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loukaiitis · 5 months

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Notes and Journal Entries by Kip Kinkel

A compilation of writings by Kip Kinkel. This is for informational and educational purposes only. Post is below the cut.

Disclaimer: the majority of his writing pieces (that have been released to the public) are only available in a typed transcript format, provided by PBS. Because of this, I am only able to include a few images of the original writing. This post will be updated if any new images come out!

Journal Entry by Kip:

"I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don't know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I've become.

Every single person I know means nothing to me. I hate every person on this earth. I wish they could all go away. You all make me sick. I wish I was dead.

The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.

I don't understand any fucking person on this earth. Some of you are so weak, mainly, that a four year old could push you down. I am strong, but my head just doesn't work right. I know I should be happy with what I have, but I hate living.

Every time I talk to her, I have a small amount of hope. But then she will tear it right down. It feels like my heart is breaking. But is that possible. I am so consumed with hate all of the time. Could I ever love anyone? I have feelings, but do I have a heart that's not black and full of animosity?

I know everyone thinks this way sometimes, but I am so full of rage that I feel I could snap at any moment. I think about it everyday. Blowing the school up or just taking the easy way out, and walk into a pep assembly with guns. In either case, people that are breathing will stop breathing. That is how I will repay all you mother fuckers for all you put me through.

I feel like everyone is against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don't: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.

I ask myself why I hate more than anyone else. I don't know. But my head and heart want him dead. He only knows who I am through reputation, and I know he is scared of me. He should be. One bad day, and there will be a sawed off shotgun in his face or five pounds of Semtex under his bed.

Oh fuck. I sound so pitiful. People would laugh at this if they read it. I hate being laughed at. But they won't laugh after they're scraping parts of their parents, sisters, brothers, and friends from the wall of my hate.

Please. Someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.

End. New day. Today of all days, I ask her to help me. I was shot down. I feel like my heart has been ripped open and ripped apart. Right now, I'm drunk, so I don't know what the hell is happening to me.

It is clear that no one will help me. Oh God, I am so close to killing people. So close.

I gave her all I have, and she just threw it away. Why? Why did God just want me to be in complete misery? I need to find more weapons. My parents are trying to take away some of my guns! My guns are the only things that haven't stabbed me in the back.

My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren't I normal? Help me. No one will. I will kill every last mother fucking one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.

Every time I see your face, my heart is shot with an arrow. I think she will say yes, but she doesn't, does she? She says, "I don't know". The three most fucked up words in the English language.

I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don't want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.

I don't want to see, hear, speak or feel evil, but I can't help it. I am evil. I want to kill and give pain without a cost. And there is no such thing. We kill him - we killed him a long time ago. Anyone that believes in God is a fucking sheep.

If there was a God, he wouldn't let me feel the way I do. ....Love isn't real, only hate remains. Only hate."

Essay about love, written by Kip

"Love Sucks

No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.

It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience."

Monologue written by Kip for a homework assignment. This monologue was written for the character Tybalt of Romeo and Juliet.

"But you know me, I loathe all of them. I am no longer blind in my hatred, I can see with my hate. Blood will flow until they are all dead. This was the first moment in my life where I had taken the life of another. I loved it. It dispelled all the anger and animosity I was feeling."

Note written by Kip, confessing to the murder of his parents. This was found on a coffee table in the living room of the Kinkel's home.

"I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry"

A concerning note written by Kip on a Spanish worksheet

Another concerning note by Kip

"Respect Sheet" filled out by Kip

#loukaiitis #kip kinkel #tcc #true crime #kip

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molluskmirage · 7 months

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id like to discuss Badboyhalo and language learning on the qsmp for a moment. A lot of both creators and audience members are always so surprised when Bad says he’s learning then asks him to speak. They can also compare a lot that he’s not trying as hard as Foolish.

I feel language learning is never given the respect at how long it takes to learn. How I began learning was when I realized I had already learned a language once and to compare it to that. Bad is only a few months old in learning spanish. The first year of language learning is being able to make sense of when words and sentences end, your lucky to get a few words in and thats it. Foolish is a year old so he’s recognizing those patterns and is now starting to put words together but of course its through fumbling and a lot of effort, and its nothing to compare to someone who has been learning 5 years or greater. They are both babies. But they are both learning and trying.

there is alot of understandable animosity surrounding why English is the largest second language. An important note surrounding culture (separated from the charged negative) whatever is ‘popular’/forced/expected of you in a culture will be easier to achieve then going against that culture. Having to go outside your culture to learn another can alienate you from your own so most dont, and thats not that they dont care or wont come to care but for anyone across the globe reason is the motivation for learning. Friendship with Quackity motivated Foolish and Bad to learn. Them not knowing prior is a culture thing (again not talking about how its unfortunate on how it is just what is). Both are very happy to learn but again its not something you just say ‘Im gonna learn’ and then know instantly it takes way more time then is given. Foolish and Bad are babes in language learning, Foolish is just learning how to walk and Bad is rolling trying to learn to crawl. And thats perfect!

I can understand the hurt from other speaking cultures as their lack of knowledge comes as a reminder of some awful history, which can be difficult to separate but they are individuals, lovely individuals who are trying to learn beyond the culture they are a part of but it doesn’t happen fast the effort however is the same, they are trying happily.

every single bilingual and trilingual and more on the server is absolutely incredible and to be celebrated! Thats years and years of learning that Im always wowed by and is deserving of more praise then I feel is given. By celebrating those ahead in language learning we can also inadvertently recognize how difficult it is as an achievement and not put such unachievable expectations on those starting their journey. I imagine a lot of folks are starting their language journey because of the qsmp and Id like them not to be discouraged by where they’re at because it does take time but it is possible so long as they stay at it.

so yeah Bad can only say hola, ci, como estas, bein, no manches. And he wont be able to say much more until maybe 6 months more in the future by which point he’ll probably be able to say a handful of words and 2 years from now he’ll be putting together a few sentences. Bad wont be conversational until 4 years more (so long as he keeps at it) but if he does? Thats when all that effort really comes to fruition and is so exciting and you still feel like a dork because you cant talk philosophy or business but you can put together basic conversation and wow looking back to when you began its incredible, and learning accelerates so much faster beyond year 5 thats when its really exciting!

language learning is no small feat. keep at it and celebrate where you’re at because so long as you keep trying you will get there it just takes time :)

#Badboyhalo qsmp language learning

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bambirex · 10 months

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Tell It With Your Heart

Pairing: Geraskier

Characters: Jaskier/Dandelion, Geralt of Rivia

Additional tags: fluff, tooth-rotting fluff, acts of kindness, soft Geralt of Rivia, soft Jaskier/Dandelion, getting together, domestic fluff, friends to lovers

Word count: 2,504

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: While Jaskier always says what's on his mind, Geralt works a little differently. That doesn't mean he cannot tell Jaskier how he feels - he just does that without words.

Author's notes: for @wren-of-the-woods!! Wren, dear, we've talked so much about the different love languages the Witcher characters would have, and we both agreed Geralt's would be acts of service, so I had to gift this to you! I hope you'll like it, thank you so much for brainstorming with me ❤️

It's really nice finally being back with some fluff! There's a scene that might be familiar to some as it's directly taken from the Spirit cartoon hehe

Read on Ao3

Geralt wasn't a man of many words, Jaskier was well aware of that. For the first few months that they've spent traveling together, Jaskier was mostly met with grunts and an awful lot of "hm"s, and if Geralt has graced him with a sentence consisting of more than three words, Jaskier was practically over the moon.

It wasn't because he was dumb as many people believed witchers to be: Geralt was very intelligent, he was just simply very closed-off. He had many walls pulled up around his heart, protecting him from the harshness of the world. Armor on his body and on his soul, Jaskier mused about it one day.

It took a while for Jaskier to understand Geralt. The bard was very talkative, has been that way all his life: he's talked his way out of the worst situations, has seduced his lovers with his kind words, and has made himself a name with his poetry. For him, it was hard to imagine there were ways to talk without using words, until he met Geralt.

That was why he needed some time to put the pieces together after the first time Geralt has returned with two rabbits dangling over his shoulders one day.

It was a couple of months after Jaskier's joined Geralt on the path. Money was scarce, and so the food was too, and Jaskier may have complained a little about being hungry. Geralt has growled at him that if he wanted to eat, he was more than welcome to go and find food for himself. Jaskier decided it was wiser if he didn't do that on his own.

When Geralt told him to stay in one place while he disappeared into the woods, Jaskier was sure Geralt has left him behind. He cursed himself for being so stupid to whine about being hungry while he knew right well that Geralt was working his ass off trying to gather enough for the both of them. Now he really did it, he annoyed Geralt to the point that he wouldn't come back for him.

But Geralt returned, with one tiny, scrawny rabbit and a large, fat one. He did not say a single word, he just sat down on a tree trunk and started skinning them. Jaskier stood there confused, anxiously rubbing his fingers together while Geralt got to cooking the meat.

Once he was done, he handed Jaskier the much bigger rabbit. It smelled deliciously, and Jaskier noticed that Geralt cooked his rabbit so much better than his own, Jaskier's meat being pink and juicy, while Geralt's looking bony and half raw.

"We can share mine, I won't be able to eat all of this anyway," Jaskier offered. Geralt shook his head, not even looking up as he started tearing at his own food.

"You need it more than me," was all he said. Jaskier tried a couple more times, but Geralt refused his offer.

"Thank you," Jaskier said softly when they were done eating. His stomach was full, and he felt warm and comfortable. Maybe it was the post-lunch daze that made him see things that weren't there, but it seemed like Geralt looked satisfied as he watched Jaskier rest a hand on his full belly.

The night was cold, possibly the coldest all winter. They were refused from every single inn. Things seemed more hopeless than ever, and the night was slowly creeping up on them. Jaskier pulled his furs tighter around his body, his teeth chattering loudly as they wandered around, trying to find a place to rest.

They eventually found a tiny stable. It was an old, ragged building, not very warm and the hay was dusty and dry, but it was better than nothing.

Geralt placed both their blankets over the hay, then gestured at Jaskier to lie down on them. Jaskier raised an eyebrow in question.

"What about you?"

"Lie down, Jaskier."

Jaskier did, but his confusion remained as Geralt took his own fur off and laid it over him.

"Geralt, you're going to be cold," Jaskier protested. He tried to hand the fur back, but Geralt threw it back at him.

"Burrow in," Geralt said. He leaned down and wrapped the furs around Jaskier as tight as he could, cocooning him until he was as warm as he could be. "It's only going to get colder. I'll be okay."

"Geralt," Jaskier sighed, "please. I don't want you to freeze to death. At least... come a little closer, then?"

Jaskier could swear he saw a hint of a blush on Geralt's cheeks. The witcher hesitated for a moment before he lay next to Jaskier, shifting close enough that their sides touched.

It was the best sleep Jaskier has gotten in weeks. He felt safe and warm against Geralt's side, who seemed to have shifted even closer to him during the night. Jaskier didn't mind, not even a little bit.

"Oh, this is really pretty," Jaskier sighed dreamily, "very lovely."

"It would look marvelous on you," the vendor mused as he held up the necklace for Jaskier. The thin golden chain glimmered in the candlelight. The medallion, forming a tiny bird, dangled off the vendor's hand.

"That's so kind of you to say, but it's a bit expensive," Jaskier sighed. He fell in love with that necklace the second he's laid his eyes on it, but they weren't here to buy jewelry with the small amount of coins they had. Geralt was browsing the shelves for the necessary supplies they needed for the path. He had his back to Jaskier, but Jaskier was sure he was rolling his eyes over Jaskier's ridiculous love for pretty jewelry.

Jaskier tried not to show his disappointment when they left the shop. He stared down at his boots and bit his lip, imagining how that necklace would have looked on him.

They barely even made a few meters when Geralt abruptly turned around.

"I forgot something," he said, all but storming back in the shop.

He was back soon, holding a tiny bag in his hand. Jaskier eyed it curiously.

"What is it? Something for Roach?"

Geralt cleared his throat a little awkwardly before he squeezed out a "no". Then, he gave the bag to Jaskier.

"It's mine?"

"It's yours."

"Well, that should be interesting," Jaskier chuckled softly as he peeled the bag open. He let out a loud gasp when he saw what was inside.

"Geralt..." Jaskier whispered, his throat constricting around the words. "You shouldn't have..."

"I know you liked it," Geralt replied. He didn't look at Jaskier, instead stared at a small rock on the ground. He kicked it, watching it roll away as if it was the most interesting thing he has ever seen. "So, there."

Jaskier suddenly didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted to run back to the shop and give it back, he wanted to berate Geralt for spending so much on something so useless, but he also wanted to sob and throw himself into Geralt's arms.

He did the latter, clutching Geralt so hard that the witcher let out a surprised huff. Jaskier buried his face in Geralt's neck, his eyes welling up with tears.

"I don't know why you're being so kind to me," Jaskier whispered, "you shouldn't have to do all this for me."

"I should," Geralt said. He brought up a hand and placed it onto Jaskier's back, a slightly awkward but very endearing attempt at a hug. "You're welcome."

Jaskier sat in the grass, scribbling in his notebook while Geralt sat next to him, working on his bestiary. It was a nice and comfortable way to spend time together: just being close to each other, both working on their own thing while not having to be alone. As years have passed, Jaskier has learned to appreciate these moments. He used to think of them as boring, awkward silence, but now he understood just how precious it was to be together like this.

He glanced over at Geralt. The witcher was deeply lost in his thoughts, a furrow between his brows, his face half-covered by his hair. Jaskier felt his heart flutter just looking at him.

Geralt must have sensed he was staring, because he looked up, shooting Jaskier a questioning look. Jaskier quickly looked away, redirecting his eyes upwards to the tree above them and pretending like he hasn't been staring at Geralt for the past few minutes- and the past decade, really.

He spotted a beautifully ripe apple on one of the branches above him. It was harsh red and perfectly round. Jaskier could imagine the taste of it on his tongue.

"When I was young," he started, speaking more to himself than Geralt, "I would always pick at fruits while I was working on a song. I would lie belly down on the grass, scribbling with one hand and stuffing my face with the other."

"Did it help you create better?"

"I don't know. It was a nice habit. And at least I didn't forget to eat while I was writing. I tend to do that."

"I know," there was an almost soft tone to Geralt's voice. It made Jaskier smile.

Jaskier peered up at the apple again. It sat on a high branch, and there was no way Jaskier would have reached it, even if he jumped for it. He decided he'd rather just wait until a fruit fell on the ground.

He picked up his notebook again. He didn't manage to write the next sentence down, because from the corner of his eye, he saw a quick movement that made him look up.

Jaskier's jaw dropped when he saw Geralt jumping up so high, it looked like he was practically flying. Taking good advantage of his advanced strength and reflexes, Geralt grabbed the apple from the branch before he landed again on the ground with a soft thud.

He opened his palm and showed the apple to Jaskier, making him snort.

"Way to humiliate me, Geralt," Jaskier rolled his eyes, "I'm sorry I can't fly. I didn't even know witchers could do that. Eh. Show-off."

"No," Geralt reached out again. "I got it for you."

"For me?" Jaskier whispered in awe. He stared at the apple in Geralt's hand, then up at Geralt. He blinked at him in surprise. Geralt hummed.

"Do you not want it?"

"I do," Jaskier replied. The muscles in his face ached as his lips curled into a wide smile. His heart swelled so big in his chest, he was worried it would burst. "But only if I can share it with you."

"Alright," Geralt concluded. His own lips twitched into a smile as he reached into his satchel, looking for a dagger.

Their knees touched as they sat, passing apple slices between each other. Once again, Jaskier found it hard to look at anywhere but Geralt's face, that lovely face that looked so content now, Jaskier wished he could kiss it.

The years have officially caught up to Jaskier. He wasn't old, not by any means, but he wasn't exactly young either. He started to tire out easier, his legs aching after having to walk so long. His joints often creaked and popped when he stood up, and to his absolute horror, he even noticed a gray hair at his temple.

"I don't mean to complain... well, I kind of do. I know it must be hard being a witcher but at least your lower back doesn't try to kill you if you sit a little weird for a few minutes!"

Jaskier groaned as he sunk into the water. The warmth felt heavenly for his tired bones, his cramping muscles easing up slowly as he leaned back in the tub. He rested his head against the edge, letting out a big sigh.

"And I'm only thirty-five!"

"You're thirty-eight, Jaskier."

"It's awfully rude to bring up a lady's age, Geralt!"

"You brought it up first. And you're not a lady."

"No, I'm an old man," Jaskier whined pathetically, closing his eyes. "I'm withering away."

His eyes snapped open again when he felt a touch against his shoulder. He twisted around to see Geralt standing behind the tub.

