#COOL GUYS OF ALL TIME TO ME SPECIFICALLY

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I've been wondering about something for a little bit so fuck it I'm making a 24hr poll about it. Lets start with the context... I will put examples of what I mean under the poll if you need them.

SO

Imagine, you find a fic on Ao3. It's caught your eye as you scroll and you take the time to look over its information. You like the look of the summary, it's got your favourite characters in the spotlight, and a lot of the tagged descriptors look interesting to you. This looks like something you would like to read.

However, you recognise a few character names from the Tales from the Pizzaplex books in the tags, or perhaps, you know from following the author that they have most likely put some stuff they found cool from the books into this fic. They say in the fic tags that there's some book stuff that they've made their own in it, and they have clearly tagged a few of the Security Breach/Ruin characters as being the primary protagonists. The summary also doesn't mention any obvious book stuff or theory stuff either. You can tell this is not about the FNaF lore or theorising or anything too. Aside from that, all you truly know is that it looks interesting, has your blorbos in it and that the book animatronics are not the main focus of the AU fic.

With this in mind...

A few examples of animatronics that could be in the fic: Zeus the Sea Dragon, Tiger Rock, the Bobbiedots.

A few examples of concepts that could be in the fic: The 'sewer' of retired animatronics, an entire line of Mimic animatronics in at least one pizzeria, there having been a large range of discontinued attractions/animatronics at the pizzaplex before Security Breach.

Just to be clear, in case you're wondering, these results will not effect whether I do something with book stuf in it or not. I'm just curious.

Putting this in the main SB and book tags for a larger sample size. You can also reblog if you so desire, but I'm not pushing anyone for it. Literally just curious where people are on this

#fnaf security breach #tales from the pizzaplex #five nights at freddy's: security breach #fnaf sb #fnaf books #I don't actually know the tags for this stuff whoops #And if you're worried... #the worst a resounding 'no' will do is make me a bit self conscious about book stuff #but it won't STOP me #I'm of the 'FUCK IT WE BALL' and 'MY BLOG MY FUN' mindset #so ehh I don't really care. #I'm just really curious about it #so feel free to tell me!! #the books are... pretty awful in my opinion so its not like I'll be offended #I just personally like some of the character concepts and the implications some things would have on MY stories #and the waterpark animatronics are COOL okay? those are the ones I'll defend to the grave. #COOL GUYS OF ALL TIME TO ME SPECIFICALLY #my feelings on the resolution aside #very VERY cool guys in a story that's not that bad in the context of the series lmao

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

#my characters #this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain ! #its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL #they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve #deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird #like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire #but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body #like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo #he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever #on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things #and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic #he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity #and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him #this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today #i received gift art of these two and i may never recover #its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him #its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer #its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire #so hes like oh well thats odd hmm #and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things #and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst? #and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item #or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares #he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people' #and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness #and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that? #and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures #like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed #he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified #and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool

[skitskatdacat63]

More matador!Fernando! Ferrari this time :D (I can't help myself.....)

- facial hair

+ closeups

I really wanted the vibe of this Nando pic, I think I did pretty well??

#GUYS THE BULL DO YOU NOTICE WHAT BULL DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE SUBTEXT DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY IMPLICATION #lmao tho i mostly put it there cause i saw this rly cool pic w the shadow of a bull on a matador's cape #i dont understand how i ended up making this one more intensive and detailed than the other #but im not mad cause i really like it aaahhhhhh #but i think this one took more than 6 hours and the other one was 5½? #and both i ended up working until an absolutely horrible time. dont ask me what time i wrote this post #okay btw i didnt draw that embroidery. thank you medibang pattern brush now beloved 🙏 #i think it suits him!!!! i was thinking of doing stars anyways so I'm glad it worked out #two people id like to blame: #thank you 005 for accidentally reminding me of the sword!! im glad his other hand is not just idle :) #and thank you suzuki-ecstar for asking me at some point if id ever draw facial hair on nando #^ particularly the 3 Musketeers look. so thanks. i suddenly remembered and i had to draw it 😭 #it kept shocking me how baby faced i drew him every time i took that layer off #also every time i worked on the suit red genuinely ceased being an actual color to me #its bright red right?? like very fluorescent?? but my brain kept going: is this too orange?? this isnt red right???? #anyways happy with this!!!!! there were a lot more roadblocks than the other but it all worked out #but wow wish i had this level of diligence for yknow. schoolwork. #i can spend 6+ hours on a drawing straight but school? nah i give up every 20 mins or less fjfkkfl #also not abandoning my other aus or anything but i have a lot more ideas for this honestly #i think the ref pics are a lot easier and more interesting to find than for my other AUs #<- cause its so much more modern lmao. so i have a lot more inspo than trying to find ultra specific 18th century paintings #i wanna draw 3 things rn: #nando w the ceremonial cape. seb in a matador suit. and of course some silly vett//onso in this AU #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #catie.art. #fa14 #matador au

