#I ALMOST NEARLY DIED!!!!!! *not clickbait*

[plaguedocboi]

Waterfalls! These gorgeous, powerful features of nature have been oddly lacking in my past lists, I think in part because their danger has always seemed more “obvious” to me. But doing the research for this list has reawakened my phobia of the water. Some of the later entries (numbers 9 and 10 especially) brought back anxieties that I thought I had gotten over long ago, but it was kind of thrilling. Like watching a particularly scary horror movie. Let’s get into it!

1. Underwater Waterfall, Mauritius

No, it’s not really a waterfall. It’s just an optical illusion caused by sand falling off the island’s slope down into the deeper water below. But it looks cool and scary, and the drop-off is 2.5 miles deep so that’s pretty impressive and I think it deserves at least a mention.

2. Blood Falls, Antarctica

There’s nothing particularly dangerous about this one, it just looks incredibly creepy. Obviously, it’s not actually blood, it’s just water that’s very rich in iron. But the really fascinating part of this waterfall is that its source seems to be a subglacial lake that contains a unique microbial ecosystem which has been isolated for two million years! These microbes are like nothing else we’ve ever observed in nature before. They live in an incredibly cold and extremely saline lake, and metabolize sulfur and iron ions with no oxygen present. They are being used as a model to study what life on ice-covered alien planets could be like.

3. Khone Falls, Laos

This waterfall is not nearly as famous as some of the others on this list, which is surprising because it’s the widest waterfall in the world, with an average width of six miles! Although not particularly tall, it is the second most powerful waterfall in the world, more than double the power of Niagara Falls! The Khone falls divide the Upper and Lower Mekong river, making travel by boat between the north and south impossible. What makes it kind of unsettling to me is that during the rainy seasons the falls are basically swallowed up by the river, turning them from a spectacular waterfall to a series of massive rapids.

4. Huntington Gorge, Vermont

When water levels are low, this river is a popular and scenic swimming spot, and the canyon has an almost otherworldly quality with its unique bends and overhangs. Unfortunately, these very features are what makes it so dangerous. Much like the infamous Strid, the gorge is full of holes, steep drop-offs, and powerful currents hidden beneath the water, which can suck people in and trap them against the cliff walls. Over fifty people have died here since the 1950s, and many more have been injured. With proper precautions, one can safely explore the gorge and swim in the river, but don’t forget that this water has swallowed up many people before you.

5. Victoria Falls, Zambia

I’m sure most of you already know about Mosi-oa-Tunya, more widely called Victoria Falls, as the largest waterfall in the world. Formed as the Zambezi river pours into a series of massive gorges, this curtain of water spans nearly a mile and falls 300 feet with such force that columns of rising spray can be seen for miles around. Despite this, the pools around the lip of the falls can be relatively tame, and locals have fished while balancing on the edge of the cliff for generations. The safest and most famous of these fishing holes is the Devils Pool, which allows you to literally swim right up to the edge of the world’s biggest waterfall. The pool is actually very safe when the correct precautions are taken, and I can only find one death attributed to the pool specifically, when a tour guide in 2009 fell while trying to help a man who had slipped and was dangling off the edge (and, honestly, I was expecting a lot more deaths given the amount of clickbait articles advertising it as the most deadly swimming hole in the world). Although that was the only death from the Devils Pool, there have been many other deaths at Victoria Falls, mostly tourists who underestimate the power of the river or get too close to the edge. So if you ever visit this spectacular waterfall, please observe it from a safe distance and follow all the rules.

6. Huka Falls, New Zealand

This is not a traditional waterfall, but rather a series of small waterfalls along a narrow stretch of the Waikato river, creating an incredibly turbulent chasm that ends in a whirlpool. The 300-foot wide river is funneled into a 50-foot wide stream, causing a torrent of water that flows at a rate of 58,000 gallons per second. Obviously, this is not an area that you should get in the water, but not everyone takes that advice. There have been multiple deaths at this waterfall, and a few narrow escapes, including two swimmers who, incredibly, survived after trying to raft down the falls on pool toys. Please, for the love of god, don’t do that.

7. Niagara Falls, US/Canada

These falls are the only place on this list that I’ve visited, and I can tell you they are certainly an incredible sight, but also rather intimidating due to their sheer size and power. These three massive waterfalls are fed by the Great Lakes and, combined, have nearly 700,000 gallons of water thundering down every second. There is also a permanent whirlpool in the river that has existed for over 4,000 years and reaches depths of 125 feet! Besides being huge and awe-inspiring, these waterfalls are known for their appeal to daredevils who have gone over the edge in barrels or, in one case, a giant rubber ball. But these famous success stories are punctuated with tragedy. Roughly 20-30 people die at Niagara Falls every year. Most of these, sadly, are suicides, but others are failed attempts to replicate the successful daredevils of the past, and others are accidental. An estimated 5,000 bodies were recovered at the bottom of the falls between 1850 and 2011.

8. Murchison Falls, Uganda

Also known as Kabalega Falls, this is the worlds most powerful waterfall. Formed as the Nile River flows from Lake Kyoga to Lake Albert, this waterfall is so strong it literally causes the ground to shake around it. Here, the Nile is constricted from a river nearly 400 ft wide to a passage only 20 ft wide, creating an incredibly turbulent and violent tunnel of water that tears its way into the pool below at 79,000 gallons per second. And this is no ordinary pool. Waiting below the falls is the highest concentration of large crocodiles observed anywhere in the world, waiting for any dead or stunned animals caught in the falls to wash into their lair. Although the waterfall and surrounding park are now a beautiful tourist attraction and wildlife refuge, the history of the falls includes tales of human and animal sacrifices, thrown in alive to appease the gods that some believed resided beneath the raging waters.

9. Bath Fountain, Jamaica

This is just a random little waterfall along a hiking trail, but the video triggered some intense bathophobia in me for the first time in a while. Like, I was scared to get in the shower after watching this. Proceed with caution:

10. Kipu Falls, Hawaii

This one scares me because, despite my research, I can’t actually figure out what the hell is happening here. Multiple people have died here; all tourists, all drownings, all of seemingly very unclear causes. Kipu Falls is a beautiful and popular swimming spot, and locals frequently dive off the top of the falls with seemingly no danger. However, five deaths over the course of five years from 2006-2011 challenged its reputation of being a safe swimming hole. All the articles I could find seem to repeat the same information; there is no current in the pool and the waterfalls are not especially powerful. Despite these established facts, all five deaths were the same. Someone jumped in, surfaced, and then were dragged back down to the bottom of the pool and held there until they died. This has resulted in a lot of speculation, including everything from a hidden whirlpool current to evil spirits. I’m just. Really unsettled by the lack of information on this one. Every article I found was published in 2011 and I couldn’t find any updates, which hopefully means people aren’t still dying here, but… what the fuck???? Was going on????? Sorry guys this one might not be as dangerous as some of the others but it freaks me out a lot so it’s getting a higher rating. I want to know what’s going on but I’m sure not going to investigate it myself.

#long post #water rating #bathophobia

[jayflrt]

𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐆𝐔𝐄 50. epilogue

JUNGWON’S HEART WAS POUNDING.

He swiftly evaded the arrows hurtling in his direction as he ran through the dense forest. He could hear the taunting laughter of his pursuer getting closer. The sound was almost overwhelming, nearly drowning out the sound of his blood rushing in his ears. Jungwon had hope, though; if he could just get past the—

At that moment, the screen faded out with the message: You died!

“Aw,” you cooed in that sugary voice of yours, “you were so close, Won.”

Jungwon’s cheeks darkened. “Shut up, Y/N.”

“And, there you have it, guys,” you announced to your Twitch audience that was currently totaling 44,507 users, “Y/N kicks Jungwon’s again.”

Life went back to normal after Jungwon and his friends had their little mishap in the Paris Catacombs. Sure, he needed to see a therapist for a while, but at least he was better off than Jay, who was currently weighing the pros and cons of having a Satan worshiping girlfriend. Jungwon couldn’t see how there were any pros to this list, but he supposed it didn’t matter as long as Jay was happy.

That, and his YouTube video: I Cuffed a Hot Satan Worshiper?! (NOT CLICKBAIT) hit a million views. It was a win for Diamond League’s joint channel.

Sunghoon and Jake were still as ambiguously in love as ever. Although, it so happened that Jake was the one being more forward than Sunghoon lately. He was apparently enjoying how easy it was to get Sunghoon flustered over the little things. Sunoo and Riki were still roommates, though they bought a bigger house to live in so that they could flaunt their new wealth. However, Sunoo had begun complaining about Riki’s dodginess when it came to chores.

Heeseung was the same as ever. His mother profusely apologized for not being able to pick him up from the Paris Catacombs, so he was spoiled more than ever. However, he ended up moving out to his own place, saying that he needed to be alone when “all his side chicks came over.” Jay later confirmed that he was, in fact, playing video games all day.

As for Jungwon and you, there was a lot of rekindling that needed to be done. Jungwon spent months making up for his lack of communication, and that forged a stronger flame between you two. He was satisfied that you two were finally at a comfortable point in your relationship, and that you were able to get past Jungwon milly rocking to Shostakovich. (You had, in fact, started milly rocking with him.) Post-catacombs Jungwon became a whore for classical music.

Joining college, though, had started a new feud between you and Jungwon. Albeit lighthearted, Jungwon still found it cute when you were aggravated.

When you two said your goodbyes and ended the stream, you pouted. “Someone called you their boyfriend on the stream.”

He bit back a smile. “Yeah?”

Jungwon was completely oblivious to his popularity until college started. He always thought his fans saw him more as comedic relief, but apparently being a loser translated into “boyfriend material.” It was quite shocking how much attention he got from girls now.

You, on the other hand, were not happy with this. Although you were getting used to the idea, it was still strange that your boyfriend got so much attention. Jungwon tried extra hard to make you feel more secure because of that.

He opened his arms for you to crawl into his lap when you went in for a hug. You buried your face in Jungwon’s chest to avoid looking him in the face.

“You’re my spring chicken,” you muttered. “I procured you.”

As always, you had a way with words.

“I’m your spring chicken,” he agreed, although he had no idea what the fuck that meant. “You procured me.”

It was 11:56 P.M. and the moonlight was illuminating your features. Jungwon wanted to turn the lights on, but that meant pushing you off of him, which he didn’t want to do.

More importantly, there were four minutes left until your birthday.

You were insistent on not going live or making a video for your birthday, which Jungwon completely understood. He wanted to spend the day with you, away from all the cameras and social media. Considering you were Jungwon’s first girlfriend, he was racking his brain over how he wanted to make your day special. He heard around the grapevine (read: Nishimura Riki), though, that you wanted something discreet and thoughtful. You weren’t one for glamorization.

“Are you excited?” Jungwon asked.

You shook your head. “I don’t wanna be old.”

Jungwon snorted and pressed a kiss to your forehead before reminding, “Two minutes.”

“I’m gonna blow up your base,” you threatened.

“Chill.”

But Jungwon knew that you were anticipating the clock striking midnight. He could see it in the way you kept peeking at his phone, the way you stiffened up when there were hardly seconds left until the hand reached twelve.

And when it did, your breath stilled.

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” Jungwon murmured with a smile.