"Relax," Geralt told him. Before Jaskier could ask what he meant, Geralt pressed his thumb into a sore spot gently, making Jaskier keen in his throat.

"Heavens," he sighed, "this is incredible."

Geralt hummed, a pleased little sound. He ground the heel of his hand into the knots in the back of Jaskier's neck, drawing content little noises out of him.

Jaskier couldn't help but grin when he smelled the chamomile oil. He wanted to make a joke about the tables turning, but he could only manage a blissful moan when Geralt massaged the oil into his skin.

"You know, you do an awful lot of things for me," Jaskier pointed out. "You take care of me a lot."

"You take care of me as well."

"Yes, but it's different for you, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been thinking," Jaskier admitted. He let out another happy sigh as Geralt rubbed over his shoulder. "I had a lot of time to do that in the past fifteen years or so. You're not very talkative. Sometimes, when you're in the right mood, you talk a bit more. But even then, not as much as me."

Jaskier could hear the grin in Geralt's voice when he said "No one can talk as much as you."

Jaskier snorted. "Alright, maybe the comparison is a little unfair. But my point is, I've told you many times that I love you. You just never seemed to hear me. And I was wondering if it was because you didn't want to hear it, or because your way of telling me is much different."

Geralt's hands stilled. Jaskier turned back, glaring up into amber eyes.

"You're doing all of this for me, buying me things, feeding me, spoiling me, because you don't know how else to tell me."

He reached for Geralt's hand. He smiled when Geralt - even though a little tentatively - laced their fingers together.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to understand your language," Jaskier said softly, "but I get it now. I mean... I get it, right? Oh, gods, it would be very awkward if I misinterpreted this and..."

He didn't get to finish his rambling as Geralt pressed their lips together, his hand still holding Jaskier's. Jaskier felt like melting into the warm water as Geralt kissed him, a little too careful for Jaskier's taste, but so perfectly like no one else could.

"Are you happy?" Geralt asked as he pulled back. Jaskier definitely didn't just imagine the flush on his cheeks this time.

"Very," Jaskier grinned. He kissed the back of Geralt's hand, holding it against his cheek for a moment. "I love you."

Geralt leaned down to kiss him again, carding his fingers through Jaskier's damp hair. Very quietly, very gently, he said the same thing against Jaskier's lips.

#geraskier #the witcher fanfiction #the witcher fic #my fic #geraskier fanfiction #geraskier fic #jaskier #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier

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wen-kexing-apologist · 9 months

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Body Language in La Pluie Ep 12

I told @bengiyo the other day that I didn’t know that I had much more to say on La Pluie, because I thought the show was perfect and when it’s perfect I don’t have a lot fo analysis to write up at the very end.

“For you, Captain Hands, who writes 20,000 word essays, that is unacceptable”

But I was truly at a loss for what I could talk about because this whole show was phenomenal and I was seeing such good meta coming out from so many other people, I felt like most of it was covered. So I consulted the clowns and they were like “baby you’re a one trick pony, you know what you need to write about…body language,” and I went ��oh yeah you’re right!”

So here is a breakdown of the body language in the two confession scenes in Episode 12: Tien and Lomfon, Tai and Patts.

Tien and Lomfon

Judging for the sheer number of gifs of this moment, it appears Tien and Lomfon’s reconciliation and kiss was universally beloved in the fandom. And I can understand why because it is

Fucking

Good

Because Suar is

Fucking

Good

And because Copter is delivering his best performance of the show.

So let’s just jump right in, I want to start at the very beginning of this confession because there is a lot happening in the classroom itself. The scene opens with the film teacher calling Lomfon’s name, and asking if he is ready to present. The camera cuts to a semi-close up of Lomfon’s face:

Now, generally speaking, I think Copter has a long way to go in his acting, particularly around how mobile he makes the lower half of his face, because he rarely tends to move it. But it cannot and will not be denied, that Copter has some truly expressive eyes and Lomfon’s anxious energy does bleed through in the way he sets his jaw, his shoulders, how his eyes are shining. Up until this point, Lomfon has approached almost every single possible romantic moment completely wrong, and fucked with the lives of Tien, Tai, and Patts for the sake of better understanding his own feelings. He realizes that he likes Tien, he knows Tien likes him, or that he did at one point and that he may have fucked that up. So he has absolutely no idea what this is going to do, if it will help or hurt, but he has to try it anyway, so the movie starts to play.

Tien, notably, is very intentionally looking at the ground. He will not meet Lomfon’s eye, he will not seem interested in the film, he will not give Lomfon the time of day. Lomfon blew up three people’s lives, and didn’t seem all that remorseful about it. The film starts, and a compilation of Tien’s radiant smile graces the scene, and Tien is for the first few moments, completely unaware. That is, until the rest of the class starts visibly, physically reacting to what is airing on screen. At which point Tien risks a tentative glance towards the screen…

And sees himself over and over and over again, in so many private little moments that Lomfon has captured. And where first his eyes were transfixed on the floor, they are now transfixed on the screen. Everyone in the entire classroom has turned their eyes away from the screen and straight towards Tien, and Tien and Lomfon become the only two people in the room that are watching the movie.

The film continues, unrelenting clips of Tien as seen through Lomfon’s eyes, and though Lomfon told Tien he would show him he cares through his actions, that is not what Tien needs. And there is a moment, though it is small, where you can see Tien’s anger/frustration click in to place.

It’s right here, in the inhale, in the setting of his jaw, slightly crooked as he continues to process exactly what he is seeing, exactly what Lomfon has done. And he pries his eyes away from the screen, slowly meets Lomfon’s eye for the first time since their fight, and does not break eye contact until his friend leans over and asks the question “Tien, how come you’re the thing from Lomfon’s heart?” at which point the spell is broken, the anger boils over, and Tien, being the third child who has his head on straight and is used to suppressing his own emotional state, rockets out of the room with a bitter, half-assed “I have to use the bathroom” excuse everyone can see through.

This is not the reaction that Lomfon was expecting based on the way his body is turned to face Tien, the way his jaw has dropped just a touch, the way his eyes are glued to Tien and following him out the door. Lomfon is clearly surprised and slightly distressed to see Tien flee the room like that, clearly upset, and he is up and running after him within a few seconds, determination setting in his face.

Tien is hustling, even as Lomfon is running after, even as Lomfon is calling his name hurried and slightly panicked. It is not until Lomfon calls out “Don’t go” that Tien stops, but not for long. He pauses just long enough to decide whether or not he is going to read Lomfon the riot act, or just walk away and hope that ends the conversation forever. Tien spins on his heel and starts swinging right out of the gate.

“Why did you do that?” and his weight shifts a lot as he settles into place, and Lomfon matches his energy, also shifting around a lot as he grinds to a halt.

“That’s the topic ‘A message from the heart’”

Tien is pissed now, like well and truly pissed. Even in the rain, even after Lomfon blew apart his brother’s life, Tien was calm, even-keeled, almost withdrawn when it came to his own pain. He was loud and aggressive, and very clearly livid when it came to what Lomfon did to Tai and Patts, but when Lomfon shouted in his face “I want to know my heart. I want to know who I like, what does that have to do with you?” his disappointment was palpable, but he responds in the softest voice ever.

Here though, it is time for him to be mad on his own behalf: “Then why was I in your video? What are you going to say?”

And Lomfon does look upset, and slightly vulnerable in this moment in the way his mouth is open, in the way his eyes are laser focused on Tien, in the way his eyebrows are slightly crooked like he is furrowing his brow: “I already told you, I would show you with my actions” because that is supposed to be obvious. I mean, Lomfon blatantly told Tien this before he ever showed the film.

But that is the wrong answer. Tien, frustrated, turns back around to storm off because as @neuroticbookworm has already discussed, conversation is what needs to happen, not grand gestures. Grand gestures from Lomfon are what got everyone in to the messes they are in, grand gestures are not what is going to get him out. Tien will not entertain grand gestures in the slightest.

“I did this because I like you!” Lomfon shouts to Tien’s back, and that’s what gets him to pause.

And my refusal to learn how to make gifs bites me in the ass because Suar absolutely demolishes a micro-expressive face journey in this scene, there are at least four internal monologues Tien is cycling through as he listens to Lomfon’s speech. There is surprise, suspicion, annoyance, and slowly, slowly he begins to soften, and soften, and soften as Lomfon continues to say the right things. Like, legitimately, seriously I feel like I can tell when Tien’s stomach twists and heart picks up from the way Suar is moving his face.

Which leads us to the best bit of acting that Copter has done the entire show:

“I know that I like you. I like you very much. I like you so much that I don’t know what to do. I like you so much that I think if I don’t tell my feelings to you, I will regret it for the rest of my life” and he says the whole thing in tears. His face crumpling, his lip trembling, his eyes red. Tien’s back is turned throughout the monologue but he too is fighting back tears, because he can hear Lomfon’s voice, he can hear it waver and crack, he can hear Lomfon sniffling. And the camera reinforces that by cutting to Tien’s turned back twice during the monologue, his face moving almost imperceptibly as he listens, really listens to what Lomfon has to say.

And when Lomfon falls silent, Tien turns to face him.

I think it was @kyr-kun-chan who said “I like that when Tien turns around I can’t tell if he is going to kiss Lomfon or punch him” and honestly same. Like, looking at Tien’s face here, his eyes don’t match his mouth. His mouth is soft, slightly open, willing to forgive Lomfon, but his eyes don’t have their typical shine. There is a seriousness in them we haven’t seen that often. Tien is thinking, he is processing, he is calculating, and then the camera pans out to a wide shot.

Which makes me crazy over the costuming and positionality. Tien and Lomfon stand in completely the opposite places as where they sit in the classroom. Tien stands so that his entire chest is exposed to the audience, but closed off to Lomfon. Lomfon stands so that his whole chest is exposed to Tien, but closed off from the audience because Lomfon is pouring his heart out to Tien, and Tien is keeping his own reactions to Lomfon’s confession to himself.

Tien’s face crumples and he barrels towards Lomfon, and similar to @kyr-kun-chan, Lomfon does not seem particularly certain whether he is about to have lips or a fist planted on him.

Eyes transfixed on Tien’s face, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to decipher the look on Tien’s face, eyes still red cause he’s been crying, and then BOOM:

I am sure everyone has seen this kiss scene a million times, either rewatching the scene or reblogging the gifs, so I am not going to talk about the kiss, BUT I WILL TALK ABOUT THE HANDS BECAUSE I AM SO INTRIGUED BY HOW THEY HANDLED THE HANDS IN THIS KISS.

So obviously, we start with the moment above, where the kiss itself is the center/focal point, but Tien’s hand is completely visible. His fingers comfortable and curled, and digging in to Lomfon’s neck to stabilize him from the force of the kiss. Tien sinks lower, because he is shorter, and his hand helps keep Lomfon pressed against him as he settles. And that is all well and good, and I love the shape Tien’s fingers make here. But then we get to some shots that are truly a marvel to me, they confused the hell out of me in the best possible way, in the way that makes me want to question the cinematographer because the next time the camera focuses on something other than the actual kiss, we get close ups, but these close ups are of a shoulder and a back. The only thing truly interesting to look at in those shots, to me at least, is the hands. But the hands are cut off. We don’t see Lomfon’s fingers at all, we don’t see precisely the way that he is holding Tien in the way that we see how Tien is holding Lomfon.

And it is fascinating to me, that the close ups cut off Tien’s fingers, like we see his thumb stroke Lomfon’s back a little, we see Tien’s hand move up Lomfon’s shoulder and further out of frame. And it intrigues me so much, because when Tai and Patts have their kisses, their hands are constantly visible, you can see it when Tai squeezes Patts’ back, you can see it when Patts scratches Tai’s back, you can see it when Patts is grabbing at whatever piece of skin he can so he can steady Tai on his lap while he kisses down his chest. But here, Tien and Lomfon’s hands are rarely completely visible. In fact, when never see Lomfon’s entire hand during the kiss, one is out of frame for most of it, with his fingers flat and therefore barely visible across Tien’s shoulder blade, the other buried in Tien’s hair so deep you can’t see anything.

And Tien’s hand(s) are only completely visible when the camera pans out on the kiss, rather than when it pushes in on their bodies.

Which works so well for me, because it is so counter to Tai and Patts. As I said, when Patts and Tai make out, their hands are always visible, the camera pushes out to a wide shot and their bodies are making beautiful shapes. But that isn’t happening here, when the camera does a wide shot, Tien and Lom are standing pretty straight, with some distance between their bodies. They aren’t playing around too much with sensation, and with the reveal at the end of a possible sequel, it makes sense that we wouldn’t see a fully formed picture of what intimacy between Lomfon and Tien looks like.

What we do get to see, however, is how Tien and Lomfon are personally impacted by this kiss, by this confirmation of their mutual interest in one another:

gif by @piningintrovert

GOD I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE LOOK ON TIEN’S FACE WHEN THEY FINALLY PART. The way his eyebrows furrow, the bliss on his face, that Oh. moment when Tien realizes how good it felt. The way Lomfon smiles and the way Tien beams and how Lomfon, having learned his lesson, tells Tien that he’s happy, tells Tien he will have to get used to him smiling, tells Tien he will see that smile every day. You know communicates.

In summary, this is a beautifully handled, beautifully performed scene and I want to give mad props to Suar and Copter for how they navigated this moment.

Tai and Patts

Now let’s talk Title and Pee, or rather Tai and Patts during Tai’s confession, which was another beautiful performance by our two leads. A truly underrated moment that I don’t see getting enough love from the fandom considering I have seen a total of one gifset of it, and because it is the most perfect confession Tai could ever give to Patts.

After spending multiple days looking all over Chang Mai for his boyfriend, Tai finally spots him giving a little girl her kitten back and calls after him. And the look in Tai’s eyes, the way his mouth is agape, Tai looks like he’s seeing a ghost, like he scarcely believes that what he is seeing is real, that Patts is really here, that Tai has really found him.

And because they are perfect for each other, Patts looks…exactly the same. Just, much more haggard like he has not slept well the entire time he and Tai have been separated. Patts, respectfully, looks like shit.

As he should because he is fucking heartbroken. Tai approaches slowly, tentatively, like he doesn’t know what to expect, like he is no longer certain of his place in Patts’ life. And even though Tai is moving slowly, Patts is still not fully processing what is happening. Tai approaches and Patts stays firmly rooted in place, but he is leaning slightly away from Tai, like he still isn’t sure this is real, like he needs to get a better look at Tai to be certain.

When Patts sees Tai his eyes go wide, he blinks, he swallows like he isn’t sure of his place in Tai’s life anymore. He is paralyzed trying to figure out what Tai is doing here, if he’s about to have his heart healed or broken further.

Tai, of course, immediately bursts in to tears, as is his god given right. And good golly miss molly, Title is fantastic at getting Tai’s tears off the ground. He looks at Patts, the man he loves, the man he has failed, the man he has hurt, his eyes start to well, his nostrils flare, his lip trembles and he starts his confession.

“You know what? For these past few days I have been looking for you. I’m so terrified that I can’t see you again. I’m terrified you don’t want to meet me anymore.”

And, I mean, props to Tai for being honest, but goddamn, Patts is already Straight Up Not Having a Good Time Right Now and telling him you were worried that he wouldn’t ever want to see you again has got to feel like a knife is being twisted to him, knowing how much Patts loves Tai. Seeing how haggard he is from being away from Tai for only a few weeks, how close to tears he is just from seeing Tai’s face.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Tai continues, which is wonderful, because Patts has always been the person to reach out. The first to use the soul mate link, the only one to talk through it for the first two years, Patts was the one who approached Tai in the coffee shop, Patts initiated and stopped their first intimate moments, Patts is the one who tried to face their problems head on after the fight with Lomfon, and to follow up after their fight over how Patts handled the Lomfon situation. But Patts is in so much shock from seeing Tai here, where he thought he couldn’t be found that he hasn’t said a word anyway.

“This time, please let me say it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I acted stupid, I was selfish, I was too emotional. I didn’t talk to you well, I let it slide until it’s bad like now.” he says through shaky breath.

And then Tai looks down, gathering his strength, gathering his words, but bearing the weight of the shame and sadness he feels for how his failure to properly communicate has hurt Patts.

“You know, I had not idea that the sound of rain could be so hurtful and lonely,” and I love that when Tai says “the sound of rain” he looks up at the sky. Like he is looking for rain clouds, like he is expecting rain.

“As for all of the soulmate things I was curious about, I know that through myself, Lomfon, my parents. I know that now. Love is about two people, it doesn’t need destiny to pave. I don’t care whether you are my soulmate or not. The most important thing is our feelings.”

