#Coffee jerk

[nabwastaken]

starkid headcanons part 4

All the Jon characters are related? HAHAHAA, Dear mortal, your headcanon pales in comparison to mine!

I present:

ALL THE JEFF BLIM CHARACTERS (Except Trent Monroe) ARE RELATED

McNamara and Sam are siblings. The reason they have different last names is because John took his husband's last name when they got married.

Mr. Davidson and Hidgens are their uncles. Hidgens is the weird gay one and there's the sliiightttessssttt chance Davidson pulled some strings for Charlotte to get hired at CCRP.

Barry Swift and Coffee Jerk are both identical twins (who are cousins of Sam and John) and always get confused for each other.

Gabe is the son of the mysterious brother who was very religious, and constantly tries to get the rest of his family to convert.

Bonus: they are all secretly descendants of Jack Bauer Dikrats

Bonus Bonus: they cut their hair in different ways to look different

#barry swift #hatchetverse #starkid #team starkid #nerdy prudes must die #jeff blim #sam sweetly #mr davidson #general mcnamara #professor hidgens #the trail to oregon #jack bauer dikrats #yes #They are all related #Coffee jerk #Gabe #Blimverse

[charlottesweetly]

no way did emma punch in coffee jerk's order and get the price that fast, that man is a REGULAR and still has the nerve to be obnoxious about the price

#yea yea adding realistic pauses isnt feasible yea yea this is still fun #ALSO i calculated how much we'd charge for that and $5.50 is GOOD lmao #tgwdlm #coffee jerk

[milkbreadtoast]

This meme is ancient but I randomly saw it again and i needed to do it..... (not sure abt some of the charas but just wanted to fill up space dmfbn)

#twsb #when the third wheel strikes back #서브 남주가 파업하면 생기는 일 #shitpost #mcdonald's meme #i am sure abt the main trio + fred + benjamin kdjfjd #cackles... #yeseo is like. he's a responsible type so he WOULD be in the top corner u know? ...if not for his appetite/love of food... #that alone drives him toward the bottom right corner... #(thats my reasoning for putting him in the middle tho kdjf like hes not as chaotic as christelle so i didnt want to put him all the way down #like he still has his responsible side... BUT. the appetite.... he's prob be the one driving them to mcdonalds in the end... nomnom #christelle was easy to sort of... and elisa would also be w her #and ced is like. yea hes a jerk and black coffee drinker but... hes not rly a prankster like his mom #he's more stoic... so he's bumped up higher than smack in the corner w fres #*fred #benjamin... p self explanatory #ganael... he'd feel guilty if he's doing smth hes not supposed to but in the end he's a kid and would be excited abt going to mcdonalds #plus he'd easily get swept up by the others #herve... srry i wasnt sure abt u but he seems more responsible than his bro so #puts him near the top #aurelie... def wanted her in the top category but not as much as benjamin #plus she has her playful side so... shifted to the right #o also wasnt sure abt alex but from the few things i know #he seems kindhearted and also willing to have fun #puts him near yeseo..

[namearentfunfr]

what hogwarts house would the hatchetfield characters belong to?

i mean obviously there are some obvious ones. hidgens is in ravenclaw. i still have difficulties deciding between hufflepuff and gryffindor for some characters, but massive hufflepuff vibe for paul and slytherin for emma

im conflicted between gryffindor and hufflepuff for ted as well. he has immense loyalty as seen in his love with jenny, but also not even that loyal when he left emma and paul to jreg. leaning towards gryffindor tho.

tom is a hufflepuff and becky is yet another gryffindor. lex is a slytherin and hannah is???? honestly im not sure about hannah

the million dollars question: what the fuck is the man in a hurry. im tempted to say gryffindor but he lacks the moral compass. same with gary. he seems like a ravenclaw but also slytherin based on how he immediately called gerald to talk inheritance after linda's death.