You grinned up at him. “Thanks.” Your expression morphed into one of shock when your boyfriend reached over the arm of the couch to pull out a bouquet of pink flowers. He handed it to you, and your eyes widened. “What’s this?”

“Peonies,” he answered, and you had to narrow your eyes at him for him to elaborate, “I thought they were pretty, and peonies symbolize good fortune, too.”

“You think I’m good fortune?”

“Not really. You kind of have shit luck.”

“Hey!” you exclaimed, though there was a hint of a smile curling at your lips.

“But,” he continued, “you’re my good fortune.”

You sniffled once. It was endearing until you continued sniffling, wiping your eyes as tears started streaming down your cheeks. Jungwon smiled and tried to wipe them away with his thumb. You were just too cute in his eyes.

“Don’t tell me you’re getting emotional already,” he cooed. “This is only the beginning of what I had planned for your birthday.”

You blinked away the tears that welled up and gestured to the flowers. “I’m allergic.”

Oh.

Jungwon knew that. On your third or fourth date, he took you to the Conservatory of Flowers because he thought you would be amazed by the beauty. Instead, you had a sneezing fit and could hardly see anything because your eyes were far too watery.

“It’s so pretty, though,” you tried to say, mustering up the energy to hold the flowers up and smell them. Your voice broke when you tried to hold in your sniffles. “W-wow, so nice.”

Jungwon laughed and took the bouquet from you, setting it aside. He cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears properly.

Just like that, he leaned in slowly, leaving you frozen on the spot. Even though he was initiating such an intimate moment, Jungwon felt like he could hardly breathe. He opened his eyes to look at you before your lips met. His nose barely brushed yours, and he looked a touch bashful with red tinting his ears.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

You nodded, and Jungwon sealed his lips over yours. Your lips felt like slow, heart-tugging music that made his brain turn to mush. He was sure that you could pick up on how Jungwon had been waiting to do this for the longest time.

Jungwon didn’t believe in soulmates. He thought that each soul was unique to the individual, that no one needed another soul to complete them. With his hand intertwined with yours, however, he agreed that you two fit together. Souls could never match, but it was clear that yours and Jungwon’s filled out each other’s spaces.

There was nothing anymore. It was just you and Yang Jungwon.

“Ew,” a voice called from the hallway. “Get a room, you two.”

And Lee Heeseung, apparently.

“This is my house!” Jungwon exclaimed.

You stared blankly at Heeseung before looking back at Jungwon. “What’s he doing here?”

“Well, he was supposed to bring out the cake,” Jungwon grumbled. “I don’t know why he’s just standing around.”

“We didn’t know how to turn on the lighter,” Heeseung explained, “so Jay’s still working on it in the kitchen.”

“Wait,” you interjected, stopping him with one hand. “You guys were here the entire time?!”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

You turned to your boyfriend and whined, “Jungwon!”

“It was a surprise!” he defended.

“Happy birthday to you,” Jay started singing, and then the rest of Diamond League joined in at an awkward interval. All of their voices were at different pitches, making the whole song sound off. “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Y/N, happy birthday to you!”

To Jungwon’s delight, you seemed to get over the fact that Heeseung witnessed your private moment once you saw the cake they made for you. You scooted off Jungwon’s lap to sit in front of the coffee table as Jay set the cake in front of you.

“Blow out the candles,” Sunghoon encouraged, “or I’ll blow—”

“Sunghoon,” Jake warned. He reached over and ruffled your hair, making you snicker. “Happy birthday, Y/N.”

Sunoo cupped his hand behind the flame of the candle so that you could blow it out, and everyone clapped for you as soon as the flame went out.

(“Blow game weak,” Riki coughed out and promptly got punched in the shoulder by you.)

“What’d you wish for?” Jay asked.

“I can’t tell,” you replied, “or it won’t come true.”

But Jungwon sort of already knew what you wished for because he was thinking the same thing.

With the way your eyes were shining as you looked up at him and all your friends, it was clear as day that you wanted this moment—this friendship—to last forever. Jungwon couldn’t agree more; there was nothing he wanted more than these precious moments with his best friends to continue.

He had no doubt that they would last forever.

(Spoiler: They did.)

END.

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ EPILOGUE SOOOO OVERDUE but it’s here !!! thank you for sticking around for this ending and thank you so much for reading diamond league <33 it’s so dear to me and i’m really glad you guys liked it :’) all the asks and comments i’ve gotten about it have always brightened my day so thank you for all the love! s/o to everyone who asked to be part of the tag list, it meant so much to me !! i hope you guys enjoyed this ride as much as i did & jungwon lesbian ♡ 

SUMMARY ▸ in which lee heeseung creates a minecraft server for his friends and all sorts of chaos ensues, including the budding romance between you and yang jungwon.

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#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen smau #enhypen fluff #jungwon fluff #jungwon smau #jungwon imagines #yang jungwon #enhypen social media au #jungwon x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #the end <3 thank you for everything

[hauntedjohnny]

100% Real julie crawford lore and backstory (not clickbait!)

fairly happy home life. fairly well-off (probably the wealthiest of the victims). i imagine them similar to the parents in easy a. free-spirited. not controlling. very loving. julie's dad, however, spent a lot of time away at work so she didn't see him as much as she would like. when she was younger she would act out a bit when he spent all day in his home office and she wanted attention from him. probably has a job as an estate agent or something similar. mom used to be a teacher but retired early, now crafts things like jewellery to sell at markets. julie has an older brother except he's like 10 years older than her so she was basically raised as an only child; she was always making friends with everyone in her neighbourhood though so really it was as if she had 20 siblings.

spent nearly every weekend at the beach as a child. her dad taught her to surf which is why it's very dear to her. she also dabbled in beach volleyball and rollerskating but she is a water baby at heart. at some point, she realised she loved being the centre of attention and when she was a tween she would compete with the older kids in surfing and volleyball etc. and win (nearly) every time. when she hit puberty she got more attention than she realised, naively thinking the older boys were interested in her talents or personality.

when she went to high-school things changed for her. a senior 'dated' her as a freshman which dragged her into the wrong crowds. she was always the youngest one at the senior's parties being told that she's 'mature' enough to be there. despite her better judgement, she enjoyed these parties; she loved dancing, she loved music and she loved people. it was only when she found out the senior was cheating on her and left school without so much as a phonecall did she realise she'd been played for a fool.

except, unlike gun says, this didn't make her a stronger person. she crumbled at the thought of being played with and tossed aside. so, she did what she knew best, basked in the attention of others. it sent her on a mental downward spiral as she spent her weekends at parties instead of the beach, clinging onto any guy or girl that would give her the time of day. she told herself that she was spreading love, dating one person wasn't 'freeing' enough for her but it was all an attempt to control how close people got to her. there were a few girls she got close to, confident they wouldn't hurt her as they'd experienced similar before.

during these years, her dad was taking regular business trips while her mom encouraged her to go have a fun and be social as 'you're not gonna be this age forever', not truly realising the extent of her partying. she'd always been naturally smart, but it was clear her grades were dropping. other than that, her friends and family were none the wiser, julie being able to keep up the sunny facade she's always had.

at some point the alcohol wasn't enough for her so days, she would find the rougher crowds on the outskirts of the beach bonfire, hidden in the coves, taking hallucinogens she probably shouldn't. this led to the night that changed her life. sometime in her junior year her and her friends driving too fast along the coast, a little bit tipsy, a little bit high, causing them to crash. she was the only one to come out of it with no injuries. her best friend lay unconcious in the passenger seat as julie panics trying to save her. no one died but, to julie, it felt like something died. its like her whole world sobered, she couldn't keep spending her life like this so for her senior year she cleaned up her act. told herself she wanted to become a medic, almost as if she was repenting, almost like it was a secret apology for her friend. at this same time, she started running, starting as night runs to clear her head. she soon took to stamina running, short bursts of energy needing to be released. and like most sports, she was good at it.

when she got to university, she roomed with maria. julie was able to make friends with everyone so always included maria in her plans (and vice verse). the parties at university were different, more relaxed. there were actually people her age there. she felt comfortable to drink again, especially when maria is with her. maria grounded julie and made her realise that her love doesn't come with a cost. she begins to love like she did as a child, earnestly. she gets overprotective of maria at times as she doesn't want her to experience the same things she did. she always stick by her at parties and interrogate boys who come up to her. one time she went to the bathroom and returned to her giggling with this long haired boy she learnt to be danny. she soons loosens up and realises maria can hold her own.

there were a few 'relapses' in her first year, the biggest one being the anniversary of the crash, where she would get black-out drunk and dabble with people she typically didnt. julie admits to maria she thought she was meant to die that day and every day since has been extra time, death around the corner waiting for her. one party a few weeks after a relapse, danny suggested she try weed instead of alcohol; it allowed her to feel a high but lose her inhibitions. at 21, she would rather spend a party smoking weed over a single beer than taking shots with strangers.

throughout her years at uni she learnt that she wasn't as good under pressure as she once thought so specialised her medical training into physiotherapy/sports medicine as the environments are less intense and she has a lot of amateur experience in that field. in the back of her mind, however, she always dreams of owning a small house of the beachfront where she spends her days teaching younger kids to surf. she would have a lot to confront mentally before she could do that though. she planned to do this before she graduated but maria went missing and julie would always put maria before herself.

#tcm game #julie crawford #trying to keep it semi-canon with what they revealed #i am trying to cook with rotten scraps here #i gave her trauma im sorry

[iamalivenow]

👩: ଘ꒰ ๑ ˃̶ ᴗ ᵒ̴̶̷๑꒱و ̑̑ 🕸️: already 🧑🏻: \ \ \٩(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و/ / / 🕸️: im only doublechecking cause I asked you an hour ago 🧑🏽: ヽ/❀o ل͜ o\ﾉ 🕸️: is that one more aggressive intentionally 🧑🏿: ⁽⁽◞(꒪ͦᴗ̵̍꒪ͦ=͟͟͞͞ ꒪ͦᴗ̵̍꒪ͦ)◟⁾⁾ 🕸️: okay jesus

Tim: ready champ? Martin: I just want to check one more thing, and then I'll tell him. After I hand the report in. Tim: sure sure, full faith. Martin: You think I'm going to not do it. Tim: I Mean, it's  not like its the first time we've had this talk is all Martin: I'll tell him. It's not even that hard, really. Tim: uh huh Martin: Just a quick- Hey Jon, drinks tomorrow? Really like your company. And that's it. Tim: how long did you practice that in front of a mirror last night. Martin: I'm going to do my research now. Tim: sure martin. Martin: You know what! Tim: ? Martin: Ten quid says I'll ask him. Tim: i never say no to free money. Martin: >: ( Tim: good luck with research.

👁️: God, he's so sad.   : The Archivist? 👁️: No. Jon's fine. Better then fine.   : Do we have to do this every time Elias? 👁️: I'm talking about his assistant.   : Funny way to spell cannon fodder. 👁️: Wow.   : What? 👁️: I forgot you can be funny on occasion.