Patts nods slightly, and bites his lip. Now, there are a number of ways I think it is possible to read Patts’ face in the next couple of close ups, but I personally read them very much as Patts steeling himself to be officially broken up with.

“What’s most important is our feelings” Tai says, Patts braces himself to hear that Tai does not feel love for him anymore.

“Do you remember? There was a time when you asked me whether saying “I love you” was hard?”

gif by @liyazaki

“No Patts, it’s not hard,” and Patt’s face falls, his lip starts to tremble. “So I kept asking myself how I feel about you. My feelings have not changed at all.”

And once again, Patts nods slightly, swallows hard, and his face falls even more, he’s closer to tears.

“I love you Patts, I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you, no matter what happens” and before Tai can say anything else, Patts is rushing to embrace him in a hug. Because he finally knows, for certain, for real, straight out of Tai’s mouth, that Tai loves him. That Tai has always loved him, and that Tai will continue to love him.

And, going back to my conversation around Lom and Tien’s hands and how they differ from Patts and Tai, we get So Much Hand in the hug between Patts and Tai. And you can see how tightly Tai is squeezing Patts, how deep he is burying his head in Patts’ shoulder. Patts is wrapping Tai up as much as he can, he is touching Tai in as many places as he can. Patts’ hand on Tai’s shoulder, in his hair, across his back

On his elbow when they kiss.

gif by @liyazaki

And their kiss is slow and tentative, both certain and uncertain, like they need to re-establish where they are and where they have been. LIke they need to check in with each other and make sure that this level of intimacy after such a strenuous fight and break up is okay with both of them.

I don’t have any impassioned speeches to give at the end of all of this, Patts and Tai are together, they are happy, we leave them where they always should be, happy in each other’s arms. Tai had some major growth at the end of La Pluie, getting called out by his brother, introspecting and realizing that Tai was handling the conflict with Patts like his mother has handled conflicts with him. Realizing how lonely the silence is, and understanding that the way he feels about only ever having silence in his head is horrible and that he left Patts to feel that way for years. Understanding now, why Patts could not bear Tai’s silence when he was upset at the way Patts handled Lomfon kissing him.

La Pluie is one of the best written shows I have seen. The script is so smart, it understands the realities of relationships, highlights the importance of communication, gives proper consequences for ill-advised actions, and subverts the traditional soulmate trope by having the soulmate connection only ever act as a barrier between Patts and Tai getting together. It has truly been and honor and a blessing to clown with all of you about this show, it made me so happy to see more and more people getting in to this show, and more and more people writing about this show. It may have taken me a couple episodes to get in to the story, but looking back on it, I have loved every minute. Thanks for reading and I look forward to (hopefully) doing this all again for season 2.

(tagging @lurkingshan cause she asked me to)

#la pluie #la pluie the series #la pluie meta #la pluie analysis #patts x tai #patts x saengtai #tien x lomfon #wka long post

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ninigummysmile · 1 year

Text

𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 - 𝐉𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞

Summary: You don't know whether to take advantage of Jennie's amazing hand skills or scold her for touching you under the table

Dom!Jennie x Sub!Fem!Reader

Category: Smut

Warning: This story contains +18 content. It is not the responsibility of the author if minors read it.

Important: English is not my first language so, please, forgive me if there are any mistakes

Words: 954

You and Jennie started dating a few months ago, but it's only recently that you've started to explore the sexual side of your relationship.

And what you can see is that after the first time, you seem to be more and more hungry for each other. Your nights are all about sex, sex and sex. Every day, you find a way to come.

Your girlfriend seems to be dedicated to recording every inch of your body and by now she might be able to trace you blind.

She found her new addiction, making you come countless times in one night, once she lost count from the fourth orgasm.

And you couldn't help but describe her body as the body of dreams. This woman is hot, sexy, every last detail is perfect and just imagining that combined with her little moans makes you want to roll your eyes in pleasure.

You could spend another day at home, discovering your bodies and desires. But a few weeks ago you had already arranged to go out with some friends, making the fun a later date. Or so you thought.

The first hour in the coffee shop was normal, with conversations to update how your lives are going, what you will do next time you meet and day to day conversations.

At first your girlfriend's caress on your thigh was innocent, just letting her hand still or smoothing it near your knee. But at a certain point she seems too bored to the point of raising her hand more and more and wanting to tease you.

You look at her and as if she doesn't want anything, she gives you a sweet smile and goes back to the conversation she was having.

Squirming in your seat, you try to get comfortable with the teasing touch and focus on the friend across from you who is excitedly telling you about an event from last week.

Feeling her fingers caress the sensitive part of your thigh, with her little finger almost touching your intimate region, you swallow a whimper.

Jennie seems to wrap up the conversation she was having and now with her full attention on you, her hand disappears under the skirt you're wearing and covers your entire pussy over the thin white panties.

You bite your bottom lip and try to control your breathing which starts to accelerate.

“Do you want to try?” she says low and you know what she means. She wants to know if you want to try this out in public.

Though her hand is busy feeling the wetness between your legs, her other hand helps her balance her teacup as if nothing is happening. You nod desperately, your arousal building at the thought of doing this in public.

Gently she pushes your panties to the side and gathers the wetness to stroke your clit.

“Fuck” you mumble with the desire to close your eyes for such pleasure.

“You're going to need to be quiet for me, love” she whispers. “We don't want anyone knowing what's going on, right?”

Your friends go back to talking about a subject that involves you and gathering all your strength you pretend as much as possible to understand what they are talking about, but all that passes through your ears are single words that mix with your heartbeat that seems to be hitting at the highest volume.

Running a finger along your entrance, a moan almost escapes you as you exhale a shake breath.

You close your eyes quickly and when you open them everything seems out of focus, the only thing you can concentrate on is being silent and not moving your hips to fuck yourself on the only finger inside you.

You hope your behavior doesn't draw the attention of the other people at the table and that no one interrupts this little moment of pleasure.

She added one more finger, it speeds up a bit and curves them. “There you go” she comments when she feels your sensitive spongy spot making you clench your legs and curl your feet.

Jennie adds her thumb to your clit and you let out an internal scream. You're going to come any minute and while this makes you want to climax faster, it's also the reason for your mild despair of not knowing how to react when it happens.

You feel her fingers move away and she comments to your friends that she's going to choose a candy from the shelves while she waits for you to go to the bathroom before you leave.

That's your cue to wait for her in the bathroom and while you wait, you do everything you can not to let your own hand trail down your body and dip them into your sensitive spot.

Two knocks on the door makes you unlock it and immerse a thirsty Jennie in making you come. She goes back to locking the door behind her and turning your back to her, she grabs both of your butt cheeks with force and you moan.

“Did you think I was going to make you come in front of everyone?”

You pathetically nod as she goes back inside you.

“I didn't know you would enjoy it so much for me to touch you in public” she lets out a mischievous laugh and at the fastest speed her fingers are able to move, making your back to arch and your hands try futilely to grip the cold wall. With a silent cry, you come hard and tears well up in your eyes.

Later at home that same day, you give her a taste of her own poison and have her moans of pleasure silenced by her own panties in her mouth.

#jennie kim #jennie #kpop smut #blackpink #jennie smut #blackpink smut #ninigummysmilesmut #jennie x reader

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depravitycentral · 9 months

Note

Wait but can i please ask for a darling that can speak a language that her captor( especially Nobunaga or Uvogin) can't ? 🥹

Like she speaks Vietnamese so everytime that dude try to hugs her or random shit and she said "Cút ra coi" ( please fuck off) and he can't understand! Maybe he will be mad since her tone is carrying alot of attitudes.

Since Vietnamese have ALOT of cursed words so i think i can bullied them and get away with it sometime...

You don't have to do this if you don't want to but if you did, thank you alot. I recently go crazy with your blog, you are so talented 😭🙌. Love and support from Vietnam!

As a preface, my native language is English, I speak a passable amount of Spanish, and I'm minoring in German at my university but I'm not nearly proficient, so I'm not exactly the expert in being fluently multilingual, but I'll try my best with this one!

As with most things, different yanderes have different feelings regarding this ability of yours. By and large, they find it wonderful - you're just so smart, so capable and wonderful and hearing the way the syllables and phrases fall from your lips gets them shivering, their heart racing in their chest because god, you sound heavenly. Even if the language is harsher sounding, or isn't considered the most alluring - it's seductive to them, sensual, sexy.

But, of course, you're only supposed to use the other language(s) at certain times. On their terms. When they want to just admire you and not understand what you're saying. When you're just supposed to look pretty, to be gorgeous and wonderful and perfect.

But the rest of the time, speak what they understand, yeah?

Because really, the worst nightmare of most yanderes is to be unable to understand what you're saying - they crave your attention and interaction with you so deeply and desperately that they can't stand not having a clue of what you're saying. Every thought you have feels precious to them, like some sort of cherished, rare commodity that they absolutely can't waste.

But of course, each yandere is different, so let's discuss!

Some are genuinely ambivalent. The lucid yanderes really fall into two main categories; apathetic, and paranoid. The more apathetic, laid-back yanderes think it's good that you're speaking in a language that makes you more comfortable. They want you to feel comfortable and happy around them, after all, and if this is the way to make that happen, so be it. This is a very small price to pay to make you like them more - they can't understand what you're saying, sure, but it's good for you to be able to vent, to be able to speak all your feelings - even if they wish they could hear every single word. Besides, you look nice when you're speaking - they like to watch your lips, the different sounds making them pucker and smack and look soft and warm and delicious. A few yanderes who react in this way include Franklin Bordeau, Pakunoda, Uvogin, Hajime Iwaizumi, Gyomei Himejima, and Shouta Aizawa.

Some of them are paranoid that you're saying things about them, calling them horrible names and expressing your hatred for them. Mostly, this stems from the yandere's own lucidity and shame for how they feel for you. It's wrong to be so obsessed with you, and even further wrong to have kidnapped you and forced you to stay with them for the rest of your life - of course you're angry, and it's healthy to vent your feelings. Except, there's this sense of diminished control when you're ranting and raving in another language, because even though you sound pretty, what are you saying? You aren't using their name, sure, but you sound mad, and they're the only possible cause. Are you calling them a monster? Telling them they're hideous and disgusting and some sick freak? You're well within your rights to do so, sure, but they want to at least know what kind of insults you're throwing their way. Overthinking and anxiety get the best of them, and they start forbidding you from speaking another language - on the grounds of it being unfair or some other horrible, childish excuse. Mostly, they just don't like the idea of you harboring hateful feelings for them without even knowing about it. It's scary, and even if it sounds pretty and makes them gush over you, it's not preferable. A few yanderes that come to mind for this category are Feitan Portor, Obanai Iguro, Tobio Kageyama, Kenji Futakuchi, and Tomura Shigaraki.

Some are utterly fascinated. Watching you speak another language can captivate them for hours, and they'll be bugging you to explain everything you're saying, perched at the edge of their seat because they want to understand this piece of you. They'll want you to teach them a little bit - just a few phrases, to start, but you'll find that they've gone and done some research of their own, quickly getting a feel for the language because it's your language and they want to impress you - and will begin actively trying to use it in their everyday interactions with you. The phrases they prioritize are I love you, you are beautiful, you are mine, and come to bed with me. (And of course, depending on the language, that last one can have a whole wealth of different connotations.) It makes them feel connected to you, like there's some special thing binding you two together - particularly if it's a language that's less commonly spoken. It's like some secret you two share, and for the more possessive yanderes, it's just another claim of ownership over you - they can be involved in every part of your life, slowly seeping their presence into every little thing you do - even something as natural and personal and raw. A few yanderes who take this approach are Chrollo Lucilfer, Kurapika Kurta, Koushi Sugawara, Kyojuro Rengoku, Tengen Uzui, Hizashi Yamada, and Taishiro Toyomitsu.

By and large, most yanderes have positive feelings towards your ability to speak another language - it just makes you more special, and convinces them that you're even more worthy of their attention and attraction.

Besides, when you say their name with the accent it would be spoken in your language?

Well, it's your fault when they're throwing you onto the bed and kissing you like they'll die without you.

(Also I am sending you hugs and kisses, thanks for supporting my blog from Vietnam!! As for Nobunaga, I have mixed feelings about where to place him on this listing - I think he'd like the idea, initially, because you just look so damn cute when you're speaking your language, especially when you're cursing or frustrated. But the moment that you say something he thinks might be about him and might be even a bit negative, suddenly those endearing feelings are changing. Suddenly he's growing defensive, hostile, suspicious, demanding you tell him what you said and thus falling into the second category mentioned above. I think he's a hard yandere to categorize for most things because his delusional mindset makes him a bit unpredictable, but that would be my guess!)

#_lee discusses #_hxh #_bnha #_kny #_haikyuu #yandere haikyuu #yandere bnha #yandere kny #yandere hxh

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andreafmn · 10 months

Text

Bound | Prologue

Word Count: 4.3K Warnings: mentions of death

Summary: Rosalie always carried the resentment of not being able to fulfill the image of the perfect family she had in her head. But the universe had set out to grant her everything she could've hoped for in the most unconventional way and in the form of a witch. Can their love withstand the promise of forever or will Rosalie and (Y/N) succumb to the grapples of time?

A/N: I know this isn't exactly a request, but since it's based on one I decided to post it today😬 anyway, hope y'all enjoy this story as much as I do. We are definitely lacking in the Rosalie fic department. Also, this chap doesn't include reader nor Rosalie, it's a way to explain bounded souls. If you read the oneshot, then this is the story Margaret tells (Y/N) in the beginning. 💖💖

Next ->

Certain mysteries in the universe had always been unexplainable. Further than the existence of vampires and werewolves, witches and wizards, hybrids, and more, one thing remained too complex to understand–even to the most brilliant of minds.

Soulmates.

The intricacy of how two souls were bound together by the universe boggled everyone. The only certain thing was that there was a word for it that spread across languages, cultures, and even species. But all of them concorded in one thing, this particular bond linked you to a person for the rest of your life.

Yet, it was almost unheard of for this connection to transcend species. Unheard of, yes, but not impossible. And it was those unique cases that crumbled any understanding there was about soulmates. Those exceptions that broke every single rule.

Esther Haight and Samuel Leighton were one of those exceptions. A witch and a vampire, natural-born enemies selected to be paired for eternity. And they had decided to answer the calling with love.

The girl was a descendant of a Salem witch that had fled North during the trials, forced to hide her magic and live in seclusion amidst the forests. Esther had been taught her wiccan roots under candlelight and whispered spells. She spent her entire childhood living in fear, looking over her shoulder. But as time went on she grew used to concealing her true self. There was no need to listen to the shadows, she could feel their energy before they ever neared. Despite her fear, she grew strong and powerful.

But there was something always missing.

“I understand not, mother,” she had asked one day. “I hast all's I could possibly crave, yet I still feel empty. There’s something inside me that is lacking.”

“Worry not, my child,” her mother had answered with a smile. “What thou are feeling is the tug of thy bound soul.”

“What is a bound soul, mother?”

“When we are born and reborn, fragments of our souls scatter and sink into the lives of others,” the woman continued, running her fingers through her daughter’s long hair. “It tethers 'em to us. Those are our soul mates. Thou might meet some of 'em as thou grow, or thou might meet none. Yet no connection shall aye be as firm-set as the bonded soul.

Not many are thrifty enough to find 'em 'i one lifetime, for't is not a primrose feat to discover the other half of thy heart. Yet the thrifty few that doth experience a love like no other. A once-in-a-lifetime kind of love”

That phrase had stuck in Esther’s heart. A once-in-a-lifetime sort of love; the kind of love poets wrote about. She dreamed of that love and wondered if she would be one of those lucky few. Though, as time dwindled on she feared there would be no chance.

One year, then two, then four. Years and years with no sign of her bound soul. Yet, that wasn’t a startling realization as the fact that her face had remained the same throughout that time. Esther saw as her mother’s hair started to pepper with white curls, how the wrinkles by her eyes deepened, how the woman’s body grew weaker. And still, she remained in the same skin as her twenty-two-year-old self.

“Yet, mother, how could this be?” Esther worried on what was supposed to be her thirtieth birthday. “I am witness to thy age and yet, I hast not changed a day 'i years now. Is't a curse?”

“I warrant thou, mine dear, that no dark magic hath been bestowed upon thou,” the woman cooed. “Although I never hast an explanation for what is happening thee, I say to thou that there hath been no harm thee”

“What if this continues, then, mother? What would I doth would I lost thou?”

“Mortality is not something to be afeared of, mine child,” she said with a smile. “We all return to Mother Earth one day. And would she so allows it, we shall walk amongst her children once more.”

