#But I want to thank the bad bitch that June is BECAUSE REVENGE IS THE FUEL AND I GOT SO MUCH BOOP FROM HER WITH THIS THAT I JUST PICTURE US

[tealime9]

WE'RE HERE

i gOT MY BLACK PAW!!!!!!!!!!!!

#THAT TOOK A LONG FUCKING TIME FJKDNSFLKNDSAKLFNDSAKL #i want to thank all my moots for the booping has been BEYOND #But I want to thank the bad bitch that June is BECAUSE REVENGE IS THE FUEL AND I GOT SO MUCH BOOP FROM HER WITH THIS THAT I JUST PICTURE US #SLAPPING THESHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER WITH CAT PAWS #NDJKSNFJKDLNSAFKJLNSAJKLFNAS #mine #april 1st

[fuck-customers]

Fuck managers! I scheduled a surgery for mid june in mid april, plenty of time in advance. Also not for anything serious, but definitely something thats been bugging me for almost the entire year so far and has already caused me to miss work, so my supervisors at least vaguely know about it. Also something that will definitely take at least a week or two of recovery so I had to take some time off for it. Our time off request system is online and tells us what days are blackout days and can’t be requested off. Usually that’s reserved for holidays. The days I scheduled said nothing and didn’t seem to be blacked out which was why I picked those time in the first place. You can see where this is going

Fast forward about a week, I’m at work and one of my supervisors asks me to look at the schedule real quick, and she goes “so I denied the vacation days you took in June for father’s day weekend and the blackout days around it, but the rest are good to go :)” Now my managers are actually pretty understanding, and again I had completely forgotten that I had scheduled it over fathers day which was definitely on me, but again there was nothing indicating it on the request system either so I figured they would be fine! I work in a bakery so holidays do tend to be busy but...not fathers day. Most people get their dads steak and shit like that, not fruity colorful cakes (although they definitely should). I’ve worked there for nearly 5 years and fathers day has NEVER been especially notable in terms of sales.

So assuming my boss would be cool and help me work something out if I told her, I was like “oh, I actually scheduled surgery for that time.” Again, usually they’re cool and understanding and actually work around you very well.

Well not today! She was kinda just like “yeah?” and stared at me blankly. So kind of taken aback I was like “uh...I’ll see when I can...reschedule it for I guess?” To which she was like “sounds good!”

Now I had picked the days I did specifically because I’m going on a work trip in mid may and won’t be back until the 31st. Fathers day is the 20th of June and I scheduled surgery for the 11th. So I asked her “I won’t be back from the work trip until May 31st and the only other available surgery date was June 4th...instead of my current date y’all think you would be okay with me just...being gone for a whole month? Or back for a couple days between the 31st and 4th just to leave again?” And keep in mind, literally EVERY time I’ve taken time off in the last year, they’ve asked me to either just not do it or have texted or called me trying to beg me to come in. Every. Time. I know this won’t be any different, and I don’t wanna toot my own horn but I do good work and they STRUGGLE when I’m not there which is exactly why I asked this. But of course she was just like “no yeah that’s fine, hell, just take the whole month off!”

It kind of just ended there but the more I thought about it the more pissed I got. Like the schedule is already out until mid may and I’m not ?? prepared for surgery like right now even if that was an option. Then the work trip, and then doing the surgery on the 4th might not even be enough recovery time before the fathers day blackout starts! I’m not gonna be in pain and risk my recovery for that shit! Not to mention doing it after is out of the question since 4th of July follows so soon after and that’s DEFINITELY a much busier holiday for us. I don’t want to keep waiting to fix this problem and the date I picked really is the best option without pushing it out until almost AUGUST when it’s been bothering me since JANUARY. And I do feel bad for scheduling it over a holiday but again I got no indication that it was blacked out! It’s hard enough already to schedule anything longer than 2 weeks without accidentally doing it over a holiday, at least this holiday isn’t all that busy!

Not to mention the fact that that kind of behavior is on brand for her. She acts super nice and like I said is actually really cool and understanding and is totally cool with working with you with this kind of stuff...unless she’s in a bad mood. She’s very much the type to take shit out on us and sometimes she’s super weird and stubborn and vindictive and it’s just dependent on her mood and how shitty she feels like being to you that day. And since she’s a supervisor she just gets away with it. Earlier that day even my bf had texted me like “hey, (supervisor) is in a bad mood jsyk” and when I come in what does she do? Use her authority to be weird to her employees! She’s always been like that and I have stories on stories about her, this just really rubbed me the wrong way.

Anyways this story does actually have a happy ending! I continued my day and had just resolved to having to reschedule surgery and figured I would exact revenge by leaving for my trip and just staying away as long as I possibly could, when my team lead comes RUNNING up to me and goes “oh my god, do NOT reschedule your surgery jfc” and I was like “oh but I can if y’all really need me to?” (I’m too nice) to which she goes “NO!! That’s crazy!!! Thank you for even CONSIDERING doing something like that but no absolutely not. You’re not fucking around at home doing nothing for 2 weeks it’s SURGERY.” And ended the conversation by walking away so that was that lol. I’m very glad one of them actually has some sense.

Oh, and other supervisor came up and did this thing she likes to do when she’s wrong where she doesn’t apologize but DOES find a way to just brush off her wrongdoing. This time she comes up to me later in the day and was like “haha yeah I told (team lead) that you told me the time off request that I denied was actually for surgery and she stopped what she was doing, shook her head, and IMMEDIATELY came up to talk to you lol” like yeah no shit dude?? Oh the team lead was disappointed that you’re being a bitch and had to clean up your mess?? And is also actually reasonable and didn’t expect me to literally cancel getting my body cut open to come work a stupid holiday that’s not even busy? Real shocker lmfao

TLDR boss tried to make me reschedule a much needed surgery bc I scheduled it on blackout days that no one told me were blackout, other boss comes thru and is like “wtf thats fucking crazy please don’t do that jfc”

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

🌹 - ɟ

Hiii babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 You know how it works by now. These are the answers to the asks Mari/Stuck sent me. And happy Valentine’s Day to you all!! 🌹🌹 Enjoy 🙃

 A lot of people have been interested in them, dear Anon. From managers, to publicists, to sponsors, partnerships, producers, etc., etc. and no, it was never a problem between them. That’s part of their job.

 No, dear Anon. Camila and Ashlee are best friends. Ash ships/ped Camren. She has helped them a lot of times. I know why you thought this. Just as I know it may seem that Ash takes advantage of Camila because she created a lot of videos with her, made two songs about her, and brings her up at every opportunity, but it’s not what it seems. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to emerge as an artist in that world? Do you have any idea how many artists there are out there that you’ll never hear about because they’ll never make it to the top? Why do you know Ashlee? Thanks to 5H. Without having been their guitarist, you wouldn’t even know she existed. The fans that Juno has, are Harmonizers/Camilizers and some that she managed to make herself afterwards.

Ash is a real friend to our Mila. She has helped her more times than we could ever know, even by leaving the tour to help her friend. And Camila’s the same for her. Did you know that on June 13, 2020, in the face of the Black Lives Matter Movement she helped Ashlee sponsor a free scholarship for 20 black students to participate in the JUNO’s Guitar Bootcamp to help them create more opportunities in that field in their future? [Diana Foster, who I believe is her girlfriend or a great friend of hers anyway, also helped] Why on earth would Camila willingly help someone who ‘presumably’ would be taking advantage of her friendship? May I suggest you go watch one of the last videos they have together in Camila’s backstage? It dates back to 2019. Go watch it, dear Anon, and tell me if you don’t get an automatic smile on your lips.

 Forgive me, Anon, with all due respect speaking, but what are you saying? “Camila has made mistakes (she has not been the best girlfriend possible)?” Are you for real? What are you talking about? Camila made her mistakes, but so did Lauren. So why are you only pointing the finger at Camila? Did you pay attention to their story? Did you hear/see what Lauren said on the podcast? Have you ever listened to their songs WELL? Because apparently, you didn’t. A couple is made up of two people and mistakes are made by two, not just by one.

 No, dear Anon. Closer was never a song of hers in the first place, let alone one she could sell. The Chainsmokers wanted her in the song. She recorded a rough demo for them and then turned it down. I know that when she turned it down and they passed it on to Halsey, she wrote and contributed to some of the lyrics (she appears as a songwriter in the credits), so I believe she wrote those in the place of the ones Mila wrote in her version, but I’m not sure. I don’t know if Camila had the time to write her part like Ashley (Halsey) did, or if she directly recorded the demo as she did with The Middle. Until it’s leaked, we won’t have an answer.

The fact is that Closer was simply a project that was proposed to her when she was still in 5H and that she turned down because 7/27 was about to come out. Just as she declined to participate in Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood music video for them (5H). And I still wonder how the haters still consider her a bitch 🙄🙄

 Ligas, or hair bands, or también se dice colitas, verdad? Or hair ties as I like to call them, were originally Lauren’s. Lauren had two on her wrist at X-Factor and then, magically, one ended up on Camila’s wrist. I personally think that was their first symbol, but of friendship. And no, dear Anon, they didn’t replace the rings. The rings didn’t yet exist at that time. If the rings were one of their symbols of love, the hair ties were symbols of friendship, at least in the beginning.

P.S. dear Anon, I would like that as soon as you finish reading this post, you’d type ‘garters’ on Google and click directly on images 🤣 I really, REALLY, love you for this, believe me 😉❤️

 I watched all the interviews held in Spain in 2015 and you can see the differences, dear Anon. The two interviews with Revista Bravo and the one with Vodafone Yu are more or less normal. There’s tension between all of them because the big mess had recently happened. But in Alyson’s one with NSP PROJECTS and the one with LOS40 in which Alyson is in as well… Gosh… Your second question is my answer, dear Anon. Yes, they broke up, but that was even before they went to Europe.

As for your last question, on the one hand, I think she was single, attracted to the interviewer, and that she didn’t have to be accountable to anyone because being single, she could do whatever she wanted. But on the other hand, I think it may have been done on purpose for revenge since they’ve always played these jealousy games. I don’t think she managed to control herself though. It shows in both of those interviews, although it’s much more evident in the one with NSP PROJECTS. I don’t think she really realized the gravity of what she was doing because she was too wrapped up in Alyson and too busy in impressed her than everything else. I don’t think she noticed, at least not during the interviews, how hurt Lauren was.

I don’t want to tell you yes or no if her behavior was correct or not, simply because I don’t know if she did it because as I said she was single and didn’t have to answer to anyone, or if she did it out of revenge because she wanted Laur to be jealous. My instinctive response would be that it wasn’t corrected because of the effect it had on Laur who was also going through the dark diary period, but I don’t really know why Mila did what she did. She may have had her reasons, and maybe knowing them, my answer would be different, or the same. I don’t know because I don’t know the reasons behind this. Lauren has done a lot of things in the past that have hurt Camila, and Camila has done a lot of things in the past that have hurt Lauren. They’ve hurt each other many times. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes not. So I prefer to abstain because, at least in this case, I don’t feel like judging something I don’t know. Much less point the finger.

 Hi @ camilalauren0327 😄👋🏼 yeah, writing is therapeutic for them, as it is for many other people, myself included. Dancing was for me as well. Many people find it therapeutic to play sports, others find it in various forms of art, etc., etc.

I don’t know if Camren did couples therapy 🤷🏻‍♀‍ I think if they really did it, they did it after 5H.

Doctors of all kinds, and therefore also psychologists, consultants, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. are bound by the federal law HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act). Many therapists themselves indeed, prefer to establish confidentiality limits even before starting therapy. For example, the fact that they’re required to maintain therapy content is established regardless, but with you, they can determine who they can contact with your written permission, or if they can’t contact anyone. If YOU client prefer it, you can also establish that outside those four walls, you’re not really in therapy and that therefore if you meet your therapist in a supermarket, for example, they’ll pretend not to know you and will not acknowledge you at all in order to protect your client-therapist confidentiality. So, at the end of the day, it really depends on you and what you establish with your therapist.

This, however, is sometimes not enough for celebrities. Those who really, but really care about privacy and don’t want to take risks, require their therapist to also sign an NDA as a backup and reinforcement plan, so that it covers everything, including sections that HIPAA doesn’t administer.

Both, dear @camilalauren0327, and hi again 👋🏼😊 In the Consequences video and on the day of Say You Won’t Let Go she was paying tribute to Lauren and to the old Camila. For Consequences, that was one of the many symbols we find in the video that served as a clue. For Say You Won’t Let Go it was yes a tribute to Lauren and to old Camila, but it was more of a message for her. The song was for her, the bow was for her, and the rose on her pants was for her. It was like: “Hey, I’m still here. I’m still me. See the bow? See the rose? The song? It’s all for you. The title of the song already speaks for itself. Let’s try again”. That was indeed still the period of rapprochement between them. As for the other times she wore it, and I remember that she even wore it around her neck on more than one occasion, it was for style.

 Sure thing, dear Anon 🙃 Curious is a song discarded from the album Camila, and I don’t know if you’ll like my interpretation, dear Anon, because this song is not about Lauren (for me).

Verse 1

“I lose myself when you start talkin’

There’s something riveting about you, it’s got me confused”

Camila finds this girl so fascinating, that not only does she gets lost when she talks, but it also makes her confused. Confused because she didn’t think another girl could have this effect on her while her mind was always on Lauren. And yes, girl. It’s not the first time that Camila has had to mask this in her songs.

“If we went back to your apartment

Would you be a gentleman and a bad boy too?”

She’s provocative here. She’s literally provoking and teasing the girl: “Could you be sweet and at the same time rough enough to slamming me against the wall?” If you know what I mean…

Pre-Chorus

“I know you think, I’m innocent

Little do you know where my mind has been?”

When you see Camila in videos and interviews, you’re hit by her energy 80% of the time. She’s this cute and goofy and clumsy and dorky ball of bubbly energy that cracks a smile from you all the time. She’s funny with her lame jokes that however always make you laugh, and most of the time, you see her in this innocent light. And it’s true. She looks like this innocent little bean that must be protected at all costs. But we also know that she’s far from innocent. And here, that’s what she’s telling the girl: “If you knew what I’ve been thinking about you, about us, about what I want to happen, you’d understand that I’m not that innocent after all.”

“I don’t have much experience

Could you relieve me of my ignorance?”

The only sexual experience Camila had had up to that point, had been with Lauren. So unlike this girl, Camila had only had one partner, and she’s telling her just that: “I don’t have much experience as you do. Could you help me out?”

“It’s true (It’s true, it’s true)

Been wondering about you”

Here she’s basically questioning whether the expectation equals the reality.

Chorus

“I’m just cu—, I’m just curious

What you do, just got the two of us

Hit me down, take me up

Can you teach me how to love?

I’m just curious”

She’s telling her that what they do in private between them, will stay between the two of them. And then… Ahem-Ahem! *Throat clearing* I’m really trying to hold back as much as possible here guys… If I hadn’t received complaints in the past about some of the answers I gave in other posts, I wouldn’t have had any kind of problem explaining exactly what she says sentence by sentence, but I’ll just limit myself by saying that she’s asking her to teach her to be more expert on the subject matter.

Post-Chorus

“Dum, dum-dum-dum

You got me feeling

Dum, dum-dum-dum

You got me feeling”

This girl makes her feel in a certain type of way that Camila herself refrains from saying what she really wants to say. Still if you know what I mean…

Verse 2

“I’m kinda nervous but I like it (Yeah)”

Because it’s a good kind of nervous. An exciting kind of nervous.

“Will you live up to the image that I got of you?”

Again. As I said before, she’s basically asking if the expectation equals the reality.

“You’re not usually my type, yeah

I think that that might be the reason that I’m here with you (Oh, oh)”

And this, speaks for itself. Who’s Camila’s type? With whom is she making the comparison? Who does she have in mind to justify her actions? She’s there with this girl because her type is who?

Before I wrap up, I want to explain to you why this song has nothing of Lauren for me. So I’m going to rewrite some pieces of the song to debunk it’s about Lauren.

“If we went back to your apartment”

Lauren didn’t have an apartment yet. She wasn’t living alone yet. 5H had two apartments that they shared together in the months of recording, and for the rest, they lived constantly in hotels. This girl (older than her) had an apartment.

“I know you think, I’m innocent”

Lauren and Camila had already had sex. Hello? Since the Like Friends Do situation. So she’s not talking about Lauren because she already knew Camila wasn’t innocent.

“I don’t have much experience”

Again. Experience she’d precisely had with Laur.

“Been wondering about you”

She had to wonder about Lauren if she had already been with her sexually? What would have been the sense?

“What you do, just got the two of us”

If she was really talking about Lauren, this would’ve been a big bullshit because there were people who knew about them. The ones closest to them for sure. Like DNA. DNA knew about them right from the start and lived their story basically along with them. Not to mention that they heard them on more than one occasion. Hell, even we heard them thanks to that takeover.

“You’re not usually my type”

Definitely not Lauren! Isn’t Lauren Camila’s type? In which universe?

“I think that that might be the reason that I’m here with you”

Exactly! This girl, whether it was physically or of character, wasn’t like Lauren.

Aaand these are the reasons why I’m 100% sure this song is not about Lauren, dear Anon.

 Of course I can, dear Anon 😄

Cleopatra is a song discarded from the album Camila, and created during The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving. era. C ended Something’s Gotta Give in mid-March 2017 and we know it was the last song of The Hurting. The Healing. The Loving. era before the album name changed to Camila, so Cleopatra was finished before that.

Verse

“Ridin’ ‘round town in the backseat

Looking like the real deal

Looking real, real, real

Spent so long cuttin’ my teeth

Thought you were the real deal

But it wasn’t real, real, real, uh”

Camila is in the back of a car and, you know how sometimes you find yourself spacing out and thinking about something in those moments? Maybe by looking out the window but not really looking because you’re thinking about that something? It can be something trivial or something important, and in Camila’s case, in this case specifically, she’s overthinking about her relationship with Lauren. They had clearly broken up, and Camila is thinking about how she believed L was the real deal.

With ‘cuttin’ my teeth’ she used a slang to indicate that she learned something early in her life. The slang of cut my/your/her/his/their teeth was born in reference to the exit of the teeth from a baby’s gums and consequently indicates a first experience. So, here she means that she spent too much time learning the ropes believing for real that Lauren was for her, and then realize that she wasn’t.

[Don’t be discouraged and keep in mind that in this case, they were passing thoughts because she was definitely angry, bitter, and sad. We all are after a fight or a breakup with a partner. Besides, we all know that L is the love of her life. Think of songs like Never Be the Same (It’s you, babe), All These Years ('Cause after all these years, I still feel everything when you are near), Taxy (The greatest love story that’s never been told), and many others up to one of the ‘most recent’ ones: Anyone (You are the only one I’ll ever love) 😉]

Pre-Chorus

“Every night it was a different fight

It was a different girl

It was a different lie, ooh-ooh

Every night it was a different fight

It was a different girl

It was a different lie, ooh”

Aaaand back at it again with their communication problems. Even if she has generalized a lot here, she still makes us understand the essence of the problem.

Chorus

“I think I kinda wanna cut my hair like I’m

I’m Cleopatra”

When people move on or try to move on after a breakup, what do they usually do? They look for a change. They want to separate themselves from their past selves, of the ones they were when they were in a relationship with the person they broke up with, and they seek a change, aka self-improvement. Most of the time visual, and therefore physical. This change is seen as a new beginning, a new chapter in their life where they want to feel good again. They want to feel attractive. And this is how self-innovation begins. Some go on a diet, others change their style and wardrobe, and then there’s what many see as a rite of passage: a new haircut.

