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azsazz · 3 months

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Midnight Muse (Part 15)

Azriel x Reader [Art School AU]

Summary: You and your best friend Feyre have just moved into a new apartment for your sophomore year of college at art school. What you didn't know when you signed the lease is that you'd be living next to three rowdy boys.

Warnings: Mentions of throwing up, doesn't actually happen.

Word Count: 4,008

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Masterlist]

Notes: ENJOY. Also, someone plz tell me they got tagged this time 😭

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Everything fucking hurts.

Your head is throbbing like someone is repeatedly hitting you with a hammer. You can’t even open your eyes because the dots of light in your vision are swimming in circles, and you’re pretty sure if you crack your eyes open and squint into the room you’ll surely lose the contents of your stomach, which is still mostly alcohol from last night.

You groan in agony because it’s the only thing you can do. Curling in further on yourself, you tug the covers up over your head, trying to block as much of the sun, creeping steadily in through the windows, as you can.

A deep inhale to try and ease your stomach brings along the scent of freshness; like night-chilled mist and cedar. The smell is so perfectly balanced, familiar and fresh in your aching lungs that it almost lulls you back to sleep. It’s effortlessly masculine and with another luxurious inhale, your brain connects the scent to its familiarity. It’s the same as the soap you’d used when you were forced to stay the night at the apartment next door, while Feyre and Rhysand had been having their public nudy show in your living room.

You want to snuggle into it, wallow in its comfort all day, but your mind is quickly catching up to you, running that specific thought back a second time, but slower.

It smells like the same soap you’d used when you were at Azriel’s apartment after the rainstorm.

Your eyes snap open and your body jolts into an upright position that makes your stomach roil, shoving your head down between your knees.

Fuck. You drank way too much last night.

You blink away the bleariness, the dizziness from your vision, staring down at your lap. You’re still wearing the clothes you’d ambled over to Cassian’s party in, and the fabric sticks to your skin uncomfortably. You feel like shit all around, sick from the alcohol, dirty from the night spent dancing and sweating, and you’re pretty sure your breath smells like you’d licked the floor of the local dive bar.

Another blink brings the sheets into focus, certainly ones that are not yours. These are a deep charcoal color, softer and smoother than anything you’ve ever touched. The thread count must be in the thousands. The mattress beneath your aching body feels like a cloud, and all of the effort that went into curating such a lovely bed surely shouldn’t be wasted.

You’re impressed for all of a few seconds until you lift your head and realize where you are.

Azriel’s room.

It’s easy to tell because your memories of last night slowly roll in like flipping through pages of your sketchbook.

“Look,” Cassian grunts as you stumble again and he has to put you on your feet again. He’s faring slightly better than you right now, but only because there are women to flirt with. “I know our friendship is still kind of new, but if you keep hanging all over me like this you’re going to scare away the ladies.”

You can’t help but to laugh. It feels good, so good that your chest aches with it. Your cheeks are red with drink, and Cassian hasn’t ever seen you grinning so much.

It kind of scares him.

“Where are your keys?” he continues, his hands warm on your hips where he’s trying to keep you from falling flat on your face. Maybe that last shot you’d taken together had been one too many. “Can I pat down your pockets?”

“I know you wanna feel me up, Cass,” you slur playfully, and his name sounds snake-like, with the way you drag out the S.

“Of course I do, (Y/N), any man would be stupid not to want you,” he comments but his words don’t register because the floor is slipping out from under your feet again.

“Feyre has the keys,” you hiccup. Then, “Are we on a roller coaster? The room is spinning.”

Cassian curses, poking his head out of the crowd to search for your missing roommate. She’s with Rhys, no doubt, but he doesn’t see them in the mass of bodies crowding his apartment. What he does see are a lot of disappointed, single women.

He gestures to you and then slices his hand under his chin in a cutting motion, signaling that he’s not with you, even though you’ve wilted against his chest, rubbing your cheek into the soft fabric of his shirt. Cassian watches his message land, their eyes sparkling in intrigue again, and he doesn’t care, he needs to get you somewhere safe so he can take that pretty brunette and her friend to his room.

The safest place in the apartment he knows is Azriel’s room.

“Oh my fucking Gods,” you groan, holding your head when your curse rings in your ears. Of course you’re in Azriel’s room, because you’re fated to end up in situations that will make him hate you even more.

Slowly, you shove the blankets away, slipping your legs over the edge of the bed. The good news is, you feel like you’ve slept for a hundred hours. The other good thing is that you didn’t throw up anywhere in his room that you can see, or smell.

The bad news is that you don’t know where Azriel is.

But at least he’s not currently here to witness you rising from the dead.

Blindly, you reach for you phone, patting across the table next to the bed. In the back of your throat sits a lump that you consciously work to swallow down. Later, you might regret not purging the rest of the sickness from your body, but the last place you want to do that is here, in Azriel’s room. What the fuck did you end up drinking last night? You remember the flaming shots and Cassian throwing out a partygoer who looked awfully familiar.

Then there had been Mor, who had told you all about Rhysand growing up over a few drinks. The longer Cassian had forced the two of you to talk, presumably so he could sneak off to flirt with girls while you were distracted with each other, the more Rhysand’s cousin seemed to relax. Those cutting looks had turned from pinning you to your spot to glaring at any of the girls who came up to the both of you to ask about the hosts of the party.

Mor’s stories had you seeing your roommate’s boyfriend in a different light. And the embarrassing ones were even better. Like the one time they had gone sledding down the slope of Mor’s family home in Colorado. It had been a steep incline and they’d been warned many times not to go down there, but the fresh snow had been all too tantalizing not to.

Their punishment had been to walk back up the hill to the house, and when they were small the trek felt like it was ten thousand steps high. And they had to carry their sleds behind them. Rhysand had thrown up halfway and Mor had gotten sick from the tears of laughter streaming down her face afterwards.

Cassian’s words cut through the smile trying to sluice across your face. Azriel had said something about a date. Your stomach revolts but you don’t know why. The thought of Azriel missing out on one of Cassian’s parties doesn’t seem out of character for the broody man, but going on a date? This is the first you’ve heard about Azriel doing so. You know much more than you’d like to know about his roommates’ sexual lives, but you didn’t think Azriel was even open to going out. You don’t know why you care.

You don’t.

It doesn’t sound as convincing as it may have once been.

He’s ridiculously attractive, so why wouldn’t he be going on dates? He probably has a plethora of phone numbers from girls begging to go out with him. So many that it makes your teeth grind at the thought.

Your fingers connect with your phone and your head throbs at the brightness of your screen, rivaling the sun’s rays spearing through the blinds.

And then you see the time.

“Shit,” you curse, scrambling for the shoes someone had kindly taken off for you. They’re piled at the foot of the bed.

You’re late for class.

Gods, you don’t remember the last time you drank like this. Must have been sometime last year because even with all the wine you’d consumed during your pottery painting with Feyre, Cassian, and Rhysand, you hadn’t felt this badly. This is a next level hangover.

You brace yourself when your hand lands on the doorknob to his room. There’s a lock and it’s flipped shut, so you turn it back carefully, breathing a sigh of relief when the click is quiet.

You freeze in your tracks, breath catching in your throat when you slide the door open.

Azriel is lying on the couch, his body splayed out in a long line. His shirt has risen from where he’s lifted his arm, resting it over his eyes to block the sun coming in through the windows, revealing the cut of his hips. There’s two tattoos painted on the skin that you hadn’t noticed the other night, a pair of feathered wings lining the defining muscle of his hips.

You lick your lips before realizing that in the quiet of the apartment, Azriel is fast asleep. The steady rise and fall of his chest helps give him away. That, and the fact that he’s not snarking at you or shooting daggers in your direction.

It’s your saving grace.

The coffee table shoved in front of the couch is littered with cups and rolling paper wrappers, alcohol spilled across its surface. You have no idea how the glass tabletop has survived the rowdy part unscathed, because you’re pretty sure there was one point in the night where you saw a girl standing on top of it, readying herself to fall into the crowd of people congregated in the living room.

The floor is much the same, and you feel like you’re walking a minefield as you tiptoe around questionable puddles and garbage. The stench of alcohol in the air makes your head spin, your stomach protesting and you press a hand to it, trying to comfort the ache.

You escape the apartment without waking Azriel, breathing a sigh of relief that has the remainders of your final drink swimming up your throat.

You make a run for your apartment next door, and thankfully, Feyre answers your knocking.

You don’t like the knowing look she’s wearing, but she doesn’t pester you while you make a break for the bathroom.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Surprisingly, it doesn’t take you long to get ready for class.

You’d told Feyre to go on ahead without you when she had knocked softly on the door while you had your head in the toilet, but the sound still clanged through your head like a gong. She was going to get coffee with Rhysand before class and asked if you wanted anything, to which you gratefully accepted.

Even though you have plans to meet Lucien at the coffeehouse for a drink, you need something now or you’re afraid that you won’t make it through the day.

As badly as you want to go and be a hermit in bed all day, you don’t want to miss your classes. Alis is bringing in another model and grading what you come up with in class, and you don’t want to be docked points for missing out.

