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lavenderlegends · 6 months

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say, don't go

ship: stiles/derek prompt: memories characters: lydia, jackson, scott, isaac, boyd, erica, allison, kira, malia, danny cw: n/a tags: light angst, fluff, stiles leaves the pack, christmas word count: 2.5k ao3 ♞♚♞♚

Stiles stares out the window of the train. He fidgets with the receipt for his ticket in his hands. Crumpling, uncrumpling, ripping tiny pieces, and eventually, shoving it into his backpack's side pocket. He swallows, but there's a lump in his throat, and he doesn't know if he can breathe anymore.

He stands up under the guise of stretching his legs, and then sits down again. Squirms. He should've taken his ADHD and anti-anxiety meds, but he was so nervous about today that it slipped his mind completely.

"Excuse me," a voice comes from beside him. Stiles looks at the young girl in the seat next to him. She eyes his bouncing knee. "Do you mind not doing that? You're making me nervous."

"Sorry," he mumbles. He tries his best to stop, but it starts up again. He gives her an apologetic look and then looks back out the window.

It's mostly trees, and he wishes that it was more distracting.

They slow down to the next stop, and the girl beside him takes someone else's seat.

Stiles inhales sharply. Just outside his window, a perfect Christmas tree. He can't help himself. He's transported back, back to before he left Beacon Hills.

♞♚♞♚

"What do you think you're doing?" Lydia asks, laughing. She wraps her fingers around his wrist and tries to pull him in another direction. "C'mon, I have a gut-feeling the perfect Christmas tree is this way."

"No," Stiles says, shaking his head. He comes to a stop. "It's right there. Look at it. It's perfect."

"Perfect?" Lydia echoes. She stares at the tree before Stiles. "Actually... it just might be. Okay, I'll tell Jackson we want this one."

"Okay." Stiles lets her go and circles the tree to ensure that it really is perfect. He beams when Lydia shows up with Jackson. "This is the one."

Jackson inspects it before nodding. "Yep. It is. Stiles, bring the car around front?"

"Sure."

He makes his way through the tree farm and jingles Jackson's keys in his hand. It's going to be brilliant. Derek will never see it coming.

About a half hour later, they arrive at the Hale House. It's a little cold, a little empty. But it's big, beautiful, and ready to be loved again.

"Alright, I'll ask Scott to help me with the tree," Jackson says, giving Stiles a clap on the shoulder. "You go make sure everything else is in place."

"Bless," Stiles mutters as he jogs into the house. He's instantly hit with the aromas of food. Really, really good food. "God, it smells good."

"Doesn't it?" Scott asks, appearing in the living room archway. "Does Jackson need help with the tree?"

"Yeah."

"On it." Scott pauses before slipping out the front door. "This is really something that you're doing for him."

"It's nothing," Stiles says, unsure how to handle the sweet moment.

"It's something," Scott reassures him before leaving.

Stiles makes his way down the hallway to the kitchen. He grins. Erica and Boyd are blaring Christmas songs and laughing with each other.

Boyd catches sight of Stiles and nods silently, and Erica spins around. She's beaming. "Stilinski, reporting for duty."

He laughs. "How's it going, Reyes?"

"Great. The turkey is in the oven. The mashed potatoes are mashed. The beans are dressed. The--"

Boyd puts his arms around Erica's waist and she stops short to kiss his cheek.

"Everything is going to plan," Boyd says, grinning. "Kira and Allison will take over with the cookies soon."

Stiles grins back. "Speaking of... where are they?"

"Family room," Erica and Boyd answer in unison.

"Perfect." Stiles blows them kisses and they go back to work. He swings around into the family room where Danny is bent before the new electric fireplace. "Danny, my boy, how's it going?"

"Great," Danny answers, flicking a button. The electric fireplace roars to life.

"Amazing." He glances around. Kira, Allison, and Malia are giggling in the corner. "What's going on?"

Kira spins around first, her face red. "Nothing. Nothing. We were just..."

"We can't find this ugly doll's clothes," Malia answers, showing him a hideous doll.

"Uh..."

"It was Cora's," Allison explains. "She left explicit instructions that it was to make an appearance at the party."

"But it's naked," Kira adds, before she starts laughing nervously.

"Cora would hide all the clothes," Stiles says, shaking his head. "Maybe check with Laura where she might have put them before she left for New York?"

"On it!" Malia says, setting the doll back down.

"The decorations look amazing," Stiles murmurs, as he really allows himself to take in the room.

"Honestly, Derek had a lot of really great stuff in the shed," Allison tells him. "And anything we didn't find, Scott went out and bought."

"Nice." Stiles swings his thumb over his shoulder. "I think Erica and Boyd are cleaning up the kitchen for the cookies."

"Ooh, yay!" Kira says, grabbing Allison's hand. They rush past him.

Malia says, "Laura has an idea. Apparently, Cora has a secret back to her closet. I'll go check."

Stiles nods.

"Where do you want the tree?" Jackson's deep voice comes suddenly.

"And please answer fast, it's heavy!" Scott chimes in.

Stiles laughs. "That corner, please."

"I'll go get the decorations," Danny calls out.

Stiles helps Jackson and Scott set up the tree. Jackson and Scott chat about nothing of importance, so Stiles zones out and makes sure that every branch is placed perfectly.

Danny and Scott decorate the tree, and Stiles would be worried, but they know how important this is. They hang everything with extra care, and ask Stiles for direction multiple times.

♞♚♞♚

An hour later, everything is in place.

"Where's Isaac and Derek?" Stiles mutters, looking at the time on his phone.

"Coming up the drive right now," Jackson announces from the window.

"Places, people!" Lydia calls out. She turns to Stiles and says, "You ready for your big surprise?"

"Not in the slightest," Stiles mutters.

He moves towards the front door, and takes a deep breath. He had given the pack strict instructions to leave the front foyer the same. It's all part of the surprise.

It feels like forever until the front door swings open. Derek steps in, Isaac following close behind. Derek frowns.

"Stilinski, what are you up to?"

Stiles laughs. "Nothing. We just borrowed your kitchen to make cookies. That's all."

"Oh." Derek shrugs off his jacket and hangs it up. "Fine, but can you ask permission next time? You forget how potent the cookie scent is when Allison and Kira bake. They use so much sugar. It's sickenly sweet."

That's what I'm counting on, Stiles thinks. He grins. "Sure. Want to join us for a game in the family room?"

Derek glances at Isaac, who shrugs innocently. "...sure."

Stiles can't wait.

It's his best present ever.

He trails behind Derek and Isaac and despite expecting it, startles when everyone shouts "Surprise!"

"What--" Derek stammers. "What is this?"

"Merry Christmas," Stiles whispers beside him.

Everyone comes out from their hiding spots, settling into various places in the family room, and Derek turns to Stiles. "You did this?"

"Yeah. Couldn't have you celebrating Christmas all by yourself, now, could we?" Stiles asks, grinning.

"Oh my god," Derek mutters, looking over Stiles' shoulder. "Did Cora tell you about that doll?"

"Huh?" Stiles glances back and then says, "Yeah. Why?"

"It used to give me nightmares," Derek mutters. Stiles laughs, surprising himself. Derek takes a deep breath and says, "You know Cora and Laura are just in New York. It's not like they're... gone."

"I know." Stiles leans into Derek as Danny passes him. "We just wanted to do something for you. Make sure you knew that we'll always be a pack."

"I don't know what to say, Stiles. The place looks great." Derek glances around. "Thank you."

"Any time, bud."

Derek's face falls, and Stiles isn't sure what he did wrong. He takes a breath before adding, "Erica and Boyd made dinner."

"Amazing," Derek says, but it sounds different. Like he's not excited at all.

"Stiles, come settle an argument!" Jackson calls out.

"What makes you think I'm siding with you?" Stiles calls back. He pauses and says, "I'll be back."

"Sure," Derek says, as Kira comes bouncing up and wraps her arms around him.

Stiles walks over to settle an argument, and can't help but feel that saying goodbye to Derek is going to be harder than he expected.

♞♚♞♚

Now, it's a year later, and Stiles is on the train back to Beacon Hills. The train starts moving, snapping him out of the memory. He swallows. Telling Derek that night that he had been given a job offer in Vancouver had been hard.

Derek hadn't yelled. Hadn't even blamed him for leaving. He'd simply said, "That's why you did this. It's a goodbye party."

Stiles squirms, just thinking of it now.

And three hours later, he's getting off the train. He'd texted the almost defunct pack chat that he'd be getting home now. Scott assured him someone would be here to pick him up.

He just didn't expect it to be Derek.

"What--" Stiles starts and falters. He almost trips. "Derek?"

"Hey, Stilinski." It's said so flatly.

"Hi. I wasn't..."

"Expecting me?" Derek finishes for him when he trails off. "Yeah, well. Everyone else just conveniently happen to be busy."

"Can..."

"Let's go," Derek interrupts. He turns around and stalks off towards the parking lot. Stiles scrambles to follow him.

It's not until they're in the safety of Derek's Corvette that he manages to catch his breath. Seeing Derek after all this time... it's so hard.

He keeps getting flashes of memories. Of how he'd been so excited for the job opportunity. How everyone encouraged him to go, follow his dreams, and that Derek would be fine. If Derek had only said, "Don't go." Stiles would've happily stayed in Beacon Hills.

But Derek hadn't said anything. In fact, Derek had ignored every text, every midnight call, every olive branch.

"Can we talk?" Stiles asks, as they pull out of the parking lot.

"How are you?"

"No. Like... talk. Talk about how you haven't said a damn word to me since last year and--"

"And how you said we'd always be a pack and then ran away?" Derek interrupts. "Sure, we can talk about that."

"Derek, please." Stiles hates pleading, but he misses his best friend. He's about to tell him as much when Derek snorts. Anger flares up in Stiles. "Why are you acting like me leaving was the end of the pack?"

"Because it was." Derek glances at Stiles and hesitates before pulling his gaze back to the road. "Did you not get the memo?"

"Clearly not! What are you talking about!" Stiles shouts, hating that he's raising his voice to Derek.

Derek sighs and then explains. "After you left, the pack sort of disbanded. Everyone just got busy with their own thing. Lydia and Jackson travelled. Danny sort of faded out completely. Erica and Boyd do their own thing. Scott and Allison are focused on their vet clinic. Kira and Malia moved out of town. Isaac... who the fuck knows where he is or what he's doing these days. Last I heard he got a job at an autobody shop."

Stiles blinks. "What... what are you talking about?"

"You were the glue," Derek mutters. "And when you left, it all fell apart. Didn't you notice that the pack group chat hasn't been used in over six months before you decided to waltz back in?"

"I--" Stiles starts, but Derek's on a roll.

"Didn't you think about us?" he asks. Then quieter, "Didn't you think about me?"

"Of course, I did!" Stiles argues. "That's why I threw that huge Christmas party at your place! So, you'd know you'd never be alone."

Derek snorts. "Look at how well that turned out."

"Derek, I'm sorry, but..." Stiles frowns and rubs his face. "I didn't know. I had no idea. If I could go back in time, I would! I wouldn't go to Vancouver. I would stay right here."

"Would you?"

He's had a lot of time to think about this and nods. "Yeah. Yeah. I would. And you wanna know why?"

"Why?" Derek snaps.

"I miss you."

Derek's eyes are glued to the road, and Stiles wonders what he's thinking. There used to be a time when he'd just know. When they were in sync.

But the truth is out there now, so he might as well keep talking. "I miss you, you idiot. I miss how you'd show up at my bedroom window at the strangest hours, and sometimes, you had updates on situations, and sometimes... you just wanted some company. I miss how you always, always control the music in the car even though that is totally a passenger's responsibility."

Derek's lips twitch. Slightly. But it's enough for him to keep going.

"I miss the way you kept me on my toes. I never knew if you'd finally admit how you felt about me, or if I was making all the signs up in my head. I miss the way I would silently beg you to kiss me, and you'd be too busy laughing to notice. I miss the way you hug and smell and I miss the way you loved me."

Stiles lets out a deep breath.

Derek doesn't look at him, but simply pulls up in front of Stiles' dad's house.

"I never meant to hurt you, Derek." He swallows hard. "I just... I was going mad with confusion. I took the job because I thought maybe I'd take some space and sort out my thoughts. But I'm not over it. I don't think I'm ever going to be over you."

"Would you shut up?" Derek asks, but his voice is soft and there's no anger in it. "I'm processing."

Stiles nods, because he knows Derek needs time to sort out his thoughts. After all, it's a lot of information to receive at once.

But he starts to fidget. And his knee starts bouncing. And he can't contain himself much longer.

"I... I didn't know that you felt the same way," Derek finally says.

Stiles' lips part but he closes them. It's Derek's turn now.

"I'm an idiot. I'm sorry."

"You know, if you had told me to stay, I would've." Stiles rubs his hands together. "I loved you."

"Loved?"

"Love," Stiles corrects. "I loved you then, and I love you now."

"And tomorrow?" Derek asks, softly.

"And tomorrow, I'll love you."

Derek's lips twitch into a smile and that's all Stiles ever needed to see. He doesn't hesitate this time. Doesn't worry that he's making a huge mistake. Because he knows. Deep down, he knows that it was always meant to be him and Derek.

They're kissing and it's glorious and beautiful and hot and sexy and all the treasures at once.

"I love you too," Derek murmurs. "Quit your job. Move back. Come home."

"Boy, do I have good news for you," Stiles whispers, laughing. Derek tilts his head. "I quit my job two weeks ago."

Derek grins.

It's not everything they have to work through, Stiles knows, but for now, it's enough.

"We have a pack to get back together!" Stiles announces.

"Tomorrow," Derek says, before pulling him into another kiss.

♞♚♞♚

#sterek ficlet #sterek #sterek fic #sterek fanfic #sterek fanfiction #derek x stiles #derek hale #stiles stilinski #30 days of teen wolf #teen wolf fic #teen wolf #teen wolf fanfic #my writing

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dnpanimationstudioclone · 8 months

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So I know the Fenton’s Christmas has always been a heavy discussion due to how Maddie and Jack’s fighting about Santa ends up ruining Christmas especially for Danny. Rewrite Idea. Context, My Sam comes later in their lives so she finds out later.

Sam-So Mr and Mrs Fenton get into a yearly argument about Santa?

Tucker-Yeah, it wasn’t really a big deal at first. Just one of those silly things people just never seem to really agree on because of holiday stress but it never got out of hand, mostly a thing they kept to themselves as to not let it bother Danny and Jazz. That was until Danny and Jazz came to the age where they began to have their own thoughts about Santa and… Tucker opens the door to show Sam:

Danny- You’re suppose to be the smart one! How can you and dad possibly believe an old man on a diet full of cookies and milk could be living in the North Pole with mythical creatures, travelling on a sleigh with reindeer, around the entire world overnight! How does that even work with TIME ZONES!?

Jazz-YOU. ARE. HALF. DEAD! How could you and mom be skeptical OF THAT!?

Sam-…Should we stop them?

Tucker-Nah, we’ve all have found it better to just let them get it out of their systems. One time their turkey came to life from radiation and they talk about it WAY less than THIS! You can find their previous arguments all over YouTube, they have over like a million views. More than even those two guys arguing over Glinda The Good Witch.

Sam-How long exactly, does this last?

Tucker-Usually blows over by New Years. Pretty much everyone in Amity’s used to this. Even got on Amity Park News!

Headline- Local Family Fight Over Holiday Mascot.

At some point they stop arguing about it when someone suggests that maybe Santa’s a ghost and everything’s just having other ghost helpers and using ghost powers.

What do I think? How would u want to handle that? I’d love to know💖

#danny phantom #Fentons #danny fenton #jack fenton #maddie fenton #jazz fenton #Phandom #dannyphantom #Sam manson #tucker foley #Dp christmas #Dp rewrite #My ideas

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scarletsaphire · 9 months

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i’m gonna come in asking for platonic ships because i’m cooler than everyone else jazz and cujo :)

Jazz held on tighter to the leash, half jogging, half walking down the road. "I always knew that I'd be the one taking care of it, " she grumbled under her breath. "Only responsible one in the house. Can't even keep the food in the fridge from coming to life, but sure, let's adopt a dog! That's a brilliant idea!"

Cujo, who had been sniffing one of the neighbor's flower bushes, turned around to look at her. He was a smart dog, even when he'd been alive, and Jazz was pretty convinced that death had only made the little guy smarter. It sure felt like he knew she was talking about him, with the puppy dog eyes he was giving her. Jazz walked the rest of the way and bent down to scratch at his head, right behind his ear. It was his favorite spot.

"I'm not mad at you," she said softly. "I just don't think its fair that I'm the one up at two in the morning taking you for walkies when I'm not the one who brought you into this family." Her complaining was just complaining; Danny was out cold after a night of patrolling, and neither of them trusted their parents with Cujo alone quite yet. They'd both been ecstatic about adopting Cujo, after they'd gotten past their initial "That's a ghost which means it is evil and must be destroyed" reaction, but they're excitement had been a bit too close to scientific discovery than a cute new pet. None of that meant that Jazz couldn't complain.

Cujo rolled over onto his back, letting Jazz pet his belly. She knelt the rest of the way onto the ground, blowing a raspberry into Cujo's icy cold fur. "You're lucky you're so cute," she said into his belly. "Otherwise I wouldn't be so willing to do this." Cujo yipped and squirmed underneath her, and she straightened, letting Cujo roll back onto his legs. "You don't even have to pee or anything, you're just impatient."

The neighbor's front porch light turned on, and the owner of the house, a crotchety old man by the name of Mr. Galvon stepped out. Jazz froze in her stooped position.

"I heard ya out there!" Mr. Galvon slurred. Jazz could just barely see his eyes narrowing in her direction. "Damn hooligans, show yourself before I make ya!"

When Jazz was younger and the Fenton's had just moved to Amity, she had been scared of Mr. Galvon. Despite that being years ago, he'd still fit the bill of "old" and "crotchety" just as well. He'd spend hours on his porch, glaring at anyone who dared try and walk the streets, and she'd quickly learned to play hopscotch on the other side of Fentonworks, where his gaze didn't reach. He always smelled strongly like prunes and baby powder, a scent that seemed to waft to him and smother anyone within a thirty foot radius.

Jazz wasn't scared of him anymore; even if it hadn't been for the ghosts, she'd grown up around sentient hot dogs and war hardened Thanksgiving turkeys. It was hard for any regular human to scare her anymore. That didn't mean she wanted to get yelled at by him, or worse, have the cops called on her. Even if she wasn't doing anything wrong, Mr. Galvon would do it, and knowing how little action the Amity Park Police got nowadays, they might put her in cuffs just cause. Jazz decided the best course of action would be to stay crouched and stay still; his eyesight had been fading over the years, so as long as she didn't draw any more attention to herself, she'd be fine.

Cujo did not agree. One moment he was his normal adorable little self, and the next he was towering over her, snarling at the front door. Jazz heard Mr. Galvon curse, quickly followed by the door slamming shut. The porch light shut off, and Jazz was plunged back into near darkness, with only Cujo's green glow to light her way.

Cujo quickly turned back to his puppy self, and looked at her again with his big puppy eyes. She stifled a laugh and scooped him up in her arms, scratching behind his ear again. "Good dog."

#danny phantom #danny phantom fanfiction #jazz fenton #jasmine fenton #dp cujo

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hashtagdrivebywrites · 3 months

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Reading through your list of WIPs, I was like, “T-posing for dominance? That sounds fun.” But then I saw Red Devil Rowdy and OH MY GOD I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED THIS CROSSOVER.

For Essays on T-Posing, the concept was, "Janet Drake is Loki" and it's my first honest attempt at a Tim-centric fic. (I've actually been waiting for someone to ask about this one because I think it's pretty fun, at least to me anyway.) Emjoy lmfao.

