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naptoons · 4 years

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Official Girl— Zion Kuwonu

Warnings: mild mature language.

Theme: Angst / Fluff ??? I guess I vauguely know the diff.

Summary: you and Zion have been together for almost half a year, but it didn’t feel like it cause when it came down to the public eye, he was single. And you were just his friend.

A/N: I did not proofread any of this so if there’s some spelling errors I apologize, and I hope it isn’t cringe! Enjoy🖤

You and Zion have been dating for almost a year and to your surprise no one even knew expect the PRETTYMUCH members along with their girlfriends. Neither of your family members knew either. You had a million thoughts going through your brain debating which thought was the placebo of why he would want to hide your relationship for almost a year. Don’t get it wrong, your relationship is great, he makes you happy. But hearing him tell the rest of his friends any beanz that ‘you’re aren’t his girl’ and ‘just a friend’ kinda made you think back on the days where you were stuck in the friend zone with him.

Sighing you slouch in your chair turning in your essay. You decided to go to los angles to study for your major. You wanted to get out of your hometown experience new places and people. You met Zion through one of your friends. You’ve never even heard of ‘PRETTYMUCH’ until she showed you a few of their music videos and interviews you started to hone in on them. Next thing you knew your friend bought you guys tickets and meet and greets in los angles.

Zion had his eyes on you on and off the entire time on stage. And boy was he thrilled to see you at meet and greet. And that’s the cliché way you meet Zion and became his “girlfriend” more like “girl-friend” groaning you hop out the bed going to grab a cup of water but your phones text tone vibration on the cherry wood table stops you. Moving towards your phone you see a text from the devil himself. Crazy how the universe works.

[ From: Babie 🤧🧡 ]

Hey mamas you wanna go to a birthday party with me? I promise I’ll stick by you the whole night ❤️

Moral of the story to the last sentence Zion typed was prettymuch had a album release party with a lot of their friends and Zion invited you. But twenty minutes into the party Zion left you and was faded and tipsy.So you ended up taking an uber back home and went to sleep. Zion didn’t get a wink of sleep that night worrying about you.

[ To: Babie 🤧🧡 ]

Hm. Fine I’ll go but you better keep your promise.

[ From: Babie 🤧🧡 ]

I promise babygirl. The party isn’t until late around 8pm so I’ll come pick you up. I love you can’t wait to see your fine ass🥵

Rolling your eyes at his flirty remarks. One thing you can’t knock him for is he always reminds you how beautiful you are. Sitting your phone down you go back to the previous task, grabbing the glass and sticking it on the dispenser filling it half empty half full. Sipping on the ice cold water you make your way back to room deciding how you would kill two hours worth of time.

Waking up an hour and a half later you decided to go ahead and take a shower. While waiting for the water to heat up you grab your phone turning on your Bluetooth speaker to blare music for your invisible fans. First song to come up on shuffle was official girl by Cassie. You place your fingers in the shower feeling the warm water slide down your fingertips. Stripping out of your clothes you jump in the shower.

“You gotta love me in the light and the dark” you sung out loud. As you were singing the lyrics it resonated with your feelings towards Zion.After your quick shower you got dressed and did your hair in a style you loved. Looking at the clock wondering would Zion be on his way yet,It’s 7:30pm and he hasn’t sent a single text or call. Going to your messages you decide to text him.

[ To: Babie 🤧🧡 ]

Zion what time are you coming to pick me up?

Setting your phone back down, you grab your platform boots slipping them on and tying them up. Grabbing your favorite perfume brand lathering your body up in it. fifteen minutes later and you still got nothing from Zion. You launch the Instagram app seeing Zion posted on his Instagram 3 minutes ago a screen of his monitor and fortnite asking for someone to join the lobby.

You roll your eyes wondering why you even texted him in the first place, him and fortnite have a better relationship than you and Zion. You decided to text one of the members.

[ To: Raisin Bran ⛓ ]

Hey Brandon is the party still going on tonight?

[ From: Raisin Bran ⛓ ]

. yeah , we’re actually here where are you and Zion?

[ To: Raisin Bran ⛓ ]

‘Zion’ is on fortnite rn, ill be coming in uber please give me the address🙄

[ From: Raisin Bran ⛓ ]

. I mean you don’t have to come if you don’t want too.

It’s better to have fun, then being cooped up in the house doing nothing, what could go wrong? You though you yourself. Pulling your leather skirt down a little you stand up and place an uber order Your uber arrived twenty minutes later,On the way to the party you have been listening to music with occasionally conversations with the driver. Your phone vibrates, and from the vibrations you know who it is. And you dread wether you should reply or not.but deep down you know you can’t ignore him.

[ From Babie 🤧🧡 ]

Yo Sorry mamas I didn’t see your text.

[ From Babie 🤧🧡 ]

I’m coming to get your fine ass now🥵

[ To: Babie 🤧🧡 ]

No worries Zion lol, I’m catching a ride to the party.

[ From: Babie 🤧🧡 ]

Who’s takin you?

Ignoring his question you decide to screenlock your phone and enjoy the soft ride. The ride was about an extra twenty minutes to get there but it was a pleasant ride nevertheless

Getting out of the car you thank the driver and prepare yourself for the house full of sweaty young adults, blaring loud music and the smell of different strains of weed. Pulling your skirt down a little you walk up to the door ignoring the few whistles and hollers from the drunk guys falling around and laughing on the grass. Knocking on the door you await for anyone to open the door it was starting to get a little chilly outside. “Y/N?” Someone speaks in a puzzled tone. Turning your head around your eyes are met with nick, nodding your head you step off the steps to be engulfed in a hug.

“How are you, what are you doing here by yourself?” Nick questions

“Well I’m not by myself now am I ?” You joke sarcastically, nick shows his cheeky smile while opening the door for you. Upon your sight is a house filled to the rim of people, red solo cups scattered all over the floor, multiple groups of people playing games and kissing.

“Where’s Zion?” Nick asks, while the both of you walk into the kitchen, the constant questions of “Zion” is starting to agitate you more and more. You wanted to have fun and not think about Zion. Because frankly Zion hasn’t been thinking about you. Before you could answer nick’s question soft delicate caramel tattooed arms wrapped around your shoulders with a sweet scent of strawberries and mint leaves.

“I’m here” his voice hones in on your ear lobes, his lips reaching your temple slightly and rapidly before any one could catch eyes on it “hey mamas” Zion’s voice vibrates across your skin.

“Hi” you answer softly not really wanting to talk to him you’d hoped to avoid, nick offers you and Zion a drink grabbing the shot you swallow it down like it was water. Passing the shot glass over to nick for another round.

“Woah mamas slow down okay?” Zion mumbles from behind you with his hands firmly placed on you lower back. Ignoring his comment you drink down another shot earning a “wooo” from nick as he fires you up for your last shot of the day with a slice of lime from the fridge.

“Thank you nick” you smile eating the lime in one hand and firmly grasping the cold water bottle in the other. You turn around to say something to Zion but he’s gone in the back talking to someone. you decide it’s really time to have fun since you’re “single” in the dark. Before you could head over to the dance floor a guy walks up to you with a sheepish grin. His teeth were pearly white and aligned with each other not missing a single space or gap, his skin screamed Melanin “hello how are you?” He asks very politely.

“I’m fine and you?”

“Good if you’re breathing, I was wondering would you like to have a dance? If you don’t mind” he hesitates,not even thinking of an answer you grab his hand reporting to the dance floor. (A/N i thought about the lyric from you by Lloyd ‘And uh, I want all my sexy ladies to report to the dance floor immediately’ lol sorry I may have made you cringe)

you get on the dance floor dancing to the song that’s blaring through the speakers. Taking sips from another shot you grabbed on your way to the dance floor why not? You did say you wanted to have fun. Softly the mysterious man lays his hand on your hips digging his fingertips into your waist. Even though you knew you were with Zion. You wasn’t just going to grind up on some guy even though your devil shoulder told you too.

Zion finishes his conversation with a friend he used to know in Canada, now he was on his way to look for you trying to keep his promise of never leaving tonight. Meeting nick back at the kitchen his thick eyebrows knitted in confusion. Nick not wanting to hear the anger bounce off on him, he decides to point in the direction of you and the mysterious guy. Fuming with vexation, he squeezed the bottle in his hands until his knuckles turned white. Heading over towards the problem he grab you by your arm softly but cautiously. The guy stands back smirking at the sight of a jealous Zion. while you were a bit staggering from the four shots of alcohol you took.

