#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NUMBER ONE RIDE OR DIE BEST GUY EVER

[7-7-cherry]

Happy birthday Dice!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #dice arisugawa #LETS GET IT !!!!! #HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NUMBER ONE RIDE OR DIE BEST GUY EVER #i love him so much more than you would think considering i talk about him like once a month. but he IS my favorite and means the world to m #i hope he has the best day of his life and wins big!!! :D #pretty happy with how this turned out considering i drew like a third of this on my laptop again since i'm not home #ALSO BOTH HIS BIRTHDAY CARDS CAME HOME AFTER 27 PULLS that was insane. thank you babygirl i love u #7-7-cherry drawingz

[tomorrowsdrama]

2020 Year in Thirst Pt. 2

Sometimes, I will watch a drama for the plot/premise/substance and be rewarded with a surprise hottie, and it’s the best feeling ever!  It’s like finding money in your pocket that you didn’t know about.  The following list of dramas can be described as:

Came for the plot, was rewarded with a surprising side of thirst

1. Flower of Evil

Brief Summary: Lee Jun Ki plays Baek Hee Sung and Moon Chae Won plays Cha Ji Won, his wife who is also a detective.  What Ji Won doesn’t know is that her husband, Hee Sung, is actually Hyun Soo, a man on the run from a murder that he did not commit and also a suspected accomplice to a series of murders committed by his father in the past.  Oh yeah, his dad secretly tried to groom him into being his protege/murder partner.  Because of how he was raised, HS believes that he has no emotions and is simply putting on an act as the perfect husband and father.  His “parents” are in on the ruse and are actually the ones who forced him into assuming their comatose son’s identity.  Anyway, of course things from the past start to catch up with HS and his wife is somehow assigned to investigating his old murder case.  She of course feels betrayed, but also conflicted as she discovers her husband is not who he said he was and a prime murder suspect.  Things get even more complicated as the real murderer re-appears with fabulous long hair and tries to frame HS for the murders.  In between all of this are delicious make outs between the couple and at least one instance where they banged so hard, HS was wiped out the next morning.

Surprise Thirst Factor: I checked out this drama fully expecting to drop it because the promos were so misleading and unappealing. But boy was I in for a pleasant surprise!  Not only was the drama super addicting, it also had some nice eye candy in the form of Lee Jun Ki being a completely unrealistic house husband who satisfies in the housework (The man cooks and does the laundry!), childcare, and bedroom and Kim Ji Hoon’s glorious mane of beauty making viewers have a moral crisis over lusting after a homicidal maniac (who turned out to be a real loser without murder daddy around to clean up his mess.  It’s ok, we’ll always have his hair).

Yes, work that hair honey.  It’s the only good thing you’ve got going on for you (the character, not Kim Ji Hoon)

The chemistry between Lee Jun Ki and Moon Chae Won was fire and the make out scenes were soo believable.  Like yes, these two beautiful people are really into being married to each other and understandably want to make out all the time. 

He’s the primary caretaker for their daughter and it’s just *swoons.*  Not all thirst traps come in the form of sexy abs (although I would not mind if he wanted to flash some).

2. Six Flying Dragons

Brief Summary: The story of young Yi Bang Won (who later becomes King Taejong) and the founding of the Joseon Dynasty.  As short as it sounds, that really is an accurate summary of the drama haha.

Surprise Thirst Factor: I started watching this drama because I heard it was a great sageuk and I’m a big fan of Yoo Ah In.  Even though I’m a fan of his acting, Yoo Ah In doesn’t necessarily get my hormones raging so I wasn’t expecting to be so thirsty while watching Six Flying Dragons.  But then.  BUT THEN.  Byun Yo Han showed up in all his scruffy tortured deadly killer glory and my hormones woke up and said hi, hello, who are you, what’s your name, what’s your sign, can I get your number?  The deadlier and more tortured his character got, the sexier he became to me.  Sorry Yoo Ah In, you’ll always be my acting boo, but Byun Yo Han’s got my thirst.  Byun Yo Han looks so good when he's sad and/or covered in blood, it makes me feel like a sadist for thinking that I wouldn’t mind if the drama made his character cry some more.

3. Ever Night S1

Brief Summary: As a child, Ning Que witnessed his entire household get massacred because of a prophecy that the child of Hades will be born from the house and bring about the Eternal Night.  Somehow, he managed to escape and was the lone survivor.  He finds a baby buried in a pile of dead bodies as he’s fleeing and names her Sang Sang.  The two orphans grow up inseparable from each other and do whatever it takes to survive in the harsh, cruel world.  Ning Que earns money by becoming a deadly mercenary and Sang Sang takes care of the household affairs.  At one point, Ning Que becomes a disciple of the powerful Fu Zi and somehow gets entangled in the struggles between the Holy Sect and Demon Sect.  A bunch of beautiful women fall for Ning Que, and the drama tries its hardest to convince us that he has chemistry with and reciprocates the feelings of one of them (i.e. Mo Shan Shan), but anybody who was even half paying attention knows that the only one for Ning Que is Sang Sang.  They are the OTP of all OTPs and take “ride or die” to a whole other level. Oh also, their height difference is the stuff manga dreams are made of. Ning Que is a “good guy” but also not a “good guy” in the sense that he is not above doing whatever it takes to seek revenge and is only out for himself and Sang Sang (and later, his older brothers and sisters from the academy).

Surprise Thirst Factor: Chen Feiyu is an attractive person but I could not in good conscience thirst after him because he was literally born in the year 2000.  It did not help that he was only 18 when he filmed Ever Night and looked every bit his age.  My thirst may have no shame, but it does have its own set of principles and one of those principles is thou shalt not lust after those born in the new millennium!  Luckily for me, Second Brother is played by Dylan Kuo who is a beautiful, elegant, tall man

and Brother Chao is exactly the type of rugged and manly that I am into.  

(you don’t have to be)

who looks better when wet

AHEM. Yeah.

Sixth Brother is also not so bad with his scanty pounding work attire,

4. Novoland: Eagle Flag

Brief Summary:  Asule is the prince of a tribe in the grasslands who is held as a royal guest (i.e. hostage) in the Eastland Empire.  There he meets his two future best friends, Yu Ran, a free spirited princess who is descended from a race of bird people, and Ji Ye, an emo neglected/shunned son of a concubine who is probably the best fighter in the empire.  Ji Ye loves Yu Ran who is a ball of sunshine to his Johnny Raincloud dark emo self.  Yu Ran loves Ji Ye back.  Asule loves both his friends and will do anything to protect them.  The world decides to fuck over best friends Asule, Ji Ye, and Yu Ran for no reason as they try their best to just live a peaceful life away from all the political scheming and fighting.

Surprise Thirst-worthiness: I was completely content with enjoying Eagle Flag purely for its story and substance.  It’s seriously a wonderful, yet heartbreaking drama and the scale of the production is amazing.  No cheap $10 costumes here.  Also, the direction is beautiful/artistic and not the run of mill “let’s shoot it and complete it as fast as we can.”  The two main actors were cute, but not really my type.  Then the drama decided to give Ji Ye the “Sexy Bloody Tormented Killer Makeover” and all of a sudden your girl was rushing to MDL to check Chen Ruo Xuan’s birthday and calculating his age.  I am simple, predictable, and consistent when it comes to my thirst and give a character some scruff, long hair, angst, and some bloodlust and I’m all yours.  I am literally:

Is it wrong that when Ji Ye showed up looking like this ready to kill his mother’s torturer

I thought, yes, can we have him kill another? 

5. Run On

Brief Summary: Im Siwan plays Ki Seon Geom, a national track runner from a rich family who is a bit of an oddball and marches to his own beat.  Although his words can sometimes be construed as rude since he has no filter, they are also completely honest and have no hidden meaning.  He also has his own personal code that he lives by and he will stick to it no matter how negatively it may impact himself.  He meets Oh Mi Joo, a translator with her own strange quirks and sparks fly as Mi Joo is assigned to be his interpreter.  

Surprise Thirst-worthiness: I kind of watched this drama by accident.  I had read about Im Siwan starring in a new drama but nothing I saw from the description or promos for Run On appealed to me.  Nor did it give me any information about what the drama would be about.  Then one day, I just happened to be browsing Netflix for something to play in the  background and decided on Run on since I thought I wouldn’t be that invested.  What a happy accident that turned out to be because I’m so in love with this drama right now.  This is a case where the thirst does not stem from the character’s physical appearance, but from the intensity/charisma the actor brings to the character and the character himself.  Ki Seon Geom is so odd, but so appealing at the same time and Im Siwan is so magnetic in the role.  Prior to Run On, Im Siwan wasn’t really my type physically.  In fact, I always scratched my head whenever people called him handsome in dramas (I know, I know, forgive me).  So color me shocked when I found myself swooning all over Im Siwan in the second episode of Run On.  Now, it’s like I have “Im Siwan is attractive” glasses on and he looks attractive in everything to me.  I want to gobble up all the dramas he’s been in.

#flower of evil #lee jun ki #six flying dragons #byun yo han #ever night #novoland eagle flag #run on #jtbc run on #im siwan #kdrama #cdrama

[derivativealigner]

Well I haven’t watched sp all the way through for about a decade now, so I thought it was time

Sometimes I wonder how accurate the fandom is when it comes to how we interpret the characters. Like, why is Stan a football star so often in fanfic and why’s Kyle always the smart one? So I thought I’d rewatch the show and make notes along the way to see where the source of all these interpretations is. I also wanted to see if I could get some fun info to analyze, but season 1 is pretty sparse in that regard so there’s not too much of that in this post, but I’ll make a post for all the other seasons too as I watch them

In summary, it’s established in season 1 already that Stan’s a star quarterback and an animal lover, Kyle’s an A+ student, and Kenny is poor and knows a lot about sex and doesn’t have many qualms about doing crazy shit. Cartman is a bit weird since he’s mostly just a naive brat in this season, but he and Kyle have a mildly antagonistic friendship already

I have all my notes under this cut. They include a bunch of small details and other observations. I also listed every Kenny death just because

Ike has freckles

Cartman says “Weak!” and “You guys” and “Seriously” a lot from the start, also “Kickass!” He doesn’t say weak or kickass much in the later seasons iirc

Stan says “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here” three times in this season but they dropped that catchphrase pretty quickly

Bebe got named in episode 2

Stan’s been an animal lover since s01e03 Volcano since he won’t shoot a bunny or anything else. He does shoot Scuzzlebutt at the end though

Cartman’s a pathological liar but in a childish way

Randy got named in s01e03 Volcano (and it only got worse from there)

The mayor went to Princeton

South Park is next to Mt. Evanson

Kenny will literally drink gasoline

Stan’s a star quarterback in 3rd grade

Clyde’s voice is wrong as hell in S01E04 Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride and he has a dog, Rex

Garrison says Kyle is an A+ kid

Shelly seriously abuses Stan, punching him, throwing him, maiming him with a lawnmower

Cartman had a pot-bellied pig called Fluffy

Cartman’s mom smokes crack and has sex with strange men

Dr. Mephesto is probably a Buddhist since he says “Thank Buddha” instead of “Thank God”

Clyde’s voice gets kind of fixed in S01E06

A guy called Mr. McCormick is killed in a protest, launched and splattered against a network building. He doesn’t look like Kenny’s dad though

Zombie Clyde attacks Bebe, rude

Wendy gave her costume contest prize (2 tons of candy) to hungry children in Nairobi

Cartman’s mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine. “Back do’ ho… Five on one action!” is the headline

Cartman genuinely cries at Kenny’s grave after the whole zombie thing but gets over it because of candy

Stan knows his mom’s credit card number and has no problem using it to adopt an Ethiopian child (the boys wanted a watch that came with the adoption, they weren’t doing it to be nice)

Cartman calls Stan a vas deference, Stan doesn’t know what that is so Kenny says “Dude, it’s a pipe for your peepee” (according to a transcript). Kenny sure knows male anatomy

Kyle sniffs Kenny after Cartman asks why poor people smell like sour milk and Garrison says “idk eric they just do”

Cartman thinks poor people should die and decrease the surplus population

When the boys get Starvin’ Marvin delivered to them, Cartman says “Hey mom, we found an Ethiopian, can we keep him?” and his mom says “Sure, hun.” She rarely says no to Cartman

Kenny’s dad is an alcoholic who drinks scotch according to Cartman. I mean, Mr. McCormick is seen drinking in multiple episodes and has a hat that says SCOTCH so it’s probably true

Kenny’s family says grace

Craig’s first appearance is S01E09. Also, S01E09 is the first time Kenny doesn’t die (Coincidence? I THINK yeah but it’s still fun)

Clyde got named in S01E10

Clyde and Bebe both spit on Pip’s face, friendship goals <3

Cartman and Kyle have their first fight at Cartman’s birthday party because Kyle didn’t give the right gift. Cartman slaps his face and  screams “I hate you! I want you to die! Die!” while on top of Kyle who’s not really fighting back

Satan throws a fight with Jesus after everyone except Satan bet that Jesus would lose, which leads to Satan winning everyone’s money. Mr. Garrison says “What a mean thing to do!” and Jimbo says “He is a jerk!” and I thought it was quite a laugh so I wrote it down

In S01E11 Tom’s Rhinoplasty Bebe and Wendy are sitting in the swings together and generally appear together throughout the episode, then Bebe gives Wendy a makeover so they’re bffs obviously <3

Craig first appears in the classroom, though not sitting down, in S01E11

Wendy’s not happy about Ms. Ellen taking Stan away from her, she says “Don’t fuck with me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I’ll whoop your sorry ho ass back to last year!”

Kenny gives Ms. Ellen a scrumptious looking sausage as a valentine’s gift and giggles deviously. Wendy’s gift to Ms. Ellen is a dead animal

Even Kenny doesn’t know what a lesbian is

Wendy’s grandma died in S01E11

Wendy gets Ms. Ellen killed by hiring the Iraqi government (?) to put her in a rocket and shoot it into the sun, then she and Bebe have a pool party (very cool, they wear sunglasses 😎) and watch the rocket hit the sun

Cartman and Pip play a game of kicking each other in the nuts until someone falls. Cartman calls it “Roshambo”

Kenny has a sack of marbles

The boys aren’t fans of Barbra Streisand, but Stan is a fan of the Denver Broncos quarterback John Elway (he’s not a quarterback anymore, he’s an American football executive and the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos of the NFL according to wikipedia.)

Officer Barbrady is a fan of Fiona Apple (who was 20 at the time and had only one album released called Tidal)

Ned knows how to pilot a helicopter

Kyle’s mom is a fan of Streisand unlike literally everyone else, she even gets an autograph from Mecha Streisand

The boys are fans of Robert Smith, the lead singer of The Cure. Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived!” and Kyle says “Disintegration is the best album ever!” and Cartman says “Robert Smith kicks ass!” and Kenny’s dead so he doesn’t get to have an opinion

Cartman has tea parties with his toys: Polly Prissypants, Clyde frog, Peter Panda, and a dragon called Rumpertumskin

Kyle wants to make fun of Cartman for the tea party but Stan stops him because he’s concerned that Cartman needs help

Craig is in front of the school counselor’s office in S01E13

A young miss Cartman drinks like a motherfucker at the 12th annual drunken barn dance where Cartman was supposedly conceived

Stan lets Cartman borrow his bike like a good friend

Garrison wanted to have a threesome with Chef and Cartman’s mom. I don’t know why I’m making a note of this but uh… yeah.

Cartman’s mom has had sex with everyone at this bar that Garrison’s drinking at, including principle Victoria, the mayor, Father Maxi, and Jesus (and maybe Kenny’s dad since he’s at the bar but the camera doesn’t pan to him when Garrison says they’ve all slept with Liane). Later Gerald Broflovski is a possible father to Eric, so he fucked her too. Also Mr. Mephesto and his friend Kevin, that little guy, are candidates along with a lot of other people, including the 1989 Denver Broncos (and Mr. Tenorman is included in that later)

Cartman doesn’t make fun of Kyle for being Jewish much at all in this season even though the Christmas episode is all about Kyle not celebrating

Clyde and Token appear very early on and Clyde has always been in the classroom (along with Bebe, Red, Kevin Stoley, Wendy, and Pip and uhh DogPoo too I think). Craig appears later in the season and Tweek’s not in season 1 at all, so Craig’s gang isn’t really a thing yet

And here’s a list of the ways Kenny died in this season. He dies in every episode except episode 9, and he dies twice in episodes 2 and 3. Altogether he dies 14 times

S01E01 Killed after alien shoots him, cows stampede over him, then cop runs him over which finally actually kills him

S01E02 Killed in a play by a falling teepee, then a second time shot by Garrison which sends him in the air and he gets impaled on a flagpole on the way down

S01E03 Killed by a volcano rock that burns him then rolls on him but he’s alive again in the end but gets shot by Ned’s gun that he drops and it accidentally goes off

S01E04 Gets his arms and head torn off in an American football game

S01E05 Stan’s clone punches Kenny into a microwave where he gets cooked alive

S01E06 Death touches Kenny

S01E07 Kenny gets crushed by a Russian space station and turns into a zombie because he gets Worcestershire sauce in his veins, then Kyle chainsaws zombie Kenny in half, then zombie Kenny rises from his grave and is crushed by a statue and a plane

S01E08 Kenny is killed by a bunch of turkeys. His eye gets plucked out. It’s dark blue

S01E10 After Kenny gets turned into a duck-billed platypus, Jimbo and Ned shoot him

S01E11 Ms. Ellen throws a sword through Kenny’s face

S01E12 While Mecha Streisand and a giant robot Leonard Maltin fight, Kenny plays with a tetherball and gets the rope wrapped around his neck and it strangles him

S01E13 Kenny gets stuck on a go kart and it drags him around but stops and he’s still alive! Too bad the go kart stops on train tracks and a train runs him over. Stan’s grandpa sends a video of the event to America’s Stupidest Home Videos and wins $10,000

If you read all that, first of all hello. I’m not new to the fandom even though this is the first thing I’ve posted on this tumblr blog. I’ve been writing a fanfic called Caffetamine though so I’m not a complete non-entity. Anyway, I’ll watch season 2 soon and post my notes on that too probably.

#south park #sp rewatch #i made way too many notes #kenny used to get dialog in almost every episode #poor kenny #he really gets shafted later

[kibybun]

Hi. Can I ask you to write about Aizawa or Hawks and their darling, who constantly joked about death and eventually she committed suicide, please? I love your writing💞 You are so awesome and talented and cool. Thank you so much for your work💕

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I hope you like it!💞💞

Platonic Yandere Hawks x suicide joking reader

Tw: Yandere, suicide, self harm, angst

Enjoy!

💛Hawks first met you at the sports festival, showing off your quirk and demonstrating power. You caught his attention rather quickly.

💛Not only were you adorable but intriguing as well. You wore long sleeves, even though you looked uncomfortable in them, and you seemed oddly quiet compared to everyone else, shying away when they come up to talk to you.

💛Another thing that stood out to him was when you were doing the calvary battle. No one came to ask you to join their team, but you didn't go out and ask to join either. You just stood there until a purple hair guy came up to you, most likely getting you to join his group.

💛Though, you seemed to change. Your fighting style and the way you use your quirk changed.

💛It bothered Hawks the whole calvary battle but he was put at ease when some kid with a tail backed out due to the other guy brainwashing him.

💛You end up backing out too, much to Hawk's dismay.

💛Even though you weren't fighting anymore he still keeps his attention on you, not seeing your other classmates or students.

💛He watched you zone out and silently cheer for your classmates, finding it adorable as you watch in awe at some of the battles.

💛The sports festival ends and he follows you home, only to make surd your okay. Once he got home he quickly put in a request for you to come intern with him before going to bed.

💛When you went back to school you were excited to see if anyone wanted you to intern with them, knowing you wouldn't get as many requests like Todoroki or Deku.

💛... two. Only two requests.

💛It hurt to look at the board and see that you one of the most unwanted students in class 1-A. You thought you did really well and maybe impressed more than two people.

💛You get your list of hero agencies and sink deeper into your self pitty when you realize that one of the agencies werebt even specifically asking for you. All the students got requested by them.

💛That leaves Hawk's agency.

💛You didn't know much about him and his work so this was going to be awkward.

💛When the day came to board the subway and head off to your internship, no one wished you goodbye. All the groups and clicks were together, walking each other to their respective trains while you again, stood alone. You ere used to it though.

💛You board the train and zone out, nearly missing your stop.

💛Right as you get off the train your vision is filled with red feathers. Low and behold the pro hero who requested you.

💛His charisma hits you as you instantly feel welcome. He makes witty remarks about the train being too slow as he begins walking with you in tow.

💛Along the way you ask him why he wanted you to intern with him. He smirks and responds with a "Why wouldn't I?" That didn't answer your question.

💛He walks you to his agency and introduces you to all his other interns. After that he shoves you towards the bathroom, telling you to change into your hero costume.

💛He sure didn't waste time as the two of you begin patrolling the city. It seemed very rushed and eager but you prefered it over having to sit in class and do quizzes.

💛During patrol Hawks starts questioning you about school and life almkst like an uncle or brother would. It was very odd to you, considering you never get asked questions about yourself.

💛You felt so pitiful not being able to tell him your birthday, you had forgotten it, but somehow he was so understanding and kind about it.

💛It wasn't long before all of his fans flocked to the two of you, shouting questions and begging for autographs. You didn't like how all the people were surrounding you and Hawks could tell.

💛He uses his wing to shield you and hastily shoos the crowd off. After that he asks if you're okay and checks to make sure you didn't get hurt.

💛His intentions weren't to sleep with you, no. They were pure. He almost saw himself in you, alone and blocked off from the world. He just wanted to protect you and make sure you knew you weren't alone.

💛It was working too.

💛In the short week you were with him you had laughed the hardest you had in awhile and smiled more. You even considered him your bestfriend.

💛The one downside of your friendship was he couldn't see your cries for help.

💛While one roofs or flying with him you'd make jokes about how easy it would be to fall and die or how fun it'd feel to free fall.

💛He'd only laugh these off, thinking it was some kind of dark humor, because if something was wrong he'd trust you to tell him.

💛When the internship was over you had to hold back tears as he hugged you goodbye. Of course he gave you his number to keep in touch but it wouldn't be the same as sneaking away from work and eating fried chicken.

💛The second the train left you felt how alone you were. You didnt want to text him right away because that would feel too needy. Should you even text him? Was he doing it just to be nice or did he actually care?

💛You leave those thoughts behind as your phone buzzes. It was a text from Hawks. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

💛Your mood brightens as the two of you continue sending dumb chicken jokes, memes, and puns, with the occasional "dark humored" joke from you.

💛You make it home and your texting slowed, mainly due to Hawks having to work. You didn't know he was actually flying outside your house, making sure you were okay before flying off to buy you a dumb looking teddy bear.

💛Slowly, your mood begins to brighten with the constant reassurance of Hawks being there. He knew the right things to say at all times. Self conscious about your outfit? Incomes a barrage of compliments and confidence boosters. Nervous about a test or presentation? Boom, paragraphs about how amazing you are and how you can do it.

💛It almost made the emptiness inside go away.

💛Problems don't just go away, and it really shows.

💛Whenever you couldn't text or call Hawks your loniness sinks in. You had no other friends besides him. Your parents weren't the beat either with their comments about what you're doing or what you're wearing.

💛It only reminded you of all the reasons for the scars on your arms.

💛But before you could act on those reasons he was there. It was always magicly when you were crying in bed or fumbling with a sharp object.

💛Over time Hawks picked up on your thoughts and feelings, causing him to watch over you every second he could. He loved you so much, he couldn't lose you.

💛The amount of cute gifts he gets you griw over time. More stuffed animals, more snacks, more little trinkets. Anything to make you happy.

💛And again, it worked. The nights you spent crying or staring numbly at the ceiling slowly decreased. You also threw away the razors you had hidden, determined to stay clean.

💛When the work studies came you were the happiest you've ever been. You got to be with Hawks again.

💛Upon seeing him you were greeted with the best hug you've ever gotten along with fried chicken for lunch.

💛But something was off this time. He seemed a little more paranoid walking around the city with you, more eager to be inside at night, and disappearing at night.