* Crack Treated Seriously * Mama Loki (possible tie in with the Loki series? Like they're a variant? have not decided) * Weird/Annoying Siblings as Roommates * Power activation and Learning Curve(?) * Nobody else knows but they're suspicious

“I wasn’t aware you had a dog, Drake,” Damian’s voice, level and forcibly calm in what Tim knew was an effort to keep from cracking, said from somewhere in the living room with Mild Interest.

“A big dog,” Jason said. He shifted, “What the hell is it? A Pyrenees? You could make a whole other animal out of this hair.”

Damian scoffed, “It’s the wrong color,” like everyone had encyclopedic knowledge of different dog breeds built into their brains.

“He's a hybrid, actually,” Tim said after he finished quietly knocking his forehead against the door frame because god, what a time for a health and wellness check. “Canis Lupus - Gray Wolf, and some Irish Wolfhound. I think.”

“You think?” Jason echoed back, incredulous.

“I haven’t exactly had time to get him DNA tested, Jason.” Not that Fenrir would let Tim get anywhere near him unless a turkey leg or peanut butter filled Kong was involved.

“Where is he?” Damian said, the can-I-meet-your-dog tunnel vision activated at full strength.

Hopefully not terrorizing some poor idiot with mom somewhere. “At doggy obedience school.”

“Without you to guide him? For every dog there are two participants when it comes to obedience school, Drake.”

-- -*-*- Y'all gonna make my head blow up like Megamind over your reception of Red Devil Rowdy, lmao. I'll share a little more about it since you mentioned it in your ask.

* Jason (and batfam) is the only one that know the Gang is real because they've worked with Bruce at the beginning of his vigilante career * Danny is still fairly early in his Phantom days (14 years old, can't remember if I mentioned that in the first ask) * Mentor Jason, Velma and Daphne vibes * Bobby Singer basically functions as the team Fairy God Mother

#ask games #Fanfic #fic wip #crossover #I'm thinking that Tim's bio family were gathered from different timelines and just kind of #dumped into Drake Manor for safe keeping after Tim reconnected with his momma and he just Has to Deal #(which is my excuse for taking them out of the canon comic context and doing what I want with them)#I'm uncertain on what abilities Tim inherited but I know he becomes aware of them during a battle with a Rogue #Fun fact: Red Devil Rowdy was the name of my mom's childhood horse #He was a fiesty red head #I was just using it as placeholder title until I thought of something better because it was fun but it's growing on me #Bobby puts up with Jason's shit as much as he does Dean and Sam's #which isn't much lmfao #dcxmcu #dpxdcxscoobydooxspn

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mahimahi713 · 1 year

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So I can alnowledge the things Sam did wrong in the show. I still think it’s shitty writing. But regardless, there’s other fictional characters out there who are just shitty in obvious ways that do get a lot of love. They still get hate, don’t get me wrong. But they’re still popular overall.

Jade from Victorious

Gina from Brooklyn99

Sam from iCarly (though she did get better)

That being said, she’s 14 and you better believe your asses that I’m going to make her go through growth and maturation when she’s older. Like. That’s a thing. People grow and mature.

She was also made in the era of “I’m not like other girls” being popular.

So without Further ado, I give you my Sam, the superior Sam, who is a better person because she’s older now.

So this growth starts happening late high school. Ida sees Sam acting a fool and calls her out on her shit. She highlights that hey, you know, these things aren’t okay.

This isn’t to say that Sam wouldn’t mature if it wasn’t for Ida, but she speeds it up.

As is natural, Sam’s also starting to become more mature and realize the things she did wrong on her own.

She decides while she won’t flaunt her wealth, she won’t go out of her way to hide it. Though I do get why she would, tbh.

She’s long since accepted that not everyone is going to be vegan or vegetarian, but, a salad bar and decent vegetarian options should be offered and the food over all, should be better. Better quality. No one wants steamed or boiled veggies from a can. But frozen is fine. And roast and stir fry/sautéed veggies are very tasty. There’s a really nice salad bar.

Sam stops being vegan, and instead is simply vegetarian and she becomes more conscious of the choices she makes. She’s wealthy so she’s able to, for the most part, avoid predicts that employ shady labor practices or sweatshop labor. It can’t be don’t for everything but it can be don’t for a good chunk of the stuff she buys. But she acknowledge that it is a luxury to do so. Food comes from reputable sources. She loves farmers markets and she likes milk and dairy products from reputable dairy farms. But just because she does those things, she doesn’t force it on others.

Maybe Turkey Hill isn’t so ideal with its milk and other sources. But they sell Tucker’s favorite flavor, so she will get it for him.

Danny’s favorite clothing brand is made in Asian nations but. They’re quality and he likes them so she will get them for him when she gets him gifts. These are just a couple examples.

Sam embraces more colors into her wardrobe.

Listen. We see Sam at age 14 and there’s plenty of former alt kids who hated pink as teens but love it as adults and who become “girly girls”

But I prefer Sam to lean more towards the alt stiff even as an adult. But she wears reds, greens, blows, purples.

While she’s not gonna do pinks and pastels, her wardrobe is more mainstream. But she will still rock sone doc martens and vans and converse. But those are still pretty main stream.

She becomes really kind overall. She volunteers and is charitable.

She even apologizes where it’s due.

She’s just a much better person as an adult.

She’s got her flaws though.

She’s short but thinks she’s not. She thinks she’s almost as tall as Danny and Tucker but. She’s not.

She can take losing just fine. Maybe a bit grumpy. But she’s a sore winner. She will GLOAT. And gloat. And gloat.

She can be really stubborn.

She gets Hangry and when she is it’s. Not okay.

She swears. Lots.

She can be too sarcastic.

She will put herself into situations that Danny or Tucker need to save her from.

She gets sick but refuses to acknowledge it and doesn’t think she’s sick, but if anyone she cares about has the Same symptoms, she says they’re sick and gets angry when they say they aren’t.

She can also be snobby with things. Like, she won’t treat others poorly because of it. But like. She’ll become against at the suggestion of buying say…Prego or Ragu instead of homemade or some fancy brand.

She has high standards, and that’s fair but like. She doesn’t need to be offended if Tucker suggests she buy a not as good brand.

She can be high maintenance. She won’t travel economy. She won’t do it.

She has to sanitize public toilet seats and put the cover on. She won’t touch the gas pump with bare hands, she’ll use a tissue.

She’s not a germaphobe, but she knows people can be nasty.

She has a multi step skincare routine for morning and night.

She has to have fresh smelling breath and smell good always.

She always has to be well groomed.

She takes long showers. But does turn off the water while lathering and all that but still, they’re v long.

Edit to add: Sam embraces all these things “I’m not other girls/pick me girls” reject.

She loves spa days and skincare and pampering herself.

She loves heals.

She loves dresses and skirts.

She enjoys the ballet and opera.

She loves singers like Ke$ha and Britney Spears.

She loves makeup. But don’t get me wrong. She also is just as happy and confident barefaced. Which she is most of the time.

She loves loves LOVES getting all dressed up.

She loves flowers

She likes all genres of music. Not just rock and alternative. She’s even got sone country she likes.

Sam and her dad bond over Jazz music

#Sam Manson #Danny phantom

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darkwatercomics · 2 years

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~ The Haunting Of Daniel Kipps ~ Act III: The Shadows Of Death ~

PAGE 61, PANEL 1

Page width panel. This is a plain black background with the words ACT III: The Shadows Of Death written on it in a white typeface.

PAGE 61, PANEL 2

Page width panel. Wide shot of the churchyard slope with a younger Daniel, Jack and Alf, the three of them sat together at its pinnacle in front of the church itself, looking over the valley. In the foreground leaves blow through the air, caught up on the wind.

JACK: Tell you what, Danny Kipps, I’m sure gonna miss this view.

DANIEL: Well, it’ll still be here when we get back.

ALF: Probably be covered in snow then too.

PAGE 61, PANEL 3

Three panels on this bottom tier. This is a closer semi-profile shot of the three of them, with Daniel sat in the foreground of the panel.

JACK: Home for Christmas turkey ‘en?

DANIEL: So they say.

ALF: Yeah, we’ll show ‘em what for and be back for tea, ha ha.

PAGE 61, PANEL 4

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a head to waist shot of them.

JACK: That’ll keep your ma happy, Alf.

ALF: Aye, she don‘t like being on her own at all since dad‘s been gone.

PAGE 61, PANEL 5

Head to waist shot from the opposite direction with Jack in the foreground.

DANIEL: So what about when we get back, you taking that job at the Blacksmith, Jack?

JACK: Aye, probably. Had myself some fancy ideas about going to London but maybe fancy ideas is all they were, you know me, Danny.

PAGE 62, PANEL 1

Half page panel. Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel in the foreground, with Alf and Jack and the valley in the background of the panel.

DANIEL: I don’t know about that, Jack, we gotta have dreams.

ALF: Once the Fritz are pushed back we’ll be able to do anything, you’ll see, world’ll be a better place after and we’ll be back to normal.

FATHER DOWLING ( O.P ): Of that I have little doubt, Alfred Tuttle.

PAGE 62, PANEL 2

Two panels on this vertical tier. Full shot of Father Dowling stood behind the three of them with the church in the background of the panel.

DANIEL: Morning Father.

FATHER DOWLING: I thought I heard voices out here.

PAGE 62, PANEL 3

Full shot of Father Dowling in front of the church, stood over them, each of them now half turned to look up at him as he looks down.

JACK: Yeah, just us again, Father, bad pennies, you’ll never get rid of us.

FATHER DOWLING: You’re always welcome, Jack.

PAGE 62, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest semi-profile shot of Father Dowling from Daniel and the others P.O.V looking down at them.

FATHER DOWLING: I admit it will be strange not seeing you boys up here.

FATHER DOWLING: Daniel, are you okay?

PAGE 62, PANEL 5

Forehead to chin semi- profile shot of Daniel, now suddenly looking very tired and with a haunted look of realisation in his eyes.

DANIEL: Yes, I’m fine, Father. It’s … well, I just realised this isn’t real.

DANIEL: It’s just a memory.

PAGE 63, PANEL 1

Insert.

Head to chest shot of Daniel lying in bed as he wakes up from the dream.

ARTIST NOTE: Insert is positioned in the top left hand corner of panel 2.

CAPTION: “And I’m dreaming.”

PAGE 63, PANEL 2

SPLASH: Morning. It’s raining with the church’s graveyard under a canopy of ominous dark clouds and patches of pale blue sky. Wide shot of Father Dowling’s funeral, with a crowd of mourners gathered around the grave including Daniel, Maisy, Sam and Mrs Kipps, all of them dressed in their Sunday best. Many of the mourners are holding umbrellas, a priest has an open bible as he speaks.

PRIEST: Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; For the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and the sea was no more.

PRIEST: And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven …

PAGE 63, PANEL 3

Two panels on this bottom tier. In the foreground the priest and the mourners walk down the path. In the background Daniel and Sam are stood at the grave with Mrs Kipps and Maisy by the church.

DANIEL: I don’t understand why he did it, Sam, I just don’t. He was a man of God.

SAM: No one really knows what’s going on in a person’s mind, Danny. We know that better than most people, we’ve seen it first hand.

PAGE 63, PANEL 4

Overhead shot of Daniel and Sam stood beside Father Dowling’s grave.

DANIEL: But I just saw him the other day, he seemed his usual self.

SAM: Things aren’t always what they seem.

DANIEL: What do you mean?

SAM: He was a troubled man, Danny.

PAGE 64, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full profile shot of them stood together, with Daniel in the foreground, his face pale with a deeply troubled expression. He’s having a hard time dealing with this.

DANIEL: Troubled? But he always seemed like he had all the answers.

SAM: I know, but people rarely do, not even a man of God.

PAGE 64, PANEL 2

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head to waist shot.

DANIEL: Do you know what they were?

SAM: His troubles?

DANIEL: Yes.

SAM: Only that it was something in his past, some sort of tragedy.

PAGE 64, PANEL 3

Similar to the two previous panels but now it’s a head to chest shot.

SAM: Danny? I know finding him like that hit you hard …

DANIEL: I need to know, Sam, I need to know why.

SAM: We may never know.

PAGE 64, PANEL 4

Two panels on this tier. Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Daniel.

DANIEL: Okay, but maybe I could understand why he did what he did better if I had a better idea of who he was. There must be someone who knows about his past. I mean, he’s been living here for years, hasn’t he? But I’ve asked around and no one seems to know a thing.

SAM: That is strange, and yeah, he’s lived here since he was a young man.

PAGE 64, PANEL 5

Head and shoulders shot of Sam, similar to that of Daniel to panel 4.

SAM: *Sigh* Okay, there may be someone who can help, a way we can find out more about the tragedy, would that make you feel any better?

PAGE 64, PANEL 6

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist profile shot of Daniel and Sam now turned from the grave to face each other directly.

SAM: It was some sort of village tragedy, not far from here. At least that’s the little I’ve heard. It was widely reported apparently but to be honest I never looked into it, probably out of respect really.

DANIEL: Reported? Local newspapers you mean?

SAM: Yes, and I may know someone who can help us. Now, get your ma and Maisy home, spend time with them, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

PAGE 64, PANEL 7

In the foreground of the panel Daniel is walking away down the path, head bowed, Mrs Kipps and Maisy either side of him as he holds their hands. Mrs Kipps is wiping tears from her eyes and Maisy is looking at Daniel. In the background Sam is still stood at the grave with the indistinct figure of Father Dowling behind him.

CAPTION: “Today isn’t a day for digging up the past.”

PAGE 65, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Morning. Wide shot of the village with the valley hills and fields beyond, idyllic under a pale blue morning sky.

CAPTION: I dreamt of Father Dowling again that night, but this time he was stood in the mud of No Man’s Land, reading the Bible aloud against the maelstrom of battle, like an angel in Hell itself.

CAPTION: As far as I knew he hadn’t been in the war, or any war.

CAPTION: “Is everything okay, Sam? It’s been days.”

CAPTION: “Sorry about that Danny, I had some things to attend to.”

CAPTION: “So, why are we up at the crack of dawn, where we off to?

CAPTION: “To visit an old acquaintance of mine, name of Percy Edgars.”

PAGE 65, PANEL 2

Three panels on this tier. Full shot of Daniel and Sam walking down the main street of the village. It’s early so it’s quiet, with only a few villagers dotted about as they pass the Raven Arms pub. In the background Constable Daley is watching them with curiosity.

DANIEL: Percy Edgars? Didn’t he work over at the old gazette office?

SAM: For the short time while it lasted, but he was a reporter in the war too.

DANIEL: Really? I thought Lord Kitchener wasn’t too keen on them.

PAGE 65, PANEL 3

Forehead to chin semi- profile shot of Sam on the left of the panel.

SAM: He wasn’t. Percy was already in France when the flag went up, probably could’ve got himself out but he stayed. He got a lot of reports out too before Kitchener’s people caught up with him. They had him arrested and brought back to Blighty. Rumour has it he and others like him were told they’d be put up against a wall and shot if they went back or used any of their contacts in Europe.

PAGE 65, PANEL 4

Full profile shot of them passing the window of a dressmakers shop, with the both their and the street’s reflection shown in the glass.

DANIEL: So he sat the rest of it out then?

SAM: Nope, crazy sod went back, had to keep his head well down though.

DANIEL: And he can help us?

PAGE 65, PANEL 5

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Sam.

SAM: Yes, ever since the gazette got shut down he’s been putting together an archive of sorts for the county. Local news, family histories, that kind of thing. Reckons he’s dug something up for us.

PAGE 65, PANEL 6

Full shot of them from behind, stood on the corner end of the main street and across from them is an old bookshop, its front neglected and its window dusty and in its glass the girl is reflected.

DANIEL: Like what?

SAM: Like something that just might answer the questions you have.

PAGE 66, PANEL 1

Insert.

Exterior shot of the bookshop, with the shadowy figures of Daniel, Sam and Percy seen through the dusty glass of the window.

ARTIST NOTE: Insert is positioned in the top left hand corner of panel 2.

PERCY ( O.P ): Excuse the mess. Actually don’t, it always looks like this.

SAM ( O.P ): So what have you got for us, Percy?

PAGE 66, PANEL 2

Page width panel. Wide shot of the interior of the bookshop with Daniel, Sam and Percy stood by its waist height counter, Percy rummaging through a pile of papers. He’s dressed very much like a scholar, in a tweed suit and glasses, a smoking pipe hanging from his mouth. The bookshop is old with dusty shelves full of books.

PERCY: In a minute Sam, can I ask you why you need to know this?

DANIEL: He was a friend, well maybe not a friend, but he was always one to me, I’m not sure I ever did the same in turn for him though.

PERCY: Yes, I think we could all do better in that regard.

PAGE 66, PANEL 3

Three panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist profile shot of Daniel and Sam directly facing Percy with the counter between them.

PERCY: Are you sure you really want to know?

DANIEL: I need to know.

PERCY: Fair enough.

PAGE 66, PANEL 4

Close up shot of Percy’s hands as he’s tapping his pipe out on the counter.

PERCY: Okay, the report I found comes from the Harrow Hill Gazette. It dates back about twenty years. It was a big thing, the kind of local tragedy that shatters lives, that rips apart a whole community.

PAGE 66, PANEL 5

Overhead shot of the three of them stood either side of the counter.

PERCY: One day most of the village went to Sunday service, an hour later thirty of them were dead and the church had burnt to the ground.

PAGE 67, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Head to chest profile shot of Daniel and Sam. Daniel is in the foreground and is now looking pale at what Percy is telling them and a concerned Sam is half turned to him.

DANIEL: Burnt?

SAM: Danny, what is it?

DANIEL: Nothing.

PAGE 67, PANEL 2

Head to waist shot of Percy now filling his pipe as he talks with them.

PERCY: Yes, there was a fire. Apparently it started in the rectory, which shouldn’t have been a problem right? Just get everyone out the front doors, trouble is, the front doors, well, they often got stuck.

PAGE 67, PANEL 3

A closer head to chest semi-profile shot of him now lighting the pipe.

PERCY: You know, we all have one of those jobs we keep meaning to get around to, things we keep putting off until another day. Ironically Father Dowling had already asked a local carpenter, a parishioner, to do that very job for him, but fate cheated him by one day.

PAGE 67, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. A head to chest shot of Percy from behind with a head to waist shot of Daniel and Sam facing him.

PERCY: He lost half of his parishioners, not his fault, not really, but family members, friends were lost, things were said and he left.

SAM: And ended up here?

PAGE 67, PANEL 5

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Percy, now puffing thoughtful on his pipe with the smoke from it rising in front of his face.

PERCY: So it seems. Ask me, that’s not something you ever get past, and I don’t think he ever did. Some times you can do all the good in the world but when you look in the mirror it still isn’t enough.

PAGE 68, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full shot of both Daniel and Sam now stood outside on the corner across the street from the bookshop.

SAM: Danny, what is it?

DANIEL: There’s something I didn’t tell you. Before I found Father Dowling I saw the church on fire, like it was actually happening.

PAGE 68, PANEL 2

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head to chest shot.

SAM: On fire? What are you saying?

DANIEL: I don’t know. I thought maybe it was my mind playing tricks, things getting mixed up, but now … it can’t be a coincidence.

PAGE 68, PANEL 3

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a wider head to waist shot of them facing each other, with Daniel partly exasperated by Sam.

SAM: It’s strange, I’ll grant you that.

DANIEL: Strange? Sam, tell me something that hasn’t been since I got back.

PAGE 68, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Full shot of them now walking back along the main street, now busier with more villagers about them.

SAM: When’s you next appointment with Dr Gideon?