“Hey chill out we were dancing and having a good time!” The guy slurs his words. You started to sober up slightly at the sight of Zion’s muscles in his jawline clenching on and off his knuckles turning ghostly white as he holds in every excuse to lay this guy out with his fists. His face almost beat red.

“Have a good time with someone else not her” Zion excuses the both of you guys away from him and into a quieter location, closing the door behind him Zion let’s out a groan of frustration as his fingers roam through the tangles of his dreads. “What the fuck was that y/n?!” Zion yells but not too aggressive because even though he’s mad at you, you’re still his baby and he’ll never disrespect you.

“What ? I can’t have fun? I mean I’m not your official girl anyways” you slur your truth with hidden sarcasm. You were tipsy and when you’re tipsy the truth comes out. And in the back of your mind you knew once the truth came out things were going to change.

“Y/n what the fuck are you talking about? , of course you are my girl mamas” his tone of voice changes obviously struck by your words, not wanting to look into his eyes with your glassy eyes, you turn your head, not even batting an eye at him, you just couldn’t your heart shattered even thinking of telling him how you felt.

“No I’m not Zion” you choke at your first sentence “I’m your friend, you know the girl who hangs out with you occasionally and comes in your Instagram lives, I’m the girl you say ‘Nah she’s the homie’ I’m not your fucking girl Zion, and it’s been that way for half a goddamn year!” You bark at him, Zion tries to reach for your hands but falls short as you pull them away from his reach “ if you don’t wanna be with me tell me. If you’re embarrassed by me tell me. Fucking give me something I’m tired of being your unofficial girl” you wipe your tears heading straight for the door but Zion blocks it.

“Wait Mamas listen,” his words fall short trying to bite back the tears, his whole world crashing down in front of his eyes “i couldn’t be so fucking proud to have you as my girlfriend, you don’t understand how happy I am to hold you in my arms every fucking day, how proud I am to have you in the studio with me because that’s the only way I can work faster, babygirl you are everything and more I’ve ever needed”

“Zion this secrecy is making me feel like I’m not good enough” your voice cracks filling the room up with icy cold tension. You’re trying so hard to stop crying but you can’t, all the bottled up feelings are just slipping through the cracks. Zion rapidly walks over to you to hold you in his arms. Your brain wants to push him off,but your heart wants to be held until your cries muffled into the music in the background. His slender golden fingers hold the back of your head while the other tightly on your lower back.

“I deserve more Zion, but I don’t wanna pressure you dear, but I’m tired, I’m tired” you speak into his trashed denim jacket. You pull out of his embrace. Walking towards the door, leaving Zion in the room with his thoughts. Passing by nick and Brandon as you wiped your tears, hearing their cries of your names just makes you regret even coming to this party in the first place. The guy you danced with earlier snatches your wrist in a halt just as you were about to grab the door knob, this day just couldn’t get anymore hetic you thought.

“Babygirl.. did he make you cry?” His eyebrows knit up in a bunch, you stumble over the cups placed on the floor snatching your arms at of the young man’s grasp not before you feel an arm around your shoulder engulfing your body into his chest. “Don’t touch her got that? She doesn’t belong to you” he grits his teeth, spitting the poison out on him “oh but she belongs to you?” The guy questions trying to provoke a fight with Zion.

“She doesn’t belong to anyone she’s her own woman, but we are dating and I don’t appreciate anyone treating her less than what she is, so if you want all your bones to be intact and still have teeth to eat with tomorrow I suggest you back the fuck up” your eyes look up at the flushed pinked tint that was painted across his face the slight flinch of his muscles in his jawline.

“Can we leave please?” You plead to him and instantly he grabbed your hand taking you out the party. The ride home was slient. So many things were going on, bottled up emotions were spilled and you just thought to yourself how awkward this would be in the morning. Zion opens the door for you following right after you in the cold house. Taking off your boots you curl up on the bed shaking as the goosebumps multipled on your skin. Zion walks over to you throwing the covers over your body tucking you in like a parent to a kid.

“Can we talk about this?” Zion says breaking the ice, letting out a choked hoarse sigh

“I’m afraid too” you speak barely above a whisper hoping he didn’t catch it.

“Well then listen to me” Zion grabs your legs placing them on his thighs so his fingers hook under your calves “ I’ve never been this deep in love, everytime I get really deep into a relationship something always fucks it up, and I didn’t want anything or anyone to break us up hence why I’ve been hiding us. Specially from the media. It’s a dog eats dog world out there mamas” his fingers tapping on your now timid skin “and I don’t want you to be hurt because of my job, or those whom support and love me, their opinions won’t matter to me I don’t give a shit but I don’t want you hurt babygirl I love your smiles earlier in the morning,” Zion chokes up “ I wanna keep seeing the crinkle in your nose as you curse the sun for being bright, have you re-twisting my dreads, your sudden outbursts of Disney soundtracks”

“I cherish all that shit mamas” Zion finishes like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulder.

Your eyes begin to soften at how raw Zion is being right now. Zion was never the type to show his cards on the table. Everyone knew this. But seeing him fold like a deck of cards really breaks your heart. “I love our date nights where we just watch movies or play board games, cause it’s just us and no one to interrupt us or tell us how to love each other, but it seems I’ve hurt you more this way instead of the other way I was trying to protect you from. I’m sorry mamas” his Cinderella glass slipper eyes lays upon yours, shattering you into pieces

You never thought how hard it’s been on him to hide all of this or his reasons. You lean over to him placing your head on his chest. Playing with his fingertips. “It’s okay Zion, I understand now, I’m sorry for blowing up on you” his lips pressed on your head while his fingers caressed your waist. Your eyes slowly getting heavier and heavier before you could even hear his response. You dozed off, all the tears and alcohol felt like a melatonin. Zion took this opportunity to sneak a picture of his view to post on Instagram for the world to see. Showing you off was something he always dreamed off and right now seemed like the perfect time. “No mamas I’m sorry, but I’ll show you better than I can say it”

The next morning you woke up to your phone constantly blowing up by notifications, frowning you grab your phone deciding to put it on do not disturb until you see prettymuch fan account names liking and commenting on your posts, taking you on stories, your twitter was blowing up. Opening up Instagram you see Zion has tagged you in a post, smiling at his efforts you like the picture.

130,468 likes

zionkuwonu: I'll never diss you and I'll kiss you on your little pearl.

Maybe the talk needed to happen to move onto bigger things, before you could repost it to your story, The door swings up with Zion smiling bigger than his heart holding a teddy bear in one hand and roses and a self care basket the other. Sitting up against the headboard you accept them feeling the water build up in your eyes. “You’re right mamas, you deserve more” he leans over laying soft pecks against your lips. “And I will always give you more” his lips connect to yours again.

“So face mask night and a movie?” You squeak caressing his jawline

“It’s whatever you want to do babygirl” he mumbles, before taking another picture of you with the gifts.

You were now his official girl.

#prettymuch imagines #prettymuch #zion prettymuch #zion kuwonu #zion kuwonu imagines #zion kuwonu concepts

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madamslayyy · 5 years

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Log Cabin And A Brewing Fire Part V (Trevante Rhodes x Reader)

Pairing: Nebraska Williams (Trevante Rhodes) x Reader

A/N: Heading in a little bit of a diff direction with this story. Let me know what y’all think.

~*~

You woke up alone to the smell of breakfast coming from downstairs. You knew Nebraska was already downstairs cooking like he did most mornings. You really were going to have to come up with a way to thank him for going through the trouble every morning.

You hopped in the shower and let the warm water fully wake you up. Today was Halloween and it was going to be a busy one. The museum you worked at was going to be open until midnight for its annual Haunted Museum Walk event it held every year. You were gonna be a mummy in the Egyptian Exhibit.

You didn’t bother putting on your business clothes just yet as you got out the shower and decided to just put on a big clean T-Shirt instead. Nebraska had seen you in pajamas plenty of times so a big T-Shirt wasn’t really anything scandalous for breakfast.

As you entered the kitchen you noticed he was making French Toast, the smell of cinnamon flooding the room.

“Good Morning,” you chirped, wading over to the cupboard to grab a glass.

“Morning,” he smirked, still concentrating on not burning the French Toast.

“How’d you sleep last night?” You said, hopping on the counter next to him while you sipped your orange juice.

“Uh...,” he glanced at you then back down at what he was doing, “pretty good. Just as good as any other night.” He smiled a little confused.

“Fantastic. Just checking in on you.” You smiled.