💛It worried you, making you overthink the hole situation tenfold.

💛What if he was trying to avoid you? Where you being that annoying? Maybe he was tired of you. You should just leave him alone.

💛He hugs you goodbye as you leave, still conflicted.

💛Sadly your thoughts only grow stronger as time goes on. His texts become shorter and less frequent, making you think he was tired of you. His constant gifts had stopped as well

💛Hawks couldn't control his lack of contact with you. He wanted to spam you with memes at two am like he normally did but he was given a mission that couldn't be compromised, even at the expense of your friendship.

💛You fall back into your dark place without him. You were reminded of how forgettable you were to everyone, how you had no friends beside him, how your parents were disappointed in you.

💛What's the point in living in pain?

💛You start cutting again, just wanting to feel something again. You stop sleeping and eating, not feeling the need for it anymore. You completely passed out during training due to this.

💛One weekend you ride a train away from your town and into the one where Hawk's agency was. You were looking for him, a sign, anything, to tell you to stop.

💛The streets were empty and he was no where in sight.

💛You fight yourself at the top of a business building, hands trembling as you sent a final text to your only friend. You told him how much he ment to you, how grateful you were to him, how sorry you were for being annoying and taking up so much of his time, how this was goodbye.

💛You got to feel the wind rush past you. You were right about it being fun to free fall.

💛Hawks was talking to Dabi when his phone buzzed. Thinking it was the commission he checked it.

💛Dabi watched as Hawk's smug demeanor turned to confused then broken. He watched the pro hero fall to his knees and clutch his phone, nearly cracking it.

💛Dabi didn't even have a chance to ask what was wrong as Hawks flew at super sonic speed away from him and up into the sky.

💛He first scanned the buildings looking for you, wiping the tears from his eyes to try and see better. When he couldn't find you he swoops down low to the streets to see if he could catch you before you hit the ground.

💛He stops when he sees the splatters of your body of the ground.

💛He collapses next to you, sobbing as he looked at your remains.

💛It was his fault. He should've been there so much more. He should've watched you more carefully than he did. He should've killed those fuckers who thought they were better than you.

💛You should've lived.

💛Hawks lays there crying, going over all the things he did wrong and how it should've been him to die.

💛The morning comes and police officers tape off the area, pulling a now broken man away from you. They clean the area and leave.

💛Hawks mindlessly sits in the spot you were in, hoping this was a nightmare.

💛Night falls and Dabi managed to find him. He tells Hawks that he saw the news. It was odd for him to feel sympathy for a hero but here he was.

💛Hawks stands and grabs Dabi's hand, placing it on his face before begging him to set him ablaze. He didn't want to live in a world without you.

💛Dabi backs up, retreating his hand and looking at him stunned. What exactly did you mean to him?

💛Hawks continues to beg and pleas but Dabi continues to refuse. Too bad Hawks would do anything to die at this point.

💛Hawks shouts out his plans to spy on the league, to manipulate and destroy them from the inside. How he would kill them all in secret if he could. How it would be the best feeling ever to watch them die in betrayal.

💛Dabi falls for his trap. Rage was the only thing he could feel as his fire engulfed Hawks, semding him to the grave in a firey blaze.

💛He ran from the scene, leaving another body in the same spot.

kiby~💚

#bnha hawks #hawks #hawks x reader #keigo tamaki #mha hawks #my hero academia keigo takami #bnha #my hero academia #yandere hawks #yandere Keigo #yandere #yandere x reader

[sambergscott]

i'll promise that i'll love you for the rest of my life

one giving the other flowers, as requested by @rosalitadiazz AGES ago, also dedicated to @397bartonstreet for the initial idea of amy sleeping in/just being the best and @nine-niall for helping with the marriage highlight reel.... and for making me listen to heartbreak weather on repeat for the last few days and coming up with this title

happy anniversary to jake and amy!!! (also since the ep aired 2 years ago today i'm not *technically* late thank u very much)

One million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes after marrying Amy Santiago (or, two years), every moment is as wonderful as day one. He still feels the same rush of excitement when he sees her waiting by their car at the end of a shift, the same swell of pride when she introduces him to someone as her husband, the same “oh my god we’re actually married” moment when he catches her rings glinting in the sunlight. It’s been the best one million, fifty one thousand and two hundred minutes of his life. And while he appreciates every single second they have together, knowing how in their line of work things can change all too easy, their second anniversary presents the perfect opportunity to remind her that everyday he gets to be with someone as amazing as her is crazy to him.

He has flowers, a handmade card, he even hoovered and she’s still asleep.

She never sleeps this late.

Everyone knows she’s the morning person in their relationship and he’s the Get Out Of Bed After Snoozing The Alarm Seventeen Times person. They live together, share a car, and yet most mornings he ends up riding the Subway, squashed between an old woman and a nerdy looking guy who smells like he hasn’t showered in a week, Amy rolling her eyes when he gets to work mid-briefing. The rare days she can get him out of bed early usually involve some kind of bribery using food and/or sex.

The point is, he’s supposed to be the one sleeping in past 11 AM, but ever since their doctor prescribed Clomid to help stimulate ovulation and boost their chances of making a baby, their roles have been totally reversed like Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday.

Pregnant Amy falls asleep anywhere and everywhere. The couch, the car, the cleaning cupboard at work when she was trying to find some Nuclear-strength cleaner to remove the stench of Charles’ lunch from the air before she hurled again.

She could sleep all day if he let her and he quite easily could. She looks so peaceful and cute and free from the stresses of her family asking why they waited so long (well, long for Santiago standards) to start a family. Plus, the messy hair and tiny bit of drool on her chin are impossibly endearing in the way only she can be.

He smiles and wraps his arms around her, resting his head on his shoulder, his hands - like his thoughts - drifting to her growing bump as they inevitably always do.

This time next year they’ll be celebrating with their little boy or girl, telling them all about the insane, magical day that was May 15th 2018. Of course, it might be some time before they can fully grasp the TV-worthy drama of the creepy phone call, the bomb in the vent, the ex-boyfriend proposing - twice! - and the wall of Amy photos, but they will sure as dammit know how beautiful their mom looked in her dress and how happy their dad was when Grandpa Holt finally announced them as husband and wife.

“Can’t breathe,” his wife squeaks, finally awake. “Arms too tight.”

“Oops. Sorry, babe.” He kisses her by way of apology; sometimes when he gets to thinking about that day, about seeing her walk down the shredded paper aisle under the glow of fairy lights, surrounded by the very people who watched them fall in love, he kind of forgets where he is and what he’s doing.

She’s always had that intoxicating effect on him. That’s never gonna change.

“Time is it?” She yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“Twenty five to,” he pauses to brace himself for her reaction, “...twelve.”

“Twelve?” Horrified, she moves to get out of bed and yeah, he knows her so well. “Let me go,” she huffs in frustration when he forms a barrier to keep her from leaving.

“No can do, Santiago,” he says authoritatively. “You’ve been working yourself to the bone and you’re pregnant. You need to rest. We’ve both got the day off, our dinner reservations aren’t until 8. Just let your husband take care of you for a couple of hours.”

She chews on her lower lip, making her contemplative face that he recognises from sitting opposite her for so many years, preferring watching her piece together the leads in a case rather than work on his own. “Fine,” she eventually concedes. “Happy anniversary, by the way.”

“Happy anniversary,” he returns the sentiment, kissing her again because, well, he can, one of the perks of marrying Amy Santiago (alongside a perfectly organised sock drawer and getting to hang out with the best person in the world 24 sevs). “I got you these,” he adds, procuring the daffodil bouquet he found online.

“Jake,” she sighs dreamily, placing the flowers on her nightstand. “They’re beautiful. And my favourites.”

“I know,” he smirks. He may not be Santiago level smart, but he’s smart when it comes to all things Santiago. “Also made you this.” He hands over the card.

She opens it, instantly tearing up at his sweet message inside, the dam bursting when she notices the scrawled message written with his wrong hand from their unborn baby. “Mine sucks in comparison,” she laments, passing him his card before locking her eyes back on the words ‘happy anniversary to the world’s best mama’.

“It does not suck,” he reassures her, clutching it to his chest. “I’m going to savour it for all times. I want to be buried with it.”

She rolls her eyes, drying her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I thought you wanted to be buried with your original copy of Die Hard.”

“OK, Die Hard and your card. Rhymes for a reason, Ames.”

“You’re such a dork,” she responds, stifling her laughter. “Can’t believe I’ve been married to you for two full years.”

“I know.” He grins. “What was your favourite part?”

Her eyes glimmer with excitement and love and memories of their first anniversary before things turned upside down. “Are you suggesting we do a marriage highlight reel à la NBA inside stuff?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. I’ll go first. NUMBER FIVE,” he yells in his spot on Ahmad Rashad impression, earning a giggle from his wife. “Number five is that dress you wore on my birthday. Your butt looked the bomb in it.”

“Thanks, babe.” Two years in, she’s used to the constant “your butt is the bomb” comments, often uttered at the most inappropriate of times like when she stands up to brief the squad or play soccer with her brothers, much to her chagrin and their delight.

“Number four,” she quickly moves on. “The time you taught me to play Mario Party and I beat Wario on the first try.”

“That was my worst moment,” he groans.

“And that’s why it’s my best.”

He sighs, considers debating it, engaging in the classic back-and-forth that is the very foundation of their relationship, but it’s moot. She was way better than him. Santiago’s learn fast. It’s in their genes or something. And despite the crushing disappointment when she beat Wario with ease and dork danced her way to the kitchen to grab them both an orange soda, it was still a very fun night and a worthy moment in the highlight reel.

“Number Three. The York murder.”

Immediate understanding spreads across Amy’s face, but he explains anyway.

“I spent three days working that case and you just came in, saw the board and solved it right away.”

“I’m very smart,” she jokes lightheartedly.

“You are,” he agrees, his voice coming out softer and sincerer than even he imagined. “I love that about you. I love your brain. I love how good you are at your job, at figuring out puzzles. I love that you listen to NPR and know so much about the font Helvetica and have read, like, a million books. I love that you do a crossword every night and I love how proud you look when you give me a sports clue and I actually get it right. I love cheering you on at Trivia Nights even when Kylie can’t stop glaring at me. How lucky am I to have the smartest wife in the world?”

Touched, she can barely compile her thoughts to reveal her Number Two.

“The night at Shaw’s, at Hitchcock’s second divorce party, your speech, the way you kissed me, the way you were so gentle when we got home,” she sniffles. “It was special and made me feel so loved and if I say anymore I’m going to cry again, so you go.”

He chuckles knowingly. The pregnancy hormones have been making her extra emotional lately, they can’t even watch commercials anymore without her fully weeping. And while last year Pam and her twisted bowels interrupted before they could get to Number One, this year Number One is obvious. Clear as day. And there’s no one to interrupt.

He pretends to think about it for a minute (because he will always love teasing her, married or not). Only when she grabs his arm and digs her nails into his skin does he put both their hands on her bump and smiles. “Obviously this little guy or gal is Number One.”

She smiles back at him, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

His own face falls. “Ames?”

“It’s been a hard year, hasn’t it?” She sighs, thinking back to calendars and fertility appointments and the strict no nacho policy.

“Yeah,” he says, “it has. But this next year is gonna be the best one yet.”

“I mean... We’re probably not going to sleep a lot.”

“You might not sleep a lot but I sure will,” he teases, his words falling flat. “Just kidding, babe. Obviously I’m going to get up for all the feeds and diaper changes and whatever else this kid throws at us. Gonna be there for you both. No matter what.”

The pregnancy hormones strike again and she starts crying and, honestly, he can’t wait for this baby to get out, for more reasons than one.

“BRB, I’ll go make your favourite breakfast to make you feel better, don’t grow anymore body parts while I’m gone.”

He returns seven minutes later with pancakes, a ton of fruit, decaf coffee and another kiss. He climbs back into bed, devours his own Nutella pancakes and posts his favourite blurry, drunk on Champagne and love selfie from their makeshift wedding reception at Shaw’s, on Insta with a caption about how he promises he’s gonna love her for the rest of his life.

And he keeps that promise.

#b99 fic #jake x amy #my writing #dork danced is my new favourite verb

[ushijimaenthusiast]

a smol iwasemi for iwas bday! semi pretends iwa is his bc to make another dude back off but it fails

[ao3]

Hajime considers himself a patient man.

He’s been best friends with Oikawa since they were kids, so he’s used to his flamboyant, eccentric, egotistical personality getting them into all sorts of shit whenever they’re together, but lately, it seems as though something is throwing Oikawa out of whack, and it’s driving Hajime crazy.

Like tonight: instead of serving Hajime the beer he asked for five minutes ago, Oikawa is standing a foot away from a couple further down the bar pretending to polish a glass as he eavesdrops on the sleazy guy spew disgusting pick-up lines on the clearly uninterested girl. He knows Oikawa is paying attention because he’s seen some horrible things happen while working behind the counter, but Hajime can plainly tell that the woman would be able to handle herself no matter what happened. Even Hajime wouldn’t approach her unless prompted.

Normally Hajime wouldn’t mind Oikawa being so observant of something that has the potential to be dangerous; he’d commend his friend instead of criticizing him. But tonight was supposed to be about him.

It’s his birthday! He was supposed to have a fun night out with his best friend while the two did something exciting and chaotic and stupid, not spend the night on his usual barstool watching as his best friend works.

Hajime knows he’s fine with Oikawa working this evening. He’s fine with them not having a weekend off together for the foreseeable future and he’s even fine with the fact that he’s once again at this stupid bar nursing a drink as a single topic of conversation is dragged out over twenty minutes because Oikawa keeps getting pulled away to serve other customers.

It’s fine.

Hajime also knows he’s allowed to be a little bitter over it all, and he’s fine with that, too.

After another handful of minutes have passed and Oikawa still hasn’t moved from his spot despite the woman leaving, Hajime decides to throw caution to the wind and reach over the counter to grab the closest thing he can. He’s not scared about repercussions since Oikawa’s brother is the owner and likes him more than he likes Oikawa.

Just as he stands and plants his chest against the counter to see what he can find, something bumps into him and has the edge digging sharply into his stomach, followed by something wet landing on his shoulder.

“Hey!” he coughs out, pushing off from the counter and spinning around to chew out whoever bumped into him, only to have the words die in his throat.

Hajime’s been around Oikawa too long to really ever be interested in pretty guys, but the man pressed up against him throws everything out the window. From his dip-dyed ashy blond hair curling softly around his ears, his narrowed eyes darkened with smeared eyeliner, his sneering lips glinting with something silver. Hajime is captivated by the expression that’s not directed at him, and it takes a moment for what’s happening to catch up with him.

There’s another man standing next to them, taller and bigger than Hajime and it has him leaning away, wondering what the hell is going on. He’s scowling and wiping liquid off his face, probably the remnants from the glass in Pretty Boy’s hand.

“And I told you it was none of your business! It doesn't matter what’s in my pants, no still means no you dipshit.”

God, even his voice is pretty. Hajime feels himself start to smile a little, wanting to hear more of it despite the hostility, but is forced back when the intruder leans in and Pretty Boy pushes him further into the counter.

He starts to open his mouth, but Pretty Boy interrupts, “If you don’t back off I’ll have my boyfriend kick the shit out of you.”

Hajime’s sure his eyebrows meet his hairline. And then disappear completely when Pretty Boy wraps his arm around Hajime’s waist.

The intruder stares Hajime up and down, sizing him up and thinking if he’d win a fight, but all Hajime can focus on is the warmth now pressed all against his left side, wondering if he should return the gesture and play along or politely back off, not wanting to get in the middle of this feud.

The longer he’s silent, the more the arm around him tightens and the more the intruder starts to sneer and puff out his chest, shoulders squaring back and head tilting him. Hajime suddenly doesn’t remember how to block a punch.

“If you throw one punch at my best friend I’ll shove this bottle so far up your ass they’ll have to break your rib cage to dig it out.”

They all turn to stare at Oikawa who’s brandishing a still-full bottle of Smirnoff as he glares at the intruder, his lips twisted up into a dangerous smirk. It’s a look Hajime has seen too many times to count and knows what’s about to happen.

He spins out of Pretty Boy’s arms and leans across the counter to whisper-shout at Oikawa. “If you get into another fight you’re gonna get fired, brother or not.”

Oikawa doesn’t take his eyes off the intruder, nor does he keep his voice low. “You underestimate my persuasion skills over my brother. Now, Mr. Neanderthal,” he directs at the intruder, “this isn’t the first time I’ve seen you push yourself onto nice people, so I’m only gonna ask you once. Leave my bar, or I’ll kick your ass.”

One glance over his shoulder at the intruder and Hajime knows what’s going to happen next. He knows his best friend enough that he will literally follow up with his threat, and Hajime has a second to decide if he needs to continue to intervene or just steer Pretty Boy out of harm’s way until everything’s over.

What Hajime did not expect was to end up in urgent care, the blond sitting next to him with one hand rubbing circles on his back and the other holding Hajime’s.

The cab ride had been a little blurry, Hajime more focused on the blood seeping from his scalp and the hands pushing him out the bar than what was really going on, Oikawa’s laughter trailing after them like a maniacal echo.

Pretty Boy took charge and Hajime let him, not paying much attention to anything except the tone of the man’s voice.

By the time they get to the urgent care, Hajime’s head is killing him and it seems as if the blood has slowed down, if it was even that bad to begin with. Pretty Boy does most of the paperwork, even going so far as to dig out Hajime’s wallet and search for an insurance card. Hajime keeps a close eye on him then, but Pretty Boy doesn’t even try to touch his cash or credit cards.

He sits with Hajime through the hour-long wait and through the twenty-minute doctor visit, detailing the events leading up to the visit as the doctor pulls shards of glass from Hajime’s scalp. He doesn’t need stitches, which is great, and he doesn’t have a concussion, which is even better. The news has Pretty Boy sighing in relief, throwing Hajime a beautiful tiny smile.

Hajime expects them to part ways after the exam, but Pretty Boy directs him to the nearest diner, and it’s not until they’re collapsing into a booth that Hajime realizes he’s exhausted, but can admit that it was nice being babied for a while.

He even tells Pretty Boy that, and it earns him a small laugh that has Hajime swooning. He wipes at his eyes, smearing his already smudged eyeliner, but it just adds another level of intrigue to him that has Hajime leaning further over the table as they start to talk.

The man’s name is Semi Eita, and by the time their drinks arrive, Hajime thinks he’s a little bit in love.

“It’s not the first night I’ve seen you there, ya know,” Semi says after the waiter brings their meals. He grabs a fry and points it at Hajime before plopping it into his mouth. Hajime’s eyes track the movement, catching another glint of silver on Semi’s tongue that’s quickly hidden behind pink lips. He almost can’t take his eyes off Semi’s lips, following the curve of the cupid’s bow and trailing along the edge until he’s met with the spiral piercing curving at the bottom corner of his mouth. It’s captivating, and Hajime finds it hard to focus whenever it moves.

A fry hits him in the face, startling Hajime back into his seat. Semi gives him a curious look before his lips stretch in a grin that he tries to duck and hide.

His earlier words catch up with Hajime. “Why haven’t you approached me before then?”

Semi shrugs, not meeting Hajime’s eyes. He plops another fry into his mouth and takes a moment to answer. “I kind of thought you were with that bartender since I see you talkin’ with him all the time. Or you were straight since I’ve only seen you with girls hanging off your arm.”

Hajime snorts at that, quickly shaking the image of him and Oikawa out of his head. “I might swing for the right girl, but uh, I’m pretty gay. A lot of them pull a stunt like you did tonight, and I go with it because there are some sleazy assholes out there. And Oikawa’s my best friend. He’s more like an annoying brother I wish I could auction off for all the trouble he’s caused me.”

Semi winces at the jab, but Hajime continues, smiling. “He couldn’t get the night off, so I figured it’d be better to spend my birthday at the bar instead of home alone, even though he still ignored me all night because he was working.” Hajime rubs at his eyes, suddenly realizing how pathetic his idea for the evening was.

Semi hisses, and when Hajime peeks through his fingers at the other man, he catches a look of pity. “And I went and made everything worse for you.”

Hajime shakes his head, lowering his hands and offering a hopefully charming smile.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty happy with how my evening is going.”

Semi’s eyes widen, and the very top of his cheeks flush. Hajime finds it absolutely adorable.

“Even though you got into a bar fight because of a total stranger and ended up in urgent care because someone broke a bottle over your skull?”

Hajime laughs, nods.

“I met a really pretty guy who’s interested in me and took care of me. I’m interested in him too, and I’m hoping this night ends with me getting his number and a plan for a second date.”

Hajime watches as Semi's cheeks darken, and the very tip of his nose starts to pinken. Hajime wants to lean over the table and kiss him.

“Well shit,” Semi coughs, obviously flustered. Hajime grins even wider, finally giving in enough to reach out and gently grasp one of Semi’s hands, tangling their fingers together to reassure him. Hajime’s sure that despite the alt look, Semi might be on the softer side.

Hajime can’t wait to get to know Semi Eita, can’t wait to find out a million mundane things about the man who started a fight just so he could get to know Hajime. Maybe it’s a little weird or unorthodox, but it’s also something new and exciting. It’s the beginning of something that Hajime is actually looking forward to, and if the pleased and longing look in Semi’s eyes is anything to go by, it’s safe to say the other man is excited too.

Hajime’s glad he’s a patient man, because he hopes this will take a while.

#haikyuu!! #iwaizumi hajime #semi eita #oikawa tooru #iwasemi #writing #meet cute

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Jinxed- Part 2

Calum’s so used to fucking up that when a second chance comes his way he’s not sure what to do with it. Demon!Calum. 

CW: Mentions of death. 

Enjoy my masterlist

Support me on kofi. 

No one has my permission to repost this fic, including translations. All rights reserved. Copyright © be-ready-when-i-say-go.

__________________________

Her house is a mess. Dishes have piled up, her laundry is overflowing the basket. She hasn’t returned anyone’s phone call. Her mother has left twenty or so voicemails. Her text notifications are near the hundreds. None of those matter. His notes aren’t slipped under the door. She’s checked every night for one. Like her brain hasn’t computed that he’s actually gone. But he is. There is nothing but that handful of dust. 

When she calls all those old numbers, she gets an automated voice. It tells her that the number she is trying to reach is out of service or has been disconnected. She always sobs on the last word. She is disconnected. Disconnected from a friend. Disconnected from her loved ones because no amount of the phone buzzing and shaking on the table gets her to pick it up. A lifeline has been unplugged. 

Ruby clutches the small jar to her chest most days, or keeps it near. It feels appropriate for all the times Calum would shoot whiskey or hennessey straight out of one of them. Or the time he left a single carnation in one of her mason jars. It was pink, even though she hated pink. The next time he brought white. She carries the little bit of him left in the mason jars he used to always poke fun about. 

She can’t even cry anymore tears. She just sits, curled up in his jacket. She’s starting to lose his scent though. She can smell now is herself mostly. Ruby can’t mess up Calum’s jacket. The least she can do is preserve that. So she peels herself out of, draping it carefully over the edge of her bed and goes to shower. 

She texted her boss the next morning after it happened, after the shock still weighed her down. Ruby explained she’d need to take a couple personal days. Ruby really thought that was all it would take. Like a couple days just to get herself out of the funk. It’s hard to deal with death, but she thinks that she can bolster through. However, everytime she walks into her living room, she stares at the spot he last kneeled and her whole chest shatters. Her lungs can’t expand large enough for hair. She wheezes while tears stream down her face. 

If she could use the sprinkling of his ashes and her tears to sprout him again, she would’ve done so by now. She stands, in that spot, clutching his shirt, praying there’s anything she could do to bring him back. She is by no means, a witch. She tries nevertheless. She prays that anything brings him back. At first she wanted to never know Calum. It would be much easier to never hold onto these memories of falling asleep on him when she just couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. 

The reality though is that she’s happy to have known him. She’s happy to have those random trips for ice cream, even though she knows it’ll make her intestines shiver. If she didn’t have those experiences, what would’ve been the last year and half of her life? Who would she be without the imprint of Calum on her soul? 