[tigergendermoved]

I don't like DDLC'S MC very much on a very petty level but I still wish there was more fic or meta speculation about him. I'm not interested in him as a character, though, because he's barely a character. Literally by the game's standards, he has no inherent "character file." He is the SCRIPT, if anything. All of his thoughts and actions occur within the little text bubble at the bottom of the screen, and so do the characters'. He barely appears in CGs, has no body sprite, and it is through his observations and his thoughts and his call to make choices that the game progresses.

I think that specific trait of MC is fascinating, especially given how deep reaching Monika's manipulation is. During Act 1 he is active, he is talkative, he has a definitive (and yet inconsistent, based on which girl(s) you're speaking to) personality. He has thoughts about just about everything going on. And yet in Act 2 he is reduced to dust. He stops having any kind of commentary and he almost never remarks upon the horrible occurrences around him unless prompted or unless it is something that could plausibly happen in the realm of reality, like Yuri abandoning him for 10 minutes and Natsuki collapsing on him. But even then he's still significantly muted. Yuri and Natsuki have a horrible fight and the only kind of response he tries to throw out is co-opted by Monika. He witness Yuri declare her love for him and talk about how she would love to pull his skin open and crawl inside of him and the only thing he has to say is "yes" or "no" when she asks if he likes her back. And then he physically cannot move or speak or react because the world is so far gone that Yuri's death has damaged him, the script, so much that all he hears is gibberish coming from her lifeless mouth.

And like... that's neat to me. I like that by the end of Act 2 the script is so off the rails and so far gone from reality that MC can no longer really function as a person, because the script is barely functioning. He stops reacting to anything happening around him and most of the conversations he has are just the girls talking at him. Monika has to literally rewrite the script and force Yuri and Natsuki to say things to further her agenda or keep the scene rolling. MC had a clear and very human response to Sayori's death because it was a plausible but horrible (and not forced) event that could happen naturally. Yuri's death was so jarring and away from the scope of the natural order of his world that MC (and Yuri, by extension) can only sit frozen and broken until Natsuki and Monika show up to force new progress.

Like Monika's effect on the girls has been talked to death and it is an interesting topic but I also think what she unintentionally did to the POV character of the game is also something neat. It really adds to the feeling of the world in DDLC being hollow. The MC is a half-character who can only react in incredibly predictable ways, and when the world stops being predictable, he stops being anything more than a walking camera for Monika to speak into.

#ddlc #this isnt even really a character analysis this is just my vague jumbled thoughts on this guy #ive always found mc interesting even if he irritates me #when i was bored and a middle schooler i used to imagine this self insert of mine in his place #what choices would she make if she knew the ddlc world was a farce? what choices would she make if she didnt? #would she be beholden to the game structure and choices written in the game's script? #could she change anything? how would she feel if she knew the girls in a context where they were her normal friends? #these scenarios were of course some random shit i thought about to make PE less awful #but it made me think of how horrible and strange it would be in mc's position #and subsequently how mc himself kind of never gets the chance to BE in his own position in a way #he is fully beholden to the whims of monika and whatever the girls around him are doing at all times in act 2 #even in act 1 his personality and motivations fluctuates constantly depending on which girl u are talking to #mc is the script and the script is mc. he never had a chance to change anything and neither did you #the only way you can do anything in that world is to be a character a .chr a person. and mc is not a person in any meaningful sense #on the topic of 'hey wouldnt it be fucked up to actually experience ddlc as a Thinking Person' #'to your eternity' (anonymous author) on ao3 specifically chapter 1 of it is a cool fic based on that thought #anyways. i know mc mostly just shuts up because it would be lame if every time yuri's eyes bug out he's like 'jeepers creepers!!!' #but i think his dwindling presence makes him an interesting non-character ❤️ #doki doki literature club

[pikslasrce]

getting ready for placebo day >:3 ft. brians fuckass mullet

#return of semi realism except this time i like it a lot. i have something very very cool planned for this you guys will LOVE it #what you see is only a small part of a bigger idea. youll see #anyways. for the bg i think ill trace some photos from over the years. making sure to include the whole band. #or something. ill see. brian is the main star bc well. im playing favorites #piksla.txt #my art #not posting to the art blog bc this is for placebo mutuals specifically. and i Know not all of u follow me at srcepiksla.. #placebo

[bmpmp3]

i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!