Your other class for the day is Art History, and you need to show up to be able to drink in as much of the different styles of art as possible.

Dressing quickly, your clothes stick to your freshly-showered skin. You shove a baseball cap over your hair because while you had the time to wash your body, your hair had been left neglected until later tonight.

Slinging your backpack over your shoulder, you snag your sketchbook from your desk, shoving all of the loose papers hanging out the edges inside. It’s a haphazard job at best, but you’re already running too late for your liking, and you can organize them later.

Like as you wait for the Gods-awful elevator your apartment building has.

The queasiness in your stomach has gone down but the piece of toast you’d forced yourself to eat threatens to come right back up when you spot Azriel, his own backpack slung over his shoulder, waiting for the elevator.

You can still turn around and hide away, there’s definitely still time to—of course he’s turning around at the sound of your approaching footsteps.

His golden eyes glitter with amusement and you can’t shove away the shiver that slides down your spine like a paint filled brush as he trails you from head to toe.

“Sleep well?” He asks gruffly, and the sound of his voice makes your knees weak. Tripping on your next step, your sketchbook goes flying from your hands, spilling the loose papers you’d just stuffed in there everywhere.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you can hear Azriel curse in surprise, but you feel the hot mortification slicing through your body. There are sketches of his hands fluttering to the ground. Ones you had drawn while working on your last project for Alis’ class, the one where you drew Leonardo’s Study of Hands. Azriel’s had been your inspiration, and there’s sketches of them in all sorts of poses, some more promiscuous than others, and you’re completely fucking mortified.

You drop to your knees, face burning red as you scoop the papers closer to you, praying that he doesn’t see. Azriel’s already crouching down with you, helping gather some of the drawings, and the fact that this is the first time he’s ever seen any of your work is overshadowed by the fact that there’s a piece of thick drawing paper right next to his boot. It’s creased from its fall, half of it turned up at an angle. You can see the wavy lines you’d tried so hard to recreate from memory. If he picks that up and looks at it you will have to transfer schools.

“Don’t touch that,” you almost screech when his fingers close around the edge of the paper. You watch it in slow motion, the clench of his jaw, the way that his eyes flick down to his hands, marred flesh fully on display. Oh Gods, you think you might throw up all over again. He thinks you mean that you don’t want him to touch your things because of his fucking hands. Your throat tightens, heart beating so fast in your chest that you’re sure it’s going to burst through your skin. Quickly, trying to rectify yourself, you plead, “No.” Your voice cracks around the lump forming but you shove past it. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Azriel’s face is tight as he stands. You scramble, collecting your papers into your arms. He towers over you, even standing, and you don’t like the flicker of muscle in his jaw because he’s clenching his teeth so hard.

You don’t like the shadows writhing through the gold of his eyes, molten with anger.

He hands out the papers he’s picked up and an apology is on the tip of your tongue. Reaching out, you’re just about to grasp them, croak out a thank you, when Azriel drops them.

You watch them flutter to the ground again. The elevator dings and the doors squeal open, but you can’t stop staring at the paper on the ground now. You swallow hard, the mortification bubbling into annoyance.

Azriel’s boots twist in your vision and he enters the elevator without another word.

Your eyes prickle but you don’t know why. The breaths you’re releasing through your nose to keep calm are harsh and shaky. Like Azriel’s hands. You need to go to class, and he can fuck off now.

You dip down and snatch the papers from the hall floor, not caring if they get crumpled in your haste. The doors of the elevator begin wheeling shut but you slip through before they can shut completely, trapping you inside with Azriel.

The tiny, metal box that grinds down the elevator shaft is filled to the brim with tension. You can feel the stiffness wafting off of Azriel’s body, though he’s leaning against the wall like he doesn’t have a care in the world, head currently buried in his phone.

Your anger emits in waves, and you feel like you’re drowning in it. What you had said came out the wrong way. You had in no way meant it in the way that you didn’t want his hands touching your work, but the way you’d seen Azriel go preternaturally still, something flash in his eyes, still makes you sick to your stomach. You want to cry, because they’re not tainted in the least. If anything, his hands are the most beautiful hands you’ve ever seen, imperfect yet so, so perfect.

Of course he had retaliated in the way that he did. You would’ve misconstrued the comment as well, but there’s an itch on your side that tells you he didn’t have to react like that, throwing your papers back to the ground. Another misunderstanding between the two of you.

You open your mouth to speak, but there’s a screeching that’s more horrible than it usually is, and the elevator is jerking to a grinding halt.

You stumble a little, and Azriel steadies you before removing his hands just as quickly. His brows are pinched and the lights in the tiny space flicker before going out completely.

“What the fuck?” You question, pitched higher because of your nerves. You’re stuck, the elevator has stopped working and you’re stuck in it with Azriel. “Oh my Gods, we’re trapped!”

Azriel grunts, punching the buttons on the door. An emergency light flickers on, casting the metal box in a low, fluorescent light. Nothing that he’s doing works, and you’re officially beginning to freak out.

You watch Azriel try to pry the doors open, but even with the bulging of his biceps he’s no match for the metal jaws of death.

Throwing a look over his shoulder, he says, “What are you standing around for, princess? Call the fire department or something.”

“Right,” you respond weakly, pulling your attention from his muscular form. The dispatch is nice about it, sending someone your way and all you have to do is stay calm and await assistance. “Thanks, “ you reply to her, hanging up the phone and turning back to Azriel. “So we wait.”

He looks like he wants to ask more questions, but he nods instead, sinking down and making himself comfortable against the wall. Looking up at you expectantly, you sigh, dropping your bag from your shoulder and collapsing to the floor across from him.

His legs are so long they nearly stretch across the entire elevator, and you can’t help but follow the path back to his eyes, glowing as he watches you. You avert your gaze as quickly as possible.

You don’t know how long it will take for the fire department to get here, so you shoot a quick text to Feyre with your predicament, letting her know that you won’t be able to make it to class and to give your coffee away. Then you send a sad emoji because you really, really needed that caffeine.

Across from you, Azriel’s phone buzzes. He reads it, and then his eyes flicker up to yours in a glare.

“Cassian seems to think that this is funny,” he says, and you don’t know why the deep timber of his voice feels like fingers brushing across your skin. “Why did you tell them?”

“I texted Feyre,” you huff defensively. Crossing your arms over your chest, you level him with your own glare. “I don’t control who she tells.”

Azriel rolls his eyes, shutting off his screen.

It’s silent for a long time. There are no sounds coming from outside of the elevator, and you wonder if anyone has even noticed that it’s trapped. The godsdamned thing takes so long to arrive at any floor that you think most patrons take the stairs now, or give in when the elevator of doom never reached their floor.

“I’m sorry,” you blurt, mostly to break the silence. Azriel raises a straight brow and you flush. Sheepishly, you continue. “I didn’t mean what I said in the hall like that. I just—I didn’t want you to see my sketches.”

It’s the most you can give him without spilling the truth of exactly what the drawings were.

Azriel’s jaw works, and it looks like he’s contemplating something important, with the way he’s assessing you. Maybe he’s trying to read if you’re telling the truth, if your apology is sincere or not. The intensity of his eyes makes you want to pull your hat down over your own face to hide it from sight.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” He surprises you by asking.

Your lips part in shock. “What?”

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” He asks again, because he doesn't know how he can word the question any differently.

The question throws you. Azriel’s ignored your apology, and instead he’s asking what you’re doing tomorrow night? Has the elevator getting stuck somehow transported you into the Twilight Zone? Is this even really Azriel sitting here with you?

“Um…nothing?” you respond, and he quirks a brow.

“Is that a question or an answer, princess?”

“An answer. I’m doing nothing. Why?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, tipping his head back to rest against the wall, as if he’s contemplating even finishing his question. He looks ever the picture of nonchalance, but what you can’t see is the way he’s curling his fingers to stop their trembling, the rapid beating of his heart.

“I’m having an exhibition tomorrow night. Would you like to join me?”

What? You’re even more dumbfounded now than if that had been the end of the conversation. An exhibition? Tomorrow night? And he’s asking you of all people?

“Who are you and what have you done with my douchebag neighbor?” you ask, shifting in your spot.

A wry smile cracks his mouth and it makes your heart flutter. “Still here, princess.”

Your mouth twists sourly at the nickname. “Let me get this straight. You want me to go to an exhibition with you tomorrow night?”

“Yes,” Azriel nods, agreeing with the echo of his words you’ve just replayed back to him.

“Why don’t you ask your roommates to go with you?”

“They don’t know about it.”

Huh. You don’t know why Azriel wouldn’t invite Cassian or Rhysand to an exhibition he’s having. Well, you could see Cassian wreaking havoc and drinking too much champagne, but Rhys? It seems like the perfect spot for someone like him.

You mull it over, analyzing him. Azriel waits patiently as you study his eyes. The gold is bright under these lights, looking like two golden bars of sun. He’s never been easy to read, and even right now, as you’re trying with all of your might, you can’t find any flicker of anything that tells you this may be a joke.