DANIEL: Day after tomorrow.

SAM: Good, sooner the better I reckon.

DANIEL: So you think I’m getting worse then?

PAGE 68, PANEL 5

Full shot of them from behind, walking along the rest of the main street.

SAM: No, Danny, but I think you do need to get better.

PAGE 69, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Exterior shot of Dr Gideon’s study on the ground floor of Dark Water House and the frost covered ground.

CAPTION: And so, once again, I found myself at Dark Water House. Sam believed the sessions with Dr Gideon would help me, but each time I went there and I just wanted to turn around and run.

DR GIDEON ( O.P ): Daniel, can you hear me?

DANIEL ( O.P ): Yes.

DR GIDEON ( O.P ): Can you tell me where you are, Daniel?

PAGE 69, PANEL 2

Interior of the study. Similar to page 42, with a full shot of Daniel and Dr Gideon sat on chairs facing each other. Daniel’s head is lulled forward, his eyes half closed. Samuel is stood in the background. Dr Gideon is sat forward, leant in close to Daniel. The curtains are drawn, a thin shaft of light falling in, the room is gloomy.

DANIEL: In the trenches, it’s night, I’m in the barracks.

DR GIDEON: What are you doing?

DANIEL: I’m opening a letter, the post just came in.

PAGE 69, PANEL 3

Full shot of Daniel in the past, at the Front, in uniform, sat in the gloomy trench barracks, opening a letter, his figure lit by lantern light.

CAPTION: “Who is the letter from? Can you tell us, if that‘s okay?”

CAPTION: “Yes, it’s from Father Dowling.”

PAGE 69, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head to chest semi-profile shot of him, the expression on his face is one of utter disbelief as he reads the letter.

DANIEL: I … No, that can’t be right, it just can’t be, it’s impossible.

PAGE 69, PANEL 5

Head and shoulders profile shot of Daniel looking up as he hears something.

S.F.X: Screeeech …

CAPTION: “Are you okay, Daniel? What is it, what’s wrong?”

DANIEL: No …

PAGE 69, PANEL 6

Full shot of him being thrown backward through the air, the ground erupting upward as he’s caught within range of a mortar, his figure starkly silhouetted against the white flash of the explosion.

CAPTION: “Daniel?!”

PAGE 70, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full shot of Daniel, Sam and Dr Gideon stood by the main entrance of Dark Water House. In the foreground a soldier is being pushed in a wheelchair by an orderly.

DR GIDEON: And you don’t remember what the letter said?

DANIEL: No, nothing. I remember opening it, feeling shocked, but I have no idea what it said. I don’t remember even getting a letter.

PAGE 70, PANEL 2

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head to waist shot.

SAM: Dr, is it possible how I feel about Father Dowling’s death somehow got mixed up with what I’m trying to remember from the Front?

DR GIDEON: When it comes to the human mind, Daniel, anything is possible.

PAGE 70, PANEL 3

Similar to panel 2 but now Daniel is shaking Dr Gideon by the hand.

DANIEL: I think I’m beginning to realise that.

DR GIDEON: We’re making progress, Daniel, trust me, that’s a good thing.

DANIEL: Thank you, Dr.

PAGE 70, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist shot of Daniel and Sam in the foreground walking away from Dark water House, with Dr Gideon in the background by the main entrance as they go.

DANIEL: What is it, Sam?

SAM: Well, I was wondering, what if you did get a letter from him.

PAGE 70, PANEL 5

Full shot of them from behind, walking across the grounds and in the foreground of the panel is a head to waist shot of the girl from behind.

DANIEL: And?

SAM: And, Danny boy, it makes me wonder what else you’ve forgotten.

PAGE 71, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Evening. Full shot of the farm yard with Daniel stood by Buster and the stable, holding a bucket, while Maisy is stood over by the porch looking across at him with Rufus sat near to her. Over the rooftop of the farmhouse hangs the red glow of sunset.

MAISY: If it’s true, why would he be writing to you? You of all people?

DANIEL: Honestly, Mais, I have no idea. All of this, everything since I got back, it’s like I have all the pieces of the puzzle but I can’t fit them together. every time I think I’m close it just slips away.

PAGE 71, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel in the foreground, his hand on Buster’s face with Maisy in the background.

MAISY: Danny, have you thought that maybe you’re trying too hard?

DANIEL: Mais, I need to know.

PAGE 71, PANEL 3

Head to chest sho0t of Maisy with the farm yard and fields behind.

MAISY: Maybe that’s the problem, maybe you need it too much, maybe you need to let it come back to you in its own way. Dr Gideon seems to be helping but it’s gonna take time, so why rush it?

PAGE 71, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel, his head bowed, the weight of this etched in every line of his face.

DANIEL: Because I feel it Mais, a feeling in my bones, like some kind of ending is coming. It’s not something I can really put into words. I’ve just felt that something isn’t right ever since I got back.

PAGE 71, PANEL 5

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a head and shoulders shot.

DANIEL: No, before that … I think I’ve felt it since we found those villagers, since I saw the girl. When I saw her lying there I think that was the moment I truly thought it might be the end of everything.

PAGE 72, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Daniel.

DANIEL: I used to be scared of ghost stories when I was a boy but what I saw over there was far worse than any horror I could ever imagine.

PAGE 72, PANEL 2

Head and shoulders shot of Maisy facing him, filled with empathy.

MAISY: I can’t pretend to know what horrors you saw over there, Danny, but you have to believe things will get better. You made it back to us when I lot of others didn’t, that’s got to count for something.

PAGE 72, PANEL 3

A head to waist profile shot of them now directly facing each other.

DANIEL: Maybe the ones who didn’t come back were the lucky ones.

MAISY: You don’t really mean that, you can’t.

PAGE 72, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel.

DANIEL: No, I don’t, not really. No one should have to die the way they did, not even the worst of us, but … the one truly good man I knew was Father Dowling, and for him to do that … well, how am I supposed to believe things will be normal again after that happens.

DANIEL: I think I looked to him as proof there’s still light in the shadows.

DANIEL: And now he’s gone.

PAGE 72, PANEL 5

Similar to the previous panel but now a forehead to chin shot of him.

DANIEL: And when I think of Jack and Alf, all those who didn’t come home, I can’t help but wonder if I wasn’t meant to come back either.

PAGE 73, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Full shot of Daniel stood in one of the trenches at the front, looking about himself. He’s dressed in full uniform and trench coat, muddied, rifle over his shoulder, his helmet held in his hand. Soldiers move about him, wounded or being attended to.

CAPTION: I knew Maisy was only trying to understand, to help me however she could, that was what I loved about her, but at the end of the day I knew the only person who could help me was myself.

CAPTION: “Daniel, can you hear me?”

CAPTION: “Yes.”

CAPTION: “And where are you now?”

PAGE 73, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Full shot of Daniel grabbing another soldier by the arm, his face filled with concern as he looks for Jack and Alf.

CAPTION: “I’m in the trenches. We just got back in but I can’t find Jack and Alf. We got separated out in the mud when the shelling started.”

PAGE 73, PANEL 3

Full profile shot of him now facing an officer, a corporal stood near.

CAPTION: “The officer on duty is telling me they’re already gone. He says they’re heroes, but his words are empty. Just pieces on a board.”

PAGE 73, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist profile shot of them.

DANIEL: They’re still out there, missing doesn’t mean dead. The guns are silent now. You don’t have to send anyone else out, I’ll go myself. It won’t take too long. It’d be my choice, nothing to reflect on you.

PAGE 73, PANEL 5

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a head to chest shot, both of them staring at each other, both with barely contained fury.

OFFICER: Our orders were to retreat Private Kipps, no matter who was left behind. It isn’t for us to question the wisdom of our superiors.

DANIEL: And what happened to leave no man behind?

PAGE 74, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full shot of them facing each other with the trench behind and soldiers moving about in the background.

OFFICER: For god’s sake man, do you really think I want to leave them behind, any of them? They gave their lives for King and country.

DANIEL: And how will they be honoured? So much for the King’s shilling.

PAGE 74, PANEL 2

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of the officer, anger held in, looking for all the world like he wants to shoot Daniel on the spot.

PAGE 74, PANEL 3

Similar to the previous panel but now the brief flash of anger he showed has dissipated and he is simply staring at Daniel stone faced.

OFFICER: Corporal Davies.

CORPORAL DAVIES ( O.P ): Sir?

OFFICER: Escort Private Kipps to the barracks. And be thankful Kipps that I’m not having you charged for treason. Remember this, I would be well within my rights as an officer to have you shot.

PAGE 74, PANEL 4

Page width panel. Full shot of Daniel walking along the trench, the portly corporal Davies just behind him. Either side soldiers are sat against the trench walls, either staring into nothing, looking shocked or tired with eyed closed, or reading letters, smoking and cleaning rifles. A thick mist hangs over No Man’s Land.

CORPORAL DAVIES: Damned lucky he didn’t have you shot, Kipps. He don‘t suffer fools easily. What the hell were you thinking?

PAGE 74, PANEL 5

Two panels on this bottom tier. In the foreground is a head to waist profile shot of Daniel going up one of the trench ladders with Corporal Davies in the background, holding his hand out in alarm.

CORPORAL DAVIES: Wait … what are you doing? Come back, lad.

PAGE 74, PANEL 6

Head to waist shot of Corporal Davies from behind, half way up the ladder and peering through the mist but Daniel is barely visible.

CORPORAL DAVIES: Are you mad?! Only thing you’ll find out there is death!

PAGE 75, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Wide shot of Daniel moving across No Man’s Land through the mist, with barbed wire in the foreground of the panel.

PAGE 75, PANEL 2

Page width panel. Full high view of him stood in the mist but now on a field that resembles the Field of Remembrance, and through the mist are the faint images of white crosses and poppies.

PAGE 75, PANEL 3

Page width panel. Similar to the previous panel but instead of the white crosses there are headstones and fresh snow beneath his feet.

CAPTION: “Where are you now, Daniel?”

PAGE 75, PANEL 4

Page width panel. Full shot of him from behind now stood in the graveyard of the church and stood among the headstones is the girl.

CAPTION: “I’m back in the village, at the church, and the girl is here.”

PAGE 76, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full shot of Daniel from behind facing the girl who is seemingly purposefully stood between two headstones, the inscriptions on them obscured by age and neglect.

PAGE 76, PANEL 2

Full profile shot of him and the girl now stood only a few feet apart.

DANIEL: You’re trying to show me something aren’t you, you’re always trying to show me something. What are you trying to tell me?

PAGE 76, PANEL 3

Full shot of the girl, head bowed, her palms placed on the headstones.

CAPTION: “Daniel, whatever it is, let her show you.”

PAGE 76, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Full shot of Daniel crouched in front of one of the headstones, reaching toward it as the snow falls.

DANIEL: Why would you show me this? I don’t understand.

CAPTION: “Daniel, keep going, you’re almost there.”

PAGE 76, PANEL 5

Head and shoulders shot of him, looking up as he hears the familiar sound of the mortar shell falling, his memory repeating again.

S.F.X: Screeeech.

DANIEL: No, not yet.

PAGE 76, PANEL 6

Similar to the previous panel but now the image is desaturated with the impact of the shell and the background is completely white.

PAGE 77, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Head to waist shot of Daniel lying on his bed, dressed in simple dark trousers, a dark waistcoat and white shirt, staring up at the ceiling as if he’s just woken from a dream.

DANIEL: No …

PAGE 77, PANEL 2

Close up of his eyes, now wide open as he realises where he’s woken up.

DANIEL: … Not yet.

PAGE 77, PANEL 3

Full shot of him now sat on the side of the bed, holding his face in his hands, slowly waking up as shafts of light fall through the window.

PAGE 77, PANEL 4

Two panels on this tier. Full profile shot of him, mostly in shadow, now stood at his bureau, staring down at his open journal.

PAGE 77, PANEL 5

Head to chest shot of him looking down at the journal, frowning heavily and clearly not understanding what he’s seeing on its pages.

PAGE 77, PANEL 6

Three panels on this bottom tier. Full close up shot of the open journal. On the left page is the last part of the narration from page 73, panel 1; I knew Maisy was only trying to understand, to help me however she could, that was what I loved about her, but at the end of the day I knew the only person who could help me was myself.

On the right of the page there’s a gap followed by a simple repeated phrase, just three words scribbled continuously, ‘I’M NOT HERE.’

PAGE 77, PANEL 7

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of him looking sideways as he hears music which seems to be coming from somewhere in the house.

NOTE: I’ve used the lyrics to the song ‘Love Me Do.’ by The Beatles Potential copyright problems but it can be changed. The song was of course released a lot later than 1918 as will soon be explained.

S.F.X: Love, love me do, you know I love you. I’ll always be true …

PAGE 77, PANEL 8

Head to waist shot of him from behind as he opens the bedroom door.

S.F.X: So please, love me do, whoa, love me do.

PAGE 78, PANEL 1

SPLASH: Wide shot of him seen from across the landing from the top of the stairwell, stood in the bedroom doorway and looking shocked at what he’s seeing as the landing and stairwell now look aged by decades, very much as Dark Water House had briefly looked to him, empty, abandoned, in a state of disrepair, full of dust and cobwebs, for all the world like no one has lived here for years.

S.F.X: Love, love me do, you know I love you. I’ll always be true …

DANIEL: How can this? …

PAGE 78, PANEL 2

Insert.

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of him looking behind himself.

ARTIST NOTE: Insert is positioned in the bottom right hand corner of panel 1.

S.F.X: So please, love me do, whoa, love me do.

DANIEL: No …

PAGE 78, PANEL 3

Three panels on this bottom tier. Full shot of him from behind, stood in the doorway and now turned to look back into the bedroom, which is now as empty and as aged as the landing and stairwell.

S.F.X: Someone to love, somebody new, someone to love, someone like you…

S.F.X: Scraaatch.

PAGE 78, PANEL 4

Full shot of him moving cautiously down the stairs, through the now gloomy interior, the confusion and bewilderment etched in his face.

DANIEL: Ma? Maisy?

PAGE 78, PANEL 5

Head to chest semi-profile shot of him at the bottom of the stairs by the inner door of the kitchen, a light flickering on him in the gloom.

NOTE: I’ve used a part of the ‘We Choose To Go To The Moon’ speech, the address given by President John F. Kennedy at the Rice University in Houston, Texas on September 12th, 1962. The speech was of course given a lot later than 1918 as will soon be explained.

CAPTION: We choose to go the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard …

DANIEL: Hello?

PAGE 79, PANEL 1

SPLASH: In the foreground is the kitchen, aged and dilapidated like the rest of the house and on the main stone wall on the right of the panel is the famous footage of the speech being given in Houston, flickering in the gloom as if coming from an unseen projector. Through it, Daniel is stood by the kitchen doorway watching.

CAPTION: Because that goal will serve to organise and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one we’re willing to accept.

PAGE 79, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Daniel, the fear and bewilderment faded and now he just looks numb.

CAPTION: One we are unwilling to postpone. And therefore, as we set sail, we ask God’s blessing on this most hazardous and dangerous …

PAGE 79, PANEL 3

Exterior shot of the farmhouse, as neglected and aged as the interior, with its roof tiles missing and creeping ivy on its peeling walls and the porch is broken with its door hanging off its hinges. Daniel is looking upward as if seeking some kind of answer from on high.

CAPTION: … and greatest adventure on which man has ever embarked.

PAGE 79, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Full shot of him stood by what remains of the ruins of the stable, long rotted and fallen in on itself.

DANIEL: No, I won’t accept this. It isn’t real, any of it.

PAGE 79, PANEL 5

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of him half turned, looking behind himself as he hears a familiar voice through the morning air.

SAM ( O.P ): If only that were true, Danny.

PAGE 80, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Exterior shot of the farmhouse and the yard with Daniel stood by the stable ruins and Sam stood by the old gate.

DANIEL: What is this, Sam? I know you know more than you’re saying, I think I’ve known that since you first turned up in my life again.

DANIEL: Why not just tell me?!

SAM: I’m not the one who’s hiding things from you, Danny.

PAGE 80, PANEL 2

Page width panel. Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer shot of them, Daniel looking frustrated with what’s going on.

DANIEL: Then who?

SAM: Who indeed, you must have some sense of it by now.

DANIEL: Sam, you’re supposed to be my friend.

SAM: I was. I am. We’re just trying to help you.

PAGE 80, PANEL 3

Three panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist shot of Daniel from behind with a full shot of Sam facing him from across the yard.

DANIEL: How is this helping me?

SAM: Because you need to find your way through this for yourself.

SAM: And you’re nearly there.

PAGE 80, PANEL 4

Head to waist shot of Sam from behind with a full shot of Daniel facing him.

DANIEL: We?

SAM: Danny …

DANIEL: You said we‘re just trying to help you, who’s we? This isn’t just you?

PAGE 80, PANEL 5

Head to waist profile shot of them, now stood only a few feet apart.

DANIEL: What is this? It’s like I’m stuck in a dream, a phantasm, can’t you see how impossible this is, Sam? How impossible all of this is?

SAM: Danny, how did you get here? How did you get home?

PAGE 81, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Similar shot to that of page 80, panel 5.

DANIEL: What? You know how I got home, by train, same as you did.

SAM: No, before that. How did you get home from the Front?

SAM: Has that thought even occurred to you?

PAGE 81, PANEL 2

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head to chest shot.

DANIEL: Why would it, I …

SAM: What is it?

PAGE 81, PANEL 3

Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Daniel, frowning, trying to remember.

DANIEL: I can’t remember. I was at the Front, in No Man’s Land looking for Jack and Alf, then the shell hit, I was lying in the mud, then …

PAGE 81, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest shot of them stood by each other with Daniel now looking over at the farmhouse.

SAM: Then what?

DANIEL: Then I remember being on the train, and I was here, I was home.

PAGE 81, PANEL 5

Full profile shot of them, Daniel holding his hands to his forehead.

SAM: And nothing between?

DANIEL: I … no. I don’t understand. How could I forget how I got here?

SAM: You’re close now, Danny.

DANIEL: Close to what?

PAGE 81, PANEL 6

Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Sam, a strange look in his eyes.

SAM: The truth of things, I think it’s time you went back to the church.

PAGE 82, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Full shot of Daniel walking determinedly through the main street of the village, which like the farmhouse is aged, neglected and empty, looking as if no one has lived here for years.

CAPTION: “You’re nearly ready.”

PAGE 82, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Full shot of him from behind, walking up the sloping path toward the graveyard and the church, leaves blowing in the foreground. The graveyard is overgrown, many of the headstones covered in undergrowth or moss, some fallen or broken.

PAGE 82, PANEL 3

Full profile shot of him in the middle of the graveyard and stood between two moss covered headstones is the girl as if she’s been waiting.

DANIEL: Those are the same graves I saw before, aren’t they?

PAGE 82, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist shot of the girl from behind between the moss covered headstones, Daniel facing her.

DANIEL: It’s all been leading here, hasn’t it? To this moment. From the moment I got home I’ve felt myself drawn back to this place.

PAGE 82, PANEL 5

Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel, now looking more resigned.

DANIEL: It’s okay, it’s time I knew.

PAGE 83, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full profile shot of him stood staring solemnly down at the first of the headstones, stealing himself.

PAGE 83, PANEL 2

Similar to the previous panel but now he’s crouched in front of the grave reaching out to the headstone and the girl has now gone.

PAGE 83, PANEL 3

Head to waist semi-profile shot of him as he scrubs at the moss to reveal the partly covered inscription beneath it with letters showing.

PAGE 83, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head and shoulders semi-profile shot of him staring at the uncovered inscription with a shocked sense of disbelief.

DANIEL: No … that’s not possible.