“I can’t do this without thou, mother,” the girl silently cried. “I canst not lose thou too.”

“Mine darling, even when I am gone I shall aye be with thou,” the woman responded, drying her daughter’s tears. “As thy father is right now, I shall be in the trees, I shall be in the chirping of the birds, I shall be in the beating of thy heart. The universe hath granted thou a gift, and it is thy job to understand the why. Haply it is an answer to thy deepest desire.”

Two trips around the sun passed before she would get her response. Esther didn’t understand how immortality could be a gift. How could watching the only family she had left get older as she did not be a present?

But she never thought she would find what she was looking for in a vampire. Much less as she washed her clothes in the river, something she had done many times before.

It had been a quiet morning. Nothing alluded to a meeting that would change the course of her life. She had awoken in the earlier hours of the morning, gathering the week’s laundry to tread down to the brook near her family’s concealed shack. Her chores provided her the only escape she had to the confines of their home and she was always glad to do them.

As she had finally settled on the ground, the wicker basket of clothes on her right and an empty one on her left, Esther set to work. Her ears were filled with the rush of the water and the whistling of the wind; she could feel the energy that lived in the ground; she was energized by the rays of sunlight that warmed her face. The elements surrounded her and it made her feel serene.

Until a splashing startled her, her hands extending in a protective stance, ready to defend herself against any assailant. Esther prepared herself for a fight that never came.

“Woah there,” a melodious voice chuckled. “I come in peace, fair maiden.”

“Who are thou?” Esther asked, her hands shielding her from the man. “How did thou find here?”

“Well, I never meant to,” he continued, a joking tone still laced in his words. “I was escaping hunters and I somehow ended up hither. I promise I mean no harm. Mine name is Samuel and I mean no harm to anyone that hath not harmed me.”

For some reason, Esther believed him. The stranger she had yet to truly look at and had somehow known her identity, she trusted. Her hands lowered, the elements around her calming as her heartbeat did as well. She steadied her breath and finally looked up to meet the most striking red eyes she had ever seen.

“A vampire,” she breathed –it was not a question. There was a rush inside her, filling an empty crevice in the depths of her heart. It was him. “Who would have thought?”

“I’m sorry, I do not believe I got thy name,” Samuel smiled, taking tentative steps toward her. “A creature as beautiful as thou might not but have a name.”

“Esther,” she returned her smile, extending a hand to the shimmering man. “What a pleasure it is to meet thou.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” he said before he took her hand and placed his frozen-cold lips on her skin. His eyes studied her. They ran from her wild brown curls down to her bare feet, taking in every inch of her body he could. “I canst not receive I am in the presence of a Salem witch. Who would have thought mine day would end this way?”

“How did thou…?”

“Pardon me, ‘tis a gift,” Samuel grinned. “I learn things about a person with a simple touch.”

“A psychometrist vampire,” she mused. “How very intriguing.”

The pair remained silent for a moment, their hands still interlocked. They had felt a shift. Within them or in the Earth herself, they were not sure. But nothing was the same. There was a tug at their hearts they had not felt before; a tug that had replaced a certain emptiness in their chests.

Then, a rustling beyond the trees Samuel had jumped out of, startled them apart, their defenses going up once more.

“Well, as much as I’ve enjoyed talking to you, dearest Esther, I’m afraid I must go back to running,” he smiled before kissing her hand once again. “And I fear I must warn you to run as well. Humans don’t take too kindly to anyone that is different.”

“Oh, right, the hunters,” she grimaced. “You could come back to my cottage. It’s cloaked against the eyes of humans. They won’t find you there. And I’m sure my mother won’t mind.”

“Who am I to deny such a gesture? Not that I have much choice at the moment.”

Esther grabbed his cold hand with one hand and the basket with another and ran. She ran until the trees stopped whispering of dangers that lurked near; ran until she could breathe again. And it wasn’t until she passed the threshold of the safety circle her mother had cast upon their land that she allowed herself to calm.

And that very day, Samuel had come to her house and never left.

Esther’s mother had been apprehensive at first. The man was still a vampire at the end of the day. But once she understood why her daughter was so adamant about him staying, she couldn’t help but welcome the man with open arms. The universe had brought them together at the river for a reason and she would not stand in the way.

In time, they came to understand he was the explanation for Esther’s never-changing appearance. The unexplainable bond the young coupled shared made them one; synching their mind, body, and soul. For as long as Samuel lived, the girl would remain the same.

Their love grew slowly and then all at once. Whether it was the close confines or the inevitability of falling for the other, they didn’t know. And they didn’t care. They were completely head over heels for one another and it was undeniable. It was the thing of storybooks, perfection at every turn.

Until Samuel started to withdraw. His mind seemed to wander when they were together and his hunting trips seemed to draw on for more days than usual. It made Esther’s heart ache. Even the thought of losing him was too much for the girl. It made her soul shatter. Her mother had tried to console her daughter, to calm her worries until she was able to have a conversation with him. It did her no good to dwell on things she couldn’t answer for himself. Only he could kill her theories.

After six weeks of that behavior, she confronted him. Samuel had just come back from a three-day hunt, the thousand-yard stare still in his eyes. Before he could step foot into the cabin, Esther pulled him away. Far from her mother’s ears. If that was the end, she didn’t want the poor woman to bare witness.

“I need to know what is happening, Samuel,” she pleaded, her eyes already pooling with tears. “Are you planning on leaving me? Is that it?”

“How could you possibly think that?” He sounded hurt, even a little offended. “I would never do that. Not willingly.”

“Then, why hast thou been so disengaged? For weeks, your body is here but your mind is so far.” Esther’s head fell as she broke down. Samuel was everything she had prayed to the universe for, and she believed she was only seconds away from losing him. “Was it something I did?”

Samuel’s hands quickly cradled her cheeks, his cold fingers wiping away the tears that stained her beautiful cheeks. He smiled and placed a kiss on top of both of her eyelids. He could see just how bad he had been hurting her and he couldn’t keep the why in anymore. It was time to confess. “There is nothing in this world that thou could do to push me away, my love,” he said. “I will confess, my mind has been far but it has nothing to do with anything you could have done. It’s me.”

“What about you, Samuel? What did you do?”

“Thinking too much,” he chuckled dryly. “Thinking how you deserve better than me. How you deserve a man that can give you everything that I could never.”

“And what is that, my darling? What could any man give me that you can’t?” Esther cried. “You have already given me more love than I could have ever hoped for. What more could I want?”

“A family,” his voice broke. “A man that can give you children. A man you can walk with to town and hold his hand without being persecuted. A man that you can build an actual life with.”

“Have you thought of what I want, Samuel?” It was her turn to lift his head, her hands cradling his jaw tenderly. “Because I don’t want any of that if I don’t have you.”

“My heart doesn’t beat, darling!” Samuel exclaimed, turning from her touch as though it had burned him. “I don’t breathe, I don’t cry, I don’t even sweat! All I do is exist. All I will ever do is exist. The only thing that has given meaning to my life is you.”

“Then I shall be human enough for the both of us!” she yelled into the air, a smile tugging at her lips. “My eyes will cry for us; my lungs will breathe for us; my skin will weep for us; my heart will beat for us. I do not want immortality with anyone else but you.”

“But…”

“No buts, Samuel,” Esther interrupted him. “It’s you. It’s me. For eternity.”

“What of your legacy? Your line of witches can’t die here.”

“If it was my purpose to have children, my soul would not have found yours. And that is no reason for me to run into the arms of another man,” she said. Her eyes were trained on the red irises of his. They were filled with pain and regret, with disappointment for the man he was. There were only two words that could tell him just how much she loved him. “Marry me, Samuel. With my mother as a witness, marry me, and let me show you just how much you mean to me.”

“Esther, I can’t confine you to a life like this. You deserve the world and all I can offer you is this.”

“I’m not asking for anything more,” she smiled, closing the distance he had out between them. “If you say no, I will close myself in the cabin in protest. I will not marry, I will bear no children, and all of this will be naught.”

“And if I say yes?” Samuel finally cracked, a smile growing on his lips. “ What would happen if I say yes?”

“You would make me the happiest woman to walk this earth,” she responded. “I don’t want a life that you think I should have, Samuel. I want you and only you. Not for what you can’t give me, but for all that you already have.”

“Then yes,” he said before pressing their lips together. She tasted of honey and promises, and he was sure he could see forever with her. “A thousand times yes. I would marry you every day of our lives.”

“It’s you,” she whispered.

“It’s me,” he replied.

“For eternity,” they said in unison.

And so it was.

In a week's time, Esther was walking toward Samuel in a dress her mother had sewn, to meet her at the bank of the river they had first met. Hazel and red eyes stared into one another, twin smiles plastered on each of their faces. Even if it was just the two of them and Esther’s mother, they wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Today is a special day,” the older woman started. “Today we bind for eternity two souls that have found each other by the will of the universe. A witch and a vampire –an unusual pair but perfectly complimented. We stand today before our Mother Earth to presence the love that has flourished between Esther Haight and Samuel Leighton. After today, you are no longer singular entities. From now on, you shall walk through life bound as a unit.

My darlings, please hold hands and answer truthfully to what I will ask” Esther’s mother produced a sage green ribbon and draped it over their joined hands, holding the ends as she recited the words. “Samuel, will you share in Esther’s pain and seek to ease and protect her from it?”

“I will,” he answered.

“Esther, will you share in Samuel’s joy, rejoice in it with him, and seek the best for him?”

“I will,” the girl smiled.

“Then let the binding be so,” the woman said as she tied one know around their hands. “Samuel, will you share in Esther’s hardships and turmoils so that you may evolve in the eye of trouble?”

“Yes, I will.”

“Esther, will you use every emotion, good or bad, to strengthen and withhold your bond with Samuel.”

“Yes, I will.”

“Then let the binding be so,” the older woman smiled, tying another knot. “Samuel, will you honor and respect Esther as an equal in this bond, every action and reaction coming from a place of love and never of hate?”

“Yes, I will,” he smiled brightly, his smile only growing as Esther repeated the same words a second later.

“Then let the binding be so,” the elder recited. “Now that the binding has been completed, it is time to seal this bond with the exchanging of your rings. I take it that you both have vows you wish to recite to each other. Samuel, you may start.”

Samuel reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a gold band, and placing it just at the tip of Esther’s ring finger. “My dearest Esther, with this ring I promise to love and care for you for the rest of our lives. I promise to share in your joy and your pain, to carry your burdens and become a haven for your worries, to help you grow and navigate this life for eternity.”

He slid the ring down her slender finger, admiring the glimmer of it under the sun’s gleaming rays.

Esther’s mother handed the girl her ring and the same exchange took place. “My Samuel,” she smiled, tears already falling down her cheeks. “With this ring, I vow to love you for all of eternity. In this life and the next, shall our souls always find a way back to each other. I promise to love you and grow with you for all the years to come. I promise to share in the good things and the bad, in sickness and in health, and to help you navigate this world as our love grows.”

“Having proclaimed your vows with our Mother Goddess as your witness, I call upon the elements to help me bless this union for the rest of time,” the woman continued. “I call upon the Air from the East, to bless this couple with good thoughts and positivity. I call upon the Fire from the South, to erase their past and clear a new path. I call upon the Water from the West, for renewal and purification. And I call upon the Earth from the North, to bless this couple with balance and wisdom.”

As the words left the woman’s mouth the wind rustled the trees, the calm brook rushed its water downstream, fire surrounded them in a circle, and the earth shook beneath their feet. “Now, with Mother Earth’s blessing and the power vested in me by our Great Goddes, I pronounce you married. You may seal your promise with a kiss.”

Samuel’s hands snaked their way to cradle Esther’s kissing her deeply with a smile on his face. Flower petals rained on them, the elements surrounding the couple as they celebrated their union. It was a promise, from both the Earth and the Universe that they would look upon the couple for as long as they were bound.

“It’s you,” she whispered before kissing him again.

“It’s me,” he replied with another.

“For eternity.”

It was the happiest day of their lives. They had given themselves completely to each other, both body and soul, forever intertwined with their promise to each other. Nothing and no one could tear them apart.

In time, their love simply grew stronger. It was that love that kept them strong through the highs and the lows. The only thing that kept Esther strong once her mother passed. Samuel was her rock. He was the reason she was able to wake up every day after, and the reason she was able to welcome new people into the land she called her home.

As the years passed, word spread throughout the supernatural world of this couple, beaconing them toward them. Soon, the two-person household grew into a small community hidden deep within the forests of the state. Mostly witches seeking a safe haven made their homes in cabins built by Samuel and looked to Esther as a guiding mentor. Everything was perfect.

And it had been for the thirty years that they lived together. Until the day it was not.

Samuel took his time when hunting, but it was never more than a day or two. Being apart from Esther made him physically ill and there was not a second more that he ever wanted to spend away from her. But he had not returned when he was supposed to and she was almost certain she knew why.

That very day, she had felt something inside her empty, creating a harrowing void in the deepness of her chest. It had taken her breath away and made her heart skip a beat. Something was wrong, but she did not want to imagine what it was. Because her mind would break her heart before the news did.

It wasn’t until late in the night that a trusted messenger from the town had come riding into the small community. The man called for Esther, a solemn look on his face. And that was when her greatest fear had become her reality.

“I’m so sorry, ma’am,” he said, holding his hat against his chest. “It is Samuel.”

Esther clutched her hand to her chest, biting back the tears that threatened to break free. “What happened?” her voice croaked. “Where is his body?”

“I’m afraid some men had been on the hunt for his kind for quite some time, I think they heard about you two,” he answered. “As for his body, they already burned it, ma’am. That smoke you see past the trees is him and some other unlucky ones. I was only able to retreat this from his body.”

The man held out a glittering gold ring covered in soot. Samuel’s wedding ring. It felt too cold on her hand, colder than he ever had been. And it was the evidence of their bind being broken. His soul was no longer walking with her in that life and it would be waiting for her in their next lifetime.

Many tried to offer her consolation but she needed to be alone. The elements around her were growing unsteady and she had to find a place to burst. So, she ran. She ran as fast as she could. Her limbs were burning and her lungs were begging for air, but she continued running. She ran until she reached the very river that had seen the two monumental events in her life, and it would be witness to her latest.

Esther fell to her knees at the edge of the river, clutching at her chest as she let out the most agonizing scream she could. She could feel her magic weakening and that hollow shape in her chest grow more and more. Samuel had been and was supposed to be her everything for the rest of her life. And yet, someone else had decided against it. Someone she did not even know had decided that her forever would end that day.

She let herself break. Even as the skies parted and downpoured around her, she remained at the edge of the river wailing. The Great Mother was angry, she knew that. As lightning and thunder fell, she knew She was sharing in her anger and sadness. And all she could do was pray that Samuel’s soul reunited with her mother’s and that they looked upon her.

The weather remained that way for an entire week, mimicking Esther’s sentiments.

She locked herself in her home that entire time. Surrounded by the home they had created together. Esther did not come out once and everyone in the small village understood why. Losing a loved one was one thing, but she had lost a part of her soul that day. A piece that she could never again mend.

But, out of heartbreak came new beginnings. Though she always carried a void inside her, she was able to rebuild her life. Once she had started aging, she knew she had to take advantage of the fact that she was still alive. In time, she met another man. Abraham Bishop. He gave her what Samuel had always wanted for her. He gave her a legacy in the form of three daughters and a son.

As the times changed, so did the small village. The few cabins had expanded and grown, modernizing as the other towns did, but still protected by the forest. Her family grew, her face aged, the world changed.

And after a hundred and forty years, Esther Haight passed away.

“It’s you,” her shaky voice spoke to emptiness.

“It’s us,” a voice replied.

“For eternity,” they smiled.

Next ->

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honoviadakai · 5 months

Text

What team Urameshi likes about the holidays ☃️

Yusuke:

He’s not a big holiday guy tbh

Like he doesn’t hate it necessarily but it does get annoying when he feels he HAS to put in a bit more effort on things like gift

Honestly doesn’t decorate or anything, but he’ll wear holiday clothes if asked nicely

9/10 he’s getting people money or gift cards anyway

He’s also not a big fan of the malls and such being more crowded than normal around this time, he likes having elbow room

Don’t even get him started on holiday music, he’s losing his mind by minute 2 of walking in the mall 😣

Ok so…what does he like then?

Food

Both making and eating it

Christmas in Japan is different from Christmas in America(obviously), but the one consistent thing is the importance of food

It’s also one of his love languages

He probably didn’t have many instances of eating together like a “family”. The few times he did was when Keiko’s family invited him and his mom to eat with them so being to eat with as many friends and family members as possible makes him really happy

Not that he’ll ever admit it outright

Making food makes it even better, especially if everyone enjoys it

Also, who doesn’t just love stuffing their face hole with good food? Couldn’t be Yusuke

Expect at least ONE food competition with at least one of the guys…

Expect one of said challenges to be a spice challenge...against Hiei...the fire demon...

