#2020 breakup

[milflewis]

10. meeting afterwards + sewis! 🫶

[10: meeting afterwards]

Sebastian watches as Lewis sits up, rubbing at his eyes with a knuckle. His jaw cracks as he yawns wide, tooth gap front and centre.

There’s faint pink lines on his cheek where he was resting his head on his balled up coat. It’s one that Sebastian used to always check the pockets of after Lewis hung it up in the hall, knowing Lewis often forgot and left his keys inside.

Sebastian gives him an awkward wave when Lewis catches sight of him, quickly tucking his hands back inside his jacket pockets. What is he doing?

Lewis only smiles at him, a little distant but warm. He doesn’t look as sleepy anymore, blinking that off hand softness away.

Sebastian glances at the screens. Jenson is still making good time. Still a while yet before he’s on. He swallows, inhaling.

Lewis is reaching over a hand to hold it in front of Miles’s face, grinning. His friend doesn’t even stir.

It’s been nearly five years and Sebastian still doesn’t know what Miles does or doesn’t know about Lewis and him, or what he thinks. He’s never been anything but friendly with him, inviting him in on jokes about Lewis, easily stealing stories out of him.

Sebastian likes him. Likes how he makes Lewis laugh, face scrunched up. Like how Lewis stands tall with him. Likes how Miles has a girlfriend.

Lewis looks over at him and pauses, considering. He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. Sebastian keeps his eyes on Lewis’s.

When Lewis slides a bright smile at him, head tilting towards Miles, they could be back on that podium again, Sebastian egging Lewis on, knowing how much pouring that champagne would annoy Nico but somehow, interestingly, enjoying more how much it would make Lewis laugh.

It makes Lewis laugh again this time, delight folding his face into more lines, grey flecking at his temples, when he pours a few swallows of water down Miles’s collar, waking him up.

Sebastian laughs with him, unable to do anything else, and Lewis sways into his space trying to avoid Miles’s long reaching slaps. He’s broader than the last time they hugged and steady under his hands. Sebastian pushes him back.

It’s not quite how Sebastian imagined doing Le Mans, back in 2017 when he first brought it up on the heels of Baku, and then again in 2022, and all the years it was mentioned in between, but it’s enough. Jenson is flying on the track, delighted over the comms, and Sebastian is itching to get behind the wheel and Lewis is laughing. It is enough.

—

So, the Lewis Thing is back.

Part of him argues that it had never really gone away. But when Lewis had been staring deeply into Nicole’s or whoever’s eyes and professing his love of all things female and wet and hot, it had been easy for Sebastian to remind himself that Lewis was not interested and Sebastian should be looking elsewhere, if he felt like looking. Easier still, when it was Nico, Lewis was laughing with.

And even when Lewis’s eyes started straying further, both from girls and Nico, it had still been simple and clean cut to keep the handjobs between motorhomes and podiums separate in his head. Especially when Sebastian was dealing with being pushed out of Ferrari without even a goodbye pity fuck or watching Lewis deal with all of the shitstorm that was the 2021 season and what that entailed or how the w13 dug into his back and Sebastian was unable to doing anything of consequence, it was easy to push to the back burner.

Sebastian has been told by enough people that his face tells all for him to know that what he wants has always been clear. He has seen the pictures of them after all. Lewis never asked — not once — not again.

But then Lewis would stand close to him, or be unexpectedly kind, or say something stupid and brave and daring and bold, or belly laugh at one of his jokes even though Sebastian himself knows he’s not that funny, and Sebastian’s entire body would shout him, that one, Lewis Hamilton, him. Like the world is a bookshop where Sebastian could just point and say I'll have the driver with the big brown eyes and too long eyelashes and tooth gap and Lewis would be his, wrapped in brown paper and bookmarked at all the places that makes Sebastian’s mouth go dry.

But it isn’t, he can’t, and now that single retired Lewis is staying, for the first time in years, in a motorhome right next door it isn’t so easy to ignore. They stayed at the track an extra night. Jenson was delighted enough to have the three of them all in the same place that Sebastian was able to go along with it, Lewis as indulgent in Jenson’s antics as ever.

