Okay so how many times a day do you think about Jesper loving and idolizing and trying to impress Kaz at every turn and only getting glares and reprimands and cold shoulders in return. And Jesper trying so hard to understand why Kaz does the things he does and yet he never fully confides in him and it hurts so much because Jesper needs him to because Kaz matters so much to him. BUT.
BUT.
But Kaz is boiling on the inside every time Jes makes a dumb mistake or loses his money to the wrong people or relies too little on real odds and too much on luck.
Kaz can't look Jesper in the eye and tell him why he called him Jordie. Kaz can't tell him that he had a brother. Kaz can't talk about the way he lost him. Because Jes is so close to the precipice all the time and holy shit he can't lose Jes the way he lost Jordie.
Not again.
He had two brothers and he watched one of them fall over to the abyss and he'll be damned if he lets the other follow.
And so he is mean and rude and hurtful and aggressive and elusive because they speak different languages. Kaz yells at Jesper to step away from the edge, to listen to him, to STAY BY HIS SIDE. Jesper hears Kaz yelling at him to GO AWAY.
And in the end the only conclusion Jes can reach is he doesn't matter enough to Kaz. And in the end Kaz treats Jes the way he does BECAUSE HE MATTERS TOO MUCH.
After the whole Kuwei auction debacle, Kaz suddenly becomes a huge stickler about pairing off during jobs. The Dregs all complain to each other about what a hard-ass he's being, but unless they want to be scrubbing toilets for a month, they'd better stick to their pairs all the way until everyone reconvenes at the end of the job, no matter how in-the-clear or "finished" it may seem. No detours, no dallying, and absolutely no one going on their own. The Dregs don't get what the big deal is, and maybe Kaz doesn't even admit it to himself, but some buried part of him knows why.
Thinking about Jesper and Nina as the last of the Crows. Thinking about Wylan, when he dies, and Inej and Kaz have gone already, and Jesper can't contain his grief. He throws himself at Nina, because she has power over the dead, doesn't she? That isn't how it works. But he isn't listening. He begs and pleads for her to bring Wylan back, to try at least—but she won't. She won't, no matter if he hates her for it, because all she can think of is the sight of Matthias and how wrong it was. How wrong to have tried to hold him back, to hold him to her.
She holds Jesper through the night as he sobs into her shoulder. She holds him tight even as he curses her. The both of them know he doesn't really mean it. They only have each other now...
But it isn't only them there.
Someone else is in the room, unseen, and he whispers into Nina's ear. Not her ear, exactly. More so her mind, but he sounds so present if she just closes her eyes. She wishes she could share this through more than translation, so Jesper would be sure... he's okay, he's okay.
He's somewhere else, but he's okay. And he loves you so much, Jes.
Her eyes are full of tears. She keeps them closed as not to let them fall. She whispers Wylan's words to Jesper. She feels him stilling in her arms and keeps on whispering until the words stop and she can't sense him anymore. He had to go, but he'll be waiting. He had to go, but you have time left. Don't rush to him. You'll have forever. It's just for now, so just be patient... you'll have forever. He'll be there waiting.
People always talk about this moment as Jesper falling in love and Wylan being encouraging to Alby but let’s also talk about how for a moment Wylan got lost in the music and he looked so peaceful he seemed to forget where he was. Like he was transported back to his childhood, playing music & all was well.
Let’s talk about how, yes, he was being encouraging to Alby, but he also probably saw a chance and jumped at it just to play the piano again, yearning to feel the keys under his hands, desperate for a moment of comfort. For a moment he was not Wylan Hendriks of the Barrel, he was Wylan Van Eck, playing music with his mother in their house again.
Then as quick as Wylan allowed himself to get lost in the music, that peace quickly shattered and reality crashed on him. He seemed to catch himself and pulled a mask on, retreated immediately back into hiding again.
The subtle change in expression? Jack Wolfe just knows how to break my heart 😭😭😭