🤦🏻

He’s an idiot but he’s a really chill person so be around the holidays, especially if you’re not a huge fan of that time of year

Kuwabara:

Oh this dude is an absolute joy to have around the holidays

He LOVES this time of year because for him, it’s a time where he gets to pull out the stops and show all his friends and family how much they mean to him!

He might be a blockhead but he’s a smart gift giver ok?

He’s making mental notes throughout the year

Oh, Yusuke wants a new jacket? Already bought

Yukina’s kimono looking a little warn out? He’s already asking his sister to give him a list of top tier kimono stores and styles

Eikichi tore through another toy? Time to buy 20 more

He also sometimes makes gifts by hand!

I know we never see his mom in cannon but you can pry my headcanon of her teaching her kids how to sew, knit and crochet from my cold dead hands!

One year, his sister accidentally tore her favorite shirt.

This precious chad not only fixed it up, but he bought extra fabric to make it into a brand new dress!

He’s even made HIEI of all people a gift!

His first gift to him was a hand knitted scarf

He understands he’s a fire demon and that the cold probably doesn’t affect him at all, but he’ll be damned if he lets the little shrimp walk around in the snow with no winter clothes

It was the closest he ever saw to happiness in the swordsman’s eyes

He also goes out of his way to make sure every single one of his friends and loved ones is doing ok

financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, ect

He knows there’s only so much he can do, but he’s never gonna just leave a friend or family member to suffer in silence if has any word on the matter 😤

Keiko’s schoolwork been stressing her out? He’s bringing her snacks and a movie!

Shizuru been feeling down? Shopping trip! NOW!

Hiei and Yusuke being moodier than usual? Sparing time now, food after 🍜

He’s like the physical embodiment of a hug around the holidays!

Why wouldn’t he spread joy to his friends and family? Thats the whole point of the season to him!

Kurama:

Kurama both likes and dislikes the holidays

He likes it because he likes getting his friends and family gifts

They’re always practical gifts btw

Like clothes or home appliances that you’re in desperate need of

His mom is the one getting the extravagant gifts though

Don’t get him wrong, he’ll occasionally splurge on his friends…

But his mom 100% is getting like a Gucci bag or something for Christmas

His stepfather and stepbrother will also get nice gifts…but his mom’s getting the best gifts. Period. 💅

He also likes helping his mom decorate the house!

He’s tall so he puts up all the lights and the ornaments that go at the top of the tree

He’s very paranoid that she’ll fall of a ladder so she’s just straight up not allowed to help him hang the lights when he’s around

He’ll also help bake!

It’s been their cute little tradition to make snickerdoodles since he was a wee lad 🥰

Now for why he doesn’t like the holidays…

I feel like his human father died around the holidays…

So naturally, it was a very hard time of the year for him and his mother

Especially for his mother…

He’d often catch her crying alone in the living room or in her bedroom when she thought her son was asleep or busy

But he heard her…he always heard her…

Some of his memories from around that time in his childhood are mostly of him consoling his morning mother in any way he could

He’d sometimes take her out for walks in the snow and ask her to build a snowman or make snow angels with him

Sometimes he’d make hot chocolate and watch TV with her

And sometimes he’d even throw away his pride and sing cute holiday songs and do little dances for her!

Seeing her smile for even a moment was worth all the embarrassing home videos she’d take of him

Now that she’s now remarried with a new family, he’s not as worried about her since he knows she’s not lonely anymore

It’s still a difficult time for her, but she has people who love her to distract her

Hiei:

“What the hell is Christmas…that a human thing?”

Yeeeeah….

He doesn’t get the appeal

You surprised?

He’s not exactly social, so he won’t attend holiday events/gatherings unless he’s forced to

He absolutely sucks at gift giving…

In fact, sometimes it’s better that he doesn’t get people gifts…

For example…

One year, he was forced to participate in secret Santa…he got Yukina…

Now the only reason he participated at all was because he got his sister as the one he was meant to give a gift to

But he doesn’t know jack shit about what to get her…

So he got her a sword…he gave his noncombatant sister…a weapon…

Listen…

He panicked ok?

And he’d rather eat rocks and walk into the sea than ask for help

Weapons are useful right??? Who couldn’t use an extra weapon in the house

He just wanted to get something he felt would help his sister in a time of crisis

He’s lucky that Yukina liked it…she even hung it by her bed in her room

If he does put effort into getting his friends any sort of gift…it’s either something he stole or weird demon world stuff

Like…you know how dogs and cats bring random shit to their owners sometimes?

Yeah, it’s that vibe

Like he straight up gifted a small demon corpse to Eikichi once

He claims he felt she needed more substance in her diet

To his credit…she did eat it…

One of the best ways to get him to go to an event/ gathering willingly is to tell him that there’s gonna be a lot of free food

He grew up with bandits, he didn’t always have consistent access to food…it’s part of why he’s so short…that and genetics

So hearing that he has free access to food for the evening that he doesn’t have to fight for will have him being social and polite for at least an hour

He would rather saw his legs off with a rusty saw than admit this but he does secretly enjoy these human holiday gatherings

Everyone he knows and loves is in one spot where he can easily keep tabs on them

He kinda doesn’t mind the music and chatter

And the inside of the building they’re all in is always toast warm

He’s a fire demon so being out in the snow doesn’t bother him

But…it’s kinda nice to just be inside where it’s warm with all his friends and his sister looking so happy and at peace…

But you didn’t hear it from me 🤫

He definitely isn’t the guy you’re gonna go to for holiday cheer or anything

But he’s kinda starting to warm up to these human customs so he can occasionally be a somewhat jolly guy…in his own Hiei ways

#yu yu hakusho #yu yu hakusho headcanons #yusuke urameshi #kuwabara kazuma #kurama #yoko kurama #shuichi minamino #Hiei #team urameshi

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green-mug-tomato-juice · 1 month

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i pull the book out of my tote bag. i take this bag with me everywhere i go, and just the same carried the book with me for months. i wasn't reading; the book lay in the bag as a reminder, a sort of promise, that today would be the day i would read a few pages. that day never came, and now as i look at the book guilt washes over me, grief even, grief for the time i lost waiting for the day i start reading to come. i hold the book in my hands; a thin paperback, 150 pages. "giovanni's room". i read two thirds of it, and then the will to start the next chapter and eventually find out what happens to giovanni and david never came. i feel like i'm holding a small dead animal: fragile, helpless, its coat in horrible disarray from an accident suffered. only i know this is my doing. i let this innocent creature rot, and now i can't feel my hands. i flip the first pages, carefully, they are so soft at the edges i feel like they will crumble away with a single touch. i bend the folded corners in the opposite direction so they lay flat again. they don't though, because at the bottom of my bag the book was squished into a curved shape under my other, more important things. i've seen books that were a thousand years old, the pages brown and the ink pale and the language one that noone speaks anymore, yet this feels older somehow. like it aged a thousand years for every day of my neglect. i pick up the dog-eared page on which i stopped reading. david is welcoming hella back from spain. there's people chattering near me, and i can't concentrate to read and find out how it goes. their chattering isn't as loud as the voice in my head telling me to get my bloody hands off this hurt creature. i close the book, carry it in my hands upstairs to my room, lay it out in my lap, and begin taping the frail edges where they're ripped. it feels wrong, completely wrong, the way the pages feel like moss, soft and organic and soaked with atmosphere from every place i went the last few months. the tape is hard clear plastic, and i feel like i'm doing taxidermy on a teletubby. fur, a somewhat ancient invention of evolution, against a television tummy, hard and colorful and cold and lifeless.

as i flip on, i rub my sweaty thumb over the rolled up page corners, flattening them and softening them further by feeding them more moisture. they soak it up like it's their only life force, except it's their destruction, and i understand. we want comfort, we want to be soft, we want what makes us vulnerable. that's the inevitable conclusion to living. sometimes you get stuck in a warm, dark place, neglected by yourself, or others, or both, and you get so worn down that the bends, folds and ripped edges will last forever, patched up provisionally but never truly healing.

i look at the book from all sides, okay with the work i've done, and finally bend the whole thing in the opposite direction of its damage. it lays a little flatter as a whole, but the pages still strain like they want to go back to the position they were in at bottom of my bag, comfortable being forgotten in the dark, uncomfortable with suddenly being out in the light. i carefully lay it out on my nightstand, put my box of embroidery thread on top, forcing the corners into place, and for lack of better heavy items, put some fruit on top. two apples and three bananas. a strange towering weighted blanket for this creature that has unlearned being loved; that only knows love as something that squishes you away like a secret promise, making you as small and invisible as possible. but i realise then that even this book, this broken thing, is worth caring for. for how damaged it is, it still contains all the words to a story, one worth being told.

step 9: making amends. i want to find out what happens to giovanni. i will hold the book carefully, flip the pages carefully, lovingly, and lay it to rest under its weighted blanket when i'm done. until one day, maybe it can lay flat and relaxed all on its own again.

i get up, i shuffle because my back hurts, having sat bent over in guilt for too long. my spine will feel it for a day or two. but then i will need to lay myself out flat, under my own weighted blanket, and let the folded and bent and ripped parts of me relax, and slowly become able again to stand up straight again, head held high, and look people in the eye. as i've put this book back together, i've found the part of myself that needs taping. i pick up the pencil, ready to tell my story, just like the book will tell james baldwin's story again.

#my art #i guess ??#this is not good but it's from the heart ok. idk i just really wanted to post it #writeblr #writing

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omnomnomdomcaps · 1 year

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A Guide to Language Domming, Pt. II

The Seven Key Phrases of Language Play

Welcome back! In Part I of this guide, I talked about what language play was, how you can engage in it with your little, and why it’s such a fun and immersive experience. I may also have mentioned that it’s possible to learn to language dom without being fluent in your target language beforehand. And in this part, I’m going to explain how.

Below are seven key phrases to keep in mind when you’re learning a language for play. With all of these, though, it’s not about translating the exact phrase - it’s about understanding the kinds of words highlighted, and being aware of them. These are language elements that common learning apps might not cover, and I’ll be including some helpful places you can look to fill in the gaps.

Beyond these, if you haven’t studied your target language much before, you probably will need to spend a week or two with DuoLingo, Youtube guides, and the like to get comfortable with language basics. Yes, it’s work, but isn’t it worth it to give your little one such a special experience? Plus, if you’ve ever wanted a good reason to go study a new language, it doesn’t get better or more fun than this!

Oh, and even if you have studied your target language quite a bit, or even if you consider yourself fluent, these might not be words or phrases you’ve thought much about, or are very familiar with. So read on, friend, and get ready to expand your vocabulary.

Phrase #1: “Good morning, Princess.”(Terms of endearment)

To be clear, “good morning” is fairly basic - Duolingo and the like will be sure to cover that in an early lesson. It’s the second part that’s trickier, and that’s because translating “princess,” or whatever word you like to use in English, isn’t going to cut it.

Common terms of endearment vary wildly from language to language. From the Spanish changuita (“little monkey”), to the Polish laleczko (“little doll”), every language has a wide assortment of colorful favorites. The lists are pretty easy to find online, and you’ll have plenty of great options no matter what you plan to study.

So why is it so important? Because for the duration of your play, this is essentially going to be your little’s name. Other than possibly the word “no” (if they’re an especially naughty little), your chosen term of endearment is going to be the word that they hear the most, and that they will have the strongest emotional association with when you’re done.

Phrase #2: “Now now, behave.”(Imperatives)

An imperative is essentially a command phrase - do this, don’t do that, and so on. In many languages, this is its own grammatical form, and learning imperatives means learning a few rules for verbs and their conjugations.

Now, all that sounds like it should be in a normal language syllabus, and it usually is. But I mention it here because this is one grammar lesson that you have to have to have down pat. Commands should be given clearly and quickly, especially if your little one has decided to be a bit of a brat. In fact, this is probably the most common way you’re going to be using verbs in play - you can’t really have much of a conversation, after all.

Some of the variations aren’t obvious - even with something as simple as “no!” it’s worth noting that some languages prefer “can not!” and some just say “bad!” So be sure to spend a little extra time on these lessons, so you can be ready to give some lessons of your own.

One last note on this: imperatives are probably the single most important part of language domming if you’re using it in a petplay context, and “training” your pet to follow commands in your target tongue. Now, that’s not something I’m personally experienced with, but boy does it sound like fun!

Phrase #3: “Would you like your teddy bear in the playpen?”(Household items)

As with imperatives above, common nouns for household items are already a part of the normal language lessons you’re likely to find. The tricky part here is that everyone’s household is different, especially when we throw in a whole bunch of paraphernalia. You might have your Italian words for sofa (“divano”) and refrigerator (“frigofieri”) down pat, but how about teddy bear (“orsacchiotto”)? How about baby bottle (“biberon”)? And did you know that the term used for playpen is just box? I sure didn’t, before I made this guide.

Obviously, not all of these are going to be featured in your standard beginners’ lessons, and Google is your friend. If you do use the translation tool though, be sure to swap back and worth to make sure it’s got the right word (if you put in “seal” because your little one has a cute baby seal, you may end up with the word for stamp, etc.). Also be sure to press that sound button to actually hear the word - some of them aren’t what they look like, and accent is important for the immersive experience!

Phrase #4: “Uh oh, did somebody make a pee-pee?”(Potty euphemisms)

Okay, you probably saw this one coming. It’s for those moments that so many AB/DLs and their caregivers look forward to - when we discover that our little has had a little accident. Language domming is all about creating a deeply immersive experience, after all, and what could be more immersive than being talked down to for using your diaper, in a language you don’t understand, knowing full well you’re about to be laid down on the mat and changed, and that you’re too little - and know too few words - to have any say about the matter? Sounds fun, right?

For those unfamiliar with the term, a euphemism is a ‘nice’ way of putting something that might not be so nice to talk about. With ‘potty’ related words, these are important, since technical terms for urination, defecation, and even diapers can be clunky and awkward. Knowing the right words to use for pee, poo (if you want to include that), potty, diaper, change, accident, and so on can go a long way.

Of all of the words covered on this list, these might be the trickiest to actually look up, but you can find some useful discussions in forums online. Here’s a lovely Wikihow guide on talking about poop in Spanish, and here’s a Reddit thread covering “polite ways to talk about bodily functions in German.”

Now, in the future, I’d love to start a repository of these lovely terms for ageplayers around the world to fill in, but that’s going to require you sharing this out with all your kinky friends! But I digress.

Phrase #5: “Ummmm… uh…”(Filler words)

Huh? Yes, believe it or not, knowing how speakers of your target language handle those awkward pauses we all have is important. The “ehhhh”s and “ahhh”s of the world are different, and you’ll want to get used to your target’s.

Why does it matter? Because accent is important. You want to create an immersive experience for your little, and sounding like a high schooler trying to fill a foreign language credit is not the way to do that. Having a confident accent (doesn’t mean it’s great - you won’t be tested on that) is crucial, and being able to maintain that when you’re looking for the words to say is a big deal.

One of the best ways to pick up on these filler words and how they’re said in your target language is to watch candid videos. Reality clips, interviews, man-on-the-street type deals - all of them will have people looking for what to say, and you’ll be able to see what they look like when they do.

Phrase #6: “Awwww, does my widdle pwincess want her stuffy-wuffy?”

(Diminutives)

If you’re wondering how to really baby-talk your little in your target language, the key is here, and it might be a bit more technical than you think. Baby-talking in language play, as it turns out, comes down to a combination of confident accent, CG attitude, familiar terms of endearment, and a whole bunch of diminutives. I’ve covered all of those things except the last - and it’s a big one.

Technically speaking, a diminutive is a modification of a word, used to convey smallness, endearment, or both. Tommy is a diminutive form of Tom, doggie is a diminutive from dog, and so on. When encountering foreign examples, they usually end up getting translated as ‘little’ + whatever the original root word was.

For many foreign languages, there are actually pretty clear rules about how to create a diminutive, and a lot of them have to do with endings added on, such as the Portuguese -inho / -inha, or the Czech -ka and -ička/-ečka. Wikipedia has a colossal list here, though you may need to have some knowledge of your target language’s noun cases and word structures to process it.

If all that sounds complicated, well, it can be at first. But once you nail that condescending tone and make your little just burn up blushing, it’s all going to worth it.

Phrase #7: “Oh, goodness, did I forget to turn off the thingamajig?”(Placeholders)

Last but not least on the list are those words that we use when we know exactly what we're talking about, but we don't know how to say it. And while catchalls like the English thingamajig, whatchamacallit, and doohickey do exist in other languages (including, amusingly, the Spanish chimichanga), this topic is much bigger than that.