Sebastian stares at the ceiling and waits for sleep, but it didn't come. He finally drags himself out of bed, not bothering with shoes, and went back out into the front part.

Lewis’s forgotten blue blanket is visible in the moonlight, thrown over the side of his couch.

"Well, fuck," Sebastian mutters. He glances up at the front door. It’s not like Lewis desperately needs the blanket or anything; surely he'd survive one night without it. He’s a grown man. Sebastian hadn’t even realised he still had it until this weekend.

Just that Lewis apparently liked it. Liked it enough to go out of his way to pack it, instead of more clothes or shoes or jewellery. Sebastian found him wearing it as a robe two mornings ago. He hadn’t been able to read his voice when he overheard him telling Jenson that it was nice — soft — but he sounded honest all the same. And Sebastian had been the one that had gotten it for him.

He had grabbed it from a random shop in a random airport years ago because Lewis wouldn’t stop frowning, hands tucked into his armpits, as he insisted he wasn’t cold and Sebastian couldn’t wrap himself around him for body heat so he did the next best thing.

It was nearly half three in the morning, when everyone should be in bed.

Sebastian grabbed Lewis’s blanket from the couch and walked outside. He pushed Lewis’s door open, rolling his eyes at how it was unlocked. He didn’t hear anything.

Two giant suitcases are open on the floor of the motorhome, clothes hanging up in an open wardrobe. There’s a towel on one chair. A very complicated music desktop set is spread out on a table. Jenson’s helmet is sitting on the lid of a third suitcase — this one closed. Sebastian’s is beside it. They look like they’ve been cleaned. Sebastian had the one Lewis gave him already tucked away in his bags.

A sleeping Lewis is curled up on top of a book on his bed. His phone is face down on the floor of the bed beside him. He’s shirtless, lounge pants low on his hips, and barefoot. He’s got the sheets all tangled up at his calves. He shifts.

Sebastian freezes.

Lewis mumbles something, hands coming up to curl under his chin, and settles down again.

When he hears Lewis’s deep, even breaths resume, Sebastian moves again. For all the clutter, the floor is clean and empty. Lewis’s shoes pressed up against the wall. Sebastian spreads open the top edge of the blanket and quickly, quietly tucks it around Lewis —

Who blinks up at him. "Seb?"

"Sorry, sorry," he tells Lewis, who has one eye open. There is a crumble of sleep clinging to his lashes.

"Brought back your blanket."

"Okay." Lewis nods and closes his eyes, and soon his breathing goes back to its deep, even rhythm — the same rhythm Sebastian has listened for and fallen asleep to in a dozen different countries, across over ten years of their lives.

Sebastian lingers there for a minute. The door makes barely a sound when he shuts it.

He is so fucked.

#well. this got Long #i’m thinking they fool around for years and lewis is like. no homo. and seb takes that personally #so when lewis IS ready to homo seb thinks he doesn’t want to and makes no move despite his hands on lewis’s dick every other weekend and so #LEWIS doesn’t make a move bc since when has seb wanted smth and not gone for it ???? and then. they stop everything in 2020 bc seb is Going #Thru Ut with ferrari and here we are ! #sewis #Their Divorce Era au #breakup fic prompts #anon tag #niamh.asks

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

À l'abordage! (Guillaume Brac, 2020)

#À l'abordage! #À l'abordage #A l'abordage! #A l'abordage #Guillaume Brac #quote #love #breakup #hug #Asma Messaoudene #2020 #Eric Nantchouang #All hands of deck! #All hands of deck

[moregraceful]

1) what's been your favorite breakaway challenge gimmick from past all stars? 2) what's the best snack you ever had at a ballpark? and/or at a hockey rink? 3) what do you think nick cicek's goal song should be if the cuda ever supported fun and enjoyment at hockey games?

oh these are juicy! sorry to nick cicek for how much i'm about roast him

i don't think i ever really recovered from maggie and becs showing me the jakub voráček breakaway challenge feat. johnny hockey in the middle of the pandemic. like. what do i even do with that. voráček is just slinging that little man around like a rag doll. "he did for the bit" he did it bc every man in the nhl has at one point or another found johnny hockey the perfect size for hugging and that was voráček's chance for to hug im.