You tut, crossing your arms over your chest to stop yourself from wringing your fingers in your lap. “Why me?”

“No one better to go with than someone I’m not trying to impress,” Azriel answers seriously. And, he has a point there. You won’t have to hold back from telling him your honest opinion of his work.

You hope that he’s terrible at art, but you have a feeling he’s anything but.

“That doesn’t give me a lot of time to find something to wear.”

His eyes flash and you wish you knew why.

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s not a no.”

Azriel nods, and that’s that. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at eight, then.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Midnight Muse Taglist: @going-through-shit @honeycriess @natashachelsea @thisisew @kennedy-brooke @cat-or-kitten @sourapplex @magical-mischief-makers @reiincarnatiion @ccucumbers @secret-ly-here @throneofsmut @cami26cami @torchbearerkyle @a-frog-with-a-laptop @sevikas-whore @endless-worldss @vellichor01 @bangtans-jagiya @kalulakunundrum @pinksmellslikelove @sakurafrost3-blog @imxnotxhere @bookishbroadwaybish @justdreamstars @i-am-infinite @whichwitchisthebitch @i-am-a-lost-girl16 @sia-r

If you are not being tagged, please make sure that your account can be tagged, you can do this by going to “account settings -> general settings -> mentions -> who can mention (your username)”

#midnight muse #tattoo artist!azriel #artist!azriel #art school au #acotar #azsazz #acomaf #acowar #azriel #azriel x reader #azriel/reader #azriel au

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sumiink · 6 months

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Ectober 2023

Ngl, art block hit hard this year at the worst time possible and I only got 6 done. BUT I like what i did do and I'll try again next year. And it was fun to see everyone else's work too!

Individual pictures and their prompts under cut:

Day 4: Zombies

Day 25: Will-o-wisps

Day 26: Students start to go missing. At the same time, the Guys in White go quiet.

Day 27: Blood blossoms weren’t named for their blood red color. They were named for the liquid they fed on.

Day 28: It’s not an obsession if he can keep it under control, right?

Day 5: Masquerade

#ectober #ectoberweek 2023 #event #dp #danny phantom #my art #tw blood #wait am i starting to actually develop a style???

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

Note

AITA for trying to block evade?

This happened several years ago, so I'll put the ages that we were at the time.

I [17F at the time], had an extremely close friend [17F] of 3+ years, and I still haven't found any kind of friendship that came close to the level of trust / openness that was there. So some of this backstory ranges from 14yrs to 17yrs.

My home was abusive, and she and her mom helped me figure out what was rational vs irrational, normal vs not normal, and pointing out local resources to get help - which was absolutely amazing and I could not thank them enough.

She invited me to her house pretty regularly, a couple times a week. We'd have hours of skype calls. She got me roped into Undertale & the fandom. Well, not that we really interacted with the fandom at large. We only publically posted some of the art and barely got noticed haha. Between the two of us, we had something like 26 AUs and had a lot of rp with multiverse shenanigans - like over 1200+ pages of google docs rp, because that's where we did like 90% of it. After we hit like 100-200 pages, we'd make a new doc so it wouldn't take so long to load. And we had like, at least like 9 docs I think. I was mostly in it for her, because it was really fun to just make up stories together. I could've done it with any fandom she threw at me, undertale is just the one that was popular at the time.

At one point, I think when we were around 16, I asked her if she wanted to start dating. She said something along the lines of maybe in the future, but not right now - she wanted to focus on school. Even though she declined at the time, she did say she appreciated me asking and that it meant a lot to her. And there were 0 hard feelings about the answer, we just kept on going the way we were going.

She got hit with a really bad level of depression, and stopped coming to school. After 2-3 days, I started calling her every day around lunch time just to check in on her and see how she was doing. See if there was anything I could do to help - bring some snacks, catch her up on classwork for the couple classes we shared, stuff like that. This was for couple months. More than just a mental health day, and the only reason she gave was Depression.

After a week or two of the daily calls, there was probably an aspect of toxic positivity on my end. Like "You gotta Do Something to avoid being trapped in your misery, even if it's just baby steps like sitting outside on the porch or going on a walk down the block" Not maliciously, but more out of not knowing how to handle a situation like this & genuinely wanting to help her because of all the help she's offered me in the past & fueled a little bit by fear because Depresssion is the excuse that my abusive parents used to justify their shitty behavior & neglect. Not because I was afraid of what she'd do to me, but more what she'd do to herself. That's one of the only things I could think where I went wrong, which I completely acknowledge and understand now.

She was still inviting me to her house, and we were still doing our normal thing there. Drawing and writing stories together.

After 4-5 weeks [? estimate, time is an illusion] of her not showing up to school, I can't remember if I asked if it was helpful or if she suggested that I stop calling every day. Calling every day was making her feel worse.

I did end up calling the next day or two at lunch - crossing the boundary was not my intent. We had planned to hang out on the weekend again, lunch is just when I remembered & had time to call to ask if she still wanted to hang out or if she wanted some space. I think she said yes to hanging out, didn't mention anything about crossing the boundary. Same with the next day - there was something I needed to ask clarification on, it wasn't a check in, nothing was mentioned of the boundary. I can't remember what it was now. This is another one of the places where I think I went wrong, which I acknowledge & understand.

I did stop the check ins like requested though. After those two off days, I did stop calling her every day at lunch.

She finished out the school year having shown up to class maybe 3ish times, I think.

Again, we were still hanging out regularly. There was no indication that I was doing anything wrong, there was no indication that anything I was doing was wrong. She was still the one inviting me to hang out at least half the time.

There were some problems that I was noticing that I just wanted to have a casual chat about and figure out, but she kept pushing it off as a "I don't have the energy right now, we can talk about it later" and we'd go back to the fun things. I don't really remember what those problems were.

In the summer, I went to a different state to visit my older sister that I hadn't seen in years. I talked to her about it, I was excited for it. We were still chatting regularly during my trip over skype or discord.

And then, during my trip that I was so excited about, she drops this bombshell. She sends me several massive messages detailing out a bullet point list of everything I've done wrong, that she's explicitly breaking off the friendship, and blocks me. 95% of things on that list either flat weren't true, or gross misunderstandings of what happened.

It was genuinely horrible things too.

For example, one of the things on the list was "Suicide baiting" or "Suicide guilt tripping" or something along those lines, which had happened several months if not a year before this. -I've only ever communicated feeling acutely suicidal to her 1 time. -Long before that, she made me promise that if I ever felt suicidal that I was supposed to immediately talk to her about it, for her own peace of mind so she wouldn't worry about me. -I reached a point of feeling acutely suicidal due to abuse at home & general existential dread, that happened to be during a time we had an issue.

I purposefully waited until after the issue was resolved, like 2 weeks, before telling her. I did that specifically so it would not be taken as a guilt trip or a form of coercion while still holding as true as I could to my promise. She made me promise to tell her, it was something very important to her. I made very clear to say "this is something I experienced a couple weeks ago due to unrelated things, it is resolved now, I got help through xyz means and genuinely feel better. You made me promise to tell you so I am telling you, I didn't want to say anything while we were having a problem for xyz reason." I just wanted to talk, and clear up the misunderstandings. I wanted to have a good conversation about figuring out where the communication went wrong, try and figure out how she came to these conclusions, and how that differs from my point of view. Do something to work it out, and just talk about it, and try and salvage this 3+ year friendship.

After I realized I was blocked, I was going through so so many emotions all at once. The whiplash of going from 5 to 100, Upset that I wasn't given any sort of chance to explain, the 5 stages of grief, being thrown away like the gum off your shoe, worrying about her and if this was the stage of isolation for depression, holding out the hope that we could still just talk and work things out, angry that she kept pushing off and refusing to have any sort of serious talk before this, doubting if anything she had said on 'normal vs not normal' - particularly communication styles, thoughts that maybe she was abusive and manipulative all along, maybe I was continuing the cycle of abuse, trauma flashbacks, anxieties that I had since squashed as 'irrational', fear that this was a sign that she was about to fucking kill herself and maybe the whole list was a lie so I wouldn't try and reach out and stop her, doubting my own reality and maybe the entire list she sent me was true and she was justified in her actions.

Simultaneously trying to process intense feelings and realities if it was true and I'm really secretly a horrible monster, if it wasn't true and she was about to die, and old traumas getting dug out of the grave.

God I was such an emotional wreck and did not know how to process or understand anything that was happening.

This is where the AITA comes in -

I was pushing through back to back panic attacks trying to contact her and figure out what was going on. I didn't want her to die, if that's what was happening. I didn't want to be discarded and thrown away like a piece of trash, if that's what was happening. I didn't want to have 0 chance of learning & growing as a person even if this friendship wasn't salvageable due to my monstrous nature, if that's what was happening.

So I block evaded like fckn crazy. Gmail, pet game sites, discord, skype, deviantart, whatever online platform that we shared that had messaging enabled. I called her phone several times. On the 3-4th call, her mom picked up and told me that none of the above was true. That she wasn't about to die, that I wasn't being thrown away like trash, and that I wasn't a monster. She didn't agree with her daughters actions and thought it unfair to me, but ultimately it was my friend's choice. All simultaneously which just did not compute.