🕸️: hey ⚰️: Yes 🕸️: i need a favor ⚰️: What favor 🕸️: hmmm idk if i should ask you for it tho ⚰️: You already texted me 🕸️: im indecisive ⚰️: You're really not 🕸️: hmmmm 🕸️: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 🕸️: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ⚰️: I know we both have all the time in the world, spiritually, but I personally would like to get on with my day 🕸️: you're not friends with desolation right ⚰️: not personally no 🕸️: so if i asked you really nicely to make a delivery would you ⚰️: do it yourself 🕸️: this is why you dont have friends

👨🏻:  (๑ ؔؖؕ◉͠ ◡͐ ◉ؕؔؕؖ͠)ノ 🐛: BBBUUUSSSYYY 👨🏽: 。：゜(；´∩｀；)゜：。

🕸️: could you do me a favor 🥩: WHAT 🕸️: could you give the cult something 🥩: WHICH ONE 🕸️: desolation 🥩: NO 🕸️: can you tell oliver to give desolation something? 🥩: FINE 🕸️: good boy

🕸️: correct me if i'm wrong but you owe me a favor 👁️: You're wrong. 🕸️: hows the husband 👁️: You were invited to the divorce. 🕸️: must have got lost in the mail. 🕸️: hey while I have you on the line 🕸️: could you find something for me 🕸️: someone rather 🕸️: i want to make someone cry 🕸️: and i feel like you're into that 🕸️: spiritually 🕸️: or sexually 🕸️: i don't judge 👁️: And the point? 🕸️: where is desolation hiding these days 👁️: We both know they don't hide. You know better then I do that they don't Hide. 🕸️: well where are they that its hard for me to find them 👁️: Oh losing our touch? 🕸️: you're hilarious. 👁️: Up north, running favors for the mannequin. 🕸️: danke 👁️: Funny.

🥩: SHE WANTS A FAVOR ⚰️: She already asked me I said no 🥩: AND THEN SHE ASKED ME TO ASK YOU ⚰️: So I'm being threatened 🥩: SHE JUST SAID TO ASK ⚰️: I noticed

⚰️: Where do you want your delivery 🕸️: how did i know you were going to come around ⚰️: Where do you want your delivery 🕸️: so tense all the time 🕸️: loosen up oli ⚰️: Where 🕸️: just up north a little ⚰️: Why are you hounding me for this 🕸️: because jude can't kill you when she finds out ⚰️: Great

  : Elias, just letting you know I'm going to be out of port soon. 👁️: Oh and then I'll have to agonize all on my own is that what you're saying?   : Just letting you know I'll be out of range for a while. 👁️: That's fine.   : Right. 👁️: I wouldn't want you to think that I wanted to have conversations with you regularly.   : Of Course Not. 👁️: Considering the divorce.   : Yes dear.

Tim: how's research going?

⚰️: Hey 🌩: Hello. ⚰️: Could you give Jude something 🌩: Sure? ⚰️: Thank you 🌩: I don't know where she is? ⚰️: In the North probably closest fire 🌩: That's. I mean, yeah. Sure. What's the delivery? ⚰️: Don't know yet 🌩: Ominous ⚰️: On brand if nothing else

Sasha: Jon, do you know where #0150409 's supplemental material is? Jonathan Sims: I returned it into the box it's meant to be in after recording the statement, why? Sasha: Can't find it and wanted to cross reference something. Do you still have the recording? Jonathan Sims: Let me check. Jonathan Sims: Sasha? Sasha: Yeah? Jonathan Sims: Why didn't you just come one door over and ask me in person? Sasha: Walking's really hard boss.

👨🏿: ( ⓥωⓥ) still busy??? 🐛: YYYEEESSS 👩🏼: (⊙.☉)7

🕸️: its a negligee ⚰️: Excuse me 🕸️: the thing im making you deliver 🕸️: it's a negligee ⚰️: Why 🕸️: cause I found it while digging through my basement and I figure jude would want it back 🕸️: really if anything i'm doing her a favor ⚰️: Is this Agnes' 🕸️: lmao 🕸️: yeah obvi 🕸️: why do you think i'm making you do it ⚰️: And I'm the one with out friends? 🕸️: i've got so many 🕸️: i'm practically drowning in them ⚰️: you're not funny 🕸️: like that one time you drowned 🕸️: get it ⚰️: I was there 🕸️: <3

⚰️: Are you going to think I'm weird 🌩: Depends. ⚰️: It's a dead girl's nightgown 🌩: Then yes. ⚰️: Figures

Tim: that deep in the research huh? Martin: Sorry. Got distracted. Feeling sick- Might miss work. Tomorrow. Tim: hey, that's fine. you don't have to pay me. I wasn't going to make you. Martin: Thank you. I am sick though. Fever. Tim: oh uh okay. that sucks. feel better soon. Martin: Yes.

🌩: Weird dirty deed done. ⚰️: Thank you 🌩: Is it a you thing or? ⚰️: No not really 🌩: Oh. You should have told me. ⚰️: Would you have done it 🌩: Hey, fair. ⚰️: Sorry for being vague about it 🌩: It's not the end of the world. I am sending her in your direction, if she gets mad at me.

⚰️: She will 🌩: That's rough buddy.

⚰️: Done 🕸️: thank you oli ⚰️: And if she asks 🕸️: thank you for that too bud 🕸️: real team player 🕸️: real sport ⚰️: Ugh

Martin: Sick. Jonathan Sims: Stay home tomorrow then. I'll let Elias know. Martin: Thank you.

Martin: [Sent Location] Martin: WWWAAANNNTTT TTTOOO CCCEEELLLEEEBBBRRRAAATTTEE??? 👩🏾: ¿(❦﹏❦)? Martin: :::))) 👦: omg (╯✧∇✧)╯omg Martin: :::DDD 👧🏻: i'm so proud!!!!!!!!!! ~(≧◇≦)/ﾞﾞﾞﾞ Martin: TTTHHHAAANNNKKK YYYOOOUUU 👧🏼: you're really starting yours! I'm so jealous!!! (ٛɲ˃ ˑ̣̮ ˂ٛɳ) Martin: HHHAAAHHHAAA 👧🏽: i'll be over really soon ♬♪♫ ヾ(*・。・)ﾉ ♬♪♫ Martin: ♬♪♫♬♪♫♬♪♫ 👧🏾: ♪₊(˘ᵋॢ ˘ॢ⌯)*·♫

🌀: wHaT dO yOu CalL iT wHeN wOrMs TaKe OvEr ThE wOrLd? Jonathan Sims: Wrong Number. Again. 🌀: it's really hard to type with my hands please play along with my joke its all i have Jonathan Sims: [Is Typing] Jonathan Sims: Fine. What? 🌀: gLoBaL wOrMinG ! Jonathan Sims: I'm blocking you. 🌀: D:

#the magnus archives #long post #full fic #writing #this one is called #I ALMOST NEARLY DIED!!!!!! *not clickbait* #it's a two parter and no i don't know how to format that

[19burstraat]

Could the "Kaz is a Tidemaker" AU thingy actually be canon?

clickbait title; the answer is probably no lmao. While the 'Kaz is secretly a Tidemaker & he doesn't use it bc of Reaper's Barge' thing I've seen a few times on tumblr + twitter doesn't really work thematically (a. the point of Kaz is that he's an ordinary man, just a supremely clever one, and b. Kaz would abuse the shit out of Grisha power if he had it rather than hiding it lmao) and therefore could probably never be canon... I do think it's SUPER interesting to see how you could get it in anyway, bc you definitely could.

How was Kaz sure the paraffin and the coffee extract would hide the scent of Grisha? And he wears gloves all the time for the obvious reason we know, but could they also achieve the same thing? It says when he swam with Jordie's body that the tide had turned once more, and it was working against him. But Kaz had hope now, hope and fury, twin flames burning inside him. You could easily spin that to say he was subconsciously using some sort of Tidemaker power to get him those last few yards. He staged a false Council of Tides almost completely accurately (only thing he got wrong was the masks), and is later of interest to them, where he doesn't seem bothered by their threats in the slightest. He even entertains the doubt that they aren't the real Tides ('or a very convincing set of pretenders') which is probably just typical Kaz cynicism, but could you play it off as him knowing more about Tidemakers or even the Council than he lets on? Yeah. In both situations when he should have died in the water (Reapers Barge, the Ice Court) he doesn't. He doesn't even seem very concerned when the Tides start throwing their weight around and try and fill his lungs up, and he comes back from nearly drowning REMARKABLY quickly. I know he's tough as nails but like I said, all these things would be so easy to spin that way, the same way it's easy to find other explanations for them.

That is usually how Kaz likes to operate, and I think if he did want to cover it up and not use it, he would be successful, and like Jesper he'd probably end up with a sickness that was more metaphorical than literal from not using it. Plus, we know that Kaz's POV chapters always withhold information and spend more time on like... Inej than the actual plan, until the plan has run its course, so it's pretty plausible he could just Not Mention It. Lmao.

Obviously this is definitely not watertight (ha ha ha) as a theory and I don't think it works v well in canon bc it has potential to undermine themes and stuff about Kaz's character, but it has IMMENSE AU or fic potential and I find it very fun to mess abt with

#six of crows #soc spoilers #ck spoilers #crooked kingdom #Kaz Brekker #grishaverse #soc #soc duology #my post

[centrally-unplanned]

Allocating Your Aesthetic Budget: Sailor Moon Edition

Sailor Moon is a show that undoubtedly built a powerhouse of a visual brand. Should I even bother posting a screenshot of the sailor scouts, given that I am 100% confident anyone reading this can recall them instantly? I guess it won’t hurt: 

Anime is often really good at creating iconic designs like this, through repetition of the visuals. It is awkward in live action shows if characters just wear the same outfit every scene (what, they only own one outfit? Are they homeless/work in the tech industry?), but animation gives us enough aesthetic “distance”, an awareness that this isn’t accurate to real life, that you can buy into the conceit. By wearing the same outfit every time, it just becomes the character. Not to mention a studio can really save quite a few bucks by streamlining production with neat tricks like having only one character design to animate - when you are on a shoe-string budget, like pretty much every anime in the 90’s was, every cut corner counts.

What is interesting about Sailor Moon is that most of the time it doesn’t really use this conceit at all.

-----------

Episode 15 of Sailor Moon’s first season has, in its opening act, this shot of all of the Senshi (at the time) talking to the plot-of-the-day character, who clearly trains rock Pokemon in 16-bit caves in his off hours:

If you knew nothing about these three characters, you could probably infer about 80% of their personality just from their outfits. Usagi (the blond one in the middle, if that's necessary) is wearing:

Light pastel colours, with pink on top of that: girly, feminine, bubbly and breezy

Short-but-not-too-short of a skirt, and red heels: cares about fashion, wants to project an image of being a woman with a romantic hint to it

Long-twin tails w/ buns: Contrasting the shoes, she is still immature and childish. It also means she is the protagonist of an anime 

Rei (far right) rocks a very different look:

T-shirt and jean shorts, shoes over heels: sensible, practical, a bit sporty

Very short shorts, long black hair: Confident, a bit aggressive, and suggestive of a more overt sexuality

Ami (far left) settles into a more restrained vibe with:

Full, long, but sleeveless dress, bob-cut hair: Chaste, more conservative, but not to the point of prudishness; particularly with the length (and the hand posture, shielding her body) probably a bit shy

Monochrome blue colour in outfit & hair: reserved, serene, possessing a calm demeanor

I know I have seen the show already, but really none of these details are a stretch - this is just the language of fashion. And all of these outfits are outfits that the characters have never (or rarely) worn before up until this point. The cast of Sailor Moon, far from that animation conceit of “standard outfits”, change clothes all…

the….

time.

