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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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AITA for not wanting to be in my cousin's life? This will be long, I'm sorry

I (f19, but this started at 15) have a rough relationship with my family, I don't have a better word to describe them as besides just not the best towards me. But the real issue now is that I don't want to be involved in my cousin's (f8, but this started at 5) life. This sounds very silly, I know, but let me explain. My cousin is physical in how she expresses herself towards me (she likes to throw things at me and hit me and bite me, and I can't do anything about it because I get in trouble if I do). I have a severe nut allergy and there have been multiple times she's been caught trying to smear peanut butter on me or in my mouth while I slept. She likes to tell me she wishes I'd just eat the peanut butter so she'd never have to see me again. She just hates me, honestly (I'm not sure why, I've never hated the kid, I'm not mean to her, none of us have been able to figure out why and when asked she just says she hates me because she hates me)

The house we lived in contained just me, her, my mother, and my uncle. She is not abused by either adult, before anyone asks, she's actually quite spoiled due to the fact that they can't discipline her in any way without risking her being taken away. And I don't hate her at all, I'm bitter about how she treats me, but I know she's only a little kid. However, I just don't like being treated that way. I recently moved out and I told my mother that I didn't want to be part of my cousin's life until she stopped treating me that way. (Info: My mother thinks she treats me this way because she's a kid so she can't vent her anger out on the adults and I was the only other kid she could vent it out on.) My mother thinks I'm being cruel and punishing my cousin, she says I'll regret this choice and that my cousin will be all I have one day so I shouldn't do this. I've tried to explain that I'm not doing it to punish my cousin, it's just not good for my mental health and I can't be around this behaviour anymore. Other family members and family friends have agreed with my mother, but my friends think my decision is right. Since moving out and not going through that every day, I've started to feel better about myself, my depression isn't as bad and I don't have as much anxiety when I go to sleep. That is kinda swaying my decision to me thinking I'm right for choosing this for myself, but I still worry my mother might be right and I might be ruining my cousin's mental health by leaving.

I want to add that I know I'm way older than her, and some of you might be wondering why I don't stand up to her, but I could never do anything to stop her. I spent many years in foster care due to issues with my family (my mother, specifically), and I know that even the littlest thing where I live can get your kid taken from you. If I even raised my voice at her to tell her to stop and she told someone, she could be taken away from my family and I can't do that to her, I know the horrors of foster care. I also have spent most of my life being abused and don't know how to protect myself or defend myself in situations like these. Please keep this in mind when/if you call me pathetic or stupid, trust me I know I am.

Please, I know a lot of you may think this is silly or dumb or bait, but I need to know aita for not wanting to be in my cousin's life?

Reasons I think I might be NTA: I think my decision is good for both of us and I believe I should put mental health first in this case as it can be dangerous in the future if I don't. I don't want to stay longer and end up hating her, she's just a kid and doesn't deserve to be hated.

Reasons I think I might be TA: This could be seen as punishing her, and she might hate me more for it. She's already started being meaner to other kids now that she can't vent it out on me and I'm an adult so I can take it better than one of her classmates could. She might think her behaviour drove me away and blame herself.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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joels-shitty-puns · 7 months

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The Key To Your Heart - Track 4

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Gif by:@sh214

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

*! New warnings will be listed first !*

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: ~2.3K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

Hi there! To those of you who have read and are still with me, THANK YOU! I love you all. I'm sorry that my chapters are taking longer and longer. Work has been a bit more hectic lately and I also just had some serious writer's block with this chapter. That being said, it feels a little rough and I apologize if its awful lol. But either way, thanks for hanging in there with me and please let me know what you think! Your comments make me happy!

__________

You groaned, stepping out of bed and drifting towards the bathroom. Your face was sticky and your eyes stung from crying late into the night. It was silly, naive, and frankly stupid… but sometimes you can't control how hard emotions hit. Seeing that Pedro didn't actually watch your video was a let down - to put it mildly. Obviously he's a popular guy. A star. He has better things to do.

You should be grateful he even responded to your Instagram message before. Even though it hurts, surely he has more interesting things to do than message someone like you. Just because you wrote a song and he said he liked it doesn't mean he owes you anything more.

So after a fitful night's sleep, you were utterly exhausted; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Luckily, it was still your weekend and you could rest today.

More like spend the day wallowing in your self pity… you think, disdainfully at yourself.

Looking in the mirror, you notice your puffy eyes. There's some new acne, and a mop of frizzy hair on your head. After using the toilet, you step on your bathroom scale before your shower; a morning routine you started during years of dieting. Another 3 pounds. Up again?!

You look in the mirror, pinching your stomach with a sigh. I guess I shouldn't have had those cookies yesterday…

The food guilt creeps up as you think of the goodies you've eaten recently. Cookies yesterday, fast food the day before. You were bitter that you weren't one of those people that could just magically eat whatever they wanted without gaining an ounce.

But you aren't, and you should know better.

Frustrated with your appearance, you begin your usual internal debate about how to fix it.

Maybe I should go back on the diet…

But the diet caused you so many problems. Remember the stomach issues? The hunger? The lack of joy? Binge eating on cheat days until you were sick?

But! I lost so much weight!

Yeah, until you started gaining weight…

Maybe I didn't cut enough. People said I looked so good. I was *almost* skinny.

Maybe people would like me more if I was skinny… Maybe Pedro would like me if I were skinny. There's no way he would be with me looking like this.

These were the debates that plagued you for months… years… a lifetime.

You showered, tears beginning to flow again as you tried to push out the thoughts. He was probably just busy, but either way you knew you didn't have a chance.

Your friends were right. You were an obsessed fan. It was… concerning, as they said. They pitied you when you felt sad about your feelings. Just find someone you actually have a chance with, they pushed. Someone real.

But... he did message you. Maybe he didn't even know you had an interview yesterday? Maybe he watched it later. You were being utterly ridiculous. It didn't matter anyway.

But what you didn't know was that Pedro felt just as disappointed. He wanted to be the one on your list. The one you loved. He went to bed just as mopey as you did and woke up just the same.

_____

Having washed away your bad feelings as best as you could, you gave Skipper a kiss on his little forehead and made some coffee while scrolling Instagram. You were nervous to see what people had to say about your interview, but you had to face the music eventually.

As you could have predicted, people were running through the potential suspects (or prospects, that is) who have brown curly hair and brown eyes. Some supported you and loved your interview. Others criticized you for being too chicken to show yourself.

You weren't used to this level of attention, and you really weren't sure you enjoyed it. But you were grateful to have your two lives kept separate, your true persona still shaded in privacy.

What you did not predict, was a notification popping up from Pedro, interrupting your scrolling. Forgetting to breathe, you immediately clicked on it. If the message were food from the oven, you would've burnt your hand the way you grabbed it so fast.

Perhaps I should've been a little more chill about opening this so quickly... Oh well.

Pedro Pascal messaged you: "Hey! I watched your interview yesterday. You did fantastic. I know fame is new to you and you're nervous, but you're a natural."

Your heart swelled. He did watch it!! He must have just been busy during the live stream.

You replied: "Pedro! You watched it!?! Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me."

Pedro read your message immediately, but instead of sharing in your level of excitement, he was hit with a wave of confusion instead. She must just be trying to not hurt my feelings. She already knows I watched it.. unless she didn't even notice my name. Or she didn't care enough to look for it…?

He decided to play along with it anyway. "Absolutely, I did. I've had it marked on my calendar since the day it was announced a couple days ago and watched it as it was streamed live."

His response took you by surprise, and then made you angry. If he really watched it, he would know that they gave you a list of the people who watched it live. Why was he lying to you about it?

You started to plan out your response, maybe even send an accusatory comeback, but then you thought about it again.

Why would he lie about it? What would he gain by lying? He messaged you.

With this in mind, you instead chose to take a different approach. One better designed for fishing. One you had to be very careful about, so as not to reveal the fact that you looked for his name.

"Wait!? You watched it live? I didn't see you on the list. You're one of the few people I've spoken to who actually seem genuinely friendly and interested in having a conversation with me. I had sort of hoped you were listening."

There. That doesn't sound too revealing, right? Totally friendly…

Pedro opened your message and was met with both confusion, and something else he wasn't expecting. Hope. Did you look for his name??

Still, he wanted to address the confusion. "You didn't see me on the list? That's odd.. but I'm sure there were a lot of names to scan through. Maybe my name was just buried in that list."

You knew it wasn't buried. He was the only name you looked for. The only name you cared about seeing on that list, not that you'd admit that to him right now. But you also didn't want him to feel that insignificant either.

"There were a lot of names, I'll give you that. But I swear you weren't there. Were you logged into your account? Maybe your Internet crashed, or you missed part of it?"