____

Her hair is no doubt a mess when she walks into work. She managed to do laundry and put on decent clothes. Her dishes are still not done. She’s yet to take the trash out with all the delivered fast food. But at least she’s taken care of one thing. She was just much too tired to keep her shoulders lifted to properly comb out. Most of the knots are out with her pick and wide tooth comb. 

“Hey stranger,” Tiff says. Her smile is soft, maybe even a little sad. 

“Hey, sorry about being gone for so long.” She can feel the sting behind her eyes now. Fuck, she really thought she had cried enough. How does she even begin to function like her life is normal again? 

“No, no, it’s okay.” Tiff collects Ruby into her arms, combs and all still in her hands. “Shh, it’s okay.”

“He’s gone. I just--I can’t believe it,” Ruby hiccups. 

_____

The weeks pass, blurring into months. Ruby lingers less often on the spot in her living room. She still wears his shirt around the house just for comfort sake. His leather jacket hangs in her closet, now a staple piece even though it’s boxy on her. It’s comfortable. It’s lived in. Even though his cologne is long gone and nothing but the scent of the cleaners is seeped into the garment, she can still feel the lingering of Calum in it. 

She knows he slipped his arms into the same holes. He layered it with a sweatshirt and beanie. There is something of him, his living visage still seeped into the threads that makes her feel better when she wears if, even if she doesn’t need the comfort constantly. 

Ruby keeps up with her dishes now too. Her laundry basket is emptied at least once a week. It hurts less to laugh. She can go about her day easier now. She doesn’t think she’ll ever reach her old normal. But she likes her new normal, the new routine of noticing the small things that Calum used to do that don’t cause her chest to rupture. But she gives a sad smile whenever the thoughts cross her mind. 

Like now, sitting in Kourtney’s car, Ruby is slightly reminded of the times that she and Calum would ride across town, just to try the latest sweet treat. 

“I don’t know how you’ve been single for this long now,” Kourtney laughs from the driver seat. The red light stares down at them and they stare up at it for the moment being. The comment isn’t mostly out of the blue. But their previous conversation about how dating is hard had died down a little. 

Ruby look to her friend through her peripheral. The high ponytail weave still slick and perfectly pinned in place. “I haven’t been single for that long.”

“It’s going on two years now! Ever since your birthday when that creepy guy cornered you at the bar. You broke things off with Darrell, what three just weeks before that?” Kourt risks a glance over. Rubs picks at her nails, the set of extended nails a deep burgundy color. They don’t mention that birthday too much. 

It was brought up once before after Calum’s passing and Ruby broke down into tears. Kourtney and the rest of the girls thought that Ruby and him had been dating and then broken up. But the way she cried and told them that a good friend had passed away, they figured they might be wrong about it. Everyone does their best to dart around the topic. 

Ruby makes sure never to give a name. Part of it feels like a disservice. That she’s silencing him even in death. But the other part knows it’s better this way. That she can’t say his name. Not to anyone. Would she be causing trouble for herself if she does? Would Lucifer come back for her? She’d rather not having the devil himself show up at her door again. Once is more than enough in a lifetime. 

Ruby blinks. It has been two years. Time surely hasn’t slowed. But it doesn’t feel like it’s sped up either. “Well I won’t be taking anymore recommendations from you,” she tsks, sucking her tongue around teeth. 

“You can’t hold Tre over my head forever. I thought she was cool.”

“She’s like the rest of them n--,” She had more to say but Kourtney cuts her off with a wave of her hand, as if she’s heard the guilt trip from Ruby enough already.

“So are we going out for your birthday or not?”

Ruby doesn’t know what she wants to do for her twenty sixth birthday. It feels mundane. It’s not 21 or even her 30’s. Just 26, a tick mark in the calender of her life. Just another day on the wheel. “We could go back,” Ruby offers with a shrug of her shoulders. 

Kourt presses down as the light turns green. “Back to Greenlight? It’s an hour out of town.”

“The music was lit.”

“The drinks were expensive.”

“You’ll have a birthday girl.”

“Why do you want to go back?” Kourtney asks but not without having to tap her brakes to allow for an asshole weaving through the lanes. She flips them the bird. 

Ruby watches, focus blurring on the passing asphalt. She can’t avoid things forever. She can’t hide from what’s happened. Calum’s dead. Though she’s wondered if demon’s can every truly die. Part of her wished she had asked sooner. She wished she had considered what happens when she dies, if she’ll ever cross paths with him again. Should she make some sort of deal with the devil? Calum would probably have her head for something like that. 

“Earth to Ruby!” Kourtney shouts, snapping her fingers near Ruby’s ear. 

“I’m not dead,” Ruby huffs. 

“Why should we hikes our asses all the way to Greenlight? Need to pour one out for them?”

Ruby has to laugh. Calum would not stand for the waste of alcohol in his honor. But it feels appropriate to remember him like that, even if it is wasted whiskey on concrete. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Someone’s gonna have to DD. Because I am not splitting that Uber again. I couldn’t even afford enough drinks for a solid buzz.”

“It won’t be long. But I guess if it’s an hour drive. We better make it worth our while. There’s a waffle joint close by too. Make pretty good breakfast.”

Kourtney parks in front of the mall, lips pursed. “And how would you know that ma’am?”

Keeping her gaze straight ahead, Ruby shrugs. Her lips curve though. The smile slowly etching itself onto her face. “Heard it through the grapevine.”

“Yeah right. Who you fuck that far across town?”

“No one,” Ruby defends. Her offended tone doesn’t last long before her laughter cuts through. It’s shocking that she’s never brought up the night she spent with Calum. But Ruby nows her friends. The would take any amount of scandalous details and run it for miles. 

Kourtney’s nonbelief is clear on her face, especially with the eyeroll. “Yeah and I was born last night.”

The women climb out of the car, laughing. As Ruby slings the purse onto her shoulder, Kourtney leans against the hood of the car. “Was it them? The one that passed away?”

Ruby matches her position. She can trust Kourtney, one of the few that always been more receptive to Ruby’s quiet moments. She’s always been the one that makes sure to keep the things that need to be quiet quiet. So Ruby nods her head. “Just once.”

“You just out here hoeing around and making friends out of them? Only you Ruby. Only you can sleep with someone and be friends wit’ ‘em.”

Ruby closes the car door, walking around the bumper. There’s a small breeze as they walk to the entrance. “It wasn’t supposed to go down like that. We slept together and I thought it was over. But he came into the salon.”

“So it was a guy, huh?”

“Yeah, he came into the salon to see a stylist. We talked for a minute.” Ruby pauses. She can’t admit that Calum turned out to be a giant asshole and a demonic one at that. “He was a bit of an asshole about it. But it was chill. Then on the date with Tre, he happened to be hanging out there too. She was still yelling about getting some ass. We argued and resolved it. Though, things didn’t actually get fix. She just stormed off. He was there. We hung out getting ice cream.”

Kourtney nods. “So you didn’t sleep with him again after that?”

Ruby shakes her head. “No.”

“Was it that bad?”

“Quite the opposite.”

“So why not?” Kourt screeches. 

The mall isn’t too crowded for the moment. Both of them wanted to get out and about early.  It’s only the older people that walk laps with their wristbands and two pound weights. All of them look at Ruby and Kourtney for sudden loud interruption. They are used to the stares from others because their glossy lips, and occasional pop of their gum. They know the hair and the color of their skin makes them an easy target for judgemental stares. 

It’s sometimes exhausting how true the phrase is that there is nothing new under the sun. There is nothing new about the prejudices they face. There is nothing new to the way they are watched, followed around. There is nothing new about losing loved ones. Nothing new about the stories of their lives. There is just new names on the characters they play. 

“Because we became friends,” Ruby answers. 

“You can fuck your friends.” Kourtney throws the 22 inches over her shoulder. Her nails aren’t long. But are a sharp stiletto point and have rhinestones tacked onto them. 

“You shouldn’t though,” Ruby states. 

Kourtney loves Ruby but sometimes wishes she gave more about her life. How to go from fucking a stranger to becoming their friend is a story that others would kill to tell. But Ruby holds it close to her chest. She won’t give the details.  Even if Kourtney tried to push it out of her, it would only be condensed. She’d only ever get the sparks notes version of the truth. “Fine, fine. We’re here for birthday outfits anyway.”

“Why do you need an outfit for my birthday?”

“Because I can’t go to Greenlight raggedy.”

“Your closet is twice the size of mine. You calling me raggedy?”

“Never in a million years, Rubs. Never.”

Ruby purses her lips but says nothing. Their feet carry them down past the anchor stores to a small run boutique. The displays are still neon and fishnets, with a sprinkle of cheetah print bodycon skirts. The shirts are cropped in the stomach but still thick long sleeved. The fashion choices don’t always make sense. As if only the flesh of arms get cold but not a stomach. 

“Are jeans and clear heels look too simple for my birthday?” Ruby asks, the jeans at the first display for her. She owns enough denim to last her the rest of her life if she gains no more weight. 

The question is mostly to herself, a little bit for Kourtney’s response. Kourtney’s already two racks over, thumbing through the previous season’s sequin tops. “No, it’s a very you look. Spice the top up with some glitter maybe. Or some neon?”

Ruby bypasses the denim, finding a blue sequin dress and holds it up. “Kourt, look what I found.”

A small gasp feels the air. “I need it. And I need it now.”

“Your size too.” Ruby dangles the rack from the tops of her fingers, thumbing over the dresses. Birthdays require maximum fun. A dress will have her stressed that her ass is not showing. Though depending on the amount of shots she’s had the stress of not mooning anyone could easily be overcome by the giggling urge to moon someone. She’ll stick to pants though and let the worry reside for another day when she dares a skirt. 

Kourtney takes the dress from the waiting hand and pulls out a red cheetah print top. “Try this?”

“Looks like a dress I have.”

Kourtney watches Ruby glance over the racks. The hangers making a piercing screeching as they scratch with rusted metal over the glossy metal rods that they hang on. Is smart to support her want to go back to Greenlight? Nothing special is really there about the place. It’s popular and crowded, but that’s only because it’s the latest club on the scene and more artists want to play in the club because of it’s blossoming elitist status. But a good time could be had anywhere.

“Are you positive about Greenlight?” Kourtney asks. 

Ruby nods. “As positive as I am black.”

“So hella positive then,” Kourtney laughs. 

It takes one store for them to find the base pieces, a dress for Kourtney and the top for Ruby. It takes three others for the shoes. In the second store, Kourtney finds her heels, black and strappy to neutralize the red glittery bling. And in the last one, Ruby finds a pair of clear heels--on sale. An important caveat for her considering she may not wear the shoes much after her birthday. 

When Ruby gets home, she drops the bag to her couch. She might be crazy to go back to Greenlight. Yes, they are memories there, but who’s to say that she couldn’t build more there. Why should the only ones she has of the place be tainted by a heaviness that could be replaced? 

____

It’s mutually decided that Ruby can’t be the designated driver for her own birthday. She only offered as a way to keep herself on a leash drinking wise. But her group of friends quickly shot that down.  She slips on the gold hoops as Tiff corrals the already tispy group. She can perfectly enjoy a birthday while being sober, or as close to sober as she could realistically be with a shot or two in her. 

Ruby hears the glasses clinking in her living room. The rest of the group has been sipping on fruity wine. It’s cheap, but good. Tiff hands over her tube of buttergloss. “Peachy nudes always pop more with a little bit of gloss. Always.”

Ruby takes it, just taking in the tube of glass, a fair pink. “Noted.”

___

The Greenlight is packed as always. Bodies look like a giant sea, swaying to and fro. Ruby looks over to the corner. Calum’s not there. She didn’t expect him to be there. But she had a fleeting hope. A sliver of it sits in her chest and drops when there’s just a couple talking, leaned in close to each other. Calum would be sitting there, beanie on his head. The look would not be complete without his leather jacket. She suddenly wishes she had it draped over her shoulders.

A whiskey would be in Calum’s hand of course. Maybe he’d wink at her. Maybe he’d just watch her dance with her friends. He’d offer of course to pay for a drink or two, but he’d really only be on the sidelines to let her enjoy the night. At the end of the night, when her world is still swimming with the buzz of her shots, Calum would probably tuck her into bed with water on the nightstand. “No dying on me tonight,” he’d whisper. 

For a fraction of a second, Ruby wishes she had made Calum promise that too. So that she could be angry for his death for him leaving her. But it really wasn’t of his own volition. That was a choice made for him by someone else’s hand.  

“We’ve got a birthday girl!” Tiff shouts, grabbing Ruby’s arm. 

Ruby’s imagined version of Calum disappears as she’s dragged to the bar. It takes her a moment to start reaching for her clutch to grab her ID. The bartender smiles. “And what will she have?” There’s a quick glance at the ID. Ruby thinks it most definitely isn’t long enough to see her age at all. 

“Whiskey. Straight.” The order falls from her lips without her thinking.

Tiff blinks. “Well that’s different than your usual.”

The only thing Ruby does is shrug. She can offer no explanation. It just feels like the right thing to do. The bartender nods and turns. The rest of the girls order shots or fruity drinks strong enough to knock a grown man over. 

The night doesn’t feel too special. Ruby manages to snag a few free drinks for her friends. The music thumps in her bones and the bass shakes her core. The bodies are still moving in mass, a sway. She finds herself looking to that corner again. The couple’s since left and it’s empty. She wonders if that spot feels like wearing Calum’s jacket. 

Telling Kourtney that she’s headed to the bathroom, Ruby sneaks away from the group. She climbs into the high chair, into Calum’s chair. It feels different up here. To watch everyone living their life. To know that someone’s going to home with someone else, to know that they are all in the middle of something—a breakup, trying to break a two year single streak. Whatever the case may be, every single person on that floor has a life headed in some direction. And she gets to watch the intersections. She gets to see how all the webs cross and unravel. 

“I’m very grateful you are a creature of habit. Or finding you would’ve been hell.” 

Ruby’s heart thunders, the veins in her neck thumping clearly behind the skin. She knows that voice anywhere. Even if she’s only heard it the one time in her apartment. She could identify it in a crowd of thousands. “Don’t you have other lives to ruin?”

Lucifer grins. “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

“That is absolutely rich coming from you. So why the fuck are you here?”

“I’m on a delivery. And I don’t think you’d be too receptive of my other Hunters.”

“To what? Deliver a harsh reminder that you killed one of my best friends? Thanks. Especially on my birthday. Perfect timing. You asshole. You’re such a goddamn asshole.” Ruby slips down from the hair, reaching back up to grab her drink. 

“Just listen for two second,” he hisses. When her hand comes up, he drops the long velvet box into it. “It’s from your friend. He never got around to giving it to you. So I figured I’d be nice. For once.”

“From Calum?”

“Yeah, from him.”

“What is it?”

“Look I’m just delivering the damn thing. I don’t ask questions about what it is. Do you realize that does spoil the whole thing about gift giving?”

“How long has he had it?”

“Again, that is not something I can answer.” 

If it weren’t for the fact that he was delivering something from Calum, she’d smack him. Maybe. It’s not like he’d feel it. Calum didn’t feel the left swing she gave him. Granted, it would be more for the affect, for the spectacle. 

“Apparently it’ll mean something to you. He’s been whining. Enjoy the rest of your day. Drink the spirits for me too.” With that, Lucifer slithers through the crowd. She notes it’s less of a walk and more of a glide. Calum had a swagger to his walk. Never rushed but never slow either. Ruby cracks open the box. 

A gold anklet stares back up at her. A small charm is attached. A mason jar etched into the gold plate with a C and R carved inside as well. Her eyes water. He’s had to have it for a while, holding onto it for some reason, for some sort of occasion. He mentioned getting her a gift. Only to her once. In passing, during Christmas. He said he wanted to give her something to remember him by that wouldn’t be subjected to the erosions all memories face. 

He wasn’t sure what to get though. Wasn’t sure how to give it to her. Sure he’d give her small things--surprising her with candy, or giving her t-shirts that he thought she’d enjoy mostly because of the crazy sayings printed on them. But he wanted to give her something tangible, that would fade to the wear of a machine. 

Ruby looks up back into the crowd. Lucifer’s is long gone. She continues to stare out over the packed dance floor. Will he show back up? And what he meant by Calum was whining? Calum was dead. The dead can’t complain, can’t speak, can’t blink. There is nothing but silence from them, right?

“Ruby! That’s one hell of a piss,” Kourtney laughs. Her eyes are glassy, Ruby notes. Maybe she won’t notice the tears forming in the corner of Ruby’s eyes. 

“Helping another girl,” Ruby lies, tucking the box away. “Zipper got caught.”

“C’mon. We got more shots. We need you.”

Ruby extends the hand not holding the chain. They filter through the crowd, over to the counter. She takes the glass of clear liquor, knocking the glasses together. As the liquid slides down her throat, it burns. What burns more is the thought that Calum might be alive somewhere out there in the depths of Hell.

Ruby crawls back into bed. The gold anklet dances against her skin. The last shot still pounds against her head. But the question would not leave her alone. Could Calum still be alive? She saw the dust. But Calum made her promise that she couldn’t watch. Right now, she wishes she had. She would know for sure, with her own eyes if death had truly ruined her. 

Her computer, even dimmed, still is harsh against her eyes. But she squints and opens a new window of Google, incognito. Like it’s illegal to search questions about demons. If it didn’t hurt to laugh, she’d chuckle at herself. 

Can you kill a demon? 

Ruby waits, blinks her eyes once and Google returns with answers, all in blue. She groans and clicks on the link. There had to be a color for the font that was easier on the eyes in the hangover state filled with curiosity.  

Demon traps, salt circles, holy water, heavenly fire, blades. 

This isn’t actually helping, she huffs. So clicks away from that link and back to the search results. Please work, she begs clicking another link. She skims over the black text. You can’t actually kill a demon. It surely look like Calum had died to her. It felt like he had died. Because if he was still kicking around he’d find a way to find her, to talk to her. 

Unless he couldn’t communicate with her like before. Ruby doesn’t know the first thing about how to communicate with any other spiritual beings. But there’s nary a question that Google can’t at least attempt to answer. 

How do you communicate with the dead? 

Ruby pauses. Should she type in how to summon a demon?

She is trying to summon one, technically. She’ll start there with the dead. To her that is what Calum is. He is dead. A dead friend. No matter the status of his spirit, he is dead to her. There’s seance, alters, crystals. Her brain begins to spin. So she closes the screen and lays back into her purple fuzzy pillows. They can offer some solace from the pounding of too much alcohol and too little water and the sting of tears. Calum can’t still be out there. She can’t handle that. 

___

The leather jacket is overkill. She knows. But staring up at the bookcase of books, she finds warmth in knowing that she is carrying a small part of Calum with her. Titles jump up out at her. Most of them centering around Wicca. She’s intrigued and pulls one down. She thumbs through the pages and holds it into the crook of her elbow. 

The Handbook of Witchcraft slips onto the top of her stack. People pass her by and no one seems to blink an eye. It’s her little secret, her little endeavor. To everyone else though, she is just down an aisle in the bookstore. She is just carrying a stack of books. She is just a patron amongst the fairly quiet calm river of the bookstore. She’s not making a ripple or bothering a soul. She is a nobody taking up space meant to be occupied. 

She settles into the cafe attached inside the store. Her stack is about four high. She might as well get started now. The whirring of machines blurs into the background of her mind. 

“Just starting out I see?” 

Ruby glances up. Another black girl with pink box braids tips her plastic cup at her stack. “Looking for answers,” Ruby says. 

Reaching into her pocket, the young girl finds a pen and takes a napkin from the small stack Ruby grabbed for her muffin. The girl scribbles down the at symbol followed by what looks like a username. “This is my Instagram. Message me if you need help.”

“Thanks.” Ruby smiles. “Like the hair.”

“Gotta get them redone. New in town. Still looking for a stylist.”

Ruby reaches into her purse. She grabs a business card for her and the salon. “I do eyebrows mainly. But the salon I work in is black owned.”

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“It can be hard out there.”

Ruby knows she’s been at the store too long when the afternoon sun fades into a pastel orange. Packing up the stack, she proceeds to the registers. The cashier looks unphased, pushing their reward card and membership. Ruby’s thankful. Her secret is safer for even a little bit longer, safe even from the cashier, who probably cares nothing about her life to start with. 

___

Ruby laughs at herself walking into IKEA, even though her entire house is completely furnished. Nothing is broken either. She’s still here though. She gets lost every time she walks through the doors. Taking a survey of the shop, she takes a deep breath. Just a small end table. That’s all she needs. She’ll start there. 

It takes an entire half an hour and help from two different employees but she secures the end table she needs. It’s on sale, or there’s some sort of special. The small wooden two tiered table is only 10 bucks, not including the taxes. It’s even small enough for her carry herself to her car. Though several employees offer one the flatbeds to help her walk even easier. Ruby know she could’ve easily gotten one for free, maybe with more characters, more knicks in it.

All the articles she read mentioned that the table wasn’t the important part. There would be more money to spend elsewhere. Is it wrong to want to give Calum the best if he’s still out there? The only thing Ruby can do is just give it a shot. As she slides the large cardboard box into her truck, she pauses. It’s just a shot. 

It would be funny to have an ivory cloth to cover it, Ruby thinks. Though black is more fitting. She settles later on, while in Target, for a Halloween themed one, black with silver trimming. It’s clearly been lingering since the holidays. She’s shocked they haven’t been tossed out yet by the store. It hasn’t been that long since the holiday, though. So maybe it isn’t old enough to be thrown out just yet. 

Calum might be pissed. She can almost hear his voice in her head, deeming worthy of at least something solid back. But Ruby figures he has a small silver streak in himself. Even if he refuses to believe it himself.He’d probably refute it. Tell her she’s the only silver streak in his damnation.

Ruby would then tell him he’s much too harsh on himself. She misses those moments, the bickering even though it’s not real. Twisting the last screw into place, Ruby looks at the gold anklet again. 

He’s been whining. 

Is she insane? Has she finally gone off the deep end to be sitting in her bedroom, screwing together an end table to create an altar? Calum might not even be on the other side. He could all the day dead. He could be really good. 

But why the present tense? Was it false hope, some sort of unresolved sadness or fear  that kept her clinging to any gram of hope? 

 Honestly, it didn’t matter. If she was insane, Ruby would find out soon enough, right? If she was insane to try and communicate with a damned soul, then it wouldn’t work. She’d just have a spare end table and a cool table cloth to help her decorate for the holidays. It wouldn’t be a waste if it all went to shit on her. 

___

“You have to set it up for what you need. You can add traditional elements. But they’re really customizable.” 

“I need it for like,” Ruby starts then stops, readjusting her grip on the thread.

“No, no. I need not know,” Jasmine reprimands. Her eyes are still closed. Her fingers still holding the skin taut. 

Ruby cleans up the underbrow before moving to the top of the bone. “Aren’t their guides for this kind of stuff? Could I go to someone else to do this?”

“I mean you could yes,” Jasmine says. Ruby brushes away the plucked hairs and moves to the right brow. “You’re looking for something maybe more along the lines of a psychic.”

“I don’t know. Everytime I think I can do it, I chicken out.”

“Just sit for a few minutes. Even if the altar isn’t complete just sit in front of it for a few minutes. Smudge it before and after. Besides, you’re not going to get it right on your first try. It’s not about getting it right the first time either. You have to feel it, know what you’re looking for, know when you’ve found it.”

Ruby hums, focused now on the string pulling the right hairs from the roots. When done and the brows outlined, Ruby hands Jasmine the mirror. “What do you think?”

“Holy fuck,” Jasmine gapes. “My brows have never looked this good.”

“I do my best.”

“You fucking slayed it is what you did.” Jasmine turns her head side to side, to make sure it’s not just a trick of the light and angle. The truth is no, her brows look this good for every angle thanks to the talent of Ruby. Jasmine adds a ten dollar tip to the fee. “I’ll be back for sure.”

“Glad you’re happy with them.”

Jasmine grabs a couple of business cards from the display on the front desk. “For friends,” she notes before shouting loudly over her shoulder. “Bye ladies. See y’all later.”