Camila in this case used Cleopatra’s cut as a metaphor for the change she wanted to make about herself. Cleopatra is one of the most famous known queens in the world. Strong, intelligent, powerful, and that radiates charm in everyone since ever. But Camila isn’t talking about Cleopatra the person. She’s talking about her haircut. Cleopatra’s cut in this case is a symbol of power and freedom for Camila. Remember how I said earlier that Camila finished Something’s Gotta Give in mid-March and that she finished this song before that? Well, although this song talks about 2015, it was made in 2017. And guess what happened in that same period? Camila cut her hair by getting bangs. To be precise, it happened on March 31, 2017 (picture + caption: “joined the bang club now”). Coincidence? Yeah, sure, I don’t think so. Plus, although she used it as a metaphor, Camila has actually always wanted a Cleopatra cut, thing that, if you think about it, she now has for real. [Oh, oh and, rumor has it that Cleopatra was bisexual as was 100% Julius Caesar🤫🤭]

“Wanna dance on cars

And forget it all after

Skip these sad love songs cause I

Need something faster and now baby

Kinda think I’m ready”

The freedom I was saying before? (Cleopatra’s cut in this case is a symbol of power and freedom for Camila) She talks about it here. She used the wanting to dance on cars and the skipping sad love songs as figurative expressions of the freedom she wanted to feel, and that she wanted to feel fast because there was gonna be no crying in the club this time. 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry, dear Anon, I had to 😝 No but, seriously though. She just wanted to shed the past and move on right away because she was ready. And she was also ready for the power part I referred to earlier that she explains here:

Post-Chorus

“Needed to be all eyes on me

Baby all eyes on me, ooh

That’s what I want

Needed to be all eyes on me

Baby all eyes on me, ooh

That’s what I want, yeah”

Now. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now. We have a double interpretation here. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: Camila is a fucking genius. And being the fucking genius lyricist that she is, she used a double meaning here to let everyone interpret this part as they please. The double interpretation is so well hidden, that people who listen to this song without knowing the details, such as for example knowing something about Camila’s life or the year the song was made, would never know because they wouldn’t even notice.

The first interpretation ties into what she says about wanting to dance on cars in the chorus. That’s also a way of saying she just wants to dance thoughtlessly and have fun, but on cars? It’s a metaphor to say that she wants to do it by drawing everyone’s attention. I want you to picture something now, okay? Picture a party with a bunch of people dancing and drinking, and in the midst of the fun, someone climbs on the hood of a car or a counter or any other high surface to keep dancing. Can you picture what would happen at that moment? Can you picture how all the people there would turn to look at that person and shout, clap, and cheer them on? Now picture the same scenario with a person still climbing on something high, but to announce something. It’s the same thing. It’s the same purpose. Getting on top, getting on top of something, is to automatically draw attention. So the connection that leads us to the first interpretation is: Wanna dance on cars - Needed to be all eyes on me.

The second interpretation, on the other hand, is basically the same as regards wanting attention on her, but with another direction and another chorus sentence. Camila is a singer. She’s a performer. She LOVES to perform. She LOVES the excitement, the adrenaline rush, the anxiety, the nerves, the pressure, and the feeling of shitting herself before entering a stage. She LOVES the almost blinding stage lights, the screams, the cheers, the applause, and all the love from the fans. She LOVES mastering the stage, interacting with the audience, and delivering a show. She sings her heart out and LOVES it when the audience sings back to her. She has so much passion and she’s so fucking good at what she does. Why am I saying all this? Because with this hidden interpretation, Mila refers to her solo debut. Like I said, this song was made in 2017, remember? So the connection that leads us to the second interpretation is: Now baby, kinda think I’m ready - Needed to be all eyes on me. Ready for her debut.

Both indicate the attention and power (feeling of power) that I mentioned earlier that comes with it.

Bridge

“See, see

You right to be that

You bein’, you needin’

See, see

You right to be that

You bein’, you needin'”

This part is cryptic. Since they broke up here, I think she’s just saying that it’s okay. That it’s okay for Lauren to be the way she is and that it’s okay if they’re letting each other go (Yeah, sure, Jan 🤣). No hard feelings. Or at least, that’s my interpretation.

—

Before concluding this post, I’d like to make amends. My friend, the same one I ‘roasted’ in my last post (📄 - ɟ), hey, hi girl 😝 literally shoved her phone in my face a few days ago to show me an ask sent to @emisonme (hi to you too if you’re reading 👋🏼😄) in which I was mentioned. I’d like to apologize to all of you because I made a mistake, although not intentionally. I didn’t know Simon was no longer one of the directors of Simco Limited. I went to check it out and immediately understood why I didn’t know. Because it happened more or less recently (on September 17, 2020) and I hadn’t done a thorough research on the piece of shit since last summer (July) when Syco integrated into Sony.

I got really mad at myself for doing one of the things I hate: giving out wrong information. Camila and Lauren are ‘free’ from Simon, and I put that in quotes because one of the clauses that are in every Simmenthal Cow contract includes not being able to speak ill of him. I’m not kidding. This is a piece of an article from many years ago that is still on the internet today that talks about X Factor contracts: “The contract, which runs for 80 pages, also reportedly states that the rules are enforceable anywhere ‘in the world and solar system’ and that artists may not be critical of the company, ‘including its personnel and, in particular, Simon Cowell’. The contract makes clear no-one can speak badly of X Factor supremo Simon.”

Supremo… Supremo? Like what, the Supreme from American Horror Story (some fans of the series like me here)? Should I start calling him Cordelia? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I could never. I’m sorry Sarah (Paulson) for even giving it the slightest thought, love. I’m deeply ashamed. Sooo, like what? A supremo Super Saiyan (Dragon Ball)? If he clenches his hands into fists and screams, does his hair turn blonde? No, huh? So like what exactly? The supremo asshole? You know what? It doesn’t matter. He’s ridiculous enough per se.

Anyway.  Camren are free I hope completely from Simon, but we don’t know yet if the contract ended along with Simon’s exit or if it’s still standing. We’ll see as soon as one of them releases a new song.

Please accept my sincere apologies, guys 🙏🏼 And thank you @emisonme for giving me a great news, albeit indirectly. You’re a real one 😊

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I’m done 🙈 I hope I was helpful in this case too. As usual, I’m always available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 🙃 And as always, I thank Mari for giving me space in her blog and for making this exchange possible, and thanks to you Anons for your asks 🥰

Be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

P.S. who wants to be my virtual Valentine? 🌹 🌹 🌹

____

I have to say sorry to F again because this submission should be posted last night and I couldn’t. Thanks for the long ass post F. 

Another advice, I closed the inbox for anons as you know and I will open it again in a few days when I don’t be too busy. Save your asks for F anyway, anons!

#submission #f anon #long ass post #valentine answers #sorry for the late post #anon #ask #f answers

[titaniumblender]

Irrational rant ahead, you have been warned. I hope to delete this on June 9th and for the leaks to be completely wrong 🤡 Anyway don't come for me I know I'm a fucking spaz and BELIEVE ME I WISH I WASN'T. My shipper heart is just upset 😒😪

Y'all I'm really out here trying to be a mature young adult but SORRY I DON'T HAVE THE EMOTIONAL MATURITY TO DEAL WITH A JK ENDING RN. I was so happy with how it ended originally and now I'm up here 🤡🤡 because I defs did not want my girl Mikasa to end up with my boy Jean who I thought was going to fucking slide into Pieck's pants. AND I KNOW ITS IRRATIONAL AND I KNOW THEY'RE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS BUT IT UPSETS ME!!!!! For me this seems unnecessary, the ending was open to interpretation before and I think that way everyone could kind of be happy.

I see a lot of ppl being like well u know Mikasa should have moved on its what she deserved blah blah blah, you know what good for you lads for being mature young adults who want the best for my girl. BUT I AM NOT THAT PERSON AND I REALLY WISH SHE COULD HAVE JUST BEEN A HAPPY SINGLE BITCH, because to me her and Eren's love isn't something one just 'gets' over, its the kind of thing that transcends to the next life. There wasn't any need to add an additional love interest for her here, none at all. And to everyone else who feels this way but also feels kinda garb about it because its like yeah, maybe she should logically move on or whatever but its okay if you don't want that as well. Every time I consider this I think of Chrissy Teigen who I think in an interview somewhere that she said she would leave a note in her husband, John Legends pocket saying he was her killer if she ever died or something because she'd rather he go to prison than ever remarry. AND FUCKING MOOD ABOUT EREMIKA. I'm selfish like Eren and I don't want her to be with anyone else either!!

And don't even start me on why I hate this for Jean omg. I used to fucking HATE Jean but I grew to slowly like him more over time and now I vibe with him and his general douchiness, that's my ladies man right there. Him ending up with Mikasa kills me for a lot of reasons, most obviously because I think he settles for second best. In no world where Eren lives, does Mikasa end up with Jean and I think that's just disrespectful. I'm a little biased because I was waiting for some JeanPiku because I think their relationship would just be awesome, the glimpse I saw of suave thinks he's a ladies man Jean in SNK Junior High hooked me and I was hoping that would play out for him or I could at least head canon that. This takes that entire possibility away and I'm left to think about him pining after moping Mikasa because don't tell me my girl didn't undergo so major fucking depression after everything she went through. Not what I wanted for him. And next on my list of grievances is just the fact that we don't ever see any development between them or at least on Mikasa's part. Like obviously I strongly dislike the ship but I might have been more partial towards it if I had seen some more real development of it but there was really no opportunity for that. IDK the whole thing just feels disingenuous to me almost, I'd rather it be another farmer-kun than Jean.

UGH anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk, I'm going to go write revenge Eremika porn now and thats that. But if anyone is like me and kind of feels bad about feeling Mikasa should have ended up alone, don't ur totally valid, they're fictional characters and u can feel however u want to!!

#eremika #i am UPSET #AND IRRATIONAL #idk

[alexandrablake]

love, jj

Prompts: 88. “I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did” from this prompt list! Pairing: Jemily, technically Word Count: 2,456 Warnings: Mentions of death. A/n: Red (@hurricanejjareau) picked this prompt. thank you, ily. that is all.

                April 29, 2011 Emily,

        Hey. It’s me. I’m sure you can tell by my handwriting. I’ve had you look over enough of my reports that I’d honestly be kind of disappointed if you didn’t. And before you say anything, yes, I know we play Scrabble, but that doesn’t count. I need to talk to you. God, Emily, I just need to talk to you. To see that you are alive, that you are well, and, honestly, to see that you are real. 

        These past few weeks without you have been awful. Everything is different. I’m spending more and more time around the office. The way we all skirt around your name like you never even existed is just painful. For a while there, I almost started to believe you weren’t real. And that’s a big fear of mine- to wake up one morning not worrying about you, because I know that’s all you have right now. You have Hotch and I thinking about you, and that’s it.

        Depressing. And nothing I need to tell you, but it’s not like you’ll read these anyways. It’s nearing two months since you “died.” I don’t think Rossi has processed it yet. Penelope is a shell of her former self coping. Even Ashley seems distraught. Spence has dealt with far too much trauma, and yet, I’ve never seen him like this. He’s been at my house everyday this week, crying and then sleeping on the couch. It’s heart wrenching, and it takes everything in me to not tell him you’re okay. That you’re alive. But I can’t, not with Doyle still out there, always being a danger to you.

        But, my God, is Morgan the worst to be around right now. Second to only Penelope Garcia, you were Derek’s favorite person in the team. No point hiding it, you’re all profilers and I spend way too much time around you guys.. He’s gutted. Honestly, I think he’s the one person here who has really “accepted” that you’re gone. Even Hotch is off. But not Morgan. And that’s the horrifying part. He’s the exact same person that he was before you left, but now his smiles are a little too wide and his gestures are a little too exaggerated. It’s terrifying to be around. 

        I guess that leaves me. I’m doing okay. Miss you everyday, but I feel bad every time I do because I know the truth. I know where you are (kind of) and I know that you are alive. They buried you. They know where you are, too, but for them, that’s six feet under.

        Love, JJ

        March 1st, 2011 Emily, 

        Me again. Today was better, I think. I know we like to say that the serial killers never take a vacation, but they seem to be on one right now. It’s just a bunch of consulting on relatively low level cases. Thank God, because I don’t think any of them could handle a case right now. Reid didn’t sleep at my house last night, which is improvement, I think. He definitely didn’t sleep, but I’ll take what I can get. Derek is almost worse.

        It’s lonely here without you. Penelope isn’t herself, and I find her sitting at your desk all the time. She’s stopped staring at your photo constantly and now avoids the hallway with all the memorials so she doesn’t have to walk by you. She’s in her office even more than she normally would be. There’s boxes of cupcakes being brought in all the time. She’s an absolute and utter wreck. 

        You remember that feeling we all felt when Haley was killed? When we all stood around her casket and watched with teary eyes as Hotch and Jack said their final goodbyes? The feeling that nothing would be okay again? Yeah. That’s about what’s happening now, but now it’s not just Hotch feeling like his life is over. It’s all of us.

        And God, you must be so lonely. 

        Love, JJ

        April 10th, 2011 Emily,

        Today was an all-time low. Everywhere I looked, there you were. Oh, there you were grabbing coffee after an all-nighter spent at my house. Oh, there you are, legs dangling over the side of the chair you’re lounging in because you don’t know how to sit properly. Oh, there you are, smiling at Hotch as you talk animatedly in his office about God knows what. Oh, there you are, downing shots with Rossi.

        Your ghost was everywhere over this office, over my life. You were this office, you were everything. I can’t go anywhere to escape you. How can you have a ghost when you aren’t even dead?

        April 11th, 2011 Emily, 

        Another crying Spencer night. They’re off on their second case, a spree killing in Tampa. I don’t know. At this point, I’m kind of lost. I’m spending far too much time at that office even though I don’t work there because it’s one of my last connections to you. I just… miss you, I guess. No, I know I miss you. 

        I just can’t stop feeling guilty. I’m causing all this pain in the team and in all your loved ones. I was the one who told Hotch you survived, I was the one who suggested you “die.” This is all my fault. 

        Hotch told me he was doing assessments of the team. That shouldn’t be happening. You should be there. I’m not going to ask for the results, and I don’t think I would be allowed to if I asked. I just don’t want to face the reality of what I’ve done.

        Love, JJ

        May 15th, 2011 Emily, 

        Hey, it’s been a while. Not much has changed. I haven’t been to the BAU since my last letter. I can’t face them anymore. I can’t sit within those walls that seep of you. I can’t face you.

        God damnit, Prentiss! Why did you go after Doyle? You knew we could have helped! This could have all been avoided if you would have trusted us!

        May 15th, 2011 Emily, 

        I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I just miss you. A lot.

        May 22nd, 2011 Emily, 

        With you being gone, I’m starting to realize how much I depended on you. You were my person. If I had a problem, I came to you. If I wanted to get drunk, I came to you. If I wanted to get a break from the overwhelmingness of the testerone of our workplaces, I came to you. If I just wanted to escape, I came to you. 

        I’m still avoiding the BAU as best as I can. Even Hotch and I haven’t been talking. Spence is still coming to my house, though. Still crying. He misses you so much, Prentiss. We all do. 

        When Elle left, I didn’t think any of us would recover. She hadn’t been there for the longest time, but she was an integral part of the team. But we recovered. Then, when Gideon left, some of us were fine, but Reid? I genuinely thought he would never be the same. And I guess he isn’t, but he still recovered. And now you left. So if the pattern continues, we’ll recover.

        But I don’t think I will. Because every waking minute of every day (and even some of the sleeping ones), the thought that we will never catch Doyle haunts me. The thought that I will never see your beautiful face again. The thought that I will never actually get to talk to you again. 

        They don’t have those thoughts. To them, you are dead, under the ground, declared dead on the table. To them, there’s no chance they’ll ever see you again. So, for them, if we don’t catch Doyle, yes they’ll be irrationally angry because the son of a bitch who killed you is still out there, but catching him never had any more reward than revenge and putting another bad guy in prison where he belongs. They won’t realize that not catching him means they’ll never see you again because they don’t even know that’s an option. 

        I love you, JJ

        June 1st, 2011 Emily, 

        The worst part of all this is that I know you’re out there, lonely. I would say afraid, but I know you. Emily Prentiss doesn’t get scared, I know. But you’re alone, in a place that isn’t here. All I want to do is help you. And I can’t because if I do, there’s the possibility that I’ll make everything worse.

        So, I’m trying to focus on positives: happy memories and good things to happen. Like, the other day, I walked through a market and, when I passed a flower stall, all I smelled was that expensive perfume you used to wear. The stuff you stopped using because it made Reid sneeze? The stuff you still use when we would go out on the town? Smelling it made me want to go out and buy a drink and dance the night away. 

        And when I was shopping for new shoes for Henry, I saw a pair of boots that I knew you would buy the instant you saw them. They were lace-up, black with a bit of heel (I know your never-ending goal is to get taller), and there was a slight rose decal on the top. I could hear you shouting, “These are men squashing boots!” because you’re never embarrassed in public. I could see the smile you give me, a flash of blinding white teeth. And I knew the smile I would shoot back because happy Emily is my favorite Emily.

        I love you, JJ

        June 18th, 2011 Emily, 

        You missed Morgan’s birthday. 38! It was a pretty somber occasion because we all knew that something was missing. And it was the day before your 3 month anniversary of being dead. Garcia tried as best as she could to fill the gap, decorating the bar that Rossi rented out very extravagantly. Material items could never make up the lack of you. We all just ended up getting drunk.

        I think it’s really starting to hit Hotch. When I take Henry to hang out with Jack, Aaron’s quiet. Granted, he’s always quiet. (Not around you, though. You always bring out the best in people) This is a different quiet, though. He’s almost silent. I think he’s beating himself up. You know Hotch, anniversaries hit him hard. I think he hoped you would be home now, Doyle staying in the maximum security he belongs in. 

        But the rest of them are moving on. Spencer isn’t having the breakdowns he used to have. Penelope and I can go out for coffee without there being this heavy weight sitting on us. Ashley even joined us once, and it didn’t feel like she was replacing anyone. Rossi is smiling much more. Morgan is still acting a little fake, and he pulls sleepless nights every now and then, obsessing over the case. But he’s better. He can focus on cases, and Penelope tells me that they can go hang out without him being too absent-minded. 

        Hotch is the one I’m really worried about. We both remember the aftermath of Haley’s death. The grieving, the silence, the sleepless nights, the constant fidgeting so he could keep his mind of it. That’s what’s happening now. He’s just as worried about you as I am. We both know the possibility of never seeing you again.

        That leaves me. Three months later and I wouldn’t say I’m much better than I used to be. I still have trouble hanging around them. I still find myself grabbing my phone to text you something before remembering that I would never get an answer. I still find myself longing for you, for your smile, for your touch.

        I love you, JJ

        July 17th, 2011 Emily,

        I think this will be my last letter. I’ve come to a few realizations, and, even though I still desperately need to talk to you, writing these are one of them. 

        One: This isn’t healthy for me- nothing about this is. 5 stages of grief. We both know them, they have to do with the unsubs all the time. These letters are classified as denial. And I need to get through all five. Yes, you aren’t dead, but you may as well be. I can’t see you, I can’t talk to you, I can’t know where you are. There’s a death certificate. You were “buried.” And I need to get to acceptance. I need to accept that I may never see you again. I can’t just exist in this state of limbo forever. 

        Two: You are okay, and you can care for yourself. I guess this goes under the first one, but I don’t really care. You don’t get as close as we did are and not have an ever present worry of “what if she’s not okay? What if I’m not there to protect her? What if she needs my help?” But that’s where the denial thing comes in. I think that I’ve been doing that to myself because it keeps you near to me. It keeps you alive. Because if I can worry about you, there is still a you to worry about. Therein lies the issue. There is no you to worry over. To the world, you are dead. And I need to accept that. Because the you that does exist is perfectly capable and doesn’t need my help. 

        Three: Not having you here is the worst part of this all. Technically, you were gone before you left because I left, but we still talked and hung out. We still went to bars on alternating Saturdays. But we can’t have any of that anymore. And I think that’s what made me realize the last thing. 

        I am completely, utterly in love with you. And that’s terrifying. Unrequited love stories are the worst to read, but here I am, writing one. I loved how hot you looked when you tied your hair up. I love the way you carried yourself. I love the way you smiled at me when Reid went on one of his tangents. I love the way you looked at me when I delivered the profile. I love our hushed talks on the plane when everyone else is asleep, talking about everything and nothing.

        The worst part? You are the missing piece in this puzzle. You, Emily, were the one thing I never took into account when planning my life out. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, I just did. Yet, here we are- me, writing crappy letters admitting my feelings, and you, halfway across the world, completely unaware of the havoc you’ve wreaked on me.