gosh i have only been to five ballparks ever in my life and three of those were in the bay area...i like that the cubs give you your mid-game sundae in a little helmet. that's fun. i mean you're never going to get better than the grandpa selling churros at the san jose giants ballpark, like that's always going to be my favorite, but i do find the wrigley field helmet sundae delightful and have on more than one occasion put the helmet on my dog.

i haven't trusted nick cicek's taste in music ever since he said his pregame hype music was 50 cent's "in da club." girl were you even alive when that song came out my god. oh no i just checked he was three whole years old. oh no help. i really don't trust him NOT to choose "like a g6" by far east movement, so i'm choosing for him based on vibes. since his vibe this year seems to be eldest daughter slash grandpa and he's staring down the barrel of the gun of the end of his entry level contract, i'm choosing two wartime favorites: "jumpin jive" by cab calloway or "sing, sing, sing" by benny goodman. we will never hear them. on pride night, he changes it to the andrews sisters' "beat me daddy, eight to the bar" to be funny and predictably scores his one whole goal of the season, an ot gwg. i would laugh so hard i start crying and would have to go stand in the hallway to calm down. the world (me, raptured with joy to another plane of existence, and henry thrun, psychosexually paralyzed with anxiety) would never be the same

#when i write my cuda wwii postwar au then you will all see.... #also while i was deep diving through spotify for the perfect song for cheech i realized #william eklund's goal song if he weren't a coward would be the 2020 rerecord of ''potential breakup song'' by aly & aj #also that someone needs to play and painstakingly explain ''ghost ride it'' by mistah f.a.b. to raski bc i think it would change things #it would introduce several new opportunities for injuries on the cuda. but i think it would be good for morale overall #thank you for this ask. perfect way to end the day! #cage replies #tausendsorgen #bb cuda

[mossflower]

stares at my bio

#realistically. i do not post owl house anymore and haven’t really for months. and am unlikely to post about it again #but i feel weird taking it out!! i loved that show!! i still love it!! i’m just not fandombrained abt it anymore #like it’s not even on the backburner like tma or good omens is. dw is a long term interest. i’m actively into tlt #i think of toh as a show i love. just not in that way anymore ok this sounds like a breakup why am i being so dramatic #tbh i do not miss the fandom. kinda a cesspit of deranged takes and insane discourse. made me a main tags avoider #it felt like secondary school? everyone being weirdly mean and hiding it under a progressive skin and jokes? #lbr thats bc most ppl were teenagers. me included lol #but it was more good than bad. staying up late to watch the streams and getting excited over theories and all of it. i’ll miss that part #but the next time i say ‘hey this cartoon looks pretty cool’ i need someone to bodily tackle me to the ground and stop me. it’s not worth i #rip morgan’s animation era 2020-2023 i guess <3 #nvm. i’ll just replace toh with homestuck! which is still kinda wild to me lol #like if you told the me of a year ago that i would be into homestuck more than toh rn i would not have believed you #morganposting

[yuzokasu]

permission to go crazy about winter 2024 for a second (pictures taken from the genepro videos on yt)

they were crazy as hell for putting flashback haruto in this!!!

also the fact that this was before act 9 + his current rehearsal outfit is a lot brighter and stuff...... was this him trying to fit reni's image so much to the point that he'll even imitate what he was wearing

#the way they do godza in mankai stage is. so freaking good #like they just add onto the current lore we know in new ways #slightly unrelated but i remember seeing rehearsal footage of summer 2019 and seeing reni's haruto's and madoka's stage actors #all being buddy buddy with each other #and act 9 (which was where madoka's association w godza was confirmed) was released in 2020 #its crazy!!! how far back did they go back with godza lore!!! i heart them #anw i cannot wait for act 9 and twin kingdoms to come to mankai stage #i have a feeling stage shifuto will appear in 4sl 2024. like it's such a perfect setup for the azashift breakup

[halechief]

@tahitiwoke won’t stop kicking me while i’m down.