If the list she sent me was true, I was a shitty horrible person. If it wasn't, and she isn't about to die, then not be able to just have a calm sit-down conversation at some point about it and clear it up - if I wasn't worth even attempting to make that effort then I was being thrown away like trash. I kept trying for days afterwards to talk to her - just, anything at all. Nothing got through, she never responded to anything.

And... that was that.

I didn't have a chance to talk to her again. I didn't have a chance to clear up misunderstandings, or understand what I did actually wrong and where, or any sort of closure.

Sometimes if I'm remembering it and feeling paranoid, I'll check and see if she's alive by looking at her online profiles for any activity. Like, maybe once a year tops now. According to the petgame sites, she's still alive at least. I'm assuming she got new social media. Literally it's just a "is she alive, do I have to worry about causing her suicide" check, I don't stalk or look into anything further than that.

Anyway, AITA for how extensively & desperately I was block evading?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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batbabydamian · 3 months

Text

🦇🐥 Batman and Robin (2023) #5 rambling and a conspiracy theory lol

tbh this is the most exciting issue for me since…the first one 💀 i’m going to talk about the story and art separately because Nikola Cizmesija’s one of my favorite action focused comic artists so this issue’s a treat 😭

Alfred used to mediate during a lot of Bruce and Damian’s early relationship, so it’s refreshing to see Bruce take more initiative involving himself in Damian’s life even if it’s for a case lol

a couple instances of Alfred’s fatherly support on behalf of Bruce and Damian from Batman and Robin (2011) #2, 4, 39 and Teen Titans (2016) #1

Damian seems to take Bruce's involvement more as a sign he’s not reliable rather than Bruce finally just. being around to help him. which is fair 😭

this is complementary to Cizmesija’s art, but i love this half of the page so bad 😭 the negative space and the shaded foreground with Damian mid-run gives this feeling of time kinda stopping for us to really feel the impact of Damian’s entrance AND the effect it has on Bruce, like!! that wide eyed expression in the below panel!! 😭

Bruce’s quiet “you can do it, son” to A FULL BODY CHEER OF “GO, DAMIAN!” Bruce witnessing Damian be great outside of Robin, and on top of that it’s just another mundane moment that Bruce has wanted with Damian 😭

this is such a goofy bully line sdfgh though the whole “broken” bit might be a callback to Batman and Robin (2011) #1, in that Bruce is really trying to do his job as a father here or i'm likely reading way too into it

SO the “shocking ending” of Zach being Zsasz’s kid was definitely a surprise but then got me wondering what is up with Williamson doing reveals of new kids for villains lol otherwise, the hints in the issue were neat!

the tally marks!! at least tallying blocks is pretty innocent compared to kills 😭

and Damian would recognize how Zsasz moves, since he’s personally fought him before in Streets of Gotham (2009)!! very much not in a sport, but uh maybe it was to Zsasz

the art!! first a shoutout to the colorist Rex Lokus for giving Damian his green eyes and maybe melanin (it didn’t look consistent throughout so i say maybe)!! 😭 also a Talia by Cizmesija!! even though this panel calls her a “not great” teacher…💀

SUCH A FUN PAGE 😭 i’ve been into montage scenes lately lol and i love how quickly Cizmesija establishes Damian’s routine - Tues, Wed, and Fri are the funniest for me!! Damian grumpily getting lectured by his teacher in the foreground while his classmate’s still visibly steaming from the hit he took LOL, DAMIAN’S BUG EYED STARE WITH HIS SUNGLASSES UP, and then Damian looming. stealthily. in a tree. while some kid is blatantly pointing him out HAHA 😭

Cizmesija’s use of motion lines and effects when conveying movement is so cool!! the shonen manga vibes jumps out!! the smoke/dust trails following the movements; the limbs and soccer ball having a sort of blur effect with the motion lines. V COOL.

which leads to my favorite part of Cizmesija’s work - HIS IMPACT SHOTS!!

more motion lines and effects!! the splatter effects!! the arcs!! the jolting impacts!! GRRAAHH!! the setup to that impact shot of Zach's block is so great, and then following with Damian's reaction!! i almost wish that "???" wasn't there, just because that expression of stunned silence already feels so loud!!

last thoughts about Cizmesija's art is that i'm really hoping for a showdown between Damian and Zach next issue because i need to see a Damian fight scene in Nikola Cizmesija-fashion 😭 we get a taste of it with Orca and soccer but i NEED MORE LOL for now, dropping the moment when Damian overpowers Zsasz, in Batman: Streets of Gotham #11 since it was such an epic moment

okay SLAPPING MY CONSPIRACY BOARD!! so on another note Principal Stone being Shush is starting to feel like a red herring and Ms. Heather Hall could actually be Shush. Shush’s main point about Damian as his instructor was emphasizing how much potential he has, but the “wrong” influence could affect that

Stone and Hall have made the same observation about Damian’s potential, but the difference is how they address that - one wants Bruce to be more involved while the other wants Bruce to back off

Stone acknowledged Damian can take care of himself but still wants Bruce to step up in Damian’s life; Hall says it’s okay to be a helicopter parent BUT implies giving Damian space (which we already know Bruce has given so much of after Alfred’s death to the point of neglect 😭)

Hall even suggests moving Damian on to college, which would estrange Damian further. also idk how Damian kicking his teammates/bullies asses at soccer is really “making friends” lol

and of all the subjects she’s teaching, it’s AP Biology - according to the current case Batman and Robin are working on, which is centered around DNA-sequencing, it makes Hall the perfect accomplice to Langstrom

this is where my brain started reaching because i laughed at first at how specific that comparison is, but then it just made me think of how Shush’s first introduction was sniping Bruce LOL anyway, Bruce’s reaction is me 😭

one more Cizmesija appreciation panel - the lil running effects behind Damian :)

#rambling #CONTINUING CONSPIRACY THOUGHTS adding an anomaly like Zach to the soccer team would justify Damian joining them #otherwise he’d join and then he would find nothing but soccer if Stone really isn’t Shush #if im wrong then WHOOPS LOL i do find Ms. Hall's support for Damian sweet so i wouldnt mind tho Damian being wrong would suck asdfg #now that i think about it Damian going to college would be a neat development. let him study to be a veterinarian or artist or smth lol #the other action focused artist i would LOVE to see give Damian a fight scene is Daniele Di Nicuolo 😭#I EAT HIS ART UPPP #where Cizmesija is heavily shonen manga influenced Nicuolo is heavily shonen anime influenced esp like Trigger studio artists YUM

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kuni-is-daddy · 1 year

Note

Ive been reading a lot of yan!scara fics but i was thinking.. how would scara be with a yandere s/o???

Boss! Scaramouche X yandere Assistant/Bodyguard reader PART 2?

OoF. that made my brain stop while i was just 'struggling' writing something anon. U CURED MY WRITERS BLOCK.

where we last left off in the "boss scara series" you confessed to him and made the first move. the both of you began to truly cling onto eachother. but what if y/n finally shows their obsessive behavior..

Scara ranting to childe :((

CAPI'S NOTE: IM TRAUMATIZED. PART 1 GOT A COMMUNITY LABEL :/ now I have to be a little nice in the smut parts. Any advice on how to avoid it is appreciated :)

AM I FREAKING OUT FOR NO REASON? GN😭❌ ITS 12:13AM

BOSS! SCARA. PART1

Part3!

AMAZING ART

Scara masterlist

WORDS 1.2K

MINORS DO. NOT. INTERACT.❌❌❌

Sparring:

i feel like reader would start acting a bit creepy, Like for example Scara would usually just have you wait outside the building for him to come back from changing his attire back into his suit after you two 'spar' but reader insisted to wait for him 'outside the changing room' Scara thought you we're trying to act like a tease as usual and say things around 'hmm? You wanna see more my pet?' or even down right have you suck him off in his personal changing room. When it comes to sparring your always giving him such praise for his strength, its not everyday or..at all. where someone can surpass you of all people. but you just couldnt EVER wrap your head around him~ "Your so strong master~ I never expect anyless from you" You'd both usually spar for around 5+ rounds but scara started to feel..Different about it.

Fighting/Missions:

"Tsk. Another boring ass day coming to aclose.." He'd say while turning off his favorite song, bohemian rhapsody. He adjusts his tie while opening the door to see you with a big smile on your face. With his already needed paperwork you got from his 'bestie' childe. "The fuck is all this?" "Its your paperwork for the week master~ I already filled it all out for you and childe helped me-" He snatched it away from you." "Alright shit..You dont have to act like such a fucking nerd y/n."

The both of you walked through narukami island, through the outskirts to inazuma city while a bunch of nobushi tried to ambush you. With one swift draw of your weapon you murdered them all in one blow. Scara barely shifted his eyes away from his paper. Only to see your bloodthirsty smile as the nobushi rogue samurai began to cough up blood. He was use to seeing and experiencing reactions like this due to him always being around childe when they train within the abyss. But you. Something was off about you lately.