The entire shop responds with a shout too. Ruby leans into the glass front desk. The sidewalks are pretty dead. A couple boys hanging out because of the barber shop next door. There’s a convenience store at the corner of the block, where most people grab snacks for before coming into their hair appointments. Ruby would go there to grab snacks before movie snacks. She managed to sneak out of the salon well before closing sometimes and because of that, she could load up before calling Calum. Never texted. 

The rest of the day is pretty slow. It’s only Tuesday though. The closer to the weekend they get, the busier it becomes. Ruby walks into her apartment. It’s quiet and she thinks about turning on her TV. There’s never anything on, so she lets the silence lingers and gets water instead. The table is still bear in the corner of her bedroom. Just the cloth. Ruby finds the shoebox in the top of her closet. She pulls the only photo she has of Calum. Just him reclining on her couch in a green t-shirt and sweats. 

He’s not even looking at her, too busy browsing her computer. He was trying to prove her wrong about the meaning of carnations. This then took him down the rabbit hole of flora meaning, which he spent twenty minutes reading aloud to her. Ruby has since put it in a gold frame. It fits him. So she sets the frame onto the table, just right in the center. 

Ruby sits in front of it. Just admiring the photo. Her clock ticks in her ear. The water sits on the floor, still in the cup. Ruby lights one of the incenses. Rhodney gave her a good deal on them. He helped her get into this apartment. And she just sits. Eyes closing briefly. This is nice, peaceful. Just her, sinking into the floor, thinking about Calum. She lets the lavender scent settle into her lungs. 

Ruby sits cross legged, mind suspended between the reality that she is in her bedroom and the shallow pool of not having to think about anything. She can just bathe in the memories, his love of chocolate pretzels, the way he always smelled a little like nicotine but mostly like wooden musk of cologne.

Maybe Calum couldn’t communicate with her. Ruby knows in her heart of hearts that Calum would fight heaven and high water to keep in contact with her if he could. This had to be on her to figure out. Ruby couldn’t rely on Calum’s supernatural abilities anymore. This was a fight she’d have to take up on her own. 

There’s a small rumble. She can hear the clink of her glass. She thinks it’s the glass clinking against the floor. But she doesn’t dare open her eyes.  Then her phone rings from the living room. 

“Shit,” she whispers, standing up. She was positive she had turned it on silent. But she can never be sure anymore. It’s only a spam call. She was searching for a new health insurance plan and now the companies don’t leave her alone. 

When Ruby returns to her bedroom, her glass of water is still.

___

“You really need at least 4 people to communicate with spirits. Don’t want to be doing that kind of shit alone,” Jasmine hums. She sucks through her straw, the bottom of it clearly in nothing but air. 

“I don’t really have 3 other people that would be down for that,” Ruby counters. The coffee shop is loud. It’s a shock for how late in the day it is. But for those that need the caffeine, it matters not the time of day for them. 

“Well, now you only need 2 more people,” Jasmine grins, finishing off the last of her scone. 

“You’re going to help me?” Her disbelief is clear in her question. Why would Jasmine potentially be subjecting herself to the unknown for Ruby? It’s probably less unknown for Jasmine than it is unknown for Ruby. 

“Of course.”

“You do know what I’m asking you to do right?”

Jasmine laughs. “Yes, I’m aware.”

Her latest hairstyle are crochet locs. The fake hair has the ends dyed royal blue. Ruby notes that she always has to have a pop of color with her hair. She likes it. The way Jasmine’s always so free to express herself. Ruby does that too, with her hair too, but more so through her nails. She’s not sure what color to get this time. Though every time she goes into the nail salon, her eyes drift to the olive green. The same color of the shirt in the picture. 

“You’ve got time to get your nails done today?” Ruby asks. 

Jasmine looks over the black polish she put on about a week ago. It’s chipped a little. It was a rush job on her part.  “I hadn’t planned too, but sure.”

“My treat,” Ruby adds on. 

“Sold.” 

Knocking on Kourtney’s door, Ruby wonders if she’s already gone for the day. She tried to text before driving over it. Kourt hadn’t responded though by the time they got there. Kourtney keeps her car in the garage, so there’s no way to know. The door cracks open just as Ruby’s phone buzzes in her pocket. “Well this is a surprise,” Kourtney laughs. 

“Kourt this is Jasmine. Jasmine, Kourtney.” The two ladies wave at each other. “Think you can squeeze us in.”

“For you, Rubs, always. No matter how last minute it is.”

Ruby knows that tone, it’s joking but serious. “I promise this won’t be a common occurrence.”

“Oh I know it won’t.”

As the drill buffs over Ruby’s growth, Kourtney clicks her tongue. Her nose and mouth are hidden behind the dusk mask. The raised eyebrow is clear. She’s not buying this pitch, not in the slightest. The fine powder flies under the harsh light of the lamp bent over Ruby’s nails. “You want me to do what now?”

Ruby knows what she’s asking is probably insane. “Just be there. That’s all.”

“We are too black to be fucking with spirits.”

Ruby looks over to Jasmine, who just shrugs. Her gel manicure is freshly cured, though she sits under the nail dryers for her toes. “I mean, I totally get where she’s coming from. But at the same time, if you look at other religions, they do the same thing all the time.”

“Like what?” Kourtney tuts, pulling the drill away from her work. Ruby’s hand is still firm in her grasps. 

“Do you know about orishas?” Jasmine asks. 

“Do I know about what?” 

“They’re deities, gods,” Ruby explains. “I mean, it’s not totally the same. In that belief system people who practice are mounted.”

“Mounted?”

“The deity descends and uses the practitioners physical form, or body, during rituals.” Ruby wants to avoid the term possess. That would only serve to fuel Kourtney’s resistance. 

“Just say possess them. You can say it,” Kourtney huffs. 

“It’s not like the deity stays forever.”

“So, for argument sake, people are mounted by these spirits. And you want to equate that to openly knocking on the supernatural’s door and just ask them to chill out with us until whomever you’re trying to contact shows up. Is that what you’re asking me to do?”

“Well, it’s less about just chilling with spirits than it is trying to directly contact one. But yeah, let’s go with that version,” Ruby returns. 

“You’re fucking insane.” Kourtney’s tone isn’t harsh. It’s not even condescending. She just sounds tired, and maybe even a little flabbergasted. She can see Ruby’s desperate. Kourtney thinks she might be too if a friend just suddenly upped and died. It’s different than when Kourtney’s grandmother died. She had reasons. There was an explanation and a clear peace at the end.. Her grandmother was older, had been teetering on the edge really for a while. She wasn’t deathly ill, just getting up in age. She was starting to forget things easily. She couldn’t do the same things as before. In all honesty, her grandmother’s peaceful slip from temporary slumber to a permanent sleep is the best outcome. 

Kourtney changes the bit on her drill, taking down the length of the old set. “If I become haunted, I’m making friends with the ghostman and getting them to haunt your ass instead. I don’t have the time be fucking haunted, alright? Ain’t no ghost finna pay my bills.”

Ruby looks over to Jasmine. She hadn’t expected that to happen. She thought she’d ask. She’d get told no. Ruby halfway thought Kourtney would shut her down when she started talking about the deities. But to have Kourtney agree--that comes from left field. “Are you high right now?”

“No but I just might hint a blunt after dealing with you.”

The room echoes with laughter. “I’ll even roll it for you,” Ruby offers, her chest still hiccuping with tufts of laughter. 

“Nah, it’ll be haunted or some shit. I’ll roll my own blunts. Thank you.”

___

Jasmine’s friend, who only goes by Ash, settles down last in the circle. He’s a psychic, according to his Instagram. Ruby’s talked to him once face to face. His voice is too deep, too alluring. But he doesn’t carry himself like he takes life too seriously. It made him more inviting. The long hair, it’s always braided back. Ruby can appreciate his humor. His stare can be intense, dark brown keen eyes. They don’t ever miss anything. 

As his hands wrap around Ruby’s, his gaze is stern. His tone is softer. He has no qualms with people getting the answers that they need. But he doesn’t want them to do it for all the wrong reasons.“Are you sure about this?”

Ruby’s not really completely sure. She was never really supposed to talk about Calum. She was supposed to keep all this shit quiet. But if it weren’t for her run at Greenlight, she could be at peace. She doesn’t need constant communication. She just needs to verify. Calum really might be out there. “It’s the only shot I’ve got.”

Ash nods. He can understand that. With the board settled down, Ruby begins. Kourtney keeps flicking her gaze about the small circle. She prays to God she doesn’t wind up haunted because of this shit and she prays Ruby’s not diving into the deep end either. Even though Kourtney is not well versed in how hauntings work, she knows that no matter where Ruby goes these spirits can and probably will follow. 

“I am asking if my friend Calum is still out there,” Ruby starts. Her hands are shaking a little. She can hear the quiver in her own voice. 

It’s silent. Ruby watches, blinking erratically. Does she even want to contact Calum? Should be doing this at all? It could be best to live and let die. Kourtney shifts on the floor. They’re all situated in Ruby’s bedroom, around the small little table that holds a picture. Kourtney thinks this must be the friend, this Calum. 

The lights are off. The room’s already decent temperature wise. But Ruby doesn’t miss the small distinct breeze across her face. It’s easy to think that when presented with this scenario she would be brave. But right now, she can feel her gut leaping. “Oh shit. Did anyone else feel that breeze?”

Jasmine, to the left of Ruby, speaks up. “Can the spirit in this room confirm that you are Ruby’s friend? Gently move a piece on the altar.”

Ruby watches the gold anklet. Even in the flickers of the candle light, it glitters more than the picture frame. She placed the charm upside down. Whether it was on purpose, Ruby can’t say for sure. But a part of her did hope that if she were to have any success that the anklet would be the first thing Calum would reach for. He’d know the significance.  

Nothing happens. Ruby probes whatever might be reaching out to them to move something. The minutes pass and there is nothing still. The charm does not flip over. Another breeze does not come by. There is nothing. Just the rising and falling of four chest in Ruby’s bedroom. Any potential spirits that crossed over are thanked. The circle is closed. The candles are blown out. “Did you feel anything besides the breeze?” Jasmine asks. 

Ruby shakes her head. Sometimes she wishes she hadn’t decided to keep her hair short. The longer the hair, and even the longer the weave, she could’ve hidden her disappointment, the wobble of her chin. “Sometimes, you’re not always successful on your first try,” Ash counters. His voice is soft, much like the touch of his hand on Ruby’s shoulder. 

“Thanks,” Ruby answers. Her voice is thick as it leaves her throat. 

It’s rude, she knows. Ruby shuts herself into the bathroom. The door swings close and clicks with a harsh thud. She only needs a moment. Just a second. Just so the first hot tear can run down her cheek. She was a fool. How could she really believe that this would work? Hope made everyone blind. Everyone could probably see that it would never work. And yet, they had hoped for her that it would work. Yet they had sat in her bedroom like children at a sleepover, playing with spirits. 

 Ruby couldn’t be that mad at them. They were only trying to help her. But did no one think to stop her, to save her from this embarrassment? She sniffles hard, wiping at her cheeks. She’s never really had a flush on her face. But right now, behind the copper tones of brown skin, she can feel the heated flush taking over. Why would he do such a thing to her? She was a fucking fool to believe the gift was actually from Calum. He’s dead. His ashes are still in that godforsaken mini mason jar. There is no bringing him back. 

There’s nothing left of him. His soul was already damned to Lucifer. There was no way he would let anything remain. Ruby would’ve done better to just talk to open air than to try and communicate with Calum. She was just a fucking fool. 

With another harsh sniffle, Ruby opens the door. If her eyes are red, they’ll just have to be red. “Thanks for subjecting yourselves to this. I owe you guys.” She doesn’t hide the quiver that takes over her chest. 

“Rubs,” Kourtney sighs, hugging her friend. Ruby shakes like a dog caught in a thunderstorm in Kourtney’s arms. “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“N-no,” Ruby croaks. “I’ll call if I need you though.”

Kourtney thinks for a moment. She could refuse Ruby’s wishes and have to deal with a crying and pissed Ruby or she could just wait for the phone call. Ruby will probably still be crying if she calls, but at least there won’t be any anger. “I’ll be near my phone.”

As the door creaks close, Ruby locks it, bottom and top locks before sliding down the steel door. Here she is again. On her fucking knees crying over Calum again. She wants to laugh. She really does. It catches between her sobs in ragged coughs. “Fucking of course,” she pants. “Of course.”

She pushes her hands and crawls to the edge of the coffee table. Right where she was when Calum died. “I thought it was only lovers that were supposed to hurt like this.” Her speech is interrupted by sobs. But she continues on. “I thought only lovers were supposed to rip your fucking heart out.”

“They say talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.”

Even though her vision is nothing but a watery field of tears, she knows that pale skin. “Don’t you have some other poor soul to torture? Don’t you have anybody else to fuck over? Haven’t you ruined my fucking life enough?” she shouts. Her hand finds a coaster and lobs it before she can even think, still half hung onto the edge of the coffee table. It requires too much energy to support herself on her elbows. She just hangs her weight into the sturdy piece of furniture. 

“He heard you calling. So I had to answer,” Lucifer returns. 

“You’re such a fucking liar.” Ruby wishes she could smite him. Do anything to him to make him feel the ache in her chest. Would it take a bolt of lightning? Did he hold anything precious to his heart?

“I’m many things.”

“Leave me the fuck alone, God.”

Lucifer fakes a hiss, throwing up a cross with his fingers. “We don’t say His name around me.”

Ruby drags the sleeve of her shirt under her nose. Her tears, though they roll down her face, have stopped stinging her behind her eyes. “That’s a corny ass joke.”

Lucifer shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Figured I’d give it a shot. See if you’d stop cursing me out.”

“You’re still an asshole. So no, it didn’t work.” Ruby finally pushes up from the coffee table and falls into the legs of the couch. She stares out into the open dining room, at the table pushed up against the wall, right under the window sill. Calum would sit most nights that he stayed over in front of it. He said watching the night relaxed him. But she wonders now if she was watching for Lucifer. If Calum knew all along that he was playing with a fire that would burn him. 

It would hurt more if he just disappeared, Ruby thinks. If Lucifer somehow got him in the middle of the night while she was sleeping and Calum just wasn’t there. If he never showed up with another note under her door. That would hurt more. Not knowing would kill her more than knowing Ruby figures. She probably wouldn’t have noticed it at first. But as the days blended into weeks and the weeks turned into months without any contact from Calum--that would kill her. Slowly and then all at once she’d lose her head. 

“Mind if I sit?” Lucifer asks. 

“And if I say I do. What are you going to do? Kill me?”

“I’d never kill for such a frivolous thing.”

Ruby whips  her head to look at him. “You killed Calum? And for what? Being my friend?”

“I don’t have to explain that to you.”

“No, you do! You do have to explain that to me.”

“I don’t,” Lucifer defends. 

“Oh, but you do, Lucifer.” She’s never uttered his name before. It made him too real if she did. Made Calum’s death too real. But right now, after what just happened, or didn’t happen, he owes her that much. She can say his name. It is not lead on her tongue anymore. 

“Ah, she does remembers my name.”

“I could never forget it.”

“Ruby, I don’t owe you any explanation. I didn’t owe it to Calum to make the trip before or this one. But I’m doing it.”

“What the fuck did he do?” Ruby pushes up from the floor. Her face is tight. She knows her eyes are red. There’s probably snot on the sleeve of her shirt. It doesn’t matter though. She’s going to get these answers. “Tell me. What is so wrong about finding a friend?” She searches his gaze, seeing if he’d crack. 

The only thing Lucifer does is take a step forward to her. There’s still a good foot between them. “If you’re boss gave you a rule, and you broke it, couldn’t you be fired for it?” 

Ruby takes a small step forward. “Depends on how big the rule was.”

“I’ve ruled with an iron fist. And I will always continue to do so.” Lucifer meets her step, but only after his statement crosses his lips. 

No one moves again. There’s only another step between them. “Don’t tell me you have a soft spot? You can’t have a soft spot for the person you killed.”

“Calum isn’t a person.”

“He was to me.” Ruby closes the gap. Finger poking at his chest. “He was as real to me as Kourtney, or Tiff. Or anyone else in this world. He was a person to me and that’s all that matters.”

“We are monsters. Me included,” Lucifer states. “He is nothing more than a hound now. Just like all the rest.”

“And who did that to him? Who did that?” Ruby hates to get loud. But the emotion leaps from her. Her fists are furling at her side. 

Lucifer must admit she’s bolder than he took her for and far less fearful than he thought would happen for something that just tried to summon a demon into their bedroom. Though, anyone trying to do that must not hold much fear to begin with. “I know what I’ve done.”

“And is this supposed to make me feel better? Is this you trying to rectify the situation?”

“No. I can’t fix anything now. What’s done is done.”

Ruby cracks, she can feel her core crumbling. The tears come back. She presses the heel of her hands into the sockets of her eye. “Just tell me what you did. Is he really dead?” She pleads. The tough guy act is exhausting. All she wants to do is cry again, curl into her sheets and let the ache fall over her throat in screeches. 

Lucifer, for just a second, lets himself peer down at her. She stands right under his chest. He can see what Calum meant about how endearing it feels. “The Calum you knew no longer exists. You can’t summon him. His physical form is dust.”

“The whip?”

“Turned over to another owner.”

“They’re temporary to you. They’re nothing,” she gaps. It really ought not be a shock. It is the devil she’s dealing with. She’s not dealing with someone human. But it still shocks her. 

“We’re all nothing. Calum got a second shot at his life. And he fucked it up. Like he always does.”

Ruby shoves Lucifer. Her palms hitting hard into his chest. Lucifer stumbles back half a step but plants his feet to catch himself. “He didn’t. He didn’t do anything wrong!” She can see the pointed tail rising behind him. She sees the flash of fire in Lucifer’s eyes. “Do it. Fucking do it, I dare you.” Now she’s really gone insane. To goad the devil like this. But she doesn’t care. 

It’s a steel resolve that stills Lucifer. It stills even Ruby. “You don’t mean that,” Lucifer taunts. “You couldn’t possibly mean it.” 

“You don’t know what I mean and what I don’t.”

Lucifer grins, lowering the tail. “I do know that what’s left of your precious Calum whines for you. He curses himself for messing things up with you. It’s ironic really. To be subjected to an eternal curse and then curse yourself on top of that.”

Ruby just stares. She’s tired of the circle games. She’s tired of begging. If he’s going to explain himself, then he will. And if he won’t explain himself, he can go right back to the place he came from. So Ruby remains silent. Lucifer blinks at her.

 He says nothing either, waiting for her rebuttal. She’s a smart girl; she’ll have something, Lucifer figures. 

A few more moments go by. “Nothing to say?” Lucifer asks. 

Ruby remains quiet. 

“Did Calum ever tell you he was a Hunter for me? Really the head of them. That’s why I gave him the whip.” Lucifer stops for a moment. She look unphased for the moment. He sees the way she’s biting on the inside of her lip though. “I can’t bring him back,” Lucifer admits. “He still exist. Just not like you knew him as. You can’t bring him back.”

Ruby wants to look away. But she doesn’t. She takes a breathe. “You took everything from him. I hope you know that. I hope you know the destruction you’ve caused, Lucifer. Whatever good he had going on in his life, whether it was damned to you for eternity or not, all that good is gone.”

“It’s like the Big Guy said. All I’m good for it stealing, killing, and destroying. We’ve all got our parts to play. I brought you the anklet because I thought it would get him off my back. He’s relentless when it comes to you. He wanted me to give him updates. Him! Like he runs the fucking place.”

“So, tell me, do you give him updates? Why else would you be here?”

“No, actually, I heard you knocking on my front door with that summoning circle. But I didn’t think the others would take kindly to me showing up.”

Ruby has to laugh. She really does and it escapes her in dry tufts. “Tried to summon a friend and I got a piece of shit instead.”

“Yeah, I’m not the greatest, alright. I know. Just because I took Calum’s status away, just because I stripped him of his physical form doesn’t mean he can’t annoy the shit out of me in Hell.”

“And you can’t undo it? Can’t give him back his human form?”

Lucifer shakes his head. “If The Big Guy himself had to flood the earth to start over, there’s no way He’s giving me more powers than Him. He can’t snap his fingers to undo anything and I can’t snap mine.”

“What rule did Calum break? What the hell did he do deserve that?”

“I told you. Rules have to be followed. That’s that.”

“I can’t ever talk to him again. I can’t ask Calum so I’m asking you. I’m giving you the second shot you don’t fucking deserve.”

This isn’t a second shot, Lucifer thinks. He never gets those. Not that he’s ever deserved them in any capacity ever. But Ruby’s pleading stare is maybe just enough to crack his chest open. “I told him not to get too close. I told him that if he got too close to you it would be his head. You might’ve called me a liar. But others would disagree.”

Ruby sucks in a breath, turning away. Her hands cover her face. But that’s not enough darkness so she closes her eyes behind the fabric. “In my house. In front of me!”

“There’s a reason why he told you not to watch.”

She can picture it all now. There was no sound. But she can see, clear as day, a fistful of Calum’s curl in Lucifer’s fist as Calum’s body slumped away before disappearing. She wonders if his eyes blinked close, if Calum had just enough life in him to finish that action. Or they were probably already closed before the last blow was delivered. Was he thinking of her? Was she Calum’s last thought? 

Lucifer’s voice interrupts her buzzing mind. “The anklet’s actually from him. I found it in his apartment while I was cleaning it out. I had some others keep it safe. I wouldn’t have given it to you, in all honesty. I was going to have it pawned. Needed the cash for some other earthly endeavours. But I could never bring myself to fucking do it. So I gave the boy what he wanted. I gave it to you. His last good deed, he called it.”

“Do me a favor?”

“I’m not a middle man for the two of you. I agreed to give you the anklet and I only agreed to check up on you like once.”

“Just one thing,” Ruby sighs, turning to face Lucifer. 

“Just one.”

“Don’t come back to me. Don’t check up on me. Don’t give him updates.”

“This is going to sound ironic coming from me. But he’s going to raise hell over that.”

“Tell him I told you not too. I want to remember him like he was drinking whiskey way to early in the day and always dawned in the leather jacket. I want to remember him like a friend.”

Lucifer sighs. Calum’s not going to like that. But he nods and says nothing as he exits her apartment. Through the front door this time. For a brief moment, Ruby finally realizes that she never opened the door for Lucifer in the first place. Could he have been the breeze she felt? 

She was just torturing herself. Ruby never considered herself to be a masochist. Pain was never really her thing. But all she was doing was hurting herself. This was just a wound they kept picking the scab off of. It would always bleed if it’s never left alone. It can never clot and create new skin. Even if it leaves a scar, the thicker skin is more protection that busted blood vessels. 

Ruby drags herself to her bedroom. Calum’s picture staring at her as she enters. She walks over, placing the photo face down. She’s gotta let him rest. Let herself rest really. What is she doing besides running herself into the ground. That’s all it is. She picks up the anklet, testing the weight in her hand again. It’s cold against her skin and has never been heavy until now. She sets onto the dresser next to her bed. In the morning she can think about whether or not to bear its weight again. 

____

Lucifer can already imagine the roar that’s going to echo off the walls of his head. But he’s really only the message man, yet again. “Good news and bad news,” Lucifer starts. 

“Bad news first.” His voice is harsher, more of a snarl in this state. Body much too large and too hunched for the man he once portrayed. The fire does like it does everyone, making the skin blister and turn a pinkish red. It’s a shock that anyone can hold out at the eternal flick of the flames like he does. 

“You’re going to regret that. She wants to give you a good memory. Take it.”

“What?”

“Let her go. Let her remember you the way she knew you.”

While Calum would hate to admit Lucifer to right. It might be naive to think that Ruby wouldn’t try everything in her power to see him again. He’s not the man he used to be. He’s not in any position to be seen for what’s beneath it all, beneath the lies. “What’s the good news then?”

“You have a friend in her, even still. You’re lucky.”

He surely doesn’t feel lucky. Trapped here as his body is constantly burned and healed all within the same minute. He surely doesn’t feel lucky knowing that he won’t ever be able to answer a call from Ruby again. But if she’s willing to hold onto his memory, even with all the messed up shit he’s done, than he found something to be lucky about. 