PAGE 83, PANEL 5

Head to chest semi-profile shot of him now crouched by the second headstone and desperately scrubbing the moss off the stone.

DANIEL: It can’t be possible.

PAGE 84, PANEL 1

FULL PAGE SPLASH: Full shot of him from behind, his shadow falling over the two headstones with the inscriptions now fully revealed. In the background against an ominous grey sky and looming clouds the church is now also aged, its roof collapsed in on itself, its broken walls stained by the black smoke of fire damage.

ARTIST NOTE: The inscription on the headstones reads as follows;

In loving memory of Mary Elizabeth Kipps, Wife to John Kipps, Mother of Daniel. Lost in our day of great tragedy. May 8th 1873 - August 17th, 1918.

In loving memory of Maisy Cross, Daughter of William Henry Cross and Katherine Rose Cross. Lost in our day of great tragedy. March 8th 1896 - August 17th, 1918.

DANIEL: But how could it have been anything else.

PAGE 85, PANEL 1

FULL PAGE SPLASH: Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Daniel as he puts everything together in his head, as the pieces of the puzzle fall into place and he realises the truth he’s been denying.

CAPTION: “Some say this is a place for the dead.”

CAPTION: “Sometimes it feels like the whole world is a place for them now. I can feel them beside me, the dead are among the living.”

PAGE 85, PANEL 2

ARTIST NOTE: Inserts 2-4 are to be read vertically on the left side of panel 1. Inserts 5-7 are to be read vertically on the right hand side, each insert is a flashback to clues given throughout the story.

Insert.

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Sam, Dark Water House behind.

SAM: They’re lost souls, Danny, caught between the light and shadow, stumbling around in the dark. Some of them can’t get past what they left behind, but only some. I don’t think you’re one of them. I just think you need some more time to find your way home.

PAGE 85, PANEL 3

Insert.

Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel, the farmhouse kitchen behind.

DANIEL: What if these things I’m seeing aren’t just in my head?

PAGE 85, PANEL 4

Insert.

Head to chest semi-profile shot of Father Dowling, the church behind.

FATHER DOWLING: Whenever there is loss we need to make sense of it.

PAGE 85, PANEL 5

Insert.

Head to waist shot of Daniel and Sam in the grounds of Dark Water House.

SAM: And, Danny boy, it makes me wonder what else you’ve forgotten.

PAGE 85, PANEL 6

Insert.

Head to chest semi-profile shot of Daniel, the farmhouse kitchen behind.

DANIEL: It’s like I have all the pieces of the puzzle but I can’t fit them together.

PAGE 85, PANEL 7

Insert.

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Daniel, the kitchen behind.

PAGE 86, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Similar to the full page splash on page 84 with a full shot of Daniel from behind looking at the headstones.

SAM ( O.P ): I’m sorry, Danny, you had to realise it for yourself.

PAGE 86, PANEL 2

Head to waist shot of Daniel from behind, now turned from the headstones to where Sam is stood behind him further down the slope.

SAM: You had to remember it, all of it. You’ve been holding all of it back, not letting yourself accept it. You only saw what you wanted to see, but in the end there’s only so long we can fool ourselves.

PAGE 86, PANEL 3

Full profile shot of them facing each on the slope of the graveyard.

DANIEL: It’s okay, Sam, I understand now, well most of it.

SAM: Then maybe I should explain the rest, eh.

DANIEL: I’m dead, aren’t I?

SAM: ‘Fraid so. If it’s any consolation so am I, long time now.

PAGE 86, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist profile shot of them.

DANIEL: And everyone else since I got back, all of them are dead too?

DANIEL: Were my mother and Maisy ever really here?

SAM: Oh, they were here alright, as much as I am anyway.

PAGE 86, PANEL 5

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer head to chest shot.

DANIEL: If I died there, why am I here? Why am I home?

SAM: Because you weren’t here when you thought you should have been.

PAGE 87, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Full profile shot of them facing each other on the slope.

DANIEL: The church.

SAM: Our day of great tragedy.

SAM: Your guilt of not being there stopped you moving on. You’ve been living out a homecoming that never actually happened.

PAGE 87, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Head to waist shot of them now stood together, nearby the headstones and looking up at the church ruins.

DANIEL: This is Harrow Hill.

DANIEL: This is my home and I couldn’t remember its name, how does something like that happen? I didn’t want to know, did I?

DANIEL: I didn’t want to face the truth.

PAGE 87, PANEL 3

Forehead to chin semi-profile close up shot of Daniel as he remembers.

DANIEL: I remember now, the letter I got from Father Dowling. He told me what happened, about my mother and Maisy. I guess he felt responsible, like Percy said, fate cheated him by just one day.

DANIEL: And I guess he couldn’t live with that.

PAGE 87, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest profile shot of them, with Daniel in the foreground, looking at the church as he listens.

DANIEL: You were trying to help me, weren’t you, all of you. I just didn’t see it.

SAM: I guess we’re glorified guides of a sort. You got lost, Danny, lost for a very long time. We were just here to help you find your way.

PAGE 87, PANEL 5

Similar to the previous panel with a head to chest profile shot of them.

DANIEL: What happened to the village?

SAM: What happens to any village that’s been around a long time, eventually everyone leaves and it dies. To be honest I don’t think it ever recovered after that day. Losing so many people like that, I think it ripped the heart out of the place, it wasn’t the same anymore.

PAGE 87, PANEL 6

Head to waist shot of Sam in the foreground walking away with a full shot of Daniel in the background as he watches his friend leave.

DANIEL: Will I see you again?

SAM: Oh, I’ve no doubt of it. See you over the top, Danny boy.

PAGE 88, PANEL 1

Insert.

A head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Daniel, now half turned.

ARTIST NOTE: Insert is positioned in the top left hand corner of panel 2.

MAISY( O.P ): So the penny finally dropped, eh, Danny Kipps.

PAGE 88, PANEL 2

Full page length panel. Full shot of Daniel stood at the top of the graveyard, Maisy and Mrs Kipps at his side in front of the church ruins.

DANIEL: I’m sorry, I should have seen what you were trying to show me.

MAISY: Yeah, you should have, big idiot. Always a bit slow on the uptake you, Danny Kipps, but I guess some things ain’t never changed.

DANIEL: Yeah.

PAGE 88, PANEL 3

Full page length panel. Similar to the previous panel but now a closer head to waist shot and Daniel has his hand on Mrs Kipps arm.

MAISY: So, this is it then, ma.

MRS KIPPS: Aye, it is, Danny.

MRS KIPPS: We can give you some time to yourself if you don’t feel …

DANIEL: No, it’s okay.

PAGE 88, PANEL 4

Full page length panel. Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Daniel. There’s sense of peace and acceptance in his expression now that he understands, now that he has the clarity he’s been seeking.

DANIEL: I’m ready now.

PAGE 89, PANEL 1

Full page length panel. Full shot of Daniel, Maisy and Mrs Kipps walking down the path away from the church ruins in the background.

PAGE 89, PANEL 2

Full page length panel. Full shot of them from behind walking through a field that overlooks the valley, their figures now faint as they move beyond this world. A sky full of clouds hang over them, flickers of sunlight illuminating the edges, giving a serene and unearthly sense to things. In the valley’s basin is an early 1960’s motorway seen at distance, bringing to fruition the idea that Daniel has been lost a lot longer than he realised, as alluded to by the earlier presence of ‘Come Fly With Me’ ‘Love Me Do’ and President John F. Kennedy’s ‘We Choose To Go To The Moon’ speech.

PAGE 89, PANEL 3

Full page length panel. Similar to the previous panel but Daniel, Maisy and Mrs Kipps are gone and the field is empty, and shafts of sunlight fall between the now broken clouds. In the panel’s foreground, in the bottom right corner, a single red poppy has grown.

PAGE 90, PANEL 1

FULL PAGE SPLASH: This final page is more symbolic than story led. Full shot of a stone memorial now in the field with the valley beyond, the clouds fully broken with a golden and pewter evening sky.

The memorial itself resembles the Cenotaph that stands in Whitehall, London. As with that the words ‘The Glorious Dead’ are inscribed into it but in difference to it, underneath is a list of names from the village including Daniel, Sam, Jack, Alf and Percy Edgars.

ARTIST NOTE; Written over the grass in the foreground in bronze lettering are the words ‘Until They Are Home, No Man Left Behind.’

PAGE 90, PANEL 2

Insert.

White typeface on a plain black background with the words ‘THE END.’

ARTIST NOTE: Insert is positioned in the bottom right corner of panel 1.

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kipscorner · 3 years

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Headernotes:

- THIS IS A LONG POST! - Anything in Parenthesis, feel free to change or remove - Feel free to change pronouns to match - Thank you for reblogging and using! <3

“(Name), can you explain again what we're doing?”

We're kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh...to embrace the majesty of the winter landscape...and select that most important of Christmas symbols.”

“We're not driving all the way here so you can get one of those stupid ties with the Santa Clauses on it, are we?”

“Some jackass is riding my tail.”

“(Name)! Don't provoke them!”

“Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.”

“Eat my road grit, liver lips!”

“(Name), stop it! I don't want to spend the holidays dead!”

“Will you just take it easy, (Name)? I'm in complete control.”

“(Name), we're stuck under a truck!”

“Do you think I don't know that?”

“For Christ sake, I didn't do this on purpose!”

“My toes are numb.”

“I can't feel my leg.”

“(Name), that thing wouldn't fit in our yard.”

“It's not going in our yard, (Name). It's going in our living room.”

“She'll see it later, (Name). Her eyes are frozen.”

“Hey, (Name)! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?”

“You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that.”

“I wasn't talking to you.”

“It looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.”

“Did I tell you I talked to my mother?”

“They've decided they're coming for Christmas too.”

“You're forgetting how difficult it's gonna be having everybody in the house.”

“(Name), they're family. They're not strangers off the street.”

“Yeah. And about my mother accusing your mother of buying cheap hot dogs. And your mother accusing my mother of waxing her upper lip.”

“I want to have Christmas here in our house. It means a lot to me. All my life I've wanted to have a big family Christmas.”

“The question is, what will you do with that bonus? Gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.”

“Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool.”

“Layman's terms. None of that inside bullshit jargon nobody understands.”

“Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass.Happy Hanukkah.”

“Wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if stores were less hooter--Hotter than they are.”

“You have your coat on.”

“There is a nip in the air though.”

“Can I take something out for you?”

“'Tis the season to be merry.”

“Folks! Folks! Folks! Merry Christmas!”

“Look at how big you've gotten!”

“They're not sleeping in my room. I'm gonna go crazy.”

“We're gonna have the best-looking house in town.”

“Come on, unravel these. You have to check every bulb. Got a little knot here. You work on that. I'll get the other box.”

“Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?”

“We're all making sacrifices, (Name).”

“Well, I don't know what to say except it's Christmas and we're all in misery.”

“And why is the carpet all wet, (Name)?”

I don't know, (Name)!”

“I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard, staring at the house in my pajamas.”

“Talk about pissing your money away.”

“Let's get in where it's warm.”

“Now, look, if you need any help...give me a holler. I'll be asleep.”

“Where the hell is that cold coming from?”

“I want to take off these clothes, sit with a glass of wine and kiss your body.”

“Are you out here for a reason, or are you just avoiding the family?”

“Do you honestly think I would check thousands of lights if the extension cord wasn't plugged in?”

“You deserve a home like this to spend Christmas in.”

“You taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”

“I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays.”

“You got a kiss for me?”

“Better take a rain check on that. (pronouns) got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet.”

“We named him that because he's got this sinus condition.”

“You pet him and he'll love you till the day you die.”

“If I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised then I am right now.”

“After that long drive, we could use a little private time together.”

“(Name), help me get some hot chocolate. It's cold.”

“A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him. Before we left, he drank a half a quart of Pennzoil. Boy, when he lifted his leg the next morning…”

“It's a crying shame the older kids couldn't make it.”

“She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. And a hell of a good cook.”

“Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to nowhere and leave you for dead?”

“Oh, that there? That's an RV.”

“Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. Get me somebody. Anybody. And get me somebody while I wait.”

“We're gonna fly down the hill with this stuff.”

“You know that metal plate in my head? I had to have it replaced because every time (Name) revved up the microwave...I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for a half-hour or so.”

“Nothing like waiting till the last minute, huh?”

“What are you doing up, sweetheart?”

“You shouldn't use that word.”

“I don't think he should be nervous and you shouldn't be either. Because if you're good, Santa knows it. If you believe in him and you believe in your mom and you believe in your...Your dad. If you've been good all year round, Santa is gonna bring you something.”

“Well, I happen to know for a fact that Santa Claus is real. And in the next couple of days… somehow I'm gonna prove it to you.”

“It's good you came to stay with us.”

“I think you'd better go back to bed now.”

“Aren't you having any breakfast?”

“Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn. The clean, cool chill of the holiday air.

And an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.”

“It's a sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match near it.”

“Merry Christmas. Shitter was full!”

“In seven years he couldn't find a job?”

“(Name) and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas.”

“This isn't charity. It's family.”

“If you don't tell me what they want, I'll go out and get it on my own.”

“Is your house on fire, (Name)?”

“No, those are Christmas lights.”

“Don't throw me down, (Name).”

“Oh, that was fun. I love riding in cars.”

“Oh, dear. Did I break wind?”

“You shouldn't have brought presents.”

“This box is meowing.”

“(Name)? (pronoun) passed away 30 years ago.”

“They want you to say grace. The blessing!”

“I told you we put it in too early.”

“I heard on the news that a pilot spotted Santa's sled on its way from New York.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, (Name)?”

“If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.”

“Look what you've done to my tree!”

“It was an ugly tree, anyway.”

“I'm sorry if I've been a little short with everyone lately.”

“...I didn't have enough in my account to cover the check.”

“I can't swim, (Name).”

“(Name), that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”

“If this isn't the biggest punch in the face I ever got. Goddamn it!”

“I wanna look him straight in the eye and tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?”

“He's got that crazed look in his eye.”

“Turn that thing off and get in the house!”

“Aren't you a bit sorry we didn't get a Christmas tree?”

“Well, where you gonna find a tree at this hour on Christmas Eve?”

“Could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berserk?”

“I didn't go berserk. I simply solved a problem.”

“You couldn't hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.”

“I'm gonna catch it in the coat and smack it with the hammer.”

“I'm going in with him.”

“You just march right over there and slug that creep in the face.”

“I can't just attack someone.”

“Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm

holiday emergency here.”

“We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin’ Kaye.”

“And when Santa squeezes his ass down that chimney tonight he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nut house.”

“Worse? How could they get any worse? Take a look around you, (Name). We're at the threshold of hell!”

“You losing your temper with the whole family only makes things worse.”

“Are you gonna recite The Night Before Christmas?”

“No. It's your house. It's your Christmas.”

“You about ready to do some kissing?”

“I'm sorry. This is our family's first kidnapping.”

“I'll be more than happy to take the rap on this.”

“If you wanna come in, you are gonna have to break down the goddamn door!”

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

“I did something I shouldn't have, and these people called me on it.”

“It's Santa Claus!”

“She thinks she sees Santa.”

“No, it's the Christmas star. And that's all that matters tonight. Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees. See, kids...it means something different to everybody. Now I know what it means to me.”

“That ain't the frigging Christmas star. It's a light on the sewage treatment plant.”

“Merry Christmas, honey.”

#Christmas Meme #christmas inbox meme #christmas vacation #national lampoons christmas vacation #sentence starters

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the-scribe-and-her-scribbles · 3 years

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it will come back - fae!prussia x reader: chapter 1

1. a crack in his cage, some blood on a page

This story is on Quotev. The link is in my bio

The summary: You are a 3rd year Philosophy Major whose been assigned a very simple writing assignment for your class. When the book you get for said assignment pulls you into another world, your weekend plans are changed. You meet Gilbert, a not-entirely-a-god, definatly-not-human, who needs your help.

All you want is to go home but in order to get back to your world you must help Gilbert free himself from the prison he was trapped in and destroy the people who put him there. The only problem is that you aren't sure if releasing this dangerous creature is the right thing to do.

It Will Come Back Masterlist

Author’s note: A special thanks to my friends, Fir and Taylor, who helped me edit and proofread this chapter! Thank you so much.

It is an early Friday evening, and you are sitting in a cafe with your friend. Outside the large window to your left, the wind is blowing brown and orange leaves off of trees. While it’s cold out there, inside you are warm, drinking an overpriced latte and nibbling on a turkey club sandwich.

“So what do you say?” asks your friend, Charlie. She's a quirky looking girl, your age, with big round glasses and short curly hair framing a small face.

“Hm?” You snap out of your musings and turn to look at her. “What?”

“What are you doing on Halloween next Saturday?” she asks. “going to a frat party?” Her mouth curls into a grin.

“Don’t make me laugh,” you say as you roll your eyes. “I haven’t planned anything.” If you were being honest, you’d planned to hide in your room with your dog and re-read Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein.

“Well that works out, I was thinking of having Danny and Margot to our apartment for a movie night.”

You think about it. “What will we watch?”

“Old gothic horror movies? I was thinking maybe 1931’s Vampyr, Nosferatu, and Frankenstein. Ya know,” she says through a bite of her chicken caesar salad. “The works!”

“Sounds like fun,” you smile as you watch her cheeks puff out as she tries to chew.

“Yep! Anyway, whatcha got on tonight? Do you have a shift at the library?” Charlie glances over the rim of her glass for your answer.

“No, Class. Philosophy 310 with Professeur Montgomery. I'll be home late, so if you could take Hypatia out for her walk, I’d appreciate it.”

“Ya, sure. Oh, did I show you where she was when I left today?” Charlie asks excitedly, already pulling out her cellphone.

How do you kill an Immortal?

The short answer is you can’t, right?

The long answer is that you must look at death

in a new light.

The large lecture hall was pretty full for a 7 pm lecture. The seats were filled with 3rd years, all waiting for the professor to start. Students groan and rub their eyes, cursing their luck for being stuck with a 2-hour lecture this late into the evening. It’s Autumn and the sun has already begun sinking under the horizon. Everyone complains to their neighbours.

You, of course, were one of these students. You are a 21-year-old philosophy major. The class you’re attending is Contemporary Metaphysics, the study of the fundamental categories of being.

You shuffle in your seat. It’s small and you feel cramped. You put your coat on the back of your chair and place your backpack on the ground. You grab the travel mug from the bag and lift it to your lips. I hope this gets me through tonight.

As the clock hits the top of the hour, the door to the lecture hall opens. In walks an odd little man. He’s wearing a pair of old jeans and a fuzzy flannel shirt. His beard is curly and unkempt, and wire-framed glasses are perched on his nose. He scurries across the room to his desk in the center-front of the large room.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Please leave your textbooks in your bag for the moment. We won’t be needing them right away,” he says, as he hurries to turn on the projector and connect his laptop. The white screen lights up and displays a PowerPoint presentation. The title of the first slide was a question, “How Do We Define Death?”

“For the first half of this semester, we’ve talked extensively about life.” He starts. “We’ve explored the meaning of life, the definition of a ‘good life’, and how to live it, but in order to really study our lives and understand it, we must explore the philosophy of death.”

Professor Montgomery walks in front of his desk and jumps up onto the top. “So what does it mean? How do we define being ‘dead’?” He looks at the class. A hand in the front row raises tentatively. “Yes! Michael.”

“Well, medically speaking, it’s when a person’s heart stops and they stop breathing.” Michael offers.

The professor seems to mull over his student’s statement for a moment, pulling his legs up onto the desk with him and swaying in thought.

“What about patients with no brain function?” Montgomery challenges. “They could still be breathing. They still have a heartbeat, but any doctor would call them dead. They’d never wake up.” His tone is clever and he gives a small smile towards his audience.