“Well since you’re here, can you hand me two plates,” he smiled back, nodding to the cupboard next to your head. You reached overhead to get it, careful not to drop the plates and send them shattering to the floor. When you turned back around you noticed Nebraska staring down at where your shirt had risen up to reveal your tummy’s pooch.

“Thanks,” he said taking the plates and averting his eyes but it was too late. You’d seen him and felt insecure now. Weight had always been sort of a tricky subject for you and one you always wanted to avoid at all costs.

“So, tonight’s Halloween. Know what you’re dressing up as?” You said hoping to change the subject as you hopped down off the counter.

“Uh, I don’t really do all that,”Nebraska chuckled awkwardly, setting the two plates loaded with French Toasts down on the table. It looked delicious but suddenly you weren’t feeling very hungry.

“Ohh... well if you don’t have plans for tonight, you should definitely stop by the Museum. They do this Haunted thing for Halloween and it’s pretty cool for first time viewers in my biased opinion of course,” you chuckled, nibbling at the French Toast.

“Actually... I’ve gotta help Tonya tonight,” he said hesitantly. You blinked as there was a lengthy silence that said everything you were clearly thing.

“Oh....,”

“It’s just.... she’s got the two young boys and they wanna go trick or treating but she doesn’t necessarily feel safe going alone so y’know....” he trailed off and suddenly you felt really stupid. Like you’d been missing this obvious thing the whole time and only now saw the picture as a whole.

“Oh, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, you’re grown,” you laughed hoping to lighten up the tension in the room. It did, even if only a little bit.

“Whew, these were so good but I can’t eat another bite,” you said standing up to go throw away the rest of your breakfast and get ready for work.

“Um.... Y/N, I’ve noticed something and I know it’s not my place but... you don’t really eat a lot...” Nebraska trailed off. You paused again. What on earth was he asking? Was this because he saw your stomach earlier? Because this was a question you’d heard your whole life: “how are you still big if you don’t eat?” Or “if you want to get smaller, just stop eating.” Not only had you struggled with food, but you struggled with an eating disorder as well and this was a conversation you simply weren’t trying to have.

“Okay,” you said quietly, moving to throw away the food as quickly as possible. The last thing you needed was a lecture from him this morning.

“I just was wondering... if it’s healthy... to eat so little, I ju-“

“I’m fine. Thanks.”you snapped, cutting him off. You then immediately headed for your room, locking yourself in as you sank to the floor. So he thought you were unhealthy now? You couldn’t say you were surprised, everyone thought girls with curves were “unhealthy” or “killing themselves”. Hell, he was an army man, they thrived off fitness so of course he’d have an opinion on your “lazy civilian physique.”

You felt the tears well up but you forced them down. You were a grown ass woman. The time of breaking down every time someone called you fat was over. You got up, brushed it off and continued to get ready for work, refusing to let this situation get to you for even another second.

~*~

“Everything alright, Braska?” Tonya asked, intertwining her arm with his as they walked side by side, watching her sons drag their enormous bags of candy ahead of them.

“Yeah everything’s fine,” He said distractedly.

“Oh come in now, you know me better than that!” He didn’t. “You know I’m not gonna just take no for an answer, tell me what’s up.” Nebraska sighed but she really wasn’t going to stop until he talked so he decided to just go ahead and tell her.

“I made Y/N upset this morning and it’s been weighing on my mind,” He sighed, looking straight ahead. Weighing on his mind, however, was the understatement of the year. It’d been driving him crazy all day. He knew he always had a tendency to be too hard on himself, something he tried to cope with every day, but upsetting the one person in this entire town whose opinion he valued? The guilt had been literally eating him alive.

You had every right to be mad at him though. He never knew when to shut up, and it often left him wishing he hadn’t spoke at all. And then there was the counter incident this morning. She’d caught him staring at her, which he tried to quit doing but you never made it easy in that department either. You were easily the most beautiful woman, inside and out, he’d ever had the honor of keeping company. You were always so chipper and bright, with a smile that seemed to mimic the sun and a warm overall presence that gravitated everything towards it. As hard as he’d tried to distance himself from you, he couldn’t deny it pulled him in too.

“Upset her how?” Tonya asked, that smile of hers she always wore faltering. She didn’t like to talk about Y/N much and he had a pretty good idea of why.

“I just said something stupid that I shouldn’t have. And now she’s... mad at me,” he grimaced. The two of them were approaching her front door and she unwound her arm from his to open the front door. Her two boys bounded through the house, nearly bouncing of the walls with energy.

“Candy in the table boys, you know I have to inspect it!” Tonya yelled followed by the grumbling of her sons.

“Go wash up for bed, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“C’mon mom it’s Halloween, can’t we watch a scary movie?!” The oldest, Tyler, whined. He was only about 6 years old so Nebraska doubted she would say yes.

“No. Now go.”

“It’s not even a school night! Mom pleaseeee,” he pleaded.

“..... fine. But only one,” the two boys erupted once again with excitement at her caving.

“Still go wash up. Pjs on!” She yelled as they bounded up the stairs. She then sunk into a chair at the kitchen table and rubbed her tired eyes.

“They’re going to be up for week after this,” she sighed, dumping the candy bags on the table. Nebraska sat in the seat next to her and began helping her inspect.

He glanced at the time on his phone and saw it was nearing 11. You were probably home now, in bed fast asleep. And he couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be than right there besides you.

~*~

You were exhausted as you finally trudged up the stairs. It was almost 1 a.m. and you were just getting home from the museum. You opened the door to your room to find it empty but you weren’t surprised. You hadn’t seen Nebraska’s motorcycle outside when you pulled up so you assumed he wasn’t here.

You flopped down on you bed and just sank into the sheets. He was probably off busting Tonya’s cheeks wide open and you were just going to have to deal with it. Whatever bond you’d seemed to have deluded in your mind was completely onesided and you really need a strong kick or reality to remind you of that. The two of you weren’t friends, lovers, anything really beyond roommates. He was here to deal with some shit (that he still had yet to tell you about) and you had to learn to back off.

And so with that thought you fell asleep, missing your human furnace your body had gotten so accustomed to.

~*~

The next morning you woke up alone, again except this time there was no smell of breakfast in the air. You probably needed to skip breakfast anyway, that’s what you usually did before you’d gotten so settled in Nebraska cooking breakfast.

Today was Saturday so since you didn’t have work you decided to go on a hike. You hopped out the shower and immediately got dressed. Just as you were heading out the front door, Nebraska was coming in, the two of you nearly colliding into each other.

“Woah, my bad,” Nebraska said, backing out to allow you to exit the door.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t paying attention,” you said sliding past him. Don’t ask him where he’s been. Don’t ask him where he’s been. Don’t ask him where he’s been.

“Are you um... are you just getting in?” You asked, turning back around to face him.

“Oh uh, yeah, it was pretty late last night so I crashed at Tonya’s.” He said scratching the back of his head. Great, now you’ve made it awkward being nosy. You didn’t know really what to say at this point so you decided to just turn around and continue towards your hike.

“Wait... one second Y/N,” he said reaching out for your arm. You turned around to face him, the height difference between you two causing you to crane your neck up to see him.

“Um, about yesterday. I really didn’t mean to offend you. It wasn’t my place and I apologize if I overstepped my place as a guest-

“Nebraska you don’t have t-

“I want to. It wasn’t right. I didn’t mean to upset you.” You could tell his face was burning with sincerity but you just wanted to move on from the subject altogether.

“Thank you. For that. But it’s all water under the bridge now.” You said and there was silence between the two of you once again. And it wasn’t exactly comfortable so you decided to proceed with your hike, walking away from him.

Nebraska wanted to call you back but was unsure of what to say next so he simply headed upstairs to shower and start his day.

~*~

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#trevante rhodes #trevante rhodes imagine #trevante rhodes x you #trevante rhodes x reader

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thepilotanon · 6 years

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silent patience ii.

Semi-sequel to the first ‘silent patience’ but in Garupe’s POV, which I thought would be very interesting to try out and let people see Garupe’s love for her. Not too pleased by the whole thing, but I do like it and hope you will, too! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

warning: blood, illness and death. religious terms and figures also mentioned.

Francisco Garupe knew he was going to die as soon as he got into the water. He knew death would claim him for his actions in trying to save the last prisoner - for what, he couldn’t explain. He just had to try, to prove that he wouldn’t stop from innocent Christians - innocent people - die any longer in attempt to renounce his faith. He felt himself being drawn by instinct, by Heaven, to pull one last action to show that he would not fall to his knees. And, by the meaning to save at least one life, he ended up losing the other and his own…

Garupe knew he was dead when he found himself in the courtyard of the monastery, back home.