The key point here is that you don't want to interrupt the immersive experience you've worked so hard to create, just because you happened to forget the word for toaster or the like. You can use the word for thingamajig. You can use the word for that. Or - and this can be our little secret - you can even make something up!

Remember, this isn’t a test. You’re not being asked to master a foreign language. Just to use what you know - maybe you’re doing a Duolingo crash course from scratch, maybe you took it in high school or college, maybe you know some from family - to make for the best, most immersive play experience you can give your little one. And hopefully, these phrases can help with that.

Phew. Hope you all learned a bit today! If you have any questions, or any suggestions for what I can add above, feel free to shoot me a DM. And if you want to help me build my repository of foreign language vocab for AB/DLs, please do reach out!

In the next and final part of the trilogy, I’ll be going over some slightly more advanced tips and tricks for language players, including a deeper dive into activities and props for play, combining language domming with other kinks, and even my picks on which languages most and least lend themselves to all this fun wackiness. As always, my friends, keep it kinky. - ONND

Pt. III Can Be Found Here

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imfearlessfics · 10 months

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Chapter 6: The First Post

Song: Antifragile by LE SSERAFIM, No Celestial by LE SSERAFIM, Sour Grapes by LE SSERAFIM

Pairing: Yunjin x female reader

Genre: Romance, forbidden love

Warnings: Language, angst

Word count: 3.2k

The day was finally here. The first TikTok post of the new comeback schedule! We’ve been working tirelessly putting together dozens of drafts that we can post over the next few weeks. Getting to spend time with the girls was a huge bonus, but getting to do what I enjoy every single day with such an incredible support system was at the center of it all. I’ve been so proud of the work that I do, and it wouldn’t have been possible without their music pushing me through. We’ve been joined at the hip so that I could capture the “behind-the-scenes” style videos of them getting ready for the comeback. If they were awake and conscious, I was there with my camera or phone capturing as much of it as they were comfortable with.

There were obvious benefits to being around them so much over the last two months, not the least of which being my growing friendship with such amazing women. As a unit, they’re unstoppable. Hardworking, dedicated, and so freakin’ talented. But part of this comeback is stripping back the curtain, and getting to understand their individual approaches to their work. Though they all share a common dream, each of their motivations for being here and their execution of their work is unique, and it’s important to show that to the fans. I hope it humanizes them a little, and it also gives me ample time to develop a true friendship with them, which will make our lives much easier as time goes on and I continue to make content for them.

Working with Kazuha was humbling. To see her take charge of her goals despite being far from her home and her family was so motivating. She would sometimes stumble here or there, forgetting a phrase or vocabulary word, but I made it my mission to be a support in those moments. We developed a bond over our shared experiences of leaving home to pursue a career here, and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. I wanted her to feel comfortable, so I encouraged her to speak Japanese and share parts of her culture in some of the videos and insisted we’d find a translator to add subtitles later. She seems appreciative of the opportunity, and it’s only helped us grow closer. I love asking her questions about her hometown, and she does the same with me. I can’t wait to keep showing the fans what an incredible woman she is.

Sakura was no different, though she’d had more experience with working here in South Korea, so I tried to focus on that. How has her perspective of the industry changed over the years? How have you grown as an artist in South Korea? Would you ever want to have a hand in writing some of your Japanese singles? She was so eager to share her ambitions, and I fell in love with her enthusiasm. Her energy is just so magnetic, and she is a hustler at heart.

It took a little longer to develop that same rapport with Chaewon, but not for any bad reasons. She is the leader, so she has a ton of weight and responsibility on her shoulders. I knew her focus was ensuring that all the members have a fun and safe comeback, and that’s exactly what I wanted to highlight. The way she cares for each of the members was incredibly endearing, and her love for them is an everyday thing, so finding those moments where her leadership shines wasn’t difficult at all. Filling up Eunchae’s water bottle when she noticed it was running low, giving the last bite of her meal to Kazuha to ensure she wouldn’t get hungry during practice, and so many more moments that I was able to capture. Even if we didn’t develop a super close friendship over the last couple of months, we’ve grown to respect and admire one another, and that meant the world.

Working with Eunchae was … an experience. She really is a maknae in every sense of the word! A carefree spirit with so much wonder and excitement to be working in this industry - she must be protected at all costs. With her being the youngest in a group with two seasoned members, it’s easy to attribute her professionalism to having unnies with more experience. And while they absolutely play a huge part in helping to guide her, I really wanted to shine a light on her individuality. What does she like to do when she’s not being an idol? When does she have a spare moment to just be a kid? She was thrilled to have small pockets of the day to show me her hobbies outside of performing, and I can’t wait for people to get a whole new perspective on her.

And of course, working with Yunjin was…not like work at all. It was effortless, in fact. Getting content figured out for her was probably the easiest since she knew from the get-go what she wanted to showcase, which was her songwriting. She let me see what her writing process was like, how it always starts with her and a guitar and a story, and it was so beautiful to be a part of that. But between getting shots of her playing the guitar or writing lyrics in her journal, hanging out with her was like hanging out with your closest childhood friend. We’d paint each others’ nails, watch our favorite music videos - being around her was like when you’d meet someone in Kindergarten and instantly become best friends. I suppose we both missed out on those kinds of experiences growing up. She worked tirelessly to follow her dreams of becoming an idol, and I was … well I was too anxious to try and make friends growing up. Now that we get to do what we love, we have some time to do what we never got to. We’d go to the convenience store down the street to grab our favorite snacks and just talk for hours about anything and everything. Yunjin and I were almost inseparable, and I know it’s dumb of me to let my heart think for me, but it really seems like she feels it too. I don’t know what “it” is, but I know that I’ve never felt so comfortable with anyone in my life. The way we can laugh about absolutely nothing. The way I wanna tell her every secret I’ve ever known. The way that I trust her when she tells me I’m doing a good job - I just can’t help but wonder if …

It was clear that we had become the closest, but I was careful to keep it professional. There is no way that anyone could chalk it up to anything more than a friendship between two people who happen to share a home country. That being said, I know I shouldn’t have, but I sometimes let myself forget that at the end of the day, my time with her was technically work.

Oh shoot - I was talking about work, wasn’t I?

Anyways, after several hours of editing, the first post looks something like this: various shots of the members getting hair and makeup done, clips from the dance practices, outfit fittings, recording sessions, and clips from my one-on-one time with them. Snippets of their upcoming single cut in and out until the screen goes black and the audio cuts out altogether - then a clear shot of them performing the killing part of the choreography as a single line from the chorus plays. I was SO excited about how it turned out, and it even went over really well at the meeting from hell that Ha-Rin made me conduct. The girls absolutely loved it, so that was all that mattered to me.

We were about two hours out from making the post, so there was a meeting to go over the final details before our lives became a (functional) garbage fire while we navigated the comeback. Ha-Rin sauntered in to begin the meeting, and before I knew it, I was just 5 minutes away from posting my first real piece of work for the entire world to see. I stared at the clock with a pit in my stomach and counted down the minutes until -

5…4…3…2…1.

The comeback has officially started, my dream is finally coming to fruition, and I … am pretty sure I’m gonna throw up. Our meeting ends with applause from the whole team, but there is a collective breath being held. LE SSERAFIM’s rapid global success is only (ridiculously) intimidating, and all of us have a part to play in keeping the momentum going.

I rush to the dorms to celebrate with the girls, and as soon as I knock, all 5 of them sweep me into the biggest hug. I wanted to make sure that they felt confident and had a say in their content as well, so I even invited them to edit alongside me so I could get their input.

“Y/n - we have to celebrate! Dinner tonight? On us?!” Eunchae exclaims.

“Well, technically it’s dinner on daepyonim, but still,” Chaewon chimes in. We all laugh and that thankfully pulls me out of my ridiculous thoughts of my … friendship with Yunjin.

“I think it would be fun if we all hung out before tomorrow. It’s gonna get crazy!” Yunjin says as she hooks her arm with mine, and I’m pulled back into my ridiculous thoughts of my friendship with her, and I remember a moment from a couple weeks back.

-Flashback-

“Jen! Can you focus for two seconds? I’m so close to getting this shot perfect!” I playfully complained. Whenever a schedule is taking a particularly long time, she gets a little stir crazy, and it’s impossible to calm her down. But fuck if it isn’t the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Right now, she’s sprawled out on the couch in the dressing room between takes, and she refuses to move. She has the biggest shit-eating grin l’ve ever seen, and everytime I try to get near her to pull her up off the couch, she reaches out to try and pull me down with her.

“Y/n it’s been like 4 hours since we started!” She pouts. I remind her that it has in fact only been a whopping 45 minutes, and we are almost done. She laughs and tries again to yank me down.

Could I have put up a bigger fight? Absolutely. But she was just sooo fast and I “somehow” ended up falling down on the couch next to her and -

“YES! I finally got you! You have to learn to relax and enjoy the little moments of peace, y/n. In just a couple of weeks, we’re barely gonna have time to breathe!” The irony of that statement is that I actually can’t breathe RIGHT FREAKIN’ NOW because we are closer than we’ve ever been before on a little couch in a tucked away dressing room and I’m getting so red and I don’t know if she can tell how much I am freaking out right -

“Y/n, are you okay? You’re so tense!” She sits up abruptly and pulls me to sit up in front of her.

“Oh my gosh it’s because I mentioned the comeback, huh? Listen, I know you must be terrified. I was too right before debut, but you know what helped a ton? Breathing exercises. Let me walk you through some. Close your eyes and hold my hands.” She’s doing this on purpose. She has to be doing this on purpose. Can she seriously not see that it’s not the comeback making me this way but her?

“Breathe in your nose for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and breathe out for 7. We’ll do it together.” She gently says, and for a few minutes that’s all we do. It works, of course, but she has no clue that I needed to calm down for entirely different reasons.

We finally open our eyes only to find the other staring right back, but we don’t pull away. We just kind of … lingered there. She’s still holding my hands when she says, “How do you feel now?”

“A lot better, Jen.” I shyly reply. “Thank you.”

A few more beats pass and it hits us just how close we are. I also can’t help but get that same eerie feeling that there was another pair of eyes on us, but it’s gone before I can give it a second thought. She gently takes her hands back leaving coldness in their wake.

“You probably already know how to do those kinds of exercises, huh? I know that you get pretty…nervous before meetings sometimes with the higher ups.” She notices so much, even when it seems miniscule to others. It’s one of the things I lov - really admire about her.

“You’ve seen that, huh?” I look down to avoid the embarrassment that comes with talking about my anxiety. Even though I feel so much more comfortable with her than I have with anyone in a long time, it’s still difficult to talk about. “I’ve had anxiety since I was little. It’s not a big deal or anything - just … always there. Always making the really small things feel really big, you know?” I don’t admit to her that the “small” thing making me so anxious is actually my raging crush on her, and the fact that this crush could ruin not only my career, but hers if it ever got out, so I let her believe it’s still about the upcoming comeback.

“I don’t think those things are small, y/n. If they’re big to you, then they’re big. And that’s okay.” She looks almost offended that I downplayed it, but it’s quickly replaced with such warmness I forget to breathe for a second. “Y/n, you know you can come to me with anything, right? Shoot me a text at any time of day and just know that even if I can’t respond right away, I will always read it as soon as possible. You’ve done so much for us - let someone else do something for you, okay?”

Why does she have to make it so damn difficult to not fall for her?

“Thank you, Jen. Seriously. Your friendship means … so much to me. You have no idea.” I say sincerely. Even if I wasn’t ready to give my whole heart to her, I truly do value these past couple of months. Getting to know her and the other members has been the highlight of my time here so far, and I know it’s just going to get better and better. That is, if I don’t ruin this whole thing by ever sharing my feelings with her and I keep my heart on a strict lockdown until the end of time.

Easy enough.

-End of Flashback-

“Dinner sounds great! Lead the way!” I say cheerfully, though deep down I know that more time with Jen means less and less of a chance that I can ignore my growing feelings for her.

We head to a restaurant a few blocks from the company to save their driver a ride, and we spend the next few hours laughing and chatting and relishing our last day before the hectic schedules start tomorrow.

“That’s not even true! Oh my gosh you’re such a liar!” Chaewon jokingly shouts at Sakura, who’s sharing a very interesting story about a small-time crush she apparently had on a staff member when she first joined the company.

“Chaewon?! Chaewon are you still there? I can’t see past the redness emanating from your cheeks right now” Sakura throws back, and we all giggle until our stomachs hurt.

“Get real, Kkura - we barely have time to focus on ourselves, let alone a crush!” Eunchae giggles, but she shoots an almost imperceptible glance my way, and my heart drops a little. No one at the table noticed it, but it was crystal clear that she wanted to send a message, however small.

“I have to pee SO bad, oh my goodness. Anyone else need to use the restroom?” Kazuha says. Yunjin, Chaewon, and Sakura follow her, and the universe manages to leave me and the only other member who seems to have an inkling of what’s happening at the table…alone.

A silence ensues for just a few moments, but it feels like the weight of an elephant rests on my chest before Eunchae finally speaks up.

“Unnie. You know I love you, right? That we all do?” She looks at me with so much sadness in her eyes that I know the next words out of her mouth won’t - can’t - be taken back, and that somehow makes everything so much more real.

Maybe if I play dumb - if I deny that anything is happening at all - then this conversation won’t bring any illusions I may have had crashing down to the ground beneath me.

“Of course I do. I … I love you guys too, of course. And - and I’m so excited for tomorrow and …” The sentence dies on my tongue, and the look on her face twists into one of pain.

“Unnie - please. If you think the last few months have been busy…the next few will feel almost impossible. We barely get any sleep, we hardly get a chance to even sit down. It’s hard to find a moment for ourselves let alone … for someone else.” I can tell that she feels horribly guilty for what she’s saying … without actually saying. But it hurts all the same.

“No of course. I - I want to help in any way that I can. I’ll be there - for each of you - whenever you need! Are you worried that I won’t?” Playing dumb can only get me so far, but the truth is a hair’s breadth away from being put out into the universe, and the second that it does, I don’t get to pretend anymore.

“Y/n unnie, I - I see the way you look at her.” Eunchae reaches over to grab my hand. “At first, I truly believed you two were getting so close because you both are from America! That’s why I pushed so hard for you two to have some alone time on that first day! I loved that she had someone that she could relate to and could share stories with but…but, a couple weeks ago. In the dressing room? I saw the way you looked at her. And she -” She cuts herself off, but what was she about to say about Jen? And how could I have been so careless as to not notice that someone had stumbled upon our … moment? “It doesn’t matter, unnie. And I am so sorry but please - please - promise me, you won’t act on this.”

I can see in her eyes how guilty she feels, so I simply nod. “Eunchae?” I whisper.

“Yes, unnie?”

“Does anyone else know?”

“No, unnie. Just me. I think the other unnies truly believe you’re just friends.” Her head is hung, and I wish I knew why her heart seems to be just as broken as mine right now.

I can’t say much else because we hear the girls coming back, so we quickly adjust ourselves and pretend the last few minutes never happened. An almost impossible feat.

The night goes on and we continue to enjoy our time together … as friends.

Because as Eunchae so delicately reminded me, that’s all any of us will ever get to be.

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HOLY HELL Y'ALL I am so sorry for the 3 month disappearance. Life has been wildly busy, but I finally found it in me to get some writing done, so here we are! I made it longer than usual, so hopefully that makes up for the fact that I GHOSTED everyone. So sorry again! Hope you enjoy!

