move, the slightest misstep, even a breath out of place and he will end your relationship and your boyfriend’s life if he has to. choso does not play when it comes to the people he loves, he won’t stand for you being hurt or mistreated in any way. there’s no subtle psychological warfare, there’s no shovel talk, there’s no blame game: choso sees something wrong, and he takes it upon himself to correct it. your partners have one chance to treat you right, or they’ll wish they hadn’t met choso to begin with.

toji doesn’t really chase people, but you have always been the exception. he hates to admit it, but he’ll follow you anywhere you go, not caring for whoever else you decide to bring along. if the journey of your life is a car ride, toji always calls shotgun, and he doesn’t really care who else gets in the backseat, until they ask him to get out of his—then there’s a problem. and he’s never once felt bad about turning some guy into a hitchhiker.

the greater good should be thankful that toge takes a voluntary vow of silence, because if he said even half of the things that were on his mind, the world might, quite literally, be set on fire. toge doesn’t care—not like megumi, him not caring isn’t apathy towards the life or death of other people, he just doesn’t care what reaction his actions pull out of people. you’ve told him it’s annoying when he pinches your cheeks and steals your boba, but that won’t stop him from doing it, esp not when you look so cute when you’re angry. yeah, he knows people get annoyed by his pranks, but that’s whatever. he knows your boyfriend hates when toge’s around you, but he doesn’t care. if it brings toge joy, he’ll do it. honestly, even if it doesn’t bring him joy, he’ll do it because he wants to. he’s not immune to consequences like satoru, he simply doesn’t care about them! he’ll just deal with it, he’s got a high tolerance for it—your boyfriend, however, seems like a weakling, so toge will simply outlast him. he’s outlasted all the others :)

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