Scara would purposely drag you into the abyss when its usually just him and childe. He whispered to childe, pointed at a group of abyss creatures and said that they 'are after him' and the both of them would watch as you rabidly charged at his 'enemys' like a dog. Blood splatters all over your suit as you laughed at their pathetic attempts to try and get a free hit at you.

Childe

"Hey comrad! How are ya' today?" The ginger said while sitting next to you in the hallway waiting room. "IM great childe! Me and kuni went out to eat today and it was so much fun. Have you seen the way he fights childe? The way he pulls out his katana..." You daydreamed and ranted off about scaramouche to childe. The both of you shared the same bloodthirsty perspective, Weather over your s/o or just in general. But little did you know he put on a happy face infront of you. Scara asked him to 'spy' on you and ask about what the two of you did today and hear your reaction.

---

"Childe something is up with y/n. I dont know why the fuck they keep acting like that."

"Like what? Dont you usually have the same type of attitude scara.. Dont you Like that?"

"Ugh. I knew talking to you was going to be pointless. Childe, I dont know who is more of a fucking burden. You or Y/N."

Then they suddenly heard you knocking on the door. "Kuni!! Are you in their kuni!"

"the fuck-" Scara said under his breath. He halfly opened the door as childe kept quiet.

"Mmm~ master there you are.. I was hoping you could help me with my sparing tonight." You began to open the door farther and push at his tie. "No. im fucking busy." He removed your hand. "Kuni..But your always busy. And didnt i already help you finish your work today?" He sighed at your perseverance. "Y/n. One day im gonna fucking fire you if you keep pissing me off. And the fuck has been up with you lately?" "N-Nothings wrong kuni! I-im sorry. I just wanted to spend more time with you.." That was all you needed to hear to severely apologize for bothering him and went 'home'

"Well shit. Comrad ill leave this up too you :D -" the ginger patted the short mans shoulder and walked towards the door.

"where the fuck are you going?"

"Im going home-"

He looked at childe with a dead expression.

"Hey listen. If this is really a problem to you, Just get rid of y/n. Your stronger then them right? Problem solved."

"Im not going to fucking kill them."

Y'all do it 🤪

scara would obviously feel some sort of way about your sudden change in behavior But be entertained at this 'game' he'd play with you. You came off so sweet and well put together. you would apologize and blush at the littlest of things but now you we're addicted to him. You murdered with no hesitation, Every thought you had was about him. You'd send nude pictures of yourself, Even videos to him while he was at meetings of you fingering yourself. But it was nothing he couldnt handle. He knew how to always put you in your place, He already surpassed you in everyway. He was stronger then you and certainly had you wrapped around his finger. He threatened to fire you hundreds of times just to see how fucking scared and how'd much you beg but never did fire you unlike everyone else, Yet every single time your heart would skip a beat at the word. Leaving kuni was something you never wanted to happen. Ever. Kuni concluded that he'd have fun with you for as long as he wanted. He knew dam well you weren't going anywhere unless he chose.

his phone rang.

"What?" Scara answered in annoyance.

"K~kuni i~" He was greeted to the sound of you moaning "im- F-fuck~ Im s' sorry for earlier. Can i be your good pet and make it up for you daddy? Im waiting for you at home"

Scara went to his penthouse and when he opened the door to his room, while taking off his tie. You we're putting on a show for him, face down ass up with 2 of your fingers going back and forth inside your wet hole. "Kuni~ your home....P-please~ I want you inside of me~" "Oh yeah? Is my little slut that desperate f' me?" He took no time taking off his belt and shoving his pants aside to stuff his cock inside of you.

#scaramouche smut #scaramouche headcanons #yandere reader #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #genshin x you #scaramouche #genshin impact #yandere genshin imagines

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nico-esoterica · 7 days

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"Nico, I wanna be a famous artist!" (A Case Study Using Manifestation and Astrology)

Lady Gaga went from no one knowing her name in a hand-made outfit at Lollapalooza in '07 to eclipsing and redefining pop culture in '09. And later headlined Lollapalooza in 2010. She told herself, "I'm going to make a Number One Record," and "The Fame is inside of Me," over and over again. This was what meteoric 'BTS-like' success looked like for millennials (which also happened in the same amount of time).

She manifested that shit like a motherfucker. She's living proof that a small indie artist who can barely move a crowd and who got INITIAL lukewarm reception after releasing her breakout album that only gained traction A YEAR LATER that YOU, IN FACT, CAN DO THIS SHIT. Gaga was performing in hole in the wall gay clubs in Europe and radios didn't care about that album until Just Dance blew up in the US. Every millennial remembers exactly where they were in life when that single became a hit song. This is also the woman who performed in an Ikea Parking Lot to promote said album.

This is a sign for all of the artists in the audience to NOT give up on your dreams. Even if things seem to be slow, delayed, or as if nothing is going on. There will always be SOMETHING behind the scenes if you commit to thinking in your favor. You're human and can have shitty days, weeks, etc, but it's important to NOT COMMIT TO BEING MISERABLE. Your engagement's gonna go up, you can find a new melody for that song, work through your writer's block and just WRITE the damn thing, and you're going to GET the right gig for you. Your dreams will be handed to you if you believe that they will. TRUST YOURSELF.

Astrologically, Gaga was in her 10H profection year when she first performed at Lollapalooza. But between 07-08+ she experienced the classic Jupiter and Saturn squares to her natal planet equivalents which occur in your early 20s that could've served as catalysts or hurdles she chose not to overcome and did the former. Contrary to what we hear about 10H profections being about finally being seen or getting promoted, etc, it's not inherently explosive. It depends on the chart and what the person does with their potential. Gaga used it as exposure and to further build her career that'd soon snowball into legendary success.

This isn't some Capitalistic tale about 'hard work paying off.' I don't believe in toil and 'hard work' in an exploitative economical sense. I believe in all-encompassing self-belief. Gaga could have easily thrown in the towel when the radios weren't gagged or the people weren't moving in the crowd. She, imo, was performing for audiences only SHE could see. Huge ones based on the scale she believed in.

Even if we could say her Mars-Neptune conjunction in Capricorn where she already had an exaltation or that her Moon-Mars or Moon-Pluto helped her, those harmonious aspects could have motivated her in the opposite direction if she wasn't seeing results. Because all of that Mars can easily wear out through exhaustion or entrap itself in the idea that it simply 'can't come easily.' Martian and Saturnian folks tend to enjoy suffering as a kink. She also could've easily been a flash-in-the-pan one hit wonder artist and faded or her era could've been very short. Maybe in hind sight it was from a musical perspective, but that 5 year run between The Fame and pre-Art Pop undeniably gave her quarter century defining success. And she'd later go on to win big accolades as a serious actress and is still going.

And speaking strictly astrologically, I see another big musical era for her coming. I saw it in Galliano's chart when his fire points got activated and will be emblazoned by Neptune in Aries transiting soon. I also see the same coming for our Mama Monster.

So, um, why are y'all giving up out there in the stands? COME GET ON STAGE AND CLAIM IT AS YOURS ALREADY.

#manifestation #loa #celebrity astrology #lady gaga astrology #mani essays #lady gaga

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shuttershocky · 7 months

Note

Thoughts on Hoederer?

Infographic from here

Now I've seen that Arknights What If Project (the hacked game that has everyone unlocked, max potential, and maxed out for testing purposes on a private server) showcase his S1M3, S2M3, and his S3M3, and I'm of the opinion that his generic powerstrike S1 is his best skill actually. His Talent 2 giving him and one other ally 18% shelter means he at least doesn't take True damage from fuckin dogs and slugs (though he will still get ripped to shreds without sustain from either his skills or a medic), while his Talent 1 makes his DPH spike even higher vs stunned or bound enemies, and he's got stuns on his S2 and S3. Pretty decent kit overall, given how godawful his archetype is.

As a note: the 18% shelter means he only takes 410 x 15 damage from Aak buffs rather than the 500 x 15 that Quartz and Wind Chimes do, which means Aak buffing him is actually viable with only a little help. This is important since if there's anything Crushers actually want (besides DEF), it's ASPD, which Aak's S3 is the biggest provider of.

Now let's go over his skillset.

S1 is probably the strongest version of a generic powerstrike type skill since Hellagur's S1. 2SP cost, 260% ATK, a very thick ATK stat to use that big multiplier, and heals 25% of Hoederer's max HP. When maxed out this thing deals 4422 damage without any buffs, and the 2 SP cost means Hoederer procs it every 3 strikes, while using Ch'en makes it go even faster.

IS players, you already know this is the new Spinach skill. With relics for increased healing effectiveness or ATK recovery SP charge, Hoederer might also actually become completely self-sufficient as a laneholder. Sure he's not going to be Mlynar, Gavial, or NTRK with that 6 hope, but IS is about having fun you know?