His large hands coming to his chest, Garupe found himself full. No longer emaciated or able to feel his ribs as easily, his nails clean of dirt and clothes of comfortable trousers and a loose shirt that he could only ever see himself wear only within his own chambers. Any cuts or bruises he remembered counting over and over to pass time in his capture were erased, as if cleaned away with water. Swallowing, Garupe looked along the courtyard to all the children running about, singing and playing in the sunshine as everything looked to be as the same way he left it with Rodriguez so long ago.

“Hold on one moment, dear! You’re going to trip!”

Garupe spun around at the sound of her voice. The same voice he dreamt about every night on his mission to look for the Father who brought the trio together as small children; the voice of a woman he could only find himself dreaming useless desires of living the simple life, form a family in their own little home in the village, perhaps a farm or tutoring school. Garupe felt himself grow heavy in the legs at the sight of his beloved Salome arranging a small boy’s shirt, a gentle smile on her lips as she fixed the boy’s hair while informing him of the small holes in the tiled ground that could harm him.

Her soft hands resting on the child’s shoulders for a moment, Garupe held back a cry of her name when he saw the older Sister - her superior - notice something that he hadn’t. Something wrong, but he didn’t know what. To him, even as she sat on the stone ledge of the courtyard with her uniform on, her secrets hidden, Salome only looked as beautiful and perfect in his eyes as she always have been.

“Why don’t you go and fetch yourself a drink, my dear. I will watch over the young ones until you return,” the Sister suggested in a gentle voice, as if urging Salome to take a moment to herself. In comparison to how the older woman treated Garupe and Rodriguez as children, she was so much more gentle with Salome, who was an absolute troublemaker and stubborn little girl. Garupe always feared the older Sister, yet he knew she had that maternal bone dedicated for his secret love specifically.

Seeing Salome look up to her - Garupe remembering that he was now invisible - he watched her smile timidly before nodding. “Yes, Sister,” she agreed as she pushed herself up to her feet.

Garupe watched Salome take one step, seeing her face fall to an expressionless haze before paling underneath the sun. His breath caught in his throat, Garupe sprint into a run as Salome fell sideways with a limp body. His hands reaching out to catch her, Garupe screamed out of fright as he watched with terror of his beloved’s body slip right through his ghostly form. The echo of children screaming and the Sister quickly going to Salome’s unconscious form took over the monastery’s walls.

Standing in the very same bedroom he last saw Salome and spent the night with her, Garupe watched with criticizing eyes as the older Sister left the chambers with the empty bowl and old rags. Leaving the fevered woman alone with her thoughts and the ghost of her lover watching over her boiling body. He was helpless in watching Salome’s legs bend underneath the thin material of a blanket, her whimper drying in her throat as she tried to turn to a better resting position with what little strength she had in the moment; still sore and exhausted of being so hot.

Garupe could remember how often he shared the same, small bed with Salome; how he remembered touching her skin and making her sing like an angel just by using his mouth and hands, the beautiful expressions and passionate tears whenever he gave her his body to give her pleasure in late hours of the night when everyone else was asleep. Sharing tender kisses and sleepy goodbyes before sneaking away to reunite in their occupations during the day…

How much Garupe wished he could lay beside her shaking form and hold her so close, it was absolutely painful.

Salome refused to complain to the Sister, or even the Head Priest of the monastery whenever they asked her how she felt. She only smiled tiredly to them and shook her head, asking when they thought she would be well enough to join the children in their morning prayers again or help clean the halls of the chapel. Garupe frowned whenever she did this, seeing the lack of luster in her eyes and the moments she seem to forget where she was for a split second.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Garupe reached out to hover the back of his fingers along Salome’s red cheek. Despite the major barrier between him and the mortal world, he could practically feel the fever grow underneath her skin like a new kindling. A fire he knew was going to grow more and more, no matter what they could do to ease the pain with natural remedies and medicines suggested by the village doctor.

A shiver took over Salome and she curled her legs more, her fingers digging into the cushion of the bedding, and Garupe cooed sadly at the way his love’s face twisted in absolute discomfort.

“My lovely Salome,” he whispered softly, hating how she wasn’t able to feel or hear him in any way shape or form. He wanted so much to push her damp hair away from her sweating forehead and press gentle kisses to ease her headache. “Please, please rest, my love. You need to rest…”

He watched Salome use the sleeve of her underdress to wipe against her face, as if trying to rid droplets or ease her sore eyes. The moment she shifts again to lay on her back once more, Garupe noticed the seam along her sternum unlaced and pulled open for the Sister to place the wet rags during the sessions of trying to ease the heat hidden inside her. He could see the rosary that she refused to take off, making his lips twitch to almost smile.

By some miracle of his pleas, Salome closed her eyes and fell asleep in some sort of peace, his hands phantomly drifting up and down her curves and arms, letting her breathe through her nose and mouth. Looking up to the high ceiling, Garupe waited for some sort of message from anyone who could hear him…

“Is this punishment?” he questioned coolly, his eyes soft with understanding of his own faults. “For...everything I’ve done against the code, you punish me to watch her suffer? I dedicate my life, and for the single temptation I couldn’t go without is now my own hell?”

There was no answer, and he did not expect any. “You must understand, Lord, that she is not a temptation… Salome and I have been with one another since we were children. She suffered as much as I, and shared many struggles before we both gave our lives to the church. We are faithful to you, and you know this. Please...please, do not punish her. You must understand that it was fate by your hands, not evil or sin. It had been accepted by Father Ferreira in the altar.”

Feeling tears form in his eyes, Garupe looked down to the sleeping woman. “Please...let her rest.”

Days continued on and Garupe was left without the need to eat, to sleep or even move to contain blood flow. He managed to learn more about what he became after drowning, things that he found useful to his knowledge while he watched Salome’s fever rise to the point that she couldn’t register which was day or night or feel the cold water against her skin. His hands would ghost over her form repeatedly, hoping to somehow let her know of his presence - his spirit - is right there with her. Garupe would speak softly to her, as if she could hear, of one sided conversations that were so open that he often found himself crying by the time he watched her fall asleep once again from her exhaustion.

His long fingers tracing the shape of her naked ankle, Garupe watched as Salome admired the rosary he gifted her on her first communion as an official nun from years ago. He loved how she refused to let it go, even in her illness, praying with a small smile as her thumb touched the curves of the stained wood.

“I have often dreamed of a simpler life with you, my love,” he confessed to her with a sad smile. “We would still be who we are, but they would let us have children…”

Looking up to the ceiling, Garupe laid down beside the sick woman he craved to comfort in any way he could. “I’ve dreamt of our children...both a son and daughter. They would be beautiful, like you, my love, with no possible flaws. I wouldn’t want either of them to have my ears or blemishes, but they would have my hair that you would love to groom and tuck back to kiss their heads. I would lift them in my arms and make them fly like birds.”

Turning his head to see Salome stare through him, her dry lips parted to breathe, he exhaled softly and traced his knuckle along her hallowing cheek. “Our children would crawl into our bed to sleep with us, making it difficult for me to touch you the way I love to. Any moment I attempt to have you bare and pleasure you, they would fly in and climb upon us for attention,” he chuckled at the idea. “But, despite that, I would still manage to have you in different places, where we wouldn’t be disturbed and no one would shame us of our love.

“I would hold your hand on our walks,” he continued softly, Salome’s eyes fluttering for a moment as she tried to keep her composure to stay awake. “Kiss you and watch you without abandon as we go about our days and duties with our colleagues. Sebastiao would love playing with our children… Teach them psalms and tell stories.”

Salome’s bleary eyes closed out of exhaustion, and he rolled closer to allow his nose to “touch” against the tip of hers. Pretending to be able to feel her skin with his fingers as he hovered his lips over hers, he sighed. “You would be a perfect mother, my love. I have dreamt of it so many times while sleeping beside you, I had to confess in silence every time I went back to my own room,” he told her with a sad smile. “But, surely you’ve dreamt of them as well at some point. Perhaps you dreamed of our children with my ears, because you always tell me how much you love them.”

Watching her fall into slumber, her breathing sounding like rough winds within the belltower of the monastery, lips parted as her fingers fell limp against the sheet, Garupe swallowed thickly. “Dream of our children, my lovely Salome. Dream of them, and let our children help you relax from all your aches and pains with their smiles and kisses.”