“It’s terribly interesting, don’t you think?” he continues. “Even something so finite as death, no one is able to define it. Maybe it’s because humans know that you can feel like you’re dying while your lungs fill with air.”

When I go into that ground

I won't go quietly, I'm bringin’ my crown

When I go into that ground

Oh, they gotta bury me,

bury me face down

“Ahhh!” a voice screams. The sound, along with crashing furniture, echoes through the library. The couch has been thrown to the side and a bookshelf has been torn from the wall and lays in pieces on the floor.

Gilbert huffs, his red eyes burning as he surveys the wreckage. A book has fallen open in front of his feet, but Gilbert doesn’t bother to read it. The words will disappear as soon as he tries. Instead, he pulls his leg back and kicks it, sending it flying into the fireplace, before letting out another angry cry.

Gilbert crouches down where he stands, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. He draws a deep breath.

“Focus,” he mutters. “Just focus. Breath.” He sucks air in through his nose, feels his lungs stretch. His only proof, or so he hopes, that he might be alive.

“I’m gonna get out of here. I swear to the ancients, I’ll get out of here,” he whispers to no one.

Around him, everything is restored back to its original form. The small couch is returned to the side of the mantle where it belongs. The books are all neatly stacked on the pristine oak bookshelf. He needs to compose himself before he loses his mind.

(Gilbert remembers when he was free, though now he doesn't know how long it's been. He remembers feeling unstoppable. On top of the world. And his brother had warned him.)

“Come on,” he chants over and over. He takes in a deep breath and focuses. He feels the spark left inside him. He lets out a breath, and on it is a puff of magic.

It’s all the magic he has left.

It floats off, seeping into the walls of his prison. Gilbert feels the spell that formed this prison. In his mind's eye, he sees the runes, the spellwork woven from magic. Through the layers of instructions and charms, Gilbert feels the smallest gap in this magically gilded cage. He prods at it. It’s not big enough, but he’s so close! He tries again, pushing at it again and again until finally, his magic cracks it open.

Gilbert smirks, all sharp, white teeth and as a sliver of his consciousness slips out into the mortal world, Gilbert feels his first taste of freedom.

“Go,” he whispers. “Find them.”

‘Cause I’m gonna be free

and I’m gonna be fine,

But maybe not tonight

A chill runs up your spine, causing you to shake in your seat. You pull your coat from behind you and drape it over your lap. You have no clue why it’s so cold here today.

You pay out the nose for tuition and the college feels the need to be stingy with the heating. It’s autumn, for crying out loud.

“...and that’s why it’s so interesting to see the way death affects the culture’s ideas about legacy. Our fear of death, of being forgotten, fuels our desire to leave a mark on the living world.” Ah, you think. He’s rambling.

“And because we’re getting ready for midterms, I have a project for you. I want you to write an essay on a real-life person and their relationship with death and legacy. Do they embrace the end of their existence, or do they run from it? Are they driven by the need to be remembered? This can be about anyone, famous or not and I would like it to be 1500 words.”

You scribble this information down in your notebook and by the time you look back up, the class is officially over. Everyone begins to gather their stuff and leave.

“It will be due next week, the Friday before Halloween! Submit it online!” The professor calls out.

You trot down the steps and make your way to the exit. You think about your plans for the next week.

My schedule is pretty packed. I work tomorrow and Sunday. I might not be able to get it done, you think as you push open the doors.

You work at the university’s library part-time. Most people find libraries boring, but you find that the worlds inside books are far more interesting than real life. It ended up being a good fit for you. The hours were good, you were paid well, and it kept a roof over your head.

You step out of the auditorium and into the crowded hallway. You squeeze through the mobs of people, squeaking out ‘excuse me’s and ‘pardon me’s as you try not to bump into people. After you manage to scurry away, it’s only a quick walk down the hall until you’re out of the building. The autumn air was frigid and the leaves crunch under your boots as you walk by the campus library.

Why don’t you just get a book now and work on it tonight, then you’ll have already started it before the weekend is over?

You don’t have much time, the library is about to close. You’d need to hurry. You make your decision and switch paths. You run up the cement steps and slip through the heavy door, just in time to see the librarian at the front desk beginning to pack up.

“Oh, no! Absolutely not! We’re closed, (name)!”

“Please, Marge! I just need one book in the biography section. I’ll be quick, I promise!” you beg.

Your middle-aged co-worker looks at you long and hard. You cross your fingers behind your back.

“You have two minutes.”

“Yes! Oh, thanks a bunch!! I promise I’ll be quick!” You cheer as you race around her and sprint for the non-fiction side of the library.

You turn down an aisle and skid to a stop. You should have decided what book you were going to get before you got here, you think. You scan around you. There are shelves stuffed with them, but none stand out.

“Thirty seconds or I’m locking you in here for the night!” Marge yells from the lobby.

You see a thick brown book at eye level. That’s weird. Could have sworn it wasn’t there two seconds ago.

“Twenty seconds!”

Oh, fuck it. You grab it and run back to the lobby.

“Just take it and go, you can check it out yourself on your shift tomorrow morning,” Marge says waving you from the checkout counter.

‘Thanks, Marge. I’ll see you in the morning. Have a nice night!” You call to her as you bustle out the front door.

“Wait, (name)!” You turn back around.

“Don’t you want a ride? It’s dark out.” She’s right. The autumn sun sets early and the campus is deserted.

“You’re going in the opposite way of my apartment. I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Sure you sure, hun? I don’t mind.” She says to you as she reaches you at the front door.

You still refuse. “I’m positive, Marge. I’ll be fine.”

“Well, be careful. I’ll see you around.”

You wave goodbye and trot down the stone steps to the sidewalk, leaving behind the librarian shaking her head.

Your mind wanders as you walk. You reach into the bag at your side and feel for the book you chose. Your fingers find the leather spine and you pull it out. Hopefully, you picked a good book. you’d hate to have to re-pick one. You trace the edges of the colour and study the book. It is clearly old, the cracks of the leather on the spine and cover indicate it’s been well-loved. You open it to a random page and are puzzled. It’s not a printed book. Its pages are filled with handwritten passages. The cursive is beautiful, with long, elegant letters.

“I’m at the lake today with Francis and Antonio. We’re taking a short break before we head west. It’s a surprisingly nice day. The sky is clear and there’s a soft breeze. I’m almost tempted to build my castle here.”

It’s a diary. An old one. How did a diary end up in a university library? Especially if it's not a published work. If anything, it seems like it was just placed on the shelf and forgotten about. You think about the book as you trace your fingers across the script. As you turn the page, your finger cuts itself on the edge of the page. You pull your hand away to look at your cut and as you do, a drop of blood falls from your wound onto the page below.

“Oh shit,” you say, stumbling in your steps. You try to wipe the spot from the page, but it only smeared it more. You decide to close the book, clutching it tightly to your side and you continue to make your way home.

Your apartment is located on the other side of Forest View Park, which as the name suggests, goes through a wooded area. It was kept as a green space for the university after multiple failed attempts to tear it down. Something about the machines always breaking down, or contractors quitting before they started. It was probably for the best. It was a lovely park to walk in during the day, especially this time of year. The trees are covered with yellow, orange, and brown leaves. The sun would stream through them, covering the park in gorgeous, warm light.

But this place looks much different at night. The moon is bright in the sky, casting shadows on the pathway. Fog swirls around the bases of the trees, pushed by cold gusts of wind. You shiver, pulling your arms into yourself and nuzzling your face into your scarf to try and stay warm as you step onto the leaf-covered pathway. The trail is lit with lamp posts that stretch their way further down. You hear the fall leaves crunch under your boots as you look around you. You feel an imaginary pressure on you, like you're being watched, and try to push it aside.

You have to keep walking. You hug your wool coat closer to yourself and pick up your pace. You’re further in now, and the next lamp post is a little way up the path. Just for a second, while walking through the brief darkness before you reach the next lamp post, you hear something. It sounds like footsteps.

You sprint to the safely of the next lamp, before whipping around. You’re breath hitches. There’s nothing there, just the inky black.

Even the lamp post you left behind you has flickered off.

Your heart speeds up and you continue walking, hurrying a little faster. Again, you hear it, the steady fall of hard-soled shoes behind you.

As you walk under the next post, it shuts off, leavening you in the dark. You hear another gust of wind brush against you, but the footsteps have now stopped. You look ahead and see that one by one, the lamp posts are shutting off. Your heart hammers in your chest and you take off. You chase the lights, trying to catch up before they leave you in the pitch black. You see the end of the path. On the other side is your apartment building. You’re so close, but before you can step into the beginnings of its light, that final post clicks off.

The dark swallows you up, and you fall.

Authors Note

Scene Breaking Quotes (in Order)

-A quote from This TikTok→ https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJStDrhk/ by @bastardhour

Bury Me Face Down by grandson

Delilah by Florence + The Machines

This is probably the first actual story fanfiction that I’ve ever written. I can’t promise that the updates will be frequent, but I’m gonna try my best.

#scribe!writes #hetalia fanfiction #hetalia fantasy au #fantasy!hetalia x reader #aph prussia x reader #multi chapter fic #fae!prussia x reader #gilbert beilschmidt #prussia x reader #aph prussia #hetalia imagines #aph prussia imagines #it will come back #iwcb

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sickhumor · 3 years

Text

Jokes for the more mature reader (dated humor)

On the ﬁrst day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules. “The women’s dormitory is off-limits to male students and the men’s dormitory is off-limits to female students,” he intoned. “Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the ﬁrst time, $60 the second time and $180 the third time. Does anyone have any questions?”

A male student raised his hand. “How much for a season pass?”

_______________________________

A ﬂea had oiled up his little ﬂea legs and his little flea arms and was soaking up the Miami sun when an old ﬂea friend of his walked by. “Oscar, what happened to you?" asked the first ﬂea when he saw how terrible his friend looked——runny nose, red eyes, teeth chattering.

“I got a ride down here in some biker’s mustache and nearly froze my nuts off,” wheezed Oscar.

“Let me give you a tip, old pal,” said the ﬁrst ﬂea. "Go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, get up on the toilet seat and when a stewardess comes in, hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?”

A month later, while stretched out on the beach, the ﬂea saw Oscar again, looking more chilled and miserable than before. “I did everything you said,” Oscar explained. “I went to the stewardess lounge, made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed off.”

“And so?” asked the first ﬂea.

“And so the next thing I know, I’m on this guy’s mustache again!”

________________________________

When does Michael Jackson’s kid know that it’s time to go to bed?

The big hand touches the little hand.

_________________________________

An old lady—a spinster and a virgin, and proud of it—lived in a tiny village. She knew her last days were approaching, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN.

Not long after she had made her wish known, the old maid died peacefully in her sleep. The undertaker told the stonecutters of the lady’s request. The men, practical to a fault, thought about the inscription and concluded that it was unnecessarily long. They wrote simply: RETURNED UNOPENED.

__________________________

RECORDED MESSAGE OF THE MONTH!

“Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline.

“If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press one repeatedly.

“If you are codependent, please ask someone to press two.

“If you have multiple personalities, please press three, four, five and six.

“If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line until we can trace your call.

“If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

"If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.”

_________________________________

What’s a female bisexual?

A lesbian with car trouble.

_________________________

While at the fairgrounds, a woman wanted to take a ride on the Ferris wheel before heading home. Her husband waited while she took a spin. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the woman was thrown out. She landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. He gasped and bent down. “Are you hurt?” he asked.

“Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once.”

____________________________

A little boy walked in on his parents in the heat of their lovemaking. “Mommy, what are you doing?”

“Um,” she stammered, “well, Daddy is so fat that I’m bouncing all the air out of him.”

“I don’t know what good it’s going to do," the boy replied. “The lady next door is just going to blow him up again!”

__________________________

The young woman complained to her friend about her boyfriend's extraordinary sex drive, “I barely have the strength to go to work in the morning." she said. “Now that he's off on holiday. things will only get worse."

“How long is he off?" the friend asked.

“It varies," she replied, “but usually, time for one cigarette."

______________________________

One morning, a Texan walked up to his savings-and-loan branch office and found it closed. After several minutes of pounding on the door, the manager appeared. "We’re closed!" he shouted through the glass.

“But your sign says you’re open nine to ﬁve," the customer replied.

“Those aren’t our hours. Those are the odds we'll he open tomorrow."

_____________________________

As soon as the famous movie director passed through the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him they had a ﬁlm they wanted him to direct. The director tried to beg off, pleading exhaustion, but Saint Peter explained that this was a very special ﬁlm—the script was by Shakespeare.

The director was tempted for a moment but declined. Then Saint Peter said the art direction would be by Da Vinci. The ﬁlni maker warmed considerably to the project but again decided against it,

“The music will be by Beethoven," Saint Peter added.

“Screenplay by Shakespeare! Production design by Da Vinci! Original score by Beethoven!" the director exclaimed. “I'll do it!"

“There's just one thing." Saint Peter said. “God has this girlfriend who sings. . . ."’

_____________________________

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy After examining it, he called the curator Ola prestigious natural-history museum. “I’ve just discovered a three-thousand-year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

"You can’t know all that from looking at ‘him," the curator replied. “Bring him in. Well see."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?”

“Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, “10,000 SHEKELS ON GOLIATH.”

_______________________________

What's the difference between a terrorist and your wife?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

_________________________

A geneticist believed he had discovered a method for putting the theory oi human cloning into practice. He decided to clone himself ﬁrst. Everything went perfectly except that, through some minor miscalculation. his clone was rude, vulgar and foulmouthed. When he was unable to correct the problem, he threw the offensive clone out his laboratory window. The following day, the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

___________________________

A man walked into a Porsche dealership, opened the door of a Boxster, took a seat behind the wheel and smiled. A salesman approached and asked, “Are you thinking about buying this car?”

“Oh, I’m deﬁnitely going to buy this car,” he said, “but I’m thinking about pussy.”

____________________________

Dave arrived in hell and was told he had a decision to make. He could go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to capitalist hell. He asked the ﬁrst man he met, “What’s it like in there?"

“Well, in capitalist hell,” the man replied, “they ﬂay you, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and slash you with sharp knives.”

“That’s terrible!” gasped Dave. “I’m going to check out communist hell.” There he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. He pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing in people. Dave asked what communist hell was like.

“In communist hell,” Marx said, “they ﬂay you, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and slash you with sharp knives.”

“But that’s exactly the same as capitalist hell!" protested Dave.

“True,” sighed Marx, “but sometimes we don’t have oil, and sometimes we don’t have knives.”

_______________________________

What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?

No one cries when you cut an accordion in half.

_________________________

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but ﬁgured he’d better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. “Nope, no gators here,” a local assured him.

Billy Bob had swum out 50 feet before his brain kicked in again. “Hey, how come there ain’t no gators in here?” he yelled back to the guy onshore.

“Because they’re afraid of the sharks,” came the reply.

_____________________________

The high school student spent most of his afternoons in the basement mixing chemicals. One day his father went down to ﬁnd his son surrounded by racks of test tubes and pounding something into the wall. “Danny, don’t put nails in the wall,” his father admonished.

“It’s not a nail, Dad,” the young man explained. “It’s a worm. I found a formula that turns things as hard as a rock.”

“Tell you what, son,” the man said with sudden interest. “You give me the special formula and I’ll buy you a car.”

The next day when Danny got home from school, he saw two brand-new cars in the driveway. “Dad, what are these?” he asked.

“Oh, they’re for you, son,” his dad said, smiling. “The Toyota’s from me. The Mercedes is from your mother.”

_____________________________

What’s the difference between a dentist and a sadist?

A sadist has newer magazines.

__________________________

The couple had broken up but remained friends as well as neighbors in the same apartment building. Some months after their split, the two met in the elevator. The woman’s ex had his arm in a cast. “Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked sympathetically.

“Well, if it’s not too much trouble, would you help me take a bath?”

She agreed, and back at his apartment, she eased him into the tub and began to wash his back. As she lathered his chest she noticed his growing erection. “Now isn’t that sweet,” she cooed. “It still recognizes me.”

___________________________

A lady walked into a tattoo parlor and said, “Can you do a tattoo of a turkey on my right inner thigh and one of a Christmas tree on my left inner thigh?"

“Sure,” the tattoo artist said. “But if you don’t mind me asking, why did you choose those two designs?”

The lady smiled. “My husband,” she explained. “He says there’s never anything to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”

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flowerfan2 · 4 years

Text

Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

Somehow I managed to post Chapter 2 on A03 a few days ago without posting on tumblr... I’m not sure how many people actually depend on tumblr for fic these days, but in case you do, here you go!

McDanno, T, A03

Summary: After 10x22 when Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away. Picks up after the end of Season 10.

Chapter 2

May 20, 2020

SM: Hey, where’s Danny?

LG: With Tani, I think, heading to a crime scene on the north shore. Sure glad to have him back. Otherwise it would have been me getting up at the ass crack of dawn when Duke called.

SM: Does Danny seem ready?

LG: Ready to come back to work? Sure. Shirts are crisp, slacks nicely pressed, hair sprayed firmly in place. Your boy looks great.

SM: Ribs not hurting him anymore?

LG: Maybe a little, but it’s not slowing him down much.

SM: He hasn’t been answering my texts.

LG: Did you do something to piss him off?

SM: Probably. I usually do. Not sure what this time, though.

TR: Don’t stress, boss. Danny’s right here, looking sharp as always. we’re in the car.

SM: Tani, what have I said about no driving and texting?

TR: I’m not - Danny’s driving.

SM: Can I talk to him? Put it on speaker.

TR: That would require you to actually call him. Maybe give it a few minutes though? We’re a little busy right now.

SM: What, he can’t drive and talk on the phone at the same time?

TR: It’s the dodging of bullets that might make that challenging. Not that Danny isn’t a great multi-tasker, but it seems like an unnecessary risk.

SM: Tani, what the hell is going on?

LG: Damn. On my way.

SM: Tani, report, now.

JR: What just happened?

SM: Junior, why aren’t you with Danny? And where’s Quinn?

JR: Day off, sorry sir.

SM: Someone call HPD, why don’t you have any back up?

TR: No worries, the perp’s not chasing us anymore. His car flipped over and sort of slid down the dunes. Probably not good for the birds. But he definitely stopped shooting, so it’s all good.

DW has changed the name of the group text to My Camaro has another bullet hole and it’s Steve’s fault

May 21, 2020

SM: We have to talk about yesterday.

DW: Everything’s fine, Steve.

SM: It didn’t sound like it.

DW: We had it under control.

SM: Why was Tani texting when people were shooting at you? She should have been covering you, or calling for back up. She should have seen it coming. You should never have been in that position in the first place.

DW: One, Tani did nothing wrong, and two, mind your own beeswax.

SM: Mind my own – what’s that supposed to mean?

DW: Think about it for a minute, you’ll figure it out.

SM: Are you even recovered enough for active duty?

DW: Oh, now you’re interested in my health?

SM: Danny, Five-0 is still my team, my responsibility.

DW: Is it, now? Funny, because I’m pretty sure the governor told me I’m in charge.

SM: Temporarily.

DW: Indefinitely. Or have you booked a flight home that you haven’t told us about?

SM: Danny, we’ve been over this.

DW: Don’t I know it.

SM: I’m just concerned about all of you.

DW: Great. Come home and take your job back. Otherwise keep your mouth shut.

SM: I’m not criticizing, it’s just that it doesn’t seem like yesterday went exactly according to plan.

DW: According to plan? Since when have you ever done anything according to plan? You are the head of not having a plan, the Czar of plan-less-ness, the President of who needs a fucking plan.

LG: You guys do remember this is a group text, right?

June 2, 2020

JR: Do any of you know what was in the package Danny got today?

TR: You could just ask him.

JR: I would, but he opened it up and then locked himself in his office and he’s been on the phone for half an hour.