     I just randomly clicked on episodes to find these, it requires no hunting

And while it isn’t always as spot on as the top picture, they all in some way embody the language of visual design to speak to the personality of the characters. If you want to see more, check out one of the multiple tumblrs dedicated to the everyday clothing the Sailor Senshi wear, because of course those exist.

If this was a 2010’s Kyoto Animation show, pointing this out would be the end of it - every one of their shows has this level of impeccable detail. Sailor Moon is notable in that it is not at all that kind of show; the animation and designs in Sailor Moon take perpetual shortcuts to get the job done. I don’t think the transformation sequences need to be belabored - the way they permitted the team to recycle identical animation sequences, multiple times per episode, was surely a godsend to the production schedule. Yet not all of the budget limitations are so prettily masked:

     I’m sure they finished the background art in the...VHS release?

The show is filled with dirty animation, unfinished backgrounds, backgrounds that are a simple color gradient for no clear reason, and so on. It is clear that the Sailor Moon team did not have the resources for every detail - which is why the decision of what details they did choose to prioritize is so interesting.

----------

What is the point of Sailor Moon? I do believe that shows have “points”; and by that I don’t mean a message or theme but a core appeal to an audience, something specific that they will get out of the show. Almost every show appeals along multiple axes, and Sailor Moon is no exception, but I want to focus on one: aesthetic identification.

If you learn someone is a Sailor Moon fan, there is the obvious follow-up question you have to ask, namely “which Sailor Senshi are you?” It’s the which-Harry-Potter-house-are-you question of anime, a horoscope where you can choose your sign (in this case literally). The premise of this concept is not hard for media to execute on - it is just personality traits and aesthetics grouped together under a label, a basic building block of media and clickbait internet quizzes. Harry Potter, ironically, raised up its memetic question almost by accident, as its focus is so squarely on House Gryffindor that the others are almost forgotten; it was just so mind-bogglingly popular that it didn’t matter. 

Sailor Moon, however, takes this concept and allocates so much of its aesthetic budget into making it a centerpiece of the show. Sailor Moon herself is a klutzy, lazy romantic, Sailor Mercury is a shy, earnest bookworm, and so on, with none of them ever really becoming very complex characters. However, the show devotes itself to making you *feel* these archetypes as strongly and intricately as possible. All of those outfit changes are chosen because not only do real girls care about their outfits and can therefore identify more strongly with characters who do the same, but so they can constantly emulate their archetype in diverse, different ways. The show doesn't have the budget for intense action scenes, so after Sailor Moon engages in her hyper-serious transformation sequences, she proceeds to, nearly every time, bumble through the combat scenes like this:

Oh sure, the scenes are done this way because it is funny (and good comedy can be done on any budget - these shots are frequently still frames with motion lines!), but it is also done this way because Sailor Moon is a total screw-up, and if you identify with that it is validating to see someone “just like you” able to pull off wins despite it all. The transformation sequences are not only beautiful animation that showcases aspirational power, but are also crafted to highlight the personalities of the Senshi in question - unless you think aggressive, combative Rei got fire powers by coincidence. Half of the run-time of every episode is spent, not on the plot du-jour, but on light-hearted personal squabbles between the cast because those scenes are not just funny, but also allow for far more moments of character expression. 

All of that work pays off in building with the audience, not a connection with a character who reflects their identity in total, but a connection that reflects one aspect of their identity in an extremely deep (dare I say multifaceted?) way. I think if you were to describe Sailor Moon as a “shallow” show, you would actually be right to say so, in a sense. These characters will never have the true depth of personality, themes and so on of a more ‘adult’ show. But those adult shows have to spend their effort somewhere - for all that the themes of say Evangelion or Paranoia Agent are pristinely detailed and impactful, you aren’t ever going to be memorizing the moves of their transformation sequences. The way Sailor Moon committed so strongly to fleshing out the archetypes the Senshi stood for is, I think, one of the keys to how this cast of five became so iconic.

     Not even their school uniforms match! They had to spend time in-universe *justifying* this!

----------

A Final Note:

At least, everything I’ve said here applies to Sailor Moon at its peaks. The show, however, is not one without its stumbles, even in Season 1. This section doesn’t flow into the core essay too well, but I wanted to note it because if you were to watch Sailor Moon today, you might struggle to feel the dynamic outlined above. The biggest culprit here is the length - Season 1 is 46 episodes long, and sections of it most certainly drag. They also take a startlingly long time to introduce the cast - this choice builds tension around their arrival, but it also means the later Senshi get a lot less time to establish themselves. Sailor Venus in particular gets hamstrung by this - she is introduced and then immediately arc plot elements sweep the narrative, and so she is left as a hollow shell for some time. The pacing of the show is undoubtedly flawed.

I think Sailor Moon is a show that you do have to keep its time and place in mind for - namely, middle schoolers and anime nerds watching it on broadcast TV in the 90’s. As an adult you “get” the point of the show pretty quickly, and get satiated on it almost as fast. Watching it all in a few sittings only heightens this problem. For a younger audience, and one that is waiting for a week between episodes with no internet for plot reminders, all that extra time is needed to jog memories and build connections. And younger audiences just have that limitless commitment to the things they love! If you think no one could actually enjoy seeing the same transformation sequence for the 30th time, watch it with someone who would have died for this show when they were 10 and you will be disabused of that notion *very* quickly. 

Still, we can’t travel back in time - Sailor Moon is a show of its era. There are “filler-reduced” guides out there, though I caution that the plot of Sailor Moon is absolutely not the point of the show in comparison to the character dynamics, and so sometimes the filler is the best part (Cat-Rhett Butler is the best character in the show YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT). Certainly, however, some method must be used to cut down on its length. If you are going to be a first time viewer in adulthood, that reality should be kept in mind, and if you do accept it for what it is you can really appreciate its core appeal - and don’t forget to finish it off with a 1990′s era internet personality quiz to really wrap it up!

#essay #anime analysis #sailor moon

[the-quiet-winds]

BRITTNEY MACK WINKED AT ME (not clickbait)

or Six Chicago, July 9th, 2019

basically this will be an incoherent mess of me yelling about things i saw. so here we go.

for my west end fans: 

adrianna - aragon, andrea - boleyn, abby - seymour, brittney - cleves, courtney - howard, anna - parr.

the show itself:

- the intro to the show being various pop songs played on lute and harpsichord made my life honestly

- watching all the queens come out, backlit and smoke-screened, was amazing

- brittney winked at me during ex-wives. right at me. (more on this later)

- adrianna’s no way was so. good. at the end she paused and then started waving and blowing kisses into the crowd it was adorable.

- andrea taking a selfie was so fucking cute and then she just started jamming

- stacy mcmichael (the bassist) was going so hard the whole show i truly stan her

- when andrea sang “and the little one said...” she pointed at herself 

- andrea asked kimi (maggie) “what was i meant to do?” and she shrugged and then she asked stacy “what was i meant to do?” and stacy was kinda like ‘you’re on your own mate’

- her wearing yellow to a funeral was so on point and she was looking straight at everyone in our area

- if i could describe abby’s seymour, i would say a bumbling mum who doesn’t quite know what she’s doing

- when abby said she loved henry, courtney looked absolutely betrayed, and anna looked so confused.

- abby was definitely crying at the end of heart of stone. tears in her eyes, wiping at her cheeks, everything. 

- haus of holbein in real life is an acid trip and it was awesome

- the opera brittney does? in get down? it was so pure, so perfectly placed. thank you toby and lucy for giving us that.

- the guy she called up to dance was a man in a nice blue suit, and he went OFF. so much so that brittney had to tell him to stop and gave him a “dirty look”

- when courtney was roasting the other queen, she threw an arm around abby and played with the ends of her hair, and abby looked so lost. 

- courtney’s breakdown at the end of all you wanna do broke my damn heart. anna put a hand on her knee and she jumped clear off the stage.

- at the end, after the kiss-gasp, she just turned her head up and there was a single, dark pink spotlight on her. it was a chilling image.

- when everyone started making fun of parr, they formed a little circle in the middle of the stage and spoke in very mocking voices.

- after abby’s “when i wanted to hold my newborn son” tangent, brittney pulled her away, and abby did the mum thing (tm) where she wiped something off britt’s chin with her thumb.

- anna’s riffs should be illegal.

- i thought they broke something during the dialogue between i don’t need your love and the remix. i heard electronic crackling, probably a mic brushing a costume, and then they paused for a full minute before saying “guys, you think they got it?” and moving on to the remix.

- when they did the slow intro into six, anna sang “we’re one of a kind...” and looked right at courtney and offered her her hand, and courtney smiled, sang “no category,” and took her hand (it was hella soft)

- six was very cute and they were all hyping each other up

- i have a megasix and i will maybe upload it

stagedoor

- everyone stagedoored except abby

- i was right on the edge because i got shoved out of the way by some 10 year olds and i didn’t feel like doing anything about it, and i was still in the front

- mallory practically ran me over to get out and i would have been okay if she had

- courtney came out first, we had a short conversation and she started going back down the line

- adrianna! came out next, and made a beeline straight to me and said, i kid you not, “hey beautiful,” before signing my playbill and i nearly melted. she was so sweet.

- anna started making her way down the line, and my mom said really quietly from behind me “i loved her” and i was like “same.” she was very very kind.

- andrea is so short irl but still very fun. my mom and i both told her she was very funny

- then britt came out and basically came right to me. i said “you winked at me in the second row” and she said “i remember you! you were so smiley!” and yeah i almost died again. 

- i bought a shirt, the one with the silhouettes that just has the logo and i love it.

sorry this was so long but i had a lot of thoughts.

go see six!!!