Garupe then turned his gaze up to the ceiling, silently speaking to God for some sort of conversation or answers to his unsaid questions and pleas for mercy.

Red was symbolic to the color of blood. Blood of His son’s sacrifice on the cross, therefore the color symbolizes the martyrs of those who sacrificed their own lives for the better of others…

But, as soon as the very color of Christ spilled from his beloved’s lips in her first fits of coughs, Garupe couldn’t feel any sort of forgiveness of the Lord once seeing how it stained her body and bed.

It was unexpected. Salome sat up on her bed once she awoke from her slumber and coughed once - and it soon turned into her unable to breathe properly as mouthfuls of her life dripped down her chin and down her body. Tears filled her eyes as she tried to inhale through her mouth, choking on the iron-flavored material as she gripped at her chest blindly. Garupe, out of his own nerves, rushed to try and help her, only to let out a roar of frustration when his hands phased through her struggling form as she tried to scramble out of bed. He felt himself tear up at remembering again that he couldn’t do anything.

As soon as her failing feet touched the stone floor, Salome collapsed with a bruising fall to her knees, her hands clawing at her throat before she let out a horrible shriek that shattered his own heart. Her spine bending forward as she gagged once more, Garupe could only watch helplessly while Salome threw up one more mouthful before the door was thrusted open.

The Sister rushed to Salome as the sick woman reached out to hold onto her robes, staining the white lining of the sleeves as she pulled the elder woman down. Salome attempted to speak through her mouth, blood dribbling thickly from her pout as she cried. The Sister did her best to try and hush her blood-curdling cries and push her back towards her ruined bed to lay down, but Salome blindly reached to the collar of the nightdress she wore to still her.

“Where is he?” Salome croaked out through her sobs. “Where is my Garupe?”

Garupe didn’t stop his own cries as he sunk to his knees beside the two, his head shaking as his bottom lip trembled. “I’m right here, my love... I’m sorry.”

Sister only huffed and pushed back Salome’s sweaty locks from her face, holding her cheek on her palm as she used her now-ruined nightgown to begin cleaning the younger woman’s face. “Shh, you are alright,” she lied with a sad smile. “Father Garupe will be home soon, my sweet child.”

“I’m scared,” Salome cried out, trying to push the Sister’s attempt to help her away. She tried to stand once more, only to result the same of falling down. “I want Garupe! I’m scared! Please, please get Garupe!”

The dead priest sobbed as he reached a hand out for her outstretched one, only for the Sister to pull her back and drag her to the bed. He barely registered the other nun passing by for assistance, and ignored how the Sister ordered the other to fetch rags and as much water as possible with Salome breaking down with more cries.

“Salome, stop this,” the Sister chided desperately while the sick woman attempted to fight back. Pinning her red hands back on the bed, the Sister caught her breath as she stared Salome down to submission. “Father Garupe is not here. He is not here, you know this! Listen to yourself, child!”

“I want my Garupe,” Salome sobbed. “I want my Garupe with me… I’m scared.”

“I know, I know,” Sister hushed her, petting her matted hair as the patient began to shiver from the aftermath of the episode. “I know you are scared, sweet child, but you know Garupe is not here. You must relax now.”

“I am cold. I want my Garupe,” she responded, her gaze staring upward with no focus. “Garupe is warm… He always keeps me warm.”

He watched as Sister took a careful breath, her aged fingers continuing to comb through her hair as she carefully shook her head. “I know. I know he kept you warm, darling.”

“I want my Garupe.”

The priest climbed to the edge of the bed, his face still wet and desperate for any signs of being able to touch her, to let her know that he wanted nothing more than to hold his only love in his arms. He felt his soul being torn apart as he tried again and again to hold her hand just once, only to fade through like a ghost. Garupe let out another angered roar as he yanked on his own hair, jumping up to pace around and yell towards the Heaven to be free of this painful event following his death. He couldn’t bear it any longer, being unable to touch or help the one he loved most in her most vulnerable, last state of life.

The Sister slid her hand underneath Salome’s heavy head, pulling her to her chest as she waited for the nun to come back with needed supplies. “I know he kept you warm, my poor, sweet child.”

“I have the distaste for my name. Francisco is the name of my father who bedded my mother, yet I never met him; he left without word to my mother before she birthed me, yet she still named me after him with her surname.”

The sun filtered into the room as Garupe laid next to Salome on the bed that used to be their own sanctuary. The breeze flowed through the makeshift curtain to the small window provided to the tiny, musty chamber, yet Garupe couldn’t feel anything in his current form. He only hoped that the dying woman beside him could relish some sort of the soft winds and sunlight highlighting her pailing body and her sunken face. Despite her physical form of her illness, he couldn’t help but think of her as the most beautiful woman on earth. Garupe had no trouble telling her this whenever she was awake (albeit, remained unheard), even if now he feels just as empty as her face revealed, his love was still strongly bound to her no matter what.

Now, with Salome asleep under the single layer of the blanket provided to her, her breathing so quiet and cracked that it almost reminded him of ocean waves, Garupe found himself spending his time confessing his true troubles and thoughts and memories to no one in particular.

“I remember when we were children, and the monastery called me Francisco,” he sighed. “You became so full of fire with them and demanded that they respected my wish to be called only by Garupe. I remember feeling my heart fly when you did so, saying my name like a song of a lonely singer… I even loved you with all my soul back then.”

Closing his eyes, Garupe bit his lip for a moment. “Even so, loving you, I could never see us leaving the church, no matter how much I wanted to live that life. I would not be able to provide you with any talent outside of being a priest. We wouldn’t live an easy life, yet I know you would stay with me...like when we were children, living in the streets together.

“I know I would love you, no matter what life we would have had together, my lovely Salome,” Garupe confessed softly, whispering as if he was praying to himself. “No matter, I would love you with everything in my power, even in sickness and in health. I only wish I could let you know that I am here with you, my love. I would never let you believe I couldn’t come back to you.”

Salome’s waking moments were of her coughing up blood and shaking, begging to whoever was near to help her as they passed by her marked door. Garupe remained still as he watched her transformation of losing color and shine to her body, her ribs protruding more evident as her belly sank and limbs thinning, all to remain by her side as dedicated as he was in doing the Lord’s work, as he was in traveling to Japan with his friend to find his mentor…

But how he ached to kiss the bruises under her eyes away. To warm her sensitive skin with his fingers and lips and have her cry a different way of pleasure rather than pain. How much he wanted to whisper his love into her ear and heartbeat, and take away all her pain onto his own body so that she may see the children and other sisters who adore her so much. He wanted to stop it all, just for him to take it all away and let the world be at peace for her sake!

Feeling himself space out for a moment, Garupe almost didn’t register the scent of salty water reach his nose and the light tickle of his hair against his cheeks from the breeze, causing him to snap his eyes open. Sitting up, Garupe realized that the bedding he was once laying on was replaced with tall grass and little budding flowers cushioning his body.

Looking forward, his eyes grew wide at the sight of the never-ending sea in the distance, all with the natural sounds of nature of distant birds and waves under a cliff a ways away from the beach. Twisting around, Garupe nearly fell at the way Salome’s body was back to its original form of being full and healthy; the color of her skin returned to a blossoming hue and blush in her new, clean dress that replaced her bloodstained one. Her lips plush and soft as all the bruises to her face vanished like dust, her small hand resting on the rosary he gifted her years ago.

With a shaking hand, Garupe reached to the woman’s other that was resting against the grass with ease. With a moment of hesitating, he slipped his long fingers into her palm, feeling her pulse and warmth of her body against his like he remembered - far better than he remembered from what felt like an eternity ago. His large hand encasing hers, Garupe held back tears as he watched Salome take an easy, smooth intake of breath and turn her head to the side with a sigh.

Looking up to the clear sky - a type he has never seen before but only dreamed with her - Garupe hears the voice finally responding to him that caused his hand around Salome’s to tighten with gratefulness.

A wet smile spreading along his face, Garupe whispered a small thanks before bending down to finally press a kiss to his only love’s cheek to rouse her from sleep.

In a field of flowers by the sea in your dreams.

Fun fact: The point of Garupe’s experience wasn’t as punishment, but because his spirit couldn’t stay away from Salome spiritually until they could reunite c:

I hope you enjoyed this sort of sequel and will let me know what you thought of it. As I’ve said before, I don’t really plan on doing a whole lot with Garupe. Thank you for reading!!