QL: Might be a sign that he wants some privacy.

TR: You think?

JR: So I shouldn’t ask him?

TR: No, you should definitely ask him. But maybe bring him some malasadas when you barge into his office, it might soften the blow.

LG: Or distract him enough that he doesn’t hit your head when he throws something at you.

DW: It’s kind of late for malasadas, but I’d love a sandwich from Machete’s. Turkey and salami, Italian dressing instead of mayo.

JR: Yes sir.

LG: You’re enjoying this boss thing, aren’t you, Danny?

DW: It’s good to be king. At least where lunch is concerned.

TR: So are you going to tell us what was in the package?

DW: Will you do my paperwork for the week?

TR: Yesterday you said I was worse at paperwork than Steve.

DW: Good point. Will you get Junior to do my paperwork?

JR: Hey, wait a minute, I’m getting the sandwiches.

TR: Deal. Don’t worry Junes, I’ll make it worth your while.

LG: TMI, children.

…

LG: Tani, spill. What was in the package?

DW: A stuffed squirrel. A stuffed animal. Not, like, a once was alive squirrel, like a toy.

QL: Who sent it to him?

TR: Apparently that piece of information wasn’t part of the deal.

JR: It’s from Steve.

TR: Danny told you?

JR: No, I looked at the return address. He put the package in the recycle bin in the break room.

DW: At least someone here has some detective skills.

LG: Okay, I’ll bite. Danny, why did Steve send you a squirrel? Is it for Charlie?

DW: Nope, it’s mine. And anyone who touches it is dead.

JR: So… who’s gonna grab it?

LG: Junior, I’d think twice. Danny’s got the power to assign you to walking the beat for the rest of the summer. I think that squirrel looks great right there where it is on Danny’s desk.

TR: He can be our honorary Five-0 mascot.

DW: Exactly. The very first Hawaiian squirrel.

DW: But let me reiterate, you may not touch him. If I see a tiny aloha shirt or a lei on my squirrel, heads will roll.

TR: I like this side of you, Danny. Very authoritative.

DW: The children do not respect me, Lou.

LG: Didn’t the governor say he needed extra security at that concert Saturday night?

DW: The heavy metal battle of the bands? The one that lasts for five hours, and features not just professional bands, but appearances from some of the most popular amateur head-banging groups around? Hm, I think he did. I was going to check with HPD to make sure it was covered. Do you think they need personal attention from Five-0?

TR: Danny, you might notice that a note has just been slipped under your door. It’s from me and Junior, attesting to our sincere understanding that the squirrel is off limits. Just in case you were wondering.

DW: And all is right with the world again.

LG: Amen, brother.

TR: But just out of curiosity, what are you going to name your apology squirrel? Pineapple?

DW: Thin ice, my friend, thin ice.

TR has changed the name of the group text to First Hawaiian Squirrel Fan Club

June 20, 2020

JR: Anyone want to come over and watch Jurassic Park with me and Charlie? We went a little overboard with the snacks.

LG: What kind of snacks?

JR: Primarily pretzels. For some reason I had never really looked that closely at the pretzel aisle at Foodland before. We got chocolate covered pretzels, pretzels stuffed with peanut butter, honey garlic pretzels, and probably some others too.

TR: What brought on this pretzel craving?

JR: Actually Charlie wanted pineapple pretzels.

LG: There is no such thing.

JR: That’s what I thought too, but it turns out I was totally wrong. The ABC store on my block has them.

LG: You are shitting me.

JR: They’re called Pretz. Pineapple flavor. They’re actually pretty good.

LG: Okay, I’m coming over just to taste those. Renee’s out tonight anyway.

TR: You’ll have to save me some. I’m hanging with Koa tonight.

LG: And what does our fearless leader think about pineapple pretzels?

JR: He probably won’t like them, but he’s not home.

TR: Babysitting, Junes?

JR: Charlie’s my pal, he’s not a baby. But yeah.

TR: Where’s Danny?

JR: On a date.

TR: That seems unlikely.

JR: That’s kind of harsh, isn’t it? Danny’s a good looking guy.

TR: Of course he is, that’s not what I meant.

DW: Thanks.

TR: Fuck I keep forgetting we’re all on this text.

JR: Danny, how’s your date going?

DW: It would probably be going better if I wasn’t texting you guys.

SM: Learned that lesson finally, did you?

DW: Steve, isn’t it a little late where you are?

SM: Never too late to help out a friend. Are you wearing the French blue button-down?

DW: No, it got ruined. I’m just wearing a black polo.

SM: Too bad, that’s a great shirt.

DW: I’m going to the mall tomorrow, there’s a sale at Lord & Taylor, I need new shirts. For some reason mine keep getting blood stains on them.

SM: Wish I could go with you, you do better with a wingman.

DW: It’s true, you talked me into buying two of those slim fit dark blue ones, and those are some of my favorites.

SM: Don’t be afraid to try darker shades, Danny. You resist it but in the end you look great.

DW: I did like the dark gray one you made me try on. But not the purple one. It made me look like a gigolo. Anyway blue’s still my favorite.

SM: It’s true, nothing makes your eyes sparkle like a blue shirt.

DW: And good company, of course.

LG: I feel like this thread has been hijacked by aliens.

TR: Aliens who like menswear. Danny, isn’t your date annoyed that you’re spending all this time texting?

DW: Oh, she left. I’ll be home soon, I’m just picking up some ice cream for the Jurassic Park marathon.

JR: I’m so confused.

SM: Don’t overthink it. But make sure Danny tries the pineapple pretzels.

#mcdanno #H50 #H50 fic #Hawaii Five-0 #Danny Williams #Steve McGarrett

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chicagoindiecritics · 4 years

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New from Robert Daniels on 812 Film Reviews: ‘Motherless Brooklyn:’ Rarely Bridges with the Audience

Rating: 2/4

With a wide range of quality, 2019 has been the year of the long gestating passion project: from Ang Lee’s Gemini Man to Martin Scorsese’s The Irishman. That includes Edward Norton. Since he read Jonathan Lethem’s eponymous novel in 1999, he’s wanted to adapt the work—and in multiple ways, Motherless Brooklyn is a film of its time, or could’ve been time: portraying a white savant with a disability—in this case Tourette Syndrome—put into a position where he overcomes his malady to become a girl-magnet hero.

Norton plays the film’s genius protagonist Lionel Essrog—a man with a photographic memory carrying the moniker of “freak show” from his co-workers due to his behavioral ticks. He—along with Tony (Bobby Cannavale), Danny (Dallas Roberts), and Gilbert (Ethan Suplee)—work for private investigator Frank Minna (Bruce Willis). On the trail of something big, Minna is gunned down by his employers and it’s up to Lionel to figure out what happened, while contending with a gigantic outside force in Moses Randolph (a searing Alec Baldwin) and a mysterious informant Paul (Willem Dafoe). While Motherless Brooklyn, as a quirky but cliche Neo-Noir entices by presenting a larger socio-economic foil with gusto, Norton as an adaptive screenwriter makes several critical errors in his cinematic rendering.

One applies in the narrative’s character development. In Norton’s effecting performance, especially with regards to representing Tourette Syndrome, there’s little room for anyone else in his burrowing adaption to astonish, especially his Black characters. Laura (Gugu Mbatha-Raw): the against-type dame in this film, initially strides strongly—a soon-to-be lawyer working to expand housing for Blacks and the poor quickly patters into a narrative alley where the streetlight doesn’t shine: diminished into a love interest to Lionel and a pawn for the men surrounding her. Her origins hold the key to the events surrounding Minna’s death, and could carry Motherless Brooklyn—if only Norton realized her full capabilities.

Worse yet, there’s also the Trumpet Man (Michael K. Williams) who initially blows sharp notes at an admiring white fan: “the famed musician learned his trade by sucking off little white boys” he spouts with a sneer. Resentful of a white society: in an explosion of infrastructure and jobs, who tossed away post-war Blacks, shakes the viewer from their sleepy gentrified shuffle, but fades from earshot as the trumpeter becomes relatively mute —unless he’s espousing how similar himself and Lionel are. In fact, one scene still sticks with me. Depicting when Lionel calls to meet with Moses Randolph to talk turkey, in the background hangs a painting, around the sleuth sits the Black characters no more animated than the art behind them. In Motherless Brooklyn, Black characters aren’t the movers and shakers, they don’t write the articles of change, they’re pretty paintings on the wall informing the larger conversation. Adaption, the truncating and expansion of characters can change such, but it doesn’t here.

Moreover, in other narrative regions, Norton’s adaptive fingers transit slower than frozen rail tracks. Frank’s wife Julia (Leslie Mann): minor and forgettable past a floozy portrayal, could’ve been truncated to save time on an already bloated 144 minutes. Motherless Brooklyn also uses weed as a character detail: one of the substances other than gum that calms Lionel, which is mostly inserted to conjoin Thom Yorke’s somber original song “Daily Battles” with the on-screen events. The effect numbs a couple of the sleek match cuts Norton wants to rely on.

Nevertheless, even when Motherless Brooklyn is just a basic accompaniment to A Beautiful Mind —striking a beat too late, Norton’s story of a gumshoe savant working the case does swing. It happens through the middle act, when the gritty Noir-based investigation shoe horns racial and classist housing inequality, grounding its foundation in New York’s infrastructure history; when Moses Randolph—based upon the real life “master builder” Robert Moses—clutches his bulldozing power to parting intentions, when Lionel employs his tricks of the trade to grease intelligence from unsuspecting witnesses: then Motherless Brooklyn forms its connective narrative suspensions: buttressed by quietly sweeping suites of horns and taps of gumshoe high hats that offer soothing splashes of information rather than sticky obtrusive hits.

In any case, Norton does discover a type of rhythm that partly shifts the meandering adaption into a cliche but tuneful Neo Noir, one that makes his long wait to see it on screen somewhat worth it to someone. Which makes Motherless Brooklyn a noble failure, but a failure nonetheless.

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#IFTTT #WordPress #CIFCC #film critics #movies #film #Chicago

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etraytin · 6 years

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CJ and Toby headcanons!

I got this request twice, cause it’s so nice. Also, my living room is full of boxes, and I’m debating whether I can possibly fit an entire frozen turkey in a standard size cooler. Moving is the worst. Anyway, I got this request, and also one specifically about CJ and Toby’s relationship history. Here goes!

CJ and Toby dated once upon a time, back in the days when they were both much younger and some of them had a lot more hair, while they were working on a doomed Senate campaign in New York. It was definitely the bright spot of that very depressing election season! CJ could chivvy Toby out of his dark moods by lipsyncing to the radio or just by tossing off her shirt, and CJ never felt too tall or too awkward when Toby whispered filthy poetry into her skin.

But the election ended and they were both out of jobs and in transition again. CJ didn’t like New York, cold and oppressively tall when compared to the warm friendliness of Berkeley. When Emily’s List offered her a job crafting message for a few California Congressional races, it seemed like a godsend. The only trouble was that Toby wouldn’t come with her. He liked New York, his family was there, and he insisted that the sun and warm weather would dilute his unique personality. It was a hard choice, but CJ had promised herself years ago that she would never ignore her own needs in favor of what a man wanted. Her own father, for all she loved him dearly, was a prime example of the feckless nature of the male of the species. She’d rather love Toby and lose him than have that love change to bitterness. CJ went back to California alone.

As it turned out, CJ wouldn’t see Toby for six more years, but they still kept in touch. She didn’t like going too long without talking to Toby and would call him up every few months ,or get a call from him venting his ever-present frustrations. After two years, with the EMILY’s List job wrapping up, she thought about going back to New York. It had to mean something that she’d never gotten him out of her head. But when she talked to him about it, he admitted that he was about to get engaged to a woman he hadn’t even told CJ about. That hurt quite a bit, but she forgave him because he was Toby and he did weird things when he was trying to be good to people. She went to New York for a visit and for the wedding and found she liked Toby’s new wife, which was only a little bit annoying. After that, though, she found politics had lost some of their appeal, and decided to give public relations a try.

CJ and Toby never did anything in the White House, despite some moments of pretty serious temptation. They went home together a few times, after Rosslyn, after the MS disclosure, after Leo’s heart attack, but it was always for comfort rather than sex. Toby might have been game for more, but press secretary had seeped into CJ’s veins and she’d never have been able to relax. It was the same reason her relationship with Danny didn’t proceed past awkward dinners until the twilight of the administration. On the night that Toby admitted to be the shuttle leak, CJ found herself picking up the phone and dialing Toby’s extension because it was such a habit whenever she passed a certain threshold of stress and pain. Realizing she couldn’t do that anymore was just another blow.

Getting Toby’s tacit blessing to be with Danny helped heal some of the weird stress fractures in their relationship, but it isn’t until CJ and Danny get married that she and Toby start reaching out to one another again. After all this time and all the water under the bridge there’s no longer a romantic component to their relationship, but he’s still one of her oldest friends. Nobody who didn’t endure the Bartlet administration really understands what it was like, and it’s a crucible that will bond them forever. It is, perhaps, the strongest evidence of their friendship that when Toby comes to find her in Santa Monica and tells her he knows a good man who’s going to be running for president, she doesn’t knock him into the swimming pool.

#the west wing #headcanons #fanfiction #cj cregg #toby ziegler #this one turned out a little more narrative than i planned #whoops guess it's a headfanfic #beturass

