I'm a dreamer.
Hear me out.
I'm not some disney channel memoirist.
This isn't the romanticized declaration of some small town teen who wishes to eventually turn their life around, becoming some low brow musician in the big city.
I don't dream like that.
I'm not fulfilled by picturesque forecasts of my future. My dreams are better suited to function as debt collectors: nightmares. Always charging interest to the concepts they've provided with the intrusion of personal fears for my past.
Though, that's usually the case for everyone. At some point in our lives, we've likely woken up in a cold sweat from some brutally accurate nightmare where we were humiliated by some fictional situation we couldn't control.
It varies: be it a sudden loss of voice during a public speech, wearing only underwear in front of your highschool crush, or lacking the speed to escape a bully.
We are constantly reminded of personal social pressures, made incapable of defending ourselves from it by the fears of our collective subconscious'.
Although, my dreams aren't the average fictional derivative of public school embarrassments. They're nothing like the childlike fantasies I desire.
Everything I see is a War of the Worlds: gray, deteriorating, grotesque, and worst of all, a total reality.
By heart, I have mapped this false world. This map is my bane and my boon; it's the only thing tying everything together clearly.
Yet, not everything about my nightmares is bad. I'm also a writer; I am able to describe the extent of these dreams to placate my fears.
I'm writing this now with a pen growing longer and more winding than a giraffe's tongue as this sliver of wall becomes increasingly surrounded by familiar streets.
Nearby apartment complexes are growing stairs, elongating beyond the walls like a fungiculture escher painting.
Everything around me is similar at best, and at worst, a replica.
I can see the facade of an amalgamated public school surrounded by newly encapsulated tombstones and, not far from there, an abandoned waterpark surrounded by a cornfield.
They're all recognizable places, nostalgic even, but there are no longer stars.
The world lacks sense.
The surrounding trees are bending into geometrically thin and breakable lines. Streets lack the human nature of their construction, no longer containing lines or sidewalks, only long paved strips of land.
This is a nightmare but nothing is chasing me.
There are no monsters, no people, no comedically timed humiliations.
There's just me.
All I can do is observe in lucid mania how my mind has transmogrified the events of my past into something new, all in an attempt to take back what it has given me:
A dream.
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24 :)
Ah Eric, hitting me in the heart. Reading is a huge part of my life.
24. what is one of your favorite books?
Okay so… this is kinda funny tbh. Because it’s the answer for a lot of fantasy readers, but for me it’s for a completely different meaning.
The answer is:
A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J Maas.
Which, in short, yes is just another fairy porn book if you don’t look to deep past the surface.
But I really really connected with the main character outside of the story of the book. If that makes sense.
She’s this weak little thing in the beginning. Who thinks she’s found happiness only to realize she hasn’t and that over months she comes to feel numb towards everything. No emotions really, just a plateau of existence.
And then a guy comes and saves her from a bad decision—but only because she has the strength to unknowingly ask him too (long story, mating mental bond, but unknown at the time to her.)
And then with some help from that guy, but mostly herself, she learns to get strong again, both physically and mentally, and with that, her happiness increases and she starts to enjoy her life and hobbies again. Everything’s suddenly colourful and not bland and grey.
Plus she’s an artist— a painter. And she uses her art to help her overcome her depression.
I’ve been a painter for 14 years. I’ve felt what she felt in the novel. And her personal growth journey just. Strikes a cord in me that I rarely admit to myself.
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Thinking about the way kuma said that zoro could've frickin died at that time (in thriller bark) from receiving luffy's pain, kuma literally said "you will die", but he didn't. Which is actually kind of like a miracle itself.
Like, zoro should be grateful that he is even still alive?? i think that alone is already an incredible achievement???, but then, later (several days?) after he woke up, he said "we've grown a lot since that time", with a smile. In front of his crew.
BUT not long after that, when he was all alone, as zoro continued with his training, he said "i must become stronger!! im still too weak...!!!"
You were strong enough to endure your captain's pain and live zoro... like what makes you think that you are still far too weak?? Earlier you even said something along the lines 'we have grown a lot' no??
When he said "im still too weak" I think what he actually meant was that he still feels too weak. Too weak to keep his captain for getting hurt. Not strong enough to keep luffy from experiencing incredible pain. Like we all know something was different (changing) about zoro after experiencing luffy's pain.
His first expression towards luffy after waking up post thriller bark was actually this one: a smile, a soft one. (Idk, but i just think it's kinda sweet, especially after what he did in thriller bark for luffy's sake)
Also i think it's safe to say that his protective side towards luffy kinda increased (sightly?) after thriller bark incident. Exhibit A:
Emphasizing again but, i just think that after thriller bark.. there was a very subtle change within zoro, right after the incident, that i can't put into words.
And after the whole marineford accident, in Kuraigana Island we get the definitive proof of how getting stronger for luffy is very important for zoro, even more than his own pride...
In post-TS you can even see more of zoro's protective side for luffy (im talking about punk hazard or wano)
All im saying is that post-TS zoro is the accumulation of what happened to him in thriller bark + what happened to luffy in marineford + the 2 years of training under mihawk.
I just think that he cares so soo much about his captain...
And God can't stop thinking about these panels
Oda will you let luffy know about zoro's sacrifice someday??
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