#pilotanonwrites #garupe x reader #father garupe #francisco garupe #reader insert #oc/reader insert #female reader

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chaosbcrne · 6 years

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TAGGED BY: @blue-pincushion thank youuu TAGGING: @brokenweapon, @hcrwish, @bouncepads, @heartfelt-silver, @last-fxstbump

— BASICS.

▸ IS YOUR MUSE TALL / SHORT / AVERAGE ? ...he’s on the shorter side, though I guess not that far off average for mobians/hedgehogs. definitely short compared to humans though, and tiny for a Black Arms. he appears a bit taller than he actually is, though, because his shoes give him two inches. he’s 3′4″ with them on, 3′2″ without

▸ ARE THEY OKAY WITH THEIR HEIGHT ?

yea. i mean i feel like he’s been enduring a bit more teasing than usual lately because of it, but it’s not something that bugs him past that. he spent several years on the ARK where everything was built for humans so he got very used to dealing with his smaller size, climbing on counters and shelves to reach stuff, looking up at people, things like that. his size definitely doesn’t feel like a problem in human environments, let alone mobians’

▸ WHAT’S THEIR HAIR FUR LIKE ?

very versatile, much like his incessant quilling his fur is constantly adapting to change, mostly in temperature, growing longer when it’s cold, thicker when it’s rainy, shedding when it’s warm and so on. it always has a decent enough layer though, you can never see skin beneath his black fur unless it’s been ripped/burnt/cut off, so I guess in that sense its default state is considerably more furnished than that of the average hedgehog

his thicker white fur follows the same kind of behavior, it grows wider in winter to cover most of his upper body and throat and essentially serves as a natural scarf so he can breathe okay even when he’s dashing against sub-zero winds, and it sheds back down to a small patch that barely covers his chest in summer to reduce risks of overheating

▸ DO THEY SPEND A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HAIR / GROOMING ?

not... really ? I’d say he settles for a quick but thorough daily shower, he’s not one for grooming much past that because he already sheds like crazy and that would speed up the process even more ? if anything, he might pat down his white fur a bit because it really fluffs up when it air-dries

▸ DOES YOUR MUSE CARE ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE / WHAT OTHERS THINK ?

he didn’t for a long time, but I think learning his color scheme was due to Black Arms genes may have changed that a little; he doesn’t like the idea of being seen as one of them, that’s why he avoids taking his gloves off around others or show off his teeth much or doesn’t like eating in public, i could go on for a while but basically he didn’t mind his black and red colors and his threatening complex until he learned he got that from man-eating aliens,

over the years i think he’s come to terms with it for the most part because black is real useful on stealth missions and for getting that extra warmth on sunny days and claws can come in real handy sometimes when you’re missing certain tools, but, yeah i think there’s probably still a bit of lingering self-consciousness there

— PREFERENCES.

▸ INDOORS OR OUTDOORS ?

hmm I think he has a slight preference for outdoors just because it’s less confined and ever-changing, but he wouldn’t spit on indoors either you know sometimes you just need some place to take a break and where there’s a limited possibility of things that could happen

▸ RAIN OR SUNSHINE ? both. both are addictive when you spent your early life where you could experience neither of those, in fact i’d say those exact two things are responsible for shadow growing/shedding fur out of season because he’s the kind to just stand in the rain when it’s cold or in the sun when it’s hot just because the feeling of rain through his quills or sunshine in his fur will always be like a bit of a novelty to him ▸ FOREST OR BEACH ? hhh f...f.....beach probably. both are fine but i feel like the beach is one of those cliche things maria especially wanted to experience and talked about all the time so he just have a slightly better preconceived idea of it ▸ PRECIOUS METALS OR GEMS ? im just gonna link you to the lucky charm post that should give you a clear idea ▸ FLOWERS OR PERFUMES ? flowers hands down. they’re colorful and pretty and smell good and are natural. maria would have loved them and also earlier this year rouge decorated the whole observatory in the ARK with them to surprise shadow and it was Good ok ▸ PERSONALITY OR APPEARANCE ? personality. yeah people can be nice to look at but if that’s all they got going for them they’re not worth much ▸ BEING ALONE OR BEING IN A CROWD ? alone. i don’t think i have much explaining to do here lmao he’s just not a people person. small groups can be okay and so are a good few people, like, he can deal with a crowd or otherwise large number of people in one place but he’s definitely not gonna enjoy it as much as just being alone ▸ ORDER OR ANARCHY ? I think Gerald’s (and therefore his) idea of an ideal world was a place where they’re one and the same ? a world where people are free to do what makes them happy, to not be limited in any way shape or form but where such a freedom would lead to people being selfless and generous enough to not throw it all into chaos ? but given that’s not really something remotely feasible at this point order is probably the best options in his books given what he’s seen some people do once some of their restraints were removed ▸ PAINFUL TRUTHS OR WHITE LIES ?

painful truths. unless it concerns him revealing stuff about himself that he just doesn’t want people to know about, he’s always gonna be blunt with people and he expects the same courtesy in return. shadow’s sick of all the lies and insincerity a lot of people go to for no good reason and he’d rather you just tell him the truth head-on

▸ SCIENCE OR MAGIC ? chaos energy is where it’s at. i don’t know what it counts as, i’m assuming it’s something between the two ? gerald, tails, eggman and probably a whole lot of other people managed to harness it to create life or power machinery and such, so it can be useful in terms of science, but it’s also something so unstable and unquantifiable and tricky to control or even understand, and being able to do so is considered a power instead of knowledge - which makes it sound more like magic. either way, that’s what shadow believes in and relies on - not that i expect that to be a surprise to anyone, considering ▸ PEACE OR CONFLICT ? he strives for peace but i don’t think he’d know what to do with himself if that was ever achieved tbh ▸ NIGHT OR DAY ?

either. shadow’s not operating on a regular day/night cycle so the two are basically interchangeable to him, for better or worse. i wrote more about this over here

▸ DUSK OR DAWN ?

again, the two aren’t really different to him

▸ WARMTH OR COLD ?

hmm warmth probably. he’s definitely built to tolerate cold more than warmth but the general concept of warmth is just associated with more pleasant feelings in general

▸ MANY ACQUAINTANCES OR A FEW CLOSE FRIENDS ?

im gonna say like the bbff, points at team dark

▸ READING OR PLAYING A GAME ?

it really depends on the mood he’s in honestly. i’ve explained before(x) that shadow is actually quite fond of reading, but if he’s too restless for one reason or another some kind of game will be better for his nerves. or just, you know, if team dark is stuck on standby at HQ and they’re waiting around to be called in

— QUESTIONNAIRE.

▸ WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR MUSE’S BAD HABITS ? - letting people provoke him very easily - always talking down on people at first - pushing people away 24/7 - not having an established eating or sleeping schedule he can keep track of - crossing his arms all the damn time

▸ HAS YOUR MUSE LOST ANYONE CLOSE TO THEM ? HOW HAS IT AFFECTED THEM ?

hahahaha

oh boy

▸ WHAT ARE SOME FOND MEMORIES YOUR MUSE HAS ?

- the countless hours spent in the observatory with maria - early team dark times when he had good enough days to just focus on his goal and not worry about everything else, probably mostly around grand metropolis/casino park hours, when they were starting to be a proper team but things hadn’t gotten too serious/difficult yet - when a certain hedgehog came back to life and immediately turned to him and silver for additional help. i’ll go into this more some other time but let’s just say that meant a great deal to him - that crush 40 concert rouge took him and omega to - quite a few simple moments spent with his team that wouldn’t have looked like much to many others but that he remembers clearly feeling fulfilled and happy right then and there - a certain night when things felt Bad and a certain hedgehog showed up and made them feel good again - spraining zero’s wrist

▸ IS IT EASY FOR YOUR MUSE TO KILL ?

if we’re talking physically, yes. if we’re talking emotionally,

not as much as he makes it look like honestly. death is something very permanent that has been the cause of possibly the biggest trauma he’s experienced in his life - he does not take that lightly and does not inflict it when he sees an alternative. episode shadow in forces can go suck a lemon

▸ WHAT’S IT LIKE WHEN YOUR MUSE BREAKS DOWN ?

that’s happened once and that’s a drabble in the works so yall are just gonna have to be patient for this one

▸ IS YOUR MUSE CAPABLE OF TRUSTING SOMEONE WITH THEIR LIFE ?

hhh it’s. difficult. but it’s definitely something team dark has earned at this point. literally all three of them have explicitly proven that they would give up their lives for either of the others so it’s safe to say there’s absolute trust between them now