Instantly he remembered the ten or so minutes that Oscar interrupted him.

Oscar!

"Oh shit! That's it. Oscar barged into my house while I was watching it and I slammed my laptop closed."

"Oscar… Isaac? Wait, why did you slam your laptop closed?"

"Yeah, that's the one. And… I don't know. He just surprised me, I guess. It wasn't a planned visit."

Slamming your laptop closed is an odd reaction to your friend visiting, but okay, you thought.

"So you closed your laptop, and missed a few minutes. And that must have been the moment they pulled the list of viewers."

Pedro replied. "It must have. But I was there, more than happy to listen to what you had to say"

If my name had been on the list, would her answer have been different? When asked whether the man she loved was on the list and she said no, would my name have changed anything? Pedro wanted to ask you these questions. But he couldn't. Not only was he scared, but he also didn't want it to come off as some douchey comment that made you uncomfortable. He wanted to get to know you better, even if just as a friend, and he wouldn't let a silly little crush ruin that.

You sent a response that could be deemed as friendly or neutral, still cautious. "Thank you Pedro. I'm really glad you watched it."

He replied without hesitancy. "Of course. But, I am sorry that your guy wasn't on that list."

He sounds genuine. Not like he's fishing for information like everyone else on the internet. In turn, you decide to be playful with your response. Risky, but still not too revealing. "It's okay. It turns out that list wasn't as accurate as I once thought it was" you typed with a smirk.

"So maybe he was watching after all," Pedro answered.

"Maybe he was."

Pedro soon changed the subject, "I did enjoy hearing about your favorite things, though. You may know this already, but I love movies. Some of the ones you mentioned are a couple of my favorites as well. But as for your favorite books, I haven't read them, but I've been meaning to find a new book to read."

The fact that he was a reader made your heart flutter; the thought of him sitting with a book, his glasses perched on his nose, brow furrowed as he stroked his thumb over his lip in deep concentration. You were overjoyed at the thought of him reading *your* favorite book and potentially having someone to talk to about it. Before you knew it, you had frantically sent multiple excited messages.

You: "Oh! If you read any of my favorite books we HAVE to talk about them!"

Second message: "AGH the first book I mentioned is my favorite, out of all of them. The ending blew my mind. And the characters were just so amazing! Well except for that one guy.. but I won't spoil that…"

Third message: "But my favorite character has the greatest lines!!! Sometimes I like to quote it but nobody else gets it. And the way the author describes the settings is so magical, it makes you want to be there."

Pedro caught himself smiling at his phone, wrapped up in your excitement, as you were finally able to talk to someone about your favorite book. It was adorable how happy you seemed.

He started to type a reply when you sent another message. "Shoot… I'm sorry. I got a little too carried away…"

"Who told you that?"

Huh?

"Who told me what?" You asked.

"Who made you feel like you had to stop talking when you became excited about your interests?"

His question took you aback, but your mind struggled to pinpoint the answer to it. There's been so many people that have told you that over the years. People you assumed were friends. An old crush who didn't like multiple text messages at once. Classmates who would complain or make fun. It was routine.

"Oh. It's not a big deal. It's just something I've heard over the years. But I also know how I get and I don't want to be too much. I'm sorry. I don't want to monopolize the conversation too much either. But hey, you didn't mention, what are your favorite books?" You tried to change the topic.

Pedro felt that protective feeling bubble up in his chest again.

"Over the years!? There have been multiple occasions?" Pedro shook his head, even though you couldn't see through the text. "I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel that way or said anything to imply that your interests weren't worthy of being heard. Fuck them. They should be thankful that you shared your interests."

They should be grateful to hear your beautiful voice get so excited. To get to see your excitement and smile, Pedro thought to himself angrily. He hoped he could someday witness you getting excited over your interests in person too.

"Thank you Pedro. But really, it's okay. I know I get a little… obsessive and crazy, especially with sending multiple texts, so I don't blame them. Haha. :)" you tried to soften the mood.

"I don't want you to ever feel that way with me. I liked hearing you talk about your interests."

You began to type, but Pedro beat you to the punch.

"In fact… if you'd like to talk more," he gave you his phone number. "Feel free to text me, or you can call me too. I like talking on the phone, but I know not everyone does."

Holy shit. Is this real life? Did Pedro Pascal just give me his phone number? And ask me to call him?

Truthfully, your introverted self really didn't like talking on the phone. But the idea of talking to Pedro, hearing his voice on the other end of your phone was too much to handle.

What you didn't realize, was that Pedro wanted it just as bad.

Your fingers danced over your phone keyboard, trying to find the right words for a reply. What do you say when the love of your life (that you didn't think you would ever have a chance with) gives you his phone number?

Pedro watched anxiously as the three dot-dot-dots of typing appeared and disappeared over and over. His heart was racing, and he began to worry he may have overstepped this time.

Why did you give her your number? She's going to think you like her!!!

But you do like her, you idiot, Pedro berated himself.

He ran his hand down his face, waiting for your response in agonizing suspense. But instead of hearing the pop of a notification, his phone began to ring instead, an unknown number displayed on the home screen.

Wait… is that her? Is she CALLING me?!

He answered frantically, practically dropping his phone in the process.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Pedro? It's me.."

You heard him give a breathless laugh before answering with a gentle "Hi."

_____

Thank you for reading!! Let me know your thoughts :) More will be coming soon. I know this is a painfully slow burn lol. Thanks for being patient.

Next chapter! Here

_____

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal x you #a! wrote a fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal rpf #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x reader #rpf #pedro pascal x musician!reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x plus sized! reader #pedro pascal x afab!reader #key to your heart

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sirgogington · 2 months

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My Word Vomit Response on the Shelby Situation

Main Situation: Last week Wilbur Soot from Lovejoy was accused of having been abusive towards his ex girlfriend Shelby. Shelby is a live streamer and last week she did a livestream about the signs of knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. She never stated his name, but from details given people started assuming it was about Wilbur Soot. A few days later Wilbur confirmed that it was him in an apology tweet on his Twitter account. The abuse had to do with painful biting, and manipulation.

I want to start off by saying I do believe Shelby's story. I don't think Wilbur is innocent, but I do believe this situation isn't as black and white as people are claiming it to be.

Former fans after hearing the story started unfollowing Wilbur and Lovejoy and saying what a terrible man that Wilbur is, and vowing to never listen to or view any of his content ever again. He's not just a terrible man, he has to be evil too. I may be optimistic but I do think most people can change for the better if they truly want to. There are exceptions, but I truly believe that Wilbur can. The internet wants to just label him as evil and not give him any room to do that. The new thing is "guilty until proven innocent" and that's super harmful as I will go into in a different post. The way people are spreading hate in a us/them mentality is not a mature way of viewing/handling this situation and does more harm than good. Especially when it comes to death threats and doxing which have been received by both sides.

Wilbur is someone who had a hard upbringing, and has brought up at different times his struggles with mental health. On screen or on stage you would never know this about him, because he has this mask of being confident, well spoken, and joyful. Through these details Wilbur has shared we know that touring took a lot out of him mentally and put him in a bad place, but that he was seeking therapy and is probably currently still seeing a therapist to try and get better. He's shared in the past that when he first blew up on the internet he used alcohol to cope because of how overwhelming it was that so many people were consuming his content. From Shelby's stream we also learned that his living space was dirty and unhygienic and that he would make excuses for it. The details for me paint the picture of a guy struggling badly with mental illness and having a hard time caring for himself and his home. Someone who can hardly take care of themselves should not have been in a relationship. This puts a lot on the other person. It's different if he were stable and then then his mental health crashed in the middle of a longer relationship, but not if your too mentally ill to begin with. I do deeply feel sorry that Shelby had to experience that, as it truly shouldn't have happened.

I went to school for psychology and know quite a bit about different types of mental illnesses. I am by no means diagnosing Wilbur, but I do think he shows signs of someone with Boderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional disregulation disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD self sabotage and will frequently end up pushing people away because they don't think they're good enough for them. (In this case maybe he wanted to act so bad so she would leave him, which is very unhealthy). People with BPD also go through depressive episodes and can act impulsively. Without therapy it is extremely hard to cope with this condition but with therapy you can make great strides in changing. I think like most mental illnesses you are aware of the fact you don't like the way you're acting you just have a hard time controlling it. For instance for me growing up with anxiety I knew most of my fears were completely irrational but that didn't stop them from overtaking my life and still feeling anxious. Wilbur has written some really deep lyrics on his new solo album Mammalian Sighing Reflex and I feel like it reflects that he doesn't like the way he is and feels guilty about those he's harmed through it. Maybe I'm giving this man too much credit, but like I said I do believe most people are capable of changing for the better.

