#Aphobia

[musingsofanaroace]

Coming Out as AroAce-Things People Say

Here's a list of things people have said to me when I came out as AroAce to them.

It's just a phase.

I can fix you.

Doctor House cured someone who thought they were asexual. Perhaps you just need to see a doctor.

Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet.

Don't worry, you're still young. When you get older, you'll change your mind. (Note: I was twenty-five!)

You just made up this sexual orientation because you want to feel special.

You'll be alone forever.

I'm sure you'll find someone. Don't give up hope!

What do you mean you don't feel sexual and romantic attraction? Everyone does. Maybe there's something wrong with you that a doctor can fix.

Does that mean you want to become a nun?

That's not a real thing. Surely, you're making that up.

How sad. You're so pretty! Is there a cure?

I'll pray for you. I'm sure Jesus can set you on the path of righteousness and make you whole once more. My church meets on Saturdays. Do you want to go with me? The pastor is the kindest soul you could ever meet. I'm sure he could help you.

Oh, you're just scared to date someone. You know, I have a friend who's really nice. Do you want his number?

Are you sure you're not just a lesbian?

What's that? It sounds like the name of a stripper club.

Perhaps if you wore makeup and grew out your hair, you could get a boyfriend. No problem.

How interesting! I never heard of such a thing before. Huh...You learn something new everyday.

That makes sense.

AroAce? What's that? Is it contagious?

That's cool. Do you AroAce people have your own flag? (Blank stare from me.) Sorry, I just really love flags. (I show him the flag.) Wow! It reminds me of the beach.

A isn't for ally? Are you sure? I read on a forum a while back that the A stood for ally. Maybe you got your facts mixed up.

Don't be silly. There's no such thing as an AroAce. Stop making things up!

sister's boyfriend: You're f-- delusional! AroAce isn't a thing. You just can't accept the fact that no one wants to date a psychotic b--. You don't stand a f-- chance of getting a boyfriend until you get some psychiatric help first. (Note: Fortunate for him, I kept my cool and didn't push him down the stairs.)

Well, that's all I remember/have written down. Until next time, take care and stay curious.

#lgbtqia #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aphobia

[sol1loqu1st]

the other thing is that even people who would privately tell you they were allies still didn't care enough to like. block aphobes and not reblog from them or even learn the obvious dogwhistles (the amount of like. "cishets shouldnt be at pride" etc style posts that were from blogs with tons of aphobia on them reblogged by people who SAID they supported me!!!), and how "op is aphobic" was a MEME that you got MOCKED FOR so you couldn't even TELL PEOPLE when they accidentally reblogged shit with dogwhistles in it. and NOBODY CARED enough to publically support ace and aro people. and then it stopped being trendy and they all deleted their posts and pretended like it never happened but you'll notice on some blogs there's to this day a distinct lack of any ace/aro content and if you were a target during the height of all that you can see the gaps left behind where they deleted it. no one ever apologized and i suspect a lot of people never actually changed their minds about it, they just stopped talking about it

#aphobia #eugh sorry

[pheavampire]

The Radio is Broken

Anyone up for some Alastor and Vox pathology?

I guess I should warn it’s short, but kinda dark.

But honestly? I had no idea I’m able to draw a comic that looked like this ;u;

#hazbin hotel #alastor #vox #hazbin hotel comic #hazbin hotel fanart #onewaybroadcast #one sided radiostatic #one sided staticradio #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel vox #I have two moods #aphobia #warning #Ghehehe and I LOVE DARK SHIT #DARK SHIT IS THE BEST #P.S. sigh why making this took about a week and reading is like 40 seconds

[kittycathat]

You don't gotta say your aro/ace to let us know you get no bitches, we can tell from afar

sounds like you're coping tbh <33

#got this ask and thought it was funny #because like #maybe your point is that im unattractive but still #that's great that I “get no bitches” because that would put me in an awkward place #like honestly its stressful rejecting people aahhahahha #aromantic #lgbtqia #lgbtq #queer #aroace #non sam aro #aro #anon #tw arophobia #arophobia #aphobia #tw aphobia #anon ask #anon hate

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

Hot take but the aggressive hardline separation of asexual and aromantic is actually EXTREMELY harmful to a lot of ace/aro people.

Angry rant under the cut

It's one to thing to go: "okay yes sometimes they go together but it's important to remember that for some people they can be different things and you can be one and not the other"

And go: "These are TOTALLY DIFFERENT 100 always separate there is no intersection EVER and if you DARE to be both then you have to piecemeal your identity to not uwu invalidate others(we do not care that we are invalidating you though lol) Don't you DARE ever experience them together you are CONFLATING"

It's like yall just want asexual to = alloromantic only and aromantic to = allosexual only.