▸ WHAT’S YOUR MUSE LIKE WHEN THEY’RE IN LOVE ?

oh boy it’s bad lmao

shadow is very unfamiliar with the concept of romantic love as a whole so he has no idea how he’s supposed to behave with the subject of his affection. remember that picture where he’s holding sonic’s hand and staring at it and presumably has been doing so for like ten minutes ? yeah

social norms aside what would come naturally to him is a very, very intense protectiveness - that’s his primary response when it comes to anyone he’s attached to and romantic ties would be no different. he would be very defensive of them verbally but also protective-bordering-on-possessive physically

he also pays very close attention, i’ve already said it countless times but he’s an amazing listener and whoever he’s smitten with would likely be someone he could watch and listen to intently for very long periods of time. he’ll never be the most talkative but don’t let that fool you into thinking he won’t enjoy engaging conversations with the person he’s interested in

aside from that i tend to think that shadow would be a very unintentional sap because, again, he’s not familiar with whatever’s considered normal in a relationship. so he’ll be the kind to let the other know he’s thinking of them in various ways or just show up and surprise them with something they might want, all completely shamelessly and like it’s no big deal because if it pleases them why should he hold back ? (of course that’s all in a hypothetical situation where it’s solely between him and his significant other-- if there’s other people involved he’s gonna be a lot more subtle/shy about it if he dares doing anything out of the ordinary at all)

his affection is hard to earn but once you have it he’ll be loyal to you for life honestly

#✮ ☾ there’s no time for games ☽ ↳ tag meme #✮ ☾ step inside and hold on for dear life ☽ ↳ headcanon #do i really need to go into details about gerald and marias death traumatizing him to the point where he hardly believes in kindness anymore #i dont think so

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surveysonfleek · 7 years

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233.

1. Are you related to the last person you spoke to? no.

2. Are your blankets normally kicked all over the place when you wake up? it depends. lately not really coz it’s still winter. in summer, yes definitely.

3. Do you wear an eye mask when you go to sleep? i used to but i got black-out curtains now.

4. Are family get-togethers fun or awkward for you? depends which side of the family but it’s mostly fun.

5. Are any of your friends hoping to be famous one day? no.

6. What do you do if someone way too old for you hits on you? tell them i’m not interested.

7. Can you eat a whole pizza by yourself? hmmm it depends on its size.

8. Do you wear a lot of red clothes? nope.

9. Do you lock the doors? yes.

10. Is coffee better with or without milk? with milk.

11. When was the last time you were at a hotel? maybe a month ago to chill after a night out. i didn’t stay over.

12. Who would you kiss right now if you could kiss anyone? my boyfriend.

13. Are you afraid of the dark, or were you ever? i was as a kid, couldn’t sleep without a lamp on. now i can’t sleep unless it’s total darkness.

14. Do you have trust issues? nah.

15. When was the last time you cried from laughing so hard? hmm recently i think.

16. What are your plans for Thursday? working.

17. Have you had your birthday yet this year? nope.

18. Are you playing hard to get right now? no.

19. Do you still talk to the person you were dating five months ago? yes.

20. Does cuddling freak you out? no.

21. Are your toenails painted? no.

22. Have you ever told someone you were in love with them? yes.

23. Ever slapped a guy in the face? yes actually.

24. Would you ever dye your hair blonde? i have before.

25. Did you make anything to eat today? nope.

26. Do you wear eyeliner? only if i’m going out. on a normal day i’ll either wear clear or black mascara only.

27. What’s your favourite part of the song that you’re listening to? not listening to music.

28. Do you think you’re a good friend? yes.

29. If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? autumn.

30. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? nope, not wearing pants.

31. What was on your mind mostly today? how sick i am and work.

32. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? my boyfriend.

33. Can you handle the truth? yes.

34. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of someone? no.

35. Last night, did you go to sleep smiling? no lol.

36. Where did you sleep last night? in my own bed.

37. Did you have a good day yesterday? yeah it was chill.

38. What was the highlight of today? getting off work early.

39. Do you hate anyone? nope.

40. Do you wish you had the chance to tell someone something right now? hmm no.

41. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? work.

42. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? maybe.

43. Do horror movies these days scare you? at the time, yes.

44. What is the best thing that’s happened in the past week? hmmmm. my days off.

45. What colour is your hair? dark brown.

46. What did you do yesterday? i worked.

47. What are you doing tonight? i’ll probably be in bed all day.

48. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger? When? yeah i was getting annoyed at someone.

49. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? yes.

50. Do you want to fix things with anybody? no.

51. Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? i probably could tbh.

52. Is your hair long enough to pull over your face like a moustache? yes.

53. Do you ever find yourself making up survey questions throughout the day? haha no lol.

54. Who is your favourite online friend? i don’t have any online friends.

55. What was the last thing you tried for the first time? steak tartare yesterday.

56. What was the last thing you said out loud, and how loud were you speaking? love you too. not that loud.

57. What’s your favourite nail polish colour to wear or see on others? turquoise.

58. What was the last thing you learned? idk lol.

59. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? hot. lol.

60. Are there any advertisements/commercials you actually like? Which? no.

61. How often do you visit your relatives? hardly since they all live in either a diff state or a diff country.

62. In your opinion, what is the scariest natural disaster? all of them. but probably an earthquake since it could happen without notice.

63. What design is on your bed sheets? zebra print lol.

64. What is your favourite brand of fizzy drink? coke.

65. As a kid, did you use toothpaste that wasn’t minty? probably.

66. What is your favourite vegetable? potato.

67. Do you have any other countries’ timezones saved to your computer/mobile phone? yes heaps. basically wherever i’ve travelled.

68. Is your username the same for every website? sorta.

69. What do you have in your online bookmarks? facebook, twitter, tumblr, youtube, ontd, gmail, pinterest, hotmail and reddit.

70. Do you have a lucky number? Why is it so lucky? not really. i have favourite numbers i guess but they’re not particularly lucky or anything.

71. Do you set your browser to remember passwords? yes.

72. Describe the perfect burger: a thick patty that’s slightly red in the middle with the works.

73. What was the last thing you made yourself to eat? nutella on toast lol.

74. Do you agree that the nude scenes in movies are generally unnecessary? depends what the movie is about.

75. Have you ever stood on a sea creature while at the beach? nope.

76. What’s worse; speaking in all caps, or all lowercase? caps.

77. What’s your favourite place to go for fast food? hungry jacks.

78. How many fillings do you have? two i think.

79. Do you prefer warm or cold hands? warm of course.

80. Have you ever had a mud fight? nope.

81. When you see people in love, is your first reaction “ew” or “cute”? i hardly notice tbh lol.

82. Have you ever woken up from a dream and thought it had actually happened? yep.

83. Do you know anyone who closely resembles someone else? yes.

84. When your sunburn peels, do you leave it or pull at it? pull at it.

85. What type of food do you find yourself craving most (sweet, savoury, meat, etc.)? savoury. or drinks tbh.

86. Why did you last go to the doctors? to get a pap smear.

87. Are you good at Name That Tune? yes. i think.

88. Do you ever know the people who pop up in your “Who you might know” list? no.

89. Do you ever highlight excerpts of books that you particularly enjoy? no.

90. How easy is it for you to recognise what quote/lyric something is from? depends on the genre and how recent the source is.

91. On a scale of one to ten, how tired are you currently? eight.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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exhumedbyscryingeyes-blog · 7 years

Text

Spring & Some Regularity

Spring has sprung despite the power of a nice macro lens.

I have to apologize to all of you and also none of you since I haven’t written in some time, nor have any of you read anything I wrote previously. In your defense, there’s very little content for you to peruse, but I don’t blame you for that.

Now that, that mess is over with, onto new business.

There is no new business (that is, if you define “new business” as new “business”). Which occasionally I do.

I haven’t been able to work since I finished editing my last project in June 2016; it’s also why I haven’t written since then. An unfortunate catastrophic series of events has befallen me.

June 2016 - Came down with bronchitis, went to the Dr. was given a medication I ended up being allergic to and ended up in the hospital with bronchial pneumonia. I was then given more antibiotics and a narcotic, but as I lived alone and needed to work (living paycheck to paycheck) I couldn’t take that medicine because I couldn’t drive on it. I had no family locally, so my mom said to come up to North Carolina from South Florida for a couple of weeks just to regain my health, I agreed.