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ratbonesroyalty · 7 years

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NARRATOR 'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place that perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story that you are about to be told, took place in the holiday worlds of old. Now, you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't, I'd say it's time you begun. This Is Halloween SHADOW Boys and girls of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange? SIAMESE SHADOW Come with us and you will see This, our town of Halloween PUMPKIN PATCH CHORUS This is Halloween, this is Halloween Pumpkins scream in the dead of night GHOSTS This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween CREATURE UNDER BED I am the one hiding under your bed Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red MAN UNDER THE STAIRS I am the one hiding under your stairs Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair CORPSE CHORUS This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! VAMPIRES In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song MAYOR In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise CORPSE CHORUS Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll scream HARLEQUIN DEMON, WEREWOLF, AND MELTING MAN Scream! This is Halloween Red 'n' black, slimy green WEREWOLF Aren't you scared? WITCHES Well, that's just fine Say it once, say it twice Take the chance and roll the dice Ride with the moon in the dead of night HANGING TREE Everybody scream, everybody scream HANGED MEN In our town of Halloween CLOWN I am the clown with the tear-away face Here in a flash and gone without a trace SECOND GHOUL I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?" I am the wind blowing through your hair OOGIE BOOGIE SHADOW I am the shadow on the moon at night Filling your dreams to the brim with fright CORPSE CHORUS This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! CHILD CORPSE TRIO Tender lumplings everywhere Life's no fun without a good scare PARENT CORPSES That's our job, but we're not mean In our town of Halloween CORPSE CHORUS In this town MAYOR Don't we love it now? MAYOR WITH CORPSE CHORUS Everyone's waiting for the next surprise CORPSE CHORUS Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back And scream like a banshee Make you jump out of your skin This is Halloween, everybody scream Won't ya please make way for a very special guy Our man Jack is king of the pumpkin patch Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now EVERYONE This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! CORPSE CHILD TRIO In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song EVERYONE La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! (etc.) EVERYONE [applause] WITCHES Cackling CLOWN It's over! BEHEMOTH We did it! [tummy bump] WEREWOLF Wasn't it terrifying? HYDE & CYCLOPS What a night! MAYOR Great Halloween everybody. JACK I believe it was our most horrible yet! Thank you everyone. MAYOR No, thanks to you, Jack. Without your brilliant leadership - JACK Not at all Mayor. VAMPIRE (fat) You're such a scream, Jack WITCH You're a witch's fondest dream! WITCH (little) You made walls fall, Jack WITCH Walls fall? You made the very mountains crack, Jack DR. FINKELSTEIN The deadly nightshade you slipped me wore off, Sally. SALLY Let go! DR. FINKELSTEIN You're not ready for so much excitement! SALLY Yes I am! DR. FINKELSTEIN You're coming with me! SALLY No I'm not! [Sally pulls out the thread that's holding her arm on] DR. FINKELSTEIN Come back here you foolish oaf! Ow! CREATURE FROM BLACK LAGOON Ooo Jack, you make wounds ooze and flesh crawl. JACK Thank you, thank you, thank you -- very much MAYOR Hold it! We haven't given out the prizes yet! Our first award goes to the vampires for most blood drained in a single evening. [applause] MAYOR A frightening and honorable mention goes to the fabulous Dark Lagoon leeches SAX PLAYER Nice work, Bone Daddy. JACK Yeah, I guess so. Just like last year and the year before that and the year before that. [entering graveyard] Jack's Lament Performed by Danny Elfman There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best For my talents are renowned far and wide When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night I excel without ever even trying With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms I have seen grown men give out a shriek With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan I have swept the very bravest off their feet Yet year after year, it's the same routine And I grow so weary of the sound of screams And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King Have grown so tired of the same old thing Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones An emptiness began to grow There's something out there, far from my home A longing that I've never known I'm the master of fright, and a demon of light And I'll scare you right out of your pants To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mister Unlucky And I'm known throughout England and France And since I am dead, I can take off my head To recite Shakespearean quotations No animal nor man can scream like I can With the fury of my recitations But who here would ever understand That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin Would tire of his crown, if they only understood He'd give it all up if he only could Oh, there's an empty place in my bones That calls out for something unknown The fame and praise come year after year Does nothing for these empty tears [leaving graveyard and entering forest] SALLY Jack, I know how you feel. [Sally gathers herbs] [back at Dr. Finkelstein's castle] DR. FINKELSTEIN Sally, you've come back. SALLY I had to. DR. FINKELSTEIN For this? [showing her arm] SALLY Yes. DR. FINKELSTEIN Shall we then. That's twice this month you've slipped deadly nightshade into my tea and run off -- SALLY Three times! DR. FINKELSTEIN You're mine you know! I made you with my own hands. SALLY You can make other creations. I'm restless, I can't help it. DR. FINKELSTEIN It's a phase my dear, it'll pass. We need to be patient that's all. SALLY But, I don't want to be patient. [forest] ZERO bark JACK No Zero, not now. I'm not in the mood. ZERO bark JACK All right. [giving Zero a rib from himself] Here ya go boy. [Zero gets rib and shows off his nose] [Back to Halloweentown] MAYOR Morning gents [to the band] [humming This Is Halloween, walks up to Jack's front door and rings bell] MAYOR Jack, you home? [getting worried, switches face and knocks with desperation then switch back to happy face] MAYOR Jack? I've got the plans for next Halloween. I need to go over them with you so we can get started. MAYOR (with worried face) Jack, please, I'm only an elected an official here, I can't make decisions by myself. Jack, answer me!! [falls down steps] ACCORDION PLAYER He's not home. MAYOR Where is he? SAX PLAYER He hasn't been home all night. MAYOR ooooo [back to forest] JACK (yawning) Where are we? It's someplace new. ZERO bark bark JACK What is this? [Jack sees Valentine's tree, shamrock tree, Easter egg tree, turkey tree] JACK [gasps] [sees Xmas tree] [turns knob and gets sucked in] ZERO bark bark JACK Whoa!!!! What's This? Performed by Danny Elfman What's this? What's this? There's color everywhere What's this? There's white things in the air What's this? I can't believe my eyes I must be dreaming Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair What's this? What's this? What's this? There's something very wrong What's this? There's people singing songs What's this? The streets are lined with Little creatures laughing Everybody seems so happy Have I possibly gone daffy? What is this? What's this? There's children throwing snowballs instead of throwing heads They're busy building toys And absolutely no one's dead There's frost on every window Oh, I can't believe my eyes And in my bones I feel the warmth That's coming from inside Oh, look What's this? They're hanging mistletoe, they kiss Why that looks so unique, inspired They're gathering around to hear a story Roasting chestnuts on a fire What's this? What's this? In here they've got a little tree, how queer And who would ever think And why? They're covering it with tiny little things They've got electric lights on strings And there's a smile on everyone So, now, correct me if I'm wrong This looks like fun This looks like fun Oh, could it be I got my wish? What's this? Oh my, what now? The children are asleep But look, there's nothing underneath No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them Or ensnare them, only little cozy things Secure inside their dreamland What's this? The monsters are all missing And the nightmares can't be found And in their place there seems to be Good feeling all around Instead of screams, I swear I can hear music in the air The smell of cakes and pies Are absolutely everywhere The sights, the sounds They're everywhere and all around I've never felt so good before This empty place inside of me is filling up I simply cannot get enough I want it, oh, I want it Oh, I want it for my own I've got to know I've got to know What is this place that I have found? What is this? Christmas Town, hmm... SANDY CLAWS Ho Ho Ho Ho ho ho ho ho JACK hmm.. [Halloweentown] CLOWN This has never happened before. Witch It's suspicious. Witch (little) It's peculiar. VAMPIRES It's scary. MAYOR Stand aside. WEREWOLF grrrr MAYOR Coming through. We've got find Jack. There's only 365 days left till next Halloween. WEREWOLF 364! MAYOR Is there anywhere we've forgotten to check? Clown I looked in every mausoleum. WITCHES We opened the sarcophagi. Hyde I tromped through the pumpkin patch. VAMPIRE I peeked behind the Cyclops's eye. I did! But he wasn't there. MAYOR It's time to sound the alarms. [DR. FINKELSTEIN's castle] SALLY Frog's breath will overpower any odor. Bitter. [coughing] Worm's wart. Where's that worm's wart? DR. FINKELSTEIN Sally, that soup ready yet? SALLY Coming....lunch DR. FINKELSTEIN Ah, what's that? Worm's wart, mmm, and...frog's breath. SALLY What's wrong? I-I thought you liked frog's breath. DR. FINKELSTEIN Nothing's more suspicious than frog's breath. Until you taste it I won't swallow a spoonful. SALLY I'm not hungry... [knocking spoon] Oops! DR. FINKELSTEIN You want me to starve. An old man like me who hardly has strength as it is. Me, to whom you owe your very life. SALLY Oh don't be silly. [eats soup with trick spoon] Mmmm, see. Scrumptious. [Dr. Finkelstein eats soup] [Halloween] MAYOR Did anyone think to dredge the lake? VAMPIRE Ah, this morning! ZERO barks Witch Hear that? Witch (little) What? Witch Shh! ZERO barks VAMPIRE Zero! [fanfare as Jack and Zero arrive] Kid Jack's back! MAYOR Where have you been? JACK Call a town meeting and I'll tell everyone all about it. MAYOR When? JACK Immediately! MAYOR [in his mayor truck] Town meeting, town meeting, town meeting tonight, town meeting tonight [at meeting] Clown [giggles as he hits Sally] JACK Listen everyone. I want to tell you about Christmastown. Town Meeting Song Performed by Danny Elfman and Cast JACK There are objects so peculiar They were not to be believed All around, things to tantalize my brain It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen And as hard as I try I can't seem to describe Like a most improbable dream But you must believe when I tell you this It's as real as my skull and it does exist Here, let me show you This is a thing called a present The whole thing starts with a box DEVIL A box? is it steel? WEREWOLF Are there locks? HARLEOUIN DEMON Is it filled with a pox? DEVIL, WEREWOLF, HARLEQUIN DEMON A pox How delightful, a pox JACK If you please Just a box with bright-colored paper And the whole thing's topped with a bow WITCHES A bow? But why? How ugly What's in it? What's in it? JACK That's the point of the thing, not to know CLOWN It's a bat Will it bend? CREATURE UNDER THE STAIRS It's a rat Will it break? UNDERSEA GAL Perhaps it s the head that I found in the lake JACK Listen now, you don't understand That's not the point of Christmas land Now, pay attention We pick up an oversized sock And hang it like this on the wall MR. HYDE Oh, yes! Does it still have a foot? MEDIUM MR. HYDE Let me see, let me look SMALL MR. HYDE Is it rotted and covered with gook? JACK Um, let me explain There's no foot inside, but there's candy Or sometimes it's filled with small toys MUMMY AND WINGED DEMON Small toys WINGED DEMON Do they bite? MUMMY Do they snap? WINGED DEMON Or explode in a sack? CORPSE KID Or perhaps they just spring out And scare girls and boys MAYOR What a splendid idea This Christmas sounds fun I fully endorse it Let's try it at once JACK Everyone, please now, not so fast There's something here that you don't quite grasp Well, I may as well give them what they want And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last For the ruler of this Christmas land Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice Least that's what I've come to understand And I've also heard it told That he's something to behold Like a lobster, huge and red When he sets out to slay with his rain gear on Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms That is, so I've heard it said And on a dark, cold night Under full moonlight He flies into a fog Like a vulture in the sky And they call him Sandy Claws Well, at least they're excited But they don't understand That special kind of feeling in Christmas land Oh, well... [Jack's house] JACK There's got to be a logical way to explain this Xmas thing. [Dr. Finkelstein's castle] DR. FINKELSTEIN You've poisoned me for the last time you wretched girl. [locks Sally away] [dingdong] DR. FINKELSTEIN Oh my head...the door is open. JACK Hel-lo DR. FINKELSTEIN Jack Skellington, up here my boy. JACK Dr. I need to borrow some equipment. DR. FINKELSTEIN Is that so, whatever for? JACK I'm conducting a series of experiments. DR. FINKELSTEIN How perfectly marvelous. Curiosity killed the cat, you know. JACK I know. DR. FINKELSTEIN Come on into the lab and we'll get you all fixed up. SALLY Hmm. Experiments? [Jack's house] JACK Zero, I'm home. [Jack examines & experiments with Xmas stuff] JACK Interesting reaction....but what does it mean? [Sally's room] [after Sally jumps to give Jack his basket...] DR. FINKELSTEIN You can come out now if you promise to behave. Sally. Sally. Oooh! Gone again! [Jack's house] [Sally gives Jack his basket and sneaks off and picks a flower which catches on fire] Jack's Obsession Performed by Danny Elfman and Cast CITIZENS OF HALLOWEEN Something's up with Jack Something's up with Jack Don't know if we're ever going to get him back He's all alone up there Locked away inside Never says a word Hope he hasn't died Something's up with Jack Something's up with Jack JACK Christmas time is buzzing in my skull Will it let me be? I cannot tell There's so many things I cannot grasp When I think I've got it, and then at last Through my bony fingers it does slip Like a snowflake in a fiery grip Something here I'm not quite getting Though I try, I keep forgetting Like a memory long since past Here in an instant, gone in a flash What does it mean? What does it mean? In these little bric-a-brac A secret's waiting to be cracked These dolls and toys confuse me so Confound it all, I love it though Simple objects, nothing more But something's hidden through a door Though I do not have the key Something's there I cannot see What does it mean? What does it mean? What does it mean? Hmm... I've read these Christmas books so many times I know the stories and I know the rhymes I know the Christmas carols all by heart My skull's so full, it's tearing me apart As often as I've read them, something's wrong So hard to put my bony finger on Or perhaps it's really not as deep As I've been led to think Am I trying much too hard? Of course! I've been too close to see The answer's right in front of me Right in front of me It's simple really, very clear Like music drifting in the air Invisible, but everywhere Just because I cannot see it Doesn't mean I can't believe it You know, I think this Christmas thing It's not as tricky as it seems And why should they have all the fun? It should belong to anyone Not anyone, in fact, but me Why, I could make a Christmas tree And there's no reason I can find I couldn't handle Christmas time I bet I could improve it too And that's exactly what I'll do Hee,hee,hee JACK Eureka!! This year, Christmas will be ours! MAYOR Patience, everyone. Jack has a special Job for each of us. Dr. Finkelstein, your Xmas assignment is ready. Dr. Finkelstein to the front of the line. VAMPIRE What kind of a noise is that for a baby to make? JACK Perhaps it can be improved? VAMPIRES No problem! JACK I knew it! Dr. thank you for coming. We need some of these. [showing picture of Santa and sleigh] DR. FINKELSTEIN Hmm.. their construction should be exceedingly simple. I think. MAYOR How horrible our Xmas will be. JACK No--how jolly. MAYOR [switches face] Oh, how jolly our Xmas will be. [gets pelted] What are you doing here? LOCK Jack sent for us. SHOCK Specifically. BARREL By name. LOCK Lock SHOCK Shock BARREL Barrel MAYOR Jack, Jack it's Oogie's boys! JACK Ah, Halloween's finest trick or treaters. The job I have for you is top secret. It requires craft, cunning, mischief. SHOCK And we thought you didn't like us, Jack. [giggles] JACK Absolutely no one is to know about it. Not a soul. Now-- [whispers to LS&B] And one more thing -- leave that no account Ooogie Boogie out of this! BARREL Whatever you say, Jack. SHOCK Of course Jack. LOCK Wouldn't dream of it Jack. [all said with their fingers crossed] Kidnap the Sandy Claws Performed by Paul Reubens, Catherine O'Hara, and Danny Elfman LOCK, SHOCK, AND BARREL Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws LOCK I wanna do it BARREL Let's draw straws SHOCK Jack said we should work together Three of a kind LOCK, SHOCK, AND BARREL Birds of a feather Now and forever Wheeee La, la, la, la, la Kidnap the Sandy Claws, lock him up real tight Throw away the key and then Turn off all the lights SHOCK First, we're going to set some bait Inside a nasty trap and wait When he comes a-sniffing we will Snap the trap and close the gate LOCK Wait! I've got a better plan To catch this big red lobster man Let's pop him in a boiling pot And when he's done we'll butter him up LOCK, SHOCK, AND BARREL Kidnap the Sandy Claws Throw him in a box Bury him for ninety years Then see if he talks SHOCK Then Mr. Oogie Boogie Man Can take the whole thing over then He'll be so pleased, I do declare That he will cook him rare LOCK,SHOCK, AND BARREL Wheeee LOCK I say that we take a cannon Aim it at his door And then knock three times And when he answers Sandy Claws will be no more SHOCK You're so stupid, think now lf we blow him up to smithereens We may lose some pieces And then Jack will beat us black and green LOCK,SHOCK, AND BARREL Kidnap the Sandy Claws Tie him in a bag Throw him in the ocean Then, see if he is sad LOCK AND SHOCK Because Mr. Oogie Boogie is the meanest guy around If I were on his Boogie list, I'd get out of town BARREL He'll be so pleased by our success That he'll reward us too, I'll bet LOCK, SHOCK, AND BARREL Perhaps he'll make his special brew Of snake and spider stew Ummm! We're his little henchmen and We take our job with pride We do our best to please him And stay on his good side SHOCK I wish my cohorts weren't so dumb BARREL I'm not the dumb one LOCK You're no fun SHOCK Shut up LOCK Make me SHOCK I've got something, listen now This one is real good, you'll see We'll send a present to his door Upon there'll be a note to read Now, in the box we'll wait and hide Until his curiosity entices him to look inside BARREL And then we'll have him One, two, three LOCK, SHOCK, AND BARREL Kidnap the Sandy Claws, beat him with a stick Lock him up for ninety years, see what makes him tick Kidnap the Sandy Claws, chop him into bits Mr. Oogie Boogie is sure to get his kicks Kidnap the Sandy Claws, see what we will see Lock him in a cage and then, throw away the key OOGIE BOOGIE Sandy Claws..hahaha [city hall] JACK It goes something like this. [Jingle bells] How about it? Think you can manage? PERSON INSIDE BASS a one, and a two, and a three, and a. . . [Jingle in a flat key by the band] MAYOR Next! JACK Fantastic! Now why don't you all practice on that and we'll be in great shape. Sally, I need your help more than anyone's. SALLY You certainly do, Jack. I had the most terrible vision. JACK That's splendid. SALLY No, it was about your Xmas. There was smoke and fire. JACK That not my Xmas. My Xmas is filled with laughter and joy and this--my Sandy Claws outfit. I want you to make it. SALLY Jack, please, listen to me--it's going to be a disaster. JACK How could it be--just follow the pattern. This part is red, the trim is white. SALLY It's a mistake, Jack. JACK Now don't be modest, who else is clever enough to make my Sandy claws outfit. MAYOR Next! JACK I have every confidence in you. SALLY But it seems wrong to me, very wrong. [to Behemoth] JACK This device is called a nutcracker. LOCK, SHOCK & BARREL Jack, Jack we caught him we caught him. JACK Perfect! Open it up. Quickly! [opens to reveal the Easter bunny] JACK That's not Sandy Claws! SHOCK It isn't? BARREL Who is it? BEHEMOTH Bunny! JACK Not Sandy Claws...take him back! LOCK We followed your instructions-- BARREL we went through the door-- JACK Which door? There's more than one. Sandy Claws is behind the door shaped like this. [shows Xmas cookie in shape of tree] SHOCK I told you! [LS&B start fighting] JACK Arr!! [making scary face at LS&B] JACK I'm very sorry for the inconvenience, sir. Take him home first and apologize again. Be careful with Sandy Claws when you fetch him. Treat him nicely. LOCK, SHOCK & BARREL Got it. We'll get it right next time. [Dr. Finkelstein's castle] DR. FINKELSTEIN You will be a decided improvement over that treacherous Sally. IGOR Master, the plans. DR. FINKELSTEIN Excellent, Igor. [throws him a dog bone] Making Christmas Performed by Danny Elfman and the Citizens of Halloween CLOWN This time, this time GROUP Making Christmas ACCORDION PLAYER Making Christmas MAYOR Making Christmas, making Christmas Is so fine GROUP It's ours this time And won't the children be surprised It's ours this time CHILD CORPSE Making Christmas MUMMY Making Christmas MUMMY AND CORPSE CHILD Making Christmas WITCHES Time to give them something fun WITCHES AND CREATURE LADY They'll talk about for years to come GROUP Let's have a cheer from everyone It's time to party DUCK TOY Making Christmas, making Christmas VAMPIRES Snakes and mice get wrapped up so nice With spider legs and pretty bows VAMPIRES AND WINGED DEMON It's ours this time CORPSE FATHER All together, that and this CORPSE FATHER, WOLF MAN With all our tricks we're CORPSE FATHER, WOLF MAN, DEVIL Making Christmastime WOLF MAN Here comes Jack JACK I don't believe what's happening to me My hopes, my dreams, my fantasies Hee, hee, hee, hee HARLEQUIN Won't they be impressed, I am a genius See how I transformed this old rat Into a most delightful hat JACK Hmm, my compliments from me to you On this your most intriguing hat Consider though this substitute A bat in place of this old rat Huh! No, no, no, now that's all wrong This thing will never make a present It's been dead now for much too long Try something fresher, something pleasant Try again, don't give up THREE MR. HYDES All together, that and this With all our tricks we're making Christmastime (Instrumental) GROUP This time, this time JACK It's ours! GROUP Making Christmas, making Christmas La, la, la It's almost here GROUP AND WOLF MAN And we can't wait GROUP AND HARLEOUIN So ring the bells and celebrate GROUP 'Cause when the full moon starts to climb We'll all sing out JACK It's Christmastime Hee, hee, hee [Christmastown] SANDY CLAWS Kathleen, Bobby, Susie, yes, Susie's been nice. Nice, nice, naughty, nice, nice, nice. There are hardly any naughty children this year. [door chime: jingle all the way] SANDY CLAWS Now who could that be? LOCK, SHOCK & BARREL Trick or treat! SANDY CLAWS Huh? [back to Halloweentown] [to Jack in Sandy garb] SALLY You don't look like yourself Jack, not at all. JACK Isn't that wonderful. It couldn't be more wonderful! SALLY But you're the Pumpkin King. JACK Not anymore. And I feel so much better now. SALLY Jack, I know you think something's missing. But -- [pricks Jack's finger with needle] JACK SALLY Sorry JACK You're right, something is missing but what? I've got the beard, the coat, the boots -- LOCK, SHOCK & BARREL Jack, Jack this time we bagged him! LOCK This time we really did! BARREL He sure is big Jack! SHOCK And heavy! SANDY CLAWS Let me out! JACK Sandy Claws in person. What a pleasure to meet you. Why you have hands! You don't have claws at all. SANDY CLAWS Where am I? JACK Surprised aren't you? I knew you would be. You don't need to have another worry about Xmas this year. SANDY CLAWS What? JACK Consider this a vacation Sandy, a reward. It's your turn to take it easy. SANDY CLAWS But there must be some mistake! JACK See that he's comfortable. Just a second fellows. Of course, that's what I'm missing. SANDY CLAWS But -- JACK Thanks! [took Sandy's hat] SANDY CLAWS You just can't... Hold on where are we going now? JACK ho ho ho SALLY This is worse than I thought, much worse. I know... SANDY CLAWS Me? On vacation on Xmas eve? BARREL Where are we taking him? SALLY Where? LOCK To Oogie boogie, of course. There isn't anywhere in the whole world more comfortable than that and Jack said to make him comfortable. Didn't he? SHOCK & BARREL Yes he did. SANDY CLAWS Haven't you heard of peace on earth and good will toward men? LOCK, SHOCK & BARREL No! [Dr. Finkelstein's castle] [getting fog juice] SALLY This'll stop Jack. [working on new creation to replace Sally] DR. FINKELSTEIN What a joy to think of all we'll have in common. We'll have conversations worth having. [Oogie's] LOCK, SHOCK & BARREL [laughing] SANDY CLAWS Don't do this. Naughty children never get any presents. SHOCK I think he might be too big. LOCK No he's not. If he can go down a chimney, he can fit down here! [in Oogie's lair] Oogie Boogie's Song Performed by Ken Page with Ed lvory OOGIE BOOGIE Well, well, well, what have we here? Sandy Claws, huh? Oh, I'm really scared So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha You're jokin', you're jokin' I can't believe my eyes You're jokin' me, you gotta be This can't be the right guy He's ancient, he's ugly I don't know which is worse I might just split a seam now If I don't die laughing first Mr. Oogie Boogie says There's trouble close at hand You'd better pay attention now 'Cause I'm the Boogie Man And if you aren't shakin' There's something very wrong 'Cause this may be the last time You hear the boogie song, ohhh THREE SKELETONS Ohhh OOGIE BOOGIE Ohhh TWO SKELETONS IN VICE Ohhh OOGIE BOOGIE Ohhh THREE BATS Ohhh, he's the Oogie Boogie Man SANTA Release me now Or you must face the dire consequences The children are expecting me So please, come to your senses OOGIE BOOGIE You're jokin', you're jokin' I can't believe my ears Would someone shut this fella up I'm drownin' in my tears It's funny, I'm laughing You really are too much And now, with your permission I'm going to do my stuff SANTA What are you going to do? OOGIE BOOGIE I'm gonna do the best I can Oh, the sound of rollin' dice To me is music in the air 'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man Although I don't play fair It's much more fun, I must confess With lives on the line Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy Now that'd be just fine SANTA Release me fast or you will have to Answer for this heinous act OOGIE BOOGIE Oh, brother, you're something You put me in a spin You aren't comprehending The position that you're in It's hopeless, you're finished You haven't got a prayer 'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie And you ain't going nowhere [LS&B laughing] [back to Halloweentown] [Sally pouring fog juice into fountain] [Jack appears from coffin and there's applause] MAYOR Think of us as you soar triumphantly through the sky outshining every star. Your silhouette a dark blot on the moon, you who are our pride, you who are our glory, you who have frightened billions into an early grave. [the fog starts to get worse] MAYOR You who have eh, devastated the souls of the living... JACK Oh no! We can't take off in this! The reindeer can't see an inch in front of their noses. SALLY Whew! VAMPIRE This fog's as thick as, as... CYCLOPS Jelly brains VAMPIRE Thicker! JACK There go all of my hope, my precious plans, my glorious dreams. Kid [crying] There goes Xmas. ZERO barks JACK No Zero, down boy. My what a brilliant nose you have. The better to light my way! To the head of the team, Zero! We're off! SALLY Wait Jack, no! [Jack is off!] [cheers] JACK ho ho ha ha ha SALLY Good bye Jack, my dearest Jack. Oh how I hope my premonition is wrong. Sally's Song Performed by Catherine O'Hara I sense there's something in the wind That feels like tragedy's at hand And though I'd like to stand by him Can't shake this feeling that I have The worst is just around the bend And does he notice my feelings for him? And will he see how much he means to me? I think it's not to be What will become of my dear friend? Where will his actions lead us then? Although I'd like to join the crowd In their enthusiastic cloud Try as I may, it doesn't last And will we ever end up together? No, I think not, it's never to become For I am not the one [Jack playing Sandy] JACK ho ho ho ho ho ho he he he [lands loudly & wakes up little kid] A little kid Santa! [sees Jack] [gasps] Santa? JACK Merry Xmas! And what is your name? Kid uh uh JACK That's all right. I have a special present for you anyway. There you go sonny. Hohohohehehe [goes back up chimney] Mother And what did Santa bring you honey? [pulls out shrunken head] [mother and father scream] JACK Merry Xmas! Cop [ON PHONE] Hello, police. [frantic peanuts-type talk] Attacked by Xmas toys? That's strange. That's the second toy complaint we've had. JACK hohohohehehe [killer wreath, snake, vampire toy, killer duck] [screams] [Jack puts toys down chimneys] [screams] [Jack in the box chases fat kid] JACK You're welcome one and all! Cop [on phone] Where'd you spot him? ---Fast as we can, ma'am ---Police ---I know, I know a skeleton ---Keep calm ---Turn off all the lights ---Make sure the doors are Locked ---Hello, police Newscaster Reports are pouring in from all over the globe that an impostor is shamelessly impersonating Santa Claus, mocking and mangling this joyous holiday. Halloween residents [cheers] Newscaster Police assure us that this moment, military units are mobilizing to stop the perpetrator of this heinous crime. SALLY [over the Newscaster] Jack, someone has to help Jack. Where'd they take that Sandy Claws? Newscaster --Come back and save Xmas JACK Look Zero, search lights! [firing at Jack] JACK They're celebrating! They're thanking us for doing such a good job. [almost hits Zero] JACK Whoa, careful down there, you almost hit us. ZERO bark JACK It's ok, Zero. Head higher! [Oogie lair] OOGIE BOOGIE Are you a gamblin man, Sandy? Let's play. [sees sally's leg] OOGIE BOOGIE Mmmm.. my, my....what have we here? [Sally's hands start to rescue Sandy] SALLY [whispering] I'll get you out of here. OOGIE BOOGIE Ah, lovely. Tickle, tickle, tickle. Tickle, tickle, tickle. [Sally's hands untie Sandy] [Oogie realizes that there's no body to the leg] OOGIE BOOGIE What?!? You trying to make a dupe out of me? [Oogie sucks Sandy and Sally back in] [back to Jack] JACK Who's next on my list. Ah, little Harry and Jordan. Won't they be surprised. [sleigh gets hit] JACK They're trying to hit us! ZERO! ZERO Bark [sleigh gets hit] [as Jack's falling] JACK Merry Xmas to all and to all a good night... [Halloween] WEREWOLF howl! MAYOR (with white face) I knew this Xmas thing was a bad idea. I felt it in my gut. Terrible news folks. The worst tragedy of our times. Jack has been blown to smithereens. Terrible, terrible news. [back to "normal" town] Cop [in car] Attention, attention citizens. Terrible news. There's still no sign of Santa Claus. Although the impostor has been shot down, it looks like Xmas will have to be canceled this year. I repeat the impostor has been shot down but there's still no sign ...... [Jack in cemetery] Poor Jack Performed by Danny Elfman What have I done? What have I done? How could I be so blind? All is lost, where was I? Spoiled all, spoiled all Everything's gone all wrong What have I done? What have I done? Find a deep cave to hide in In a million years they'll find me Only dust and a plaque That reads, 'Here Lies Poor Old Jack" But I never intended all this madness, never And nobody really understood, well how could they? That all I ever wanted was to bring them something great Why does nothing ever turn out like it should? Well, what the heck, I went and did my best And, by god, I really tasted something swell And for a moment, why, I even touched the sky And at least I left some stories they can tell, I did And for the first time since I don't remember when I felt just like my old bony self again And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King That's right! I am the Pumpkin King, ha, ha, ha, ha And I just can't wait until next Halloween 'Cause I've got some new ideas that will really make them scream And, by God, I'm really going to give it all my might Uh oh, I hope there's still time to set things right Sandy Claws, hmm [Oogie lair] SALLY You wait till Jack hears about this. By the time he's through with you, you'll be lucky if you... MAYOR The king of Halloween has been blown to smithereens. Skeleton Jack is now a pile of dust. SALLY [gasp] JACK Come on Zero. Xmas isn't over yet! OOGIE BOOGIE What's that you were saying about luck, rag doll? SALLY Help, help, help, help OOGIE BOOGIE Sandy, looks like it's Oogie's turn to boogie. SALLY [scream] OOGIE BOOGIE one 2 3 4 5 6 7 -- hahaha SANDY CLAWS This can't be happening! OOGIE BOOGIE Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. Oh, I'm feeling weak...with hunger. One more roll of the dice oughta do it. Haha [rolls dice] What! Snake eyes. [bang on table] Eleven! Haha looks like I won the jackpot! Bye bye doll face and sandman. Ha, ha, ha [about to dump Sally & Sandy Claus into the lava] What the... JACK Hello Oogie OOGIE BOOGIE Jack, but they said you were dead. You must be double dead. Well come on bone man. ZERO bark bark OOGIE BOOGIE oooo ooo ooo. Pull an arm. ha ha SALLY Jack look out! OOGIE BOOGIE So long, Jack. haha JACK How dare you treat my friends so shamefully. [Jack pulls the thread that came loose that held Oogie together] OOGIE BOOGIE Now look what you've done. My bugs, my bugs, my bugs, bye bye bye JACK Forgive me Mr. claws, I'm afraid I've made a terrible mess of your holiday. SANDY CLAWS Bumpy sleigh ride, Jack? The next time you get the urge to take over someone else's holiday, I'd listen to her! She's the only one who makes any sense around this insane asylum! Skeletons.... JACK I hope there's still time-- SANDY CLAWS To fix Xmas? Of course there is, I'm Santa Claus! [and laying a finger aside of his nose, up Oogie's chimney he rose] SALLY He'll fix things Jack. He knows what to do. JACK How did you get down here Sally? SALLY Oh, I was trying to, well, I wanted to, to -- JACK to help me SALLY I couldn't just let you just... JACK Sally, I can't believe I never realized...that you... MAYOR Jack, Jack! BARREL Here he is! LOCK Alive! SHOCK Just like we said. MAYOR Grab a hold my boy! JACK & SALLY whoa! NEWSCASTER Good news, folks. Santa Claus, the one and only has finally been spotted. Old Saint Nick appears to be traveling at supersonic speed. He's setting things right, bringing joy and cheer wherever he goes. Yes folks, Kris Kringle has pulled it out of the bag and delivered Xmas to excited children all over the world! Finale Performed by Danny Elfman, Catherine O'Hara, and the Citizens of Halloween CHORUS La, la, la, (etc.) Jack's OK, and he's back, OK CHILD CORPSE AND CHORUS He's all right MAYOR AND CHORUS Let's shout, make a fuss Scream it out, wheee CHORUS Jack is back now, everyone sing In our town of Halloween JACK It's great to be home! SANDY CLAWS Hohohohoho Happy Halloween! [Sandy Claws brings snow to Halloween] JACK Merry Xmas! CHILD CORPSE What's this? CYCLOPS What's this? HARLEQUIN DEMON I haven't got a clue MR. HYDE What's this? CLOWN Why it's completely new OFF-SCREEN VOICE What's this? WOLFMAN Must be a Christmas thing OFF-SCREEN VOICE What's this? MAYOR It's really very strange CHORUS This is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! What's this? What's this? (Repeat) DR. FINKELSTEIN Careful, my precious jewel! [Dr. F. with his new wife!] JACK My dearest friend, if you don't mind I'd like to join you by your side Where we can gaze into the stars JACK AND SALLY And sit together, now and forever For it is plain as anyone can see We're simply meant to be