phillip is standing in the foyer for the first time in months, dripping water onto the floor. he is still close enough to the closed door that edward could likely hear anything said from the other side if he wanted to, and claire would wager that he would, given that he hadn’t wanted to let him in at all.

neither had she, at first. 

it’s late. not terribly late, but enough that he should not be here, not anymore, and enough that she’d given herself over from the crisp lines of a button down and skirt to the softer ensemble of silk pajamas, a robe added as she’d heard the exchange of voices in the hall outside the residency. just loud enough, and enduring enough for her to take notice of, but nothing heated. nothing alarming. when she’d opened the door to find him going back and forth with meechum from the top stair, drenched through the layers of suit jacket, shirt, and the undershirt she knows is underneath, all three of them had paused : edward looking to her, she to phillip, phillip to her. i just need five minutes. i’m making a puddle. her hand had still been on the door, the other banded beneath her chest, and the wheels in her head were near audible in their turning. no, was the simple answer that came to mind. she’d almost actually given in to it. when she’d finally said it’s okay, edward, she felt the resistance in him, and could not fault it.  his loyalty was to her, his instinct for her protection, yes, but also her happiness. she’s not ignorant of that. nor is she ignorant of the part phillip’s absence has played in the disruption of that happiness, or the fact that edward would have seen that. she'd glanced at him meaningfully, almost apologetic. it’s okay. let him in. 

so there they were. him, dripping on the floor and staring at her, and claire with her arms crossed protectively in front of herself, brows drawn together even as a ridiculous smile crosses his face, like something good has happened here. like he’s gotten something he wanted.   ❝  what are you doing here, phillip?  ❞ 

#iii. verse: secondary: i don't think there's anything i wouldn't do anymore. / presidency - alt. #hhhhh #makes myself a shirt that says 'i barely survived the claire phil breakup of 2020' #'but here is the claire and phil breakup GROVEL of 2021' #i fucking hate it here

[nazuna-tunnel-vision]

i love getting stupidly invested in characters. i use the whole hyperfixation as a blotch test to externalise and explore all the hang ups i didn't know i had and/or don't dare to face head-on.

#me connecting the dots and realising why sh/unazu and iz/lo have such a chokehold over me #its the platonic breakups that fuck you up for years #the i miss you i hate you i hurt you im sorry #the i know you were hurting but you hurt me too #i know i was hurting but i hurt you bad. im sorry. i cant fix this. it was better for us to part ways. it was unsalvageable #the thinking about our best days still makes me smile i still miss it i wish we could go back to those times sometimes #then i remember that we both were in terrible places back then. we were a ticking time bomb #the i still care about you i hope youre doing better now i hope we never fucking meet again #me in 2020 wondering subcobsciously zooming in on sh/unazu: im sure this doesnt mean anything #im glad i had sh/unazu and iz/lo to explore these feelings bc #theyre still so enormous and overwhelming #i dont think i would hv had the clarity to put all this into words if i didnt have #these chars for me to see it from a more detached perspective #anw problematic dynamics in fiction are so important to me <3 #anw just a thought but why is sh/nz deemed problematic when iz/lo gets a pass #literally sh/nz is healthier than iz 'you gave your life to me im not giving it back' lo #i have so many sh/nz mutuals who had to go priv bc some randos come at them for liking a ''''problematic ship''''

[margseliserobbie]

💔 …someone who broke my muse’s heart. ( 🐐 )

Sebastian Stan.. all because he couldn't read my mind. Can you believe that?! @sebastianseb

#*ask #*asks #*seb #//she's obviously joking about their breakup in 2020 and how ridiculous it was lol

[eggmeralda]

the onceler 🤝 notre dame de paris 🤝 the clash <- disappearing randomly and giving me trust issues about my own brain for the rest of my life

#the clash got replaced with the who except i wanted to stay obsessed with the clash and it took me like 4 months to accept i was now #obsessed with the who #nddp i knew it was fading months before it actually ended but i was so in denial about it but eventually i had to take down all the #pictures i had on my wall and then became really depressed. also it was 2020 which didn't help #the onceler was the absolute worst bc i was in the peak of my hyperfixation and then suddenly it week later it just ended?? #then entered the worst depression of my life and had to unfollow every onceler blog and filter his tag and would listen to breakup songs #somehow i'm back in the onceler fandom but only for everything about it Other than the actual onceler #but like why would my brain do this to its own self. where is the benefit #anyway #ramble

[sapphosarchive]

"What's a lifetime of achievement?" is one of the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking lyrics in a Taylor Swift song. God. "If I pushed you to the edge, but you were too polite to leave me," GOD!! The feeling of "this success and everything else suddenly doesn't matter if I lose you, my soulmate/person I think is my soulmate" ahhh!