#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to #that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know #but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look #like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies #dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS #plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song #and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal #again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness. #plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like #yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more #OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit #love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning #im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY #i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy #but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like #emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness #its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool #addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic #but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english?????? #people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys #this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like #the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth #but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me..... #a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd #i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying #about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement

[wayfinderships]

AUUUUUUGH! I miss my little guy your honor!! I miss him so damn much!!!

#pan rambles #I've been listening to some songs and AUGH... #Sorry for bringing up the original story me and 2 close pals of mine have made again but AUGH #I MISS MY LITTLE GUYYYY #The way that despite everything he stays kind... #How being the Hero and Saving the World is cool and all #but what his real motivation for starting his journey is wanting to create a world that was safe for his family #How deeply he cares about his younger siblings and mother and how being apart from them hurts from time to time #How in one ending he achieves his goal of creating a safe world for his family #at the cost of watching all the friends he met across his journey die #He won and was called a hero but at the cost at becoming a shell of his former self #How his mother and siblings saw him leave with a smile on his face and coming back with a dead look in his eyes. How he looked so exhausted #How in another ending he achieves the same goal and even creates a world where the Villain got to live a better life #but this time at the cost of his life and memories. Specifically everyone's memories of him- #He got what he wanted and no one will remember him #And then there's the good ending <3 #Anyways yeah sorry I just needed to ramble a bit about my little guy-afksnfkdn He's so special to me <3 #no amount of s/i angst will ever top what I've made my little guy go through

[loosingmoreletters]

slams hand down do it you know you want to do it,,, sugar daddy au and now its just awkward as fuck but they get to Deal with It. bonus points for people laughing at them in the background. i am your inner demon whispering that this is a good idea and you should absolutely write it (no pressure ofc!!! take your time and its fine if you want to!!!)

for ship names. yeah very sad. i havent settled on like. a combination of their names that sound appealing to me so im just. sitting there awkwardly in Yun Taeheon x Shin Junseo. simple but it works. ill bonk my brain for ideas later,, i have cut down on thigns i need to hand in tomorrow im procrastinating because the thing i need to do is so horribly boring

maybe the korean side of the fandom has something going on but that would require me to go on twitter and figure out what korean words to put in the search box and I'm already failing at "go on twitter".

sdkhldfkhg the inner demons are winning. now I'm kinda contemplating how this would even start, which made me realize we know fuck all about Shin Junseo's past??? We only knew that apparently he had a shitty job before he awakened and didn't have any friends and seemingly also has no family.

So like? Local man signs up on an app bc honestly at this point being a sugar baby would not be worse than another horrible shift at whatever minimum wage job he has to pay the bills?

And cool, he hits it off with Yun Taeheon, something something business man. It's a lot less hollywood-pretty-woman than he expected, more nice dinners with genuinely entertaining discussions, and sure getting laid is nice too, and then, well, the world goes to shit for a hot second and well, the contract written before runs out, isn't renewed and Shin Junseo has a moment between picking up a shitty job again and awakening where he comfortably lives on his savings while his,,, ex? well, no, ex would be implying they dated. boss is also not quite the term, his previous situationship, made himself a guild master.

whatever.

and then the world goes even more to shit and he drags corpses and the memories of a world annihilated out of a dungeon. He makes his plan, keeps his head down and then fucking Yun Taeheon is standing in front of him again.