honestly i gotta see more au's for hatchetfield. some classic zombie apocalypses could be nice. superhero aus could be cool af. maybe i should flesh out my spiderverse au more

#hatchetfield #hatchetfield random aus #harry potter au #henry hidgens #emma perkins #paul matthews #ted spankoffski #tom houston #becky barnes #lex foster #hannah foster #man in a hurry #barry swift #gary goldstein #this ultimately ended up an aiah post #watch me make a superhero au next #damnit i just remembered i gotta post my jeff blim hatchetfield family tree too #spoilers general macnamara. the coffee jerk and miah are brothers

[always-coffee]

I am so tired I’m not sure I’m even awake at this point, but at least I look cute. I think? 

#selfie #so tired #because my brain is a jerk #who needs sleep I guess #coffee coffee coffee #I need it to live

[istanbulite]

girls are fightiiiiiiingg

#i grabbed coffee n some jerk customer is fighting the barista 🙄 #xx #there s no one else here blease

[gideonisms]

Executive function win! Local spends 2 hours researching how to have better executive function instead of doing the dishes, showering, and applying for jobs ♥️ surely she will remember all 100 tips she just looked up!

#hfjghjhkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjj help #the reddit posts that are like 'weed and Adderall' okay but what if you only have that great value weed & adderall (beer and coffee) #what if you're out of that so you gotta move on to the aldi brand (exercising then jerking off)

[succinate-oo]

وما من يعز على قلبي غيرك … انت

#mine #cairoegypt #me #عربي #مصر #ammanjordan #arabian #arabic #cairo #cairolife #coffe #coffee #coffetime #tiramisu #tiktok #tired #porsche #cake #guy jerking #sexy titts #tittiporn #تملبر عربي #الاردن #شعر #عمّان #cock tease #عرب تمبلر

[hunterxmp]

Your Type (is Coffee) [pt.2/reformat]

Because tumblr is being an ass. Continued from here with @mpxsekhmet

⚜

She booms in sound and while others around them turn their heads to look, Hunter simply lifts his cup to his lips again to drink calmly. As though none of her outbursts will ever phase him in the slightest because, with time, they truly won’t. He likes her just the way she is and is adjusting with all the good Southern grace he was raised with. She declares again that she will ban the action around her and Hunter once again nods in affirmation even though he knows for certain fact that there will always be someone, somewhere getting blitz-drunk in the evenings in the city. If not her and her friends, then at the very least some younger demigod and their friends.

    The goddess narrows her eyes at him and doesn’t so much as ask as she states that he doesn’t believe her. It’s a dangerous game to play being around deities because for all the cautionary tales they present to those younger than them, it’s still entirely up to those demigods and humans to either learn from them, or be foiled in the same ways they had been before. Hunter knows only to be honest to those older than him when asked a direct question and so, he is.

      “No ma’am I do not. At least not forever. I think you will ban it for a while, but I also think you’ll lift that ban yourself after indulging in a moment of chaos or chaotic happiness, and there ain’t nothing wrong with that either,” he says to her. “You’ve dealt with a lot being among people ‘round here. Who are we to judge how you unwind?”

#⚜: Your Type (is Coffee) pt.2 #summer moon: replies #{time with: Sekhmet} #{{ sorry tumblr is being a jerk right now so had to put this in a new thread for us

[ourlordapollo]

One time I had an extremely vivid dream about falling off a bridge way up in the fucking mountains and now every time I see a local TikTok filmed on. a bridge. in the mountains. I go "HOLY FUCK IT'S THE BRIDGE FROM MY DREAM."

NO, genius, it's the Pacific Northwest. Every mountain bridge west of the Cascades looks exactly the same 😭

#holy shit there's trees and a river. that can only be one specific bridge. 🤦🏼‍♀️ #it's so funny bc im not superstitious at all so i always go '???' when i have a knee-jerk 'MAGIC IS REAL' reaction to smth #ALTHOUGH. #wait backstory #so my friends and i joke about like our godly parents Percy Jackson-style. a lot. to the point where if someone says 'my dad' it's up to #context clues to discern if they mean bio dad or godly parent #anyway one time i has a dream that the GOD APOLLO. VISITED ME. gave me a pat on the shoulder #and said 'it'll be alright kid' #and THAT. it was Very Difficult to not believe THAT was some kind of Divine Vision. #god ive had so much coffee. please assist.