        I love you, JJ

#if this is the second time you saw this #no it isn't #jemily #jennifer jareau #emily prentiss #jj x emily #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #eva's 25 days of christmas #advent calendar of fics (ACoF) #eva writes occasionally

[nothoughtsjust-vibes]

I started Twilight for the thousandth time because I hate myself and this time I recorded most of my thoughts and, since I have no one irl, I have To shout them into the Void

1. Why is all the dialogue so cringey?

2. Why would she remember her favorite dessert at a rando diner when she hasn’t been there in several years?

3. The coloring is just so blue

4. Why does she look SO PALE?! Is it because K Stew was actually supes pale or because the director wanted her to look vampiric?

5. Why does Bella sound like she’s gonna cry when she implies that the guys at school are sexually harassing her? Could it be BECAUSE THEY WERE DOING THAT?!

6. “Things were getting a little strange”? Just because he wasn’t in school? Bitch, you met him once and he was an ass, any sane person would just forget it.

7. “You’re not in Phoenix anymore, Bells”. They don’t have animals in Phoenix?

8. Why is every guy so invested in Bella?

9. Their first convo in class is SO AWKWARD!!! Is that bad directing and writing or is it genius?

10. “Any cold wet thing, I don’t really...” fast forward two years she’s getting dicked down by vampire cock

11. Her telling Edward about her mom and Phil is so awkward. Like, he needs to ask her to explain things that she should know need explaining. “Why’d you move here?” “My mom remarried...” “So, you don’t like the guy?” “No, Phil’s fine....”

12. When there’s a vamp as attractive as Carlisle, why would she ever go for the son?

13. The big question is why would anyone go for Edward when Carlisle is RIGHT THERE!?

14. What I wouldn’t give for a book of Cullen origin stories: Jasper in the Civil War? Alice in the Salem Witch Trials? Rosalie getting epic revenge on her rapists? Carlisle’s everything!? YES PLEASE!!!!!

15. How Edward doesn’t realize breaking into someones room and watching someone when they’re sleeping is fucking creepy, I’ll never know

16. Rosalie shoulda knocked sense into Edward to not be a creeper

17. Bella is supes rude to Mike by just not paying attention when he’s taking to her

18. Jesus, Mike’s eyes are GORGEOUS. Don’t know how I didn’t see that before

19. I would want this guy as my science teacher

20. Has Edward ever talked to a girl outside his family? Like....ever?!

21. You don’t hit a bus door to get the driver to open it. Because of this movie, I did that one time and now I hate teenage me for that

22. WHY IS EVERYONE IN THESE MOVIES SO GODDAMN SKINNY!?!

23. Love that vampires don’t need to eat, but Emmett is eating in a cafeteria scene

24. “If you were smart, you’d stay away from me.” HOW BOUT YOU STAY AWAY FROM HERE DUDE!?! MAYBE STOP GOING INTO HER ROOM AND WATCHING HER SLEEP

25. KrimsonRogue said if you can use anything besides rape, don’t use rape. Maybe SMeyer should’ve heard similar advice and taken it

26. So Jacobs just not gonna introduce his friends?

27. “You caught that, huh?” They were a foot away from her and no one else was talking

28. I remember that in this beach scene, Bella was trying to seduce Jacob into talking. And she was like, 17 and he 15 which, even if not bad with age gap, still creepy. And she’s not good at it. And doesn’t need to do it.

29. Why she shrieking? It’s a goddamn rope he’s chasing her with

30. Why are the villain vamps so goddamn dramatic?

31. Why is Bella’s google searching so instantly effective?

32. Why does she go all the way to Portland to buy one book, flip to one page, take one word from one caption of one illustration, and then never touch the book again?

33. Bella is super not a good travel companion. Why didn’t she just drove her own self to Portland to go to the bookstore?

34. How she get so lost?

35. How did she not answer her cell while her friends were freaking out about where she was?

36. Why are her friends just leaving her with this very strange dude who never interacts with anyone?

37. That first line the waitress delivers to Edward feels like very bad acting.

38. It’s hilarious that corpse feet made her immediately think of Edward

39. How could she just barely graze Edwards fingers with hers and immediately have a shock reaction of “Your hands are so cold”

40. Okay, even with all this “evidence”, no normal person would be like, “Yup yup, he’s a vampire” and then have some dramatic confrontation in the forest during school

41. She just ditches her backpack in the forest. I assume she needs it

42. “Sometime you speak as if you’re from a different time” Bitch, when?

43. These are not normal conversations that happen in these movies

44. Bella is not normal. Dude she’s known for two days says he’s probs gonna kill her and she’s just like “Yeah, cool”

45. Why does he think his sparkle skin is a turn-off? I’d be like, “Hell, yeah, you never need to buy body glitter”

46. How she trust him after, like, two weeks and a couple conversations? I don’t trust people with my FEELINGS after two years, this bitch trusting an admitted murderer with her LIFE after two weeks

47. “I’m not afraid of you. Only afraid of losing you.” EXCUSE ME BITCH WHAT!?!? YOUVE KNOWN HIM TWO WEEKS

48. YOU CANT FALL IN LOVE THAT FAST!!!!!

49. Okay, but why’d Angela say “Oh my god” before Bella even got out of the car? All that she saw was the car drive up and Edward get out

50. Why were people staring? That’s not how high school works. People don’t REALLY give a shit who’s dating who unless they’re queer

51. I get the convo montage is to indicate they’re spending a lot of time together, but they’d have to remember the exact place they left off in the conversation or just have the same conversation over and over

52. Only living on tofu would not keep you strong

53. Okay, that cut of him jumping from the rock and cut to him jumping into the truck bed is very good

54. “Here comes the human”..... WHO SAID THIS LINE!?!? It sounded very happy, BUT THE ONLY TWO WOMEN IN THE ROOM WERE ESME AND ROSALIE AND ROSALIE WAS NOT HAPPY AT ALL AND ESME WASNT SPEAKING

55. If I were in Bella’s position, among other things I woulda done different, I woulda eaten the shit out of that Italian meal the Cullens prepares for me

56. The scene in Edwards bedroom is so goddamn awkward, but I feel like that works since she’s super awkward and he’s a 108 year old virgin who’s never spoken to a girl before her

57. Why she just turn his stereo on without permission?

58. I heard Claire de Lune is like, the most basic piece ever. Writers couldnta been more creative?

59. How is taking her on a tree climbing adventure making her dance?

60. “So, you and Cullen, huh? I don’t like it.” YOU KNOW WHAT MIKE!?! FUCK OFF!!! YOU HAVE NO GODDAMN SAY IN IT

61. What the hell was that twerking to the daughter of the chief while the chief was there?

62. So he’s been watching her sleep for the past couple months. She got there middle of the semester. So around March. A couple months would make it June. HOW LONG IS THIS SCHOOL YEAR!?!

63. Why Edward couldn’t have bounced with Bella before the villain group got there is beyond me.

64. THIS SCENE WHERE BELLA TALKS SHIT TO CHARLIE AND LEAVES THE HOUSE!!!! THIS IS THE PART I HATE THE MOST BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY GODDAMN WAYS SHE COULDVE LEFT HOME FOR A COUPLE DAYS!!!! “I’m gonna go stay at Jessica’s house for the weekend” “I’m gonna go to Angela’s house for the weekend” “I wanna take a weekend trip with Jessica” “I wanna go visit Mom for a couple days” LITERALLY ANYTHING EXCEPT THAT WOULDA WORKED THERE WAS NO GOOD REASON FOR HER TO HURT HIS FEELINGS LIKE THAT

65. If Rosalie could smell Bella across the field when there was no breeze, why can’t James smell her standing five feet from her?

66. Laurent really didn’t give them any helpful information. James is super dangerous? Yeah, Edward already got that. Victoria is dangerous? Yeah, that’s kinda common sense. Thanks for nothing, you French bastard

67. Man, why the tits did Bella not just tell Alice and Jasper about James supposedly having her mom hostage? Seems like she should trust the group of seven vamps to beat two

68. How did Alice see James going to the ballet studio but not James calling Bella?

69. “I don’t regret the fact that I’m gonna die because at least I got to meet Edward” is what she’s basically saying. As the great Ronald Weasley said, “She needs to sort out her priorities.”

70. The level of dependency Bella exhibits when Edward tells her she has to go to Jacksonville is truly terrifying.

#twilight renaissance #twilight #i hate myself

[darkpoisonouslove]

2020 in Words

After the total exhaustion and lack of motivation of the last few months, I have finally found the strength to review 2020. In terms of writing, that is. Otherwise, we ain’t touching that with a 100-foot pole. But anyway, let’s get to the actual good part of 2020 - the writing.

Word Count:

678, 105 words

And that isn’t actually all. I have started various things that 2021 caught still in progress so there are more words to be added to that number but I’ll count them towards whatever time frame I finish them in (I do not even dare assume that all of them will be finished this year).

A little over 1/7th of that word count was accomplished only in March when I wrote over 100k words. Wow, productivity where did you go? I know that the world is going to hell but do you mind coming back? I can use you. I have so many new ideas that I am really excited about but totally lack the energy to actually get to. Hope that will change in the next weeks because there is A Lot going on in my head that I am actually dying to share.

Fandoms:

Winx Club has totally taken over for me. I have barely written five works this year that are not about that show and I just don’t know what is happening anymore. I have so many thoughts and things to discuss and fix about it and I have a feeling that some upcoming events will only reinforce that position. But what truly matters is that it has truly made 2020 more bearable to be in the fandom and write fic. The interactions with other fans have been lovely which is totally worth the brain damage that some experiences over this show have inflicted.

Once Upon a Time lurked until about the half of the year but I can’t say that I have been actively interested in it. I just rewatched 4A for the Frozen Swan interactions and 4B for Cruella De Vil and that was pretty much all of it this year. I think it’s safe to say that at this point I have more or less moved on from the show and I do not expect a miraculous comeback to it. Which leaves my rewatch dangling over the chasm of uncertainty but I have projects I am far more interested in rn to be thinking about that.

I actually joined the Lucifer fandom this year, though I cannot say that I am active in it at all. It was nice to challenge myself with the small contribution I made to the fanworks in the fandom so I am putting it here because I am not done with watching the show even though I don’t think I have a good enough grasp on any of the characters in order to actually write them.

Ships:

Well, 2020 definitely delivered on that front. I have found myself piles of new ships to ship the hell out. Some I am more grateful about, others leave me slightly bitter over not knowing what to do with them but it certainly hasn’t been boring. Because this is my wrap-up and contemplation, I get to list them and maybe say a couple of words about some of them.

Griffin x Valtor - Not new but it was definitely the biggest part of that year.

Griffin x Valtor x Faragonda - New in the sense of me having written a fic about this now... and having several more ideas on my drives so... beware, future!

Griffin x Faragonda - Also not new but when the feelings catch up with me, they really mean it. Two major bursts of inspiration about them have left me with interesting results and I am looking forward to finding out where this goes.

Marion x Oritel - That was new. It was the first new ship of the year. I have more ideas about them but the muse has not visited lately. I am not giving up, though. Sometimes you gotta sail the ship even when there’s no wind.

Flora x Icy - That was definitely a surprise. I don’t know what happened but I do know that a goddamn look at Pinterest has brought on an entire epic about them (and the other Trix and Winx) so... thanks for that, Pinterest. I wish you could pin free time on Pinterest and go consume it later so that I would actually have the time to work on all of this.

Layla x Stella - Oh, yeah, baby! I have feelings and I really want to do at least an outline of what would be too long to actually write as a fic, especially since I have A Lot on my plate rn.

Griffin x Griselda - Well, that... happened. I have no idea where any of this is going, only that it is a major part of Griffin’s arc in my most major series so... I guess it’s headed somewhere. Just have to stay along for the ride.

Zarathustra x Griselda - So totally trashcankitty12′s fault... But I guess I am the one responsible for actually including it in already ongoing stories.

Ediltrude x DuFour - Okay, that one I totally roped myself into. Do I regret it? ... Maybe a little because it may need to remain just background thanks to everything else that I have going on.

Griffin x Marion - Almost forgot that which is a damn shame because it is one of my absolute most favorite ships.

Griffin x Valtor x Marion - Not gonna lie, this has been sneaking into some stray ideas too repetitively to be an accident. Will it ever exist outside of my head, though?

Samara x Erendor - I just wanted to make them more likable to me because they were my least favorite characters on the show. Worked too well and now I am in fic hell.

Bloom x Sky - I got ONE idea, okay? Too bad that I love it too much for my own good, especially considering that it is sort of a rewrite of the series. Like I didn’t have enough of those already.

There are more, actually, but we will be here all day if I have to list every stray idea that I have entertained so let’s just move on.

Stories:

Winx Club - 80 (4 unfinished and 3 that I have been dragging with me since 2019 for a total of 7/111 incomplete.)

OUAT - 3 (all finished but I have two collections that are still open from 2019 and 2018 respectively)

Lucifer - 1 (it was a one-shot but I am glad that I managed to write it at all)

Original works - 1 (poem that I came up with at 4am)

That makes a total of 85 written works this year which is honestly astounding! My brain has been harping on me about not being productive since June but I have actually gotten quite a lot of work done! (Fun fact - my total for 2019 was 58 stories, and for 2020 it is 85 XD. We’re gonna need some new numbers in 2021.)

First fic of the year - Gold and Purple (Griffin x Valtor AU inspired by a Bulgarian folk tale)

Last fic of the year - New Warmth to Weave in Your Garden of Shine (Samara x Erendor + New Year traditions and worldbuilding on Eraklyon)

Favorite writing moment - that has got to be coming up with a wild idea for my season  rewrite that I will not be spoiling now. It was also inspired by Bulgarian folklore and I am so excited to reveal it (because it is so fucking grand) but we will all have to be patient.\

Wildest writing experience - definitely the entirety of chapter 4 from A Home You Never Knew How to Have. Man, that was... a goddamn ride. In every sense of the word. I still haven’t reread that bitch after posting it even though I have opened it probably a hundred times.

I launched several series this year that will need a lot of work to be brought to completion. Naturally, my focus is not on finishing those but on starting new things. Because of course it is. So here’s a heads-up for another post that will be coming shortly with announcements of my ideas. I would like to call it a plan for 2021 but I fear that will be too presumptuous of me so I will say that it is my hope that those are things that are to be released this year but I will only lapel them as projects that I am looking forward to rather than “upcoming”.

Other Works:

This year actually bore a couple other forms of art so I am going to list my creations in other mediums below because they deserve the attention.

Aesthetics:

Icy

Darcy

Stormy

Marion

Ediltrude & Zarathustra

Siren AU:

Griffin

Ediltrude

Zarathustra

Icy

Darcy

Stormy

Magic-Swapped Transformations:

Griffin Winx

Ediltrude Winx

Zarathustra Winx

Griffin Chamrix

Ediltrude Chamrix

Zarathustra Chamrix

Griffin Enchantix

Ediltrude Enchantix

Zarathustra Enchantix

Videos:

Griffin/Valtor - The Devil I Know

Winx - Trouble

Marion x Oritel/Griffin x Valtor/Faragonda x Hagen - Savage

Bloom/Mitzi - Wicked

Samara - You Should See Me in a Crown

Bloom/Sky - Kerosene

Winx Rewatch:

I actually rewatched all 8 seasons of the show + the 3 movies and I have written out my thoughts on all of them. You can find them here:

Winx Club Season 1 4kids (Stream of Consciousness) (I am actually considering redoing this one because it wasn’t in-depth like the others are)

Winx Club Season 2 4kids Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 2 4kids Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 3 4kids Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 3 4kids Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: The Secret of the Lost Kingdom (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 4 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 4 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: Magical Adventure (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 5 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 5 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club: Mystery of the Abyss (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 6 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 6 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 7 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 7 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 8 Part 1 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Season 8 Part 2 (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 1: Destiny of Bloom (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 2: Revenge of the Trix (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 3: The Battle for Magix (Stream of Consciousness)

Winx Club Special 4: The Shadow Phoenix (Stream of Consciousness)

I will not be writing any takeaways because I already talked about some of those in an ask and my brain is too fired at the moment to pull off some actual analysis and compose a proper conclusion. To be perfectly honest, I prefer not to think too much on 2020. It brought a lot of good things along with the bad but I still prefer not to look back on it if it isn’t necessary. I think it received enough of my energy already.

#my writing #my fanfiction #my fanfic #about me #personal #2020 #in retrospect #2020 in words #winx club #winx club rewatch #winx rewatch #links #long post #aesthetics #videos #visuals #reviews #thoughts

[daisyslain]

*   FANDOM QUESTIONS.

repost,   don’t  re - blog.