#ask #anon #weapon creator #btw i need you to know that i think YTH would be the one who is most awkward about it #like oh no that's the guy he was paying to spend time with bc he's a loser who can't find someone he'd like to date like a normal person #side note: i think yth is the kinda guy who'd text you at 1am like 'what flowers do i bring to meet your mom for the 1st time' #and while i think sjs was 100% telling himself all the time this is Just Business given how apparently starved for human connections he was #yth was probably genuinely going 'should i talk about just. being in a relationship with him?????' a couple months in #step 1 of being a sugar daddy FAILED #ANYWAY and he probably thinks 'okay i can play this cool' #and then sjs takes a look at the first contract he drew up #and says sth like 'oh wow you'd pay me more now' and yth would simply perish #sjs meanwhile is just awkward bc he suddenly has a lot more 'power' and is specifically wanted #god im so obsessed with how the only thing sjs wanted was to be useful and a friend #insane trauma to toss into the start of a story #dlfghdlfjkh anyway i am so sorry im just rambling

[hiding-under-the-willow]

I love whenever I'm doing outfit requests on here and I get an ask that's like "haha wouldn't it be funny if you put [some guy (usually an antagonist)] in [most revealing skirt/dress based outfit in the set]" it's like watching someone roll the most inopportune nat 1 stealth in the world

#atlas speaks #it's okay guys. you don’t have to qualify it to me. we both know why you're asking for that #this has been happening to me for years lol #'wouldn't it be silly' shhh sh sh sh we both know you want to see your man showing skin in a pretty dress its okay #it's fun for me to draw. its fun for you to look at. it's cool man #also I'm so sorry to the person who sent the ask that prompted this I'm not calling you out specifically lol i swear #i get these literally all of the time

[avocado-frog]

Happy STS. Okay, hear me out. Your story becomes a musical. *grandly presents you with the opportunity to turn this into literally whatever you want* (Who knows all the choreography? Who is pissed? Who somehow escapes singing?) (What scene has the best song? What your story's musical sound like? Does it being a musical make any sense at all?)

I am HEARING you out. happy sts

I'm not sure about the others, but all I know is Leo gets a very theatrical disney villain type song. They would still be very branch trolls or eugene fitzherbert tangled core. I am Not singing and you Can't make me (someone will) (jaxon most likely) (poor leo)

Jaxon is THRILLED. He sings wherever he goes anyways. He knows all the choreography. He makes everyone else join. Same with Sam and probably Lily

Logan and Cass are secretly really good singers in my head. I feel like they would both have a sort of lullaby song. something soft

Dylan gets out of it. "ohh sorry guys. i didn't realize it was a musical :| my bad you guys have fun though" Ryan also gets out of it. Elliot TRIES but he falls victim to Jaxon making him

#ALL I KNOW is leo gets a disney villain song #you KNOW she ate the shit out of that jekyll and hyde musical. ive never listened to it but i know it in my heart #and the frankenstein one #and the death note one #my favorite leo headcanon is that they just adore niche musicals #classic novels nerd Leo has evolved like a pokemon #by ''its suddenly a musical'' i was thinking the henry danger episode where everyone just starts signing out of nowhere #that was my immediate thought because i loved that show when i was like thirteen #my headcanon for the chapter that is suddenly a musical episode is that dylan just had their hearing aids out all day and didn't realize #they see everyone doing little songs and dance numbers and go alright? why? cool i guess? whatever. you guys are weird. #dylan probably could sing but they're not Going to #around dinner they get fed up and are like what the HELL are you all DOING #thanks for the ask! #sts #writing #isaac says things related to his writing again #original work #wip: forget me not #im saying that it's the first one specifically because of jaxons description. he is NOT singin songs in the second or third #he's having too bad of a time #the descriptions for them are also somewhat based on the voice claims playlist i have on youtube for them lol

[dnangelic]

i would never 'hes just misunderstood he did nothing wrong' dark because a) he makes himself perfectly clear abt what hes doing and b) Loves Doing Wrong but explaining that its somehow still for the sake of a greater (magical girl) good when he's the sort of person that like, snarls supportively at u is arguably more difficult for me as a mun trying to talk to other muns than any other possibility

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #mw dark mousy has nuance and a shit ton of complicated facets : oh no #its meta for him not to be understood so i can roll with that but at the same time #me constantly: oh no #JBAAKJKJGKJ #this guy is absolutely breaking 24849898 laws and doing all kinds of shit hes legally not supposed to #but the bottom line for him and him very specifically. esp compared to other phantom thief figures #is he steals so he can protect!!!!! #protect the art protect people around it etc etc #there are selfless reasons to his selfishness that are v important #but he never ever uses that as an excuse #that's the cool part abt him tbh #he knows hes a thief its his entire thing its his whole existence. hes gonna own it #still doesnt make him look any less of some kinda fucked up anime villain of the week from a diff show #BUT WHATEVER