Though it’s never rest that finds his soul, Calum remembers the way she laughs and something like peace stills the moment. It’s a quiet calm that only simmers for a moment before the pain kicks in again. He takes the second of calmness whenever they come because they always bring her with them.

#calum hood #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood fic #calum hood fanfic #calum hood series #demon!cal #demon!calum #calum hood 5sos #5sos #h writes #5 seconds of summer #5sos fanfic #5sos fic #5sos imagine #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer fanfi #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #michael clifford

[caribouwritings]

Sub-Zero

           I was only three when my older brother Eddie died. He had a brain tumor; he died a couple weeks after my birthday and a couple weeks before his.

          He did just as he told our mom when he said, “I stay four.”

          On June 27th, my big brother was gone at age four.

***

           My parents tried to give me a happy life. They gave me privileges that some kids are not as lucky enough to have (such as a vacation almost every year). Despite what the therapist had said when the event happened, I was damaged and it was only a matter of time before it would all show in forms that got glossed over repeatedly.

I didn’t just lose my brother, I lost my best friend, my protector, my guide… I lost my Eddie.

           Although I can now say it and not think much of it, I still cry at the thought I was cheated out of a big brother to teach me the ropes and take my hand when I was scared.

           Senior year of high school was the hardest. I was graduating (on that day fifteen years later) and my brother did not even make it to kindergarten, which he was so excited for because he’d get to ride a bus; His favorite thing in life besides me, our family, Scooby-Doo, and Donald Duck was anything with an engine.

           I outlived my brother who knew what he wanted (it could’ve changed in time, but it would still involve cars and trucks), and I had panicked. I believed people when they told me I would be a great English teacher. I wanted to be a writer, but everyone kept saying I am a teacher at heart. There was just a couple teeny tiny (major) problems:  I hate school (and still do), I am very selective with what I choose to read, and I don’t talk unless I want to or need to.

            Kudos to those who teach, but I’d rather not go back. School for me was where I had my individuality constantly beaten out of me, I was bullied by other students for who I was, have been accused and associated with things I am not, and my mental health got worse.

           However, being non-confrontational, I just nodded my head and let myself be pushed to a major I did not want and watched as I slowly went downhill, and crossed paths with someone a little bit before graduation who is just like me… sort of.

           I was looking for some new games to play that are like Street Fighter II. While watching a Top Ten Best Fighting Games of All Time video on YouTube, the channel (Watchmojo) ranked a video game called Mortal Kombat (2011) at number two, right next to Street Fighter II which placed number one. When I saw the game on clearance at Walmart, I put it in the cart with the plan to take over the unused Xbox 360 in the living room bought by my parents’ for the Kinect feature. My mom did not care anymore, she was just grateful that the expensive gaming system collecting dust under the TV stand was finally being used.

           I played through several kombatants (yes, with a ‘K’, most ‘C’ starting words are replaced with a ‘K’) in the Ladder Fights and Test Your Luck challenges for hours enjoying the blood and gruesome moves.

            I oddly kept finding myself drawn to Sub-Zero, the blue ice assassin (don’t call them ninjas, they find it highly insulting). I didn’t know why though; I couldn’t figure out why I thought the man with ice powers was intriguing. Curious by nature, I did what I do with everything else I found fascinating, I dug for all the information I could find. It didn’t matter how useless and random, I wanted to know everything about the world of Mortal Kombat, and I now know a huge chunk of it.

           Sub-Zero’s real name is Kuai Liang, and he was originally called Tundra. He is the younger brother of Bi-Han, the first Sub-Zero in the series, and Kuai Liang took the name Sub-Zero after his brother’s death to honor him. That was the only similarity I thought we had, but I was so wrong… I was so wrong.

           Mortal Kombat is super violent. The two ice powered brothers are best known for a fatality where they rip the head and spine out of their enemy opponent, both parts still attached together like a twisted party trick (and this is also the main origin to the ERSP rating system in video games). I am not even strong enough to lift a twenty pound puppy without nearly dropping the stubborn Shepard Labrador mix back on the ground with a thump. Plus there’s the other stuff on the surface:  blonde Caucasian female with an olive shade of green eyes, a bubbly persona and pink girly appearance, versus a dark haired Chinese American male with icy blue eyes, a cold persona and super violent history.

           “He is just a video game character, he is not real. You don’t need to care this much for this fictional character.”

           I know that. Kuai Liang is not real, but his story is real to me.

           Kuai Liang went through hell. Everything bad that could have happened, did happen to him. He lost his brother when Scorpion—the wraith of the NetherRealm (and the franchise’s fan favorite character)—killed him in retaliation for killing the whole Shirai Ryu clan, his kind-hearted wife, and innocent baby boy (spoiler alert, it wasn’t Bi-Han at all! Scorpion was tricked into killing an innocent man!). Wanting to avenge his brother’s death, and avoid the Lin Kuei’s new cyber-initiative their Grandmaster was keen on, Kuai Liang and his best friend, Smoke, ran away to find the answers to what happened to Bi-Han. Right when our new Sub-Zero nearly has his revenge and is to kill Scorpion, he is stopped and surrounded by members of his former clan who have been converted from human to cyborg; despite the robotic outsides and still human insides, they are brainwashed to obey like full-fledged robots. He is taken back to the clan and suffers the same fate of being turned into a cyborg and is renamed LK-520, then sent after Smoke who managed to get away. Lucky for both of them, cyber-Sub-Zero is knocked unconscious and Smoke gets help from his new allies to reset Kuai Liang, but although he gets his control back, he is now stuck as a mashup of man and machine. Until (in a rushed scene of the game) he is killed and his soul is sent to the Netherrealm where he is rebuilt from what is left of his remaining bits of human organs and bone inside his robotic shell. Although human again, he is now under the mind control of the sorcerer, Quan Chi (spoiler alert! He’s the real person behind Scorpion’s suffering!), and is now working alongside both the man who framed his brother and the man who murdered his brother, along with several of his new allies that died as well. In the tenth game, he is freed from Quan Chi’s control by being in the right place at the right time (and by also being a fan favorite character too).

           That should be the end of it, but it’s not. This is right before I realized how perfectly Kuai Liang’s life parallels mine. This is before I read the comics.  

           Like I said, I get invested in stories to the point I want to find out everything I can. When I found all three volumes of the comic series on Amazon, I couldn’t resist and I bought all three.

           When UPS came to deliver the package, I brought it straight to my room plopping the brown cardboard box on my bed, and cut the tape open with a pink mechanical pencil. I didn’t care for the other two books I bought (except enough to hide the one I bought for my little sister’s birthday in the closet) because there they were. Volumes one, two, and three were at the bottom of the box under giant green bags of air that are satisfying to stomp on and give unsuspecting siblings heart attacks, but that was unimportant in this moment. I took the three volume books out and spread them on my bed, and dived right into the unknown; into the rebuild of the Shirai Ryu, the second generation of klassic characters, and what happened to those who lived or were brought back like Sub-Zero.

           Sub-Zero, at this point, was my favorite character. In volume two, however, there was a shift in my view of him. In that shift, he became my number one favorite character ever and sealed his place into that spot permanently.

           Kuai Liang had become possessed by a cursed dagger in the previous volume, and it continued into volume two. Scorpion (he is a good guy now… sort of) and his apprentice, Takeda, go after him and get the dangerous dagger back, but the curse makes it hard for Scorpion to reason with Kuai Liang. Scorpion becomes frustrated and the two fight to what they believe to be the death, until Takeda manages to get the dagger away. Kuai Liang exhausts out all the remaining evil within him, and then is left standing there perplexed by why he is there and what is going on. It doesn’t matter to Scorpion though, he still beats the bewildered young Sub-Zero to a bloody pulp and leaves him to die.

           Kuai Liang rethinks his life as he lays their bleeding out, so when Bo’ Rai Cho (ew, trust me on this one, just ew) comes to him to help him get back on his feet, he asks him, “you haven’t figured out what all these events mean? Why I’m here?”

           Kuai Liang’s answer is, “I must commit hara kiri…”

           There. There it is. Right there. That is the line that made me see I am more like Sub-Zero than I thought I was.

           We lost our older brothers, we lost our individuality, we were beaten, we were bullied, we were brainwashed, we took orders, we went down wrong paths, we battled the world, we battled ourselves, and we took so much of a beaten that we laid in our own blood, sweat, and tears thinking “I must commit hara kiri…”

           What is hara kiri? To simplify, it is suicide.

           I remember putting the comic down on my stuff animal infested bed and staring at the lavender colored walls, looking at the big picture. Sub-Zero is a strong warrior with ice powers, and he hit rock bottom. He may be physically stronger than me, but he is just as broken and weak as me on the inside. He put up a shield, hiding behind his anger just like I hid behind my smile.

           I picked up the comic again, and skipped frantically through the pages of volume three just to get to Kuai Liang and find the answers. What did he do and how did he survive to be in the next game?

           It is complicated and complex, but the answer is different based on how you interpret his story. I obviously interpreted it well, because I am here. I am okay.

#caribou speaks #caribou originals #caribou essays

[parachutingkitten]

The Process of Shattering: A Next Gen Fic - Ch 4

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

Aaaaaaaand this is where stuff gets real. Also, this chapter has some shameless self referencing, go check out Good Morning, Mr. Borg. It’s good stuff. Anyway, let’s keep Birthday Week rolling!

Happy Reading!

“Hey! This is Daniel. You know what to do after the beep.”

I sighed. It’s fine. Infact, maybe it’s better this way. 

“Hey, it’s Sierra. I’ve got a doctors appointment today, so I won’t be seeing you in English. But I’ll be back later, so we can still walk home together. I, um… I’ll see you then.” I hung up as I walked through the doors of the building, swinging my backpack around to drop my phone in the side pocket.

“Circuit?”

My head shot up to find a familiar face I wasn’t expecting to run into. Drew had worked here since the beginning of time as far as I knew. Helped build me actually. She’s my grandpa’s right hand woman, started out as his personal assistant, but has since risen to be head of company communications.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“Technically droids aren’t allowed to enroll in public school to begin with,” I shrugged.

Drew rolled her eyes, grabbing my arm and tugging me to the side. “Look, the tower isn’t a hang out, it’s a workplace.” 

“I just want to talk to my grandpa,” I pleaded. “Maybe you could hook me up with an elevator?”

“Does this have to do with why your uncle hasn’t come in today?” She crossed her arms.

“We… had a bit of a family emergency last night with my dad,” I explained. “Cryptor volunteered to look after him while the team went to try and figure out what happened. It’s weird that he didn’t tell you. I figured he would have called you about it by now.”

Drew’s eyes grew distant as she thought. “Cry and I… aren’t on the best terms right now.” Her expression had sunken from anger into melancholy in a matter seconds. “It’s complicated. Look, let’s just get you to the top floor, huh?”

“Thank you!” I smiled, following her as she led the way to the elevator. She swiped her id card on the left before pressing the call button. It arrived only a moment later as we both boarded.  

“I’ve got some time sensitive stuff going, so I’m getting off on the 83rd floor, but I trust you can ride to the top by yourself.”

“I’m not 7 anymore, I think I’ll be alright.” I ran my fingers along my backpack straps. The elevator rides are always the most awkward part of any trip to Borg Tower. No matter how fast it is, a hundred floors is quite a height to cover.

“Is your dad… doing alright?”

“He’s recovering pretty quickly,” I sighed.

“Still, I know how scary that kind of stuff can be.”

She turned towards me, sharing a kind look for the first time since I had gotten here.

“Try not to let it get to you too much. I’m sure he’ll be alright,”

The doors opened, Drew stepping out before I could respond. 

“Hey, thanks!” 

She spun around, sending me a quick smile before the doors closed again. Drew was a strange person. I always got the sense that she had way too much stress on her shoulders. I imagine working in one of the most targeted and at risk locations in Ninjago for over a decade can do a few things to your head. Let’s just say… she’s been through a lot. I’ve always wondered what she’s like once you get to know her. A lot of people seem to like her quite a bit. There has to be a reason my grandpa has kept her around all these years, right?

The elevator doors opened once again as I reached grandpa Borg’s office, and I cautiously stepped into the room.

“Whose that?” He asked from his computer at the other end of the room.

“It’s Circuit,” I announced, walking over to him. 

“Circuit!” he turned around to see me as I swung off my backpack, placing it on the floor next to his desk. “How are you, sweetie? I’ve missed you! You really should visit more often.”

I leaned over to hug him, a warmth filling my body as I spoke with him. “You’re not mad that I’m ditching school then?”

He rolled his eyes. “You and I both know you don’t need that place.” He smiled, both of us laughing a bit. “I heard about your father…” His expression faded. “Is that why you're here?”

I was caught a bit off guard. My head just sunk as I thought. “I don’t really know why I’m here to be honest. Just… needed to get away”

He studied my face for a moment, a gentle smile spreading across his complexion. “Your father has faced some rather intense consequences during his time as a ninja.” He bagan wheeling himself over to the window. “He’s been through much worse than even you’ve ever seen.”

“I know,” I sighed. 

“He’s lost a lot over the years, and he doesn’t want to risk adding you to that list.” he paused for a moment, turning back around to read me. “I’m sure he’ll begin training you once things are safer. He doesn’t want to push you into the field before you're ready.”

Grandpa could always tell what was bothering me. I guess it makes sense, he did a lot of my programming. “I get it,” I repeated, plopping down on one of the waiting chairs. “I really do get it. It’s better for the team if I wait. In the back of my mind, I know it’ll probably even be better for me in the long run. It just… gets hard to wait sometimes.”

“Time can be a difficult foe to face,” he agreed.

“I’ve just felt so… restricted lately, you know? I can’t go on missions, I can’t start training, I can’t help mom, I can’t talk to Daniel, I can’t-”

“What’s this about Daniel?” he moved closer.

“It’s not that I can’t,” I corrected myself. “But I can’t talk to him how I want to, you know? I’m mean, I’ve never really been able to, but it’s catching up to me now, and… It’s just, it’s the end of senior year, and everything feels so final, but the only thing that isn’t going to end is this whole… lie that I’m living! I mean he’s my best friend, I’ve known him for years, and he still doesn’t even know my name.” I could feel my eyes beginning to water as I spoke. “It’s stuff like that. It hurts. And I don’t think anyone else realizes it. And Daniel is a great guy! He deserves so much better than what his parents are giving him! It’s like they don’t trust him! It’s not fair for them to try and hide his potential from him like this!”

“...Did they ever tell you why they were having you monitor Daniel?” his hand on mine snapped me out of my daze as I quickly cleared the water from my eyes.

“Well… yeah, they wanted him to have a normal life before getting dragged into all this elemental stuff. They’re worried he won’t be ready for his power if he ends up inheriting his mother’s.”

A sad smile crept onto his lips as he watched me explain. “There’s a bit more to it than that.”

“What… what else? Why would they not tell me if there was something else?”

He started rolling over to his computer screen, his movement beckoning me to follow. “It was… a few months after the both of you were born that I started doing some research and tests to try and better understand the different elemental powers. I was sure that if I studied them, I would find information to help their holders utilize them better.” He pulled up a screen filled with rows of complex data all arranged by element. “We found quite a bit. Strong bonds between certain elements, keys to the elements’ lineages, and qualities specific to the creation elements. Now, when elements are passed to a future holder after reaching their true potential, there’s at least a brief period where the previous holder retains their powers as well, and the element is split between them. My prevailing theory is that the elements do this in order to allow a training period for the older generation to assist the newer one. Of course, none of this applies if the previous holder dies before the next one reaches their true potential.” I already knew most of this, but I could feel the tension in his voice as he continued.

“Now, amber is by far the most powerful element. Strangely enough though, in all my research, I haven’t been able to find a record of it having a training period. It’s users consistently die before they can see their power passed on. Additionally, because amber’s power comes from combining the energy of other elements, it is structurally much different than the rest. It is extremely dense and concentrated. It’s strength comes from entirely existing within one location. And it’s because of these unique qualities that my simulations for a potential amber training period find that it doesn't... function properly.” As he scrolled through the data for amber the numbers grew exponentially bigger, highlighted in red. “Because the element demands to exist in only one place, attempting to split it for a training period would have one of two outcomes; it either destroys the element… or it destroys it’s users.”

I looked at the data, his words ringing through my brain. “...meaning-”

“Meaning over the course of about a month, the element actively corrodes, poisons, and corrupts the bodies of one or both of it’s users… 

...to the point of death.”

#ninjago #ninjago next gen #the process of shattering #OC: Circuit #OC: Daniel #writing #birthday week

[petertheparker]

Prompt List

This is My only ‘Master’ Prompt List. I’ll probably edit and add more in time to time but feel free to send me requests. If you do, please state what genre and number(s). I will be more than happy to answer your requests!! If there is a number that’s in a catergory that you want written in a different genre I can also make that happen. Love you all! <3

Fluff/Romance

“Hey you have something in your hair…um-do you want me to get it out?”

“Wanna, like-I mean if you’re not busy…We could get lunch? Or even coffee?

"Wow, you’re hot.”

“Wait wait, you’re telling me, you’ve never seen it?!”

“I had a dream about you.”

“Not a chance buddy.”

“What if we had a kid?”

“You look like you need a hug.”

“Can I hold your hand”

“You’re perfect to me”

“God, how are you so short?”

“Keep it”

“Here, let’s switch.”

“Ready for our dance?”

“Are you sure you’re not cold?”

“Is that my shirt?”

“Move over.”

“I could hold you forever.”

“I love you, but you need to shut up”

“I like it when you smile”

“God, you smell fantastic”

“All I want is you”

“You’re it”

“Are you ready?”

“Hurry!! Kiss me!!”

“You’re an excellent kisser”

“Why’d you wait so long?”

“I’m here now”

“I trust you”

“. . Forever”

“I’m serious, they’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”

“I still want you”

“For better or for worse”

“Our little always”

“That flavor sucks”

“You’re my person”

“You’ve always completed me”

“Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you”

“Are you hitting on me?”

“If that was your attempt to ask me out, try again”

“You own a dog!?”

“Your face is pretty!!”

“It’s the middle of the night!”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll pay you to kiss me right now”

“You’re talking to me?”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend/girlfriend before, you think I’ve had my first kiss?!”

“Catch me”

“Hey, you like jazz?”

“Have we met?”

“If I kiss you, I don’t think I’d be able to stop.

"That’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard”

“Trust me, I know what I’m talking about”

“Please say yes, please say yes”

“Girl, you’re thicker than a bowl of oatmeal”

“Delete that!! Right now!!”

“At least buy me dinner”

“Woah, I mean-Woah”

“You’re beautiful”

“I can’t wait to marry you”

“I am not doing that”

“You’re such a dork”

“Rock, paper, scissors, Shoot”

“Okay fine, I don’t know how to ride a bike. Happy?”

“It’s not so bad”

“I saw it and thought of you”

“How’d I become so lucky”

“You’re my favorite person”

“I can’t dance”

“You want me to do what??”

“He’s a keeper”

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I love books”

“Meet me?” “Always”

“Runaway with me”

“Just kiss me already”

“Just let me hold you”

“You brought me flowers?”

“Mistletoe”

“It was me, all along”

“I got a crush on you!!”

“Hey, I was wondering if-if you weren’t busy we could catch a movie?”

“Go on. Close your eyes”

“Let’s skip class”

“Will you shut up, I’m trying to ask you out!”

“Please, smile”

“I think I’m falling for you”

“…Marry me”

“You’re so pretty when you talk about the future”

“You’re hair it’s-I’ll get it”

“Where have you been all my life?”

“You better call me”

“I love her”

“I see the way you look at him”

“Your eyes are my new favorite color”

“Stay”

“You want to go with me? Really?”

“I love your glasses”

“Don’t do that, it’s distracting”

“What are you doing this weekend”

“I’d love to”

“I’m a pretty cheap date”

“Wanna go to the roof”

“Wow, you got really red”

“You wanna lay down?”

“Picnic date?”

“Thank you for the chivalry, but I can take care of myself”

“Here, let me get that”

“Listen to this, it’s so good!”

“You’re my life now”

“Don’t make me hold you hostage”

“Is it weird that I’m turned on right now?”

“Do that again”

“Can I please take a photo of you?”

“Whatever happens, stays between us. Understand?”

“Can I stay over?”

“I told you-you were going to get cold”

“Do you know that you snore?”

“Piggyback ride?”

“Let’s go to the Carnival!”

“Don’t embarrass me this time”

“You’re my ray of sunshine”

“You look cuter in my arms”

“Hey, I’m going to kiss you now”

“You take my breath away”

“I’m more of an in the moment kind of person”

“We could stay home, watch cheesy movies and cuddle.”

“We’re celebrating. Tonight. My house. Who’s in?”

“I am the best, aren’t I?”

“That’s why you love me”

“Hey SugarLily”

“You know I can’t say no to you when you make that face”

“Dude, you’re so whipped”

“That’s her, isn’t it?”

”You make me the happiest person alive”

“My mom loves you”

“You make me feel safe”

“You’re my darling”

“And I was sitting ther-…what are you staring at?”

“There, I said it”

“Save me a dance?”

“I wish I could be in this moment with you forever”

“I’m head over heels in love with you”

“You did this for me?”

“Are you throwing rocks at my window?”

“ow-OW, that’s my hair”

“This is the best day of my fucking life”

“Why didn’t you tell me it’s your birthday?”

“Midnight swim?”

“Oh my god, is that really you? Get over here it’s been such a long time”

“Can I walk with you?”

“Well, if I tell you it wouldn’t be a secret anymore now would it?”

“Stop making me laugh”

“I will if you ask nicely”

“You changed your hair”

“Are you checking me out?”

“I didn’t hear a please”

“Stop doing that, it’s distracting”

“Hey I lost my number, can I have yours?”

“Here they cOMe-agh-how’s my hair?!”

“I found you”

“Are you jealous?” “…No”

“I’d do anything for you”

“Grab my hand”

“Hey, can you come and get me?”

“Hey stranger, I need a favor”

“I like how your hands fit in mine”

“Make me”

“I think we’ll be trapped here a while”

“Why are you whispering?”

“Let me buy you a cup of coffee, for old time sake”

“Just pretend we’re on a date, honey”

“You’re a blanket hog”

“You’ll be the death of me”

“Want to be partners?”

“Can I call you?”

“You remembered that?”

“You’re my first everything really”

“Remember when we were kids?”

“Snacks?” “Of course”

“Let’s try again” “Hi, my name is, it’s nice to me you”

Angst

“What the fuck?!”

“I don’t give a hoot.”

“Lonely times call for sad music”

“Are you upset with me?”

“I’m a train wreck”

“Are you even listening to me right now?”

“please go away”

“Could you love me?”

“We’re your family”

“You thief”

“I don’t even want to look at you”

“How could you possibly say that?!”

“I know I’m difficult”

“Hey, baby steps”

“If you’re the hero, then that makes me the villain”

“I got stood up”

“Don’t patronize me”

“Are you happy now? Huh! Does this make YOU HAPPY!”

“Did it ever cross your mind that you were hurting me too?”

“Hey, it’s me again. Just-just call me back okay?”

“Why are you here?”

“I thought I lost you”

“I’m right here and I’m never leaving again”

“Why do feelings have to be so distracting?”

“I didn’t know any better back then”

“Do I want to get out of bed today? Nope.”

“I miss you so much. So, so much.”

“I try so hard, and it’s never me.”

“Hey-uh I know I don’t know you that well but, are you okay?”

“Tell me the whole truth, right now”

“I miss you”

“I could never forget you”

“Don’t even say that”

“Almost”

“Get out”

“I was never enough”

“All I’ve ever wanted was you.”

“I told you so”

“Hospitals are always so gloomy”

“See, bad things happen when you don’t listen to me.”

“You’re right, I won’t ever stop loving you, not now, not ever”

“What is wrong with you?”

“I didn’t know he was going to die!!”

“She’s not home and she doesn’t want to see you”

“You’re impossible”

“Let me guess it’s not you, it’s me?“

“That’s will cost you one kiss, maybe more”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, you’ll be okay”

“They said what??”

“I didn’t ask for this”

“I need your help” 

“You deserve it”

“You lied?”