FANDOM  :   scream. FANDOM  AIR  /  PUBLISH  DATE  :   june ‘15. FAVOURITE  THING  ABOUT  YOUR  FANDOM  :   i love the little details that were put into each character to make them fascinating and to make them stand on their own.   with a show that’s literally about killing the characters off,    it’s really important to establish who these people are quickly before they.. you know.. die.    a good example of this is tyler,    who we only see one scene of with no flashbacks,   but we know things about him like the fact that he’s adopted and that he was the ‘ wild boy ‘ and it helps us resonate with who he was a little more.   each death hits a little harder when we start to learn more about them,   especially with the way the focus is subtly drawn to them right before their death,    like will finally coming to terms with the wrongs he has done and doing his best to get his redemption to prepare for his inevitable death,   etc.    honestly,   a lot of the characters on this show,  i don’t like as people,    but i LOVE as characters because they’re all written well and in a way that they can really fit into any scenario.    it’s one of my favorite fandoms to mix with crossovers because it’s so easy.    their characters aren’t tied down to just be about the murders;   there’s so much more to all of them. FAVOURITE  CHARACTER  AND  WHY  :    scream is a show that even when i don’t like a character as a person,   they’re still really well written characters which is why i’ve been so hooked on this show so honestly ???  i’ve got a top four?    audrey,   haley,   maggie,  and stavo.    audrey was my favorite from the beginning because her vibe is so similar to my type of favorite character,   but she really became my favorite when she was exposed as having to do something with piper.   and even though we didn’t get the full story with her and piper and it’s still so open ended,   i still love the way audrey deals with her guilt especially because it’s not at all how many of the other characters would and i think that’s what sets her apart from characters who typically deal with a guilt complex.   she’s not a good person but she’s damn good at getting her way out of blame in most circumstances and i love seeing how much crap she piles on herself because of it.    anyone who knows me knows exactly why i stan haley so much and it’s because of her purpose as a character.    with shows like this depicting tragedy and grief,   it would be incomplete if we didn’t see ALL sides.   haley is scared too,   she just deals with it all in a very wrong way and it’s interesting to see how she plays off the others’ grief because of it.    maggie is a favorite mostly because of how she got here.    i love the way she believes in brandon so loyally   (  me too bitch!!  )    because so many people have painted him as a villain for 20ish years and she’s still here preaching about him being innocent,    and to have gone through what she went through and be shunned to ever think positively of him yet still be so adamant about believing in him??    that takes an insanely strong person,   not to mention how much of her life she was forced to keep private even when she felt like she was disrespecting brandon by doing so.    stavo is a favorite character because of who he is as an individual,    and i feel like him being in the scream setting doesn’t do his character justice.    his mind is so intriguing to me and i constantly want to know more about him,   especially in terms of what happened with his friend’s death.    there’s so much we don’t know about him and so many answers up in there air,   but i think that’s part of why i like him so much.   he has a unique perspective on everything and he’s not afraid to tell people the truth   (  i.e.  warning noah that publicly looking for the accomplice might put a target on his back,  etc.  )     i’m also extremely interested in his art,  what it means,  the way his father shuts it down,   etc.   and i’ve said this before on tracy’s blog,    but his character seems to match so many of my headcanons for her,   so i just naturally really fell in love with who he is.   OVERRATED  CHARACTER  :     i’m going to softly pass on this UNDERRATED  CHARACTER  :   stavo!!   so many people are quick to hate him because he hooked up with brooke and finally i have a place to rant about this,   so...   it’s not his fault that brooke moved on with him?   in fact,   it’s extremely ic of brooke to try to ignore her grief by jumping into bed with someone to distract herself rather than deal with her own tragedy.   she had done it multiple times on the show.    it’s uncomfortable because of how quick it happened,   but it seems like he gets shit on all the time because of something that was entirely in character for brooke to be doing,   and everyone makes this some kind of competition between stavo and jake when it shouldn’t be like that at all?     i’m constantly left wondering if anyone would give him a chance if he wasn’t attached to brooke because it seems like that’s why he gets so much hate.   he definitely is as shady as he seems,   perhaps even more though we’ll never find out,   but i think he deserves more of a chance and an understanding from the fans rather than a shit storm of hate just because he was with brooke as if that wasn’t her choice at all when...  it was. OTP  :   clark / maggie,  brandon / maggie.    i guess i don’t really ship a whole lot of the canon ships on the show but these are two that own me.      i also like the idea of brooke and audrey but i’m a lot more interested in that ship in season 1 and favoring their friendship instead in season 2. NOTP  :    i’ll only say it since it’s not canon but ??  audrey  /  emma,   which again,   anyone who has spoken to me about this ever knows how i feel about it.    emma has already dated a stream of people who lie to her.    i’ll keep my canon notps to myself.    although i’m sure no one will charge at me with torches for saying maggie and kevin publicly BROTP  :   audrey and noah,   maggie and brandon.  OVERRATED  SHIP  :   again,   i’ll keep it to myself yikes UNDERRATED  SHIP  :    clark and maggie!!!   and noah and zoe.   i know most people favor noah with riley but i don’t really think these two relationships are comparable at all.    i feel like riley was someone noah could have loved,   while zoe was someone he got the chance to love,    and i think once they could truly work past the weird jealousy and roundabouts,   they would have been something really strong. WEIRD  SHIP  THAT  YOU  HAVE  :   don’t @ me but i love the idea of piper and kieran solely for the way he spoken about her and i think they would have been interesting as hell to see together.    my heart also ships tyler and riley. SHIP  YOU  DIDN’T  EXPECT  TO  LIKE  :   i can’t think of any right now!!  CROSSOVER  SHIPS  :   i have a dream of haley and noel kahn  /  mona so :/   but otherwise,   i really like the crossover scream ships i have with my gf @perfectevil because theo works so well with characters in that state of mind even if those relationships aren’t exactly.. Real,   they just vibe well together.     FAVOURITE  PLOT  LINE  :   maggie getting pregnant with brandon james’s baby and being forced to hide it from everyone for the rest of her life against her will while she had to pretend that brandon wasn’t a good guy even though she believed he was...   then to be bit in the ass by it when piper came back to kill her because she believed the lies maggie’s parents forced her to tell.   what the fuck!!!   and also audrey being so desperate for revenge that she found a half sister emma didn’t know about and became close friends with her while telling her to make emma + co pay,  then in turn being the prime target for piper’s real accomplice in season 2 because she was so easy to bait and be framed as the killer.      PLOT  YOU  WOULD  HAVE  LIKED  TO  SEE  :   obviously,   i would love to see audrey’s plot play out truthfully and the way it was intended from the beginning.    it rubs me the wrong way that she got out of it all and everyone just seemed to forgive her so easily even with the evidence in front of them that there was more to it than the story she gave them.     and i’m forever upset that we’ll never see a reveal that brandon james wasn’t the killer and that someone else  (coughkevincough)  was actually guilty. FAVOURITE  VILLAIN  :  piper.  i love me a petty murderer.   i also loved the way she hid behind journalism and i could talk about that for so long.     and haley,   though i’m not really sure she fits in the villain category..   she’s more of a nuisance to the other characters than someone of any real threat.   and i’m going to softly add audrey to this because...  she pulled some Shit LEAST  FAVOURITE  VILLAIN  :   i don’t really hate the villains tbh????   as people,   yes,   but as characters i like the way things went.    i know kieran gets a lot of shit but uh ? he was crafty as FUCK and we can’t deny that  WHO  WOULD  YOU  BE  FRIENDS  WITH  IF  YOU  WERE  IN  THE  FANDOM  :   audrey and noah.    i’d just never wanna get on audrey’s bad side FAVOURITE  FIC  :   i don’t really read fics but i love reading other scream roleplayers write these characters because they’re all so important to me LEAST  FAVOURITE  FIC  TROPE :   i don’t think this really counts as a trope but basically every time i see characters miraculously surviving i get irrationally stressed because the entire plot is such a domino effect  SONG  IN  THE  FANDOM  :   the songs on scream are all such BOPS!   but fun fact my most played song of 2018 was actually pray by bishop briggs,   which is the song that plays when kieran is taken into custody and emma and audrey hug it out  SONG  THAT  REMINDS  YOU  OF  YOUR  FAVOURITE  CHARACTER  :   same as the last!! 

tagged  by  :    the beautiful @asperad tagging  :     @perfectevil because i know a bitch has a lot to say,    but everyone in the scream fandom pls bc i love all these characters thanks

#‹ ✿ * OOC.

[todieingrave]

Thursday, August 10th 2017

Hey it’s be awhile since the last time I made a blog on here. I’ve been super busy dealing with a lot of things, especially the moving part. I will be moving to southern California in about 3 days!! Woah that came up fast! 

I think the last time I made a blog was on June 1st, so I’ll try to catch some of you up on some things that have happened between that time until now. Well, I’ve gone on a few hikes and made some new friends between that timeline. I have been becoming more mentally healthy now that I’ve let go of a few toxic people in my life. It’s even starting to show in my dreams how much better I have become so far. I used to always have horrible nightmares, especially this past year while my mind was in a very negative place. But now this past 2 months I have been having good dreams. I ended up officially reactivating my main facebook account again and I had an overwhelming respond of support from my old friends welcoming me back that I am so thankful for. I updated that account a little bit with photos that I haven’t been able to share on there since I have been gone. Right when I reactivated that account a good friend of mine informed me that they found a fake account using my pictures. So I had to get rid of that and I deleted quite a few people who I no longer wanted them to experience my life with me anymore. Then the funny thing is that some people from my old high school were even trying to holla at me.. I find it funny how some of the people who used to judge and bully me in school are now up in my messages trying to flirt with me and try to creep on all my social media accounts. I see them but they aren’t eva gettin’ a chance. Drew and I have been doing really well actually. I think we’ve been falling back in love again. Everything just has been becoming so much nicer like it used to be before I fell into this deep depression. I have even been going out a lot more like I used to. I went out to multiple shows including, Hammerfall, Morbid Angel, Warped Tour, Iron Maiden in California, DragonForce and a few more back in Portland. The Iron Maiden trip was amazing!! Drew and I first drove to San Francisco and did a bunch of cool stuff there, like visit some spooky shops, museums, and gardens. We watched 4th of July fireworks on top of a high building looking over the city at night and flew some kites over the bay area. Our car did unfortunately get broken into on the first night there but thankfully we had good insurance on our rental and just got a new car right away. Then all the fun we had after that made up for it and we completely forget that even happened. Oh and I finally got to see Iron Maiden play live and I am beyond happy with the turn out! 😃 Their stage performances were one of the best I've seen and they brought such an amazing energy to the whole stadium. I like how they genuinely look super happy up there and love what they are doing. The crowd was awesome as well! I got to get up reeaaalll close to the stage with no problem. That night turned out way better than what I expected. Then we drove down to San Diego to visit our friends Holly and Nick. We didn’t do too much down there but visit the beach, go to the exotic reptile animal expo and get SUPER sun burnt. Oh my goodness I don’t think I have ever been that burnt in my entire life. I was beat red! It was embarrassing xD Then we drove back up to L.A. for Drew’s birthday. We mostly used our time there to look for places to live and do a couple of home tours. We almost got this spooky house out in the desert but it looked like there needed to be a lot of work done on it, so we passed and settled for an apartment right next to these mountains in San Bernardino. After we found our place of stay we finally got to go out to the city and celebrate Drew’s birthday. We got to see DragonForce play on the first night we were there and oofta I got a lot of drinks bought for me. I guess I looked real purdy that night :P Then we walked on the stars and some dude forced me to hold his giant pet snake. I can’t lie, I was a little scared at first that it was going to bite me. We then visited the famous Museum of Death and stopped at a lot of random vintage shops around town. I may have spoiled the both of us a little too much. Oops! Whatever we were on vacation. Then once our trip was over we drove back to Oregon using the scenic routes and hiked around on the coast quite a bit, taking our sweet time exploring before we have to head back to that awful city I hate to call home at the moment. Once we got back home I got an email saying my chest tattoo proposal with an amazing artist I have been wanting to work with got accepted!! YAY! So I will be finishing my full chest piece for my birthday in late September. I am so beyond excited for this. Not only that but at the end of July I finally finished the complete outline on my left sleeve. Now I just need to finish the shading on it along with tattooing my armpit and hand, then it will be officially finished sleeve! Then I’ve been going to this big book store on Powell a lot with this pretty lady friend. I’ve been slowly becoming addicted to collecting books now. I just finished this thick book in a week! Yeah everything has been going well but knowing my life there will always be those downs. For instance I have been packing up a lot lately but it’s been so damn hot here in Portland these past 2 weeks while i’m doing that and we don’t have any AC here. So that sucks ass. Not only that but I am way beyond angry that one of my dumb ass roommates left our balcony door wide open a week ago, even after countless amount of times I have asked them not to do that because I'm worried about the cats getting out. Well guess what!? Those assholes left it open again and this time my kitten Artemis actually got out and jumped off our 2 possibly 3 story deck. I wasn't aware until one of our town home maintenance guys knocked on our door and said he found her hiding in a vacant lot covered in toilet water and blood on her paws. She was panting and whining whenever we touched her tummy, so now we had to rush her to the vet because she might have possibly broken either one of her paws or even a rib. Luckily everything wasn’t as bad as we expected, but she didn’t land on her feet from the fall so it was still a hard impact on her tummy that knocked the wind out of her and kinda left her breathing funny for a few days and it broke most of her claws off, along with a few teeth from her jaw hitting the ground. I was fucking furious at them because of what they have done to my sweet fur child. Mostly because the dumbass who was stupid enough to do it kept on trying to blame it on us like it was our fault when we NEVER open the deck door, let alone we have caught him leaving it wide open all the damn time. So we knew who it was right away. I of course start screaming at him when he gets home that if he doesn’t pay for her vet bills then we will be taking legal action and suing him. He then tries to pick up the broom next to him and hit me with it. I grab it and begin to kick and punch him because my immediate reaction is to defend myself if someone is going to try and hit me with an object and hurt my animals. My other roommate then decides to become violent as well and puts me in choke hold and slams me against the wall while Drew was trying to get him away from me. I was pissed and everyone who has personally has seen me with that much anger knows damn well it’s best to NEVER put me in any type of hold or try to hold onto me at all. It’s better to speak to me with words and look me straight in the face rather than trying to hold onto me, because if you hold onto me I WILL go fucking crazy and most of the time try to bite a chunck of flesh out. Since I know that has always been the most effective way to make someone let go of me when they won’t when I tell them to. So I bit his arm to release me and I punched him a few times in the face. I ended up giving him a pretty nasty black eye and fat lip but honestly... I’m not sorry at all because he shouldn’t have been as aggressive with me as he was. If he didn’t slam me into the wall then he wouldn’t have his ugly purple eye swollen shut. Stupid weak bitch. He then tells on me to his daddy and his daddy tried to play pretend detective on the phone and make it seem like I was in trouble with the police to scare me. I knew right off the bat that it wasn’t a real cop because i’m not stupid but I played along anyways because they said I apparently gave him stitches. I was very concerned at first about the stitches because he went to the hospital but then I found out he just had a little cut on his eyebrow with none. So I told them that if they ever call me again with threats I will be taking action against what has happened to my cat because of them and the fact that they assaulted me as well, leaving multiple huge bruises all over my body that are still here. He didn’t call back after that. Good! Because I am not one to mess with unless you want me to take some form of harsh revenge out on you. So I think I made my point very clear that I don’t ever let anyone harm my animals or loved ones and get away with it free. I will stick up for myself so that nobody will ever try to harm me or them ever again. Point made. Don’t fuck with me unless you want me to go crazy. I am very thankful for all the friends I have who were very supportive during this. It really helps during stressful times. I seriously can’t wait to be out of this house in a few days and start my life over on the positive path I have been aiming for. 

#personal #blogging #dear diary #fun times #but don't mess with me #I will go crazy

[emmvee93]

Dear Mike,

If you were trying to hurt me with your email, well good job you succeeded. My life is miserable now thanks to you. I don’t even know why I’m sending you this. Idk. I want you to hurt I want you to feel pain for doing this to me. Like how stupid is that. Everyone said I shouldn’t contact you everyone said I should act like I’m fine. I thought I was but honestly I’m not. I am so mad at you. You knew you were going through this right when you met me. You could have avoided doing this to me by not pursuing me but you did. You made me fall in love with you. And for what? Just to crush me in the end. I gave you my everything. I changed for you. I did things I didn’t want to do for you. When I least expected it, you blindsided me. I guess you got your payback. Like was any of it real? Or were you just waiting to break my heart when I least expected it?

Do you understand what you put me through this entire relationship? You verbally abused me on several occasions. You called me a cunt and I took you back. You said incredibly awful things in June and I took you back. You constantly belittled me, accused me, jabbed at me, and I took you back every single time. I loved you despite the awful way you treated me. Because I saw something in you. I saw the real you. Not this you the world hurt, not this you you pretend to be to act all tough to your friends. I saw Mike and I loved him. I wanted to spend my life with him. But the other guy, he was awful. Do you understand how much heartache you could have saved me if you didn’t force me into a relationship with you when I wasn’t ready? But I did it for you. You took advantage of my character and my big heart. I did so much for you. People watched me put up with your bullshit. I made my parents, friends, and roommates unhappy. But I didn’t care because I loved you.

Honestly, I’ve been so miserable because I just keep waiting for you to show up. Waiting for you to reach out. Waiting for you to stand in front of me crying and say you made a mistake. How can you say you love me and just walk away? How can you say you want to marry me and just give up? I begged for you to try and work on yourself, make yourself happy. I wanted to hold your hand through it all. I was there for you. And I tried and tried to tell you. I tried and tried to reassure you. But the lies you tell yourself you continue to believe. I told you you’re the one for me. I told you you’re the only one I want. I told you you make me happy. But you leave me saying that none of that is true I need to go find that somewhere else. How? How am I supposed to do that? I constantly look for your car. I am afraid to go anywhere because I think you’re going to assume I’ve moved on to someone I had lined up. I’m starting to believe your lies too. You have broken me. You have changed me into some sad scared girl. I used to be confident and happy. But I’m sure you got what you wanted out of me and that’s why you just left me out to dry.

I hope you’re happy. I hope you’re getting the satisfaction of reading this and seeing I’m not okay. But what am I supposed to do? Beg for you back? Beg for you to come back and control and manipulate and gaslight and verbally abuse me? For what? Because I love you? You couldn’t even chose me. The one thing I asked for you to do. The one thing I asked for you to show me. You couldn’t do it. You threw me away like I was nothing. All my hard work, for nothing. Taking you back so many times, for nothing. It was all for nothing. I showed up to North Carolina. And what does it all mean now?? Nothing! I made a huge mistake ever letting you into my life. All the times I cried at work, at home, at the gym, in front of my friends and family. All for nothing. You used to say we love each other and that’s all that matters. You lied to me. I asked you to tell me everything was going to be okay. And you lied to me. You asked me to tell you if that guy hits on me in the gym so you can go have a word with him. But you lied about that too. You knew you were going to break my heart. You knew you were going to destroy me. So why even say those things to me? Every time you asked me to say it was going to be okay and that I loved you and it was just me and you. I genuinely meant those things. The amount of times I broke up with you, I never wanted to and that’s why I took you back every single time. I loved you and I couldn’t be without you. But here you are just paying me back and getting your revenge.

We could have worked together. We could have been a team. But you’re so damn stubborn. All I ever did was try to help you. Is this what you did to everyone else you dated? Just use them? Is this why you’re still single and almost 40? You’re never going to find anyone like me and you freaking know it. No one is going to put up with the bullshit like I did. You had it made Mike and you just threw it away. I meant it when I said you were the love of my life. I remember when you could see I’ve been hurt and wanted to show me you were different. Well guess what, you’re not. You have hurt me like no other man has. Are you happy? Are you proud?

I am so mad at myself honestly. I’m mad I let you do this to me. I’m mad that I said similar things once and you wouldn’t let me leave. I’m mad that I feel this way about a guy who could have cared less about me. I’m mad for sending you this email and for trying to make you feel bad. What is it honestly going to accomplish? You’re not coming back you’ve made that clear. With all your stupid stories about when you end it it’s done for good. Are you going to tell your next bitch that you’ve only been dumped once in your life again and just tell her the end of our story and not the truth? I guess you’ll be smarter about your next bitch too. Try to find someone who won’t argue with you and stays wrapped around your little finger like you want.

I just can’t believe you did this to me. After everything we’ve been through. I was doing everything I could to show you I wasn’t going to break up with you ever again. Despite how awful you were being treated and how the life left your eyes and how you didn’t smile anymore. I stood there for far too long to see you get treated like that. And when I finally spoke up you dumped me. How is that fair? You repay me after everything by just dumping me.

You know what, it’s my fault. I should have seen the red flags. I mean I saw them but I ignored them. The way you treated me in the beginning. Acting like I should be reaching out more or whatever. Man I was nervous getting to know you and you already wanted to control and attack me. The day you stormed out of my house when I was sick and on my phone. Lol. I never meant to respond to you when you reached out. And it’s funny. You always reached out. And here I am expecting the same and it isn’t happening. What the fuck happened? What happened to that guy that loved me at all costs? Oh I know. The life got sucked out of him. He let his parents dictate his life. He let internal lies destroy him. Maybe one day he’ll see what happened. And see he lost the girl of his dreams because he let bullshit get in the way. He always let bullshit get in the way. Maybe one day you won’t let it get in the way. But until then, you’re never going to be happy. You let your insecurities get the best of you. You gave up the best thing that came into your life. I’m sorry you don’t think you are good enough for it. I did. I tried to show you. But idk I can’t change your mind when it’s already been made up. I honestly doubt any of the words I’ve said today are even going to make an impact on you.

But the biggest problem? You couldn’t forgive. Constantly letting the past dictate the future. I tried so hard to move on from it. I tried to communicate with you when things started to seem like the past. I tried to prevent bullshit. But you welcomed it. I tried to not let us go back to that place. But you wanted to stay there. You set up camp and you weren’t leaving. Why?

What are you telling people? It wasn’t working for a while? Did you tell them that I said something similar and you got mad at me? Are you telling people you broke my heart? Are you telling people it was good and you’re sad? I’m telling people I just got out of the worst relationship of my life. And here I am crying about it. Crying because I tried so hard and I can’t get over that. I fought for you. Despite all the odds I fought and you didn’t. You gave up. It would have made more sense for you to pull this bullshit in the beginning. But you’re selfish. You only thought about you. Not me and not what you’d be doing to me. Maybe if you got real help. Maybe we’d be okay right now. Maybe if you listened to me. Maybe if you tried to help yourself. Maybe if you got your head out of your ass and let someone help you. You don’t have to be the hero. You tried to save everyone and tore yourself and me down in the process. Now you’re left with nothing. Like is this what you want? To be alone? Your friends and family all take advantage of you. You often find yourself alone because you can’t take their shit anymore. Is that what you really want?

I hope one day you go back to being the real you. The Mike I fell in love with. The Mike in North Carolina. I’m sorry that you’ve made me want to forget that memory. I truly want to forget you because of what you did to me. Not just on September 5th. This entire relationship. You wasted my time. You taught me to never ignore red flags again though. And you taught me how cruel the world is. How people like you will take advantage of my big heart and try to change me. You taught me that I can’t always see the best in people and hope that they change. You taught me the saddest lessons of my life. I hope you’re happy.

With all the love you took from me,

Morgan

[placetobenation]

Tomorrow is another one of those Divas anniversaries – fourteen years to the day since Trish Stratus and Lita wrestled in the main event of Monday Night Raw in a Women’s Title match.

This is a big one, not only because it was just the second time a women’s match headlined an episode of Raw without any pesky men around, and not only because it was the biggest bout yet between the two biggest stars of the era, but also because it was the culmination of a nine month feud that was far and away the best thing about Raw in 2004.