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #fuck. I might just be a straight woman. #like. I like men. and the more I transition the more I vibe with binary womanhood. #sure I don't like getting shoved into restrictive femininity. but I vibe with womanhood as separate from femininity. #anyway. I might be straight. and In ten years it's very possible that being trans becomes a much less huge part of my life #because it will stop being something that I do and something that I wish for and simply something that I am #yeah yeah whatever hi my name is Reggie and I like men #I just. as much as I don't like certain restrictive gender roles I find myself slotting very comfortably into others #and I realize that my idea of gender and their roles was very much shaped by my female role models growing up #and a lot of the disconnect and distress when growing up was due to not being able to follow the path everyone else did. #all my girl friends were growing up into women and I was stuck on the man track. #and being gay was the closest I could get to being myself #but I'm closer than I've ever been before to being able to live my truth as myself #still not gonna shave my legs unless it's sometime in the future for a very specific event. #I like them fuzzy. they make me feel cool. #I like having some cultural masculinity still. I just don't want to be defined by it #talking about my binary trans experience is always a little weird because I'm aware of how binary I'm describing things #and I get that if my words were used to describe someone else's experience it might end up sounding hella transphobic #but these words are for me. they're my experience. they're my life not someone else's. #and this is how my identity works. #it's like how feminism protects the right of trad wives to be trad wives. #we just gotta recognize that just because one woman wants to be the designated dishwasher not every woman feels that way. #anyway. I might be dating a guy by this time next week. he's cool so far and we kinda got match-made by a mutual friend #we watched Redline tonight and it's hella good #he's really cool but I feel like I've got something to provide and to bring to the relationship. so we're still on peer-level I think. #which is new. usually I'm way ahead of the other person. maybe my fault for fishing in the bad fish barrel #the emotionally damaged and burdened fish barrel.

[bornunderpunchestheheatgoeson]

listen if youre online arguing about what "true punk' is youre already too far gone. ok now that being said i have a secret opinion to share ⬇️

#i know how lame it is to care about ''posers'' like literally who cares we're all adults just do yo thang #but.............. the more time i spend in my local scene(s) the more i become aware of ppl who are like aspirationally alternative #like you wanna be edgy bc you think its badass and counterculture #but you dont have the backbone to do anything for yourself without worrying about how others will see you #like youre so deadset on fitting in to this one subculture but you seemingly dont particularly like anything about it? #all you want is to look cool in front of your peers so you just absorb whatever is popular with them at the time. #opinions music attitude appearance all based on whatevers trendy. which we're all guilty of i know #but why try so hard to fit into this idealistic 'punk' label. it sucks and is so lame and everyone can tell how hard youre posturing #and not to throw stones in glass houses but these ppl r so awful to talk to #seemingly never attempted an original thought in their life. speaks exclusively in twitter/tiktok/tumblr memes or buzzwords #never really listens to you and only factors in your opinion after he's run it by the ppl he wants to fit in with #um i mean they 🧍 #could be thinking of a specific guy i know. maybe #anyways i think im discovering in real time what a ''poser'' is and its making me feel like a cranky old man #always have to remind myself to be empathetic and not judge too harshly bc literally who am i and who cares #but it still gets my goat occasionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#listen. sometimes. when i get emails pertaining to a specific project i worked on that nearly broke my brain. i just stop what im doing #and start playing Losing My Religion by REM. and i wish the person emailing me could see me face down at a table listening to thay song #mostly its fine. its just when someones trying to manage the data files so i kno im gonna have to go back thru and update my code #for a bunch of tiny stuff and its like: does this sound ok? and i just dont care so much that i want to start screaming #and then at the end of the day i hike up a fucking mountain going over what im gonna tell a therapist when my insurance switches #and im gonna say it in a way thats v calm and agreeable but i want to scream and tear my hair out. or maybe i wont b agreeable. i wasnt #last time i was in a therapist office but that guy deserved it and i wasn't being that bad #ugh. im just mad bc working on my stuff makes me so miserable that when i stop its like wow im no longer in agony. cool #coool. fun times. becoming increasingly apprehensive abt how im gonna try to b more healthy abt working while taking on triple #the responsibility with a phd project and being a student and being a TA. i mean. ill try but its gonna b fucking interesting #ugh. had to bust out the burnout playlist. which like. when u try to look at other ppls burnout playlists they all suck #theyre all like former gifted kid burnout Playlists and im like fuckkk offfff. why do u not have the incredibly specific vibes that im #looking for? i just demand the perfect burnout playlist and somehow nobody puts No Surprises on there #like what??? y not? its a song abt being so totally saturated that youve had enough. a heart thats full up like a landfill. a job that #slowly kills u. bruises that wont heal. how is it not THE burnout song? but whatever. i listen to too much radi0head. #ugh. but now my burnout playlist is becoming too much like my My Brain Doesnt Feel Too Good playlist #listen. i just need to curate playlist so that they can express the feelings for me #unrelated