“All I want to do is quit”

“I don’t even know me!!”

“I’m going to stop you right there”

“I always fall too hard, stupid I know.

“I replay it all in my head and these thoughts just won’t Go. Away.”

“You’re a disease, when you’re around I-I can’t breathe, I can’t function. You. I am infected with you.

“Who did this to you?”

“I need you to be my best friend right now not the guy I just confessed my love to. Please.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, I only look up to you because I’m short”

“You pushing me away isn’t helping”

“You acting like it didn’t happen doesn’t make it fucking go away.”

“Why are you so afraid to be with me?”

“I didn’t mean for it to go this far!”

“I can’t lose you”

“You’re my best friend”

“You knew how sensitive I would be, yet you did it anyway!!”

“There’s nothing else you could have done”

“You can’t save everyone!!”

“I’m terrified”

“I almost lost you and you want to go back?!”

“Stop trying to be the hero!!”

“I can’t breath, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat without you”

“It’s always been her”

“I’ll keep all my feelings here and then one day, I’ll die”

“You’re better off without him”

“If you die, I will resurrect you and kill you myself.”

“If you want to keep your hand, I suggest you keep them to yourself”

“You were never second best”

“You just lost the best thing in your life”

“What does he have that I don’t?”

“I can't believe I just said that”

“Shame, I kind of liked you”

“I can’t seem to get my hands to stop shaking”

“Am I fine? I almost DIED and you’re asking if I’m fine?!”

“It’s just a scratch”

“You don’t know, do you?”

“You can’t just turn off your emotions”

“Choose me”

“You need to run” 

“Do I know you?”

“Your opinion matters why?”

“Look!! Behind you!”

“I’m so sorry, it should have been. It was going to be me. But no, you wanted to be the hero”

“And guess who’s paying the price?”

“I’m leaving”

“Sorry can’t fix this!!”

“Why’d I even bother”

“My life was boring but it was normal!! I wish I’d never layer eyes on you!!”

“What is this feeling? Am I happy?”

“Yeah well, I tell everybody to fuck off so just deal with it”

“In situations like these, I wish I sold my tear ducts to the black market”

“Are those sirens?”

“Are you serious? Are you 12?

"My biggest fear is losing you”

“I’m a hopeless romantic”

“You need to leave”

“Can’t you SEE! You’ve ruined my life. I was fine before I met you!”

“We’re done”

“I don’t think I’m ready to give you up yet”

“You don’t need to protect me”

Miscellaneous 

“That’s a crazy idea! I love it.”

“Of course aliens exist”

“That’s it? That’s your big secret?”

“Knock knock”

“You’re sticky”

“Do you mind?”

“That’s mine”

“That was rude”

“I need a favor and you can’t say no”

“Don’t you need like a degree?”

“To quote Shakespeare…”

“You’re an idiot”

“I respectfully disagree”

“Get a job”

“Bow down bitches”

“I need a vacation” “You just got here”

“That’s illegal”

“Does no one have vision??”

“What do you mean you’ve been arrested?!?!”

“Drive”

“We’re going to jail!!!”

“You move like pond water”

“This is why we can’t have nice things”

“Okay emo Emily”

“Woah no way, equality”

“Why am I out of breath already?”

“This is going to hurt…a lot”

“I don’t like elevators”

“God, I can’t believe I dated him”

“If you say one more nasty thing to my friend, I’ll fuck you up”

“I think I broke something”

“Why on earth would I take part in something so stupid?”

“I’m just being honest”

“That’s blood”

“OH MY God, That’s BlOod!!!”

“Hey uh, I may have committed a crime”

“I’m calling the cops”

“Yes I know it’s ugly”

“Alright hair, let’s dance”

“Unpopular opinion incoming!”

“Do you even look at yourself when you leave your house?”

“How do you get into the mindset of a squirrel?”

“I can’t help it! I’m so excited!!”

“I could start singing?” “NO”

“I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself”

“Yeah!! Keep rolling your eyes!! Maybe you’ll find a brain back there!!”

“You bitch”

“In my defense, she deserved to get punched in the face, with a chair, really hard.”

“Alright kickboxer, let’s get you home”

“You wanna get taco bell?”

“Am I your babysitter?”

“You broke what!!”

“Did you hear that?”

“What rumor?”

“How are we even still alive?”

“When have your plans ever worked?”

“Can’t you see that I’m procrastinating?”

“What’s a vegetable?”

“Come again? He did what?”

“Get In loser we’re going shopping”

“Come on, let’s go be psychos together”

“FIGHT!!”

“Shrek… .?”

“I want to drive!!”

“Where’d my sanity go?”

“Whose is this?”

“I don’t know I'm not a scientist”

“What’s it like living in a female world?”

“Boys will be dumb”

“No one likes a know-it-all”

“This is why we’re friends”

“Okay, Yoda”

“This better work”

“Touch me again and I break your arm.”

“That’s what you’re wearing?”

“I’m going to hell”

“I just gave myself goosebumps”

“SLUG-BUG”

“I just got a flu shot!!”

“I’ll stick with the psycho”

“I was born in the spotlight”

“That’s not what I meant, but okay”

“It’s basic Aerodynamics”

“Can’t this thing go any faster??”

“You drive like my grandma”

“Your aunt is to cool”

“Ha, you need to have friends to throw a party”

“Oh my god, don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”

“I swear, I’m being haunted”

“This is where I die”

“If you’re going to be stupid, be smart about it.”

“Ugh men, typical”

“Hey guys, once you’re done comparing sizes we should really get back to work”

“I’m older than you?”

“That’s a really good example of a bad idea.”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

“Why are you like this?”

“Laugh at my joke”

“Go add some cheese to that joke”

“If you start singing, I will personally punch you in the face”

“God, I need to get out more”

“Why are the blinds open, I thought we were vampires?”

“We’re related, of course, I know”

“When I Mean G, I Mean gangster”

lil’ Taglist

@wolkenlichtblitz @violet-lilyy @therealnashua

#Promptlist #Prompt list

[pinkstarbeam]

Plance Transfer student AU

The Holt’s had hosted a transfer student before back during Matt’s senior year, that’s how the family came to know Takashi Shirogane, or Shiro as he liked to be called

Come Pidge’s junior year her parents told her the news that or his senior school year they would be housing a Cuban transfer student named Lance

Pidge didn’t really think anything of this, as long as he didn’t touch her stuff they would probably get along just fine

Come pick up day Pidge stood next to her best friend Hunk who had asked to tag along since Lance would be in his class

“What do you think he’s like? Do you think he is fluent in english? What if he’s rude!? What if-”

“Hunk relax, i’m sure he’s just as nervous as you are.”

“You’re not nervous?”

“Kinda? it’ll just be nice to have someone my age in the house again since Matt left for college.”

As they continued to talk Pidge heard her Dad call out the transfer students name and watched as a admittedly beautiful guy hurried over to them

How were his teeth so white and straight? What was he a colgate model? and he had to be wearing contacts nobody’s were that blue!

“Pidge!” Hunk elbowed her

Pidge came back to earth blinking as she quickly realized she had been staring 

Didn’t help Lance or whatever his name was had a sly smirk on his face

“Lance this is my daughter Katie and her friend Hunk.” Her dad introduced them “Katie likes to go by Pidge though.”

Lance extended his hand to Pidge “It’s nice to meet you, I look forward to the school year.” he spoke clear english, but had a clear accent 

Pidge shook it and Hunk did afterwards

Soon the Holt’s and Lance arrived at their house and while her parents showed Lance the guest room Pidge went to her room and flopped on her bed next to bae bae

“This is gonna be a long school year,”

The next day was the first day of school and since Pidge was in charge of showing him around and helping him out at school she had to endure all the stares and flirting

If Lance told one more girl her eyes were his favorite color she was gonna puke

They finally arrived back at the start

“Okay, now you have my number so if you can’t fine someone to help you just text me.”

“Pidge come on, i’m nearly 18, I got this.”

He didn’t, He texted Pidge five minute after they separated because he couldn’t find his homeroom

Come lunch Pidge softly smushed her face into Keith’s shoulder, her other best friend

“Long day Holt?”

“You don’t know that half of it Kogane.”

“So I take it the new kid is who is living under your roof this year?”

Pidge nodded as she moved back so she could steal a carrot off his tray

“He’s...Something.”

“You can say that again.”

Next thing the two knew Hunk appeared with Lance beside him, Lance looking rather displeased at Keith’s existence 

“Mind if we sit?” Hunk asked

Both nodded and the other two joined them though Lance wouldn’t even spare Keith a glance

“What is this?” Lance as looking down at his plastic wrapped sub

“Oof you grabbed the tuna salad...” Hunk said and both Keith and Pidge mentally pressed F to pay respect

“Is it bad?” he asked

“Let’s just say the last kid that ate it was out sick for a week.”

Yeah Pidge had never seen a kid throw food away in his life 

“Here.” she handed him her bag of chips which he gladly took

Over the next few week Pidge and Lance began to actually get along and even hung our regularly with Hunk and Keith

The evening of Halloween Lance even dressed up as Frankenstein’s monster so he and pidge matched

Come Christmas Lance (with her mother’s help) made a traditional Cuban Christmas dinner

Matt and Lance were like a horrible meme nightmare together and Pidge was thankful his girlfriend was cool to hang out with

Present wise Pidge got Lance a figher pilot jacket which quickly came apart of his everyday look and Lance got Pidge a video game they coudl play together since they had bonded over them the most

On new years eve Pidge stood outside watching fireworks explode whilst a slightly tipsy Lance leaned against her

“Lance get off, if you’re tired go lay on Keith’s couch.”

“Quiero estar contigo..”

“Lance we both know I don’t know Spanish.”

He just grumbled and moved so he was hugged her from behind and rested his chin on her head

sighing pidge let him stay there as they counted down the minute to  new years when something unexpected happened

as pidge yelled 0 to herself she suddenly felt lips connect with her own

She wanted to chew Lance out but he has passes out after the kiss, how convenient for him

Pidge didn’t tell Lance or anyone for that matter what happened that night, not like it would matter, Lance had a crush on Allura, a girl in his grade who honestly was a walking goddess 

As time went on Lance noticed Pidge was distancing herself, however here recently he had got on Allura’s good side was hanging out with her

“Is Pidge mad at me?” Lance asked Hunk

“She hasn’t mentioned anything? Why?”

“She barely talks to be anymore and at home she hides in her room.”

“Well spring break is coming up so maybe try to ask her to hang out then?”

And so he did

But Pidge seemed one step ahead with an excuse

However his chance came the last day of break because it was also Pidge’s 17 birthday meaning she couldn’t hide

The morning came early as Pidge’s parents followed by Lance came in carrying a plate of peanut butter pancakes and singing happy birthday 

Pidge, though half asleep, took the breakfast thanking them

“After you eat get dressed and we’ll head into town okay?”

she just nodded too tired to argue as she rubbed her eyes

Lance stayed in the room after her parents left “Any idea what you want to do today?”

“Why do you care?” Pidge asked as she ate her pancakes

Lance felt his irritation from the last few weeks rising “Because i’m your friend or I thought I was.”

Pidge just rolled her eyes “Oh please. the minute Allura texts you i’ll be invisible to you again, now please go away so I can eat in peace.”

grumbling Lance left the room, but he sat and thought about what she said

Was Pidge...Jealous of Allura? But, why? She didn’t like him that way...right?

The ride into town was awkward as Lance fought every urge to even just look at Pidge

arriving at the mall Pidge’s parents gave her $100 to spend on what she wanted and told the two o them to meet them back the front by noon

After they separated Lance pulled Pidge to the side “Are you jealous of Allura?”

“Excuse me?”

“Earlier you mentioned Allura, why?”

“Am I not allowed to talk about your crush?”

Lance’s cheeks burned as he looked away “Just answer my question.”

“No i’m not jealous of Allura.” she lied

“Then why bring her up?”

“i’m leaving.” Pidge walked off “Don’t follow me.”

Lance sighed as he slumped against the wall

A familiar voice caught his ear

Allura had just walked in the mall and Lance immediately realized what Pidge meant by invisible to him because when Allura asked why e was there it took him a minute to remember he was there for Pidge

He was the worst friend ever

“Lance it’s okay, i’ll help you find her okay?” Allura offered

Lance nodded still feeling guilty

As they walked Lance noticed Pidge’s backpack at a table in the arcade and quickly hurried in calling for her

He seen a crowd of people and headed over to see they were around a DDR machine where low and behold Pidge was dancing along die Keith of all people

except something hit him hard

Pidge was laughing as she hung out with Keith

And that

that made him jealous

he was the jealous one it seemed

When the dance ended Keith was the clear winner as Pidge laughed slumping against the bar

“That’s the last time you pick the song Kogane.”

“Gotta have you exercise somehow.”

“Hey I exercise!”

“Your fingers on your keyboard as you code don’t count Katie.”

Katie...He called her by her real name

Lance cleared his throat and Pidge looked over groaning before spotting Allura and her eyes darkening a bit

“Want a turn?” Keith asked

“Actually I was looking for Pidge, come on Pidge.”

“You’re not my babysitter Lance..”

Allura stepped forward “If I may..Pidge Lance has been looking for you for the last ten minutes.”

“And I told him not to.”

Keith sighed feeling annoyed and took Pidge’s hand pulling her along “Let’s talk about this without so many eyes and ears, you guys are making a scene.”

Soon they were in the arcade’s backroom seeing as Keith worked there

“Now what’s going on?” Keith asked

“Lance thinks i’m jealous of Allura.”

Allura looked confused “of me? Why?”

Lance explained the mention of her earlier this morning

“Pidge do you think Lance favors me over you?”

“I mean he does have a crush on you.”

Lance’s face paled as Pidge realized she had outted him

“Oh..So you have a crush on him?”

Pidge’s face went bright red “I didn’t say that!”

“But if he likes me and you’re upset he puts me over you then-”

“I’m leaving!” Pidge quickly tried to leave but Keith blocked her way

“Pidge just answer the question. Do you like Lance?”

Pidge looked to Lance and then to Allura before looking to the ground and sighing “Even if I do it doesn’t matter, like I said he likes Allura. Now can I go now, this is turning into the worst birthday ever.”

“You like me?” Lance asked

“I..” she sighed “You were tipsy and kissed me on new years eve.” she instinctively held keith back “when you didn’t remember I knew it was an accident, but after that I started to feel weird, especially when you brought up Allura or other girls..”

“Oh God..Pidge i’m-”

“Save it...Keith.”

Keith moved and let Pidge out but blocked Lance from chasing her

“Keith move!” Lance growled

“She needs space right now Lance, if you keep pushing her like this she is gonna hate you.”

And so come noon Pidge  sat at the front with some stuff she bought as she waited on everyone

she kept telling herself she had a little over a month left and Lance would leave and she could sever ties even though it hurt to think about not talking to him ever again

“Hey.” Lance walked up

she didn’t reply as she sipped her coffee

“So..Allura doesn’t like me that way.”

no response still

“But I think I have a new crush..”

“Don’t pity me McClain..”

“Pidge i’m not pitying you..give me a week to prove to you that i’m serious..”

she sighed “Only because if I don’t agree you’ll drag Hunk into this.”

After dinner that night Pidge and Lance went on a walk, Lance giving Pidge his jacket when she shivered

“You do realize you’re going back to Cuba next month right..’?”

“I do, I just..I like being with you..being near you.”

“..You told me the same thing on new years eve in Spanish, at least I think, I googled what I thought you said.”

“Well drunk Lance had that part right, though I shouldn’t have forced a kiss on you, that was wrong.”

she nodded as she pulled the jacket closer to her “...I didn’t hate it..”

“What?”

“The kiss, I didn’t hate it..”

“..Could I kiss you for real?”

She gave a small nod and the two shared their first kiss under a streetlamp that was turning on above them

The next month was full of cute sappy date things that they squeezed in between studying or final and Lance sending in college applications

However come summer it was time for Lance to return home to Cuba where his family was eagerly awaiting his return

Pidge stood quietly aside Matt and her Mom as she watched her Dad help Lance load his luggage into the family car

Lance looked to Pidge and immediately noticed she was ready to cry the moment nobody was watching

He walked over and pulled her into a tight hug “This isn’t goodbye Katie, I promise.”

tears ran down her face as she hugged him tightly “You better come back you jerk..”

he wiped her eyes before kissing her head “Of course, can’t let Keith beat my DDR score.”

She glared about to say something when Lance knelt and whispered in her ear

“Te amo.”

#plance #pidgance #possiblypidge au's

[snibnoom]

It’s been over a week since ASTRO were in Dallas and my thoughts are only just now starting to settle into something I can navigate and put down into words. The entire trip was perfect and, honestly, a huge relief. I’ve been going back and forth for a while on my feelings about how involved I’ve been. I used to do a lot for the aroha community, constantly posting updates and fan photos, but now I only do that for things that are a bit out of the way or otherwise hard to know. I even started to think that putting this much time into it is a waste, but after this trip, all of my doubts have been whisked away. I know that being here, being an aroha, is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing, no matter how I’m doing it.

Biggest things that happened:

Bin and I made eye contact at the airport and he waved at me.

Love Wheel. Bin stood basically right in front of me.

I got candy from Sanha during I’ll Be There. We made eye contact and he threw the candy and it hit my phone.

I got into Dallas two days before the concert. I took the trip with my mom since I’m not comfortable driving in the city and I have issues with my back and because she’s great and loves ASTRO, too. We got in pretty late, had dinner, and then before bed I looked through all the photos people were posting from the Newark concert.

Come Wednesday morning, I knew ASTRO would be flying into Dallas but I was terrified, partially from being nervous about meeting the people from the group chat I’d joined and partially from the idea of being face to face with ASTRO. But I got up, picked up a friend from the airport, had lunch, then it was back to the airport to wait for ASTRO.

The DFW airport is relatively small, I think, so it was rather easy to determine where ASTRO would be exiting. I’d been to the airport once before to greet another kpop group, but the energy this time was different. This time, it felt like everybody was a friend I could walk up to and start talking with. There were only about 20-30 of us there, including a couple of fan sites. Everybody was constantly checking the board to see when their plane had landed, of course, so when the time got near, we lined up on either side of the door. It was a straight walk from the exit of the terminal to the door leading outside, with baggage claim carriages (is that the right word?) on either side. We left some gaps, of course, so people who were coming off the same flight as ASTRO wouldn’t be trapped in place.

As we waited, an older man was the first to come out. He seemed genuinely shocked to see a bunch of young adult girls hanging out at the airport, but who wouldn’t be? He said something to the effect of “I didn’t know you all would be here waiting for me!” and he turned red. And then he got his phone out and recorded us all and we, being kind as we are, cheered for him and he walked off. More people started coming out from the terminal and, upon seeing all these people waiting, also chose to wait after grabbing their luggage. The lines started to shift a little and grow a bit closer to the middle but we all kept our ground relatively well, as we didn’t want ASTRO to feel burdened walking out.

I don’t really know how to describe the feeling I had when they walked out. Awe is probably the closest word to it. It didn’t hit me until later that all we could see were their eyes, as they all wore masks, yet they still had such a profound effect on everybody. Jinjin walked out first, followed by MJ. My eyes sort of glossed over them, if I’m honest, because Sanha was right behind them wearing all white. I didn’t expect Sanha to catch my eye as much as he did, but one of my friends that I went to the airport with felt the same way. 

Bin was right behind Sanha and he looked right at me and gave a little wave. Probably my biggest regret from the airport is the fact that I forgot the sign that I made that said “stage genius Moonbin” in Korean, but Bin still looked at me anyway. And his eyes... I honestly covered my mouth with my hand when he looked away from me. I wouldn’t say I was actually on the brink of tears but inside I was crying. (I didn’t even register until after the whole thing that he was wearing jeans and a hoodie, the best look. Maybe in my subconscious I realized and that’s why I had to cover my mouth with my hand.) Eunwoo followed after Bin and I thanked everything that is that he was still wearing his beanie because that’s a real good look. Rocky brought up the end of their train, honestly looking super sleepy and tiny, and that was the end of it. They got in their van and took off.

My friends and I made our way back to the hotel and hung out in the lobby and several more of our friends showed up. (Almost everybody in our group chat who had to travel to get to the concert stayed in the same hotel.) A desk clerk came over and asked if any of us had a charger he could borrow. I took photos with some of my friends. The entire time I was on cloud nine and I couldn’t shake the feeling of awe. ASTRO... are real. They’re just boys, and they have such a friendly, approachable air to them. They feel like guys you could walk up to and just start having a conversation with and that left me more shook than I thought it would.

And then concert day. I don’t think in any of my daydreams about an ASTRO concert that it happened the way it did. I always expected to be screaming and dancing and crying and laughing and I didn’t do much of that at the concert. I felt the rush of excitement when first walking into the venue, but it faded soon after and I just felt comfortable. It didn’t feel like seeing 6 idols on stage. It felt like seeing 6 internet friends do a performance. It felt like everything I’d done was leading up to this great night of pure happiness. Even now, more than a week after the concert, I’m still riding on that high. A lot of people talk about “post concert depression” but I don’t feel that at all.

When they started to play the All Night music videos on the screens, I honestly couldn’t hear it. The screams of the 1,700 aroha in the venue were deafening. (1,700 tickets sold, roughly. My mom spoke to one of the venue staff. For reference, though, the venue can fit about 6,000 people total. The entire upper balcony was closed off. Still, the number seems kind of small to me but that’s just a detail.) I was holding my phone at my chest and my robong at my shoulder and I just stood with a dumb smile on my face as I watched the music video, then the opening VCR, and then there he was. Cha Eunwoo. The screams, again, were so loud that I couldn’t hear him singing. My video picked it up way better and, going back and watching, his voice is so stable. I don’t know how they do it. The way they came out onto stage was so beautiful, and I was so close to the stage that I could see them walking out in the dark before the lights came on. 

Something I think no video could ever capture is how much power there is behind their dance moves. I was so surprised at how sharp their movements were, even the small moves. It’s really obvious how much they practice and how much they practice together because they’re so together. And through the entire song I was mostly just standing there in awe, hardly singing, hardly moving at all. That’s when it really clicked that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Everything I’d gone through, with ASTRO at my side, had been leading to that night, and I was so thankful for all of it, for ASTRO, for all the other fans in the venue with me.

Also, Rocky’s singing in Always You is remarkable in person.

So that I don’t just keep saying the same things about their stage presence, here’s just a few things from the next few songs they performed.

With You has the best choreography, hands down. I’d forgotten what it was like but it’s so good. Also I realized how sharp Moonbin looks on stage. He was very cute at the airport but on stage it was like he was a different person and I remembered how he said he loves being on stage and. Yeah. I maybe had a moment. Also every time they even generally looked my way, I waved my robong up over my head I’m pretty sure. Just, short spasms of excitement. 

Crazy Sexy Cool. As soon as they got in the opening position, I knew what song it was, but in my shock, I couldn’t remember to do the fan chant. Sanha seemed to look in the direction of where I was sitting a lot but it seemed more like a general look rather than being at me. But he really has such a strong stage presence. When I wasn’t looking at Bin, I was usually looking at Sanha. Eunwoo was pretty close to my side of the stage during certain parts, too, and I swear I could see the gears turning in his head as he was dancing. It’s so clear how much effort he puts into trying to pull off the dance and how it doesn’t come very easily to him and I just felt so much pride in that moment.

MJ took off his jacket practically right at the start of the opening ment and through the rest of it, they all took off their jackets. I realized pretty fast that something was wrong with Bin’s mic, because he kept reaching up to touch it, and he actually ran off stage during Rocky’s ment. Jinjin’s english blew me away. There was some parts of his pronunciation that made me realize that he really put a lot of work into it, though I can’t say if it’s because he really practices what he said or if he’s actually really good at English. Eunwoo giggled when he introduced himself and hearing that on video is one thing. Hearing it in person, I smiled so wide that my cheeks hurt. MJ paused for a moment before introducing himself and the whole venue screamed, as could be expected. He has such a bright persona on stage and it really really shows that it’s just a part of who he is at this point. Sanha’s introduction was the cutest and I will remember how he said his name until the day I die. When he was done with his introduction, we tried to sing happy birthday, but we got interrupted by Bin walking back out on stage.