You don't give a shit about aroaces, aces who aren't alloromantic but don't ID as aromantic or aros who aren't allosexual but don't ID as asexual.

The aspec community despises us. We get talked down to demanded to split our identities apart for your comfort. We can't exist in certain spaces because our presence there is a personal affront to allo-aspecs. Shout out to the alloaros that bitch about those disgusting aroaces just clogging up the aromantic tag ☺. Shout out to the alloaces who can still love and aren't totally heartless monsters 🥺.

Don't talk about ace shit in the aro tags, Don't talk about aro shit in the ace tags...what's that you're both? And can't neatly separate them and it brings you comfort to be able to discuss your whole orientation? SHUT THE FVCK UP YOU CONFLATING IGNORANT SHIT HEAD.

If you want to be in the aromantic community you have to leave your ace-ness at the door same for asexual community and disregarding your aromantism.

A personal example was an Aspec discord server I was in that had two media recs channels one for sex repulsed people and the other for romance repulsed. Now the issue came is that they didn't acknowledge someone could be both i.e both sex & romance repulsed/just looking for media that had neither sexual nor romantic content, what this lead too is that the romance free media channel was filled with graphic hookup erotica or sexually explicit songs and the sex free channel was just fade to black romance books 🙃...wonderful.

Or when polls/forms will ask you to pick your orientation but only things listed are het,gay,bi/pan yes even the ones made by aspecs, and what they actually mean is use the one that correlates to your romantic/sexual attraction...so fvck aroaces and non sam aces & aros?

And don't get me started on how you treat non sam aces & aros. You at least tolerate the self IDing aroaces, because they have the "curtesy" of separating themselves from the real proper aces & aros.(let's not question how many aroaces would prefer to just ID as just asexual or just aromantic but are forced into aroace identity because that would be "conflating" and they don't want to deal with the harassment).

"UwU don't say asexual when you actually mean aromantic" Some bitches don't use to SAM fvck off with allo-splaining my own sexuality to me.

It would be so much easier and save a lot of pain if yall just went : "asexual for some means no sexual attraction and it says nothing of your romantic attraction AND some people use it to mean no attraction generally". And "aromantic for some means no romantic attraction and it says nothing of your sexual attraction AND some people use it to mean no attraction generally" and "for some they are separated but others not so much as there isn't always a strict separation. Just be chill about it don't accuse people of being ignorant or conflating they know their identities better than you". But no ya chose violent aphobia instead.

But ultimately nobody cares because this shit is only harming the undesirable aces/aros the ones who are harmful stereotypes the ones that make you "look bad".

I know deep in my heart there are a lot of alloaces & alloaros that who would be happy if aroaces & non sam aces/aros didn't exist, there I said it. How can I not come to that conclusion when at every turn they shit on us. They talk about how the worst thing in the world is to be mistaken for one of us. That our representation is actively harmful.

A last parting spicy take it's either "asexulity and aromantism are full identities on their own and aren't modifiers" OR "actually neither asexual nor aromantic can stand on their own they need to be paired with another orientation and they actually are just modifiers" you can't have it both ways. 🤭

#asexual #aromanticism #aro #ace #non sam aro #aphobia #acephobia in the aro community #arophobia in the ace community #vent #i love how no matter what alloaces & alloaros can take a break from being aphobic to eachother and join forces where it really matters #being aphobic and hateful towards aroaces! I LOVE that aspec solidarity #the community also despises sex & romance repulsed aspecs but that's a rant for another day #also can we talk about how this has embolden full on allos to talk shit on aroaces??? excuse me??? #when an allo bitch is talking down to you about how you're using asexual or aromantic wrong #bitch who the fvk are you? gtfo outta aspec spaces now interloper #aroace #non sam ace #I'm pissed so i might delete later lol #never forget the time on reddit i made a long post pleading with the community not to force the sam on all aces #and that non sam aces aren't ignorant or invalidating anyone and we should be shown grace and acceptance in the community #...only for an (allo?)ace to basically say it's my fault if people assume I'm alloace or accuse me of conflating if i ID as just ace #lol get bent

[aroace-confessions]

i hate that people assume i dont have any stories to tell/things to add to the conversation about romance because im aroace. or even worse they think i cant even understand anything about dating or romance. just because i dont wanna date doesnt mean ive been completely removed from the idea of sex or attraction my whole life? i know what it is & my experiences with it may be different, but they are still experiences! ive dated before, i can talk about it.

also idk i think hearing peoples perspective is rlly interesting. maybe im concieted but hearing about what dating looks like when ur aro doesnt seem like a boring conversation to have. or even talking about what being aro looks like for someone in general is an interesting conversation! i like hearing about all my friends experiences with dating, & they have a LOT of unique experiences when u combine it all together. like, polyamory and dating the same gender as you verses the opposite, or being t4t, theres so many different ways romance can look. and i get the "not really feeling romance" identity is gonna take a bit of a back seat (+ some aro's would rather be im a completely separate car) but i want to be able to share mine & not be brushed aside as "u didnt really like this person, so it doesnt count as dating."