Shelby stated she did the livestream as a way to help protect other victims of domestic violence and Wilbur Soot himself. He might still be dangerous to the public, it's really hard to know. I know after my own situation with being manipulated I was worried about the guy going after other younger women like he had with me. I didn't want anyone else have to be in that situation so I understand where Shelby is coming from. I also know that if the guy in my life had ever posted an apology, no matter how good it was, that I still wouldn't believe him and have a hard time forgiving him. Bold take but I think his apology was at least decent. Could it have been better, yeah, but could it have been a lot worse, also yes. In his apology he admits to being the person Shelby was talking about. He states that her feelings are valid, and that he wants people to hold him to higher accountability, and that he was sorry for any hurt he caused. Maybe he isnt, but it's hard to know. Wilbur stated in a livestream from last October 2023 that he was going to therapy the next day, because of this we can assume that Wilbur has been going to therapy at minimum since October. In that same livestream he states that he showers once a day when he's in his "big sad", and that he has rented places all over Brighton. He is at least hygienic in this regard, maybe moreso than he was before. It could be a red flag that Wilbur has lived all over Brighton due to possible evictions whether that be negligence or noise complaints from doing livestreams.

We'll never know how other content creators truly feel about him except for the ones that made it obvious. Of course most content creators are going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that he's an evil man. If they don't then they'll lose their platform because of all the hate they'd get. I do believe some content creators will still hang out with Wilbur secretly or still even remain his friend. But we'll never know.

For the people who are posting different video evidences of Wilbur supposedly showing signs of being abusive in the past this is what is called confirmation bias. If you believe someone is abusive suddenly you can find details in the littlest things to confirm your thought process. A lot of the clips I've been seeing have been of normal everyday behavior or confirmed bits. I've seen people say that Wilbur must have bit down really hard to leave bruises. In some cases people bruise more easily than others. I know I have random bruises on my body from nothing. We can tell that what Wilbur did however was pretty painful due to have to use a safe word. Getting bitten usually hurts. I've been bitten by a 5 year old at work and can't imagine how it would feel to be bitten by a grown man who intentionally bit down hard.

This could be confirmation bias as well, but when looking at the lyrics in Mammalian Sighing Reflex and at the album art it seems to tell the story of a man (Wilbur) who really messed up in a relationship and is feeling the pain from that, and has a lot of regret due to knowing he was the cause of her pain. He poured so much of himself into the album it's like he's bleeding out in front of the audience with the amount of vulnerability.

Analyzing lyrics because why not, using lyrics from "Mammalian Sighing Reflex"

"I get so drunk I can barely see." If this album is related to his relationship with Shelby, which I think it probably is, then maybe he tried to cope with the relationship failing by using alcohol, or sabotaged the relationship through drinking.

"A lot of friends have left my life, escaping my tractor beam of woe" Having a mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships. This could be because it makes you so self-focused on your problems, or that people get tired of hearing about your problems. If you constantly talk about how sad you are, some people are going to have a hard time dealing with that, or get burnt out from having to keep on cheering you up.

"Fuck my life, you cared when I was sick, no one ever gave a shit.....you fought this war one-sided and asked me what am I doing this for." These lyrics seem to speak about how in a past relationship (probably meaning with Shelby), that she cared that he was mentally ill/in a low point and wanted to help him get better. The fight to help him get better was one-sided due to Wilbur not helping to get himself better. If he would have helped her then they "could of stitched my mind together."

"Never been the one for romance, never thought that I'd get married. Never been the kind to give a shared life a second glance, selfish prose." In Shelby's livestream she talked about how her and Wilbur talked about the possibility of getting married and having kids until he backtracked and said that he wasn't that way and changed his mind.

The song "I Don't Think It Will Ever End" is how his mind seems to work in cycles. He'll be sad, because he feels sad he hides away for a bit, but then he feels silly for hiding himself so he forces himself to interact with people. But then when forcing himself to interact again he feels sad, which he says is not a good feeling when you're supposedly in a good phase. He says as self-sabotage he gets silly. Wilbur is known for telling a lot of jokes, and maybe this is a way he masks his true feelings. Also for Mammalian Sighing Reflex it says the songs were written by William Gold (his legal name) and performed by Wilbur Soot (his stage name). Wilbur is who the internet/fans see him as and William Gold is who he really is. Meaning the way we see him online is the extroverted, charismatic, likeable guy we know him as whereas William Gold is introverted, self-sabotaging, nerdy, and a deep thinker.

The internet gives us way too much information. We're constantly bombarded with more and more information. Before the internet and even in the earlier internet days you did not have this. People were not being as closely viewed and known as they are now. You have to be careful about every little thing you say, because God forbid you say the wrong thing and get canceled. It didn't used to be this way. The only reason you'd ever know anything bad about a celebrity is if they were in the news. I think most of the media we consume whether TV shows, movies, etc. have the potential to have us supporting "bad people". It would be overwhelming to look up every single person we had ever consumed media from and sift through what are lies and what are not about each actor, singer, etc. I get that people don't want to give a platform to people doing bad things, but it's almost impossible to know and to remove every single bad person from the content you consume. Being a celebrity in general is hard. It's easy to become addicted to drugs, and experience toxicity especially celebrities that live in Los Angeles. Most become people they regret, but some change for the better too. I'm not saying people who do serious crimes should get out of jail because they can become better people. People in jail should remain in jail for serious crimes. Time will tell what becomes of him. If more about him is released or if he's able to actually make strides in his health like he said he would. We will wait and see. I really hope he can heal and get better. Even the most unlikely ones can change their lives. You can both support Shubble and hope that Wilbur gets better.

#wilbur soot #lovejoy

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paris-geller-was-straightwashed · 7 months

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'that adhd feel of-' 'adhd is not being able to' 'adhd is when you forget-' you're describing executive dysfunction. that's...it's executive dysfunction. like I NEED you to understand this.

I don't think this is purposefully malicious but jesus fucking christ it's no wonder the ~neurodiverse~ community on here can feel super alienating. I'd fucking eat own shoe if any so-called 'neurospicy' (derogatory) blogs can name EVEN ONE other condition then either adhd or autism as part of neurodiversity. ppl think it starts and ends there - and what I find the most infuriating, is that one of the most common symptoms when it comes to diverse brains (aka executive dysfunction) is talked about like it's SOLELY for adhd.

look. I got dyspraxia and ocd - two things considered a part of the neurodiverse umbrella. I also have learning disabilities that have affected my whole school life, and memory issues that I've been explaining to people as to why I've already forgotten their name since I was a kid. YET, ocd is rarely talked about in neurodiverse circles or even considered, and I'll literally pay two bucks to anyone reading this who can tell me what dyspraxia is (who isn't a professional or someone who has it, and if you do have dyspraxia, then I am giving you a cookie and fist bump). yet often, when I see posts passed around talking about issues like poor motivation or time blindness or bad memory, I find a lot to relate to - bc executive dysfunction, in case anyone missed it, affects many, many conditions! you don't even have to be neurodiverse; it's known to affect those with anxiety and depression too! there's so much layover - yet, I will see, inevitably, the post attributed to adhd or possibly asd. frankly, it's both alienating to those with other neurodiverse conditions, and possibly misleading, even if unintentional, to say it's an 'adhd thing.' you guys run the market and it's over-saturated; I'm just asking for adhd/asd to share a piece of it's throne.

to be honest, as what's considered a 'neurodiverse person', I barely find any commonality within the community. yes, as mentioned above, I will relate to common shared symptoms like executive dysfunction, but it's a complete shut-out when we act like those symptoms are only attributed to one condition. frankly with my ocd, I find way more commonality in schizophrenia/paranoia/psychosis communities then in the ND one (I would never act or say I know what it's like to experience those conditions, but I can relate to the fear of some outside force telling you something horrible is going to/will happen), and with dyspraxia, even when we talk about it, it gets so little coverage and recognition it leaves the whole community a bit dry. if anyone gives a shit, then maybe shine the light on us and others kicked to the sides (ppl with learning disabilities, dysgraphia, language disorders, and those with schizophrenia/affective disorders like I mentioned earlier, who are so often vilified by ppl online and on this site). we all struggle with executive dysfunction and a million other layover symptoms, and the nerotypical world is just as hard for us to navigate even if no one is bothering to listen.

I'm rambling at this point. everyone just..do better and actually recognize the 'diversity' in 'neurodiverse.'