#six the musical #six musical #adrianna hicks #andrea macasaet #abby mueller #brittney mack #courtney mack #anna uzele #julie rambles

[wherestheicedcoffee]

i almost died *not clickbait*

okay so basic youtuber catchphrase i'm hoping on the bandwagon, k bitches let's get going. storytime: so yesterday, saturday may 4th, i went to this plant place that's about 45 minutes from my house with my mom. the entire day i was having bad seasonal allergies due to the pollen. so we went to cvs to get me some claritin(i hope that's how it's spelt) while we were there we got drinks and my mom got this trail mix kinda thing. we decided to go to the disney store, while on the way there we opened the snack thing. it get bad after this, so my mom eats some of it and is like you should try this it's super good. so I did, not even five minutes later my tongue was swollen and my throat was starting to swell. I tried pushing through thinking that it wasn't gonna get any worse. boy was a fucking wrong. so at this point it started getting hard to breathe. so my mom decieded it was best to go to the hospital. we called my dad to tell him what was going on and he said to try to come home to the hospital near my house, again 45 minutes away, this was the "better option" out of going to the hospital 1p minutes from where we currently were . we got maybe 5 minutes into going home and i started to not be able to breathe unless I stuck my tongue out and panted like a dog. soon I couldn't control my saliva so my mom pulled an illegal u turn and said we were going to the closer hospital. on the way to the hospital i started getting worse, so my mom stabbed me with my epi pen (i have it but for a different allergy). once we got to the hospital, i couldnt talk nor breathe nor swallow properly. they rushed me in and hooked me up to an iv and a hard monitor and shit, i don't really remember much bc i was so exhausted and worn out and miserable. they ran blood work and gave me steroids and benadryl. the hospital staff watched me for 2 hours and i was not improving, so they hit me with more steroids and benadryl as well as another epi pen. at this point I was covered in hives so they packed me in Ice packs. after another hour i started making progress. my swelling in my tongue was going down as well as my swelling in my throat. it took another hour for all of my symptoms to go away and for me to return to a pretty normal attitude other then the fact that I was high on a bunch of meds. they continued to watch me for another hour in case of a third flare up. finally they released me, but warned my mom that for the next 12 hours i could re-flare up and go back to the whole swelling issue. so we went to go pick up my meds bc I needed them (wow of course you do) so that was my saturday. currently today, sunday may 5th, i feel like absolute crap. I'm so tired so sore so just a mess. so yeah, that's the story of how I nearly died due to cashews (which cashews aren't on my currently known allergy list and so I'm kinda upset over it and I'm ready to use cashews)

i hope you enjoyed that storytime about my misery and my near death experience and my newfound hatred of cashews. honestly I doubt any of y'all read that entire thing, if you did congrats if you didn't congrats as well.

[ao3feed-themagnusarchives]

I ALMOST NEARLY DIED!!!!!!!!!! *not clickbait*

by indefensibleselfindulgence

🌀: wHaT dO yOu CalL iT wHeN wOrMs TaKe OvEr ThE wOrLd?

Jonathan Sims: Wrong Number. Again.

🌀: it's really hard to type with my hands please play along with my joke it's all i have

Words: 1175, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of 15 Totally Terrific Tips To Texting... TODAY!

Fandoms: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, M/M, Other

Characters: Annabelle Cane, Oliver Banks, Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas, Nikola Orsinov, Jane Prentiss, Martin Blackwood, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Jonathan Sims, Sasha James

Relationships: onesided Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Nikola Orsinov/Jane Prentiss

Additional Tags: Epistolary, Chatting & Messaging, Texting, Comedy, Canon Typical Weirdness, implied horror, no beta's we die like men, Emotional Manipulation, Trapped

source http://archiveofourown.org/works/18628918

#the magnus archives #ao3feed #fanfiction

[elliesrandomessays-blog]

Clickbait Title: How Todd in the Shadows killed Pop Music.

Non-Clickbait title: How the change in the social preconceptions of Pop music as a genre resulted in Pop Music making itself irrelevant.

For around a year now critics of American Pop Music have been lamenting the near complete overtaking of Pop music as the predominant music of choice by Hiphop. It's an unique time to be a fan of Chart Music. If you go on the Billboard Hot 100, the literal definition of what is popular in the USA at any one time you'll find a list that is primarily Rap music, not Pop. The top 20 at the time of writing currently has 13 rap songs amongst its ranks, and it doesn't peter off as you scroll down through the 70's and 80's. It gets worse if you're slightly sharper on your definition of Pop because pure Pop music only has at best 3 songs in the top 20. Hiphop is seeing a dominance of mainstream culture right now and has managed to almost entirely remove Pop music from the cultural zeitgeist and many critics want to know why. Why is Pop music no longer Pop music.

This could be the legit hot 100 or the Hiphop hot 100 and there’d be no difference.

I will quickly acknowledge the unfortunate duality of the term 'pop music'. It functions both as shorthand for music that is popular, regardless of genre or origin; and as an explicit label for the genre of pop music. Much the same way that indie can both mean independent, and the genre of indie. This is unhelpful bit of lexical crossover that's contributing to the general frustration so I'll spell the leading question out explicitly: why is capital-P Pop music no longer pop(ular) music.

There are many small factors that contribute to this such as the changes in the way music is consumed; Hiphop as a genre has been a lot quicker to adapt its method of distribution to the age of streaming than Pop being the big one that most people point to as the root cause, but I think there's a much more substantial change to the way the general media approaches Pop as a genre that has split it's audience down the middle. Essentially dividing and conquering.

I would put the main issue being with the form of Pop music criticism that began to spring up around 2010. The wave of Poptimism that I'm referring to technically began as far back as 2004 with the rabbit hole of Rockism and the philosophical rejection of the idea that disposable is an inherent negative but it picked up the majority of it's momentum around the time the Club Boom began to reach its third act (think: when Ke$ha became a thing). It's hard to ascertain exactly why it happened but the consequences of this change aren't hard to see, with the most tangibly visible effect being the sudden rise of Todd In The Shadows. While I wouldn't call him directly responsible for this shift - Todd moving from a novelty who applied the standard YouTube-Media-Criticism to Chart Music up to one of the largest influencers of the post-TWGTG style ('post-' being used in the same context as 'post-'modern) was largely driven by the sudden proliferation of Poptimism, and he in general serves as good synecdoche for much of the change in attitude that occurred around the time. So while this shift has nothing literally to do with Todd and his content, he's a good symbol of it, on top of him being a large feature of the surface-level of the change. For ease of reference from this point I'm going to refer to this new attitude as Toddian.

After Toddian-Poptimism rose there was a new critical eye being applied to Chart music and it felt like the charts had entered a golden age - unparalleled since the 80's. Pop music from Adele, Jason DeRulo, Carly Rae Jepsen, fun., Meghan Trainor, Taylor Swift, Justin Timberlake and many more managed to be in a position where they were both massively commercially successful and given the respect (and occasionally even acclaim) they deserved from critics for being well constructed, enjoyable music that had impact on people. In spite of the assumption that you're old enough to get in to a Club, the Club Boom was seen as a very immature time for music and you could read this Toddian era as being representative of a maturation of Pop Music, and the world responded. Serious, snobby, oldschool music critics weren't afraid anymore to include a Taylor Swift song on their year-end lists when none would've been caught dead doing the same with Flo Rida. And a whole Youtube subgenre of Chart critics grew in the garden Todd had planted. The musical artists of this time were respected for being good Pop Music, not respected for being good in spite of being Pop music: this era spelled the death of the Guilty Pleasure.

So, Question: why did it all stop? The Answer: the devil is in the details of what this new wave of Poptimism was actually doing to Chart Music. If you look at the general trend of what Toddian criticism liked and disliked there's one running theme that even at the time I was skeptical of and has since proven destructive to their own intended goal: Retro.

Remember the time we let a 30 year regression become nearly the most popular song of all time?

The overwhelming trend with Toddian criticism is heaping a majority of the praise on genre-throwbacks and a reporting with a general air of unease newer genres that lack history. Synthpop, R&B, Funk, and Indie-Rock are regular appearances on 'Best songs of X year' lists. House, EDM, and Traprap are regular appearances on the opposite. In retrospect looking at these lists the general impression is not that Toddian criticism exist in order to promote Pop music as a place where legitimate artistic statements can be made and forward movement is being made, but rather to quash any potential movements away from the genres that the vague umbrella of nostalgia is comfortable with. Bar the odd breakthrough from Hiphop, Singer-Songwriter and memeworthy dance songs the charts of this era and especially the hit songs that were regarded as worthwhile can near universally be pinned to a specific retro era they were appealing to. Right across from 60's doo-wop to 90's synth-funk and every possible step inbetween, the critical process turned into "They seem to be going for a [decade]-era [artist] vibe on this new track" with lists ranking them on how much that critic enjoys each of the eras relative to one another.

Even within the context of individual artists careers you can see this. Justin Timberlake in 2014 releases 'Can't Stop the Feeling!', a piece of retro summertime-funk and it becomes one of the most well regarded pieces of popular music of the decade. In 2018 JT releases 'Filthy' a piece of modern Pop music that interpolates elements of modern dance and electronic and he's career is immediately killed. Calvin Harris spends decades regarded as the lowest Chart Music gets. In 2017 he released Funk Wav Bounces and suddenly 'Slide' is a critical darling. The next year he releases the equally quality House song 'One Kiss' and no one cares. Taylor Swift. 80's pop album 1989 is adored. Modern pop Reputation is hailed as an artistic bomb. The Weeknd. Moody PBR&B was rejected. Peppy 'Can't Feel My Face' is a "modern classic". David Guetta, Zedd, Martin Garrix and similar EDM producers are all seemingly ignored when they briefly entered the spotlight with only Avicii and Clean bandit getting acknowledgements because they spliced Electronica with Folk and Classical respectively. Imagine Dragons, one of the few rock bands unironically trying to push forward into modern Pop styles of production and aesthetic when pure Indie were adored yet are now regarded as "worse than Nickleback". Which is a phrase so incredibly toploaded with subtext that I could double the length of this essay just digging into those three words. I could go on longer with these but I'll leave the rest as names for you to think about yourself: Pharrell Williams, Bruno Mars, Ariana Grande, Fall Out Boy, Jason DeRulo, Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, Charli XCX, Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars.

Over the course of half-a-decade, the Pop music industry went from rewarded greatly, to heavily disincentivized to promote modern Pop music. Some would seep through the cracks such as Tove Lo and Julia Michaels but the lukewarm and actively hostile responses they respectively got were just further perpetuating the problem. Why would any rational record label want to invest time and money into artists trying to sound modern when all the Toddian eye is going to do is reject them in favour of someone who's tearing ideas directly out of Billy Joel's playbook. This lead to the inevitable crowding out of newer acts who were experimenting in modern genres. The last truly modern act to break in to the upper echelons of popular culture were probably The Chainsmokers. With Roses, Don't let Me Down and Closer all being incredibly popular with no retro era to support themselves only. And they also served as the Toddian eye's most brutal target. Literally being regarded as the worst album of the year.

(I'm aware that Todd himself actually liked The Chainsmokers. So this a good time for a reminder this isn't about his opinions specifically).

The obvious immediate rebuttal to this was posed to be within minutes when I posted the initial thesis for this essay on Twitter: if modern-Pop was killed by an overpraise of retro-Pop. Why isn't retro-Pop dominating the charts instead then?

The problem there is one that many fans of retro-Pop don't want to hear, retro-Pop was a fad, and that fad has now died. Or rather, retro-Pop was a rare occurrence of a meta-fad. It had a significantly longer lifespan than the 2004 indie-rock fad that gave us Mr.Brightside and the 2017 Spanish fad that gave us Despacito because rather than being one specific gimmick that popular culture was enamored with, it was composed of dozens of smaller fads that when placed one-after-another produce the illusion of a trend. If you actually look at the nitty-gritty no particular subfad of retro survived more than one or two artists releasing an album each. Doo-Wop was only popular long enough to give us Meghan Trainor and Charlie Puth while Michael Jackson was only popular long enough to give us The Weeknd and Jason Derulo. ect. ect. So the reason that Run Away With Me by Carly Rae Jepsen and Bills by LunchMoney Lewis weren't commercial successes in spite of seemingly being exactly the kind of retro hit that was at-the-time popular was because neither song were released when that specific era's fad was the in thing. Sure they were retro, but we already had Taylor Swift snap up dreamy 80's pop and DNCE had already filled the quota of glistening-pop-Funk so why would they need another?