Submitted 28/04/24

#aroace #aromantic asexual #aromantic #aro #romance #aphobia

[nyancrimew]

ace aro people stop derailing and being annoying challenge. we should bring aphobia back

man shut the fuck up ur lame as hell

#anon hate #aphobia

[sullina]

told someone i was aroace today and their immediate response was "how terrible!"

like, i've read from others that things like this happen, but ngl, actually experiencing it myself was a little surprising.

I wasn't really all that offended tho. I've only known this person for a few days.

But still. my first response was "how is it terrible?"

I'm not exactly "missing out" on anything. How could I miss out on something that sounds like a nightmare to me?

#aroace #aromantic #asexual #aphobia #tw aphobia

[kiwinatorwaffles]

every aromantic person who has to witness someone say “there is no non-romantic explanation for these characters” should be financially compensated

EDIT: if i see another one of you fuckers arguing “but sometimes they ARE just super romantic” i’m tired of being nice. i’m just gonna let you know that 1. amanormativity has rotted your fucking brain and 2. it’s people like you that are the reason why aros are suffering. other aros you are not absolved of this. just fucking listen to us for once and stop denying our experiences and pleas.

#turned off reblogs because people can’t behave LMAO #there is always a nonromantic explanation if you opened your eyes wide enough #like just say arospec people don’t matter to you and go #aromantic #aspec #kiwi’s aspec posting #kiwi’s calls #had to add an edit because i got too many stupid comments #aphobia

[ayspec]

“friendships are not lesser forms of relationships than romantic ones!” yeah!

“the idea that there’s a relationship hierarchy is bs!!” precisely!!

“you don’t need romance to be a good or ‘full’ person!!!” yes, yes, yes!!!

“because instead you can have friendship!!!! because aros still love, they just love their friends!! it’s not like we’re heartless monsters!! <333”

…sigh.

#every. single. time. #“relationship anarchy!!” until that includes folks who don’t want any relationships at all #try educating yourself on what aplatonicism and lovelessness is ffs #aplatonic #aromantic #aphobia #aplphobia #✨

[aaaroace]

aphobia is so funny to me. like. you’re mad just bc i refuse to have some bitches and just wanna do my thing?

#it’s so incomprehensible to me #and the ‘that’s how it works. you’ll be lonely blah blah blah’ comments. #how abt u shut up #i could’ve had written something coherent and actually serious but I’m too tired to think abt aphobes rn #aromantic #aroace #aro #asexual #ace #aspec #aroace memes #aphobia

[analogconstruct]

its all "aros can still date!" and "aces can still have sex!" when youre talking about canon aro/ace characters until someone headcanons a character as aro/ace and then its "but they've dated before?" "but they've had sex before?" "but they can't be aro/ace???"

#unsigned #queer #aphobia #aromantic #aro #asexual #ace #im kinda tired of the whole aro/ace shipping discourse bc people are just saying the same things over and over #but i wanted to say something about this double standard

[silvermoon424]

Honestly as much as I love Tumblr now, I’ll never forgive this site for the “ace discourse” era that nobody has ever fucking apologized for. Irreparable damage was done to aro/ace people and our communities and now that shit is being recycled on TikTok. And then aphobes have the gall to say “well it’s not like you guys have ever faced any hardship in your lives” as if they still don’t bully and discriminate against aro/ace people to this day.

Go rot.

#aphobia #asexual #aromantic #not even tagging this with anything else because when I do I’m guaranteed to gross bigoted anons #I probably still will #1k #5k #10k #most popular

[arowrath]

(ID: two memes using the "it's 2024 i'm done arguing / if you hate X i'm straight up murdering you" meme format. the first says "aromantics" and has a picture of the aro pride flag, and the second says "asexuals" and has a picture of the ace pride flag. end ID)

#text #scheduled #aphobia #arophobia #acephobia

[lyndentree63]

Gonna yell "TEXTILES ARE WHAT MAKES US HUMAN!" at anyone spouting acephobic nonsense about how sex/romantic relationships make us human.

#asexuality #asexual #textiles #what makes us human #acephobia #aphobia #aromantic #aspec

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

#my art #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #queer #aromantic #aro #aromantic asexual #aroace #aspec #social commentary #aro tag #eyestrain #<- idk? #kissing #long post #aphobia #arophobia #vent art