#sapsays #taylor swift #evermore (2020) #breakup🥀 #ache

[maddy-ferguson]

i can't do internet friendships the one time i became Friends friends with a mutual i fell in love with her and then i started wanting to kill myself etc

#you know how i talked about online activism that one time and worded it the exact same way #this was more of a factor #it wasn't the only one but i'm microdosing #and again with the #tw suicide #i'm sorry i keep oversharing and having to tag things that i just find it funny (it isn't even always me oversharing yesterday it was about #oscar noms) #anyway yeah it was terrible. don't talk to me consistently for more than three weeks i'll literally fall in love with you #i saw her irl twice btw i'm a classy person #this was three years ago i mean no it was four years ago now from january 2019 to december 2019 there's posts of me talking to myself in #like july! 2019 #we stopped talking on january 22 2020 and it literally felt like a breakup and i was the one who pseudo broke up with her which was crazy #the sappho song playlist was for her #this was a twitter mutual btw #AND WERE STILL MUTUALS. lmao #and like i say: brf slt

[duskholland]

no because my mind is insane

#im writing everyone a miracle its a miracle and ITS TOM??????? stop it #ok so #basically #when i got back into tumblr back in 2020 i went through a breakup irl #and in my post breakup state i conceptualised this tsh series that i wanted to write #and at the time i was like 'this isnt that deep its just a good idea' BUT when i revisited it i was like 'oh shit this is how i processed-- #--my breakup' #like. planning it and plotting the arcs was just me trying to relearn how to love people #so then i realised that and i didnt wanna write it anymore #BUT i just went through the doc again and its so smart and so clever and so good #and now ive like Recovered from that relationship i feel like i can write this and bring it justice etc #and its a really cute idea #but also itll take me ages to write #bc it's a series and it will be multiple parts / probs at least 40k minimum probably much longer to do it justice (it's A JOURNEY !!!!!) #so ! who knows BUT #i know im plotting a tom fic for the first time in literally 8 months and i know im enjoying it #so that's such a big win everyone i cant stress this enough ahahaha #dont think ive been this hyped about writing a fic since dutch and that was over a year ago #anyways #id say watch this space but we all know i wont be announcing literally anything soon #just ^_^ hi im still here n im coming back #ok goodnight #ive watchde 13 episodes of gossip girl today i need to sleep #h.txt

[born-to-lose]

Due to personal reasons I will be disappearing for the whole month of May

#not actually i just hate that month with a burning passion because most shit that happened to me was in may #it's my annual rock bottom #especially since 2020 #one more or less nasty/sad breakup after the other smh #mel talks

[kendallspussy]

my top5 artists scrobbled on last.fm so far this year are monkeys, lana, the strokes, mitski, marina; marina my fall out tho because rina is releasing an album in september and I'll have it on a loop till 21st of october probably🧍🏻‍♀️

#last year was low-key embarrassing #2020 was VERY EMBARRASSING besides fiona i guess #i went through THE straight breakup in 2020 . that shit was so awful i listened to the worst pop music in existence because of that m*n

[3lectricladyland]

source

song

secret video (expires in 10hours)

#pisces #love #los angeles #music #poem #art #gemini moon #2020 #2021 #2018 #2019 #lo fi music #lo fi house #breakup #love songs #purple #purple rain

[hotgirlsoobin]

2017

I hope 2017 burns in 2017 i had my first crush and yea

#he then became the very bane of my existence middle school romance how to reinvent urself for a boy #he then became my first boyfriend and then my first breakup but that happens in 2020 yay #hi kansha i love y actuakky #asks #kanshu 📼