On a personal note, this is the 20th Deep Dive I’ve written for you kind folks, and in an extraordinary and uncharacteristic show of restraint, I Dove Deep nineteen whole times while barely mentioning the greatest of all time, my sun and stars, moon of my life, Trish Stratus. Now, that’s simply because I’m so excited to talk about ALL of these women and there’s so much to cover, but that streak is well and truly over today because for real dudes, Trish Stratus in 2004 is the greatest gift that He ever sent down from the heavens to grace this wretched wasteland of a planet.

She is God tier.

The entire feud is fantastic, in fact, so let me spin you another yarn. There are about three different soap opera storylines to get through here so the short version of this preamble is that in late 2003 Trish and Lita, bestest best friends, were being pursued by Jericho and Christian respectively, the boys made a bet for $1 (Canadian) that they could hit that, Jericho ended up catching feelings and turning babyface, only for Trish to kick his ass to the curb and turn heel and mack on with Christian on the WrestleMania XX stage.

Thank u, next.

You may wonder how Trish goes from breaking Jericho’s heart to making Lita’s life a living hell. After all, last we saw they were bestest best friends! I’ll tell you how. This was all the fault of a women’s battle royal. In wrestling, some battle royals are throwaway. Others change the course of the next nine months of television. This was the match that launched a thousand skits.

It was a couple weeks after WrestleMania, and this particular battle royal was for No. 1 Contendership. Basically all of the other dorks got tossed during the ad break and we end up with Trish and Lita facing off in a big finishing stretch to determine the winner. Despite Trish and Christian still being in the middle of their feud with Jericho, and despite Jericho’s interference late in this match handing Lita the victory, Trish seems FAR more offended at Lita beating her than at anything Jericho is doing. It’s a subtle shift in Trish’s motivation, where the focus of her vitriol becomes her bestie/archrival, Lita, someone she’s comfortable fighting against, instead of a man that she isn’t really a physical threat to. Heel Trish liked to punch down, and Lita was a much easier target.

She had NO IDEA how much of an easy target Lita would soon become.

For reasons that remain unbeknownst to this day, I believe, one fateful day on Raw, Kane decided to interrupt a Divas tag team match, corner Lita in the ring, and forcibly kiss her. Oh yes my dudes, THIS WHOLE THING THAT HAPPENED.

Kane began stalking Lita on Raw every week, with her then-boyfriend Matt Hardy often getting in the middle. Trish Stratus observed her best friend being relentlessly stalked and molested by a psychopathic monster and decided, “Yep. I am going to ROAST THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BITCH LMAO”

She started out with the gold standard of fuckwithery, “Oh no! Look out! Kane’s behind you! BAHAHAHAHAHA!” And just stepped it up from there.

When Kane defeated Matt Hardy at SummerSlam 2004 for the right to marry Lita (I know, I know…) Trish was kind and thoughtful enough to corral the other heel Divas and throw Lita a bridal shower! (And let me tell you, the way that Trish utters the phrase, “Because you have to marry *KANE*” is just… I saw God.)

Then we ALL saw God when she crashed the wedding itself.

If you can get past the outfit, this run in is also basically the greatest speech anyone has ever made at a wedding. “All you have to do is open your heart! Just like you opened your legs!”

Holy moley.

When Lita was impregnated with Kane’s demon baby as a result of Kane coercing her into sex to protect Matt Hardy (hmmm why does this sound so familiar??) who else was there to greet her backstage with jokes about it “festering” inside her but King Dick Trish. That whole episode in fact (Raw, September 6th) was basically a one woman show. She dragged Lita mercilessly for getting knocked up by Kane, turned around and dragged Nidia for yelling at her in Spanish (“I don’t speak German!”), then dragged Nidia in the ring to one of her best matches like the GOAT she is, and then when Nidia started making her comeback, Trish could super not be fucked dealing with it and just straight up RIPPED NIDIA’S SHIRT CLEAN OPEN to distract her and kicked her head off.

I have no words for that kind of thuggery.

But back to our bullshit, when Lita then lost the aforementioned demon baby after an unfortunate and definitely-not-his-fault incident with Gene Snitsky (I KNOW, I KNOW OKAY!), who was there waiting to savage her some more about losing her pregnancy weight and drop lines like “At Survivor Series you’re gonna lose to me, just like you lost your baby” ?? You guessed it! King Dick Trish, the fucking asshole. What kind of prick trolls someone about having a miscarriage? Jesus.

Speaking of Survivor Series, let me catch you up on other, more normal events. At Bad Blood 2004, after an original Victoria vs. Gail Kim defense was changed to a four way with Trish and Lita, Trish, of course, stole the winning pin from under Lita’s nose and won the belt. From there it’s a tale of two women; Trish ruling atop of the Women’s Division as champ, and Lita toiling away in the Utter Bullshit Division. For months they only really ever met in these backstage skits and promos where Trish would body her over and over when she knew Lita couldn’t retaliate. And that was all they needed to make it the hottest feud on Raw.

Finally, in November Lita moved from the Utter Bullshit Division back into the Women’s Division and immediately set her sights firmly on Women’s Champion King Dick Trish Stratus. The match is made for Survivor Series. Jericho hosts a Highlight Reel featuring the both of them in the lead up, and he brings a referee out with him because he’s TERRIFIED of having them in the same room together.

With good reason. They’ve barely laid a hand on each other since that title match back in June. There is five full months of angst packed into this powder keg.

And it well and truly goes off at the PPV.

Trish comes out first and is STILL making puffy cheeked chubby faces as Lita makes her entrance, determined to make absolutely sure of her own death I guess. Lita walks down to the ring and punches Trish right in her fucking face. And punches her again. And again.

Then they go outside and all hell breaks loose. Lita grabs a chair and absolutely WALLOPS Trish for the DQ. Trish BLEEDS. Women NEVER bleed on WWE TV, but Trish got that juice brother. Lita kept going crazy and blasted Trish from behind right into the stairs in one of the greatest camera shots of all time. Trish freaks out spectacularly at the sight of her own blood. And somehow, considering this was an immediate DQ finish for a PPV title match they spent half the year building, this was some great business.

From this point forward Lita is fascinating to watch. You might think she’d go on some crazy tear of babyface revenge going after Trish’s title, but she’s actually the complete opposite. She’s not frantic or wild or in a hurry. She’s… calm. Almost serene. It’s as if she knows at this point that she HAS Trish. She’s got her. She’s finally free to fight her, she already beat the shit out of her at Survivor Series, now Trish is wearing a face mask on her broken nose that Lita can gleefully target, and she knows her day is coming. Lita is completely free to punch Trish in the face all she wants for all of the shit she’s been talking all year. Lita is free. Finally. And so she doesn’t chase Trish. She takes her time. She enjoys it. After all of the crazy shit she’s gone through in 2004, it’s actually a relief to just enjoy beating up a familiar foe in a wrestling match.

I bang on a lot about Trish here, and it’s always the heels that get to have more fun, but don’t sleep on Lita. She was also great during this entire angle (while having to do some truly horrid bullshit) and this part of it in particular was some fantastic work.

So the return match for title is finally made (by the ever-present Chris Jericho in his role as guest GM, in a nice touch) for the December 6th Raw. This show happens to be in Charlotte, not very far at all from Lita’s hometown at the time of Sanford, NC. The Women’s Title gets that main event slot baby. They spent the whole night recapping the feud to build up to it. Jim Ross dropped a great line about how to these women, this title means as much as the World’s Heavyweight Title does to the guys. The scene is set.

But not before one last backstage skit. We couldn’t really have it any other way. Trish had taken to calling Lita “The Walking Kiss of Death” and jokingly asked who’s career Lita was going to kill tonight, to which Lita obviously replied, “Yours” and gave her a big smackeroo. Now, Lita was just being smart here because as we know from this and Mickie James in the near future, kissing Trish before a match increases your chances of having a motherfucking BANGER with her by at least 1000%.

That’s just science.

What is a lot harder to explain with science is how Lita actually survived the match.

Y’all remember THAT bump. Lita hit a tope and landed so hard on her face her body scorpioned ov-argh. Nope. It’s fourteen years later and we know she was fine but man is it still hard to watch. She only came back from the broken neck a year earlier! Lita is officially a cyborg.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention it, but it’s a shame that the scorpion bump is sometimes the only thing people remember about this match. What’s important to remember about this match is that IT FUCKING RULED.

The tension was palpable from the bell, and the crowd was ready. Trish took off her face mask and used it as a weapon BECAUSE HER FACE WAS FINE AFTER ALL in a move so dastardly it caused Jim Ross to wig the fuck out on commentary. Lita’s bad bump ended up serving the match, lending a lot of weight to Trish working over Lita’s head and neck during the heat. Lita came back with a powerbomb and the rare and elusive women’s superplex. There were a bunch of great, close nearfalls, and at this point the crowd was going insane chanting for Lita. When she finally went up and hit the redemptive, life affirming Moonsault for the win, people went APESHIT. J.R. literally screamed himself hoarse raving about Lita coming back from all that punishment and winning the belt.

A trillion and three quarter stars.

Revolution or no Revolution, this is still one of the very best women’s matches in company history. And the perfect capper, at that point, to a rivalry that had started all the way back in 2000, and boiled over so spectacularly in 2004. I just love these women.

You can actually watch the full match on WWE’s Youtube here.

That was a lot, and yet like, I feel like I didn’t even scratch the surface with Trish, or even get into half of the stuff with Kane and Lita and all of that nonsense. I’m going to suppress the masochistic urge to dive into it that further, and come back next week to talk about another one of my favourite girls, the unfairly-maligned Divas of the world.

Check it out: No. 1 Contender’s Battle Royal (Raw, April 5th 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita (Raw, April 12th 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita (Raw, May 17th 2004) Victoria vs. Gail Kim vs. Trish vs. Lita – Women’s Title (Bad Blood 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita – Women’s Title (Survivor Series 2004) Trish vs. Lita vs. Molly – Women’s Title (Raw, November 22nd 2004) Trish & Molly vs. Victoria & Lita (Raw, November 29th 2004) Trish Stratus vs. Lita – Women’s Title (Raw, December 6th 2004)

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

[thejoeydavis]

Movies of 2017

Every year I write down all the movies I watch and compile it in a long year-end list like this one. Since mid-2016 I’ve used letterboxd.com to keep track of dates and ratings but in 2017 I started recording where I watched each film too (got the idea from Silver Screen Fiend by Patton Oswalt; his list is 4 years and hundreds of movies long). This is about 12,000 words long and it took me a few days to write (and a month to edit apparently) so I don’t really expect anyone to read this all the way through but there are top/bottom 10s and honorable mentions at the bottom if you just want the highlights. Also y’all know these are just my opinions right? Feel free to discuss movies you also saw last year or maybe even give some recommendations if you want to. My watchlist is about 500 movies long and I’m always adding to it. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in a year.

116 movies in 2017

January – 11

February – 5

March – 3

April – 4

May – 8

June – 10

July – 12

August – 15

September – 17

October – 6

November – 9

December – 16

1/1 – Hell or High Water (2016) – 8 – Home (Ridgecrest) – Directed by David Mackenzie – Written by Taylor Sheridan – Dirty, gritty, and full of brotherly bank robbing, Hell or High Water is a thrilling and morbid look at the lower class rural communities that America is leaving behind and the lengths to which some will go to provide for their families. The line between good and bad is muddled as the exploited seek to take back from the exploiters and as the law (Jeff Bridges) slowly closes in on them. Really exciting and moving film with great performances all around. Highly recommended if you liked Sicario (the darker and more thrilling version of this movie, also written by Taylor Sheridan) or if you like the atmosphere and/or flavor of crime unique to the American Southwest.

1/2 – Frances Ha (2012) – 10 – Home – Directed by Noah Baumbach – Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig – One of my top 5 films ever and contender for coziest film of all time, Frances Ha is arguably Noah Baumbach’s magnum opus. This film has been both praised and criticized for its mumblecore-esque dialogue, “quirky” characters, and the seemingly meandering plot in its 86-minute runtime. To enjoy this you really need to be able to empathize with the plight of these privileged white kids in their late 20s as they try to find direction in an inherently directionless time in life. It’s not a film for everyone but it’s everything to the people for whom it resonates. It seems to have a permanent stay on Netflix too so check it out if you have an hour and a half to spare. Also it has Adam Driver playing a privileged art kid living in Manhattan.

1/10 – La La Land (2016) – 9 – Cinemark Lancaster – Directed by Damien Chazelle – Written by Damien Chazelle – “Jacques Demy for the digital age.” If you like LA, golden-age Hollywood musicals, theatre, jazz, Ryan Gosling, and/or Emma Stone then you’ll like this movie. The non-musical parts tend to drag a bit, especially toward the last half of the film, but it’s amazing that movies like this still get released (even if it’s just a huge love-letter to Hollywood).

1/12 – Spirited Away (2001) – 9 – Home – Directed by Hayao Miyazaki – Written by Hayao Miyazaki – A classic that oozes with charm and has some of the best world-building and character designs I’ve ever seen. It receives a lot of praise and deserves every bit of it.

1/13 – Blue Ruin (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Jeremy Saulnier – Written by Jeremy Saulnier – An amazing and gruesome thriller from the same guy who made Green Room. If you get tired of protagonists seemingly always knowing what to do or only encountering minor setbacks placed there simply because they need to be there then I feel like you’ll like this movie. The revenger must often deal with obstacles he creates himself and that’s where much of the tension and excitement comes from (but don’t take my word for it since I haven’t seen it in a year). Is very good film though.

1/16 – Prisoners (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Denis Villeneuve – Written by Aaron Guzikowski – A slow burn suspense thriller about Hugh Jackman’s daughter being kidnapped and Jake Gyllenhaal having to find her. This movie is extremely fucked up and it could’ve been amazing if not for some parts toward the end that feel rushed. It’s definitely worth your time though, everything by Villeneuve is.

1/17 – Ratatouille (2007) – 8 – Home – Directed by Brad Bird and Jan Pinkava – Written by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, and Brad Bird – Probably my favorite Pixar movie. The music, voice acting, designs, writing, etc are all great obviously since this is pre-shitty Pixar (though hopefully the slump is over what with Coco’s success and Incredibles II coming soon).

~Spring Semester 2017~

1/22 – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – 10– Oak (Chico home) – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Written by Lawrence Kasdan, George Lucas, and Philip Kaufman – The best Indiana Jones movie and arguably the greatest action/adventure film of all time. Hell, it’s one of the greatest movies of all time. The pacing (understandably) takes a hit after the basket chase and no one remembers the u-boat scene but otherwise it’s perfect.

1/22 – Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) – 7 – Oak – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Written by Willard Huyck, Gloria Katz, and George Lucas – The worst of the original Indy trilogy but still good. Darker than Raiders but somehow cheesier than Crusade, and that’s not even mentioning the casual racism, although you could definitely argue that it’s being racist to satirize the serials of the 1930s. Or maybe it’s just racist because it was the 80s.

1/23 – Silence (2016) – 8 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Martin Scorsese – Written by Jay Cocks, Shûsaku Endô, and Martin Scorsese – This movie is long and completely joyless; a two and a half hour slog of Christian missionaries being tortured and killed in horrific ways that make you question faith and the lengths to which some will go to do what they believe is right, no matter the suffering it may cause. This film is great because it’s Scorsese but don’t expect good vibes.

1/25 – Split (2016) – 5 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by M. Night Shyamalan – Written by M. Night Shyamalan – Terribly overrated, depressing, and lame. If you do decide to see this, make sure you watch M Night’s good movies first since this is a sequel and the “twist” of this one is basically a huge fuck you to anyone who didn’t. James McAvoy was amazing but it’s pretty much the only worthwhile thing about this.

2/9 – Frances Ha (2012) – 10 – Nord (old Chico apartment) – Directed by Noah Baumbach – Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig – Fun fact, this was my most watched movie in 2017.

2/9 – Captain Fantastic (2016) – 8 – Nord – Directed by Matt Ross – Written by Matt Ross – There are pacing issues but this movie is a solid 8/10. Wonderfully heartfelt performances, lovable characters, and a beautiful story. The poster makes it look like a Wes Anderson / Little Miss Sunshine rip off but it’s not that at all. Definitely check this one out.

2/10 – 20th Century Women (2016) – 9 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Mike Mills – Written by Mike Mills – Oh wow I love this movie. So so so so good. This coming of age story is about Annette Bening, Elle Fanning, Greta Gerwig, Lucas Jade Zumann, and Dr. Manhattan living in Santa Barbara in the late 70s just living their lives. It’s nostalgic and it’s beautiful and please see this.

2/15 – Superbad (2007) – 8 – Nord – Directed by Greg Mottola – Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg – A true classic. I watched this for the first time on an iPod Nano in 2008 and had to be real sneaky about it because I knew my parents wouldn’t let me watch it. Definitely a defining film of the 2000s and one that’ll be remembered fondly.

2/15 – Knowing (2009) – 5 – Nord – Directed by Alex Proyas – Written by Ryne Douglas Pearson, Juliet Snowden, and Stiles White – This movie combines an interesting premise with some seriously disturbing disaster visuals and a not-the-worst performance from our boy Nic Cage. I actually really enjoy this movie and aside from pacing/writing issues and a questionable ending it's not even that bad.

3/12 – Kong: Skull Island (2017) – 5 – AMC Disneyland – Directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts – Starring Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, Brie Larson, John Goodman, and John C. Reilly – This movie is a total schlock-fest and it’s fun as hell. Super fun action, cool creature designs, a dope setting, and John C Reilly is a god among men. On the flip side, the first 20 minutes kind of suck, the pacing is INSANE, the characterization is terrible, and the love-story was half-assedly shoehorned in but if you like over-the-top ridiculous bullshit then you’ll fucking love this movie because that’s all it is.

3/17 – Hot Rod (2007) – 7 – Home – Directed by Akiva Schaffer – Written by Pam Brady – One of the best comedies of the 2000s. Legitimately hilarious and super well written. Cool beans.

3/19 – Midnight in Paris (2011) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Woody Allen – Written by Woody Allen – I used to love Midnight in Paris but upon re-watch I noticed there are really just a few excellent scenes surrounded by terribly lazy writing. I love the themes and the depictions of the modernists but the writing is typical phoned in Woody Allen bullshit. Woody Allen retire bitch.

4/1 – The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) – 9 – Nord – Directed by Wes Anderson – Written by Noah Baumbach and Wes Anderson – Starring Bill Murray, Anjelica Huston, Cate Blanchett, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson, and Jeff Goldblum – Gets better every time I watch it. It’s definitely up there with Anderson’s best even though Grand Budapest or Tenenbaum usually overshadows it. Wonderful soundtrack.

4/2 – Get Out (2017) – 8 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Jordan Peele – Written by Jordan Peele – Relevant, funny, and poignant; This only gets better on re-watch because the script is tight as fuck and there are small things that only make sense in hindsight. Also I never realized before but there’s a very good reason the protagonist is a photographer and the thematic significance of black bodies also can’t be ignored. A very well written movie and I can’t wait to see what Jordan Peele has in store for the future.

4/6 – The Discovery (2017) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Charlie McDowell – Written by Charlie McDowell and Justin Lader – The worst Black Mirror episode you could possibly imagine: very interesting premise with a terribly flawed execution. Really it’s just boring and that’s the worst thing it could be. Also why is Jason Segel in this?

4/17 – The Autopsy of Jane Doe (2016) – 4 – Nord – Directed by André Øvredal – Written by Ian B. Goldberg and Richard Naing – The first hour was enjoyable and suspenseful but by the end I really didn’t give a shit. Very meh and wastes Emile Hirsch and an ok premise.

5/9 – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) – 6 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by James Gunn – Written by James Gunn – Back in May people were saying this is better than the first Guardians and I have no idea what movie they watched because this is blatantly awful in comparison. 80% of the action scenes are fun and engaging but the other 20% are I-want-to-go-home levels of boring. The emotional moments were certainly much better than the first but the jokes are much worse BY FAR. “Haha nipples haha turds hahaha trash panda huehuehue.” The jokes that land are hilarious but when they fall flat they fall hard. The pacing of this thing is baffling as well with short periods of insane action and long periods of nothing but failed emotion baiting and baby groot being a fool. I sleep. I do think the plot was more interesting than the first and Yondu’s story was awesome but this could have been much better. It wasn’t, but it definitely could’ve been.