#angels and their secrets #chaewon #eunchae #heartbreak #kazuha #kpop fluff #kpop #lesserafim angst #sakura #yunjin #kpop angst #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop x reader

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santtanic · 2 years

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[5:03pm] • bang chan

warnings: college friend, fluff, smut (a little rough), bangchan × female!reader, unprotected sex, little bit of edging

2.2k words

autor notes: i know i've been on this huge hiatus and i'm starting to enjoy writing again. i know this isn't ateez related, but when i wrote this it only made sense with chan. maybe i'll start writing for more idols, who knows?

as you walk to the park with your earphones on, you realize how shiny and beautiful the day was, and think about if you really felt that way. you loved the feeling of the breeze hitting your face and took a deep breath, trying to hold your emotions in.

the thing is, you were in a long term relationship but felt like it was decaying as the time went by, then you started college and suddenly, you're two semesters in, having the biggest crush on your colleague. it felt like a hurricane in your brain, and it was overwhelming to think too much about it.

but he was perfect from your point of view. the mix of butterflies and fear when your eyes met each others, the way he's used to look at your lips, his whole body language when he's with you. obviously you overthink it and start to wonder if you're not making this shit up to feel better. but why would you? he's caring, he's cute, he always flirts with you somehow, he listens to everything you say, he pushes you to be better everyday, even if it's hard. but you would make this shit up, right?... right?

and there you are, trying to find a spot where you could lay your towel and relax, even though relaxing was the last thing you could do at the moment, your interiors were burning from anxiety and your heart wouldn't keep its pace, no matter how hard you tried.

after a few minutes, chan stands in front of you, making you look up and filling your cheeks with a bright red color. you get up, not exactly knowing how to greet him, you extend your hand for a shake but he hugs you in a weird way, making this whole situation even more chaotic. "nice perfume", he points out. you don't know whether to thank him or just feel embarrassed.

you both sit down on the towel, a little reluctant to start a conversation. he takes one of your earphones that were in your hand and puts it in his ear, listening to whatever song you had put on shuffle. you both just stayed like that for a few minutes, and it felt like you didn’t have to say a thing for him to understand, even though he never saw you like that before. he finally breaks the silence and says "so... what's up?", to which you don't even know where to start, and can barely even think about an answer.

"i'm feeling down, i guess", you say.

"no shit, seriously? it’s like you didn't even text me about that!" he laughs, making you giggle too, "but seriously, what's up? you never stop talking… now you’re so quiet it hurts".

“i… i don’t know”, seriously? was that the only thing you could come up with? “i’ve been through a lot this week, i don’t know how to explain it.”

“you don’t actually want to talk about it, right?” he asks. “i get it, you don’t have to, actually we could go on a walk for you to spare your thoughts, how does that sound?”

“that’s fine” you get up and start to fold the towel you were sitting on and put it in your backpack.

he knows something’s up with you, he’s been on your side mostly everyday for more than six months, he knew that if you were quiet for way too long it meant you were not okay. don’t get him wrong, he enjoyed every single minute by your side, when you’d talk about really random things out of the blue, when you didn’t understand what the professor was talking about and get pissed. to his eyes you were simply the sweetest, he always appreciated when you’d compliment his new haircut, his projects, his way of teaching you stuff since you were a freshman. you couldn’t even imagine that, and you were too far ahead in your own thoughts you couldn’t even think that was totally possible.

but there you are, on a walk with the guy of your dreams at the park, currently so annoyed by your relationship that you couldn’t even feel happy. that’s when you see, from not too far away, a really familiar figure sitting on a bench with a girl he’d told you not to worry about. your whole body was fueled by an abnormal rage, making you clench your fists and go straight to your now ex-boyfriend’s face. you give him a slap on his left cheek and call him ungodly things, making the girl feel really embarrassed.

“why didn’t you tell me?” you scream. “was this your fucking ‘work’?”

“it seems you didn’t tell me this shit either” he points at chan. “listen, i can explain.”

“you don’t have to, and neither do i. i told you i was going out with my friend, i'm always transparent about this kinda stuff and now you do this. amazing. seriously! how could i ever imagine?” you try to hold your tears in, but they found their way out. “we’re fucking done!”

“you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!” the girl stands up and slaps his other cheek, even harder than you did. “we’re done, too” she goes away, leaving him behind.

“you always have to fuck things up, don’t you?” he screams and stands in front of you, trying to look imposing and ready to beat the shit out of you, you had an urge to kick his balls, but chan puts himself in between you two.

“look, if you touch your stupid fingers on her, i’m gonna be the reason you disappear from earth today, do you copy?” he said calmly, slowly pointing his finger at your ex’s face. “you’re going to vanish before i make you, ok?”

he was taller and a bit bigger than your ex, with large shoulders and big arms, which made him immediately turn his back and start to walk home. you were so pissed, crying and sobbing uncontrollably on chan's arms. that was in fact the first time you were decently hugging him, and for such a sad reason.

"you're going to be okay" he said, rubbing the back of your head, "this guy was a douche".

"i can't believe i've dated him for so long" you try to say, "i can't believe i'm that dumb". he can't help but laugh at that phrase.

"bro why do you always say that" he giggles, "you're not dumb, in fact you're the most intelligent person i know, but he played you, and sometimes we don't even realize it".

"i didn't want it to be like this" you whine. feeling some really heavy water drops on your head, you look up and that beautiful day was gone, being replaced by dark clouds and of course, rain. how original. could the day get even worse?

"hey, come with me" he said pushing your arm with him. you both ran to under a tree so you don't get drenched. "my house is like 6 minutes away..."

having no better options, you ran with him to his place, in the attempt to not get so wet, you just put your backpack over your head. panting, you get into his house, having all your clothes and especially your shoes drenched. you just stand, no thoughts, head empty, until he gives you a command.

"go to the bathroom, i'm bringing some clothes for you" he said running to his bedroom, you go straight to the bathroom, taking all of those wet and cold clothes you had on and taking a really warm but fast shower. "here they are" he said, knocking on the door.

"is there a towel?" you ask.

"you can use the one on the hanger, it's clean" you pick up the towel and put around your body, unlocking the door and getting the clothes he was holding. he blushed at the sight of you.

"thank you" you smile, going back to the bathroom and putting his clothes. he gave you a boxer, some sweatpants, a shirt and a hoodie, which actually still had a bit of his smell, and you were obsessed by it. you get out and notice he already had changed his clothes and was doing something in the kitchen.

"i made some tea" he said with a soft tone, "you always have it in class so i assumed it would make you feel better". goddamn it, he's so fucking perfect. why does he always pays attention to you like that?

"oh, thank you! i guess you were right" you said smiling and then having a sip of the tea. it was simple, yet so amazing.

you guys talk for a while until you finish your drink, you get up and go to the sink to wash the mug, but he stops you mid way and just hugs you. you don't know what to do, your cheeks get red and you correspond the hug.

"listen, i didn't mean to do this while you're fragilized, but i've been waiting this hug for so long i can't contain myself" he whispers in your ear, making your entire body shiver. "you may not feel the same and i get it".

his hands were on your lower back, under the shirt, drawing circles on your skin with his nails. your heart goes off, bouncing so hard on your chest you swear he could feel it. he finally let go of you, looking deeply in your eyes, trying to find any sign of response. you'd already fell for his touch, your mind was at ease, your eyes observed every single detail on his face, until you were drawn to his lips, you look to his eyes again, unable to let any sound come out of your mouth. you suddenly feel his lips on yours, kissing you like you've never been kissed before.

after this really passionate kiss, you look at him with doe eyes, completely lost for him. you were desperate. you needed this like it was your last day. you kissed him again, but now on a really heated way. he grabs you and puts you sitting on the balcony, kissing your neck and pulling you even closer.

it starts to get really hot, and to make you even more desperate for him, you can feel his dick rubbing on you over the clothes. his kisses started to go down, until you had no shirt anymore. he sucked and played with your tits, making you groan quietly. he took off your pants and boxers and immediately licked your clitoris, you moaned his name, which made him even more turned on.

he licked and sucked your pussy, inserting his fingers in you in a medium pace, "such a good girl" he said, taking a loud moan from you. "you like that? you like being my good girl?" he goes faster, driving you to the edge of your orgasm and suddenly stopping. you look at him with a confused and desperate face.

"why?" you ask, panting. "i was about to cum" you whine.

"you didn't answer my question" he picks you up and goes to his bedroom, throwing you on his bed. he takes off his shirt, and while he's taking his underwear off, you position yourself to give him a blowjob. he puts the tip of his dick on your tongue and rubs its length. "are you going to be my good girl now?" you suck him slowly, not breaking eye contact. he started to realize what you wanted. "you know what you are?" he starts to deeply fuck your mouth, holding firmly in your hair, "you're a fucking brat, that's what you are".

his thrusts became quicker and you were trying really hard to breathe, but his dick went too far on your throat. he stopped, looking at your fucked up face, you had red cheeks, swollen lips and drool all over you, making a mess of your face. he kissed you deeply and turned your back to him, leaving your ass in the air. you feel a stinging pain on your ass cheeks as he slapped you, he teased you with just the tip of his dick on your entrance.

"please" you whine, desperate to be dumb-fucked. "please fuck me, i'm begg-" he didn't even let you finish your sentence. when you saw, he was deep thrusting your pussy and holding you by the hair.

you were both moaning louder as he started to get close, but he turned you again like some fucking doll and started to fuck you from the front. his dick did wonders, specially in this position, you could feel it hitting pretty deep and knew that if he continued with that pace you were going to cum really fast. he choked you with his free hand as he was stimulating your clit.

"please, that's so good" you whimper, "please let me cum, i beg you".

"cum for me, babygirl" he let go of your neck to hold one of your legs open, you started to get even more wet as you approached your orgasm and he went faster, making you finally cum on his dick.

he fucked you through your orgasm and you were getting even more wet from the overstimulation, until he finally pulled it off and came on your stomach.

you were both panting like crazy, he grabbed some wipes to clean his mess and layed with you, hugging you like a giant baby and said:

"well, that was even better than my imagination."

#bang chan #stray kids #smut #skz #skz smut #stray kids chris #kpop smut #skz au #kpop au #skz changbin #skz jisung #skz hyunjin

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fakemonexperiments · 10 months

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the laundry list (of pokemon traits)

you've got a concept for a pokemon creature! great! but what makes a pokemon into a pokemon, from the average gamer's perspective?

PRESENTING: THE LAUNDRY LIST, a list of all pokemon traits you could possibly need to fill in for a given pokemon ever. treat this like a checklist and go down it, and fill them in to your heart's content. or don't fill them in, who cares! it's your pokemon, bud, not anyone else's.

let's get started!

(by the way, you don't need to do these in order, they're just organised in a way that makes sense to me. again, do whatever.)

NAME

every pokemon needs a good name. if you know anything about pokemon, you probably know that their names are often portmanteaus, IE multiple words or components of them strung together into a conglomerate. it is not difficult to make a good pokemon-sounding name, but it is also not particularly easy. there are general guidelines for this, but also, feel free to just name your fakemon glorp or whatever. (1)

pick up a thesaurus. this will be very helpful in giving you a pool of base words to mash together like two dolls kissing. if you're using an animal/object/plant, look up words related to it. this might be something more general or literal (like rock) or something more evocative, tied to a behaviour of theirs (like ruff being the sound that dogs make). don't just look up words that describe how they look, look up words related to their concept or character! what are their most interesting traits? what do you want to highlight? in the last post we talked about having a strong pokemon concept — this is where it will come into play.

have fun with wordplay. you've got words? good! smash them together like they're particles in the hadron collider. make horrible puns! you don't need follow the exact spelling of the original. feel free to drop vowels and change the hard "c" to the letter "k" wherever feels the most appropriate to you. feel free to also use words in different languages, depending on the regional inspiration of the pokemon.

make it readable. so the thesaurus part is, unfortunately, where some people stop, without actually trying to read their pokemon names aloud. not all of your names need to have their inspiration notable on first glance, but try reading it out loud a few times to see if you like the sound of it. often what makes this weird is the cadence of the pokemon name — for example, making what was originally a prefix into a suffix (e.g. placing the trop- in tropical at the end of your fakemon's name). switching things around like that can make it more difficult to actually understand the base inspiration of your pokemon, mostly because your reader will be matching things the wrong way round.

google your fakemon's name and components. this is especially important if you are using a word from another language, which you might not know the full implications of (practical or literal). (2) please also google the components, lest you end up including a racial slur in the name of your pokemon. if all is well, you may proceed.

make it practical. the longest existing pokemon names are 12 characters, of which there are only three (crabominable, squawkabilly, and brambleghast). you could also compress the base words to fit: remember, if the pokemon company can abbreviate alligator to -aligatr, so can you. (3) feel free to go longer than this if you aren't planning to code it into an actual pokemon game.

TYPING

typing is honestly pretty straightforward. pokemon has 18 types, some pokemon have single types, some pokemon have dual types. some typings already exist in the game, some don't. some pokemon even have unique types. people like to do lists of fakemon to fill in the typings which are currently not in existence in the game, so that's a pretty common fakemon archetype.

ideally, your pokemon's typing should match their concept and build. each type of course has its own strengths and weaknesses, and so some types perform better than others overall. but if your polar bear lives on an ice mountain or floats on an iceberg all the way to club penguin, it should probably be ice type or something.

my other note is that if you're going to design a fakemon pokedex, try to make sure that the type balance at least somewhat reflects that of an existing pokedex, with adjustments for the actual terrain of your region or whatever. I like using the unovan pokedex because it's designed to stand on its own without any additions until post-game.

BASE STATS

hopefully you are making this pokemon's base stats after designing their type, so you will know what to buff and debuff. base stats are what determines your pokemon's stats before natures, IVs, and EVs. (4) for those who have never looked at a stat-spread before, there are six stats, and the number they have is the number your pokemon will have at level 100. stats should always be made in conjunction with other battle mechanics.

HP is very straightforward, it's the literal amount of health your pokemon has. for example, shedinja has 1 base HP because of its ability, while blissey has 255 base HP, the max any pokemon can have in one stat.

ATTACK determines the amount of damage your pokemon does when using physical moves. chansey has base Atk 5, while mega mewtwo x has base Atk 190.

likewise, DEFENSE determines how resistant your pokemon is to physical damage. chansey also has a base Def of 5 in this, meaning it's very physically weak (because it's an egg), while eternamax eternatus tops this out at base Def 250.

SPECIAL ATTACK determines the amount of damage your pokemon does when using special moves. feebas has base SpA 10 in this, an example of how stats can also tie into your pokemon's narrative (milotic's base SpA shoots up to a whopping 100, all thanks to the ugly duckling). topping out this stat is currently mega mewtwo y at base stat 194.

SPECIAL DEFENSE of course determines how resistant your pokemon is to special damage. magikarp is here at base SpDef 20, while the highest is also eternamax eternatus at 250.

SPEED makes your pokemon go fast and move first. shuckle, while very specially defensive (230), also has a base Spe of 5, while regieleki peaks at base Spe 200.

your BASE STAT TOTAL (BST) is all these six stats added up together. special forms and legendaries usually have the highest BSTs, while starters have between 520 and 535 BST depending on the generation.

stats should be made with the pokemon's moveset in mind, IE if they're physically offensive, they should ideally have some physical moves that do serious damage. that said, not all pokemon can be winners, so it's fine if your fakemon is a little bit of a failmon.

stats also 1) generally get better as the pokemon evolves and 2) either lean broadly physical or broadly defensive. if you're familiar with any type of fighting game ever, you'll know that there are more specific builds like glass cannons and so on.

a good reference point is the bulbapedia page listing pokemon by (BSTs). find an existing pokemon with a similar build to yours, then copy or make subtle (or major!) amendments to their stats. this is the most straightforward way to balance your pokemon. note also that certain types have general trends in their stats (e.g. psychic types tend to be high SpA for obvious reasons), so take that into account when making your fakemon.

MOVE POOL

every pokemon has moves, of course. there are plenty of existing moves and you can happily note down what your fakemon learns at each level (see the STATS section for the physical/special divide).

moves have different types, not all of which are the same as your pokemon's. they have a wide variety of effects; some are offensive, some are defensive, some also have secondary effects. pokemon can learn move via levelling up, TMs, or egg moves. again, looking at the movesets of similar pokemon can really help with figuring this one out.

some pokemon have signature moves, IE moves that only that pokemon can use and learn via level up. if you're adding one of these to your pokemon, all I can humbly request is for you to not make the world's silliest and most unbalanced physical-special combo move that does 150 damage with no adverse effects named PENIS BLAST or something similar. but also, be creative! go wild, man. this is fiction. (5)

ABILITY

each pokemon can only have one ability at once. some pokemon have up to two potential abilities, and possibly one hidden ability on top of that. abilities do all sorts of funky stuff, like change a pokemon's type, change the weather, or boost the pokemon's stats when an opponent faints. regular abilities have a 50/50 chance of appearing if there's two of them, but hidden abilities usually only appear on pokemon with specific locations, event pokemon, etc.

like signature moves, there are also signature abilities. the same rules apply, and your best bet to figuring this out is looking at the existing list of pokemon abilities and figuring out one that is fun and cool, if balanced at all. your ability should ideally be relevant to a pokemon's concept (e.g. palafin's zero to hero is really funny and I like it a LOT), or relevant to the kind of pokemon they are (all starters have one regular ability and one hidden ability).

POKEDEX ENTRY

this is the flavour text addition to your fakemon. by now, you should have a strong fakemon concept and backstory, so literally just write it down. since most pokemon generations have two pokemon games in one release, there are usually two pokedex entries per release, which can say the same fact in a different way or say something completely different between the versions. they can also say things which are COMPLETELY contradictory or don't make sense, so don't worry about it. a pokedex entry usually signals how a pokemon functions in the wild, interacts with humans, and so on. this is how you give your pokemon lore.

you can also take into account things like time period or author reliability — the entry for lapras changes between generations from endangered to happily repopulated. pokemon legends arceus also has some unique facts based on the in-game context of pokemon knowledge of the past.