There was no way that this essay was going to exist without a nod to E• MO•TION at some point.

By early 2017 we had already essentially run out of genres to co-opt without going into music that's so old it's nearly measured in centuries. So that put the music industry into a Catch-22. They can't invest their promotional time and money into retro-Pop anymore because the fad is well and truly dead (you can't make another Uptown Funk because Uptown Funk already exists) and the general public is going to reject it as a late-to-the-party grasp of desperation. But they can't invest into modern-Pop because Toddian critics are going to reject it outright because it doesn't appeal to the core aesthetics that they like and are going to heap tepid reviews on it which will seriously damage any attempts to market the thing, you can't advertise a 3-star review. The retro-Pop well dried up, and now in the final quarter of 2018 everyone regrets cementing up the old well. Eventually all fads die.

Now it's time to bring Justin Beiber in, who I imagine so far has been the biggest ? lying under this whole argument. Beiber was huge around the same time of the final years of the retro-Pop fad and wasn't making anything remotely retro. He was making incredibly forward-pushing, futuristic sounding dance-pop that had yet to really have an era before now. But he's the final piece of this puzzle: the fad that overtook retro. Justin Beiber was riding the next wave: Tropical. Major Lazer started it, Beiber rode it to the top, Sia and Ed Sheeran followed behind him. That fad had the lifespan of a normal fad - around 14 months. Then that naturally morphed into Spanish music. Then that fad died and nothing came in to replace it so Pop music was left with a hole and nothing to fill it. Once again that left the pop music industry with the more general formulation of the Catch-22. Fad has died so can't promote that without looking desperate, can't promote new Pop music because no one wants to swim in a lukewarm pool where the lifeguard secretly wishes you were someone else.

Hiphop itself is pretty much irrelevant to the story. There's nothing special about Rap as a genre apart from the fact it just happened to be the 2nd place racer when 1st place's tires blew-out. That's not to say that Rap wasn't doing some legitimately incredible things and isn't worthy of success. But all I'm saying is Post Malone, Cardi B, and Kendrick Lamar would've been top-40-popular anyway and there was simply no one else in the way to stop them *not* going to number 1.

This has all had the consequence of turning Pop music, in both forms, into niche genres. Now that the general public isn't consuming Pop because it's what the miasma of popular culture tells them to like Pop has to start appealing to people who're actual Popheads, and when your audience becomes niche-sized they're small enough to make the critical decisions themselves. No one wants to listen to retro-Pop stars that the big labels are offering anymore because their audience now is so small that the audience is cutting out the middlemen and just listening to old music (it's no surprise this has all been at the same time as Africa by Toto's sudden rebirth) while on the other end no one wants to listen to the modern-Pop that labels offer anymore because their audience is making active decisions and is instead listening to Alison Wonderland and Virtual Self. Some like myself have even defected as far as Bill Wurtz.

Seriously, if you’re a person who considers yourself ‘in to’ music and only think of Bill Wurtz as that weird guy who made the history videos then you’re missing out.

I'm not even going to pretend that there's a solution to this problem. Even if I had one I'm an insignificant enough cog in the machine that I couldn't enact it. But I can give my perspective on where the future of the Charts lie.

The main thing to keep in mind is that this is all cyclical. Eventually the general consuming public will get sick of Hiphop and whomever is in 2nd place when that happens is going to capitalize on the exact same sort of collapse that got us in the current situation. Arguably this will happen a lot faster since Toddian was a relatively large shift in critical style compared to 2009 but Hiphop has always had a higher degree of scrutiny applied to it for both fair and unfair reasons. And Pop music isn't totally dead either, arguably the nadir has passed and it’s on the way up not down at the current moment. As much as I dislike it, Weezer's cover of Africa shows there's at least a way back in to mainstream consciousness for Pop music if it decides to go down that route. And acts such as LSD, Bazzi and Halsey are still managing to claw their way into high listen counts through sheer force of quality.

So for now, I'd say enjoy the ride. And enjoy the brief time that Toddian Criticism has put us in where the radio not giving you Pop to listen to puts you in a place where you hear Tessa Violet for the first time instead

#Pop Music #Pop #Hot 100 #Poptimism #Popheads #Charts

[rgr-pop]

I bought the thing! I’ve gone through all my makeup stash except for my lipstick very recently (& makeup I went through earlier this year), and I’ve been using it and going out more, so I am developing a concrete list of things that I don’t have and would like to have. (as opposed to upcoming releases that I covet!) these are those eyeshadows:

a pigmented, matte bright-burnt orange. nothing that sheers out too peachy. I have not seen any that would properly fit the bill. makeup geek morocco is close but too coral, I think. UD spike is too red and too peach. coloured rain pumpkin pie is not at all what I am looking for, but now that I have seen it I have decided I will die without it! in which case empress would be worth trying, but it seems too red to me from here. devil, in the kat von d saint & sinner palette, is brighter than what I’m imagining but I like it the best but probably only because I’m heavily trying to talk myself out of talking myself out of wanting that palette very badly.

a true (not blue or grey, almost yellow-based) easter fucking lavender. I don’t know what kind of finish I imagine here, a lot of the shimmers end up looking too grey or blue, and a lot of mattes I end up hating. I just don’t feel like I have a real lavender! everything in the neighborhood is purported to suck. mufe has probably the perfect one in artist palette 3, which is a great palette with a few shades I love, and it’s also on sale I know I know, but for some reason I hate looking at all those colors together and it makes me not want it? even though I should want it?? OK FINE I want it.  but less than that kat von d, which has less good reviews and at least 2-3 shadows I have fully duped :( there seem to be more decent eyeliners that would serve this, and I have a nyx liquid one, which is half the reason I’m trying to find a shadow to pair with it! there’s a creme color that matches the liner I have, but I’m trying to be very cautious about buying cream shadows, because I do not use them fast enough, and cheap ones will dry out on me very fast.

I may make one exception, though. there’s this pale aqua-mint cream shadow my mom used to wear--a greener essie mint candy apple, maybe?--that I want to replace. it’s by rimmel. I wore it a bit after she died but it came to me broken (all of her makeup was broken! take better care of your things everybody! close everything up tight!) and it’s just nasty now. it’s been sitting on my bathroom floor for months so that I’ll look at it and remember to find something, lmao! normally I would replace a cream shade with a powder formula for the aforementioned reasons, but.  I love the way that I can wear this very opaque and creamy (cream--not matte, not shimmer, creamy) and it looks perfectly dated barbie, but when I sheer it out it has a nice skin finish. the shade can’t be too bright or too tiffany or too drab--just deadpan, cream. I must have it! it will take time.

there is a very specific metallic green from a few early 00s runway collections that I can’t place. I have a hair brush from that era that is this exact green. it is missing half of its bristles but I keep it, because it is this green.  seen also, more vividly, in maurizio galante spring 2011. the only thing that approaches this green in spirit is sugarpill clickbait, which I may just need to snag. and a matching nail polish, please!

when I did a colourpop order last I told myself I have plenty of hot pinks and do not need a hot pink. since then I’ve played around with all my hot pinks and decided that I do not, in fact, have a suitable non-blue lipstick pink eyeshadow for the best possible monochrome face, especially as I’ve been leaning into more barbie pinks rather than the bluey fuchsias I feel more comfortable in. what I have is the maybelline color tattoo pigment in pink rebel, which is remarkably purple-ish, especially with its blue-based shimmer. it’s very pretty but as it builds up it only gets less hot pink, and more fairy-lavender. I also have an old sweetpea and fay pink pigment that is nearly orange, not suitable at all, and plenty of lighter, paler, and orchid pinks. so I’ve ordered (on sale!) nyx’s primal color pressed pigment in hot pink, which is exactly perfect. I also want to get colourpop slave2pink ASAP to supplement, those are the perfect ones, and the ones I’ve been using have been poor excuses. I would eventually like a (liquid or not) eye liner in that shade, which (along with a perfect red) are the only eyeliners I’m giving myself permission to seek until I start wearing liner more regularly. there are a lot of great options there, I think.

something I can do a full, opaque foil silver lid with. I like coloured raine flashing lights, both silvers in the ud heavy metals palette (though I do not want that palette!), urban decay shellshock, all of the silvers in the color tattoo line (this would be an appropriate application of a cream shadow! all of my old ones of these--and I had so many!--dried out!). I have so many extremely pigmented silver liners, I can’t believe I don’t have anything like this. I also love--at the alter of mixed metals, always--slightly fucked up/warmed/pewter silvers. NARS parallax is the best of all of the above, it’s perfect, I just can’t pay that much for a single.

can we talk about the chartreuse golds everyone is promising and failing to produce? I think butter london should make a wallis shadow! also, someone get me butter london wallis, finally, in 2017

#fashion #makeup #blush is simpler: maybe just a true red and a real blue purple

[whimzea-blog]

Better than Sex 4/?

Title: Better than Sex

Author: whimzea

Pairing: Zane/Heath

Summary: Heath attempts to quit smoking cold turkey on a five-day camping trip with Zane in Sequoia National Park.

Also up on AO3 here.

Zane let Heath set the pace. At first it was fast and furious, as Heath was still pissed off about the truck, but after tripping over a branch and nearly face-planting, he was a bit slower. Now, Heath seemed to be in a zen-like state, moving forward up the trail without speaking, sighing, or grumbling. It was a nice change from the morning.

It smelled good in the woods, and Zane was thoroughly enjoying seeing something besides pavement and strip malls. LA had its nice spots, but this was nature nature. Not a couple of palm trees and manicured grass. A mile in, they passed the family of four looking up at a tree. Zane sort of wanted to know what they were looking at, but if he stopped, Heath would lose him in a second. Fuck, he was going pretty fast for a guy who just stopped smoking a pack-a-day.

At the end of mile two they reached a “creek”, which unlike the creeks they knew in Florida, was cold, fast, and didn’t look too great for fishing or swimming. In fact, there was even a sign that said NO SWIMMING. Too bad.

Heath stopped, breathing heavily. Zane flopped down on the edge of the trail and pulled two bottles of water out of his pack, offering one to Heath.

They stayed there for a long time, not speaking, just listening. Heath pulled out his phone and starting taking photos of the creek, the trees. Zane just watched. When the family of four finally caught up to them, pausing to ooh and aah at the creek, Zane looked at his Fitbit. He had taken a lot of jeering from the guys for that particular purchase, but now that he was working out more, it was handy as fuck. It had the time and everything.

“We better head back,” Zane said, his voice sounding strange after not speaking for hours. “We want to get to camp way before dark so we can set up the fire pit. And it’s a lot of uphill this direction.”

He expected some snide remark from Heath about him not only being a prison warden but a drill sergeant too, but Heath only nodded.

The little girl from the camp site ran up to Heath, her fist clutched. “Look what I found!” She opened her fist, revealing a rock flecked with tiny gold flakes. “Pretty cool, huh?”

She beamed up at Heath, and the man smiled back. “Very cool. Don’t lose it.”

“I won’t!” she assured him before running back to her parents.

Zane stood, brushing off his shorts. Heath passed him and they resumed their hike, Heath still in the front, but maybe a bit slower this time.