#neurodivergent #actually ocd #dyspraxia #actually neurodiverse #actually dyspraxic #actually ld #executive dysfunction

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butch-reidentified · 2 months

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MRA's love to claim that if women were in charge the world would go to shit bc we'd "get our periods and declare war," which is obviously a batshit insane, uneducated, and maximally misogynistic belief to begin with. I shouldn't have to tell you that our periods don't actually make us emotionally unstable, that in fact fewer than 20% of college-age women (women who aren't even old enough for the prefrontal cortex to finish developing, and thus are far from old enough to, for example, be eligible to run for US president) even report "severe" psychological symptoms of PMS - and this includes symptoms like depressed mood and anxiety.

in fact, PMS isn't even something all women experience. and of those who do, there's a huge variety of ways it can present. most symptoms women associate with PMS are not emotional: bloating, body soreness, headaches, oversleeping, food cravings, nausea/vomiting, hot flashes, breast tenderness....

from the article linked above: "Definitions of PMS and diagnostic criteria to identify cases have varied substantially over the years and across studies, in large part due to the heterogeneity of women’s menstrual symptom experience. Over 150 symptoms have been associated with PMS."

overwhelmingly, research shows that the effect of PMS on women in the workplace is the same as that of any other medical problem/illness: some people miss some work if it's severe enough. which, considering that symptoms can often include various types of pain that can be quite severe, as well as common illness symptoms like nausea and vomiting, it makes perfect sense that some women would need to take a day off or leave a bit early at times. what the research does NOT say is that PMS causes women to behave in irrational ways that negatively impact the quality of her work.

so let's be truthful. why would female leaders mean more war when women and girls are so overwhelmingly and horrifically sexually victimized as a result?

if most women don't even experience severe mood symptoms with PMS, and having mood symptoms doesn't mean one is unable to control her actions/behaviors (I know this concept of self-control is foreign to most men, but we're pretty good at it!), and there's absolutely zero evidence to suggest that severe PMS mood symptoms would or could ever lead to declaring war, and women old enough to hold office in most countries have many years of experience managing their pre/peri-menstrual symptoms (if they even have any), and most world leaders are past the age women stop even having periods at all, and we see that women in other leadership positions are absolutely crushing it all over the world, and there IS significant evidence showing that women in numerous fields actually outperform male peers (despite feeling significantly less respected in higher-rank positions than males feel, as well as feeling more discouraged and frustrated) and are more emotionally intelligent, there IS evidence that women are less influenced by and better at regulating anger in the workplace, and there IS indisputable evidence that men are more violent than women in general, regardless of the reason, and there IS indisputable evidence that women and girls suffer mass victimization by men during wartime... then maybe, just maybe, women are actually less likely than men to start wars. but there's only one way to find out for sure 😏

#most of the data supports female superiority if I'm honest...#like there's endless evidence of the bias against us EVERYWHERE #especially career wise in every field #and we aren't accommodated at all despite having different needs from men #in so many ways the world is built to boost men and hold us back #yet look at these links #women stay winning #mine #radblr #data tag #data #important info #reference #ref #hope for Women

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randoimago · 11 months

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Headcanons of what's like to date (Ace Attorney) Phoenix Wright, Klavier Gavin, Asogi Kazuma, and Herlock Sholmes please?

What It's Like To Date Them

Fandom: Ace Attorney

Character(s): Phoenix Wright, Klavier Gavin, Asogi Kazuma, and Herlock Sholmes

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): The amount of patience S/O will need when it comes to these men istg

Asogi

He almost always has a knowing smile on his face. Like he knows something you don't. It really doesn't help if you have anxiety or if you actually are hiding something from him because he just looks like he knows. And if you ask him about it, you just get a cheeky smile and a, "Whatever do you mean?"

Will drop everything to help you with whatever you need. Even if he thinks it's a bit silly, he won't say anything, just offers his help. Of course, if you say you can do it then he won't push.

He keeps to himself mostly, not really sharing his thoughts on things. But he does check up on you quite often, wanting to make sure you're alright. It's like he's noticing things that he doesn't want to say and instead giving you the opportunity to speak up.

Herlock

Be prepared to constantly be interrupted with whatever you're doing because he needs attention. He really is like an overexcited puppy because look at what he just made! Look at this new case he got and how quickly he solved it!

Lots of sleeping alone at nights. Not because he doesn't want to lay next to you and cuddle, but because the man does NOT sleep. He's always pushing himself and working on something. Don't worry, he has strict "Okay if I take 10 minute to rest now then it gives me an extra 20 minutes for his thing--" That is if he even follows through with the resting.

There are times when you come home and he's in his depressed state. He's moping about something failing and you coming home does make him a bit better, but he really needs someone to listen to him and talk to. Even if you don't quite give him a solution, you can definitely give him ideas that help pull him out of it and suddenly he's back to being a happy puppy.

Klavier

Music is constantly playing. Usually the same genre, but now and then he switches it up for inspiration or because you ask nicely. The volume of the music also changes if he's trying to work or if you think it's too loud/soft. But music is always playing.

Likewise, get used to hearing him practicing guitar. Sometimes he's just strumming a tune that got stuck in his head, sometimes he sees you and gives a teasing smile before going into some improv for a super cheesy love song, and sometimes he is tearing his hair out because he cannot figure out how to write a certain song and it's just angry grumbling.

Despite the fact that Klavier tries to seem rather easy-going, there are moments that only you get to see where he needs you to hold him and just be there for him. Between his brother, his band, and the fact that his mentor was killed, well he needs a shoulder to lean on when the thoughts get to be too much.

Phoenix

You can expect quite a few twisted jokes from him. He'll be reading the morning paper and give a hum about someone falling to their death before he retorts, "I would've survived that fall."

Speaking of that, you become a regular at the hospital. They learn your name, give you cheery smiles, and then point you in the direction of Phoenix's room because he is so bad at avoiding being hurt. He promises you that isn't trying to be a mummy with all his bandages, but it's just his luck.

Phoenix really wishes he can have his phone on silent, but with his job that's not possible. So when you two are out on a nice date or relaxing at home, there are many times when it's interrupted by someone needing an attorney. But most of the time the interruptions are from Maya or Athena or one of the people that has pretty much become family. He does his best to be nice with telling them he's busy, but more often than not you get pulled along to whatever shenanigans they've gotten themselves into.

#ace attorney x reader #tgaa x reader #phoenix wright x reader #klavier gavin x reader #asogi kazuma x reader #herlock sholmes x reader

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 6 months

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Hi sex witch, I (cis man, late 20s) have a bit of an issue regarding medication and my sex life... I'm hoping you can be a bit of a sounding board for me?

I recently started taking an SNRI to help with anxiety and sleep. It seems to be working (not perfectly, but there's definitely a pretty big improvement).

Currently I'm single and all my sex is solo, but I've noticed that since I started the meds my libido has significantly reduced. It's also more difficult to reach orgasm, and the orgasms feel... different? (Not sure how I feel about that bit...)

My main problem is trying to work out whether I want to raise this with my doctor when I go for my next check-up. I'm not in the market for sex with anyone else right now, so the only person it is affecting is me. The positives in terms of my anxiety are great, and the negatives are more "differences" than actual "negatives".

What do you think? Should I push to try a different medication before I get settled on this one? Or should I spend more time working out whether I'm comfortable with the lower sex-drive? I think both are reasonable, and I would appreciate your opinion - thanks!

hi anon,

PREFACE: I'M NOT ANY KIND OF DOCTOR AND THIS ISN'T MEDICAL ADVICE.

I just want to start by commending you for noting the difference between "different" and "negative." people are often taught to think of any change in their sexual function as automatically bad, when in fact it's often nothing more than a very natural fluctuation within their body.

in your case, that fluctuation is very common; many people report experiencing a decrease in libido after beginning anti-depressants. hormones drive much of our sexuality, and anti-depressants wreak havoc on our the delicate chemical balance in our brain - for the better, of course, because they ideally help bridge the gap for chemical deficiencies in our brains that make us feel Not So Good, but as a side effect functions like the libido can be thrown into a spiral.

it's worth noting that the change often isn't permanent; eventually, your body may very well acclimate to the new hormonal arrangement and gets back to business as usual. I can personally attest that my first year on anti-depressants saw my libido pretty much go dormant, but it eventually came back with a vengeance.

I'm not in any way, shape, or form an expert on how the brain works and how medication works in the long term, but as someone who spends a lot of time talking to people about sex and has been on anti-depressants for years, I have to wonder if part of the sex drive's return has to do with the effectiveness of the medication over time. many people have a hard time fully accessing their sexuality when they're suffering from stress, anxiety, and depression, because being horny - let alone actually having sex - requires an amount of mental space and energy that just isn't there when you're struggling to even perform the basic tasks that let you get through the day. again, speaking from personal experience, I know that before I was medicated, WAAAAAAY too much of my energy was getting burned up by my anxiety and the accompanying physical symptoms; there's not much left over for libido when all of you're exhausting yourself shaking and otherwise being a nervous wreck. turns out being horny is WAY EASIER when you aren't constantly on edge!

