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praphit · 2 years

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Top Ten BAMFs of 2021

It's that time again, baby! - to honor our top BAMF of 2021

Last year's batch was a bit tainted - I mean, Laura Linney and Sacha Baron Cohen were on there, and ended with Nic Cage being the winner.

Now, I love Nic Cage as much as anyone, but he hasn't really been a bamf since "Con Air".

Let's see if we can cook up some people this year who are a little more intimidating.

Criteria:

1) Badass in power 2) Badass in attitude 3) Relevant to our culture in 2021

Honorable Mentions:

Black Messiah (”Judas and the black Messiah”) Halle Berry (”Bruised”) Taskmaster (”Black Widow”)

Vin Diesel (simply being Vin)

Peacemaker (The Suicide Squad ) Bloodsport (””)

Evil Dr. Strange (”What if...?”) Dave Chappelle - Not getting into right or wrong here, but simply the fact that he knew there was a pool filled with piranhas in it, and he still jumped in and survived... though the counter argument would be that he kinda filled the pool up with piranhas himself for some unknown reason (a la "Jackass" - the reason he didn't make the cut)

Michael Myers - LOVE, but he's like 70. I'm pretty sure most of us can out run him at this point

And probably a handful of Matrix people, but that movie hasn't come out yet.

So... here we go:)

#10 - Tyson Fury

The reason starts with whom his opponent was this year - Deontay Wilder. This guy hits harder than anyone in the game. He's the Michael Jordan of knocking people out. Tyson Fury took his best shots and kept on going. This man's story is badass and inspiring. The only thing about him that's more badass than his fighting skills might be his sense of style.

#9 - Norman Nordstrom

I know, you're probably saying "Who the BLEEP is that?!" He's pretty much blind Rambo. He buys shitty homes, people keep breaking into them (idk why... he has no valuables), and then he goes nuts and kills everyone in awesome ways. Two things to mention: He's got kind of a psycho-killer name, right?? Anyone named Norman Nordstrom is not going to be well adjusted. AND there was the whole semen in the turkey baster thing (from the last movie)... if you don't know what I'm referring to, then thank God that the scene I'm mentioning isn't seared into your memory banks as it is in mine. Can't really let that incident go, so he couldn't climb any higher than #9, but this guy is a glorious, badass, scary, killing machine.

#8 - Omni-Man

You might not know who he is (hence only #8), but he's one of the most powerful people on this list. He's voiced by J.K. Simmons. He's pretty much Superman without that lame Kryptonite weakness. Besides the general badassery of having Superman-like powers, there's a scene in season 1 that... WILL horrify you. Imagine Superman deciding he wants to take-out a bunch of people in the most gruesome ways he can think of... or imagine being locked in a room with a gorilla who has heard that you've been talkin smack about his mama; think about what it could do to you. Now, imagine your demise being animated and showing everything to an audience.... yeah, horrifying. So, if you see me crawl-up in a ball and cry whenever I hear a Farmer's Insurance commercial, you'll know why.

#7 - Harley Quinn

She used to get on my nerves; she still kinda does. Not only did I used to date someone who is as annoying as she is (don't decide who to date while you're drinking, kids), but we've been over-saturated by Harley costumes. All of these ladies trying to be sexy in this costume - it's too easy. Ladies, try a character that's not already sexy. What about sexy Prof X. Though I guess the whole wheelchair thing would be very insensitive... so in losing that, you'd just be a bald woman in a suit. You'd have to always make that "I have a migraine" look for people to have any chance of guessing who you're supposed to be...

never mind... bad idea. But, you understand... pick someone that's not supposed to be sexy AND that people hate - like the wicked witch of the West or an IRS agent. "I'm here to steal your hard earned money" - make that sexy, I dare you.

Harley Quinn has a prison break scene that is beautifully and gracefully badass. Plus, she is always ready to leap into battle against super-humans and monsters, when she herself has no powers. Whether that's bravery or insanity, it's won her a spot on this year's list.

#6 - Captain America (Falcon with the shield)

We've got to do something about that name thought, right? I mean... this is Captain America. He's still alive! He's just really old. Kinda ageist to simply give his name to someone else, especially if he's still kickin (kicking more slowly, but still kicking). The Rock is starting to get up there in age; are you telling me that one day, we'll look up and they'll be a new The Rock? Of course "Black America" doesn't really work (kinda bleeped up). "The NEW Captain America" would get old real fast. How about "Captain Falcon"? Or maybe it should simply be "Falcon with the Shield". "Falcon America"? "Capt Black Twitter"? Regardless of his name problem, he's got skills:

All of that badassery while going up against super soldiers, the racism that comes along with picking up THAT shield after Steve Rogers, learning to wield the shield, AND still managing to be a compassionate human being despite all of this - def a badass, and def worthy of the name (although I do think there's something to "Capt Black Twitter").