With its Block-3, you can think of Hoe with S2 as a very high DPH Centurion. It's really fucking slow though, his attack interval becomes 3 whole seconds to do one attack that stuns for 1 second. And since S2 doesn't have any self sustain, he's going to get babysat by a strong medic lest a particularly large stream of slugs eventually wear him down. I may be wrong here, but I like this one the least. I can definitely see use cases for it but it feels like the skill that makes Hoederer's Crusher weaknesses be at their most obvious.

S3 feels like Hypergryph duct taped 3 different popular 6 star Guards together. Apart from the giant +120% ATK, it's got +1 range extension (like Blaze), a huge Max HP buff (like Surtr), and deals minor True damage on dealing damage AND taking damage (like Mlynar), all while healing himself for 5% HP every hit and rolling a 25% chance to stun the enemy for 4 seconds (meaning the next attack will hit for 140% damage), with the drawback being that Hoederer loses 100 HP as true damage per second.

This skill also lasts for a jaw-dropping 70 seconds (one of if not /the/ longest lasting non-permanent skills) which is so long his SP cost is actually lower than its duration despite being a very large 60 SP.

I don't know what to think about this one, to be honest. It kinda reeks of desperation. They were so bamboozled by the challenge of making an actually strong Crusher that they glued different parts of actually popular guards together in order to force it to be good, and I still am not quite sure about it.

Don't get me wrong, it's numerically very good. Hoederer reaches something like 10k+ HP with this and this skill does a lot of damage (the True damage burn alone is 14k True damage over the full 70s duration), I just don't really know why I'd want to be using this skill over my many, many other options for Guards. It doesn't seem particularly fun or exciting, just big.

The most unique and useful thing I can think of where I'd use his S3 over the competition is if I'm fighting a boss that does Arts or True damage where that +60% max HP gives him a health bar that would scare even the Abyssal Hunters.

Strength wise S3M3 will probably be the way to go, but I plan on going S1M3 first instead and trying it out on IS to see how high and how often I can pump those funny red numbers.

#arknights

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still-a-morosexual-help · 9 months

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Here's MY thoughts on the love island the game's seasons, for no reason other than I want to:

Also because the majority of the people following me are here for OM! & I want to drag more people down into the litg hell with me :)

Season 1: why is everyone so bitchy for no reason????? Talia & Jake are okay but other than that it's meh... don't really like the art style either

Season 2: Immaculate. Chef's kiss. They hit a high they never reached again. Somehow managed to balance the drama & the found family aspect and created a dynamic where you can actually believe everyone is friends and having fun even if sometimes they try to kill each other. Characters are flawed but generally decent people who are allowed to grow throughout the season. You get the option to make MC a bi gym-bro who can devour an entire cake in one sitting and bench press her partner. There's a reason this got two sequels.

Season 3: It's fine ig. Short and kind of boring. Nothing much happens. AJ is so cute though she almost makes up for it.

Season 4: Honestly a close 2nd favourite. We get a lot of character backstory and like s2 it touches on some serious issues. The season with some of the funniest moments/lines of dialogue - multiple moments where I just laughed out loud. I'm still only half way through it but the "villain" is just straight up mean for no reason and doesn't get any character development like the characters in S2 but makes up for it by having some of the funniest interactions with other characters and I was so sad to see her go. Also the season where I desperately wish MC was allowed to be in an open relationship till the very end and finish off the season in a polycule with every other islander who was in the love "triangle"s of the the season because this was the hardest season to pick a LI - Najuma is just all around amazing, Bruno is sweet & funny, Tom is so pathetic* MC & Thabi's friendship is also the best thing? It's great seeing a platonic relationship that is as loving (if not more so) than the romantic relationships. It's literally:

Season 5: Psychological horror. The producers said 'hey wouldn't it be funny if we torture this woman on national tv' and then committed to the bit. My memories are hazy because even though I only played it earlier this year it upset me so much I did my best to block most of it out but also I'm 100% sure there was actual galighting happening. Don't know why MC stuck around till the end because all she's gonna be able to use the money for is to pay for her therapy. Anyway I think MC should have been allowed to brutally murder everyone, she deserved it <3

Season 6: I liked the concept but I think they should have utilised it more. I'm still right at the very beginning (around ep 9) and I KNOW the general consensus from everyone who has reached the last eps seems to be that Amelia sucks MAJOR ass. But look, this is the first time a game has given me a MC with a canon family member who is also part of the game so in my opinion Amelia could commit war crimes and she's still be the most precious little uwu ever because I'm activating MC's insanely overprotective oblivious to all faults ""big"" sister mode

Edit:

*I just played more of S4 and holy shit someone needs to get this man away from his parents and also maybe get him some therapy jfc

Edit 2:

** youcef, mc & valentina helping tom figure out he likes flowers and pink and tie-dye clothes and makeup and being complimented and called pretty and getting hugs is getting to me okay his parents better watch the show and see their adult son finally discovering himself and what he likes instead of what they think he should like and finally being able to let loose and have fun without worrying about what others think of him and finally being happy and they better get some sense knocked into them OR he should go to therapy and realise that no matter how much he loves his parents their love and regard being so conditional to the point that he's hidden his entire personality and is now so extremely self-conscious of it whenever it does manage to peak out, that he nearly cries on national tv after a practical stranger compliments those hidden bits is not good. Also the man has some of the most insane repressed queer vibes???? What do you mean he sees a canon nonbinary person wearing a floppy hat and is reminded of the floppy hat he loved as a child that his father threw away and replaced with a baseball cap and then when he "lost" the baseball cap his father bought him the exact same one again

Edit 3:

*** i was 100% sure i was going to get mc to stick with najuma (dorky mischevious goth who is so so bad at flirting hello!!!?) but i got caught by "sad & shy with serious self-worth issues hidden badly behind an overconfident exterior (who blushes & gets flustered easily because he so rarely receives genuine praise/compliments) experiences postive regard for the first time and loses his shit" for the third fucking time

Edit 4:

Okay but why does Dylan get (rightfully) called out by everyone in S4 for all the bullshit he does to MC from blatantly lying to her to not listening when she says "No" But in S5 when Suresh (admittedly, more subtly) pulls off the same shit no one says anything, even MC's "friends" don't believe her.

In S2 when Luke/Henrik gets a little too forceful after MC says no, he gets called out by MC's partner and immediately apologises

In S4 when Dylan does the whole "stop pretending you don't want me" routine after MC rejects him multiple times, the rest of the islanders band together and basically chase him off the island

In S5 when Suresh pulls literally the same thing from the very first episode itself but none of the other islanders believe MC, and Suresh keeps getting to do this until almost the very end while also managing to constantly play hot & cold with MC and chase away all of MCs other romantic interests

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whump-on-a-string · 3 months

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When the candy edible hits and makes you a silly little guy.

Not really whump per se but an alt Tumblr feels like the safest place to post my painfully self indulgent bullshit.

Feel free to block the tag "AgeRe Art" if you don't want to see anything with this theme as I'll be tagging it as such. My childhood trauma havin' ass loves comfort whump (hurt/comfort?) & fluff. So little stories or art that depics taking care of a lil guy till they feel better is just *CHEF KISS*

As compelled as I am to over explain everything I will refrain from doing so.

Your token "oops, my pal got bonked on the head too hard and acts like they're 5 for a day" kind of trope is cute too though. Sue me.

It's kind of an "altered state of mind" vibe which can read as "whumpy" to me depending on the execution & I may dabble with such subject material.

Alternatively and more accurately though:

Prabeus when the 1/3 bite of a THC gummy hits and turns him into a silly sensory seeking little goofball (but the last time he ate one and tried to make a snack he left the burner on.)

#My Art #OC #Prabeus #sfw agere #AgeRe Art #THC #drug mention #weed mention #trauma mention #I dont know where else to upload this for a SFW community that wont make it into a weird kink thing. Ya boy is ACE AS FUCK Dont be weird pl

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thisbelongsto-nohbodys · 3 months

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My Top 12 TGaMM S2 songs (in no particular order)

Kinda like in Centaurworld, I found more songs in S1 than S2 that I liked but that's not to say that the songs weren't enjoyable. It's just a shame I won't be able to make a S3 list T_T

Anyways, here's my Top 12 TGaMM S2 songs in no particular order:

12. Frightful No More [A Doll to Die For]

youtube

It's great to hear Lord Hater again and a song that's an homage to "Everything's Coming Up Roses" (Gypsy) and "The Rain in Spain" (My Fair Lady)...at least that's what it make me think of.

11. It's Just Your Masterpiece in You [Faint of Art]

youtube

This episode was a pretty nice message on art block and a fear of failure that a lot of artists face, especially when they haven't done anything in years. I tend to procrastinate by snacking, which of course I can't draw with food fingers (even when using a napkin) so I gotta wait till it goes away, oh whoops, now the days ended, oh well, tomorrow...

10.Thai Culture Cram [100% Molly McGee]

A fun song showing the lengths that Molly is willing to go to learn half of her culture. Granted she didn't realize that this stuff takes time but she's on the right path.

9.Me & My Dad [Like Father, Like Libby]

youtube

Kid's who have an absentee parent def felt what Libby is singing about in this one. It just sucks when someone who should be important in your life, doesn't take it as serious as you'd wish they would.