I will also point out that sometimes the reason people who aren't doing so great in regards to their mental health masturbate so much is for those sweet little dopamine hits that they're not getting anywhere else, which I don't say to stigmatize jerking off while mentally ill (god knows I can't judge for that) but to point out that after a few months with more managed anxiety, you may not even be as interested in solo sex as you previously were. or you will be, but it will look different thanks to the other positive effects your medication has had. sexuality is a slippery creature, and it's impossible to predict exactly how it will shift throughout our lives.

my point being, if you haven't noticed any other adverse side effects of this medication and you think it's going to help more than hinder you, I would recommend continuing with it for the time. you'll keep reaping the positive benefits in the meantime, and you'll have some time to reflect on those changes as they continue to happen and figure out how this new shape your sexuality has taken can still fit into the overall mosaic of your life. if you ultimately decide that you don't like what's changed, that's fine! but I would broadly advise waiting it out through the most dramatic shifts that will happen early on to get a fuller picture.

#sex edventures 2023

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omgcatboi · 2 months

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Are you a “eat until death” type of person? I know you want to get fatter, but 800 pounds is a lot…

Answer below the cut (:

I'm not sure how to read the intentions behind this anon, rather they be good or bad. But I'm going to answer anyways because I do get asked this from time to time.

( disclaimer because I can already hear people trying to argue with me, but my aunt who was 700 pounds lived until her 60's and she was fat her entire life, so no, she didn't die immediately from gaining weight. Nor will I. )

Am I an ' eat until death ' type of person;

I absolutely am, but I limit my ' death feedism ' posting here ( as well as tag it ) and am thinking of making another side blog to remove that posting from here entirely for the comfort of my followers. I'm not eating with intention to end myself, I just feel like life is what you make of it and anything can happen at any point to cut us a short deal. Also, my cultural beliefs are that the entire purpose of life is to experience it. So that's what I want to do. Death isn't the end goal, and I do eat many healthy foods ( and encourage it often on my blog so that other feedees can gain weight more healthily. ) I just know I wanna get as big as possible, and that may bring along a good handful of complications that can result in death.

TW ; talk of fascism and American imperialism as well as transphobia / legislation enforcing bigotry.

Also, not to get all doom and gloom but look at the state of this world. Look at the dying planet we have limited time on. Each day a new fascist bill gets passed here in America alone. If death takes me out this hellscape then it's doing me a hell of a favor, because there IS no other way out. Not without a ton of money for a passport and applying for citizenship overseas as well as paying American taxes AFTER moving out. And even then, America IS the empire of our age. It influences the rest of the world. And it has already been invading other countries and enforcing fascist dictatorships either directly or indirectly for MANY years now. So even if I COULD hypothetically move out, I'd still be at risk of being under Americas extreme rule anyway. Or worse, I'd end up in a situation like P/lestinian just like Vi/tnam was.

I know what I'm saying is dark and depressing, as well as anxiety inducing, but I'm showing that I've put plenty of thought behind this decision. Just like I did before starting HRT even tho I ALWAYS knew I am trans. And I don't need anyone trying to talk me out of the lifestyle I am living. Besides, with my genetics, I'm going to keep gaining regardless. It happened to my aunt who was roughly 700 pounds, and even then, she was near her 60's when she passed. I'm only gaining faster, not less. ( And she wasn't gaining intentionally, she just didn't care about fitting into other people's idea of what she should be and what she should do. )

In her 60's

60'S

I don't want to be old and wrinkly ( no hate tho those who are ) I don't want to live that damn long ( like 70's and older ) just. Nah. I'm good.

I'm just enjoying my time while I have it.

( this next part is not about people with triggers who are triggered by death feedism or very fat bodies. So if that is you, stop exposing yourself to this bc I tagged it and talked about it plenty before getting to this point of the post. )

And as a footnote to anyone who may be reading this, if you have an issue with people getting ' too big ' 1) you need to check that way of thinking because you ARE in the feedism / fat kink community. And that INCLUDES people who are, gasp, suprise, FAT. And 2) you should spend some time reflecting on what lead you to harboring that way of thinking.

Not saying this anon holds these views at all, I'm just mentioning it because it is my blog and we are on the topic. ( Plus I'm Knipping everything in the bud now as far as the group of people who will try and spew any level of fatphobia at me for this. In which case I'm not even going to read what y'all say, I'm just going to block you lol. )

One love and allat 😌

#fatty answers #tw death feedism #death feedism #death feedee #death feedist

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 6 months

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Deconstructing Dieter Bravo: Part 2

If you haven't read chapter 25 of Destiny & Deliverance, do so before continuing with this post to avoid spoilers. 😉

Now that the story is starting to dive into what is going on with our dear Dieter, I felt it was time for Part 2 of the Deconstructing Dieter Bravo series to discuss the topic of psychiatric medication.

Just to be clear, this is not a post for or against the use of such medications. I want to put that out there before we get started. It is also a very high-level overview.

Most individuals that do not have experience with mental health struggles (weather that be personally or via someone close to them) do not realize the affects that psychiatric medications can have on the patient and further complications that they can cause during treatment, which is why I feel it is important to share some of this information.

While psychiatric medications are meant to help manage symptoms, they can also make things a hell of a lot worse. In many cases, the first medication isn't the correct medication or the correct dosage. There is a lot of trial and error involved in the process because everyone's body chemistry is different. Which means the patient is often left dealing with side effects that can range from minor to severe. Figuring out the correct medication and dosage for an individual can be a long and unpleasant process, which is why many give up on the use of medication all together.

There are six main categories of mental health medication: antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, depressants, anxiolytics, and stimulants. Each category is used to treat different types of disorders. Each come with their own set of side effects, but the most common are headaches, weight gain, dizziness, dry mouth, muscle spasms and cramps, nausea, loss of sex drive, constipation, sleepiness or problems with sleep, loss of appetite, and fast heart rate.

More serious and less common side effects are always a possibility too. Especially if patients are taking certain medications after being misdiagnosed (more about that in a later post). More serious side effects include nightmares, blurred vision, depression and/or paranoia, aggressive behavior, agitation, anxiety, personality changes, concentration problems, mania, suicidal ideation, and memory damage.

To complicate things further, psychiatric medications easily interact with other substances such as headache mediations, vitamins, and herbal supplements. It is important that the patient is aware of that possibility and ensures that their doctor is aware of all consumption habits. This includes ingredients in meals and drinks. It is also highly recommended not to mix alcohol with the majority of psychiatric medications.

Given all the possible side effects it is important that patients and their families/caregivers communicate to their doctor any changes they are experiencing with their bodies, feelings, and thoughts no matter how minor to avoid any further complications that could eventually result from continued medication use. Some medications take effect immediately while others can take up to two weeks or longer. Antipsychotics can take between six weeks to three months to get into your system and become effective. Therefore, obvious side effects could be delayed which is why it is important to continue to make note of any changes.

There are many long-term effects of using these types of medications such as organ damage and disorders like tardive dyskinesia (involuntary movements of various body parts). Therefore, it is very important that the patient regularly check in with their doctor and have regular blood work done to check on things.

It's important that patients find a doctor that they trust and that truly listens to their concerns so that no minor detail is overlooked. It is also important that patients and their family/caregivers are proactive in their own care, ensuring proper follow-up and tests are performed. Otherwise, important factors could be overlooked and lead to complications down the road.

Given this brief overview of information, it is safe to say that Dieter is experiencing both the common and more severe side effects from the medication he has been taking. There have been hints throughout the entire fic that his meltdown was slowly building, though it wasn't completely obvious. Which is the hard part about these types of things. It's often not an issue until it's bad.

There are some behaviors that could be a direct result of Dieter's diagnosis, while other behaviors could have been and were most likely exacerbated by incorrect medicating. That is just something to keep in mind as we work our way through the story.

In Chapter 27 we will get a formal diagnosis for Dieter and take a deeper dive into his disorder as well as how the medication he is on has created a perfect storm.

🌛Mysterious-Moonstruck-Musings

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @wannab-urs @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos @girlofchaos @yghuibt

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

#dieter bravo #pedro pascal characters #destiny & deliverance series #deconstructing dieter bravo series #pedro pascal #dieter bravo fic #dieter bravo x oc #dieter bravo fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #dieter bravo x ofc #the bubble #mental health awareness #mental health

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aspd-culture · 7 months

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Hey this is kind of a silly question but I figured I'd ask it anyway. I know pwASPD can feel fear but what are the limitations of that? This is mostly about myself because I'm questioning if I have ASPD and I'm really afraid of heights, in my case I think it has more to do with a lack of control than anything else but I'm not sure. Anyway I hope your well.