5/12 – Don’t Think Twice (2016) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Mike Birbiglia – Written by Mike Birbiglia – Starring Keegan-Michael Key, Gillian Jacobs, Mike Birbiglia, Kate Micucci, and Chris Gethard – This is about a bunch of improv comics struggling with their failures and insecurities in the failing Brooklyn improv scene while one of their troupe makes it big and joins the cast of SNL. I don’t want to say anything else because there’s not much else without spoilers but you should watch this if you like comedy/comedians/improv. Pros: Written by Mike Birbiglia. Cons: Lena Dunham cameo.

5/20 – Possession (1981) – 10 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Andrzej Żuławski – Written by Andrzej Żuławski – This movie is completely insane and it fucking rules. It’s impossible to articulate anything about this movie because it’s a totally evil and fucked up cosmic horror film that relies on atmosphere and makes less sense the closer you look at it. I highly recommend this film but be prepared to leave with a ton of questions and no answers at all.

5/21 – Prometheus (2012) – 6 – Nord – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Jon Spaihts and Damon Lindelhof – People give this movie too much shit. I loved this back in 2012 and thought the idea of the engineers creating humanity then coming back and trying to kill them was very interesting. 5 years later I’m not totally sold on the execution but the characters are great despite their stupidity and the premise is a fun exploration into the Alien universe. I re-watched this in preparation for Covenant thinking it would be necessary but no it didn’t matter at all.

5/23 – Alien: Covenant (2017) – 5 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Jack Paglen, John Logan, Dante Harper, and Michael Green – “I’ll do the fingering.” This movie is ridiculous. The first 45 minutes or so are great and harken back to a time when Ridley Scott movies weren’t synonymous with schlocky garbage, but then it devolves into typical thoughtless action-horror. Don’t expect any questions from Prometheus to be answered and don’t expect any questions from this one to be answered because by the end of the film nothing matters. Fassbender is far and away the best part of this and the action is really cool if you don’t think about it. Really, both Prometheus and Covenant are good movies if you don’t think about the things that make them bad. Like at least they’re entertaining.

5/24 – I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore (2017) – Nord – Directed by Macon Blair – Written by Macon Blair – Starring Melanie Lynskey and Elijah Wood – A fun Netflix original by Macon Blair, the protagonist of Blue Ruin and Nazi dude in Green Room. This almost seems allegorical in how it depicts those who do violence, those who oppose violence by any means necessary (even going as far as to commit violence themselves), and those who oppose violence regardless of intent or justice. It’s shot pretty well and it’s good to see Elijah Wood and Melanie Lynskey back together again (Over the Garden Wall).

5/24 – The Iron Giant (1999) – 9 – Nord – Directed by Brad Bird – Written by Ted Hughes, Brad Bird, and Tim McCanlies – A classic and a cornerstone of my childhood. One of the best animated films of all time hands down. RIP John Mahoney :(

5/27 – Alien (1979) – 8 – Nord – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett – I need to watch Alien again because I feel like other people see more in it than I do. It’s great but it’s underwhelming and I expected more from it (didn’t affect my rating). It’s better than the new films but something about it didn’t work for me I guess. I’ll watch it again in 2018.

~Summer~

6/2 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) – 5 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg – Written by Jeff Nathanson and Terry Rossio – I didn’t hate this movie. Weird pacing in the first half, the plot was much looser than previous Pirates films, and the actual climax with the mcguffin was terrible BUT there were some really cool sequences and great locales/sets. I’d venture a guess that most of the budget for this went to the sets and Johnny Depp. There are really no surprises here and if you liked any of the other Pirates movies you’ll probably enjoy yourself. It’s better than the previous two. Also that one shot with the stars on the island was incredible.

6/3 – Wonder Woman (2017) – 6 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Patty Jenkins – Written by Geoff Johns, Allan Heinberg, Zack Snyder, and Jason Fuchs – The best DCEU film and a cool WWI film but there are MANY problems. Regarding the good; this movie had fun characters, the whole beginning part on the island looked beautiful, and Gal Godot and Chris Pine are wonderful. I also rather liked the first half or so. As for the bad—there’s a lot of it. The framing device is god-awful, the CGI is laughably bad, there’s an HOUR of exposition upfront in which nothing happens, an entire German battleship disappears after they kill 30 guys on the beach and is never brought up again or explained, there’s an overuse of slow mo making the CGI look even worse, every shot off the island (even the ones in broad daylight) look like they were filmed through limo tint, and the third act is a mess. But the biggest problem I have with this film is that Diana never learns from her mistakes and is almost too naïve to be likeable. She’s doing her own thing the whole movie trying to get to Ares specifically and then when the third act comes we realize oh none of it even mattered and Chris Pine is the one who actually saves the day. DC is straight up incompetent.

6/5 – The Void (2016) – 4 – Home – Directed by Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski – Written by Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski  – Cool Lovecraftian themes, some awesome practical creature effects and designs, and seriously disturbing imagery marred by a boring script and wholly uninteresting characters. This could’ve been good if the cosmic horror elements were fleshed out more but this movie is pretty lame as is.

6/6 – Chris Chan Documentary – 6 – Home – Directed by Josh L (Sachumo) – Written and Edited by Josh L (Sachumo) – Christian Weston Chandler (known as “Chris Chan”) is a 33 year old high-functioning autistic internet celebrity/punching bag known for his “countless anti-social episodes and traumatic events in his life. From public outbursts to assault of property and people, these events have eaten away at his very sanity.” I first learned about Chris Chan through memes and people doing impressions of his distinctive voice but I later learned about the man, the meme, the legend and became curious to find out more as many who discover him do. Chris is basically what happens when those with autism or other mental disabilities don’t receive the help they need at an early enough age and then discover the Internet where they find themselves at the mercy of a population disconnected from the consequences of their actions. Chris is probably most well known for his creation of Sonichu, an OC character that is a hybrid between Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu, but he’s probably equally well known for engaging with the trolls who have harassed him for well over a decade. If you’d like to learn more about Chris Chan I recommend checking out this movie, the Chris Chan Documentary: https://youtu.be/bXjnakAlF-s or this Down the Rabbit Hole episode about Chris: https://youtu.be/5IPtLvxO8hs OR the best version; the Chris Chan Lecture: https://youtu.be/vFOIauPQ5XI

6/19 – It Comes at Night (2017) – 7 – Christiana Cinemark Newark, DE – Directed by Trey Edward Shults – Written by Trey Edward Shults – I love the concept of the audience only knowing as much as the characters; it gives the film a sense of immersion you don't get with other horror suspense films. Despite that I don't think this lived up to its potential so it was a bit disappointing imo. They could've done more with it but for what it is I think it's completely fine. I don't think it's fair or sound to judge a movie based on expectations vs. result so I won't do that here but I think they could've gotten away with a little more plot. I'll probably never watch it again but I enjoyed it and would recommend it fur sure, especially if you like what a24 has released previously.

6/19 – Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) – 2 – Hockessin, DE – Directed by Roland Emmerich – Written by Dean Devlin, Roland Emmerich, Nicolas Wright, James A. Woods, James Vanderbilt – This movie sucks so bad I purged it from my brain.

6/20 – The Mummy (2017) – 3 – United Artists Philly – Directed by Alex Kurtzman – Written by Christopher McQuarrie, David Koepp, and Dylan Kussman – I didn’t hate this movie but I did get bored around the second or third round of expository monologue. Tonally inconsistent and, at times, what seemed like an inexplicable combination of two different movies. There were the parts about the Jekyll SCP-esque society for containing evil, which I thought was pretty cool, but then there were the parts about the actual mummy, which I couldn’t have cared less about. I think everyone did a fine job here with what they were given except for Jake Johnson whose delivery was ridiculously terrible for some reason lmao

6/29 – Life (2017) – 4 – Home – Directed by Daniel Espinosa – Written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick – Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, and Ryan Reynolds – I literally just wrote a list as I watched so here are the most important thoughts I guess: the score is extremely generic, some really dodgy CGI in places, the characters are idiots, I got bored and looked at the time and there were still 45 minutes left oh god, they refuse to kill the alien even when they have the chance, and my final thought was “glad I didn’t pay money to see this.” I also said “I liked when Calvin smacked into the door like a cartoon.” Haha that part was good. Still better than The Cloverfield Paradox.

6/29 – Crimson Peak (2015) – 8 – Home – Directed by Guillermo del Toro – Written by Matthew Robbins and Guillermo del Toro – The sense of place and atmosphere in this film is remarkable. Some seriously spooky imagery and ghost design and the camera work is delicious. Love the sets, love the performances, and love the genre. Goddamn that’s some good shit right there.

6/30 – The Beguiled (2017) – 9 – Arclight Hollywood – Directed by Sofia Coppola – Written by Thomas Cullinan and Sofia Coppola – Starring Colin Farrell, Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, and Elle Fanning – Incredible sound design, cinematography, atmosphere, tension, and performances. Most shots could be framed and hung on the wall and every scene had such a thick sense of place you could reach out and grab it. Worst thing were some of the accents at times but god damn everything else was near perfect. It’s downright disgusting how slept on this movie was.

7/3 – Cars 3 (2017) – 7 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Brian Fee – Written by Robert L. Baird, Daniel Gerson, Kiel Murray, Bob Peterson, Mike Rich, Brian Fee, Ben Queen, Jonathon E. Stewart, and Eyal Podell – Here’s my letterboxd review from the day I saw Cars 3: “Never thought I'd be able to empathize so well with anthropomorphized cars. Uh so I really enjoyed this movie and it's much better than Cars 2. Glad they toned town the Mater involvement and when they did include him his jokes landed pretty well so he was actually fun in this one. The pace was lightning fast for the first act but the 2nd and 3rd were pretty good and the climax was pretty intense even though I knew exactly what was going to happen. This movie looks fucking incredible and some of the shots looked close to photorealistic. The lighting especially was so fucking choice dang. Can u tell I love Pixar movies?”

7/6 – The Thing (1982) – 10 – Home – Directed by John Carpenter – Written by Bill Lancaster and John W. Campbell Jr. – Arguably one of the best horror films of all time and a personal favorite of mine. Practical effects are life. It’s just perfect. The second watch later this year has more info about it so read that one too.

7/9 – Despicable Me 3 (2017) – 6 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Kyle Balda and Pierre Coffin – Written by Ken Daurio – This was fun. The animation looked pretty good and Trey Parker was pretty hilarious in every scene he was in, although I couldn't help my cynicism and notice how transparent some of their decisions for this installment were. Dr. Nefario is frozen in carbonate because I'm guessing they couldn't get Russell Brand again and they included a ton of 80s stuff to cash in on the whole stranger things / 80s nostalgia craze. Even with these things in mind they still wrote a more than coherent plot around it so whatever I won't fault them even though they weren't very subtle about it. There were 2-4 separate plots going on at any given time but it worked because it kept the movie flowing well. The minions were ok but they didn't do much. Pacing was pretty good and I was surprised to find out it was only like 1h25m. If you liked the other ones you'll like this one.

7/10 – The Big Sick (2017) – 8 – Ventura Downtown 10 – Directed by Michael Showalter – Written by Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon – Starring Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Holly Hunter, and Ray Romano – Fucking incredible. I used to love comedy—I still do but I used to too—and if you love comedians like I do then you will probably love this film as well. Kumail's story is hilarious as it is heartbreaking and it completely subverts the romantic dramedy format that Apatow films are known for. Someone recently criticized Apatow films for running about 20 mins too long and I definitely felt that with this one too (less so on rewatch). Still works even if it feels a bit overlong. Anyway yeah throw all your fucking money at this film. Stories like these deserve to be told and, most importantly, seen. 1000 congrats to Kumail and everyone else involved.

7/14 – Aliens (1986) – 7 – Home – Directed by James Cameron – Written by James Cameron – I really don’t know why Alien is such a successful franchise. The first Alien is great, Aliens is good but not great, and the rest are shit in comparison. I can barely remember anything about this movie and this isn’t even the first time I’ve seen it. Perhaps it is not for me. All I can remember is Bishop’s knife trick (WHAOOOOOOAOAAOOHHH WHAOOAOAOAOHHHHHH WHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHH) and Newt saying “they moostly come at night,, moostly”

7/15 – Baby Driver (2017) – 7 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Edgar Wright – Written by Edgar Wright – Overrated. The deaf representation, synchronized soundtrack, and performances are great but this is the weakest film Edgar Wright has done imo. The pacing is weird and it doesn’t always make sense given the character motivations and also Kevin Spacey is in a movie called baby driver. Kinda forgettable in hindsight.

7/17 – The Big Lebowski (1998) – 10 – Oak – Directed by Joel Coen – Written by Joel and Ethan Coen – Starring Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi, and Philip Seymour Hoffman – A lot of people don’t like this movie and I feel like it’s because the comedy is derived from the characters instead of actual jokes and gags. These people are hilarious and the characterization is absolutely incredible so by the end of the movie you should be completely on board with the chaos that is the Big Lebowski. Absolutely masterful writing and directing because it’s the coen bros.

7/18 – Friday (1995) – 5 – Oak – Directed by F. Gary Gray – Written by DJ Pooh and Ice Cube – Starring Ice Cube and Chris Tucker – This was the first time I watched Friday and now I know where all the annoying piece of shit kids in middle school got all their references. This movie is pretty funny though so I don’t blame em.

7/20 – The Green Inferno (2013) – 3 – Oak – Directed by Eli Roth – Written by Guillermo Amoedo and Eli Roth – This gets worse every time I watch it so why the fuck do I keep watching it. The only thing this movie has going for it (if you can even say that) is that the gore is legitimately fucked up. Honestly this movie would work pretty well if it went the dark and gritty Cannibal Holocaust route but it’s just so ridiculously stupid and tonally inconsistent.

7/22 – Dunkirk 70mm IMAX (2017) – 10 – Ontario 22 – Directed by Christopher Nolan – Written by Christopher Nolan – What I’d imagine a perfect movie looks like. Maybe it’s because I saw this in 70mm IMAX but this film is incredible. It doesn’t feel like it should be but it really is that good. The biggest complaint I’ve seen about this has been about the lack of characterization, which is very obviously not the point of this movie at all and shouldn’t be taken into consideration when critiquing it. The characters are not the point. You don’t need a lull in the action where 5 people gather around a campfire and talk about their lady back home like every single other shitty melodramatic war movie since the beginning of time. This isn’t Saving Private Ryan; it’s fucking Dunkirk. It’s a mad dash through land, sea, and air to survive. It’s tense, it’s moving, and it’s pure suspense and thrills from start to finish. One of the best movies of the year no doubt about it. Seeing it in IMAX was a revelation.

7/23 – Enemy (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Denis Villeneuve – Written by José Saramago and Javier Gullón – This movie is crazy. Just watch it without looking up anything about it I promise it’ll be better that way. And make sure you pay attention from start to finish to get the best experience because there’s tons of symbolism (spiders and webs etc). I’d think this would get better on rewatch if the first viewing wasn’t so insane.

7/29 – Dunkirk 70mm IMAX (2017) – 10 – Regal Hacienda Crossings 20 – Directed by Christopher Nolan – Written by Christopher Nolan – It was even better the second time.

8/1 – The Prestige (2006) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Christopher Nolan– Written by Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan, and Christopher Priest – Even though I rated Dunkirk higher I’d say this is Nolan’s best work. Everything has a purpose and everything is important. “Are you watching closely?” Only complaint is that there’s something about this that feels cheesy but that might just be a Nolan thing.

8/2 – Spider-Man 2 (2004) – 6 – Oak – Directed by Sam Raimi – Written by Alvin Sargent and Stan Lee – Not nearly enough Spider-Man in this Spider-Man movie. Also it’s cheesy as hell because 2004.

8/3 – Jackass: The Movie (2002) – 6 – Andrew’s House – Directed by Jeff Tremaine – Written by Jeff Tremaine, Johnny Knoxville, and Spike Jonze – Like it or not, jackass is culturally significant and a perfect snapshot of the MTV crowd in the early 2000s. This is my childhood and I’m happy the newer generations are still watching this stuff.

8/4 – Mattress Man Commercial (2003) – 8 – Home – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman – A comedic short featured on the 2-disc DVD of Punch-Drunk Love, released in June 2003: https://youtu.be/fkeLGisUHtc

This is actually a parody of this original mattress man commercial: https://youtu.be/Fsro18nP3mg

8/7 – The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948) – 8 – Home – Directed by John Huston – Written by John Huston and B. Traven – Starring Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston, and Tim Holt – Great movie about greed and humanity. It’s no wonder Paul Thomas Anderson named this as an inspiration for There Will Be Blood. Kinda slow but worth it in the end. Required viewing as far as Bogart movies go. I don’t remember it very well to be honest.

8/8 – Gangs of New York (2002) – 7 – Home – Directed by Martin Scorsese – Written by Jay Cocks, Steven Zaillian, and Kenneth Lonergan – Daniel Day-Lewis is amazing in this, Leo is alright in this, and Cameron Diaz—well I guess my question is, can you recast someone’s part in a 15 year old movie? I heard great things about Gangs but it really didn’t live up to the hype and felt very dated, which is something we’re going to be seeing a lot of from late 90s/early 2000s films as time goes on. I have the book but I still need to read it. I absolutely love stuff about the history of Manhattan.

8/9 – Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) – 10 – Home – Directed by Stanley Kubrick – Written by Stanley Kubrick, Terry Southern, and Peter George – The best performance(s) from Peter Sellers and without a doubt one of my favorite endings of all time. If you haven’t seen this yet then you’re missing out.

8/9 – Clapping for the Wrong Reasons (2013) – 8 – Home – Directed by Hiro Murai – Written by Donald Glover – Starring Donald Glover, Trinidad James, Danielle Fishel, Flying Lotus, Abella Anderson, and Chance The Rapper – A surrealist short film by the renaissance man himself, Donald Glover. It follows a day in the life of ‘The Boy,’ a character Donald Glover created for his rap persona Childish Gambino to go alongside his 2013 album “Because the Internet.” The haunting cinematography by Hiro Murai, director of Atlanta, and the score by Gambino create an atmosphere that I fucking can’t get enough of. Also Gambino and Chance the Rapper have a pushup contest and you can watch the whole film here: https://youtu.be/Z_bONLcE8IA

8/10 – Casablanca (1942) – 10 – Home – Directed by Michael Curtiz – Written by Julius J. Epstein, Philip G. Epstein, and Howard Koch – There’s a reason Casablanca is regarded as one of the greatest movies of all time and has somehow remained in the pop culture for over 75 years. A beautiful and moving film that’s more relevant than you think. vive le france, vive la démocratie.

8/11 – Annabelle: Creation (2017) – 4 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by David F. Sandberg – Written by Gary Dauberman – Hot take: both Annabelle movies are hot garbage. The script is laughably bad, the directing is ok, and the last act was exciting enough to be enjoyable. I like how it tied into the Conjuring universe but the writing was so bad that I honestly felt like I could write a better script and that’s not good. Also I kept forgetting this wasn’t Insidious. At least possession cures polio.

8/16 – Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) – 6 – Oak – Directed by Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, John Landis, and George Miller – Written by George Clayton Johnson, John Landis, Richard Matheson, and Rod Serling – Starring Albert Brooks, Vic Morrow, John Larroquette, John Lithgow, Dan Aykroyd, Scatman Crothers, and Rod Serling – I had to include that all-star cast. I think I’m biased because the Twilight Zone is a huge part of my childhood and continues to be, mostly through New Years marathons and Netflix background streaming, but I enjoy this movie quite a bit. Twilight Zone the show is amazing. The movie is fine. John Landis is a murderer.

8/17 – Paths of Glory (1957) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Stanley Kubrick – Written by Humphrey Cobb, Stanley Kubrick, Calder Willingham, and Jim Thompson – Starring Kirk Douglas – I watched this on a whim at 2 am and it was great. Also I didn’t know Kirk Douglas was in this movie until I looked it up afterwards.

8/18 – Chinatown (1974) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Roman Polanski – Written by Robert Towne – Starring Jack Nicholson, Faye Dunaway, John Huston, and Roman Polanski – Chinatown is extremely good and the history behind it is actually pretty interesting. I occasionally listen to a podcast called ‘You Must Remember This’ all about Hollywood history in the 20th century and one of the episodes centering around Roman Polanski talks about Chinatown and its production quite a bit. The original script was written by Robert Towne, was 180 pages long, and had a different ending but Polanski cut down and reordered the plot then changed the ending, causing Towne to leave the project. This is also Polanski’s reluctant return to American film after the Tate murders of 69. Roman Polanski die bitch.