Real Love. Since I was sitting on the very outside section I was sort of worried that they wouldn’t come to the side, but Sanha and Rocky were rather close to standing right in front of where I was and they kept looking over and waving and smiling and making finger hearts. Rocky gave a lot of thumbs up, too. I can’t say for sure if they ever looked at me specifically, but with how often they looked over, I feel like they must’ve at least glanced at me. During this song, people from upper sections also started to run down to stand right in front of the stage. It blocked some people’s views and they brought signs so every once in a while someone would hold up a sign and I wouldn’t be able to see Rocky or Sanha for a few seconds. It didn’t particularly bother me at first but it got annoying after a while. I was too focused on watching ASTRO, though, to really be upset (and security sent everybody back to their seats during the VCR, thankfully). Real Love has always been one of my favorite songs and I loved hearing it live. They went to the opposite side of the stage for a moment then came back to the side of the stage I was in front of and I was shook by Jinjin. I could kind of see his tattoo poking out from his shirt and he waved and gave such a tiny cute smile. 

Dream Night. I feel like Sanha definitely looked at me during this song. Jinjin was also real far to the side during one part of this song and I realized that his dancing is really comfortable, in a way that video doesn’t capture.

Butterfly. This is when I finally started to get more comfortable. In my video, you can hear me actually singing and can even sort of see my robong in the corner. I never really thought much about Rocky’s rap during this song but after seeing it live.. it might be my favorite part of the entire song.

VCR time. I didn’t record the VCR, as my phone was dying. It went from almost 100% to about 30% in recording just the first part, so I hurriedly plugged my phone into my portable charger, and I’m so glad I did.

Moonwalk. I already said it, but I feel like I need to say it again for this song. The power behind their dance really isn’t capture by videos. It becomes even more apparent in this song just how much control they have to have when dancing. I feel like the style of Moonwalk also suits them really well. It shows their technical skills really well without really diverting from their fresh feeling.

Again. This song is pretty much the only time I noticed the big screen behind them because they had a giant hand reach out in the very beginning of the song. Hearing an older song like this really sent me for a loop, though, because their voices have evolved so much. Unfortunately for my video, this is when I decided to start scream-singing, but I remember being really shocked by Sanha and Eunwoo’s voices during the song because I was so used to hearing it a certain way on the album. Also during the song there was this reoccurring sort of metallic sound. I don’t know if that was a sound issue or a part of the song I just never noticed before and it was amplified during the concert or what but it threw me off. Also, Moonbin is really beautiful.

Confession. I’m not sure if the other people in my section were singing but I know I was screaming the lyrics. I want to think ASTRO could hear me screaming along to the raps but I really doubt it. It’s a nice thought, though, because I was on fire. Confession is such a great song and I feel like it’s the song that got a lot of people into ASTRO. It certainly felt like a fan favorite in the venue with how much people were singing along vs outright screaming.

4stro went back stage and left Jinjin and Rocky to entertain the crowd. Jinjin’s English, again, surprised me. Rocky started a ah-seu-teu-ro chant that, of course, everybody was into. Jinjin said he posted on Instagram in the morning after waking up at 7am, which was something he couldn’t imagine doing in South Korea. I paused for a second, wondering if 7am was late or early for him. Could be either or. He said, in Korean, he woke up and opened the curtain and (in English), “oh my god.” We also got a “something Dallas.” The other four came back out to join rap line, all of them now having hand held mics rather than the wearable ones. Eunwoo dove into a story of how he took a “hike” when he woke up (the translator said hike but Eunwoo actually said walk; there were a lot of instances during the concert where I noticed the translator was saying something that wasn’t entirely accurate). And before they jumped into the next song, Jinjin said (in English), “We’re connected by a love wheel” and it was real cute how he said it.

Love Wheel. Bin came to stand basically as far to the side of the stage I was in front of and lemme tell ya, I had a minor panic attack. He looks unreal in person. Photos really don’t capture how good he looks. He’s so much sharper in person and his eyes are so much more intense. Watching him jam along to the song and then just look over the crowd—I think we’ve all seen the videos of Bin just fondly looking out over the crowd, but seeing him do that in person is 10,000 times more touching. He so clearly loves being on stage and in front of fans and I just hope he gets to always be on stage. I want to say Bin looked at me because it felt like he did, but who can say how much they can really see from on stage. All I could think of was that they have such a different vibe on stage vs what they did at the airport. They perform and there’s really a switch they flip that changes how they present and it’s endlessly impressive.

I’ll Be There. I always thought I’d cry listening to them singing I’ll Be There, but there was none of that. Between songs, Rocky moved and Jinjin came to stand beside Bin instead, but I honestly hardly looked at him because Bin was right there. Then they split into trios to throw candy and Jinjin, Eunwoo, and MJ came to our side of the stage first. I was so distracted by Jinjin that I hardly looked at Eunwoo and MJ except to notice that it was them standing there. Eunwoo let Jinjin sing his couple of lines and he took it serious at first and then broke into his joking manner of singing as MJ started to throw out candy. To be honest, I was never a huge fan of MJ’s red hair but it looks a thousand times better in person than it does on camera. Jinjin grabbed a handful of candy and I mean, I don’t know how to say he threw it other than by saying he yeeted it as far as he could. Like, I was afraid he would lose his balance and fall off the stage with how much he put into his 2 throws. Meanwhile Eunwoo just kinda tossed the candy to whoever was close. Then they switched sides and Sanha— Sanha only threw a few pieces of candy on our side and I got one of them. You can actually hear it hit my phone in the recording. I had my robong in one hand and my phone in the other so I couldn’t actually catch it but it came directly to me. (And the candy—a little bag of M&Ms—now sits in a clear acrylic display box on my shelf.) I don’t know if Sanha’s intention was to throw it at me directly or if it just worked out that way, but I’m going to say he threw it at me on purpose because we made eye contact right before he threw it. They hung out on our side of the stage for a little bit longer and Bin did the off-the-shoulders thing with his jacket.

Time for another VCR. By this point, my back was starting to hurt. (I have some not insignificant back issues; don’t worry, I’m usually fine! It was just the stress of standing up for a really long time that was starting to make my back hurt.) I didn’t record, or even really watch the VCR, though, because I was talking to the girl sitting next to me. Her phone ran out of space so I said I would send her my videos so I got her phone number. Except... almost as soon as I got back home... I got a new phone.. and I lost her phone number.. if you’re out there, please come say hi so I can get you the videos I feel so bad.

Merry Go Round! They came out with animal ears on! They were so cute and I’m honestly amazed at how high their energy levels stayed because I was starting to get tired by this point (but then they came out and I was fine). It was also during this song that I realized how different Rocky sounds live vs on a studio album. He’s a lot more rough live, but not in a bad way. I’m also pretty sure Sanha pointed at me.

Cotton Candy. At the beginning, they were all yelling stuff. MJ said (in Korean), “What is this?” Rocky said “Sanha Sanha Sanha.” MJ said something else in Korean. Jinjin said, “Ready, Sanha time! Happy birthday Sanha!” When it was time for Eunwoo to sing the second bit, Jinjin lead it by going “Eunwoo Eunwoo!” They hype each other so much when they’re on stage and I love it. Jinjin yelled for everybody to jump but I really couldn’t so I just waved my robong harder. Also, going back and watching the video, I’m literally screaming instead of singing and my voice was starting to give out but I kept doing it anyway. Jinjin’s 기분이 좋�� la la la is even better in person, which I didn’t think was possible. The choreography for Cotton Candy is also just really fun.

MJ, Jinjin, and Eunwoo went off stage, leaving the three youngest. Moonbin commented on that, too (in Korean), saying “we’re the younger ones.” Rocky started the conversation talking about what animal ears they’re wearing and Moonbin led it to Sanha first. I don’t know what the translator was doing but they were either particularly slow or we just couldn’t hear them over the screams. Moonbin said they always do the same sort of style when wearing the animal ears and then suggested maybe they should change their ears. Rocky asked Bin which he preferred and he took a moment before choosing to take Sanha’s rabbit ears. So Bin became a rabbit, Rocky took the cat ears, and Sanha put on the wolf ears. By this point, the other three had come out but were standing off to the side. When the oldest three came out, I got a straight look at Jinjin’s rib tattoo and that was a shock. He said (in English), “Younger brothers so cute” and Eunwoo responded (in English), “We’re so cute, too.” When MJ was starting to talk to explain what animal he was, someone screamed his name and I think it made him pause for a moment. Not sure if the other two were teasing MJ about what animal he was because of his pronunciation problems or if they just like to tease him in general. When Eunwoo was going through what he was, the other three made themselves at home on the side of the stage. When Jinjin asked if we knew what he was, Bin said “mouse mouse rat rat” and it’s a shame they didn’t actually give him mouse ears. They changed translators but still this translator didn’t get what they were saying. They talked a bit about what they’d eaten the day before (BBQ, at the place with the g i a n t pieces that they posted on insta) and Bin compared it to “rib size” but the translator said “it was cow.” Hire me to translate for them instead please.

Baby! Before they performed, Jinjin said, “It’s finally time to enjoy the concert with our babies” and it was cute. It was also super nice to hear that opening for Baby. It has a special place in my heart. A lot of fans actually yelled the opening fan chant for their names and I really hope ASTRO heard it. Jinjin yelled “Rocky swag” before Rocky’s rap and when Bin got to his position in the back he yelled “come on, swag!”

Breathless. Baby went right into a percussion sort of break where they wanted everybody to yell ya ba ba bara bwa bwa a couple times. Honestly, props to them for being able to go from one song right into the other. I couldn’t do it. Their energy levels seemed to be constantly going up the closer we got to the end of the concert. They were getting more comfortable, yelling out stuff during the songs, joking with each other on stage. It’s so nice to see them just be so comfortable.

Hide&Seek. Literally right into it after Breathless. They didn’t go right into the choreography, so I was a little surprised and it didn’t register with me what song it was until a little bit after. Hearing them sing their debut song is all I ever dreamed about, and my mood was already through the roof. I was smiling so much that my cheeks were hurting, and when I wasn’t smiling, it was because I was rapping. In the gap between Jinjin’s rap and the next verse, he said “I love you” and it was timed just perfectly. Rocky also seemed really intense during this song.

Talk time! Sanha went off stage for something. Eunwoo said that Jinjin saying “I love you” during Hide&Seek surprised him, and Bin said he had good timing. Eunwoo asked Jinjin to do it one more time, so we got to hear Jinjin rap a capella. Jinjin said their next song would be their very last one, but the usual ending-concert dread didn’t hit me at all.

Rocky: First of all, the concert went by really fast. We were so happy because you guys were dancing and jumping with us. Also, the people in the second section, we’re very touched by the fact that you guys are all standing up and enjoying with us. If you think of it, we only have a little time left. Did you guys enjoy tonight? (aroha screams, of course) Thank you! Jinjin: We only have one song remaining and we’re all very sweaty here right now. (In English) Because of you guys. (Back to Korean) Because of all the heat we’re getting from the Dallas fans. Thank you so much. The next song is very special so please look foward to it. Eunwoo: The weather in Dallas is really amazing. I was in a very good mood starting from the morning. I’m glad I could take that happy emotion and bring it here to the show. Something even better than the weather is you guys. Moonbin: This is our first time in Dallas. The fans, the crowd, all of you guys are wonderful. From the moment I landed and saw the good weather, I knew something great was going to happen here. The moment I met you guys, it was a special moment. We’ll try even harder from now on. And since we’re not done yet, please enjoy to the last moment. Thank you! MJ: (fans were yelling “I love you MJ” so he said thank you) Dallas is especially hot. I think I’ll never forget it. Thanks to you guys, we’ll try our best to come back again. When we come back, you guys are going to be cheering even louder, right? You guys are incredible. Thank you so much. Because of you guys, today was a wonderful day.

Sanha didn’t get to talk because he was interrupted by the special event. The screen behind him said “happy birthday yoon sanha,” we started singing to him, and the staff rolled out his birthday cake. I was honestly shocked at how massive the cake was. Jinjin reminded everybody to show their slogans that they’d been given.

Sanha: First of all, it’s an incredible experience to be able to celebrate my birthday in Dallas. I’m so happy that I can feel all the love from you guys. Before the candles melt, I’m going to blow them out. (He made a wish and actually had a bit of trouble blowing them out. I thought they might be trick candles, but he got them to go out.) Moonbin: I can’t believe Sanha’s already an adult. Little brothers grow up so fast. Eunwoo: Sanha, what did you wish for? Sanha: You’re not supposed to tell your wishes. Eunwoo: (in English) Never mind, never mind. (Jinjin laughed and repeated him.)

All Night. The stage lights came on a little early so we could actually see them sit down in their positions. Some fans actually knew the fan chant, so it was really nice to hear that. Their difference between just sitting there and talking vs performing is so apparent and I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. Halfway through the song, my alarm on my phone went off (because Thursdays are for Critical Role) and it started blasting Heart Brew Love. Since it was in the middle of a song, though, I don’t think anybody heard it. Kind of wish it had happened during their ment. Fans really tried to do the fan chant during Jinjin’s rap but our timing was all sorts of off. We’re the same as them in that respect. It was really fitting that Sanha’s the last one standing at the end of All Night since it was his birthday. He got a moment of spotlight before they shut off the lights and they all went back stage again.

The last VCR is the only one that I recorded. I could really feel the difference of how they were on stage vs in video/photo. Video/photo truly does not do them any justice. They’re so good looking in person and video/photo couldn’t possibly capture their aura and stage presence. The VCR itself was very cinematic and I feel like there’s supposed to be some sort of poetic message to it but I can’t think about that right now.

You&Me. Eunwoo came out carrying MJ and Bin came out carrying Sanha. Rap line came out behind them and model walked up the center of the stage. Jinjin and Rocky did the Michael Jackson dance thing. I really tried to dance along to the choreography but it was hard to do that with my phone in one hand and robong in the other, but I did my best, using robong to point at Bin who was the closest to our side of the stage again. I swear he pointed right at me. It was such a comfortable feeling watching them just kind of jam together on the stage. I also think Sanha made eye contact with me from the middle of the stage, and later during the chorus again, I think Rocky and I made eye contact for a few seconds, too. During the point dance part, Rocky definitely pointed at me, though.

And now the actual ending ment. They seemed as reluctant to go as we did.

Rocky: We got to come to Dallas for the first time. Because it was our first time, we really wanted to do our best in front of you guys. Did we do okay? Although this is the first time, it’s not the last, so please look forward to the next time. Next time we come back, we’ll be even cooler. Dallas, I love you.

Jinjin: Since we came to Dallas for the first time, I’m really happy. Dallas aroha, thanks so much for all the energy you showed us. (in English) I’m so happy, yeah~ (back to Korean) Thanks so much for standing up during the concert from the beginning to the end and enjoying with us. (in English) It really touched my heart. (In my video, I go awww really, really loud.) Thank you guys so much. Thanks for coming. I love you guys.

Eunwoo: (He started by pointing out all the sections and waving to everybody.) ASTRO was able to come to Dallas for the first time. The first impression is very important. The first impression that we have of Dallas is fantastic. (in English) So, I promise to come back again. Like Rocky said, we will be more... more handsome, more sexier, more awesome. (back to Korean) So please look forward to it. We really had an amazing night. (in English) Thank you guys. I love you.

Bin: Our first show in Dallas is coming to an end. There are some things that I wish I’d done better. Since it was our first time, there are a few things that I actually overdid. (Aroha yelled no at him and he laughed a little) So I love that you guys cheered a lot while I was performing. For some reason, I really wanted to capture every moment that I was spending with you guys. (I aww’ed real loud again.) Just like the pretty and beautiful weather in Dallas, you aroha are amazing. We’ll come back even more handsome and talented and cool. (in English) I love you guys. (I didn’t realize, but apparently I yelled “I love you” right after he said that.)

MJ: Woah! Dallas, your cheering is different. (He made a pun. Dallas in Korean is 달라스 and different is 달라. Nobody really understood it in the moment, so Eunwoo had to explain it, but I think it was lost on most people.) You guys were incredible. You guys lit the fire in our 6 hearts. We’ll never forget this feeling today and we’ll come back. We love you, we love you, and we’ll see you again.

Sanha: (He got a ton of screams in the beginning) This really really is our final goodbye. Thank you for the surprise birthday wish. Out of all the birthdays I had, I think today’s is the best one ever. It’s really meaningful that you guys were able to celebrate my birthday with me. I’ll always remember the love that you guys showed us. We’ll try our best to come back as soon as we can, so please continue to support us. Because we still have our LA and San Francisco show, it’d be nice if Dallas aroha could come to see us there, too. 

Photo time! Staff brought back out Sanha’s cake, they all sat down on the floor, and MJ started a short “San! Ha! San! Ha!” chant. Bin and Jinjin both counted to three, then they wanted everybody to make a heart and Jinjin counted again.

By Your Side. I was singing real loud and I think it got Rocky’s attention. He was super chill about looking over though. They all seemed real chill, as bummed as us that the concert was about to be over. I was thinking the whole time that none of them better cry and they didn’t, thankfully. I think I made eye contact with Rocky while he was rapping, or at least I hope I did, because I was rapping along with him.

Call Out. Bin started out strong by laying down on the stage. Right before the chorus, Rocky yelled “everybody jump!” and, to my surprise, a lot of people did. The energy level was right back up to where it had been before. It’s one thing to see them being fools on video, but they’re so similar live as they are in videos. I’m just so happy with how much energy they put into everything, how much they try to connect with fans. At the end of the song, they took a moment. Rocky said “wait, wait... Dallas aroha, scream!” and they went through it again. Sanha shushed everybody until the venue was basically dead silent, then he said, “We’re very happy because of you guys” and they went another time. MJ really got into the dancing, as he does. Moonbin got everybody to go to the back of the stage, and yelled, “one last time!” and they ran to the front of the stage again. They really made sure to wave and make finger hearts at as many people as they could. 

They did their “thank you we are astro” goodbye in the middle of the stage, on either side, then in the back to say goodbye to every section of the venue. I got a personal goodbye wave from Sanha as they walked off the stage, and the concert was done just like that. 

It took a while for hi-touch to start. They cleared out almost the entire rest of the venue before they started lining people up for hi-touch, so we all just sat and watched the venue staff start to take down the set. They got it all put away surprisingly fast, and at one point, the people I was sitting near all cheered for this one staff member who looked in our direction (he was super into the cheers). Event staff decided to take people into the back for hi-touch and photo op starting from the other side of the seats, so I was in one of the last few groups to see ASTRO. We waited and waited. In line, one girl said “I came here an Eunwoo stan and I’m leaving a Bin stan.” There was also a girl in line in front of me who didn’t know what had happened with Fantagio last year, so an event staffer and myself helped explain it to her. I was so caught up in talking to the people around me that I didn’t get to set my phone to record and stuff it into my purse, as I intended to do for photo op. 

As soon as I walked in, I was shook. MJ was standing closest to the door, and he was leaning close and waving with his cute smile and I honestly panicked. I hardly looked at Rocky before I sat down in front of him. They stepped up behind the chairs and I was honestly just so frozen in place. It happened super fast. As they ushered us out, the line moved quick so I didn’t really get much opportunity to say anything. I honestly glanced over Jinjin, Eunwoo, and Bin. Sanha was standing at the end and I said happy birthday to him in Korean and he laughed and said thank you back in Korean. That’s when my hands started to shake.

I stood outside the venue for probably 20-30 minutes, trying to calm my shaking and waiting for ASTRO’s van to leave. Most people grouped up when they were driving out, but I stood off to the side a little with my robong and my official slogan and waved at them as they drove by.

This concert was really important to me and I’ll always remember it. I won’t talk too much about why ASTRO are so important to me (I already did that on their anniversary), but they really are some of the most important people in my life. I’m so happy that I got to go to a concert and shout and dance and meet people who all share the same love I have for these six boys. I wish I would’ve been coherent enough during photo op to tell them all thank you but I feel like they already know how much I love them, how much we all love them, whether we can attend concerts or not.

#snibnoom at starlight #i hope this is all coherent #i'm not doing any proof read lol its too long for that

[leigh-kelly]

If the Fates Allow: Part 1/13

Thirteen part Christmas fic loosely based on Life As We Know It. After Santana and Brittany’s best friend’s die, leaving their two kids behind, the ex-girlfriends are forced to move in together and raise their godchildren.

December:

The week following John and Cassidy’s funeral felt like one long grief siesta for Santana. She’d used the sick time she never touched and stayed in her bed, alternating between weeping and feeling irrationally angry about absolutely everything. The one time that she tried to leave her house, she got so enraged by the sound of Christmas music and the jingle of bells outside of the deli where she went to pick up a sandwich that she turned her phone off and spent two days in utter silence. John and Cassidy were the first friends she made after moving to New York, they had become like her family and the idea that they were gone just absolutely consumed her with grief. She knew that she should check in with Cassidy’s mom and see how their two kids were doing, she knew that she should return her mother’s phone calls, but all she wanted to do was shut the world out for as long as possible.

On the eighth day after they were buried, Santana got a phone call from an unfamiliar number. She let it go to voice mail but then curiosity got the best of her and she listened. It was their lawyer, asking her to come down to the office and meet with him about the will. She figured that they must have left her some stupid trinket that she’d have to bury away so she wouldn’t be constantly bombarded with the reminder that they were gone, but she called back and said that she’d be there. She didn’t want to disrespect their legacy, even if it meant driving out to the suburbs where they had lived and the morning of the meeting, she tried to soak her face in cold water to remove some of the puffiness from around her eyes and she pulled on a skirt and a suit jacket, knowing that even dressed in her work clothes, she looked bedraggled. 

There was a lot of traffic on the drive out there and she found herself crying in the car. She wasn’t normally like this, she could usually function like a sane human being but everything felt like a lot and being late for a meeting she didn’t want to go to suddenly felt like the end of the world. When she finally made it to the office, she was twenty minutes late. She pressed the button for the elevator and when the receptionist led her into a conference room, she was surprised to be staring right into the face of one Brittany Pierce.

“I told you she’d be here.” Brittany said to the lawyer across the table. “She’s just always late.”

“I’m not—whatever.”

If Santana had to choose one place in the world she wouldn’t be, it would have been her best friends’ funeral. Since that had already happened, if she had to choose a second place, it would be sitting in a conference room with her ex-girlfriend. It had been two years since their breakup, but if she even as much as thought about Brittany, she got an ache in her chest. Their breakup wasn’t exactly amiable and it sucked. It didn’t surprise her though that John and Cassidy would have left something for Brittany too. After all, they’d met them together, they’d been avoiding each other at the kids’ birthday parties and the annual Christmas cocktail bash for two years, but Santana wished she could have maybe had her own meeting instead of being stuck pretending she didn’t think Brittany looked amazing, especially for someone in the throes of grief.

“Miss Pierce, Miss Lopez.” The lawyer began. “Now that I have you both here, we can get started. Were you aware that Mr. and Mrs. Springer appointed the two of you as guardians to their children should anything happen to them?”

“I…vaguely remember Cassidy mentioning it to us years ago.” Brittany bit her lip. “But I told her I didn’t want to talk about it because they were going to live forever.”

“We’re not…they made that decision under totally different circumstances.” Santana shook her head. “Brittany and I, we’re not…together anymore.”

“Be that as it may, the Springers’ will is clear. They wanted joint custody to go to the two of you. Their house is paid off, they specified that as part of their final requests, Ava and John Jr. would stay in the house under your care.”

“That’s…I don’t know how to take care of kids.” Santana put her head in her hands, feeling the weight of her friends’ request, not to mention the fact that she’d be doing it with Brittany. “Why wouldn’t Cassidy’s parents just keep them?”

“I’ve already spoken to them and they believe this is for the best as well. I understand you might need some time to think about this.”

“I’ll do it.” Brittany answered quickly, shocking Santana.

“Brittany, you can’t just make a snap decision like that.”

“Actually, last I checked, you can’t tell me what to do. It’s what Cassidy and John wanted, they were my closest friends. The least I can do is take care of their kids. But you…do whatever it is you want to do.”