#very long post #happy october

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musicmapglobal · 7 years

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Soundscape 010: Blotchy (South Africa)

MusicMap’s ‘Soundscape’ series is the easiest way to keep up with local music scenes and global trends. Every few weeks we visit a different country and serve up a mix of the finest sounds from that area.

Our tenth episode takes us to South Africa, home of some of the world’s most ground-breaking music right now. Our guide is the Barcelona-based Blotchy, who after leaving his hometown of London spent a decade living in Cape Town, where he co-founded the Cold Turkey night and set up the label Bombaada (described as “Cape Town’s Nonchalant Bass Music Label” on SoundCloud).

“The music coming out of SA right now is literally as diverse as their culture is”, Blotchy explains. “That might seem obvious, but it’s never really been the case. There’s definitely a long history of music in South Africa, but in terms of electronic music, for a long time the only genres that gained any real interest locally were Deep House, Kwaito and believe it or not, PsyTrance. This has definitely started changing in recent years and people are starting to take note, with the rise of interest in Gqom and other strictly South African sounds internationally.

“I wanted to showcase some of the more well known artists and sounds with lesser-known acts who are taking original South African rhythms and flipping them in a nu-skool kind of way.”

Soundscape 010: Blotchy (South Africa) – Full Tracklist:

BIG FKN GUN – Everything Batuk – Gira (Rudeboyz Gqom Remix) Jumping Back Slash – Red Machines Stiff Pap – Dlala Buli – Gravity (Leeu_s Anti-Gravity Remix) Dunn Kidda – Cut Dwson – More of You Dwson – Tears Culoe De Song – Zimele FYNN – Indoda Terrasoul – Storm in a Teacup (DJ Fosta Remix) Black Coffee – Inkodlo Kamashimane Soulfaktor – Woman Zaki Ibrahim – Focus (prod. by Maramza) Blanka Mazimela ft. Danny Ndaye – Sepela Culoe De Song – Sacrifice DJ Lag – Khonkolo (Okzharp Remix) Sainty Baby – Usenzani Cruel Boyz – Cruel Dance (Remake) DJ Lag – 16th Step FORGOTTEN SOULs – Blow my mind Spoek Mathambo – Sifun’Imali Yethu (ft Jumping Backslash) SurrealSessions – Let It Bheng Jumping Back Slash – Driving With The Lights Off Mafia Boyz – Bhengi yoKhalipha OKZharp & Samrai Woza Uzova ft. Ruffest Davve Beats – Yizo Representa (Foreva) M’tunez-i – iMali Dunn Kidda – 144 West Big Space – HOLY WAR Rose Bonica – No One Will Love You Like Your Parents Do Spoek Mathambo – No Congo No Cellphone KYMAC – Woo Way

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actual-bill-potts · 7 years

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On the Nature of Whouffaldi

Last week, I wrote a meta about companions in Moffat vs Davies Who and how Moffat companions are defined mainly by their relationships. That meta was partly inspired by Clara: I find her a very difficult character to understand, but what I realized is that she comes into much clearer focus the more we see of her relationships with others. “The Time of the Doctor,” the first time we see her interacting with her family, is a good example of this. Her controlling tendencies and desire to maintain a certain image are instantly evident in the way she presents the Doctor as her boyfriend and obsesses over the turkey, insisting that everything be perfect.

A question that follows naturally from this realization is, of course, what is the nature of Clara’s relationship with the Doctor? Most of the other Doctor-companion relationships are clearly defined: Rose and Nine/Ten were a Romantic Couple (whether you think they were an actual item or just a bundle of sexually-charges longing), Martha had unrequited love for Ten, Donna and Ten were the Best Friends, and Eleven and the Ponds were a family. What was the Doctor’s relationship with Clara, then? Eleven and Clara seem pretty flirty, but then Twelve takes a hands-off approach. They’re friends, obviously, but it’s not the easy camaraderie of Donna and Ten; they push each at other. At times their relationship seems almost abusive, as he commands her and she goes to extreme lengths to control his actions, but they also have a lot of trust in and love for each other. What, then, are they defined by? The easy answer, of course, is that they are just the Doctor and Clara, and to attempt to define them further is to create too simplistic a model. There is a lot of truth to that in some ways, but it doesn’t satisfy me. So here’s what I came up with: the Doctor and Clara—particularly Twelve and Clara—are defined most of all by hero worship.

Let’s first take a look at Eleven and Clara to see how this plays out. Eleven certainly puts her on a pedestal: “My Clara,” he muses, “always brave, always funny, always exactly what I need.” He might treat her more like a mystery than a person, might be suspicious of her true intentions, but there is no question that he adores her.

Clara likes this, and likes him because of this. Everyone likes to be adored, and there’s an extra level of attraction for her because he provides her opportunities to be a hero. She also sees him as a hero, a wonderful man who drops from the sky. “Good guys do not have zombie creatures!” she scolds the Doctor in “Journey to the Center of the Tardis.” She views him as a storybook hero, and it is this belief that allows her to stop the destruction of Gallifrey; she cannot believe that the Doctor would look at 2.47 billion children and still press the big red button.

So far, they have a mutually-reinforcing cycle of hero-worship: he treats her with respect and gives her adventure, she acquits herself well, his admiration for her grows, she is motivated by that to do more and better, he is even more impressed, and so on. How does this relationship change when Eleven regenerates?

Well, Twelve is much more hands-off and self-contained than Eleven, so on its face Whouffaldi seems much different from Whouffle. Gone are the compliments, the kisses, the spins and giggles and flirty remarks of Eleven’s era. But beneath Twelve’s Grumpy Cat persona, there’s the same idealization of Clara. Look at his impressed “and you saw right through that” in “The Caretaker,” his “I had faith that you would always make the right choice” in “Kill the Moon.” His utter faith that Clara, when put to the test, wouldn’t really throw away the Tardis keys. He trusts her, he loves her (whether that’s platonic or romantic is yours to decide), but he does also idealize her. She is always right, always perfect, indestructible. He owes her his life twice over on Trenzalore. He may not call her that anymore, but to him she is still the Impossible Girl.

Clara, meanwhile, still sees him as a storybook hero. We see this in “Robots of Sherwood” (“When did you start believing in impossible heroes?” “Don’t you know?”), in “Listen” (“if you’re very wise and very strong…”) and most notably in “Dark Water,” where she completely believes that the Doctor can bring Danny back.

Their hero-worship cycle, then, is mainly intact in series 8. It’s a little darker, a little more ruthless, a little harsher as Clara abandons her perky heroine persona in favor of her true self—someone just as devious and dangerous as the Doctor. She, like Twelve, has become a character stripped down to the essentials. But they still believe in each other, hiccups like “Kill the Moon” aside.

I mentioned “Dark Water” earlier as an example of Clara’s faith in the Doctor. But that episode, and the ones following, are the turning point of Whouffaldi. Clara still believes in the Doctor and sees him as a great hero. After all, he did bring Danny back, sort of. And now Danny’s gone, so in series 9 she has no one besides the Doctor. She becomes increasingly dependent on the Doctor’s affirmation and has more of a need to be the Doctor, as she perceives the role, as she becomes detached from Earth.

But Twelve no longer sees Clara as his impossible, indestructible hero. He still loves her, still respects her, still trusts her—but his idealized version of her has been shattered by “Dark Water,” because she doesn’t make the right choice when confronted by seven keys and a volcano. Destroyed by grief, she betrays—or thinks she betrays—the Doctor in the worst possible way. Twelve still adores her, but now that image of her leaping into his timestream has been balanced by her throwing his keys into the fire. It’s not a coincidence that she’s wearing nearly the same outfit in “Dark Water” as she wears in “The Name of the Doctor.” In one, she becomes the ultimate hero for the Doctor; in the other, she becomes a villain, in action if not in his eyes.

This blow to her image is followed in rapid order by “Last Christmas,” in which the Doctor thinks he has come back for Clara too late and believes her dying. Her human frailty has been thrust in his face too many times to ignore, and so he starts to treat her more as a typical companion—someone, though capable in their own right, who needs to be protected—and less as a fellow soldier. Thus, just as Clara becomes very dependent on his approval, he stops approving her Doctor-ish actions.

The contrast is clear between series 8 and 9. Look at Twelve leaving Clara on her own with the clockwork droids in “Deep Breath” vs his “Please, please save Clara” in “The Magician’s Apprentice”; Twelve instructing Clara to shoot his sonic screwdriver toward the Skovox Blitzer in “The Caretaker” vs his promise to save Clara in “Before the Flood”; his faith in Clara to do the right thing in “Kill the Moon” vs his desperation to get her back in “The Girl Who Died”; and again, interestingly, his willingness to take her to “hell” in “Dark Water” vs his insistence on Me’s guarantee of Clara’s safety in “Face the Raven”. He still loves her, still trusts her, is still deeply grateful for everything she’s done for him—but he’s no longer willing to thrust her into danger and trust that she’ll land on her feet, for the simple reason that realistically, eventually she won’t land on her feet. He wants to keep her safe.

Ironically, though, this new solicitousness for Clara’s safety leads to a twisted version of the hero worship cycle they have in series 7 and 8. He is worried for her safety, and so responds with disapproval to her increasing recklessness, trying to get her to stop doing what he, until recently, has been encouraging. This only drives Clara to throw herself more and more into the role of the Doctor, trying to prove that she is just as good a hero as he is, trying to show that she doesn’t care that she’s not invulnerable. The more reckless she is, the more concerned Twelve becomes, which leads Clara to keep on trying to prove herself, and so it continues, spiraling Clara downward until she finally crashes into reality in “Face the Raven”.

The interesting thing about that cycle is that they’re at complete cross-purposes; his priority has become her safety, but she still expects it to be all about the danger and the thrill. She has decided that being the Doctor is worth her life, if it has to come to that; the Doctor doesn’t believe that anything is worth as much as her life, and responds to her actions accordingly. And of course, this leads to him being driven nearly mad himself as he fights to get Clara back and fulfill his duty of care, until finally, in a beautiful reversal of “Dark Water,” she makes him see that being a hero—that being the Doctor—is worth it to her and he lets her make that choice. So Clara, with all her faith in stories, receives her fairytale ending instead of the cold, realistic one she would have had if the Doctor hadn’t returned to his initial faith in her and given her back the decisions about her safety.

(It’s important to note, by the way, that it is not in fact misogyny for the Doctor to be concerned for her safety. What he says in FtR is true; he is less breakable than her, and she takes risks that he can only take because he’s a genius with twenty-four lives.)

The Doctor and Clara, though initially difficult to define, thus have a relationship that reveals new facets when viewed through their hero-worship of each other. It is the Doctor’s loss of that complete faith in Clara that drives her to suicidal recklessness, and it is his regaining of that which allows her to travel the stars and fully become the Doctor—Clara Who. This is, of course, but one interpretation of a relationship that in some ways is beyond words, but that is, perhaps, the true charm of Whouffaldi: there are many readings of it, and every one of them is true.

#dw meta #dw scribblings #whouffaldi #whouffle #clara oswald #clara who #twelve #eleven #brotp: keep a tight hold on it clara #bow ties are queue

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