8/20 – Watchmen (2009) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Zack Snyder – Written by David Hayter, Alex Tse, and Alan Moore – Watchmen was the last film I watched before the fall semester started and it caused me to have the first of many existential crises/breakdowns that would continue up to the end of 2017. Moral of the story this was not a good way to start the fall semester but Watchmen is fucking awesome. The graphic novel is even better but I still appreciate the film. Can’t wait to watch the Extended Director’s Cut in 2018.

~Fall Semester 2017~

8/21 – Operation Avalanche (2016) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Matt Johnson – Written by Josh Boles – Starring Matt Johnson, Owen Williams, and Jared Raab – I heard about this from YourMovieSucks.org I think and it was ok. I fell asleep watching it like 3 times so I don’t remember it well enough to talk confidently about it but I remember the ending was underwhelming. It’s basically about these filmmakers in the 60s who learn that the US is probably going to lose the space race to Russia so, after seeing Kubrick’s front projection technology, they’re hired to fake the moon landing for the US government. Super interesting premise but flawed execution. They actually shot the NASA scenes on location after they told them the equipment was for a student documentary.

9/1 – Apocalypse Now (1979) – 10 – Oak – Directed by Francis Ford Coppola – Written by John Milius, Francis Ford Coppola, Joseph Conrad, and Michael Herr – Starring Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Robert Duvall, Frederic Forrest, Laurence Fishburne, and Harrison Ford – What the fuck even is Apocalypse Now. This movie feels like a comedy in spots and a shadowy fever dream in others and it all somehow works. Either Coppola is a genius or the editors are. I still need to watch the documentary about the making of this (Hearts of Darkness) but I’m sure it’ll end up on next year’s list and that question will be answered.

9/2 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Steven Spielberg – Written by Jeffrey Boam and Menno Meyjes – Starring Harrison Ford, Sean Connery, Denholm Elliot, Alison Doody, and River Phoenix – Mitch I finally got to finish watching the OG Indy trilogy; it only took 8 months. This is my favorite Indiana Jones movie because it balances the serious with the fun/cheese really well. Technically speaking, Raiders is the best Indy movie hands down but it isn’t quite as rewatchable as Crusade imo and Temple is insanely dumb and annoying in comparison. Crusade hits that sweet spot, making it one of those movies that I always need to sit down and finish if I see it on TV.

9/3 – There Will Be Blood (2007) – 10 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Written by Paul Thomas Anderson and Upton Sinclair  – One of my favorites of all time and arguably one of the best movies ever made. This film is literally perfect. Thrilling, dark, and evil, Daniel Day-Lewis disappears into the role of Daniel Plainview and Paul Dano gives an incredible performance as Eli. Goddamn this movie is so good I’m so happy I got the chance to see it in the theater this time. Paul Thomas Anderson is my favorite director and everything he touches is a masterpiece.

9/8 – It (2017) – 5 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Andy Muschietti – Written by Chase Palmer, Gary Dauberman, Stephen King, and Cary Fukunaga – I was expecting a horror movie because they marketed this as a horror movie but it is not a horror movie. It tries to be a dozen different 80s films and fails at being any of them. Complete tonal disaster. Is it a raunchy comedy? Is it a horror film? Oh no it’s Stranger Things! Wow John Hughes! 1980s! Do you remember the 1980s? They were over 30 years ago now isn’t that crazy? Buy tickets to our movie.

If this was billed as a dark comedy I would’ve liked it more but when it’s actually a lame horror film with no tension or effective scares then how could it not be disappointing? To be completely honest I would have walked out about halfway through if I hadn’t seen it with friends. The praise this movie received is honestly baffling to me; it’s a total piece in every department except for Finn Wolfhard making dick jokes.

9/10 – The Room (2003) – 1 – Clay Theater San Francisco – Directed by Tommy Wiseau – Written by Tommy Wiseau – I HIGHLY recommend seeing this in the theater at a midnight showing because I have never laughed harder in my entire life and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I knew I had to see this again to prepare for The Disaster Artist but a midnight screening is the only way to experience this movie. Tommy Wiseau is an inspiration to us all.

9/12 – Grave of the Fireflies (1988) – 10 – CSU Chico Ayres 106 – Directed by Isao Takahata – Written by Akiyuki Nosaka and Isao Takahata – They screened this as part of the University Film Series at Chico and boy is it sad as fuck. The story is told in an unconventional way and it’s extremely effective. High recommend but don’t expect to do anything afterwards.

9/14 – mother! (2017) – 8 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Darren Aronofsky – Written by Darren Aronofsky – BALLS TO THE WALL INSANITY HOLY SHIT. I had an absolute blast seeing this in the theater because I had NO idea what to expect and wow this movie really delivered on blowing my expectations into orbit. Sure, Aronofsky is pretentious and his knowledge of allegory could be summed up by a one-word 72-pt font bold synopsis that reads, “HAMFISTED.” Sure, there’s an extremely unnecessary and possibly disturbing part for women that occurs towards the last half. Sure, this is just a weird but not-boring adaptation of Rosemary’s Baby. Sure all these things, but this movie is fucking insane and there’s much more to this than “loll bible allegory.” There are at least TWO other extended metaphors you could reasonably interpret from this story and that’s the main reason why this isn’t a pretentious piece of shit.

9/16 – Night of the Living Dead (1968) – 8 – Oak – Directed by George A. Romero – Written by George A. Romero and John A. Russo – I wrote my last long post about how influential and amazing this film is because it really is that good. In a vacuum this is probably a 6 or 7 out of 10 but considering what it did for the horror genre it deserves an extra star or two.

9/16 – Dawn of the Dead (1978) – 8 – Oak – Directed by George A. Romero – Written by George A. Romero – This is what people describe when they think of a zombie apocalypse, or at least this is what most people envision; locking yourself in a mall or store with everything you’d ever need and waiting/fighting it out. The sheer joy the characters experience as they scavenge the stores and slap the shit out of some zombies is super relatable and everyone is extremely likeable. With some legitimately hilarious moments and a few genuine scares, Dawn is a solid entry in the Dead franchise. Side note: I love that the Romero Dead films are very critical of capitalism. Gives me the warm fuzzies.

9/17 – Paris, Texas (1984) – 10 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Wim Wenders – Written by Sam Shepard and L.M. Kit Carson – One of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen. The colors, the shot composition, and the acting—my god what an incredible movie. I was lucky enough to catch a screening of this at the Pageant in Chico but unfortunately it was a rather sad occasion since Sam Shepard and Harry Dean Stanton both passed within 2 months of this screening. Shepard was my favorite playwright and he will be sorely missed. Also a lot of the highway scenes are shot along the 395 and you can even see the old Kramer Junction Astro Burger looking exactly the same in 1983 as it does now. RIP Harry and Sam <3

9/19 – Day of the Dead (1985) – 9 – Oak – Directed by George A. Romero – Written by George A. Romero – Ok I thought the first two Dead movies were good but this is be far my favorite. It feels much more focused that the first two and is probably the best example of realism in the trilogy. In the first two there were many moments where the characters seemed like they were almost trying to be caught by zombies but in this one the survival feels much more natural. The enclosed setting, with its tight hallways and small underground rooms, makes for deaths that feel inevitable rather than forced. And the practical effects dude, holy shit. I thought The Thing had great practical effects but wow this movie is gruesome. It almost makes me regret calling the gore in Dawn of the Dead “gnarly.” The gore in Day of the Dead makes the gore in Dawn of the Dead look like the gore in Night of the Living Dead. This movie kicks ass.

9/19 – Embrace of the Serpent (2015) – 8 – CSU Chico Ayres 106 – Directed by Ciro Guerra – Written by Ciro Guerra and Jacques Toulemonde Vidal – This was part of the University Film Series at Chico and tells the story of a “life-transcending friendship” between Karamakate, a lone Amazonian shaman, and two scientists 40 years apart who both go into the jungle looking for a rare psychedelic plant to help them. Filmed almost entirely in black and white, this was a hard look at the disappearance of the indigenous culture at the hands of industrialization and religion. It’s really depressing to think about all the stories lost to time because of greed but these are the kinds of stories that need to be told to make people aware of that fact.

9/21 – The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) – 10 – Oak – Directed by Tobe Hooper – Written by Kim Henkel and Tobe Hooper – One of the best horror films ever made. Absolutely oozing with death and grit—the unknown actors, detailed sets, and somewhat naturalistic way of shooting create a feeling of realism not present in many other films. It just feels fucking evil and a lot of that comes down to the atmosphere since the story is quite simple. If you haven’t seen it then you need to. It’s required viewing for horror fans.

9/24 – Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) – 3 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Matthew Vaughn – Written by Matthew Vaughn and Jane Goldman – The first Kingsman was an enjoyable parody of Bond films but this one was essentially a parody of the first Kingsman. In other words, THIS MOVIE FUCKING SUCKS HOOOOLY SHIT. They just stopped caring; they really don’t give a shit anymore. From the ps2 game cutscenesque CGI to the fucking claw machine sports stadium prison thing seriously what the fuck is this garbage. The suspension of disbelief needed to enjoy this movie is impossible to attain and I just don’t know why this exists. How is the audience supposed to care about anything when you’ve literally cured death? They removed all stakes from this movie just to get Colin Firth back and then spoiled his return in all the marketing; it’s just baffling. [Extremely Stefan voice] this movie has everything; cartoon car chases, vaginal walls, Chekhov’s Elton John, Republican claw machines, heroin overdoses, and Channing Tatum reprising his role as Magic Mike for ¼ of this 8 minute screen time.  Oh hey did you see that bar fight scene from the first one? Get ready to see that about 5 more times but boring. Oh hey did you like the doin-it-in-the-butt joke from the first one? Well you’re in luck because this is just as lowbrow but for the entire film! Fuck this movie and fuck Matthew Vaughn for creating this cancerous waste of money and time. I pray to any and every deity that we will never see a Kingsman 3.

9/26 – Psycho (1960) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Alfred Hitchcock – Written by Robert Bloch and Joseph Stefano – Wow! What a reveal. I wish this hadn’t been spoiled by pop culture because this would’ve been such a fun ride to follow. Knowing all the twists dampens the effect but by god the direction is incredible. Hitchcock truly is a genius filmmaker. The way the events unfold is so satisfying.

9/27 – Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Philip Kaufman – Written by W.D. Richter and Jack Finney – Legitimately terrifying. The way it’s shot makes it feel like the movie knows something you don’t and the genuinely upsetting imagery and sounds throughout make this such a weird and surreal journey. The practical effects are awesome and the ending is insane. Definitely the best Body Snatchers adaptation.

9/29 – Ingrid Goes West (2017) – 5 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Matt Spicer – Written by David Branson Smith and Matt Spicer – Starring Aubrey Plaza, Elizabeth Olson, O’Shea Jackson Jr, and Wyatt Russell – A total takedown of social media culture. Ingrid is an extreme example of how social media normalizes over sharing and voyeurism, allows for and encourages total curation and bastardization of self-image, and how it rewards mental illness. It’s a numbers game and Ingrid is #killingit. Jk but I found the commentary in the first half to be especially effective and hilarious. It’s just so ridiculous but horrifyingly relatable—like Spring Breakers for social media but not as good (and if you didn’t like Spring Breakers then this movie is better if only because it’s not nearly as esoteric). Worth a watch if ur millennial scum like me.

10/1 – The Fog (1980) – 6 – Oak – Directed by John Carpenter – Written by Debra Hill and John Carpenter – I had no idea this was a ghost pirate movie. Felt like it had potential that it failed to reach by being so small scale and just kind of lame in general. Sorry if ghost pirates aren’t lame to you but this really didn’t leave a lot to the imagination once the threat was revealed and the scares were okay at best. It was good for what it was. Felt kinda Goonies tbh.

10/4 – The Thing (1982) – 10 – Oak – Directed by John Carpenter – Written by Bill Lancaster and John W. Campbell Jr. – Jesus Christ look at Kurt Russell’s fucking hat. Something unusual about this film is that we learn how the thing works pretty much immediately after it becomes known. In fact, we learn quite a bit about it. The establishing shot is a UFO crashing and we get the burned thing at the Norwegian station. After the kennel scene we learn the thing digests beings, absorbs them, then imitates/transforms. They discover the actual UFO then find out the thing can absorb and imitate from a single cell—spelling certain doom for all living things on earth if left alive. Really the horror in this film is so effective because the characters aren’t idiots. They learn a considerable amount about the thing (thereby establishing rules) but it doesn’t really help them survive. Plus, it’s damn near invincible. These elements plus the practical effects easily carry this into top horror films of all time territory. But seriously what’s up with Kurt Russell’s fucking hat

10/13 – I Love You, Man (2009) – 8 – Oak – Directed by John Hamburg – Written by John Hamburg and Larry Levin – I love this movie, man. A seriously underrated and endlessly quotable late 2000s comedy about bro-love and jamming to Rush. Hell yeah.

10/14 – The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) – 9 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Tobe Hooper – Written by Kim Henkel and Tobe Hooper – I got to see this in the theater and holy shit I HIGHLY recommend it.

10/19 – Pi (1998) – 5 – Oak – Directed by Darren Aronofsky – Written by Darren Aronofsky, Sean Gullette, and Eric Watson – This is Darren Aronofsky’s debut film and it’s extremely weird and unsettling. Fitting that a story about losing your mind trying to predict the future using math and numbers would make you feel like you’re going crazy while watching it. It’s worth checking out next time it shows up on Netflix if it sounds interesting or if you like other Aronofsky movies like Requiem for a Dream or mother!

10/21 – Suspiria (1977) – 8 – Pageant Chico – Directed by Dario Argento – Written by Dario Argento, Thomas De Quincey, and Daria Nicolodi – This movie is odd. The lighting is absolutely astounding, the music is legitimately awesome, the actors are bad, the dubbing is TERRIBLE, but it all works because it’s a horror film and all these elements make it feel like a movie from another planet. Horror-fantasy done marvelously right. Can’t wait to watch more Argento movies. Seeing this in the theater was a revelation.

11/8 – Blade Runner: The Final Cut (1982) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Ridley Scott – Written by Hampton Fancher, David Webb Peoples, and Philip K. Dick – A marvel of production design. It took me a while to get through this because it’s so slow (not a bad thing) but it’s absolutely worth it for the beautiful world, bleak yet cozy atmosphere, and one of the best ending monologues ever put to film. If you’re going to watch it, make sure you watch the Final Cut even though Ridley Scott is a total hack and insists on undercutting the very themes that make this movie great by inserting scenes to entertain fan theories that came after the fact. Luckily, even Ridley Scott can’t ruin this. He can ruin everything else he touches but he can’t touch Blade Runner. (I would like to clarify that Ridley Scott is a great visionary and director, just a bad storyteller)

11/8 – Blade Runner (2049) – 9 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by Denis Villeneuve – Written by Philip K. Dick, Hampton Fancher, and Michael Green – Move over Toy Story 2, this is the best sequel ever made. I had always heard great things about Blade Runner so on November 8th I decided to watch Blade Runner and 2049 back to back on the last day it was in the theater. On this very rainy day I put BR: Final Cut on, after it was done I went to a local ramen place and ate noodles while looking out into the neon-lit street, then I went to the theater for a 2.5+ hour sequel that I had only heard great things about. Even with moderate to high expectations and a very unfortunate bathroom break I was completely blown away. Denis Villeneuve is one of the best directors working today and Roger Deakins does some of his best and most creative work on this movie. Just fucking incredible (because Ridley Scott wasn’t involved). If you’ve seen Blade Runner you NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. It’s so so so so good and I can’t wait to see it again.

11/10 – Boogie Nights (1997) – 9 – Oak – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Written by Paul Thomas Anderson – Starring Mark Wahlberg, Burt Reynolds, John C. Reilly, Julianne Moore, Thomas Jane, Heather Graham, Philip Seymour Hoffman, William H. Macy, and Don Cheadle – Had to include the cast again because look at the sheer talent Paul Thomas Anderson is able to attract. One of my favorite films of all time and absolutely incredible for only being PTA’s second film, Boogie Nights is a true masterpiece in every sense of the word. Everyone is great in this—even Mark Wahlberg, though maybe that’s because he plays an inexperienced actor with an inflated ego. Even though it feels too long I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

11/14 – Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Jon Watts – Written by John Francis Daley, Jonathan M. Goldstein, Erik Sommers, Chris McKenna, Christopher D. Ford, and Jon Watts – The first half is my favorite spider-man movie by a considerable margin. There are a ton of flaws and feels overlong in the second half but Vulture is a great villain and everyone is great. This is what a spider-man movie should be.

11/21 – Lady Bird (2017) – 9 – Ventura Downtown 10 – Directed by Greta Gerwig – Written by Greta Gerwig – The best coming-of-age film because it’s such an honest depiction of life in your late teens told through a series of disjointed, chronological vignettes. It’s just extremely good and I don’t know what else to say. I guess I could say: Greta Gerwig? More like Better Greta Oscar.

11/22 – Thor: Ragnarok (2017) – 8 – Ventura Downtown 10 – Directed by Taika Waititi – Written by Craig Kyle, Christopher Yost, Stephany Folsom, and Eric Pearson – This movie is hilarious. Taika Waititi absolutely steals the show in every scene he’s in and this is clearly the best marvel movie since Guardians of the Galaxy. Just pure fun from start to finish.

11/23 – Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987) – 8 – Ojai – Directed by John Hughes – Written by John Hughes – I’ve been wanting to watch this on Thanksgiving for years now so I’m glad I was finally able to because now I know where all those references came from.

11/24 – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) – 8 – Century Riverpark 16 – Directed by Martin McDonagh – Written by Martin McDonagh – I really liked this initially but some people made some pretty good points that I can tell will definitely sour this on rewatch. I bought it the first time but I don’t think I’m going to be able to the second time. It’s definitely tone-deaf (makes sense since it wasn’t written by an american but takes place in the american south) but I’ll need to watch it again to comment accurately on it and update the rating. I really liked this when I saw it though and it’s one of the better movies of the year if you don’t think about the characterization. I do think the “real people don’t talk this way” argument is fucking stupid though.

11/30 – The Boss Baby (2017) – 2 – Oak – Directed by Tom McGrath – Written by Marla Frazee and Michael McCullers – 100th movie of the year! Lmao this movie is bad and the protagonist Tim is a piece of shit. The kid has a perfect family life with his 3 stories, 4 hugs and 5 ego strokings every night and then he acts the fuckin fool when boss baby comes around and his parents have to,, idk,, take care of a fucking baby?? Like first of all, imagine being a kid with a broken family and being so excited to see your biennial movie in the theater and the first thing you see is this spoiled-ass kid with the most obnoxiously perfect life ever depicted. I had a pretty great family life and I felt shitty watching this so I can’t imagine what most kids seeing this would think. Then when boss baby literally strolls up to the house, Tim gets extra hella buttmad over dumb bullshit and it makes him the most incredibly unlikeable character like why is he the protagonist.

Absolutely nothing in this movie makes sense and it’s batshit insane. They were too cheap to 3D animate like half the dream sequences in the first quarter of the movie, instead using a hybrid 2D/3D drawn style that changes styles between each sequence, so I was always confused what was real and what was actually happening. You’re led to believe that there’s a modicum of reality outside of the dream sequences but then the boss baby shows up and he’s definitely real and wearing a suit for real so like this universe completely blurs the lines between subjective and objective but ONLY SOMETIMES and just expects you to accept that the movie is written like shit.

Also there’s a ton of boss baby ass in this movie. No one asked for implied anal penetration in the first ten minutes and no one wants to see some boss baby powder ass-slap bullshit or a puppy muzzle-deep inside the boss baby’s asshole while he’s wearing the skin of a dog. NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS. Then the pacing is so baffling that I literally thought the movie was going to end and it was only HALFWAY OVER. It’s lightning fast until about 30 minutes in when it skrrts to a slow crawl. There are two finales, a pedophile in a dog costume, a plan to distribute hundreds of immortal puppies all over the world by literally throwing them from a rocket, and references (steals from) lord of the rings, every Pixar movie, raiders of the lost ark, and minions. Then the movie just sort of ends with boss baby and Tim becoming gay dads before setting up a Boss Baby Lady sequel. Also the pedophile steals a baby. Also also the music was done by HANS ZIMMER.