8. Hit Restart [Perfect Day]

Gotta love how relaxed the singer is while describing the continuiously hectic attempts Molly and Scratch make at having a perfect first day of the year.

7. Identity Crisis [Davenport's in Demise]

youtube

It's a shame we didn't get more from Andrea this season, especially after this ep. I know we would've gotten her and Alina in S3 but still, I would've liked to see how her and Molly are friends

6. Maybe Next Time [The End] (Spoilers)

youtube

Scratch's backstory was a gut-punch, especially for those of us that feel like we're wasting our lives away. It does kinda remind me of a more sad version of "I Remember It Well" (Gigi)

5. Enjoy Your Afterlife [The New (Para)Normal]

A fun song with the Ghost Council about life after the Chairman's defeat that kinda reminds me of "Go Back to City Hall" in S1

4. You Got to Be Low-Key [The (After)Life of the Party]

youtube

Jinx is such a little shit in this song. Not to mention this was the ep that confirmed that Geoff and Jeff are married

3. Back to Misery [Jinx vs the Human World]

Gotta love a villain song. Just a shame we didn't get more.

2. Trying to Find [All in the Mind]

youtube

Love the abstract visuals of going through someone's mind and the soft vocals and instrumentals.

Honorable Mention 1: You've Been Jinxed [Jinx!]

Honorable Mention 2: Feeling Like MY Old Self Again/Small Town America [Kenny's Falling Star]

Honorable Mention 3: Happy Happy Death Day [The Many Lives of Scratch]

1.This House is Haunted [Frightmares on Main Street]

youtube

Love this homage to "Thriller" but it's also to see ghosts being able to let loose. A great Halloween special

As stated before, it's a shame that we won't get anymore eps but at least what we've gotten were great. Idk if I should do an overall list

#the ghost and molly mcgee #music #video #top 12 #Youtube

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cinycesum-fan · 1 year

Text

Analyzing Kim Gimyung/Jake Kim

introduction

I’m just trying to share my perspective on my favorite character in Lookism, Kim Gimyung/ Jake Kim. Also posted on Reddit.

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i. first impression

When I was first introduced to Gimyung in the gambling arc, I thought he was going to be one of those stereotypical villains who constantly tries to rise to the top but falls short. That is why I didn’t really pay any attention to his character. But as the plot progresses, we learn more about his character and learn that he wasn't always the bad guy and is a good guy. In his backstory (Jake Kim arc), we were able to understand how he became who he is.

I think PTJ wasn’t sure about Gimyung’s backstory and future roles at that time. Or maybe we were reading from a different perspective (Jace’s), which blinded us from understanding the true goals and motivations of Gimyung. In a later chapter, we got a bigger overview of the fight between Gimyung and Vasco, where Gimyung said something like “I have much more weight on my shoulders than you” (rescuing Sinu and protecting Big Deal).

ii. countenance

His face has displayed various ranges of expressions, but his eyebrows are almost always raised and have a composed expression. I'm not sure why I'm bringing this up specifically, but I believe it distinguishes him from other characters. I really wanted to write how it makes him special, but for some reason I'm having a hard time articulating my thoughts in this regard. For some reason, his right eye is depicted glowing magenta when he’s deeply motivated.

iii. fighting prowess

Gimyung’s fighting style is based off mixed martial arts (MMA) and Gapryong Kim’s street fighting style. His level of MMA is to the point that he can overwhelm Xiaolong at his best regardless of when he used his weapon or best martial art.

He defeated Xiaolong, whose fighting prowess was on par with Gun's.

Every time Xiaolong swung his Guandao during their battle, Gimyung got better at anticipating attacks. (Chapter 419)

He blocked invisible kick from Sinu Han. (Chapter 388)

He took hits from Ultra Instinct (UI) Hyungseok.

During his time in prison, he followed Gun’s fighting routine and was successfully able to master it. He could fight hundreds of prisoners at once (like Gun).

He was able surmount Brekdak’s forbidden techniques. (Chapter 351)

Gun took out almost all his teeth

He is one of the only people in the series to be able to overcome invisible attacks. He’s so skilled that it was said that he could surpass Gun [5]. He is able to defeat opponents by abruptly changing his combat effectiveness [1 and 3]. He also has high attack potency [1, 3 and 6] and he’s also fast [2 and 3]. He has immense stamina and endurance [5 and 7]. Gimyung has a method to defend against attacks that take advantage of blindspots at a very efficient level. He is also able to see visions of attacks before they land on him, though it's only used against Xiaolung.

iv. intelligence and tactics

He's gifted. He was able to:

run an entire gang and managed to find methods to earn money continuously despite the odds being against him.

easily deduce why Vasco was attacking the Workers Third Affiliate and prevented Yohan from continuing to fight when it wasn't needed.

find a way to prevent Yohan and Seongeun from fighting them and aid Hostel.

convince Choi Dongsoo to aid him and cooperate with Seongeun in backstabbing the Yoojin.

He avoids using weapons and simple fights. He frequently attempts to break his opponent's arms or legs. He is practical enough to employ subpar methods, such as pursuing his target while Xiaolong is left vulnerable to an assault. Gimyung will treat his adversary like Gun Park if he ever feels overpowered, making him even more dangerous.

He is incredibly perceptive to the outside world because he saw Jiho's influence on Jason when Jason made a peculiar face. By concentrating on the crack in the wall, Gimyung could determine the spinning mechanism during the club arc. He observes and notes how things function as he calmly takes in the details and information of his surroundings. He frequently attends to what needs to be done, discreetly and modestly addressing the immediate needs of the circumstance.

v. charisma and determination

He uses his communication skills, persuasiveness and charms to influence others. That is why he’s able to connect with people and manipulate (sometimes in good way, sometimes in bad) them on a deep level. He uses this skill in many ways that can affect a fight indirectly (his fight with Xiaolong in Hunt for Big Deal), including buying time, obtaining information that could be important, or manipulating how a person might approach a situation.

Gimyung had a strong determination. His goal was to save Sinu and to keep Big Deal safe. And to do that, he could even choose the path of unfairness. In middle school, he saved Brad and Jason from getting ganged up on, because he couldn’t tolerate injustice (just like his father). But he was so devoted to his goal that he went against his own principles.

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It’s an universal fact that our bae is painfully funny and charming and handsome. Fun fact: Gimyung loves red velvet cake.

so caring

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iv. leadership and big deal

To his allies, he is a caring leader. They are one of the most devoted crews because he fought valiantly to keep Big Deal independent and because they deeply care about him. He appreciates those who are truthful and just, and dislikes those who engage in unsavory behavior. Lineman, one of the newbies, bragged to others about how close he was to Gimyung, even though he felt inferior because he wasn’t acknowledged by others in Big Deal. He said he was brother to Gimyung, when Gimyung appeared and said Lineman was like a family. This was surprising because Gimyung knew him when other members didn’t.

After serving time in a juvenile facility, Gimyung's personality started to alter. He lost interest in fairness and is now only concerned with getting revenge. He made a promise to do away with Gun. He had a significant impact on Jiho and advised him to fight to the death if he wanted to defeat opponents who were stronger than he was. He later admitted that he was giving himself advice rather than Jiho because he thought that fighting Gun to the death was the only way he could defeat him.

Being such a devoted leader, he would allow himself to be humiliated, but he would do whatever it took to keep Big Deal alive. He licked wine on the floor, which prompted the gambler to take him into gambling business. Prior to being sent to prison, he only ate instant noodles to save money. But he never made the other members of his crew eat less.

As the series progressed, he began to sound like Sinu Han, who showed Gimyung the value of "romance" and “passion”, and ideals which he followed.

vii. thinking and intuition

Gimyung frequently prefers consistency of logic to morality. Despite his mom's problems, he flees because he hates his father for being unfair to her while being just the opposite to the rest of the world. He makes numerous attempts to leave Big Deal because of this as well. He also emphasizes the inside a lot when making decisions. He turns inward to develop his own ideas, viewpoints, and answers for the outside world.

In short, he has morals, but he also has a personal agenda. He is prepared to put his agenda ahead of his morals if doing so will help him accomplish his objectives. This establishes his compelling internal and external conflicts with other characters.

He was prepared to leave Big Deal and the girls because he thought Sinu had renounced his principles. But his viewpoint quickly changed once he realized that Sinu was behaving in a very consistent manner. Gimyung is unquestionably a good example of an anti-hero. He has fairly consistent morals but is aware of the immorality of what he is doing.

Gimyung viewed prison as a place where he could try out different methods for getting stronger. There's no way a group of inmates would suddenly attack Gimyung because he had a lot of influence over the guards and inmates through bribery and pure loyalty. Majority of Jake's fights in jail are well-controlled. Jiho might have also crossed Gimyung’s mind as a potential experiment subject. His opinion that fighting fairly is stupid was only reinforced by seeing Jiho get stronger.

vii. jitae and sinu

Gimyung is very considerate of Jitae/Jerry and frequently involved in his education. He pushed Jitae to be a modest student and get along well with his classmates. In order to avoid reprimands from his teachers and to practice the Jeongseon Arirang, he bought Jitae a bamboo flute. Jitae is without a doubt Gimyung's most devoted team member; he refuses to address anyone else as "Sir," and he always obediently complies with his orders. He was regarded as Gimyung's "sword," and after Gimyung was defeated by Gun, he vowed to get stronger in order to defend Gimyung.