Half a mile from the creek, Heath stopped in the middle of the trail. “What’s up?” Zane asked, catching up to him. “You alright?”

Heath looked him in the eye for the first time that day and stepped towards him. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to change his mind at the last minute. Heath pulled out his phone.

“Before my phone dies, we should vlog something,” Heath said. “I’m sure the viewers would love to see me hot and sweaty in nature.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Zane replied, grinning.

Heath smiled for the first time since- fuck, yesterday?- and hit record. “Hi ya’ll…”

Zane pulled a face for the camera and jogged ahead. Things were getting better.

Heath’s phone died a quarter of a mile from the camp, and they walked back side by side in good spirits. Heath hadn’t apologized for being a total dick, but Zane had a sneaking suspicion that there was more dickishness to come and he was waiting to beg for forgiveness at the end.

“Fuck, I want a cigarette,” Heath groaned, collapsing into one of the camp chairs.

“Yeah, nothing like sucking in some nice black tar and nicotine after breathing in the clean, fresh air of a millennia-old forest,” Zane dead-panned, setting his backpack down and rolling out his shoulders.

“Fuck you,” Heath said without any heat. “Can I have a beer at least, Mom?” “No,” Zane said, shaking his head. “Not until we fix up the fire pit. Last thing I need is for you to stumble into the woods drunk looking for firewood and get mauled by a coyote.”

“That would be good clickbait,” Heath mused, before getting Zane’s damp balled-up t-shirt in his face.

“C’mon. We need wood. We’re allowed to pick up what we find,” Zane said, heading towards the patch of woods near their site.

Heath watched Zane- well, Zane’s back, to be more specific- as Zane continued to roll out his shoulders, his deltoids moving beneath his skin, sprinkled with sweat. He stared until Zane turned around. “You coming?”

Heath shook his head and followed.

It took much longer than necessary to start the fire due to Heath’s whining, but eventually they had a roaring fire, had polished off two beers and three hot dogs each, and were contemplating make s’mores. It was starting to get dark, and it seemed the family of four had already started in on their own s’mores making.

“Mom, can we have those guys over for s’mores?” the little girl yelled loudly, pointing in Zane and Heath’s direction.

“Olivia, don’t yell,” her mother chided, looking up at Zane and Heath and rolling her eyes.

“Seems like she’s taking a liking to you two,” the woman called over with a smile. “Care to join us?”

“Yeah, care to join us?” Olivia repeated, holding up a stick with an unroasted marshmallow impaled on the top.

“Might be a good distraction,” Zane said lowly into Heath’s ear, nodding towards Heath’s jittery leg which hadn’t stopped bouncing since they sat for dinner.

Heath elbowed Zane and stood up. “How could I turn down an invitation from such a charming young lady?”

“What about him?” Olivia asked, pointing at Zane.

“I have to go take a shower, because I really smell,” Zane said in mock seriousness.

Olivia giggled. “My brother smells all the time. I don’t mind.”

“Olivia!”

As they parted ways, Heath called towards Zane. “Leave the truck keys?”

“Not on your life,” Zane called back, grabbing his shower bag from his stuff and heading towards the bathrooms.

Two hours later, both Heath and Zane were freshly showered, full of s’mores and beer (Olivia’s dad had stocked up) and by their own fire pit.

“I’m fucking beat,” Zane groaned.

“It’s only 9:00,” Heath scoffed. “Old man.”

“I’ve been up since 4 in the fuckin’ morning,” Zane shot back, downing the last of his beer. “Put out the fire, I’m going to piss.”

“But it’s warm,” Heath whined.

“Only you can prevent forest fires,” Zane responded before heading off to the woods.

To Zane’s surprise, the fire was almost out when he came back- just a few burning embers that Heath was throwing dirt on.

They stood awkwardly in the dark.

“I’m not tired,” Heath said, at the same time Zane asked, “are you still going to sleep in the truck?”

“My phone is dead, and I can’t even play Candy Crush,” Heath complained, ignoring Zane’s question.

“You’ll live,” Zane said, heading towards the tent. He crawled in.

“Hey, what if we get eaten by a bear? How will we call for help with no cell phones?”

“There’s an emergency phone in the camp office,” Zane replied. “And a charging station. We can use it in the morning. And anyways, my phone isn’t dead.”

“Can I play with it?” Heath asked, his eyes wide. Zane really wished Heath was talking about something other than his phone.

“Sure, but you have to stay in the tent.”

“No I don’t.”

“You literally do- I gave the truck keys to Olivia’s dad.”

“You what?”

Zane slid into his sleeping bag. “Insurance. You’re jittery like a crackhead. I trust you not to kill me in my sleep, but I don’t trust you not to take the truck and burglarize a convenience store.”

“You can’t just give my truck keys to a complete stranger!”

“Heath, they drive a fucking Range Rover- I don’t think they want anything to do with your Toyota.”

“Hey! My truck is sexy as fuck and you better shut your mouth.” Zane did indeed shut his mouth, and after throwing Heath his phone and setting up the old-school alarm for the morning, he closed his eyes, too.

Sighing in defeat, Heath zipped up the tent and got into the other sleeping bag. He cursed when he realized that he couldn’t play Candy Crush without Internet. He cursed when the only game he could play was some 90’s looking version of Solitaire. He cursed when Zane started snoring. His head hurt. And he had to pee.

Fuck camping.

#zeath #zane and heath #ficlet

[dorothydelgadillo]

Writing Tips From Journalism, Aristotle, & of Course, Childish Gambino

Real-life mad man, Howard Gossage is quoted saying, “people don’t read advertising, they read what interests them. Sometimes, it’s an ad.”

I think the Socrates of San Francisco was being a bit generous — it’s usually not an ad.

Then again, Gossage wasn’t fighting for the attention of consumers with ad blockers, instant notifications, and millions of terabytes of media at their fingertips.     

However, in the era of branded content and inbound marketing, his point is more prophetic than ever.  

When we write copy, we aren’t competing with other copy — we are competing with our persona’s favorite publications, television shows, social feeds, movies, and music.

We are competing with everything they would rather consume than what we just wrote to promote our businesses.

Now, I know you’ve heard this before. You get it. There is more content than ever and we need to write better copy if we want to stand out -- but we are failing, marketers.

Most content kinda sucks -- and it’s a shame.

Because when done right, content marketing can spur incredible business growth.   

4 Non-Marketing Sources of Inspiration

I want to acknowledge that there is a ton of great marketing-specific content advice out there.

IMPACT’s very own Marcus Sheridan wrote a book called “They Ask, You Answer” that is one of my favorites and I highly recommend content guru Ann Handley’s “Everybody Writes” (See her at IMPACT live 18’).

Lessons from the golden age of copywriting also remain relevant.

The classic formula “create the problem, agitate the problem, and solve the problem” isn’t going out of style (I’m using it for this post) and you should always kill feature-heavy copy to highlight benefits.  

But those two paragraphs are the last in this post that will mention advice specific to marketing or advertising.

Great copywriting can and should draw inspiration from divergent sources.

I firmly believe if we want to create business-changing content, we need to take a hard look at what our personas are consuming instead of our blogs, social posts, and landing pages.

These are 4 non-marketing forms of media that helped me learn to write better copy.

1. Journalism

In his hallmark writing how-to “On Writing Well,” William Zinsser wrote, “The most important sentence in any article is the first one. If it doesn’t induce the reader to proceed to the second sentence, your article is dead.”

Readers Follow the Lede

Long before the goldfish attention spans of today’s web readers, journalists understood an article lives or dies with the lead (or “lede” if you want to be old-timey).  

A lead is the first 20 or 25 words of any article and how journalists hook their audience.

Leads can be as simple as a straight news lead that provides the reader a summary of all the most important facts.

This is commonly done for breaking news, like this example from today’s New York Times:  

“A California man suspected of accessing and defacing numerous military, government and business websites, including that of West Point’s Combating Terrorism Center and the New York City Comptroller’s Office, was arrested Thursday on computer fraud charges.”

Although, in feature stories or non-hard news, journalists often employ other types of leads that may inspire you to write better introductions.   

One such type is an anecdotal lead that uses narrative to draw you in.

Here’s a narrative lead from a 2006 pulitzer prize winning article written by Andrea Elliot in the New York Times:

“The young Egyptian professional could pass for any New York bachelor.

Dressed in a crisp polo shirt and swathed in cologne, he races his Nissan Maxima through the rain-slicked streets of Manhattan, late for a date with a tall brunette. At red lights, he fusses with his hair.

What sets the bachelor apart from other young men on the make is the chaperone sitting next to him — a tall, bearded man in a white robe and stiff embroidered hat.”

What makes this lead so strong is that it introduces the main tension of the story, that this young Egyptian bachelor must reconcile modern dating rituals with those of his traditional beliefs, without explicitly telling you all the summary facts.

It draws you in. You can’t help but want to keep reading.

When you’re writing meta descriptions, think of leads. What are the 300 characters you can write that will leave your audience with no choice but to click for more?

For some of your content, particularly educational content, that may mean the straight facts. Other content may be better teased with tension-filled narrative arcs.

Avoid Cliches & Jargon

Now, before any journalists call me out, I know my lead for this post is the much-maligned quote — but I like to think all rules are made to be broken.  

If there is anything else editors hate, it’s cliches. Avoid them like the plague (yes, I did that on purpose).

In marketing, think ____ is dead, or ____ is king. No one really believes SEO is dead anymore and we get that content is king.

Also, eliminate all jargon.

We may say things like leverage, ten thousand foot view, and thought leader to each other, but our audience doesn’t. All jargon does is alienate them and demonstrate what a hard time we have talking like humans about our profession.

Don’t Ask “Yes or No” Questions          

Another truism from journalists that may help sharpen your writing is Betteridge’s law.

Betteridge’s law states that any headline that asks a question can probably be answered no. It is designed to bring attention to the fact that if a journalist is using a question, it probably means they are trying to over sell what is in fact a pretty dull payoff.

If you were breaking the story that cancer has been cured, you wouldn’t write, “Have we found the cure for cancer?” You would simply write, “Cancer cured.”  

Keep Betteridge’s law in mind when you are writing headlines or page titles. Otherwise, you risk alienating your audience with clickbait that only lets them know they shouldn’t click again.

The Inverted Pyramid

And last, but not least, always remember the inverted pyramid.

Relevant for almost all media writing, the inverted pyramid states that the most important information in any article comes first, followed by gradually less important information throughout the story.   

Don’t bury your lead or the most interesting thing about your content. Journalists are hard wired to use the inverted pyramid to give their stories structure and ensure that even if someone doesn’t make it to the end, they’ve gotten all that really matters.

The same should be true of your marketing content.  

Think about that the next time you are writing a web page. If 50% of your users aren’t scrolling past the fold, is your hero copy communicating all that they really need to know?

2. Fiction

If we want our marketing content to resonate, it needs to tell a story.

An actual story. Something that moves from A to B to C to D, that has internal or external conflict, tension, closure, or hell, even a lack of closure.

To tell better stories, we need to recognize when one is right in front of us. For that, I will defer to master sci-fi author, Kurt Vonnegut (“Slaughterhouse five” is his most known work).     