“I need to think about this.”

Santana walked out of the lawyer’s office in a daze. She heard the Christmas music playing over the sound system and she internally cringed. Everything felt awful and she couldn’t just jump into the decision to take custody of two kids. Maybe Brittany felt like it was the right choice, but Santana just didn’t know. She had no idea how to be a mother, she enjoyed Ava and JJ and had been there for both of their births but to actually raise them…that was a whole different story. She got in her car and stared directly in front of her for the whole ride back to the city. She went into her apartment and she looked around. Could she really give all of this up to go live in John and Cassidy’s house in the suburbs? With Brittany? She didn’t think she could do it, it was just too much. She closed her eyes and all she could picture was John and Cass’ first anniversary, right after they’d found out they were pregnant with Ava.

“Oh, come on. We’re totally the godparents.” Santana elbowed Brittany in the side and looked, grinning, at Cass.

“Obviously, as if there were ever a better couple we’d choose to put in charge of our kids.” John laughed.

“Santana and I are the best.” Brittany giggled. “I mean, no offense to you two.”

“We happily concede the title to you guys.” Cassidy shook her head laughing. “I’m glad we never knew you two apart.”

“And you never will.” Santana smiled. “Brittz and I are forever.”

“That we are.”

For two days, it was all she could think about, the conversation that they’d had when Cassidy found out she was pregnant and the idea that she wasn’t fulfilling a promise. She went back to work and she sat in a daze at her desk. She had clients who needed to see her and she’d been pushing them off since she got the phone call that her friends were dead, but it felt like she was incapable of interacting with other human beings. She was a publicist, she needed to put a positive spin on everything, but the world felt black even as those damn bells kept ringing outside of the office. She thought about calling Brittany, but then, what would Brittany say? She’d jumped immediately into doing the right thing, but maybe Santana was too selfish to do it. Being in their house, raising their kids, it all felt so awful that she couldn’t even think straight.

On the fourth day, Santana started to pack. She grabbed clothes and shoes and personal effects and put them into boxes and suitcases. She wasn’t going to pack everything, she would do the rest slowly, but she was haunted by the thought of John and Cassidy being disappointed in her. They had asked for one thing from her, the people who had supported her through job changes and moves and the worst breakup of her life, she couldn’t say no, as much as she really wanted to.

After work that night, she showed up on the porch. She wheeled a suitcase behind her and figured the rest of the stuff she could get out of her car in the morning. It was a Friday night, she had the whole weekend off and she could work on adjusting to whatever this new life was going to be for her. She rang the doorbell and she waited. The Christmas lights that John had hung were on outside of the house and it made her feel sick to her stomach. She saw the tree through the window that the four of them had decorated together in preparation for the holiday and she almost threw up. Then Brittany answered, wearing jeans and a sweater and Santana felt like she was going to pass out.

“So you decided to come.” Brittany said unemotionally. “Ava and JJ will be happy.”

“I guess they never changed their will.” Santana shrugged. “This isn’t exactly how I imagined I’d start a family with you.”

“We’re not going to do that. If you’re going to be living here with me, we need to set some ground rules. Rule number one, no talking about our past.”

“Rule number two, you can’t have sex with me.”

“Pretty much the last thing on my mind.” Brittany rolled her eyes. “Is that all you brought?”

“I have stuff in the car, I’ll get it tomorrow.”

“We already ate, but there are leftovers.”

“I’m fine.” Santana shook her head. “I’ll just…bring this up to the guest room.”

“I’m sleeping in the guest room. I guess you’ll have to take John and Cassidy’s room.”

“That’s seriously creepy. You know I’m scared of ghosts. Can’t you take it?”

“No.” Brittany shook her head, obviously unaffected by Santana’s complaining. “I got here first, I got the guest room. Live with it.”

“Britt—”

“Rule number three, don’t call me Britt.”

“Fine, whatever.” Santana dragged her suitcase into the house, stomping her feet as she did. 

She didn’t see Ava or JJ, so she went right up the stairs. When she got to the outside of John and Cassidy’s room, she froze. She remembered when they moved out of the city and into this house, John and Brittany had tried to get the dresser up the stairs while Santana bitched and moaned about putting the bed together. The four of them had ultimately fell on the floor laughing when Cassidy kept screaming pivot even though there was no need for anyone to pivot. Then she thought about how she’d fell asleep crying in that bed after her breakup with Brittany when John had offered to take the guest room so she didn’t have to sleep alone. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the threshold and then felt a tug on the side of her skirt.

“Aunt Santana, that’s Mommy and Daddy’s room.” Five-year-old Ava told her, putting her hands on her hips.

“I know, kiddo, but I don’t think they’ll mind if I borrow it for a little while. I’m here to help Aunt Brittany with you guys.”

“Aunt Brittany took us to see Santa Claus yesterday. I told him that all I wanted for Christmas was for Mommy and Daddy to come home.”

“Oh, Ava.” Santana picked her up, hugging her close. “I’m sure Santa would love to bring you that, but sometimes even his magic doesn’t work.”

“I miss them too much.”

“I know, I do too.”

Since apparently Brittany had already gotten the kids into a bedtime routine again, Santana half-heartedly helped. She didn’t want to disrupt the flow that Brittany had gotten them into so she just kissed Ava goodnight and watched for a few minutes as Brittany rocked almost-one-year-old JJ to sleep. Something really felt unsettled in her, watching Brittany rock the baby, so she stepped out of his bedroom and went down to the kitchen to find the leftovers Brittany had told her about. While she was heating them up, Brittany came in and Santana took a deep breath.

“So I found the Christmas gifts.” Brittany told her. “You know Cass, she had everything all bought and wrapped. I guess we’ll just put them under the tree next week.”

“How are we supposed to do this, Brittany? I’m barely keeping it together and now I’m supposed to act like I don’t want to cry like Ava whenever she brings up her parents?”

“They clearly thought we were the best ones to take care of them.”

“You know they made that will while we were still together. I really don’t think they actually expected us to live in the same house and raise them together after everything.”

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I can do it myself. I set JJ up in daycare and Ava up in aftercare so I can pick them up when I get home from work. I’m going to look for a job out here so I don’t have to commute back and forth to the city. I don’t need you, Santana. I have this under control.”

“What if we would have—”

“No talking about our past. I’m not kidding, I can’t do it.”

“I have to stay, for Ava and JJ and for John and Cass. I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this, but I’m not leaving you to do it alone. I’ll talk to work, I’ll figure out if I can take a few days a week working from home. We’ll just…make it work.”

“So you’re staying?”

“I’m staying.”

#brittana #if the fates allow #itfa

[namstokyo]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by the ever-radiant @sunshinesmilehobi (I totally didn’t forget to do this heh heh)

1. What takes too much of your time?

Sleep. I either need longer days or my flesh vessel should have fewer needs.

2. What makes your day better?

Music, mostly!

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

I found out the pitbull who had been at our animal shelter for a long time got adopted!!

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Anyone ever watch Tron: Legacy? The Grid absolutely blew my mind when that movie came out... the way they integrated light so seamlessly into the environment was stunning. My inner 10 year old is still dying to see something like it in person.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I think so? I’m honestly pretty good at reading people and the whole problem-solving / psychology dynamic comes naturally to me. Now if I can just figure out how to apply it personally lol.

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Overcoming depression babeyyy *finger guns into my therapist’s office*

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Luckily, no!

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Outside of BTS, who gave me a huge push towards learning to love myself, my top 3 artists are Hayley Kiyoko, NF, and Billie Eilish. 

Hayley’s music actually helped me realize and become comfortable with being queer. Nathan’s songs were there for me during the worst part of my depression. He made me feel understood and less alone. And Billie’s unique lyrical style continues to inspire me whenever I’m in the mood for writing. I’ll never get to say it to their faces but I’m so grateful for you guys.

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I had a huge dorky crush on this one guy in elementary school that took the longest time to get over,,, idk man,,, I’ve never really gotten butterflies like it since,,,

10. What’s your dream date?

Café date!! Museum date!! Or hiking together!! It depends on my mood.

11. What do others notice about you?

My quirky taste in earrings. Favorite pair so far are big, rainbow, star-shapes made of string. You can’t miss ‘em hsdfghjkl-

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I suck at asking people for help, no matter how bad I need it.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Haha nope, he moved to Alaska ages ago :”)

14. How many ex’s do you have?

015. How many songs are in your playlist?

Like 700? At least.

16. What instruments can you play?

I can shred a sick air guitar if I do say so myself.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

My sister and niece <3

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Barcelona!! Specifically, the places with Gaudi’s architecture.

19. What is your zodiac?

Scorpio, bish.

20. Do you relate to it?

Oh yeah. I’m very determined, observant, and drawn to mystery. Not a serial killer though... promise.

21. What is happiness to you?

Cuddles and warm laundry~

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Oof.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Giving a second chance to someone who didn’t deserve it.

24. What’s your favourite store?

I’m a slut for Bath & Body Works. Smel gud.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Pro-choice. Your body is none of anyone’s business but yours.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

No... I have a vague idea of things I’d like to do.

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Citrine by Hayley Kiyoko

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Probably books or journals. I do not have a problem.

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

I had to ask a friend tbh and their opinion made a lot of sense: I seem closed-off because I need time to warm up to people but, when I stick around, I’m ride-or-die.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Mmm usually my age (18) or maybe 1-2 years older.

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

It rests on the corner of the mattress next to my pillow since I usually keep it on vibrate.

32. what word do you say the most?

So?

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

Right now, I’ll stick close to my age so it’s not weird. Biggest gap I’d go for in the future is 5 years.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

Ick, a year.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Anything in science or criminal justice (accurate though).

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

Electro pop, alternative, and punk not gonna lie.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I could speak / learn the language really.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Paper Love by Allie X

39. How long have you had this blog for?

October 2018.

40. What are you excited for?

Comeback, for sure. I also look forward to days I work at the animal shelter. Miss my floofs...

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Listener. Tell me your secrets. No, you cannot know my favorite color, it’s classified.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Finished a psych presentation.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

Fucking self-actualization. And candles, I love candles.

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

I’m... a perfectionist...

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

It’s a non-zero number, I know that much.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

Being the successful, vodka piña colada aunt who gives morally ambiguous, but overall sound, advice.

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

Haven’t ayyye.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

Whenever my soulmate wants to propose I guess, clock’s tickin buster.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

A dentist of all things wtf.

50. What do you crave right now?

Mint chip ice cream (Namjoon is sending a hitman as I type this).

Tagging: @trashybtsqueen @narwhalthesharon and @joons-uwu would love to get to know you guys! 

#tag game #me

[twistednuns]

May 2019

Leah Rieck’s book Sag dem Abenteuer, ich komme - she started out in Munich and travelled the world on her motorcycle, alone. I loved how down-to-earth it was, it didn’t glorify the places she visited. Reading it gave me the final impulse to hand in the application for my sabbatical in three years. Now I just have to sign up for Spanish class at uni.

Being sick - good for losing Canada weight. And getting better really quickly, too! I was already prepared for a horrible flu but after one feverish, painful day I was as good as new! Strange magic.

Andre sending me a very old photo of himself, sitting in a 90s bedroom, shirtless, playing a red electric guitar. He has long-ish hair and looks up into the camera. He looks like a seductive young Kurt Cobain.

Reading Meike Winnemuth’s book about gardening. Another book which kinda gives me the desire to have my own garden. Well. For now I’m just sprucing up the balcony.

My new Dyno vinyl label maker. Exactly the right thing for someone with a passion for sorting, labeling and organising.

Eating ripe peaches and strawberries.

Wearing my cowboy boots from Montréal. I love making click clack sounds while walking.

More literature: Finally reading Hesse’s Siddhartha for the first time. / Bela B Felsenheimer’s debut novel. / A very pretty graphic novel I got in Québec: Anne… La Maison Aux Pignons Verts / And another feminist dystopia, one of my favourite genres: Christina Dalcher’s Vox.

An evening with Maxim and Martina at Flex. Playing pool with the computer scientist and his girlfriend from New Zealand. Needing help for the foosball match - fortunately the guy from Kairo was on the spot. Grasovka and Gauloises on a Monday night. Living a little, you know? / Related: getting better at pool even though I have to play with idiots #horribletinderdates

Finding that sticker of Grumpy Cat saying “Don’t be racist - hate everyone!”

This list here is list number 100 of my Things I Love series. Ha. I’ve been doing this for a really long time now.

Long days, short nights. Twilight. Riding my bike in the evening. The smell of lilac in the air.

Reading about multipotentialism; thinking about my passions, skills and interests. Maybe it’s time to expand my portfolio. Get myself out there. Take on a part-time job or find a new project.

The little bird using my balcony as a playground.

Lit Cities - Where do you want to travel to? Just pick the right book. This literary world map will help you choose.

Me, the Queen of Bad Dates, the Realm of Being Single and Sky-High Standards despite Insecurities Galore sometimes needs to hear something like this.

Making my own crisp bread for the first time. With sea salt, rosemary and pine nuts.

Avocado green and beetroot magenta next to each other on a sunflower seed bun. A great colour combination.

Virginia Woolf inventing the ODTAA (One-Damned-Thing- After-Another) Society.

Seeing a girl one morning from the tram window. She rode her bike downhill in the morning sun without holding on to the handles. She wore a light jacket and the wind pushed it back over her shoulders. She looked free.

I love finding partyblowers in men’s pockets. That’s why I sometimes put them there. I think it started with Hannes after watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the cinema. For my birthday, Manu got a green one for his leather jacket. I always instruct them to keep it there for me to find next time.

Drawing a stripper greeting card for Sarah because I didn’t think Leoni was able or organise a real one for her.

Waiting for Lexi in front of the water fountain at Prinzregentenplatz when I saw a bunch of balloons rising up in the sky in the sunshine. I hope someone made a wish. Or a little kid was crying, who knows.

Spending time with Lexi! Bun and litchi mojitos as Thao, ice-cream at Ballabeni. Watching the cats at Katzentempel from outside. Shopping at Edited, Words’ Worth and Mikado (where I ran into Dani who showed me his Harley… what a coincidence).

Also: somehow motorcycles are a recurring theme at the moment. I’d like to get a scooter or my motorcycle driver’s license.

I’m a big fan of sculptures with little legs.

“Everything about this aesthetic is working! Can I buy you a drink?” (Jonah) - one of the best pick-up lines ever used on me. Sadly - of course - by a weirdo toymaker with a bimbo fetish. But hey, he had a very nice voice.

The yellow cascade blossoms on the tree in front of my balcony.

Watching videos by a foster mum for rescue kittens.

My birthday! I treated myself to ramen and pistachio ice-cream at Viktualienmarkt in the afternoon. In the evening I met Barbara, Maike, Lena, Obi, Lexi, Yanic, Bibi, Manu and Frank at Keg. It was karaoke night so I sang the Pina Colada song and I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight by Cutting Crew. I made a fool of myself but that’s fine. Gin and tonic and having an awesome time with my friends helped me get over it. I even got super nice presents: a colour-changing umbrella from Bibi (whose eyes looked especially beautiful that day), a book about epic road trips and &otherstories earrings from Lexi and Yanic, a Rivers of London graphic novel from Barbara and Maike and Lena and Obi gave me a happy llama DIY kit (such fun!) and a voucher for a hike with alpakas and llamas. My mum gave me Avène Antirougeurs face cream and a plant holder. Sounds weird but both items had actually been on my wish list.

Frank and Manu’s bromance. They just kept talking about Quake, ignoring me completely. It’s fine. I did a good deed by getting those two together.

An afternoon at the cinema watching Detective Pikachu with Manu, Isi, Andi, Dani and Martin.

The power of imagination: I get a physical reaction when I imagine cutting my finger on the edge of a metal can.

Planning on making a collection of hand sculptures and prints with different materials and media.

Taking part in iraville’s little drawing challenge (#drawthisinyourstyle) - she posted an illustration (‘Matcha Girl’) and asked her followers to use it as an inspiration to draw the same motif in their own personal style.

Drawing more in general. Actually using the huge set of Polychromos coloured pencils I bought.

Wolfgang Herrndorf’s poem Das Elend und die Welt.

Motto week at school. Getting to wear your pyjamas to work is awesome.

Going to England with the students. There were some small incidents but all in all I had a very good time. As a matter of fact I’m one of those rare teachers who enjoy class trips. Everything is better than routine. So we stayed at a host family with a small zoo - they had three cats, their son brought another one on the first day, and in the garden we’d get visits from foxes, seagulls and the neighbours’ cat, too. Sara’s Iranian cuisine was amazing. So much better than anything we had in a restaurant that week. Her granddaughter Liana was quite a handful but adorable. I love it when children have a British accent. I had never been on the Dover-Calais ferry before and seen the chalk cliffs.

#ersonal #present perfect #things i love #2019 #may #may 2019

[officialthiamlibrary]

Confession Time: Apparently, I’ve been opening and reading fics since we started this blog that the little number of tabs in the corner of Chrome has turned into a smiley face lmao! Figured, why not put that click-happiness to good use? Below are stories you may or may not have read that’ve found a near permanent home in my Google Chrome. All different themes but each equally spectacular. 

Of Horns and Wings by DaSmiley99

They were supposedly hating each other. What will happen when two people of a different race get paired together for the purpose of a successful mission? Make out sessions, lust at first sight and probably bathroom sex. (Because why not?)

[2.4k | Rated M | No Warnings | Complete | Demon & Angel AU]

Cold Ice, Cold Eyes by ScaredMuzzle

Liam is a hockey player who just won the Stanley Cup. Theo is a homeless stripper who's trying to make ends meet. Scott's drunk.

[5.3k | Rated T | No Warnings | WIP | Hockey/Stripper AU]

You Taste Marvelous by Ithinkwehaveanemergency

Liam and Theo haven't hooked up in ages. But a Marvel marathon just might change that. Or Just a little tiny bit of smutty humor in honor of Infinity War's release.

[2.4k | Rated E | No Warnings | Complete | Friends With Benefits]

Don’t Throw Scissors by darkdodielove

Theo and Liam are making Birthday cards for Jenna when Liam makes a mistake.

[1.2k | Rated NR | No Warnings | Complete | Crack/Boyfriends]

Hide & Seek by LIONH34RT

“You’re a store clerk and oh shit I just spotted my ex please let me hide behind your desk-thing”

[1K | Rated G | No Warnings | Complete | Store Clerk Au]

Buy Me Lunch Instead by DarkAngelGirl13

Theo and Liam keep looking at each other, but won't ask the other out. Stiles takes it on his self to set them up by forgetting the parking brake.

[2.7k | Rated T | No Warnings | Complete | Meet Cute AU]

I Won’t Die For You (But Maybe I’ll Stand Beside You) by I_write_fanfiction_sometime

Liam is an idiot who can't keep his mouth shut and now his mother is expecting a boyfriend for Christmas.

[11k | Rated M | No Warnings | WIP | Fake/Pretend]

That Cardi Flow by GlitterCaker20

Liam starts replying to everyone only in Cardi B lyrics. Theo thinks he’s adorable. 

[1k | Rated G | No Warnings | Complete | Crack]

Nightly encounter by francissnackhole

"I come here when I want to be alone and I didn't think anyone knew about it so where the hell did you come from."

[3.1k | Rated NR | No Warnings | Complete  | Angst with a HEA]

Not My Heart to Give (Thiam) by Abb1eWright

Theo Raeken and Liam Dunbar. Two very unstable boys with supernatural capabilities and serious mental issues. When the pack spreads out across and array of close towns and cities for college , Liam is left feeling alone and isolated at school. His best friend Mason and fellow pack mate Corey spend all their time together, very rarely do they involve Liam. School work has become a lot more strenuous and to top it all off Theo Raeken comes back to school. He’s still living in his car and struggling by but now he was also back at school. Theo is actually trying to change where his future is heading and to actually have the chance to build himself a future without murdering people for power. However Liam still hates him and Theo is still an omega. How will these two sort out their issues with each other and is their issue bigger than the new problem growing in the ominous hotspot town know as Beacon Hills.

[18.8k | Rated T | No Warnings | Complete | Post 6B]

Can You Hold This For Me? by FlyRobinFly

"I bet you can't get Liam to hold your hand." "I accept that challenge."

[332 Words | Rated G | No Warnings | Complete | Bets & Wagers]

Exhibit(ionism) by Manonlemelon

Theo and Liam have a date at the zoo. Shennanigans happens.

[7.1k } Rated E | No Warnings | Complete | Zoo Au]

Coup de Foudre by never_love_a_wild_thing

When Theo Raeken is the only member of his pack left standing, he goes to find the True Alpha that everyone had always talked about. Scott McCall's pack is not what he expected: they are against violence and Scott listens to what the other members of his pack have to say. Most importantly, almost none of them speak Theo's language. Liam Dunbar is trying to prove himself to his alpha. When the pack takes in a rogue werewolf with dubious morals, he decides that this is his chance. Meanwhile, the Nemeton is drawing more and more dangerous creatures to Beacon Hills every day, and the pack is trying to find a way to shut it down before the town is overrun with the supernatural. An unadvisable plan may just answer, but when the consequences are more than Liam and his friends had realized, Theo might be the only one who can save him. Takes place after Season 4. For Thiam Half Birthday 2018: Them With A Twist

[3.4k | Rated T | No Warnings | Complete | French Theo Au]

Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf by malandrina_TheodoreR

"What the hell is he doing here?" This is a question Liam too has often asked himself, and the fact that his ex-girlfriend suddenly came back from another state to ask him as well doesn't help him find an answer. What the hell is Theo doing there? With them? There is no immediate and logical answer, Theo is there and that's enough. ______ Theo has pursued the dream of perfection for so long, years and years, he literally stole his sister's heart to become the perfect evil the Dread Doctors dreamed of, and everything that attracts him now, that really attracs him, instinctively and viscerally, it's the furthest from perfection he could ever imagined. It's the unusual, the detail out of place, it's the muddy boots under the skirt of little red riding hood.

[60k | Rated T | No Warnings | Complete | Post 6A au]

Giants Everywhere! by Oh_Well_Em_Writes

For the prompt: “I don’t know who you are but I need you to lift me up so I can grab that thing off the top shelf. I know it’s awkward that we’re strangers and your hand is close to my butt, it’s fine (mainly because you’re cute).”

[1.4k | Rated NR | No Warnings | Complete | Strangers au]

The Big Gay Movie Club by shane06930

Liam is less than enthusiastic when his roommate Mason drags him to a film club in hopes of hooking up with a guy in his psych class. This changes when Liam connects with a cute stranger who shows him the ropes of the Big Gay Movie Club. Cuteness ensues.

[2.6k | Rated T | No Warnings | Complete | College au]

Hidden Hearts by wolfenboy

Theo finds secret love confessions all over the high school and decides to go on a mission to find out who is making the graffiti.

[2.6k | Rated G | No Warnings | Complete | Love Letters]

Genie In A Bottle by TrashWrites

Liam finds a strange lamp while clearing out the attic. Turns out it is a magical one inhabited by a genie named Theo.

[7.5k | Rated T | No Warnings | WIP | Genie AU]

Just Starve Yourself by FlyRobinFly

Theo has a problem with how Liam eats. or five times Theo can't stand how Liam eats and one time he actually does something about... because he's drunk.

[2.9k | Rated M | No Warnings | Complete | Messy Eater Liam]

Two Bottoms Don’t Make a Top by Uthizaar

A College AU in which Liam and Theo have never met before, Theo asks Liam out without first looking him up on a dating app, resulting in mystery and fun and a little confusion as they realize they’re both bottoms…

[5.6k | Rated E | No Warnings | Complete | College Au]

As always, thanks so much to these amazing creators! Please show them all the love. 

Shall we keep it going?! Do you share the same fic frenzy fascination? What are some stories currently stashed in your browser tabs? Reply below! And if you want to make a list of your own, tag us in the post and we’ll reblog <3

#teen wolf #thiam #ficrecs #hockey #demons and angels #letters #college #strangers #post season 6a #french!theo #bets and wagers #post season 6b #meet cute #genie #angst #crack #fake pretend relationships #browser tab recs #mod: minna