#5 - Shang-Chi

This guy is always ready for a fight, and has had some great ones: he beat some ass on an out-of-control-speeding bus. He beat some ass of a bunch of trained ninjas. He beat some ass outside on some scaffolding. There is no ass that will go unbeaten, if Shang feels threatened.

And he never has time to prep for his badassery. That's what people on the outside don't get - the secret to being a badass isn't prep; you either are one or you aren't. You can't ask the enemies of life to hold up while you put your BAMF face on. If you're the real deal than you're ready to go at all times, even if it's against magic, or demons, or dragons, or magical demonic dragons, or the Daddy Murder Death's of the world (movie villain), or whatever the hell this thing is

You can never catch this man off-guard. I imagine that magical, demonic ninjas could attack him while he's on the toilet, and he would still be ready to bring the pain.

#4 - Sub-Zero

Y'all forgot about that Mortal Kombat movie that came out didn't you? Lightning Guy, Laser Eye, a reptile shooting acid... there was a dude who made a dragon composed of fire, and yet ALL of these peeps and many more ran in terror at the sight of Sub-Zero. He'd walk in the room, cool as ice and people would start crying.

Everywhere he walks there's ice building up, so there are always traffic problems, you can't have no warm food around him (I can't imagine how family dinner time goes), AND he's one of the best martial artists you'll meet, who has a bad habit of freezing people until they explode. If there's a fork in the road, with Subby on one side and a pack of wolves on the other, go with the pack of wolves; they might show you mercy. I don't know what crawled up this dude's butt and died to make him so angry all of the time, but I'm glad it's there so we can all witness his BAMFness.

#3 - Ultron

We all know the problem Ultron was when he had his own movie. This year (in "What if..." ) he got himself a new body (Vision's to be exact), AND the infinity stones. That Thanos guy has been a real inspiration.

With all of this power he did what all A.I.'s do - try to destroy the disease that is mankind. The thing is, he pretty much succeeds. He does inexplicably leave some stragglers behind, but that's a plot hole for another day. In this series, there's a god-like being called "The Watcher". Ultron gets bored, due to accomplishing his mission of wiping out mankind, so he comes after the GOD-LIKE being, and delivers an inter-dimensional ass-whupin that I don't think you'll see anywhere else. I've seen some rough knockouts before, but to be punched through time, space, and alternate realities is a new one. They couldn't even stop him, they had to trap him! If "What if..." were more popular he'd be my number one for sure.

#2 - Wanda

You don't want to mess with witches; this is a fact of life. You certainly don't want to mess with one who's powerful enough to create her own world. Not just that, but made this world she created a Tv show. Sounds crazy when you say that out loud. She brought her dead lover back to life (Vision. He's really getting used and tossed around isn't he??). They had some magical kids that she also created.

Her power of course is badass, but more importantly, those looks she gives when you've crossed her. whew! If she gives you this look, then it's already too late for you. I don't even know how to explain what her powers are... she can pretty much do anything. The problem I have with her (and why she's not #1) is that she tortured people. She created a little world, but not the people; those she had to control the minds of, and in "WandaVision" it's said that this control was torturous. Torture ain't bad ass, especially if there's no remorse. She just strolled off. She would be so cancelled... if everyone weren't so terrified of her.

#1 Black Widow

No death in a comic book movie has ever been so beautiful - figuratively and literally. Look at her,

that picture could be on the cover of Vogue. She saved her best pose for last.

The sacrifice that saved the world.

But, before that last spread, she evaded the military, took on a league of assassins only to set them free from mind control, there was the whole sever the nerve thing (which was silly, but if I go with it, pretty badass), there was a great prison break, she got her mission-impossible-wearing-someone-else’s -face-thing on, and survived jumping out of like 20 windows. How many windows have you jumped out of recently? This was just another week for her. She did all of these things without any powers! This takes true bravery. - knowing your limits and the limits of the situation, and being able to find that sweet spot where you can kick super-villain ass and still make it home to eat some ice cream.

Now, she was an assassin, which... I would say is frowned upon. BUT, she saw the error of her ways, changed her course, and became an Avenger. Even her path of redemption was badass.

She was also in "What if..." taking on Ultron, a mass of zombies, and a Wanda Zombie!

Scarjo, inspired by her BAMF character, took on Disney this year and got a settlement. You have to be a badass to take on that mouse. Granted, she still has some deals with Disney. If I were Mickey I'd keep casting her in roles where she ends up at the bottom of a cliff. But, for now, she’s on top, and my 2021 BAMF of the Year :)

Take a bow.

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