A few days later, I went out to the patio to get some fresh air. The medication made me dizzy and drowsy, and I had a coughing spasm which led me to fall down the stairs. I tried to catch myself and my chest hit the post at the bottom. I spent the next week in tremendous pain, but neglected seeing a Dr because I have no health insurance. Eventually, I was forced to as the pain increased. Turned out that I tore cartilage on two ribs (would have been better had I broke them). This meant that I couldn’t fly back to Florida as soon as I planned.

July 2016 - A month into this recovery I started getting sick (stomach pain) abnormally bad and I suffer with ulcerative colitis, this was different however. You guessed it, had to go to the Dr. I was diagnosed as having a parasite (from tap water). They gave me another antibiotic for that.

August 2016 - Started feeling better from the parasite and my ribs were finally starting to heal, I had to get back to Florida. I hardly had any money in savings, but I was using it to pay the rent in an apartment I hadn’t lived in for almost 2 months.

That’s when things really took a turn for the worse. As stated above, I have ulcerative colitis, but had been in remission for 14 years thanks to homeopathy. Now, however I started to get sick, and this time it was a colitis flare. (I’ll write a separate entry on the subject). I’ve had a few flare ups while in remission and I’ve always been able to right the ship with a couple months of herbs (slippery elm, boswellia, licorice root, marshmallow root etc...). Not this time. It was the worst flare up since I was first diagnosed with uc back in August of 1992. I had to find a gastroenterologist.

September 2016 - The day of my appointment, I walk up to the front door, an elderly woman was approaching so I held the door open for her, but I was so weak from blood loss I fell down a slope about 8 feet and into a bush. The nurses helped me up and into a wheelchair. The Dr wouldn’t even see me instead sending me directly to the hospital. I was in the hospital for 6 days. Colonoscopy showed a severe flare, but no colon cancer which of course is great news. They let me go home once my bathroom visits went from about 12-13 times a day to 4-5 so I was given Prednisone and Lialda and sent home.

Speaking of home... I was now broke. I couldn’t afford my apartment in Florida, haven’t been able to work and exhausted any savings I managed to hold onto. Lialda is $1400/mo and Prednisone is a very dangerous medication that is only meant for short term use (generally 6 weeks or less and often at a 20mg dose).

November 2016 - I was taking 40mg, and when I had to ween off of it (which is a necessity) I just got worse, so the Dr put me back on it at full dose, but it was too late. I had to be hospitalized once more. This time I also had C-diff which increased my stay to 8 days this time.

Once again, the Dr. put me back up to 40mg of Prednisone and more Lialda.

He wants me to start Remicade, (chemo for colitis / crohn’s disease) but without insurance, it’s $14,000/mo, another option, Humira is $11,000/mo, but he feels that Remicade is the best option for me. Either way, it’s impossible. Plus now I was taking Vancomycin to treat the c-diff.

December 2016 - I lost my apartment in Florida and the majority of my belongings, bed, furniture, tv etc... all gone the way of a (Storage Wars type fate). Sigh... :(

I had a friend taking care of my car (which has $218k miles on it - we do a lot of driving in the film industry) but now my registration had expired and he couldn’t keep it at his apartment. It was either lose my only vehicle or borrow money to get it shipped to NC. As it was, I was already getting financial assistance from my mother who was recovering from a major stroke and living off of Social Security... imagine how this makes me feel. I borrowed money to get my car shipped.

The same treatment of the colitis rendered the same results....

January 2017 - Hospitilized... again with c-diff and this time for 2 weeks! It was apparent that Dr’s just couldn’t help me; my condition kept worsening, they had no idea what to do. At one point they had me on 250mg of Prednisone / day, and here’s what I mean when I say “they”.

My gastroenterologist works with half a dozen other Dr’s and they all do rounds at the same hospital that I was in repeatedly. I need to manage my stress, yet every time a Dr came into see me, they all said something different, managed my meds differently, it was very confusing and traumatic to my mind and body. One Dr even insulted me. A week into my stay, he walks in, leans over me (gets right in my face) and says: “There’s a rumor going around that you don’t want to leave. What do you think about that?” He wasn’t smiling when he said it. I don’t know if he was joking or what, but had I the strength, I would have punched him in the face. That really hurt; does he really think that I want to go to the bathroom 20x/day? Be in excruciating pain, not get any sleep, have needles stabbing me everywhere, my hands, my arms, my stomach... is this a good time for me???

I was actually insulted a 2nd time. Two weeks into my stay, I was still going to the bathroom 12x / day. When one of the gastroenterologists came in, she said she was going to send me home. I asked her: “As sick as I am?” She then said the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard a Dr say. She asked me how many times I went to the bathroom that day, I told her, she then asked if I can prove it. Are you fucking kidding me? The nurses are very busy there (not to mention understaffed) I’m on a floor full of patients suffering just like me and you want me to to not flush the toilet after I go? Then stand there without wiping so a nurse can look at the toilet? Or do you want me (with c-diff especially) to throw it the waste basket? And often I have to go again minutes later, but you want me to call a nurse in every time to look? Any of my nurses would have called her an idiot just for saying that.

She then released me to my nurses surprise (such as the case when you have no health insurance).

My original gastroenterologist had a specific plan regarding my weeing off of Prednisone. To do it very slowly, go down by 5mg every 2 weeks until I was off. By now I was suffering with very serious side-effects of being on this medication for so long (Particularly, excruciating joint pains) but the level of idiocy and lack of care by my Dr’s knows no bounds as I was released with only 1 week of Prednisone. I then called my Dr. and believe it or not, he refused to write me a prescription for Prednisone (eventhough he knew I couldn’t just stop it). He had officially given up on me.

I was then forced to go see a Primary care Dr. who filled the script. And also recommended I take a better probiotic. Vsl #3 A specific probiotic for ulcerative colitis. (Of course I need to take 4/day and it’s $56/bottle, I can and do get it $10 cheaper through blinkhealth.com I suggest you check them out for your prescriptions. Using this link will also save me a few dollars for referring you. additionally on your first use... search for blink health coupon on google, you’ll thank me. :)

May 2017 - To bring you guys up to speed, I’m not on Lialda (can’t afford it). I’ve been reducing the Prednisone by 5mg every two weeks, but started getting worse when I hit 20mg, by the time I was down to 10mg, I knew I needed to be hospitalized again, but I refuse to go in, not wanting to be treated like a piece of garbage or to continue this ridiculous cycle.

As part of the money I borrowed I’ve been getting over the counter herbs to try and do something positive... I take over 50 pills/day, I don’t know how much worse off I’d be without taking them; it’s kept me out of the hospital, but it’s still not enough.

I went back to my primary care who refilled my prescription of Prednisone, I so desperately need to get off of this shit, but I also need to be on a higher dose to hopefully stave off another hospitalization.

I can’t see my homeopathist because she’s back in Florida. She’s also a Dr, so technically she can’t treat me without having physically seen me within 3 years, legally). I know (I have all the confidence in the world) that she can help me, but I can’t afford to travel. Pay for the flight, a rental car, hotel (because in my condition I need my own dedicated bathroom) plus money to see her and pay for treatment. Sure, it’s a far cry less than what a single treatment of Remicade would be, but we’re still talking a couple thousand dollars (more if you include the required follow up visits).

All I want to do is get back to work... is that too much to ask? And it’s not that easy to get back to Florida, where my networking and connections are as I have no place to live, a broken aged car and no savings. This photo is my mom and I at the premiere of a film that I was the 1st Assistant Director on in late 2015.

So yeah, I apologize for not writing more often (my video editing laptop also broke btw... unfixable motherboard type stuff) so I can’t even take remote gigs. A replacement if I go pc laptop over my macbook is still about $1700. Every aspect of my life has just fallen apart over the past year, I’ve lost everything, liquidated my life, it’s been extremely depressing to say the least.

I’ve been turned down for medicaid, turned down for obamacare, turned down for disability... I know I need to keep at, it’s just hard, I’m bed-ridden most of the day (which causes my back... oh yeah, did I forget to mention the multiple back injuries I have? L4, L5 - L5, S1 & T1 herniated discs, C7 compressed disc, spinal stenosis and damage to my C1 & Atlas vertebrae) which causes me daily pain and is exacerbated by not being able to stretch, exercise and having to stay in bed). I have no transportation, my car is here, but not registered, plus sitting all that time, she now requires work that I can’t afford.

Sadly, ulcerative colitis (even as severe as I have it) is entirely survivable, but not like this....

Spring has sprung, though I still feel like winter. Stay healthy everyone... (especially now).

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