POKEMON CATEGORY

pokemon category is like, the shit that ash's pokedex reads out when it scans a pokemon for the first time. like, "gengar, the shadow pokemon". pokemon categories are usually one or two word/phrases. they describe either the pokemon's literal body or the concept that they're meant to embody, like how gyarados is "the atrocious pokemon" because it is literally the worst (and also a delight). pokemon categories can repeat, so don't worry if you end up naming yours something like "the dog pokemon".

if you're struggling to describe your pokemon in one or two words, this may be a sign that the component parts of your pokemon don't have strong synergy with each other. you might need to work on refining your concept a little bit, in that case.

SPRITE/KEY ART

you might be wondering why SPRITE/KEY ART is so low on the list given that that's like, the number one thing that people post when it comes to fakemon. this is mostly because I'm going to make a future post fully dedicated to talking about pokemon art, so it's just not the main topic of this post.

really though, art of your pokemon is literally just to show how your pokemon looks and help flesh out your concept. don't worry about it if you don't know how to do pixel art or draw in the masuda art style!

HEIGHT

pokemon come in a wide range of shape and sizes, but they should still ultimately be able to be someone's favourite pokemon. here's a list of pokemon by height for your reference. the shortest pokemon is joltik at 10cm tall (4 inches), and the tallest/longest pokemon is eternamax eternatus at 100m long (328 feet 1 inch). the tallest/longest regular pokemon is wailord at 14.5m (47 feet 5 inches). this makes sense because it's a blue whale.

you'll notice that I say both height and length because snake-like pokemon (basically anything longthy) are measured from head to tip of tail. why is furret 5 feet 10 inches long? boy, I wish I KNEW.

make your pokemon height whatever makes the most sense for its concept. there is technically no real limit upwards or downwards on this, but the vast majority of pokemon are 12 feet or less. again, find something that's similar to your build and measure against that.

WEIGHT

correspondingly, here is a list of pokemon by weight for your reference. this should roughly correspond to the material your pokemon is made of, like if a pokemon is made of literal rocks it should probably be heavier than a bug, unless the bug is also made of rocks. the lightest pokemon is gastly because it's made of gas, and the heaviest (right now!) is celesteela at 999.9kg (2204.4 lbs).

this is a good point to mention that yes, you can make pokemon height and weight into silly numbers for silly reasons. yes, you can have a pokemon where all its base stats are 69 and it has a height of 4.20m and weighs 420kg. who am I to stop you on this.

SHAPE

each pokemon has a shape in the pokedex, and yes there actually a limited number of possible shapes! there are 14 pokemon shapes available, and you can use them to search in pokemon HOME.

think of these as less body-shaming your fakemon and more about just figuring out the general silhouette of your fakemon (like how many legs or arms it has, or none at all). this is probably something that should be applied retrospectively after you design your pokemon, so don't worry too much about it while making one.

note also that all the pokemon here have eyes! having eyes isn't a necessary trait in all pokemon (think zubat) but a face certainly is. faces are important in making them friendly.

FOOTPRINT

say it with me: if your pokemon has a foot, it can have a wikifeet page. in gen 4, there is a guy named dr footstep who will give your pokemon a ribbon "based on its footprint" (its friendship level in DPP, the BDSP one is different). not all pokemon have canonical footprints, because they're really only a thing up till gen 5, but I like their little pawsies. look at them!!

EGG GROUP

egg groups are not directly equivalent to real life taxonomy. for instance, not all "bugs" in the "bug" egg group have six legs. in fact, some of them are SPIDERS. they're more a description of the general group of the corresponding real-life thing, like how all mammals are in the "field" egg group (and hence why hot skitty on wailord action, etc.) and snakes are in the "dragon" egg group.

egg groups are almost exclusively for breeding purposes, since you can breed two pokemon of different genders from the same egg group. ditto has its own egg group because ditto can breed with any other egg group. "no eggs discovered" is for pokemon that can't breed, due to being legendaries, baby pokemon, gimmick pokemon, or nidoqueen.

"gender unknown" isn't strictly speaking a mechanical egg group, but pokemon with unknown genders can only breed with ditto (though of course, if they're in the no eggs discovered mechanical egg group, they can't breed at all).

GENDER RATIO & DIFFERENCES

gender ratios are actually equal parts mechanical and lore-based in pokemon, reason being that they're used to make pokemon easier or harder to find half the time.

for instance, starter pokemon generally sit at a 7:1 male to female ratio, reason being that the game doesn't want you to start a starter breeding factory at the beginning of your playthrough (the same with fossils and gift pokemon). other pokemon are gender exclusive or have gendered evolutions, like the nidos, vespiquen, or salazzle. some pokemon with a 3:1 gender ratio in either direction are usually human-like and look masculine or feminine (although YMMV on the genderification of arcanine, which is a dog-tiger). honestly the vast majority of pokemon are a 1:1 gender split, so unless there's a specific mechanical reason for you to do it or you seriously and deeply feel you have to do the gender binary for lore reasons, then yeah.

gender differences are often misapplied in (frankly) sexist fakemon. the vast, vast majority of existing pokemon visual differences are literally just things that the animal or whatever they're based on displays, like male and female lions having different manes. again, the vast majority of pokemon do not have visible gender differences: male and female gardevoirs look THE SAME. pokemon can look like whatever you want them to be, stop giving them human sexual differences. (6)

last note is that some pokemon with gender differences have slightly different stats, move pools, and abilities between the two genders. some pokemon, of course, have unknown genders, and these guys are usually objectmons of some kind, or legendary pokemon, etc.

OTHER MISCELLANEA

these are things that each pokemon technically has but I can assure you no fakemon creator goes out of their way to add into their fakemon's bio.

EV yield

each pokemon, when knocked out by another pokemon, gives the victor a number of effort values (EVs). this is not to be confused with individual values (IVs), which are a pokemon's genes. most pokemon drop the EV of the stat they're highest in, with evolved pokemon dropping more EVs corresponding to their stage. for instance, bulbasaur drops 1 EV, ivysaur 2 EVs, and venusaur 3 EVs total. these EV yields can be spread across different stats (venusaur has 2 SpA 1SpDef). here's a list.

experience yield and leveling rate

honestly this is kind of beyond me because I'm pretty bad at understanding large amounts of numbers and theorems but the broad rule is that more annoying a pokemon is (powerful/rarer/evolved) the more exp it gives when knocked out and the slower it levels up. (7) the exception to this is the chansey line, which gives an exorbitant amount of EXP and you should absolutely farm in large numbers to level up your pokemon.

catch rate

pokemon that are more powerful, rarer, and evolved have correspondingly shittier catch rates. legendaries have the worst catch rates. here's another list.

hatch time

pokemon that are more powerful and rarer IN THEIR BASE STAGE FORM have correspondingly longer hatching times. gyarados is very powerful but only has 5 hatch cycles because its base form is MAGIKARP. the longest hatch times are mostly pseudo-legends because legendaries don't have eggs (manaphy/phione notwithstanding). here's an extra list.

pokedex colour

all pokemon have an internal data-assigned colour, although this is no longer directly searchable in the pokedex. assume that this the main colour of your pokemon. here's a list also.

base friendship

pokemon that are (lore-wise) more friendly to the player or get along better with humans have higher base friendship. otherwise, they mostly average base friendship of 50 (gen 8 onwards). here's the final list!

conclusion

there are lots of traits that go into making a fakemon! this is because pokemon, broadly speaking, are complicated, and the pokemon franchise is wide and sprawling. don't feel compelled to fill in every single one of these characteristics: just pick the ones that you feel would help people to understand your fakemon better.

if you've made it all the way to the end of this 3600 word horrorshow, thanks for reading! I hope you get some use out of this.

footnotes

(1) I think about glorp at least once a month, but definitely every day when I'm actively making fakemon.

(2) this is also where sensitivity reading might come in handy, so if possible get someone from that culture to give it a once-over.

(3) from feraligatr, if anyone is confused.

(4) note that official pokemon calls base stats "species strengths" and EVs "base stats". yes this is confusing, I agree.

(5) if you want to practice balancing your pokemon, try learning a bit of competitive pokemon play and the strategies that are commonly used — consider looking at smogon or VGC as starting points. they employ different strategies.

(6) I do not make claims to the political progressiveness of pokemon or anything, but at least the majority of their animals are just animals and not animals with human tits.

(7) starters are all medium slow leveling rate, pseudo-legends and legends all in the slow leveling rate category.

#fakemon #pokemon #fakemon tutorial

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brandnewhuman · 2 years

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I love ur writing it's so good!

Could I request a reader who fought back tremendously well?

GUILTY

CONTENT:

Pairings: Thomas hewitt x reader

Tw: canon violence, murder, major character death, blood, mature language

Summary: you both have to survive, and while you both do all you can only one of you at end is going to make it. Even if it means having to live with it forever

A/n: i went a little bit...overboard :'). Initially i wanted to Michael but i just thought to myself "why don't just hurt your own feelings even more and do it with Thomas?" So yeah, I'm sorry in advance for the atrocity I've just committed. Hope you liked it tho!! Im not like the best at describing and this is probably so sloppy and shitty but I've tried my best!! Enjoyy

You had always been the understanding type. The one that, during a horror movie, roots for both the victim and perpetrator. It was almost a second nature for you to see the good in any bad and the bad in any good.

Deep inside, something about the misunderstood antagonists has always reasoned with you on the personal level. Even now as you watch, tied up to a table in a dark, cold basement, the behemoth of a man that has brought you down there your mind is buzzing with fear trying to anxiously find a reason for all of what has happened to you.

You knew almost nothing about Thomas, as you have learned he's called, the only thing you were sure of is that he was upset by the whole situation as you were. There was not a single trace of malicious intent in anything he did, he always avoided looking directly into your face, almost as if he was ashamed. He knew what he was doing was unforgivable but in some sort of twisted way he was too a prisoner of the situation you both were in. That notion in your head was sending waves of guilt all over your aching body. You didn't want to hurt him, you didn't want to hurt anyone but this is not how you wanted to die.

"I.. your name is Thomas right?" You breathed out, your voice shaking anxiously as you tried to sound as friendly and calm as possible. He only looked at you briefly before focusing again in closing the right knife to use for you. You shut your eyes close trying to hold back the tears and calm yourself before speaking again. This is the only way you have to get out of here and you can't afford to fuck up "I… I know you're not a bad person. I can see that you have..you have to do it" at this he stopped but still didn't look at you. This was the first time someone, someone who was in your position, has said something like that. There has been a few who have tried to literally fuck their way out of it but never one who was simply… kind. You took him stopping as your cue to keep going.

"Know that…I don't hate you. You're trying t-to survive and..and I get it" your tone was more of a whisper at this point cause the painful feeling of your throat closing wouldn't allow you to raise your voice any further. You weren't even sure if he heard you since he didn't seem to react. Your heart was sinking deeper into your stomach as your head racked to find other ways to get him to untie you.

But he did hear you, he heard you so clearly that he almost wished you didn't say anything. Slowly and hesitant he turned completely towards you, his broad shoulders raising up and down with every deep and heavy breath he took. You realised with horror that his right hand was tight in a fist around the handle of a big and blood dirty cleaver, his knuckles almost white from the how hard he was holding the tool.

"I- i didn't want to make you angry i- I just" your words caught up in your throat almost choking you as panic settled all over your body. You couldn't stop shaking as he started taking painfully slow steps towards you. You had to keep going, you had to try again or you would be able to leave.

"I just! I- i just d-don't want it to hurt…please. I know I can't leave, I…I just want you to be…be gentle. I know you can please" your pleas paired with your glossy eyes widening in fear tugged at Thomas's heartstrings. You weren't even trying to survive…you were just asking for a painless death and that was something that filled his entire body with liquid and burning guilt. Deep down he knew that he shouldn't even care, that he should just get over it and little does he know that part of him is right but is it really that terrible to comply just once? You were gonna die after all, was it really too much for him to just do it nicely? He felt that he owed you at least that, giving what purpose your body was going to serve.

When he gave you a single soft nod you could've almost cried from relief. Your thank you's crushed against his already heavy heart as he worked on the straps that were restraining you with his free hand. Once he was done he looked at you, one hand reaching hesitantly to your face as he brushed away a few tears staining your cheeks. He was surprisingly careful and soft so that you felt the need to lean to his gentle touch. His eyes were full of surprise as you did and he stayed still, holding his breath as his heart started beating harder and faster. The longing in his gaze, the way he cupped your cheek as you leaned in his hand and the tremble in his breaths once he finally let his lungs get more air was not mixing well with the knowledge of what you were about to do.

"I'm sorry…" you said so softly and so gently that Thomas didn't realise what you were saying fast enough. With one swift movement you took the cleaver from his now more loose grip, making his sharp end meet brutally against Thomas' right shoulder.

Everything was going so slow but so fast at the same type as a heart wrenching shriek of pain filled the air. You pulled back the cleaver as soon as one of Thomas' hands tried to get a hold of you before you could run. You dodged it and pulled yourself down the table. You started to run towards the exit doors still holding the cleaver in your hand in case you had to use it again.. Heavy footsteps followed you closely as you climbed the stairs. He huffed in pain and anger as his mind was filled with red tinted violent thoughts fueled by the feeling of betrayal and shame falling upon him from trusting you.

Before you could open the door his arms wrapped around your waist pulling away scaring you and as an involuntary reflex, the hand holding the cleaver just open and flew to where Thomas's were placed, clawing them while you kicked and screamed trying to free yourself from his deadly grip. Your elbow met his face several times, forcing out of him moans of pain while he tried to keep his mind focused on getting you back on the table. Your last blow broke his nose, taking him by surprise as he backed away from you after finally freeing your body from his hold. While holding his nose and groaning in pain he misplaced one of his feet and lost balance, falling down the stairs. If he already didn't feel humiliated enough now he definitely did.

You turned to look at him, you wouldn't be able to leave if you didn't take him down now and you knew it. You almost hoped it didn't have to be this way but you just prayed he could forgive you as you were just trying to survive.

You didn't waste any time. As he started to get up you looked around frantically to find the cleaver and once you found it you turned around to look at Thomas again. He got so close to you without even noticing and without even thinking about you swinging the cleaver against him, giving him a nasty deep gash across his torso. He backed away again, holding the wound and panting heavily as soft moans of pain left his mouth. His gaze was clouded with hate as he watched, his features contorted in anger as he charged again towards you.

You ducked, dodging his arms and using all your strength and his lack of balance against, straight up pushing into his body to slam him onto the ground. You both fell, and you ended up on top of him, his whole body softening your fall while his head just slammed hard against the floor blurring his vision with pain. Everything around him was spinning and he felt his limb weighing ten times more as he hardly managed to make out your form on top of him from the dark as you immediately straightened yourself up.

Your chest raised and filled heavily as tears now we're running, feeling down your eyes, your hand holding the weapon raised above your head as every piece of yourself got eaten up by the sickening guilt you were feeling. His eyes as soon as they got a clear vision of what was happening widened in terror. For the first time and last time Thomas knew what the victims felt as the cleaver swinger down at him one, two, three times.

You screamed and your eyes were blinded with big fat tears as you kept going with your assault at him, blood spilling everywhere staining your hands and clothes while his hands fighted back in an attempt to stop you.

The adrenaline of the moment was giving you enough strength but as soon as you felt his arms go limp onto the floor, you stopped. You sobbed uncontrollably, your whole body shaking so much you felt dizzy and the sight before you was making you sick to your stomach.

Almost as if it was scorching hot you let go of the cleaver and crawled away from his body, covering your mouth with one hand and shutting your eyes close, trying to wake yourself up from what you were able to describe only as a nightmare.

"I-...I'm sorry..i- i- I'm SORRY" you screamed so hard until you hurt your throat. You had to get out of there, you had to go so far away from there now cause if you stay another second the guilt is going to win over and all of this would be for nothing. You scrambled up on your shaky legs, taking in your hands the knife once more and without even daring to look at him you made your way upstairs.

You could say to yourself that maybe you did him a favour but you knew very well that it wasn't the case..you just did what you needed to survive and that was the only believable truth. You just hoped, as you crossed the door, that Thomas was the only one you would have to kill to get away.

#slashers #slasher community #slasher fandom #horror movies #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #thomas brown hewitt #thomas hewitt x reader #tcm the beginning #texas chainsaw the beginning #leatherface

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