[hoodie-prince-kid]

ANGEL FIGHT!

Mitzy (@pastelspooks) vs Lux (@hoodie-prince-kid)

#hoodie runs a poll #i dont have a tag for koru's universe yet #hi two things if you're reading the tags. one yes im aware i tagged myself i did that because i wanted to make it look neat #two MITZY SWEEP BECAUSE SHE DESERVES THE WIN. like genuinely Lux does not deserve to win this fight cuz he's a jerk #but Mitzy's sweet! she runs a coffee/bookshop! she has a werewolf girlfriend!!!! #Lux just kills people and looks fancy ksldfnjlksfnsjnd

[monster-ultra-yellow]

this is so embarrassing because why am I genuinely incapable of discerning if I'm horny or just have to pee sometimes. I've pavloved myself into wacking my shit silly style instead of just going to the bathroom and sometimes it takes me 15 fucking minutes before I realize hey maybe there's a reason this isn't going anywhere I should probably try something else

#omo #like ok dumbass you just drank 3 cups of coffee you don't think it could be ANYTHING besides you wanting to jerk off like genuinely

[aenslem]

imo total aus would be very hard to write well w rush/young but here’s a wildly different meeting one. including “and they were neighbors, sg1 and sga peeps, rush cooking for young and also lots of angst and heartbreak:)) btw at some point rush actually does work as a barista at a coffee shop agsfggfhk (it’s mathematique by cleanwhiteroom) here’s their blog: cleanwhiteroom. blogspot. com

Well, it does not mean it can't be written 🤷‍♀️

I know there are some aus, I read them, but they are not enough, you know, I want to have options to choose from 😆 like more than 3 🥹

#ask #anonymous #also ooc is fine too for me #if you have to make them stupid for a fic then do it 😆 #like developing crush on that gorgeous curly hair big guy coming to get his coffee every day at 7:35am #and accidentally putting soap into his coffee cos you just realized that?? and ruining his day and make him angry with you? yes please #or salt or whatever is around there idk im not a coffee shop au professional here #but you get the point #but then think about this: coffee shop au where they deliberately put soap or smt into each others coffee to make their day horrible 😆🤌 #this is that professor jerk who never tips? get the worst coffee ever #i just need them in the stupidest situations ever for now

[snowy-bones]

*CJ blinks in shock of how they’ve been read so easily.*

*CJ averts their gaze, and clenched fists.*

Well…can’t blame me for trying, eh? *CJ’s earrings stop glowing and despite feeling the need to cry. They don’t, they seem to lose the drive in their eyes and resign.*

I’m sorry, Wixpix and Ash.

I want to do something, what could I possibly do? Im obsolete here.

Another one bites the dust, I guess.

You are absolutely hilarious. Oh mortals are funny! I might have mother spare you just for this fact. Ha!

#cjoatsam #Cafe #coffee scented noot #Cafe that's mean you jerk...

[slocumjoe]

Augustijn: raised catholic

Augustijn as well: finds out danse is a virgin and has to be drowned periodically in ice water lest the Devil's whispers take hold of his willing weak mind and possess his willing weak body

#x6; sir can you please just go jerk off this is just embarrassing #Augustijn; you are the executionor not the judge nor jury. dunk me like a donut in coffee my good man

[wandeel]

In the "My big brother is a jerk" category:

Special mention to this face: 

#DC #Batman: Wayne Family Adventures #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #Each of Tim's faces in this chapter is amazing #He just wants to get home as soon as possible to drink his coffee and tell Bernard what a jerk his big brother can be sometimes