No worries, with a disorder with this little legitimate, unbiased research, I don't know that many silly questions exist, and yours is definitely legitimate.

In general, I would say there is not a cap to how much/how intense fear can be for someone with ASPD, any more than there is for anyone else. In fact, because pwASPD nearly always have it caused by some amount of trauma, and PTSD causes responses like anxiety and hypervigilance, I'd argue many pwASPD may feel fear more frequently and more intensely than untraumatized prosocials.

PwASPD can have blunted emotions, but that isn't always the case, and when it is, which emotions are blunted is entirely individual. For me, the main emotions that were blunted are sadness (the genuine, not depression one), contentedness, and affection. All 3 of these are emotions I *do* feel, but to a lower degree than most. They become extremely blunted during flares to the point where it feels as though I am incapable of feeling them, and then they come back.

I've heard of pwASPD who feel all "negative" emptions very intensely with "positive" ones being blunted, and I've heard the opposite where they almost feel numbed to fear, sadness, etc. because those are their natural state of being and have been for so many years, but when they are given genuine reason to feel happy/excited/etc. they feel that very, very intensely. Any combination thereof is possible, and it's also common for a pwASPD to not deal with any emotional blunting or nearly all emotions blunted.

The only emotions I've seen any contention about being able to be blunted are anger and its cousins (jealousy, frustration, etc.) and boredom. Because these are noted in associated features to be fairly intense for pwASPD, some say it isn't possible for those to be blunted. In my personal opinion, I don't think that's the case, or else those would be listed in criteria. Even criteria dom't all get met by every pwASPD, and when dealing with personality disorders, it isn't very rational to say for certain that an associated feature has to be present in everyone with that disorder.

Personality disorders exist on a spectrum in a similar way to autism because both affect a person's entire life. Every thought, action, etc. are influenced to some degree by personity disorders for those of us who have them; that's just the nature of PDs. When you're dealing with a range of symptoms that are *that* wide, you can bet that thete will be heavy variation between pw that disorder.

A fear of heights definitely does not mean you can't have ASPD or vice versa. That's considered an overactive survival instinct, which pwASPD still definitely are capable of having. In fact, many ASPD symptoms are direct results of unstable survival instincts. In some ways, we disregard our safety, yet our reactions to social situations and other people are a direct attempt by our brain to survive in a world we were taught was dangerous early on. So whilst there isn't a fear I think would exclude any person from having ASPD, this one in particular actually makes a lot of sense for someone with ASPD to struggle with.

I hope this helps!/gen

Plain text below the cut:

No worries, with a disorder with this little legitimate, unbiased research, I don't know that many silly questions exist, and yours is definitely legitimate.

I hope this helps!/gen

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome

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princelylove · 9 days

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Good morning, your highness! (Or good evening. Maybe I should just not include time involved hellos???) I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well post surgery. I mean what would we do without you? Probably better to not think about it

With Leone I think you’ve implied him kidnapping us. For whatever reason he thought yeah, fuck it, yoink and suddenly we’ve lost rights. What would drive him to do that and what would that entail?

Is that a threat, anon? Do you know something I don't? Should I lock my windows a bit tighter? When you sent this ask I was dead asleep, but I read it in the morning, so I'll count it as a "Good morning" still.

Panic is how humans survive. It doesn't seem that way- humans survive off of calculated decisions to lengthen their lifespan, such as eating and seeking shelter and whatnot, but when it comes down to it, it's all about that one moment. What do you do when someone bigger, someone stronger has you? Do you bend? Do you hit them? You're not thinking clearly, whatever you do is pure instinct- and entirely different depending on the individual.

You can try to guess what someone will do in certain situations based off of their personality, but you never really know someone until you see them in high stress. Friendly, easy-going types can snap and get violent. Serious types can break down sobbing. You just don't know, you can't know. How many cases have you seen of people snapping in their fifties and sixties and killing their partner after five or six decades of peace?

You especially don't know Leone, who takes you in a moment of pure opportunity. There's nothing you could've done to guess that the man pretending to hate you would seize the opportunity. Leone is a very impulsive man. Irrational, impulsive.... He makes big decisions, or rash decisions, when he feels even a twinge of anxiety. To get Leone to the point of no return, he needs to be:

1. manic.

2. previously stressed out about the state of your relationship.

3. presented with an opportunity where he can act on impulse and doesn't have room to think about it.

I classify Leone as a bit of a loser. He's secretive and perverted- but he's too ashamed to really touch you, so he gets off on the fake you.

And, well, there's no guarantee that he took the real you. He's delusional enough to believe that you're just not real, sometimes. It doesn't hit him that he took an entire person until it does. Randomly. On a Tuesday at 2pm kind of hit. He didn't really take you! It's just Moody Blues fucking with him again and replaying you in- in. Something! Maybe this is something from your past!

The delusion clears when you can touch him and respond. Ohh, God, he's done. He's so done. You'll never love a man like him.

The drop after a long phase of mania is tough. Especially after you've done something you just can't take back. Settling into your new home isn't easy, especially considering your captor is too depressed to really take care of you.

Leone probably takes you back to his apartment, foolishly. He locks you in his room for the first few days and sleeps on the couch, which isn't abnormal to Guido when Leone's been drinking a lot. But you need to come out eventually. He doesn't have the luxury of having a bathroom attached to his room, there's only one in the whole apartment, and it's in the hall next to Guido's room. You also need to eat, and any other needs that your body tells you to take care of.

You may think Guido would freak out, and Leone does too, but he flat out doesn't care about you. Ohh, oops. Anyway. He's still not doing dishes. Guido's what he'd like to say is "neutral." He won't stop you from trying to get out unless there's something in it for him, but he also won't stop you from hangin' around, either. He's ignoring you until you speak to him, and if you plead with him, you'll most likely get the same three sentences, revolving.

"Maaaan, that's crazy..." or "Damn." or "Dunno, ask Leone."

Leone's fairly grateful for it, and perks up eventually at the 'help.'

Once Leone's feeling better, he'll give you the pampering you deserve, if you say he can touch you.

Until the next depression hits, and so on, and so forth. Just get really comfortable with whatever Guido's got on the tv for tonight.

#request granted #yandere leone abbacchio

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ageless-aislynn · 4 months

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Okay, I think I finally have actual proof now that I did NOT cause my computer issues. I found a forum where other people with the same make/model and two make/models right next to it all have had similar issues from day one with their PCs. Then Dell revoked all of the previous driver updates they'd been pushing and yesterday, here comes 3 marked critical: BIOS and the Nvidia and Intel graphics drivers, all brand spankin' new (literally released that week or that day in Intel's case) and with the purpose of "fixing bug checks and providing system stability." Bug checks being the official term for a Blue Screen of Death, that is. Normally I wouldn't update on day one of a new release but, well, my computer crashed this morning when I just turned it on and it was sitting idle after about 5 minutes of up-time so I figured that was my sign.

All 3 updates are now applied. If you pray, I'd appreciate it. If you have time to spare me some kind thoughts, to put some positive energy out there in the universe, just whatever, I appreciate it. I didn't realize how much I truly rely on my computer to deal with my anxiety, depression and panic attack issues until not only do I NOT have access to the things I use to try to get through them all, but the computer's switching off at random times has made all of them so much worse.

Yeah, Halo's just a game but it's truly helped me redirect if I'm struggling with anxiety or a panic attack that's looming. Getting really involved in Mass Effect: Andromeda's various romances, making GIFs of them, learning to craft weapons, that sort of thing, it's helped me focus on things other than worrying about RL stuff. I really could use all of those things back, you know? Plus, I was looking forward to so many of the new games I've added to my Steam library. Learning something new can also help redirect my brain when it's spiraling out of control.

And this isn't even to touch on doing creative things like making GIFs, vidding and writing. I'm still working on my "15 Minutes" ch7 by hand but it's so much slower than being able to type it. I was really hoping to have at least this chapter up before Halo s2 starts but I'm not sure if I can, if I'm just scratching away with pencil and paper, not even certain how I'm going to get those words on the Internet anyway.

I mean, just imagine how frustrating it would be if whatever device you use would just blink off with no rhyme or reason, no way to predict when whatever you're doing will just be gone. Sometimes it does it a couple times a day, sometimes 8 times an hour. You can't do 90% of what you usually do online anyway and the other 10% feels like you're walking through a minefield, just waiting to take one wrong step. And nothing works to fix it. Nothing. You spend hours researching, desperate to find The Thing That Will Work and it's just not out there. That's been the past few weeks with this computer.