During his anthropology graduate studies at the University of Chicago, Vonnegut noticed that the Bible’s New Testament and the enduring folk tale Cinderella followed nearly the same shape.

He posited that the “shapes” of the stories a culture holds most valuable reveal things about that culture, and submitted his findings for his master’s thesis.

While his professors rejected the thesis (because “it was so simple and looked like too much fun”), Vonnegut considered the shapes his “prettiest contribution to culture.”

I’ll let him explain:

Credit: Maya Eilam 

These story shapes are everywhere.

Almost every episode of every sitcom uses “man in a hole.” Our favorite lovable cast of weirdos gets into a pickle, then they get out of it.

I would argue that the classic copywriting formula “create the problem...” is just the “man in a hole” story shape.   

Rom-coms are always the “boy meets girl” shape — star-crossed lovers find each other, then lose each other, but luckily love’s eternal power always conquers all in the last five minutes.   

Forget Cinderella — “Rocky,” “The Karate Kid,” and most sports movies always steal her shape.

Think about how you structure your marketing and sales stories.

Is it like this?

This is the way things are, now let me tell you why they will be a million times better.

We only tell our audience why our product or service is the greatest thing that anybody has ever conceived with no tension or conflict, but this doesn’t make your message persuasive -- it makes it sound like BS.

We cannot be afraid to introduce points of tension and conflict into our content.

People love stories because they love struggles that mirror their own. Human existence is a binary struggle between the way things are and the way we want them to be.

Effective copy can and should mirror this.    

Or as I’ve heard Marcus Sheridan say (and I’m paraphrasing), “your content shouldn’t be just about the good, but also the bad and the ugly.”

Say the ugly that your competition is too scared to.

Explain who shouldn’t  buy your product or service.      

It takes guts, but you’ll wind up with better leads, more satisfied customers, and less churn.   

3. Speechwriting

Aristotle taught his students that if they wanted to persuade an audience, they had to use three rhetorical appeals.

Logos or logical appeals. These are supporting details and facts that bolster your point or argument (i.e. social proof, references, etc.). When I share all the ways Vonnegut’s story shapes work in popular media, I am making a logical appeal to convince you that you should try it with your content.     

Ethos or ethical appeals. These speak to your credibility to deliver that message. Extrinsic ethical appeals speak to your experience — I’ve driven results for clients with copywriting, so I feel credible to write about it. Intrinsic appeals are how well you deliver your message — if you think my writing sucks, you aren’t going to trust any of my writing advice.      

Pathos or pathetic appeals. This is very different from our interpretation of the word pathetic. These appeals speak to the emotions of the audience. I started this article strongly implying that your content may suck to appeal to your emotions of fear, “am I leaving money on the table because I’m not communicating my message well?” Instead, I may have actually appealed to your emotion of hate, “will this pompous marketer get off his high horse,” If so, thank you for hate-reading this long.    

The world’s best speakers intrinsically use these appeals to hold attention, earn trust, and ultimately, inspire action.   

Hours after Martin Luther King Jr. was shot and killed, Robert Kennedy stood on the bed of a pickup truck in Indianapolis to announce the news to a predominately African American crowd.

Despite concerns from campaign advisors about his safety, he delivered an improvised speech that is widely considered to be one of the most poignant addresses of modern politics.  

This speech has taught me more about copywriting and rhetorical appeals than any other. I will resist the urge to go line-by-line but share select passages that highlight Aristotle’s appeals.  

Logos

“For those of you who are black — considering the evidence there evidently is that there were white people who were responsible — you can be filled with bitterness, with hatred, and a desire for revenge. We can move in that direction as a country, in great polarization — black people amongst black, white people amongst white, filled with hatred toward one another. Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and to replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand with compassion and love.”

RFK is making a logical appeal. MLK stood for peace and nonviolence — to respond as a country to his violent end with violence is to betray the compassion and love he preached.  

Ethos

“For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and distrust at the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I can only say that I feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man. But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to go beyond these rather difficult times.”

To show the audience he understands their pain, Kennedy evokes the loss he felt when his brother John was killed by an assassin's bullet. His call “to go beyond these rather difficult times” doesn’t ring hollow because he too has struggled to move beyond deep despair.

Pathos

"My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He wrote: 'In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.'"

While nearly every line of RFK’s speech has an emotional appeal, it’s hard for anyone reading this beautiful passage not to feel universal human truths and emotions. We all try to forget pain, that one day, against our will, becomes perspective.   

Kennedy is not merely using rhetorical appeals, but also rhetorical devices. These tools, developed by Greek masters of persuasion, are tried and true messaging techniques.

We are all familiar with metaphors -- Abraham Lincoln once said a political adversary, "dived down deeper into the sea of knowledge and come up drier than any other man he knew.” -- But there are many other devices that you may or may not be familiar with that can level up your copywriting.

To keep it in the Kennedy family, JFK loved rhetorical devices. Think "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." This is called antimetabole, and it’s a reversal of repeated words or phrases for effect.

Another, “let us never negotiate out of fear, but let us never fear to negotiate” -- This is called chiasmus and it’s a repetition of words and phrases in reverse order for effect.  

If you want to try rhetorical devices to be more persuasive in your copywriting, here’s a list of 50.

4. Songwriting

There are few forms of art or media that evoke as visceral a reaction as music.

Songs that mean something to us stick to our souls. They become defining parts of who we are.  

How many times do you hear a song and almost feel like you’ve stepped in a time machine to the first time that song meant something to you?

Because the experience is so personal, it is also wildly subjective from one person to the next.

A skilled songwriter creates this thing that is very personal to them and then releases it into the world to be interpreted.

Sort of like what we do as marketers, right?  While everything filters through the lens of a brand’s needs and objectives, there are bits of us in all the creative and strategy we do, but I think, as marketers, we can learn a lot from how songwriters are able to create very personal works of art that somehow become universal.  

When writing marketing and advertising copy, it’s so easy to try to create something universal.

No matter how much we keep our personas in mind, I think we all fight a voice in our heads that wants the copy or content to work for everyone. We don’t want to alienate anyone.  

Great songwriters, however, understand all they can share is the truth of the story in their head and the more personal and specific they are, the more it gets at fundamental human truths.

As of writing this article, less than a week after it was released, the video for Childish Gambino’s “This is America” has 75 million views.   

A still from Childish Gambino's "This is America" music video. (source)

For the sake of simplicity, the song basically has an A and a B part.

The A part is upbeat, has lots of melody, and jubilant singing buoyed by a choir of voices. The instrumentation includes gentle guitar, a danceable drum loop, and percussion.

The B part is dark and uncomfortable. There is no longer singing but Gambino now rapping with ad-libbed voices stabbing in rough vocalizations.

The instrumentation becomes something in the vein of southern trap hip-hop. There is bassy synths and the drum loop adds sub-divided hi-hats (they stay in the A part after the first B part).

Lyrically, the song is sparse.

The A parts are pretty much “We just wanna party, party just for you, we just want the money, money just for you (yeah)” or Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, tell somebody, you go tell somebody, Grandma told me, get your money, black man (get your money).”

The B parts are always “This is America, don’t catch you slippin’ up” repeated before simple phrases like “look how I'm geekin' out (hey), I'm so fitted (I'm so fitted, woo), I'm on Gucci (I'm on Gucci), I'm so pretty (yeah, yeah).  

There isn’t much to it, right? Relatively simple lyrics over only 2 alternating musical themes --so why does the video have 75 million views?

Why is it seemingly the biggest pop culture moment that has happened in recent memory? Why is every news outlet and publisher trying to interpret, analyze, and discuss its significance?

The answer lies with Ernest Hemingway, who called his style of writing “the Iceberg theory.”

It’s a minimalist style that focuses on surface elements without explicitly discussing underlying themes. He believed the deeper meaning of a story (in this case, a song) should hide under the surface (like most of an iceberg), but be implicitly understood.  

There is an adage in copywriting, that much like Hemingway’s 6 word story on a napkin, probably never happened, but persists because it contains an important lesson.

Legend says that famous ad tycoon David Ogilvy was walking down the street when he saw a homeless man with the sign, “I am blind, please help.”

He didn’t give him money, but rewrote the sign. When he walked by later, the man’s cup was overflowing. The sign now read, “It is spring, and I am blind.”

By adding “it is spring” Ogilvy gave everyone walking by the opportunity to attach their own connotations, experiences, and stories about spring to the sign.

That is what Gambino did.

Childish Gambino’s song has 75 million views because the imagery in the video and his SNL performance show a glimpse of what is under the iceberg of those simple A and B parts.

A still from Childish Gambino's "This is America" music video. (source)

The parts are suddenly exposed as a pointed narrative about his experiences as an African American. The juxtaposed sections take on entirely new meaning as a critique of the dissonance between the perception and reality of his experiences, and how pop culture distracts us from turmoil.  

He is communicating a very specific and personal truth with “This is America,” but its simplicity leaves enough below the iceberg’s surface for everyone to bring their individual perceptions of our country’s current political turmoil to their experience with the song.

It’s an uncomfortable, but profound song and video that speaks to a very universal discomfort happening in America right now.

Excuse the Cliche, But: Think Outside-of-the-Box

  Don’t write generic marketing copy and content.

The next time you write copy, ask yourself, “is this an ad, or is it interesting?”

from Web Developers World https://www.impactbnd.com/blog/writing-tips-from-journalism-aristotle-childish-gambino

[iamalivenow]

I ALMOST NEARLY DIED!!!!!!!!!! *not clickbait* (1175 words) by indefensibleselfindulgence Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: onesided Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Nikola Orsinov/Jane Prentiss Characters: Annabelle Cane, Oliver Banks, Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas, Nikola Orsinov, Jane Prentiss, Martin Blackwood, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Jonathan Sims, Sasha James Additional Tags: Epistolary, Chatting & Messaging, Texting, Comedy, Canon Typical Weirdness, implied horror, no beta's we die like men, Emotional Manipulation, Trapped Series: Part 2 of 15 Totally Terrific Tips To Texting... TODAY! Summary:

🌀: wHaT dO yOu CalL iT wHeN wOrMs TaKe OvEr ThE wOrLd?

Jonathan Sims: Wrong Number. Again.

🌀: it's really hard to type with my hands please play along with my joke it's all i have

#the magnus archives #writing #fanfic

[iamalivenow]

I ALMOST NEARLY DIED!!!!!!!!!! *not clickbait* (2334 words) by indefensibleselfindulgence Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: onesided Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Nikola Orsinov/Jane Prentiss, Sasha James/Tim Stoker Characters: Annabelle Cane, Oliver Banks, Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas, Nikola Orsinov, Jane Prentiss, Martin Blackwood, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Jonathan Sims, Sasha James Additional Tags: Epistolary, Chatting & Messaging, Texting, Comedy, Canon Typical Weirdness, implied horror, no beta's we die like men, Emotional Manipulation, Trapped, Flirting, Nightmares Series: Part 2 of 15 Totally Terrific Tips To Texting... TODAY! Summary:

🌀: wHaT dO yOu CalL iT wHeN wOrMs TaKe OvEr ThE wOrLd?

Jonathan Sims: Wrong Number. Again.

🌀: it's really hard to type with my hands please play along with my joke it's all i have

#the magnus archives #writing #fanfic