This movie,,,,,, is extremely bad but it was so funny (often unintentionally) so I’d recommend it if you want to laugh at a ridiculous kids movie. I won’t fault a children’s film centered around a talking baby in a tiny suit for being ridiculous but I will fault it for being totally incoherent and needlessly stupid when other animated films manage just fine.

12/6 – The Dark Knight (2008) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Christopher Nolan – Written by Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan, and David S. Goyer – This is probably the best Nolan Batman movie but it definitely has the problems present in most Christopher Nolan movies. Tonal inconsistencies and plot holes galore but “it’s a comic book movie so whatever.” The last half gets kind of muddy and I’m wondering if an 8 is too high but it’s arguably the best Batman film ever made and it definitely has the highest highs of the Nolan Batman trilogy so whatever.

~Winter~

12/17 – The Disaster Artist (2017) – 6 – Cinemark Chico – Directed by James Franco – Written by Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Weber, and Greg Sestero – The only good things about this are James’ performance as Tommy Wiseau and the little lines from the Room peppered throughout this to show that Tommy is just as wacky as the Room’s script would lead you to believe. Uninspired camerawork and a plot that doesn’t begin to do the actual story justice. In the end this exists as nothing more than a bitter reminder that we will never get a proper Disaster Artist adaptation. Why James Franco, why?

12/19 – Call Me by Your Name (2017) – 9 – Arclight Sherman Oaks – Directed by Luca Guadagnino – Written by James Ivory and André Aciman – One of the most beautiful films I’ve ever seen. Romantic, heartfelt, honest, and it has not one but TWO Sufjan Stevens songs.

12/20 – Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) – 5 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Rian Johnson – Written by Rian Johnson – As far as technical achievements go, The Last Jedi is awesome and it looks incredible. All the action is fun and intense as hell and it’s enough to keep most people from realizing how poorly written this movie is. Even the coolest space battle can’t save this from being a failure in creating tension or making sense on the most basic of levels.

I originally had a LONG and scathing review but it was really mean spirited and I don’t feel comfortable posting it so I’ll just say I liked it when I saw it but the plot, dialogue, writing, and editing fell apart the moment I started thinking about it. The plot of this movie only works because the characters are written to be complete idiots and every conflict is so contrived that nothing matters. There’s no stakes and no tension because Disney Star Wars movies NEED to have quippy dialogue that undercuts all dramatic tension because they think it’s a marvel film. Because of this, the First Order is a non-threat who aren’t taken seriously at all. In the first 6 movies we were supposed to fear the Empire and the Sith and the dark side but every time any Rebels die in this we have BB-8 zipping around like a fool to remind us to not give a shit about any of this because it doesn’t matter. None of the decisions any of the characters make matter and the entire Finn and Rose plot happens for no reason (and SPOILERS, gets everyone killed because of their stupidity, which they don’t learn from or reference ever again because nothing matters). I honestly think Rian Johnson should have gotten past the first or second draft of the script before he started filming but hey, what do I know. It’s full of plot holes, anachronisms, and cringe dialogue and it’s just a badly written. It’s too bad you can’t judge the quality of a film based on how “fun” it is.

On the flip side; Kylo Ren, Rey, Luke, and Poe actually had character arcs and everything involving them was great and the lightspeed jump scene was the coolest shit even though it was completely unearned. Overall a deeply flawed film that’ll probably get retconned in the very near future what with its relative box office failure and the impending bomb of Solo. Call me crazy but maybe placing one of the most anticipated movies from one of the most well known franchises into the hands of a single dude wasn’t a good idea. It’s certainly a mistake Disney won’t make again.

12/22 – La La Land (2016) – 9 – Home – Directed by Damien Chazelle – Written by Damien Chazelle – I love this movie.

12/22 – Bright (2017) – 3 – Mike’s House – Directed by David Ayer – Written by Max Landis – “There’s boring, there’s bad, and then there’s ‘Bright,’ a movie so profoundly awful that Republicans will probably try to pass it into law over Christmas break” –David Ehrlich. Paper-thin premise that attempts to set up the logical extension of “what if medieval fantasy but modern” without thinking for more than 5 seconds about what that kind of universe would actually look like or the major implications therein. It’s formulaic, predictable, and fails terribly at trying to comment on racism but it was super entertaining and fun to mock with friends so I give it a 3/10. Max Landis retire bitch.

12/23 – Coco (2017) – 8 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Lee Unkrich – Written by Adrian Molina, Matthew Aldrich, Lee Unkrich, and Jason Katz – Wow Coco is so good! A major return to form for Pixar and I definitely almost cried. Definitely see this ASAP.

12/23 – The Meyerowitz Stories (2017) – 8 – Oak – Directed by Noah Baumbach – Written by Noah Baumbach – Starring Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson and Grace Van Patten – This movie was great. High recommend if you like Noah Baumbach or Woody Allen type movies or want to see Adam Driver say, “SUCK A DICK OH GOD” and Adam Sandler yelling, “just let me eat my FUCKING BANANA.” One of the best Netflix Originals by far.

12/24 – The Peanuts Movie (2015) – 7 – Home – Directed by Steve Martino – Written by Bryan Schulz, Craig Schulz, and Cornelius Uliano – This movie is delightful and stays true to the art style of Peanuts while using 3D animation in a fun and innovative way that looks beautiful. Solidly enjoyable despite the contemporary pop songs that will date this horribly in years to come.

12/24 – Zodiac (2007) – 8 – Home – Directed by David Fincher – Written by James Vanderbilt – I can’t believe it took me this long to see Zodiac. Solid film with solid acting and a solid story. Gyllenhaal, RDJ, and Mark Ruffalo were great and if you haven’t seen this I highly recommend it just because it’s David Fincher and it’s kind of required viewing at this point.

12/26 – The Shape of Water (2017) – 8 – AMC Thousand Oaks – Directed by Guillermo del Toro – Written by Vanessa Taylor and Guillermo del Toro – This was not at all what I was expecting and that’s a really good thing. Color is a big part of this so pay attention to that and make sure to see this when you can. It’s kind of cheesy (as all Del Toro films are) but it comes off as stylization, which makes it more than tolerable.

12/27 – Phantom Thread 70mm (2017) – 9 – Arclight Hollywood – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson – Written by Paul Thomas Anderson – Starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Lesley Manville, and Vicky Krieps – The score is beautiful, the performances are great (as if there were any doubts), and for the most part I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen but I liked how it panned out. My heart was pounding during the climax and I’m happy we’re seemingly getting more of the PTA lovers-linked-across-space-time stuff. I’ll definitely need to see this again next year. My only complaints were that there weren’t enough tracking shots and not enough giant cowboy hats. (It gets even better on rewatch holy shit it’s SO good the second time)

12/29 – Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) – 6 – Ridgecrest Cinemas – Directed by Jake Kasdan – Written by Chris McKenna, Scott Rosenberg, and Jeff Pinker – This movie was pretty fun. If you’re wondering, it’s completely its own thing aside from the name and it really translates well to a video game. I’m delighted this wasn’t a total piece of shit tbh. Also very thankful for the surprise cameo that could have easily been spoiled by the marketing but wasn’t. That’s super rare.

12/30 – Wind River (2017) – 8 – Home – Directed by Taylor Sheridan – Written by Taylor Sheridan – Someone told me this movie sucked when it came out so I never saw it in the theater and I regret it now. This movie is good but real fucked up so be prepared. Like a modern western but in Wyoming and by the same guy who did Sicario and Hell or High Water. It deals with the stealing of native lands as well, which is extremely underrepresented in films (hmmm I wonder why).

12/31 – The Lego Batman Movie (2017) – 7 – Home – Directed by Chris McKay – Written by Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers, Seth Grahame-Smith, Jared Stern, and John Whittington – This movie looks amazing! The first half is noticeably better than the second but it’s really good and all the meta-humor is fun. It’s definitely not as good as the Lego Movie but it’s pretty alright.

12/31 – World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts (2017) – 8 – Home – Directed by Don Hertzfeldt – “It was not its fault it was an insect; an incomplete creature without any backup copies. All of its experiences are gone forever. We can never know them. If there is a soul, it is equal in all living things. We all cling to the same brief, flickering windows in the infinite darkness... except for clones. Clones are better.” This was just what I needed to end 2017: a thoughtful look at consciousness, memory, and the burden of being alive and searching for relevancy. 2017 was a year of reflection so hopefully 2018 brings more contentedness and less depressive nihilism.

Top 10

1 – Blade Runner 2049

2 – Lady Bird

3 – Phantom Thread

4 – Dunkirk

5 – Call Me By Your Name

6 – The Beguiled

7 – Coco

8 – The Shape of Water

9 –  The Big Sick

10 – Get Out

Bottom 10

107 – Star Wars: The Last Jedi

108 – Alien: Covenant

109 – The Mummy

110 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

111 – Life

112 – Bright

113 – The Discovery

114 – Annabelle: Creation

115 – Boss Baby

116 – Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Honorable Mentions: Frances Ha, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Spirited Away, Possession, The Thing, The Big Lebowski, Dr. Strangelove, Casablanca, Chinatown, Apocalypse Now, Paris Texas, Texas Chainsaw, 20th Century Women, Enemy, The Prestige, The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, Watchmen, There Will Be Blood, mother!, Day of the Dead, Suspiria, The Room

2014 – 92 movies

2015 – 124 movies

2016 – 77 movies

2017 – 116 movies

Final thoughts: This year I did relatively well, watching 39 more movies than last year. Depression killed my motivation to watch things and then I was extremely busy with school in October so I wasn’t able to do some of my intended short term goals like watch a movie every day in September or 31 horror films in October. My goals for next year are to watch even more (shooting for 150 but we’ll see) and to start knocking out a considerable number of old movies on my watchlist since I tend to watch newer things. As far as taste goes I’m a total pleb but it’s mostly because I gravitate towards easily accessible films, which skews modern. I didn’t get around to a bunch of movies released this year like Kedi, Logan, Raw, The Blackcoat’s Daughter (it was okay, also not released in 2017), The Little Hours, A Ghost Story, Good Time (good movie, NOT a good time), The Florida Project, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, The Square, Murder on the Orient Express, Justice League, or I Tonya (it was okay) but I’m sure I’ll get around to em in 2018.

Thanks for reading and follow me on twitter, insta, or letterboxd @thejoeydavis

#movies of 2017 #movies #film #list #joey davis #joseph davis #joe davis

[s-ndinmydreams-blog1]

friday, june 9th, 2017.  → camille’s surprise interview on “exes in hollywood.”  feat. dave escamilla.

after being surprised with an interview on her love live, camille was told to stay in the room where management brought in one of her exes, dave, to ask them about their relationship.

interviewer: i think by now you both know what’s going on, let’s just get right into it. when did you two date? and when did you break up?

dave: I think it was 2012? I don’t remember in all honesty. It wasn’t a very long time though, I remember that. I think it was around 8 months? camille: i don’t remember the exact dates, i had to be drunk the entire time to tolerate him so it’s all a blur but 8 months sounds about right.

wow that’s… interesting. 8 months is still a bit of time. both of you, in your own words: why did you break up

d: Her answer is why we broke up. She’s a bitch, do you blame me for breaking up with her? c: we broke up because he fucking cheated on me but call me names all you want. one question in and he’s already showing his true colours. d: You started it! You’re the one that said you needed to be drunk to tolerate me c :a fucking joke! d: sure jand c: suck a dick d: Why don’t you go suck a dick? Seems like that’s what you’re good at c: well the only dick in this room i can see is you and i’d rather die than put my pretty mouth anywhere near you

i’m afraid to ask, what’s your relationship like now?

c: he’s jealous that his new girl would rather sleep next to me d: I avoid her like the plague but that’s not easy to do when she’s out here trying to make me jealous sleeping around with my other ex c: nah, you don’t avoid me. if you did who would you blame for all your other failed relationships? he thinks everything’s my fault. d: Everything /is/ your fault. Julia wouldn’t have ghosted me if you kept your hoe mouth shut c: i sent her screenshots of what YOU said. YOU said it. not me. that’s your own fucking fault. **d: **YOU sent the screen shots. ever heard of privacy? c: ever heard of don’t try to disrespect women and expect they wont find out **d: **ever heard of staying in your god damn lane? c: no? what’s that? d: I rest my case

uh huh.. anyway. were you in love with each other? or with the person you thought each other was?

**d: **I don’t see how I could have ever been in love with her. I was probably just in love with the sex and being high enough to tolerate her existence and annoying voice **c: **shut the fuck up. no, definitely not. i just wanted dick. d: If you only wanted dick, why did it hurt when I cheated? c: shut up. **d: **when she knows she had feelings for you but doesn’t want to admit it, cute c: after eight months you didn’t have any feelings for me? okay dave d: I thought I did but maybe it was reflux or heart burn. Maybe I should go see a doctor about it c: yeah, maybe you should go see a therapist **d: **I already do. Thanks for trying though, sweetheart

did you honestly give the relationship all you had?

d: No but I guess I didn’t want to at the time. I moved on to better things that I actually did want to invest time into c: nope

while you were dating, did you have any plans for the future? what were they?

**c: **nah, dave isn’t the kind of man that you can have a future with. d: future plans were to lay down on a highway and hope for an 18 wheeler c: you should go do that right now d: i’d love to but my dog needs med **c: **that poor dog d: are you talking about yourself? Cause Stella loves me unconditionally and isn’t suffering c: did you just call me a dog? d: Did I stutter? **c: **you’re so funny d: One of us had to be the comedic relief and it wasn’t gonna be youd **c: **yeah, that’s really all you’re good for **d: **what a sweet little girl c: yeah, that’s me

uh huh… in general, should being with someone ever be incessantly hard? should it always be hard work?

**c: **no. if it’s always hard, it’s not right. d: hahahahaaha well…some things are right if they’re always hard. your relationship shouldn’t be. if both are hard? good luck

how would you feel about your sibling, parent, or best friend going through a break up/relationship like yours?

d: I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone I knew. Break ups suck and with people like Lucifer over here, they’re hell. I wouldn’t let the person I cared about get into this mess in the first place though, so there’s that.dave  c: you’re an idiot. i agree, though. dave has tried to get with plenty of my friends and i’ve done my best to keep them away from him to make sure none of them have to go through this d: You didn’t do too well with Bebe though, did you? c: well she isn’t with you now, is she? so i didn’t do too fucking bad d: Don’t you have somewhere else to be right now? c: anywhere would we better than here but there’s this thing called professionalism and that entails not walking out on an interview d: I knda wish you would just walk out c: if that’s what you want then maybe you should go d: I’m not going anywhere until this interview is done

in that case, what have you learned from the relationship? how about the breakup?

d: I learned that girls like Camille are hard to please and not to be tempted by a nice body. The breakup was a mess and I guess the moral is don’t cheat but the aftermath of this shows that you shouldn’t date a bitch in the first place c: do you even hear yourself? d: I stopped listening to myself a couple of weeks ago c: lucky you d: Thanks. I’ve been dead inside for even longer than that but this isn’t an interview on my current state of being 

no it isn’t…did you honestly expressed what it is that you want without trying to hide your vulnerability? or without judging or blaming your partner?

c: i’m not a very judgemental person, i’ve been through too much for that. i tried to accept him for everything about him but that was before i knew what an asshole he was. i didn’t care that he wasn’t a bad person, i only cared that he treated me like shit. as for the vulnerability thing, probably not. i don’t like letting people know when i’m vulnerable, especially not someone who i know will take advantage of it like he would have. d: I feel like I’m not a judgemental person either. I just know what I want and go to lengths to get what I want. I’m not blaming our shit relationship on her because it’s obvious I was in the wrong with it. Everything that’s happened afterwards is just her getting revenge…so I guess I do still blame her for other things, just not our relationship ending c: i’m not trying to get revenge on you, dave. YOU’RE doing shitty things. i’m just making sure everyone knows. d: Why do you even CARE WHO I DO “SHITTY” THINGS TO? NONE OF MY LIFE CONCERNS YOU ANYMORE c: BECAUSE THEYRE MY FRIENDS AND I DONT WANT YOU TO HURT THEM THE WAY YOU HURT ME d: STOP YELLING YOU’RE SCARING THE INTERN

i’m fine. do you feel as though your ex tends to drudge up old resentments during arguments?

d; I mean. This entire interview has been her bringing up old shit that’s happened so…yeah **c: **if you think this is resentment then you’re just as dumb as you look. d: Why wouldn’t you resent me after all I did to you? c: i’ve had more terrible things happen to me in my life than you can imagine, i don’t have any room in my heart for unnecessary resentment or to hold onto things that don’t matter anymore. d: Fine. Whatever. I don’t care what you have to say

clearly this isn’t a possibility but in some alternative universe if you two would get back together right now and nothing changed: would it be enough? why or why not?

c: no. it wasn’t enough last time. why would it be this time? d: It wouldn’t be enough cause it doesn’t matter what universe we’re in, she’d drive me up the wall c: likewise

mhm. how did you handle the break up? how long did it take to be okay with it? do you think your partner acted appropriately after you split?

d: Honestly I kinda just didn’t care. I moved on to the girl I cheated on her with and I was a lot happier after that **c: **he handled it like an idiot. i didn’t handle it that well but i was cheated on so of course i was a bitch about it. it didn’t take me long to get over it. there were a lot better men to be worried about.

are there any questions for your ex that have gone unasked? ask them now.

**d: **Why did you think I wouldn’t cheat on you Camille? We met in a sketchy setting that didn’t exactly scream romantic c: why did how we met mean you’d cheat on me? i thought you liked me. maybe i didn’t think you were the best person and maybe you didn’t think i was, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t have feelings for each other. i didn’t think you’d waste time in a relationship with me if you just intended to sleep with other girls anyways d: I didn’t think you’d piss me off as much as you do either so I guess we both made mistakes c: okay, dave. it’s all my fault. **d: **thank you for admitting it c: i was being sarcastic, dumbass

okay, okay. obviously we know dave cheated, dave do you think camille was faithful during your relationship?

d: Ehhhh I don’t think she cheated but given her reputation for fucking around, I wouldn’t exactly rule it out of the equation

was this break up a part of a familiar pattern? have you seen this before in yourself or in your ex? what do you need to do to take responsibility for doing things differently from now on?

d: I know for a fact that it’s not the first time I’ve cheated and this wasn’t the last time I did it. I’m trying to change but it’s not as easy as it seems. I don’t know about Camille. I know she has a lot of exes too so whose to say she’s any different than I am at the end of the day c: i haven’t cheated on anyone, stop trying to justify what you did and act like we’re the same. i know i can be hard to deal with, my father was incredibly abusive and whenever i’m sort of like an abused animal, when someone gets too close or someone’s bigger than me i go into fight or flight mode, i’m always ready to fight and defend myself even when i know i don’t need to be defensive and i know that causes a lot of problems. but i still don’t think i deserved to be cheated on. d: Thanks for the sob story I didn’t ask for c: i’m not fucking talking to you. i’m answering the question.

has the spark between you two truly and completely died?

c: the only spark i have for him is the one i get when i imagine how nice it’d be to kill him d: She says that but she still asked if I wanted to fuck a couple of weeks ago while I was with Julia still. Then she got mad that I denied her so I mean. Clearly she still wants to fuck but that’s her personal problem, not mine c: i asked you to fuck because i was sad and you’re easy, clearly i had a lapse in judgment. you also didn’t say no, you said you’d come after you saw someone else first and that i had to wait, and i was like nah fuck you. don’t twist things around like you always do. **d: **Clearly it was smart of me to not come to you at all in the end. I shouldn’t waste my time with you anymore **c: **okay dave. whatever you want.

what’s one thing that everyone needs to know about your ex? how about your relationship?

d: People need to know that though our relationship was fine and we didn’t fight a lot when we were together, this break up has been the messiest I’ve gone through so I guess be aware of that if you’re gonna date c: there you go trying to make me look like the bad guy again. be aware if you’re gonna date dave that he’ll cheat on you and then blame you for every single problem in his life.

#→ interview. #i fucked this up and need to fix it but .... later