Considering that my previous computer is ALSO in this make/model line, just back several years, makes me wonder if the issues it began to have out of the blue in October, 2023 are related. I've seen a LOT of mentions in that forum of people whose computer suddenly went bad in Oct, 23. That seems like an awfully big coincidence, doesn't it?

Anyway, just wanted to check in. Hope you're all doing well and here's hoping that I'm now on the road to getting to just... do things on the computer and the Internet again like I used to. I miss it so much and I really miss all of you. Love to you all. 💖

#ageless aislynn #computer problems #computer issues #good thoughts and prayers and well wishes appreciated #love you frens #miss you

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hiddenmoonbeam · 5 months

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yesterday's comphet awards made me think about how i've known for like 10 years that i'm more into women than men, so this isn't the same but either case i clearly needed to write this down so:

i'm 31, almost 32 now, and i've never had a relationship or anything that comes with that. i'm queer, and i live in one of the safest countries for people like us. but i don't know how gay girls find each other. when i finally worked up the courage to try dating apps shortly before the pandemic hit i only had girls as an option because guys felt too scary. i've tried several times. but living in sweden clearly doesn't mean it's easy anyway, at least not when it's in the north because there are so few i keep swiping through everyone until there's no more available. and then you barely match with anyone, and when you do no one speaks first, and when you do talk she stops responding... and the few dates i have been on didn't lead anywhere, because of course it takes time to find the right one, and being on the ace spectrum is so confusing because i don't know if i just need to give it more time but i guess if we don't even bond as friends it's probably not going to change later either...

anyway, so frustration has twice made me add men on tinder as well. because maybe i just need to give them a chance too right? and there are sooo many, so many, jesus, with only girls i had like... "5 people liked you" and within minutes of having guys too there were 99+

so i swipe and i try I TRY ALRIGHT but. men. are so. so uninteresting. i feel nothing. but i don't feel super much about random women either, sure women are generally prettier, it's much easier for me to think a woman is hot than a man, but still, maybe it's the demi thing, maybe i would feel more with time, i have had feelings for guys before so??? (and some specific fictional men are so fine, so maybe, right??)

yeah so. this year (after several overwhelming chats with different guys and one awkward date with one i definitely didn't want to meet again) i ended up forcing myself to date a guy the entire summer. he was nice, and also inexperienced and slow, and he knew i was unsure but i still felt like such an asshole. because in truth i wanted to go home whenever we met. i cried before and after. but i didn't know if it was because i was scared in general because everything was new and i have shit self-esteem and being demi is so difficult when i want so much and i was so worried i'd end it too soon and lose the chance i had + depression and anxiety flared up so bad because of all this so like. everything was shit.

like, in hindsight it's so obvious it wasn't right. it made me spiral deeper into depression again. but i can't really regret it either because maybe i needed this to realize some things, and now at least i've done more than 2 dates with the same person, i've talked with someone about (lack of) experience and how we feel, i've had someone interested in me who wanted more if i'd wanted it too. i've felt excited at the possibility of being kissed, even asked for it finally just to know, and yeah it was just a small peck and it was boring and barely counts tbh but it was something and now i've done that. and i've also had the very weird experience of a guy sitting close with his arm around me and gently brushing his fingers over my arm, and asking if the closeness turned me on... and while it was okay and nice, like he wasn't creepy or anything, i still felt nothing. so while well aware that yeah he was definitely feeling things, i truthfully said "no". which was probably an important experience to have also, to have done that, and to have met a guy who didn't make me feel unsafe about or because of it. because that's another thing, thinking that maybe my hesitations about men was only a fear of ending up with a bad one. and maybe that still plays a part, but also.... god i'm so clearly more gay than bi.

and i think i really did know that already, yet i did all of this anyway, forced myself to try. because finding a girlfriend had proven so fucking difficult, maybe i simply did have to be less picky and more open about men also.

idk how to end this, i don't have a well-thought-out point to make, and i dunno if anyone will even read all this but i'll post it for myself anyway. and just in case someone who ends up reading it feels similar, maybe you're in your 20s or later and feel like everyone else gets to experience romance and sex while you're left behind... well. maybe it doesn't help, but you're not alone. and i'm not alone either, even though it feels like it. just wanted to say that <3

also next time i get tinder im back to only girls.

#the “i want a girlfriend but don't know how to find her so i guess i'll try liking men instead” experience #and #the “i'm gay and demi and dating strangers is horrible” experience #if anyone reads all this 😘#but feel free to ignore it too #it's very personal but maybe it could help someone else feel less alone #LMAO ACCIDENTALLY POSTED WITHOUT NOTICING oh well

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animeshrink · 9 months

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Kakashi - Coping Skills

So, Kakashi, the Copy Ninja, had multiple coping skills throughout his lifetime. Some positive. Some negative.

Negative coping skills and positive coping skills serve the same purpose - to help you cope. However, negative skills help us avoid - the problem is still there when we're done. Positive help us move on and process and prepare for future challeges.

So, first let's look at some of Kakashi's negative coping skills.

Escapism and Avoidance - Marry the job, Detach from the people

One can argue that Kakashi's entire 10-year-stint in the Anbu Black Ops consisted of "avoidant escapism to the point of dissociation." In other words, he buried himself in the dirty work of his village to escape his real-world problems and became detached from his friends in the process. There's a reason his nickname was "Cold-blooded Kakashi." He was a system-made killing machine who was so detached and dissociated that he didn't care about life, anymore to the point where he was hoping to die and didn't care. The ultimate negative coping mechanism.

2. Reading.

Reading can be a positive or a negative coping skill, but it really does depend on what you read.

Negative coping - one of Kakashi's favorite books as a teen. Don't really need to say much.

Negative coping - Icha Icha Series. Let's just say it's "adult material," and the book/series was ever-present for Kakashi. For Kakashi, it provided a form of escapism and avoidance and in many ways was a physical boundary between him and those around him.

However, for Kakashi, this was also a positive coping skill - for people with anxiety, it's not uncommon to repeatedly read or watch something they enjoy due to it's predictability providing comfort in an otherwise chaotic world. So, for Kakashi, repeatedly reading his books is a security blanket. Just the subject matter...

3. Drinking

Negative coping skill - Okay, this was probably the only time Kakashi was shown inebriated/ getting drunk, although he does drink socially in Boruto. However, many fans see him as someone who did not engage in vices to cope, aside from his book, but that was not the case. In this scene where he is drinking with Jiraiya, (white-haired guy in red) he does actually get drunk to the point of passing out. So, he was theoretically a social drinker and it did seem like, at least here, it was his mentor/friend, Jiraiya, who also wrote the Icha Icha series, trying to get him to lighten up and engage in vices to cope. He meant well, and many of us do have friends like that or are that friend. See someone who is depressed, "hey you need to get out, go to a club, lighten up, get smashed." White-haired guy had his own struggles, but that's another post...

*Note, I am not discouraging alcohol consumption, just everything in moderation and for it not to be used as a coping skill.

Positive Coping

Taking breaks to hang out with his best friend and rival

2. Relaxing.

Kakashi loved himself some hot springs as a means of decompressing.

3. Vacationing/Go on Holiday

4. Teaching

Finding a more positive, meaningful profession.

5. Creating his own family out of friends

Kakashi had lost his entire biological family at an early age and it took a while, but he created a family bond with his students as they grew from students to teammates. Their kids even call him "uncle Kakashi," implying he's family to them, as well. Sometimes, when biological family isn't available, whether literally or figuratively, it is okay to create your own, and that's what he did.

6. Acknowledged that he needed help

Okay, so no pictures for this, but in the Sakura Hiden book, Sakura (pink haired girl in the pics - becomes a doctor) wants to build a mental health hospital for the children of war. Kakashi, being leader of the village at the time, the Hokage ( ho-kah-gay), agrees to take money from the Anbu to fund the hospital. However, in the book, he acknowledges that the system did a job on him mentally as a kid, so he's more than happy to let her build the hospital. Of note, just some more cool points for Kakashi-sensei, in the book there's also the discussion of psychotropic meds (e.g, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, etc...) and he agrees that it's a personal choice.

If anyone can think of any others, do share.

*As always, post is for entertainment-educational purposes only. Please do not ask me for any mental health advice. If you do need help, please contact a local mental health professional or call 988, in the US if you need immediate assistance for a mental health emergency.

#kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #naruto therapy #naruto #anime therapy #kakashi coping skills #kakashi needs therapy #destigmatize mental illness #normalize getting help

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schizosupport · 4 months

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Hi Glitch, thanks for everything you do with your blog! My partner and I are parenting a wonderful 1 year old kiddo whose bio mom is living in an assisted living center and has persistently experienced hallucinations and delusions that make her life difficult. She's bounced between diagnoses, making treatment difficult, and because there is no family history of these symptoms we're not sure if it's heritable or not. As a result, it's super important to us to 1) explain the story of where she's living is in the kindest and most loving way possible, and 2) be super on top of things so we can be ready in case the baby does experience symptoms later in life.

I have been trying to read as many first-person memoirs and stories as I can from people, and particularly loved The Center Cannot Hold by Elyn Saks. That's where I learned about the term "prodromal schizophrenia" and the phase of people's lives where they may first begin to experience magical thinking, mood disturbance, or paranoid thoughts before their first "classic" symptoms of psychosis or hallucination arise. May I ask if you experienced prodromal symptoms yourself, or if you have any thoughts on how to best tell the difference between them and the kind of depression, mood swings, and anxiety that can just come with the territory of being a teenager/young adult? I'm trying to figure out what to look for that could be a sign that in addition to depression symptoms, a teen might experience a break from reality soon.

I figure the obvious best bet is "have a great relationship with your kid so that you notice and be there if things get hard in early adulthood", and "prepare him explicitly for things he should look out for and ask him to tell me if he starts having thoughts like being watched, his food being poisoned, or having ideas/images that don't feel like they belong to him appear in his mind." Or do you think that if you had been told as a child that you might have your mind play tricks on you and you should tell someone if XYZ happens that would have made you feel like you were doomed to scary experiences or like there was something broken about you? I don't know the best way to explain to a child that he may or may not experience something far later in life, and how much and what kind of information is helpful as opposed to something that would turn into a source of fear and self-doubt.

Thanks so much for any thoughts you may have!

Hi there anon!! Thank you for reaching out, I think it's awesome that you are doing your best to educate yourself/yourselves about the schizo spec experience as a result of this situation!

Firstly, I'm wondering what y'alls relationship is to the mother? If at all possible, I recommend getting to know the mother. It will first off give you a firsthand secondhand understanding of the type of psychosis she’s dealing with, and hopefully over time, things that have helped her feel better. Second off, hopefully it will demystify psychosis to you guys on some level, so it isn't this scary foreign object that your child might be harbouring. And lastly, it makes it easier to communicate with the kid as he gets older about who his mother is, why she wasn't in a place to raise him herself etc.

If for whatever reasons getting to know the mother is not an option, finding another way to get in touch with adults who deal with psychosis can be good. Psychosis can be very hard to understand for people who never experienced anything like it, but by reading accounts from people who have (as you are doing), and ideally through meeting and getting to know people who struggle with these things, it starts to feel less alien. Or so I believe. The common human response to psychotic people is often dehumanization. Because it's too painful to internalize that this is a real person like everyone else having emotions and experiences that are as real to them as any emotion or experience is to anyone else. So talking to adults who go through life with the veil to the nightmare realm being a bit too thin for comfort, is important, so you don't feel like psychosis = lost child. (Not instigating that you do, just stressing the importance).

So the thing about psychosis and so on is that yeah, so there's some genetic component in here, but as you also allude to, psychosis is many different things. That said, looking at diagnoses, getting a diagnosis of schizophrenia, autism, adhd and schizotypal is more likely if you have a parent with either of those diagnoses. So a schizophrenic parent increases the risk of autism too etc. At lower instances this is true of every psychiatric disorder.

This is all to say, diagnoses are a simplified way to look at a complex reality. But people who go on to develop psychosis, and not uncommonly their direct descendants, often have what could be described as non-specific neurodivergency that can go in different directions. As a result, most schizophrenic people, for instance, relate strongly to autistic and adhd experiences (and some have earlier diagnoses of such).

Kids with this type of non-specific neurodivergency are prone to experiencing bullying etc, which can be a bad feedback loop for developing psychotic tendencies (bc kids with psychotic tendencies get bullied more + bullying causes an increase in psychotic symptoms).

So what I'm getting at is that there's a good chance the kid might face some difficulties in life, and trying to build him a safe base at home and a place to express his emotions and experiences (even if they're weird or concerning!) without judgment, is very important.

To answer your question, yes, I think you'd say that I had a prodromal phase. But in my case it's a bit odd to say, since it happened when I was very young. In kindergarten and early school years, I experienced what would generally be referred to as such. And by middle school I was paranoid and delusional to a classic psychotic degree. In a lot of ways I was lucky that school was very easy to me, and I figured out ways to deal with these symptoms and get through life for the most part until this started falling apart in uni when I was in my early twenties, where I eventually was put in a position where I had to face professional assistance .. This may come across as unusual based on the literature, but I talk to many many psychotic people, and the vast majority of those that I talk to, had paranoid ideation, extreme magical thinking, hallucinations and dissociation as commonplace in childhood. Often it takes years before it gets acknowledged as such, but nevertheless.

So for me, while my dad might qualify for diagnosis beyond adhd (which he has), my (late) aunt was the “big bad schizo” in my family history. My dad told me some frankly quite terrifying stories when I was a child about his schizophrenic sister, about how she behaved, how she was treated (in the 60s and 70s), her beliefs, her suicide attempts and her suicide. As a child I felt a kinship to this aunt who died many years before I was born, but it was equally clear to me that my dad was traumatized by the way he lost his sister, and I was terrified of becoming “like her”. So like. That was not a helpful approach, I can say that much.

That said I enjoyed kinda having her as a weird icon of ‘the other weirdo in the family’ on some level I didn't yet know how to explain. So I think that talking to your kid about his mum is good and important, including her struggles, but I think it's important to do so in an age appropriate manner. I don't think you need to spell out to him that he should look out for these signs in himself, it will come naturally, if he knows his mother was “like that”. If he starts to experience things, he now has words and context to begin to understand what's happening to him. That's the key to building “insight” on a lot of levels. And if you manage to present it as something that isn't a literal death sentence, he may be more willing and feel more safe to talk to you about it too.

On that note, I think that regardless of his mum's condition, it's important to introduce him to the concept of psychosis and associated experiences as a spectrum, so he doesn't assume that there's only one way to be “like that” with one common result. So like, don't specifically tell him to look out for things like whether he is feeling paranoid, bc I don't think that's helpful. But letting him know that his mother struggles with/has struggled with such thoughts and experiences, and it's a type of disorder that has a name/names, and can manifest in many different ways, could be a helpful middle ground.

As for how to tell other teenage difficulties from the prodromal stages of schizophrenia, honestly it's neigh impossible. I would argue that the presence of ipseity disturbance points towards schizophrenia, but I wouldn't recommend asking a bunch of questions related to the experience of self, bc that's triggering as hell if he IS dealing with that .. So I think my best advice is to deal with symptoms as they arise, and don't look for a specific inevitable pattern. There's no real way to know the future, and if you expect Y symptom once you've seen X symptom, you can accidentally push him in that direction. So I think that responding to any given symptom as a standalone experience, rather than as a sign of a specific disorder, is the best approach. The worst thing that can happen is you guys starting to interpret his whole person according to the expectations of a disorder (even if he does get diagnosed with said disorder!). He's always an individual first.

An important note is that it's not like we have any treatment that definitely halts a prodromal phase anyways. People talk a lot about early intervention, but from my perspective it's pretty controversial.

Sure, if you can afford it, it might be great if he has a therapist that he trust during his teenage years, to talk things through with etc. But other than that there's not much to do. I'm not really a proponent of early intervention antipsychotics, and I think the best is to not assume the steps ahead, but just help him wherever he's at. Plenty of people go through what could accurately be described as a prodromal phase without ever developing further, too. Sometimes things just are, and your kid is a bit of a weirdo, and that's fine! :p

On the note of memoirs and so on, I don't know if you read it, but I really liked the book “a road back from schizophrenia” by Arnhild Lauveng, I think it may be a relevant read too. The English translation is lackluster, but it still gets the points across I feel.

At the end of the day there’s no real way to predict if your child will experience these struggles, but hey, that's true for any child! He has a whole life of experiences ahead of him, some good, some bad. And the best you can do is be by his side, and try to give him a safe space where he feels that he can be himself and talk about his experiences, good or bad. And this also includes respecting when he sets boundaries and doesn't want you involved, which can be hard if psychosis is involved. But the best way to keep being a safe person long term is to respect his boundaries, even if they are arbitrary or doesn't seem to make sense based on your understanding of the world.

Just the fact that you are sending this message to this account, I take as a wonderful sign of your investment in this kid and his future. I hope you will love him lots, and he you (and your partner). I hope you have a happy beautiful family ❤️ with or without psychosis.

#suicide cw #long post

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