When Gimyung first encountered Sinu, he was aloof and rejected Sinu’s invitation to join Big Deal. However, after learning about Sinu’s backstory and Big Deal’s purpose, he began to grow respect for the latter and even took his words about “romance and passion” into consideration. When Sinu pretended to have sold Big Deal, Gimyung had a hard time believing it and he even fought Sinu to “correct him”. After he came to know that Sinu sold himself, all his motivations and goals revolved around retrieving Sinu back. His admiration for Sinu was to such a great length that he claimed that Sinu is “his everything”.

ix. the flaws

All the characters have flaws and here I’m going to point out some inadequacies in his character.

He didn't really have a seamless transition from villain to hero archetype. It is clear from earlier chapters that PTJ did not write out his intentions clearly. It seemed as though his priorities and driving forces were money and power. In the gambling arc, he had a very different personality and physical description, which led to some uneven character development.

His logical thinking borders on insensitivity, which is why he’s often unaware of the impact their words or actions have on others’ feelings. He’s only concerned about the people he loves, so he’s not mindful of other people’s lives. But, it seems that he’s overcoming this. As in chapter 431, we saw that he motivated Xiaolong to go to Vivi and love her unconditionally.

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I promise you that I’m going to update this analysis when the series ends, with much more evidence provided for my claims.

#kim gimyung #jake kim #manhwa #lookism spoilers #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #lookism #kim gapryong #gapryong kim #jitae kwon #jerry kwon #sinu han #han shinwoo #big deal #character analysis #anti hero #lunarmis

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lttl3babybug · 9 months

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HII!! I gone I'm this right but I've been going through a bit of a agere block, so I wanted to ask for maybe a fic (or hcs idm) of like.. rottmnt Leo struggling to regress because of his agere block but soon he's able to with his brothers help? I use Leo because he's a such kin of mine so 😭

Normally I'd regress around 5 or 6 years old, but you can do whichever!!

I rlly hope this is alright cuz I don't normally request but I'm hoping if I project onto my kin then it can help/hj

I love ur stuff btw and I hope u have a good day/night ♡

Ofc I can help you friend!! I love Leo, he’s such a fun little guy, personally massive Donnie Kin and I’m so glad you like my stuff!! I hope you can regress soon little one! My page is always open if you want to talk!!

Leo Struggling with Regression Headcanons!

🦕When Leo regresses he regresses to more of a toddler so I’d say 4-6 so he’s a talker and god he runs his damn mouth

🦕He’d most likely feel bad about wanting to regress and take time for himself after a mission goes wrong

🦕He’d not want to burden his brothers with taking care of him while they’re all still recovering from injuries and hardships

🦕But once his brothers caught onto this they were Not having this, not with a capital N

🦕The three of them started speaking softer around Leo

🦕I think Donnie would be the first to notice this, considering the fact that they’re our favourite disaster twins, he’d be the one to bring it up to his brothers

🦕Leo, initially, wouldn’t notice what his brothers were doing and he wouldn’t understand why he suddenly felt so calm and relaxed

🦕He also probably wouldn’t understand why he was all of a sudden allowed to be the first one to pick the tv and sit closest to the screen but hey, he wasn’t complaining. He got to watch Jupiter Jim whenever he wanted!

🦕But one day it’d hit him when Raph handed him something to drink and used one of his little nicknames

“There you go little guy, drink up” Raph said as he handed the cup of juice to his brother

🦕Leo would soon realise what his brothers were trying to do, he’d realise why Donnie had begrudgingly let him hug him a little too tight and why Mikey was inviting him to do arts and crafts so often and why Raph had called him ‘Little Guy’

🦕He wasn’t mad of course, he was honestly a little flattered, they cared so much that they were trying to help him regress

🦕It took a few days of his brothers gentle coercion but eventually Leo’s loud nothing greeting turned into a silent sit at the couch and flip cartoons on.

🦕He’d be babbling to his brothers about what was going on in his shows, pulling out the blue pacifier from his mouth every time he’d want to talk but if he kept running his mouth Donnie would slowly slide the paci back into his mouth until he got the hint

🦕But overall, Leo’s brothers would be so sweet if he started struggling to regress. They’d do everything in their power to help their brother feel better and relax

🦕We all want a family like the Hamato’s :)

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dorihey · 5 months

Text

Today is the birthday of the late Ed Asner. Many are familiar with him as the voices of Carl Fredricksen from Up, Santa from Elf, and Hudson from Gargoyles, as well as Lou Grant from the Mary Tyler Moore Show and the aptly named, Lou Grant (series).

Back in the mid 2000's, my family and I were staying at a very large expensive house that belonged to friends of my parents as guests. They had a larger cable package than we did back at home, and they had ToonDisney. I remember seeing Gargoyles while staying there, on the "Hangin' with the Heroes" block in the evening. I remember seeing this show very vaguely as a younger kid, but I must not have been older than 6 or 7 or so given the original air dates.

I was totally enamored with these characters almost instantly. I hopped on their upscale internet, and immediately perused various Disney media sites at the time and started going down the rabbit hole with what little material the internet had back in like 2004 about the show. I learned about the cast, Greg Weisman's blog Station 8, and somehow convinced my parents to upgrade our cable so I could watch it. I even made a Neopets Fanpage about the show, and I have no idea if it's still around.

I don't have a lot of specific memories about Hudson being my favorite, or even having a particularly verbose knowledge of the show back them, but I DO remember becoming familiar and fond of Ed Asner, seeing a teaser for Up, learning he was in it, and that detail making it NECESSARY for me to watch it on release day.

I remember the evening before watching Up, and enjoying it, but I rewatched it with my mom a few days later. I am not sure what was different here, but I became OBSESSED. I joined a Pixar fan site, became a highly active member, and began absolutely marathoning this film. I also spent 5 hours one evening with a mechanical pencil, very little drawing skill, and drew this. (apologies, the picture is 14 years old and washed out)

To be clear, this was EXTREMELY out of nowhere. I had never drawn anything remotely this detailed before. So I (quite ignorantly, but still strongly) decided to change college majors and pursue art. Still workin' on that one...

Down the line, I ultimately watched Up in theaters 50 times, held movie nights for the fansite over Skype, made multiple forum signatures for myself and other members, and even got invited to Pixar, and met a lot of Pixar leadership (albeit briefly for most).

At the center of this though, Ed Asner was responsible for me gravitating to these characters. I've been pretty consistently enamored with his brand of wholesome curmudgeonry.

(I just made up that word, and I like it, so it's real now)

In any case, I've always felt a bit odd for having an attachment to an actor that hit his acting stride while being middle-aged in the 70s, 20 years before I was even alive - like I'm the only person my age that even knows this guy existed.

I had never gotten to meet Ed, but I did make an attempt shortly before he passed. It didn't work out, but his son Matt runs a charity organization called The Ed Asner Family Center that focuses on supporting individuals and families with autism and neurodivergence. I was fortunate enough to join an early screening of Dug Days before it released on Disney + thanks to a fundraiser by the center, including a Zoom Q&A with Ed. The thing I noticed during the call is that Ed was so immensely quick-witted, absolutely hilarious, and would not leave his piece unsaid. He had an astoundingly magnetic personality. It wasn't open mic, but I managed to get a question through - "What was it that got you into acting?"

Jonas Rivera, the Producer of Up was moderating the call and Ed about verbally trampled the guy by the time he was getting the last few words out, and he knew exactly what he wanted to say.

I don't have the exact words, but it boiled down to "escapism" - which was a bit shocking to me. You've got a former president of SAG, who'd been acting for longer than I have been a living person, and he was immediately compelled to tell everyone that the reason he got into showbusiness is to run from the world and its problems. It was remarkably humble.

Ed passed away exactly a week later. I couldn't eat for 2 days, I was so distraught.

I highly recommend that folks check out a lot of the acting Ed has done. He's absolutely brilliant, and one of the most fun people to watch. He was intimidatingly witty, and yet seemed like the guy who would talk to just about anyone. And then make them laugh their sides off.

I haven't shared my deep admiration for Ed too often other than with folks closest to me, but Ed Asner was a precious gem of a human being, and embodies a lot of things I think the world - particularly folks of the male persuasion - should have a bit more of.

Here's to you, Ed. Have a happy birthday up there for us, big guy. We love ya. <3

(side note, the portrait at the top, I drew to commemorate his first birthday after he passed in 2021. The picture at the bottom was drawn, but not adequately finished imo, about 2 weeks before he left us. I need to give it a proper redo someday)

#fanart #digital art #gargoyles #hudson #procreate #carl fredricksen #pixar up #Ed Asner #lou grant #the mary tyler moore show

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