[moe-broey]

Boots :)

Another Started As A Test Subject and now they're literally the only thing I ever fucking wear. Idk how well it shows in the pics but they are badly cracked and have been worn into the ground but like. Shoe comfy :(

Also the wings are a new addition! The inner ones slap against each other. Doesn't really bother me personally though so I'm keeping them as is 😅 Oh, and the laces are paracord!

#funnily enough these are also something i got at the beginning of my transition thinking 'oh yeah this is masc. surely.' #final tangent but this is why insane fucking terfs/transphobes who are like #'noooo don't transition what about our butches what about our tomboy gfs :((((' #i was literally never either of those things. #they are all so stupid 🥲 (for. a lot of very obvious reasons LMFAOO but specifically for that as well.) #but yeah i literally used fashion and artsy self expression as a way to cope LMFAOOO #and as a way to draw attention away from myself. despite. drawing SO much attention to myself. #seems counter intuitive and i won't argue w you there LMAOO it was to sort of just. be like. #look at my cute outfit :) don't. don't even think about the guy underneath them. #AND it was ALSO the only way i could somehow feel some semblance of self. cause i did truly love what i'd wear #and then i'd wonder why i'd break down crying at the thought of what i am without those clothes. #just? a girl? the idea gutted me and made me want to tear my skin off with my nails and teeth #but like. i'm sure this has zero implications about me. who i am. ect. and has nothing to do w trans thoughts i had in middle school. #time to pick a perfect outfit and get a good grade in Girl™ 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 #nowadays i just wake up put on a band tee and i'm just some guy. forever and always. it's so fucking cool #literally does not matter if it's a pants day or a shorts and tights day i'm just some guy. it's so fucking awesome 😎👍 #for real even though i do still struggle w dysphoria some days worse than others i am so at peace. #i just wish everyone saw me the way i do. i literally cannot comprehend how anyone looks at me and goes #'ah....... a woman.' like. dude. for real? what are you seeing that i don't. #like bro!!! way not cool!!!! lame ass motherfucker!!!! #<- GSJSGSJ WAIT WHEN DID I USE THIS TAG BEFORE LMFAOO?? IT'S. SO FITTING HERE HAHAHAHA #anyways i was gonna say idk if i saw a motherfucker who's clearly striving for some androgyny #and a sick ass mullet no matter what immediately registers in my mind that i may have to correct later #i'm just. going to assume. they are some type of queer. and i am avoiding pronouns/gendered language #til they tell me 'oh yeah i'm :) and my pronouns are :)' and i'd adjust accordingly. #like idk that's so normal to me. what's not clicking for literally everyone else. #UGH ANYWAY i've been ranting and infodumping way too long i wanna get ready for bed now LMFAO #also if at any point you've looked at these pics and thought 'damn bitch you live like this' #yes. i know. i'm aware. i do live like this LMFAO 🫡😔 #my projects

[reikunrei]

man. it sucks that i got so good about not feeling like everyone secretly dislikes me. and then a friend i made in college showed blatant favoritism for another person in our group by constantly inviting him to hang out while i was in the room without even asking if i wanted to come. and continued to do it even after i expressed that it made me feel Weird and Bad that they did it so often. and now i feel like i'm perpetually 13 years old worrying that i'm everyone's Least Favorite Guy

#but ive also been mad about this specific person all day bc i kept remembering shit they did LMAO #worst roommate experience ever. and i havent even had that many roommates #they brought back my suicidal ideation which is Super cool and awesome and great and sweet #and it's like. theyre Allowed to mesh better with someone else more than me. that's fine. i get it! #like im not gonna be Actually mad about that. but it was the fact that it happened. every. single. time. #and it was always the other guy or someone else who was like 'oh will do you wanna come too?' instead of them #and they then had the Gall to be like 'but i feel like we clicked really well and that we're like best friends :(' #like. girl (gender neutral). then act like it #i say things #anyway. fuckign. goodNIGHT